Stop Idolizing the "Cool Girl"

Alex is unpacking the pressure to make everything look effortless. She talks about why trying hard gets a bad rap, how failure builds character, and why the internet’s cool-girl aesthetic isn’t always what it seems. She also gets into some questions from Daddy Gang about rethinking old dating dealbreakers, being the single friend, and a fiancé who refuses to talk about finances

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Bright by Scotch Bright. Daddy gang, a lot of us obviously take pride in where we live, right? We want the decor to look good and then we want the lighting and the cleaning and all of it.

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

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• 1:29Alex Cooper?

  or exploring the cultural twin cities of St. Croix, you'll find yourself swept away by the rhythm of the islands. So why wait? Start planning your escape today and visit usvi.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app. Hello, Daddy gang. Welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy.

• 2:14Alex Cooper?

  My life right now is all about finding pants that fit. And you know, as pregnancy is going along, I don't

• 2:26Alex Cooper?

  I refuse to just wear the same stretchy pants. Like, I don't want to be that girl that's like same outfit every single time. So we're trying to make the bump look cute and wear the occasional cute outfit. Obviously, that does not pertain to today. Today, I could barely get it together. Um, but when I tell you I am searching for cute pregnancy outfits, because the minute, here's the thing, the minute I find pants, I buy two sizes up. Um, a lot of cute pants, though, do have a button. And so I can wear them for about two weeks. And then I sadly just outgrow them. And so the strategy is constantly shifting.

• 3:08Alex Cooper?

  But I will say, I think I'm starting to get a hang of how to dress for the bump. I am taking pride in some of my outfits, but it is, you know, it's wild changes, guys, but I am having fun with it and I am enjoying myself. What else is going on in my life right now? I, oh, I was at my brother-in-law's house the other night with our whole family for his birthday. And all of my nieces and nephews were there. And it was so cute explaining to them that there is a baby in my belly and that they're gonna have a cousin, AKA a new friend, coming soon. And my little nephew is like staring at my stomach incessantly

• 3:50Alex Cooper?

  with just like pure curiosity and excitement and asking like, what's the name gonna be? And asking if, um, like if he is allowed to touch my belly. It's all very cute. Um, and so, yeah, I, anyways, life is life-ing and all is pretty good.

• 4:26Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy gang, you know, I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all?

• 5:08Alex Cooper?

  But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere from Google to YouTube to the shop app. They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing.

• 5:51Alex Cooper?

  And this has been such a game changer for Unwell. I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the daddy gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by the United States Virgin Islands, where every moment is naturally in rhythm. Whether you're exploring the historic sites in St. Thomas, snorkeling in the crystal clear waters of St. John, or exploring the cultural twin cities of St. Croix, you'll find yourself swept away by the rhythm of the islands. So why wait? Start planning your escape today and visit USVI.com.

• 6:37Alex Cooper?

  But enough about me. So I was thinking about something the other day when I was driving home from work. I feel like sometimes when I come home from work, it's either like I just fully listen to music or a podcast, or I drive in silence. And I don't know why, but recently, you guys, I have nothing I want to listen to. So I'm just driving in silence. And that silence has allowed me to really think a lot with my thoughts in my commute home. That is one of the positives, I would say of like, not working from home is like, I do kind of like my commute because I'm like, let's get inside this dome, Alex. Like, what's going on, sweetie? Let's have

• 7:17Alex Cooper?

  a little therapy session together. And then what ended up happening was, I kind of came up with a topic that I wanted to just quickly address with the daddy gang. Something I was thinking about is like, why is it so cool to act like you don't care? Why is it so cool to act like you didn't even try? It just happened? Like, I think there is this huge lie, I feel like we are all collectively participating in right now, which is essentially the myth of effortlessness. Like, why the fuck is it suddenly, I guess, and maybe it's not suddenly, but like, it feels like people think it's cool to act like you don't care. When did trying

• 7:58Alex Cooper?

  become embarrassing? Or, you know, too try hard? Like, if you go on social media, everything is curated to look like it just happened. Like, you look at the cooking videos, and, you know, these creators throw like, three random ingredients into a pan, they snap their fingers, and then it's like a Michelin star meal. And also, their kitchen looks pristine and so clean. Easy, breezy, beautiful, delicious. And what's obvious, what they do not show you, is the three hours of prep that went into that food, and the camera angles, and the sink that is full of crusty dishes, and the fact that, you know, they probably burned the first batch, you know,

• 8:40Alex Cooper?

  we didn't get to see that part. Or maybe it actually ended up tasting like shit. But we just see the super quick, easy, couple-step meal to make after work. And that is annoying. Even the fitness videos, they look perfect, they're sucking in, the lighting is hitting perfectly. They don't show the gasping for air in between takes. I just...

