Let's Talk Back-to-School

Sharpened pencils, new backpacks, picture-perfect outfits. Even if back-to-school season looks shiny on the outside, it often comes with a swirl of messy feelings for kids and parents! In this episode, Dr. Becky unpacks why starting school is more than just a change in schedule - and how to stay sturdy during the turbulence of transitions. She reframes regressive behaviors and offers practical strategies for building routines, so you and your child can feel more connected, resilient, and confident handling whatever this year throws your way. Plus, don't miss the back-to-school speed round - where Dr. Becky shares her own childhood lunchbox must-haves and fifth-grade pencil pouch confessions.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  After my first baby was born, I treated my own recovery like a complete afterthought. If the baby needed something, I showed up immediately. If I needed something, well, it would wait. But research shows that when parents have the support they need, they're better able to care for their children. Taking care of yourself isn't separate from parenting. It's a huge part of parenting. That's why I love Frida's mission to prepare women for the realities of pregnancy, postpartum, recovery, and feeding. Frida creates solutions for the moments that often catch moms off guard. The Postpartum Essentials Kit and Breastfeeding Survival Kit help women feel more prepared for those early weeks of motherhood. Be motherhood prepared and shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today.

• 0:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay, pardon the interruption. I'm very aware that it's summer. The other thing that I know is that school is around the corner. And I know, if you're like me, you want to say, no, I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to think about school. Let me just enjoy the last days of summer. Listen, I'm with you, and summer matters. And I have learned the hard way too many times that my denial of the school year coming often leads to my kids having a pretty bad first week of school experience. And I want to avoid that for myself and for all the families out there without taking away summer. Back to school is tricky. It's a huge change to go from staying up late and having ice cream and having lazy mornings to, I don't

• 1:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  know, having 30 things to do before 7:07 a.m. So today, I'm going to talk about it with you. But we're going to do it in a fun and lighthearted way. You're going to hear about my experience going back to school, my tendencies, some stories from my family, and through just this kind of lighthearted conversation, I think we'll end where we'll all absorb one or two things that are going to end up being doable and helpful. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this.

• 2:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space

• 2:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks,

• 3:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the make your own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  So be honest, are you the kind of parent who packs the backpack a week before school starts, or the parent who's searching through their inbox at 9:00 PM the night before for the supply list?

• 4:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I do not like being boxed in because the truth is, I am both of those parents and a different parent. So I would say years ago, I was definitely not only the parent who packed the backpack the night before, but, sorry, I would say years ago, not only was I the parent who packed the backpack multiple nights before, but it was perfect. Like, I packed it, it was done, and I had full confidence the morning of, like, just grab it and go. Then, I kind of morphed into the parent who thought she packed the backpack perfectly a couple nights before, and then the night before school, I was like, hold on a second, I definitely don't have folders or lunchboxes. What is in that backpack?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  You found a backpack.

• 5:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. Now, I would say I'm the kind of parent whose friends text me, Becky, you might have missed the email.

• 5:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  About the packing list, here it is. And I'm like, I love you and thank you. And I'm also now the parent with my third kid, where he, he just knows, he does it. I feel like he's probably packing his brother's backpack, who is six years older than him. And so I've, I've been all the parents.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Why do you think back to school feels like such a high-stress moment?

• 5:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Well, I'm not sure if you mean for parents or kids, or?

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Both, anyone.

• 5:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I mean, the summer to school transition is rough. I mean, summer, and, and I think we struggle a little bit with summer because there's no schedule, the mornings can feel long. You're like, oh, is it, is it only 10, 19? Like, I feel like I've lived a whole day and gone through all my snacks. But there's also something we love about that. Like, our kids are out late, like, all right, whatever, we have nothing to do. And there's something on the weekends where your kids, like my kids, in the summer, there's no soccer practice, and then lacrosse tournament, and then, you know, ballet, and your weekends have more openness. And again, while that can bring some unique problems, that freedom, and feeling like

• 6:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  you just have more agency and more time. I think as soon as we sense that that's about to go, it feels really, really bad.

• 6:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I also think the transition is hard for kids for the same reasons, right? They stay up late, there's a popsicle every day, there's maybe more time with friends and maybe even more time with family and more time for creativity and play and being outside. But I also think one of the reasons back to school is so hard for kids kind of coincides with why it's hard for parents. Like, we're a little bit in denial a lot. Like, I know for me, in the Northeast, we go back to school in September. For other people, it's August. And you're like, I don't want to think about it, I don't want to think about it, because we want to soak up every moment of summer. And yet, we know kids do best when they know what to expect. See, we know what to expect. We know about the first day. We can hold a lot of information in our mind. We remember last year.

