Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Ex

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a story about a crazy ex. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse. Today is Crazy X. Tell us about your Crazy X.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  People have Crazy X's out there.

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  They do.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  They have a history.

• 0:14Dax Shepard?

  I think I have one. I don't think it was realized till after. Now, this, I gotta give a disclaimer to this. Obviously, this should have been foreseen. Obviously, Crazy X entails some stalking. So if that's an experience you had, this probably

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Isn't for you.

• 0:34Dax Shepard?

  It's, you want to skip it.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  At least skip the first two. Yeah.

• 0:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Skip the first two.

• 0:44Speaker 01

  The other two.

• 0:44Dax Shepard?

  Just skip the whole fucking thing.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Just don't listen to this show.

• 0:47Dax Shepard?

  Go get a burrito and a Diet Coke and two martinis and kick your feet up. It's Friday. Enjoy the day off. You've got a day off. No homework today.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Fun.

• 0:57Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy Crazy X's. We get support from Quince.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Okay. Can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 1:22Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this. It just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef Cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:24Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from Quince. Okay. So I have a confession. I'm the worst holiday shopper on the planet. I wait until the last possible second, I panic, and then I end up buying something nobody wants. But this year I've cracked the code and the code is cozy and Quince's bedding makes it so easy because the quality is exceptional. It's the kind of gift people actually use and love long after the holidays.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Yes. Okay. Can we talk about their European linens? Because Quince's 100% European linen gets softer with every wash. Most bedding peaks the day you buy it and then it's all downhill. This is the opposite and their organic cotton bedding is breathable and incredibly soft. It's hotel quality comfort for your own bed.

• 3:25Dax Shepard?

  You crawl into bed and you're like, wait, did I accidentally check into a Four Seasons? Quince just makes it easy to create a bed you'll actually look forward to getting into. And their quilts, coverlets and duvet inserts make any bed and any gift feel complete.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you can get and give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag.

• 3:51Dax Shepard?

  I mean, guys, I put these on the bed of my children. They are wrapping my little babies and I feel great about it.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Mine are striped. They're so cute. They're very fashionable and very comfortable. And it's not just bedding. Quince has everyone on your list covered with Mongolian cashmere sweaters, fine jewelry, leather bags, chef grade cookware, five star luggage and more.

• 4:10Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 4:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness. Look at this wonderful sound booth you've constructed.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  It's my husband's. He has a microphone and headphones. So I was like, thanks babe.

• 4:59Dax Shepard?

  But behind you too, there's a lot of nice sound dampening.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I'm in my baby's nursery in this little nook.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 5:06Dax Shepard?

  How old's your baby?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  He's four months old.

• 5:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, congratulations.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Thank you. He's tiny.

• 5:11Dax Shepard?

  Does he smell delicious?

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Yes, the best. So good. When did that change?

• 5:16Dax Shepard?

  It goes on for quite a while. Are we using your real name?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  My name's fine, but everyone else will change names.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Just because.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  And so you're not named after Carly Simon because you would have spelled it differently.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Actually, my mom, my name was Sierra and then she was putting my nursery together and she heard a Carly Simon song. So she changed it.

• 5:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  My dad came home. He was like, why does her room say Carly now? And she's like, I changed her name.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  So you are named after her?

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, just spelled different.

• 5:50Dax Shepard?

  I guess that's permitted.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 5:52Dax Shepard?

  You like when people spell names. You and I have talked about this in the past, Monica.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  A little bit differently.

• 5:57Dax Shepard?

  You like that, yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 5:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay. You have a crazy ex. I mean, everyone does, but you have a crazy ex that we're gonna hear about.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  I was so excited when I saw the prompt. I was like, yes.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  So I can't wait to hear Monica go, oh my God. What the fuck?

• 6:16Dax Shepard?

  We'll set the stage for us.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Let's hear it.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Yes. So it was in 2013. I was a couple of years out of college. I met this guy, we won't name him. When I was in college, he just lived in the college town, but he didn't actually go to school one of those. And he sold weed. So that's a big part of the story. He was a dirtbag.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Not my proudest boyfriend moment.

• 6:40Dax Shepard?

  What was it about him that tickled you? Your fancy was he gorgeous or something?

