Toni Laites - Love Island Healed My Toxic Dating Patterns

Toni Laites made history last year as the first American to win Love Island, but her journey to the villa was anything but ordinary. Discovered in Las Vegas working as a cabana girl by the show’s creative director, Toni was persuaded to fly 6,000 miles to Mallorca. The rest, as they say, is history. But you don’t need to be a Love Island superfan to love this episode. Toni is funny, emotionally intelligent and disarmingly honest. She opens up about living with the chronic illness Ulcerative Colitis, her pattern of choosing the wrong men in the past, working through anxious attachment and the hard-won strength it takes to forgive yourself. This is a conversation about resilience, self-awareness and what it really means to back yourself - even when the odds (and the public vote) are against you. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 03:18 Vegas Sales to Villa Casting 05:36 Saying Yes to Love Island 07:21 Life Inside the Villa 08:33 Votes, Outcasts and Forgiveness 10:57 The Big Three Friendship 14:18 Health Scare and Ulcerative Colitis 28:10 Tourist In London 28:43 Toxic Dating Patterns 32:22 Pressure On Her Relationship 34:57 Fame And Social Media 37:34 Family And Attachment 44:28 Self Criticism And Hate 49:44 Plan For The Future 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: There is value in doing nothing and taking a step back and waiting for good things to come. I always say not all disabilities are visible and people don't really understand what that's like. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ 📚 WANT MORE? Olivia Attwood - on heartbreak, public scrutiny and building a successful career after Love Island. Jessel Taank - on infertility, identity and The Real Housewives of New York. 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Toni answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Elizabeth Day?

  Hello, just a quick note from me to say that we recorded this episode with the wonderful Tony Laters a few weeks ago, and we have edited it slightly to reflect the latest in Tony's life. I hope you enjoy the conversation.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  I ended up getting a horrible infection in the hospital, so no one could come see me. Even the people working in the hospital had to come see me in hazmat suits. A month's supply of the medication I was on in America was $30,000. I have an iffy relationship with my father.

• 0:28Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, I'm sorry.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  And I think that is where a lot of my dating issues come from.

• 0:34Elizabeth Day?

  Welcome to How to Fail. And if you're new around here, then welcome. This is the podcast where we dive into failure and ask each guest about three times they failed in life and what they learned along the way. Before we get started on this conversation, please do remember to like, follow, and subscribe so that you never miss a single episode. One of the things I hear a lot from listeners is how tiring it can be when your mind just doesn't settle. And I can only imagine this feels even heavier with intrusive thoughts. It's that quiet sense of being worn down by something you never asked for and never wanted, but just can't seem to switch off. If you struggle with this, I want to tell

• 1:17Elizabeth Day?

  you about NoCD, because it's a resource that genuinely helps people. NoCD provides specialized treatment for OCD. And what I appreciate about their approach is how human it feels. You're matched with a licensed therapist trained in ERP therapy. That's Exposure and Response Prevention. And over time, you learn skills that help your OCD symptoms become manageable, so you can live more of the life you want to live. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NoCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call to get started at learn.nocd.com/fail. Confession time. I have a tendency to postpone certain decisions for far longer than is

• 2:00Elizabeth Day?

  sensible. Not the big life decisions, oddly enough, those I can usually handle. It's the smaller ones that somehow become disproportionately complicated. For me...

• 2:10Elizabeth Day?

  Rugs fall squarely into that category. I've known for a long time that a rug can completely change how a room feels, but I've always found sizing for a space tricky. That's why Ernesta appealed to me. Ernesta makes designer quality rugs custom cut to the exact dimensions of your space. So instead of making do with something that's close enough, you're choosing something made specifically for your home. I also love the fact that you can order five oversized 12 by 12 samples for just $10 before committing and Ernesta's design team will help with sizing completely free of charge. Visit ernestacom and order five samples for only $10 and you'll get $50 towards any rug of your choice.

• 2:52Elizabeth Day?

  That's ernestacom. This week, I'm joined by a guest who experienced that quintessentially modern paradox, being watched by millions while trying to work out who she was and while falling in love. She is Toni Laites, the 2025 winner of ITV's flagship reality show Love Island. It's a TV programme that has become part of the national and international discourse, catapulting unknown contestants into overnight fame. The premise is deceptively simple, a dating show where islanders are encouraged to couple up in order to avoid being dumped, all while being filmed in a specially constructed villa.

• 3:36Elizabeth Day?

  And as many of you know, I'm a huge fan. But when Laites burst onto our screens during the 12th season, she was a different kind of contestant. The first American bombshell to enter, Laites had been discovered working in Vegas by Love Island UK's creative director, Mike Spencer Hayter, who just so happened to be on his honeymoon when he was served drinks by a charismatic cabana server. She was persuaded to fly 6,000 miles to Mallorca. In the villa, she went through various ups and downs, including with the feckless Harrison, before recoupling with her prince charming Cash Mercer and going on to win £50,000. And yet, one of the most heartwarming narrative arcs was

• 4:20Elizabeth Day?

  Not the undoubted romance, but the platonic love that grew between the female finalists, Toni, Shakira and Yaz, dubbed the big three by fans. Although she was the first American to win, perhaps her triumph should come as no surprise. Laites has always been competitive. She had to beat a thousand other applicants to get her job as a cabana server in Vegas. And then, as she later recalled, I was always the number one in sales. Toni Laites, welcome to How To Fail You.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me.

• 4:53Elizabeth Day?

  I'm so excited.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  I'm nervous.

• 4:56Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, please don't be nervous. I, I'm honoured that you're nervous, but I promise that you don't need to be. I've already said, I'm such a huge fan of both you and Love Island.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 5:07Elizabeth Day?

  And producer Hannah and I are starstruck in a way that we've never been for anyone else.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Don't tell the other guests.

• 5:13Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. It's just between the two of us and all of our listeners and viewers. It's such a pleasure to meet you in person. It really is. And I really appreciated you being number one in sales as a cabana server. I thought that was hilarious. What is the secret to being good at sales?

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Charisma.

• 5:30Elizabeth Day?

  Tell me more. Are you born with it or can you cultivate it?

• 5:34Speaker 01

  I think you can learn, like with anything in life, you have to practise it. I'd been a waitress since I was 16 years old. It was the only job I ever had. So you start to like, think about the types of people you're serving and how to get them to spend more and spend more. And I don't know, be their friend at the end of the day.