• 7:14Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  We know we're gonna have to get a carpool, whatever the things are. Our kids don't hold that. And so, because we want to kind of deny school starting, we also sometimes get in our own way of giving our kids the information in advance that would make their start of school a lot smoother. And then it all explodes, because we're like, oh, see, I really did have something to dread, and my kid really is freaking out. And my kid is acting like they'd never been to any school before, even though actually they're in third grade, right? And so, I think all of that comes together and makes it feel really stressful.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  How would you say that our own experiences with school shape the way we respond or approach the season as parents?

• 7:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So much. I mean, I think this brings me to something you and I talk about a lot, the fast-forward error, right? So, you see your kid have some challenging moment. Let's say they're clinging to you on day one. Or they say to you on day four, I have no friends, no one played with me at recess. It's almost like our body scans itself. And it's like, did I have trouble separating at school? Did I feel left out at recess? I know for me, being left out at recess is still, it's a painful visceral memory. Like, I know where I was in that hill. I know where my friends or people I thought were my friends were playing without me, right? And so, I have this built-up memory. My kid says something like, I had no one to play with. And instead of just responding to that moment,

• 8:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I've now fast-forwarded like 30 years of their life. And between that moment for them and my own history and the strength of my feelings that have more to do with me than anything to do with them. A moment doesn't become a moment, it becomes this whole story. And then I'm not even responding to whatever happened today. I'm responding to them as if I need to stop this horrible future from happening, which is honestly more about quelling my own anxiety than anything to do with them. Right? And then I lead with my anxiety, they feel it, and the whole moment does become bigger. And so, yeah, I think there is this intense interaction between our kind of painful experience, or even unprocessed experience, and then their lived reality.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Becky, each of your kids are so different from one another. Do you approach this transition differently with each of them?

• 9:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Oh, good question. My kids are so different. It's amazing to have three kids where, if you had to say like, who's most similar, I think it's like this perfect triangle where they're all, you know, equally different. I feel like that must be true with four or five kids. There are just all so many possibilities. Um, yeah, you know, like for my deeply feeling kid, it's this interesting dance where deeply feeling kids really orient around control. They definitely don't like to be surprised. But too far in advance also can lead to like a lot of rumination. Right? My youngest kid really orients around capability. He likes to do things independently, like I've referred to, and as you know. Um, and so I need to give him just enough kind of information for him to kind of flex um, the way he likes to feel old and in charge and doing things for himself.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  And how would you do that?

• 10:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  With him?

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay, like for example, like he is a kid where he doesn't get as emotionally worked up about the transition, but he just likes to feel agency and like he can kind of um, have a role in something as opposed to something being done to him. So I might say something like, hey, here are the supplies we need. What do you think we should do? And leave it at that. And he's like, well, let's go to the store and I want to pick out my own folder. And, you know, I mean, I feel like it's not too long from now. I'll be like, here's some money, go do it yourself. Because he really could do that at a really young age. But we'll go and he'll pick out the things and in the picking out and the putting it into his backpack, like that's his way, I know, of being like, I'm here, I'm good. He doesn't get as stressed about what friends are in his class, or what teacher he has, or do I have the best teacher?

• 10:54Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  He's, you know, not as thrown off by those things. Um, I would say my other kids have, you know, are different. And so I think, again, my reaction when I get the class list, I remember one of my kids getting the class list. I'm thinking like, oh, he's gonna be really upset. He's not with any of his friends and, you know, I had the list first and I kind of somehow had this wise voice in me being like, don't lead with that, which is easy to do. Oh, I found out the list, sweetie. I was like, just lead with the truth. Hey, I found out the list. Here it is. I gave it to him. I was like spiraling. He's got the horrible school year.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Holding it inside, just waiting.

• 11:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Exactly. And he just kind of stated simply like, oh, I'm with this kid. A lot of my friends are in this class. What are we doing today? And I was like, wow, I'm so glad I didn't lead with, we're gonna be okay. And don't worry. And you're resilient, you know? But he's a kid who also likes to feel prepared and does need a little bit more space around kind of what something's gonna be like, imagining something in advance. And so, yeah, I mean, I think they all need something a little different. I would say all of them need information. Nobody likes to be surprised by the first day. And all of them, I think, require me to at first check in with myself, regulate my own emotions, and then kind of a little bit let them take the lead.

