Believe in Your Dreams, Set Intentions, and Manifestation to Change Your Life Now with Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt is an actress, producer and singer known for her work on “Ghost Whisperer,” “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and “Party of Five.” She began her career as a child appearing in the Disney Channel Series, “Kids Incorporated.” Jennifer and Mayim reveal never before heard moments on their shared early life in 90s movies and TV shows, the profound connection Jennifer still feels with her late mother, and how manifestation is a helpful practice for her family. Jennifer Love Hewitt's latest book, INHERITING MAGIC: My Journey Through Grief, Joy, Celebration & Making Every Day Magical: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/770344/inheriting-magic-by-jennifer-love-hewitt/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaZNCsHd2Kxjx1t8x3EvDNGdtUBca_2DTfqsD_sCFxelAxIp0TQqL8sx9d4_aem_FJq8_ce4-BTn_cvXZrF5XQ BialikBreakdown.com https://www.bialikbreakdown.com/ YouTube.com/mayimbialik https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTOocPnDh2YQZZwh86K2OxA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices https://megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I was on the cover of Maxim magazine. I didn't know what being sexy meant. People would walk up and be like, "I took your magazine with me on a trip last week. When I knew what you did last summer, it came out." Everybody said, "Oh, I know what your breasts did last summer." There were grown men talking to me at 16 about my breasts openly on a talk show. It was a culture that was fully accepted. But when you sit and you look at where we are now versus then, it is really mind blowing. I was so mad that I had done my first movie and I had worked so hard. And the only thing that you see is a movie poster with boobs on it.

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• 2:13Mayim Bialik?

  Hey, I just found out something astounding. Approximately 63% of those of you listening to or watching Myan Bialik's Breakdown are not subscribed. We know you're listening and we know you're watching because of all of the awesome comments you leave telling us how Myan Bialik's Breakdown is helping you lead a happier and healthier life. We love that, but the best way to support our show is to subscribe. It's also the only way to get latest updates and to know when new episodes drop. So, anywhere that you listen to podcasts and on YouTube, please subscribe. Hit the bell icon so that you know when a new episode drops. Thank you so much, and on to the episode. Hi, I'm Myan Bialik.

• 2:48Jonathan Cohen?

  I'm Jonathan Cohen.

• 2:49Mayim Bialik?

  And welcome to our Breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so that you don't have to.

• 2:54Jonathan Cohen?

  In the new year, we're gonna be building up as well as breaking down.

• 2:58Mayim Bialik?

  That's true. And what better way to build up than to start to think about what manifestation could look like in your life? We also would like you to entertain the possibility that there's more to life than just what you can experience with your five senses. And tapping into that can be incredibly transformative for your home life, your relationships, your career. We're gonna be talking with someone who has walked through an entire life in front

• 3:35Mayim Bialik?

  of you, on your movie screens and TV screens, and who has cultivated a life built on magic.

• 3:46Mayim Bialik?

  We're gonna be talking to Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's currently seen co-starring on the Fox show 911. She's in the Lifetime feature The Holiday Junkie that she executive produced and directed, inspired by her relationship with the holidays and the loss of her mother. She's been on everything. She's also known for I Know What You Did Last Summer, that franchise. She was in Party of Five, if anyone remembers that show, The Ghost Whisperer, so many things. And she has this new book, Inheriting Magic: My Journey Through Grief, Joy, Celebration, and Making Everyday Magical. And it's a book that kind of takes you through the year with, with her kids. She has three kids.

• 4:27Mayim Bialik?

  And it takes you through the year, and she explains how the loss of her mother has been a catalyst for transforming the way she views her home life.

• 4:38Mayim Bialik?

  She's incredibly thoughtful and incredibly introspective about her time as a public figure, as a sex symbol. And she speaks with real vulnerability about her perspective now, about what it was like to grow up in front of the cameras with so much attention on her, on her body.

• 4:56Jonathan Cohen?

  This is an episode where Jennifer shares something she has never shared before. And there is a very powerful moment between Mayim and Jennifer.

• 5:06Mayim Bialik?

  Jennifer and my paths crossed at, it sounds like, the day in her life that her entire life changed, and I was there for it and didn't even realize the level to which my presence was part of that day.

• 5:22Jonathan Cohen?

  I got shivers hearing that story. She tears up. It is really emotional.

• 5:29Mayim Bialik?

  It's a very, very interesting, very interesting journey that we get to go on with Jennifer.

• 5:34Jonathan Cohen?

  Jennifer also shares really practical and tangible ways to set intention, to help people think about manifestation in their own lives and how creative imagination can start to rewire your perception, your attention, to make specific changes that may be holding them back. I really was just surprised and enjoyed this episode so much. I'm looking forward to sharing it.

• 6:03Mayim Bialik?

  All right, let's welcome Jennifer Love Hewitt to the Breakdown.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  Break it down.

• 6:08Mayim Bialik?

  So good to see you and thank you for being part of our Breakdown.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. Thanks for having me.

• 6:15Mayim Bialik?

  We're going to be talking about Inheriting Magic, which is this delightful little book. And by little, I love the size of it. I know that's like a weird cop.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 6:26Mayim Bialik?

  I really enjoyed the book and there's a lot that I want to get to. But I also just want to say it's one of these like super fun sizes that could fit on like a kid's bookshelf, but also a grown up's bookshelf.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Yes, I really wanted it to be a great size. I also wanted it to be like, oh, a kid could throw it in their backpack.

• 6:43Mayim Bialik?

  Right.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Or a mom could put it in her tote and go. So I'm really glad that you like the size. That means lots to me.

• 6:49Mayim Bialik?

  Well, I'm an overall wearer and I would just stick it right in the front of the overalls.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Right. I wear overalls. I love you for that.

• 6:57Mayim Bialik?

  So we have so many things we want to talk to you about. I am absolutely going to need to take a moment to fangirl out about the fact that I watched Kids Incorporated pretty religiously.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  I'm sorry.

• 7:10Mayim Bialik?

  And no, it was like a really, I loved that show. And this is even before I was acting. I started acting at 11, so I'm 40. I'm trying to do the math, right? Like, I'm 49 and I was watching probably when you were on, but probably before you were on as well.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:30Mayim Bialik?

  So I, for me, like, I wasn't one of those kids where I was like, I really want to be an actor and these kids are living the life I wanted. I just believed that this was a true world that I got to be part of. Like, this is so amazing and it was all my favorite music. And that's how we all danced, like, at school parties. So like, all the dancing that would go on. I just loved it. Can you talk a little bit about when you started acting and when that fit into your childhood?

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I arrived into LA on my 10th birthday.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  And I was coming to LA to, like, possibly get a record deal and be a singer. That was like what it was. I wasn't going to act. I didn't even really know what acting was. I think my favorite show at the time was, like, Punky Brewster.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  And I felt like maybe I wanted to be Punky Brewster at some point, but like, other than that, that's what I knew about acting. And Kids Incorporated was my very first audition.

• 8:30Mayim Bialik?

  What?

• 8:30Speaker 00

  It was me and 5,000 other girls. And I, like, I was just in this, like, thing all day and my mom was like, what is happening right now? And I'm like, I don't know, but I think we're supposed to stay here. And so it kept getting, it like kept going down. It was like 100 girls and then 50 girls and then 40 girls and then 20. And it got down between me and this other girl. And I remember I went into the room and they were like, so? What are you gonna act for us? And I was like, oh, boy. I don't know what that means, really. And they were like, well, what's your favorite show? And I said Punky Brewster. And they were like, well, why don't you just pretend to be Punky Brewster for us?

• 9:08Mayim Bialik?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  And I was like, got it. No problem. So I pretended to be Punky Brewster and I was like talking to my fake dog. I don't know what was going on. Anyway, and then I sang a song and I did not get it. And I was supposed to be going back to Texas to like, my mom was gonna go back to being a schoolteacher. I was gonna go, I don't know, do be a cheerleader. I have no idea what I was gonna do. And they had given us a pager, which I thought was so cool. And so I begged to like, take it home and show it to my friends. Because I thought that like, you were famous if you had a pager. So I convinced myself that I was famous at the time. And, um, and they were like, yeah, you can take it back. My mom and I went to a donut shop and they paged us.

• 9:46Mayim Bialik?

  No.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Right before our flight. And they said, the other girl like, can't actually sing. Like, she could only sing the 30 seconds that she's in the thing. You have the part. Don't leave LA. Do you want to be on Kids Incorporated? And I was like, yes. Like a donut and a job in the same five minutes. This is the best part of my whole life. And so we stayed and I went to a recording studio and recorded like 10 songs that day. And I never went home. And that's it.

• 10:14Mayim Bialik?

  That's an amazing, this is an amazing story. And I understand.

• 10:17Speaker 00

  I never told that story.

• 10:18Mayim Bialik?

  No.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  This is the first time ever. And it was wild.

• 10:20Mayim Bialik?

  That's an amazing story. I mean, there's so many aspects of that. And, and I want to highlight it, not just because it's like, oh, let's talk about, you know, Jennifer Love Hewitt's like, first part that a lot of people might not have been a big of, as big of a fan as I am. But what's amazing is to take a chance on something, to have a dream that is so far outside, right, of where you grew up or like, what you came from, to give it that. Like, I don't know if there's other people who have had that experience in the industry, right? Like, that's very special, that like, that's your first thing.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  No, it really felt special. It did. And I think because it went the way that it did, it like, gave me the longevity, like, in my heart and my mind. To navigate all the things that have happened since because I always felt like I was supposed to be here somehow. Right?

• 11:15Mayim Bialik?

  I can't help wondering, like, did it feel like there was something magical about that timing? And I'm not saying like that you were like, I'm magic, but that's a lot of things clicking into place.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  100%.

• 11:29Mayim Bialik?

  Did you feel it at that time?

