Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 799: A Regular Human Footballman About this episode While we’re busy busting out of snow-bound homes with our five-pound mattocks, we’re also swinging solid advice about duck detectives, the world of shoe-shines, and fancy hand-squished burgers.
Suggested Talking Points: A Murder Most Fowl, We Use All Parts of the Joke, Non-American Burgers, Hot Palm on the Griddle, Must Be the Funny
Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/
Transcript 10,182 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody. Welcome. My brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:14 Travis McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis Big Dog Wolf of the Rocket McElroy.
1:19 Griffin McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me. I was so distracted by the Rocket. Sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.
1:26 Travis McElroy? That's how he gets you. That's how the Rocket gets you. You get distracted by a Rocket, then boom, 130 mile per hour fastball.
1:33 Griffin McElroy? Yes, that's it. So I've noticed that you've tried working in like quite a bit of pitching and fast throwing, kind of like terminology into your honorifics. And I want to applaud you for that. I think it's really good. I think there's a lot of really good nicknames associated with being a professional baseball pitcher. And I think you've hit on a lot of them. I'd love to just be Randy Johnson.
1:58 Travis McElroy? Do you mean the big unit?
1:59 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh. Can I, Travis, please? I feel like I have to ask you if I can.
2:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you can be the big unit.
2:05 Griffin McElroy? Fuck yeah. Um, there was a generation.
2:07 Travis McElroy? Can we all agree too, by the way, that if you're Randy Johnson and they start calling you the big unit?
2:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:14 Travis McElroy? You're like, oh my God, guys, thank you.
2:16 Griffin McElroy? Guys, thank you so much.
2:17 Travis McElroy? So much. And it's like, oh, cause you're really tall. No, no, no, no, no. But it also makes it sound like I have a huge dong.
2:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:23 Travis McElroy? And I love that. Thank you guys so much.
2:25 Griffin McElroy? Here comes Sammy massive wiener Sosa. And he's like, wow, thanks, guys. I'm just hitting home runs out here. That's crazy that you think that.
2:35 Travis McElroy? Part of the appeal, I think, is that we were our, our age of guy was raised on this generation of film. This I'm almost tempted to think of as a subgenre in hindsight. Where apparently we went to every like middle aged, white screenwriter dude.
2:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:50 Travis McElroy? And said, hey, what do you most want to write a movie about? And he's like, I think a magical baseball kid.
2:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:55 Travis McElroy? Cause there's like, there's like eight magical baseball kid movies that came out within six months of each other. And it really did shape a generation of kids who want to grow up to be a magical baseball kid.
3:06 Travis McElroy? There were at least two movies in which a full blown, like nine year old child either became the star pitcher of a team or owner of a team. And we as a society went, yes.
3:20 Griffin McElroy? We also had interest in outfield. It became so that if I was taken to a sports film, I went to see, I go to see Little Giants.
3:28 Travis McElroy? Mm hmm.
3:29 Griffin McElroy? My boy, Tricky Dick Moranis. And I'm in there and I'm watching it.
3:33 Travis McElroy? Love to get Rick on the show, by the way.
3:35 Griffin McElroy? Love, holy shit, what I get. I would be at the credits of the film crying in the theater and daddy would be like, why are you crying? I'd be like, cause none of the kids got powers. I, I can't. Rudy, it's like, I've seen this exact guy do magic stuff before. But you're telling me he's not okay. He's not a small magic.
3:56 Travis McElroy? Pirate gold and then he was just a football man?
3:58 Griffin McElroy? He's just a foot, a regular human football player. What's he doing? Running and tackling? Cool.
4:05 Travis McElroy? One time.
4:05 Griffin McElroy? No.
4:07 Travis McElroy? We watched the whole movie. Rudy plays about one minute of football. Come on.
4:11 Griffin McElroy? You don't get, I hope you guys don't watch that movie hoping to get to watch Sam Aston play or Sean Aston play football or Sam Aston. It doesn't happen that much.
4:21 Travis McElroy? Whoever that is, I hate to see him. This is a, this is a, um, this has been a, a, a long few days here in the house. I haven't been able to technically leave.
4:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:34 Travis McElroy? This building that I'm in with the children. Sydney hiked to her parents' house today. So she could ride down in her dad's big car.
4:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:44 Travis McElroy? To, to Harmony.
4:45 Griffin McElroy? God, you're so fucking lucky to have a father-in-law with a big car. That's the dream, dude.
4:49 Travis McElroy? That's true. So cool. I want to ask you, how you guys have been holding up? Cause yesterday, Griffin, you said something that honestly, I meant to mention yesterday. It's been stuck in my head and Travis and I started talking about it before the show. Before we started doing McElroy Family Clubhouse, it's the last Tuesday every month at noon. Before we started doing that yesterday, you came on and said, sorry, guys, I just shoveled my, my snow for 15 minutes.
5:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:12 Travis McElroy? And I'm more tired than I've ever been in my entire life.
5:15 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
5:15 Travis McElroy? And I just wanted to see if you are doing okay.
5:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Have you guys played Minecraft?
5:22 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
5:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. I was looking at pickaxe inventory in the like, in my walkable kind of like hardware store options. Because that's what I need. The snow became turbo snow that froze and refroze so many times that is hard like rocks. And I need a pickaxe or perhaps a matic, as they're sometimes called now that I know after shopping for one. Uh, and I think I'm going to get out there with a five pound matic and smash this stuff apart because it's the.
5:57 Travis McElroy? If you do not film that, we're not brothers anymore. I need high-res glossy video of you. Uh, sorry.
6:07 Griffin McElroy? I'll be honest, I've never.
6:08 Travis McElroy? A matic, you say? A matic?
6:10 Griffin McElroy? I've never used a pickaxe before. I've never even attempted.
6:14 Travis McElroy? No, listen. No, listen. That doesn't, wait, hold on, girl. That doesn't seem right.
6:19 Griffin McElroy? I'm almost 40. I'm almost 40. There's a lot of.
6:23 Travis McElroy? And you're you.
6:24 Griffin McElroy? And there's a lot of actions I can like imagine what it's like to do them with my body, right? I've never done a cartwheel, but I can, I think I know what it would be. I have no idea what to expect. I may not even, this may be a Mjolnir situation where I cannot even get this bad boy over my head.
6:42 Travis McElroy? My, my suspicion would be that in the full range of motion that it takes to swing a pickaxe, one of those muscles has never been used before.
6:51 Griffin McElroy? Guaranteed.
6:52 Travis McElroy? And has basically atrophied to dust. And like upon its first use will just bing.
6:57 Travis McElroy? It's possible Griffin, your arms will fly off like a child's toy.
7:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:02 Travis McElroy? Where the child has maybe overestimated the poseability of the action figures.
7:07 Travis McElroy? You'll just be leaking Stretch Armstrong goop out of your elbows.
7:13 Travis McElroy? Just hear a rubber band snap in there somewhere.
7:17 Griffin McElroy? And it couldn't.
7:17 Travis McElroy? God, mom, he swung in the axe and it sounded like a ball of tinfoil just creaking up.
7:23 Griffin McElroy? But there's no way, guys, for me to privately practice this incredibly intimate act. I'm going out on my front yard.
7:30 Travis McElroy? Everybody's kid's got a foam diamond pickaxe from Minecraft, right? You can get in there, take a few practice.
7:35 Griffin McElroy? It's not gonna be the same. This thing is heavy and sharp and I'm lifting it way up over my head and then I swing it down hard.
7:43 Travis McElroy? Then Griffin, you gotta go full bore first time. I want you in a hard hat.
7:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:49 Travis McElroy? I want you like jumpsuiting.
7:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:52 Travis McElroy? I want you singing like a coal mining song.
7:56 Griffin McElroy? If I get more than one hit in, if I, yes, if I get two to three hits in and I get into like the rhythm, then it'll be like.
8:04 Travis McElroy? Born a fool that winter gale is gonna get the cubes and I make them nice.
8:10 Travis McElroy? Okay, now wait a minute.
8:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:12 Travis McElroy? What if it like activates something? Cause you come from the hills. Your blood is from those Appalachian hills. You've got coal in there.
8:20 Griffin McElroy? I just slurred in your blood. I just redid my whole office and it took a long time. I can't get the bug now to become a.
8:30 Travis McElroy? Mining bug.
8:31 Griffin McElroy? I can't become a, um, a, um, a findin miner down there when I've just redone my whole office. I'm not gonna be in here.
8:40 Travis McElroy? This is what, I think this is the fear, right? You, you chip your car out with the medic.
8:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:45 Travis McElroy? And you're like, fuck.
8:47 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
8:47 Travis McElroy? Yes, that's awesome.
8:48 Griffin McElroy? Oh, don't get me wrong, guys. Also, also, time out.
8:50 Travis McElroy? You just.
8:51 Griffin McElroy? There is a part, there's a part of me that thinks when I smash this big thing into little chunks and hurl them out of the way of my cart, that's gonna feel also a real good.
8:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but you keep going, man. You hit submit and you keep going.
9:03 Griffin McElroy? Keep pounding, keep pounding, keep pounding.
9:04 Travis McElroy? Keep going. You're a miner now.
9:06 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
9:06 Travis McElroy? That's how anybody starts. You know what I mean?
9:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:09 Travis McElroy? I heard, don't put it in front of you.
9:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:12 Travis McElroy? When you already have it, you know, like, that's just.
9:15 Griffin McElroy? I had a fiber optic, I had a fiber optic wa- wire. No problem, baby.
9:19 Travis McElroy? You're mining for JPEGs now.
9:21 Griffin McElroy? Did you guys know about fiber optic wires in the ground that if like a construction crew hits one of those, they're like, well, that's gonna cost like $200,000 to fit. It's like the biggest uh-oh accident that you can make in this life is being a construction person or an excavator of some sort, and you look down in the pit and you see little t- little fiber optic cable. It's like, oh, I'm ruined. Shoot, dang, I hit the cursed pipe. And now my life is financially in shambles.
9:50 Travis McElroy? It's the opposite of oil.
9:52 Griffin McElroy? It is, yeah.
9:53 Travis McElroy? It's like, it's an inverse. It's sucking the value away.
9:56 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
9:57 Travis McElroy? Through the pipes.
9:58 Griffin McElroy? It's like if the Beverly Hillbillies hit a fiber optic cable and instead of getting to go to Beverly Hills, they had to go underground, they had to go underground to hide.
10:06 Travis McElroy? Griff, what's your plan? What's your plan for getting to the Maddox store?
10:10 Griffin McElroy? So there is a hardware store that is up a hill from our house. The hill is a slippery and a slidey, but the good news is I have two.
10:19 Travis McElroy? Let's that out. What's your net, what's your plan B?
10:21 Griffin McElroy? I have two small Maddox. Now, these are too small to use on the thing, but I can.
10:28 Travis McElroy? Have you thought about?
10:29 Griffin McElroy? Petons to go up the hill, yeah.
10:31 Travis McElroy? Call ahead to the hardware store.
10:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
10:35 Travis McElroy? Pay them over the phone and just have them slide the Maddox down the hill.
10:38 Griffin McElroy? I had that thought, Travis, but again, it is a sharp, five-pound shard of straight steel. And this thing coming at me at terminal velocity.
10:48 Travis McElroy? Tough as hell.
10:50 Griffin McElroy? It's super, super duper tough. This thing could put a hole right in me. I can't wait to become.
10:55 Travis McElroy? Griffin, the awe with which you're speaking about the, the beloved weight five pounds. Let's be honest, maybe you haven't even engaged with a lot of.
11:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, coming down at you, coming down the hill at you.
11:07 Travis McElroy? Five big pounds.
11:09 Griffin McElroy? You think, you think it's gonna be a grounder. If it hits a pebble, hops up in the air and beds itself in my head. And that's how I always knew I'd go out that way. I thought by leaving the hills, it would become less likely.
11:22 Travis McElroy? They may not even want that liability of chucking, chucking pickaxe.
11:25 Griffin McElroy? Here's my next question. I use this pickaxe to smash out my driveway to get free. And I keep going down a little bit and I destroy a fiber optic cable. What do I do with the five pound pickaxe now? Where do I put that in my house?
11:37 Travis McElroy? Uh, you need to get a big rock in your lawn that you kind of bury, like wedge it into.
11:43 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
11:44 Travis McElroy? So it's there in case of another mining emergency.
11:47 Griffin McElroy? There's every possibility. That is what's gonna happen when I try to dig out my driveway. Is that it will get embedded in the ice outside and then I will, it'll be out there in it then. Then it belongs to whoever's brave enough.
11:59 Travis McElroy? My little brother who I love very much, I love that your worry is you'll strike the ice too good. That it will bury the pickaxe too deep in it to be removed.
12:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, I think that represents poor pickaxe technique. I don't think you're supposed to get it so deep in that you can't pull it out.
12:16 Travis McElroy? I guess my bigger worry if I were you would be that my pickaxe would glance off the ice, embed itself into the front of my car. Straight through, I don't know, the radiator or the engine or whatever.
12:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, wow, that would be cool.
12:29 Travis McElroy? My basic, my basic rule for, for tool use is this, Griffin.
12:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:33 Travis McElroy? Think about the cool way you think a tool was supposed to be used.
12:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:36 Travis McElroy? And it's probably not like that. It's probably a little bit different than that, right?
12:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:40 Travis McElroy? So like with a soldering iron, you think that you would just get in there and start glooping it around, but no, no, no, you're supposed to heat things up.
12:48 Griffin McElroy? So fucking disappointing, this first soldering iron.
12:50 Travis McElroy? You're probably supposed to like use the edge of the matic to like grad it, you know what I mean? Like you hit it with a, it's probably not even the fun way.
12:57 Griffin McElroy? I've played so much Minecraft, when you mine into a tree, which first of all, I don't think I can do that. I don't think I can use my matic to smash up a tree or a wall in my house. Maybe I could actually do that. But when you go at it in Minecraft, it's like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. There's no fucking way, man. This thing's huge and heavy. It's pumping out like that. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I don't think so.
13:17 Travis McElroy? Not at first. Where do you need to go?
13:22 Travis McElroy? To the dramatic door.
13:24 Griffin McElroy? Can I tell?
13:25 Travis McElroy? Sorry, I'm trying to underline in my head, can you hear? Where do you need to go?
13:29 Griffin McElroy? Right. You're saying like, why do I need to dig out my driveway so bad that I'm gonna go buy a pickaxe?
13:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
13:35 Griffin McElroy? I don't know, man. I just got the, I just got the jitters. I don't know.
13:38 Travis McElroy? Just got, just got the bug.
13:40 Travis McElroy? I know what your job is. I'm your boss.
13:41 Griffin McElroy? I think it's from when we lived in Austin and got snowed in super bad when Rachel was eight months pregnant and the whole city was like, we don't know what to do. It's fucking, it's so cold.
13:51 Travis McElroy? Never thought this would come.
