Armchair Anonymous: Valet Driver

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy valet story. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Hi. Today, we have crazy valet driver stories.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It's a harrowing profession, as it turns out.

• 0:15Dax Shepard?

  Both to park your car and to park the car.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  We have a mismatch, a miss, a mom, a hodgepodge.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Hodgepodge.

• 0:23Dax Shepard?

  A mashup.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Mosh pit.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  We have a mosh pit of different experiences dealing with valet drivers. Please enjoy valet drivers. We get support from Quince.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 0:54Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited. And I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here. And it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 1:56Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 2:31Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It's taking like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds.

• 2:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Recently.

• 3:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 3:05Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  It was a mess.

• 3:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  I need a new one.

• 3:08Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.

• 3:29Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 4:09Dax Shepard?

  Now, are you a big outdoors person? You have, it seems like camping gear or some kind of cold weather stuff behind you.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  I am. This is my camping backpacking closet. I got all my sleeping bags and backpacks and anything I might need.

• 4:23Dax Shepard?

  How many days a year are you out in the wilderness?

• 4:26Speaker 02

  This year I spent thirty nights outside this summer. Whoa. This summer.

• 4:32Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:33Dax Shepard?

  That's admirable.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  It is. Now, you're not scared of bears, then? That's a different story. I am scared of bears. I worked a summer in Glacier National Park and had a pretty intense bear encounter, but that's not what we're here for today. Oh, my god.

• 4:48Dax Shepard?

  Or are we? Did you pee your pants?

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Luckily, no one peed their pants. Someone did scrape up their knees, started bleeding, and they're like, "Just keep going. We gotta leave." So I was like, "Okay." Scary.

• 5:01Dax Shepard?

  This is what takes me out. I don't ever want to meet a grizzly bear. I already worked with one professionally, and that was enough for me.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  You already did it once it got out alive.

• 5:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so where are you?

• 5:10Speaker 02

  I'm in Golden Coderato, so just west of Denver.

• 5:14Dax Shepard?

  Yes, and is that where they brew Coors beer?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  It is.

• 5:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Okay, you have a valet story?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  I do. This is a story from the most chaotic summer of my life, but it's just a little snippet of it. It's not the whole thing.

• 5:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  It happened between my sophomore and junior year of college. I decided to work a seasonal job up in a national park in the PNW. So how the seasonal jobs work, I drove out there in my car, I brought all my stuff, loaded up my Kia Forte. After a series of unfortunate events, which is a whole nother story, I decided to quit midway and just travel for the rest of the summer before school started again.

• 5:50Dax Shepard?

  You said pee in the Pacific Northwest? Is that where you're saying?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, okay. You're speaking in codes, okay.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Oregon, Washington area. So it just so happened that when I decided to quit, a friend who I met at the park invited me on a trip to Iceland in about two weeks. And I was like, "I'm in." Quit my job, had two weeks off to travel the PNW. I was like, "This is perfect." Me and another ex-co-worker loaded up all of our stuff for the summer in my Kia Forte. So it was packed. And we hit the road. We spent most of those two weeks hiking, camping, living it up, having the best time. After about a week and a half of camping, we decided to treat ourselves to a hotel. And we're like, this is gonna be so nice. We can sleep in a real bed. We can shower.

• 6:34Dax Shepard?

  Can I tell you something so stupid? This entire story, I'm framing in my mind that you were a valet driver. And I'm now realizing, and then you lovingly refer to the Kia Forte so many times. I was like, she really loves your car. And then I just like a dumb dumb put together, like, oh, you're gonna have valeted your car and it's gonna involve the Kia Forte.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Did you think all of these were gonna be like?

• 6:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, just she was saying summer job. I'm like, okay, cool. That's a great summer job as a valet. You get tipped, a lot of grease. I always wanted that job. But no, okay, I've caught up now. So you're gonna go to a nice hotel?

• 7:08Speaker 02

  This hotel had valet. And I was 20 at the time. I was like, I have never used valet in my life. I was so excited. Checked my car into the valet. We grabbed our overnight bags, went out, explored the city and was just having the grandest old time. Come about 10:00 PM, we get back to the room and I realized I left my phone charger in the car. I went down to the front desk. I was like, hey, can you pull the car around? It's a Kia Forte. Five minutes passed, 10 minutes passed. And I was like, dang, it must be a busy day for the valet. It's a Friday night. Maybe a lot of people want their car at 10:00 PM. So we headed back up to the room and a few minutes later, the phone rang. I was like, oh, perfect. Car must be here. And my friend picked

• 7:50Speaker 02

  it up and I will never get this sight out of my head. She picked it up and answered in the most joyous tone. Maggie and Danielle's room. How can I help you? And then I just saw her face drop and she hands the phone over to me. And someone on the other end goes, is this the owner of the Kia Forte?

• 8:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, the proud owner of a Kia Forte.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  First car, I was so proud of it. Oh, no. I say yes. And they asked me to come down to the lobby. They're making you go to them?

• 8:21Dax Shepard?

  Maybe they want her to see what's happening.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Oh, shit. And they're like, we don't know how to tell you this. Your car's been in an accident.

• 8:27Dax Shepard?

  It's been in an accident. I thought it was sleeping in the garage.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. So as they were pulling the car around, apparently, a drunk motorcyclist ran a red light. T-boned my car and totaled it.

• 8:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god, did we lose the motorcyclist? If you T-bone a car that bad.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  I was scared about that. I asked, I was like, is the valet driver and the motorcyclist okay? And they go, they're both in the hospital, minor injuries, they're gonna be fine.

• 8:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh my lord.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  So they took me over to the accident and they're like, we're gonna give you all the contact information, talk to the police. At this point, it was like 11, I was getting tired. A tow truck came and towed the car to the front of the hotel. And I unloaded everything from that car. I mean, I'm talking the whole collection of things for two people over the summer. Bedding, clothes, suitcases, backpack, camping gear, that Kia Forte was packed.

• 9:19Dax Shepard?

  Maybe that's why he didn't die, it cushioned.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  The padding, I was thinking.

• 9:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was like, got stuffing inside.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Maybe. Ran into the sleeping bags in the tents and just bounced right off.

• 9:32Dax Shepard?

  As he was flying through the air, he went, oh, thank god, then hit the ground.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Or maybe he even grabbed one of those.

• 9:37Dax Shepard?

