RICHARD KIND Talks Coen Brothers, Death, And George Clooney

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:30Speaker 03

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• 2:00Speaker 04

  Since I did Serious Man, I get offered every Jewish role.

• 2:04Adam Friedland?

  Isn't that just so offensive?

• 2:08Speaker 04

  It's not that offensive. I don't blame them.

• 2:10Adam Friedland?

  So, we're not gonna do that next pitch that I have for you. It's not very inspirational. It's about the first Jew who died in the Holocaust.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Oh, that's funny.

• 2:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  I mean, it's like, come on, it's one Jew.

• 2:23Adam Friedland?

  No, he's like in life.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  It's like one Jew.

• 2:25Adam Friedland?

  He's like in life for the train.

• 2:26Speaker 04

  The first Jew to die.

• 2:32Adam Friedland?

  I think it's a good idea.

• 3:05Adam Friedland?

  Hello and welcome to The Adam Friedland Show. I'm Adam Friedland. As always, I gotta shout out our members here on youtube.com. If you would like to join the Friedland Family Foundation and get bonus content, your name in the credits, discounts on merch, and access to episodes before everyone else, you can do so by hitting the join button at the top of the page or by clicking the link in the description below. Also, if you prefer to support us through Patreon, we have a link in our description to our Patreon. My guest this week is beloved character actor Richard Kind. Of course, he's known for his roles in projects such as Serious Man, Sharknado 2, the list goes on and on. He's the kind of actor where every time he appears on the screen,

• 3:46Adam Friedland?

  he just makes you smile. You feel like you've run into an old friend or something. Kind of like when you see, what's her name?

• 3:56Adam Friedland?

  Uh, fucking... Who's the redhead from Boogie Nights? Julianne Moore. Kinda like when you see Julianne Moore's titties. Now, during the research process, I tried to find some commonality between me and the guest. And I'll be honest with you guys, this one had me stumped. Like, what could I possibly have in common? With character actor Richard Kind. As many of you know, I'm an outsider in the traditional media complex. People have described me as a punk rocker, or a disruptor. I don't know what that means. But Richard Kind could not be further from my world. He's a Hollywood mainstay. He's entrenched in the establishment, the studio system. And he's been there for decades. He's...

• 4:40Adam Friedland?

  He's bedded some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood famously. And I prefer to keep my sexuality a secret, kinda like Pedro Pascal. I enjoy spending my time with my staff here at the Adam Friedland Show. Meanwhile, Richard's someone who rubs shoulders with A-listers. His best friend's George Clooney, and his second best friend is George Clooney's wife. But despite the circumstances, this was one of the most intriguing and inspiring conversations of my life. Two strangers from two different worlds, who through the power of dialogue, find that we're all just human. We live in divided times. Most Americans prefer binging on streaming services, instead of helping a neighbor who's being beaten to death.

• 5:22Adam Friedland?

  So after the end credits theme song plays in this episode, and you're sitting there in your living room, go out of your house. Go up to a stranger, any stranger, don't be afraid, no matter who it is. And say hello. I think you're gonna like what happens next. So with that, my interview with Richard Kind, guys. Enjoy it.

• 5:46Adam Friedland?

  He's Jewish, also. Oh! He's also Jewish. You are so right. Yeah.

• 5:56Adam Friedland?

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• 6:42Adam Friedland?

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• 7:07Adam Friedland?

  Ladies and gentlemen, legendary Hollywood actor Richard Cohn, everyone.

• 7:13Adam Friedland?

  I was 15 minutes late.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Sit down, sit down, everybody, sit down. The band sounds great.

• 7:19Adam Friedland?

  Oh, my gosh. No, we pipe them in. We have Cool in the Gang, actually.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 7:24Adam Friedland?

  Live via satellite.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 7:25Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, they play a different song. It's incredibly expensive.

• 7:30Adam Friedland?

  Thank you for coming.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  My pleasure to be here.

• 7:31Adam Friedland?

  I acknowledge I was 15 minutes late.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  But why?

• 7:34Adam Friedland?

  My dog ate some shit.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Oh, that's the worst. I just heard last night, I'm walking on the street, and two beautiful dogs and a lovely, lovely woman.

• 7:47Adam Friedland?

  I wouldn't call them that.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  What?

• 7:49Adam Friedland?

  The wo- the wo-

• 7:50Speaker 04

  The woman was not a dog.

• 7:51Adam Friedland?

  Oh, okay, alright, come on.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  But the woman was describing, one of the dogs ate a towel. And they, they, they sit at home together, and she has a camera and she watches the dogs during the day while she's at work. They don't play with each other, and they're brother and sister.

• 8:06Adam Friedland?

  Oh my god.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Isn't that sort of fascinating?

• 8:08Adam Friedland?

  You wanna hear something beautiful?

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Go ahead.

• 8:10Adam Friedland?

  Okay, my dog, she's a real piece of crap, I got her off the streets.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Great, no, the best.

• 8:15Adam Friedland?

  She, I, I, I rescued her, uh, she's a, she's a pit bull, she's from Bedford-Stuyvesant.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  Now I have to like you.

• 8:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I'm a good guy, I'm a really good guy. Her name's Isis, which was difficult, I couldn't, I call her Icy, cause I can't be at the dog park, I can't be like, I'm training with Isis. You know, like, okay, of course. So, Isis, I, uh, first of all, Isis has been shitting all night in the house, it's like I have a newborn or something, yeah.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  She's sick?

• 8:43Adam Friedland?

  She's sick, right now, so yeah, I haven't gotten any sleep, and I, you know, she's a big fan too, she, she would be, it would break her heart if she knew.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  What's her favorite thing I've done? Go ahead, okay, I'm kidding, go, go ahead. Talk about the dog, we gotta hurry, we gotta hurry.

• 8:55Adam Friedland?

  In general, smelling piss is her favorite thing, but, yeah, she can't get enough of it, actually. She would, I wish I liked anything that much.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  So, what, what's the diagnosis?

• 9:04Adam Friedland?

  So, uh, I don't know, she, they just gave her some antibiotics or something, and I'm feeding her right.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  Okay, let me ask a couple of questions, how long ago did you find her?

• 9:12Adam Friedland?

  I found her now, I think, ten, ten years ago, okay.

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 9:17Adam Friedland?

  So, so she was a depressed woman, okay? She, uh, and some guy was like, I was just breeding her at my, at my, uh, at my grandmother's house, she has nowhere to live. And her, like, nipples were distended, because she was a breeder dog for, like, fight dogs, right?

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Ah, ah, it is a good one.

• 9:34Adam Friedland?

  She was depressed, she was like, and she was sad, and when, when I got her, and then she got in a big, huge, street fight. When I, when, like, within a week of me getting her, and I, I'd never had a dog before, and I, listen, I'm like the definition of a gentrifier. Like, I'm like a, like a Jewish guy with, like, with, it's like a hundred and fifty pounds wet, with like a murder machine, on like, on a leash. And so she gets in this terrible fight with this other pit bull, and then this-

• 9:57Speaker 04

  With another pit bull.

• 9:58Adam Friedland?

  Bagger Vance shows up, this ghost, and he said, "You wanna get the dogs to stop fighting?" And he's like, "You gotta put a stick up their ass." And then, so I put a, I was putting a stick up my dog's ass.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  Hold on, hold on.

• 10:08Adam Friedland?

  Wait, wait.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Are you serious? A stick up the ass?

• 10:11Adam Friedland?

  A stick up the ass. Well, it'll get anyone to stop fighting, really.

• 10:14Speaker 04

  I understand, but there's, there's a, an expression. Put a stick up their ass. And then there's the reality of sticking a stick up their ass.

• 10:21Adam Friedland?

  I, I literally, I, I, I couldn't find a stick, so I ended up putting a, full disclosure, I ended up putting, I'm not, I'm no kink, kinky guy, but I put my, I put my finger. And then she released immediately. Anyway, so terrible dog, but she's been, she loves. Okay, we're walking, we're walking down the street. We see a boy dog, this is like a, a year ago, a doppelganger, exact, looks exactly like her. And I said, "Oh my God, they could be twins." My dog starts jumping up, spinning, jumping up, spinning, jumping up, spinning. The, the boy dog's like bored, he doesn't care. I say, "Oh yeah, you know, like, she's a Brooklyn dog.

• 11:01Adam Friedland?

