Ep 586 - Shift Work (feat. Nate Marshall)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support P*nties in the Mouth @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live yo0oo00o0o0oo0o. Wutz guddy. Hope you're all having a good week. Have a hot cast for you. Fambly ep with Nathan. We talk about our time together in Nawlins and much more :) Please enjoy. God Bless. ps lemeez does a physical and artistic little activity in the paytch this week Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! $45 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 0:04Matt McCusker?

  Hey, Howie.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Hey, how's it going?

• 0:06Matt McCusker?

  Good, man. Just chilling. Got a nap. I'm, usually I'm a little tired.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  I know.

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  I got a nice nap. Got a nice little nap, but today.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Thanks to my extension.

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  Your extension was great.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  My giant extension.

• 0:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's a little gap in the skedge. It was nice. I was all, I was all, uh, and I was, I was sleepy today too. I did not get good sleep last night. Yeah, I was out doing stand up, so I couldn't fall asleep. So I was just back to the audiobook Bible before bedtime, which is a nice bedtime read, by the way. I'm on Jacob and Esau right now.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  What's the book?

• 0:38Matt McCusker?

  The Bible. Ever hear of it?

• 0:39Speaker 00

  The Bible, bro?

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  I also didn't hear about that.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  As popular as Cristiano Ronaldo. He didn't know who Cristiano Ronaldo was.

• 0:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  I really did. Kind of, I told you, I feel good about not knowing that.

• 0:51Matt McCusker?

  Why? And like, do you, can we like, like, uh, investigate why you feel good about that? I'm, I'm kinda curious.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  It just kinda feels like the way y'all are explaining it, like, it's like not know, knowing LeBron or something. And that just kinda feels cool to get with.

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  You're saying you're different.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  I'm kinda different out here. I'm just moving different.

• 1:06Matt McCusker?

  I can see that. No, I, I can appreciate that.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  You're doing well. I thought you'd be, I thought you'd be less, uh, active on this pod. It's gonna be, my voice is gonna go halfway through. That's cause you've been, you've been going too fast, Youngman.

• 1:17Matt McCusker?

  I know. I know.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Slow down. You, you introduced us to the purple drinks while we were at that bar. I, I didn't touch one of those.

• 1:25Matt McCusker?

  What was the purple drink?

• 1:26Speaker 00

  At Lafitte's. It's, it's in New Orleans. It's just another.

• 1:29Matt McCusker?

  That's like in New Orleans.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Fucking, uh, daiquiri type. I don't know how to describe it. Just an icy sugary liquor thing.

• 1:34Matt McCusker?

  Ah, those things will get you.

• 1:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was called purple drank, so.

• 1:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  So I went crazy on it. Like flies on shit.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  They said they even misspelled drink on the cup. It's, it's for me.

• 1:48Matt McCusker?

  It made me feel better, cause I was, I was like shitting neon green and we talked for a second.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Oh, God, gosh.

• 1:53Matt McCusker?

  And I was, and I was telling him about it. He was like, I'm still shitting neon green. I was like, alright, so it is the purple drank. It's not, I'm not dying. Dude, I, I ate, I ate candy as a similar trap for me a long time ago, but I ate this candy from Hot Topic one time. And I shit like.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  It's the white man's.

• 2:11Matt McCusker?

  It's the white man's drank.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  It's the white man's drank.

• 2:13Matt McCusker?

  I was a teenager in Hot Topic and they, they sold this like neon weird candy shit. And I, I remember ate it and I got like scared I was dying when I couldn't shit.

• 2:23Matt McCusker?

  I had Play-Dohs coming out of my butt.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Did you, no, you came with, uh, so you stayed Sunday?

• 2:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we stayed.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  You guys must have been, that must have sucked so bad.

• 2:32Matt McCusker?

  I sold them Sunday. I flew in at 5pm Sunday. I saw Nate. I was going to the hotel. I look in the window. I see the bar. I see Nate at the bar. I'm like, oh, we can say hi to Nate. I'm like, what's up Nate?

• 2:43Matt McCusker?

  Hey, what's going on, man?

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Skank Fest day four is fucking hell.

• 2:51Matt McCusker?

  That, that day I had went to bed with the sun up and then when I finally came out the hotel, it was dark again.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Like he was an evil.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  He was on some vamp shit. I saw him.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  You on some Norwegians vamp shit?

• 3:02Matt McCusker?

  I saw him at the bar and I, he was like, what's going on, man? I was like, Jesus Christ. Jesus, man. Where are the others? I don't know.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  His voice was just gone.

• 3:17Matt McCusker?

  He was chalky, dude. I saw him. He was chalky. Yeah, I had nothing. I was, I was trying to rally. I was trying to.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  He was like, oh, what's going on?

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was happy to see you. I just had nothing.

• 3:30Matt McCusker?

  I know. You know when you bump into someone at a bar, you're like, oh, my God, what are you doing here? He's like, huh, what's going on?

• 3:35Speaker 00

  All the time. I get to a bar, O'Connor's.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Fuck, man.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  The Stuff Island Boys will hit you with one of those. See him at a bar, they're like, I've been out for eight hours. You go, Jesus Christ. It's 4pm.

• 3:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Nate wasn't drunk. He was just viciously hungover.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was.

• 3:57Matt McCusker?

  I think, I think going hair of the dog.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I had one and I didn't even finish it. I couldn't. I was like, I'm not ready yet. I waited till I got to the, to the venue. Tomatograw World.

• 4:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Squad was, squad was fucking in rough shape. I got, I got there at a big stand-up show at Skank Fest. Like, you guys, anyone do some time?

• 4:14Speaker 00

  No. I mean.

• 4:16Matt McCusker?

  Jeez, guys.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Friday was great.

• 4:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I heard.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Saturday, half energy. Sunday must have been.

• 4:25Matt McCusker?

  Sunday was chill. It was definitely chill mode. Everyone was chill mode.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:28Matt McCusker?

  It was pizza and Eagles. Everyone was just ordering Donnamos. I saw the Donnamos come through.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Kind of turned up by the end. I can't remember if, oh, oh my fuck. Yeah, I kind of turned up by the end.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  I went to, uh, that was the only night I went to the after party. Was that one, just cause I, I don't know, wanted to do it once.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was whatever.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  I wore the, I wore the thing the whole way home.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Just a badge that said Barely Legal on it the whole way home.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  Name of the strip club that the after party was called Barely Legal?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  But every, every-

• 5:08Speaker 00

  I didn't go.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Every lady there was kinda old, so it was kinda nice, like, it's kinda funny.

• 5:12Matt McCusker?

  They were very legal.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were like, ah, they were clearly legal. Undeniably legal.

• 5:18Matt McCusker?

  I wonder if you could do a class action suit? You guys should be perpetrating the illusion that I am committing a great crime.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Such a tall, man.

• 5:28Matt McCusker?

  I didn't feel like a pedophile at all while I was in there.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I was helping to catch a little buzz.

• 5:34Matt McCusker?

  You might be able to make some bucks.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  What'd you say?

• 5:37Matt McCusker?

  Maybe it'll make some bucks, take some pictures of them and like go out to a judge and be like, do any of these look like they could be of questionable age?

• 5:43Speaker 02

  I was fooled. I owe my fifteen dollar ATM fee back.

• 5:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's funny. Well, I guess, I guess that was, uh, that was the brand.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Oh, no, the ATM just had a super high.

• 5:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, oh, oh, that's true.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You know how they go.

• 5:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. The ATM in a strip club, they watch, they see, they're like sharks.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  No desperation from every guy in there.

• 6:04Matt McCusker?

  There's, there's, I think they have one, by those ATMs, they have that thing when you go into a gas station, it's like, when you run over the thing. It's a bell that goes off.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  He's back, so the strippers go, there he is.

• 6:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're like this, they go.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  There's our marker.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I didn't, uh, I got invited to the after party, I was like.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  No way, bro.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  No shot.

• 6:22Matt McCusker?

  Not going to Barely Legal.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  Zero shot, I'm going to a strip club on Bourbon Street with Legion of Skanks.

• 6:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day, but on PrizePix, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's, there's so much hustle and bustle.

• 6:42Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  The last thing I want to do is miss the excitement on PrizePix.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. Seriously, dude.

• 6:47Speaker 00

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• 7:03Matt McCusker?

  And here's a new feature. Fuck!

• 7:05Speaker 00

  It's alright.

• 7:05Matt McCusker?

  And here's a new feature to get hyped on. PrizePix now has early payouts. If your player gets off to a hot start, you now have the option to cash out on those winnings before the game even finishes.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Oh my god. That's nuts.

• 7:19Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 7:19Speaker 00

  Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  It's good to be right.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  It's good to be right.

• 7:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, it's fun. It's a fun time.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  It was, it was actually, I think, it was probably my favorite one of those.

• 7:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  In a long time. That was a really good one.

• 7:39Matt McCusker?

  I was curious how like, how they're gonna work it in New Orleans, and man, they truly did find the perfect place.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:44Matt McCusker?

  So that place right on the waterfront, it was cool.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a bridge in the background.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  Debaucherous at that fucking thing, though.

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  You hear a story, everybody comes in and goes, "Yeah, fuck, I just got jacked off on a Ferris wheel." You're like, "Oh, man."

• 7:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kinda nice.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  Crazy, what's going on?