• 12:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty,

• 13:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 13:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "make your own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only. Ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  So we know separation struggles look different for deeply feeling kids than other kids. And I know you had a difficult experience with your own deeply feeling kid going to preschool. I was wondering, would you share a little more about that?

• 14:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, you know, it's so interesting, as I've talked to so many parents of deeply feeling kids, and again, I know you know this, but deeply feeling kids, they are, they're kids who feel things more deeply. They experience the world in a more intense way. They take more in, and so they get filled up more quickly. And then when it all comes out, it comes out more intensely, right? They also, they're just like amazing perceivers of the world. They know this is new. They know, hey, I don't know that adult. You're telling me who the teacher is, and all these other kids are like, oh, teacher, you look nice. I don't know who that woman is. I don't know who that dude is. I'm not trusting that person right away. There's something amazing about those kids. You're like, you are on to something. You are correct.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Yes, hold on to that for when you're older.

• 15:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Exactly. And so, not surprisingly, for me with my DFK, and I honestly think every single parent I know who has a DFK would say, their arc just looks different. Yes, there's more clinginess, there's more tears, like, there's more protest, there's more swinging. Today was great. The next morning, I'm not going to school ever again. You're like, what just happened? It's like a little bit of whiplash. And so, to me, and I know you know this, when we remove the surprise, both for our kids but for ourselves, like, okay, I have a deeply feeling kid, they're always more tuned to transition and separation. School is separation and transition. Like, some kids take longer to learn how to swim. Some kids take longer to separate smoothly.

• 16:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like, kids who take longer to learn how to swim can still be great swimmers. Kids who take longer to separate smoothly can still have a great year. Right? But when I really dug deep, not just to tactics and scripts, but to deeply understanding and kind of then knowing what to expect, I think that's the thing that gave me the sturdiness.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Something that I love you say that relates this a bit is that resistance is part of your kid's arc.

• 16:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Can you tell more about that?

• 16:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, you know, I think so many times we see resistance for school. DFKs, non-DFKs. "I'm not going to school today." And again, we do a fast forward error. "Oh, my kid's never going to school. They're not going to school today. They're not going to school tomorrow. I'm gonna have to quit my job and I'm never gonna have a life and I didn't plan to homeschool my kid. I guess I'm homeschooling my kid now. Where do I get the curriculum?" And really, like, all of that happened and your kid is still in bed. Okay, so this is a moment of resistance. Here's how I like to think about it. The truth is, we all have multiple parts of us. Like, if you talked to me in the morning before I got out of bed, if I was in my most mature state, what I would say to you is, "Part of me doesn't want to go to work today.

• 17:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Part of me wants to stay in bed and watch Netflix all day. It's actually a really big part of me."

• 17:15Speaker 01

  It's a loud part.

• 17:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. And there's another part of me that's looking forward to the day, even though it's more kind of long-term thinking. That would be very sophisticated. I don't know a lot of adults who say, "I have part of me X and a part of me Y." Right? But that is true. I have resistance to getting out of bed and going to work. As an adult, I figured out how to make sense of that and work through that. Right? I talk to myself. We have our routines. We have better emotion regulation. We can plan. Our prefrontal cortex is more developed. All the things. Not our kids. So when I hear a kid say, "I'm not going to school today." I know about the fast forward error if I catch myself. Can remind myself, "Hold on a second. This is a moment of resistance. This is my kid's resistant part."

• 17:58Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Do I really expect my four-year-old or even my 14-year-old to say, "You know, Mom, a part of me doesn't want to go to school today. Kind of wish I could just stay in bed." Like, if that happened, I'd be like, "I literally have the most emotionally mature child in the world. I think I should get a prize." But when a kid says, "I'm not going to school," I think what's underneath that is a part of me doesn't want to go to school. But we respond on the surface. We take the bait. We either fast forward and panic, or we just double down like, oh, you are going to school, which makes anyone's resistant part act out more. Oh, I'm not going. And I kind of feel like this part of the kid is like, I was just trying to tell you a part of me doesn't want to go to school. Why did

• 18:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  you have to blow this whole thing up and make me? Yeah, like, please chill. And so, yes, that idea of resistance, it's not a sign that your kid isn't cooperating. It's actually just part of the kind of cooperation transition process. It's like just a part of the road. Like, we all want the road to be straight. I get my kid out of bed. They do the next step. They breakfast. They put on their shoes. They go to school. Okay. Not my house for any of my kids. If you think about the road as a little curvier, then the curvy part is just the resistance. And if we don't make so much out of it, and we don't latch on to it, we don't stop our kid there. And they often, you know, keep going.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  So you don't take the bait. And then what do you do?

