Reinvent Yourself At Any Age: Ina Garten Shares the Secret to Transforming Your Life

If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s too late to change direction, start over, trust yourself, or create a life that feels more like you, you need to hear this conversation. Today, Mel is joined by the one and only Ina Garten. You know her as the Barefoot Contessa: beloved cookbook author, television host, entrepreneur, and one of the most trusted voices in food and entertaining. But the story of how Ina created this life is the part you need to hear. Because Ina did not start out with some master plan to build an iconic career. She changed direction. She took risks. She trusted her instincts. And she built an extraordinary life by paying attention to what she loved, having the courage to walk away from what wasn’t working, and refusing to follow somebody else’s definition of success. This conversation is about so much more than food. It’s about reinvention. It’s about trusting yourself before you have proof that things will work out. It’s about knowing when a chapter of your life is over. And it’s about creating a life that feels good to live, not just one that looks impressive from the outside. Ina also shares what she has learned about confidence, marriage, friendship, ambition, failure, and why some of the best decisions of your life may make absolutely no sense to anyone else. You’ll learn: -How to know when it’s time to make a change in your life -Why you don’t need to have your entire future figured out -How Ina learned to trust her own taste and instincts -What decades of marriage have taught her about lasting love -Why taking a risk can completely change the direction of your life -How to stop chasing somebody else’s version of success -The importance of doing more of what comes naturally to you This is a conversation about having the courage to make your life your own. And whether you’re 25, 45, 65, or somewhere in between, Ina’s story is the reminder you may need right now: You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to want something different. And you are never too far into your life to create a new chapter. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: How to Reinvent Your Life Starting Today Connect with Mel: Order Mel’s product, Pure Genius Protein Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Mel Robbins?

  Today, you are in for a treat. We are cooking up something really cool on the show. We have Ina Garten. Yes, the Barefoot Contessa here on the Mel Robbins Podcast. She is the Emmy and James Beard Award-winning host and bestselling cookbook author. She's a woman who's spent decades teaching millions of us how to cook, entertain, and make everyday life feel just a little more special. But you know what I love most about Ina? It's not all the food. It's the way she lived her life. See, before the cookbooks, before television, before anyone knew her name, Ina worked at the Office of Budget and Management, like a nuclear energy policy job? Oh, my God. And then at 30 years old, she made one decision

• 0:53Mel Robbins?

  that changed everything. She walked away from the safe, stable career to a specialty food store in the Hamptons called Barefoot Contessa. And check this out, Ina didn't know a thing about running a business. She just knew she needed something different. She bet on herself. As Ina's going to tell you, she worked scared. And that's why this conversation is so much bigger than cooking. If you're feeling stuck, or if your life looks fine on paper, but something inside you is saying, "You need more." What if you had more fun? What if you took a risk? And if you're sitting there telling yourself, "You're too old, too late, too inexperienced,

• 1:37Mel Robbins?

  too scared to make a change," you better turn this off right now. Because Ina is going to tell you, you're wrong. And she's going to share with you her simple recipe for success at any age.

• 1:55Mel Robbins?

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• 2:37Mel Robbins?

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• 3:15Mel Robbins?

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• 3:34Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so fired up for today. I love today's guest. I had never met her in person. We are going to sit down with the one, the only Ina Garten. This is going to be way more than cooking. You're going to get the recipe for reinventing yourself. If you're new, if somebody shared this with you, I just want to take a moment and welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. We have the legendary Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa herself, here to help you discover how to reinvent yourself at any age and transform your life. Let me tell you a little bit about Ina Garten. She is one of the most beloved and influential figures in food and television alive today. Now, I love her,

• 4:19Mel Robbins?

  my mother loves her, you love her. There is probably a Barefoot Contessa cookbook within 100 yards of you right now. It's either in your kitchen, or your parents' kitchen, or maybe one of your siblings' kitchen. She's a bestselling cookbook author of 14 cookbooks and Emmy and James Beard Award-winning host. She is the woman behind Barefoot Contessa, a brand that shaped the way millions of us cook and entertain. She is also the author of the memoir, Be Ready, When the Luck Happens, which is the perfect title for the way she has lived her life. And today, at the age of 78, she's in the middle of launching a new chapter herself. And if she can do it,

• 5:02Mel Robbins?

  so can you. Because she's going to give you her simple recipe to a successful life. Please help me welcome Ina Garten to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Thanks, Mel.

• 5:13Mel Robbins?

  I'd love to start by just asking you, if the person takes everything to heart that we're about to talk about, what might change about life?

• 5:22Speaker 01

  I find that the really scary things I've done have been the making of my life. And so, it's really worth doing. Because otherwise, I think we all follow where our lives go, but we don't make deliberate decisions. And when you make a deliberate decision in the furtherance of what you love to do, and it's really important to do, otherwise, you're not in control. And I think having some agency with your life is so important.

• 5:50Mel Robbins?

  I agree with you. And there is something about what you just said that I want to make sure I highlight, because already, you're dropping takeaways. And that is, you said, "It's being deliberate in furtherance of what you love doing."

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 6:07Mel Robbins?

  And that brings me to kind of where the story begins, at least in your blockbuster bestseller, Be Ready, When the Luck Happens. Your memoir is fantastic, by the way.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Thank you, Mel.

• 6:18Mel Robbins?

  My mother-in-law bought it for me, because she knows that I'm such an enormous fan of yours. And I read it furiously one rainy afternoon in Vermont. And I love where the story in the memoir begins, because you're 30 years old, and never in a million years would I have thought you worked for the Office of Management and Budget at the White House?

• 6:39Speaker 01

  And nuclear energy policy, don't forget that.

• 6:42Mel Robbins?

  Nuclear energy? What? I don't know. You tell me. I have no idea what nuclear energy policy is. And on page four, you write, "There has to be something more fun than this. The only good thing about having a low threshold for boredom is that I've always been willing to take crazy risks just to get out of that miserable state. In my bureaucratic job, I was just part of the larger process, but I wanted to be the process, to do my own thing, either in real estate or in the food business, and for better or for worse, to make my own decisions

• 7:23Mel Robbins?

  and mistakes." I'd love for you to put us right at that scene where you're 30 years old, and you're kind of bored with your job, because I think we've all had that moment. But what you do in that moment is what determines your life.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Well, I was sitting in my office, and I had been at Office of Management and Budget for four years at that point. And I was feeling like I worked really hard. Sometimes we'd pull all-nighters to make sure what the president needed for his budget, or for some legislation was taken care of. But literally, I felt like nothing had happened. And nothing changed. And so, why am I working so hard at something where nothing's happening? And that was in the 1970s. And so, I was reading the New York Times, and I just happened, for the first time in my life, see the business opportunity section, where people advertise like dry cleaners and head shops and coffee shops. And I saw this small ad for business for sale. And it was

• 8:21Speaker 01

  a specialty food store in a place I'd never been. And I thought, "God, that sounds like fun."

• 8:26Mel Robbins?

  That was the moment?