• 7:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, it is fully debaucherous.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:00Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking all.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  I got eyes on the ass slapping contest, you know, I had to get there. But not just, I was there early. The first night Friday, well, you know, we were out, we were out till like, how, how long were we at the casino?

• 8:12Speaker 03

  What guys were competing?

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Why are you attacking me?

• 8:17Speaker 03

  It was the fellas.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  It was guys?

• 8:21Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I was just busting his joint.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  He's being mean.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  Skankfest usually tosses, some guy did something crazy while I was on stage at the live Legion of Skank show.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 8:32Matt McCusker?

  What'd he do?

• 8:32Speaker 00

  I don't know, I didn't look, but I heard about it. He kissed a dick. There was two guys that like kissed a dick, and it didn't even take much convincing, like. No, they brought it up. They're like, "Yeah, we'll fight, we'll fight tomorrow. The loser has to suck a dick. I'll do it." It was like, no one's making you do that. They're like, "We'll do it right now." And of course, the entire crowd's like, "Do it." Just sitting there with David Tell like, "Jesus Christ."

• 8:57Matt McCusker?

  It was just a dick? Whose dick was it?

• 9:00Speaker 00

  A guy who just proposed.

• 9:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh, what?

• 9:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, soon.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  I know a guy who just proposed in the room, right?

• 9:12Speaker 00

  And also got his dick kissed in the room by a fella.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  Guys butt slapping contest?

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  I'm sorry, Nate.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Then he shit lime green.

• 9:24Matt McCusker?

  It is funny to be on the phone with your babe, like, what are you doing out there? Everybody goes, is that the guys butt slapping contest?

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  And then, uh, well, I got double dog dare to kiss a man's penis and, uh, it's going pretty good, otherwise.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, she was in the crowd, the girl he proposed to, they did it live. And then he kissed, he got his penis kissed.

• 9:42Matt McCusker?

  He got his kissed?

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of powerful, dude. If you just proposed, if you just proposed, then you're...

• 9:47Speaker 00

  It's also off to a terrible start. He cheated on her. Within three minutes, he got his dick touched by a guy immediately.

• 9:55Matt McCusker?

  And it was just like a peck on the helmet?

• 9:57Speaker 00

  Allegedly. I didn't see it. Two pecks? You watched? Oh, you were up close.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  Wait, who went for...

• 10:02Speaker 00

  You were up close and personal.

• 10:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you had eyes on her.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  I was in the balcony. I couldn't believe it was happening.

• 10:06Matt McCusker?

  You were in the balcony with binoculars on? You were crushing a bunch of bees.

• 10:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is a, uh, a funny, like, that's a big thing. Like, oh, tell me the proposal story. It's like, well, and then, then somebody actually kissed his penis. And then La Mer goes, not once, but twice.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Twice.

• 10:22Matt McCusker?

  Two pecks.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  Very European.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  It was two different guys.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  He went...

• 10:27Matt McCusker?

  That's very respectful.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  It was two different guys, because the one guy was like, Louis, you said for me to fight, I get to, I have to suck a trans dick, and I'm looking forward to that. And Louis was like, we're gonna let that go.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, so you don't have to actually do that. And he was like, nah, man, fuck that.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  And then the other guy was like, that's gay. All you told me I had to do was kiss a dick.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  And he was like, also, I'd like, I'll do that right now to prove it.

• 10:56Matt McCusker?

  This is, this is an audience memory?

• 10:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, and everyone was kind of like, you don't really have to do that. Please don't.

• 11:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  And he's like, no.

• 11:02Matt McCusker?

  It is nice, though. It's a good, uh, it's a good move. But yeah, I was asking.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  Who won that fight?

• 11:06Matt McCusker?

  Maybe do it.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  Those two fought, fucking, uh, yeah. Skinnerd versus the Ukulele Hawaiian.

• 11:19Matt McCusker?

  Interesting, I missed all that. I got there, it was just like, everyone was just dragging.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, they were tired from that.

• 11:25Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  Friday and Saturday, Saturday was...

• 11:28Matt McCusker?

  If I was wrestling and kissing penises all day, I'd be talking it out.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  I would...

• 11:31Speaker 02

  It's a full day.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  It's a busy day. They gotta top it next year. The cruise is gonna be just like...

• 11:39Speaker 00

  The cruise?

• 11:40Matt McCusker?

  Human centipede.

• 11:44Speaker 00

  I would, it would cost more than the Riyadh Comedy Festival to get me on the Skank Fest Cruise.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, true, but you guys don't think I'll jerk off and shit in this pool right now?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  It'll be the poop cruise, just without...

• 12:04Speaker 00

  The boat'll be fine. There's gonna be shit and homeless shelters on deck. Oh my god, fucking...

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  They should do a cruise and just never set sail, just be on a docked boat the whole time.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  People are gonna be jumping off.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  The only way you don't lose a person is if you stay docked. If they take off, they will lose someone.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, for sure.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  You ever see those videos where people do that shit, just think it's gonna be hilarious, jump off a cruise ship and then...

• 12:32Matt McCusker?

  There'd be a new indigenous population in like the St. Peter Island. It's a bunch of fucking chubby white guys, like, we found here, this land came to us.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  They need a couple of skankettes to repopulate, but they would, although those guys might just hatch. I don't even think they...

• 12:56Speaker 00

  They come out of each other's backs, like nematodes.

• 13:01Matt McCusker?

  They just sit on a monster energy drink.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  Fucking hatches.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  Comes out like, "Brand shop sucks."

• 13:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they'd have to hit like the uh, the small convenience stores, take it, they completely control the supply of Funyuns. They control the Funyuns.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:21Matt McCusker?

  We control the Funyuns now. Yeah, that's fucking sick. It was a good time.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  It was good.

• 13:27Matt McCusker?

  It was a grand old time. I was uh, I, I saw some of my friends there. I always see them when I'm there.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:33Matt McCusker?

  Dan the Rant Man, Linda, and I'm like sitting there talking to them. And while I'm trying to have a conversation with them, a lady just pulled her pants down. Was just showing uh, Zach and Miko her pretty gargantuan butt. It was like, there's no, you know, no disrespect towards the butt. It was like full in proportions. It was just larger.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:50Matt McCusker?

  Larger than life. And I was like, directly in my line of vision, I'm like, and I was like, oh, there's literally a giant butt behind you guys. And they were like, yeah, oh, okay. And I was like, I, I literally can't.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's.

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  I can't focus.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  How am I supposed to putt?

• 14:05Matt McCusker?

  I thought they turned and have a laugh with me and they're like, yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a lot of uh, nudity. It's uh, it's, yeah, it's nudity you really don't want.

• 14:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  Going on.

• 14:15Matt McCusker?

  This was, this was, I will say, this was a pleasant giant butt.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  I think I know exactly what you're talking about. It was a very nice gigantic butt.

• 14:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was. Yep.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  Beyond, it was beyond.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  It was wide load.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was wide load.

• 14:30Matt McCusker?

  It was beyond pog. There has to be something beyond a pog, cause this was like.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  It's blob.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  Blob?

• 14:38Matt McCusker?

  No, it wasn't blob. It wasn't blob. Like, it was fully rotund.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it, it was like shapely, but it's like, she was great. It just kept expanding, but kept everything.

• 14:46Matt McCusker?

  Like a tree, like it grew from the inside and kind of each year was like a ring. I would like a core sample to see the age of that butt.

• 14:57Matt McCusker?

  I'm sure it was like a mighty sequoia.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, the, the naked roast, I stuck around for two of those.

• 15:05Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 15:05Speaker 00

  And I'd seen more than enough.

• 15:07Matt McCusker?

  Saw a couple penises?

• 15:08Speaker 00

  So, yeah, that's all you see.

• 15:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  And then uh, yeah. That was the extent of the nudity, I think. I just saw a couple guys' tiny penises.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 15:19Matt McCusker?

  I don't, dude, I I'm still trying to figure out the uh like the why someone would do the reason somebody would be like, yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  I can't figure that out.

• 15:27Matt McCusker?

  I'll stand up there and do stand up and show my I have a hard enough time like just doing stand up with all my clothes on.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:34Matt McCusker?

  Remove my clothes, I'd be like, no, absolutely fucking not.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  I feel like I get it for ladies, especially if they're hot, like you stand up there, you're like just hot, but dudes will do it like fat with their little dicks.

• 15:43Matt McCusker?

  Yes, obviously for ladies, it's a great thing.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  It's kind of the coolest thing.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but they're not even really naked, I feel like, I feel like maybe there they are, but I feel like a lot of the naked roasts I've seen or the naked stand ups I've seen is like women wear bra and underwear, men pull out the tiny flasses.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:59Matt McCusker?

  So, which is, I think that's fair.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:02Matt McCusker?

  You can't be like, you can't bar women from not being able to show their nipples in regular life and then be like, alright.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:08Matt McCusker?

  Bust them out. Actually, yeah, you could now that I think about it, but.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, quite the opposite. Now's the time.

• 16:14Matt McCusker?

  True. It's been sanctioned. That law will never change. You think it'll ever change where women can just finally go? I think we could be close to like all topless beaches.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  They can in Austin.

• 16:24Matt McCusker?

  They can or they do?

• 16:25Speaker 02

  They can, like legally in specifically Austin, like I'm not, I'm pretty sure in Austin you can legally.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, Park and Springs you could.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:33Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  But I think you can just like walk down six.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I told you, I saw a lady one time in my neighborhood and she wasn't, she didn't look crazy, but it was just naked from the top.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure it's it's legal here.

