Progress, Not Perfection- With Marie Forleo

Everything in Life is FIGUREOUTABLE! Somebody somewhere is depending on you to do what God has called you to do... and it’s crucial you do it even if you don't feel ready! Marie Forleo is an entrepreneur, life coach, writer, philanthropist, and an unshakable optimist who has dedicated her life to helping people become their best selves. She also wrote a New York Times #1 Bestseller, "Everything is Figureoutable". In this interview, Marie shares where she found her courage to face the unknown, step into her purpose even before she believed she was ready, and how this served as a catalyst to her long list of accolades including becoming a hip-hop choreographer on MTV and being one of the world’s first Nike Elite Dance Athletes! Not only is Marie one of the greatest storytellers of all time, but she also reveals ACTIONABLE steps that YOU can implement to accomplish exactly what you want in life RIGHT NOW, including her 3 rules to overcome every situation that comes your way. True HAPPINESS is finding out what your gifts are and then living your life in a way you can share those gifts in the service of other people. I was blown away by this interview and I know you will be too! I even share a peek at my goofy side that most of you don’t get to see on social. But the truth is... we are all a bunch of weirdos off camera! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company, for me, of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  This is The Ed Miler Show.

• 1:46Ed Mylett?

  Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. Super excited because I pursued this woman to be on the show now for a long time. It's been many months. Our schedules finally got together where we could do it. She's a New York Times number one bestseller. Okay, that's a pretty big deal. She's one of the top life coaches on the planet. And she's written a book, and I've told her this off camera, that I read every single word of. Cover to back. It's called Everything is Figure-Outable. And this is Marie Forleo, everybody. She is awesome, and you're gonna enjoy today so much. Thank you for being here.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Thanks for having me, Ed. This is awesome. And I love you. Remember when I texted you, I was like, your phrase, "Max Out", it speaks to my soul.

• 2:20Ed Mylett?

  Well, thank you. I kinda do wish, I said this before, but I wish... The, some of the pre-interview conversation was in the interview.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:28Ed Mylett?

  It's been so good for me.

• 2:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:29Ed Mylett?

  And so, and I know today's gonna be great for me and for millions of other people. So, let's talk a little bit about this book, just because I think it's such an interesting read. And I, the genesis of it, first off, the title's awesome.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 2:41Ed Mylett?

  And I know where the title came from, but I don't think many of them do. Tell us about Tropicana Orange.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 2:46Ed Mylett?

  And mom a little bit, from where all this comes from.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  Yes, so we gotta go back to Jersey for this story.

• 2:51Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  My mom, who's this amazing human, God bless her, she's still alive, she's in her 70s now. Her name is Miriam, she's about 5'3". She grew up the daughter, let me actually paint a better picture. So, she's 5'3", she looks like June Cleaver, she curses like a truck driver, and she's got the tenacity of a bulldog. So, she grew up the daughter of two alcoholic parents, and she really learned by necessity how to stretch a dollar bill around the block.

• 3:16Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 3:16Speaker 04

  And she made herself a promise when she was young, that she would somehow find a way to a better life. Now, one of my fondest memories as a kid was sitting around the kitchen table with my mom. She loved teaching me all the different ways that our family could save money, so we would sit around and clip coupons on Sundays. She also

• 3:33Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  taught me about the fact that brands would send you free things if you saved up your proofs of purchase. Do you remember those?

• 3:40Ed Mylett?

  My mom did the exact same thing. I didn't do it with her, but she did the exact same thing, yes.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, so like you get recipe books, you can get utensils. So, one of my mom's most prized possessions ever was this tiny little AM/FM transistor radio that she got from Tropicana Orange Juice for free. So, it looked like an orange, has a red and white straw sticking out of the side, that's the antenna. And she's one of those humans who's always busy, she's always doing something. So, I knew as a kid, the way to find my mom, somewhere around the yard or somewhere around the house, was listening for the tinny little sound of this radio.

• 4:10Ed Mylett?

  She would bring the radio with her?

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Everywhere. Cleaning, cooking, you name it, right? So, one day, I come home from school, and I hear the radio playing off in the distance. And as I got closer to the house,

• 4:20Ed Mylett?

  Awesome.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  the radio was playing up from above, which was a strange orientation. And I look up, and I see my mom perched precariously on the roof of our two-story house. And I was like, "Mom, what are you doing up there? Are you okay?" Her little orange is sitting next to her. And she said, "Ree, I'm fine, the roof had a leak. I called the roofer, he said it was gonna be at least 500 bucks. I said, 'Screw that, I'm gonna do it myself.'"

• 4:41Ed Mylett?

  So awesome.

