642: Jim Murphy - Inner Excellence, AJ Brown, Presence, Managing Fear, Daily Goals, & Understanding Our Greatest Needs

Go to www. LearningLeader.com https://www. LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global http://www.insightglobal.com/learningleader. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. Go to www. InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader https://www. InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Jim Murphy is a mental performance coach for some of the most accomplished professional athletes in the world. Formerly a professional baseball player, he now focuses on helping others. You may have heard of him if you were watching the Philadelphia Eagles' playoff run last season, and star wide receiver AJ Brown was reading Jim's book Inner Excellence on the sideline between offensive series. Notes: The first 11 days of 2025, Inner Excellence (originally published 16 years ago) sold about 25 copies… What happened on January 12? AJ Brown was shown on TV reading it in between offensive series. It then sold 200,000 copies in 20 days. Fear is a concern about the future. Give the best of what you have today. Be present. Heart, will, spirit = the deepest part of you When we're at our best, there's no thought of self. 5 greatest needs That we have value Love and acceptance Integrity Purpose beyond self Growth Dick Vermiel's coaching style - Coach the person first. Then the sport (or the thing you're doing). The same is true for any leadership role. People won't care what you think unless they know you actually care about them. 4 Daily Goals Give the best of what you have today Be present. Fear is a future thing. Be grateful Focus on what you can control Anxiety is a mind with too many thoughts and concerns. Need to face our fears. 3 Key Areas: Belief - expand what you think is possible. Freedom - play like a kid (let it rip). Focus - Be fully present Status vs amazing experiences. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Joy comes from love. Love can come from weaknesses. Ego - Always comparing, creates a fear of screwing up Rory McIlroy – Didn't care if he made the cut at the US Open. Played free and made a few birdies at the end of the second round and made the cut. Jim's Dedication: "My father, Donald C. Murphy. The one who greatly influenced me to think deeply about what to love and what to let go of. I love you. See you soon." His dad worked on the Apollo 11 mission. The first lunar landing. Grade yourself on presence. 4 daily goals. Rate them 1-10. Anxiety is a sign that someone isn't present. Jim has always struggled with being self-centered. Be non-judgmental. Share unconditional love. Ricky Scruggs - Former teammate and roommate in pro baseball. He invited me to the desert in 2003. Led me to take the risk to leave the safety of family and friends to pursue a meaningful life. What about for those people who say your stuff is "woo-woo?" "I get paid to help people perform better. And that's what happens when you work with me." "My whole life, I obsessed about being a superstar, being rich and famous. What I now realize is what I've always wanted was to feel fully alive. I've realized since that what I always really wanted was to feel fully alive. That's what Inner Excellence is about. Pursuing a full life and letting everything else be added. We're created for relationships." Among Jim's strengths is that he listens and doesn't judge. That's what many people want. "I have this one client, a pro athlete. He said, 'Jim, I smoke, I gamble, I drink. I do all these things, but I don't think you do all those things. Do you think we can work together?' I said, 'If you don't judge me for not doing those things, I won't judge you for doing those things.' We became great friends." Resonance Key #3 - Love Your Opponent. "The opponent is not the enemy– they're our partner in the dance." – Phil Jackson

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ryan Hawk?

  This episode is brought to you by Insight Global. I love the leadership team and the people at Insight Global. Insight Global is a staffing and professional services company dedicated to being the light to the world around them. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through talent or technical services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. Hiring can be tough, but hiring the right person can be magic. Visit insightglobal.com/learningleader today to learn more. That's insightglobal.com/learningleader.

• 0:46Ryan Hawk?

  Welcome to The Learning Leader Show presented by Insight Global. I am your host, Ryan Hawke. Thank you so much for being here. Go to learningleader.com for show notes of this and all podcast episodes. Go to learningleader.com. Now on to tonight's featured leader. Jim Murphy is a mental performance coach for some of the most accomplished professional athletes in the world. Formerly a professional baseball player himself, he now focuses on helping others. You may have heard of him if you were watching the Philadelphia Eagles playoff run last season, and star wide receiver A.J.

• 1:29Ryan Hawk?

  Brown was reading Jim's book, Inner Excellence, on the sideline in between offensive series. So cool. During our conversation, we discussed the four goals you should set to have an excellent day, how to better manage fear, how to be less judgmental, and how to manage your ego. And Jim also shares how he would help Rory McIlroy. Really interesting story. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy my conversation with Jim Murphy.

• 2:07Ryan Hawk?

  So I read the stat and it was fascinating to me. The first 11 days of 2025, your book, Inner Excellence, sold about 25 copies. So about, you know, maybe two a day or a little bit less than that. Then January 12th hit. What happened on January 12th and what happened after that?

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, so a football player read the book on national TV, A.J. Brown. I saw a picture of him reading the book in uniform sometime in December, but I, that's the last I, I didn't know any context. And so that's really the last I thought about it. I just thought, well, that's really cool. And then I'm actually in downtown Dallas in a hotel room, watching a different football game, the bowl game between Penn State and Notre Dame. And then I look at my phone and I see a bunch of texts and then someone says, hey, you gotta check out the Packers Eagles wildcard game. And then that's when I saw, you know, along with everyone else, what was going on.

• 3:06Ryan Hawk?

  And then what happened in the following days after that?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Well, right away, it was just like an onslaught of, of messages, emails, like that I could, there's no way I could keep up with. It was, the first TV station that contacted me was Good Morning NFL. And he said, can you get a book to me tonight? This was Sunday night. We need it by 2:45 a.m. because we're going to run with it the first thing in the morning. So that was a fun adventure. We actually didn't get him the right book. A friend of mine had, had the first copy, the original copy, but yeah, the next day it was just nonstop. I missed so many interviews. I couldn't keep up with it and yeah, it was, it was really intense.