• 19:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I mean, there's so many different things we can do. And there's, and this is where I think understanding your kid, like, for me, my deeply feeling kid is very different from my youngest, like, my kind of like resilient rebel type kid. I think step one is my favorite strategy in the world, doing nothing. That is definitely, I think, a go to response. And I'll just act that out. I'm not going to school today.

• 19:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And for anyone who wants to know what I was just doing, I did nothing. Okay, that's what I just did.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  If you wanted to see it?

• 19:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  If they want to see it, it's on YouTube.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  You can see what doing nothing looks like.

• 19:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Major, major. Take notes. But the thing about doing nothing is what it really requires you to do is do something inside. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself it's not an emergency, right? Don't fast forward. Okay, so just do nothing. And then what's so interesting is this kind of becomes a formula. I'm not going to school today. You do nothing. Your kid will say this. Did you hear me? I'm not going. And then you can say, I heard you. You're not latching on to it. You're not ignoring it. You're just like, I haven't pictured, I'm just like, watch it go by. The I'm not going to school today is like thrown up in the air. I'm not going to use all my energy to swat it down because I'm not scared of it. But I'm also not going to ignore it. It's just like coming at me. And again, if you can watch on YouTube, I'm a little like.

• 20:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  There you go. Right? And then I just can't move the routine along. Like, you're not rejecting it or attaching it. Oh, well, you still need breakfast. Do you want a bagel? Oh, do you want yogurt or this? Oh, either way, you know, do you want water bottle with ice or no ice? Like, you're, you're just a little unimpressed.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know? But without being rude.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Right. You're kind of, you're not getting stuck in that moment. You're just showing an option out of the moment for your kid to take. That's not the power struggle. It's not the, you're doing this. It's kind of like, oh.

• 21:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's what it is. Like, and I, I often think in these moments, I'm not going to school today. I'm not doing my soccer team anymore. And you're like, my kid loves soccer. I feel like what my kid's saying to me is like, do you want to attend this power struggle party? I'm inviting you to, let me tell you about it. I'm gonna say something intense, and then you're gonna say something intense, and then we're gonna escalate and get more intense, and both say things we actually do not mean. And then we're gonna end up yelling at each other and both feeling awful. Like, I, I just feel like I'm an adult. Like, yeah, like, first of all, I've been to that party with, not just you, with lots of people in my life. It's not that fun. Okay? And you're gonna continue to invite me because you're a kid. But as an adult, it is my job to continue RSVPing no. Not with rudeness, not how dare you invite me.

• 21:54Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Just like, no, that's not a party I'm gonna attend. And I'm gonna lightly steer us to something that we're both gonna enjoy a little bit more.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  So, we know a lot of parents dread drop off, especially that first day. Maybe it's pre-K, kindergarten, first grade, even third. Dropping off your kid when they're crying, they're melting down, they're clinging to you. What would you say to a parent in that moment if you could whisper in their ear?

• 22:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  First of all, I just wanna say, how my body feels remembering some of those drop offs with different ones of my kids, i- i- it is so painful. It's so real. I mean, you love the heck out of your kid. And no matter, like, how many things you've read, or how many good inside mantras you've, like, told yourself, okay, my job is not to make my kid happy. My job is to be sturdy through the turbulence. Now, avoid the turbulence. Me too. It doesn't take away the pain. It's so painful. So, I, I guess, what would I whisper? Um, a couple of things. I've been there too. I'm right here with you.

• 23:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Good parents have kids who cry at drop off.

• 23:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Your kid's tears are not a barometer for whether you did a good job. Your kid's tears are not even a good indicator of whether they're going to have a good day.

• 23:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And then what I would say is, I hope you have something planned after. Because the way we do need some connection and community and release, self-care, right after this kind of moment that disguises itself as an easy moment with a no-name drop-off, because I'm so simple, is such a full-heart, full-body, full-energy moment that the letdown is real. And so I would say to that parent, let's honor that and make sure you have something for yourself right after.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  What would you do?

• 23:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I can tell you what I did do. I think about the friends that, you know, were around the preschool with me who, right before, you know, difficult heart drop-off would look at me, kind of like, game on, you got this, you got this, the moment's coming, you know? Anyway, after would walk out and give me a hug. We'd go get coffee.

