Is It Too Soon to Start Dating After My Divorce?

On today’s episode, we hear about: · A man wondering how soon he can start dating after his divorce · A veteran unsure how to connect with others without alcohol · A wife struggling with returning to work after having a baby Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  How soon is too soon to start dating after a divorce? My wife decided she wanted a divorce and there was some stuff on my end, some pornography addiction and some other things.

• 0:16Dr. John Delony?

  Often people are divorced for years before the paperwork is final. When she just called and said, "Hey, I'm not coming home." You didn't really see that coming? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us, talking about your relationships, your marriage, your mental and emotional health, whatever you've got going on in your life. Real people going through real challenges from all over the planet. Give me a call, 1-844-693-3291, or go to johndeloney.com/ask. Love to have you on the show. Let's go out to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, and talk to Lee. What's up, Lee?

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Hey, Dr. Deloney. I'm just wondering, how soon is too soon to start dating after a divorce?

• 1:10Dr. John Delony?

  Ooh, good question. Tell me about your world, man.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Well, about, oh, about a year and a half ago, my wife went to live with her folks to take care of her mom. And then about half a year ago, she decided she wanted a divorce. And there was some stuff on my end, some pornography addiction and some other things that I worked on and tried to save the marriage. But in the end, she went ahead with a divorce.

• 1:58Dr. John Delony?

  What were the other things on your end?

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Uh, I was, I, I hesitate to say financially abusive, but I, when, whenever we would get a tax refund, like, though, I, the first year that we were married, she, she, first two years we were married, she spent the tax refunds before I had a chance to have any input. And then ever since then, I, I would spend them without taking any input from her. And I would justify that because, oh, well, she spent, you know, she spent that one, that, those two tax refunds. So now these other 12 I've spent.

• 2:47Dr. John Delony?

  Um. How did you share finances?

• 2:49Speaker 00

  And I, we, we did full, um, you know, just all in on keeping, uh, keeping everything together.

• 3:00Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Where, where else did you say this is mine and this is yours? You did that with your fantasy life and you did that with tax refund checks. Where else did you do that?

• 3:15Speaker 00

  Um.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  I, I would say that, yeah, there's, um, kind of the, the, the house was not so much me, but on her end, she, uh, the, the house was always hers and I didn't really get much of a say in what was, you know, like,

• 3:43Speaker 00

  hey, I need a trash can here. Can, can I have that? No, I don't want that trash can there.

• 3:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. What, what about?

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Stuff like that.

• 3:50Dr. John Delony?

  When she moved, um, to go take care of her parents, how often did you see each other? How often did y'all talk?

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Um, we talked every day, but we, we'd see each other maybe twice a month.

• 4:02Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Were those just conjugal visits or were they high fives and you just go back home?

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Um, so sometimes conjugal, um, um, tried to, you know, tried to, when, when we were able to, we had five kids, so, uh, they wasn't always able to do that even, but, uh, when we were able to, I'd, you know, I'd try to make it a date, you know, spend some time together.

• 4:28Dr. John Delony?

  Where are your kids?

• 4:30Speaker 00

  They, uh, they live with her now.

• 4:33Dr. John Delony?

  How old are they?

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Uh, they are eleven, ten, nine, seven, and six.

• 4:40Dr. John Delony?

  Golly. How far away are you?

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Um, I'm on the other side of town.

• 4:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, but you're in the same community?

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:50Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And, and all these questions I'm asking, they're serving a purpose, and here's, here's where I'm headed with them. Often, people are divorced for years before the paperwork is final. And so, there's not a good, standard, stamp answer to how long after a divorce is finalized, is it, is it smart or safe to start dating? Because it's so context-dependent. Um, and the, the way you're painting it, and you and I could probably talk over a couple of drinks there in Oklahoma City for a couple of hours, like, it sounds like y'all have been roommates for a long time. And when you add, when you're roommates, this is mine, this is yours, you did this, oh,

• 5:34Dr. John Delony?

  well, I'm gonna do this, and there's scorekeeping, and there's, I did the dishes on Friday, and you owe me four twenty-eight for the Arby's meal that one time, like, right? When there's that kind of, like, uh, my buddy George Campbell says, like, when couples start Venmo-ing each other, right? Y'all are roommates, because that's what me and my roommates did in college. And so, when you're there, and then somebody takes off, and you throw five kids into the mix, under eleven, right? You can't survive that if you are not completely unified in a singular purpose on, we're building something together. So, my suggestion would be, or my, what, just in two seconds of hearing you talk, is, you've been living a separate life for a long time.

• 6:17Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all come together to make kids, and at the same time, it sounds like, and tell me if I'm bonkers, when she just called and said, hey, I'm not coming home on a divorce, you, you didn't really see that coming?

• 6:33Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So, how long ago, six months ago, about right now, when she said, "I'm filing?" Yeah. How long were you married, man? Fourteen years.

• 6:53Dr. John Delony?

  My gut tells me you're still walking around the house after the tornado, just sitting in the damage of a house that's been completely blown over.

• 7:05Dr. John Delony?

  And you're trying to see, like, "I can save this pot holder, this guitar still was in a case, it's okay, here's a few photo out," but like, you're still walking around a completely wiped out house, is that fair?

• 7:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Dr. John Delony?

  And something else that you said that raises an eyebrow for me is, um,

• 7:29Dr. John Delony?

  when she made this announcement, you went into try to save it mode, which means six months later, you may be sitting at your house right now on the phone with me,

• 7:41Dr. John Delony?

  really beating yourself up for quote-unquote "what you did to blow up this house."

• 7:49Dr. John Delony?

  Or that somehow this is all your fault, you don't get to see your kids every night because this is all your fault.

• 7:57Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 8:01Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that's definitely where I'm at.