• 4:42Speaker 04

  Right? So, another time I come home from school and I approach the house and I hear the radio playing from the back. And I followed the sound, turns out my mom's in the bathroom. I push open the door, dust particles are filling the air, there's like pipes coming out of the wall, looked like an explosion went off. And I was like, "Mom, are you okay? What the hell happened?" And she said, "Ree, I'm fine. The tiles had some cracks in it. I didn't want the, everything to get moldy, so I'm re-tiling the bathroom." Amazing. Now, Ed, you gotta get, um, my mom is high school educated, and this is the 80s. So this is a pre-internet, pre-Youtube, pre-Google world. You can't Google how to do it. Exactly. Right. So, I never knew what I'd find her doing, but I knew if I listened for that radio, I'd find her. So awesome. So, one day I come home, and it's like a fall day in New Jersey, so it was dark out, it was already creepy.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  And I approached my house, and it's completely silent, no lights on. And, uh, an Italian-American home that's completely silent, this is not a good sign. It's not normal. Not normal at all. So I go in and I had that pit in my stomach, nervous about what I might find. And I'm like, "Where's my mom? Where's the sound of the radio?" All of a sudden, I hear these clicks and clacks, and it was coming out of the kitchen. And I go into the kitchen, and I see my mom like hunched over the kitchen table, which looked like an operating room. And I said, "Mom, are you okay? What's going on?" Um, she had basically electrical tape, and screwdrivers, and a completely dismantled Tropicana Orange radio. Oh. And I was like, "What happened? This is your favorite thing." She's like, "Ree, no big deal, I'm fine. You know, the antenna's a little broke, the tuner dial was off, so I'm fixing it."

• 6:09Speaker 04

  And I stood there, Ed, watching her work her magic like I've always done, and I finally asked the question I should've always asked, which was this. "Hey Mom, how do you know how to do so many different things that you've never done before, but nobody's shown you how to do it?" She put down her screwdriver and she said, "Ree, what are you talking about? Nothing in life is that complicated. If you just roll up your sleeves, you get in there, and you do it. Everything is figure-outable." I love that. And I was like... You know, like as a kid, when you hear something that just washes over you and you're so moved.

• 6:43Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  And from that moment forward, this little three-word phrase has been the single most powerful driving force in my life.

• 6:50Ed Mylett?

  Everything is figureable.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Everything is figureable.

• 6:52Ed Mylett?

  By the way, I love your mom, and I haven't met her, and the other thing I love is you're such an extraordinary storyteller. I think everybody would agree with me. I'm picturing your mom very clearly, on the roof, in the bathroom, in the kitchen.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 7:02Ed Mylett?

  I can see it.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  She's a fireball. I mean, to this day, I still, I get texts on my phone, like, all caps, expletives, like, she is just such a piece of work, but I'm so grateful by her industrious nature, because I learned by just watching her, how she never stopped herself. Like, no matter what was going wrong, you know, personally, financially, anything, she would just dive straight in and find a solution.

• 7:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I'm grateful for her too, because you're this really unique combination. It's why I love your work so much, because you do come from that kind of a family, which I really relate to, but you've also got this inherent giftedness to articulate in a way that's very unique, man or woman in this space. The way you put words together, the way you draw pictures, both in your writing and the way you do it verbally, is very special.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 7:47Ed Mylett?

  And I acknowledge it in you, because I'd like to think I have a little bit of that myself, but you have an extraordinary amount of it. And what I want to do with everybody, because I want them to be familiar with your work, and really, your mom's work on you and through you, is I want to touch on a few of the things in the book, just so that people get a flavor, they learn and get value today, and also they want to get the book.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:07Ed Mylett?

  So we're not going to go through every chapter, but you have this chapter in there that I'm a huge fan of. The reason I liked the book was, I learned things, but then there were also things in the book that I said, "I think that. I know that's true."

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:19Ed Mylett?

  Right? "I know that's true. That's true." And one of them was that you say, and I want you to talk a little bit about this, because your mom obviously did it over and over, just in these three stories, is you have to start before you're ready.

• 8:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:30Ed Mylett?

  And it's a huge thing. The people that I know, and I want you to speak to it, the people that I know that are successful, have a lower threshold in their mind of what they think they have to know before they begin. And many people, it's a blind spot. You have this thing that you think you have to have a certain amount of preparation or knowledge. And the people I know that win, they will step into rooms, into spaces that they are ill-prepared for, and they figure it out, to quote you, when they get there. So speak to that a little bit, because it's so true.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  Absolutely. I think one of the biggest ways that all of us can hold ourselves back is listening to that nasty little lie inside our head that says, "I'm not ready yet. I don't have enough experience. I don't have enough credentials. Who am I to do X, Y, or Z?" And then we just delay, delay, delay, and before you know it, months, if not years, have gone by and we haven't made any real progress. You know, this was true for me. When I started my coaching career, one of the things I discovered was that I just didn't want to be a coach. I'd never really fit a traditional mode, and from doing all the personal development work to train myself to be the best coach I could be, I realized I have other passions. I love spirituality. I love writing. I love digital business, which was very new in the early 2000s, and I also love hip-hop and dance.

• 9:41Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  And so, when I was probably 25, I finally gave myself permission to go take my first official dance class. I never had an official class as a kid. I never took ballet or did any of that stuff. I just moonwalked across my mom's floor, right, and just loved hip-hop music. But starting in the dance world at 25, sounds odd, but you're kind of over the hill.

• 10:01Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 04

  Because most professional dancers have been doing it since they popped out of the womb.