  Wrapped himself in his sleeping bags.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  I put everything in the hotel's conference room and went to bed. The next morning, spent all day talking with my insurance, the motorcyclist's insurance, and the hotel's insurance, because it wasn't my fault. And still had to get everything that I brought for the summer back to my house back in Denver. And I was leaving the country in two days.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, stressful.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  The coworker I was with, I was dropping her off in another city, supposed to be that day, but obviously that didn't happen, a few hours away with all of her stuff. Thankfully, the hotel did everything they could to accommodate us. They shipped everything we needed back to our homes or to our next destinations. I was under 25 at the time, well, still am under 25, but under 25 couldn't rent a car. And this was during 2021, so cars were hard to come by.

• 10:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I got it. You couldn't even rent a car, because I'm like, yeah, they gotta rent you a car so you can drop your pal off and then head home and then turn it in there.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. Luckily, the hotel comped our rooms. And they also bought me a train ticket and all the Ubers and train rides and taxis I needed to get to the airport. So I made it to the airport two days after this happened. And then went on my international trip and dealt with my car when I got back home.

• 10:52Dax Shepard?

  Did you fly on a SeaTac?

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Yes, I did.

• 10:54Dax Shepard?

  So you took that Silver Surfer train up, I think it's called, the Silver Surf Line?

• 10:59Speaker 02

  I, I don't remember.

• 11:01Dax Shepard?

  Go, I don't care. You stole Monica's words right over my, I don't care. I don't think anyone else cares either. What the branding of the train was. So was the car a total? Did it remain in the PNW? Or did they fix it and ship it home? What happened?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  It was totaled. I never saw that car again. The last time I saw it was on the streets. Windshield cracked, airbags out.

• 11:25Dax Shepard?

  Did you get enough money back to replace the Forte?

• 11:28Speaker 02

  They didn't give me enough to replace the exact same. So I had to buy a new car and take out a little loan for that.

• 11:34Dax Shepard?

  You know, I'm just thinking that Will Forte is in these VW commercials, right? Isn't he in them with Kristen Wiig and Hader? Isn't it the three? No, he's not.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  No, it is. It's the Californian.

• 11:44Dax Shepard?

  It's our best dude. It's Fred Armisen. Cause I was thinking, why doesn't Kia hire Will Forte? For the Kia Forte?

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Oh, funny.

• 11:55Dax Shepard?

  Kia Will Forte.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Didn't understand until that last sentence.

• 11:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is a missed opportunity.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  You're onto something.

• 12:04Dax Shepard?

  I really have gotten something that's gonna break through. But did you have a good rest of your trip? I hope.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  As I said, this was the most chaotic summer of my life and it just got even more chaotic after that.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Oh, boy. The planets were not aligned.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  It was the best summer and the worst summer all wrapped in one.

• 12:21Dax Shepard?

  It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Did you consider when the Kia Forte was in its accident that you're like, I'm not supposed to travel?

• 12:30Dax Shepard?

  That's what Monica would have done. She would have said, the universe has told me I shouldn't get to my flight.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Maybe she was supposed to be on that flight.

• 12:36Dax Shepard?

  Did you get food poisoning on that trip?

• 12:38Speaker 02

  I did not. I got baby held hostage.

• 12:41Dax Shepard?

  Wait, baby held hostage?

• 12:44Speaker 02

  We were staying in an Airbnb and the Airbnb lady trapped us in the Airbnb with a knife and wanted our passports. So

• 12:52Speaker 01

  What?

• 12:53Speaker 02

  We shouldn't have been on that trip.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  You were not supposed to go.

• 12:57Dax Shepard?

  You weren't listening.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Ignoring all the signs of what anyways.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Oh my.

• 13:01Dax Shepard?

  Was it Bjork?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  No, it was crazy. It was chaotic.

• 13:05Dax Shepard?

  Wow, wow, wow. Well, Maggie, it's a delight to meet you. You have the best attitude for this kind of hijinks. You've chosen the right path as an adventurer because it seems like anything can roll off your back.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Thank you. I've had enough of these random things come up in my life that I figure you can either take it and be sad or mad about it, or you can take it and be like, you know what? It's a great story. It kind of sucked at the moment, but it's funny now.

• 13:28Dax Shepard?

  That's my ethos.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  It's so great to meet you guys. I've just recently become a fan. Two of my friends, Liza and Maggie, they wanted me to give them a shout out. They introduced me to the podcast and they're like, it's a great work podcast.

• 13:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Absolutely right.

• 13:42Dax Shepard?

  Thanks, gals. Thanks for turning Maggie on to us.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:46Dax Shepard?

  All right. Send them our love and good luck on all your travels. I think they'll be extensive.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Thank you. I appreciate it and have a great rest of your day.

• 13:53Dax Shepard?

  All right. Bye bye.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 13:58Dax Shepard?

  You immediately look like many people. Who are you told you look like most?

• 14:03Speaker 02

  To be honest, not really anybody.

• 14:05Dax Shepard?

  I'm going to hit you with one who's a personal friend, Malin Ackerman.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 14:09Dax Shepard?

  Christina Applegate? Oh, Christina. Are you watching The Hunting Wives?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Yes. It's a great compliment. I've never heard that before.

• 14:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, we'll take it.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  When you first appeared, I got polar vibes.

• 14:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Amy Poehler.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  You guys are spoiling me. These are great.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  Good company. And where are you?

• 14:28Speaker 02

  I am currently in Nashville, Tennessee.

• 14:30Dax Shepard?

  God bless. We're neighbors.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  I don't actually live here. I'm here for work. I live in Asheville, North Carolina.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Oh, we'd love it there too.

• 14:38Dax Shepard?

  My other favorite places you might know. Erin and I are planning a motorcycle trip to Asheville.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Are you going to do the Blue Ridge Parkway, the Dragon's Tail? Is that what they refer to it as? It's like the stretch?

• 14:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're going to be based in Nashville and do rides every day out of it in different directions. I'm going to make them look at Looking Glass Fall and Sliding Rock and all the fun stuff.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Oh, fun.

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a valet story.

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Yes. So before I got into training and development a lifetime ago, I worked in hotels. So I used to live in Charleston, South Carolina. I went to college there. I managed the front desk at a hotel while I was in college. And so I oversaw anybody that you checked in at the front desk and the valet team that we had for the hotel.

• 15:20Dax Shepard?