• 8:06Dr. John Delony?

  Can I just tell you, man, I wouldn't wish where you are on my worst enemy in the world, I'm sorry, dude.

• 8:14Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you. I know that doesn't bring her back, it doesn't bring your kids bouncing through the house back, and, um, you never thought you would miss all the noise in the house, right? And now that house gets deaf, or your apartment or wherever you're living gets really, really quiet at night, doesn't it? Yeah, it really does. I'm sorry, man.

• 8:37Dr. John Delony?

  So, tell me about what you're thinking with dating.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Well, I'm definitely looking not to make the same mistakes that I did

• 8:50Speaker 00

  in my, in my marriage. And I'm just, you know, I'm looking for a companion, a wife,

• 8:59Speaker 00

  uh, somebody that I can, uh, walk with the Lord with.

• 9:09Dr. John Delony?

  My fear for you, brother, is

• 9:16Dr. John Delony?

  you're doing probably what I would do, which is the very overly masculine, one tool in the toolkit response, which is this. You're gonna go fix this.

• 9:31Dr. John Delony?

  You're gonna fix you, you're gonna fix a future marriage. You just need, it's kinda like you're at the YMCA and somebody, a team just came in and wiped your team out, just crushed y'all. And you immediately are like, I'm not going home like this, let's run it back with another team. I gotta get back out on the court right now.

• 9:51Dr. John Delony?

  And if you do that before you sit down with your team and say, hey, why do we get beat so bad? And we gotta work on our shots and we gotta work on passing, we gotta learn a few plays. You're just gonna, the tendency is, I wanna fix this right now. I wanna stop hurting so bad. And you quickly tell yourself a story, oh, what will make me not hurt is a companion, a wife, a chance to run this thing back, cause now I've got my pornography problem licked. Now I'm never going to say, this is mine and that's yours, I'm not gonna do that again. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

• 10:24Dr. John Delony?

  And most of the time I see that happen, I see people run right back into the exact same brick wall. They just, they just got a concussion from.

• 10:36Dr. John Delony?

  Does that sound right? Or does that sound crazy? It sounds like you're really staggeringly and completely, I completely understand it. It sounds like you are staggeringly lonely.

• 10:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I'm definitely lonely. Yeah.

• 10:57Dr. John Delony?

  Here's what I would, I hate on two ends. I hate for you, just the thought of you, just a good guy, just sitting at home. I hate the thought of you just being at home in a quiet house by yourself in every evening. And I hate when your kids, you get to see your kids, you suddenly have to perform. You don't get to just be with them with your shoulders dropped. It has to be a show now. I hate that for you and I hate that for them. And on the other side, I would hate to see you two years down the road, dating and dating and dating and trying and trying to fill that void with another person, another person, another person.

• 11:32Dr. John Delony?

  And, but the same demons are still haunting you.

• 11:37Dr. John Delony?

  And so the demons I'm concerned about are beneath the pornography, beneath the, what must be true for me to feel alive in my own skin, in my own house, in a house with five rambunctious bananas kids, with a wife who doesn't look the same, who's tired, who's exhausted, but we're all in the same team.

• 11:59Dr. John Delony?

  That we don't keep score together, that you're able to hear feedback and criticism and go forward and, right, you don't, those same demons are gonna haunt you wherever you go. Yeah. So all to say is, my dream for you would be that, like, and I learned this from the Dr. Young who trained me, um, I would love for you to say, I'm not gonna jump into anything for six months to a year after, after the smoke clears. And I don't think the smoke has cleared yet. What I would love you to do though, is get a group of guys that y'all commit to going fishing every Saturday.

• 12:39Dr. John Delony?

  Or, you'll never hear me recommend this again, but go play golf. Go play pickleball, go, I don't know what you're into, go bowling, go do silly stuff, but start, fill the void with real relationships with men, with guys, that you can finally practice being yourself. You've never been allowed to fully be yourself. And fully being yourself wasn't always great, right? So you have to have guys that call you out.

• 13:04Dr. John Delony?

  An exhausted mom of four who's pregnant with number five just may not have the energy to fight you and she finds out you just spent the $2,000 on a TV or a golf club, whatever you spend the tax return on.

• 13:16Dr. John Delony?

  A buddy for sure will, right?

• 13:24Speaker 00

  I do have a group that I get together with on Tuesdays to go shooting.

• 13:28Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. That's fantastic. After y'all go shooting, I want to challenge you for the next 60 days, the next two months, to have the courage to say, "Hey, um, we're watching whatever fights, whatever game, whatever, whatever's going on at my house or at the local Wild Wings or whatever.

• 13:49Dr. John Delony?

  I'm getting the first round or I'm buying the first round of wings. I'd love to invite y'all to come." And several guys will be like, "No, I've got family, I've got this," but a couple will show up.

• 13:59Dr. John Delony?

  I would challenge you to do that and begin exhaling and learning that you're not the worst person who's ever lived. And it took two people to tango in the marriage you had. And you've got to learn to forgive yourself and you've got to learn to exhale. In short, the Twitter statement here is, "Become a guy through action that you deeply respect."

• 14:25Dr. John Delony?

  And then that gives a new romantic partner something to anchor into when you meet. Otherwise, you're using somebody else to feel better and that makes you a parasite. That makes you like a vampire. Do you get what I'm saying?

• 14:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, that makes good sense.

• 14:42Dr. John Delony?

  Is there anything about you? And this is just you being vulnerable. Anything about you that you don't respect?

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Um...

• 14:55Dr. John Delony?

  I've got several things with me. What about you?

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely.

• 15:01Dr. John Delony?

  Rattle them off. Say a couple out loud.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  Uh, early in my marriage to my wife, um, I had forced myself on her at one point.