• 11:31Speaker 00

  I did because I think it was the first I I've always been like a manifester. I've always been a a big dreamer, like even from being very, very small. And it was the first time that like, it's as cheesy as it sounds that the universe rewarded that mindset for me. Because I knew that I wanted to be on that show. I didn't know what acting was, but I knew I wanted to be here. I knew I wanted to be a part of something entertaining people. I I I knew that it was worth waiting eight hours of that day to like do all of that stuff. I was totally fine, which is another part of like manifesting. I feel like now in my 40s, I understand, but like to let go of it and just go back to Texas. But then the universe went, nope, nope.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  You believed in yourself today and here's the reward. Like you were right and go forward and, you know, do what you're gonna do. And it was just really, yeah, I I really felt it in that moment. And I I remember it was the first time I felt deep gratitude. And it was the first time that I was like, something special is happening here and I'm right. I'm supposed to be here somehow. And like, we just went forward with that mindset.

• 12:39Mayim Bialik?

  You you hit one of Jonathan's favorite bingo words for guests to say. Jonathan, you want to ask the lady to dig in a little bit more here?

• 12:46Jonathan Cohen?

  We do talk about manifesting. We also, you know, look at both the spiritual side of it and the new neuroscience of it. So I'm curious, you you mentioned being a manifester even as a kid. What did that look like? And sort of how is your relationship or understanding of it changed? And how have you changed using it as you've gotten older?

• 13:08Speaker 00

  I think as a kid, for me, it was like I just had vision. Like I I don't know how to explain, like, I would just tell my mom, like, this is who I'm gonna be. This is what I'm gonna do. And then I would like make it happen. And I think it was very simple in that way. For me, I think as I've gotten older. Manifesting is, it's like, it's the center of my hope and my belief in things being bigger and more important than myself. I really believe in like putting it out there. I mean, I start my day every day with like an intention and I say it out loud and I, I believe in like saying it either out loud or in my mind before my feet hit the floor in the morning. And then

• 13:52Speaker 00

  I go forward with that during the day and I leave space for things to derail or be human or life to happen. Obviously, it's, I'm not like, you know, totally unrealistic, but I do believe that it's like served me well in my life as a mindset. It's great for my kids. My kids have kind of taken that on and it gives them like this, I don't know, this like bigger, like hope and belief in something that I feel like it's really powerful and it's, I feel like it's really such a beautiful mindset to like see things and envision things for yourself and then, you know, try to move forward towards those.

• 14:27Jonathan Cohen?

  What was the intention for today before your feet hit the ground?

• 14:31Speaker 00

  Before that, my feet hit the ground today, I said to the universe, I said, show me how this like incredible life that I'm living right now can be even better. Like whatever that means, show me how it can be even better.

• 14:43Mayim Bialik?

  You're looking at it Jennifer, it's me and Jonathan.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  And here we are. And here we are. You're, you got the internet back. Where you got a great new haircut. I mean, thank you, universe.

• 14:55Mayim Bialik?

  So wait, I want to add something. Are the intentions different every day? Like, or just sometimes they repeat?

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes they are. Sometimes they're really simple. Like just, I mean, sometimes I'm really tired and I'm like, just let me get through today without being like super grumpy to my kids or the people around me. Sometimes it's, you know, I've.

• 15:15Jonathan Cohen?

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• 15:18Mayim Bialik?

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• 16:29Jonathan Cohen?

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• 16:34Mayim Bialik?

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• 18:01Mayim Bialik?

  Starting my day with this easy, health-focused task reminds me to continue to make healthy choices the rest of the day. For a limited time, visit drinkag1.com/breakdown and get a free immune support bundle, including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/breakdown. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Myobiolex Breakdown sent you.

• 18:28Speaker 00

  I've been setting a lot of intentions for the book and the movie to sort of like, you know, touch people in a bigger way. I make a lot of intentions about like, how can I be more impactful as a human? To like, you know, how can I be like a source of light for somebody that I meet today in an unexpected way? It changes. It's just different things.

• 18:49Jonathan Cohen?

  And we know that when we prime the brain with that type of programming, we then seek it out. We see the opportunity for them to happen. It sounds like also it's sort of open-ended. It's not like I want the book to do this number of sales in this day. It's more like this wider, how do I be impactful? And that gives a co-creation opportunity where situations can be brought to you.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, because I do, I really believe that when you put an end on it or like a

• 19:21Mayim Bialik?

  A metric.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, that it's, you could be shutting off like something even better. That was, you know, like in The Secret, I feel like people are always like, oh, right? I want a million dollars. And for me, I'm like, but what if the universe wants to give somebody $5 million? Like, if you just say a million, that's all you're, that's all you're getting for. You know what I mean? I don't want the book to just like sell this many copies and then never be read again. I want the book to like be passed on and sort of, you know, find its way to the people that need it. It feels, I want it to feel always, I think, for me, bigger, but I also still want to leave room to be surprised, you know, by what the universe is going to bring.

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• 20:31Mayim Bialik?

  I often don't mean to make things religious, but I think it's important to point out when religious ideas resonate with things that we don't think of as religious, because it could just be that a particular religion took on something that was kind of in the zeitgeist. You know, when you talk about praying for God's will instead of your own, right? It's this notion of like, what if you put out into the universe, right? An open-ended acceptance of whatever happens? You can have hopes, but ultimately, like, we're not in charge, right? Of knowing literally what's going to happen. We can do the legwork, you know, we do all the things that we need to do, but ultimately, we don't know. Like, maybe the purpose for the book is that it will be turned into an animated series

• 21:16Mayim Bialik?

  that, you know, reaches like a gazillion people that we wouldn't have imagined.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  Right.

• 21:20Mayim Bialik?

  But that's, you know, a lot of times people say like, oh, I prayed really hard for, you know, someone to not get sick. Or I prayed really hard for this kind of healing. Or I prayed really hard for this particular job. We actually don't know what the ultimate end of an ask should be, right? It's kind of out of our hands. So, anyway, just wanted to drop that in there.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  No, I think that's, I think that's so true. And I, and I do think that, you know, I really believe that you can't have faith and fear at the same time. And I feel like when you, when you try to make something...

• 21:56Speaker 00

  You know, definite, or you try to give it, you know, you try to control what the end result is going to be. That is fear somehow because you're trying to control something that isn't yours to control. And I do think that the faith part is, of course, hoping for things, praying for things, asking for things, but also believing that what's yours is going to come to you the way that it's supposed to. And that's a really, and when it does, it's like, oh, that's so awesome. That's even better than I imagined, you know? And that's like the little life surprise that you hope for.

• 22:28Jonathan Cohen?

  Something you said, I want to circle back to little kid Jennifer, who could imagine herself places.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 22:38Jonathan Cohen?

  We know that there's an aspect of manifestation that is a creative process and it, we don't know exactly, but it's speculated to wire the brain for a feeling state or, you know, when we imagine ourselves in creative play, like, oh, you imagine yourself on that show, or you imagine yourself in Los Angeles, or having this type of life. What we're doing is we're kind of programming ourselves. And we can talk about whether or not time and space exist because we, but that's a separate, but it's inches towards that, but it's not that exactly. So I'm curious about your relationship as a kid with that creative imagination. And I'm not actually not even 100% sure of the question.

• 23:22Jonathan Cohen?

  I know there's something there, though, as like a kid being able to create like that because so many people now, especially who are creatives, are able to play with that. And now we're learning that there's actually hard science behind it turning into real life events.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, the only thing that I can say about that is, and I, and I really do, this is, this is part of the reason that I, you know, wanted to write this story about my mom and felt the way about her that I did is I do believe, I believe that I grew up in a household where that was welcomed and it was possible and it was nurtured. Like, I was always able to create where I wanted to go, dream about what I wanted to dream about, believe in things. You know, all that, and it was, and it was always, that was always an open forum for me. So I think because of that, it was limitless, right? Like, I was, it was never stifled, it was never, you know, oh, that's, that maybe, I don't know,

• 24:20Speaker 00

  going to LA and becoming an actress at ten, like, I don't know, I don't think that's possible. It was, everything was possible. If I could dream it, it was possible. She supported it, it was there. And I really do take that into my parenting now with my kids. You know, if they, if they want to believe in something that I feel is like fun for them to believe in, or to dream of, or to put out there to the universe, I think they should. And I think sometimes it takes us longer as adults to get there if that has, if the limit has been put on that when we're kids. And I didn't have that, and I do believe because I didn't have that, I, I shot for everything. I, and I, and I got it. You know what I mean? In some like extraordinary way.

• 25:04Jonathan Cohen?

  I, I feel like the importance of that point can't actually be overstated. Because so many people struggle with, oh, my life is just this certain way, I don't see a way out of it. But the power of imagination, of actually-

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Everything.

• 25:18Jonathan Cohen?

  It's, it's everything. And how do we, one, nurture it in our kids and then re-access it as adults if we don't have it? So powerful.

• 25:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so too. It's like when they say that they believe that kids can, you know, see ghosts and everything. And they're like, well, why do you stop believing that? Or why do you let go of your imaginary friend? And it's just a grown up who tells them they're not supposed to.

• 25:40Mayim Bialik?

  Or, or a child like me, who tells other kids not to. I'm a real dream killer. When I think of like things that my, I'm serious, like, I feel horrible. My kids seem to be, I mean, no worse for wear, but I'm like a, you know, I'm the kind of parent that like, when someone was crying at the park, I was like, it's my kids' fault. Even though my kids were, it was never my kids' fault, but I was always worried. I think also because like I'm a public person and I was always worried that, you know, people would judge my kids differently because like, oh, my and Bialik's kid pushed my kid or something.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:12Mayim Bialik?

  But, um, no, I'm like this sort of like hyper, um, you know, hyper realistic, like, I don't know, can you be president? Is that really a thing? Like, I'm a real dream killer as a parent, and now I feel bad about it. But anyway-

• 26:25Speaker 00

  You should not, you should not.

• 26:28Mayim Bialik?

  Um, no, but it takes a different kind of flexibility. You know, it takes a different and and my parents were both very creative people. My dad was a drama teacher. My mom was a nursery school director. I grew up with very creative parents, but also like there was a lot of, for me, a lot of feeling like there were limitations around um certain kinds of thought, which I will apologize to my children about today.

• 26:49Jonathan Cohen?