  I got her on like, you know, on Green, uh, between like Malcolm X and I forgot the other cross street." And he said, "Oh, this dog's from that same block." I said, "How old is he? How old is he?" And they said, "Uh, he's nine." And I said, "She's ten." And so in my, I think she met her son.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 11:23Adam Friedland?

  I, I started weeping.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  But there's so many.

• 11:25Adam Friedland?

  I started weeping on the streets.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  I'm gonna go back to another part of the story is, the amount of legal damage that could have been thrust upon you, much less physical damage, much less physical damage to you, to physical damage to somebody else with a dog like that. Like you say, it's a killing machine.

• 11:44Adam Friedland?

  It's the, it was, she was still in survival mode.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  I mean, I've, I heard a story about somebody walking their dog on the, uh, in the Hamptons, and the dog attacked the other dog, killed it.

• 11:55Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, that's classic Hamptons for you.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Isn't it, though?

• 11:59Adam Friedland?

  This is.

• 11:59Speaker 04

  I mean, they're just ruthless. The Hamptons is ruthless.

• 12:02Adam Friedland?

  Maybe in West Hampton, you know?

• 12:05Speaker 04

  They bring law school down with them.

• 12:06Adam Friedland?

  I don't even consider that the Hamptons, you know? I call it Worst Hampton. Okay, we're sorry, our audience is penniless and, uh, and alone, so I don't know if that's a good place to start.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Well, stick a finger up their ass.

• 12:17Adam Friedland?

  I'll stick a finger up.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  Up the ass of all your audience.

• 12:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I, well, it's funny because there is that legendary story. Start, talking, speaking of crapping and animals. There's the legendary, you were roommates with Mr. George Clooney. I'm sure you're asked about this all the time.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  All the time. Let's not ask about it now.

• 12:36Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  No, I'm gonna stop, I'll stop. I'm gonna tell you a couple of things.

• 12:40Adam Friedland?

  So George Clooney took a shit on your dog?

• 12:41Speaker 04

  That's correct.

• 12:42Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, that's the story.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  I will tell you, I get asked, I, my joke is, is that, under special skills on my resume, I have friend of George Clooney. People, more people ask about George than they ask about me.

• 12:53Adam Friedland?

  I didn't mean to.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  I know you don't mean to, and we didn't talk. This is how, let me just say, this is how improvised and fresh this is. We didn't even pre-interview. So he doesn't know, don't ask a lot about George, because, I'm gonna tell you why. It's because he gets asked about by me a lot, number one. Number two, I talk and I talk and I talk and I talk. And, and I might say something that may be interpreted as negative about George. And, you know what, just recently, I was misquoted in New Yorker magazine and in the, the notes. They, they had like an interview, a fact-checking thing. I cleared it up, and still, it was printed incorrectly.

• 13:38Adam Friedland?

  I read that. You, you said that George Clooney wants China to invade Taiwan, didn't you?

• 13:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:43Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  See, this is why.

• 13:44Adam Friedland?

  Why would you say that?

• 13:44Speaker 04

  This is why I don't like to talk about him.

• 13:46Adam Friedland?

  You should check with your friend.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  They misunderstand.

• 13:48Adam Friedland?

  Why would you say that?

• 13:49Speaker 04

  People misunderstand.

• 13:50Adam Friedland?

  That's a globe, that is.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  I know, it was a wrong decision.

• 13:53Adam Friedland?

  And his wife's at the UN. I mean, it's just crazy.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  It was horrible.

• 13:56Adam Friedland?

  What do you think you're doing?

• 13:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. And, and anything we'll say could be taken by the New York Post and, and turn, so, so I don't like to talk about George. And yet, as stories go on.

• 14:07Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  I always bring him up, but I'm not gonna, I try not to.

• 14:10Adam Friedland?

  You, you also said that George Clooney said that on January 6th, they should have finished the job?

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Why are you going there?

• 14:18Adam Friedland?

  I don't know.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  You're so...

• 14:19Adam Friedland?

  I don't know what I'm doing. I was late today.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  You're an incendiary community.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  What do you want to know about me?

• 14:28Adam Friedland?

  I first became aware of you during Spin City. That was like when I was a kid.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  And yet, I had a life before that, but that's okay.

• 14:35Adam Friedland?

  No, no, no.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, but that's how old you are.

• 14:37Adam Friedland?

  But I understand, but I understand from my research, you grew up in Philly. And you and I were at a very similar crossroads in our lives. We both were gonna go to law school and then we pursued our fabulous artistic pursuit.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I'd say it, and this is, I mean, anybody who's seen an interview with me, I always say this. My dad's best friend said, "Try acting."

• 14:59Adam Friedland?

  Roy Cohn? He was the lawyer for the McCarthy hearings.

• 15:02Speaker 04

  Well, George, he was George's lawyer and then told me to, you know, hook onto Roy Cohn.

• 15:07Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  So, my dad's best friend said, "Try acting because when you're 40, you're gonna resent your wife and kids for having left your dream behind." So, I tried it and I was, I actually wasn't any good, but I got away with it and I enjoyed it. And then, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you something that, that I think is sort of interesting and it, and it hit me, is that when you're around 27, 28, 29 and you're an actor, all of a sudden, at that age, you want a house, you want kids, you want money, you want the trappings that you knew your parents had. And so, you say enough of this acting and you'll either go into law or you become a producer, a director, or a writer, or whatever it is, or an agent,

• 15:52Speaker 04

  and you make a lot more money. When I was 27 or 28, I went to Second City.

• 15:57Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  And I was hired and I worked every night. So, I was an actor every night for four and a half years. So, I didn't even have time to say, and I was making a li, not a good living, but I was making a living. And then, all of a sudden, I'm 33 years old and, Jesus, what am I gonna do with my life? And I kept being an actor.

• 16:14Adam Friedland?

  I think my qualification was if I can make money for rent and everything from just comedy. Like, if I didn't need another job, then I was a comedian.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  I, I used to say I didn't want to have kids until I could afford to send them to camp.

• 16:29Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:30Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, that's, we have our, you know, our bar and... I did, I made rent. I could make rent all the time.

• 16:39Adam Friedland?

  Did you go to camp growing up?

• 16:40Speaker 04

  Hell yeah.

• 16:41Adam Friedland?

  Me too.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, what camp, where?

• 16:42Adam Friedland?

  Uh, in upstate New York, obviously, one Jew, Jewish.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Well, I went to Camp Sunapee in New London, New Hampshire.

• 16:49Adam Friedland?

  Did you, did you, were there girls at yours?

• 16:51Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:52Adam Friedland?

  Oh, really?

• 16:53Speaker 04

  No, were there girls at yours?

• 16:54Adam Friedland?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Did you get laid?

• 16:55Adam Friedland?

  Uh, no.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  First kiss at camp?

• 16:57Adam Friedland?

  Third base, third base, yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  Okay, I then went to tennis camp and, and didn't get laid, but, you know, went, went this far.

• 17:05Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I was pretty close.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was pretty close.

• 17:08Adam Friedland?

  I wasn't doing really-

• 17:09Speaker 04

  And she was a good tennis player.

• 17:10Adam Friedland?

  She was, too.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 17:12Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 17:12Speaker 04

  I don't remember.

• 17:13Adam Friedland?

  She was funny, though. She was pretty smart.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  Why?

• 17:17Adam Friedland?

  I don't know, she probably like you.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  You know what, you're right, because I don't get pretty girls, I get smart girls.

• 17:21Adam Friedland?

  I don't, I, you get, you, you've dated some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  I, I was very lucky, my wife, who is no longer my wife, but, is beautiful.

• 17:31Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  I've been very lucky, I, I, it's why I don't date, why I don't have as many girlfriends as I would have liked in my life, because my bar is high, especially with what's on my resume.

• 17:43Adam Friedland?

  My problem was I, I was, I would watch Seinfeld growing up, and I would see George-

• 17:46Speaker 04

  He got everybody.

• 17:47Adam Friedland?

  I would see George with these elevens, and I'd be like, it's, it's a lie, it's on TV, obviously, he, and then I moved to New York, and it's, this is the land of, this is the place where-

• 17:58Speaker 04

  Beautiful, smart, you know what they do like.

• 17:59Adam Friedland?

  But us, but us guys, somehow-

• 18:02Speaker 04

  We, we do.

• 18:03Adam Friedland?

  Because they've seen enough, because they've watched Annie Hall, they think it's acceptable to be with a frigging, just, to be, yeah. Thank you, thank you, Mr. Costanza and Mr. Allen.

