1024. Q&AF: Handling Guilt Of Wanting More, Loneliness Of Leadership & Navigating The Suck Phase

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to deal with the guilt of wanting more than those around you, how to handle the loneliness of leadership when your team doesn't match your drive, and how to push through the early stages of being bad at something new.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys? It's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realist sake of the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, we have Q and A F today. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. You can submit your questions a whole bunch of different ways. DJ's gonna tell you how.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Guys, you can email your questions in to [email protected]. You can also click the link in the description below, submit them there, or just write them in the comments of the Q and A F videos on YouTube.

• 0:44Andy Frisella?

  Guys, if this is your first time listening, we have shows within the show. You're gonna hear Q and A F right now. We also have CTI. You'll hear that tomorrow. That stands for Cruz, the internet. That's where we put topics on the screen. We speculate on what's going on in the world. We talk about how stupid some of these dudes are and what we, the people, need to do to fix these problems in the world. Other times, we're gonna have real talk. That's just five 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then we have 75 Hard Verses. That is where people who have completed the 75 Hard Program come on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 Hard Program to transform their lives. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard Program, which is available at episode 208 on the

• 1:26Andy Frisella?

  audio feed only. That's 208 on the audio feed. It is the world's most famous, popular, utilized, mental transformation program in history. All right? And it's free. Again, episode 208 on the audio feed. There's also a book called The Book on Mental Toughness. You can get that at andyfrisella.com. It's not free, but it is much more in-depth if you want to get that. That's cool, too. We are the largest show in the world that does not run ads, so we do a little trade with you guys. We're not gonna spend 20 minutes worth of advertisements in your ear every single show. And instead, we just ask that if you like the show, if it makes you laugh, it gives you perspective, it teaches you something, if you think it's something people need to learn from and hear, just do us a favor, man. And don't be a hoe.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Share the show.

• 2:13Andy Frisella?

  All right. What's up, dude?

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Guten Morgen.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  My German listeners out there. I don't know, man. What's going on with you though, bro? How you doing?

• 2:22Andy Frisella?

  Doing good.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 2:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, just wrapped up a car show?

• 2:25Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Bro, it was fucking sick turnout.

• 2:27Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, it was awesome.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Sick turnout. There was some sick shit out there. When we getting the semi done, dog?

• 2:31Andy Frisella?

  I don't know, man. That is one of the coolest vehicles I ever saw.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  It's fucking sick, dude.

• 2:35Andy Frisella?

  This guy comes out, uh, from Jack's Wax in Columbus, Ohio with this slammed international semi. All black and chrome. Oh, man.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  This, it's nasty, dude.

• 2:47Andy Frisella?

  It is.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  It's fucking nasty. We, we gotta get one. We gotta get one, bro. Yeah, beautiful turnout, dude. It was awesome. Um, and it is Monday. It is time to get people better.

• 2:56Andy Frisella?

  Let's do it.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Let's fucking do it. I got three good ones for you. Guys, Andy, question number one. Andy, I grew up in a pretty average family. My, my parents worked hard, kept food on the table, and honestly gave me a good life. But now that I'm older, I want way more out of life than what I grew up around. More money, more freedom, bigger goals, all of it. And sometimes I actually feel guilty for wanting that. Like, I'm somehow disrespecting where I came from or acting like I'm too good for a normal life. Did you ever struggle with that tension between appreciating where you came from while still wanting a completely different life?

• 3:37Andy Frisella?

  Look, you guys gotta understand, man. The whole point of good parents is that they are setting you up to do better than what they did. That is the point. And you can be proud of your parents and you can be grateful for what you had and still want more. And I promise you, if your parents are actually good parents, which they probably are, that's what they did all this stuff for you for. So you, you can't let your

• 4:03Andy Frisella?

  cause this all comes from people in society, man. Like, and the noise from the small minority of people that are bitter and frustrated and, you know, have chosen

• 4:20Andy Frisella?