• 10:05Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  And by the time they're 17, 18, they're going on tour with the hottest artists of the day. So, the reason I'm telling the story is it relates to Start Before You're Ready. So I'd finally gotten up the gumption to go start taking classes. My teachers told me, they're like, "You're pretty good. You should try and teach." And by the way, this was in a gym environment, so Crunch Fitness in New York City.

• 10:23Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  That's where I was taking classes, because I could afford it.

• 10:26Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  And I started becoming a substitute hip-hop dance teacher. And again, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I just felt like I was out of place, but here's what happened.

• 10:35Ed Mylett?

  That's crazy.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  One of my first dance classes that I ever taught solo, when I got done with it, this woman walked up to me, and I was still sweaty and I was trying to catch my breath, and she said, "You're really good." I was like, "Thank you. That's amazing." She said, "You know, I work for MTV, and we're looking for a choreographer slash producer. I think you should come in and meet my boss." Now, Ed, in that moment, I was so green in the dance world, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, so my brain was going, "I'm not ready for this."

• 11:03Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  Why couldn't this opportunity come two, or three, or four years later, when I know what the hell I'm doing, I'm better prepared, I could actually show up and maybe even land this gig? But here's what I realized. In my mind, I was like, "You're already 25," which is over the hill in the dance world. And the only chance you're ever gonna have to see if this could actually be a viable career for you is if you do this. So I remember standing outside of the Viacom building in New York City, wanting to throw up in the trash can, because I was so nervous, because I didn't feel ready, but I pushed myself, finally got up to that office, I knocked on the door, I just did my best in the meeting, and you know what? I got the gig.

• 11:41Ed Mylett?

  So cool.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  And here's the thing, that one experience of being hired as a choreographer slash producer, by the way, I still didn't know what I was doing, when I was working with dancers that had 10 times more experience than I did, I was embarrassed, because I didn't know all the terms. I didn't perform at my, I did the best I could do in that moment, but there were a lot of things that I didn't know. My naivete did show, however, my growth and learning curve, man, it skyrocketed. And that one experience changed the entire trajectory of my career. It led to me eventually becoming a Nike Elite Dance athlete, one of the first in the world. It led to fitness videos, choreographing commercials for Nike and Reebok, and all of this stuff.

• 12:20Ed Mylett?

  Amazing.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  That would have never happened if I didn't start before I was ready.

• 12:25Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 12:27Ed Mylett?

  And I think, I'm just curious, just occurred to me, by the way, I know a ton of men that that's the case for.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:32Ed Mylett?

  Do you think, is it any more prevalent for a woman to feel that way, do you think?

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do. I actually think.

• 12:36Ed Mylett?

  Why?

• 12:37Speaker 04

  Well, so, one of the things that I've discovered in my research, up to 70% of humans suffer from what's called imposter syndrome. It's this feeling that we're a fraud, or that we don't belong where we are, that we're somehow a fake, and that people are gonna find us out.

• 12:49Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Now, generally speaking, this affects everybody, but I find that women and people from marginalized communities tend to be harder hit by this, because historically, we haven't been seen in positions of power. So if it's in the boardroom in business, right, most of the time, we've seen men, and typically, it's white men.

• 13:08Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  If it's in any kind of creative, powerful position, right, we just don't see a lot of people that look like us. So, we tend to go back to, "Well, I'm not ready, I need to over-prepare, so that I don't make a fool out of myself, and I really can crush it when I get into that arena."

• 13:23Ed Mylett?

  I think you're right. It's one of the reasons I did the show. When I first started doing the show, I wanted to put on people that had maxed out achievement, but also thought, what if I could give face to, in many cases, people that come from marginalized community, or smaller communities, just minority communities, whatever that might be,

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 13:38Ed Mylett?

  and give them a little bit more of a picture of examples of people that do that. Because I do, my sense is that that's true, and you've confirmed kind of the reason why. Now, you talk about in the book, one of the reasons that people have that, imposter syndrome. And I want everyone to know this, I have it.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:53Ed Mylett?

  I have it, and there will be situations I find myself in where I'm like, they have no idea who I really am, right?

• 13:59Speaker 04

  Not in a good way, too, right?

• 14:01Ed Mylett?

  Not in a good way. No, no, no, certainly not in a good way. You know, whether I'm coaching somebody in a particular area, and I'm thinking, do they know? You know, I still have that a little bit. And I think it kind of is good in the sense that it does cause me to over-prepare sometimes, when I've got an opportunity. But one of the things I used to struggle with, that I no longer do, that you talk about in the book, that is sort of a symptom of that disease, is this concept of having to be perfect over making progress.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:26Ed Mylett?

  I love this part of the book, everybody, because this is a major thing many of you have.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, perfectionism.

• 14:32Ed Mylett?

  Perfectionism is a huge thing.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  It's crushing.

• 14:34Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, you know, so many of us, we want to do our best, so we have high standards, and all of those things are wonderful. But there is a distinction between having high standards and performing at your best, and suffering from perfectionism, which in the extreme can actually be deadly. So there's some research out there, and this is sad, but it's important to know. When they started talking to folks who had a relative who recently took their own life, they discovered that in over 50% of the cases, without prompting, the relatives described that person who's no longer here as being a perfectionist.

• 15:10Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  They could never meet their own standards. They never felt like they were good enough.