• 3:44Ryan Hawk?

  I had also read that A.J. Brown and you had not, you had no relationship prior to that moment. He just liked your book and just liked to read it, but then you have since talked. What was it about Inner Excellence that resonated so much with him? And how has it been since seeing that moment for you and his relationship?

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, so for him, you know, he plays a very dangerous, violent sport, you know, a wide receiver going over the middle in the NFL is can be very scary. And so to be one of the best, if not the best, like he is in the NFL, you have to have a sort of a fearlessness and you can't let your mind dwell on what just happened. If it wasn't good and you can't think about the future. And that's just really what fear is. It's a concern about future and self. And so Interexcellence is really about having a clear mind and unburdened heart and teaching you how to do that. And so, you know, I think that really resonated with him and that's why he was bringing it to every game to help him get centered and after every drive to get re-centered and focus on how he wanted to feel and who he wanted to become and what was the most important.

• 4:47Ryan Hawk?

  You brought up fear and I want to go a little bit deeper on that. We all have that in our lives. We all have different ways of dealing with it. Could you go a bit further on maybe how you handle fear or even an example at a time of, oh, this thing was really scary. I'm thinking of my daughter wants to skydive like as her senior present for her senior year next year. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. But I kind of want to bond with her in that way because she really wants to do it. So I was really scared. So maybe that's a bad example, but I'm, but it's, it's the first thing that popped in my mind when I heard of thought of being like really fearful of something. So tell me more about fear and how you manage it, how we all can better manage it.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's a great question. So one of the first things I do with clients is help them understand how fear works, how the mind works and especially the subconscious that's running our life and our lives and, and what your heart deeply wants. And so the heart, which I define as, as your will, your spirit, your soul, the deepest part of you, where your greatest fears are and your, your greatest dreams are. That's the part that needs the most training and Interexcellence is really about pursuing a life that matters, a life of meaning and fulfillment and deep enriching relationships where you're learning and growing and especially, like you said, facing your fears. And fears is in general, it's a very self-centered thing. And the biggest challenge that we have in performance and in life is getting in our own way. Our own thoughts are really hurting us.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  And I call that self-centeredness, this constant thinking about self, walking in this self-protection, self-concern, because when we're at our very best, then there's no self-protection or self-concern. There's no thoughts about self whatsoever. And so when you're completely selfless, then you're fearless. It's the, what's going to happen to me? That's where it creates the fear. And so, you know, for people that may be having a hard time right now, there's, Interexcellence has one overarching goal, it's to learn and grow about how to live with absolute fullness of life, to be fully alive. And we have four daily goals. And the first one is to give the best of what you have today. And if life is hard right now, understand that it may not be much at all.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Give the best, we're not asking you to give anything more than you've got. And it may be very, very minimal, but that's okay. We're going to start somewhere. That's the important thing. And just make sure we're heading in the right direction and understand that there is hope. And so the first step is to give the best of what you've got. It may be only 20% or 10% of your best, and we're just going to give 100% of that. And then number two is to be present, because there's no fear when you're present. Fear is a future thing. And then three is to be grateful, because gratitude and anxiety do not go together. Really, you're either grateful or anxious, one of the two. And then the fourth one is to focus on your routines and only what you can control.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  And so if you think about this skydiving thing, it's, you know, if you're fully present the whole time, then it's going to be a really exhilarating thing. It's when your mind goes to the future, that's when you're going to, that's when you have problems. But then you just use some tools to bring yourself back to the moment.

• 8:01Ryan Hawk?

  So fear is usually about the future. You're like anxious or scared of something that might happen, right? You might, your parachute might not open, right? You might die. It sounds great. Yes, be present, live in the moment, live in the moment. It's better there, like everything's better. There's no sense in worrying about something that hasn't happened and probably will not happen. I know that, I can feel that. You mentioned tools there. What are some tools to get better at living in the present?

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Well, first of all, that whole thing I just shared with you about learning and growing is number one, because our greatest need is to be loved and accepted. The human heart has five deep needs. To feel like you're, to have a sense of worth, that you have some value is the first one. And then, second one is love and acceptance, and then, which is the number one, actually, the most important one. And then, there's integrity, to be complete, to be fully integrated, and then, to have a purpose beyond yourself, and then, to grow. So, these are the five deep needs of the heart, at least according to InterExcellence. And when you're pursuing these things, then you can really have a sense of fearlessness more often.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  And most everybody has had some fearlessness in their lives at some points. And I mean, it might be just playing Scrabble, or doing a jigsaw puzzle where there's no fear, or watching a movie, when you're fully in the moment. And so, really understanding, what is it like to be fully present and practicing that every day? And it doesn't have to be a real set thing, it's just like, I'm gonna work on being present today. And when I think of being present at the highest level, I think of the sense, anything is possible, and a connection to beauty. It's far more than just thinking about, not thinking about the past and future, and thinking about, you know, what you can see in front of you, it's far more than that.

• 9:43Ryan Hawk?

  How about you specifically? What you do, you're still a human, you're still flawed, like all of us, right? You have to work on this stuff, even though you write about it, you help others be really good at it. But what do you do to stay fully present in the moment?

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, and let me share with you something that I think is really important, and especially in this, I'm in our culture, there's a lot of fear, anxiety, intention, violence, so much out of control. And so, anxiety is such a massive thing. And anxiety is a mine with too many thoughts and too many concerns. And one of the very important elements of InterExcellence is, you know, in order to learn and grow, we need to face our fears. And learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you wanna build anything great, a life, a business, a home, whatever it is, you're gonna have to be willing to face uncomfortable feelings and to be willing to fail and be willing to look foolish.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Because if you're not, for example, willing to fail or look foolish, then your options are very, very limited. Then you have to only focus on a very small amount of things that you can do that you know are not gonna go sideways. And so, but if you wanna build anything great, there has to be an element of risk where things that you can't control are involved. And so, there's a series of questions that I ask myself when I'm uncomfortable. Am I willing to face my fears? Am I willing to face any feeling whatsoever? The feeling that I hate most, am I willing to have that one today? And am I willing to sit with the feelings that I dislike, even if they don't go away?