• 16:43Matt McCusker?

  What? Yes. So why aren't more exercising their right?

• 16:48Speaker 02

  I feel like it's, I don't, yeah, I don't know.

• 16:49Matt McCusker?

  It is aggressive.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:51Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of fucking, it's aggressive for a guy to walk around shirtless.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sick of that. They need to cut that out.

• 16:56Matt McCusker?

  As hell. Although dude, the sunlight hits your chest, it increases the T.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I'm so, I'm driving around with my girlfriend.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Six, six dudes with abs jogging around, you fucking freak.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  You're like trying to like, you're driving with your lady, you're like peeking to see if she like.

• 17:10Matt McCusker?

  You can see her. Yeah, like I fucking dare you.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  Dare you to look at that guy.

• 17:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Fucking pussy, that guy sucks.

• 17:17Matt McCusker?

  It is funny, but oh, I see something you like, that's cool. Why the fuck would your eyes dart over there for two seconds?

• 17:25Speaker 00

  Mine did.

• 17:27Matt McCusker?

  I look longer.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm a fucking guy. Fucking making me fucking insecure. Fuck is his problem. This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 17:36Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  What do you know about Quince?

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cot, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  Well, not everyone wants to spend forever on the perfect look. Quince gets that. It's why they make staple pieces for your wardrobe that go with pretty much anything, Matt. They're, uh, they're really easy to style and they feel great to wear because they're also made with premium materials, including, like you said, organic cotton, merino wool. There's even a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at just $60. That's, I mean, talk about a deal.

• 18:13Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  That's a bargain.

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com, get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show. I will say though, it's like when you swim naked, it is a nice feeling. Same if you have no shirt on.

• 18:44Speaker 00

  You don't think I've, uh, hit the old?

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  I would hope you do.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  I'm so mad they built that house back there. I've been hitting so many dips, solo skinny dips.

• 18:53Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it feels amazing. Oh, it feels amazing.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  It's so good.

• 18:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, now they can, they can kind of peek in there.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Naked, I take up the entire pool.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  It's crazy. I'm furious about that house.

• 19:09Matt McCusker?

  Although, can they really see, can they see in?

• 19:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm sure the kids room's up there. There's gonna be, there's gonna be a boy looking out the window.

• 19:15Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, even a bunk bed.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 19:17Matt McCusker?

  Bunk bed, that'd be like the crow's nest.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  It's gonna be so scary. It'd be really scary.

• 19:23Matt McCusker?

  That's on them though. My whole thing, if I'm on my property and you see me naked, look, that's your problem.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:28Matt McCusker?

  They're building houses behind mine, like, windows straight across, and it's, I am naked in my house a lot, so I'm like, damn, they're gonna catch me.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:37Matt McCusker?

  I'm pretty sure, because there's been a lot of building going on, and I just...

• 19:41Speaker 00

  They love having just gigantic windows here.

• 19:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think it's nice too.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  You can look into every single fucking house. I go on my constitutionals, I'm just looking, I'm watching people eat dinner.

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  Seeing people like...

• 19:55Speaker 00

  It's me again.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Making progress at a snail's pace.

• 20:02Matt McCusker?

  I finished, look up, you're just still right there.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Still slowly, just going, what you guys having in there? You got any extra hamburger helper? I've noticed you guys eat that on Tuesdays.

• 20:12Matt McCusker?

  Our house in Philly was literally like, the kitchen, where we ate was right next to a window that was right next to the sidewalk, so people would literally just be walking by and be like, right in on us while reading, you'd be like, two feet from it.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  Every city, anytime I'm in a city, there's nothing you can do about that.

• 20:26Matt McCusker?

  Driving me crazy.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  I'm looking into your house.

• 20:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you have to too. If you see people at a table, it's like, what you got going on?

• 20:32Speaker 00

  What are they watching? What show is that? Fucking idiots? Can't believe they're watching that.

• 20:37Matt McCusker?

  I do, I don't know why, I do like when I see like a giant TV in the window and I can see what they're watching. I'm always kinda like, damn, do you watch an Independence Day right now? It's Tuesday at fucking 9pm, I'm walking my dog.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  That fucking rocks.

• 20:48Matt McCusker?

  I know. It's just like, damn, you just chucked on ID4, and I was like, what am I doing with my life?

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:53Matt McCusker?

  I didn't even think to watch ID4 right now.

• 20:55Speaker 00

  ID4 is fucking sick.

• 20:56Matt McCusker?

  ID4 is so good.

• 20:58Speaker 00

  It is.

• 20:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I do love that.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  ID4.

• 21:01Matt McCusker?

  Independence Day. Bro, don't act like you don't know.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  If you don't know, I didn't know why.

• 21:04Matt McCusker?

  It's not that different, bro.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  I was like, when did you become this?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  I was like, we're saying it was the fourth one. Purple drank changed it.

• 21:11Speaker 00

  Purple drank ruined my brain.

• 21:13Matt McCusker?

  The green turd, dude, the green turd transformed it.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  My brain hasn't been working right since Gankfest.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  I'm moving slow.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  You took Monday off at least?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 21:23Speaker 00

  Tell me you took Monday off.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  No, we drove all day.

• 21:26Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, we drove for like eight hours.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  That must be the worst hangover drive possible.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  It was pretty bad. I did the first four, Sean did the last four. Uh, my girl, she picked me up from Sean's and like, she hugged us all. She said we all smelled like ass. And we just didn't notice it, just in an eight hour car.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, you guys must have stunk. Was it just you and Sean, or did you pack the me's in there too?

• 21:50Matt McCusker?

  Butterly.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  Why? What's wrong with you, Mies? What'd you do?

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  He left, he left early, didn't he?

• 21:56Speaker 00

  Where'd you go? How'd you get home?

• 21:58Speaker 04

  I just left it, took an airplane.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I left on Sunday night. I always leave Sunday night.

• 22:05Matt McCusker?

  How, uh, how were the farts on the airplane?

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Uh, no farts. I kept them to myself, yeah.

• 22:10Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, right.

• 22:11Speaker 04

  I did, I did.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  Did you shower before the flight?

• 22:13Speaker 04

  No.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  I mean, I showered before.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  Somebody right now is telling everybody at work, somebody's gonna, I sat next to the fucking biggest piece of shit. He farted, he stunk like shit.

• 22:25Matt McCusker?

  He smelled like ass and vodka.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  I didn't fall asleep this time, so I don't think I farted.

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  That's fair.

• 22:34Matt McCusker?

  That's the Lamesi guarantee.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  Fell asleep, I don't think I farted.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 22:43Matt McCusker?

  Do you know what's fucking, that I'm, uh, I'm getting hip to right now is that apparently sports viewing is like, it's impossible to watch sports now. They've like scattered all the games across different apps. So like, how's that?

• 22:54Speaker 00

  They have done that, yeah.

• 22:55Matt McCusker?

  Everyone I talk to is like, it's fucking, that's wrong, dude.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  It's hard to get a hold of the Sixers.

• 22:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kinda wrong.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  They're just basically making you buy a season pass for whatever your favorite team is. Everyone has to pay like a hundred dollars a month.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's wrong.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  And then they took ESPN off YouTube TV for like two weeks.

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  Isn't it still old?

• 23:12Speaker 00

  That was devastating. No, it's back.

• 23:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I heard that, I heard that.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I got fucked, cause I had, I like changed my.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Everybody went and bought fucking Disney Plus and all that shit.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  I had like the old legacy version, it was a little cheaper.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  Quiet Piggy.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  I'm not just remembered, I wanted to break that up.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Wait, who got hit with a quiet?

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Some fucking piggy on Air Force One got crushed by Donald Trump.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

• 23:35Matt McCusker?

  Do you think he's getting dementia?

• 23:39Speaker 00

  I mean, I don't know. I don't think. He seems, he just seems a little slower than usual, but.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  Spud said, Spud thinks he's getting dementia. Spud said his daddy got dementia, uh, Trump, meaning Trump Senior.

• 23:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  And you see, there, there's speculation that T-Dog might be rocking Biden brains.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  He's definitely not, he's not at Biden brains yet.

• 23:57Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, not yet.

• 23:58Speaker 00

  But he's, he's circling the drain.

• 24:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cause I.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  Quiet Piggy was fucking crazy.

• 24:03Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty wild.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  I just can't think of how like embarrassed that lady must have been. That must have been so funny to be.

• 24:09Matt McCusker?

  And you're on AF1.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  Think if you were next to her and you hated her.

• 24:12Matt McCusker?

  Why didn't you think about that?

• 24:13Speaker 00

  What did you, did you, you sucked Bill Clinton's dick? Quiet Piggy. You go.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Got that.

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Bitch. Yes, I've been waiting for someone to kill her.

• 24:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, on the plane too, it'd stink. It's like you can't get up. You're stuck on the flight being like, I'm gonna write about this. I'm gonna write about this.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  Quiet piggy.

• 24:32Matt McCusker?

  Do they know, do they identify the journalist that was?

• 24:35Speaker 00

  I don't know, they gotta keep her name quiet.

• 24:38Matt McCusker?

  You think it was definitely a babe?

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Cause you can't, yeah, he wouldn't call, yeah, it was a lady, quiet piggy.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  Can you hear?