  Can I guess that that's a super fun job? Like, I'm so nosey and I feel like I'd be getting a glimpse into all these people's lives and I would really like it.

• 15:28Speaker 03

  As an early 20-something, I think a really fun job because you're not taking things too seriously. I don't think they probably should have put me in charge.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a lot of responsibility because a lot goes down in hotels.

• 15:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, absolutely. There's murders, suicides, everything.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Lot of chaos, especially Charleston, like Party City in a lot of ways. So it was a great job. Super fun.

• 15:49Dax Shepard?

  Sorry, I'm sorry. Hold on. You get an emergency call, like someone destroyed the bathroom?

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Not an emergency call, but we did have some Citadel cadets, the Citadel Academy is down there. We had them party a little too hard and like really destroy a room. So we actually ended up calling their school to inform the commander, whoever it was above them. And they made them come back for a weekend and clean all of our rooms for us.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Oh, that's cool.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  It worked out to our advantage in that way.

• 16:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, if someone's going to trash your place, you pray it's cadets.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  He was looking for like a poop story and it's okay that you don't have one.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  I don't personally, I'm sure they happened. I'm sure maintenance got some crazy calls. I feel fortunate I wasn't on the receiving end of those.

• 16:33Dax Shepard?

  They shielded you from that, the underbelly. Okay, okay, okay. So I'm back up to speed.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Okay. As you can imagine, I wasn't the only college kid working there. Almost all of us were college age, especially the valet drivers, pretty young guys. And eight-hour shifts, you're just trying to kind of keep yourself entertained. How do you stay busy and enjoy yourself? So we had kind of ongoing prank systems with each other and wanting to keep things going, but try and keep guests out of it. And I jump really easily. So you can just walk around a corner and I'm going to be like, ah, I didn't see you coming. And so our valet drivers loved to make that the center. They would hide in unexpected places, really try to pop out and surprise me at any chance. They try to one up each other on finding the best place to do it. Hotel closets, one of them hit in one of the washing machines.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Oh, that's dangerous.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  So they were really in it for the win. On Sundays, as I'm sure you can imagine, hotels are very busy with checkouts. Valet gets very busy. And also because it's a bunch of college kids, somebody usually calls out because they were partying over the weekend. And so during kind of peak checkout, I would leave the front desk and go help bring cars around. Our lot was across the street. And on a particular Sunday, George, one of our valets, had really been thinking through, like, what is a great way that I could get her?

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  Every female has this as their number one fear.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  I know. Like, didn't really think through, from my perspective, what it might be.

• 18:06Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set, looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. They are so soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate and be cozy.

• 18:40Dax Shepard?

  Hmm. It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone, too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 18:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay, tell me more.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic, too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multipurpose this and look super cute.

• 19:10Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 19:39Dax Shepard?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it? Or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays. We're supposed to see what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.

• 20:18Dax Shepard?

  This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it, but I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I haven't canceled, canceled, canceled, but then I-

• 20:45Dax Shepard?

  You start feeling it.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh my God. And just thank God, thank God for her. Yeah.

• 20:53Dax Shepard?

  BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight

• 21:37Dax Shepard?

  who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine euplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only

• 22:24Speaker 04

  in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 22:40Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff, but there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it, it's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands.

• 23:25Dax Shepard?

  It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So, do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  So we had kind of a system of who would go get cars. So you knew someone else is getting this car. I'll get this one when they get back. So someone was always around. And so I was waiting for the next valet driver to come back before I went to get a car. And during that time, another long-term guest of ours had come up and started chatting with me, was upset about something. And it became obvious I was not going to be able to step away to go get this car that I'd said I would pull around. And because I knew the guest whose car we were gonna pull around, I decided, hey, you can just go get your own car. I know you're in a rush. If you want to get it. He'd been staying there for a while.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  Give you the keys. Go get your own car. He says, great. He goes across the street to go get his car. He goes to get in his car. And meanwhile, George has thought it would be a wonderful idea to hide in the back of an SUV where he could pop up and scare me. He'd really thought through, it needs to be a bigger car where I'll see her coming, but I'll have room to pop up. He thought this was prime time, the best time. And so then, obviously, he noticed it was not me getting into the car.

• 25:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, first of all, that's a blessing because I could see him going like seeing you at the curb and going, oh, shit, it's happening. I gotta get down and hide and then totally missed that it wasn't even you.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  I don't know that he saw it as a blessing. He kind of panicked in the moment, didn't know what to do. And so he just kept hiding.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  I actually think that's the right thing.

• 25:22Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, you gotta get out before he gets to the car and you go, oh, my God, I'm in your car. I'm so sorry.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  It's all happening so fast.

• 25:29Dax Shepard?

  It is. You're panicked.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Because that guy is in a rush. So he just got in and drove.

• 25:33Dax Shepard?

  But versus, let me just model out what could happen. You're in the backseat, the guy's driving. He takes a call. It's with a mistress. Now you're in the backseat like, oh, my fucking God, I just learned something.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  You can't pop up because he'll either murder you or get in an accident. So you have to wait till they get to their house and then you sneak out.

• 25:50Dax Shepard?

  Initiate the departure before the guy starts getting in the car.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I know. I just don't think there was time.

• 25:54Dax Shepard?

  There wasn't time.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Also, it's not like he could then open the back door and like roll out action film style or something like he kind of was trapped at that point. Oh my God. George hid for about two blocks before I think it just occurred to him like, I'm gonna have to get up. I have to do something. I can't stay in this person's vehicle. No, no, you have to get to the destination.

• 26:14Dax Shepard?

  How old was this guest?

• 26:16Speaker 03

  Oh, he's probably 40s or 50s.

• 26:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank God. It wasn't someone in jeopardy of a heart condition.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  But he could have had a gun in the glove compartment.

• 26:23Dax Shepard?

  Concealed and carrying.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Also, he could have been driving to like Florida. When we say you gotta wait till the destination, who knows where that is? Please, excuse me, sir. So that's kind of what George did. So he just kind of slowly raised his head over the backseat. It was like, sorry, sorry, sir. And then immediately the guy slammed on his face, like, what the fuck? Like screaming. And he's like, I'm from the hotel. I'm from the hotel. Cause his first thought is, he's gonna think I was trying to rob him. Yes, of course. And I got caught in the car, not that this was something else. So he starts screaming, I'm from the hotel, I'm from the hotel. I'm so sorry. Gets out of the car. The guest is screaming at him. I will give George credit. He came up with a pretty good backstory.