• 8:28Speaker 01

  That was the moment, yeah. I thought, "That just sounds like more fun than what I'm doing here." And so, I went home that night, and I said to Jeffrey, "I just really, my job's boring. It's not, I don't feel like I'd do anything. I just, I work really hard." You have a sense that what you're doing is going to the president, so it's not, it doesn't just evaporate into the air, but nothing really happens. And I want something to happen. And I'm never going to be the head of this organization. They are never going to choose a girl to be the head of OMB. So, what am I doing here? And he said to me, the most important thing, he said, "Do what you think is fun. If it's fun, you'll be really good at it." And I thought, "That's a really, really important thing to remember, that whatever you do without thinking about it,

• 9:11Speaker 01

  just because you love doing it." What did you do when you were 10? And what did you think was fun organizing the kids in the neighborhood? Do that. Because it's before we had all those "shoulds." I should be a lawyer. I should be a doctor. This is what I just feel like doing. And so, I said, "Well, I saw this ad for a business for sale in this food store. I've never been in the food business." And he said, "Let's go take a look at it."

• 9:35Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  And only recently did he tell me. He thought he was humoring me. He thought, "Oh, let's just go look at it. This is never going to happen."

• 9:44Speaker 01

  And then the next weekend, we drove up to West Hampton.

• 9:47Mel Robbins?

  And you'd never been there?

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Never been to West Hampton before. It was April and West Hampton in April, it's a beach town.

• 9:53Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  There's nothing going on. I mean, there's like tumbleweed down the middle of the street. And there was this tiny little store, it was 400 square feet and it was open. And I walked in and they were baking chocolate chip cookies. And I thought, okay, this is where I want to be. I don't know anything about it, but I'm going to figure it out.

• 10:10Mel Robbins?

  What was it about that moment when you walked in? Was it a feeling?

• 10:16Speaker 01

  It just felt good. It felt like it was a business I could understand. It smelled good, it looked good. It felt like instead of high heels and silk blouses, I could work in sneakers and blue jeans. And it just felt like I could create something.

• 10:32Mel Robbins?

  Now, I just want to set the table, though, for a second. I just realized I made a pun there, but I didn't mean to do that. You live in Washington DC.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:39Mel Robbins?

  This is what, like a four or five hour drive?

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Five hour drive at least, yeah.

• 10:43Mel Robbins?

  You've never been there?

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:45Mel Robbins?

  You've never owned a business?

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:47Mel Robbins?

  You've never owned a food store?

• 10:48Speaker 01

  I never had an employee before.

• 10:50Mel Robbins?

  Never had an employee before? And your husband humors you to go take a look because maybe it'll shut you up and you'll see, like, I don't know, like, just to be nice, you know?

• 11:00Speaker 01

  I think he didn't think he was going to shut me up, but he thought I was starting the process to try and figure out what was next. Never realizing this was next.

• 11:08Mel Robbins?

  Wow. Okay, I want to stop right there because one of the things that I love about the story is that a lot of us have these moments. In fact, I'm going to argue that most of us have these kind of moments, if we're paying attention, almost every day. Actually, John Grisham calls these moments the golden moment. It's a moment that you never see coming, but a light goes off inside you. And if you follow it, it forever changes the trajectory of your life.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 11:39Mel Robbins?

  And so you have this moment where if you stopped and thought about it, you would have talked yourself out of it in a nanosecond, but you followed it. And then you get there and something awakens. But it still doesn't seem rational.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Well, it doesn't have to be rational. It just has to be, I'm leaving something I don't like. And I'm going towards something that sounds like it would be really fun to do. And the difference was, I was working in the government on budgets that were literally $20 billion budgets, which at the time was a lot. Still a lot, but it was particularly a lot then, to something that was like $100, but it was my $100. And I felt that it would be really exciting to learn this business and to figure it out. And going back was not an option.

• 12:27Mel Robbins?

  Wow. I'm having a hard time picturing you at the Office of Management and Budget because ever since I followed you, I've seen you cooking. And so I never knew this version of you. I've only known the barefoot Contessa version of you.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  There's not much difference. I think cooking is science. And when I was a kid, I was a science nerd. I loved science. And I think the difference between nuclear energy policy and having a specialty food store is not that big a difference. Because they're all experimentation. It's all, if you study science, you're testing things. If you're cooking, you're testing things, but instead of ending up with like gibberellic acid, you end up with roast chicken.

• 13:11Mel Robbins?

  So which would you rather have? Definitely the roast chicken. And a lot of your recipes with roast chicken have a little vinegar in them, so it has a little acid.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:20Mel Robbins?

  I actually am a big fan of your cooking. And there is another thing that you just said. And that is that a lot of us opt out because we think what we're doing now doesn't qualify us for what we would like to be doing. And if you're willing to walk toward the thing that you would have fun at, you can figure it out and you will quickly realize that everything that you've ever done leads you somewhere and prepares you in ways you don't even realize.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  I actually didn't know that until I wrote the memoir. I actually thought everything I did that was outrageous and totally different was something completely new. And only when I wrote the memoir did I realize that when I was in Washington, because I didn't find my job that exciting. I taught myself how to cook. I would buy old houses and renovate them and sell them. So I'd go to the bank and negotiate loans. I would work on renovations. I taught myself how to do that. I went to business school at night when I was, when I was working at the White House. I mean, I did a lot of things for the fun of it.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  And then when I look back, I thought I knew nothing. But in fact, I knew more than I gave myself credit for. And it took until 2024 for me to actually realize that.

• 14:36Mel Robbins?

  Wow, it helped you connect the dots.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  It connected the dots and it also made me realize that what I was doing with the store was everything that I love to do. It was borrowing money and investing. It was building things, building a new store. It was cooking. It was the first time that my job actually included everything that I love to do.

• 14:57Mel Robbins?

  Well, it wasn't easy, though. So I would love to go from that moment where you walk in and you're like, oh, oh my gosh. To what it was actually like, because you then bought it.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  I did buy it. And I did one thing that was smart. I bought it, but I made a deal with the seller that she would stay for a month and teach me what I need to know. Because I didn't know anything. I didn't know how to cash out a register. I didn't know how to slice smoked salmon. I could bake 12 brownies for my friends, but I didn't know how to bake 1,000 brownies.

• 15:25Mel Robbins?

  Was there any moment where you had like a pit in your stomach and you realized, what have I done?

• 15:32Speaker 01

  I think after the first week, I said to Jeffrey, this is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.

• 15:38Mel Robbins?

  Well, one of my favorite stories that I think will shock the person listening is, again, you're living in Washington DC. You have bought this storefront that is four or five hours away in a summer community that you've never been to. And so you guys get a rental and even that doesn't go according to plan.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  That was crazy. We decided that we needed to have a, I needed a place to live while I'm there and Jeffrey was going to come on the weekends.