• 6:44Speaker 02

  He was cute. You know, in college, you're drinking a lot. We met at a party and it was fun. That continued for a couple of years, but it was never great. But yeah, so we eventually broke up. But I should have mentioned this earlier. He was into graffiti. Graffiti gangs are called crews. I don't know if you guys know anything about this. I'm like so embarrassed to tell this story.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  No, we love learning.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  But yeah, he was in a crew. He always talked about this one specific other graffiti artist in the area that we're from and how he was like this OG person and there's something very particular about this person. I won't say what it is about him because it would totally give it away, but he was like, yeah, that guy's so cool. I'm like, all right, cool.

• 7:24Dax Shepard?

  Wait, can I ask you one quick question? I guess this is maybe a PSA for dudes. My hunch is he was telling you how cool graffiti was and I'm in a crew and this is awesome. You probably weren't ever that enthralled by it, but you're probably placating him like, oh, cool, hon. Yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Pretty much.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  It's hard for us to know us, boys. Like, we're trying to tell you about this thing and you're being nice. And then we're misled to think this is cool.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Cause if you're not nice, then they get mad.

• 7:51Dax Shepard?

  You get graffiti.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get graffiti in the middle of the night.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Just wait till the end of this story.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 7:56Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask how long you were together?

• 7:57Speaker 02

  On and off for a couple of years. But yeah, we break up and I go to a party in a different town with a completely different group of people not connected at all. And I end up meeting this guy and we headed off and then we start dating. Well, it turns out he's like the OG character from another crew. I had no idea at all.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, you have a type.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it's so silly. I'm like, why did I date both of these people who were into all this bullshit? Anyways, so my ex finds out that I was dating this other cat from another crew and starts to tag my house and tag my work.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Tag like all the coffee shops that I go to. Really, really icky. And he's tagging sloppy seconds everywhere. That's how we knew it was him.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  End up moving. He finds out where my new house is. The cops were involved because at that point in time it was like stalking. But I'd be out with friends and I've always had this weird kind of sixth sense thing. My dad has it too. Something's wrong and we can't really explain it. But yeah, I'd be out and I'm like, he's here. My friends would be like, where at? And I'm like, I don't know, but he's here. I gotta go.

• 9:06Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  And I'd like walk out of the bar and he'd be walking around the corner. Or I'd come out of a coffee shop and you'd be like across the street.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 9:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  New guy, I'm still dating him. He's getting pissed at this point in time because obviously like cares about me enough to be like, this is really creepy and messed up. So the funniest part about this whole story is these two dumb graffiti crews. Sorry to anyone that's like super new graffiti. I think at this point in time in my life, I'm like, it's so stupid, the crew thing. But they met at a train yard for like an old school rumble.

• 9:38Dax Shepard?

  No. Oh, I love this part. It's like the outsiders.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Yes. And they ended up fighting. Lots of people were involved. Just so dumb.

• 9:46Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe it. I was like, really? We're still doing that type of thing?

• 9:50Dax Shepard?

  Now, this is a question Monica would never ask, but I will because I'm a boy. Who won and lost? Was there winners and losers?

• 9:55Speaker 01

  There's no winners. Everyone's a loser here.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Everyone's a loser. I agree.

• 10:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay. I just want to know if your valiant boyfriend prevailed.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it got broken up at some point in time, too. I never really got like the full inside scoop of things.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Was there guns involved?

• 10:13Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Okay, just fist fight.

• 10:15Dax Shepard?

  Spray pink hands.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  What if they sprayed each other with?

• 10:18Dax Shepard?

  Classic.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Definitely like ripping shirts off and wearing white tank tops.

• 10:24Dax Shepard?

  I was open to the notion you were gonna say they had a tag off, like a dance off, like they got to a rail yard and they're like, you got that train car? We've got this one. Let's see whose piece is fucking better.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I'm sad because the second guy, he actually did a lot of really cool legal stuff in the city. And the ex would like go over his legal murals and things that were like funded by nonprofits to beautify our city and whatnot. So I just went from that guy's the coolest OG painter. If you ever meet him, let me know. And then I ended up dating that guy.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  That is crazy.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, in his defense, he doesn't deserve any defense, but boy, there couldn't be anything rougher than your ex going to your hero.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Dating your hero. Yeah. That is tough.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  It was not intentional. And I think he definitely thought it was. And I was like, I didn't know.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that does seem so bizarre.