• 9:05Alex Cooper?

  I know this isn't a new concept. I just feel like it's like shouting in my face recently. Like, we're just constantly consuming content that says, "Look how amazing my life is." And, "Oh, by the way, I barely even tried." Like, "Look how I barely even..." Like, "I barely put effort into this. Look how easy this was for me." And I don't know, I just feel exhausted from it. It's toxic and it's just a filtered lie. And this isn't just, obviously, social media. It's definitely heightened there. But I feel like this goes back... It actually reminded me, it's almost like going back to childhood. Stay with me, okay? You're like, "Alex, we don't always have to take it back to childhood." Yeah, we do. Hold on.

• 9:49Alex Cooper?

  Do you guys remember the kid in school who would sit down for an exam, ace it, and be like, "Oh, my God, I didn't even study." For me, the kid was Connor. And I was like, "Connor!" And then meanwhile, you're up, you stayed up till like 2:00 a.m., flashcards everywhere, sweating through your t-shirt on your way to the test, and maybe, maybe by the grace of God, you got a B+. Maybe. Honestly, probably a B, maybe even a C, okay? And I was reflecting back on my drive home, thinking about like, whoa, why did we grow up feeling embarrassed for being the person who studied? Why did we validate the person who bragged about doing the bare minimum and still had some success, or the same level of success as the person who actually tried?

• 10:35Alex Cooper?

  I feel like to some degree, we have carried that exact same energy straight into our adult lives, and, yes, most visibly, onto social media. And then I couldn't help but think,

• 10:50Alex Cooper?

  we've also carried it into modern dating. For all my single girlies out there, this one's for you. I want to take accountability. Trust me. I was the number one culprit. I would say it on Call Her Daddy and I, it's not that I actually don't agree with it because it does work, but it was like, pretend you don't care. It looks so much cooler. I've literally said it before. The person who cares, least in the relationship, holds all the power. And it sucks because that shouldn't be the case, but somehow it is. In dating, we can get so caught up in playing these psychological games where whoever, you know, takes longer to text back wins. And if you show excitement, you're desperate.

• 11:31Alex Cooper?

  And if you plan a nice date, oh my God, well, you should just end it all. You're just doing way too much. So everyone then walks around wearing this like armor of like, yeah, we're just hanging out, but like, whatever. I don't really care. And it's a complete defense mechanism. Because if you act like you don't care, then if it fails, you don't have to face the humiliation of the rejection. You can end up just saying like, well, I, I wasn't even trying anyways. But as I've gotten older, I've realized it is a very miserable way to live your life. Like, yes, without a doubt, in dating, it does work temporarily. The guy may find you more interesting and elusive and confusing and distant.

• 12:15Alex Cooper?

  So it makes him want you more because the chase is so fun. Who doesn't love the fucking chase? But then in the end, you just played a game pretending to be something that you're not. All to win the guy that now doesn't even really know who you are. And then to some degree, you have to keep up this facade that is by no means enjoyable or fulfilling. And I, listen, I have always, always said, when it comes to dating, it is so important that you know your audience and you know what your end goal is. If I was watching this podcast and I was in college, I would be like, all I'm taking from this, Alex, is like, play the game, ignore him, make him want me. Because that is so applicable and relatable to your life in that moment.

• 12:58Alex Cooper?

  And like, if you were just trying to get your friends invited by the hot athlete to the party, oh my God, without a doubt, honey, you should act away. You should be so cool. You should so act like you don't care. Get in there. It definitely works every time. But I do think it's important to note because I do think as the daddy gang, we are all, you know, evolving and we're growing. And I have some daddy gang that are older with me. Okay, it's not all just high school and college people watching this, even though I know you're here. So that's why I'm also saying like, girl, if you want to get invited to the party, oh, leave him on red, then text him back the next day, like make it so confusing for sure.

• 13:40Alex Cooper?

  But it is a very temporary solve. And when you are at a young point in your life, a temporary solve is the perfect solve because nothing really is actually you want it to last. Like, I don't actually fucking like the frat boy, but I want to go to Kai Fi tonight. Hello. And so this temporary solve, I just think you need to be like aware of, because eventually you do need to live your life. And most of us care about our life and our happiness, obviously. And the short term wins, depending where you're at in your life and the circumstances. When it does become all encompassing and it becomes a part of your life in this like really major way, that's in my opinion, when you actually start to lose.

• 14:22Alex Cooper?

  Because then you are just being disingenuous to a degree that is beyond unfulfilling.

• 14:30Alex Cooper?