• 16:04Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  So we rented a house. And then when I went to the house right before Memorial Day to move in, there was a family living there. I was like, excuse me, this is my rental. They said, no, it's ours. And it turns out that the owner of the house had rented it twice. And, you know, the weekend before Memorial Day, you can't find a rental anywhere. So we actually decided, I said to them, okay, well, I'm not going to be here very much because I'm running a specialty food store. And my husband lives in Washington, so maybe we could just rent it together. So I moved my stuff into one of the bedrooms and went to the store. And we rented that house together and they were absolutely adorable, lovely people.

• 16:45Mel Robbins?

  That's incredible.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Isn't that crazy?

• 16:47Mel Robbins?

  It's crazy. Well, because one of the things that I also admire about you is you have this, if there's a will, there's a way. I'm going to figure this out.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:57Mel Robbins?

  And a lot of us would show up at a rental that's already full and see that as a sign that things aren't going to happen. But you have this unbelievable ability to tinker and figure it out.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  I have to say, I think Jeffrey taught me this. If there are two things you can't decide which one to do, his initial reaction is, let's figure out how to do both of them. I think a lot of stress comes from who gets to decide.

• 17:19Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  I think a lot of relationships fall apart on that, is who gets to decide? How about we don't decide? How about we do everything?

• 17:26Mel Robbins?

  Oh, that's a great life philosophy.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  It is, isn't it?

• 17:30Mel Robbins?

  Well, one of the things that you figured out in the early days is just how hard it is to do this. And I love the story of you falling asleep underneath the counter and driving the station wagon. So can you share with, you know, the person listening, some of the early days, what it actually took?

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Well, it is a very hard business. I loved every minute of it, but I'm not minimizing how physically hard it is. So I would get to the store at 5 o'clock in the morning and I would make sure everything was organized for the chef and the front of the house. We would open at 8 or 9 o'clock in the morning and we would go all day. And then at 6 o'clock, the first weekend particularly, we closed the store at maybe 6 o'clock on Friday of Memorial Day weekend. There wasn't anything left in the store. I mean, nothing. We really weren't prepared for the long weekend. And I just said to the woman who had sold it to me, what are we going to do? She said, no problem. We're going to go to the grocery store and we're going to buy flour and sugar and chocolate. And we're going to buy chicken and we're going to make chicken salad and we're going to make chocolate cake.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  And we're just, and we stayed all night and cooked and baked. And then we just basically stayed and opened the store the next day. And we did it again the day after that. And by now you're like working on nervous energy. But I loved doing it and it was fun and it was engaging and it was challenging.

• 18:52Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  And I said to myself, I'm going to run this store exactly the way the seller ran it. And I'm going to figure out how to do it differently over the winter when it's closed. And that's what I did.

• 19:02Mel Robbins?

  There was a moment, though, where your husband turned to you and said, I don't think you're going to make it here.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  That was the first weekend.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  It was actually before. I bought the store on Thursday of Memorial Day weekend.

• 19:17Mel Robbins?

  On Thursday?

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Before Memorial Day weekend. I didn't know what Memorial Day weekend in the Hamptons was. I came from Washington. So I bought it on Thursday and the seller, whose name was Diana Strata, who was wonderful, great teacher, said, I'm going to show you how to cash out the register. And there was $87 in the register for the entire day. And that was gross before you paid the rent to the employees. And Jeffrey had a calculator and he multiplied 87 times the number of days in the summer. And he said, I don't think you're going to make it here. What we didn't know is Friday of Memorial Day weekend was a completely different story. And that's when, on Friday, at the end of the day, we were cleaned out. Then I thought, oh, wait, there might be something here.

• 19:57Mel Robbins?

  There was definitely something there, and you were just getting started. You know, I've also heard you talk about the fact that when you take on new challenges, you're willing to do it working scared.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:10Mel Robbins?

  What does that mean?

• 20:11Speaker 01

  I think that we stop ourselves because we think, you know, if you're standing on the side of the pond and you're trying to decide whether you should jump in the pond, there might be fish in there. It might be cold. It might be really deep. You don't know what you're getting into. And you can't decide what to do when you're standing on the side of the pond. You've got to jump in the pond, splash around, see what it is, and figure out what to do about it. And maybe while you're in that pond, you can look over there and go, oh, that's actually a really interesting place to go that you would never have seen if you weren't in the pond. So I think you just, I feel like you just need to jump in the pond. We talk ourselves out of so many things because we think, well,

• 20:53Speaker 01

  I can't possibly know everything. And what am I going to do if something unexpected comes along? You know what? You'll figure it out. And I actually came across an expression that I just adore that's really changed me. It was from JP Morgan. A friend of mine told me this. Go as far as you can see. And when you get there, you'll be able to see farther. You don't need to know the answer to every question that you have. You just need to figure out as far as you can see, make the decisions that are the best decisions. And when you get there, you'll be able to see more.

• 21:23Mel Robbins?

  I love that.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Isn't that a great expression?

• 21:26Mel Robbins?

  It's beautiful.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Because you don't need to know where you're going. You just need to know what you're going to do today and tomorrow.

• 21:32Mel Robbins?

  That's true. And then, as you move forward, what you see changes.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Changes.

• 21:37Mel Robbins?

  You don't have, because you, we, I've wasted decades of my life standing there thinking, okay, I hate being a lawyer. What's my calling? You don't need to know.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  You don't need to know. Yeah.

• 21:47Mel Robbins?

  You just need to know that in those moments where you're sitting there at a budget desk doing nuclear policy, or you're commuting to a big law firm, and you feel the just stomach clenching as you go into the office building, that that's a sign that you don't need to know the bigger picture. You need to know that this is not for you anymore.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  And actually, one of the things I find is I never figure out where I'm going. I just figure out what I'm going to do today. I do the best job I can. And before I'm done for the day, I figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow. I start the day with purpose.

• 22:21Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  I don't start the day thinking, okay, what should I do today? I start the day with purpose, and I end the day with what I'm going to do the next day. And see where it goes. And it's, I think it's so much better in the long run to be open to whatever comes along, rather than say, I want to get from here to being a lawyer.

• 22:38Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Because you might miss something along the way that would have been more interesting.

• 22:42Mel Robbins?

  You have this other saying that I absolutely love. If it's not fun, it's not done.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  I think I borrowed that from somebody. I don't know who, but it's true. And it doesn't mean everything in my life is fun. It just means it's either fun on its own, or it's in the furtherance of fun.

• 22:58Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  So like, I think in the food business, I love the creativity of it, and I love the challenge of it. But if you don't take care of business, you don't get to do the fun stuff.

• 23:08Mel Robbins?

  That's true.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  So I think that I find the business interesting and challenging, but it's all in the furtherance of being able to do something creative and fun.

• 23:16Mel Robbins?

  That's very important. I want to make sure I put a highlighter on that. Because if you reframe the things you hate doing as, I am doing this because it's in furtherance of the thing I love doing, now you've just given meaning to the things you hate doing. We do that here all the time, actually. You're making me think about a meeting we had this morning, where we had an episode dropping this morning, and at 7:53 in the morning, we were arguing over this, like, super dumb detail on social media about whether or not

• 23:57Mel Robbins?

  the video needed a thumbnail uploaded or embedded, and the title, and we're just like, da, da, da. And it was not fun. But it's in furtherance.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  In furtherance of it.