• 11:14Dax Shepard?

  Impossible coincidence. How did it resolve?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Just over time, really. I mean, the cops were involved, so I had like a. No contact order. Eventually it sizzled out.

• 11:23Dax Shepard?

  Did the fight resolve anything? Did he stop tagging up?

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 11:27Dax Shepard?

  It rarely does, I suppose.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  After that, the sloppy seconds and name calling on the buildings outside of my house got a little bit worse at that point in time.

• 11:36Dax Shepard?

  That's a very freaky experience to be walking around and go like, oh, he was there. Oh, he's there.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Leaving tracks.

• 11:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, what he's doing is peeing on things, like a dog.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  It was scary. I was young and I lived by myself.

• 11:50Dax Shepard?

  How long were you with the OG guy?

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Like six years after that.

• 11:56Dax Shepard?

  Is your current husband a misfit of any kind?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  No, he's like the most basic nerdy tech guy of all time. In the best way.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  You have to get it out of your system.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's not anything like I used to date, that's for sure.

• 12:11Dax Shepard?

  Did you ever hear through the grapevine, did he outgrow his angsty shit and is he an artist now?

• 12:17Speaker 02

  I don't think so. When me and the second guy split up, I moved away from that whole scene. No hard feelings with the second one, actually. We're buddies, but I don't think he ever really got his stuff together. But that was the weirdest thing, is he would live in a different city, selling stuff all over the place. And so I'd never know if he was here. So that was like another little piece of it.

• 12:39Dax Shepard?

  You just gave me a great idea, Rob, write down if you ever dated a drug dealer. So you could probably do a different prompt. Like, he have randoms show up at the house? Is he dealing out of the house? Or would he meet people places? And how much money was he making doing this? Was he like fly and had a bunch of around town money?

• 12:55Speaker 02

  A lot.

• 12:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  It wasn't ever at the house. It was more like he'd go places with large amounts in his vehicle.

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, he was dealing in like kilos and stuff.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, bigger amounts of things.

• 13:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. How has it permanently impacted your association with graffiti? When you see graffiti, you just go like, ah, these fucking clowns, or do you like it?

• 13:18Speaker 02

  I'm not going to say that I never had a little tag or doodle that I did. I definitely did that. It was kind of fun. But when I see it on a house or a building, I'm like, yeah, you clowns, really? Anywhere else, it's cool. And a lot of it is really beautiful and amazing. In our city, there are a lot of very talented people. So like, no hate on it, but the whole crew beef is beyond me.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:40Dax Shepard?

  Very immature.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 13:42Dax Shepard?

  I find myself conflicted about it. I'll see some and it's great. It is. It's art. It's beautiful. But then this happens more in Europe, particularly Paris. You'll see this incredible marble statue that is 600 years old and some arrogant fucking narcissist spray painted all over it to get his own glory. It's gotta be him. And I'm like, it was making me irrationally upset.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  I kind of feel the same way. I'm like, that's so disrespectful. Like, go do it on the dumpster.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 14:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Carly, what's clear from this conversation is you're a catch. Everyone's lining up.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 14:15Dax Shepard?

  You're spending no time alone. So congrats.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks.

• 14:20Dax Shepard?

  You went two, six, and then married.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Thanks for sharing.

• 14:23Dax Shepard?

  Meeting you.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  You do. Thank you. I have to give shout outs. They're going to be so upset if I don't. So my mom said I have to tell you that she was very sad that Bless This Mess didn't continue.

• 14:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank her on my behalf.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  And Parenthood was her favorite show. She was like, you have to tell Dax. I said, okay, mom. And then my sister and my best friend are also arm cherries.

• 14:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, lovely meeting you. Shout out to mom. Thank you, mom. Keep consuming all those things. And shout out sister and best friend.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Thanks, guys.

• 14:52Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 14:58Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to look at my veins, you pervert?

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Always.

• 15:03Dax Shepard?

  You're in a doctor's office, so my presumption was you like veins.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Yes, I do like veins. I'm a nurse. I'm here in my clinic room. I was supposed to be seeing a patient, but.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  A doctor is seeing them for me.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Oh, amazing.