13:52 Griffin McElroy? This hard rain has flummoxed us.
13:55 Travis McElroy? I had to go out.
13:56 Travis McElroy? Everybody has faith in society till it fails them, right? A tree fell on my house one time and then I get real, I get real antsy around trees.
14:03 Griffin McElroy? You actually.
14:04 Travis McElroy? I get real skittish about trees.
14:06 Travis McElroy? I had to go out. I had to make a journey out yesterday.
14:08 Griffin McElroy? Where'd you go?
14:09 Travis McElroy? Oh, did you?
14:10 Travis McElroy? I had to ship some stuff and participating, participating.
14:13 Travis McElroy? I thought you were.
14:15 Griffin McElroy? I had to shit and I couldn't.
14:16 Travis McElroy? You're about to have to go out to the outhouse.
14:17 Travis McElroy? I had to shit and I don't do that at home.
14:19 Travis McElroy? And I can't do it, Teresa. I gotta go, man.
14:21 Travis McElroy? I can't do that at home. It's where my kids live.
14:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:24 Travis McElroy? No, I had to go ship some stuff. I'm participating in Project for Awesome. And I'm gonna be on the live stream and I made some 3D printed wooden ducks that I signed.
14:33 Griffin McElroy? That's great.
14:34 Travis McElroy? I signed them from me and from Magnus. And.
14:37 Griffin McElroy? That's cute.
14:38 Travis McElroy? I had to ship them and the whole way I'm driving there with the open box next to it because I had the seal yet thinking if I get into a car accident right now and thirty little ducks.
14:49 Griffin McElroy? Binwa Blanc to figure out what the fuck was going on in that.
14:55 Travis McElroy? The day before was a level three like snow emergency where we, I would have been arrested for being out on the road. And the next day I'm like, super cool. Time to get these ducks in flight. Go ducks, go.
15:07 Griffin McElroy? Let me hit you with this. Let me hit you with this. Binwa Blanc picks it up, sees Travis's dead body in this car, surrounded by many wooden ducks. He picks it up. Looks like we've got ourselves a murder most foul. And then the name of the movie be called a murder most foul, Arian Johnson.
15:25 Travis McElroy? Mystery.
15:25 Travis McElroy? He picks up a duck and he goes, I think I quacked with a case.
15:29 Travis McElroy? That's cool. Wait, duck, duck, exclamation point. Yeah. A murder most foul. A knife's out mystery.
15:38 Travis McElroy? And he sees one of the forensics like grabbing my butt and he's like, duck, duck, goose. Hey, leave that dead body by the alone.
15:48 Travis McElroy? That's cool. That was the last one. You got, you scraped some rust off with that. So we should move forward. A little bit extra under the rest. I'm glad you did that, Travis. Thank you. We use all parts of the joke.
15:58 Travis McElroy? You can put it on my bill.
16:00 Travis McElroy? That's cool, dude.
16:03 Travis McElroy? Awesome.
16:06 Travis McElroy? All right. Shake his tail feather. We got a crime to solve.
16:09 Travis McElroy? I do have to poke a hole in the premise a little bit. I don't think they call Benoit Blanc into solve car accidents.
16:20 Travis McElroy? What could have stopped this size of a vehicle? What could have stopped? There's a destroyed vehicle in the middle of the road, tire tracks leading away. God damn it. Well, what could have done? What kind of huge gorilla? Is there an escaped gorilla from the zoo that made of?
16:37 Travis McElroy? He was Googling, who was that guy in that movie trailer that one time? Could that be a clue?
16:46 Travis McElroy? What if he looks up? He's like, he looks dead pit to camera. He's like, oh my God, bear is driving.
16:52 Travis McElroy? How can this be? How could this be?
16:55 Travis McElroy? I am at the airport. There is a massage chair right by my gate. I've had a pretty exhausting trip and I'd love to loosen things up a bit before I get on the long flight home. Is it weird to use a massage chair at an airport? If I do use it, what is the appropriate level of satisfying noises I can make before it gets weird?
17:18 Griffin McElroy? That's from boarding pass to bliss from Cape Coral, Florida.
17:23 Travis McElroy? I don't think it's weird.
17:23 Griffin McElroy? And the shared massage chair continues to be one of the weirdest, like
17:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
17:29 Griffin McElroy? unforced errors as a society that we continue to invite on ourselves. It's this incredible little dance.
17:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
17:36 Griffin McElroy? That we've just squirreled away in some of our most vulnerable moments.
17:40 Travis McElroy? I think, okay, here's my pitch, boys. You tell me what you think about it. You are allowed to use it. It's not weird to use it. If the entire time you're in it, you appear, one, anxious to get out of it, and two, thoroughly uncomfortable.
17:56 Griffin McElroy? You think that's okay?
17:58 Travis McElroy? I think if you're in it and it's clearly like, I got in it, but only until they call my name and I'm springing out of this, even there's five minutes left on this chair. I do not enjoy this.
18:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, can you also, could you just look around and be like, can I get out yet, guys? Like yell that to everyone nearby. Maybe you're yelling at some friends who dared you to get in the chair. People see that. They're like, he doesn't want to fucking be in there.
18:19 Travis McElroy? If I see that, though, I'm gonna, see, I make judgment calls if I see people sitting in the massage chair and it is clearly activating, doing its special thing. I look at their face and if they're enjoying it, I assume they paid for it. If they're looking like it's like, uh, kind of annoying, I assume someone else paid for it and left and then they sat on a moving chair. They swooped in, but they don't wanna, they wanna act like, uh, this isn't what I wanted, but like secretly like, oh, baby.
18:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, they're loving it. Um, if you have a business suit on and you're like on your BlackBerry while you're doing it, I'm like, that's cool. That person needs some tending to so they can get back to like the huge important deal that they're working on right now. I think, I think massage chair as professional device, I think is, is actually a pretty cool look.
19:12 Travis McElroy? Could you bring it all the way around? Where you kick off your shoes, you put on a robe, maybe some cucumber slices? Right? A little face peel.
19:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:25 Travis McElroy? And you get in it? You charge it up for an hour and a half?
19:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:31 Travis McElroy? What's, what's weirder, the massage chairs at the airport or the shoe shine guys at the airport?
19:37 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
19:37 Travis McElroy? Nothing makes me feel like there is another world. There's a whole other thing happening when, except when I see the shoe shine guys at the airport. Cause I see a guy doing the shoe shines.
19:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:48 Travis McElroy? I see a guy getting the shoe shines. Sometimes both those guys are younger than me.
19:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:53 Travis McElroy? Sometimes both of those guys are older. So I don't think it's something that I'm eventually gonna find out about.
19:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:58 Travis McElroy? How this happens.
19:59 Griffin McElroy? It's not.
20:00 Travis McElroy? How we get into this circle?
20:01 Travis McElroy? Can I tell you what?
20:02 Travis McElroy? I don't know how.
20:02 Travis McElroy? Justin, what gets me is sometimes I, I have some nice leather boots that I enjoy wearing. Sometimes when I travel, the shoe shine person is never on duty. When I'm wearing the shoes.
20:14 Travis McElroy? It's not for you though.
20:15 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
20:16 Travis McElroy? It would be for you. Right?
20:18 Travis McElroy? I thought about getting it, but then I thought, how long do I stand by the shoe shine place in my boots? Hoping they'd come back.
20:26 Griffin McElroy? It's just, it's, it's bewildering to me. I don't wear shoes that need, that can be shined. Most of the time, almost ever do I wear shoes that need shining or could be shined. Made of a material that would become lustrous with a wipe. I can't, I, and I know that other people do do that, but do we need a whole cottage industry? Around a specific type of shoe material that most people I don't think are wearing most of the time?