• 11:20Speaker 01

  These are really powerful, important questions to ask when we're afraid or when we have these, whether it's anxiety or sense of being out of control or panic.

• 11:32Ryan Hawk?

  Is there a time recently that you were really scared and you use these tools to get through it better?

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I can think of since January 12th, you know, there's times, you know, being on national TV on the Today Show or things when I was nervous. And so, asking myself these, these exact questions. Are you willing to look foolish? Are you willing to have any feeling? You know, are you willing to face your fears? And then also for me, who are you trusting? Like, why am I doing this? What's my purpose? Is that so Jim Murphy can look good? Because if it is, then it's, it's a very scary thing. Because if it's about me, then I gotta try and control a lot of things that I cannot control. But if it's to live my purpose, which I, I believe it is, then it's, it becomes so much more than about me and, and not something that I need to control.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Like, the Today Show was, was exciting and really, I just said, you know, God, it's up to you. Like, if this goes great, that's, you know, obviously, that's what I would like. But if I say the wrong thing or forget, you know, my mind goes blank and, you know, I was battling jet lag and, and...

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Just interviews and lack of sleep and just intense barrage for months and then the Today Show. And so a number of things could have, could have gone wrong. And, and in fact, they asked a couple of questions that I, that were not in the script. And so that could have had me, you know, kind of go blank, but you know, God took care of it. So it was great.

• 13:00Ryan Hawk?

  I, you know, what's, what is conjuring up these feelings and ideas for me is you're a professional athlete. I played sports, my sport was football, played in high school, college, a little bit after college. And when I was at my best, I was almost like unconscious. I just let it rip. I played quarterback and so you, you gotta take shots. You gotta take chances in order to accomplish big things. There, there's almost never perfect windows or your guys wide open, you know, all that. And when I was at my best though, I almost wasn't even thinking. I was just responding to the moment and relying on instinct and letting it rip. That's what my good quarterback coach would always say is you gotta let it fly, man. Let it rip.

• 13:43Ryan Hawk?

  And I feel like there's some inner excellence in that coaching. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this idea of almost performing. I do it now, like in keynote speaking where I'm at my best on stage when I just let it rip and just go for it. Without the fear of me looking stupid or trying to joke or going big for the open, you know, anything like that. Where you're like, ah, let me just do the 70% version because it's less risky. That version, by the way, Jim, as you know, is never good, never. Like it's either a hundred and you're going to flop or a hundred and it's awesome. And I think that relates a lot to the stuff you write about in Inner Excellence. I just wanted to get your take on that.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  So you're saying when you're at your best in football, there was no concern for self. There was no self-consciousness, right? There was, you're saying that there's this absence of thoughts about self. Is that right?

• 14:34Ryan Hawk?

  You're almost not even like thinking at all. I mean, you're just playing, you're just in the moment, again, present. And your instincts take over your, your practice, right? We rep this stuff to death, just like A.J. Brown and all those guys do. And you just. React, you just go without even thinking about it, you know?

• 14:54Speaker 01

  So you mentioned playing, that's a very powerful word. So inter-excellence is really revolves around three key areas that you can think of as BFF, best friends forever, belief, freedom and focus. So belief is a subconscious comfort level with what you feel is possible in your life. And everyone has beliefs in every area of their lives, their lives, and they all come with limitations. And so inter-excellence is really about understanding how to expand what you believe is possible in your life. And then, um, freedom is probably the number one thing that people ask for the most. When I ask, when we dig deep into what they want most in their life, it's, that's the number one most common answer. And it's also the number one thing that's lacking the most in athletes and then

• 15:36Speaker 01

  and anyone trying to accomplish anything is the lack of freedom, lack of ability to play like a kid and focus to be fully present in the moment. Inter-excellence is really an in-depth system. And how do you become fully present in the moment and be able to, to play like a kid like, and have that sort of joy and believe that, that anything is possible?

• 15:57Ryan Hawk?

  Okay, that one's big. I think freedom is hard. As you get older, you, I mean, you're further away from being a kid, I guess, as I'm thinking out loud here with you, Jim. I have a team of coaches I work with now that are a part of my team and we go out and do stuff together. And I think when we are at our best, we are joking, we're making fun of each other, we're acting like we did when we were kids. Even with our clients, we're acting like that with them. Now, we get serious about the work and helping people and making sure they're maximizing people and their leaders are getting better. That's a big deal to us and we take that very seriously. But we don't take ourselves very seriously. It's constant joking, constant kind of screwing around at times because

• 16:39Ryan Hawk?

  it's just more fun to live that way, I guess. I'm curious about how you help people gain more freedom and feel more like they're, they're a kid again.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, what happens is people get way too caught up in things that they want and can't control. And it's because of our deep need for love and connection. And then we have a subconscious mind that's always trying to bring us closer to what our beliefs are. But we have this ego that's that, as I define it, is a part of our mind that's always threatened, always comparing, and never satisfied. And so the ego is constantly saying, look, if you screw this up, you're going to get your worst nightmare, which is rejection. Nobody's going to love you. No one's going to follow you. Everyone's going to shun you. And it's hard with this ego to navigate. And in

• 17:30Speaker 01

  order to have freedom, we need to simplify our lives and focus it on an overarching purpose for your life. Because especially in today's culture, when there's so much coming at you, so many ideas, so much information, if you don't have a clear purpose for your life, then you're going to be constantly looking over your shoulder, what about this? What about that? Oh, I should try this. I should try that. And so, and that really is a path to anxiety.