• 15:18Dax Shepard?

  We're not preventing someone from medical care.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:21Dax Shepard?

  Jackie, are we using your real name?

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's my real name.

• 15:25Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. And where in the world are you, other than a doctor's office?

• 15:28Speaker 03

  New Orleans, Louisiana, which is also where the story takes place.

• 15:32Dax Shepard?

  We don't get a lot of New Orleans callers.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  We don't, and I love New Orleans.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  I know. You did have some Tulane talk on one of your recent experts. Yeah, that's like a heavy woman college.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Right, on Malcolm, maybe.

• 15:43Dax Shepard?

  It was Malcolm. Yeah, it's like becoming a woman's college.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:47Dax Shepard?

  That whole area around there, the Garden District and all that stuff is so dreamy.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  I've been here since right before Katrina, when I started college at Tulane.

• 15:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. And where are you from originally?

• 15:57Speaker 03

  I'm from New Rochelle, New York.

• 15:59Dax Shepard?

  That's a big move.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  We're probably about the same age then.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  We're exactly the same age. I'm September 87.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Ah, wow.

• 16:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God. Are you a Virgo?

• 16:08Speaker 03

  I'm totally a Virgo.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 16:09Dax Shepard?

  Girls.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  You have the same birthday as my little brother, who is just a few years younger.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Lots of crossover.

• 16:15Dax Shepard?

  Do you find when Monica and I have dust ups, that you being the same age and a Virgo, are you always on her side?

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Not always. It's half and half.

• 16:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay. You're giving us a very fair shake.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  I hang on y'alls everywhere. I don't even mind the toe fungus talk.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  Oh, well, there's more of it.

• 16:31Dax Shepard?

  Big update today, and you'll even get a visual.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll get to see it.

• 16:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Jackie, you have a crazy ex story, and we're dying to hear it.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  I do. I missed the stalker prompt, so when crazy ex came by, I thought I have to try and submit.

• 16:48Dax Shepard?

  You know what's funny, Jackie, that you would say that is we've only talked to one other person, and it immediately occurred to me, these are generally probably gonna be stalkery.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  So this took place in New Orleans in 2007, 2008, was my very first boyfriend I ever had. It was my junior year of college. We met working at the same restaurant. He was a bartender and I was a server, and we dated for, I want to say, maybe 18 months. And he was kind of like on the hippie side. He loved music. We'd go to Bonnaroo. And one of his birthdays, I made him like an entire binder full of burned CDs from the 60s and 70s, very Beatles heavy. So we did that a lot together. And, you know, I enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, but I was young. I was like 18. And ultimately, he turned out to be a little controlling. I think. Crazy. He just didn't like it if I would wear makeup to class or dress up nice.

• 17:37Dax Shepard?

  Aye.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:38Dax Shepard?

  That's a little more than little controlling.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  That's red flaggy for sure.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  It was red flags. It was my first boyfriend. I didn't know any better.

• 17:45Dax Shepard?

  And when you're naive, I guess there's some side of you that it's flattering, right? Like, oh my God, he thinks I'm so hot, it's dangerous if I am wearing.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  He's so protective of our relationship. He's scared. He's threatened. I'm so hot.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I ultimately realized that he was controlling. And again, I was so young and it was not serving me anymore. So I thought, whatever, we're breaking up. I don't want to be with you anymore. So we broke up and he did not take it well.

• 18:18Dax Shepard?

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• 19:00Dax Shepard?

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• 19:41Speaker 01

  That's when you Really need to ground yourself.

• 19:43Dax Shepard?

  Exactly. And that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole no bull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex, and the Drive Two. I like the Drive Two because it's a hybrid and I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps. Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility. And boy, do they deliver.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 20:24Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines. And it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of a closet.

• 20:41Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobolproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 21:03Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation. And I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It's only like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds.

• 21:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Recently.

• 21:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 21:37Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  It was a mess. I need a new one.

• 21:40Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night. Happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic. The experts agree.

• 22:02Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair. This episode is brought to you by Dell. Gifts mean more when they have the power to give more. They can inspire more discovery, give more confidence and unwrap more of who you are. This Black Friday, give a gift that goes beyond the box. The Dell XPS 13 laptop. With a beautiful design and cutting edge performance, it helps you unlock more possibilities. It's the thinnest, lightest XPS laptop yet.