• 15:15Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  And when that roots in on a deep level, you can understand how someone could feel that depressed, and feel that lost, and feel like nothing they ever do could ever match up. So it's a real thing, and for me, you know, I have strains of that, and I'm so happy, you know, age and experience, you kind of see the world in a different light. But the thing that's helped me the most, and what we focus on in the book, is this idea of focusing on progress, not perfection. When that's your metric for success, did I learn something today? Did I make an inch of progress? Even if it doesn't look like progress. So there's actually a great graph in the book.

• 15:51Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  I'll see if I can describe it here.

• 15:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I love this.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  People imagine that progress kind of looks like this. You start out here and you're just new at something. And then you inch up and inch up and inch up and inch up and inch up and inch up. And it's almost like this straight line to get to your goal. When in reality, progress kind of looks like this. You start here as a neophyte. And then you maybe inch up and then you take five steps back. And then you go way down and then you swirl around and you go up and down. And it's just this incredibly squiggly line where there are setbacks. You absolutely feel like maybe you've taken 10 steps back. But that's still progress.

• 16:30Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  So when we're focusing on progress, not perfection, it's a really great way to keep your action in perspective and to keep moving forward. Because perfectionism really just keeps people spinning their wheels.

• 16:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I think it's the number one excuse not to get started. And one thing everyone should know too, because I love this part of the book. Let me say something to you guys. You know that just staying after your dream is actual progress? Because so many people on the race to getting that dream just quit it. The fact that you're just still in pursuit of it is a form of progress, right?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 17:03Ed Mylett?

  And I'm blown away often by people I find. I think my son was a good example of this even in golf. He started, this naturally didn't come to him.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:13Ed Mylett?

  And I think if you watched him in the beginning, you'd think, my gosh, he should probably choose something else, right? But that little boy just kept going to the driving range and hitting balls and hitting balls and hitting. And it didn't get, it would get a little better. And then I was like, oh, my gosh, it's worse.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:26Ed Mylett?

  It's actually worse. But what was happening in there was some sort of progress in his muscle memory and his insights and his confidence that he just put the work in. And this is true in all these things. Then there was a day, I remember showing up and he hit a ball and it made that sound it's supposed to make if you play golf. And I went, oh, my God, he's got that sound now.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:45Ed Mylett?

  And even after that, he'd shoot an 88 or a bad tournament. It's exactly the way it works in business and life. It's exactly the way a relationship works.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 17:53Ed Mylett?

  I think people think my relationship's this straight line too. No, it's not. It has these huge setbacks and a big fight and they let you down. And maybe someone wasn't truthful once. But it's the idea of staying in it if it's worth it to you that gives you progress. I just, I love that.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Well, you hit upon something really big there. Staying in it if it's worth it to you. I would love to circle back and talk about, just in case anyone listening right now is going like, okay, you guys, this is a cool idea, right? I get it. Everything is figure outable. It's very positive, but I don't believe it. I'm skeptical. So when I was first starting to work on the book, I was out to brunch with a friend who brought along her 10-year-old son. And they were like, "Hey Marie, what are you working on? New book? What's it called? Everything is figure-outable." And the 10-year-old was like, "No, it's not! Nope, no, it's not figure-outable." There may be people listening right now who feel the same way, and I welcome that. And I said, "Well, tell me more, young man. What's not figure-outable?" And he said, "Well, we human beings can't grow working wings out of our back and fly away." And I was like, "Well, that's true,

• 18:51Speaker 04

  but have you heard of CRISPR? That might be coming somewhere down the line."

• 18:54Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  And we human beings can indeed fly. And he was like, "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right." He's like, "Well, what about this one? I can't bring my dog back from the dead." And I was like, "Well, that's some pet cemetery shit right there." But, but I said, you know, scientists are working on cryogenics, and human beings have been cloning dogs. And he's like, "Yeah, I guess you're right." So enough conversations like that inspired me to create a set of rules, which is really like a mental container that allows us to use this phrase and philosophy for its intended purpose, which is to help us create change and then help us create positive change in the world around us. So the three rules of the figure-outable philosophy, this is helpful. Rule number one: All problems or dreams are figure-outable. Rule number two: If a problem isn't figure-outable,

• 19:39Speaker 04

  it's not really a problem, it's a fact of life. Death, taxes, gravity, certain laws of nature.

• 19:46Ed Mylett?

  Right. A guy my height can't dunk a basketball.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Correct.

• 19:48Ed Mylett?

  Right, without a trampoline.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Rule number three: You may not care enough

• 19:52Ed Mylett?