• 24:44Speaker 00

  Although calling a guy quiet piggy is hilarious.

• 24:46Matt McCusker?

  Piggy, they call a guy a piggy.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  Quiet piggy? Especially if it's a fat guy.

• 24:54Matt McCusker?

  I gotta, yeah, can we see who this person was? Is that, that definitely, uh?

• 24:59Matt McCusker?

  Can I see, can I see? I, I kinda wanna get the visual more so than, the name would be kinda meaningless to me.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  Because that's fucking, that's a wild move, man.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, Catherine Lucy from Bloomberg.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  I'd like to take a look at her.

• 25:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I would like to.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  She doesn't really look too big.

• 25:19Matt McCusker?

  I was gonna say she was, I was just curious.

• 25:20Speaker 00

  She might've had a piggy's demeanor.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  Damn, bro.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  That's a piggy's demeanor.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Quiet piggy. Pointed at her, leaning over. Although, you know, if, if the allegations are false, I'd be furious too.

• 25:38Matt McCusker?

  What was she asking him?

• 25:39Speaker 00

  I think it was about Epstein.

• 25:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a quagmire right now. The one guy who got busted, the guy who was the, who was the Harvard president and that sat on the board of, uh, OpenAI. Did you know exactly what his emails, what he was saying?

• 25:53Speaker 00

  I was reading a lot of them, yeah.

• 25:54Matt McCusker?

  Did you? About kinda using, uh, Epstein as like a dating coach?

• 25:57Speaker 00

  I didn't see that one.

• 25:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was apparently being, I need a girlfriend, I'm married, but I need a girlfriend. Like, how do I talk? It was like kinda PUA shit, like, how do I talk? How do I talk to these kids? Like, what are some tips?

• 26:08Speaker 03

  How do I reach these kids?

• 26:09Matt McCusker?

  He had to neg them, he had to be like, bro, your geometry's trash, bro. What's your SAT score?

• 26:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's uh, it's tough stuff. That's the worst, not only be associating with a pedophile, but also to be seeking romantic guidance.

• 26:27Speaker 00

  I almost screamed, I almost screamed to Quiet Piggy yesterday.

• 26:29Matt McCusker?

  When?

• 26:30Speaker 00

  I was, I was ready to fucking explode, dude. I went to, I went to Starbucks and a woman in front of me, it's a pretty crowded Starbucks, it was early in the morning. There's a woman up front, she's trying samples. There's a line of people. There's a woman going, oh, that's a new flavor. And the maniac girl behind the register was like, would you like to try a sample? And she's like, yeah, I would. Took five minutes to get the fucking sample.

• 26:56Matt McCusker?

  What was the sample of, like one of those foamy bullshit drinks?

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Foamy bullshit holiday drink.

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  Bro, that's crazy.

• 27:01Speaker 00

  And then she was like, uh, yeah, I'll take it.

• 27:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  I mean, it was like.

• 27:06Matt McCusker?

  That would fucking, cause.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  I was close.

• 27:08Matt McCusker?

  The Starbucks line's always.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  I was close to go, what, what the fuck are you thinking?

• 27:12Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god. Especially to be like, even a sample of coffee, it's like, oh, that's a new varietal. It's like piping hot, you can't even just like order it. Order the fucking drink, it's, it's sugar whipped cream, you're going to like it.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:25Matt McCusker?

  Drink it. Drink it.

• 27:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I almost, I almost broke. Fucking get it, get, buy it. Get out of the way, I'm getting a fucking black coffee, it's gonna take one second, you're up here ordering, it's 10 minutes.

• 27:40Matt McCusker?

  You do feel like an absolute mastermind at Starbucks when you just get black coffee, you see everyone waiting for other drinks, you go, I'll have a black coffee, gets to you instantly.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Right away.

• 27:47Matt McCusker?

  Dumb asses.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Fucking idiots.

• 27:49Matt McCusker?

  Fucking idiots.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  Piggies.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  And then as soon as she got out of the way and I ordered, I was very relieved, I didn't have a.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  I almost had a, like an airport breakdown. I'm not afraid.

• 28:04Matt McCusker?

  Yo, it's Ariana Grande.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Everybody.

• 28:07Matt McCusker?

  What did she do, what did Ariana Grande do, like spazzed about donuts or something?

• 28:11Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't know that one.

• 28:12Matt McCusker?

  I think, I believe, I believe I should say.

• 28:14Speaker 00

  I could have bagel bossed.

• 28:17Speaker 00

  Get a bagel, boss.

• 28:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think, I think allegedly, uh, Ariana Grande, I think she spent, one of them, one of, some pop diva spazzed about donuts like very aggressively. So. You deserve one, come on, give yourself one diva moment, what are you talking about?

• 28:31Speaker 00

  I'll get a good diva moment.

• 28:32Matt McCusker?

  Move!

• 28:33Speaker 00

  I've had enough, take the sample, you fucking bitch, you stupid fucking bitch, I mean, what are you thinking?

• 28:42Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a nice, uh, remake of The Purge where people just said whatever they wanted to each other.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Just, just one day. It's Twitter. I can tell you exactly where that goes. It's the N-word and Nazi shit, right away, immediately.

• 28:59Matt McCusker?

  It is Twitter, dude.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  It's Twitter, right away.

• 29:02Matt McCusker?

  Holy fuck, I never even thought about that, Twitter is just the verbal purge. It's crazy, dude.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:11Matt McCusker?

  Well, hot damn.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, uh, that was the closest I've come in a while, have you, have you had any?

• 29:16Matt McCusker?

  Spazzes?

• 29:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, when was the last one?

• 29:19Speaker 00

  No, you're not afraid to spazz, I've seen you.

• 29:20Matt McCusker?

  I'll spazz, yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, when we went to Barton Springs and those two girls were like, we need cash, you were a little like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? And I was with you, kinda like, alright, I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be on your side, but man, you're really laying into these two fucking teenagers.

• 29:35Matt McCusker?

  I didn't hit it with a WTF, I went, bro, when they went, once I was like, we don't have cash, can I do Venmo, they went, you don't have Venmo, I went, oh my god, are you serious? And they were like, no, like, you gotta get an app, I'm like, I gotta download a fucking app, maybe I didn't hit it with the app.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  Trust me, I remember, it was, you were getting chirpy.

• 29:49Matt McCusker?

  You know what pisses me off? I was getting chirpy for sure.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. But on, within one sentence.

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  Yes, because it's like, there's a-

• 29:57Speaker 00

  You didn't give them time to be rude, they was, they, don't get me wrong, they were-

• 30:00Matt McCusker?

  They were fucking rude.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  They were young girls working like the end of their summer job, like-

• 30:04Matt McCusker?

  They weren't that young, that one lady, one lady was like fifty.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Nah, they were both-

• 30:09Matt McCusker?

  One was young, the other one was-

• 30:10Speaker 00

  One was definitely young.

• 30:11Matt McCusker?

  Old enough to not, dude, and it's like, there's a beautiful lake, let me just go-

• 30:14Speaker 00

  Well, I was old enough to get it.

• 30:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like, I gotta go download a fucking app, I'm trying to swim in a lake, it's a god created lake.

• 30:22Speaker 00

  It was on sight, dude. Was, I, I see why, it was, it was a purple haired lady reading a book.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  In a tent going, no, we don't do that.

• 30:31Matt McCusker?

  I can't stay with bureaucrat energy when it was just kinda like, you need to download an app. And I was like, I gotta download an app to go in the thing. It was like, come on, man. Let me in this fucking lake.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's.

• 30:39Matt McCusker?

  Who are you to stop me from going in this lake?

• 30:41Speaker 00

  All the way back to our car to get some cash. Yeah.

• 30:45Matt McCusker?

  And I was pissed because I didn't have my goddamn wallet on me. I forgot. I was like, fuck. Yeah, pissed me off. That, that was nothing. I almost like for real, where was I recently?

• 30:52Speaker 00

  You don't flip the tables at Barton Springs. That was Christ. You're like, this is a natural lake. God gave us this. Begone with your jewelry. I was like, Matt, they're not Jewish. They're lesbians.

• 31:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, uh, yeah, that's.

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  That got me. That got me fired up. But yeah, luckily you were there to cool me out a little.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  I was, I was, I was long for the ride. I was, I didn't step in.

• 31:15Matt McCusker?

  I, I was like, okay, no cash or no, no anymore. If I can't just tap with my phone, I'm like.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  Cash only is nuts.

• 31:22Matt McCusker?

  What are you fucking doing? Why are you making it so hard? It's not 1985. Like, let me get in here. I have my phone. I can do Apple Pay. Come on. And they were like, you need to down. When she said, download the app, I don't know what it is. When I have to fucking download apps, I'm like, fuck.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:36Matt McCusker?

  So I sent you a thing. We have to download an app. I'm like, dude, fuck you.

• 31:40Speaker 00

  You're completely correct.

• 31:40Matt McCusker?

  Fuck you.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Downloading an app is crazy.

• 31:42Matt McCusker?

  I hate that shit.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  I've seen another, another person who's not afraid to go is Ari Shafir with TSA. I've never seen anything like it, dude. Some of the, a guy took his lighter out of his bag, of course.

• 31:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  And he was like, oh, oh, cool, dude. You fucking feel good. And I was like, dude, TSA, like, you're gonna get fucking beat up. We're gonna get arrested right now.

• 32:03Matt McCusker?