  To not go after their dreams and not go after their goals and not become what they could be. And then pretend as if they chose this life under the guise of being humble. There's, there's a lot of people out there like that, but you have to understand. These are the people who will say things to you like, oh, you think you're too good for us or oh, you think this or that. And all you have to hear it is once or twice, and it makes you feel very guilty. But you got to understand that's bullshit. That's coming from people who have never and will never do anything with their life. Even though they still had the same opportunity to do that. So what happens with these people is they feel the way that you feel.

• 5:04Andy Frisella?

  At some point in their life, they had goals, they had dreams, they had ambitions. And for whatever reason, maybe it was too hard, maybe, uh, you know. They, they succumbed to the social pressure of keeping it real and staying small. Like for whatever reason, they didn't go. And then what happens is over time, in order to, to deal with like the frustration and, and the anger that they have with themselves for not going, they convince themselves that this lesser version is actually what they wanted. Right? And that there's some sort of virtue to it and that, you know, they're

• 5:47Andy Frisella?

  living at a higher moral standard than you because, you know, I'm humble and I'm grateful. And dude, this is just a disguise for their own dissatisfaction of their own choices in life. And these people often will say things to people who have goals and dreams and ambitions. That if you're a good person, they're going to make you hesitate a little bit. It's like, oh, fuck, I didn't like that. I don't want to be seen like that. Right. Yeah. But what you don't understand is that by you giving up on what it is that you have in your heart and what your dreams are. Those things were placed inside of you for a reason. They didn't come from nowhere. Okay. All of us were born with some sort of purpose or goal or mission here.

• 6:33Andy Frisella?

  Some people were born to build businesses. Some people were born to become coaches. Some people were born to be great parents. Some people were born to do all these different things that the world needs. And. If you don't go pursue that, the only person that is going to be angry at you about it long-term is you, because those people that say those little things to you, they don't give a shit. Okay? This is gossip to them. This is a fleeting thought. This is something that comes in their mind and goes out. And sometimes people say things they don't even know they're fucking saying them, right? And they don't understand how it'll affect you. And the truth of the matter is, dude, is we tend to believe that when we hear those

• 7:14Andy Frisella?

  things, that that's everybody's perception, when the truth is, it's not. Nobody gives a shit what you do. Okay? People are too worried about their own lives. They're too worried about what they have or don't have. They're too concerned with their own thing. And because someone makes a fleeting statement at some point in your life, the wrong way, or the wrong tone, or it makes you feel a certain way, it sticks with you, and then you assume that everybody feels that way, and it's just not the truth. Most people are gonna look at you and admire your ambition, admire your drive, and say, man, I'm proud of you. And I would hope that your parents are gonna be the most proud, because dude, they did

• 7:56Andy Frisella?

  struggle. And they struggled for a reason. They didn't struggle so that you could sit on your ass and waste your talents and your dreams and your goals. That's not why they did that. They did that so that you would have the opportunity to go out and do more than they did. And so, you shouldn't have guilt about doing better than your parents are, but you should have extreme gratitude that they did the harder work of putting you in a position to have that happen. And that is a noble thing for your parents. So the way that you should feel about it is very grateful and very appreciative. And when you get to the place where it is, you know, you should be trying to take care of them and make their lives better. And dude, I'll be real, that's one of the most rewarding

• 8:41Andy Frisella?

  things about becoming successful, is that you could take care of the people around you that took care of you when you didn't have anything. Alright, so, and let's take this a step further. I know a lot of you guys struggle with this feeling of guilt about trying to be successful. But dude, this is a biblical concept. Okay, there's a concept in the Bible called the parable of the talents. All right, and you need to go read it. And the whole point of it is that Jesus rewards the people who take their talents and scale them out into the world. Okay, he doesn't reward the people who hold on to him. He doesn't reward the people who waste them.

• 9:24Andy Frisella?

  He loves the people who take the talents and let them out into the world so that everybody can be inspired and everybody can learn and can do good things. And being coming financially successful with your talents is what you're supposed to do. And that's a biblical concept. All right. So when you have this and you know, you might hear me saying, oh, it doesn't matter. Well, I don't know. That's what Jesus said too. Okay, so if all else fails, go read that and tell me what you think. Because this feeling of not wanting to go because of guilt, it's total bullshit, man. Okay, so you have to understand.