• 15:15Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  And it's, I have trouble respecting myself from that.

• 15:25Dr. John Delony?

  Still haunts you?

• 15:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:29Dr. John Delony?

  Have you sought forgiveness and to make that right with her?

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 15:39Dr. John Delony?

  So I'm going to tell you with that lingering fear of yourself,

• 15:44Dr. John Delony?

  that lingering you can't trust yourself, 15 years later, 14 years later, that's a place where I want you to spend some time working on it.

• 15:55Dr. John Delony?

  Because every time you feel like something's going well, that little demon's going to pop up and say, "Yeah, but one time, years ago, you did this."

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:06Dr. John Delony?

  My dream for you, brother, is you find forgiveness for yourself, peace for yourself, through a community of men who hold you accountable, you'll have fun with, you'll laugh with, you'll learn things with, you'll do silly things with. And from there, you become a man that you respect, which then in turn, you're not expecting somebody else to fill that gap for you.

• 16:28Dr. John Delony?

  You're able to show up for somebody whole, and then they can anchor in, and now y'all are off to the races. Grateful for the call, man. Thanks for trusting me just to throw some things out there for you to chew on. Hey, coming up, we are talking to a veteran who is struggling with alcoholism. We'll be right back.

• 16:50Dr. John Delony?

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• 17:35Dr. John Delony?

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• 18:17Dr. John Delony?

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• 19:01Dr. John Delony?

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• 19:42Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Chattanooga, Tennessee and talk to Tyler. Hey Tyler, what's up?

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Hey, how's it going, John?

• 19:48Dr. John Delony?

  What's up, my brother? I'm doing great, man. How are you?

• 19:52Speaker 02

  I'm, uh, I'm hanging in. Um, I'm super excited to be talking to you.

• 19:56Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. Hey, can I just say, I don't even know what you're hanging on to, but I'm proud of you for hanging in there. Whatever's going on.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 20:03Dr. John Delony?

  Good on you, man. What's up?

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Thanks. So my question, uh, is how do I overcome alcohol and, uh, isolation? I served in the Marines for four years and picked up heavy drinking there. Uh, I quit for almost three years after I got out of the military, but I got divorced during COVID. And went through kind of like a year and a half spree of making some really bad choices. Then in June of 2022, God kind of gave me a wake-up call and I turned a lot of really bad behaviors around. Um, I've learned a lot. And, but alcohol is just,

• 20:44Speaker 02

  it's an everyday occurrence. It's an end of the day kind of thing. I, I get home and I just,

• 20:52Speaker 02

  whether I'm lonely or I, I, I'm kind of at a breaking point with this thing that has just followed me. Uh,

• 21:05Speaker 02

  yeah.

• 21:08Dr. John Delony?

  How often do you say this out loud? The story you just told me?

• 21:15Speaker 02

  A lot to myself.

• 21:17Dr. John Delony?

  To other people?

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Um, I try to be transparent. Uh, people are usually surprised when I tell them I have a drinking problem.

• 21:27Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  But the last time I lied about it, it just ended up being really bad. So.

• 21:38Dr. John Delony?

  I don't think you have a drinking problem, to be honest with you. And, bro, feel free to challenge me, okay?

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:45Dr. John Delony?

  I think alcohol is playing an important role in your life. I think you have an I don't love Tyler problem. And a I've created a life that I don't want to live in anymore.

• 21:59Dr. John Delony?

  And alcohol plays a pretty important role in keeping you from doing something pretty stupid.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can see that.

• 22:11Dr. John Delony?

  You sound tired, man.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted.

• 22:17Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm not talking about tired from sleep. I went to a concert last night. I'm tired. You sound like you're tired of, you're exhausted from being in your own skin.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Mostly just tired of fighting.

• 22:32Dr. John Delony?

  There you go.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  It's an everyday thing.

• 22:34Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. How long have you been fighting, dude? Not just alcohol, but how long have you been fighting, Tyler?

• 22:45Speaker 02

  My whole life, I think.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  When did you realize Tyler's life was something you needed to escape from?

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Probably as a kid. Um.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Home life wasn't the best.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  I have a great family, for the most part, but...

• 23:13Dr. John Delony?

  So you just said two important things, and the Marines I've sat with over the years, not that great.

• 23:21Dr. John Delony?

  And, for the most part,

• 23:25Dr. John Delony?

  are usually fantastic cover-ups for some pretty gnarly stuff.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. I've had to swallow a lot.

• 23:35Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  And, I guess, two years ago, I got to a point where I said, "I'm not swallowing anymore."

• 23:42Dr. John Delony?

  Yep.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  And, I'm becoming more sensitive, and the more I'm starting to like reconnect with myself, the more I'm closing up to the world.

• 23:54Dr. John Delony?

  Well, tell me about that.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  So, um, the Marine Corps gave me a great tool, which was swallow it. Swallow it and, and fight on. Deal with it later. And I discovered your show and I've been on this walk of, of becoming stronger, um, walking with God. And as I'm opening up these old boxes, it's just really hard to sit in it. Uh, like, um, when I was a kid, my sister, oh, go ahead.

• 24:36Dr. John Delony?

  No, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Go ahead.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  I was just saying, um, uh, my sister was a meth addict, uh, growing up in the home and she had a kid and my brother deployed in 2005 to Iraq. All those things kind of happening all at the same time. My dad was gone and I've always been called like, I'm the youngest. I've always been called like the anchor of my family or the peacemaker or. And, uh, now that I'm alone out here in Tennessee, it's just been like trying to figure out who I am or who I want to be. Sorry, I don't mean to show so much that you don't want.

• 25:21Dr. John Delony?