  There you go.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  to solve this particular problem or reach this particular dream, and that's okay. Find something you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one. So as you're related to your son, right? So anyone listening going, "Well, X, Y, and Z isn't figure-outable." It's like, "Well, you know, it might not be figure-outable as of right now, but think about 100 years ago. Thinking about a man walking on the moon wasn't figure-outable, yet 1969 happened, all of a sudden it is." And then I would say the other quick thing, again, just because people, we human beings have tough struggles in life. And there may be someone watching right now who's thinking, "Yeah, but, you know, what about things like addiction? Or trauma? Or a life-changing or life-ending diagnosis? Are you telling me that that's figure-outable?" And I'll tell you, Ed, in the depth of my bones, I am.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  And here's why I say that with confidence. The first time I shared this idea outside of my own platform was on Oprah's Super Soul Sessions. It was like an 18-minute Oprah TED Talk. And after she put that out on her podcast, I started getting letters from people that I'd never met. They weren't familiar with my work, never worked with them. But this phrase really triggered something powerful. And one of the letters I got was from a woman named Jen. And she said, "Marie, I loved your Oprah talk. It's actually a lesson my mom has been trying to teach me. And in fact, I sat down with my mom, we watched together, it was awesome." But then, everything changed. My beautiful mom, who's like my best friend on the planet, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And suddenly, nothing seemed figure-outable.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  She said, "But I took a step back, and I looked more deeply, and here's what I discovered. I could figure out how to find nursing care for my mom, who lived in a rural area. I could figure out how to find foods that she could actually tolerate." And then this was the big one. "She could figure out how to get medical equipment so that her mom could spend her last days, and in fact, her last five weeks on planet Earth, exactly where she wanted to be, which was in her own home." So Jen said, "I can say without a doubt that yes, everything really is figure-outable. And thanks for sharing this small phrase that made a big difference to two women living on the other side of the world." She's from New Zealand.

• 21:54Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that just made a huge difference for lots of people listening to this.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:57Ed Mylett?

  I relate to that a little bit. As I said to people, "My dad's sick right now."

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:01Ed Mylett?

  You know, to the extent of my dad's cancer, I guess is probably unknown.

• 22:06Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:06Ed Mylett?

  But what's good about that? Well, what's figure-outable about that? To be candid with you, it's helped me figure out a lot of my other personal relationships. I think it's helped my dad figure out what's really important to him.

• 22:16Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:17Ed Mylett?

  These, sometimes these very difficult things open up the figure-outableness in other areas of our life. I think he's starting to become more clear of his own mortality, and what he really believes where he's going in his spiritual. He's begun to figure out these things as a result of this time in his life. I've figured out that the time with my dad's a whole lot more important than I used to think it was.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:37Ed Mylett?

  The time with other people I love. And so, there are hidden blessings, these things that everybody says, that I've been saying for 100 years, that everything happens for you and not to you. I really believe to be true, ultimately, if you believe in something beyond this life as well.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:51Ed Mylett?

  But you say something in the book that I talk about all the time that I think is right down this alley of the... Pursuit of what really matters.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:58Ed Mylett?

  To you finding happiness and your figure outableness.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:01Ed Mylett?

  And that is this, that I really truly believe every human being was born with some special, unique gifts. They're different. That's what makes us special. It could be your humility, your humor, your beauty, your articulation, your intellect, your nurturing ability, your ability to, your engineering ability, your acting ability, your dance ability, your ability to just be peaceful with people, to change people's states. There's so many to teach, right, to learn. There's all these unique gifts. We're all wired with two or three or four that are really special to us. And when I read this in the book, I went, I can't love this book more. And that is, and it makes me emotional because I just think most humans who say, "I don't know what I want to figure out." The pathway to that is your giftedness.

• 23:46Ed Mylett?

  And you say in the book, "The world needs your gift."

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:49Ed Mylett?

  So talk about that because you say it so beautifully and it, the way you do it, I think will open up people's eyes and hearts.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's how I end the show. And sometimes people write to me, watch the show, and they say, "You know, I love everything you share, but I always wait for this last sentence," which, "The world needs that special gift that only you have." And I feel like it's yet another gift from my mom who really, I got that messaging over and over because I was kind of a unique child. When people would ask me when I was young, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" There was a list of 15 things, always. I never had one good answer. And, you know, as I became a young adult and even after college, I still never could answer in one way. I just felt, always felt like a misfit.

• 24:28Ed Mylett?

  A misfit who was a valedictorian at Seton Hall.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Yes, but struggled. Like, when, you know, I worked on Wall Street. That was my first job out of school. After like six months, I was like, "This sucks. I do not want this life. I can't imagine being here 24/7." So I quit that job. I worked in publishing. I tried so many different things and kept hitting walls because I didn't fit into a traditional box. And it wasn't until becoming an entrepreneur that I could wear a bunch of different hats and flex all of my different skills and gifts that I actually felt like I belonged, if that makes any kind of sense. So this notion that the world needs a special gift that only you have.

• 25:02Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 25:03Speaker 04

  I feel like, especially with so many things happening in the world right now, you know, statistics show that over 300 million of us worldwide suffer from depression.