• 10:05Andy Frisella?

  You were blessed with a vision. You were blessed with a drive. You were blessed with an ambition. And if you don't put those things out in the world, that's not what you're supposed to do, man. So.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Dude, it makes me think too, it's like, you know, you kind of touched on it's like, how much of that is just internal noise? You're creating, you know what I'm saying? Like it's just static, you're creating on your own, bro.

• 10:27Andy Frisella?

  Dude, it's the same thing. Look dude,

• 10:31Andy Frisella?

  I can remember

• 10:34Andy Frisella?

  random people that I don't even really remember or know outside of that one or two things they said to me like that. Okay, and what it makes you believe is that that person is constantly running around saying that shit about you. No, that person was drunk or in a bad mood or frustrated or angry and they showed their own insecurity and they projected it on you. That's what happened.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  That's all that is. Yeah.

• 11:01Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, it's probably a fleeting statement. I know this for sure.

• 11:07Andy Frisella?

  I remember the people who said all these things to me and there's been a number of times where I've run into those people. And I've said it back to them and I've said, hey, remember when you said that? I think we're doing all right now. And I'll say it as a joke. I don't say it as like, hey, fuck you.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:22Andy Frisella?

  I'll smile and we'll make a joke out of it, even though on the inside I'm like, yeah, fuck you.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  That's right. Right. Eat that shit.

• 11:27Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. So, but, uh, but dude, every single time they don't remember it. They don't, they'll say, I didn't say that. And I'll be like, dude.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Fuck you did. Yeah, right.

• 11:37Andy Frisella?

  That was 20 years ago. You think I'm fucking making it up? I remember it. And, uh, they never do. And, and dude, the reason they don't remember is because it's a fleeting thing that they're spouting off. And so many people kill their dreams and their, their, their life and everything that they could have been because of some fucking moron. At one point in your life, you've said this one thing and you've probably run into three or four of those people. And those things stick with you and that's okay, dude, because you can use that shit. I mean, fuck dude, I used all of that shit to build myself into who I am. And I still use it. I still fucking think about those things intentionally.

• 12:15Andy Frisella?

  But, you know, I know what I'm really dealing with here. What I'm dealing with is some idiot who said some dumb shit. And I'm sworn out to understand that, but I still use it.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:25Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Dude, one, one other thing too, that we've talked about before off air, bro. And it, it, it hits me because I think this is important for the young crowd too. If more people knew how much good it comes from winning.

• 12:38Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Like, and you described this once to me. It's like, you know, because when you were young, you wanted the fucking Countach.

• 12:44Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  How many jobs, how many careers have you created because you wanted that fucking Countach?

• 12:49Andy Frisella?

  Correct. Thousands.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? If more people knew how much good it comes from fucking just winning.

• 12:54Andy Frisella?

  I mean, how, we just had Cars and Coffee.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:56Andy Frisella?

  I, do, do you remember the kid that came up? He's like, bro, your, your Lambo was the first one I ever saw on Manchester Road.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:02Andy Frisella?

  When I was like eight years old.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:04Andy Frisella?

  I got a lawn care business. I'm doing this and this and this. Okay. That's the shit that happens. Okay. And you don't know it. And so like, that's even taking it further. Like not only should you go out and win, you should let it shine a little bit. And, and walk in that fucking power because dude, that's extremely impactful for people. And I know it's uncomfortable. I had a buddy of mine. Who uh sold his company for over a billion dollars and you know his share was a few hundred million dollars. Okay. Now, when the transaction happened, he was like a hundred K in debt. You know, he didn't have a lot of money and it changed his life. And I saw on his social media

• 13:47Andy Frisella?

  the other day, like somebody had made a comment about like kind of a hater comment, right? And he put it on the social media, made a reel. He's like, yeah, but here's what you don't see and this and that and kind of explained himself. And I sent him a DM and I said, hey, I said, never, ever, ever let those people affect you. You have to understand your story is incredible. You did all that work. They could have done that same shit. They could have went out and did these things. You did that. And that's inspired so many people that you will never even know. The ripple effect of what you've done is so impressive. And if you keep the