• 5:53Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  For me, serving was much more than just bringing someone their drink, especially when I was working in big hotels. I was like cultivating an experience for them that went way past, do you want a pina colada?

• 6:05Elizabeth Day?

  So you were working in this hotel in Vegas and Mike Spencer Hater, who we all have to credit with basically inventing the, one of the best reality TV shows of all time, was on his honeymoon.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  On his honeymoon.

• 6:19Elizabeth Day?

  And I met Mike recently and he told me this story. And I also messaged him ahead of recording this podcast. And he gave me permission to quote from what he said about you. He said, she stood out from the crowd. Toni was confident, beautiful and engaging. I knew when I met her that she'd be a star and she was so relatable. So did you think I'm, I'm being scammed? Here's this guy, he says he's a creative director for Violet.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  So it's so funny. I really think it was like a meant to be situation. It was a Monday afternoon. One of my friends actually called out of work. I took her section. The only people in the section were these two British guys. And you know, I was thinking to myself in the morning, oh, British guys don't tip. I'm not going to make any money today. And it was so funny because I came up to Mike and his husband and I introduced myself to them. I said, are you celebrating anything? Immediately he said, have you ever heard of Love Island? It wasn't like I had spent the day with them. It was such a short interaction before he even brought it up that I was like, this guy's a bullshitter. Especially working in the job in the industry that I was in, you get offered all sorts of things.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  People want to take you out on dates. People want to offer you jobs. They offer you vacations, like all crazy things. And it wasn't until a couple of days later, when ITV started contacting me that I was like, oh my God, this is real.

• 7:44Elizabeth Day?

  Then when you realized it was real, was there a sense that fate took over? And you just thought, actually, I'll say yes.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  I think if it was in any other circumstance than the one I was in, I probably would have said no. Cause I remember at first I'm like, oh, I'm not doing this. I have a great life in Vegas. I have friends. I make money. I can take four months off a year because the pool closes. And even, I think it was two weeks after, they were flying me to London for one day and one day only. Cause I had to get back home so I could meet the production team. And I was like, I'm not doing this. I was on the flight to London. I'm like, oh, I'll go see what they say. But I'm, I'm not going on the show. And it really took some convincing from my friends. They were like, no, you have to like, some of my friends had watched the show. I didn't. So I don't think I understood the opportunity was so big, you know?

• 8:36Elizabeth Day?

  Yes. I think that really worked in your favor though. Because from the outset, you seemed so yourself.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:44Elizabeth Day?

  And in a crazy surreal environment, it must be quite hard for people who don't have a strong sense of self to hold on to that level of authenticity. Did you feel with all of this sales expertise? Did you feel you had to sell yourself?

• 8:58Speaker 01

  I think I got it easy coming on to the show because it was kind of already set up for me. I didn't have to like go to a million meetings with producers because I wasn't here. Mike found me, what Mike says goes.

• 9:10Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  So getting on the show, that was easy for me, but then being inside. I've just always been myself and it's somewhat worked out for me, whether that was in school or in work or in sports, anything like that. So I wasn't trying to pretend. I knew it worked for me in the past. So I just carried that on to the show.

• 9:29Elizabeth Day?

  Yes. What's sleep like? Did you? I can't imagine much worse than like having to sleep in a communal bedroom.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  That wasn't even the problem. It was the schedule. Because obviously we don't know what time it is. We don't have our phones. There's no clocks anywhere. But sometimes I would sneak a look at a producer's phone when we'd be talking to them and it would be five in the morning.

• 9:52Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  We would be up until 5am sometimes. And like, to my knowledge, we had like a sleep bank. We would get X amount of hours for the week. So if one day we got 12 hours, the next day we could get six. And then it all adds up.

• 10:08Elizabeth Day?

  Huh.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  So like on Saturdays, on down days, sometimes we would go to bed and the sun would still be up.

• 10:14Elizabeth Day?

  That's so weird. I had no idea you had no clue about what time it is.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  No, we didn't know, ever.

• 10:20Elizabeth Day?

  So what about mealtimes? So this is so niche and specific.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  No, it's okay. Ask away.

• 10:25Elizabeth Day?

  And they, do they happen at a regulated time every day or do you just eat when you're hungry?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  It was catering.

• 10:29Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  So we would wake up in the morning, if it's even morning, and we would go out and cook ourselves breakfast. But then immediately after we ate breakfast, lunch would come because it was always at a set time.

• 10:41Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. I imagine one of the hardest things along with sleep and not knowing what time it was is being liked or disliked, both in the villa, but then having to contend with what you think the public perception might be of you.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:57Elizabeth Day?

  How did you cope with that? Because the first public vote, you and Shakira, I know. You and Shakira came bottom and I'd just like to apologize on behalf of the British public. We got that wrong. And then what an amazing narrative arc you had because you ended up winning.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:13Elizabeth Day?

  But what's that like?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  I think for me, it was a bit expected, being the only first American ever. I think that Americans kind of have a bad rap in this country, even just abroad, anywhere. America's kind of frowned upon. So I expected it, not because of who I actually am, but just because of that simple narrative. People, it was something they're not familiar to, that a lot of people just say no immediately when it's something new and fresh. So the first public vote didn't necessarily shock me. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I think it was further down the line when the people that I was with every day didn't like me that hurt so much more. You kind of forget about the public, unless there is something like a public vote.

• 11:58Elizabeth Day?

  And is that when you really relied on Shakira and Yaz?

• 12:02Speaker 01

  100%. We were all in the same boat. Like, that's why we call ourselves the outcasts. We came together because we didn't really have anyone else. I was trying. In the beginning, like, I wasn't mean to the girls. I didn't feel included from the day I walked in there, for the simple fact that I was American. Even with the boys, I've said this before, it really shocked me that they weren't even willing to give me a chance for the simple fact of where I was from.

• 12:31Elizabeth Day?

  Have you forgiven your fellow contestants who were mean to you?

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. There's no reason for me to hold a grudge. Like, I'm sorry, but they get enough hate online. I don't need to contribute to that. I feel awful at the way that the rest of them have been treated since coming out of the villa, and I don't know how I would cope. I get very little hate, but the hate I do get hurts me.

• 12:54Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  So like, if anything, I'm like praying for them to be okay. I don't hold a grudge. It's hard for all of us coming off the show.

• 13:02Elizabeth Day?

  I wanted to spend a bit of time talking about your friendship. Talk me through Tony and Yaz and that final, and there's this iconic image where it's the three of you standing hand in hand. How did it feel being there with your two besties?