• 17:55Ryan Hawk?

  So I know you work with golfers. They're some of your earliest clients. And I saw that Scotty Scheffler's caddy blurb, some of your recent work. I was watching Rory McIlroy, who's kind of in a weird spot right now. If you follow golf, and I know you do, Jim, but if just people in general follow golf, he wins the Grand Slam, and wins the Masters, and it spiraled a little bit afterwards. And they interviewed him after he made the cut in the US Open. And he needed to birdie like the last two or three holes, or something like that, in order to hit the cut on the number. And Rory is usually like, leading tournaments, not just barely trying to make cuts. And he said to the reporters, like, in a real honest moment, you know, I didn't really care. Like, I didn't even know if I wanted to be here for the weekend. So I was like, I just

• 18:38Ryan Hawk?

  kind of like, whatever. And by doing that, and he goes, and when you do that, it's like, frees you up, and you play easy. And I was like, Roy, do you understand what you're saying right now? Like, he birdied the last few holes in order to hit the cut on the number, and he openly admitted because he didn't care, because he wasn't sure if he wanted to be there for the weekend and actually make the cut. What do you, what do you make of that?

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Extremely common, that when you, your expectations are high, then it's, performance goes down. And when you have a carefree attitude, then performance can go up. The problem is, People try not to care, and that's very problematic for multiple reasons. One, how do you try not to care about something that you deeply care about?

• 19:19Ryan Hawk?

  Yes.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  You're just kind of just confused, and you're fooling yourself. And so Interexcellence is really about training your heart to love what's most empowering. So Rory ran into the problem of human nature, which is, you know, now that he's a Grand Slam winner, the expectations are, you know, very high, and because not many people have ever done that. And so, and this is a big challenge. When you, when you achieve something of great stature or significance, then expectations go way up. And then this can create, you know, a lot of issues and has historically created a lot of issues for people. Because like I said, our greatest need is to be loved and accepted, and our greatest fear is failure.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  And understanding that, you know, before Rory won the Masters, you know, he's the same guy. But now he's got this extra status, and so, oh, do I need to do something special? And the sense that I don't even want to be there is, with Interexcellence, it's really, look, why am I playing golf? I wanna, I wanna live an amazing life. I wanna live a life of meaning, with amazing experiences, deep enriching relationships, where I'm learning and growing and making a difference in the world. It's why I'm golfing, or coaching, or parenting, or anything. And so if you understand, okay, this is what I really want, then it really comes down to how do I grow as a person and share that with the world? And use Ferrari golf to learn how to do that. But what happens, because this is not taught in schools,

• 20:49Speaker 01

  our culture is obsessed about, about the end result, and that's the only thing that matters. And the problem with that is, one, it's out of your full control, the end result. And two, you could get it and win, say, 23 Olympic gold medals and be suicidal.

• 21:07Ryan Hawk?

  Michael Phelps.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Like, it may not even make you happy. And so, understand that, that...

• 21:15Speaker 01

  There's, there's a life of extraordinary experiences waiting for you. You're created for relationship, you're created for this extraordinary life, but it's a life of, sacrificing yourself to make a difference in the world, to become a certain type of person, because the world needs hope and you are what the world needs, this person that, that learns to live sacrificially and selflessly so it can be fearless.

• 21:40Ryan Hawk?

  Well, it, it feels to me too, the external awards or the championships or bestselling author titles, right, which you earn a decade after you publish your book, which is insane because most people, you either get it right at the beginning or never. But it's almost like if you're too focused on the external, that it could create huge problems for you. It seems like it's what's happening in Rory's life right now, just to, to stay on that example, versus, I feel like, again, Scotty Scheffler, who, again, I, I don't know if you worked directly with him, but I saw his, his caddy, who's also seems to be like one of the best in the world, who follows your work.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  He's amazing.

• 22:19Ryan Hawk?

  Scotty seems, when I listen to him speak, and he's won a ton, is more than anybody in the last however many years, so grounded, so grateful, oh my goodness, I mean, he talks about his life with his wife and kids and just going to Chipotle, I mean, but he's also crushing everybody, he's very competitive and he definitely wants to win, but then just seems like he doesn't have the weight on his shoulders, he's able to freely swing the golf club and freely play the game, win a ton, but then stay grounded. And that to me is, that's what you want, right? You want to be able to go out there and perform at really, really high levels and whatever your craft is, but then also be able to stay grounded and fully present in the moment.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  You know, and it reminds me of the story I wrote, I wrote in the book that I, that came out in November called The Best Possible Life, How to Live with Deep Contentment, Joy and Confidence, No Matter What. It was written for the seventh grade level reading, kind of a summary of Interexcellence, but a focus on the spirit and your heart. And in there I asked this question, it's a similar question asked in the book Interexcellence. Would you rather own a $10 million house on the water, fully paid off? Or would you rather live in an apartment with no savings ever for the rest of your life, paycheck to paycheck for the rest of your life? But be guaranteed a life of amazing experiences and deep enriching relationships where you're

• 23:42Speaker 01

  learning and growing and filled with peace and joy every day of the rest of your life? Which would you rather have? And I know for me, the vast majority of my life, I for sure would have picked the house. Because I'd never had much anxiety and like free multimillion dollar house on the water, of course, versus living in an apartment and have good feelings like, that's a no brainer. That's what I would have chosen most of my life.

• 24:11Ryan Hawk?

  Really? Would you really have chosen that?

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, for sure. And I think every teenager would too, you know, like probably 95%.

• 24:18Ryan Hawk?

  Teenager, but like,

• 24:19Speaker 01

  And most adults.

• 24:21Ryan Hawk?