• 18:17Speaker 04

  You're right.

• 18:17Adam Friedland?

  I mean-

• 18:18Speaker 04

  It's very, very true.

• 18:19Adam Friedland?

  It's kinda true.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's kinda true.

• 18:20Adam Friedland?

  I'm never leaving.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 18:22Adam Friedland?

  I can't.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  Do you like LA?

• 18:24Adam Friedland?

  What do you think, I, what kind of action could I get going over there? In Texas, do you think I could meet a woman?

• 18:31Speaker 04

  In Texas?

• 18:33Adam Friedland?

  No, I was born in LA, in fact.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  Were you?

• 18:36Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  If I were a betting man, I would have said you were not.

• 18:40Adam Friedland?

  I was, well, I look like I'm...

• 18:41Speaker 04

  Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, from Brooklyn.

• 18:44Adam Friedland?

  My parents are from South Africa. Cape Town.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  No kidding?

• 18:47Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  I'm going to South Africa. I'm taking my kids on a safari.

• 18:51Adam Friedland?

  Oh, you are?

• 18:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:52Adam Friedland?

  Where are you going? Uh, Kruger?

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Botswana.

• 18:54Adam Friedland?

  Botswana? Oh my God, you're going on the good one.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  I know.

• 18:57Adam Friedland?

  You're going on the good one?

• 18:58Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 18:59Adam Friedland?

  Oh my God, it's awesome. I, I, uh, can I come?

• 19:02Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 19:03Adam Friedland?

  Okay, we can go see my grandma.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, we, we, we need somebody to throw out.

• 19:07Adam Friedland?

  She just got a hip.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  A little, a little loring. Oh, your grandmother still lives in, in South Africa?

• 19:12Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's, she's never leaving. Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  Well, I understand, she's your grandmother.

• 19:17Adam Friedland?

  All the grandmas, all the grandmas stayed. All my parents' generation of Jews left during, during apartheid. And then the grandmas are like, I'm not going anywhere.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  I, of course not.

• 19:26Adam Friedland?

  Well, that's not how they talk, but yeah, yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. Does she have an accent?

• 19:30Adam Friedland?

  Of course, yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  But, but not a Jewish accent?

• 19:33Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. You know what I realized?

• 19:34Speaker 04

  Can you do an impression of her?

• 19:37Adam Friedland?

  Adam, you've got a lot of problems.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Okay. No, that, that's not what any Jewish grandmother sounds like.

• 19:43Adam Friedland?

  I haven't seen you in four years. He's like, here are the things that are wrong with you. So, we're competitors in this space.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  In what, what, tell me.

• 19:51Adam Friedland?

  I know, you work for the, you work for the other guys. You work for, for the Red Sox.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  What?

• 19:56Adam Friedland?

  You're the announcer for Milady's talk show.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he doesn't have a podcast.

• 19:59Adam Friedland?

  This is not a podcast. This is a, this is 1,000...

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see what, what you're saying. Oh, this is a talk show. I thought it was a podcast when I came in here and you weren't here when you were late. This is a talk show. This is, this is Dick Cabot, who I loved. And I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I know Dick Cabot.

• 20:16Adam Friedland?

  You know, I know he's alive.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  He's not just alive, he's a nice man.

• 20:20Adam Friedland?

  How old is he? He's like 90s.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Okay. Yeah, he's old. Why would you, why would you point fingers at age? He's an old man.

• 20:28Adam Friedland?

  I think it's great to live long. I don't, I don't want to die, ever.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  I don't either, and yet, the other night, I'm coming up in my apartment, and it's 2:30 in the morning, and I open the-

• 20:40Adam Friedland?

  What's your address?

• 20:42Speaker 04

  And I open the door to the elevator, and there's a man standing there who lives on my floor, very old man, very old, and wizened and everything, and I go, "John, what's the matter?" He goes, "I'm waiting for my wife." I mean, he's, he's this, he's, he's a little man.

• 21:01Adam Friedland?

  So un-.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  And I go, "John, do you, do you wanna go back to bed?" And he goes, "Yes." And I put him, I take my arm around him, and I walk him in, and I walk him to his apartment, and I go, I'm going, I walk him down, I mean, it takes 10 minutes, cause he's shuffling, and I walk him down, and I don't wanna scare his wife, who has no idea that he's roaming the halls, waiting for her. I go, "Louisa, Louisa, we get to the bed, Louisa, I'm doing it softly," and then she just wakes up, and I, a woman of a, and she goes, "Oh," and just hopped out of bed. I took his bathrobe off, helped him into bed, he's got a urine

• 21:43Speaker 04

  stain the size of my fist, and the saddest thing. So, I wanna live forever, I wanna see my kids grow up, I wanna see every good movie that's coming out, I wanna see what's gonna happen to this country. I love living.

• 21:58Adam Friedland?

  Oh my god.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  I am truly the guy who says, "I will sleep when I'm dead, I came home at 2:30, my wife left me, cause I have so much energy, I can't stop."

• 22:08Speaker 04

  I don't wanna be John.

• 22:10Adam Friedland?

  I really thought that story was gonna have a punchline.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Hey, I'm not all about funny.

• 22:16Adam Friedland?

  I know.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  You can have Anthony Weiner on here, and you wasn't that funny.

• 22:21Adam Friedland?

  I wasn't that funny? No.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Well, you might have been.

• 22:24Adam Friedland?

  It was like two Jews having an argument.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  I could be talk, I could talk, I'm not funny, funny, funny all the time.

• 22:28Adam Friedland?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  You want funny, funny, funny today?

• 22:31Adam Friedland?

  No, listen, you're not, you're not some-

• 22:33Speaker 04

  I, I had to look at the coffee cup to see-

• 22:35Adam Friedland?

  I'm not gonna tell you to tap dance.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  I had to remember his name, Adam.

• 22:37Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  I can be, I can be funny if you want.

• 22:40Adam Friedland?

  No, you don't have to be.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  Be thoughtful.

• 22:42Adam Friedland?

  I mean, that story was beautiful.

• 22:44Speaker 04

  It's not beautiful.

• 22:45Adam Friedland?

  Really sad, actually.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  It was in response to "I Wanna Live Forever."

• 22:49Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  You know what? Are we gonna use any punctuation in our talking? Like a period and now you talk? And then you talk, a period, and then I talk?

• 22:58Adam Friedland?

  No.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  No, we're just going to talk over each other. And then you're gonna say something that I think is important. And I'm gonna say, "What did you say?" So that I could respond. Are we getting along?

• 23:07Adam Friedland?

  You're my best friend.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Okay. Go ahead.

• 23:10Adam Friedland?

  Do you get any points on Casamigos?

• 23:14Speaker 04

  Let's talk about something else.

• 23:15Adam Friedland?

  Okay. So you famously said George Clooney once said that the Uyghur concentration camps should be bigger?

• 23:26Adam Friedland?

  Why did you say that?

• 23:27Speaker 04

  You're my favorite friend ever.

• 23:29Adam Friedland?

  Why would he ever say that?

• 23:31Speaker 04

  You're my favorite friend ever.

• 23:32Adam Friedland?

  Why would George Clooney say that? One of my favorite roles is yours. And it's a film that fucked me up for like three months. I went into a depression.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Why?

• 23:43Adam Friedland?

  And you almost steal the entire movie. Maybe do steal the entire movie. It's a serious man.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Oh, "Serious Man" is great.

• 23:51Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  Oh, it's a great movie. Great.

• 23:53Adam Friedland?

  Your performance is brutal.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Well, that's so nice of you.

• 23:58Adam Friedland?

  You say you don't watch any of your stuff?

• 24:00Speaker 04

  That one I saw.

• 24:01Adam Friedland?

  You have to watch that one.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  That one I saw.

• 24:02Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna yell at you.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I adore that movie. The Coen Brothers, I hear, love that movie.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  I get lucky. I get, I just... Okay, Adam. You and I are both actors, and look what we look like. We, I'm not the most telegenic guy in the world.

• 24:22Adam Friedland?

  I look, I look all right.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  And, and the stuff that I get to do, it just, it confounds me. How, I call myself the "smuckers of acting." With a face like this, I better be good. But I wasn't good for a long time. I pulled one over, and then I got good. And the Coen Brothers, the writing is great. Joel as a director, and, and even Ethan, who says he's not a director, but they both direct it. They both talk to you about it. I knew who this guy was.