  Bro, this is, this is, you're, you're, I feel like you're truly honoring me, so don't ever apologize, okay? I made a choice to sit down and talk with you and it's an honor, okay?

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 25:35Dr. John Delony?

  So here's the, here's the one gap I see in your entire story, okay? And this is just me promising you, I'm gonna tell you the truth. I can't. My buddies who are SEALs can't. You can't. You cannot hold all of this by yourself, period.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:00Dr. John Delony?

  And the gap between this work you're doing, which dude is freaking noble. I'm proud of you. It's awesome.

• 26:11Dr. John Delony?

  But the gap between this work and you exhaling and finally setting all these cinder blocks you're carrying around down is you have to get with other people.

• 26:22Dr. John Delony?

  You cannot do this by yourself.

• 26:26Dr. John Delony?

  It's the same thing as you would not get in a truck as a gunner and just head out past a wire by yourself. You wouldn't do, nobody would do that. It's insane.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:35Dr. John Delony?

  Yet so many of you guys come home and you go in your apartment and you, you know, you know better than I will ever know what brotherhood is, what friendship is, because you got a line of people who are ready to get deployed and die on your behalf and you for them.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:52Dr. John Delony?

  And so you come home to an apartment and Janet next to you is like, um, you left your trash can lit up, right? So you, I mean, you know that disconnect.

• 27:02Dr. John Delony?

  And you all, you have a second layer. Somehow you've convinced yourself that there's shame in being trained and not going. So you don't feel like you're fully in that gang. But you're not fully in the civilian gang. And by the way, you've been holding up your whole family forever and you just kind of blew over my dad left. You know, you get what I'm saying?

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:22Dr. John Delony?

  And you got a six-year-old who's now, how old are you now?

• 27:26Speaker 02

  I'm 29.

• 27:27Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. You got a six-year-old wondering why I don't fit in with the military guys with the stories and why I don't fit in with my civilian friends and why I don't fit in in this town where I don't have any friends. And then by the way, dad, what was so bad about me that you left?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:44Dr. John Delony?

  Of course you're drinking, bro. Alcohol works. And this is gonna sound crazy. I'm gonna applaud you for finding something that works in the meantime. And your strategy is gonna kill you and you know that, right?

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

• 27:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So instead of continually fighting what's essentially become a crutch for you until you go sit with a trauma counselor and walk through and let that little six-year-old boy stop wondering what was so bad about him. Because by the way, nothing.

• 28:18Dr. John Delony?

  And that peacemaker skills that you have can stop working for everybody else, making sure they're at peace, and you can start working on inside. I can. I'm worth having peace.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:32Dr. John Delony?

  Then you deal with the alcohol.

• 28:36Dr. John Delony?

  Because you've got a new support system to help you walk.

• 28:46Dr. John Delony?

  What scares you about talking to people in real life?

• 28:59Speaker 02

  They'll know too much of me. I leave a pretty good first impression. I'm a good worker. I'm a hard worker.

• 29:06Dr. John Delony?

  Nah, you're a Broadway performer.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I'm a pretty good performer, but

• 29:17Speaker 02

  yeah, letting people see all of me, I'm a little bit scared of.

• 29:22Dr. John Delony?

  What's so bad about you that if somebody sees it? That they're going to be disgusted or walk away or not want to be around you?

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Just really ashamed of my past, I think. Just like I don't measure up to the hype.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Now that you ask, it's kind of like there is no real like

• 29:58Speaker 02

  I shouldn't be this disgusted with myself.

• 30:01Dr. John Delony?

  Let's throw the shoulds out. And I just want to suggest that disgust has probably played a role in keeping you safe, too.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:11Dr. John Delony?

  If you can make the switch from I should have, and I have to, and I've got to, and I need to, if you can make the shift to I get to because I'm worth it.

• 30:20Dr. John Delony?

  That's peace.

• 30:25Dr. John Delony?

  I get to tell the truth because I'm worth not hiding from. I'm a pretty good guy.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:33Dr. John Delony?

  I grew up in a hellscape and I've told everyone my whole life that I was good except for a few things. Growing up in the house with somebody who struggles with meth and also her kid and your brother going off to get a bunch of medals and pins and your dad disappearing and your mom living in that chaos and you being the her emotional support animal. Bro, no kid can carry that. And you're almost 30 and you're still carrying it.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I think, I want you to, yes, I want you to cut back on drinking. I want you to sit with somebody and begin to work through that. But I want your position to not be, I need to stop drinking. Cause what you'll do is if you don't deal with that six year old kid inside your chest, you're just going to move to another thing. And it might be work or it might be rage or it might be success. It might be some, it's gonna be another drug.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:26Dr. John Delony?

  Instead, I want your position to be, I am declaring a ceasefire inside my own chest.

• 31:33Dr. John Delony?

  My nine year old self wanted to go to war. My 30 year old self is glad I'm still here in All One Piece.

• 31:41Dr. John Delony?

  My 21 year old self wanted to get in the action too. And bro, I totally get that. And maybe I'm going to go back to grad school and become a counselor and sit with those that did. Cause I can speak their language.

• 31:58Dr. John Delony?

  Just the landscape is wide open.

• 32:03Dr. John Delony?

  I just need you to believe it.

• 32:12Dr. John Delony?

  If you, for the listeners, we often change the state and the town just in case. I'm going to put this out there and you can let me know who's on the phones right now. When we get off the call, if you're in my area here, I want to get your contact info and I'll go have coffee with you.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 32:35Dr. John Delony?

  Is that fair?

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

• 32:44Dr. John Delony?

  Do me a favor. Make a fist. And whatever, whatever hand you would punch somebody in the, in the mouth with, make a fist with that hand, for left-handed or right-handed?

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:55Dr. John Delony?