  You think so?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:24Ryan Hawk?

  I feel like as you grow, you realize the priceless elements of loving relationships and cool, enriching experiences.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Don't forget about the live in paycheck to paycheck in an apartment with no savings.

• 24:41Ryan Hawk?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's hard to, because

• 24:44Speaker 01

  You think most of your friends would choose that?

• 24:48Ryan Hawk?

  No, that part of it's tough, I guess. And it's easy for me to say, since that's not how we live. But yeah, I don't know. I just feel like maybe with maturity, it's just like, for example, Jim, I would say gift giving, right? Giving and receiving gifts, whether it's within my family, my wife and children. We've just shifted, not 100%, but close to that, that they're experiential gifts, right? We got enough stuff. We got all the stuff we need, right? Very fortunate. I know I'm grateful and super lucky. Let's think of the coolest experiences in the world and then go, where are we going to hike? Like, are we going to Zion National Park? Are we going to the Taylor Swift concert? Are we like, what are we doing?

• 25:31Ryan Hawk?

  That to me, or, or just for a walk in the park, then cost any money, you know? Like, that's an amazing family experience. To, I don't know. And I think I, it's easy for me to say this now, maybe because I'm older. I've had some, some years to get a lot better at this. But to me, I feel like it's, this podcast has actually probably helped. The relationships and experiences beat everything.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  The only challenge is that you wouldn't be able to do that anymore, those experiences.

• 26:01Ryan Hawk?

  What do you mean?

• 26:01Speaker 01

  You could go with no savings. You can go to the park, but you're not, you're not going on vacation.

• 26:09Ryan Hawk?

  You're right. You're right. I, I love that we're going back and forth on this. I don't, I don't know. So I, I interrupted your story, so I'm going to let you finish. But I feel like that's where you're going to though, right? Like you're focusing more on relationships and experiences. Yeah.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  I think that, so the big thing is to understand that, why would you, if say the listener would choose the house? Like me for most of my life? What if no one could ever see the house? Would you still choose it? You know, I think that would make a big difference because for me, I picture myself having these get togethers, these barbecues and having so much fun and, and people loving, and I just feel so secure. Like I'm successful and I'm somebody and I don't even have to say anything because it's my house. And I can just relax. I don't have to prove anything. But if I'm inviting people over to a little apartment that's maybe rent controlled or whatever, and I'm driving an old beater car, am I gonna, and then it's, it's a weird dynamic, right?

• 27:07Speaker 01

  It's interesting, but the point is, what Interxcelence is, is I help people go for what they want most. We go directly for it. A life of amazing experiences, deep enriching relationships with our learning and growing and making a difference in the world. And the cool byproduct is that's the best way to develop world champions.

• 27:26Ryan Hawk?

  My friend Brooke Cups, his purpose in life is to help people strive for excellence over success. And he would, he would define success as a comparison with others and living by what society says you should do. The Instagram world excellences within yourself, your core values, your purpose, your, the critical behaviors that make those core values correct and, and true and be, and be solely focused on that, like maximizing your own potential. And so I'm curious how you would, that dichotomy of excellence versus success. I know that's our definition, not yours, but like, there is some similarities here of this intrinsic, internal to you, your

• 28:08Ryan Hawk?

  own definition of a good life of success on your terms, not what society or social media would say is quote, success.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  You know, I think right away, I think of being, living a selfless and therefore fearless life. One more thing I wanted to think, think, talk about with the regards to having this, this quote, successful life of status and multimillion dollar house versus having amazing experiences, but not having anything that would look successful. There's a, I believe that love is the most powerful force in earth. It's what holds the, the stars in place and spins the earth grows the grass. And it's our deepest need and our, and our greatest desire, our greatest power,

• 28:51Speaker 01

  perfectly fearless. And there's, joy comes from love. And there's so much strength, so much love that comes from weakness that cannot be, cannot come out of strength. And I think that's maybe similar to that idea of living in an apartment paycheck to paycheck is because when you have a lot of money, one of the things that it allows is, is you don't have to rely on others. It can create this isolation. And I think you see that a lot of, with people that have a lot of resources is it becomes kind of an isolating life because it's easy to, to forget that we're created for a relationship and it's our number one need is, is to connect

• 29:36Speaker 01

  with others because love and acceptance is our greatest need. And then you can think about the greatest punishment in prison is to be separated from others. So.

• 29:45Ryan Hawk?

  Well, it's funny, you see these people who maybe start a business and they grind hard for however many years and then maybe they exit, they sell the business and they get paid a billion dollars, right? And then those, so everyone's like, wow, there they go, retire to the beach, have six houses, you know, do whatever you want. And then that, that's, that same person is back to starting a new company in two months, three months, six months later. Well, because you've got to have a purpose, you've got to have a reason to get out of bed. It might've been cool for a week or two for those people, or maybe not even that long. And then you've got to get back, wait, what am I here to do? What was I put here to do? And without a purpose, without a reason to get up and do something, as you mentioned,

• 30:29Ryan Hawk?

  Michael Phelps like thinks about killing himself after 23 gold medals and all the crazy stuff. There, there are countless stories of that. It's why like the lottery winner struggles so much. You did nothing to earn it and you don't have purpose afterwards and you probably got people coming after you for stuff. So that to me is, is everything is like, it feels like inner excellence and what you do and from everything I've done leading up to this, to study, to get ready for this conversation is helping people find true purpose and being focused on the moment to do the thing. And by doing that, that's going to lead to fulfillment and gratitude and love and joy. And that's really what we have to aim for, right? Not just earning a certain dollar amount, but what are we actually here to do?