• 27:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  He didn't want to go prank wise. He said, I'm so sorry. We have another guest whose birthday it is. And so we had told his wife that we would surprise him in the car and then we were supposed to give him directions to meet her. And I got in the wrong car and I just panicked when you got in. This is an intricate lie. I was like, in two blocks? You came up with a decent story, given the situation.

• 27:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  My boss never found out about it. He didn't write bad reviews. We did comp the room and apologized.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  I mean, what else were we gonna do? There wasn't a really great way to get out of that.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  That went without detection from your supervisors? They didn't even realize you guys had comped the room?

• 27:45Speaker 03

  No. For something like that, it wasn't common that they would get into it. Somebody was upset about a stay. Because we pranked so often on each other, when they came back to the hotel in the same vehicle and the guest got out to tell me the story, it was a quick pickup of, yes, he was supposed to be surprising somebody. So then everyone kind of jumped in and played along. Wait, he drove him back? Yes, he drove him back.

• 28:05Dax Shepard?

  What a gentleman, yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  I mean, it was nice, but he was also wanted to come back and like yell at me. I wonder how that car ride went on the way.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Back he's just sitting in the backseat.

• 28:14Dax Shepard?

  Or if he started getting up front in the passenger seat, the guy's like, stay back there.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 28:19Dax Shepard?

  Wow, that is a really talk about a bit gone bad.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Hijinks, that's prank gone wrong. We've done that before.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  I feel like that guest probably is a little bit scarred for life when he gets in his car. There's not a time I don't get in a car from a hotel valet that I don't kind of look in the mirror thinking, somebody hiding in my car.

• 28:34Dax Shepard?

  And I won't say the name of the actor, but there was an actor who had a weekend off from his television show, went to Joshua Tree here in California, in the desert, in an RV with friends and did shrooms. All night, crawled back into the RV, went to sleep, woke up because he heard

• 28:59Dax Shepard?

  He heard like this and he's like, oh my God, they already started driving home, but what are we driving on? And he got up and he looked out the window and they were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. He crawled into the wrong RV. Yes. Yes.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 29:16Dax Shepard?

  And woke up crossing the Golden Gate Bridge and had to again go, excuse me. And then had to get himself from San Francisco with nothing. He was on shrooms the night before. I know the agent, this person called the agent, Collette was like, I'm in San Francisco.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Was this person recognizable enough that the person driving was like?

• 29:36Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't think so. No.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  That is so funny and crazy. Wow. But that is a hundred percent my nightmare, someone in my backseat.

• 29:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You would have maybe fucking crashed the car. That might be a blessing.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  It was not a good call on his behalf, early twenties, you know, but it worked out. Okay.

• 29:54Dax Shepard?

  That's a great story, Anne. I really enjoyed it.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Thank you. It was the first time you guys had a prompt that I was like, oh, I might have something this fits for.

• 30:02Dax Shepard?

  You certainly do. And it's abstract. It's like you didn't valet and you weren't a valet worker and yet somehow it's still all worked.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was great.

• 30:10Dax Shepard?

  Well, lovely meeting you. Thanks for taking time out of your workday in Nashville.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Thank you guys. Enjoy Asheville.

• 30:17Dax Shepard?

  I will. I recommend you eat at Bricktops tonight.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  There is a Bricktops right across the street from our office.

• 30:22Dax Shepard?

  I cannot recommend it enough. Get the deviled eggs and candy bacon if they have it.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Okay, I love some candy bacon.

• 30:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you're the best I've ever had. Wonderful meeting you.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  George and the other valets never saw that episode of Punky Brewster, where she, I think is playing hide and seek and she goes into like either the bridge or the washing machine or something and it ends bad.

• 30:47Dax Shepard?

  That was one of the big moral panics of the eighties is everyone thought kids were getting trapped in

• 30:51Speaker 01

  They were, Punky was.

• 30:52Dax Shepard?

  But what's crazy is I grew up and my mother was always like, don't. At some point, if I got old, I was like, a human can't get in this fucking, what were they talking about?

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Punky!

• 31:02Dax Shepard?

  There's no room in a refrigerator for a human to get in. I don't know why there's such a huge fear. I mean, I don't want to recommend anything. I'm pretty sure you could open it from the inside. If you can open it from the outside, it does not hold at all.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Do not try it.

• 31:14Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna do it as like a David Blaine thing. I'm gonna put it on television. I'm gonna get in a fridge and I'm gonna walk right out. It's gonna be like a two second special. And I'm gonna go, debunked!

• 31:25Speaker 01

  No, you should say debunked and then like you're using, yeah, yeah.

• 31:28Dax Shepard?

  You just got to punked. Here's Monica. Ooh. Which Monica will it be? Monica Lewinsky?

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 31:40Speaker 05

  Hello? Not Monica Lewinsky.

• 31:42Dax Shepard?

  Not Monica and not Monica Padman?

• 31:45Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:45Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  And not Monica Geller, though you do kind of look like her, Courtney Cox.

• 31:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Cece.

• 31:51Speaker 05

  My mom's name is also Monica.

• 31:53Dax Shepard?

  It is your second generation, Moni?

• 31:55Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:55Dax Shepard?

  They don't do that with women, right? You can't be a junior as a woman, or can you?

• 31:59Speaker 01

  You could, but they don't.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  It's in my family. My grandmother's name is Maria. My mom's eldest sister is Maria. So then Monica, Monica.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 32:06Dax Shepard?

  Do you have the same middle name as mom?

• 32:08Speaker 05

  My mom does not have a middle name and I have a middle name.

• 32:10Dax Shepard?

  And are you a nurse?

• 32:11Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm actually a nurse practitioner.

• 32:13Dax Shepard?

  You're our favorite group of people on planet Earth.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, Monicas, Monicas.

• 32:19Dax Shepard?

  Monicas. And then additionally, nurses are our favorite.

• 32:22Speaker 05

  Yes, yeah, I do high-risk obstetrics, so high-risk pregnancies at the clinic.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Wow, amazing.

• 32:27Dax Shepard?

  Stressful? Do you have like a high arousal setting? Are you like calm when shit hits the fan?

• 32:32Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Good for you.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  Do you have a wild childhood or are you just genetically that way?

• 32:36Speaker 05

  I think genetically, perhaps I can be calm during stress, but then afterwards I will kind of relive it and panic.