• 24:51Adam Friedland?

  How do they do it together? They write it together and then Joel directs?

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Well, they write it together, and I've often said, I said...

• 24:58Adam Friedland?

  Is it like Bernie Taupin and Elton John? One does the lyrics?

• 25:01Speaker 04

  You just can't, no, no, no. No, they, they write it together and they, they edit together. And I think because... I think because Joel, this is just my, I've never said this. I think just because Joel is a bit larger of a personality, but not that much bigger. He does the directing for the actors, but you talk to Ethan too.

• 25:25Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  And Ethan was a philosophy major.

• 25:28Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  And that makes sense to me. And they, when they work, they know what they want. I just remember the only, not disagreement, but I remember the prop guy coming up and saying, "Do you want..." You remember I had this sebaceous cyst? And so I had a washcloth in the back. You never saw the cyst, but you saw the washcloth. And he says, "Do you want a white washcloth or do you want floral?" And one said floral and one said white. And then, I don't even know what we came, you know, it was neither here nor there.

• 26:03Adam Friedland?

  Did that escalate?

• 26:05Speaker 04

  It did.

• 26:06Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:07Adam Friedland?

  They're like, "Mom, Mom liked me better."

• 26:09Speaker 04

  We had to call, we had to call in some security. It was awful. They came to, almost fist. They actually did Greco-Roman wrestling.

• 26:17Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 26:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, they did not, they did not box. They got down on the floor and they, you know, with the whole thing and they go, "And..." And then they wrestled.

• 26:26Adam Friedland?

  And they were wrestling?

• 26:27Speaker 04

  And that's how they solved it.

• 26:29Adam Friedland?

  And you were like standing there, you're like, "Guys..."

• 26:31Speaker 04

  "Guys, guys, come on, it's just a movie."

• 26:32Adam Friedland?

  Tap me in.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  Come on. I don't know, who the hell knows how it ended up?

• 26:37Adam Friedland?

  I mean, that, that, that performance is just...

• 26:40Speaker 04

  That's really nice.

• 26:41Adam Friedland?

  There's, there's something about that movie that just lingers with you when it's over.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  I know.

• 26:46Adam Friedland?

  I called my dad, I said, "I saw this movie, it's serious, man." And my dad said, he's like, "I've been depressed since I saw it." I said, "I've been depressed too."

• 26:54Speaker 04

  I think it's, I know this sounds crazy, I think it's a great date movie. And I'll tell you why. Is, is the person you're seeing with, that you're dating, are they a thinker? How do they think? What do they think about death? Is it funny to them or was it sad? There's so many things. What, what is the afterlife? What, all of that stuff. So I think it's a pretty good, and it can generate discussion. You know, if you run out of discussion, you can talk about something. It's not just a Marvel movie.

• 27:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I, my move back in the day, I have a fiance now, but I used to take the chick to Claude Lenzman's show.

• 27:33Adam Friedland?

  We're having fun, guys!

• 27:36Speaker 04

  And say, "Who's the bad guy?"

• 27:38Adam Friedland?

  So, I'm a little bit on the fence about this one.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Did they deserve it?

• 27:42Adam Friedland?

  I'm gonna wait and see. I'm on the fence. I wanna see who wins at the end. Who are you going with? I wanna, okay. You were trained at The Second City. I mean, this is an opportunity for me, as a younger gentleman. This is free education for me, sitting with you and interrupting you.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  That's the stupidest thing you could possibly say. What do you mean, "an education"?

• 28:06Adam Friedland?

  Okay, you want me to pay?

• 28:07Speaker 04

  I'm just a guy. No, I'm just a guy.

• 28:10Adam Friedland?

  Okay, so would you be keen on doing a little, like, a scene with me?

• 28:16Speaker 04

  An improvised scene or a written scene?

• 28:18Adam Friedland?

  We could do either. You could choose.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Let me tell you something about my improvisation.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  I'm not as good as everybody thinks. I was never as good as anybody thinks. I'm a good reactor. I can listen and react, but I don't react always funny. That's what I did with John. With your competition.

• 28:37Adam Friedland?

  I would call him a friend and a colleague, but yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  No, he's your competition. Yeah, absolutely. And he's a darn sight better.

• 28:45Adam Friedland?

  What?

• 28:48Adam Friedland?

  You know Mandel?

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love him. I loved everybody. There are so many, some of the stand-ups who were on the writing staff. These minds, they're so great. I just loved being on that show and I hated it. Okay, let's talk about that. This is interesting. Is the camera on me?

• 29:13Adam Friedland?

  Right, go to three.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  I was told I was really good on the show. I don't understand it. I didn't know what I was doing. I felt so ungrounded and insecure. And all I did was enjoy myself and try... The best thing I did on that show?

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Was keep my mouth shut. Because I so often, like you can see how often I talk and I wanna ask you questions and and and on the panel, I wanted to talk and find out and stuff like that. And I didn't. I said, this is John's show. He's funnier than I am, he's more intelligent than I am. And so, I kept my mouth shut and I let John do some of the questions. And when I saw just an inkling of him searching for what next to talk about or trying to, I would come in and I'd have like six questions that I'd wanna ask these people even before we started. And so I would listen to the conversation and then I would ask a question. I usually asked one question per segment of a person.

• 30:10Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  And that's what I did. And then as far as being funny on the show, they gave me written word and I I the the these writers were great.

• 30:20Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 30:21Speaker 04

  They were just just great.

• 30:22Adam Friedland?

  Give it up for the writer staff of the John Mulaney Show.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  It is. But it's true. They were great. I I I hope that they hire me when they start doing other stuff.

• 30:31Adam Friedland?

  Well, if you if you need a gig.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  I do.

• 30:34Adam Friedland?

  If you need a gig.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Always need a gig.

• 30:36Adam Friedland?

  I'm in New York anyway, so you live here.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  By the way, I was at the second game of the Yankees. No, the first game of the Yankees. Heartbreaker, heartbreaker, I know. Yeah, but now, two in the round.

• 30:46Adam Friedland?

  I'm a Dodger fan, actually.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 30:48Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Why are you wearing that?

• 30:50Adam Friedland?

  Um, because with the rise of antisemitism, like I'm trying to, I'm doing more of a Dominican. I've been doing more of a Puerto Rican Dominican thing. I'm kinda hiding in plain sight. I don't want people to know.

• 31:05Adam Friedland?

  You are an actor, you're you're you're a keen, you have a keen eye for the world around you, right?

• 31:11Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:12Adam Friedland?

  Okay. You've been studying me since you came in here.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:15Adam Friedland?

  I've been studying you.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  Okay. What have you found out? What have you found out?

• 31:19Adam Friedland?

  We'll see where things go after.

• 31:22Adam Friedland?

  But why?

• 31:23Speaker 04

  Wait, what's your assessment?

• 31:24Adam Friedland?

  You?

• 31:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:26Adam Friedland?

  You're the best.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  No, what is your, seriously, what's your assessment? What do you what do you think about me? You think I'm a keen observer?

• 31:32Adam Friedland?

  You're exactly what I expected you to be.

• 31:33Speaker 04

  Okay, and I am so not a keen observer. I can't tell whether somebody's gay or not, I can't tell whether they're wearing a wig

• 31:40Adam Friedland?

  I'm not.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  or a toupee.

• 31:43Adam Friedland?

  By the way, I'm not gay.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  So you say.

• 31:47Adam Friedland?

  My whole life.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  So you say.

• 31:49Adam Friedland?

  I've been called that my whole life, sir.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  This is the truth.

• 31:51Adam Friedland?

  Okay, yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 31:53Adam Friedland?

  And that's what acting is all about, is the truth.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  No, it's not.

• 31:56Adam Friedland?

  Yes, it is.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  No, it's not.

• 31:57Adam Friedland?

  It's the...

• 31:58Speaker 04

  Adam?

• 31:59Adam Friedland?

  Yes.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  I'm gonna tell you what the most important thing in any scene is. No, this is not me being funny. This is the truth. I'm gonna ask you right now, what is the most important thing in any scene? Any scene?

• 32:13Adam Friedland?

  Doing your goddamn job.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 32:16Adam Friedland?

  The objective.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 32:23Adam Friedland?

  The camera.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 32:27Adam Friedland?

  Best boy.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  The other person.

• 32:30Adam Friedland?

  Yes, yes.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  That's what's most important.

• 32:33Adam Friedland?