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, and I never tell people what to do. I just try and make sure I ask a lot of questions to help them understand themselves, what they really want, and then I try and help them get it. And so I just know that if you're like me, obsessing about the results, like with inner excellence and my professional athletes, we never talk about results. Just in the beginning of the year, we talked about goals, but it's about getting better every day and understanding what am I trying to get better at? You know, we've got the five skills of belief and competing with freedom and passion and controlling your physiology and learning to be present and adapting to any situation. Everything falling under the three categories of belief, freedom and focus. So we're working on that every day and living a life of purpose and simplifying our life

• 31:54Speaker 01

  so we can have that sense of freedom.

• 31:56Ryan Hawk?

  Do you set goals? Do you have external base goals?

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Well, when I work with somebody, it's always, I ask them, what has worked the best for you in the past? When you've set external goals, has that helped you or hurt you? And if it's helped them, then we do it. Like when you're talking about like baseball, to hit 300 or whatever it is, it's hit some number. If it's helped them, then we do it and then I monitor it and see how it's helping them. Some people, it makes them anxious and hurts their performance and some people it helps. But either way, our number one goal is to get better every day and understand that today is the most important day. It's not, Sunday and the Masters is not more important than today.

• 32:33Ryan Hawk?

  How do you measure if they're getting better each day?

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Well, that's a good question is, well, what are we trying to get better at?

• 32:42Ryan Hawk?

  Right. And, you know. So what are some, what are examples of things that people want to get better at? And then how do you measure that?

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Well, people come to me and it's like they're, they're coming for superficial things that may or may not make them happy. Like even winning an Olympic gold medal or being world number one may, may not make you happy. And happiness I define as a, as a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening. You get some good circumstance and you, you feel happy. If the circumstances are bad, you don't. Whereas inter excellence is the pursuit of a meaningful, fulfilling life with joy, which I define as a deep sense of well-being, freedom and gratitude, independent of circumstance.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  And so with inter excellence, it's always, how can I learn and grow in love, wisdom and courage? Because I want to live a life of joy and joy comes from love. And when I say love, I mean the unconditional kind. That's the most powerful force that there is, unconditional love. And so understanding, because you know, as a learning leader, what is a leader trying to learn? Like I had an executive tell me that, that they were really good at helping people advance in their careers. And I said, that's, you know, it's really cool. That can be very helpful. It also can be very problematic if you help someone advance in a career and become president of a company and they're a tyrant or, you know, they, you know, their inner world is filled with anxiety

• 34:10Speaker 01

  and then they're, they're not nice to their spouse or kids or whatever, then did you really help them? So I think helping someone advance in their career may or may not be a good thing.

• 34:22Ryan Hawk?

  So let's say we are working together. Let's do a little bit of a hypothetical, but we can do some real time coaching. Maybe if it doesn't work, we'll throw this out. No big deal. But let's say I'm like, Jim, I want to measure how I'm getting better at being more present every day. I want you to hold me accountable, or whatever the phrasing you would use, so that I am better, this is a real thing, by the way, at being more present every day, less thinking of the past, less thinking of the future, but being more right here, right now. How would you measure if I'm actually improving at that?

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, one thing is taking the four daily goals that I shared earlier and rating them every day, one to five, five's the best. How did I do? Did I give it my best shot? You know, was I present? And then, because as you, if you're rating them, now you're going to start to say, how can I get better? Especially if you give yourself a two or three on being present. And so to be present, it's really understanding, well, what is that like, like I shared earlier? It's to me, the highest level is a sense that anything is possible and a sense of freedom. And anxiety is a kind of a clear sign that someone is not very present. Now, there's, there can be biological issues that cause that. But

• 35:39Speaker 01

  for most of us, for example, anxiety comes from the mind with this way too many thoughts from too much clutter, too much information in their head, especially too much negative things in their head. If someone had anxiety, I would really work with them on making sure that they're only putting into their head, things that are empowering and according to their, their goals and dreams and values.

• 36:02Ryan Hawk?

  Is being fully present, something that you're really good at?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  You know, I've never even said I'm good at inter excellence. I don't, I wouldn't say I'm very good at it. I'm saying it's something that I want to be really good at.

• 36:17Ryan Hawk?

  Really? You're studying it, you're teaching it. By teaching it, I feel like it would kind of rub off on you. You know what I mean? Like, you don't feel that?

• 36:28Speaker 01

  I guess you can, you can say, like you said, how do we measure that? And, and a sense of peace and joy is, is one way to measure that because fear and anxiety is this past future orientation. What about this? What about that? And God's really blessed me with a lot of peace and joy. And so I'm super grateful for that.

• 36:48Ryan Hawk?

  You have this really calm aura and presence. Your voice just feels at ease. I feel good and cozy and comfortable just talking with you. Is this just how you've always been? You're naturally, you're born this way? Or is this a thing you've had to work on and develop?

• 37:08Speaker 01

  Well, no, I was, the biggest challenge I have is self-centeredness. And if some people who know me think I'm self-centered now, you should have seen me 10, 20 years ago, or when I was 21. Yeah, it was not pretty. And so my purpose is to share God's love, wisdom, and courage with athletes and leaders around the world. And so it's something that I think is so important for everyone to have a clear purpose and that they, something that they can devote their life to and something to think about when the first thing when you wake up and last thing you think about before you go to bed. Interexcellence is really a series of habits of thought and action that you do every day to live according to your purpose. And so that means having clear routines and a clear system and how to do that, because otherwise you're going to get caught up

• 37:50Speaker 01

  in things that you want and can't control, and anxiety is going to be always near.

• 37:55Ryan Hawk?

  I think it's really cool that people who know their purpose, it's almost always focused on how they help other people. And that, the same with you. Like, it just seems like it's always focused on how they can help other people. That's what most people who have a clearly defined purpose and actually live it out, it's focused on others.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good awareness. You know, if you have, say, you have a goal that you want to win a gold medal or achieve something, I wouldn't really call that a purpose, or you want to be the best at something, I would just call that a goal. So for me, the, the most powerful purposes are based on the most powerful thing in the universe, which is love. And love is sacrificing yourself for someone else. And so I think that's why you noticed that.