  I feel like my college self would like slap me in the face right now and be like, shut up. I don't want to hear that. So fair, Alex. Keep doing what you're doing. Lock in those extensions, put the self tanner on, put the fake eyelashes on and do your fucking thing, girl. But I'm just at a different place in my life, right? So that is not as applicable to me anymore. Me being cool and elusive and like doing all that, it does, it's not helping me at all. I'm just getting, I would just get annoyed and be like, why, why am I doing this? Like, I don't need to go to Kai Fi tonight. I don't want to go hook up with the frat bro. Like, huh? Like, he's my husband and I want him to understand what I'm directly fucking saying to him. So it's circumstantial. Also, let's say you are that person who actually does just have things fall in their lap.

• 15:15Alex Cooper?

  Like you win the game, you get the guy, you get the job and you don't really have to lift a finger for certain things in your life. Totally great.

• 15:24Alex Cooper?

  To some degree, but what skills did you build? What resilience do you have? Some, to some capacity, someone could argue nothing, zero. The person who tries, who sometimes fails, who gets their heartbroken, who burns the dinner, who has to rewrite the resume five times, that person is inevitably building character. And I'm not saying, again, if you are someone where like something comes easy to you, like, bitch, just let it go. But if everything in life is just like, I didn't really try to just have a sense of, like, who, uh, okay.

• 15:59Alex Cooper?

  That's, well, that's also no fucking fun. Right? I don't know. I, I think when you focus entirely on making the outcome look effortless, because most of the time it is, you are essentially completely bypassing the actual point of life, which is the messy, uncomfortable, beautiful process of learning and growing. And so I think we need to stop glamorizing these people online and in life who are pretending it was just so easy. And great if it actually was for them, but life isn't easy. So maybe the one thing that they're showing online, maybe it was actually easy for them. But you aren't seeing the other 10 things that they really struggled with. And I think it's important to talk about the psychological toll of all of this shit.

• 16:44Alex Cooper?

  Because it is one thing to look at an effortless video and think, okay, that is objectively fake. It's a whole other thing when you are lying in bed at 11:00 PM, you are scrolling and you see someone launching a business or meal prepping for the entire month or doing a 5:00 AM workout routine. And they look flawless. Not a drop of sweat, no eye bags, just pure productivity.

• 17:14Alex Cooper?

  What does that do to our brains? It makes us feel like absolute fucking garbage. We look at them and we think, wait, why am I struggling so hard just to just do the bare minimum? You feel like a failure because your real life has friction. Your house is messy when you cook. You look like a drowned rat after you worked out. You actually have to cry sometimes when you are stressed about your career. You're not just girl bossing so fucking close to the sun 24/7. And so when other people make productivity look easy, not just, you know, possible, but legit, like, easy work, it weaponizes their success against your self-esteem. It makes you feel

• 17:58Alex Cooper?

  like you missed the memo on how to be a human being who can just do it all, and then some little sprinkle, boom. And so inevitably, we start thinking that because it's hard for us, we must be doing something wrong. Or we're just lazy pieces of shit. Why can't I get it together? How are they doing that? And I'll tell you why. Because you were at work all day, and you had a hard day, and then you came home, or you were at home working hard all day, and then work stopped. And work could have been being a mother, or work could have been a full-time job. And then you had to feed yourself, or you had to feed your family. And the last thing you want to do is cook an aesthetic meal. You just want something to literally feed

• 18:41Alex Cooper?

  your body and your hunger. You don't have time to put on the aesthetic cute workout outfit, okay? You're throwing on your ripped college old t-shirt and some shorts with a couple holes in them, and you're just proud that you made it to the goddamn gym. And a lot of times,

• 18:57Alex Cooper?

  maybe you're not making it to the gym because of the real day you had, the emphasis on the real day. And yeah, it needs to end with maybe decompression on the couch and not the perfect meal and the workout and the matching fucking set that goes with it. You want to eat your snacks, you want to watch your favorite TV show, and you want to blackout the hard day that you just had. That is closer to real life than almost anything. I also think, and I don't know, this could be a stretch, but I do think that this topic kind of ties into the mythical exhausting

• 19:38Alex Cooper?

  archetype of the cool girl. The cool girl is just like the ultimate embodiment of effortlessness, right? She's hot, but she obviously doesn't try that hard to wear too much makeup. She's successful, but she never talks about working. And if she does, like, ugh, just happened easily. And by making it all look so effortless, she's never been busier. She is grinding it out. And again, like, cool, great. But please, can we not forget how much effort is going into the effortless image we are all consuming?

• 20:12Alex Cooper?