• 24:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  They'd say the things to me that I just whispered, that even though they were my words, I did not believe for a second and needed to hear from someone else.

• 24:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, sometimes like a little bit of distraction, like I can be prone to rumination. So I'm like, oh, did I do that right? Wish I've lingered a little bit more. If I linger too long, that's not good, but maybe it was too short and it's just not that useful. This is like not some exercise in perfection. And so, I don't know, I'd like go exercise or, you know, just do something to give me a slightly different experience. That was sometimes part of my routine as well.

• 24:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list

• 25:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "make your

• 26:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Let's move now to a school transition win that you had.

• 27:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm thinking about my oldest, and I don't know, it was a couple of years ago. He was fifth grade, I don't know.

• 27:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  There are these moments, I feel like when we hear our kid say something or do something, and I know me and my husband look at each other, and we just think... That was 10 years in the making, literally. Parents always say to me, well, how long until something we're working on will show up? Or how long if I'm doing this approach where my kids stop having such big meltdowns? And I always say the same thing, longer than you want it. It just takes longer than you want it. And sometimes it takes really long. It doesn't mean we don't see glimmers, but like the big kind of moment where you're like, yes, that's it. It can take a while. So, you know, I saw my oldest sitting down to do some homework. And there was this really hard math problem, right? And I know there was kind of chatter amongst the kids.

• 27:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my friends who I happen to be in touch with happened to say something like, math homework's really hard this year. Like, are my kids really struggling with this problem? My son does his homework pretty independently, so I didn't even really know. But he happened to come out and say, I'm working on the bonus problem. I've been working on it for 20 minutes. But wow, that's a long time to be working on a bonus problem. And he showed it to me. I mean, like, I literally would have no ability to help him. It was, I don't even know. I need to go to school for that problem. Exactly. And this is what he ended up saying to me. I know I need to erase it and start again. This is a really challenging one, but that's okay. I can do challenging things.

• 28:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  My husband and I looked at each other. He's like, do you have that on camera? And no one would even believe it, okay? And it's not to say my home is filled with these comments all the time. It is not.

• 28:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But that is something I've been saying to him since he was pre-verbal.

• 28:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  When he was doing tummy time. This is challenging. You're a kid who can do challenging things. A puzzle, you're right, this is a challenging puzzle. And it is frustrating. And you're a kid who can deal with frustration and take on challenges. When he was learning to read, reading is hard for everyone. Did you know that? There's not one person who's ever had an easy time learning how to read. Reading is a challenge, and you're a kid who can do challenging things. I actually see you're a kid who's starting to like challenging things. Not even because you think you're going to get it right, but just because you know your mind is really going. I remember a time that things are tricky with friends. Yeah, this is a challenging time. And remember what we always say, you're a kid who can do challenging things.

• 29:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  He worked on that math problem, I don't even know if it was almost an hour. And when he was in that break, I mean, to work for 20 minutes and erase and we have to start again. And I heard him say the thing that, yes, we had said to him. For 10, 11 years. And he felt it. It became part of his identity. His identity as a learner was not about getting something right. It was not about seeking ease. It actually was about finding purpose in the challenge.

• 30:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And again, that didn't come naturally. I think it felt like such a win. Because it involves so many moments of tolerating the whining and not fixing the thing. And saying, okay, I can just stay in this and be less scared of this feeling than he is. And let him know that I see him as a kid who eventually can figure things out, or at least who can work through it. And then to hear him actually say that out loud about himself. I don't know what else he's going to do in school, but I know that self-talk and how he sees himself is going to be one of the most important things that makes him successful in legitimate ways down the road.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  I think you have such an interesting way of finding these wins, right? Because I think most parents might think, he spent 20 minutes and then he got the problem right. And he had an A plus on the homework and it was amazing. I think that's such an amazing shift to make for people, how to really find these wins that aren't just focused on the outcome.

• 31:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, you know, it's funny. I remember that moment. I remember exactly where he was when he said those words. But what I don't remember is if he ended up getting the problem right. And I mean, he might have. He might not have. I actually have no memory of it, which maybe speaks to, we all end up remembering what we put focus on, right? And our kids really pick up on what we value. And you know, the irony is, I'm someone, call me traditional. I think doing well, you know, not in a crazy way. And school matters. Like, you know, I think working hard, you know. But I think my way about it is completely reversed. That to me, the kids who end up really, quote, doing well in school are the ones who actually focus a lot less on outcome

• 31:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  and whose families truly, truly value grit and hard work and learning to tolerate frustration, not run away from it. And they see the win as the trying again. Not the potentially getting it right.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. And one other thing that I always hear you saying is something like frustration tolerance, right? It's built and it's messy. No one's building it overnight. It's not easy. There's whining. There's fussing. There's so much that goes into it. And you always say along the lines of like, we have to tolerate our kids frustration in order for them to tolerate themselves.