• 24:06Mel Robbins?

  Yes, of the impact we want to make. And I love that reframing.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 24:13Mel Robbins?

  You're a genius.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm just so, aren't I amazing?

• 24:17Mel Robbins?

  You are amazing. And it's not just the recipes that you're cooking up. You're giving us a recipe for a different mindset and a different approach that opens up possibility in your life.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  I think, too, as a woman, I think things have changed since I was in the government. But I don't think it's changed completely. And I decided that, I said earlier, that somebody was never going to choose me, probably a man, was never going to choose me to be that of MB, which was, why bother working so hard for something that I'm never going to succeed at? And I thought, I need an alternate track that's mine, where the only thing that will limit me is my own talent and my own drive. And I think I've done that, which is really great.

• 25:03Mel Robbins?

  You've definitely done that. And the piece not to miss, as you're listening, is recognizing that ultimately, it's on you.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  It's on you.

• 25:11Mel Robbins?

  You know, I just want to stay on this theme, Ina. It's on you. And it's on you to stick around after this short break with our sponsors, because when we come back, there is a story that Ina's going to tell you about her necklace. And it's an important story about your reputation, and how people see you, and a simple thing that you can do to change the way people treat you. I love this story, and so will you. Don't go anywhere. We will be back after this short break. Stay with us.

• 25:46Mel Robbins?

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• 26:30Mel Robbins?

  day. You're simply making better use of the time you already have. Learn about well-being, create good habits, and replace doom scrolling. Audible, stories that speak to you. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mel. You know, on this podcast, you and I talk a lot about how the small choices, oh my gosh, they not only add up, they make things easier. Well, that applies to your makeup. Everybody wants products that help them feel put together without requiring a ton of effort, and are still good for your skin. That's what makes Say such an easy addition to any beauty routine. You've probably seen Say's signature lilac packaging at Sephora. It's beautiful. Inside are skincare-packed formulas that improve your skin with a radiant

• 27:10Mel Robbins?

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• 27:54Mel Robbins?

  of sights? Or do you just, oh my God, just let me lounge by a pool and don't talk to me? Scottsdale, Arizona, will let you do it all. And fall is one of the most beautiful times to visit Scottsdale, with warm days, cool desert evenings, and endless sunshine. Here are just some of the things you can do in Scottsdale. Visit legendary Old Town Scottsdale with over 100 restaurants, dozens of art galleries, and boutique shopping. Stay at award-winning luxury resorts designed for relaxation. Spend a day at one of Scottsdale's world-class spas. Eat at an award-winning restaurant with unmatched sunsets. Play championship golf courses surrounded by stunning Sonoran desert landscapes. And top it all off with

• 28:37Mel Robbins?

  beautiful desert scenery that instantly helps you disconnect. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Scottsdale is where you can finally take care of yourself. Visit unwindinsscottsdale.com to plan your trip this fall. Have you ever met somebody who can speak multiple languages? I mean, don't they immediately seem so cool and impressive? Haven't you wanted to be somebody like that? I know I have. Well, Rosetta Stone just came out with Rosetta Stone Sapphire. And one of the cool features is this thing called Sapphire Studio, which lets you personalize your language learning based on your top language priorities. So let's just say you wanted to be able to order like a pro at a restaurant in Mexico City. Sapphire Studio can create ingredient

• 29:21Mel Robbins?

  flashcards for you in seconds. Or you could play a matching game with all those new words to help commit them to memory, if that's more of your learning style. For me personally, I am going to keep giving Spanish a try, because it is a lifelong dream of mine to be able to speak it conversationally. If you want to take your language skills to the next level, don't wait to try Rosetta Stone Sapphire. The Mel Robbins Podcast listeners can get 20% off their Rosetta Stone Sapphire subscription when they sign up today. This gets you access to Rosetta Stone Sapphire in 25 languages.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  You've got to jump in the pond, splash around, see what it is, and figure out what to do about it. And maybe while you're in that pond, you can look over there and go, oh, that's actually a really interesting place to go that you would never have seen if you weren't in the pond.

• 30:13Mel Robbins?

  That's the one and only Ina Garten. You know her as the Barefoot Contessa. And today, she is telling you the stories from her remarkable life and the lessons that she learned. And you heard her. You've got to jump in the pond. You've got to stop waiting on the side. And one of the stories that I love about you, Ina, is one that you tell when you first started this business. You're 30 years old. You're in the fancy Hamptons. And you didn't like how the customers were treating you because they were just treating you like, you know, somebody who's hired to work there, nobody important. And you did one small thing. It's almost kind of funny that changed everything. Would you tell the story about the necklace?

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my gold necklace. I still have it. When I was first running the store, the first summer, I was 30 years old. And the woman who sold it to me was teaching me how to run the store. And customers would come in and they'd go, do this, get me that. They were on my case all the time. And I was like, I own this store. And why are they treating me like this? I didn't like that they treated my employees like that either. But Diana said to me, she said, you need to wear some jewelry and they'll know that you own the store. So I walked across the street to a jewelry store. And I bought what I thought was the gaudiest, biggest gold necklace I've ever seen in my life. And I put it on and I walked into the store. And people said, oh, is this your store? I thought it was so interesting to non-verbally

• 31:40Speaker 01

  change my relationship with the customers. We could change the conversation by changing ourselves. We don't always have to change the other person. And that's what happened with the customers. I wanted to change the conversation with them. And I changed something I did. And it was very effective.

• 31:56Mel Robbins?

  There is another thing that you noticed because you're jumping in the pond and splashing around. And in the beginning, you started making all kinds of fancy food. And it didn't sell. And it gave you this epiphany about what people actually wanted.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Which has totally informed all of my cookbooks.

• 32:16Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  So in the beginning, I thought it was a specialty food store. It was a fancy area. It was the Hamptons. And I'm going to make really fancy food. So I started making veal with morels. I remember taking a huge platter. I wanted to put roast chicken on it. It was a big white platter, fresh herbs all over the place. And it didn't sell. And I was like, what am I doing wrong? And I took that big platter and I went back in the kitchen. And I took the chickens off the big gorgeous platter with the fabulous fresh herbs and put them in little red and white chick. You know, those.

• 32:47Mel Robbins?

  Oh, like picnic basket things?

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Well, like.

• 32:50Mel Robbins?

  Lobster roll?

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Like you would get french fries in. And I just lined them up on the counter. And they sold in 10 minutes. And I thought, oh, people have elegant taste, but they don't want fancy food at home. They want to go out for something fancy. But at home, they want roast chicken. They want lobster salad. They want like simple, earthy things.