  This this topic area also, when I talked about the universe, it like leads into this idea of we are more than our five senses. The idea of a kid seeing ghosts, whether you believe in ghosts or not. We recently had a conversation with someone who had a prophetic experience and changed the course of their life. Like, we know we can get messages. We know if we are in relationship with the universe that there's some co-creative process that we see signals or signs, or that the intention that you said in the morning can prime you to have a different relationship beyond your five senses. So again, like this, it all starts with an act of creative imagination where we don't set a limit on what is actually possible. It's not that I'm going to get up, go to work today, and that's all that's going to happen. And if I think my day is going to be shit, it's going to be shit.

• 27:33Jonathan Cohen?

  Just opening up the window just a tiny bit. And what other realms are possible? Yeah, what other senses can we have? What other intuition can come to us? The stranger may be the messenger, or we may get this intuitive sense. And if we don't have creative ability to follow that intuitive sense, then we've shut off and we're, you know, back on the 2D or 3D plane when there could be so much more. I mean, I believe there is.

• 27:58Mayim Bialik?

  No, I do, I do too. I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill that dream that there's more and go back to Kids Incorporated. So um, so you're-

• 28:06Speaker 00

  Can I just say that I wore a blossom hat for like way too many years because of you?

• 28:10Mayim Bialik?

  Oh, wow.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Can I fangirl back and just say that-

• 28:12Mayim Bialik?

  That's very, that's very sweet.

• 28:14Speaker 00

  I have loved you for so long.

• 28:16Mayim Bialik?

  I've been told that that if I were prettier, I would look like Jennifer Love Hewitt more times-

• 28:21Speaker 00

  People used to tell me that I looked like you all the time.

• 28:23Mayim Bialik?

  More times than I can count. And I was always like, that's kind of a compliment? Because I'm like, we, I get it, like heart shaped face, but I was also like, that's a weird thing to say to me. But I always appreciated even the, the lack of compliment that people were giving me. Anyway, so you're on Kids Incorporated. And um, how long was that run? Like for your kind of your first gig?

• 28:45Speaker 00

  Um, I think I was on there until I was like 12 or 13, so like 10, like three years. Yeah.

• 28:52Mayim Bialik?

  Wow. You were on at the same time as Pergy.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  I was.

• 28:56Mayim Bialik?

  She was older than you.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  She was older than me, yeah.

• 28:58Mayim Bialik?

  It's like she was an older teen. I remember.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  She was. She was. Oh, yeah. I looked up to her big time.

• 29:04Mayim Bialik?

  So, um, how long after that was Party of Five?

• 29:08Speaker 00

  I did Party of Five when I was 15.

• 29:11Mayim Bialik?

  Wow.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, and I was only supposed to be on there for like nine episodes. And then it turned into this long thing.

• 29:20Mayim Bialik?

  Yeah, a long thing. That's what we, that's what we call it. It was a very, very successful show. And I remember, I remember at the time when I heard the log line for that show. Like, at that time, that was very unusual to have a show that had a heavy-handed, emotional. Like, now we watch, like, this is, like, we watch all these shows and people are like, I love to sob. Like, I love tragedy in my, you know, shows. I'm like, we call it a comedy because sometimes he says something cute. But Party of Five, I mean, can you talk about, for people who don't know, tell us the log line and sort of what your experience was on that show?

• 29:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I remember getting the audition and it just said that it was a show about these children who had lost their parents. Um, who, their, their parents on the show were hit by a drunk driver. Um, and they were all just left to sort of take care of each other and become this family. Um, and it was my first time real, I had, I had done like, um, small bits of drama before, but never anything, um, like this. And I was supposed to go on and play Scott Wolf's girlfriend, which is not a bad job when you're 15. I was like, I'm sorry, what? Excuse me, thank you again, universe.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Um, but, uh, but yeah, it was like really cool and I went on and, and I had to do these. These like crazy, heavy, you know, crying scenes and all of this stuff. But I, it really was such a gift to me at that time because I was an angst teen, like in real life. And so I would go to work every day and get to play this angsty teen and cry and be mad at my parents and throw things and, you know, do whatever and like fall in love and then get my heart broken and lose my virginity and like do all of these things. Um, and then I would just go home and be like super easy to deal with for my mom because I was like exhausted and I had kind of gotten it all out. Um, so it was a beautiful job to have at that time, um, in my life. It was, it was extraordinary.

• 31:25Mayim Bialik?

  Now, the industry was so different then. And even with, I know what you did last summer, you know, this was a time in the industry, kind of before, of course, there was paparazzi, but it was before social media. It was before the time when if you go to an event, you hire like a $2,000 stylist and you pay $500 for makeup and like you get it all like packaged and like get your spanx on. Like this was a very different time in the industry and we were able to sort of present ourselves, I, I want to say more authentically, but obviously we were still veneered, right? It was still like, what's the image? But I wonder if you can talk a little bit about what you remember about getting attention, especially for your attractiveness and, you know, all

• 32:08Mayim Bialik?

  of the things that like come with that kind of fame. I mean, girls looked up to you and guys wanted to date you, right? And there was all this attention and you were such a great actress, like even as a young teenager, you know, you had, you had a really, really broad range, but also you kind of can't fight the Hollywood machine of one.

• 32:28Speaker 01

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• 32:33Speaker 02

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• 32:59Mayim Bialik?

  Wanting to package. I'm wondering what you remember about that. Did it feel uncomfortable? Did you feel confident in yourself? Like, what was it like for you?

• 33:08Speaker 00

  It was, I mean, I think at the time, it was, it went so fast that I was like, whoa, okay. Okay, I guess this means I get to stick around for a minute and do more jobs than like, okay, this is fine. I remember thinking it was really cool that like, girls looked up to me and I took that very seriously. That was the part that like, I took away from it all at the time. I felt a real responsibility to carry that and carry myself in a way that felt like I was earning the right to be somebody's like, role model. Um, I really, I really do remember that. I also remember having a really interesting conversation with my mom where I was hyper aware of the fact that like, there were probably 50,000 other me's in the world that didn't get the opportunity that

• 33:52Speaker 00

  I did to be there. And I had to take care of it. Um, like, I always would say, like, it's like the, you know, you, you want this toy really badly at Christmas and then you get it in the first five minutes, you smash it to pieces. And like, why would I do that? So I was very aware of the fact that I had been chosen to get this opportunity to do these really amazing things and have myself out there and be out there. And I needed to like, be responsible and take care of it. So I knew that was the feeling. Then in my 30s, I sort of went back and looked at that time again. And I was like, oh, my God, there were grown men talking to me at 16 about my breasts, like, just openly on a talk show. People were laughing about it. And I was like, I don't even remember that. Like,

• 34:34Speaker 00

  I really didn't take that part of it in. Um, but in hindsight, it was very strange, I think, to like, become a sex symbol sort of for people before I even knew what that was. Like, I didn't know what being sexy meant. And I was on the cover of Maxim magazines and people would like, openly walk up and be like, I took your magazine with me on a trip last week. And I'd have to be like, oh, huh. And then I didn't really know what that meant. You know what I mean? It's kind of gross. Um, so I think later, it sort of hit me more kind of the things that I probably went through somewhere. Um, but at the time, it felt very innocent and exciting and fun.

• 35:18Speaker 00

  So I'm thankful for that because I think had I tried to had I taken on some of that earlier, I think it would have messed with me a little bit, but it didn't for whatever reason. And maybe that's because my mom was always around keeping reality very apparent for me. Like, I would go to a premiere and people would want me to do things and it was fancy and then I'd have to go home and clean my room.

• 35:39Mayim Bialik?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 00

  So I think that helped.

• 35:41Mayim Bialik?

  And I I kind of wanted to talk about that because I think, you know, you and I both have many stories that we could tell and I kind of choose not to talk a lot about, you know, a lot of the things. But I was really straight edge, you know, back then. And, you know, I didn't really, whatever, I didn't participate in a lot of the things that a lot of other people were. And my mom was also, you know, kind of ever present and very protective in that sense. And I also still did have chores and all the things like that I had to do as a teenager, you know, I was on Blossom from 14 to 19. So it was kind of like, you know, that phase between being a teenager and then, you know, kind of being a small adult. But I wonder, you know, was that part of your mom's sort

• 36:26Mayim Bialik?

  of protection of you was trying to not allow you to have sort of that freedom to be like emancipated and like, go do whatever you want and you're your own adult? Did you feel protected from the party scene that way?

• 36:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so. I mean, I never, the first high school party I ever went to was when I filmed Can't Hardly Wait. I'd never been to a high school party. Like, I didn't, I didn't do any of that. So it was all happening around me. I heard about it. I heard what the kids were doing and, you know, all that stuff. But for me, it was really like, I learned my lines at night. I got good sleep. I showed up at work on time. I did my job. I, you know, had some, I would go to premiere parties, but I would be there for like, 45 minutes. My mom was always at the table next to me. I'd do my interviews and I'd go home. Like, I really wasn't, like, I was in Hollywood, but I wasn't in Hollywood. And I honestly think, you know, now as I hear other people's stories, like, who were in that time, at the same time as you and I sort of doing those things,

• 37:22Speaker 00

  I'm so grateful that that was not my experience because I, I just, I have such empathy for all that they, they went through. But it just wasn't like, that just wasn't my, that wasn't my reality. It just wasn't. And I do think that my mom really saved me from that.

• 37:38Mayim Bialik?

  Did you watch the behind the scenes thing?

• 37:42Speaker 00

  I did.

• 37:43Mayim Bialik?