• 14:26Andy Frisella?

  results of that to yourself, you're hurting other people. You're hurting them. You're keeping them from, dude, there could be a kid out there like little Andy who sees that and it snaps him into like, holy shit dude, I'm gonna do something great. Okay. And this guy, bro, he, I will say this, okay, I know a lot of guys with a lot of money and none of them know how to spend it as good as me. Okay. Like, you know what I mean? Buy dumb shit and they don't know what the fuck they're doing. This guy's cool. Like he built a, he built a really cool three level loft apartment in a high rise and it's like all James Bondish and super classic. So badass. And he's starting

• 15:11Andy Frisella?

  to get into cars and do all these things. And he's nervous about people thinking so. I'm like, how can they hurt you? You already fucking sold. They're not gonna hurt you.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, what are they gonna say shitty fucking penthouse?

• 15:21Andy Frisella?

  Bro, you know, it's just tie that shit into your journey, man. Let people know where you come from. Let people know your story. So, you know, cause a lot, I just shared this last week on my story for those of you that follow me on Instagram. You know, I put my before and after pictures up there, which I haven't done in a long time. And there were so many people that were like, dude, I didn't even know that you used to be that big. I, I, I've always seen you as you are now. I didn't even know that. That's crazy. That's incredible. And then right after it, I, I shared, I reshared a post off my Instagram that kind of gave the timeline of our entire success story. And I said, I said, for those of you that think that I was somehow this just was the way it was this, read this.

• 16:06Andy Frisella?

  Everything I've earned, everything I have in my life, I've earned like literally the hard way. All right. I'm not that fucking smart. I'm smart enough to not make the same mistakes over and over again. And I'm tough enough to keep going. And that's why I am where I am. But there were so many people that follow me now that didn't even know that, like they didn't even know how we started. They didn't know that we got the money to start this on $12,000 from painting parking lots. They didn't know that it took us 10 years to make 58 grand total. They didn't know, they didn't know these things. And those are the things that really show people, okay, man, well, maybe I can do this.

• 16:48Andy Frisella?

  All right. So it's very important for you guys to not only pursue what it is you know, you're supposed to pursue. But it's also important to share it and it's also important not fucking apologize for it. You did that. They didn't do that. There's nobody can make me feel bad for what the fuck I've done, bro. They have been here the last 27 motherfucking years. They're not waking up every day, doing the same thing over and over and over for damn near three decades. The only thing they've done that long is eat, breathe and take shits. Okay. So like.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  Not in that order.

• 17:23Andy Frisella?

  So the point is, is that. That's your reward. That's why you do this and it shows people that are like this person right here that's young, has ambitions that like, not only do they have a chance, but it makes them think, man, I need to be that guy for the next thing. And this ties into what we talk about, about personal excellence being the ultimate rebellion. Because when you start the ripple effect, and it's, how many people do we come up to us and say, hey, I lost 70, 80, 100, 200 pounds?

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Hundreds.

• 17:51Andy Frisella?

  Fuck dude, there was a, literally a hundred people that came up today.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Showing before and after pics, bro. Yeah, fuck yeah.

• 17:57Andy Frisella?

  That's coming from me choosing to say, fuck it, I'm going. And that will happen to you too. But you gotta have that courage in the beginning. You gotta let go of this, these two or three or five statements that people say, that they don't even really understand what they're saying or how it affects you. Wipe that shit out, you know, or use it the right way and go out and become what you're supposed to become, man.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  100% dude. 100% guys, Andy, we got question number two. Andy, I own a small business and one thing that's been hard for me is accepting that nobody will ever care about it the way I do. I'll stay up stressed about problems, thinking about payroll, customers. Meanwhile, some of my employees are just there for a check and mentally clock out at five. I don't even mean that in like a disrespectful way. I just didn't realize how lonely leadership could feel sometimes. How did you deal with that? Does it stop? Did it get better? I really need some help because I know I can't do this by myself.

• 18:57Andy Frisella?