  I was gonna say that, I was gonna say that.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  What can you get? What do you want? And how can the other person give it to you? Because if you're alone, you don't need anybody else. You need something, and the other person's in the scene. In an interview, no, there's no drama.

• 32:47Adam Friedland?

  Listen, you're a chameleon. You played Winston Churchill.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  You're so wrong, I'm not a chameleon.

• 32:53Adam Friedland?

  You played Malcolm X, you played Winston Churchill.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  Okay. Enough about me, you're right.

• 32:59Adam Friedland?

  I wanna see the magic trick that is Richard C... okay. Guys, football's back. There's no better time to place your picks. With Underdog, just pick higher or lower on two or more player stats for a shot to win real money. Available in 30-plus states, including Missouri, Georgia, and Texas. On Monday and Thursday nights, hit the app during halftime to unlock exclusive second-half promos. It's your chance to adjust the game plan and boost your payout. You're like fucking Belichick. And here are my picks for Thursday Night Football. This Thursday night, we got the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Cincinnati Bengals. Who day?

• 33:41Adam Friedland?

  Sign up with the promo code TAFS to play $5 to get $100 in bonus funds or entries. So download the app today and turn every touchdown into a derb with Underdog.

• 33:54Adam Friedland?

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• 34:36Adam Friedland?

  If you change your mind, again, that's lucy.co and use code TAFS to get 20% off. And here comes the vibrant Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, I can't do it. I can't do the fasting. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical. Back to the show. Okay, so what should we do the script? This episode is brought to you by Boar's Head. You know what I love about football season? It's the football, but also the football watching food. And nothing hits like a Boar's Head sandwich when I'm watching a game. Really any game day sandwich better with Boar's Head. Philly cheesesteak, layer up buttery slider rolls with Boar's Head, London broil roast beef,

• 35:21Adam Friedland?

  American white cheese and picante provolone. Delicious. Then add roasted onions, peppers and Boar's Head pub style horseradish sauce. I love horseradish and you've got the ultimate game day cheesesteak. They've also got a whole lineup of premium meats, cheeses, hummus and dips, condiments and more to serve up on game day. Head to your local Boar's Head deli counter to shop now for game day sandwich inspiration and more. Visit boar'shead.com. Boar's Head, committed to craft since 1905. Okay.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Do the script. You have a whole staff here and nobody's saying anything, but I do need my glasses if I'm going to read.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  There you go.

• 35:57Adam Friedland?

  All right, do you want to do a famous?

• 35:58Speaker 04

  The person from Hulu is here. How am I doing? Is this okay?

• 36:02Speaker 06

  I'm doing good.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  Am I representing?

• 36:03Speaker 06

  At some point, only murders would be great.

• 36:06Speaker 04

  Oh, shut up with the economics and the corporation and trying to sell, sell, sell.

• 36:13Adam Friedland?

  And selling the sales and the deterred laundry.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  How about just two people talking?

• 36:18Adam Friedland?

  How about just be alive? Just living. So, we're working on this project called "The Audacity of Hope."

• 36:24Speaker 04

  Nice title, I like that.

• 36:26Adam Friedland?

  It's the Barack Obama biopic.

• 36:30Adam Friedland?

  So, this is a scene from his youth. So, would you like to play the role of Apua Rothstein? He's kind of the bad guy.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:39Adam Friedland?

  And I'll play the role of Obama.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Okay, I am really reading this.

• 36:43Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  The cold, so I may ask for another take.

• 36:46Adam Friedland?

  I have a cold too.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Now, we have a lot of pages, we got five pages.

• 36:49Adam Friedland?

  Listen dude, we can go as long as you want, there's a lot of stage directions.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Okay, I will not be doing an accent.

• 36:56Adam Friedland?

  I'm not doing an accent either, I'm doing Obama.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  All right, you ready?

• 36:58Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  I didn't think you'd show Obama.

• 37:00Adam Friedland?

  Here I am, Apua, you're going down.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  I wouldn't be too sure. Say, didn't your surfboard mysteriously disappear the other day?

• 37:08Adam Friedland?

  Malik Obama walks up, Barack Obama puts his arm around him. Not so fast, Rothstein, he's got a board. Malik Obama hands Barack an all-black surfboard.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it looks great. Why'd you got that old hunk of junk?

• 37:23Adam Friedland?

  Obama, Malik, where did you get this? You didn't build that? Malik, this is a ceremonial surfboard passed down from our great-great-grandfather, the brave chief of our family's village. It's entirely made out of African wood. It's from his Kenyan side. It's a magic surfboard. Hey, man, Obama, hey, man, thanks.

• 37:46Adam Friedland?

  Okay, now it's a... Let me be clear. If I win today, the youth center stays open. But if you win, you and your greedy family can tear it down and build your synagogue.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  How about we up the stakes, huh? If I win, I get the youth center and your little girlfriend, Michelle.

• 38:02Adam Friedland?

  Come on, Rothstein, she's a human being. Can you play Michelle also?

• 38:05Speaker 04

  I can speak for myself, Barack. I'll do it.

• 38:09Adam Friedland?

  Apua.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  Then we have ourselves a deal. Let's see on the water, okay?

• 38:13Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:14Adam Friedland?

  So now we're on the...

• 38:16Speaker 04

  It's a horrible scene.

• 38:17Adam Friedland?

  Wait, so this is... No, this is a... I don't know if you've read Obama's biography.

• 38:23Speaker 04

  I haven't.

• 38:23Adam Friedland?

  He was in a surf competition, a big wave surf competition to save the youth center as a kid.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  No kidding?

• 38:29Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. So now, so now we're, uh, we're on the water, um, okay? There's a hundred fifty foot wave coming, right?

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:38Adam Friedland?

  And you will be playing the role of George, okay?

• 38:41Speaker 04

  All right, now, hold on, hold on. Is it a two-person scene?

• 38:43Adam Friedland?

  It's a two-person scene.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  And whenever you do your line, do not mention who you are. Just be who you are.

• 38:48Adam Friedland?

  I'm...

• 38:48Speaker 04

  Oh, this is great. Okay.

• 38:50Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 38:51Speaker 04

  You ready?

• 38:51Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  Hey, Obama.

• 38:53Adam Friedland?

  Oh, great. It's the angel of death. Am I dead?

• 38:57Speaker 04

  No, son, I'm George Washington, the first president of these great United States of America.

• 39:02Adam Friedland?

  That's pretty good. Who lose here?

• 39:06Adam Friedland?

  What do you think of this? Okay, so, George Washington, what are you doing here?

• 39:12Speaker 04

  I saw you from heaven. Looks like you'd use a little advice.

• 39:15Adam Friedland?

  I suppose I could, George Washington. If I surf this wave, it would be the largest in recorded human history. And if I wipe out, I will surely pass away. And Apua Racine is going to fuck my girlfriend and turn the community center into some kind of Jewish church.

• 39:32Speaker 04

  All right, listen, son. You know that picture of me crossing the Delaware River?

• 39:36Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, why?

• 39:37Speaker 04

  Oh, you ever notice what I'm doing with my feet?

• 39:39Adam Friedland?

  No, I've been too busy smoking crack cocaine with gay prostitutes and the Chum Gang.

• 39:47Adam Friedland?

  It's in the book.

• 39:50Adam Friedland?

  It's in the book.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Son, I was the president of the United States. You think I don't know what it's like to smoke crack with gay prostitutes? Now, grow up. We did all that shit, except for Millard Fillmore, fucking pussy. Anyway, in the picture, I'm sitting on the front of the boat with my ten toes hanging off it. I will call it Hanging Ten.

• 40:12Adam Friedland?

  Hanging Ten?

• 40:13Speaker 04

  That's right, Hanging Ten. Why don't you give it a try?

• 40:16Adam Friedland?

  I can't do it, George. I just can't do it.

• 40:19Speaker 04

  Listen, Obama, sometimes, sometimes, you gotta have hope. The audacity of hope.

• 40:28Adam Friedland?

  Pretty good. Okay, so Obama surfs the big wave.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  We really are overgoing.

• 40:32Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so then...

• 40:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I have all the lines.

• 40:35Adam Friedland?

  Here's the last scene, okay.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Why don't I play Obama and you have...

• 40:37Adam Friedland?

  No, no, the last scene you're gonna be playing, because George comes back, the ghost of George. So imagine this is kinda like an homage to Star Wars, so they're all getting the medals and stuff like that, but then the ghosts are in the back, right? Okay, so you...