• 22:45Dax Shepard?

  With touchscreen, a backlit keyboard and long lasting battery life to power you through your day. Built with a durable aluminum chassis, weighing just 2.2 pounds and Intel Core processors. It's fast, reliable and portable enough to keep up wherever you go. Visit dell.com to explore the possibilities of XPS. While shopping, you'll also find great perks like Dell Rewards. Fast free shipping, premium support and financing with flexible payment options. Plus, you can find great deals on monitors and accessories. That means you can score a whole new setup now for less. This Black Friday sale is one you don't want to miss. Head to dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  It started with he would come to the house at all hours of the day and night. I lived on a second floor duplex apartment and I had a little deck outside of my window. It wasn't like a porch. It was like a little deck you could sit on and he would sit up there and do creepy things like he would whistle or knock at my window. I would never be able to get out there fast enough to catch him. And then it started the non-stop phone calls, like hundreds. Hundreds a day, all hours of the day and night. I couldn't even use my phone. So I changed my phone number, but I kept my old phone because it was just cheaper to let that contract run out. So I had both phones with me, which is important to a later part in the story. It just kept ramping up. I blocked him and he would call me from restricted numbers. So I just left that phone alone. I tried to move on with my life,

• 24:21Speaker 03

  but it didn't really stop. I would like notice weird things happening to me around the city. I went to a male friend of mine's house and we were just hanging out at his house and my car alarm kept going off at his house. So I went outside to check and nobody was there. I just kept turning it off. I went back into his room and he said, did you just call me? I said, no, I didn't call you. I'm here. He said, that's so weird. I have this phone call from Jackie right here. And he showed me the phone and the phone call had come from my old phone number, which was back at my apartment.

• 24:55Dax Shepard?

  We're now we're like we're veering into psychopath.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  I went back to my apartment and it was totally trashed. He had broken into the apartment, rumbled through all my things, taken the phone.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  Taking the paintings off of my walls and just gone wild. During all this stuff happening, I tried to get my dad involved and he tried to call him and he would just deny, deny, deny. He was like, this is not me. I'm not doing any of this. You're paranoid.

• 25:19Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask you a question? And I don't want to victim shame, but it is always curious to me and I just want to explore why. People are very resistant to calling the police. Did you want to call the police? Did you call the police? Why didn't you call the police?

• 25:32Speaker 03

  I called the police. I tried to call when he was doing the whistling on my porch, but by the time they got there, he wasn't there. I did file a restraining order, but they realistically told me this is just a piece of paper. Just watch out for yourself. I reported him to my campus police. He didn't go to the same college that I went to. So I like gave them his picture, but it was just kind of like, okay, be on the lookout.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did everything you could do.

• 25:56Dax Shepard?

  I'm so sorry, ladies. It's so scary.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  It really affected my health. I was rapidly losing weight. I was really stressed out, couldn't eat. I went on a date with another guy months later. We went to the movies and I drove and on the way we were listening to. I think the Marshall Mathers LP and we went into the movies and we came out and when we came out, it wasn't playing Eminem anymore. It was blasting the Beatles.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Oh my.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  At that point, I thought, okay, he definitely stole my extra set of car keys. And that's why when I was around the city, he would like set off my panic button. And I knew it was him because who else was going to be blasting this Beatles music that we have listened to together?

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 26:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, man.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  And at that point, it had been a long time. The entire experience of him stalking me was more than a year, maybe a year and a half that it happened. So at that point, I was past fear and I was really angry. I remember that CD issue being the final straw and I grabbed a friend of mine and I confronted him at his job. He was working at a grocery store at that time and I went in with my friend with the Beatles CD and I just accosted him at his job. And I said, I know this was you. I know you've been doing this. You've been following me and loud in the middle of the store. And that spooked him. And he said, oh, please, please, just meet me outside. And then at that point, he admitted to everything. He said, it's been me this whole time. I'm so sorry. I couldn't get over it and I just had to do what I had to do.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  And I'm gonna leave you alone. I swear I'm gonna leave you alone. Can you just come to my house and I'll give you your things that I have of yours?