20:57 Travis McElroy? You see the foam booths and you see, you know, you see a phone outcove and you're like, remember when?
21:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
21:02 Travis McElroy? Remember when pops, you know, like, remember when we used to use those, like?
21:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
21:07 Travis McElroy? It seems like the shoe shine guys. I don't know.
21:10 Griffin McElroy? Have you?
21:10 Travis McElroy? I feel the same about newsies.
21:12 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
21:13 Travis McElroy? Why do I always see newsies at the airport selling paint?
21:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Yeah. I, I, um, think that those booths that they have set up where you can rent to use it as a workspace for like 15 minutes. If you needed to like do a meeting or something. I don't know how much money that costs, but there should be a little hole on the wall of that thing with a bill slot on it. And if you put $50 into that, the hole opens up and you're allowed to do one fart in there and they can't get out. I think that would be a great investment and it would raise a lot of money for our schools and.
21:48 Travis McElroy? I just love the idea that we got rid of phone booths and then built booths that people can use their smartphones in.
21:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
21:55 Travis McElroy? It makes me so happy.
21:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Yeah, no, $25 is much more expensive than a phone booth and $50 if you use the fart hole.
22:05 Travis McElroy? Do you think there's in the Superman comics book somewhere recently, there's been a scene where Superman's in like a Bitcoin exchange room?
22:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:13 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? And so he's like, let me in there.
22:16 Griffin McElroy? He steps into one of the nursing pods. Yeah. I think he wrestles for a while about whether or not he's allowed to go in the nursing pod to become Superman to save the airport. He's like ultimately.
22:26 Travis McElroy? Oh, my God. TM, TM, TM, TM. We'll write that one shot.
22:29 Griffin McElroy? He's like ultimately.
22:30 Travis McElroy? Write that one shot, please.
22:31 Griffin McElroy? I'm actually going to save a lot of mothers if I'm allowed to go in there and go sicko mode and become Superman. Um, so like. I do think it's worth it. The optics are terrible.
22:42 Travis McElroy? Superman has to find another lactating mother to go in with him. He's like, you don't have to nurse, just stand here. Don't look either.
22:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, don't look and assume I'm just still here in the booth the whole time I'm gone. Cause that's the real problem. If he goes in there as Clark Kent, he can't then leave a super, he's gotta leave super fast. So they gotta assume that Clark Kent's still in there doing something. The entire time Superman is doing his thing. Superman comes out of the nursing pod, he's like, I left my friend Clark in there. I'm gonna lock the door behind me. I will come back and set him free and then I will vanish from existence.
23:21 Travis McElroy? He's gonna be busy for 30 to 45 minutes in the nursing pod. Don't bother him. Frequently enters restrooms and thinks, well, what I have to do is much easier in the accessibility stall and I will be very brief.
23:37 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
23:37 Travis McElroy? So perhaps that would be if I'll look around, I think I'm okay. You know, or no, you know what? If he comes walking out though.
23:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
23:45 Travis McElroy? And if Superman comes walking out of the accessibility stall, I was like, really Superman? You need the whole big speech.
23:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you don't know how I do it in there. I'm an alien. So many people.
23:54 Travis McElroy? I might have two butts, you don't know.
23:58 Travis McElroy? Hey, I don't know. You know how many hole, my holes it's coming out of? Why don't you get out of the way? That meteor is coming.
24:03 Griffin McElroy? My tentacles shoot out to anchor me down while I'm doing my business.
24:11 Travis McElroy? Much like the Thanatar, I have a tube that exits my rectum where the poop comes out of.
24:16 Travis McElroy? I do everything with great force, everything. Don't you understand? I wish it wasn't like this. God, how I wish. Sometimes I wish there was a red sun just over the potty. God damn it.
24:28 Griffin McElroy? Yes, do you have a super plunger?
24:32 Travis McElroy? I need a big toilet hole.
24:36 Travis McElroy? I need a kryptonite toilet hole.
24:39 Travis McElroy? I can only use parchment paper. That's the level of durability I need to wipe. That's how tough my stuff is.
24:46 Travis McElroy? And can I just say, wide pipes. I don't want to go into detail. Wide pipes.
24:53 Travis McElroy? Wide pipes. Looks like the XL Hershey bar factory there. Big, wide, like a symphony bar.
25:01 Travis McElroy? Just a straight shot.
25:02 Travis McElroy? I've recently gotten into balloon sculpting, i.e. making cool balloon swords and monsters and shit. It's a cheap, low stakes hobby and the spike, the occasional pop is surprisingly relaxing. Of course, I blow up a lot of balloons to practice, which of course take a lot of space when inflated. Brothers, I live in an apartment. How do I squash this rising balloon pile without pissing off my neighbors? That's from clowning in Connecticut.
25:24 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
25:26 Griffin McElroy? I decided.
25:26 Travis McElroy? I mean, my impulse is like, kill your little darlings. You know what I mean? Like, you're resting on your past works. Just like, pop them and look towards the future.
25:36 Griffin McElroy? But how? Without pissing off the neighbors?
25:38 Travis McElroy? Cause if I have a neighbor.
25:40 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, do you think the neighbors would be pissed off if he just got rid of his incredible balloon art?
25:45 Travis McElroy? No, I like that one. I just thought it was like, they're very, it's like, proud of them. I don't know. I'm not allowed to throw trash away in my house, so I forget that other people are allowed to.
25:54 Griffin McElroy? Right, sure.
25:55 Travis McElroy? That is true. When my kids get a balloon animal from a fair or whatnot, we gotta wait for that thing to die of old age. You know, and even then.
26:03 Griffin McElroy? Right? Jesus Christ, guys. For Henry's ninth birthday, we went to Michael's and we brought the kids to get balloons. And Gus got these enormous six and seven balloons that have been floating in the corner of our living room. Yes, like the meme. Thank you so much, Travis. And they... I have been really in a dance of like dwindling kind of death for genuinely what for two and a half months or so. Six is still rocking. Seven went down a long time ago. Six, but it's at that point where it's like a barometer, just kind of like going up and down depending on the time of day. So that can be exciting, but you probably don't breathe helium out.
26:45 Travis McElroy? There were a couple of years where it wasn't so hard at my house, but eventually the girls caught on that these magical pen pals were never going to write back, no matter how many notes we attached to the balloons saying like, here's an email. If you find this, like let us know or whatever. That was a pretty good until they realized this is going to the, I don't know, forest probably.
27:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Into a bird stomach or something.
27:08 Griffin McElroy? Into a bird's stomach.
27:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
27:09 Griffin McElroy? Into the ocean.
27:10 Travis McElroy? I think that what you want to, you're going to save up all these balloons, maybe at the end of the week and pop them all at once in like a suplex or a full body dive or something. And you're going to fake a huge sneeze when it happens. And then after the loud, after the loud popping sound, and this is important to sell it, you're going to have to scream in pain like this huge sneeze popped something in you.
27:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:36 Travis McElroy? Is there a, is there a risk they send help? Like call the authorities or something?
27:40 Griffin McElroy? Every time they will send help. And then you say it's balloon popping time. I had to, I'm not injured. I had to pop all these balloons. I think it would probably scare me more Travis to hear someone scream, do a scream sneeze from the apartment of Bummy than to hear the sound of mini balloons popping.
27:57 Travis McElroy? Is it, is it littering if you throw them out the window or is it kind of like a?
28:02 Griffin McElroy? I think textbook, textbook littering, I think.