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Beautiful.

• 40:51Adam Friedland?

  I couldn't have done this without our great-grandfather's magical African surfboard. Then Malik says, "What? I just bought that piece of shit at Home Depot. Obama, the real magic was inside of you this whole time, okay?"

• 41:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:04Adam Friedland?

  And then I walk away. I see the ghost of George Washington. Hello, George.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Hey, Obama. Listen, I just have one more thing to say. I lied earlier.

• 41:15Adam Friedland?

  What?

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wasn't watching you from heaven. I was watching you from hell. And watching you do that surfing made me realize something. I'd like to apologize for slavery. I didn't wanna do it, it was wrong. But I got bullied into it, all of my friends, you know? So I hope you can forgive me.

• 41:33Adam Friedland?

  That means a lot, George, and I do forgive you.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  Goodbye, Obama.

• 41:36Adam Friedland?

  As Obama says this, George Washington's soul is finally allowed to enter the kingdom of heaven. Bye, George.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  Bye, Obama.

• 41:45Adam Friedland?

  And that's, uh...

• 41:46Speaker 04

  This is fantastic.

• 41:47Adam Friedland?

  And we got a lot more where that comes from.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  That's gonna be edited out easily.

• 41:52Adam Friedland?

  There's a hell of a lot more where that comes from.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Are you continuing, or is that just one scene? Will you write the whole screenplay?

• 42:00Adam Friedland?

  We're working on it. I'm thinking maybe you hit up...

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Hulu's here.

• 42:03Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. Maybe we hit up the guys over...

• 42:05Speaker 04

  You make decisions.

• 42:06Adam Friedland?

  We hit up the guys at Casamigos, and then we hit up maybe, uh... What are you thinking? Spielberg? I mean, he did link him. I have a question, like, um... I've asked other character actors this before. There's like, have you seen Paris, Texas?

• 42:22Speaker 04

  Ages and ages ago.

• 42:24Adam Friedland?

  So Harry Dean Stanton was this legendary character actor, and it was his one starring vehicle, and it was legendary. Like, do you aspire for your own Paris, Texas one day? Is that something that you have in your mind? Or are you like, "I'm a team player? I'm like, uh, I like being on the squad."

• 42:43Speaker 04

  It's a really good question.

• 42:45Adam Friedland?

  Thank you.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Whenever I do a play, I always do the leading role. Because the economic...

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Consequences are not as great in a play. If you do a movie or a TV show, you know, people have to run to see you because you're, you know, and I can't generate that. But in a play, like, you know, I do plays at Bay Street Theater out in Sag Harbor, maybe they'll come see the guy who's on television, Richard Kind, and they know me out there, and they like me, and there's, you know, so I'll always do a leading role. Do I ever wish for that? I've had it a few times, actually. But they're not in big movies because big movies, they can't afford to have me. Big movies cost a lot of money. Here's what I'll tell you about George Clooney. When George Clooney says yes to a movie, an industry opens.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  You've got hotels, and dry cleaners, and restaurants, and a lot of people working, you have big sets. A lot of people are working. Plus, when it comes out, stocks for the company that made the movie will rise and fall. So a lot of people are impacted financially. When I do the lead in a movie, it's $500,000 movie, it's $800,000 if you're lucky. And I get to do, and I don't get paid much, and I get to be the star. And nobody sees it. Nobody.

• 44:16Adam Friedland?

  Well, we can get the word out.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Nobody. Nobody sees it. I did a movie, it's really pretty good.

• 44:22Adam Friedland?

  What if you do a switcheroo, like George Brooks Ocean 14?

• 44:26Speaker 04

  Oh, shut the fuck up, Adam. Adam, shut the fuck up. I'm giving you honest stuff here. This is gold I'm giving you. And in fact, I'm going out to Montauk to do a movie.

• 44:38Adam Friedland?

  You are?

• 44:39Speaker 04

  From October 21st till November 25th, and I am the lead in a movie.

• 44:43Adam Friedland?

  What's the picture? What is it?

• 44:45Speaker 04

  It's called Blueberry Cafe. And you'll never see it.

• 44:50Adam Friedland?

  I will.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  I'm hawking it already. I don't know if it's gonna be any good. I don't know where you'll get to see it. Who knows if it'll get distributed?

• 44:58Adam Friedland?

  Hopefully on Hulu, we're thinking, right?

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Hulu, come on, Blueberry Cafe.

• 45:02Adam Friedland?

  Come on, Blueberry Cafe.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  I'm selling this thing and it hasn't even been made. I don't know.

• 45:07Adam Friedland?

  What is wrong with you people?

• 45:08Speaker 04

  I don't understand Hulu anymore.

• 45:10Adam Friedland?

  I don't.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Ever since Disney, eh, I'm not gonna get into that.

• 45:13Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, I agree.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna get, I have a like. I love the good folks at Disney. They've always given me work.

• 45:19Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 45:22Adam Friedland?

  What if it said like on the like, you know, billboard?

• 45:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:27Adam Friedland?

  Hollywood Boulevard, big billboard, blueberry.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  Cafe.

• 45:31Adam Friedland?

  Cafe. Richard Conde. Full frontal nudity.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  That'll keep them away.

• 45:40Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Dear God, no, don't make me.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  How much are they paying me to go see this?

• 45:46Adam Friedland?

  And then there's a quote that says, and you won't be disappointed.

• 45:53Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  Are you enjoying this?

• 45:54Adam Friedland?

  I'm having such a good time.

• 45:56Speaker 04

  I'm glad.

• 45:56Adam Friedland?

  I'm having such a good time.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  I'm glad.

• 45:58Adam Friedland?

  So you've, you've been a, you mentioned Pixar, you've been a.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  I did not mention Pixar.

• 46:03Adam Friedland?

  You said Disney.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  You're right.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  I did mention Disney.

• 46:07Adam Friedland?

  Thank God I got out of that one.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  Go ahead, go ahead. For a while, when I was working with them, they weren't Disney.

• 46:12Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  They were just Pixar.

• 46:14Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. And then when, when Disney got involved.

• 46:17Speaker 04

  They were great. They continued.

• 46:18Adam Friedland?

  They were great.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  They continued to be great.

• 46:20Adam Friedland?

  They were great.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Because their leadership is great.

• 46:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  They're, they're great. Uh, the man named Pete Docter, who's a good friend of mine.

• 46:27Adam Friedland?

  That's not his name.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Pete Docter, except it's D O C T E R.

• 46:32Adam Friedland?

  Oh, okay.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  They're now friends of mine. His wonderful wife Amanda, who I, I love Pete, and then all of a sudden Amanda came. I love Amanda.

• 46:42Adam Friedland?

  What's she look like?

• 46:44Speaker 04

  She's from Minnesota, midwestern, beautiful woman.

• 46:47Adam Friedland?

  Nice.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Very beautiful woman.

• 46:48Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, Minnesota's nice.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  And their daughter Ellie, uh, who is, who, um, Riley is based on in Inside Out. Is a very dear friend of mine, and she runs, or, or helps to run, uh, a place that you should go to. Have you been to the National Comedy Institute?

• 47:07Adam Friedland?

  I've practically built, uh, uh, teach, built that.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Adam?

• 47:10Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. No, I never have. Where is it?

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Always gotta be funny.

• 47:13Adam Friedland?

  Where is it?

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Always a little snarky little answer.

• 47:15Adam Friedland?

  I'm insecure, I'm insecure guy. I got a lot of problems. I have a lot of problems.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  I'm gonna help you. There is a place up in Jamestown, New York. It's the National Comedy Institute. You think that this, that I'm lying? It is like the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is sort of the Comedy Hall of Fame. There's a lot of people you know who have put money into it and stuff. They now have an exhibit, a Carl Reiner exhibit. That I spent two days watching old clips.

• 47:42Adam Friedland?

  The best.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  The best.

• 47:43Adam Friedland?

  The best.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  They have all of Joan Rivers's jokes.

• 47:45Adam Friedland?

  The best.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  Uh, they have a, a, a, George Carlin's daughter.

• 47:50Adam Friedland?

  The best.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  Was, uh, was instrumental and, and, and a Pryor's daughter, instrumental in giving stuff. The place has so many things. Do you know what they have there? Alan Brady's desk. Do you know who Alan Brady is?