  First of all, what do you expect? Okay, that's an entitled position that you're operating from. There is, you, look, man, that is, you are entitled. You just don't know it. Okay? You expect everybody to care about your thing, the way that you fucking care about your thing? That's not a real thing. Name me one person in a whole world that's like that. People have their own lives. They have their own problems. They have their own goals. They have their own ambitions and dreams. Your job, if you really want people to help you with it, is to create a big enough vision to where their dreams can fit underneath that umbrella. Then you will figure out that they actually care about that. Okay? They

• 19:38Andy Frisella?

  don't care about your shit. They care about your shit when they can build their shit with your shit. And that's what you have to understand. The, nobody's gonna care like you. Nobody's gonna wanna do the work you're wanting to do. And for you to expect that, for, for other people to trade all of their life to do something that is just a job, that's not real. And if you want them to step up and help, you have to be able to create it so their dreams can be accomplished. And I'm gonna be real dude, that's the most rewarding thing of having big goals and dreams and building big shit. Because when you could create a situation where other people do have the opportunity to do that, and then they do it, it's incredibly rewarding.

• 20:20Andy Frisella?

  Alright, so, if you want them to care like you care, then you have to create opportunity by making the vision so much bigger than just for yourself. When you do that, you will find the right people that will step up and say, "Fuck yeah, I'm gonna do that. Fuck yeah, that's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna contribute to that." Now, all of a sudden, they're invested in it. Now, they do care. They're still not gonna care like you care. Okay? Now, to address the loneliness part, this is why it's important to be surrounded by other people who are on the same path. You can't hang around people who are quote-unquote "regular employees" and you're that kinda person and then feel like they even understand you at all. So, you need to look at things where you could be, you know, plugged in

• 21:06Andy Frisella?

  with other people with the same goals. This is why we have, and I have, Arate Syndicate. This is what Operator Standard is. It's people who are driven. It's people who wanna win. It's people who are leading. It's people who are creating and becoming and doing big things. And when you surround yourself with people like that, you're not lonely anymore. Now, you actually have shit to talk about. Okay? Because if you try to hang around your old friends when you're on this new path, you're gonna go to dinner with them and you're gonna be talking about all the things you're doing, and they're gonna hear it as bragging. Okay? People who are on the same path, they just hear this as like, "Oh, that's my life too. That's this and this and this." So, you've gotta figure out how to actively surround yourself with people who are on the same kinda path as you are, and

• 21:47Andy Frisella?

  you'll feel much less lonely. And like I said, that is why Arate Syndicate exists. That is why,

• 21:55Andy Frisella?

  The community aspect of the operator standard exists. Okay, it's not part of the technology, but it is the community part. These people are driven, they're hungry, they want to win. And when you're around people like that, you don't feel lonely.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, on the, on the piece for the employee side, right? Like when you're, how, how, first question is, how long were you in business before you realized that lesson there?

• 22:16Andy Frisella?

  11 years.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  11 years, yeah. And then what, what, how did you find was the easiest way to kind of implement? Like, how did you realize what the goals were? Or like, did you intend, like, go figure out, hey, what are your goals, guys? Cool, let me make this bigger or like, how did that work?

• 22:28Andy Frisella?

  No, I, I, I had, I had a revelation, like, I, I just, I realized if I want this to be big, just like she said, I can't do it alone. And, and that means that the, I'm not going to be able to, like, a lot of people come in here, dude, and they're like, well, how do you find all these people? It's like, dude, we don't, first of all, we don't find them. Okay, we hire for character, teach for skill. We hire for ambition and drive, we teach for skill. We, we hire for hunger, we teach for skill. So it's a different process when you go to find people. But secondly, and more importantly, you have to understand that these people are choosing to bet on you.

• 23:12Andy Frisella?

  And when people choose to bet on you, you have an obligation to them to create a path for them to accomplish what they want to accomplish. And it's hard for somebody with massive dreams to understand that not everybody wants the same shit. What you might want and see as success is generally not what everybody else wants. What they want, it, like, you might want to build a, a 10 million or 100 million dollar company. These people want to make a great living, they want to contribute to something that matters, they want to be recognized for their contributions, and they want to have fun and be able to then go do their other things, you know, whatever their life, their life is.

• 23:53Andy Frisella?