  Guys, I'm telling you, it was a really productive drive. Like, I was like, boom! Because I was like, I need to hear this. So then I was like, I think the daddy gang needs to hear this. So here's my opinion. Because now it's like, okay, wait, so what do we do? My opinion, what is actually cool, what is genuinely attractive, is trying and is evolving. And that can be so messy and unsexy and unglamorous and really hard and really exhausting. But it is so much cooler to meet someone who says, yeah, I am trying this new thing. And honestly, I kind of suck at it right now. Or like, it's really hard and I'm working through it, but I'm figuring it out. That takes a secure ego. That is someone I personally want to follow and learn from and be friends with.

• 20:56Alex Cooper?

  And so the next time you see someone making life look so effortless and you start to feel that wave of shame that we feel every time we open our phones and we see the perfect aesthetic and all that, it's 10-step program, blah, blah, blah. I want you to actually just flip the script. Just remind yourself that you are living in the real world. You are doing the heavy lifting. You are experiencing trial and error and you are actually changing and growing. You are not living to quickly capture something on your phone for everyone else to give you validation over. How do you feel about yourself? If you were never able to open the internet again, if you were never able to post a video again, how would you feel about yourself? Do you feel good? Are you happy with your life? That's all that fucking matters.

• 21:41Alex Cooper?

  So I also think, keeping in mind, and maybe this is just like me getting older, Grandma Cooper coming through, but this is not the shit that at 80 years old, we are going to be showing our grandchildren or our friends and our families. Like, guys, look at this picture I took and like, look how aesthetic my shoes were in this photo and it so gave cool girl. Oh my God, look at that. No!

• 22:10Alex Cooper?

  It will be the stories about life and living and failing and the struggles you overcame. When you think about the things you are proudest of achieving in your life so far, did they come from an effortless moment? Or did they come from a time where you worked your fucking ass off? Or you survived something really hard? And now you get to look back and be so proud of yourself for all of the hard work you put in because you tried and you care. And that is the least embarrassing thing, I truly think. You own it, be proud of it, be proud of who you are for putting yourself out there, be proud of your life. That is fucking cool. And I think that makes you way more fucking interesting. So, again, this isn't to like just shit on the internet,

• 22:53Alex Cooper?

  but it is to put in perspective for ourselves of like what we are consuming is potentially causing us more anxiety and more harm than good. And you need to be able to differentiate your real life from just like something that you think maybe scrolling is gonna alleviate your stress from the day. And it's actually only gonna make you so much more stressed. And so I think that we have to force ourselves to wake up. Because like I said, when we're 80, we're gonna look back and be like, "Fuck, I spent so much fucking time on that thing." And like, "What?" And so to make sure we're curating our pages of like people we actually feel like we get uplifted from and storytellers and creators.

• 23:36Alex Cooper?

  If, again, I get it, we're not gonna just fucking throw our phones into the ocean. And if you are that person, babe, honestly, so much power to you. But there is a line that I think we can start to straddle between being so more aware of like calling it what the fuck it is. Social media and all of it creates addiction. Most of us are living and breathing with an addiction.

• 24:04Alex Cooper?

  And it is not our fault. This has been a, the, these are billion dot trillion dollar companies and in an industry that is profiting off of this. And so I think when you then when you zoom in to your life and you're sitting at home and you're miserable after work and you're just feeling like, fuck, my day was so hard. My boss was an asshole. I like, I'm not making the amount that I want at my job or my coworkers are being assholes. Or am I at the right position? And oh, by the way, I have to now go deal with my family this weekend and I'm so stressed about that. We feel, and I do believe in the beginning days of social media, this was the truth.

• 24:45Alex Cooper?

  We feel like the internet will actually bring us reprieve and it will cause us to feel so much relief because it will take us out of our day to day, just like sometimes we feel when we watch a movie or we read a book, but that is so different. It is endless, it is comparison and you are watching essentially a version of your life just looking 10 times fucking better because of the curation, because of the people behind these machines. And so we have to try to remember that. And that's, I don't know. I know this is such a heavy frustrating topic because then it feels like, and then we're going to get in bed tonight and we're just going to keep scrolling. But I do think if you are someone who is struggling with your mental health, if you

• 25:29Alex Cooper?

  are struggling with comparison, if you are struggling with jealousy, if you are struggling with self-worth, if you are struggling with not feeling great about where you're at in your career, your personal life, your financial life, any of it, the internet is only going to make you feel worse about it. And so you really need to try to find a will and a way to disengage to some degree. Like I will say, so I deleted TikTok off of my phone for.

• 25:59Alex Cooper?

  Almost a month and

• 26:03Alex Cooper?