• 13:19Speaker 01

  It's hard to put into words. We had struggled for eight whole weeks and been ostracized and left out and... I don't like to use the word bullied. I'm not even sure that that's the correct word, but like, we felt ganged up on at times. So for us to make it together, the three of us in the final, it was kind of like, aha, we did it. And it was just so rewarding to be stood up there with my two best friends. It could have been anyone at the end of the day, but I think our friendship, regardless of our couples, is kind of what brought us to the final.

• 13:58Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  It's what made us survive those brutal eight weeks.

• 14:03Elizabeth Day?

  Do you still speak every day?

• 14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, every single day.

• 14:06Elizabeth Day?

  Are you in a WhatsApp group, the three of you?

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Of course, the outcasts.

• 14:08Elizabeth Day?

  Is it called the outcasts? Just checking.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  We never called ourselves the big three. That came from the public. We called ourselves the outcast, for sure.

• 14:15Elizabeth Day?

  Who is most likely to send the longest voice note?

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Yasmin only speaks in voice notes. I swear our fingers don't work. I hate voice notes.

• 14:25Elizabeth Day?

  Yas P T, do you?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  I hate them. We don't even use them in America, really. We don't even use WhatsApp.

• 14:31Elizabeth Day?

  Here's an interesting cultural difference.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, we are iMessage girlies in America and we just type out what we have to say.

• 14:39Elizabeth Day?

  Who's the most likely to use emojis?

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Probably me.

• 14:42Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love a good emoji, I can't lie.

• 14:45Elizabeth Day?

  What's your most used emoji?

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Probably like the puppy dog eyes or some form of a heart.

• 14:50Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. You said that you had never watched an episode of Love Island UK before. For me, it's all about relationships and anthropology ultimately. It's about how we understand how each other behaves. What do you think, other than your friendship and your relationship with Cash, what do you think Love Island gave you or taught you?

• 15:13Speaker 01

  A bit of confidence, honestly, because for me personally, I wouldn't really leave the house without makeup. I was a full glam girl to go anywhere, not being on TV. But then after the show, I realized people have seen me in every form. They've seen me wake up in the morning with no makeup on. They see me crying, they've seen me angry, they've seen me with a full face, they've seen me before bed with spot patches on, like, so afterwards, I can remain the same. I post without makeup. I go on public without makeup and take pictures with millions of strangers, like. So that's something I really found value in that I never would have imagined would come from the show.

• 15:52Elizabeth Day?

  Yes, that's so great to hear. Yeah. Have you watched it back?

• 15:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:59Elizabeth Day?

  Would you ever?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  I think eventually down the line. Cash always tells me that I should watch it to see like why people loved me so much because sometimes I forget that. But I haven't seen it. I've seen clips on TikTok and everything, of course, but those are just highlight moments.

• 16:15Elizabeth Day?

  Your first failure is about ignoring your health. Tell us a little bit about this.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  So when I was 17, it was kind of like a hectic time in my life. I was obviously going what we call high school in America. I was playing sports. I had two jobs and I had this boyfriend who I didn't have the best relationship with. And I think it was the most stressful time of my life. At least I thought it was when I was 17. I think all 17 year old girls think that's the most stressful time of your life. You have no idea, by the way, it gets worse. But I was just piling on stress to my life and then it started to reflect in my health. And I had all of these like gastric symptoms, stomach pains every day, throwing up, not being able to eat, more TMI ones that I don't really want to talk about.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  But I was just pretending that I was okay and going on about my life. And I remember I went to a music festival in Miami with one of my friends and I passed out in the crowd. And I just got up and acted like everything was fine. And it wasn't until I came home from that weekend that I told my mom like, I, I need to go to the hospital, something is not right. And it ended up leaving me in the hospital for two weeks when I was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. But it was like such a low, low point. And I think it not could have been avoided. My chronic illness is unavoidable. It was coming for me regardless, but I let it get way, way, way too bad.

• 17:45Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm. And why do you think you let it get that bad? Was it that you felt that you were making something up or that you were making too big a deal of it or that you weren't taken seriously when you were trying to express it?

• 17:59Speaker 01

  I didn't express it.

• 18:00Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  That was the problem, I think. It kind of relates to the reason why I was nervous today. Once you acknowledge a failure, it's real. I, I just wanted to pretend like I was fine. I wanted to go to prom. I was getting ready to go to college. Like, all of these really, really exciting things were happening in my life. I don't have time to be sitting in a hospital bed.

• 18:20Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  I was young. I was cool. I was popular. I'm bleeding, you know?

• 18:26Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Like, I couldn't get out of bed.

• 18:28Elizabeth Day?

  You poor thing.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:29Elizabeth Day?

  So, those two weeks in hospital, what were they like?

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Probably one of the lowest points of my life. Like, I ended up getting a horrible infection in the hospital, so no one could come see me. Even the people working in the hospital had to come see me in, like, hazmat suits, so it wouldn't spread to them. And again, this was my senior year of high school. This is the most exciting time of your life. It's graduation time. It's prom time. It's all the fun stuff. I just went to high school for four years, and this is the time you look forward to, and I couldn't take part in it. I was so, so sick. I was losing weight. I didn't look like myself anymore. I couldn't see my friends. I was weak. Like, I had a blood transfusion.

• 19:16Elizabeth Day?

  Wow.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  I was in so much pain. Every single day, I thought it would never end.

• 19:23Elizabeth Day?

  Did you go to prom?

• 19:24Speaker 01

  I made it to prom.

• 19:26Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  So, actually, this is the interesting part about this, and this is why the whole entire world knows that I have, you see. Prior to the show, if you Googled me, the only thing that would come up is my story of me going to prom, because it made the Connecticut local news. The Children's Hospital in Connecticut made this huge plan for me to get ready for prom in the hospital. They allowed me to go to prom, and then I had to go back to the hospital.

• 19:50Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  I wasn't famous. I was famous in Connecticut for being sick. But, like, so now everyone knew. When I was on the show, everyone knew that I had ulcerative colitis.

• 20:01Elizabeth Day?

  Did you go with that disappointing boyfriend to prom?

• 20:04Speaker 01

  No, he was actually older than me.

• 20:06Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  And, so that was like, he was a lot of the reason for my stress. He lived two hours away from me. And I would lie to my parents and say that I was going to work, but I was really driving to his place two hours away. And the only reason why they caught me is because I crashed my car in the snowstorm. So it was a culmination of all of these things. I was ignoring my feelings, stressing myself out. And it ultimately, it made you sick. Like, no one else in my family has ulcerative colitis. People say it could be hereditary, but a common theme with all the reports I've read is stress.