  And put it right square in the middle of your chest.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:03Dr. John Delony?

  And exhale as deep as you can and pull your shoulders all the way down.

• 33:11Dr. John Delony?

  And say these words to me and the millions of people that will see this clip. I love this guy.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  I love this guy.

• 33:23Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm done fighting him.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  And I'm done fighting him.

• 33:30Dr. John Delony?

  And today is day one.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  Today is day one.

• 33:36Dr. John Delony?

  Amen.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Amen.

• 33:42Dr. John Delony?

  So you get off this phone call, I want you to pull up Google and I want you to commit to go into a meeting tonight, okay?

• 33:48Speaker 02

  Yes, sir.

• 33:48Dr. John Delony?

  And no more hiding. You have nothing to hide about.

• 33:52Dr. John Delony?

  Have you done stupid stuff? Yes, we all have.

• 33:55Dr. John Delony?

  Have you done some big stupid stuff people don't know about? Probably.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:59Dr. John Delony?

  You've been working really hard on making yourself a great dad.

• 34:04Dr. John Delony?

  A good man. You're doing the next right thing. You called me, next right thing. You're gonna sign up for a counselor, next right thing. You're gonna go talk to, uh, like go to, start going to meetings, next right thing.

• 34:20Dr. John Delony?

  Are you back in the gym?

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the only thing that I do right.

• 34:26Dr. John Delony?

  That's not true. That's not true. You take your little boy for ice cream?

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 34:32Dr. John Delony?

  That's something you do right. You tell him you love him every time you see him?

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Every time.

• 34:37Dr. John Delony?

  That's something you do right? Do you wrestle with him?

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:43Dr. John Delony?

  That's something you do right?

• 34:45Dr. John Delony?

  Do you honor his mom even if she's, makes it really tough on you?

• 34:48Speaker 02

  I treat her with the utmost respect. She's the mother of my child.

• 34:51Dr. John Delony?

  You're doing a whole bunch right, brother.

• 34:56Dr. John Delony?

  So that not true statement, that dishonest statement, you're not gonna say that anymore. You're doing a lot of things right.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Understood.

• 35:06Dr. John Delony?

  Fair.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Very fair.

• 35:11Dr. John Delony?

  It has been a high honor to talk to you today, brother. I don't get to talk to a lot of men. I got a, I talked to a lot of men who are doing good stuff and I talked to a lot of men who are feel frozen and stuck. I don't get to talk to a lot of men who are frozen and yet are scratching and clawing from the inside of that ice cube to get out. And that's what you're doing. And I've got the utmost respect for you, man.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 35:41Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Day one.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Day one.

• 35:45Dr. John Delony?

  And if you drink on day seven, okay.

• 35:50Dr. John Delony?

  Shoot me a direct message on Instagram and just say, day one, and I'll applaud you again because we're back on the horse.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 35:59Dr. John Delony?

  But we're not going to war with Tyler anymore. We're making peace with Tyler, ceasefire, it's over, we're friends now. Now we're gonna do the next right thing together.

• 36:07Dr. John Delony?

  And that cannot be done alone, has to be done with other people. Period, point blank, end of story.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:17Dr. John Delony?

  If you come down and visit me, I'll have coffee with you. If you bring a couple of guys, I'll take you out for lunch and buy your lunch. How about that?

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 36:27Dr. John Delony?

  Game on.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Sounds amazing. Game on.

• 36:29Dr. John Delony?

  All right. Hi, high honor, I'm gonna send you Building a Non-Anxious Life as just a gift. It's a, it's a roadmap for you, man.

• 36:39Dr. John Delony?

  And the, the secret to that book is it's not just about anxiety, it's about being uncomfortable in your own skin. It's not gonna be a tool to help you stop drinking, but it will help you build a life that will make alcohol less and less relevant. Okay?

• 36:55Dr. John Delony?

  And if you're like any of my other buddies who are veterans, I'm gonna also send you, the network I work for is the Ramsey Network, their flagship product is Financial Peace, I'm gonna send you that too, and you can start getting control of your money. Cause I know that haunts you too, fair?

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Very fair.

• 37:14Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 37:15Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, and I'm gonna give you all nine lessons, they're digital lessons, you can just watch them by yourself, or if you wanna be a gangster, have your six-year-old sit down by you and watch them together, and y'all can talk about them over ice cream, and you can say, "This cycle stops with me."

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yes, sir.

• 37:31Dr. John Delony?

  Cool, game on?

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Game on.

• 37:34Dr. John Delony?

  Alright, I love you, good man, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I am proud of you, dude.

• 37:42Dr. John Delony?

  If everybody's listening, this right here, what you just heard from Brother Tyler here, this is what bravery and courage looks in real time, in the real world. Having the grit and determination, I will make the next right step.

• 38:01Dr. John Delony?

  God, it's what an honor to talk to you, man. When we come back, I'm gonna talk to a new mom who is mourning the idea of being a stay-at-home mom and struggling with the idea of going back to work. This applies to millions of you, cause I get your questions, stay tuned.

• 38:18Dr. John Delony?

  Alright, so Easter has come and gone again, and just like there's no finish line for your physical health or your mental and emotional well-being, there's no finish line for being still and intentional about gratitude, about growing in your faith, and about building a relationship with God, and this is good news. Intentionality about spiritual matters is a practice, and any time can be a new starting point. So if you're committed to consistent practice of gratitude, prayer, or reflection during Lent, I want to encourage you to keep going. The small daily habits add up to a transformed life. For my daily practice, I personally use Hallow, the number one prayer app in the world.

• 39:00Dr. John Delony?