  I re-uploaded it because I wanted to post these two videos that I was posting on Instagram. I wanted to post them there for work and I posted them for work and then I went to my for you page and I was like, I can handle this. Like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna and then 30 minutes goes by and I was like, no, no, no, no, I can't handle this. And I'm telling you guys, my dopamine levels, like I was immediately more triggered, in a bad mood, things I was seeing, I was just like, oh, like, I don't like this. I don't like the way I'm feeling. And there was such a happiness I realized I had been feeling from not engaging in that world. And I will say even TikTok versus Instagram, like for

• 26:44Alex Cooper?

  me, like TikTok, I feel like started as this really positive app. And now it's just like all these like really, um, like the comment sections are so hateful. I'll see a girl making a video about food and I'm like, really, guys, I'm like trying to fucking cook. Okay. I like, I don't want to talk about it, but I'm trying to cook. And I've been trying to cook and I'm like getting into these so many rubs to be. I saw this woman who made this like dumpling thing. Oh, my God, you guys, it looks so good. It's like, it's like an easier way to make dumplings and I fucking love dumplings. And then I go to the comment section and I'm appalled. People are commenting on her shirt and her hair and her outfit and telling her that she's a fucking hypocrite because the last time that she had said that she didn't really like using soy sauce and she was more of a whatever sauce. And I'm

• 27:29Alex Cooper?

  like, oh, my God, I need to get out of here. I literally need to get off the internet. Like, I'm so scared. I'm so scared by these comment sections. It's so terrifying out there, seeing this poor girl trying to make dumplings. And then all of a sudden, she's getting crucified because like, people are saying her hair looks electrocuted and they're saying that she is like, what? And I was like, I need to delete the app again. And so I was like, I'm just gonna re-upload it every time I want to upload a video and then I'm removing it from my phone. And I have been reading, I've been rereading Throne of Glass. Oh my God, there's so many books in the series, which also like pro tip, but like if you're really trying to get off of

• 28:11Alex Cooper?

  social media, find a series because that I'm just like in my series right now. I'm loving it. There's so many books in that series and I am like a kid in a candy store. Every night I get in bed, I don't scroll on social media and I'm just reading and I'm not saying that I'm, you know, 100% healed from all of the addiction that I too have in my veins, but I am trying to actively, I said this to my therapist, like, I would consider myself a smart person. And so shame on me if I have

• 28:49Alex Cooper?

  a situation in front of me that is essentially my own version of a study. When I am on Tik Tok and I am scrolling for longer than a minute, my mental health is not as positive as it was before I opened the app. That is a fact.

• 29:13Alex Cooper?

  When I spend more than a minute to an hour reading books, my mental health is five times better because I feel inspired and I feel intellectually stimulated and I feel like I'm in this brilliant world building that this author created for me and I'm vocabulary wise, expanding my palate, like all of this. And so I would be an idiot then, right? If I then chose at night to pick up my phone and do the thing that makes me feel like shit rather than going for the book. Right? So why is it so fucking hard? Why is it so hard then?

• 29:55Alex Cooper?

  Because it's not just the phone, it is the social. Pressure that we feel, it is so hard to feel like you are not in it. It's so hard to feel like also you want to, you have to put way more fucking effort into reading. You, you can be so brain dead when you are scrolling on social media, but somehow you're brain dead, so you're getting nothing out of it. And although we say like, no, I got some stuff, for sure. I've learned like a couple of things off social media, but the negative outweighs the positives, right? And so it's like, how are we going to force ourselves to only engage with things that make us happy? Damn, it's a cruel world out there, daddy gang.

• 30:55Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by the United States Virgin Islands, where every moment is naturally in rhythm. Whether you're exploring the historic sites in St. Thomas, snorkeling in the crystal

• 31:39Alex Cooper?

  clear waters of St. John, or exploring the cultural twin cities of St. Croix, you'll find yourself swept away by the rhythm of the islands. So why wait? Start planning your escape today and visit usvi.com.

• 31:55Alex Cooper?

  In the spirit of...

• 31:58Alex Cooper?

  I don't even know. Let's answer some questions. So there has been so much conversation in my DMs recently and I didn't even know where to start today. So I'm, we're gonna go all over the place. Okay, first question. I'm in my 30s and still going through dating. At this point, a lot of the dating pool is either divorced or divorced with kids. I found a really great guy, I think, but I never pictured myself dating someone with kids and trying to keep an open mind. Advice. Okay, I love this question because I think that as we continue to progress in our life, we have these genuine ideas of what we think we're gonna end up with, right?

• 32:39Alex Cooper?