  You know, and that's another thing, it's like, dude, when you pick entrepreneurship as a path, you have to understand, it is not a job, it is, it, you're, you're, it's an identity. Okay, it becomes your life. All right, entrepreneurship is a lifestyle. It's not a, it's not a career, it's a lifestyle, it's all encompassing, it bleeds into everything if you want to win. And, uh, not everybody wants that. They just don't, they see the stress, they see the, they see the, the weight, they see these things.

• 24:25Andy Frisella?

  They, people don't want that. They want to do well, and they want to do well enough so they're not struggling. They can, you know, live a lifestyle they want.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Maybe a vacation a year.

• 24:33Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, or a couple, or whatever, you know, like, but most, you got to understand, dude, if you're an entrepreneur, man, generally, your dreams and goals for yourself are much bigger than everybody else. And here's the beautiful part. If you could create a bigger, big enough vision where they're all bought in and they want to win, your, your goals happen too. So, everybody wins. But you have to look at it like an obligation, okay? Like, this is how I look at it. If someone bets on me, okay, and, and, let's just use an example. Someone comes and they say, I want to be a part of something that Andy's doing. And they have a family, and they have a wife, and they might have a kid. I take that obligation to them very seriously. I take that as, okay,

• 25:17Andy Frisella?

  well, they're betting on me, so I have to perform. I have to create that path. And that's the best kind of pressure you can have, because once you start to have a little bit of money, and you get a little comfortable, and this is where a lot of business owners operate, dude, you know, you could tell when people come in here, and they say things like, where do you find all these people? They are expecting their people to trade their life for a fucking check. And that isn't how it works. They're, they're betting on you for a career and a lifestyle that they do not have currently. And if you're someone who runs a company, and you have employees, and it's just about you, and your mentality is, well, I pay them to do a job, you're gonna fucking limit out. You're gonna, you're gonna get to a top,

• 26:01Andy Frisella?

  and it's not gonna be very high, and the people around you are gonna end up fucking hating you. And that's how it's gonna be. So, the only real way that you can do it is to expand your vision to such a level, that the people that do work for you have a path to create their dreams inside of that. And when you do that, that's when you get the buy-in, that's when you get people that do care tremendously about the outcome. And while they may not care as much as you, they're gonna care a lot. And that's what's gonna help drive everything forward. And then, then, as you win, they're gonna win too. And once they understand that, then it solves your problem.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Love it, man. Guys, Andy, our third and final question. Guys, Andy, question number three. I think one of my biggest problems is that I hate being bad at things. If I'm not naturally good at something pretty quickly, I get frustrated, I lose interest, which sucks because I know every skill worth having takes time to develop. But when you were building your business or improving yourself early on, how did you stay committed long enough to get through the phase where you honestly just kind of sucked at shit?

• 27:12Andy Frisella?

  Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think you're the only person in the history of Earth that's going to step into something that you've never done before and be great at it on the first day? Like, where, where, where do you come from? Like, what, what, you must be really great at everything.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  We're in the presence of greatness.

• 27:33Andy Frisella?

  Can you please teach me that skill? Okay, because nothing that I've ever done in my entire life have I been good at the day I started, or the next month, or even the next year, and sometimes the next 10 years. Who do you actually think that you are? You know what you have? You have a fucking arrogance problem. Okay, you are not better than anybody else. You are not going to pick up a guitar and be fucking Angus Young. You are not going to step on a football field and be fucking Tom Brady. You're, what the fuck are you talking about? Everybody's bad as shit when they start. Who do you think you are, dude?

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 28:14Andy Frisella?

  I'm serious. Like, dude, you are fucking arrogant and you need to humble yourself and you need to realize that to be great at anything, you have to be willing to fall on your fucking face over and over and over again. And guess what? You gotta be able to do it in front of the whole world. But here's the thing. They aren't willing to do it. And that's why they point, and that's why they laugh, and that's why they giggle. But I can promise you, if you keep showing up day after day after day, year after year after year, eventually, they're not going to laugh anymore. They're not going to point the finger and fucking say, "Ha, ha, ha." You're going to be saying, "Ha." You're gonna be saying, I told you bitch, I told you I was gonna do this.