  It's a great tool to help me stay connected, to help me slow down, and to help me be grateful. Whether it's a guided meditation, there are tons of music or scripture readings, Hallow helps me stay mindful even when life feels like it's falling apart. So set reminders, carve out time, and keep leaving space for God with Hallow. Plus, when you sign up at hallow.com/daloni, you'll get three months for free. So even if you missed out on Lent, it's still a great time to start. Go to Hallow, H-A-L-L-O-W, hallow.com/daloni for three months for free. What up, Elizabeth?

• 39:40Speaker 03

  Hi, Dr. John. Thanks for having me.

• 39:42Dr. John Delony?

  Of course. Love. How are you?

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Good. How are you?

• 39:45Dr. John Delony?

  I'm running a scam called a podcast. What's up?

• 39:49Speaker 03

  I love it. So I'm currently struggling being back at work when my desire is to just be a stay-at-home mom and the best wife that I can be. So I'm just kind of wondering how to navigate this next season of life.

• 40:04Dr. John Delony?

  Why'd you go back to work?

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I went back about two months ago.

• 40:09Dr. John Delony?

  How come?

• 40:11Speaker 03

  I'm basically the one who has the health insurance, dental, all those benefits.

• 40:22Dr. John Delony?

  What's your... Are you married?

• 40:25Speaker 03

  I am, yes.

• 40:26Dr. John Delony?

  What's your partner do?

• 40:28Speaker 03

  He is a sales rep for... He does rough proofing on vehicles and helps the sales guys sell their product.

• 40:36Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. What's he make a year?

• 40:40Speaker 03

  Last year, he made about $180.

• 40:43Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So y'all can afford health insurance if you wanted it, right?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 40:50Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So answer me the question. Why are you back at work?

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Basically, to help provide for the lifestyle we enjoy.

• 41:02Dr. John Delony?

  There you go. So the har... It feels so cruel and soulless, right? When I ask it like this. What do you want more? The Tahoe and the jet skis? Or do you want to be holding your babies?

• 41:19Speaker 03

  Holding my baby.

• 41:22Dr. John Delony?

  Is he not on board with this plan?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Hmm. He sees it more when there's more than one kid in the picture.

• 41:35Dr. John Delony?

  I feel like you're holding back a little bit.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, I think he says it, but I don't know that he is on board. He grew up pretty comfortable, um.

• 41:49Dr. John Delony?

  He makes a hundred and eighty thousand dollars a year. Y'all are gonna make it.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's, um, getting him on board and that's the part of me that I don't ever want to resent him.

• 42:09Dr. John Delony?

  You're really close already.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. And he's the best husband and dad.

• 42:17Dr. John Delony?

  So are you not telling, well, there's two things or one big thing. Either that statement isn't true. It's something you just keep repeating to yourself.

• 42:27Dr. John Delony?

  Because if he makes, if he made thirty five thousand bucks and he was in grad school and he was driving Uber in the morning and you had to go back to work because y'all have to eat.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 42:37Dr. John Delony?

  Because apartment rent is insane and house rent is insane and buying a house, God help anybody trying to do that, right?

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:44Dr. John Delony?

  If that was the case, I would exhale with you and say, y'all are in a rough season and I hate it for you.

• 42:52Dr. John Delony?

  And I would say, he's an amazing dad and husband trying to grind it out and make it work.

• 42:58Dr. John Delony?

  He makes a hundred and eighty thousand dollars, by the way, in a field where he is hustling and scratching and clawing, right?

• 43:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:04Dr. John Delony?

  He's not sitting at a desk just getting a salary. He's busting it out there, which tells me he's a hard worker and he'll go get stuff done when he needs to, right?

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 43:11Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So either he's the best husband and father and you haven't been fully honest with him about how much your job is killing you?

• 43:23Dr. John Delony?

  Or he's not the best husband and father. He's a pretty selfish guy. He doesn't care that his wife is withering away in her own home. Because he wants his new Tahoe and he wants his jet skis.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:37Dr. John Delony?

  One of those two things is true.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  I do believe he's an amazing husband and father. I do think he has, and this is something we've always talked about. He has selfish tendencies, for sure, as far as nice things. And he's in a job where he's the only sales guy at the company. And if he were to lose an account, like his income isn't always, like, he can't be promised that this next year he'll make the same amount of money if he were to lose an account.

• 44:12Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 44:14Dr. John Delony?

  So, so basically, he's using his wife as his insurance plan or his fallback plan?

• 44:26Speaker 03

  Kind of what it feels like, yeah.

• 44:28Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that's not a good way to quote unquote, "use" your wife.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:32Dr. John Delony?

  If y'all both agree for a season, "My job's pretty precarious. I need you to pick up some work so that we can go back and get a full-time job so we can make sure at least we have health insurance for this little baby and all." I get that.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  But is that selfish of me?

• 44:46Dr. John Delony?

  To want to be a stay-at-home mom? God, no.

• 44:50Dr. John Delony?

  No.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  I just feel like anyone I talk to about it, especially his family, they're, they just kind of tell me that's not practical and they don't know how we'd make ends meet. And, um...

• 45:03Dr. John Delony?

  You make a hundred and eight, let's say he, his salary got cut in half.

• 45:09Dr. John Delony?

  You'd make ninety thousand dollars.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:13Dr. John Delony?

  That's not what it was five years ago or ten years ago, but you're still not starving. You're doing just fine.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:26Dr. John Delony?

  Even working part-time.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I've been trying everything on my end to go to part-time or, um, it's just not really working out. Um, my company isn't allowing that right now.

• 45:44Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And so maybe that's not the company for you. And that's okay. That's a conversation for a future thing. But the deeper thing here is, I don't think you're struggling with going back to work with a new baby.

• 45:58Dr. John Delony?

  I think the baby exposed, you're living with a provider, but a very selfish man.