  We have these people in our heads from a young age sometimes of like, this is my guy, or this is my girl, and this is what they're gonna be like. And then life happens, and you maybe don't get the job you thought, or your life changes and all this. And there's so much that ends up not going the way that you planned. And then all of a sudden, you're like, should I just try so hard to force what I thought I wanted when I was younger? Or should I look at my life at where it is now and accept it and embrace it and enjoy it? And I think for you, it's like, if you are finding that all these men that you end up going out with are divorced, like, amazing. And, and who cares, right? And so I think there's like a, there's a

• 33:22Alex Cooper?

  stigma, right? And maybe that means though, that this person is, couldn't be more open and knows exactly what they want. And especially if they have kids. Listen, I completely understand there are gonna be some people where they're like, it just wouldn't be for me. I, I wouldn't want to be a stepmother. I do think that it seems like you are open to dipping your toes in. And I think as long as you're open with the person that you're dating and you say, listen, I have never dated someone, or it's very, very few that I've dated that have a kid, and I, I have to be really upfront. Like, I need to just see how this progresses and goes. As I'm assured you also need to. I know you're not gonna just, you know, introduce me to your child immediately, but I wanna, I wanna be respectful to the dynamic and be upfront and honest. Like, I don't know how I fully feel yet,

• 34:07Alex Cooper?

  but I want to explore this, but I, oh, I wanna put that on the table immediately. I think people have so much respect when you're just like upfront from the very beginning, because then you never hid anything. You were never dishonest, and you were never misleading. So get after it,

• 34:23Alex Cooper?

  Okay, please ensure this is anonymous. Babe, I got you. Um, I don't know what to do. I'm in college and I have four roommates and three of them are in long-term, healthy relationships. And the other one is constantly in and out of situationships. I am the only one who is chronically single and they never want to go out or do anything fun. And if they do, they always bring their boyfriend. I just want my friends back. What do I do? Okay. I have to say, instead of being like, I just want my friends back. What do I do? I think you have to, number one, accept your friends for where they are at in their life. We're not mad that they have boyfriends, right? But we are frustrated that it has disrupted the dynamic that you were used to with your friends. Totally understandable.

• 35:05Alex Cooper?

  What I would say to you, though, is I feel like sometimes when we are the one single friend in a group dynamic where all of our friends are in relationships, we convince ourselves like we are the ones who are lacking or there's something wrong with us. And it's like, just because you're single, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. If anything, you could argue, you're not settling. You're not going to put up with the bare minimum. You are someone who is, you know what I mean? Like, don't, I, not that you're saying that, but I just want you to remind yourself of that. So what I would say is, almost similar to date nights that all of your friends and relationships are doing, you need to be doing single nights for yourself with other single women.

• 35:47Alex Cooper?

  Your schedule is just as important and valuable as your friends' schedule with their romantic partners. The single friend should not be looked at as someone who is like, oh, well, your life is less complicated and so therefore you should bend and, you know, to our rules and to our schedules. Absolutely not. You are a human being who has needs and who has wants and who has a life. And so you need to treat yourself just the same. Like, when they have date nights and you're like rolling your eyes, it's like, no, no, no. Say they always do date nights on Thursdays. Who knows? That's your single night. And, or it doesn't need to be on Thursdays. It could be wherever you want. But like, pour into yourself and realize that your time is as precious as theirs.

• 36:31Alex Cooper?

  So we need to get you some single friends. And I think then it will make you less frustrated by the obvious shift and the kind of like hole that you're feeling with your non-single friends. Because if you were like out vibing, dancing all night, you had some drinks, you met up with people, you and your single friends had a crazy night. Then, when the next night, everyone's cuddled up with their boo and you're like fucking hungover or whatever, you're like so happy to be at peace. You're like, hey bride, can you grab, oh yeah, grab me the, grab me some popcorn? Yeah, you're like literally in between all the couples and you couldn't be happier because you're like, great, I can have literally like my, my big pants on, my cozies, I'm watching

• 37:13Alex Cooper?

  the movie with everyone and I don't want any of the men that I was just with last night to be here. It's my night off. If anything, when you're trying to help them, you're like, ooh, this is mama's night off, babe. That's how I think you need to think about it. Okay, this is a great question. And this I think was very relatable. A lot of people wrote in to me just about struggling with the dynamic after college, moving home. So let's get into it. Someone wrote in and said, I am trying to decide if I want to move back home with my grandma to save money to study in London next year. I'm 26 and have lived alone for a long time and I feel like it's embarrassing to move in with my family, although it's a greater, although it's for a greater purpose, should I do it? Absolutely. And, and here's what I will say.

• 37:57Alex Cooper?