• 25:12Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  If you look in any direction here in the United States, suicide rates are at a 30-year-high. Like, a lot of us are in a lot of pain. And I think one of the pieces of that puzzle is people don't feel like they're needed. They don't feel like they have purpose, or like they matter, or how they're living their lives on a consistent basis. They're not contributing or growing. And any human being that's not contributing or growing is gonna go into some dark places. I certainly have, in the past. You know what I mean? If I'm off-kilter, and I don't feel like I'm making a difference, or I'm learning anything new. Again, this is so, so typical. So, for me, this message about encouraging people to identify what it is that they are here to give and to contribute and to share,

• 25:58Speaker 04

  I think it is such a pathway to well-being. It is. It's a pathway to fulfillment. From a financial perspective, it's a pathway to make yourself not only financially solvent, but if your ambitions align that way, to make yourself financially free. Yes. In terms of contribution and what you wanna give the world. You know, oftentimes, when I have this conversation with people, they'll say, "But Marie, everything's been done before. Everything's been said before by people who are more famous, more experienced. Oh my goodness, I see this person came out with X, Y, or Z. I watch Ed's show, that's exactly what I wanna do. Or I watch Marie's show, or that book, that's exactly what I wanted to say." And then I tell them this story. So, when Josh and I, my partner, we've been together for 16 years. When we first got together, I was in my, kind of mid-20s,

• 26:42Speaker 04

  around that 25, 26-year-old mark. And I was bartending and waiting tables. My coaching business was really tiny. I was doing all the side gigs just to keep things going. And he's an actor. And we were living together, and he would often go away to film a movie or a television show. And we're in New York City, and he would come back to our home, and our trash can would be filled with empty boxes of Chef Boyardee, and Kraft macaroni and cheese, and like, all of this processed crap food, because that's just what I was doing, right? That's just, I was like, bart... Doing all the things, I just didn't have time. And he's like, "Marie, why don't we start taking some supplements? And, oh, let's start juicing, and we should get more vegetables in your diet." And I was so stubborn, Ed. I was such an ass. I was like, "Whatever, hippie man. Like, it's too expensive. I don't have the time. I don't have the energy.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  I'm working like, four jobs. Just leave me alone. No, no, no, pass mac and cheese." Fast forward like three years. And I met this woman. And her name is Chris Carr. And she is a cancer thriver. She's written all of these New York Times bestselling books. Her and I became like really fast friends. And all she does is tout the benefits of a vegan diet and green juice. So I come home one day and I'm like, Josh.

• 27:54Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  I met the most amazing woman. Here's all the supplements we should take. We should get this juicer. I should be juicing. Why haven't we done? We should have been doing this years ago. And Josh was like, are you kidding me?

• 28:05Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  I've been telling you the same thing. Why couldn't you hear it from me? And this is the point. Sometimes it takes that one person to share a message or a product or a service or a gift in their unique voice in a particular time, in a particular way, for it to land for another human. So people listening right now, if they have been holding themselves back either through perfectionism or through saying it's all been said or done before, no, that is not true. If you haven't put in your piece of the puzzle, it has not been said before. And then I say this, if you have an idea or a gift or a product or a service or something that you want to create and you don't do everything possible to put it out there,

• 28:51Speaker 04

  you are stealing from those who need you most.

• 28:55Ed Mylett?

  Oh, boy, that's so good.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  And I do mean stealing. Because, you know, when I think about it, if there's any clothing designer, any restaurateur who makes a dish that you love. You know, when I think about Oprah Winfrey, for example, right? She could have said, you know what? Phil Donahue, he's got this whole talk show thing kind of covered. The world doesn't need another talk show host. And think about all the goodness, at least for me. She's a huge idol of mine.

• 29:17Ed Mylett?

  Absolutely, incredible.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  That the world would have missed out on if she held herself back. You can think about it on a micro scale, like your favorite place that you go for guacamole or for pasta or whatever your thing is. You can look around and they could have said, oh, there's enough Mexican restaurants. There's enough Italian restaurants. Why do I need to add to it? You would have missed out on all that joy. We can go down the line for anything that you find value from.

• 29:38Ed Mylett?

  You're so good. I gotta, I wanna, I wanna jump in on this because it's so flipping true.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 29:44Ed Mylett?

  First off, on your gift, everybody, something to think about. Your gift will come through you giving something to other people. That's why it's a gift. You're gonna give it to somebody. So if you're struggling with what that gift is, think about what you could give to people. That's number one. Number two, oftentimes our giftedness that we don't maybe know we have is hidden in the people we admire most. So if you begin to look at who you admire, like one of my heroes growing up was Martin Luther King. What do I have in common with Martin Luther King? I'm not African American, I'm not a minister. His oratory skills are superior to anybody I've ever seen before. But what I loved is he could inspire. I loved that he seemed to care about people and that I saw something in him that I think I knew was in me. Now, maybe I'd manifest it in a completely different way. If you begin to think about who you admire, ask yourself what you admire about them

• 30:28Ed Mylett?

  and it's probably because you've identified something in them that lies within you. Second, the third thing on that I just want to add, that everybody, because what you just said about that special voice. People know that I've had lots of business mentors. And they know, many of them are very well-known, very famous people. But what most of you might not know is that my initial mentor, the person who believed in me the most, was a man in my own company who was much less successful than I became. He was not successful, his name was, he's become successful to this day, but his name was Steve Adams. And he was a struggling entrepreneur going through his 401K. But he'd write me letters every month about how incredible I was going to be and how successful. This is while I was in college, I wasn't even in his company yet. He changed my life by his belief in me when he was not yet successful.

• 31:12Ed Mylett?