• 46:05Dr. John Delony?

  And you've probably always known that a little bit, but you could navigate it. And now that you have a kid, you can't navigate it anymore.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:14Dr. John Delony?

  And what in the world? He's allowing his family to speak in on his behalf. They don't get to do that. They don't get a vote.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  I think we both come from a divorce household. And both my family and his family have said, they know that financial struggles can really affect a marriage. And so I think that's the selfish part of me that I know he does. Like to me, a hundred and eighty thousand dollars is a lot of money. I know there's sacrifices we would have to make as far as, you know, maybe we can't go on a trip as often as we'd like, or...

• 47:00Dr. John Delony?

  That's not a sacrifice.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:04Dr. John Delony?

  That's not. A sacrifice is when a dad doesn't eat dinner.

• 47:10Dr. John Delony?

  A sacrifice is when a mom and dad say, in this season, we have three kids under the age of four, we will never go to a restaurant for a calendar year because we simply cannot afford it.

• 47:22Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna take the bus. I'm gonna get a ride to work.

• 47:27Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna make this, this full-time sales job. And at night, I'm going to go to night school so that I'm not beholden to, if one account goes away, we, we starve.

• 47:37Dr. John Delony?

  That's a sacrifice. Not going on a third vacation is not a sacrifice.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:45Dr. John Delony?

  Not being able to travel to family holidays, that's not a sacrifice. It's just not. Not in the grand scheme of all humanity until like 30 years ago. And I'm not mad at you at all. I'm just, this is the cultural air that we're all breathing.

• 48:04Dr. John Delony?

  Because the illusion is those things, that stuff, those pictures on Instagram or in our phones, are somehow gonna give us the peace that... Here's why financial stress destroys marriages. Number one, there is the basics. If you're hungry, you don't make good choices. If you're scared to death at work, you don't make good choices. If you don't have a car, or you're cold, because you don't have any heat, totally get it. Abject poverty is very tough, right? But the reason financial stress hurts most marriages is because people aren't united in moving forward towards a goal.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Right.

• 48:50Dr. John Delony?

  And so, the unity is the problem. Not the... up to a certain point, not the income level.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:02Dr. John Delony?

  Everything above that is about ego and pride, and what I want to show the world. Or what I think I quote-unquote "deserve."

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:13Dr. John Delony?

  The peace you're chasing is found in both people with both feet in the boat.

• 49:22Dr. John Delony?

  Are you scared that if you tell him the truth about how you feel, you're gonna end up like both of y'all's families?

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Um, a little bit.

• 49:33Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  Like, I don't think he'd ever leave me or anything like that.

• 49:39Dr. John Delony?

  You think he's gonna resent you?

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So you'll have a resentment collision in slow motion happening right in front of me. And it doesn't make you unique. Every marriage I know has multiple seasons of this. But somebody has to stop and put it on the table.

• 50:01Dr. John Delony?

  Like this. I can't breathe in my own house.

• 50:07Dr. John Delony?

  Every morning I hand this kid off to go sit in some dead eyed office to make money for somebody else.

• 50:15Dr. John Delony?

  I can't, it's not about being the best mom and wife, I mean, that's a performance thing. This is about, I'm starting to hate breathing in my own skin. I don't like the life. The thought of somebody else raising my kid.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I hate it.

• 50:32Dr. John Delony?

  And so, I want us to put on paper a four month plan for me to stay home. What must be true?

• 50:40Dr. John Delony?

  A six month plan. In six months, I'm out. So what subscriptions do we have to cut? What cars do we have to sell? What credit cards do we have to pay off? What house do we have to downsize? What vacations are we going to cancel?

• 51:00Dr. John Delony?

  What must be true?

• 51:04Dr. John Delony?

  And put on the table. I don't want to resent you. I love you too much. And by saying this stuff out loud, I'm terrified that you're going to resent me and not love me or this kid.

• 51:15Dr. John Delony?

  Put on the table.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  And I've told him, I'm scared of resenting him and that's his...

• 51:23Speaker 03

  He gets very sad when I say that as well and he doesn't want that either.

• 51:28Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  So I just feel like we're in this revolving door of...

• 51:33Dr. John Delony?

  Yep, somebody's got to break the loop.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:37Dr. John Delony?

  Somebody's got to break the loop. And I get, dude, I don't want to bad mouth the guy. Sounds like he's working hard, but it sounds like he's trapped too. And this is what, I didn't have this life growing up. I'm going to make this life, period.

• 51:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:52Dr. John Delony?

  And I think the challenge is for two, two people at this point in a marriage, both of you come from broken home, from divorced homes, right? From a mess and you're trying to create something new and you both go in with a picture of what that looks like. That's well and good and it helps you survive. Now you have a kid. Now you gotta both say, okay, what is our picture going to be? Let's co-create it together.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  How can I approach him without feeling selfish for leaving work? Or like when he says, "Life is expensive."

• 52:34Dr. John Delony?

  Well, there's two ways. One, feel what you're gonna feel. Your body's gonna try to protect you any way you can. And many young girls who come from divorced homes, their job was to keep the emotional lights on in the house. That can't be your job anymore. You'll have to both do that.

• 52:55Dr. John Delony?

  So your job isn't to make sure all the windows are open and the sun's in the house. That's both of y'all's job. Which means some days he opens the blinds and some days you open the blinds. So your body's gonna feel what it's gonna feel. It's gonna try to keep you safe the way it's been trying to keep you safe your whole life. You can't make decisions based on that. And then the second part is, we have to approach that, those throwaway statements, "Well, life is expensive. Cool, let's map it out. Let's see."

• 53:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, we did do that. He did sit down and go through everything and all said and done with everything and he included if, you know, we were to pay for insurance and all of that. And it was like we had about $900 left over.