• 33:11Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Just by experimenting. That's my scientific background. I would put out five things and see which one people wanted. And you never know what it is. But you have to just keep trying. I'll tell you a story. When I moved to East Hampton, I got these, I had them made, actually, these huge tables. I wanted the pastry section to be on tables, like a Viennese dessert table. It wasn't behind refrigerated glass. It was out. It was open. And I had the cabinet maker put drawers in the front of those tables so that I could put things in while people are waiting to have their chocolate cake boxed up. They're just standing there with nothing to do. I thought, oh, it's a great opportunity to merchandise something to them. So I put in little packages of cookies. They didn't sell. I put in packages of muffins.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  They didn't sell. Every week, I'd put in something else to see what would sell. And none of it sold. I put in coffee. It didn't sell. And then one time, I ordered a lot of granola. And it just flew out of the store. And I thought, isn't that interesting? I would never have chosen granola as being the thing that would sell there. But I think when people are buying something kind of a little decadent, like a chocolate cake, they say, oh, I'll have something healthy like granola.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  And for the rest of the time that I had the store, we had granola in those drawers. It's all a science experiment. And you never know what the answer is going to be. If you decide in advance that you think you know what the answer is, you're wrong.

• 34:37Mel Robbins?

  I've got a very funny story to tell you, actually, about this same thing and experimenting. So it's funny. I feel a little shy about telling you this story. But I was a public defender in New York City after law school. And I loved that job. And then my husband, I blame everything on poor Chris Robbins. My husband gets into business school up here in Boston and also gets a job while he's going to business school. So I have to leave this job I love. And the only job I could find was working for a large law firm, which I hated. The exact opposite of being a public defender in New York City. And so I started thinking to myself, I hate this job, but I need the money. What have I always thought I wanted to do?

• 35:21Mel Robbins?

  And I was such a fan of yours. And in particular, I loved the way you displayed things.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you.

• 35:31Mel Robbins?

  And the different tiered stuff. Like, it just looked so.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Were you in the store?

• 35:35Mel Robbins?

  No, I only saw the photos, for crying out loud. And so I was an admirer from afar. And I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I've always wanted to own a bakery. I've always wanted to own a bakery like Barefoot Contessa. Because it looks so gorgeous.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  What an incredible story.

• 35:50Mel Robbins?

  Now, wait till you hear this. So I get a job on the weekends.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Where?

• 35:56Mel Robbins?

  Working at a bakery outside of Boston. It wasn't, it didn't last long. Because let me tell you something. This is why it's important to jump in. This is why it's important to notice what you're drawn toward. This is why it's important to experiment. So I decide I'm going to get a job working at a bakery on the weekends. And that way, I can kind of learn the business behind the scenes and experiment. Let me tell you. It took exactly six hours on my first Saturday, showing up at 6 o'clock in the morning, making carrot muffins, filling sugar dispensers, filling napkins, wiping counters down, taking out garbage bags that weighed 30 pounds

• 36:41Mel Robbins?

  because people put coffee in, that made me realize, I like this. I do not have what it takes to own a bakery. Here's the epiphany. Because this relates back to what you were saying. You don't have to see all the way. Go as far as you can see. And all I could see is, I think maybe I want a bakery because I'm so inspired by what Barefoot Contessa looks like.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Isn't that interesting?

• 37:05Mel Robbins?

  And then I went that far. And I realized, wait, I don't actually want to own a bakery and run one. I want to have control over my life and communities so that when I walk into Barefoot Contessa, I have a little bit of time to sit down and have a cup of coffee. And the owner and I know each other. It was really meant for me. But it had a different lesson in it.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  How old were you?

• 37:32Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my gosh. This would have been, I don't know, probably 25 years ago.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I think 30. I think our 20s are for experimenting. Unless you're Yitzhak Rerman and you know you're always going to be a violinist or Taylor Swift and you always know you're going to be a singer songwriter, as you said. Our 20s are for experimenting. Try everything. And you're going to learn something from each experience that's going to say, I want to go in that direction. I don't want to go in that direction. And then by the time you're 30, you've had those experiences. And now you know what you like. And you can figure out how to make that into a business.

• 38:06Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  And that's what you did.

• 38:07Mel Robbins?

  Yeah. Well, I knew I didn't want to own Barefoot Contessa. That's for sure. I did not have it in me. That's for sure. You know, for somebody who's sitting there listening, saying, I just think it's too late. I think it's too late to start over.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Never too late. I think, didn't the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken start when he was 50?

• 38:28Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Right? I mean, it's never too late. Just forget your age. Just think about what you want to do. I mean, I couldn't run Barefoot Contessa now. But I've done that. And I used it to figure out what the next stage was. And I used that to figure out the next stage. But just figure out what you like to do. If you know what you like to do, just think of how you can make that into a business. And I knew somebody that loved to write. And they loved to watch movies. I mean, how do you make a business out of that? And she got a job as the movie critic for a local newspaper. I mean, that's, just think about what you love to do and figure out how you can do it more.

• 39:04Mel Robbins?

  Well, at one point, you realize you're going to sell the store.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:08Mel Robbins?

  Can you put us at the scene of that decision and what led to it?

• 39:12Speaker 01

  I can't do this one more day.

• 39:14Mel Robbins?

  I don't want to smell like carrot muffins and granola anymore, people. I'm out of here.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  And you, but no, but you understand. It's really hard. And I was running, I mean, there were times when I was running two stores. But I was running the store in East Hampton and catering at night. So I would start at 6 o'clock in the morning and get home at 12 or 1 o'clock in the morning. And, you know, at some point, you just go, I can't, I just can't do this anymore. And also, I knew how to do it. It wasn't exciting. It wasn't challenging. There weren't problems to solve. And it was time to try something new. So I tried to figure out what to do. And I tried to figure out how to sell it. And my wonderful accountant, Susanna, and I were talking about it. And she said, why don't you sell it to the employees? And so we figured out a way to sell it to the chef and the manager. And I financed it. And they, one day, they were the owners.

• 40:03Mel Robbins?

  That's amazing.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  It was great.

• 40:04Mel Robbins?

  Now, I know after you sold the store, Jeffrey, your husband, tells you, you love food. Why not think of another way to do it?

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Well, that was after a year of having nothing to do. And that was the hardest year of my life. That was the scariest transition I've ever made. Because there were times in that year that I would go to the store thinking, I just gave up the most interesting career I'll ever have. And I have no idea where this is going to go. And about nine months in, Jeffrey said, so what do you have to do this week? And I was like, I have nothing to do. He said, you must have something. And I was like, I have a manicure on Wednesday. But that was it. And he said to me, you know, you love the food business. Why don't you think of a different way to do the food business other than running a specialty food store? And I said, well, people have asked me to write a cookbook. But it seemed like such a lonely thing. The store felt like a party.

• 40:54Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  And writing a cookbook.

• 40:56Mel Robbins?

  A community.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  And it was, and I always wanted the music. And I wanted samples and everybody having fun. And I wanted it to feel like a party. Whereas writing a cookbook just seemed like a very solitary thing to do. But I didn't have anything else to do. So I thought, oh, well, I'll write a proposal and see what happens. And I just wrote a proposal. I sent it to the top cookbook editor, thinking I'll never hear from them. And a week later, they said, thank you very much. We accept your proposal. And I was like. Now I have to write a cookbook? And I literally put the money aside thinking I'll be sending this back because I have no idea how to write a cookbook.