• 38:37Ryan Hawk?

  You're not married, are you?

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 38:41Ryan Hawk?

  Not yet. Are you, are you, do you think you're, you're on that path?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Well, if there's any potential suitors watching, then maybe send me a message.

• 38:51Ryan Hawk?

  You don't have kids either?

• 38:52Speaker 01

  No, never been married.

• 38:54Ryan Hawk?

  Is that, is that something you want to do? Do you want to be married? Do you want to have kids?

• 38:59Speaker 01

  You know, there's a lot of things that I would like to have. And what I want most is to make a difference in the world and to, to take these resources, especially that I've been given the last, last few months and, and make a difference around the world. And share that with as many people as I can. And if I have, and I have some amazing people around me that I'm doing that with, if I had someone even more special to do it with, that'd be cool too.

• 39:19Ryan Hawk?

  Well, part of the reason I asked about being a dad is because the dedication of your book is, one of the people is to your dad, Donald C. Murphy. You said, he's the one who greatly influenced me to think deeply about what to love and what to let go of. I love you. See you soon. And you, and I also read your dad worked on the Apollo 11 mission, the one that helped us land on the moon, which is pretty awesome. Can you tell me more about your dad and what he taught you?

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was very intense. He really wanted to learn and, and he was really big on community. We had foster kids growing up that he took in. And, uh, you know, he grew up in a, in a strict Catholic household and there wasn't a lot of love in his childhood. You know, his dad died when he was a kid and stepfather was, was pretty harsh. And so, and he left high school, dropped out of high school to join the air force and, you know, was, was, did some amazing things in his life. And he was constantly challenging me and how to think about things. And that was, you know, really shaped me a lot. And his devotion to discipline and learning was, was really important, impactful.

• 40:29Ryan Hawk?

  Wow. Additionally, you've also moved to Spain, right? Another part of the world. I was fascinated to hear that. I, but Spain's also on my mind. One of my daughters is, is on a 10 day trip. She's in the middle of it right now. I miss her terribly. And it's, it's hard. And so I was like, wow, you're in Spain. She's in Spain. And so I'm curious, what is it that made you want to move to Spain?

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want to share InterExcellence with more people around the world. And so I'm so excited that now it's going to be in about 26 languages so far. It's going to be in Spanish in Spain, July 17th, and then I think in Mexico in August or September. But I want to become fluent in Spanish for sure, and then Japanese after that. And because I want to make a bigger difference and really want to work with people that are lacking resources and help them, you know, like we get to do with YWAM and the Inter Excellence Freedom Project, building houses in Mexico.

• 41:25Ryan Hawk?

  Wow, that's wild. I also read about Ricky Scruggs, former teammate, roommate when you were playing pro baseball. Sounds like he helped you leave some of the safety of where you were and take a chance. Can you tell me more about Ricky?

• 41:38Speaker 01

  That's right. We were teammates for the Surrey Glaciers in 1995, an amazing year, one of my favorite years ever playing pro baseball. And he was my roommate on the road. And yeah, so he started a baseball academy called Centerfield Baseball Academy in Tucson, Arizona, and invited me to come down for the grand opening. And I was just really thinking deeply about my life at that time. And then I just said, what if I moved down there and help you part-time? So that's when I got rid of, gave away over half my possessions, including my TV, and went to go live a life of solitude and work with him. And so it was, you know, that's where InterExcellence was born.

• 42:15Ryan Hawk?

  Do you still not have a TV?

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Well, we don't have one here in Spain, but I mean, now it's so, I mean, you got a phone, you can get a computer and monitor. So it's a lot different than it was back then. But yeah, I don't have a TV.

• 42:29Ryan Hawk?

  Wow, okay. You don't have any desire to like, hey, I want to go watch a movie on Netflix. You're like, no, I could just use my phone up and you need that or what?

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, so, you know, I probably watch way more than I would like to admit, but...

• 42:46Speaker 01

  You know, I think I need, I need inter excellence more than anybody. You know, what like the place I had in Port Roberts, the little retreats that I had and just outside of Vancouver, DC. There's writing on all the windows of their prayers and Bible verses and inter excellence principles and ideas that I'm working through. Every window was covered and it was because your environment is so, has such a big impact on you. Because you move towards what you think about. And I wanted to make sure that I was constantly thinking about things that were empowering and, and the truth about who I was and what was possible for me. And so that's why I have reminders on my phone that, that go off every few hours on, on who I am and what's possible. And, you know, I write it on the windows and things like that.

• 43:28Ryan Hawk?

  I read about you that one of your strengths is that you're not judgmental. I think a lot of us are, I think I am, I try not to be, I try to be much more curious than judgmental. I read a story, you said you have a pro client and the, the client says, Jim, this isn't going to work. I smoke, I gamble, I drink, I do all these things. And you said to him, well, you know, as long as you don't judge me. He said, you don't judge me for not doing those things. I won't judge you for doing those things. Are we cool? And you're like, boom, yes, let's go. And I, I just like, love that story of like, how you've just removed judgment from the way you are. Is that an active pursuit or are you naturally just not a very judgmental person?