• 32:44Dax Shepard?

  Delayed panic.

• 32:45Speaker 05

  How's the name working out for you? Are you happy with it? I love it because I can use my mom's ID, like going into the American Airlines Club. Don't tell American Airlines, but I can use her name and go in. Nice. So it's worked out very well in my life. I love having the same name as my mom.

• 33:02Dax Shepard?

  That is a hack.

• 33:03Speaker 05

  That is, that's good.

• 33:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a valet story?

• 33:06Speaker 05

  Yes, I do have a valet story. I'm curious if you guys have heard valet driver stories or people who have used the valet?

• 33:12Dax Shepard?

  Great question, because I had framed all this incorrectly. Our first caller, I'm like, oh, they're gonna tell me they worked as a valet. No, they had valeted their car. And then the second person was neither, but was involved in a valet debacle. And where do you fall into this?

• 33:26Speaker 05

  So we used the valet service. It was a family vacation in 2014. So my family, my mom, my dad, I'm the eldest. So in 2014, I was 21. My middle brother was 19. And then my youngest brother, Michael, so there's all Ms. He was 16. So we flew to Calgary, Canada. And then we were going to rent a car and drive the two hours west to Lake Louise, a town outside of Banff. Gorgeous, gorgeous. So we landed in Calgary. We rented the car. It was a blue Chrysler. Dax, I'm sorry, that's all I know about the car. I'm not a big car person. So we rented the car. My youngest brother, Michael, 16, he is our suitcase loader. So he had to load our five checked bags, three backpacks, and then two carry-ons.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  So he loads it into the trunk. We all drive on our merry way for two hours. Have a great week at Lake Louise. We're staying at the hotel right there. And so because they don't have a parking lot, you have to valet your car every time you come and go. So during the week, we would call from the hotel room. My dad would order the car so that it would be ready by the time we came down.

• 34:29Dax Shepard?

  Your dad's so Taipei, the whole family's so Taipei. I already know this. It's like the coordination of the names, the call ahead. That's me. I don't want to get down there and wait.

• 34:36Speaker 05

  Wait in the room and we'll be ready. So there's, you know, the blue minivan. The day comes for us to leave. So we know it's a two hour drive and we have to arrive two hours at the airport before our flight. So we're have it all calculated. So in the morning, we're all packing. My dad again calls the valet, hey, let's get our blue minivan up, please. Okay, great. I'm the eldest. I walk down with my suitcases, followed by my brother, my other brother, and everybody eventually comes down. So I had walked up. There's our car. Doors are open. Trunk is open. I'm like, hey, valet guy, thanks so much for pulling up our car. This has been so great. You've been so great all week. He said, oh, no problem. Do you guys have your little valet ticket? I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. My dad has it. He'll be the last one down. He'll hand it to you. Perfect. So I leave my suitcase by the trunk.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Here comes my youngest brother, Michael, and of course he's the loader. So there he goes, working on loading everybody's suitcases into the trunk. We're all buckled. Michael's still working, poor guy, and he's taking a while and he's like, it's not fitting, you guys. It's not fitting. We're like, Michael, you're so dumb. Like just ratting on him because he's the youngest. Finally, my mom's like, we have to go. We have a two hour drive. We have a flight. So Michael, we just take one of the suitcases and we put it into the middle passage row. We're leaving the hotel and on the street, Michael from the back row, hey, dad, why is the gas meter lower than when we turned in the car yesterday? Oh, he is really.

• 35:58Dax Shepard?

  This family is on it. They all have designated roles and they're trustworthy because she was like, I'm gonna leave it here. Like I would never trust a younger sibling to get my bag in a car. So I'd be like, fuck it. I'm putting it in. I don't care what the rules are.

• 36:09Speaker 05

  I didn't want to do it. Yeah, that's annoying.

• 36:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 36:12Speaker 05

  So my dad answers, oh, it's at altitude and we don't know where the valet parked the car. Maybe they ran some errands with the car. Sure, dad, whatever. Let's just go to the airport.

• 36:32Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 36:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 37:17Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 37:37Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter.

• 38:21Dax Shepard?

  And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. At ziprecruiter.com/dax, meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

• 38:53Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere. Whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run.

• 39:37Dax Shepard?

  Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  So we're driving against a two hour drive. So we're about halfway there.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  I'm in the seat behind my dad and he's driving. So I look in the backseat pocket, I don't know why, and I pull out these sunglasses. And I'm like, oh, all of a sudden the suitcase is not fitting, the gas being different. And so I say, if these sunglasses do not belong to somebody in this car, we have the wrong car.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 40:17Speaker 05

  So my dad whips around, takes the sunglasses, puts them on his face. He's like, they're mine, they're mine, they're mine. And my mom looks at them, they're women's sunglasses. We're in the wrong car.

• 40:34Dax Shepard?

  It's like a scene from a movie. We're in the wrong car.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  It's so Home Alone.

• 40:39Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  The thing is, your brain will do like, no, don't worry, they're definitely mine.

• 40:43Dax Shepard?

  Was he sincere? I'm so confused. Now I'm all over the map on your dad. Cause when he writes off the gas thing, I'm thinking, well, that was his way of saying, I don't really trust that you monitored what the gas was. But now with this glasses thing, I'm like recalculating what I think about the gas situation.

• 40:58Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  No, I know.

• 41:00Dax Shepard?

  He's an optimist?

• 41:01Speaker 01

  No, as soon as it became clear, like, oh, fuck, we might be in the wrong car. We can't be, nope, that cannot be an option.

• 41:07Dax Shepard?

  Denial, the stages of grief.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Denial, exactly.

• 41:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 41:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, we had a flight to catch. We are an hour away, both from the hotel and from the airport. So then in the car, we're all looking around for stuff. My mom, that's not my trash. And what's that paper? And my mom opens the glove box and pulls out the family's personal car insurance. So it was a personal vehicle, not even a other rental car.

• 41:35Dax Shepard?

  Well, if there was a bloody knife in the glove box.

• 41:36Speaker 05

  So this is definitely the valet's fault.

• 41:38Dax Shepard?

  Well, he asked for the ticket.

• 41:41Speaker 05

  It did come out that my dad never gave him the ticket. It was a trust thing of we've been there for seven days. You've pulled up the same blue car. Is the family of five going to the same blue car? Oh, no.