• 41:34Mel Robbins?

  This is shocking to me.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Why?

• 41:37Mel Robbins?

  And to the person listening.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Why?

• 41:39Mel Robbins?

  First of all, it's shocking because we know you as a person who has written a bazillion cookbooks.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had no idea.

• 41:48Mel Robbins?

  And even thinking about the fact that you created an iconic store that people loved, and so it never would even occur to me.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Do you know, I hadn't thought about this until now. One of the things that I do, if I decide to do something like run a specialty food store, or write a cookbook, or do a television show, I don't want to do it the way other people do it. I always think to myself, I'm not going to do this until I figure out how I can do it better. And I think that's one of the things that has served me very well. That if I'm going to write a cookbook, I'm going to write the cookbook that I want to write. I'm not going to write the cookbook that sells. I'm not going to write the cookbook other people think I should write. I get an idea in my head about what that book should be. In that case, it was really simple recipes that I know will work every time. Gorgeous photographs and ingredients you can get in the grocery store.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  That was my mantra. And it worked. I think I really connected with an audience in that way.

• 42:46Mel Robbins?

  You absolutely did. And you also just shared the formula for true success, which is when you get clear about the way you want to do something and why, and you're able to block out the noise of what everybody else is doing, you've just aligned your truest intentions and your self-expression with something that you feel called to do. And you know what else I really love about you?

• 43:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:13Mel Robbins?

  I don't think you have a clue how admired and impactful you are in people's lives.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Thank you, not a clue. A friend of mine says, you're the only person who has absolutely no idea who Ina Garten is. And I think she's right.

• 43:29Mel Robbins?

  Well, that's also part of your success, because you've stayed true to yourself and you realize-

• 43:36Speaker 01

  That hasn't changed me at all.

• 43:37Mel Robbins?

  Correct.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:39Mel Robbins?

  And you do it for the fun of it and the love of it, not for the recognition of it.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Not at all. Yeah.

• 43:47Mel Robbins?

  Yes, it comes through like the smell of fresh croissants in a bakery. It really, it just oozes out of you.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Thank you, thank you. I don't really get it, but I'm just delighted. I'm delighted that people connect with what I do, which is wonderful. And as you, you must.

• 44:04Mel Robbins?

  You know, it's not always easy, Ina, to stay true to yourself. And so I want to just hover on this because there's a really incredible example of how you had to be true to yourself. It's one of the hardest conversations that you ever had, and it almost cost you the most important relationship that you cared most about. And we're going to dig into that moment when we return, so stay with me. What's your favorite kind of vacation? Do you like to do physical stuff and see a bunch of sights? Or do you just, oh my God, just let me lounge by a pool and don't talk to me? Scottsdale, Arizona will let you do it all.

• 44:48Mel Robbins?

  And fall is one of the most beautiful times to visit Scottsdale with warm days, cool desert evenings, and endless sunshine. Here are just some of the things you can do in Scottsdale. Visit legendary Old Town Scottsdale with over 100 restaurants, dozens of art galleries, and boutique shopping. Stay at award-winning luxury resorts designed for relaxation. Spend a day at one of Scottsdale's world-class spas. Eat at an award-winning restaurant with unmatched sunsets. Play championship golf courses surrounded by stunning Sonoran desert landscapes. And top it all off with beautiful desert scenery that instantly helps you disconnect. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Scottsdale is where you can finally take care of yourself.

• 45:33Mel Robbins?

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• 46:16Mel Robbins?

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• 46:58Mel Robbins?

  Visit joinmidi.com to share your symptoms and get matched with a trained clinician. It's time to get back to feeling like you again. Visit joinmidi.com right now to book your first visit today. That's join M-I-D-I.com to book your first visit. Joinmidi.com.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  You don't need to know the answer to every question that you have. You just need to figure out, as far as you can see, make the decisions that are the best decisions. And when you get there, you'll be able to see more.

• 47:34Mel Robbins?

  That's Ina Garten. You know her as the Barefoot Contessa, but today she is here with you and me in our Boston studios, and we are hearing some of the remarkable stories and moments from her life. And I love that one. That's one of those quotes, Ina, that I think I'm going to share with my kids all the time. As far as you can see, just make the best decisions from where you are. And when you get there, you'll be able to see more. It's so true. You can only see so far right now. You know, one of the deeply personal stories that you share in your memoir is what happened when you started becoming more independent. As the business was cooking along, you began to change and you realized your marriage had to change with it.

• 48:18Mel Robbins?

  Could you put us at that moment where you were taking a walk with your husband Jeffrey on the beach?

• 48:24Speaker 01

  I think it was a confluence of a few things. It was the first summer when I had the store. He would come to West Hampton on the weekends when I was the busiest. And I knew I was neglecting him completely. And then he would leave on Sunday night to go back, just when I had a few, you know, a moment to breathe.

• 48:43Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  I had a new store, which I don't have children, but I imagine it's like having a new baby. You just want to be with that. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do. But I also had never lived on my own. I really didn't know who I was on my own. So I went from my parents' house to Jeffrey's house. And I just felt like I needed to find out who I was on my own and to shift gears in terms of what our roles were in the relationship. And he, he said the thing that was the most difficult to walk away from is if you feel like you need to be on your own, you need to be on your own, which made me just love him more, which was really hard. I mean, he wasn't mad. He was incredibly empathetic.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  He was on a trip around the world for the State Department for several months. And then we met again when he came back in, I guess it was in December in Palm Springs. And we just talked. We talked about what he wanted, what I wanted. We figured out how we could do both.

• 49:43Mel Robbins?

  There it is again. How do we do both?

• 49:46Speaker 01

  And I remember thinking, wow, this incredible falling in love with this incredible guy who just happens to be my husband.

• 49:51Mel Robbins?

  Well, I want to like unpack this a little bit because I really thought this was quite remarkable.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  And scary.

• 50:01Mel Robbins?

  And scary.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, really scary.

• 50:03Mel Robbins?

  Because you guys have been married for 10 years. And you've just now bought this fricking gourmet food store. You're living separately. And then you're trying to cram in like time together during the busiest time, then he's leaving, and then you're deflated, and then you're right back in it, and you're growing apart. But I want to read to you because you've got this beautiful section here where you're reflecting, "When I bought Barefoot Contessa, I shattered our traditional roles, took a baseball bat to them and left them in pieces. While I was still cooking, cleaning, shopping, managing, and so on at the store, I was doing it as a businesswoman, not a wife. My responsibilities made it impossible for me to even think about anything else. There was no expectation about who got home from work first and what they should do

• 50:46Mel Robbins?

  because I never got home from work." And then you write, "Sometime in the middle of the summer, we went for a walk on the beach. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I found the courage to start the painful conversation. I told him that I needed to be on my own. I didn't say whether it was for now or forever."