• 20:42Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. So for the ignorant among us, and I am one of them, how does you see manifest day to day? Can you ever predict a flare up?

• 20:54Speaker 01

  That's the scariest part about it. You can't. I could eat the same thing 10 days in a row. On the 11th day, I'll be flaring. And like, there's amazing medications that you can take that basically shut down your entire immune system so it doesn't attack itself. Because it is an autoimmune disease, your immune system is attacking itself. But then at the same time, those medications have so many other side effects. They shut down your immune system so you get sick. You don't heal the same. You may bruise easily. You have allergies. Like, it's all these other things. It's like, which is more worth it? But the worst pain I've ever felt is from my stomach. So it outweighs everything.

• 21:36Elizabeth Day?

  How does a flare up display itself? So you get stomach pain?

• 21:41Speaker 01

  It's debilitating. You spend the day in the bathroom. You're exhausted, like.

• 21:47Elizabeth Day?

  Do you feel nausea?

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:48Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Nausea, exhaustion, excruciating pain. But you know what the worst part is about it? You wouldn't look at me and think I'm sick.

• 21:57Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  So I always say not all disabilities are visible. And people don't really understand what that's like. They don't sympathize with you because you don't look sick, which is the most frustrating thing in the entire world.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  In America, it's even harder as well because these medications are so much money.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  One month's supply of the medication I was on in America was $30,000.

• 22:24Elizabeth Day?

  How did you cope?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Health insurance. You have to pay for health insurance and then you apply for these programs. So like the drug companies give you basically a debit card. And the same company that makes the medicine gives you the money back for it. If you don't make a million dollars a year, you can't afford that medication. So it was always so hard. It was a constant battle and not to forget that they don't always work forever. I've been on three different medications since being diagnosed because one day they just stopped working. If you miss a dose, your body builds antibodies against it and it doesn't work for you anymore. So it's a constant battle.

• 23:04Elizabeth Day?

  That's very tough.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  It was frustrating, especially as a young girl.

• 23:07Elizabeth Day?

  Yes. And how are you today?

• 23:10Speaker 01

  In remission, thank God.

• 23:12Elizabeth Day?

  Thank goodness.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, like it took years. That was one of my biggest fears going on the show as well.

• 23:19Elizabeth Day?

  I was about to ask.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  You share bathrooms with 20 people. There's two bathrooms inside, one bathroom outside. But luckily, there is a welfare team on the show that you have to tell these things to. They get your entire medical history. If they thought that I couldn't physically do the show, they wouldn't have let me on. And they made sure I had all of the resources in place. There's a medic on site 24/7. God forbid something ever happened. I would have the resources I needed. But luckily, I am feeling good.

• 23:54Elizabeth Day?

  I'm so happy to hear that. Did you have a flare up in the villa?

• 23:57Speaker 01

  No.

• 23:58Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Not once.

• 24:00Elizabeth Day?

  If there's someone listening to this right now and they are struggling with either UC or Crohn's, what advice would you give them?

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Maintain your health before it's too late because I didn't. And I was so much sicker than I needed to be. Unfortunately, you have to get colonoscopies every year. It's the most uncomfortable experience ever. I hear they don't even sedate you here in America. They knock you out. But it's so, so important because I think UC, Crohn's and colon cancer kind of all go hand in hand. And you would never want to be diagnosed with something even worse than you already have. So keep up with your colonoscopies, get on a medication that works for you and. Avoid stress at all, all costs.

• 24:50Elizabeth Day?

  So difficult because then avoiding stress becomes stressful sometimes. Do you have to be careful with your diet or is that not related?

• 24:57Speaker 01

  I don't. Other people do. You see, and Crohn's looks different for every single person. It's very unpredictable. Like, they tell you in the beginning, when you're really, really sick, don't eat spicy food, seeds, nuts, alcohol, coffee, all the things you think would upset your stomach. But luckily for me, I do consume those things and I am okay, but it took time. When I first got sick, I said I was on the all white diet, bread, mashed potatoes, rice, because I was so scared to eat something that would upset me. But I was just living in fear.

• 25:29Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah. And is this something you bonded with Yaz over?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  She has Crohn's. So it's so funny, there's this book called The Body Keeps The Score.

• 25:37Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  And Yaz and I were talking about it one day. And I said, wait a second, why have you read that book? She said, why have you read that book? And that's the moment that we found out.

• 25:47Elizabeth Day?

  Does that really help, being friends with someone who fully understands?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  A hundred percent, because they get when you're having a bad day. I don't know if I can speak for everybody, but it affects my mood.

• 25:59Elizabeth Day?

  Of course.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  If I'm not feeling good, I'm kind of a bitch.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  And it's not just because I want to be mean to everyone around me. My body is fighting itself every single day. And it's frustrating for me mentally to explain that to everybody. So Yaz just got it.

• 26:19Elizabeth Day?

  I mean, to say that you have to manage your stress carefully, the last year for you must have been really challenging. Not only are you winning Love Island, which of course, that must be exciting, but it's super stressful as well, I imagine.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:33Elizabeth Day?

  But you're then struggling to relocate to the UK and there's all sorts of visa issues and you can't work.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:39Elizabeth Day?

  How did you manage that stress effectively?

• 26:43Speaker 01

  I think that being sick kind of taught me a lesson that was a bit valuable in this time in my life now. When I was sick, I had to stop and do nothing. When I didn't have a visa, I had to stop and do nothing. To somebody like me, that's devastating. I hate doing nothing. I feel unproductive. But there's also value in doing nothing and taking a step back and waiting for good things to come. So that's kind of what I had to do. I had no choice. As much as I wanted to work in this country, I couldn't, or they would have sent my ass back to America, you know, during those months where I was waiting to get my visa approved, I kind of just tried to enjoy the time that I had because now my life is crazy.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  I don't have a day to sit and do nothing, so I appreciate the times that I did.

• 27:32Elizabeth Day?

  I think that's so wise, and that was going to be one of the things I asked you that although we would all wish to take this burden from you, I wonder if your illness has taught you something, and it sounds like it's taught you that.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. Getting sick so young, you gotta take something out of it. It can't just be a failure. Like, I learned a lot about myself and when to slow down, and it doesn't always have to be go, go, go, go. Rest is also rewarding.