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Which is another red flag. I did go, but I brought some people with me. And I went to his apartment and he handed me this big cardboard box of all of the things that he had taken from my house. So it was like my clothing and just random things that honestly I didn't really care about if I had them or not. And he said, well, I have this one last thing to give to you. And what it was, was a journal that I had. And in typical fashion, I would get a journal and write maybe five pages in it and then forget it existed.

• 27:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  So he had taken it and he had filled the entire journal full of this long letter to me. I still have it to this day.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  My God, this is so, this is like seven.

• 28:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's like a movie.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  So this is like how much I wrote in it and then the rest of the journal is what he wrote. So it was just full of pictures and like one long letter of like pressed flowers.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Just ripped out.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  And just like letters that I had written to him. There was one part where he would censor what he wrote. I don't know if you guys could see this.

• 28:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he redacted things. Hey, Jackie, when you were with him for the year and a half, did you get any sense that he was like unstable? Other than the like controlling stuff, was he dealing with other issues in his life in a bizarre way?

• 28:46Speaker 03

  A little bit. He came from somewhat of a broken family. His parents weren't together, but overall he was happy. And the couple of pages that I did write in the journal, I did mention that we had fights here and there. I don't remember. I guess we were always having little fights.

• 29:00Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Well, he's trying to control you and you're probably pushing back and it's probably endless.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  I'd studied women's studies at Tulane. I was just not having it. At the time I didn't think, I just said, okay, never mind. See you later. But I thought this journal was so interesting because I know you guys always talk about journaling. It is a letter written to me, but over the like year and a half that he wrote in this journal, he eventually comes to terms with accepting it and being okay with it. It ends up being really a note to himself.

• 29:28Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  So it was obviously very therapeutic for him to have finished this journal.

• 29:33Dax Shepard?

  It's a weird testament to the power of journaling, but here we are. I'm shocked he gave it to you. I would have thought maybe he'd want it for himself.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  It's also creepy to give it to you.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  Yes. He did also give me back the car keys and the phone. So I did get all of that stuff back too.

• 29:48Dax Shepard?

  And was that truly it? Did you never bump into him again?

• 29:51Speaker 03

  It was truly it for the stalking part of it. Fast forward to 10 years later is 2018. Also my very first date with my now husband and we were just wandering around the French Quarter and we were in the back of the French Quarter where it's real quiet, not Bourbon Street party time. I was showing him an old apartment I used to live in, which this ex-boyfriend I don't think knew about, but I spotted him. He was across the street on the same street that we were on. And he was with another guy and we shared quick eye contact. We didn't acknowledge each other or anything like that. From there, that was truly it. I never saw him or heard from him again.

• 30:24Dax Shepard?

  God, that's what makes these things so complicated and maddening. Like, how is anyone to figure out which one will get over it and which one? Is gonna escalate and like you're dealing with something that's kind of illogical and already doesn't make much sense. And yeah, it must be so stressful trying to figure out like, how serious is this threat?

• 30:41Speaker 01

  How danger? Yeah.

• 30:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. How much danger am I in?

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember it being very stressful at the time. I'm happy to report there was no real lasting effects from it. I'm happily married and I feel like in good health now.

• 30:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  What a story.

• 30:53Dax Shepard?

  I hate how many women have these stories. I really hate it.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Bonkers.

• 30:57Dax Shepard?

  Now, when the show Nurse Jackie came out, were you delighted or upset?

• 31:00Speaker 03

  I don't really mind. People say it all the time. Like, oh, Nurse Jackie. And the funny part is, is right now, one of the doctors I work with, his name is Dr. Google.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 31:09Dax Shepard?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Someone has the last name Google?

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's spelled differently, but pronounced Google.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Dr. Google and Nurse Jackie in one practice.

• 31:16Dax Shepard?

  This sounds like a comedy sketch.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Well, thanks for sharing that. Sorry to make you rehash it.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Well, that's okay. I'm so happy to talk to you guys. I truly hang on your every word. I love all the shows.

• 31:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Very sweet. We appreciate you.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Can I just give a quick shout out to my fellow armchairy Heather? Our whole text thread is all armchair stuff.

• 31:37Dax Shepard?

  Heather, thanks for listening as well.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Thanks, guys.

• 31:39Dax Shepard?