• 28:56Andy Frisella?

  But that doesn't come on fucking day one, and it doesn't come on year one, and it doesn't come on year three. It comes after a total commitment to your craft. And eventually you become who it is you want to become, and you can, you can go out there and you can handle the things and you can do the thing and you could become great. But like dude, this idea, and I don't know where this comes from. But this idea that you are gonna be great at something the first day that you try, or the first month, or the first year. That comes from a place of arrogance. You have to understand dude, you are no better and no smarter than anybody else. I still know that about myself. Do you know why I'm here seven days a week? Do you know why I'm a student of everything else?

• 29:41Andy Frisella?

  Do you know why I still read every day? Because I know I'm not that fucking good. I know what I am, okay? I know who I am. I know I'm not gifted, I know I'm not talented, and for that reason, I am willing to do the shit that makes me appear that I'm really great. But that greatness, which I am great at certain things. But that's only come after being not great for fucking years dude, so.

• 30:09Andy Frisella?

  You need to fucking get humble. That's what it comes down to, okay? You're gonna be bad, you're gonna suck, you're gonna fall down, you're probably gonna lose girlfriends, you're gonna lose boyfriends, you're gonna fucking probably go broke, you're probably gonna have to move in a shittier house and drive a shittier car. You're gonna make mistakes in public, and especially on social nowadays, and everybody's gonna be like, ah, look at this fucking idiot. All you gotta do is get the fuck back up, figure out why you fell, and not do the shit again and keep going. And then that adds to your skill set, that adds to your knowledge base. And then as you go, you stop stumbling over these little things. You, you start learning to anticipate and how to operate, and how to do things in an effective fashion.

• 30:54Andy Frisella?

  And then when you do things in an effective fashion for long enough, they become second nature. When they become second nature, greatness is right around the corner. So dude, you gotta realize, there's nothing, there's, listen.

• 31:08Andy Frisella?

  If you can't deal with that, you can't win. You can't. If you can't deal with getting laughed at or falling down or being bad at shit, you're not gonna win, bro. You're not gonna win. And by the way, wherever the fuck you came from, that you're great at everything, I would appreciate if you would come and teach me how to do that because I still don't fucking know how to do it.

• 31:30Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Dude, do you think that the disconnect is, man, because like I look at some, okay, like Brady, you take Brady, right? People just see Brady now. They didn't see the fucking years of practice.

• 31:39Andy Frisella?

  Tom Brady was like the last dude drafted.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Bro.

• 31:41Andy Frisella?

  Fucking NFL.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Bro.

• 31:43Andy Frisella?

  Okay. Do you, do you think that Tom Brady just said, oh, man, you know, I guess I fucking the last guy drafted, uh, I, fuck, I guess I'm not good. No, he said, fuck that. I'm the last guy drafted. I'm gonna fucking show everybody. And he, dude, and this lasted through his whole career. He studied more. He worked harder. He showed up earlier. He left later. He was willing to do the things that other people will not do or cannot do. And he did those things long enough to eventually the ball started rolling. And when the ball started rolling, he got better and better and better and better. To the point where he's winning a fucking Super Bowl like 45 fucking years old, man. Okay? Which is unheard of. All right?

• 32:28Andy Frisella?

  But this does not come on day one. It doesn't come on month one. It doesn't come on year one. We're talking about a decade. We're to even

• 32:40Andy Frisella?

  get kinda good. And the timeline gets skewed.

• 32:45Andy Frisella?

  I think a lot because of what you said, right? They see the end result, but they don't see the path. And a lot of people don't share the path. Okay. Because a lot of people, when they do become great, they love to appear as if. It's them, okay, like a lot of people on social media and even a lot of athletes and you know, they like to, they like to make it seem like they're just superhuman person because it feeds their ego. But the truth of the matter is dude, that's, that's not true for any of them. What the truth is, is there was a time when everybody laughed at them. There was a time where they got embarrassed. There was times where they fell on their face, tons of them. And those are the things that ended up making them great.

• 33:27Andy Frisella?