  I didn't want to. And then I did watch it. I'm curious, like, I was on mostly clean sets, which I'm very grateful for. You know, I was on sets where I didn't see drugs, I didn't see alcohol. Like, it was very, you know, the kind of higher-ups were kind of like boring, older, white dudes. Like, that was just sort of like the sitcom universe. Yeah, that I was in. But I wonder, you know, do you have any, like, particular, like, thoughts or reflections on, you know, sort of what that time was like for kids who weren't as protected? Or who had to kind of navigate this stuff? And also, I'm curious, did Kids Incorporated have the same kind of season-to-season, you know,

• 38:27Mayim Bialik?

  anxiety about who would be hired? Because I feel like that was also driving a lot of the, you know, kind of craziness that was happening, you know, for those kinds of shows.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't actually know. I mean, again, I don't, I wasn't a part of, like, any of that. I don't, I never knew about any of the business stuff. Like, my mom always kind of took care of that. And I was strictly like, she would always say, "I'm business, she's creative." You know, "I'm a little bit country, she's a little bit rockin'." That was like her jokes or from text. But yeah, I mean, I really didn't ever, I wasn't ever aware of that stuff. I always went into everything super confident and assuming that, like, if I was supposed to be there, I'd be there, and if I wasn't, I wasn't. And, you know, that was it. As I've kind of like, again, now as a mom, and I've, being older and like, you know, thinking back on some of the things that, like, were inappropriate, maybe that did happen to me that I didn't take in at the time.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  And then watching, you know, those things and seeing other young people's experience of the business. The only thing that I can say is that it, like, when I watched it, it just left me so, like, nauseous and so...

• 39:39Speaker 00

  So empathy filled for that being a young person's experience. But again, I feel so removed from it because it was just not my reality. Like, it just feels so weird that two totally separate experiences could be happening literally at the same time. I mean, I know those people. I was on those sets. I went to visit those sets and friends and, you know, all, and I just never knew that. I mean, I knew, I also knew Michael Jackson when I was little and like worked with him. I knew those children. I never had that experience and it like, it baffles me. My, I think my biggest takeaway is like, how did both of those exist at the same time? That were so completely different.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  And, and obviously, had I known on a friend level that anybody I knew was going through that stuff, I would have, you know, rung an alarm or, or been, you know, very vocal about it, but I just didn't know. Like, it's just so weird to me.

• 40:37Mayim Bialik?

  And, and also, I think what, what really struck me is obviously there are things that were so egregious, you know, besides being immoral, unethical, illegal, you know, like absolutely bar none. But there's this whole other category, though, that I'm interested in your reflections on of ways that we were told to accept behavior from grownups that now we wouldn't allow our children to be treated that way or to be spoken to that way. And the example that I give is when I was a kid, there was a Wonder Bread truck, you know, like the guy who would bring the Wonder Breads to the supermarket? And, you know, it was a completely normal, meaning in his mind and in our culture, a completely normal thing.

• 41:21Mayim Bialik?

  So he would have these little Wonder Breads, like little tiny sample ones, and he'd be like, if you give me a kiss, I'll give you this. And my mother was like, whoa, hey, what? You know? But that was a complete, like, when I explain that to my kids who are 16 and 19, they're like, in what world would a grown man say to a, a young girl? Give, like, it's, or even when I watch Old Family Feuds, like, it was expected that you kiss the host, right? And so when I, when I watch- This behind the scenes, I was like so many things about the way adults would treat kids, the way that in particular, men would treat girls, the way men would treat other women in a writer's room, right? Like, I'm so grateful that we have a different consciousness, but that was the

• 42:06Mayim Bialik?

  culture that you and I were raised in, even in the best of circumstances.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, which is wild to think about. When I watched the the Britney Spears documentary, that was really honestly the light bulb for me. When I watched it, I like, I finished watching it and my husband was like, why do you look so disturbed? And I was like, I know what that feels like. I was like, I know, sitting there and being asked those questions. And it never dawned on me that it was inappropriate. Or like, I mean, when I knew you did Last Summer came out, I went to Australia and I remember I wore a T shirt that said silicone free on it for the press junket, because after the movie came out, everybody said, oh, I know what your breasts did last summer.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  And that was like the joke. And it would be like grown men, like on talk shows. And again, everybody would laugh. And so I would laugh because I was supposed to be funny, I guess, right? And like, it didn't register with me that this was a grown man talking about my breasts on national television.

• 43:11Mayim Bialik?

  Right. And also, if you're a model and you're choosing to sort of like be, which I get that people see actresses as an extension of that fulfillment for people, but it does, it it takes away from so much of your power, your authenticity, your identity as a woman or a person who doesn't need to be identified primarily, you know.

• 43:33Speaker 00

  If somebody said that to my daughter today, oh, Lord, hold my gold, I would be like, what? What? I mean, I would literally free. I don't know how my mom like sat and watched that stuff happen.

• 43:47Mayim Bialik?

  Well, it was so that's like the level to which it was part, like it was in the water, you know, and like.

• 43:53Speaker 00

  By the way, I don't blame them for asking the questions or making the jokes or doing it. It was a culture that was. Fully accepted. They were allowed to believe that that was appropriate. And I answered the questions, laughed right along. So like I, I give no, you know, no problem with them for doing it. But when you sit and you look at where we are now versus then, it is really mind blowing.

• 44:16Mayim Bialik?

  I'm real, I'm gonna ask, I'm gonna ask a funny question, especially because you mentioned that T-shirt. What was your relationship like with your breasts as they were getting so much attention?

• 44:26Speaker 00

  I didn't have one until everyone else was talking about them. And then I was like, oh, I guess they're, you know, for me, it was like, I had bigger boobs for like a smaller person. And so it was embarrassing. Like, I didn't want to be looked at by like a 40 year old at Pizza Hut. Like, that was not my thing. So I always wore like, big clothes. And my character on Party of Five was not a sexy person. So I was always in jackets or whatever. I know you did last time was really the first time that they were like on display, I guess. And for me, it was just like, that was the wardrobe choice. Like, that's what the director wanted. That's what I wore. I never really thought about it. And then it became this thing. And the only thing for me about, the reason I wore the silicone

• 45:06Speaker 00

  free T-shirt at the time was I was so mad that I had done my first movie and I had worked so hard trying to be like, good in a horror movie, which, you know, now I laugh at it. I'm like, good in a horror movie. But, you know, but like, I, I really, like, I, I played her for real. And I really wanted people to walk away from the movie going, that's a really good actress. And instead, every headline, I mean, not even joking for 10 or 12 years after that, before they ever mentioned anything about talent, or if I had, you know, played a part or changed my, you know, self for a part, it was always about my breasts, always first. And that felt, that was the, like, it wasn't necessarily

• 45:50Speaker 00

  about boobs, but it was just like, come on, like, I'm working so hard. I'm growing, I'm trying so hard. I'm like, crying from my heart, week after week for you. And the only thing that you see is A movie poster with boobs on it. That was heartbreaking for me.

• 46:08Mayim Bialik?

  It's so interesting because also like you weren't even allowed to say that out loud.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  No.

• 46:14Mayim Bialik?

  You'd be accused of being uptight. You're a prude. Like, why can't you just enjoy it? Like, even then, that would have been, you know, kind of part of the, you know, part of the language around it. I did a movie when I was, I must have been 18 or 19. And, you know, there was a particular dress that was. It was like a strappy kind of dress. And it was a period piece, so it was like early 60s. And so it was like kind of a sundress. But, you know, when the movie came out, like, it was a cleavage shot. Like, it was me sort of like, and like, I didn't, like, you don't see it at the time. And this was shot in like, you know, 35 milli, like, there wasn't like a monitor that like, you know,

• 46:58Mayim Bialik?

  and I was an adult, right? But like, it definitely was like, oh, I didn't know that's what this opening shot was going to be, you know? And it's just kind of interesting because I get it. It's part of a storyteller's right to utilize breasts. But anyway, I just remember it kind of struck me as like, oh, at the time, you just sort of laughed it off. And now it's kind of like, you actually get asked, are you comfortable wearing this?

• 47:27Jonathan Cohen?

  I'm struck when you say you don't blame, you know, the talk show host for asking, which I totally understand. And yet also, you know, it feels like you're experiencing something that you know rubs you the wrong way. You can't put your finger on it because it's such a part of the culture. So you're having to basically compartmentalize because it's not a metabolizable tension. You know, you're, and you can't say anything because. At that time, it wasn't accepted to say anything.

• 48:01Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, and I think the fear was like, if I said something, would I not work as much? Or you know what I mean? Like, and to me, I mean, that silicone-free T-shirt was like, very bold for me at the time. Because it, I was like, great, if we're gonna start the conversation in this press junket, start it there, start it with the T-shirt and ask me why is it T-shirt? It was like my bold statement to sort of, you know, whatever. And by the way, it didn't work. I mean, a couple of like reporters thought it was really funny and they were like, oh, you're so cheeky, you know? And then they go, so, you know, how are your boobs? And I'm like, okay, great. So, you know, it was fine and it just became this, this thing. But I did, it was a thing for me for a long time.

• 48:43Speaker 00

  I wondered, like, what job I would do, where that narrative would change? Or if it would ever change? And it was just interesting. It was interesting, but I don't think it bothered me as much as it does now when I look back at it. And I go, oh, God, I feel for that, for that girl, I feel for her. You know, that somewhere I must have felt something bigger about that at some point? And not, you know, you just kind of, you know, squashed it down.

• 49:17Jonathan Cohen?

  Just feels like this constant grinding, you know, sand in the gears type of discomfort that you can't really escape from.

• 49:25Mayim Bialik?

  Yes, and for me, that's just what it was like to be a female actress, like, at that time in history. Like, you just knew that, like, stuff was gonna happen. You knew that if there was a pretty lady on set, all the men were gonna be weird and obnoxious. And like, all of a sudden, we'd take like a 15-minute break so that like, you know, people could talk to the Playboy model who happened to, you know, be visiting, whatever. Like, you just knew that, like, oh, time to get small, like, time to just be like, when can we get back to work? You know? It was just so, I don't know that it felt like tension. It just felt like existing, you know?

• 50:00Speaker 00

  It just was what it was.

• 50:01Mayim Bialik?