  I'm scared of the no fly on TSA for sure. I'm just kinda like, alright.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  Shafir went right away.

• 32:09Matt McCusker?

  That's really funny.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  Over nothing. It was like a two dollar fucking lighter. It was crazy.

• 32:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 00

  And then we, once we got through, he walked over to the guy and was like, yeah.

• 32:18Matt McCusker?

  I was like, dude, stop.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  You can't fight at the airport.

• 32:23Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna jail for like 10 years.

• 32:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great food and the gifts, because be honest, we all love a good gift.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Love a good gift.

• 32:38Matt McCusker?

  Is getting to spend time with everyone.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone.

• 32:43Matt McCusker?

  I love.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  I love spending time with you. And I want this, our time together to be so special.

• 32:49Matt McCusker?

  True, dude. Holiday season, the holiday season is ours.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  You feel special.

• 32:53Matt McCusker?

  Dude, around the holidays, I'm like walking on air.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  I sent Matt an Aura Frame stocked with photos of he and I.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments? Give the gifts of togetherness with Aura Frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like that to come alive.

• 33:13Matt McCusker?

  I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is the Aura app and a Wi-Fi connection.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Dang.

• 33:21Matt McCusker?

  So as you keep making memories, you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add?

• 33:25Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 33:26Matt McCusker?

  This memory right now.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  A picture of this?

• 33:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, of us doing an ad read, taking a picture and putting it up there.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  Going, yeah.

• 33:32Matt McCusker?

  There'll just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Yes. The high resolution photos, you know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints and they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there, so, you know. You can get any photos you want on there.

• 33:49Matt McCusker?

  Brief message like, "Congrats."

• 33:51Speaker 00

  Uh, when all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them Aura Frames. For a limited time. My god, let's get a picture of that.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  Oh my god, for a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matt Frames. Uh, name number one by Wirecutter, that's huge.

• 34:11Matt McCusker?

  Hold on.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's AuraFrames.com, promo code MSSP. This exclusive Black Friday/Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

  Terms and conditions apply, I don't think you got out of that.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:32Matt McCusker?

  I should do that, huh?

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, the big.

• 34:34Matt McCusker?

  Big tour.

• 34:35Speaker 00

  The big tour.

• 34:36Matt McCusker?

  The big tour.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Uh, when's this? Oh, nevermind. Uh, December 4th, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. December 5th, I'll be in Phoenix. December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho. December 13th, Portland, Oregon.

• 34:51Matt McCusker?

  Guys, please come to the, so like, um, the Springfield Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri now. We got it, we got it fired back up, new ownership, everything's good, everything's smooth. I think the tickets, I know they are actually, will all be honored if you bought your tickets and didn't get refunded at the other place.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  Wonderful.

• 35:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, really nice stuff. I'll be there 12/12, 12/13, that's December. Uh, Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York, that's 12/19. And then, a, uh, the big theater tour starts, 1/16 in Houston, Texas. Go to Dallas, Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, and many more cities. And if your city's not on there, don't worry, I'll do another stretch of cities after this, so. Thank you. Go to mattmccusker.com, please.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Hello, everybody. This is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be playing, uh, well, I'll be doing stand-up at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois, on Sunday, December 7th. Uh, tickets are at seonggardini.com or at the Comedy Vault website. Please, on December 7th, please.

• 35:53Matt McCusker?

  Dang. Yeah, I forgot all about that. There was, I don't know where I was recently though, but there was one, where someone was doing that shit, where they were like, trying a million things, or, oh, you know, uh, fuck, I think it was at the grocery store. And someone was doing something like that, where they kept just like, asking a million questions. And I'm like, dude, they're fucking eggs, man. That's where it is. Farmers, farmer's market. So the fucking farmer's market, dude. And everyone goes there, I was getting just, I just wanted a chicken, I was gonna put it in the crock pot, and there's like a, you know, chicken farmer guy who has like, you know, a tent. And this guy's like, "So how do you think I should cook this chicken?" And I'm like, "Jesus fucking Christ, dude, just put it in the fucking oven or Google it." I'm sitting there, and he's like, two people in front of me, the next guy's like, "I don't know, man, I, uh..." "These chicken way..." And I'm like, "Shut the fuck up, just buy the shit."

• 36:36Matt McCusker?

  It took me 10 minutes to buy a chicken, and there was two people in front of me, and I was just like, I was so close to being like, "Dude, just buy the fucking chicken and move, please."

• 36:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, you put your head up a little, you go...

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:52Matt McCusker?

  Farmers, people at farmers markets think they can like have a half an hour discussion with the vendor.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  That's, that makes sense to me.

• 36:58Matt McCusker?

  It, it, but it's fucking annoying.

• 36:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:00Matt McCusker?

  You gotta go get my raw milk. Raw milk, I get it, cause there's, there are questions to have.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  There's people.

• 37:04Matt McCusker?

  That one, it's like understandable, but good God, it's just a story.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Farmers market is, is happy and willing to chat. That's every single person. Every single person.

• 37:14Matt McCusker?

  I always have my kids there. I'm in and out. Every second is agony. I'm trying to get my stuff. They're running. They're like, can we please get a balloon? Like, there's like a balloon twister lady. I'm like, no, they're broken. Gee. I see you right there. I'm like, yeah, you can't get one.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  That's the last one.

• 37:27Matt McCusker?

  My kids are just yelling as I'm like, shut the fuck up about chicken, dude. Please let me buy this. Please. Guy there, like, we're actually out of eggs. I'm like,

• 37:36Matt McCusker?

  I'm here 15 minutes into the fucking farmer's market.

• 37:39Speaker 00

  I had a nice spaz yesterday. You, you would, you would have liked it. I told you briefly about it, but I, I didn't get the stickers for my registration for my car. And, uh, yeah, I figured they did that at the dealership when they did your emissions and inspection. Uh, and they don't. So then I'm just, I was like, where the fuck is it? And, uh, I called the dealership and they were like, yeah, you can go to a, uh, tax assessors. You go to your local tax place. And I was like, what?

• 38:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  That's fucking crazy. And then I Googled it on the Texas DMV and it was like, they also do it at HEBs. Here's a list of HEBs in Austin you can go to. And there's one right by me. I, I'm in the parking lot and I'm like, I can't go in there and go up to a register and be like, do you guys do inspections for cars? Cause there's no way they do. Like, what the fuck is going on? And I drove and I sat in the spot for like five minutes of like, this is how this is gonna go. I'm also wearing these fucking like slippers and shit. I'm wearing this.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  Wearing slippers and socks. It's like, dude, if I go in and go, do you guys, I have my car registered. Here's the paperwork.

• 38:48Matt McCusker?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  No, dude. What the fuck are you thinking?

• 38:52Matt McCusker?

  Don't do an HEB like, you guys make my car street legal, please?

• 38:57Speaker 00

  I drove home and I looked it up. I did download the app. I did join a fucking thing. And sure enough, they were like, we mailed it and it was in my mailbox.

• 39:07Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  So that was, it was a big one.

• 39:09Matt McCusker?

  That's huge.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  And I got it the day I went and searched for it. That's when it arrived.

• 39:13Matt McCusker?

  Damn, that's cool.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was nice.

• 39:15Matt McCusker?

  That's really nice. Yeah, that's, that shit pisses me off. I, that's, shout out to wives for that. Cause I, dude, I fucking can't, man. Can't do that shit. If it's like you have to renew any piece of paperwork. Well, you need your social security cards. Like, yeah, I don't have one. I don't know where it is. I don't know where any of that shit is.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Went to the post office to ship some shit.

• 39:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that sucks.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  Chaos. I have no idea what I'm, in public, I'm, I have no idea what I'm ever doing.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  I don't, I stand there. I wait in line. I waited in like a fucking 30 minute line and got to the front. I was like, how do I ship this? And he was like, do you have the address written on it? I was like, no. Do you have any tape for the boxes? I was like, no. He was like, here's tape, here's a Sharpie. Write the address. I did huge box and then fucking go to the end of the line and hold a 35 pound box. It's fucking crazy.

• 40:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, go back to the end?

• 40:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I didn't want to butt.

• 40:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's fair to get to the front, do your work and then go ahead.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Everyone's taking so long up there.

• 40:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude, I used to, I used to, when I used to do all the merch stuff, I used to be in the post offices all the time and it fucking sucked. Although, once you get like, when you're a regular at the post office, you kind of start to feel a star.

• 40:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:23Matt McCusker?

  So I had a P O box. So if you had a P O box, they'll let you skip the line and go straight to the counter. Like, yeah, guys, excuse me, guys, I don't know. I was feeling a little different with the P O box. Like, yeah, you guys, you guys are doing other shit.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Tape it loudly in front, in front of the line. The whole line's watching me.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  From, it's five minutes easy of just taping shit.

• 40:43Matt McCusker?

  It's completely crazy.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Trying to Sharpie an address, misspelling shit.

• 40:48Matt McCusker?

  It sucks. Yeah, that shit sucks so bad. I got crushed. I was getting a renting a car recently. Actually, me and Sean had a nice little time in our Jeep. I rented a Jeep Wrangler.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Jeep thing.

• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  Showing Sean the Jeep life. It was awesome.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Did they have ducks? Did they come with some ducks?