28:05 Travis McElroy? I don't think it's like if a balloon animal, you find a, you see a balloon, if you saw a balloon dog floating through the sky, you wouldn't be like, who, whatever. You'd be like, oh my God.
28:14 Griffin McElroy? Justin.
28:15 Travis McElroy? I think it's gonna be okay.
28:16 Travis McElroy? They don't fill balloon animals with helium.
28:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude, they float down to the ground and then you see it on the ground. It's like, oh my God, there's a balloon dog on the ground. What a day.
28:25 Travis McElroy? And it's got, it's got a message for me. What? It's the black spot. Ah, marked for death.
28:30 Griffin McElroy? I'll say this.
28:31 Travis McElroy? You don't mark people for death with your black spot balloons for the last time, Travis.
28:35 Griffin McElroy? I'll say this.
28:36 Travis McElroy? I just think that would be the way.
28:37 Travis McElroy? Assassin cult.
28:38 Travis McElroy? If I was going to be marked for death by the black spot, I would want it to be delivered to me by a monkey on a hat that I could wear around until.
28:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
28:48 Travis McElroy? The time.
28:49 Griffin McElroy? I think if you if you throw your balloons out at a certain time of day, it's only gonna take three maybe days before children start to kind of like congregate at the balloon time as you the fucking the wunsler comes out and makes it rain, doggies and monkeys and crowns and swords and stuff.
29:08 Travis McElroy? That sounds pretty good, right? Now that you're saying it, it sounds like pretty magical, actually, right?
29:12 Griffin McElroy? Actually, yeah, you're the wunsler now, only instead of giving out sort of, you know, lessons about how to be a good person. It's balloon, it's balloon animals.
29:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah, the metaphor is getting a little mixed up.
29:24 Griffin McElroy? The metaphor got a little mixed up.
29:25 Travis McElroy? But I do love this theory that people who do balloon sculpting didn't start doing it because they wanted to give them to people, but rather started giving them to people because they wanted to do balloon sculpting and then realized they needed to get rid of them.
29:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
29:42 Travis McElroy? Right? Hope is it's a virtuous circle, right? I mean, you hope at some point that that just, yeah, you do love to give these things away to people. And yes, your friends do love to take them. I mean, you hope.
29:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And the one thing you can make is the virtuous circle. It's pretty easy. You just take the balloon.
30:00 Travis McElroy? Virtuous circle.
30:01 Travis McElroy? It's not a big deal, actually.
30:02 Griffin McElroy? Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
30:06 Griffin McElroy? The wunsler
30:08 Travis McElroy? Okay.
30:08 Griffin McElroy? To teach the child about the Lorax and the environment and everything, required a payment of 15 cents a nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather's nail. The fuck's he doing with that stuff, man? What are you gonna be doing with that wunsler with 15 cents? Why do you need a nail? And the shell of a great, great, great grandfather's nail? Are you gonna put that in that? And then what's the 15 cents for? You fucking pervert. Why do you need payment to teach me a lesson about how to be a good person and the environment?
30:41 Travis McElroy? It does feel like the wunsler is maybe dabbling with occult forces beyond his powers.
30:45 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
30:46 Travis McElroy? Control.
30:47 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
30:47 Travis McElroy? Feels like he's getting into some sort of curse or something that he heard.
30:52 Griffin McElroy? There should be a page at the end of the Lorax where the one sir pops his head back out. He's like, oh shit. Also, I eat all that stuff. I eat 15 cents and I love eat nails and great, great, great grandfather's snail shells is my favorite snack.
31:05 Travis McElroy? I eat all of it.
31:06 Griffin McElroy? Don't litter for fucking real. Hey, hey, hey, are you littering?
31:11 Travis McElroy? Leave the trees alone, but if you find any more great, great grandfather snails, you know where to bring them.
31:17 Griffin McElroy? You know, fuck those guys.
31:20 Travis McElroy? I'll see you tomorrow, Timmy.
31:21 Griffin McElroy? See you, Tim.
31:23 Travis McElroy? You're a cool dude. I don't care what they say. All right. You want chat? You want like hang out later? I don't have anything on. You must like, I don't have anything planned.
31:35 Griffin McElroy? You left.
31:35 Travis McElroy? We're gonna eat some snail shells.
31:37 Travis McElroy? I got enough for two. Okay, you're going. Okay, cool.
31:41 Travis McElroy? You left.
31:41 Griffin McElroy? Cool.
31:43 Travis McElroy? I missed the Lorax. I missed it so much.
31:46 Griffin McElroy? I did too.
31:46 Travis McElroy? How bad eh eh eh can I be? Uh, we're gonna take a break and come back. We'll talk about other stuff. Let's go to the main.
32:03 Travis McElroy? Hey guys, I know we're in the money zone, but can I speak candidly for a second?
32:07 Griffin McElroy? I guess so. Sure. Can you make it about Zocdoc?
32:11 Travis McElroy? I'll get there.
32:11 Griffin McElroy? Genuinely.
32:12 Travis McElroy? Oh, are you ever reading Dr. Seuss books to your kids and think, yeah, it's easy to write rhyming stuff when you just make up bullshit words?
32:19 Griffin McElroy? Absolutely it is, dude.
32:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I mean, some of this stuff's really good, but some of it is like, yeah, man, I could, I could do that.
32:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
32:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
32:27 Travis McElroy? Okay. I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page.
32:29 Griffin McElroy? Went to the glop of the party pump pumpers and had a big glop of his glumpy glop glimpers. Like, it's fucking easy, dude. You don't have to.
32:39 Travis McElroy? That's why you can't trust every doctor in the world, but you know what you can trust?
32:44 Griffin McElroy? What's that, Travie?
32:45 Travis McElroy? Zocdoc. That'll be find the right doctors for you.
32:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, absolutely. I don't think Theodore Geisel is on Zocdoc. I don't think he has an account.
32:55 Travis McElroy? For many reasons, I would guess.
32:57 Griffin McElroy? For a ton of reasons.
32:58 Travis McElroy? For a slew of reasons.
32:59 Griffin McElroy? But if you are have a, if you have a problem, yo, I'll solve it. Check out Zocdoc and let a doctor resolve it. Um, because I don't know how to do any kind of medical stuff and that's why when I moved to DC and I didn't have any doctors, I got on zocdoc.com and they were like, let me hook you up and they did. I've made great friends. Through Zocdoc. I think, I think a lot of my doctor-
33:23 Travis McElroy? That's not, that's not something that they advertise with it.
33:27 Griffin McElroy? I don't think they advertise that, but I will say like, I will say like, a lot of my doctors have become my closest friends here. So, and they know that.
33:36 Travis McElroy? There's a sadness to that I can't place, but it's there.
33:39 Griffin McElroy? It seems pretty obvious what the sad, the shape of that sadness is.
33:44 Travis McElroy? I'm, I'm nearing, uh, uh, old age. I'm in my twilight years and I've had to get so many. My, I, now it started to be like, um, health is an escape room.
33:57 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
33:57 Travis McElroy? Where I go to a doctor to solve one thing and then it opens up three more puzzles for me to solve.
34:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, absolutely.
34:05 Travis McElroy? Went to a rheumatologist who was then like, hey, you should also get like a nerve test and a vascular test and a bunch of stuff. I don't know how to find those people. That's why I use Zocdoc.
34:16 Griffin McElroy? But now you're the healthiest you've ever been. Zocdoc's a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love. I know we've said a lot of other bullshit here, but-
34:25 Travis McElroy? Or a best friend.