  But he gave me the gift, because this is a kind man. One of his gifts is his kindness and his generosity. And he gave me his belief in his kindness and generosity. You would think, well, why'd that matter? He wasn't even successful. Because it was the messenger I needed. You don't have to have it all together to help other people. So I just, I completely acknowledge what you've said because you're so right. Everybody needs to know that.

• 31:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, and another place to look, if people are looking like, I love the thing, what you admire in other people, something that you might aspire to be, that's a great clue. Another great clue, and I think we discount this, things that come naturally to us.

• 31:45Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  Right? And we assume, make an assumption, that everyone else has that gift too. It comes naturally to them. I had this at so many points in my life where I'm always the one who can come up with a refrain. I don't feel like I'm a Pollyanna, it's just my mind is wired to solve problems and it's also wired to see things from different points of view. That's just how I'm built. And I'm like, doesn't everybody see things this way? No, I have a whole career out of it.

• 32:11Ed Mylett?

  Right, exactly.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  So, but it comes so naturally and so easily and I think so often we humans discount that which comes easily to us and we think that everyone has it. So that might be another pocket of investigation.

• 32:23Ed Mylett?

  I can't even get over how amazing what you're saying is because that's true of even guests on my show. They'll have greatness in them and they're like, well, everybody has that. I'm like, no, the reason you're here, right? And this is true of every single human being and this is not, we're not superior humans in any way. I'm a goofball and I'm an average, ordinary person. Happiness is finding out what your gift is and then living your life using that gift in the service of other people. That's, I, I completely want to acknowledge this. Like, it's one of the most important things we've ever covered on the show before because it doesn't get talked about enough. So.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Also too, I want to build on that if we can, you know, the fact that for anyone listening or watching, thinking that we have special skills or that we're, this is another question, like, me, are you always happy?

• 33:09Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Are you always up? Are you always motivated? Do you ever have bad days? I have tons of shittastic days. Like, do you know what I mean?

• 33:17Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  I have, I still have tons of self doubt. You know, we were talking off camera. I just came off this book tour, which has been amazing, but I had this idea about how I wanted to launch the book and it terrified me. So my idea was what if a Beyonce concert and a TED Talk had a baby and then threw a block party? Like, can I do this? And when I said that out loud, first of all, everything in me lit up and then everything in me was terrified. So much self doubt and I actually documented it. We did a video about the behind the scenes.

• 33:47Ed Mylett?

  It's an awesome video.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Thank you. But I wanted to show people how much fear and anxiety and self doubt I have even after a 20-year career. And so, you know, I just, I want to just highlight and underscore that bit that anyone you admire, they absolutely have bad days. First of all, they poop and fart just like everyone else.

• 34:08Ed Mylett?

  Exactly.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  But it's highly likely that they struggle with depression and anxiety and not feeling good enough.

• 34:15Ed Mylett?

  One million percent. And, and the reason that it's so important to know this is one that will help you too. It's your, it's, I'm not going to let you have that excuse.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:21Ed Mylett?

  Convenient excuse to think somebody's different or special or a Martian or superhuman. And they're not, exactly. I can acknowledge that we all poop and fart, just so you know. And I love that line. I've never heard that line before, but that's the first time that's ever been out on our show. Mike's agreeing with it, and I can guarantee you that Mike farts a lot.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, most of us do, and then we blame it on someone else, or we just look around. It was the dog. Anyway, I'll tell you, Kuma, Kuma, my dog, he has some like silent but deadly ones. I think dog farts are the most dense farts ever.

• 34:51Ed Mylett?

  I think that's probably true.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  It's probably true.

• 34:53Ed Mylett?

  By the way, that's note-taking material. I hope you all like that now.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  You guys, if that's not transformational, totally change your life material, I don't know what is.

• 35:01Ed Mylett?

  What else are we gonna give you? Come on, what are you looking for? But, by the way, on that line, I want to say something to you, because you make me laugh, and so does your social media. And I want people to follow you, so, because like, your social media is like infotainment.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 35:16Ed Mylett?

  It's informative, but it's like the dance routines, she'll be in the middle of an airport, you guys, and just flat get down for a few minutes dancing with people, just looking at her like, what in the world? I love that about you.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  Thank you. Well, it's funny, because my mom often laughs, my mom watches the show, and she's like, can we please have more dancing and more outfits? And she loves the goofy side of me, because that's always been who I am since I was a little kid. And I think that's probably one of my favorite parts about social, at least right now. And also, after being on tour, I had some folks on my team, and we were able to work in new ways with video cameras. I'm like, you guys, I am this silly all the time, it's just nine times out of 10, I don't have my phone on me, because I'm just doing it. You know what I mean?

• 35:56Ed Mylett?

  That's the number one thing when people meet me, it's funny, because I show that side of me, but not a lot. When people meet me, they're like, oh my god, you're like a total weirdo. I thought you were this really, I think it's the deep voice, or whatever the hell, I look serious. But I think if they knew off-camera, like, we're all kind of a bunch of weirdos, that I guess we're farting all the time, according to you too.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  I mean, we are. There's science behind that too, about how many times we do it a day, and I think it's about six or seven. But, on to another note, I think what we're talking about right now, if we're gonna shift gears a little bit, that's one of the reasons that TikTok is so popular.