• 32:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, you know, this word resilience, we want our kids to be resilient, right? We want them to be anti fragile. When I think about the word resilience, there's

• 32:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it's a real wholeness in it, like resilience. There's, I just picture strength and having it together. I think the fact that that word resilience has that valence does a disservice to us. Building resilience is anything but resilient looking. Building resilience is messy, is whining, is frustration, is I can't, is this is too hard, this you have to do it for me, you have to do it for me, you have to do it for me. That is the moment where I know our brains like, oh, really? I have five minutes with my kid. And this is what it is. But if we do a little shift, and I know you know what I call this, like this sick joy of like,

• 33:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  all right, it's not my most enjoyable five minutes, but boy, is this my most impactful? I'm so glad I'm here for this moment because if I can tolerate this feeling, I am telling my kid that this feeling is tolerable. And again, that doesn't mean the next day they're going to say, remember how you tolerated the feeling about the puzzle? Now I could do my homework and I love challenging things. No.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Thanks, Mom.

• 33:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Thanks. That was great. You know, one and done. But that is the process. And I think that's the thing. I love helping parents so much. That's always the kind of story I get the most joy from myself is parents who tell me their wins come in the moments they used to think they were failing, but they've just kind of redefined what their goal is, what their role is. And they've shifted from short term ease and comfort to kind of long term grit and resilience.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  All right. Something new. Back to school speed round. As fast as you can.

• 34:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Number one, lunchbox must have. What was your go to snack?

• 34:13Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Peanut butter and jelly when I was a kid, but they don't allow that anymore.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  What color folder did you use for science?

• 34:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Blue.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Math?

• 34:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Blue.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Literature?

• 34:21Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Red. Dark blue, light blue, red. Thank you. I was gonna say, it's a little crazy to go two the same blue. No, no, no, please. Way too disorganized. Were you an eraser collector? No. Last one. Weird is school habit. I had to set my alarm where the second two numbers were a multiple of the first.

• 34:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Doing math in my head real quick? For example, 707, 714, 721, 728. There was no waking up at 7:25 or 7:30. Just couldn't get out of bed. Wouldn't happen. Try again tomorrow. Bad luck.

• 34:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So here's what I hope you take from today's episode. I hope you take one or two things that were useful. I hope you feel a little bit more prepared. I hope you know the things that you can do to make the back to school transition a little bit easier. I also hope you might have had a laugh or two. And maybe the most important thing you learned is that I never knew what the snooze button was until I was an adult.

• 35:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  As the emails come in and all of the lists arrive and you wonder, do I really need to get my kid a new lunchbox? Get a new backpack? Get a million new outfits? I hope you take a deep breath and recognize all that you're already doing. It's not the backpack or the lunchbox or the outfit that's going to make the biggest difference. It's your kid's connection with you. And that really comes from your connection with yourself. So on that note, let's end by putting our feet on the ground, placing a hand on your heart,

• 35:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  and just reminding yourself, even as I struggle on the outside, I remain good inside.

• 36:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Can't wait to see you next time.

• 36:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, parents carry a lot. In fact, data show that most parents spend every waking hour caring for someone else. So if you feel exhausted and stretched thin, you're not alone and that makes sense. And look, I also know from experience what a relief it is to find caregiving support. Finding a babysitter you trust and your kids will have fun with. That makes it so much easier to go back to work or travel or, yeah, even go on one date with your partner. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted, background-checked caregivers with search and hiring tools you won't find on social media. Whether you need full-time help or just part-time help with morning drop-off

• 36:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  or after-school care, Care.com can help you find nannies, sitters, and daycares. And you can find the expertise that matters to you. Think homework help, CPR training, or experience with multiple kids. And if you're considering daycare, you can search, compare, and request tours and could even get a discount on daycare tuition as a Care.com member. If you need more support, Care.com can help. For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com membership. When it's not you, it's Care.com.

• 37:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge, and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment, and you just cannot remember one more thing. That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple, and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the Tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar.

• 38:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com/becky. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T.com/Becky for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. myskylight.com/becky.