34:25 Griffin McElroy? That's, or a best friend. I didn't say best friend. Some of, some of my, some of my best friends. I wouldn't have found them if not for Zocdoc. I also wouldn't have been treated for my many conditions. So, stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to zocdoc.com slash mybrother to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. Says that. It does say a doctor you love. So I do think a friend-
34:51 Travis McElroy? Does say that.
34:52 Griffin McElroy? Fits the bill. That's z o c d o c dot com slash my brother. Zocdoc dot com slash my brother. Thanks, Zocdoc, for sponsoring this message.
35:01 Travis McElroy? Did we even mention what it is? I think we missed the part where-
35:03 Griffin McElroy? I said it. I said, no, I said it.
35:05 Travis McElroy? Zocdoc is a free app?
35:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I said that part. Yeah, I did that part.
35:08 Travis McElroy? Really good.
35:08 Travis McElroy? Maybe I need to get my hearing checked.
35:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah, check out zocdoc dot com.
35:12 Griffin McElroy? What? You heard me, coward.
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36:50 Travis McElroy? Yes.
36:56 Travis McElroy? I want a munch squad!
37:00 Travis McElroy? I want to munch squad!
37:06 Travis McElroy? Welcome to Munch Squad, podcasting the podcast, profiling the latest in grace of brand eating. You know what cuffing season is? If I said, forget cuffing season, would you know what I meant?
37:15 Griffin McElroy? That's where you
37:15 Travis McElroy? Sexual?
37:16 Griffin McElroy? I think it's where you, someone comes in as a sort of sexual tag in, like a tag in replacement. You tag them in and you go, your turn. Is that right?
37:31 Travis McElroy? Cuffing season is when you tag in, sorry, what was it? You tag in a sexual partner?
37:36 Griffin McElroy? It's like you said, saying like, the two of us will make love. Let's get in a ringer. Let's bring in a someone's
37:42 Travis McElroy? Coming off the top ropes.
37:44 Griffin McElroy? Pitch, a pitch hitter sort of situation. And then the, and then the other person has a special chair.
37:50 Travis McElroy? Before Griffin overshares anymore, I'm gonna release this off from a
37:54 Travis McElroy? No cuffing season is like, you gotta find somebody before Valentine's Day or whatever.
38:00 Travis McElroy? Well, yes.
38:01 Travis McElroy? Or
38:02 Griffin McElroy? I'm pretty sure, it's pretty sure it's the other thing.
38:05 Travis McElroy? With the special chair.
38:07 Travis McElroy? It could be two things. The idea is that for the cold months, you hook up, you hook up for the cold months. And then you have a partner for the cold months. This is a short term thing.
38:14 Travis McElroy? That you truly love deeply and make
38:16 Travis McElroy? That you truly love, but
38:18 Griffin McElroy? On the hot months, you say, no, thanks.
38:20 Travis McElroy? It's hot, girl, summer.
38:22 Griffin McElroy? It's too hot.
38:24 Travis McElroy? I'm single and ready to have sex. Forget cuffing season. Sonic wants you to break up with your burger.
38:31 Griffin McElroy? Huh.
38:32 Travis McElroy? Introducing the new All-American Smasher lineup. Please, guys, hold your questions. I will answer your questions, but I'm sure just from me saying that, you're fucking going wild with questions. We'll get to them.
38:46 Griffin McElroy? This is not a question. Can I just say something? It's not a question? It's not a question. Can I say it? What even is a smasher?
38:57 Griffin McElroy? What's a smasher?
38:58 Travis McElroy? That's a question.
39:00 Travis McElroy? That's legitimately
39:01 Griffin McElroy? You are a journalist for a long time.
39:03 Travis McElroy? Detail that you will be furious about.
39:05 Griffin McElroy? It's because it went up.
39:07 Travis McElroy? For too long, fast food burger fans have settled for relationships that just aren't working. Burgers that keep going up in price and down in quality.
39:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
39:18 Travis McElroy? Are those two separate ideas? Sorry, that is the question. They're settling for relationships that aren't working and also.
39:24 Griffin McElroy? And also.
39:25 Travis McElroy? Burgers.
39:25 Griffin McElroy? Yes, the burgers.
39:26 Travis McElroy? And they're also, if they had happier relationships, they may cook for themselves more. Or want to, you know what I mean? Like get in some more lean proteins. I don't know, but it's two different things. Sonic is introducing the one worth committing to, the all new All American Sonic Smasher. Most fast food burgers promise more than they deliver, but the All American Sonic Smasher is different.
39:50 Griffin McElroy? It's good.
39:52 Travis McElroy? It's good.
39:53 Griffin McElroy? Actually, good, we made it good.
39:56 Travis McElroy? These other burgers are dirty shitbag fucks.
40:00 Griffin McElroy? We will promise you, we'll promise nothing.
40:03 Travis McElroy? Nothing.
40:04 Griffin McElroy? This burger is here, you come get it.
40:07 Travis McElroy? There's a lot of stressing, even early on in this press release about it being All American.
40:12 Travis McElroy? And you don't even know how early on it is.
40:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Is the Americanness of my burger here in the state of Ohio, something that I should have been concerned about prior to this?
40:23 Griffin McElroy? I don't know even how they would get you non-American burgers there as landlocked as you are.
40:28 Travis McElroy? I wasn't aware that that was a thing I should be checking for.
40:32 Travis McElroy? It is going to be impossible to detect the presence of AI in these things because they have been absolutely
40:41 Travis McElroy? half baked for a decade. Like, I don't know, how will you tell? You know, like, let's, let's take.
40:48 Travis McElroy? This was written by humans. Most fast food burger promises more than they deliver. The All American Sonic Smasher is different. Hand smashed, made to order and stacked with classic toppings people actually crave. That's what it says. I don't know what that's about though.
41:04 Griffin McElroy? That's such shit talking, yeah.
41:06 Travis McElroy? That's shit, but are they saying like other places are putting on like bean sprouts and nobody wants that and they're giving you the good shit? I don't understand.
41:14 Travis McElroy? I also.
41:14 Travis McElroy? It's proof.
41:15 Travis McElroy? I'm, I've never been to McDonald's and thought, this burger is really promising me something.
41:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:22 Travis McElroy? That's never been what that exchange is about.
41:26 Travis McElroy? It's proof that when it comes to burgers, Sonic is everyone's perfect match. That commitment comes to life.
41:31 Griffin McElroy? What the fuck?
41:32 Travis McElroy? That commitment comes to life with the $6 All-American Smasher Meal. A complete burger meal that punches above its price point.
41:40 Griffin McElroy? What? A lot of aggressive sort of terminology in this. This smashing punch meal is gonna fucking blast your fucking face, nerd. It's gonna wet your butt.
41:51 Travis McElroy? Do you have a shitty boyfriend? The Smasher Meal is gonna punch him in the face and prove that he's the right one for you. He's got tomatoes and shit that you like. Does your boyfriend have tomatoes on him? No? Fuck him.
42:04 Travis McElroy? Stuff you actually want. It's got crispy onions and barbecue sauce and a huge dick. It's got exactly what you crave.
42:16 Griffin McElroy? There's a structural question there that I have. Where I don't know how.
42:20 Travis McElroy? And a textural question.
42:22 Griffin McElroy? No, it's a burger construction question, because if.
42:24 Travis McElroy? Where's the dick?
42:25 Griffin McElroy? If you're gonna put.
42:26 Travis McElroy? That classic Wendy's slogan, where's the dick?
42:28 Griffin McElroy? How does the top bun sit?
42:30 Travis McElroy? I love that.