• 41:52Dax Shepard?

  See, this is why you think my knowledge of cars is extraneous and useless, but I would never end up in the wrong car.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  I'll give you that.

• 42:00Dax Shepard?

  That's about the only thing that's useful for, I suppose.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  I think I would be sensitive enough to the smell, but not in a rental.

• 42:05Dax Shepard?

  So what the fuck do you do?

• 42:07Speaker 05

  So we pulled over, we called the hotel and the hotel is freaking out because that family is livid that their personal vehicle is gone. Of course. The valet has no idea where it went and they had ordered it the same way we had because they had an excursion to go to.

• 42:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  So my dad and the valet talked, they agree, let's meet back at this exit marker on TransCanada Highway number one.

• 42:31Dax Shepard?

  Smart.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  So we pull around, we start driving away from the airport. So now we're like, we're gonna miss the flight. We're in the wrong car. We get to the mentioned exit number. We sit there and I sent an email of a photo of the car, our suitcases, and the beautiful Canadian background. Oh, no. Oh my God, just all your shit on the street.

• 42:58Dax Shepard?

  Your dad and the guy decide, let's meet in the center of the fucking median.

• 43:02Speaker 05

  Literally. I mean, literally.

• 43:03Dax Shepard?

  Not in a car park.

• 43:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. So they brought our rental. We switched in the middle of the highway. Oh. When Michael went to load our suitcases into our car, he was like, hey, it fits. Oh my gosh.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Oh my God, if I was Michael, I'd be like,

• 43:17Speaker 05

  the youngest.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  You fucking dum-dums. I told you so.

• 43:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he had a big I told you so. Did your dad grease this valet like a hundred dollars?

• 43:26Speaker 05

  See, my dad is a very big tipper.

• 43:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 43:30Speaker 05

  My dad never brought out the ticket either.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it is kind of also their fault because they did bring out the wrong car.

• 43:37Dax Shepard?

  No, they brought up those people called too.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Everyone called at the same time?

• 43:41Dax Shepard?

  It's just theirs hadn't arrived yet.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  It was the exact same make, model, car, everything.

• 43:46Dax Shepard?

  Now, my hunch is you still made the flight.

• 43:49Speaker 05

  They actually delayed the flight for some reason and we made it with that.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  Perfect. That's really.

• 43:55Dax Shepard?

  That's kind of perfect because you get a good story out of it and then no one's inconvenienced. The other family might have been fucked.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  They were. Can you imagine if another family was driving around your personal car?

• 44:04Dax Shepard?

  No, I would be like, I want to meet the guy. Don't meet, bring him back. I want to meet this son of a bitch. What'd you do to my car?

• 44:11Speaker 01

  You'd be checking every single thing in the car when it got back.

• 44:15Dax Shepard?

  Also, this van came back on.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  Where are my sunglasses?

• 44:17Dax Shepard?

  This van came out empty for sure because it was already low on fuel.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, so that's how we stole a car from the valet.

• 44:25Dax Shepard?

  Well, lovely meeting you, Monica.

• 44:27Speaker 05

  Yes, likewise. This was fun.

• 44:28Dax Shepard?

  I'm happy you're doing what you do. Keep at it.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  Thanks, I will.

• 44:31Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  She's so cute. I love when Monicas are cute. Somehow I feel pride in that.

• 44:38Dax Shepard?

  You should.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Should I?

• 44:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you'd like to think, like if I met 12 other Dax's and they were all rad, I'd be like, oh, good.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  I know, but like that's not, it has nothing to do with it.

• 44:51Dax Shepard?

  It doesn't, but you go, oh, there's a pattern here and presumably I'm part of it, I hope.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Oh, I see. It's like if Monicas are cute, then I gotta be cute.

• 45:00Dax Shepard?

  If they don't make un-cute Monicas.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 45:02Dax Shepard?

  That just makes me think of how bad I feel for everyone named Karen. Don't you?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  I do.

• 45:09Dax Shepard?

  It's unfair that your whole name was now used as a pejorative that I myself have used on people.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  I know. That's why you feel guilty because you've used it. I actually don't use it because I kind of forget about it.

• 45:20Dax Shepard?

  We were trying to think what the male equivalent is. Is it a Chad?

• 45:23Speaker 01

  We said Chad.

• 45:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's what we said. That's what you said.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  I said Chad. The thing is though, now if you name your kid Karen, I'm like, guys, don't.

• 45:33Dax Shepard?

  There's no way anyone has a name that could care. In fact, that would be a fun stat to look up.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 45:36Dax Shepard?

  I bet there's been zero Karens born.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  There's a hundred percent definitely some Karens born.

• 45:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, we got some time to kill, let me.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Okay, check.

• 45:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, let's see what AI says.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  I think some people want to push back on that, so they're gonna.

• 45:47Dax Shepard?

  Reclaim.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  Has the rate of naming babies Karen fallen in recent years? As a result of the popular term Karen to describe a terrible woman?

• 46:02Speaker 01

  It's definitely fallen.

• 46:03Dax Shepard?

  Maybe it'll give me some actual stats though. You're absolutely right to connect the drop in use of the name Karen is popular culture decline, but there's more to the story.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Oh, why?

• 46:14Dax Shepard?

  Intriguing. The historical decline of Karen. Peak popularity nineteen fifties and sixties. The name Karen was a top ten favorite in the US between nineteen fifty one and nineteen sixty eight, reaching its highest point as the third most popular girl's name in nineteen sixty five. Steady decline began before the meme. Karen had already been falling out of fashion through the late twentieth century. By twenty twenty, it had plunged to rank eight hundred and thirty one in the SSA list, the lowest since nineteen twenty seven. The meme effect from name to punchline. These are so well written.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  They are.

• 46:51Dax Shepard?

  Memetic backlash intensifies drop. In twenty twenty, the term Karen became a worldwide meme, symbolizing an entitled, demanding and somewhat racist, middle aged, white woman. Example, the Central Park Karen incident. Sharp declines in usage. That year, the name fell 171 spots on the SSA's popularity list from 660 to 831 in a single year. 439 baby girls were named Karen in 2019. That dropped to 325 in 2020.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:24Dax Shepard?

  Articles all attribute the sharp decline to meme-based negativity. While so, already by five and a half years ago, it had hit 325.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Okay, but that's not what the debate was.

• 47:36Dax Shepard?

  I said none.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Yep, and my point is some people out there are still doing this.