  Sacrifice is not embarrassing and having a goal is not embarrassing. This is a temporary situation that fits into a plan that you have for yourself, that is prioritizing yourself. And so, yes, it's a sacrifice, but it is for the greater good of a goal that you want for yourself. And sometimes the plan includes things that are not going to be as glamorous and that is okay. The fact that you will then get to be in London and you're going to put yourself in the position to go to London and to study and to experience a new culture and meet new people. Imagine how incredible when you go out to dinner with new friends or you're on a date

• 38:38Alex Cooper?

  and you get to say like, I sacrificed for a year so I could come here and experience this. How much sweeter is that going to taste? So I understand, listen. The feeling of moving in and back with your parents, girl, I like, I hear you. I am so there. I get it. We are all gonna feel insecure. We're gonna be like, oh, my God, I'm living with family right now. But you have your plan and that's all that matters. And you don't have to convince people of your plan. Like, anyone listening that's so frustrated because maybe you're not where you're at in life right now, and it does pertain to you living at home and you're saving and you're try, you're trying. And

• 39:22Alex Cooper?

  you understandably, it fucking sucks. It fucking sucks if you're going on a date and you're like, I live with my parents. I so hear you, but I also want you to give yourself more grace to just realize like, you are someone who is resilient and you are working your ass off to have a great life for yourself. And that is going to be the situation sometimes. And so be easier on yourself. Um, yeah, I think, girl, you're going to London, but first you're going to grandma's house. And that's okay.

• 40:09Alex Cooper?

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• 41:08Alex Cooper?

  Someone said, "My fiance will not sit down and talk to me about future finances. What do I do? He keeps saying, quote, 'We'll figure it out,' but will not sit down and discuss with me. I have tried so many times." Girl, okay, some people may not like this, but this is my personal advice. You need to go to your fiance. You need to put the ring, take it off of your finger, and you need to put it down on the table. And you need to say, "I cannot with good conscience, no matter how much I love you, no matter how much I want to move forward and get married, and I love our relationship,

• 41:50Alex Cooper?

  I cannot get married if we do not have an adult, mature conversation about our finances. I can't, I can't get married if you can't have that one conversation with me. And I have tried multiple times to do this. I have been denied every single time I have tried to do this. And if you can't do that for me, I don't understand how we have a future here because life is going to be about a lot of uncomfortable situations and a lot of uncomfortable conversations in a marriage. And if you can't meet me here and you can't sit down and have a face-to-face eye contact, honest conversation, then what foundation have we built?

• 42:32Alex Cooper?

  I just am so, I don't know, like I get so protective, especially for women, when it comes to finances, like it freaks me out because you're not being dramatic. If someone is actively avoiding having a conversation with you in a relationship, that is your business. You are trying to plan for your life. You cannot let this person essentially gaslight you into thinking that like, "Oh, you know, we'll figure it out."

• 43:01Alex Cooper?

  Lori Cooper, my mother, always said this to me, and I hope people can hear this, and honestly, no, it's only coming from a loving place when I say, and when she says, "Something that bothers you in your relationship will only get 10 times worse when you get married." If you think that dating, "Oh, well, when we get married, he won't do that," no, no, no, he'll do it, and it will only get worse. Unless you are actively working to solve something, unless you are actively in couples therapy together, or there is an honest, earnest effort from him, other than that, like, this is gonna be your life, girl. And so you need to hold strong in, "We ain't moving forward until I get some answers." And if you're not comfortable with that, then I'm not comfortable with this.

• 43:47Alex Cooper?

  Don't let that bitch gaslight you. Okay, this was a topic that sadly was very common, so I want to touch on this. Someone wrote in and said, "Hi Daddy,

• 44:00Alex Cooper?

  I am currently on the phone with one of my friends discussing how to go about an intervention with one of our friends over drinking because she has become a full-blown alcoholic. We're in our twenties and love going out and having fun, but it has gotten so out of hand, and she is now drinking every day around the clock by herself and hiding alcohol in her closet, even though she lives alone. Anyways, we've tried to talk to her about it before, but it turns into a giant fight every single time, and we don't know what else to do. We love her so much, but we genuinely are so worried that she was going to drink herself to death. Any advice would be amazing." Oh, that is so hard, and I am really sorry because I just feel like there's something

• 44:39Alex Cooper?

  so hard about addressing alcoholism when you are at that young age in your life, when you are in your teens or your twenties, even your thirties, where like, I don't know, I feel like you hear alcoholics and it's like... The dad or the this and like addressing it in your early twenties, it just feels like, no, they don't have a problem. And so the fact that enough friends around this person are like, we are scared for this person's life, that is so serious, but also recognizing, fuck, being a friend is so hard because you're like, you can't force this person to do anything. You can't force this person to get help. And I think what's so hard about addicts is you don't

• 45:22Alex Cooper?

  want to completely abandon them. And, and I know the frustration when it's like, we've tried, and we've tried, and we've tried, and they don't take your help. And sometimes it's like, just being there and trying and trying and trying is what is actually going to save the person's life, even as exhausting it is, is. And I'm not saying it is your responsibility. Like, it's such a hard, complicated situation, and I obviously don't have all the details, but I would say my advice is, I think because you're in a friend group, it probably is really, really tough of like, let's say it was after a night out and you guys then go to her, like, there is an element of ganging up on, even though you're not doing it intentionally. This is such a wound, this person clearly cannot see and is not able to identify right now.