• 27:59Elizabeth Day?

  Yes, and you don't need to earn rest.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 28:03Elizabeth Day?

  For it to be valid.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  I love a good rot day.

• 28:06Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, so do I.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Those are my favorite days of the week.

• 28:08Elizabeth Day?

  Tony, I had one yesterday. You have your UK visa. Do you like it here?

• 28:15Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, your favorite thing and your least favorite thing.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  This is my first winter in seven years.

• 28:20Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  And it's been a rough one. There was sunshine out today, though.

• 28:24Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah, but there's been so much rain.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  It's rained every day of 2026.

• 28:28Elizabeth Day?

  I feel so embarrassed on behalf of the UK.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  I thought I liked rain because I lived in Miami. It rained all the time. That was a great thunderstorm cozy afternoon, but now I have to like go out and do things. And it drives me absolutely insane. But what I love about this country is the love that they've given me. I never thought I would be accepted by a whole nother nation. Of course, there's people that don't like me, but like a majority of it is love that I never could have imagined.

• 28:57Elizabeth Day?

  When people see you out and about, what do they mostly say to you?

• 29:04Speaker 01

  I get all sorts of different things. Some people just ask for a picture.

• 29:08Elizabeth Day?

  Do you like baked beans yet?

• 29:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 29:10Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. Have you tried marmite?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Ew, no. That doesn't even sound good.

• 29:15Elizabeth Day?

  Crumpets?

• 29:16Speaker 01

  We have them in America.

• 29:18Elizabeth Day?

  I don't know if you do, Tony.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  We do.

• 29:20Elizabeth Day?

  Well, I don't know if.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  It's like an English muffin.

• 29:23Elizabeth Day?

  No. You see, this is a debate I have with my American friends. There are things marketed in American grocery stores that claim to be crumpets, but they bear no resemblance to a British crumpet. So I need you today to go out and try like a Warburtons crumpet. And the key is that you need to toast it more than you think.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Deal.

• 29:45Elizabeth Day?

  If you're a savoury, are you a savoury or a sweet person?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Both.

• 29:48Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. So if you're in a savoury mood, butter, slice of cheddar, flakes of salt.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm here for that.

• 29:54Elizabeth Day?

  So delicious. I'm actually salivating. And if you're in a sweet mood, I mean, I don't do sweet on crumpets, but certain people do jam, just like an apricot jam and butter.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Deal.

• 30:04Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, fine. Come back to me once you've tried that. Do you like the, do you like the king? Do you like the royal family?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Like, I don't really know them. Hopefully one day I meet them. I don't know. I've been so busy that I guess I haven't had time to catch up on culture.

• 30:19Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  My management team and I want to do like a Tony the Tourist series, but I tried to do it and then I got swarmed by people. So it's not that easy.

• 30:29Elizabeth Day?

  I bet. Have you ever been on the top level of a double decker bus?

• 30:33Speaker 01

  No. So like, I want to do things like that.

• 30:35Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  I want to be a tourist in my own city.

• 30:38Elizabeth Day?

  We need to make it happen.

• 30:41Elizabeth Day?

  Autumn's here, soup season is back, and my kitchen is suddenly working overtime. Quick dinners after a manic day recording, and I'm enjoying spending a bit more time at home as the days are getting shorter. The thing that's made all of that easier is Hexclad. I am genuinely obsessed with these pans. They heat evenly, nothing sticks, and the cleanup doesn't turn into just another job at the end of the night. Hexclad combines the searing power of stainless steel with the convenience of nonstick, so you get proper performance. Without the usual faff. They're dishwasher safe, love that, oven safe up to 480 degrees Celsius, and the stay cool handles mean you're not grabbing a scorching pan mid-cook.

• 31:25Elizabeth Day?

  Hexclad is an at-home lifesaver. Start the new season with cookware that actually works as hard as you do. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off with our exclusive link, hexclad.co.uk/fail. That's hexclad.co.uk/fail. Offer excludes bundles and items already on sale. Your second failure is having horrible dating habits before meeting cash.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  That's for damn sure.

• 31:52Elizabeth Day?

  Let's go up to the beginning. Okay, what are some of the worst dates you've ever been on?

• 31:58Speaker 01

  I think there was a lack thereof.

• 32:00Elizabeth Day?

  Of dates?

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:02Elizabeth Day?

  You said you were popular in high school and you were dating an older guy?

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:08Elizabeth Day?

  So was it just that you weren't being courted? You were in relationships, but you weren't dating?

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 32:13Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  That relationship I was talking about earlier was like my only kind of real relationship. And he was a couple of years older than me. He was in college in another state. And it was just kind of toxic. I think I'm a very anxiously attached person. And obviously, we didn't live in the same place. And he wasn't giving me as much energy as I needed. I was always going to see him.

• 32:39Elizabeth Day?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  I would stay with him and his football friends in a dirty apartment and use my only free time to be with him.

• 32:48Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  And I was exhausting myself and lying to my family, which put a wedge between me and my parents. I think later on in college, I chose bad guys again, who weren't necessarily seeing me for my value. It was kind of like hookup culture, not respecting myself.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  It was dark. I worked so hard in every other aspect of my life, but then dating, I kind of just settled for less.

• 33:20Elizabeth Day?

  And why do you think that was?

• 33:23Speaker 01

  I'm still trying to figure it out. All of these past habits are kind of coming back now that I am in a good relationship. And I think being in your first healthy relationship kind of brings up darker parts of yourself that you didn't acknowledge until now. I always questioned why I was arguing with my partners. Was it because they were treating me like shit? Or was it because I wasn't as secure in myself as I thought I was?

• 33:50Elizabeth Day?

  Tony, I relate so deeply to what you're saying. And that's so true, that when you're in a relationship that is founded on safety and trust, it's really confronting if you've never experienced that before, because there's a degree of pain that comes with acknowledging what you used to accept.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 34:08Elizabeth Day?

  And there's also that fear that it's all too good to be true. I totally get it. You're speaking to someone who, I was in long-term relationships from the age of 19 to 35. I got married to the wrong person, got divorced when I was 35, and then was a single woman dating in her late 30s.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:27Elizabeth Day?

  And I'm now married again to an amazing man who I met online. And it took me a really long time to trust in the goodness of it.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  How long was that in between your marriages?

• 34:41Elizabeth Day?

  Wait, so got divorced aged 35, met Justin 39, so four years. Squeezed in another relationship.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, good turnaround time.

• 34:50Elizabeth Day?