  It just was what it was. Like, when I think about what, you know, my grandparents or our great-grandparents' lives were like, many of them didn't choose their husband, right? It was like, who was around and who was chosen for you? They didn't know to long for magic, you know, until they saw it in a movie, right? It's just like, kind of what your life was like. I want to pivot a little bit and get into some of the kind of the origin story of this book. And inheriting magic is, you know, you talk about it as kind of a grief processing tool that, you know, is really full of like celebration and, you know, the magic that you bring specifically throughout the year,

• 50:44Mayim Bialik?

  which, you know, I kind of love that you use that throughout the book as like, it's basically, you know, a calendar of celebration and joy and magic, but there's a lot of backstory to it. So I'm going to tell my favorite Jennifer Love Hewitt story that I love telling people. And what I tell people is that it has nothing to do with your mother, my story, but our story is about your mother. Because the story that I tell, and I get emotional thinking about it, is that I was on a plane to Monaco and Jennifer Love Hewitt woke up after being on an 18-hour flight, looking like a million fucking bucks. That's the story that I tell because you are stunning.

• 51:26Mayim Bialik?

  And even after that flight, you looked like a million fucking bucks. And my joke was that I looked like, you know, my dead grandfather when I woke up on a flight after flying to Monaco. And I remember you had like an eye mask and it was just like, you took the mask off and it was just like sparkles. And I was like, she's so amazing. And what's true is that that was my experience. And what we were to find out was that what we look like has nothing to do with our experience as a human. And you talk about it in your book is the only reason I'm mentioning it now.

• 52:08Mayim Bialik?

  Because when I tell that story, I don't talk about what happened after you took your eye mask off and wowed the first-class cabin, right?

• 52:20Mayim Bialik?

  You you lost your mother.

• 52:24Mayim Bialik?

  And that flight was when you found out that you were losing your mother.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:29Mayim Bialik?

  And I'd like for you to talk in your own words about how that moment led to this. Because I also, like I said, really wanted to give you space to know that what I remember is that I was just so excited to get to meet you and see you, but it was an incredibly sobering experience to be able to witness you as a human. And that you turned that into this is so powerful. And I'm grateful, you know, to have the opportunity to highlight this book. But give us a little bit of the context.

• 53:06Speaker 00

  Thank you. Well, I have to say, you have been, you're such an interesting part of the story because the first person ever to check on me after finding out that I was no longer going to have my best friend was you. One of the women, when I had to leave to go home, said to me, mine just wanted to know if you're OK. And I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, like, I was really bummed that somebody had taken maybe my sadness because I didn't want that to happen. Because I wasn't like, prepared yet to be a human in that way and that kind of broken.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  But then I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, that's so kind that she's like stepped outside of herself for that brief moment in time to check on me. And that it was you, somebody that I truly had admired and looked up to. It was like extra cool for me in that moment. I was like, oh, my God, like, she's checking on me. That's so incredibly cool.

• 54:08Mayim Bialik?

  And just so people understand, we were on a joint trip, a work trip with Warner Brothers. So we were both there to do publicity. So we were at this gigantic press conference, basically, that was days, supposed to be days long. So we all flew together and we were to do events together. And you you left. Yeah, you had to leave.

• 54:31Speaker 00

  And the thing that's so weird about that trip, kind of. I've always been a go with my gut person, sometimes to a fault and it makes other people crazy because I'm that person that's like, no, my gut is telling me I'm not going to do that today. And I'm just not. So sorry about it. And I went on that trip against everything I felt in my gut. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be working at that time. My mom was actually in remission and we were planning her party to like celebrate being, you know, cancer free and, you know, all that stuff. But something about that day just like, like, didn't feel right to me. And my mom had actually shaved her head that day,

• 55:14Speaker 00

  which I didn't put in the book because it just didn't feel like it fit in the right way that I wanted it to and whatever. And so we'd had this very like traumatic day. And the whole reason she had done it is because she didn't want her hair to fall out before I got home and for me to walk in and see her that first time. She wanted me to be with her. And so we'd like held hands and done. And it's just been a very heavy day. And I said to her, I was like, I wonder what happened if I just didn't go. Like, like, maybe I don't put work first this time and I can just stay here because I really can. And she was like, I need you to take the trip for me because I don't get to take the trip. And we loved Monaco. And, um, and she was like, so I just need you to go. So I got on the plane. I didn't normally fly alone, like without family and, and all of that stuff. And I remember just feeling like super uneasy.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  And then I got there and I got the phone call. And it all happened so fast. Like, it was just like, she's not okay. She's not going to make it. We can't get you a flight. I'm like, what? And, and then people, you know, there were like, well, why don't you just stay and do the couple of days? It's going to be fine. I'm like, you can't even be asking me that question right now. Like, you don't exist to me. Like, I am getting on a flight when I can find one and I'm going home. And then I, I woke up midair on my way home. I like cried myself to sleep on the plane. And I woke up midair and I said to my friend, who was so beautiful to like, come home with me. I was like, my, she's gone.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  And I just felt it. It was like, it was just weird. I like felt the disconnect. And I knew she was gone. And for me, it was, in that moment, I realized that I had had the love of my life. And she was it.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  And I just wasn't ever gonna have her again. And so my life just like changed. And I think everybody, sorry, wanted me to say something about her because I was an actress. Right. And so I was supposed to like put out a statement, like I was supposed to say something. And I just didn't have words. And I remember this like paparazzi, by the time I got home, the entire like entertainment industry knew that my mom had passed before I did. And they were waiting for me at the airport and I had to like figure this way to get out. And there just was like no room for humanity. And I just, I like just didn't know what to say.

• 57:46Speaker 00

  So anyway, flash forward for like 11 years and kind of becoming a new person and starting my new family and my mom never being able to meet my kids. And, you know, I've been through a lot in this time.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  I've grown a lot that I'm very thankful for. I wrote the book and sat down to write the book because my first thought, like 48 hours after she passed, was that all the magic I knew in my life was gone because she was responsible for it. And then that first Christmas with my daughter, I realized I couldn't do that. Like I couldn't, I couldn't let go of everything magical and beautiful because I had to create it for my new husband and for my little girl. And I had to find something inside. And that's when I went, oh, my gosh. My mom had been a single mom. She had been divorced twice.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  She probably felt lonely. She had navigated Hollywood with a 10 year old. That's where her magic came from. She used magic for me and my brother. And she used joy and silliness to navigate all the stuff in life that's not easy. And so she had left that behind for me. And then I was, I felt capable in that moment of finding magic from. Me now and my family now in a way that was inspired by her. And so, you know, we did that and we started creating that. And in that magic and in that belief, again, of like setting intentions and faith in something bigger than myself.

• 59:29Speaker 00

  And, you know, knowing that there was a reason we didn't get to say goodbye. And because maybe we couldn't have done that, I don't know.

• 59:39Speaker 00

  I was able to like move through grief and move into a different space. And then I woke up one morning and I was like, now I know what to say. I know what to say about her. I want to tell people what happened that day in the little bits that I want to give them and the rest I'll keep for me. But I want to hopefully say she was a magical human who made magic for me. And it saved me not only in my life, but it saved me in her passing. And it's how I move forward. And that's it.

• 1:00:11Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, it's it's such a beautiful framing and I I have sort of a follow up question. Do you believe that she is with you now? And do you have experiences that are kind of outside of our five senses? That indicate to you that she exists still with you besides in the magic that you bring to other people?

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do. I feel her more with me now than ever. I definitely felt her with my three children when they were born. In those moments in particular, there were just little signs and things that I felt like she was with me. I feel her in, you know, little ways, just like in the timing of things. And I mean, the fact that I wrote a book and I did a movie, as silly as it is, my mom was a business person. And she was, you know, she navigated Hollywood very well with me for a long time. She was also a big believer in perfect timing. And I suddenly have a book and a movie that is honoring her coming out the same week. I believe that's her. I believe that's her somewhere going, I got you. You did the work.

• 1:01:22Speaker 00

  I'm gonna help finesse this a little bit and kind of put it in the right timing. And if we're gonna honor me, let's really honor me. And you know, that's very her, that kind of moment. I see her all the time in my children. The funniest thing that I will say in her passing that made me laugh after she passed was, I guess I assumed because I played the ghost whisperer that like my mom was gonna come to me like right away and like move stuff around. And I was so pissed, like for months. I was like real, and I would say out loud, I'm like, really? Like, I did the show, like I know, I believe, like I know, like where, where's the chair moving? Where is like the blender in the kitchen starting without me? And like, like, where are you? And I really didn't feel her at all.

• 1:02:07Speaker 00

  I would say for probably like five years, I did not feel her. She was nowhere and it broke me, like I hated it. And then my husband said to me one day, when I did feel her for the first time, he was like, don't you think she's always been here? She just knew maybe you weren't ready. And I was like, oh my God, you're right. And I was like, she knew that I wouldn't have been able to take it somehow. Because even though it would have been like a fun moment to have with her somehow in her passing, it would have set me back emotionally to know that like, again, it would have been, you know, just recognizing that she wasn't here anymore. And when he said that, I was like, yeah, I was like, she knows that I can, like I can take it now.

• 1:02:52Speaker 00

  And so, yeah, I mean, I do, I do feel her in really beautiful ways.

• 1:02:58Mayim Bialik?

  What do you know about grief? Meaning, what can you tell people about grief? Because I think a lot of people may not relate in that. Many people lose someone and they don't have like, oh, that was my best friend. Like they don't have that feeling, or maybe they've lost a parent with whom they had a complicated relationship. But let's pretend we're gonna set all of that aside. What did you learn about the grieving process?

• 1:03:24Speaker 00

  Um, I think for me, before grief, I thought it was like this thing that happened and then it was done.

• 1:03:31Mayim Bialik?

  Yes.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  Um, and it's not. It never ends. It never ends. Um, it, it's like, it's a Thursday in a random year and all of a sudden you're flat on your ass in grief again. And you're like, how did that happen? I've healed. I've moved on. I've written the book. I've done the thing. Like, what, what is this? You know? Um, it is just, it becomes a part of who you are. Um, and that's not to say that there isn't, that you can't go live a beautiful, magical life through it. You can, um, but it just becomes a, a, a part of who you are. Um, so that was the most shocking thing to me about grief is I really did, I thought it was like, oh, it's just going to be this moment. Um, and it's not. It changes you forever.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  Um, because it is a, um, it's, it like feels the same as like losing your innocence. It's like you just know something that you don't want to know, which is that life is short and it is fleeting and you can love people the most in the entire world and they can leave you. And you can be left without them and then you have to just like figure it out. And you don't get a card that says it's coming and you don't get a warning sign and, you know, people can be really, really sick and you can think they're going to pass and they live for 15 years. And then people can be in remission and they leave you in 24 hours.