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  I, we could have. We stopped one time at a gas station. There were some ducks. I'm like, dude, I should line this thing up.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. My brother has a Jeep, but he got like, you know, they put the ducks in the front of your car. He had like six of them up there. And then one day he was having a bad day. It just was like getting in the car. I was like, why do I got these fucking ducks in here? And knocked them all off. They're still like on the bottom.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Just a, just a bad day ducks.

• 41:26Matt McCusker?

  I had to rent that Jeep and I like got there. Dude, car rental places, by the way, too, though you'll show up and I'm like, oh, I just need a car. And they're like, did you do a reservation? And they're, I was like, no, I just wanted to see if you guys have anything.

• 41:35Speaker 00

  Well, we don't have anything.

• 41:36Matt McCusker?

  We don't have anything. And then I, I'm like, but then I was, I had talked to Brittany before and she was like, oh, I already like, let me know. Cause I put it in the shopping cart. And I'm like, well, my wife was like, says you guys have like a Jeep Wrangler and like, yeah, we could do that for sixty nine ninety nine a day. I'm like, why did you, you just lied to my fucking face? But I, I let, that was just, I just went, you know what? Might have been arguing with this lady. I was like, yeah, I'll, I'll have that one then, since that is available. There was fucking forty Jeeps in line. I'm like, why did you tell me you don't have them?

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:58Matt McCusker?

  It was pretty nuts. They were trying to hit you.

• 42:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I forgot the, how shitty renting a car is.

• 42:01Matt McCusker?

  Oh, it's crazy.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  An airport and.

• 42:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh, my God.

• 42:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:04Matt McCusker?

  But it was the one, usually it's all like, you know, Brittany will take care of all that stuff. She didn't. That one time I was like, she's like, you should rent a car. I'm like, I'll be fine. I'll do Uber. Then I got there. I was like, I want to rent a car. And she's like, all right. Just, she's like, I'll do, I was like, I can fucking do it. It was like a child. I know how to do that. I get there and I'm like, right. Like she just doesn't have any fucking car. She's like, she's lying. There's one in my car. I was like, yeah, you have a Jeep.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  She's lying. That's great.

• 42:25Matt McCusker?

  And then, uh, and then I, she was like, I'm like doing all the paperwork stuff. And she's like, what's your, what kind of car insurance you have? And I was like, I have no idea. I was like, just skip all that stuff.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  Every single time I have to email my insurance company, be like, can you send me another card? Like, we did this a week ago. They're in your emails.

• 42:43Matt McCusker?

  Just send it now. It's too far.

• 42:45Speaker 00

  I can't. I don't know your name. I don't know anyone's name. I don't know how to find it in there.

• 42:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it almost makes it like you hear about all this facial recognition shit and part of me is kinda like whatever, man. If you can just scan my dumb face and get all my papers, that'd be great. I fucking, I can't stand that stuff.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:04Matt McCusker?

  Cause I told you when I went to get my license, it was uh, or transfer my tags to Texas here. The guy was just like, I was like, thought I was gonna be in and out. I'm like, here we go. And uh, the guy was like, yeah, your license got suspended in Connecticut. I'm like, that was like fucking 10 years ago. He's like, yeah, you missed the last payment. So now like, I can't do anything. And I was just like, I had to call Connecticut and I was just like,

• 43:26Matt McCusker?

  just full spaz. I didn't know what to do.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  I had to get Connecticut on the phone.

• 43:31Matt McCusker?

  It was impossible.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Getting, getting.

• 43:33Matt McCusker?

  It was impossible.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  Texas driver's license here.

• 43:35Matt McCusker?

  I called the Connecticut State Police. It was like, hello? I was like, dude. And they were just like, I don't know what to do for you. And I was like, well, that's your guys fault. You're telling me it's, it's fucking, I did it. I know I didn't pay it. I, I know I paid it.

• 43:52Matt McCusker?

  And then dude, then I spelled, they gave me my ID and it was M C space C U S K E R. I get home, I'm like, bang, got my ID. Brittany's like, why is there a gap between your letters? I'm like, who gives a fuck? And then she's like, no, it actually will affect stuff. I'm like, dude, will you shut up about this? And I went to apply for like some sort of thing and they're like, yeah, they rejected your ID.

• 44:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's uh, why when the, the, trying to get a Texas license took fucking forever. Took me, took me a year of going. I would go to the DMV sometimes. I'd be like, it's time for me to get this done today.

• 44:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  Drive 30 minutes outside of the city to try to find a shitty one that no one's at.

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  Chock full of Mexicans in there. Me and them are just getting IDs together. We're new Texas residents. They're like, the waitlist is uh, can you come back in six months? I'm like, alright, I'll be there. Sleep right through that. I have no idea. Like I should have put that in my calendar, April 6th, I gotta go there.

• 44:53Matt McCusker?

  Dude, every, every doctor's type appointment I go to, they go, okay, so when it'll be good for you, uh, how about six months from now? I go, perfect. And I just leave.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  Great, I'll definitely remember, yeah.

• 45:04Matt McCusker?

  I was at the gym recently and there was a chiropractor who like set up and I'm like, oh, I could, that'd be nice. It's like close to my house. I'll get it. And like I paid for an initial appointment. Never, the lady went to hand me her business card and I was like, I don't need your fucking business card. So I was telling Brittany, like, yo, I found this new chiropractor. It's gonna be awesome. And she was like, what's the name of the place? And I was like, I don't know. She's like, how are you gonna go to your appointment if you don't know the name of it? And I was like, oh, fuck. And I just, I just missed, I just paid for an appointment.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Never gone.

• 45:33Matt McCusker?

  And she'd be like, that's, you gotta stop doing that. I'm like, don't tell me, I don't give a fuck if I miss it or not. She's like, well, that's crazy that you pay for an appointment and you don't know where to go. And I was like, well, that's for me to worry about, not for you. Shut up.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  People with business cards can get fucked.

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  That's what I said. I'm like, I don't need your business card, but I don't.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  I'm tired of people handing me a fucking business card. It just is trash. I'm never gonna sit down and go, give me your number. Give me your fucking number. Type it in.

• 45:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, that was my bad though, not to verify the name of the business before. Cause I was like, I'll get an email, like an onboard email, be like, hey, you have an appointment. That's what I banked on, but no such luck. I got, I got a, yeah, down 65 books.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Did I tell?

• 46:12Matt McCusker?

  Fuck it.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  I'll crack your back.

• 46:14Matt McCusker?

  It's all good, yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  I'll do it for you.

• 46:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we'll make it back.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  I'll marry Nuru, you.

• 46:20Matt McCusker?

  Did I? True.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Nothing.

• 46:24Matt McCusker?

  You gotta fix my back. Did I tell you all about my, uh, my bar spares? This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  I like this.

• 46:34Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great, doesn't taste like a fistfight. Package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drink AG1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only,

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  get a free immune support bundle, including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drink AG1.com/secretpod. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 47:31Speaker 00

  Mint Mobile.

• 47:32Matt McCusker?

  Mint took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for 15 bucks a month.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  No gimmicks, no watches. You can even bring your current phone and your number. Go to mintmobile.com/drenched.

• 47:48Matt McCusker?

  Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB of hotspot. Capable devices required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 48:09Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I heard you always got.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:12Matt McCusker?

  I, uh, the, we were, I don't remember the name of the bar, but.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  Sorry, I was looking at your cup. Does it say Wondershosen?

• 48:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 00

  Who wrote that?

• 48:19Matt McCusker?

  That's just what the name of the drink is.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Wondershosen?

• 48:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  That's it?

• 48:23Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:23Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck yeah. That's a great, do you, do you remember that show?

• 48:25Matt McCusker?

  That's the Purple Dragon game, yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  Wondershosen was wild.

• 48:29Matt McCusker?

  I can't.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  What is Wondershosen?

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know.

• 48:31Speaker 00

  It's an old, like, MTV, like, fake kids' show that was like, there's a lot of really good stuff on there.

• 48:37Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:39Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 48:39Speaker 00

  Check it out.

• 48:40Matt McCusker?

  There's a lot of really good stuff in here.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  No, that's stupid.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  That's more like it. That's what I wanted. I wanted you to sit here and bomb.

• 48:53Speaker 00

  I want the comments to go nuts on you.

• 48:55Matt McCusker?

  Nate's on his Dr. Sebi shit right now. I'm trying to recover. I'm trying to get my poop back to like, normal green. Just normal green would be better than bright neon.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  That was the drag, bro.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  I'm alright.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  So what happened to the bar spaz? What happened?

• 49:14Speaker 02

  This is like 4 a.m. I prob- I might have overreacted a little bit, but I was saying something, I was... Why you laughing at me like that?

• 49:21Speaker 00

  You definitely overreacted.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  I overreacted, but dude was a dickie.

• 49:24Speaker 00

  So we went to a bar on Saturday that was about to close.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I heard.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  And the guy kept it open for us.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  And then when I left, and there was just a group of people there that were with me, he was ready, he was, you know what I mean? He was like, alright, it's...

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's go.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  We were supposed to be closed 3 hours ago.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  He never... It was like 4:30.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  I can't believe you guys stayed that late.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  Well, he, he kept drinking, he was giving out, well, it didn't happen to me, but he was giving other people there like free drinks. He was like in his own little, I think he got hammered while, like while we were there. And, uh, at some point, he, I forget, I'm talking to Chris Fagan, and he says something to me, and like, I wish I could remember what I said back, cause like not know what I said back makes it sound like I'm definitely the asshole. But he, he, he takes my beer and he goes, alright, you're done. And just like pours it out, like, man, look at me in the eyes, like I'm, like I'm a bitch.