  And I remember a therapist giving me great advice, saying, it's time. There'll be one day when you feeling anxious that he had this other relationship with this other person, and feeling jealous and all those things, that will fall by the wayside because you've had more time together.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:09Elizabeth Day?

  And yours and Cass's relationship is so deep, but actually, it hasn't been that long.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Not at all.

• 35:14Elizabeth Day?

  Really? And so much has happened in that.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  And I think people expect so much from us, that it's like, in what world do you meet somebody?

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Six months ago, even less than that, and they're moving in together.

• 35:29Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  If that was one of your friends and she met a guy six months ago and she told you I'm moving in with him, what would you say to her?

• 35:35Elizabeth Day?

  Don't.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 35:37Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  But I hear it all the time. Why don't you live together? When are you getting married?

• 35:42Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Why don't you see each other's family more? There's so much pressure and we're just trying to find our feet.

• 35:50Elizabeth Day?

  Where do you get your reassurance from?

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Of course, it's nice to hear compliments or words of affirmation. But I think one of my love languages is quality time.

• 36:02Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  I don't need a vacation. I just like to be together.

• 36:06Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  It really puts my mind at ease, but I am working on being more secure in myself to where I don't have to ask for anything.

• 36:15Elizabeth Day?

  It's so hard, isn't it?

• 36:17Speaker 01

  I hate being alone, which I've never, ever experienced prior to going on the show.

• 36:23Elizabeth Day?

  That's so, because you're an only child. So that's really interesting to me.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  I'm an only child. I've lived away from home since I was 17 years old. I loved alone time until the show.

• 36:33Elizabeth Day?

  So what do you think that's about? Was it like immersion therapy in a way? Because then suddenly you're in a bedroom with 20 people.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Right. You're never alone.

• 36:41Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  For eight weeks, I was never alone and like, I don't know how many days it takes to build a habit. There's a statistic out there somewhere, but it's definitely eight weeks. I would sleep alone all the time in Vegas and Miami and Connecticut. But then I never slept alone when I was on that show. Coming out, I was with Cash every single day. Not to mention, I don't have a huge support system here.

• 37:07Elizabeth Day?

  It's a lot, my darling. You have been through a lot. And it's difficult as well because we all, as the viewing public, saw, quote unquote, the happy ending.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:17Elizabeth Day?

  And so there's probably that pressure to live out everyone else's expectations of happiness.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  I think I'm going against the grain in that sense, especially with social media. I've kind of proven that you don't have to post every day to remain relevant. If you post moments that you're proud of, something worth speaking about, people will still be engaged. I think that I've said this before, I really, really struggled to get on board with the whole social media thing. It wasn't my remote interest before going on Love Island, but I kind of had no choice. But still, to this day, I don't post perfectly polished moments. I post what's real. Of course, there's dinner parties and trips and free stuff, but at the same time, I'm a human being.

• 38:08Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah, I really remember the video you posted saying you hadn't been able to work and you were struggling to get a visa. And it was so uncurated and so real and definitely part of the reason that we all love you. And you went from having 3,000 Instagram followers to now almost a million. That's unhinged.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 38:27Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Like, it was just so shocking to me. Not having a phone for that long and then getting my phone back, not to mention my phone number was somehow in my Instagram bio the entire time I was on the show. There was like a contact button. So when I turned my phone back on after eight weeks, I had to take the SIM card out. It didn't stop ringing for days. Strangers just calling me.

• 38:56Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, my goodness. Did you have any celebrities sliding into your DMs?

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Oh, Cara Delevingne and Charli XCX.

• 39:05Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, the two coolest.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Exactly. It wasn't men. I don't have a large male audience. I think it's like, yeah, I'm reaching the right girls in the gaze. But yeah, that was the craziest part, especially after our ID shoot.

• 39:18Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, my gosh. The iconic ID shoot, the big three, the outcast together, styled in such a brilliant way that was so antithetical to how we were used to seeing Love Island contestants. It was, I, it lives in my head rent free, that shoot.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  People still come up to us every single day. I think the post has almost 30 million views on it.

• 39:39Elizabeth Day?

  Do you have it framed somewhere in your apartment?

• 39:41Speaker 01

  I'm working on it. I'm still working on decorating.

• 39:44Elizabeth Day?

  Can I ask you a little bit about your childhood and how you were raised? Because so often when we are anxiously attached, it stems from something that we've experienced. So I've become familiar with your mother because she came on Love Island and I, again, was totally obsessed with her, Leslie. But you grew up with a mom and a dad.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Kind of.

• 40:03Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  I have an iffy relationship with my father.

• 40:06Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, I'm sorry.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  And I think that is where a lot of my dating issues come from.

• 40:13Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  I really don't talk about it. People always ask me to talk about my dad and I never do.

• 40:17Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  It's hard because our relationship has been so back and forth for so long and prior to the show, it was kind of at its lowest. I didn't tell him I was going on. I don't know how he found out, probably from some Facebook post somewhere that his daughter was on an international television show, but I'm working on repairing that.

• 40:37Elizabeth Day?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  I think a lot of the times I don't forgive people. Once it gets to a certain point, in the same way how I haven't forgiven him, it reflects into relationships with men or friends. Like, I cut people off and that's it.

• 40:51Elizabeth Day?

  Yes, I understand that. Has he met Cash?

• 40:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:55Elizabeth Day?

  Okay.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Mm-mm. I haven't seen him in three years.

• 40:58Elizabeth Day?

  Okay. Thank you for sharing that.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 41:01Elizabeth Day?

  And I'm sorry that you carry that.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  It's kind of a patched up wound.

• 41:06Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Like, I don't sit here and cry about it anymore. I may have used to.

• 41:12Elizabeth Day?

  I think it's so strong of you to be addressing that now and to understand the link.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:18Elizabeth Day?

  And to be able to work on that so that you're no longer paying the price for someone else's mistakes.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  Correct. I don't blame myself.

• 41:27Elizabeth Day?

  Good.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  I was a kid, after all. His only kid. Both of my parents' only child. So like,

• 41:35Speaker 01

  I don't know. When I have kids one day, I want to pour all the love I have in my heart to them because I don't want to have the same relationship with them that I did, my parents.

• 41:45Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm. How's your relationship with Leslie now?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Oh, she drives me nuts. She drives me absolutely insane, but I love her to pieces. And she's probably the most supportive person I could ever imagine. She screams my name from the rooftops.