• 51:06Speaker 01

  I didn't know.

• 51:08Mel Robbins?

  And what we're learning is you don't have to know. You just have to, you just see as far as you can.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Start the conversation.

• 51:15Mel Robbins?

  How did starting the conversation change everything? When you didn't know, because a lot of us don't even start the conversation, even if the conversation is, I don't know what I'm feeling, but I just know it's not working.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  I think because we can't control the response. So you have to start the conversation, even though you have no idea what the response is. But the response tells you something about the person you're talking to.

• 51:40Mel Robbins?

  Uh huh.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  And whether they're willing to hear you and to bend a little bit, or whether they're-

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Rigid and not willing to change.

• 51:52Mel Robbins?

  I love this page in your book. It's page 153, and we circled it. And just like that, I was alone. So what did it feel like to have that conversation? And then, for the first time ever, be alone?

• 52:10Speaker 01

  I ran the store for the whole summer. And then I moved into New York. I found an apartment, terrible little apartment that I could afford. And I was on my own. I didn't know anybody in New York. I didn't know what I was going to do over the winter. I had to get to April when I opened the store again. And I literally had nothing to do and no friends. And I, it was hard. It was really hard. I kind of went down the rabbit hole. And Jeffrey used to call and check on me, which was really lovely. And he said, what are you doing? I said, I'm in bed. Can't get out of bed. He said, OK, get up. Put on the yellow skirt and the white top and get on the train and come to Washington, where your friends are.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  And I'm going on a trip around the world and just stay in our house and figure out what you want to do. He didn't try and solve the problem. He just gave me the access to surround myself with people that could help. And that's what I did.

• 53:07Mel Robbins?

  What did you learn about yourself while taking that time to be alone?

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Hard to be on your own if you've never been on your own. I mean, I think if you're always on your own and you build it up, it's one thing. But I just had the rug pulled out from under me, and I'm the one who did it.

• 53:21Mel Robbins?

  Don't you hate that? Why did I do that?

• 53:25Speaker 01

  And I also knew that he was incredibly loving about the way he let me go through that process. It was really important for me to figure it out. So I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about him. I mean, everything's going along swimmingly. You don't really learn that much about each other. It's in times of stress that you find out who the other person really is.

• 53:46Mel Robbins?

  What do you think the biggest thing is that you learned about yourself?

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Not so good on my own.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  I think that it was, I love to have things to do that I love to do. And I've gone from being unbelievably busy with an enormous number of friends to having nothing to do and no personal life. That was a little crazy.

• 54:08Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  That was too much.

• 54:09Mel Robbins?

  So how did you and Jeffrey come back together? I realize you never truly, you separated physically, but stayed connected.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  There was, yeah, there was no, there were no documents involved. And we just talked. And we worked out that he felt that he couldn't travel as much as he could because he was married. And I felt like I was responsible for dinner because we were married. And we realized none of those were true.

• 54:35Mel Robbins?

  And there's one other really important takeaway from this, which is it doesn't have to make sense to anybody else.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:41Mel Robbins?

  It only has to make sense to you.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  What a great comment. Yeah.

• 54:45Mel Robbins?

  Right?

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Right. All of it has to just work for you. It doesn't matter what other people think. It doesn't have to look like anybody else's relationship.

• 54:52Mel Robbins?

  Absolutely. You know, you write about this quote, this is on page 185 of Be Ready When the Luck Happens. And it's a quote attributed to George Lucas. "We're all living in cages with the door wide open. That was me until I realized I had the power and the responsibility to set myself free, to step out of the cage of whatever I'd experienced in the past, to think for myself, and to believe in my choices."

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Isn't that the best quote? We're all living in cages with the door wide open. It's so, I just thought that was such a great visual.

• 55:32Mel Robbins?

  It really is. But it's hard to see when you keep talking about the cage that you're in. And talk to me about realizing that you have power and the responsibility to set yourself free.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Well, I think we all have the power, whether we're willing to exercise it. It's really like any kind of exercise. You try it a little bit and you go, oh, that was, I can push back. If you're offered a job and you say, I really want twice as much money. And you go, wow, that worked. I think you have to just learn to exercise your power and just say, this is what I want. And be willing for somebody to say, you're not going to get it. But ask anyway.

• 56:14Mel Robbins?

  Yes. And then ask somebody else.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  And then ask somebody else. Here's a better idea. Go do it yourself.

• 56:20Mel Robbins?

  Go do it yourself. Well, I always say to my daughters, you're like, I don't know if I'll ever. And I was like, do you know how many idiots out there are making more money than most of us? Like, I think if they can figure it out, so can you. You just have to decide that you're going to figure it out. That's it. You know, if somebody wants to start a new business, they're listening to you and it's stirring something. What would you say is the best thing to do?

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Don't think about being scared. Just think about being excited. And then just go forward. And just figure out what you love to do and think about how you can make a business out of it. How you can take all of the things you're good at and the things that excite you and figure out some way that you can make a living doing it. This is what I want to do. And if somebody wants to try and stop me, knock yourself out. It's not going to happen.

• 57:18Mel Robbins?

  You have said, I hope when people remember me, they say, she had a very good time.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  I hope they do.

• 57:28Mel Robbins?

  I think they will.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  You think they will?

• 57:29Mel Robbins?

  Well.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  I would say that about you, too.

• 57:31Mel Robbins?

  I've had a very, I've had a really hard time for some of it.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  But that's part of the process. But I think, A, it makes you appreciate the good times more. But also, B, you have to go through that. The times when you're changing are really hard because you don't know, what are you changing to? It's like an abyss.

• 57:49Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  You absolutely have no idea where you're going. And it's a fog and there isn't a clear picture. And you're just hunting for the thing that you want to do. And you're thinking, maybe the thing that I just left was the best thing I'm going to do. But you just keep moving forward.

• 58:04Mel Robbins?

  I'm curious to ask you, what's your favorite recipe?

• 58:07Speaker 01

  My favorite recipe?

• 58:08Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, do you have a favorite recipe?

• 58:09Speaker 01

  French apple tart.

• 58:10Mel Robbins?

  French apple tart? How come it's, is it, did you develop it when you were in Paris?

• 58:14Speaker 01

  It was, no, it was given to me by Lee Bailey, who was a wonderful cookbook writer. And it's the thinnest, thinnest, thinnest crispy crust, like a buttery crust.

• 58:22Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  And very thin sliced apples with butter and sugar into the oven. And it is, to me, just the essence of apples and sweetness. It's a very simple recipe and it's, I just think it's just gorgeous.

• 58:36Mel Robbins?

  Wow. I'm going to have to.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Are you surprised?

• 58:38Mel Robbins?

  I was a little surprised.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  What were you thinking it would be?

• 58:40Mel Robbins?