• 50:13Matt McCusker?

  But you said something to him that you don't remember?

• 50:15Speaker 02

  I don't think I said anything crazy, I think I was like talking to Chris, and he just kinda came in like, hopping into what we were talking about, is how I remember.

• 50:22Matt McCusker?

  You hit him with a quiet piggy, probably.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Could have been a quiet piggy, I would, if I had to guess, it was homophobic or transphobic.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Ah, it might have been, I don't know.

• 50:32Matt McCusker?

  But he just came into the topic, and you were just kinda like...

• 50:35Speaker 02

  That's how I remember.

• 50:36Speaker 00

  Who do you think it was, Lamar?

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Uh, well, I, I was just waiting for the after the incident.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  It was like, yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, so after he poured the, poured the beer, it did, that did make me mad as hell. And I was like, what the fuck was that about? And then I like knocked the empty off, which I'm saying is a spaz. It is a spaz. It's a total spaz, uh, but then, then I, I wasn't...

• 50:56Speaker 00

  Glass shattered.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Glass definitely shattered.

• 51:00Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  But still, you look at somebody in the eyes and poured their beer out, like, that's, I'm out...

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:07Matt McCusker?

  Also, huge chance he had gone, hey guys... Wrap it up and got ignored seven times.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Did he do that? I don't think he did that.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  Cause also what was happening at that time is the regulars were there. He was like a lot of the regulars cause their bar was still open. They were like, oh shit, my bar's open. So they were, I think literally one of them said was like, we don't know who all these white people are, but we're happy.

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Regulars were, yeah. We're talking like third ward NOLA.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got you.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  Nate, those guys didn't show up until after you were like, me and fake, we're not leaving.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  No, they were there. Cause I saw him. I definitely saw. Cause like, I just, I think you were outside, but they were there. But yeah, after that happened, it was definitely like the locals at their bar.

• 51:50Speaker 00

  You got your black lady on.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Huh? I didn't get my black lady.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  You got your black lady on. You shattered it. You took something off the counter, threw it behind the counter.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  I didn't get my.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  Started screaming, oh, I'm not going anywhere.

• 52:00Speaker 00

  I've seen every Denny's video. When things go wrong, you start throwing plates and shit.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I did it. I just did a little bit. I just did a little bit of that.

• 52:09Speaker 00

  Nobody pours out my drink.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  No, but they weren't.

• 52:13Matt McCusker?

  Nate, they had you fucked up, man.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  They, they had me, they did have me fucked up. They did have me fucked up.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Laverne was trying to get out. And that was, it was because of how, you were trying to get like skedaddle, skedaddle. And I didn't like the way that felt. And that's what it was.

• 52:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, it's, they're about to fight you. You keep, you keep slurring at the bartender to his face.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  I didn't, I didn't, did I?

• 52:35Speaker 04

  Yes. You were dropping a lot. And I was like, bro, we gotta leave.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Hold on, he still poured his beer out. Looking in the eye and pouring your beer out is, is crazy. But, but then I, I did kind of peep dudes who started like positioning themselves in ways to like.

• 52:50Speaker 00

  Dreams.

• 52:53Speaker 00

  It's all part of a plan. You go, what are you fellas gonna do? Take me in the alley and rough me up?

• 53:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, right. None of you could wrestle me in the alley.

• 53:04Speaker 00

  You wish you got a wrestling match.

• 53:09Speaker 00

  I mean,

• 53:11Speaker 00

  I knew there's more to it. I knew it was, I knew it was obviously unruly. You break a glass.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  I was, I was a little, honestly, I didn't, I, there was.

• 53:19Speaker 00

  If I was there, I would have joined their side. I said, let's get them, fellas.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Wait, let me, let me, let me tell you.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  I would have come up behind you going.

• 53:28Matt McCusker?

  So after you smashed the glass, what was, what was the next move?

• 53:32Speaker 02

  So I start people that there's like, like, people starting to eye me in the bar, like, like staring at me and like getting a little closer and shit. And I saw one of them and I, he was looking at me. I just went over to talk to him. I was like, I'mma just fucking figure it out. I was like, and I, I said what happened. I talked about the like, you know, staring me in the eyes, pouring the beer out, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, he kinda just was like, ah, yeah, that's fucked up. And he probably knew that like, he, this guy was hammered. They know, you know, it's their bar. They also know that he probably like, they know he can be a dickhead and just smoothed it over. He dap me up. He was like, all good. And like, follow me on Instagram.

• 54:08Matt McCusker?

  He followed you on Instagram?

• 54:10Speaker 02

  I'm like, for real?

• 54:11Speaker 00

  I knew you guys got, yeah.

• 54:13Matt McCusker?

  It was probably, it was probably that. Who's that guy on Instagram right now? The, um, the guy with no front teeth? He's always talking about juicy booties.

• 54:22Matt McCusker?

  It's probably Fleech Johnson.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  Don't worry about it, young blood.

• 54:27Speaker 00

  You talking about the guy who?

• 54:29Matt McCusker?

  He probably heard you fart at the bar. I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, that's a juicy booty.

• 54:33Speaker 00

  That's a wet mussy.

• 54:37Matt McCusker?

  That's nice. So you shut the bar down. You left, you left on your terms. You went, we're fucking good, right?

• 54:41Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  No, it got, it gets worse.

• 54:43Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  So I did try to squash, I squashed with everybody like around me that I, that was, you know.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  Man, I would love to have seen that.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  He was like, ah, you know, we're good, right? Yeah, we're good. Look, we're all friends. What's your Instagram?

• 54:58Speaker 00

  They were probably like, man, get this weird fucking guy out of here.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  What, what really, what happened, what happened was I, I forget who else was there, but somebody else was like, nah, he's, I think other people who were there was like, nah, he's, he's not like this. He's, this was, you know, this is a little out of character for him. He's not a dickhead, blah, blah. And that's what the guy said to me. He was like, everybody here saying you're cool. You, you know, you know, that type of shit. And then I went to the bartender to apologize because I was like, you know, I did knock the thing down. Like, you know, the glass shit that I went to was like, yo, my bad. Maybe we had a misunderstanding with that beer pouring out thing, but I didn't mean to do all that. He was like, no, you saw my boys and then you coming around you and then you got scared.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  Ooh.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  And like, and then I was like, no, I didn't get scared. I'm just trying to do the right thing now and apologize to you. I'll die in this bar. I started, I like, and then that's when La Mer was trying to get me out. He was like, come on Nate, you gotta go. And eventually I was like.

• 55:51Matt McCusker?

  You had the 504 boys on you.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  I mean, that's a bad place to do that.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. And I, like, I wasn't saying it like, kill me in this bar. I was saying it like, no, I'm not scared.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  No, I didn't. I don't even talk like that.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  Bro, you literally.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  I said, I'll die in here.

• 56:08Speaker 00

  You were like, I'm dying here, they're gonna have to kill me to get me out of here.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I don't think I said that. I don't, I think La Mer is lying on me right now. La Mer was.

• 56:16Speaker 00

  You were close to saying exactly that until.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  But I, but I do think I said what I said.

• 56:20Matt McCusker?

  What were you saying this whole time?

• 56:22Speaker 00

  I was saying, Nate, we need to fucking go. It's time to go.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  He was trying to get out of here.

• 56:26Speaker 00

  Why are you spending money at a bar where the guy doesn't like you?

• 56:30Speaker 02

  I, I didn't.

• 56:30Matt McCusker?

  That's actually a good appeal to a drunk brain.

• 56:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, fuck him, I'll show it, motherfucker.

• 56:37Matt McCusker?

  What was, what was the takeaway? That's the, that's the most important, what's the takeaway?

• 56:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, what'd you learn?

• 56:43Speaker 02

  Not a goddamn, not a goddamn thing.

• 56:47Matt McCusker?

  That's bullshit.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  That whole night, you had been talking about Christian Ronaldo the entire night. And I go, oh, this guy sounds amazing.

• 56:53Speaker 00

  I, you didn't learn anything. I, that, I don't like your behavior.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  I, I'm not.

• 56:58Speaker 00

  I would be annoyed.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  I was all.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  If I was the bartender.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  I mean, I was doing, I made some mistakes, but then I still tried to make it right in all the right ways.

• 57:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, but after you saw his boys show up and he was right again, he, that was.

• 57:12Matt McCusker?

  Sean, Sean told me at one point, you got up, you went, you know who the fuck I do a podcast with?

• 57:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  Do you have any idea who my podcast partner is?

• 57:21Speaker 00

  I heard they poured out the drink because you tried to coyote ugly.

• 57:26Speaker 00

  He got over and said, "Let's go, girls."

• 57:31Speaker 00

  You tried to twerk on the bar and they said, "Get him the fuck out of here."

• 57:35Speaker 02

  Smashing the glass is sick. It is too much. It is too much. It's not, I really didn't, I don't think I was expecting it to like fall and shatter. I wasn't thinking that. I just was like, "Come on, oh, ah, shit."

• 57:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Now we done done it.

• 57:47Matt McCusker?