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  And it just doesn't make any sense that it's like, that is, that I think for me is when I really like, grief is what really pushed me into faith. Grief is what really made me go, I have to believe in something that's like big and strong that I can hold on to, that can change and, and ebb and flow and like, you know, be movable and not like super structured, but. That like gives me something to to hold on to because it was just a very, it was a very strange feeling. Grief also brings out the like the craziest, it gives you like this tunnel

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  vision into people in your life, into what matters, into circumstances that you want, that you will never allow again. You know, all of that. Grief for me really showed me what I was made of, which is one of the things I'm most grateful for. If you had asked me if I was gonna lose my mother, if I thought that I would have three children, get married, keep my job, figure out how to live on my own. I mean, we lived across the street from each other. We had breakfast every morning together. We had dinner together every night. I had never been to a movie alone. I'd never been on a plane alone until that flight, which is so wild that that would be the flight I would lose. You know, it was like, I had never done those things. I'd never navigated

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Hollywood alone. Like, there was a part of me that was like, do I just quit now? Because I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to go on a set without my mom checking on me and being there and protecting me from things. And, you know, it just, it taught me a lot.

• 1:06:34Mayim Bialik?

  Yeah. Yeah, the way my, my father died, it'll be 10 years in April. Thank you. And what I realized is that you're right, it's not an event, it's not, and in, and in the Jewish tradition, we have very specific things that you do for a year. You recite Kaddish, you know, if possible, three times a day. Like, there's all these things that you do, you know, there's certain things that are done for the first 30 days, for the first three months, and then for the year. But I kind of felt like, okay, then it'll be done. It'll be a thing that happened. My dad died. Instead of, I'm now navigating the world without that person in it. And it doesn't matter if you had a great relationship and not great, your world now exists without

• 1:07:19Mayim Bialik?

  that person in a physical form. And you are navigating the world. They're not out there. Like, they're not a call away. They're not like, you know, even now, it's been 10 years. And there was a Knicks game on, and my dad and I used to watch the Knicks. And I was like, I gotta tell my dad. Oh, wow. 10 years. And my brain still goes to like, oh, is dad watching the game? Like, crazy. I want to pivot from the magic of this book, how, and how it was inspired by your mother, and also this process of grief.

• 1:07:51Mayim Bialik?

  The most magic I think you may have created in your life is that you're still married to this person that you're married to. It's like really magical for Hollywood. He is also an actor and he and I were almost lovers on television.

• 1:08:05Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:08:06Mayim Bialik?

  It was like really.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  He wanted to do that so badly and he told me to tell you it was the greatest experience.

• 1:08:11Mayim Bialik?

  Oh my gosh, I was so excited.

• 1:08:12Speaker 00

  He had ever had in like an audition room ever.

• 1:08:14Mayim Bialik?

  I've never been at, this was for when we were auditioning for Call Me Cat and I had never been in a position to get to like read with many handsome men. It has never been in like what Mayim thought her life would be like. Anyway, he's a terrific actor. But can you talk a little bit about sort of, you know, the arc of your relationship in this industry, you know, as, as partners, as creatives? And, you know, especially you have very different careers and now you're directing. Like what is, what is that partnership like and where does magic fit into that?

• 1:08:52Speaker 00

  Well, I think our relationship started with magic in the, in the way that he and I were doing a show together. We, you know, sort of started having feelings for, for one another or whatever. And he came to my birthday party and he met my mother. And there was this moment at my party, it was in February, there was this moment at the party and all of a sudden my mom was like, she was very struck by him because he's so handsome and she like asked him to dance and they slow danced together at my birthday party. And my mom had never really done that with like a boy before and she was always like very protective and whatever. And with him, she was like sort of open. And I remember oddly, there was like this moment where I kind of like stood back and

• 1:09:37Speaker 00

  took in the slow dance and I was like, what's happening there? Like this is weird. And it felt like something. In my gut, and then I moved on from it. Um, and then she passed in June. Um, and the only trip I had ever gone on with a boyfriend, um, we went on in May. Um, and my mom was very much like, go, like, I think you should go and see what this is and like, you know, have a good, so we went and, and then my first phone call to him, he left on a trip. Um, and the last conversation that I had with my mom before I got on that plane, um, my mom said to me, you need to love him differently than you've loved others. And I said, what do you mean?

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  And she was like, you, you love like this, like you're like, please don't break my heart. Please, please don't. And she was like, you need to love like this, like love, love him with your hand open, like, love with an open heart and dare to get hurt by it. And she was like, I found something for you. And she gave me this ring with a B on it. His name is Brian. And she said, I want you to wear it on the plane and it'll make you feel safe. And, and I was like, I was like, so like you're giving like his stamp of approval. I was like, I don't even know if this guy like fully wants to be with me or not, but like, you're giving, and she was like, yeah, she goes, that's the guy you marry. That's the guy you have kids with. And that was our last conversation before I got on the plane. And again, this like thing in my gut.

• 1:11:00Mayim Bialik?

  You had to marry him. You had no choice. You had to marry him.

• 1:11:05Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 1:11:05Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, it was either you or me. And I like, I get it that he chose you.

• 1:11:09Speaker 00

  I, I got, I got to do it first. Um, but yeah, so it was like, why, so we had this conversation. And I called him from the airport when I couldn't get on the plane. And I mean, we had maybe been on like three dates. We knew each other as coworkers. We were like flirting and, you know, but it was new. It was new. I mean, it was, you know, we had gone on this like little trip and we were like kind of sussing it out, but like not, you know, we weren't like in something forever yet. And I called him and I could barely get the words out.

• 1:11:39Speaker 00

  And he created the most beautiful space for me on the phone of reality that I may not make it home to say goodbye, but support in hopes that I would. And he was calm and he was loving and he was so unselfish, like he just, it was about me and whatever was gonna happen for me in my life in that time. And he made it very clear that he would be there for me in whatever capacity I needed him to be in from that moment forward. Then she passed, I, I got home. We were doing a celebration for her. I asked him to come back for it and he said, no.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  And I was so mad. I was like, why? I was like, well, marry this guy and have his kids. He's not even coming home and like my biggest moment, you know? And my brother was like, he's a good guy. And I was like, why? He's like, he's creating space for you to be with your family, to lose your mother and to not need anything from you, but for you to heal and like be whatever. And I was like, oh, I was like, I guess that's really grown up and like, but like I wanted like, you know, I wanted this guy to like come and help my heart, you know, and do something at that time. Well, he came home four days later and he spent the next two weeks packing up my mother's house with me

• 1:13:05Speaker 00

  and helping my brother get a spooked and playing with my two-year-old niece and watching me cry and sometimes not know how to get out of it and laugh about her and he would, you know, put on her clothes and like be funny and, you know, he just loved me. And I don't remember a moment ever where he asked me to be, again, anything else other than what I was in that moment. And I think she saw that in him somehow or knew maybe he would be that person. I don't know. But he's continued to be that person. We just celebrated 11 years. He honors my mother.

• 1:13:48Speaker 00

  He is the most beautiful mother, by the way, and I like really hit the jackpot in mother-in-laws and she's extraordinary, but he Create space in our family for my mom to live and be there and be a part of it with our children, with his family, in our family. He has always just loved me and created space for me to be whoever I need to be. And I try to give them that also. And our relationship and our marriage feels like it's just this, that's what it is. And he lost his father and I created that same space for him. And it was early on in our, you know, marriage and having babies.

• 1:14:29Speaker 00

  And we just both went through, like, I think, real stuff that just had nothing to do with Hollywood or LA or auditions or anything like that. And really, in our home, as busy as like I am and he is, and it's a part of things, it's really like a secondary or a third thing. Like, in our house, we really are just, I'm just this woman who lost her mom and loves her kids and does the best she can to be a good partner for him. And he's a guy who lost his dad and is terrified of losing his mother and loves his kids and loves me, and we just do the best we can. And it's worked beautifully.

• 1:15:13Mayim Bialik?

  You know, it's funny because, first of all, it's very unusual. I mean, a lot of things about your life are very unusual. I mean, I've heard a lot of stories about, like, great guys, but like, and I'm sure you have your ups and downs, like, I'm sure you're, you're human. I'm not saying that you have this, like, idealized, like, or that I'm idealizing your marriage, but, you know, it sounds like there's a lot of tools in place that the two of you have as a couple. And I wonder if you had to share your top three things that you feel have kind of kept this kind of magic feeling safe and feeling kind of secure. You know, I think a lot of people are in relationships where they definitely don't feel that, or, you know, they're struggling.

• 1:15:56Mayim Bialik?

  I'm curious, as someone who is a veteran married person, especially under very, you know, difficult circumstances of life, you know, you both have very hectic schedules, all these things, what would you say are the three things that you do? Like, what are the three tools that kind of keep things going?

• 1:16:13Speaker 00

  I mean, I think the number one thing is whether we like it or not from day to day, in, in certain moments.

• 1:16:23Speaker 00

  We never require each other to be anything but authentically who we are. He knows that I am a magic-loving hummingbird person who cries at everything and dreams big and has a giant manifestation board everywhere and, you know, and he expects me to be nothing else but that. And I know that he is, you know, more serious than me and this like brainiac guy who, you know, loves to watch scary things on TV while I'm watching comedies, you know, and we're like opposite in a lot of ways and then we kind of like come together and but really, truly, like, we never ask each other to be anything but who we are. Like,

• 1:17:08Speaker 00

  I've never, I never wanted to change him. And even when he drives me insane, I never wished for him to be any different. And I think he does the same for me. And that is an incredible space to create in a marriage because it just allows you to be. And then you can always grow together closer or grow apart for a minute and come back together. But you're always left with yourself, which I think is important. So that is, that is the biggest thing. We always find humor. The second thing is that we always try to find humor. And the third thing I would say is that our intention, again, I guess that's

• 1:17:47Speaker 00

  my word of the day, but like, our intention is a couple every day is to be good people, raise good people, and just do the best that we can. Like, I think that it sounds really bad, but I think the expectations are low in our house. Like, we don't put, you know what I mean? Like, we don't put a lot on each other. Like, I don't expect him to change my life in every way. Like, it's not a, it's not a movie. I don't expect him to fix me. I don't expect him to take my grief. You know, he doesn't expect me to do those things. We just, we just know that we try our best. And so far, that has been Good enough.