• 44:13Speaker 01

  Well, I'm, thank you for saying that. That's my dream to be non judgmental. And I don't, I'm not sure where you heard that, but I'm praying that I can be that type of person. Non judgmental awareness is such a crucial component of an extraordinary life and extraordinary performance. And, you know, like, like we talked about, when you're at your very best, there's no concern for self. And there's also no negative thoughts or, or, you know, judgmental thoughts. And when I say judgmental, I mean, laying down a negative verdict about self circumstances or others. Most people spend most of their time in judgment, most of their day in judgment and without realizing it. Because it's so common that they just accept it as a part of life. And if you could get a printout of all your thoughts throughout the day.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Then you could kind of see, you know, the amount of massive amount of judgment that that humans have. And also, you could also have a good prediction of what their life will be like in the next few weeks, based on the printout of all their thoughts. And so, reducing judgment is so huge. And understanding that when you judge someone else, you're creating this negative energy, some goes to that person and some stays within you. And now you become a little more unstable and self-conscious. The exact same thing happens when you share unconditional love. Now you're generating some positive energy, some stays within you and some goes to the other person. And now you've become a little more stable and a little more fearless. And that's why, you know, I think everyone's always either walking in love or fear. And that's

• 45:38Speaker 01

  why unconditional love is so powerful. And it's, it's not the, the result of the love that you give, because you can't control that. It's just saying, do I want to walk in love or fear? And if I have to walk in one or the other, and love, like I said, it's, it's hard because it's sacrificial.

• 45:55Ryan Hawk?

  So good. Jim, if you're meeting with somebody who was, let's say, early twenties, just graduated college, they want to leave a positive dent in the world, but they're not exactly sure what they're gonna do or how to do that. What are some general pieces of life slash career advice you'd give to that person?

• 46:13Speaker 01

  I think about legendary Eagles coach Dick Vermeil. He said that when you, when you're coaching somebody, coach the person first and then the sport. Like a tennis player's a person first, then a tennis player, and a football player's a person first, then a football player. And so, the reason I bring that up is because I think, understanding like, you may not know what you want to do with your life right now, but by far, the most important thing about you is who you're becoming and what you believe. Beliefs are feelings. And so, what I want and hope for everyone that watches this, is that when they come to a stoplight, when they come to a solitary moment in their life,

• 46:53Speaker 01

  That they have a sense of freedom and beauty and then that that they go to this sense that anything is possible. And I feel that that's probably pretty rare. Because most people have minds that are very cluttered. Because of all that's out of their control and trying to control what they cannot. And so it's just saying, look, I don't, there's so much that I can't control and life might be really hard right now. And so I'm going to focus on those four daily goals. And you can start to think about what I always start with clients with is, is how do you want to feel in your life? Because we're going to start to orient our habits of thought and action around helping you get that feeling, because likely it's gonna, you're gonna say, I want to feel inner peace. I want to feel joy. I want to, I want to feel confident, things like this.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  And understand, because when you understand human nature, you know that that joy comes from love. And like I talked extensively about in the book, The Best Possible Life, that one, the best possible life has one foot in joy and one foot in suffering. And so to live an extraordinary life, you need to take risks, you need to do hard things and constantly put yourself out there to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

• 48:01Ryan Hawk?

  Hmm. One thought is there are skeptics and cynics in the world who may be listening, watching this, and they're like, ah, that guy's too woo woo for me. You know, joy, peace, love, content, all these words. I love it, honestly, but I know that those people exist. I'm that person sometimes. What do you say to the cynics of, of you and this way of thinking? How do you respond to that?

• 48:31Speaker 01

  It's a good question. Well, first of all, since I started the Inter Excellence, what, 15 years ago or so, the majority of my clients have the best year of their careers, our first year together, or the best year in the last five years. And then also, there's been multiple world number ones, world champions, et cetera. And so I get paid to help people perform better. I'm not paid to help people feel better. And so, you know, I travel all over the world to help people perform better, not feel better. It's just, that's the way that I do it. You need to understand, if you want to be the best performer that you can be, it's going to take inner strength. Inner strength and inner peace are highly correlated. And how do you get that? And it's closely related to gratitude. If you want to be able to create inner peace,

• 49:13Speaker 01

  gratitude is directly related. And you can learn to be grateful by focusing on the smallest gifts that you're given each day.

• 49:20Ryan Hawk?

  Boom. I love it. Thank you so much, man. The book's called Inner Excellence. If you're a football fan, you've already seen this all over the place when A.J. Brown was reading it during a game in the locker room. Tom Brady talked about it. A million other people did too. And now I have the author, Jim Murphy, on the show. I really appreciate you being here. And Jim, I would love to continue our dialogue as we both progress, man.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Thanks for the great questions. Love being here.

• 49:44Ryan Hawk?

  Awesome. Thank you so much.

• 49:49Ryan Hawk?

  It is the end of the Podcast Club. Thank you for being a member of the End of the Podcast Club. If you are, send me a note, [email protected]. Let me know what you learned from this great conversation with Jim Murphy. A few takeaways from my notes. Four daily goals. Give the best of what you've got today. Be present. Fear is a future thing. Be grateful. It's hard to be hateful and grateful at the same time. Let's choose to be grateful and then focus on what you can control. And then the five greatest needs that we have value. Love and acceptance, integrity, purpose beyond self and growth. And that purpose one is

• 50:34Ryan Hawk?

  interesting, the fact that I found the leaders who have a very clear purpose are almost always focused on helping others. And I loved Dick Vermeil's coaching style. Coach the person first, then the sport. The person first, then the sport, or whatever it is that you are doing. If you work in the business world, coach the person first and then the thing that you're doing. The same is true for any and all leadership roles. People will not care what you think unless they know that you actually care for them. Coach the person first. Once again, I would say thank you so much for continuing to spread the message and telling a friend or two, hey, you should listen to this episode of the Learning Leader

• 51:19Ryan Hawk?

  Show with Jim Murphy. I think it will help you become a more effective leader because you continue to do that. And you also go to Spotify and Apple Podcasts and you subscribe to the show and you're rated. Hopefully five stars. By doing all of that, you are giving me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis and for that I will forever be grateful. Thank you so, so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.