• 36:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  And you know why? It's because it's not filtered, and it's not perfect, and people are actually having just a good time. They're totally goofy.

• 36:36Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 36:36Speaker 04

  Absolutely ridiculous, and not trying to position.

• 36:40Ed Mylett?

  Oh, that's so true.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean?

• 36:42Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  So, that's why it's kind of fun.

• 36:45Ed Mylett?

  You're right. Okay. I love today. So first off, they need to follow you on Instagram. They need to get your book, Everything is Figureoutable. Anything else you want them to know where to find you?

• 36:54Speaker 04

  I would say, I mean, Everything is Figureoutable is the big thing. We also have something that we only do once a year for creatives and entrepreneurs called B-School, which is online business school for creative entrepreneurs who want to not only make money, but actually make a difference. It's a huge thing in my life is helping people find their purpose and deliver that through their products or their services. People can check out when it opens. It only opens in February. Joinbschool.com. We do a ton of free workshops and webinars so people can learn, even if they never sign up, they'll get a ton of value. And then just at Marie Forleo.

• 37:23Ed Mylett?

  Okay, she's awesome, you guys. I want to ask you one more question. So everybody stay with us because there's a good question coming to finish. But first, thank you for working so hard on yourself.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 37:33Ed Mylett?

  Because I think you're special, but I don't think you're special because you were born special. I think you're special because you're this convergence of somebody who found their giftedness and their brilliance, and you've worked really hard at it in the service of others. And you guys can tell. You can tell. I know you all can tell. Okay, I get why he's such a huge fan of hers. And many of my folks were already fans of yours, too. But for those of you that weren't now, you know why I wanted her on the show so badly because we helped a lot of people today. You did. But if someone ran into you at Starbucks right now.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:00Ed Mylett?

  And they said, can I have five minutes? I want to change my life. There's something in my life I want to change. It's how I feel about myself, my relationships. I want to start a business. I want to lose 30 pounds. Whatever it is, I need to create a change of something in my life. What advice would you give them? I know that's a general question with a broad reach, but in general, to create a change because you've changed your life and you've helped hundreds of thousands of people change theirs. What would you say to them?

• 38:27Speaker 04

  Well, I would say first, you have to believe that everything is figureoutable, including this. So you need that bedrock belief. That's baseline number one.

• 38:35Ed Mylett?

  Very good.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  Two, I would say to get crystal clear on exactly what that changes and make it as specific and concrete as possible. So, I want to get in shape becomes, well, I want to go to the gym for the next 21 days, you know, five days a week so I can do 20 pushups. Like, we would have them get more specific, concrete, and make it measurable so it can actually be achievable. Then, I would ask them, why? Why do you want this change? Why is this so important? Why does this have to happen now? Because reasons back up results. Everyone knows this. But I don't think people dig deeply enough. Because in the depth of that reason, in the depth of the why is gonna come the commitment, the emotional commitment to make it happen. And then the final piece would be this. I would tell them to write it down.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Why? Studies actually show this, that we human beings are 42% more likely to reach our goals if we actually write them down. Now, I know this sounds like Captain Obvious to most people. However, my experience has shown me, most people don't do the obvious things. So there was a study by Dr. Gail Matthews. She is a professor at the Dominican University of California. And she's the one that proved that we are 42% more likely to reach our goals if we simply write them down. So I would ask that person to write it down. Then I would ask them to look at it every single day, when they wake up and when they go to sleep, and ideally get some accountability. I know I just gave you a very long answer. But if I got someone in Starbucks and that's what they asked me, I'd say, "If you did these things, and you just committed to those five or six things,

• 40:06Speaker 04

  I can pretty much guarantee that that person would reach their goal."

• 40:09Ed Mylett?

  You're awesome.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 40:10Ed Mylett?

  You're awesome.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  Thank you. Well, thank you so much for having me on. And again, I really wanna emphasize this for everyone listening. Every time I've looked at your social or I've looked at your videos and I hear you just hear that, like, "Let's max out." I feel my body become more alive. And I get excited. I'm like, "Yes, we can do this." So thank you for the contribution that you make. And thanks for having me on your show.

• 40:30Ed Mylett?

  We're gonna do some more stuff.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  I hope so.

• 40:32Ed Mylett?

  Thanks so much.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 40:33Ed Mylett?

  Speaking of my social, everybody, every day on Instagram, I run the Max Out 2-Minute Drill 'cause I want to connect with you. It's the reason I do it. And so what I do every day when I make a post, it's about 7:30 Pacific, 10:30 Eastern, every day, Monday through Friday. If you make a comment in the first 2 to 5 minutes because you're following me and your notifications are turned on, you enter a drawing every day. So that's the first way you qualify. Or number 2, make a comment on other people's comments. Do both and you have 2 chances to win. Or 3rd, if you miss the first 2 to 5 minutes, no big deal, just make a comment on every post every day. At the end of the week, we add up all those people and pick winners as well. Winners have got Max Out gear, rides on my jet, tickets to my events, coaching calls with my guests, my book, all kinds of cool stuff. So engage with me on social media as well. I hope you enjoyed today's program, everybody. God bless you and Max out.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  This is The Ed Marlin Show.