• 53:44Dr. John Delony?

  And for a season when you have young kids, that's not enough?

• 53:52Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 53:56Dr. John Delony?

  I'm asking you. It's $10,000 extra dollars a year.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  No.

• 54:03Dr. John Delony?

  No, it's not. It's more than that. No, it's about $10,000 a year.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  I think for the season, it would be worth being home with my kids.

• 54:14Dr. John Delony?

  I 100% agree with you.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  And I'm just afraid we don't have the same values in that.

• 54:21Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, that's where you have to go.

• 54:25Dr. John Delony?

  Because couples can be all over the place when it comes to beliefs. They can be all over the place when it comes to desires. They gotta be unified on those central values.

• 54:36Dr. John Delony?

  And central values are things like, "I want peace in this house."

• 54:42Dr. John Delony?

  Or central values are,

• 54:46Dr. John Delony?

  if one of you hates your job and needs to get out of it for whatever reason, we're gonna both work together to see if that's a reality. It might be a two-year reality, it might be a five-year reality, because we borrowed so much money, we can't do it, we literally can't do it right now. It might be a six-month reality.

• 55:00Dr. John Delony?

  Nine hundred quote-unquote "extra dollars", if you're smart, or not smart, I didn't say that right, if you are savvy, can become $1,200.

• 55:12Dr. John Delony?

  And that's assuming, you're assuming he might lose an account, but he might gain an account. And if he's a great scrappy, go-get-'em salesman,

• 55:21Dr. John Delony?

  he needs to find another job that's not so precarious that one account, the whole world goes away.

• 55:28Dr. John Delony?

  He can go use those talents, everybody, the world spins around salesmen. He can go find other sales jobs that will pay him a considerable amount of money. Everybody's looking for a good salesman, everybody.

• 55:41Dr. John Delony?

  And so I think it's about saying, "Okay, six months, what must be true?" And, by the way, I don't want him to do that, I want y'all to do that. Y'all to do it.

• 55:56Dr. John Delony?

  Kelly, what's that, um, what's that insurance company that Rachel uses?

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Christian Healthcare Ministries.

• 56:02Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, check out Christian Healthcare Ministries. Um, I don't know, they don't have a faith requirement, I don't think, but that's just, that's the name of the company. Um, go check them out, that might be a great alternative also. Um, a friend of mine endorses them, and I've heard great things about their, like, I just don't want you to Google one thing and be like, "All right, that's it", and then move on.

• 56:21Dr. John Delony?

  And I also know there's sales jobs, because I work at a place where there are salesmen who get benefits. And so it might be, "Okay, I'm gonna look around, and I'm gonna go get a job doing sales where I make $150", and, but I'm also gonna get health insurance and benefits, so we can all exhale a little bit. There's, what I'm saying is, there's a path, there's a path, there's a path. You're not crazy. I shout from the rooftops and salute, "Anybody who wants to stay at home, mom." Love it, love it, love it. And

• 56:53Dr. John Delony?

  you're headed towards a slow-moving resentment wreck. And so, yeah, I think it's saying, "I tried it for two months, I tried it for four months, however long you've tried it."

• 57:03Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna have to make a change. Feel how, feel like, oh my gosh, I feel this, I feel that, I feel guilty, I feel whatever. Exhale and then go do the next right thing for your family. Together. This is a tough one, Elizabeth. Thanks for the call, sister. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. More and more people are becoming aware of the need for mental and emotional and physical health resources. Whether it's finally taking action with their physical health, finally getting some friends to do life with, or finally getting the courage to seek professional mental health support. But when it comes to seeing a therapist, over a quarter of the people surveyed say they avoid getting therapy due to fear of judgment.

• 57:43Dr. John Delony?

  I understand this. I felt the same judgment before I finally got the courage to go get help. When people won't get help, it doesn't just affect them. It affects their families, their workplaces, and their entire communities. The world is better when people are healthy and whole. And if I can be selfish for a moment, the world is better when you are healthy and whole. So if you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule. They have a network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with just the right therapist for them. So to get started, fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist.

• 58:28Dr. John Delony?

  If it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. And it's really easy to switch. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com/deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash deloney. All right, Kelly, something cool happened. What is it?

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Yes, this is from a woman in Kentucky who asked to remain anonymous, but she writes, "Tonight on Instagram, John posted about grabbing your husband's face and telling him that you're proud of him."

• 58:57Dr. John Delony?

  Grabbing his what?

• 58:58Speaker 04

  Face.

• 58:59Dr. John Delony?

  Face.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  Face.

• 59:01Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  "I thought that I say it enough, but tonight, as I leaned down to kiss him, I grabbed his face and I said it. I felt a little silly, but my husband actually teared up and told me how much it meant to him that I said that. It goes to show that it never hurts to tell him more and more how proud I am of him and how much we appreciate him. So thank you for the idea."

• 59:21Dr. John Delony?

  I'm telling you right now, if...

• 59:25Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the honest truth. Some husbands don't act in a way that is worthy of their wife grabbing their face and saying, hey, stop, stop, stop. I am proud of you. I'm glad I picked you to do life with. I only got one shot at this. I'm glad I chose you.

• 59:40Dr. John Delony?

  Some guys aren't there, but for those that are, nobody's perfect, but for those that are, I'm telling you right now, if you're listening to this show, make it a point tonight to take a quick stolen moment, grab your husband by the face, just look him in the eyes and say, I need you to hear me say this. I'm so proud of you. So glad I chose you. I'm grateful every day at how you're trying to hold this whole thing together in a crazy world.

• 1:00:08Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, that's like a drink of water in a desert for an exhausted husband. Thank you guys so much. Love y'all. Bye.