  Clear the counter.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. But pulling out, I'm pulling off like not getting my ass whooped. I am pretty happy. Like, I'm kind of proud of that because they-

• 57:55Speaker 00

  You survived. That would have been a rough one.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  It would have been a, it would have been a, I'd have been hospitalized.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  4 a.m. in New Orleans.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Especially after I'm ready to die and as soon as, soon as like someone cracks-

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  Stop, stop!

• 58:07Speaker 02

  You guys are fucking, fucking kidding me? You're really, it's a misunderstanding? I don't really want to die when you say that! That would have sucked.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  I mean, when we got out of the Uber to go into the bar, I was like, "This is a real place."

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:20Speaker 00

  This is the real, this is a-

• 58:22Speaker 02

  Real deal.

• 58:22Speaker 00

  This is the Wild West. We're gonna have to act right.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  You're gonna have to be polite.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:29Speaker 00

  It was nice. Yeah, it was a good time. I'm just saying, when we pulled up, it was- I don't remember. It was black as hell.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  You couldn't be acting a fool.

• 58:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  They were what?

• 58:40Speaker 04

  They played a lot of Usher across the street. That's how black it was.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was very black.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  Across, what was going on across the street?

• 58:47Speaker 00

  It was like a, it's like a club.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Okay, it was a club.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  Dance club.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  It was ripping Usher, yeah. Yeah, true.

• 58:55Speaker 00

  Those are the only places you could hear like Usher and Chris Brown. It's like a black dance club.

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:01Speaker 00

  Certainly.

• 59:03Matt McCusker?

  Although, yeah, I feel like if you're at a true bar in the hood, it'd be plastic cups everywhere. There would be no glass to smash. Lot of plastic cups going on.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, we did have bottles. I didn't even think about that.

• 59:14Matt McCusker?

  There's a lot of pla- when I used to go to the bars in West, there, there was like bars-

• 59:17Speaker 00

  No, it definitely wasn't like that. It wasn't like that hood. No.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Okay, I should go to bars-

• 59:21Speaker 00

  But the patrons-

• 59:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  Visibly guys you don't want to bother.

• 59:26Matt McCusker?

  Were they grown and sexy?

• 59:28Speaker 00

  Nah. They were not grown and sexy, but they were.

• 59:32Matt McCusker?

  Nah.

• 59:33Speaker 00

  They look like 17, the war vets.

• 59:36Matt McCusker?

  I saw you were like a little nether realm, basically.

• 59:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, you just, I would, I can't even imagine doing that.

• 59:41Matt McCusker?

  Wasn't for messing, yeah, it wasn't for messing around.

• 59:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:44Matt McCusker?

  So I used to go, there was like bars, when I went to school at Drexel in West Philly that would serve, like you could be a baby and they'd be like, yeah, whatever. And I just vividly remember only ever drinking out of clear plastic cups. You know, like, fuck, this place is the best bar I've ever been to. I've been to two bars, this is my favorite whatever. Two for one shot night.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  That's exactly how I am. I mean, still, that's still my favorite bar. I go to the bar I worked at when I was 21. Every, yeah.

• 1:00:08Matt McCusker?

  This is the best. There is, I will say, there is something so fun about walking into a bar, pretty much stone sober, and then just kind of really digging in for like hours at a bar stool.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:20Matt McCusker?

  It's so nice.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  Talk about clocking in.

• 1:00:22Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 1:00:22Speaker 00

  Putting in a real shift.

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  Putting in a real shift in a bar.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  We put in this, one of the strongest shifts at, uh, in Chicago, the day after Oasis. Me, Billy.

• 1:00:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you guys dug it.

• 1:00:34Speaker 00

  Me, Billy, Spud, and Egot put in a monster shift.

• 1:00:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 00

  It was really nice.

• 1:00:39Matt McCusker?

  That's fun.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  Egot had to skedaddle because the beers were looking.

• 1:00:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  They were calling him.

• 1:00:44Matt McCusker?

  That's, that is, that would absolutely kill me.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  Spud's willing to put in a shift. I was surprised at how willing Billy was to put in a shift.

• 1:00:49Matt McCusker?

  Put in the shift?

• 1:00:51Speaker 00

  It was a great shift.

• 1:00:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:52Speaker 00

  People love to change bars.

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  Nah, it's nice to dig in for a while.

• 1:00:57Speaker 00

  You go, we sit at this table, we talk, then it got a little, guys at the next table were like, you guys want some blow? And it was like, shift's over.

• 1:01:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're out, clocking out.

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  Cause that's how, that's where you get those overtime hours.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  That's the night crew coming in.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Matt McCusker?

  It's guy, we're day crew.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  You got it.

• 1:01:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was my, it was my favorite thing. When I used to get, work for an electrician, we would get paid in a bar in cash every Friday. That was a big thing. He'd be like, we're digging in. We're gonna dig in the whole, basically like most of the company would just sit at that bar.

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  You even talking about a shift is firing me. I love it, dude. I'm going to Westchester this weekend, I'll be putting in a shift. Saturday, college football, Notre Dame at 3:30, that's shift time.

• 1:01:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, true. The whistle's going, "Woo!"

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. I got my lunch pill. I got my lunch pill.

• 1:01:44Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a sick bar if you could just sit on iron beams.

• 1:01:48Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  Like four feet up, have a little lunch pail and they give you your drinks and you can pretend you're an iron worker in the 1920s.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Matt McCusker?

  I'm reading a, speaking of, uh, infrastructure in the 1920s, I'm reading a book right now called, uh, The Titan by Theodore Dreiser, whatever Dreiser, whatever his name is. And it's all about like the robber baron age of like 1890 to 1920. But it's a guy from Philadelphia who does some white collar financial crime, goes to jail, but still has like, you know, a cool million bucks. And then he goes out to Chicago to like really ramp up his, it's just him and his mistress. He just abandons his family with his mistress, goes to Chicago and just starts monopolizing like gas works and railroads and shit. So fucking.

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 1:02:31Matt McCusker?

  It's all about like 19, I, anything like turn of the 20th century, high society, the, the vernacular is so fucking funny. They all just attack each other and it's, it's the best.

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. Like, uh, great cats.

• 1:02:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's very. He's, they go quite so.

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  That's, uh, also the sun also rises is very like that.

• 1:02:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:53Speaker 00

  Like, uh, yeah.

• 1:02:55Matt McCusker?

  I just love.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  They just hate each other. They all went to Ivy League. They're all like, he thinks he's a good fighter. He's a Jew.

• 1:03:02Matt McCusker?

  It's exactly that.

• 1:03:02Speaker 00

  He's like, I'll tell you what, that Jew can fight. I wouldn't want to try him.

• 1:03:06Matt McCusker?

  That man's rotten from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.

• 1:03:09Speaker 00

  I'm about to try this on for size and he socked him right in the jaw. They made up.

• 1:03:14Matt McCusker?

  And like, dude, they're, uh, his wife like bucks, cause he's just completely, he has not, he's like non-stop mistresses. He's constantly like, he'll like meet a guy. He'd be like, I had noticed, I knew his child when she was in younger years and she turned into a beautiful woman. So I decided to bed her in the parlor. It was my business associate, but whatever. That's not, none of his business anyway. And dude, the, uh, at one point his wife obviously gets wise to one of his, or is, well, he marries his mistress as his wife now and she gets wise to it and she just attacks the lady. And he just comes into like, sorry, he's like talking about how he's just, obviously like he's like, so hold still. He's like, you've lost your mind. You've lost your mind. What are you doing? It's like that back then, he's like, he could have just committed. He could have fully been like centered to the institution.

• 1:03:58Matt McCusker?

  But at one point, the guy was just like thinking about it and he goes, he had to like hold her down and he was just like, in an elder day, I could have choked her to death and sewn her up in a burlap sack and thrown her in the river.

• 1:04:11Matt McCusker?

  It's so funny to be like a three piece suit and like in elder times, I could choke this woman and kill her.

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  On the, on the way, on the ride back, uh, I had, everyone had fell asleep when I was driving. So I put on post, uh, post office by, uh, Bukowski and it was like out of nowhere to be just like talking about, you know, going on his route. And then this lady, he just like,

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's a good scene.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  It was, it was real uncomfortable because Shaw's ladies in the car. So I don't know why that made it worse, but it was like a woman in the car listening to that. He was like, I didn't see that coming.

• 1:04:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, he got sucked by a nasty old one?

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:04:48Speaker 00

  Wait, which one already jacks off?

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  No, he took a lady.

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  And, and he was like, he was like, I finished her off and then I left. It's like, damn.

• 1:04:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. I had this guy's posters on my wall.

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. Bukowski's not great.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. That, that would call me off guard. Usually he's just drinking and fighting.

• 1:05:07Speaker 00

  Oh, it's the post office. All right. Yeah.

• 1:05:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, those guys, they, they really let it air out. Yeah. Now it's like, uh, you don't have any strong women of color in your book. And then out back then it'd be like, I fucking killed that lady.

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. This is based on my life. Yeah. One time on my post office route, I saw a lady that kind of insinuated to have sex. I went inside and raped her and, uh, anyway, then I got hammered and fist fought another guy.

• 1:05:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, those dudes are wilding out for sure.

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. How are we doing on this?

• 1:05:33Matt McCusker?

  I think we're good.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  I think it's time for the Patreon.

• 1:05:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:05:35Speaker 00

  I have so many salacious stories.

• 1:05:37Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, yeah.

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  I mean, this is nothing but headlines right now.

• 1:05:40Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:05:42Matt McCusker?

  Dirty gossip.