• 42:02Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Would I have advised her to make a TikTok account prior to the show? No, over my dead body. But it happened and it worked out for her. And I think kind of won the public over. She spoke for me when I couldn't speak for myself. People love her.

• 42:20Elizabeth Day?

  Yes. She always shouted your name from the rooftops.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 42:24Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah. And she was the person, she came into the villa and she was like, you need to pay attention to this man, Cash. And thanked him in a very moving exchange, I thought. Is she still his number one fan?

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, yes.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Can do no wrong in her eyes. That's why I'm like, OK, maybe just adopt him then because she loves him.

• 42:47Elizabeth Day?

  Have any of your dysfunctional exes been in touch with you since you won the show?

• 42:51Speaker 01

  No. The one that I was speaking about earlier hasn't said a peep.

• 42:54Elizabeth Day?

  That means that he's definitely seen it.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Everyone has seen it. Like, I'm definitely the most famous person to come out of Newington, Connecticut.

• 43:02Elizabeth Day?

  Oh.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  My parents went to the same high school as me. It's a very, very small town.

• 43:06Elizabeth Day?

  OK.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Nobody ever leaves.

• 43:09Elizabeth Day?

  I bet you've made the front page of that newspaper again, multiple times over.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  It's funny because I've lived in so many different places. So people in Connecticut have given me recognition. I've done interviews with my college in Florida. People in Vegas have recognized me. Like, I thought I could escape it when I went to America. It follows me.

• 43:32Elizabeth Day?

  Have you made up with Cash's brother and sister?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:35Elizabeth Day?

  That's just something that I really needed to ask you from my personal.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Everyone always nags me about this one. No, not you, but the public. They always ask me this, like, do they still hate you? I think people forget that they were also viewers of the show. They only see 45 minutes to an hour a day of 24 hours. They're very tight knit, that family. And he is their protector.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  If anyone had a sibling that they saw crying on television, they would be upset at the person who caused those tears, no matter the situation. They're younger than me, they're both 20, they're twins. And I think that they were defending the person who's defended them their whole lives. And I've seen them numerous times. I've met his whole family before. And no one holds a grudge because they know me in real life.

• 44:27Elizabeth Day?

  It's lovely hearing you talk about that. It was really lovely seeing how close their bond was on screen and how Cash clearly is their protector. But it was also really lovely seeing your ownership and accountability and your understanding of their closeness and your respect for it. When you look back on your Love Island experience prior to Cash, when you look back at the Harrison of all, I'm sorry to bring his name up.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  It's okay.

• 44:50Elizabeth Day?

  In this lovely space.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Voldemort, we'll call him.

• 44:52Elizabeth Day?

  Voldemort. Do you think that was the death rattle of your bad dating decisions?

• 45:00Speaker 01

  100%. Never again. But I was repeating old unhealthy patterns because I didn't know any better. I've mentioned this before as well. I kind of needed him to stay in the game.

• 45:17Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  If Harrison wasn't there, I would have had nobody. Yes, I was stupid and I went back one too many times. But if I didn't go back, I would have been gone. I wouldn't have made it to the final, I wouldn't have met Cash. Harrison kept me in long enough to get me to Casa Amor and meet Cash.

• 45:36Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah, it's that idea of fate again. Also, probably quite nice that you stayed in the game and you had, by the final, this control experiment of what could have been.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:47Elizabeth Day?

  And the fact that you were with Cash, who had said that he loved you the night before the final when there were no cameras. He must have just thought, oh, thank goodness.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  I dodged a bullet. Still to this day, I believe that. Viewers love a redemption arc.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  If all of that didn't happen, I'm not sure we would have won.

• 46:06Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  It was such a good storyline for television. I wasn't doing it for that, but it made the show what it was. And it showed lessons for young girls. It showed dating patterns in modern society. Like it showed what it is like when you are with someone who really loves you and how rewarding that is. So it's not a total failure.

• 46:33Elizabeth Day?

  We dodged the bullets and we can be grateful for them too.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:38Elizabeth Day?

  There are so many things I wish I'd known when I started this podcast and my production company, Daylight. Like, why am I spending hours trying to make a website look good? Why am I designing everything from scratch? And why am I spending all my time just doing admin? What I really needed was one place that could do all of this for me. Enter Shopify. Shopify has beautiful, ready-made templates that make your website look polished without needing to become a graphic designer overnight. Its AI tools can help you get your site up and running quickly. And Shopify Checkout makes it really easy for customers to actually go from, ooh, I like that, to, yes, I'll have one. If Shopify had existed when I started out, I could have saved myself a lot of time, stress,

• 47:24Elizabeth Day?

  and some rogue design choices. If you're ready to hear the

• 47:29Elizabeth Day?

  of your first sale today, head over to Shopify.co.uk/fail to start your free trial today. That's right, start your free trial at Shopify.co.uk/fail. Autumn's here, soup season is back, and my kitchen is suddenly working overtime. Quick dinners after a manic day recording, and I'm enjoying spending a bit more time at home as the days are getting shorter. The thing that's made all of that easier is Hexclad. I am genuinely obsessed with these pans. They heat evenly, nothing sticks, and the cleanup doesn't turn into just another job at the end of the night. Hexclad combines the searing power of stainless steel with the convenience of non-stick

• 48:12Elizabeth Day?

  So you get proper performance without the usual faff. They're dishwasher safe, love that. Oven safe up to 480 degrees Celsius. And the stay cool handles mean you're not grabbing a scorching pan mid-cook. Hexclad is an at home lifesaver. Start the new season with cookware that actually works as hard as you do. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off with our exclusive link. Hexclad.co.uk slash fail. That's hexclad.co.uk slash fail. Offer excludes bundles and items already on sale. Two girls, one ghost.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Two Girls One Ghost is the most haunted podcast in America. Where each week we dive into all things strange, spooky and supernatural. And share stories of paranormal encounters from our community of listeners. Satisfy that spooky itch and entertain your inner witch with Two Girls One Ghost. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts and check us out on YouTube at Two Girls One Ghost. But be warned, side effects might include a haunting or two. Listen at your own risk.

• 49:15Elizabeth Day?

  Your final failure is that sometimes you fail to be kind to yourself.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  I do.

• 49:20Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, Tony. So you say here that you tend to be your own biggest critic. So do you have this constant inner hater who's?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  I wouldn't say hater, it would be critic. I don't hate myself, but I want to be the best at everything I do.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  That also ties into why I wasn't posting.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Because I kind of hold myself to a certain standard. If it's not something that I would want to consume as a viewer, I'm not going to post it. Basically, our job as influencers is to sell things to people. If it's not good enough for me, I'm not going to sell it to you. In that sense. But then it's hard because.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Hate gets to me, but chances are I've already thought worse of myself.