• 46:06Alex Cooper?

  I think that sometimes, weirdly in these situations, maybe writing a letter would be the most effective to start it. And writing a really heartfelt letter, maybe from all of you, maybe from one of you, again, you know, your friend better. I don't know, you would have to kind of assess the situation. But I do think you can set a boundary. And this is where it obviously gets so complicated with addicts, where it's like, you don't want to leave this person, you don't want to abandon them. And also, you deserve to live your life. You're clearly in your early twenties. You guys are having fun, you're going out. And I can only imagine as someone who has experienced someone in my early twenties, who was around me with extreme addiction, it was

• 46:56Alex Cooper?

  I don't, I don't even know the word. Like, it was one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced in my life because you don't know what to do. And when you were that young, you shouldn't know what to do. You're in a position right now where it's like, what the, like, what? You're seeing things probably when you're out with this person. And so I think you could eventually say, and it feels like it probably has gotten to this point, the way that you're writing in that I'm reading. It's like you guys have had interventions before. I don't think you're far off from saying, listen,

• 47:27Alex Cooper?

  we are in pain watching you be in pain. It is hurting us to watch you hurt yourself and we, we can't keep doing this cycle. And so we want to spend time with you. We love you as a friend. We would love to continue to like hang out, but we want to do it in a way that doesn't involve alcohol. We would love to do, whether we do workout classes in the morning, or we go for brunch, or we go shopping, or we go to the park, or we all go on walks. Like, we want to try to be there with you, but we can't keep doing it when alcohol is involved. And we love you and, and we're sorry it has gotten to this point, but like, we can't keep, we can't keep doing this.

• 48:11Alex Cooper?

  Oh, man.

• 48:15Alex Cooper?

  I'll end on that one. That's, I just feel like it's so hard. And I guess that's what life is, right? It's like everyone is coming from their own situation and their perspective and, and I feel for her and I feel for you. And that fucking sucks because there's never kind of a right answer when it comes to that stuff. So I mean, I've had a lot of people I feel like write in recently about alcoholism and, and even if it's your partner, right? Like, how to handle, and, and a lot of people understandably have such a, like I just said, a hard time naming it, right? With alcohol, it's one thing with drugs. I think drugs, it is so much easier to be like, oh, you're an addict, you're using. But with alcohol, because it is so social and it's

• 49:00Alex Cooper?

  a part of culture to a capacity, depending on where you live and, and who you're friends with. It's so much harder to Call it what it is and it is an alcohol problem. Most of the time if you are going out with someone, if you're going out with your partner, if you're going out with your friend and it constantly turns into they over drink, they have an alcohol problem. If they are constantly ruining nights because they cannot control themselves, they have an alcohol problem. If you are like you just said catching this person drinking alone, like that is an alcohol problem. And so it then does start to, you know, seep into everyone's lives that is associating with this

• 49:41Alex Cooper?

  person. And that is when relationships get ruined. And so to live under the same roof, whether it's a, you know, a partner or something, there are steps you can take and you can be there for someone. But then at some point, being there for someone also does change from being there, trying, trying, trying to being there from a distance and being supportive, but also being supportive of yourself and your own mental health and recognizing that sometimes no matter what you do, it is not going to help that person. Like what the fuck is the thing? You can bring the horse to water, but you can't force the horse to then drink the water. They've got to do that

• 50:17Alex Cooper?

  on their own. So, oh, I didn't mean to end with a negative, but I've got a, I've got a large Sunday, girls. Okay, I got a lot to do today. Um, just like a lot of like chores and I've got, I'm gonna do laundry. I gotta go get, run some errands, gotta go shopping. I gotta take my dogs on a walk. I gotta feed this baby. Um, yeah, there's a lot to do. There's a lot to do and there's a lot to do for all of us. So Daddy Gang, I love you guys so much. I hope that was an enjoyable

• 50:55Alex Cooper?

  Sunday session and you know, more car things brought to Sunday sessions here for you. Got you. Um, I love you guys so much and I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 51:24Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry.

• 52:07Alex Cooper?

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• 52:52Alex Cooper?

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