• 1:18:28Mayim Bialik?

  I love that.

• 1:18:28Speaker 00

  So like get us to where we are and it's lovely that way.

• 1:18:31Mayim Bialik?

  Um, you indicated that, you know, 2024 was a particularly trying year. And it was a very hard year for the industry. Um, you know, we had multiple strikes we were trying to recover from. And um, there's something about 2024, I don't want like energetically that just felt very heavy. And I think part of it is the election and I'm not saying necessarily partisan wise, but this election in particular felt like it brought up so much for this country that felt so much bigger than other elections that we've lived through. But you, you talk specifically and before we, we have to say goodbye to you, I wonder if you can talk a little bit about, you know,

• 1:19:15Mayim Bialik?

  either some of the challenges that you had or some of the tools that you used or had to recruit, maybe that you never had before to take on. You know, you mentioned 2024 had mental health focus and, you know, energetic processing, you know, of kind of like where you put your time, energy. Like what was 2024 like for you and what did you use to get through it?

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  Well, I think it's, it's been an interesting time because when you, when you live in magic, right? And you live in like, I'm going to set good intentions and then kind of take what the universe and the world brings to me.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  It feels higher somehow in the vibration and it feels, um, it feels happy. It feels joyful, it feels whatever. But when the world around you is falling apart in so many ways, or feels so heavy or dark, um, disrespectful. All of the things that it has felt for all the different parts of humanity in, in our world in the last couple of years and you're watching it happen.

• 1:20:29Speaker 00

  And sometimes feel like you can't say about those things what you want to say without more darkness coming at you. You know, and all of those things, the magic gets compromised a little bit. And the like wanting to stay in the higher vibration gets heavier. And so I think. That for me personally, I'll just say, has been a challenge. And then as a mom, to know that I'm raising children in a world that's so complicated that way, in election time, in all of the bigger things that are happening in the world, and trying to explain to them why people are making the decisions that they're making, and why things are happening in the world that are happening, and why people think

• 1:21:14Speaker 00

  that that stuff is okay, and why other people know that it isn't. And, you know, I'm saying a lot without saying specific things, but, you know, when all of that is happening and you're trying to raise good people in the world, again, you have to kind of, there's a heaviness, I think, that comes to the conversations that I personally don't like to create in my household, but is my responsibility to create in my household to help raise those good people, and help sort of keep feet on the ground, and know that, like, the world can be a lot of things. And so I think, for me, 2024 has been finding the balance of magic and reality.

• 1:21:55Speaker 00

  And I like it when it swings the other way, towards magic a bit more, I just do. But I, you know, my children have helped me this year with innocence, and with just less life lived, which is sometimes beautiful to be around, and their perspectives are fresher and newer, and not as sort of, you know, packed with all of the stuff that we have as grownups. They've helped me take some of those heavier moments and make them lighter, or find magic in them, and seeing them understand the world around them a little bit better has been magical.

• 1:22:38Speaker 00

  So I've just sort of had to reframe it for myself, I think.

• 1:22:41Mayim Bialik?

  Besides people getting your book, enjoying your book, and doing all of the things to celebrate and kind of find magic, we've never had someone on who talks about higher vibrations this way. What are the three things that you do to keep vibrations high?

• 1:23:03Speaker 00

  Uh, intention, um, mindset and belief, I think. I, I have this thing that I say every day, which is let in, let go, let be. Um, and it's really, for me, it's like, let in all the good, let in all the magic. Just don't fight so hard to not have it. It, don't ask if you believe in it or not in that moment. Like if good comes to you, take it, you know? The letting go for me is letting go of control. Um, and letting go of, um, the need to have that final answer. Um, and the letting it be is the reality. Like just let it be.

• 1:23:45Speaker 00

  If the reality isn't great that day, you just have to let that be. And you can't fight against that that day. But you can sure as hell wake up the next morning and set that intention one more time. See if you get it on the Thursday, you know? And you just kind of sort of keep going that way. And so that like mantra for me, um, is really tangible and works for me right now. I've been doing that for like a year and it's kind of what I do. And I visual, and I always like the, you know, the, the let in is in my brain. The let go is in my heart and the let be is always at my gut. And it's like, just that's, those are like the three centers for me that I focus on. And, um, and it automatically lifts me.

• 1:24:27Mayim Bialik?

  Amazing. We're so appreciative of you sharing that with us. Um, you'll be in Holiday Junkie, which you, um, directed and executive produced. The book is Inheriting Magic, My Journey Through Grief, Joy, Celebration, and Making Everyday Magical. Jennifer, it's so, so lovely to get to hear your story and your journey. And, um, people know you for so many different things, but, um, this book is a real, real beautiful culmination of so many of the incredible things about you. So thank you.

• 1:24:54Speaker 00

  Thank you. Thank you for checking on me 12 years ago.

• 1:24:57Mayim Bialik?

  Of course.

• 1:24:58Speaker 00

  It really meant a lot to me.

• 1:25:03Mayim Bialik?

  I would like to manifest that I get to enter Jennifer Love Hewitt and Brian's life.

• 1:25:08Jonathan Cohen?

  I want the title of the episode to be, "You Almost Dated My Husband," or "You Tried To Date My Husband." Maybe it needs a little context. I don't think people, maybe, they miss that. It was for your show, Call Me Cat.

• 1:25:21Mayim Bialik?

  Yes, he auditioned for the part of Max in Call Me Cat. And, yeah, it was, I mean, I think he may have auditioned twice. Like, he, you know, came for callbacks, the whole thing, and...

• 1:25:34Jonathan Cohen?

  Did the auditions include kissing?

• 1:25:37Mayim Bialik?

  We did not kiss in the audition.

• 1:25:39Jonathan Cohen?

  Good. Keep your hands to yourself.

• 1:25:42Mayim Bialik?

  It did occur to me that I was like, "Does he think I look like his wife?"

• 1:25:48Mayim Bialik?

  Like, when he walked in, like, "Hey, I'm Jewish Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm Jennifer Love Hewitt from The Pale of Settlement."

• 1:25:55Jonathan Cohen?

  I'm Jennifer Love Hewittstein.

• 1:26:00Jonathan Cohen?

  Is it harder to audition with someone who has a very attractive spouse?

• 1:26:04Mayim Bialik?

  Oh, yeah, I was very, and also, just like, there's something about, and I think this would be, you know, a topic for him if I ever got to talk to him. Like, it's really hard that that's, you know, he's known as her husband, meaning he's an actor in his own right, he's a very talented actor, and sounds like a very, very loving and, you know, emotionally intelligent, amazing person. But, yeah, I kind of felt like if I mess this up, he's gonna go home and tell Jennifer Love Hewitt that I'm a bad actress. That's literally what I thought, like, all these things. Or like, is he gonna tell her that my waist is thicker than it used to be?

• 1:26:37Jonathan Cohen?

  Than it used to be? He has a reference point?

• 1:26:40Mayim Bialik?

  Well, I was on television, and like, I was in the public eye.

• 1:26:43Jonathan Cohen?

  He didn't measure you.

• 1:26:46Mayim Bialik?

  I'm just saying, like, I wanted to, like, look good because I knew that he might go home and talk about me.

• 1:26:52Jonathan Cohen?

  You wanted him to go home and tell Jennifer, "You know that Mayim Bialik? Really thin waist."

• 1:27:00Jonathan Cohen?

  The conversation about grief struck me that, or highlighted to me, a really, really big misconception that kind of has infiltrated the new age, or the spiritual movement, or people who offer services that help people go through grief. Or the notion that, oh, I'm healing, I'm healing this, as though there's some sort of destination or final point. And it keeps people trapped because they're like, I'm going to sign up for this next course, and I'm gonna just do this one more thing.

• 1:27:40Jonathan Cohen?

  And instead of resting into all the services available could be very helpful. But you can't race through it as though there's an endpoint to get to. It is a, you know, process that we are in. And when we can rest into that process without trying to speed through it, you can have a lot more ease and joy to it.

• 1:28:03Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, you know, if I ever write a book about things that I've learned on this podcast, this would be up there as one of the things. So Jonathan, maybe you want to start a Word doc, yeah, start a list.

• 1:28:17Mayim Bialik?

  This goes up there with like, other things I did not realize that, you know, even the process of growing up, it does not have an endpoint. Like, we should stop thinking of it like, oh, I'm little and then I grow up. I don't even want to think, I don't know why anybody wrote, ever wrote a child's book that indicated I would grow up one day. It's different. It's like you're on a, you're on a path. But it literally, it's not like linear, and it's not that clear. There's not a point at which you feel done with growing up. Like, that's, it's like the wrong verb for what happens. I guess like what you are is you're just living life. Like, this is just what it means to you.

• 1:29:02Mayim Bialik?

  You're just humaning. You're humaning up.

• 1:29:05Jonathan Cohen?

  And our childhoods never leave us. We're just in different relationships with our Child selves.

• 1:29:10Mayim Bialik?

  I'm just a, I'm just a, a child in a, in a grown up suit.

• 1:29:15Jonathan Cohen?

  So what did you say?

• 1:29:16Mayim Bialik?

  I just coined a phrase, humaning up. You don't grow up. Growing up conjures like I was little and now I'm done being little because I'm big. It's not how it works at all. You just, you just exist as a human and you have to then exist, you know, by messing things up. And you have to exist when your parents die and friends die and all sorts of things happen. But all those things can set you back to what it was like when you were not grown up. Because you don't grow up. You're just human.

• 1:29:45Jonathan Cohen?

  And the grief we experience in one instance will trigger the grief that we've experienced previously. And we thought we were done with it.