  I don't know, because you have so many recipes. I mean, I, I don't know what I thought it would be, actually.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  I have one menu that I, if I'm meeting somebody new and they're coming for dinner, I have one menu that I know I can nail every single time. And it's actually in Bearford Contessa parties. And it's rack of lamb with a mustard and balsamic glaze and orzo with roasted vegetables. And if I can serve a French apple tart at the end, it's like the perfect, simple dinner. And it's, I don't know why, it just feel, it feels warm and welcoming and absolutely delicious every time.

• 59:14Mel Robbins?

  You know, when I was on tour, at the very end, I do this exercise, you know, with 9,000 people in one of the arenas, where everybody writes down the wild card chapter, that if they could do anything, nobody would judge you. You could make all the money that you wanted, or you didn't even need to worry about making money. What is the first thing you would do? You don't even need to explain it. And the top two things that people said, one was, write a book. The second was, I would open a bakery.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Really?

• 59:48Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Isn't that interesting?

• 59:50Mel Robbins?

  Yes. That people are really drawn to the experience of being at a beautiful bakery. You talked about how fun it is and there's a community there and it smells good and you feel like you're doing something for yourself. And it becomes either a very special moment if you're visiting a cool town as a tourist or it becomes part of your routine.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Well, a bakery also is like the heartbeat of a town.

• 1:00:14Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  So it really feels good. I had, a very good friend of mine was one of the founders of Burton Snowboards. And she said she always wanted to have a specialty food store. She was literally eight months pregnant when she said this to me. And I said to her, first work in the bakery before you decide to open a specialty food store. And so she came to East Hampton, this was 30 years ago. And she worked at Bearford Contessa in the bakery. She spent the whole summer there and she loved it. And she opened a specialty food store on Stowe, Vermont, that was incredibly successful.

• 1:00:45Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  So half of the people that you put in the bakery would go, have your experience?

• 1:00:50Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I'm out of here.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  Would have Donna Carpenter's experience.

• 1:00:54Mel Robbins?

  So I guess that's a great advice. If you want to open a bakery, go work in one first.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  Go work in one first.

• 1:00:59Mel Robbins?

  And that's kind of the advice for everything. If you're interested in something, jump in the pond and splash around and you're going to figure it out.

• 1:01:07Mel Robbins?

  Ina, if the person listening takes one thing away from this conversation, what do you think the most important thing you want to say is?

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  Do what you love. If you love it, you'll be really good at it.

• 1:01:18Mel Robbins?

  What are your parting words?

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  We only have one trip around this merry-go-round. And if you're not having fun, what in the world is the point of it?

• 1:01:32Mel Robbins?

  It's true.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  It's true. What's the point?

• 1:01:35Mel Robbins?

  What's the point? Like, you're not here to suffer and to be stuck and miserable and jealous. Like, there's something really cool that you could do if you allow yourself to do it.

• 1:01:46Mel Robbins?

  Well, thank you.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Thank you, Mel.

• 1:01:47Mel Robbins?

  For inspiring us.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Thank you for inspiring us always.

• 1:01:51Mel Robbins?

  You're welcome. I think you are such an incredible human being.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Thank you, Mel.

• 1:01:57Mel Robbins?

  And your example has made a huge difference in my life. And it's made a huge difference in my life because one of my favorite things in the world is cooking at home and gathering with people that I love. And you don't know this, but you are often there because I'm cracking open my vinegar-stained cookbooks.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Thank you. And I think one of the things that's really important to remember for cooking is make something really simple. Because the simpler it is, the more you're going to do it. And it's really about having people around the table together. And create a community for yourself. And I think we really need to have, feel that we're, our lives matter to others.

• 1:02:36Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  And if you create a group of friends and family and people that matter to you, you'll be good to go.

• 1:02:43Mel Robbins?

  What are you actually excited about that you're, that you're doing right now?

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  I just started a podcast.

• 1:02:48Mel Robbins?

  You did?

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:02:49Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God. I love that.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  I started yesterday, actually.

• 1:02:52Mel Robbins?

  What? You're kidding. Tell me about it.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Well, it's, it's called Happy Hour. And it's, somebody comes and has a cocktail with me and we sit and talk for an hour.

• 1:03:03Mel Robbins?

  Oh, that's fantastic.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  Actually, I have one other thing. Can I tell you about?

• 1:03:05Mel Robbins?

  Yes, please. Tell me. What are you doing?

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  I have a new book coming out.

• 1:03:07Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God, give me this.

• 1:03:10Mel Robbins?

  Oh.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  And what I found is I kept making simpler and simpler recipes. Because I wanted to cook for friends, but, you know, it takes time. Each recipe has something in it that makes it easier. It's either no cooking at all.

• 1:03:24Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  As long as you don't consider toasting bread cooking.

• 1:03:28Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  There's a recipe for dessert that I just love, which is raspberry cheesecake. And we've all made cheesecake and you're standing at the oven door going, is it done? Is it not done? Is it going to fall? I just said, go to a bakery and buy a really good cheesecake. Bring it home, make a fresh raspberry sauce with fresh raspberries and pour it on top. Now you've made it your own. And you've got something absolutely delicious.

• 1:03:51Mel Robbins?

  You know what I love about you?

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:03:52Mel Robbins?

  You literally created a cookbook that told us to go buy a cheesecake.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:56Mel Robbins?

  And then just make the sauce at home. I see like 55 things I am going to make. Well, Ina Garten, thank you so much.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Thank you, Mel.

• 1:04:06Mel Robbins?

  You're amazing.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  And I, so great to be here.

• 1:04:08Mel Robbins?

  Thank you. And thank you. Thank you for making time and spending it with the two of us. I know you loved every second of this and we loved being with you. And in case no one else tells you, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to remind you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And so, listen to Ina. Don't be standing there at the edge of the pond, talking yourself out of it. Jump in, splash around, and if you ever feel stuck trying to figure it out, just do both. Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

• 1:04:46Mel Robbins?

  You've just aligned your truest intentions and your self-expression with something that you feel called to do. Is that your phone?

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Oh. Is that mine?

• 1:04:58Mel Robbins?

  Somebody's texting you saying you're doing great. And we're not live, so who cares?

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:02Mel Robbins?

  You know?

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  This is great.

• 1:05:04Mel Robbins?

  Right?

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. That couldn't have been two hours.

• 1:05:08Mel Robbins?

  Uh, I think it was an hour and a half.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  That's amazing. That was the fastest hour and a half I ever spent.

• 1:05:17Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 1:05:59Mel Robbins?

  If you're looking for something great to watch, let me tell you about NBC's newest comedy, Newlyweds. With Taia Leoni, Tim Daly, and special guest star Jamie Lee Curtis. It's a later-in-life love story with a free-spirited woman and buttoned-up professor who unexpectedly get married after a whirlwind courtship. And they're about to find out that loving each other also means learning to love each other's eccentric friends, family, and even exes. Newlyweds premieres Friday, October 23rd, on NBC. Something I've learned here from the experts on the Mel Robbins podcast is that everyone, yes, you too, need an outlet to be able to just reset yourself. Whether it's reading a good book, listening to your favorite playlist, or just a few

• 1:06:44Mel Robbins?

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