42:31 Griffin McElroy? A top it if there's a sort of.
42:32 Travis McElroy? I assume the dick was coming out of the burger griddle. I didn't assume it was a top it.
42:37 Travis McElroy? I'm ready for you guys to, you know what? This is not anything worth looking at, but I am going to like, I have to at least share something here with you to give you some.
42:46 Griffin McElroy? Are you about to show me a little burnt up crispy burger? Yeah, god damn it, I love that stuff. I wish I didn't. I hate how smash burgers as a concept is so vulgar to me. And yet, when I see one, I think, I bet biting into that is awfully salty and crispy and good.
43:03 Travis McElroy? Oh, man, it's good. I love to make them at home, too. They're good right off the griddle. Anyway, oh, boy, I'm getting hungry for smashers. The new All-American Sonic Smasher takes the, okay. This is where we're gonna get into the minutia where your questions are gonna start coming hot and heavy. I beg you to hold them to the end.
43:21 Travis McElroy? Can I make an observation, Justin?
43:23 Griffin McElroy? Not a question, don't go up.
43:24 Travis McElroy? An observation, not a question, Trev, that's fine, no problem.
43:27 Travis McElroy? There is definitely a trend in these fast food press releases where, for whatever reason, the food must be photographed in some kind of colored void. That I will never understand. There's no context.
43:38 Griffin McElroy? Need perspective. You need to know how big this meal is by having some.
43:40 Travis McElroy? They're floating in the snacking zone.
43:42 Griffin McElroy? Shadows on it.
43:43 Travis McElroy? The new all American Sonic Smasher takes the original Sonic Smasher even further with flavors designed to deliver premium quality in every bite without the premium price tag.
43:55 Travis McElroy? Okay, we recognize that the first version of the Smasher, we fucked up.
43:59 Griffin McElroy? We fucked up so bad.
44:00 Travis McElroy? We could, we could have smashed it harder. We didn't smash it hard enough.
44:06 Travis McElroy? Each all American Sonic Smasher is hand smashed.
44:08 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah, just fucking no tools, just hot palm on the griddle.
44:18 Travis McElroy? Other burgers are smashed by AI, but here at Sonic, real humans smash these burgers.
44:26 Travis McElroy? We beg them to buy the burger smashing robots. We hate to smash the burgers with our hands.
44:32 Travis McElroy? They keep saying, Dave, the calluses are developing soon. You won't even feel it anymore, but it's been five months.
44:38 Griffin McElroy? We had a guy on our 16th street location bring in some sort of heavy metal plate to do the smashing. We said, no, sir, skin on skin contact is important here at Sonic Drive-In.
44:49 Travis McElroy? That's how you form a bond.
44:50 Griffin McElroy? That's how you bond with the burgers.
44:52 Travis McElroy? Each all American Sonic Smasher is hand smashed and made to order, featuring two patties made with Angus beef, seasoned and seared to perfection for crispy edges and a juicy center.
45:03 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
45:04 Travis McElroy? The patties are layered with melty American cheese, crisp lettuce, ripe tomatoes, crinkle cut pickles, diced onions, ketchup and mayo, all served on a pillowy soft potato bun, fresh off the grill. It's the classic all American cheeseburger leveled up.
45:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:20 Travis McElroy? In what way?
45:22 Griffin McElroy? It's high.
45:22 Travis McElroy? Well, the lineup includes double and triple options with or without crispy bacon.
45:26 Travis McElroy? Okay, but so then the Smasher isn't leveled up, I would need to pay to level it up.
45:33 Travis McElroy? Yep.
45:33 Griffin McElroy? There's so much, the, the, the ratio of burger to produce on this thing is, is pretty crazy. And I know that the, those numbers get thrown off once you do bring smashing into the mix. But I'm imagining the bite of this thing and it's, it is extraordinarily produce forward.
45:50 Travis McElroy? Is that maybe, do you guys think there's a chance that the smashing machine ends? With him getting fired from UFC and he ends up running the smashing machine at Sonic.
46:01 Griffin McElroy? That's possible.
46:02 Travis McElroy? Do you think there's any chance that that's like, and then they're like, I, he's like, I can do it with my hands. Just let me be the smash.
46:07 Griffin McElroy? I don't think any one of the three of us is ever gonna know the answer to that question authentically.
46:11 Travis McElroy? That's very fair, actually.
46:13 Griffin McElroy? Why can't they run the lettuce and the tomatoes and the pickles through the smashing machine? And make them also flat? Why is only the meat flat? Why are we not working with very, very flat lettuce and pickles?
46:22 Travis McElroy? They want you to hand squish those yourself. The Sonic Smasher proves you don't have to settle. Said Ryan Dickerson, the chief marketing officer at Sonic, who would?
46:32 Travis McElroy? Wait, hold on though. That's a bold statement to not have any qualifier on. You don't have to settle for fast food. No, no, it proves you don't have to settle.
46:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
46:44 Travis McElroy? About anything.
46:46 Travis McElroy? It's a premium made to order, hand smashed burger that's simply better than you'll find anywhere else in fast food or even fast casual. It's America's favorite for a reason.
46:56 Travis McElroy? I'm telling you.
46:57 Travis McElroy? All American.
46:58 Travis McElroy? I'm telling you, Steve, this lawsuit is going nowhere. They're offering you a deal. Take it. No, my smash burger tells me I don't have to settle.
47:07 Travis McElroy? I don't think that's what it's about, Steve. I deserve better. I deserve all the crinkle cut pickles that the world has for me, Stephen. And so it's all American favorite for a reason. With the all American smasher lineup, we're offering our best burger in a classic way people love without cutting corners on quality. And at $6 for a full meal, we're not just offering the best value. We're raising the bar for what a fast food burger relationship should be.
47:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that doesn't mean anything, but go off king with your fast food burger.
47:41 Travis McElroy? Now, okay. Now we have reached the FAQ.
47:45 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
47:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. So now I will answer the que- now I will tell you what your questions are.
47:51 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
47:51 Travis McElroy? About this.
47:52 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
47:53 Travis McElroy? And you, and I will then tell you the answers to your questions.
47:57 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
47:58 Travis McElroy? So, um, do I have to settle? Um, so Travis, you can take the first question?
48:05 Travis McElroy? How does the All American Sonic Smasher?
48:08 Travis McElroy? Travis, could you wash, could you raise your hand?
48:11 Griffin McElroy? It's only nice if you.
48:12 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Travis, Travis, Travis, go ahead.
48:14 Griffin McElroy? Stretching in my chair, it is not raising my hand. Do not.
48:16 Travis McElroy? Travis Dean Griffin.
48:17 Travis McElroy? Okay, Travis McElroy, Travis McElroy Times. How does the All American Sonic Smasher differ? Excuse me, Sonic Smasher TM differ from the original Sonic Smasher TM?
48:29 Travis McElroy? I've asked you to stop saying your initials during your questions.
48:32 Travis McElroy? I'm just trying to raise my SEO, really trying to get.
48:35 Travis McElroy? The All American, great question, Trav. The All American Sonic Smasher builds in the original Sonic Smasher by adding classic burger toppings, lettuce, tomato, ketchup and mayo, plus bacon and triple patty options. Both burgers are hand smashed, they're made to order and feature two patties made with Angus beef, milky American cheese, crickle cut pickles, and diced onions. Griffin, what was your, you had something?
48:57 Griffin McElroy? You raised my, Jesus, man.
49:00 Travis McElroy? That's not necessary. This is a fast moving thing. I, I need you to just go ahead. I already called on you. So, Griffin?