• 1:29:53Mayim Bialik?

  But I'm not even just talking about grief. I'm talking about love. I'm talking about all these things. They just keep, they just keep happening. They keep happening to you and they, it all kind of links back. I mean, like the, the, the mystical notion is like, oh, maybe that's what it feels like. For you to understand time's not linear. That your, you know, your inner child, which I call the timeless child, right? Your timeless child will experience pain or joy. You know, all those things are kind of looping back on themselves. But maybe that's what it means when, you know, professors of quantum mechanics that, you know, speak on a higher level than I can understand, or mystics, or hippies say time's not linear.

• 1:30:38Mayim Bialik?

  Apparently not, because sometimes I feel four. Sometimes I act eight.

• 1:30:43Jonathan Cohen?

  Well, I was going to put you on the spot and then say, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but you can explain how we store. And maybe we'll do a whole episode on this because we'll actually get a little bit more organized. But our brains store memories in relation with one another.

• 1:30:58Mayim Bialik?

  Well, uh, yes, and our, our brains also have the ability to pull memories in a completely non-relational way. Many people feel like, is that what deja vu is, right? Are we slicing into that, that, uh, seven layer cake of our human existence and time? Yeah, memories are stored in relation to each other, but, but I think what you're indicating is that when something triggers you, right? When people say like, I'm so triggered. The, the sort of scientific explanation for being triggered is that. Something occurs which which triggers and sets into motion,

• 1:31:39Mayim Bialik?

  you know, a set of neuronal firing, which may be memory related. It also may be somatic. It may be a spiritual existence of a memory. Right. It may be a memory that was encoded in your body that gets released. It's a lot of times when you hear people who have done trauma work, you know, they'll say that something took them out of their body and placed them in another time. If you've ever spoken to somebody who's had a flashback from trauma for abuse, it's not a memory. It's a state of being that you are placed in. And that means your brain is conjuring up an entire environment of existence that is different than the the the current one that you're living in.

• 1:32:23Jonathan Cohen?

  Another place that this is talked about is the idea of somatic memory, that memories are stored in our bodies. So when you say, oh, it's not a, you know, a memory in your head. It's a memory in our body. Our bodies can store knowing. So when Jennifer was talking about being on those talk shows, and I could feel a visceral experience of stress that she couldn't necessarily intellectually process because of the dynamic of society at the time. She wasn't empowered to say anything. The if she said anything, no one would have received it. And when you both say, oh, it was just what existence was like. Well, on a physiological level, you are sensing threat at that time.

• 1:33:07Jonathan Cohen?

  Like, there there has to be some version where your body doesn't feel at ease. It feels uncomfortable when a strange man asks you for a kiss, whether that's acceptable in society or not. You you kind of shudder and and you're that's stored somewhere.

• 1:33:24Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, you just made a great argument for kind of a cultural trauma that many women experience and and many men also experience. Yeah, like, life is sort of fraught with these sorts of situations, in particular for for women, for people of color, for underserved populations. Like, that's a lot of what, you know, that experience is like. It is very visceral.

• 1:33:49Jonathan Cohen?

  And the woke police will be like, oh, people use trauma too much. And we're not saying it as an excuse to say that you can't go and function and live a productive life. And but If we understand that the body is registering things that even the mind will justify and say, well, that's just the way it is. It's not a big deal. That tension can live and be stored and then come up when we experience related.

• 1:34:23Jonathan Cohen?

  What's the end of that sentence? Who knows?

• 1:34:26Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, this was a very positive episode. You've managed to take us into a very dark place, Jonathan.

• 1:34:32Jonathan Cohen?

  Let's move back to magic because I really appreciated the idea of manifestation. Again, there's a lot of science these days.

• 1:34:41Mayim Bialik?

  Joe Dispenza's big on manifesting.

• 1:34:43Jonathan Cohen?

  James Doty wrote the book, a couple of books on it. And the idea of being primed to notice stuff. We have done the exercise of close your eyes. Or sorry, open your eyes, look around for all the things that are blue. Notice all the things that are blue, notice all the things that are blue. Now, close your eyes and what's white in the room? And you don't know because you've only focused on the blue things. When she talks about vibration, the idea that to keep our vibration high, there are exercises because we know that we can sink down. It's not just, oh, we feel blue, we feel depressed.

• 1:35:24Jonathan Cohen?

  We can actually do mindset exercises to help us feel happier, feel more optimistic.

• 1:35:31Mayim Bialik?

  I think that's also helpful. When people talk about higher vibrations, you know, you think of the Beach Boys song, right? I'm giving off good vibrations. And if you've ever-

• 1:35:41Jonathan Cohen?

  Give us a verse.

• 1:35:43Mayim Bialik?

  No, it's okay.

• 1:35:44Jonathan Cohen?

  Come on, everyone wants you to hear you sing.

• 1:35:47Mayim Bialik?

  No.

• 1:35:48Jonathan Cohen?

  One more, one more.

• 1:35:49Mayim Bialik?

  No, no.

• 1:35:49Jonathan Cohen?

  Exaltations.

• 1:35:51Mayim Bialik?

  Good, good, good. I think that Sunkist Soda, when I was a kid, used that in a commercial. And I remember someone water skiing and their hand was grazing the water and it created this beautiful arc. And I was like, I live in California. I think this commercial's showing people what it feels like to live in California. Because it felt like a very, oh, I guess that's why the Beach Boys wrote that song. Anyway, when people talk about good vibrations, if you've ever been around someone who's really depressed.

• 1:36:21Mayim Bialik?

  Like really sad, like, um, you know, I think of the character in Inside Out, you know, the one who's always crying. And you feel brought, like they're bringing you down. That's what we're talking about. That's called, that person is at a low vibration. It's not a judgment. It means that they cannot give off effervescence. They don't have the ability to be joyous. And if you've ever been around someone who's like just engaged to someone, they actually want to get married. Or if you've ever been around a, a young child who is enjoying themselves and not caring that they're getting dirty or that it's time to go home from the park.

• 1:37:06Mayim Bialik?

  That is what a high vibration feels like. And sometimes it can make you feel uncomfortable. Like sometimes you can pick up on someone's energy and it can feel like too much or it can feel like, whoa, what's going on? Or I can't match that. That's someone who's at a high vibration. So that's what we're talking about. And when it's used, you know, kind of magically and colloquially, a lot of people are like, mm, whatever. But there, there is an energetic, um, there, there is an energetic presence that we have. We're energy bodies. And so that's the difference. Uh, you can call it whatever you want, but if you've ever felt brought down by someone, it's because they are, they are having a low vibration moment or existence.

• 1:37:50Mayim Bialik?

  And if you've ever felt caught up in someone's excitement, that's someone having a higher vibration experience that you can be pulled into. It's what cult leaders also will cultivate. They operate at a very high vibration and can get people to kind of fall into their whirlpool of excitement. Um, and, and, and if you've ever been around someone down, it will also, you know, bring you down. So it's different kind of, yeah.

• 1:38:16Jonathan Cohen?

  I mean, the cult leader stuff is, it's all, it's entirely its own topic, but the notion that-

• 1:38:23Mayim Bialik?

  Charismatic people have a high vibration. I bet Jesus was a real high vibrator.

• 1:38:29Jonathan Cohen?

  Where I go with this idea of magic is that it's cumulative. You know, it spirals when you are living in a high vibrational frequency. You see more opportunity. You may take that step to reach out to someone and

• 1:38:44Mayim Bialik?

  You have more chi.

• 1:38:45Jonathan Cohen?

  More coincidences may happen. You look for, you may be experiencing a problem and you will have more resources. We, Susan David, the Harvard psychologist, talked about how when we are in a lower vibrational frequency, when we're more stressed, our cognitive aperture narrows. We have less ability to solve problems, come up with creative solutions, see opportunity. And when we are more relaxed, more resourced, can call that higher vibrational frequency. When we have more hope that things can get better or belief that there will be opportunity, even if it's different than we expect. It's not like, oh, someone's going to walk in, give me a million dollar check or $10 million check and my life is going to be perfect.

• 1:39:26Jonathan Cohen?

  But when we have some of that magic that Jennifer was talking about,

• 1:39:33Jonathan Cohen?

  it can snowball into things opening up for us in a way that we wouldn't have otherwise seen, which is why some of these practices can be so powerful. Also, should we discuss that the 55 pound golden retriever that was sleeping by my side the entire interview during the outro just decided to climb onto my lap? He's never done that in a podcast before.

• 1:39:58Mayim Bialik?

  There were some very cute moments. You may want to actually pull this up, pull this one up on YouTube and look at the outro because it's pretty darn cute.

• 1:40:05Jonathan Cohen?

  He lays his face on the desk. He just wants to be a part of it.

• 1:40:08Mayim Bialik?

  This feels like such a great episode as we head into a new year. You know, I, I really love this idea. I think it's going to look different for everybody. But what would your year, your day, your month look like if you, I don't know, leaned into what would it be like to cultivate a higher vibration for myself? What does that look like? How do you find more positivity, more ease? You know, for me, having more unstructured time, something I didn't know is necessary, whether that means time to, you know, clean up the house so that I'm not complaining that I never have time to clean up the house. You know, what does it look like for you to have an opening? As Jonathan said, like just open that window a little bit into the possibility that there is magic all around us.

• 1:40:51Mayim Bialik?

  We just have to sort of be, you know, oriented to be able to see it. So.

• 1:40:56Jonathan Cohen?

  And in the new year, what would it look like to spend a little bit of time applying creative imagination? Imagining yourself somewhere that you've always wanted to be? Imagining the possibility of a new job, a new relationship, a new experience that you previously thought was impossible and you had closed yourself off to even considering? We know that that time, those moments where we just allow ourselves to creatively explore, and that's what I hear when I hear structured downtime or unstructured downtime. Let your mind wander. Let yourself experience what it feels like to explore a new version of your life.

• 1:41:38Jonathan Cohen?

  And that is the first step to opening the possibility that it can actually happen.

• 1:41:43Mayim Bialik?

  From our magical breakdown to the breakdown we hope you never have. We'll see you next time.

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