• 48:05Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, of course.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 48:06Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, but, I mean, they have all this, this stuff. It's a great place. For those of you who like this particular show, uh, make a trek up to, um, to, uh, to the Comedy Museum. You'll, you'll go in for a day, you'll wanna stay three or four. It's just fantastic.

• 48:21Adam Friedland?

  They, do they have like a Field of Dreams? Do they have like a, like a club? Like, like a, you know what I mean?

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Can I be honest?

• 48:29Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  They have re, uh, they, they have a, a room based on Caroline's Comedy Club.

• 48:35Adam Friedland?

  Oh, R.I.P.

• 48:38Adam Friedland?

  What? It's gone.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I mean, I thought you were talking about Caroline. Oh, Caroline's a friend. Do you wanna know how I know Caroline?

• 48:46Adam Friedland?

  Caroline's all right.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  You wanna know how I wanna, you wanna know how Caroline's? This is a very interesting story. It, it, does it have an ending? Is it a joke? No.

• 48:54Adam Friedland?

  No, okay. You could tell any kind of story.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  Okay. In my early, early days, I was a singing waiter out in the Hamptons. Okay, so that, that's how I made my rent money. So I'm out in the Hamptons and in West Hampton.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  West Hampton and...

• 49:11Adam Friedland?

  The provinces.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  So in West Hampton, and there was a club called Turas. And Caroline Hirsch used to come with Neil Hirsch, who was in Time Magazine as, in that day, this is so, this is forty years ago, uh, one of the youngest millionaires in, he was the top one hundred millionaires in America under thirty, Neil Hirsch. Caroline Hirsch was married to him. They used to come in, they used to order Dom Perignon. Whenever anybody ordered Dom Perignon, you were gonna get a decent tip. He used to tip a hundred dollars. He was beloved.

• 49:46Adam Friedland?

  That was good.

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Okay, a hundred dollars, forty years ago as a tip?

• 49:51Adam Friedland?

  He could have done better than that.

• 49:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. So, we were, we were singing waiter. Okay, I was a singing waiter, and Caroline loved us, and she loved the singing waiters.

• 49:59Adam Friedland?

  What was your big song?

• 50:01Speaker 04

  There is nothing like a dame.

• 50:02Adam Friedland?

  Let's hear it, a little couple, a little bar.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  We got sunlight on the sand, we got moonlight on the sea, we got mangoes and bananas you can pick right off a tree. We got volleyball and baseball and a lot of fancy games. What ain't we got? We ain't got dames. Hmm, there's a lot of things in life are beautiful, but brother, there is one, okay, okay. Anyway, and I used to do that, and I used to do, oh, I'm the king of the swingers, oh, the jungle VIP. I reached the top and I had to stop, and that's what's bothering me. Uh, there are people who know where that's from.

• 50:36Adam Friedland?

  I know where that's from.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  You know where it's from? Where?

• 50:39Adam Friedland?

  It's from, uh, uh, Pink Floyd, The Wall.

• 50:43Speaker 04

  No, it's, it's Disney. Oh, I'm the king of the swingers, oh, the jungle VIP.

• 50:50Adam Friedland?

  Yes.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  I reached the top and had to stop, and that's what's bothering me. So I did that. So we did these songs. You are so bored, you're looking at your notes, what are we gonna talk about next?

• 50:59Adam Friedland?

  My account just, just.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Let me finish the story. It's an interesting story. So, so they used to come in. Caroline loved the singing waiters, so what did she do? On twenty-eighth Street, she opened, or twenty-sixth Street, she opened a restaurant. Caroline's had singing waiters, okay? And we would perform, people would perform. I didn't work there, but I would come by, and we would sing Tuesday through Sunday. So. What does she do on Mondays? So she says, "You know what, on Mondays I'll have stand-up comedians come." So on Mondays was stand-up comedy night. Well, Mondays became very popular.

• 51:33Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  So Mondays became Tuesday, became Wednesday, Thursday, and seven days a week. Singing wait is gone. She had a comedy club. And that's how Caroline's got started.

• 51:43Adam Friedland?

  Have you ever done stand-up?

• 51:44Speaker 04

  Never.

• 51:45Adam Friedland?

  Never?

• 51:45Speaker 04

  No.

• 51:46Adam Friedland?

  You'd be good.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Uh, no.

• 51:48Adam Friedland?

  Can I write for you?

• 51:50Speaker 04

  If you, if somebody wrote for me and I could really do, do good, in a heartbeat, I'd be really good. But I'm not that witty. Would I be able to handle hecklers or stuff like that?

• 52:00Adam Friedland?

  No one's gonna heckle you, you're a beloved, uh...

• 52:02Speaker 04

  You always get heckled. But, uh, I'm not that good to write for myself. But, uh, yes, I'm pretty good.

• 52:09Adam Friedland?

  Did you hear how good that Barack Obama script was? We could do this, we could write you a tight, five and, uh, two minutes. Yeah. Wouldn't even take five minutes.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  I may need help on something, because I'm, I host a lot of charity events, so I may need help. But I did write two jokes that are, are pretty funny.

• 52:26Adam Friedland?

  Let's hear it.

• 52:27Speaker 04

  Okay. You're gonna like this.

• 52:28Adam Friedland?

  Uh, of course. Wait, can I intro you?

• 52:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:32Adam Friedland?

  Okay. I'm, I'm gonna say to, to, you gotta walk on stage.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna tell the joke.

• 52:38Adam Friedland?

  Ladies and gentlemen, coming, coming up next to the stage. You, you're really gonna like this. Uh, this guy is, uh, he's new to comedy, but I, I think, uh, he's going straight to the top. Richard, the entertainer, everybody, yeah, yeah.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  So, uh, my wife. My wife was raised Episcopalian. And then she married me and converted to anti-Semitism.

• 53:03Adam Friedland?

  Oh, that's good.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  It's a pretty good joke.

• 53:07Adam Friedland?

  That's good.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  And, uh, I gotta, I gotta tell ya. I, I feel, I, I'm not, I'm not, I feel very bad right now. I'm, I'm not, um, very sad. I'll start from the beginning. My grandmother once told my family that, uh, she would rather die than go into an old age home.

• 53:26Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  And today, we shot her. It's an okay joke.

• 53:31Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 53:32Speaker 04

  It's an okay joke. Okay, so you see, I, maybe I...

• 53:34Adam Friedland?

  You shot your grandmother.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  That's what I did.

• 53:36Adam Friedland?

  I thought that was...

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Maybe you didn't like that joke as much.

• 53:38Adam Friedland?

  Reminded me of the old guy...

• 53:39Speaker 04

  But it worked at Second City. When I used to have to introduce scenes, I used to do that joke.

• 53:42Adam Friedland?

  I don't know, I just was reminded of that old guy in the elevator and with the piss and... I don't wanna get old.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  The Adam Friedland Show, everybody.

• 53:53Adam Friedland?

  You famously said you'll do anything, right?

• 53:57Speaker 04

  Anything.

• 53:58Adam Friedland?

  Anything.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  I'll act...

• 54:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:02Adam Friedland?

  I love that too, because like, there's...

• 54:03Speaker 04

  I pretty much do anything.

• 54:05Adam Friedland?

  There's such a... There's such a like, a bullshit thing, like, when you're a working actor. You're on planes all the time. You're going to set for a week, you know? There are things that are longer.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  For a day.

• 54:17Adam Friedland?

  For a day.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  For a day.

• 54:19Adam Friedland?

  You're all over the show.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  All over.

• 54:21Adam Friedland?

  But there is like, this like, I think bullshit that that cuts through, right? Where you're like, "I'll fucking do anything." I don't give a...

• 54:29Speaker 04

  I will tell you the stuff that I won't do.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Since I did Serious Man, I get offered every Jewish role. Every Jewish role.

• 54:38Adam Friedland?

  Isn't that just so offensive?

• 54:43Speaker 04

  It's not that offensive, I don't blame them.

• 54:45Adam Friedland?

  Richard, why would they even cast you?

• 54:48Speaker 04

  But I won't... If the role wears its Judaism on its sleeve, like, playing a rabbi, or speaking Yiddish, stuff like that, I say no. If it has hints of it, like, let's say, a brash producer, which you go, "Oh my god, what a Jew," or something like that, that doesn't matter. But if it wears its Judaism on its sleeve, I will turn it down.

• 55:13Adam Friedland?

  Come on, dude.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  Continue, continue, come on, dude.

• 55:18Adam Friedland?