• 47:40Dax Shepard?

  Some poor kid whose parents are so unaware of pop culture.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  No, you wish, you wish.

• 47:46Dax Shepard?

  What do you think it is?

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Pushback.

• 47:48Dax Shepard?

  I don't even think a Karen's proud of being a Karen. Like, when you're a Karen, you don't think you're a Karen.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  No, I know exactly the thought. Exactly. It's an anti-woke, like, they think we're racist, then let's show them.

• 48:00Dax Shepard?

  But I think people on the right use Karen, too. I don't really think it's so inextricably linked to racism. Andrew, do you have an opinion? Dex, I didn't hear you on that one. What's going on? We're talking about the name Karen, and first of all, so sad if you were named Karen and then this meme happens. But furthermore, does anybody name their kid Karen anymore? We then looked it up while we were waiting for you, and we're down to 325 kids were named Karen in 2020. I had said I bet nobody. Monica said.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  I said some people still are. My reasoning is that I think some people are like, you guys are annoying, calling racism Karen, so I'm gonna double down. I think some people want to double down.

• 48:39Dax Shepard?

  Where do you land in this debate? They really created a brand with the haircut.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  I will say to some evidence, the stock of American Eagle has.

• 48:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's a very successful campaign.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  Exactly. So, my point is, just there's some doubling down that happens, and that's fine.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  Where are you at, Andrew?

• 48:56Speaker 06

  I am in Maryland, about forty minutes north of Baltimore.

• 48:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. And do you realize how blessed you are with your hair? Your beard is phenomenal and your hair is so thick and black. I'm very envious of the whole setup.

• 49:07Speaker 06

  Hearing that from you means a lot, Dex, so thank you.

• 49:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. So Andrew, you have a valet story. Did it take place in Maryland?

• 49:14Speaker 06

  Yes, it did. It was right in Baltimore, right in the city near Johns Hopkins University, actually.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 49:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, we love Johns Hopkins.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:20Dax Shepard?

  Hate the name, but we love the institution.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  Great institu.

• 49:23Dax Shepard?

  We need to dump that ass. I know.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm fine with it.

• 49:26Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Only you are the one with the issue.

• 49:28Dax Shepard?

  Do you like that we've got Johns Hopkins, that we have two plurals?

• 49:31Speaker 06

  No, I actually used to do announcing for D3 Soccer and they used to play Johns Hopkins. And I said, "John Hopkins" over the intercom and my boss screamed at me.

• 49:41Dax Shepard?

  People are very sensitive to it.

• 49:42Speaker 06

  I'm a proponent of dropping one of them.

• 49:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so hit us with the valet story.

• 49:47Speaker 06

  All right, so it's a few years ago, it was about four years into me valeting. And I work in an Italian restaurant. It's this old textile mill from like eighteen hundreds that they repurposed. So with that textile mill, they turned it into really nice apartments. They've got business in there and then they also have the restaurants. The restaurant's in the boiler room, next to the Jones Falls River, beautiful place.

• 50:07Dax Shepard?

  This sounds awesome. Nothing could be better than Italian food in like a brick warehouse, kind of a sitch.

• 50:12Speaker 06

  It's fantastic. It looks exactly probably what you're imagining. And five o'clock, shift started up, of course, happy hour comes through. I grab their keys, give them the claim check, they go ahead and they walk into the restaurant. From about five to seven, somewhat steady, but then around seven o'clock, of course, the dinner rush comes. So we start to get more and more cars coming in. And this lady drives down in a Prius and she starts coming down slowly. Of course, you can barely hear the car because it's a Prius. She stops the car, I'll put it that way, she stops the car. We do the whole little, "Hi, welcome, here's your claim check, give me your keys." And I go ahead and let her walk into the restaurant. So I staged for a car there, there's a few more cars coming in, but I noticed the 5:00 PM people were coming out. When they came out, they gave me their claim check, said, "Hey, how is everything?" I turn around to go grab the keys out of the booth and all of a sudden, these people start running past me.

• 50:57Speaker 06

  I'm like, "What's going on?" It was so weird. It's like a group of four people. All of a sudden, I look up and I see the Prius coming right at the restaurant.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:05Speaker 06

  With the valet booth, myself in between.

• 51:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 51:09Speaker 06

  Dax, your car guy, you know, Priuses, you know, they'll idle and they'll kind of just sit for a little while, but then eventually they're going to start to get that momentum on a downhill.

• 51:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 51:16Speaker 06

  Wasn't crazy aggressive, you know, but it was enough to get some momentum going.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  So it just wasn't in park?

• 51:21Dax Shepard?

  She hopped out a little prematurely.

• 51:23Speaker 06

  Understandably, it's out of her routine. She used to valeting. I get it.

• 51:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 51:28Dax Shepard?

  Understanding, really kind of you.

• 51:29Speaker 06

  All of a sudden, that car is barreling down the hill, goes over maybe a two-foot stone wall, the light, probably about four or five feet tall, pretty thick. It took that thing right out and the Prius is coming towards me and I just stepped in front of it and put my hands out.

• 51:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you thought you could stop it?

• 51:43Speaker 06

  Luckily, it was a Prius, not a Chevy Bolt, and it was all right. I stopped it.

• 51:47Dax Shepard?

  You stopped it? So these other obstacles did scrub some of its speed and momentum?

• 51:52Speaker 06

  I'll admit that, yes.

• 51:53Dax Shepard?

  Yes, okay.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 51:55Dax Shepard?

  Did you feel like a superhero?

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:57Dax Shepard?

  That's very superhero-esque.

• 51:58Speaker 06

  It felt pretty cool. I got a few shift drinks for that.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Wow, you really put yourself in harm's way. I mean, I could imagine you putting your hands out and they're just getting run right over.

• 52:06Dax Shepard?

  Flattened like a pancake?

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:08Speaker 06

  Luckily, I did not. I lived to tell the tale.

• 52:10Dax Shepard?

  Did someone have to run then and jump in the car and put it in park? Cause you're probably holding it from going any further.

• 52:15Speaker 06

  Of course, that lady was like, oh, what's going on? And she runs and goes ahead and presses park or turned it off. I don't know what she did.

• 52:22Dax Shepard?

  Not the most trustworthy person to put it in park, given what had just happened.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  But if she accelerated.

• 52:26Dax Shepard?