  So you have to look at this completely different than what you're looking at it. And instead of like trying to avoid the mistakes, be happy and be grateful when they happen because of what you're learning and understand and keep in mind that that mistake that you made today that was embarrassing as fuck, you're not going to make that mistake again. And other people are, all right? And at, this is why the gap between, this is why it's so hard to close the gap on someone who's got momentum in like business. Like for example,

• 34:02Andy Frisella?

  I never had anything handed to me. Okay, I never had anybody invest in me. I never, nobody ever helped me. We, we didn't have the fucking social media, which is probably a blessing because I get my mind filled with a bunch of bullshit.

• 34:16Andy Frisella?

  I had to figure it the fuck out, okay? The hard way. I had to try, fail, try, fail, try, fail for years. And here's why that's such a good thing. Because a lot of people in business that you will compete with may have a connection or they may get an investment or they might have rich parents. Or they might have got parents to finance them. And so they appear to grow very fast. And they get in a place where, you know, oh, they're doing better than you. But here's the thing. Just because they might be doing better than you right now, they didn't learn any of those lessons that you have to learn when you start from nothing. They didn't have to learn that.

• 35:00Andy Frisella?

  So what happens is they make those mistakes that you would make when, you know, relatively there's no real risk at making them. And they're making them with a big company, which fucks their company.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  That's why you see them go away quicker.

• 35:11Andy Frisella?

  A quick dude, quick. So, and you know, and usually those same people get real cocky about how great they are too. Okay, because they went from zero to hero so fast. But here's the thing. Somebody like me who went, who had to grind it the fuck, dude, I will fucking destroy those guys. All the lessons that they never learned, those are just things I understand. Like I have to think about them. Right? So it makes you far more competitive down the road. You, you become a fucking savage that nobody can fuck with. Because the people, like right now, all the people on my level, barely any of them started from zero with no help. Or did it, I, I actually don't know any. Okay. I don't know any.

• 35:55Andy Frisella?

  I don't know anybody that owns a company or companies or business portfolio, the size of mine. That has done it with no investment, no VC capital, no, no parents or know any of this shit. And because of that, it, they, they cannot compete with me in the game. You understand? And dude, that compounds over time. Those lessons compound. So when you have a lot on the line and you, and you don't know exactly what you're doing, big mistakes happen. When you've had to grind it out and you've invested and you've built all these skillsets coming from nothing.

• 36:35Andy Frisella?

  Now you are at such a huge competitive advantage, even if the playing field appears to be equal from a sales standpoint or whatever. Right? You want to be the guy who had to grind it out. I'm telling you right now, it might take longer. It's going to be more frustrating, but in the long run, and by the long run, by the time you're 40. Okay. If you start when you're in your twenties, you're going to be so fucking effective in being an operator. That really other people can't fuck with you, man. So, and I'm not saying that shit to brag. There's a lot I don't know, but I know this. There's been a lot of guys who have come and gone, who had a lot of investment, a lot of money. And at some point in time, they may have been ahead of us or think they're ahead of us or whatever they think.

• 37:17Andy Frisella?

  And then they go away. Okay. And we're still here. It's 27 years. Okay.

• 37:24Andy Frisella?

  Nobody gets lucky for 27 years. You know what I'm saying?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want to hit some nuance too because you hit on this about, you know, people not showing the fuckups or the failures, right? Especially now on social media like.

• 37:36Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  And I feel like there's a dichotomy there because you could easily cross in. Okay, well, maybe I do need to show some failures, right? But you can easily cross over into that victim shit, right?

• 37:43Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  What's the line there?

• 37:45Andy Frisella?

  Tell the story, tell how you overcome it, show where you are now.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  And just keep moving.

• 37:50Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, it's a formula.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:52Andy Frisella?

  Show, it's actually this, show where you are now. Tell the story of how you got there. Show where you started. Okay, that's how you get people to connect all the shit.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it, dude.

• 38:03Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  That's easy, bro. That was three, dawg.

• 38:05Andy Frisella?

  Yep, that's three, not a little short one today. Yep.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Hey, 38.

• 38:11Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys, we will see you tomorrow on CTI. Don't be a hoe.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Share the show.