49:05 Griffin McElroy? Griffin McElroy, Yummy Food Times, what is included in the $6 All American Smasher meal?
49:10 Travis McElroy? So you do have an All American Sonic Smasher, medium tots or medium groovy fries? Medium.
49:16 Griffin McElroy? They don't call them that. They don't call them that.
49:19 Travis McElroy? They do. Medium, Travis?
49:22 Travis McElroy? Um, yeah, Travis McElroy, Washington Post. I actually want to circle back to my first question.
49:26 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
49:27 Travis McElroy? I want to circle back to my first, getting my initials and they're paid off. I want to circle back to the first question. You said that the new Sonic Smasher came with more toppings, but then listed all the toppings that came on both of them. And it did seem to include everything.
49:41 Travis McElroy? It should be, I think your question, if you look, what's your question, Travis?
49:45 Travis McElroy? How long will the All American Sonic? How long will the All American Sonic Smasher TM and $6 All American Smasher meal be available?
49:56 Travis McElroy? A limited time.
49:57 Travis McElroy? How, how limited?
49:59 Travis McElroy? A limited time. I'm sorry. A limited time. We don't have any more information for you than that.
50:06 Travis McElroy? Griffin?
50:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sorry, I had my hand raised for a long time. You didn't call.
50:09 Travis McElroy? No, thank you, go ahead.
50:10 Griffin McElroy? Uh, Griffin McRoy, CBS News, is the $6 All-American Smasher Meal available in the Sonic app?
50:17 Travis McElroy? Yes, the All-American Sonic Smasher and the $6 All-American Smasher Meal are available in the Sonic app and on lot at participating locations. I have one, time for one more, Travis, Travis, one more.
50:29 Travis McElroy? Yes, I have a question about the heat at which jet fuel burns.
50:33 Travis McElroy? Sorry, on any other burger related.
50:36 Griffin McElroy? He loses his turn, I get to do mine?
50:37 Travis McElroy? Griffin, yes, Griffin, what's your follow-up, Griffin?
50:40 Griffin McElroy? Griffin, Griff, hey, everybody, Griffin McRoy, One American News Network, and I am here to ask you, does, does the All-American Sonic Smasher replace the original Sonic Smasher?
50:54 Travis McElroy? So, no, and this is why we've been so clear about, like, no.
50:59 Travis McElroy? I'm glad I didn't ask that stupid question.
51:00 Travis McElroy? So, the All-American Sonic Smasher expands.
51:02 Griffin McElroy? Excuse me?
51:03 Travis McElroy? Existing.
51:03 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, stop the answer. That journalist over there just said some mean shit about me.
51:09 Travis McElroy? That shit wouldn't fly in the Washington Post, and name questions like that, I'm out here trying to get to the truth.
51:18 Travis McElroy? Get that man out of here.
51:20 Travis McElroy? I won't be Sonic's.
51:22 Travis McElroy? I won't. Taste him, bro. Taste that man. It's just an expansion of the menu, thank you so much.
51:29 Griffin McElroy? So, you're saying I can go to Sonic and say, let me get a Sonic Smasher and an All-American Sonic Smasher? That's unhinged.
51:37 Travis McElroy? I know, dude, that's why they had to do an entire press release with a Q and A to explain this unhinged shit.
51:45 Griffin McElroy? Wild, dude.
51:46 Travis McElroy? No, man, it's a.
51:48 Griffin McElroy? Let me get the new shit and the busted old shit that we all know is a mistake.
51:52 Travis McElroy? For other countries. I want that busted old one that you would ship over to, like, China or something, you know, I don't want that good old American burger that you have, I want the good stuff. That stuff John Cougar Mellencamp sings about.
52:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's.
52:10 Travis McElroy? Little burger for Jack and Diane.
52:12 Griffin McElroy? You get it.
52:14 Travis McElroy? Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast.
52:19 Griffin McElroy? Must be the funny.
52:21 Travis McElroy? Must be the funny. Wow.
52:23 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
52:24 Travis McElroy? That's a new tagline. It just like, wow.
52:27 Griffin McElroy? Wow, man.
52:28 Travis McElroy? Sick. Character welcome.
52:30 Griffin McElroy? It definitely wasn't a thing for like must see TV NBC like 1999. They definitely didn't parody that.
52:37 Travis McElroy? Nobody knows.
52:37 Griffin McElroy? This is original.
52:38 Travis McElroy? It's unbelievable. Oh.
52:42 Griffin McElroy? Cool.
52:42 Travis McElroy? That's good too, Trav. Did you write that?
52:44 Travis McElroy? I did.
52:45 Travis McElroy? We've got new merch.
52:47 Travis McElroy? Yes, we do, Trav. Yes, we do. We've got, uh, it's a good day for a fish to die camo hat, which is absolutely wonderful. Um, and a Miggy hoodie designed by Bryn Doherty.
53:02 Griffin McElroy? The hat is also Miggy related. If you've never watched like clubhouse, you're probably pretty confused by the fact that we are selling an extremely Bass Pro Shops coded sort of pieces.
53:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but you should watch that show.
53:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
53:15 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's good, man. Less of a commitment. Once, once, once a month, you can't come watch our great show. I just did a whole thing about Avatar, explaining all the land fauna of Avatar for an hour.
53:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
53:25 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna watch that.
53:26 Travis McElroy? Bryn is Dour Mouse on Instagram, spelled D O U G H E R M O U S E. Dour Mouse on Instagram. Check him out. Also 20 make it stick sticker designed by Lucas Hespin Hyde. Uh, at Musley based on Instagram. We've got the candle lights, video on demand, pay what you want with all proceeds. Still going to Harmony House. You can check that out and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the immigrant law center of Minnesota, which provides free immigration legal representation to low income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota.
53:59 Griffin McElroy? Hey, we got a bunch of streams, guys. We're streaming so freaking much on the McElroy Family YouTube channel. Like Justin said, last Tuesday of every month at noon, we do McElroy Family Clubhouse. Every other Tuesday, the three of us get together and play video games for a show called Super McElroy Brothers. And then like, three times a week, we also go up and we do individual streams of us playing, uh, cool games, old games, and weird games. And that's all, if you follow, uh, McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram, you can get, uh, up to the minute updates on all of our gaming content. We're streaming so freaking much.
54:32 Travis McElroy? And just follow, uh, McElroy Family on YouTube, and you'll catch all the stuff there. Um, a few more packages available for Champions Grove. Go to Champions Grove dot com, get them while they're available, and we will see you there.
54:44 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry, I just left this big picture of...
54:46 Griffin McElroy? It's the big, big burger, isn't it? Hey, thanks to Montane for the theme song, uh, "My Life Is Better With You." It's, uh, it's, it's really a track that helps me center myself each morning.
54:57 Travis McElroy? When you're looking for something to throw.
54:58 Griffin McElroy? I got chapstick. That's like, that's, I feel like it's helpful sometimes to use objects that like, people know, are like, familiar with the kind of heft of it. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna take my headphones off, so I can really go to the other side of the room and get a good chuck. So in like, you guys have like, 10 seconds. You guys have like, like, give me like, 10 seconds, and I'm just gonna throw it.
55:16 Travis McElroy? Can you give a big wind up, too?
55:20 Griffin McElroy? Maybe like a 3, 2, 1?
55:27 Travis McElroy? Should we be counting?
55:32 Travis McElroy? What, it was Justin McElroy?
55:33 Griffin McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin Mc... Was it even on camera at all?
55:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah, a little bit.
55:38 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
56:13 Speaker 05 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows.
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