  Okay, so, we're not gonna do that next pitch that I had for you. I was gonna...

• 55:24Speaker 04

  He's a Jewish surfboarder?

• 55:25Adam Friedland?

  No.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  It's a rabbi in Taliat?

• 55:28Adam Friedland?

  It's a story... It's not very inspirational. It's about the first Jew who died in the Holocaust.

• 55:34Speaker 04

  Oh, that's funny.

• 55:35Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  I mean, like, it's like, "Come on, it's one Jew."

• 55:38Adam Friedland?

  No, he's like in line...

• 55:39Speaker 04

  It's like, "One Jew."

• 55:40Adam Friedland?

  He's like, in line for the train. He's like, "How long is this gonna take?" And then the other Jews are like, "Can't you just take him first?" What is this line?

• 55:48Speaker 04

  The first Jew to die in the Holocaust.

• 55:51Adam Friedland?

  The first Jew, it's not a very long movie. Kind of the Holocaust story.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  No, that's hilarious. I mean, so, what's the big deal? Are they really... I mean, how dangerous could they be?

• 56:02Adam Friedland?

  Show some gum shit, Hulu. Back a project. Actually...

• 56:06Speaker 04

  The first Jew to die in the Holocaust.

• 56:11Adam Friedland?

  I think it's a good idea. We can stretch that out ninety minutes, ninety-five minutes.

• 56:17Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 56:19Adam Friedland?

  They call him the world's most Jewish man. Okay, actually, here's a, have you ever read that article about the two, oh god, I talk about Jews too much.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  You do.

• 56:30Adam Friedland?

  I talk all too mu— you know, my therapist, I realized I was gonna—

• 56:34Speaker 04

  A Jew?

• 56:35Adam Friedland?

  No. He said, I could never stick with a therapist, he said, you bring up being Jewish all the time, and I'm like—

• 56:44Speaker 04

  You do.

• 56:44Adam Friedland?

  I do?

• 56:45Speaker 04

  You do.

• 56:46Adam Friedland?

  And he's like, yeah, and it's always in the negative.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, but—

• 56:48Adam Friedland?

  And I was like, but a Jewish therapist would have been like, of course, it's terrible.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  No, no, you bring it up, you bring it up because it's funny.

• 56:57Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  Because you can mine a lot of jokes from being Jewish.

• 57:01Adam Friedland?

  I do, this is gonna be Jew, but whatever, what are you gonna do, you're sitting and watching the Protocols of the Elders of Zion show right now. Look at the two of us. You're watching the—

• 57:12Adam Friedland?

  This is the meeting, we're gonna call this episode The Meeting.

• 57:19Adam Friedland?

  There were two Jews left in Afghanistan that refused to leave during the Taliban, right? This is a true story.

• 57:27Speaker 04

  Go ahead.

• 57:28Adam Friedland?

  And they didn't wanna fucking go, they were just too stubborn, and they hated each other. They despised each other, there were two left, and they fucking hated each other, and then the Taliban arrested them, and they were in jail.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  Together.

• 57:40Adam Friedland?

  Together, and they hated each other so much, and they were so annoying that the Taliban literally let them go.

• 57:47Speaker 04

  Oh god, that's so funny.

• 57:48Adam Friedland?

  The Taliban literally released them from the prison, and I'm like, that's just a—

• 57:52Speaker 04

  I think that's a movie.

• 57:53Adam Friedland?

  That's a fucking movie.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  That's a movie, I can tell you that—

• 57:57Adam Friedland?

  I'm not, not because you're here, just, not because you're here—

• 58:00Speaker 04

  That would be an interesting story.

• 58:02Adam Friedland?

  It would be an interesting story.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Because it's an interesting story about hate.

• 58:04Adam Friedland?

  It would be an interesting story.

• 58:06Speaker 04

  And the hook being the Taliban, but this has nothing to do with what we're talking about, but Raymond Chandler and Billy Wilder—

• 58:18Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  Had the right double indemnity, the screenplay.

• 58:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  And they put them in a cabin, together.

• 58:24Adam Friedland?

  They hated each other.

• 58:25Speaker 04

  Hated each other.

• 58:27Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 58:27Speaker 04

  Hated each other, no, was it Raymond Chandler, because I get them confused.

• 58:31Adam Friedland?

  I think it might be.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  Was it Chandler, or was it the other one who wrote—

• 58:34Adam Friedland?

  The other Pope, Detective.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, who wrote—

• 58:37Adam Friedland?

  Well, it's an adaptation of a Chandler book, right?

• 58:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it, who, the, who wrote The Maltese Falcon? Who wrote, the, one, one is, one is a sort of a higher class guy. Ah, Hammett, Dashiell Hammett.

• 58:51Adam Friedland?

  Dashiell Hammett.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  But I don't think it was Hammett. It, it was Raymond Chandler.

• 58:54Adam Friedland?

  It was Chandler.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  It was Chandler and Wilder were together and they hated each other.

• 58:58Adam Friedland?

  Uh huh.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Hated each other. But look what comes out of hate.

• 59:01Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  Double indemnity.

• 59:02Adam Friedland?

  Look, this episode, in fact.

• 59:06Adam Friedland?

  The greatest episode of the Adam and

• 59:07Speaker 04

  In fact, there's three hates going on. There's two people self-hating.

• 59:11Adam Friedland?

  We hate ourselves, yes.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  And then there's you and me.

• 59:15Adam Friedland?

  Where were you, like, around nine months before April, uh, 1987? Did you?

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Oh, is that your birthday? Did I fuck your mom?

• 59:27Adam Friedland?

  I mean, maybe.

• 59:28Speaker 04

  I fucked your mom.

• 59:29Adam Friedland?

  It, this could be like my dog as a through line. This is gonna be a beautiful through line and perfect ending for the episode. And I think this might be the, the only time I've ended an episode properly.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  What's your mom's name?

• 59:39Adam Friedland?

  Joanne. It was my late mother.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  And your grandmom's living?

• 59:44Adam Friedland?

  What?

• 59:45Speaker 04

  Your grandmother's living.

• 59:46Adam Friedland?

  I'm

• 59:46Speaker 04

  Isn't that a

• 59:47Adam Friedland?

  So could I, I could I fuck your grandma?

• 59:50Speaker 04

  Isn't that a disgrace?

• 59:51Adam Friedland?

  I'll be in Botswana. I could fuck your grandmother.

• 59:55Speaker 04

  I, you already

• 59:55Adam Friedland?

  Please let me fuck your grandmother, please. This could be like my dog

• 59:58Speaker 04

  And the way she talks. She doesn't talk like a Jew. She doesn't talk like a Jew. She talks with

• 1:00:04Adam Friedland?

  She talks, she talks like a

• 1:00:05Speaker 04

  I know, I could fuck that.

• 1:00:08Adam Friedland?

  She's, she's, she's a, I mean, she just got a hip, so.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  Perfect.

• 1:00:15Adam Friedland?

  Apparently she was

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  So she won't just lie there like a lox.

• 1:00:18Adam Friedland?

  Apparently

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  So it's a really move, cuz she's got it to titanium?

• 1:00:21Adam Friedland?

  She's got moves.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  Titanium hip?

• 1:00:23Adam Friedland?

  If anyone's got moves.

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  Bring it on, sweetheart.

• 1:00:25Adam Friedland?

  My grandmother, uh, Esther, both my grandmothers were named Esther, but this one was the one with the moves. Let me tell you.

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  I mean, I could, I could speak ill of the dead. I really didn't wanna fuck Joanne again.

• 1:00:35Adam Friedland?

  I will say

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  You were enough.

• 1:00:37Adam Friedland?

  Stop it, please.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  But I'd like to fuck Esther.

• 1:00:39Adam Friedland?

  This could be

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  Either Esther.

• 1:00:40Adam Friedland?

  This is like the, well, the other one

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  In fact, that's the name of my autobiography. Either Esther.

• 1:00:45Adam Friedland?

  The other Esther was such a psycho that after she drove her husband to an early grave, she slept with a man's watch on the opposite bedside table to make people think she was getting laid. She was a psychopath. Anyway, um.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  What time is it?

• 1:01:03Adam Friedland?

  Let's, I'll talk to you later.

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I gotta go.

• 1:01:06Adam Friedland?

  Richard Kind, everybody. That was awesome. That was just like natural. You're the man. You're the man.

• 1:01:54Speaker 06

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• 1:03:20Speaker 06

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