  She punches it. Help! Goes into the boiler room, three flights down. What was her... I would kill myself. I mean, that's the ultimate level of embarrassment.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 52:38Dax Shepard?

  If I lost control of my vehicle like that in front of everybody and I just fucked up everything in front... I mean, it would be so hard for me. How did she take it?

• 52:45Speaker 06

  She was very embarrassed, of course, but it's not like she went and jumped in the river. She was really sorry about it, really embarrassed.

• 52:50Dax Shepard?

  Did someone have to back it now over this wall she had come careening through?

• 52:55Speaker 06

  Yes, I took care of that.

• 52:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what a hero.

• 52:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  She's like, I'm just gonna go back in and eat now.

• 53:02Dax Shepard?

  Did she continue on an eve?

• 53:03Speaker 06

  She went right in the restaurant. She ate her dinner.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  I bet she was on a first or second date. So she was nervous. So that's why she got out of the car. She was like, I'm stressed.

• 53:12Dax Shepard?

  That's a generous. I thought maybe she was gonna have an unauthorized evacuation, jumped out of the car in a panic. And then now that is on her plate. Did she tip you exorbitantly when you brought the car back around?

• 53:23Speaker 06

  I'll say it was above the normal tip. Double.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:26Dax Shepard?

  No, if someone catches your car from rolling into a restaurant, it's time for a hundred.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  She might not have any money because she was on a date with someone and she just spent it on the day.

• 53:35Dax Shepard?

  They went Dutch. Yeah, because she was so nervous. It was a bad date. And he's like, let's split this. You know, I have a handful of these jobs that I think are dream jobs for me. Valet being one of them. I love driving cars. I love driving different cars. I feel like I could be charming in a way that I might garner a good tip. Did you love it? And is it a great job as I think it is?

• 53:54Speaker 06

  I really did. So I was in college. Even when I'd get tired of it a little bit, I'd be like, you know what? I get paid to exercise and drive luxury cars. Really not that bad when you frame it that way.

• 54:03Dax Shepard?

  You make pretty good money.

• 54:04Speaker 06

  It was good for being a college kid. I got my, our money and all that kind of stuff.

• 54:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I imagine you could be up in the $35 an hour situation when you factor in those tips.

• 54:12Speaker 06

  I would say, but then again, it's just like restaurants where they can make your wage like $3 and then the tips make up the difference.

• 54:18Dax Shepard?

  Right. You're working for free. Yeah, well, so often the valet is not even associated with the restaurant, right? They just have the contract to do all the parking.

• 54:26Speaker 06

  That's what we were actually.

• 54:27Dax Shepard?

  We have some photos. Am I allowed to look at them?

• 54:29Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 54:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, this is just a gorgeous M3, M4.

• 54:33Speaker 06

  So that was an M4. Was that the Alpina, I think?

• 54:35Dax Shepard?

  It's gorgeous.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Are these the pictures of cars you like?

• 54:39Speaker 06

  No, those are the cars I valet.

• 54:40Dax Shepard?

  See, that's what I'm talking about, Monica.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 54:42Dax Shepard?

  A GT2 RS.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 54:44Dax Shepard?

  Look at that. That's a $500,000 Porsche.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 54:47Dax Shepard?

  And then a Ferrari Modena.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck. Aren't you scared driving these? I'd be scared.

• 54:52Speaker 06

  So that was the second Ferrari I drove. The first one, the guy rolls in and he's like, you wanna drive this thing? I was like, yeah, yeah, I know how to drive that thing.

• 54:59Dax Shepard?

  Of course.

• 55:00Speaker 06

  It has four wheels and a steering wheel, right?

• 55:03Speaker 01

  I wouldn't even be able to drive your cars from one side of this driveway to the other.

• 55:07Dax Shepard?

  You'd be too panicked.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yes. This is exactly what I thought it would be the job. Also, we're getting a taste of the

• 55:15Speaker 01

  The brick.

• 55:15Dax Shepard?

  The environment. I gotta go here.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, looks really nice.

• 55:18Dax Shepard?

  How old was this textile factory?

• 55:20Speaker 06

  I don't have the exact year, but I'd say like early to mid 1800s.

• 55:23Dax Shepard?

  Fuck.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 55:24Dax Shepard?

  So cool. Yeah, the bricks aren't even uniform.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 55:28Dax Shepard?

  I love it. Well, Andrew, it's a delight to meet you.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was fun.

• 55:30Dax Shepard?

  What a hero. You're a real hero that you caught this Prius before anyone was injured.

• 55:35Speaker 06

  I appreciate that.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  What color Prius was it?

• 55:37Speaker 06

  Silver gray.

• 55:38Dax Shepard?

  Prius color.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  No.

• 55:39Dax Shepard?

  I think they only come in-

• 55:40Speaker 01

  Mine's a white.

• 55:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you had a white. But you also had the weird hatchback you want.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a Prius C.

• 55:45Dax Shepard?

  C.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  You would have definitely been able to stop it because it was tiny.

• 55:51Dax Shepard?

  You could have just picked it up.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:53Dax Shepard?

  Lifted it back out on the street.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  Swatted it away.

• 55:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, lovely meeting you, Andrew.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks for chatting.

• 55:57Dax Shepard?

  Thank you so much for telling us that story.

• 55:58Speaker 06

  It was great to meet you as well, and I believe I may have sent a video in.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 56:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Rob is in there.

• 56:04Speaker 07

  I don't have a video.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Oh, we don't have it.

• 56:05Dax Shepard?

  Rob doesn't have a video. What's in the video?

• 56:07Speaker 01

  We'll check in with Emma and we'll look at it later. But what is it?

• 56:11Speaker 06

  It is the video of the car coming towards the restaurant.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 56:14Dax Shepard?

  There's fucking video of it?

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Oh, do you mind if we post that?

• 56:19Speaker 06

  That's not a problem at all.

• 56:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's not a problem at all.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Then we can do that for our social. That'll be great.

• 56:24Dax Shepard?

  Exciting. Well, I look forward to seeing this video.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 56:26Dax Shepard?

  All right. Well, take care, brother. Nice meeting you.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Bye. Valets, things can go awry. Valets are heroes.

• 56:36Dax Shepard?

  Heroes. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear valet vests. Next time on Armchair Anonymous. Love you.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 56:47Speaker 07

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 56:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, Rhine dish. On the fly, Rhine dish. Enjoy.