• 50:09Elizabeth Day?

  Wow.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  You know?

• 50:10Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah, I do know. How does overnight fame affect that?

• 50:16Speaker 01

  I think it puts everything under a magnifying glass. I read every single comment. It doesn't matter how many there are. It's like, I almost look for validation for the negative things I think about myself already.

• 50:30Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  When I know things aren't true and they come at them, it's like, oh, whatever, I brush it off. But like, if you tell me my nose is big, I've known this my whole life. You're reassuring the things I already thought about myself and it hurts. Or in the beginning, when I wasn't 100% sure that Cash liked me because of my dating history, when a million people are telling you, he doesn't like you, he was just with you to get to the end, this, that and the third, it just reassures all of the negative things I already thought about myself and my relationship.

• 51:03Elizabeth Day?

  For the record, you have an exquisite nose.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 51:06Elizabeth Day?

  And I've never once thought it was big, ever.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 51:10Elizabeth Day?

  Is Cash good for you in terms of handling all of that?

• 51:14Speaker 01

  100%. He's been on social media, working towards being a content creator, making his dance videos for years. He always tells me, don't read the comments, don't read the comments. I don't know why I can't stop.

• 51:29Elizabeth Day?

  Do you have strategies for managing it that you're introducing?

• 51:33Speaker 01

  I'm trying. This is all so new to me. So when I was like thinking of these failures, it was, it was kind of hard for me because I feel like they're all pretty recent.

• 51:44Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  I hate talking about failing.

• 51:46Elizabeth Day?

  Actually, what we talk about when we talk about failure, we talk about growth.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:51Elizabeth Day?

  And understanding ourselves. And every single one of your failures, what I appreciate about them is that they reflect who you are. You're so real in what you choose to share and that is a kind of superpower.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Like, I can't even sit here and lie to you. This last six months has probably been one of the hardest of my entire life.

• 52:09Elizabeth Day?

  I'm sorry.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Mentally, socially.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Like, I'm trying to get used to being here, but I can't just go walk outside and enjoy myself.

• 52:20Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  All of the things that I used to be able to do if I was having a bad day aren't as accessible to me anymore. Whether that's even just sitting on the couch with my friends. My friends aren't here.

• 52:31Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Or making friends is kind of hard for me right now because I don't trust people.

• 52:38Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  I trust Cash, I trust Shakira and Yasmin, but we're all busy. So I'm just trying to regain, I think, the confidence that I've lost in the last couple of months. Yeah, I say I've gained confidence in the sense that I can go out without makeup and this, that and the third, but I'm still doing things that scare me every single day.

• 53:01Elizabeth Day?

  And as you say, there's a loneliness there that you're not familiar with.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Correct. I've never felt this lonely.

• 53:07Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, Toni.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  It's sad, but at the same time, I kind of do it to myself because, don't get me wrong, I could call my friends more. I don't like, I don't want to say burden them, but I don't like to sit here and say woe is me because there are so many amazing things going on with my life right now. And I know that all of my friends back home are still working waitressing jobs and working their asses off the same way how I was, so I don't want to brag. I don't want to sound ungrateful when I'm like, boo hoo, my life is so hard. But it is.

• 53:45Elizabeth Day?

  Do you feel that it's a weakness to admit that? You're nodding.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  I want to act like I'm okay.

• 53:56Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  But it's been hard.

• 53:58Elizabeth Day?

  You are worth a grown-up love that makes you feel safe and secure. And you are worth the love that we are showing you en masse as the general public. And that probably feels so unfamiliar and difficult.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  It is, for sure. And I think I pour all of the love that I have into other people. That sometimes I forget to give it to myself.

• 54:20Elizabeth Day?

  Yes, but you're worthy of your own love too, Toni.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  And I'll learn that. But this is all still so fresh to me.

• 54:28Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  At the same time, this is the most crucial point of my career. To position myself in a way that it's long lasting and I'm not just known for Love Island. Like, I want my voice to be heard by the masses, not people who only watch a dating show.

• 54:43Elizabeth Day?

  Preach. What do you want to do next? What is the goal?

• 54:48Speaker 01

  I want to take my Ajama's job.

• 54:51Elizabeth Day?

  I want you to, I mean, I love my Ajama, but I want you to, that would be brilliant.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  Not even necessarily her job, but I want to go into presenting. And when I see myself in those situations, it just makes me realize how much I'm capable of.

• 55:03Elizabeth Day?

  How old are you?

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Twenty-five.

• 55:05Elizabeth Day?

  You're so young and you have such a wise head on your shoulders.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 55:11Elizabeth Day?

  Like, it's really, that's, yeah. I am not surprised that you are dealing with all of these feelings at twenty-five. Your twenties are such a cluster at the best of times. But when you go on Love Island and end up winning it, I can't even imagine how amplified that is. So you are doing brilliantly and you are exactly where you need to be. What advice would you give to pre Love Island Tony? There's this guy at the pool on his honeymoon and he's like, have you ever heard of Love Island UK? And you agree to go on it. What advice would you give her now?

• 55:46Speaker 01

  I don't think there is advice that you can give anybody before going on Love Island. I think I did it the best way possible, blindly, with no expectations, no idea of what was to come, not even what I would tell myself, but what I would tell anybody. Not just about going on Love Island. If you want to move to a new country, if you want to start a new job, do it.

• 56:10Elizabeth Day?

  Final question. You were top at sales in your former job as a cabana waitress. If you had to describe yourself as a drink, as a cocktail that you served, what would it be?

• 56:23Speaker 01

  A Miami Vice.

• 56:26Elizabeth Day?

  Because?

• 56:27Speaker 01

  It's the best of both worlds. Half strawberry daiquiri, half pina colada, extra rum on top. Because now I'm like, kind of half British, half American.

• 56:39Elizabeth Day?

  Love it. And there's a little bit of mischief in there, too.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's for sure.

• 56:43Elizabeth Day?

  Tony, thank you so, so much for coming on How To Fail.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  That felt like a good vent session.

• 56:48Elizabeth Day?

  I'm so glad. That's, that's what we're here for. You were amazing.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 56:58Elizabeth Day?

  Please do follow How To Fail to get new episodes as they land on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please tell all your friends. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Thank you so much for listening.