  All right. Nice meeting you. Take care.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 31:42Dax Shepard?

  Sweet pie.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:44Dax Shepard?

  I want her as a nurse.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  That's so shitty.

• 31:47Dax Shepard?

  It is. You're just like in an innocent relationship in college and it turns into this horror show. Did someone trash my apartment?

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 31:56Dax Shepard?

  I mean, oh, they're not afraid of the law.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 31:59Dax Shepard?

  I'm trying to think of the grossest, weirdest thing I've done in a breakup.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  What have you done?

• 32:04Dax Shepard?

  You know, slashed tires and smashed windshields and no.

• 32:11Dax Shepard?

  I was my worst self when I got cheated on in 12th grade.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  And didn't you do something bad?

• 32:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, I tried to fight the boy who fucked her.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Have sex with her. Be respectful. They made love.

• 32:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, dearie. I'm gonna go to your house now.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  He was really good. He was really, really good.

• 32:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Best lovemaking of her life.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  Hi Dex and Monica, how are you?

• 32:32Dax Shepard?

  Nice to meet you Chris. You look like you could definitely be in Lynyrd Skynyrd.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  You got a real Skynyrd look and I love it.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, where are you?

• 32:42Speaker 04

  I am an hour south of Louisville, Kentucky.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 32:47Dax Shepard?

  I love how people from Louisville say Louisville.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you like to say that.

• 32:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  I'm from Tacoma, Washington, so I had to learn to say it right.

• 32:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure, sure, sure. Okay, so you have a crazy ex, which is a bit of a relief, I gotta say, because we've talked to two women and it's just...

• 33:02Speaker 01

  And they're horrific stories.

• 33:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they're horrific and these poor women are terrified, so if we can hear from a terrified man, that would help right the ship a little bit.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Great, cool. So, this takes place back near Tacoma, Seattle area in Washington in 2008. My senior year of high school, I started dating a girl who I had known. We went to junior high, high school together. She was on the high school cheer team, but she was also in theater.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Was she me?

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. Things are going great. We start dating about halfway through senior year. So when we start dating, she says, just so you know, I am saving myself for marriage. Totally okay with that.

• 33:38Dax Shepard?

  Already, you're a much better guy than most. You're totally okay with that, that's great.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Well, I wasn't like stoked about it.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  You loved her.

• 33:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you respected it, yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  And other things were happening. Graduation, we, at this point, were in love and she says, I want you to be my first time. I was like, okay, well, I'm not ready to get married. And she's like, no, no, no, I don't want to wait anymore. So we actually do have a couple legitimate conversations about it. And then I end up taking her virginity. It's a pretty great summer for both of us.

• 34:04Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 34:06Speaker 04

  And I move into an apartment with a couple friends and she just kind of starts coming around unannounced, like she lives there. And my friends were like, hey, it's not really okay. So I had a talk with her and then over the course of two or three months of fall and into winter, she starts getting more clingy. She starts inviting herself to guys' days, like, hey, we're going skateboarding or we're going up to Seattle to go see a movie. And she's like, great, when are we leaving? I'm like, no, this is a guys' thing.

• 34:34Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  And she's like, yeah, but I'm coming with you guys. And I'm like, no, that's not how it works. It just progressively gets worse. Her behavior becomes kind of erratic. I feel really bad. The first thing on my mind is I'm starting to fall out of love with this girl because it's not the girl that I fell in love with. She's acting differently. And then, of course, I also do feel bad, like I did take this person's virginity, and that's very, very sacred to her.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  You can't take that on. You asked.

• 34:58Speaker 04

  So I end up breaking up with her. I do it not the best way. I don't text her, but I don't do it in person. I call her.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Because I knew it's gonna be a huge thing. So I call her and I'm just like, hey, like, this isn't working out. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. And of course, the first thing out of her mouth is, you're not breaking up with me. You took my virginity.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, oh, okay, well, this is tricky.

• 35:19Dax Shepard?

  Oof.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  I don't know what to do in this situation.

• 35:21Dax Shepard?

  I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Guess you're right.

• 35:23Dax Shepard?

  I guess we're still together.

• 35:25Speaker 04

  I'm eighteen. I don't really know how to navigate these kinds of situations. I am not an adult yet. So I basically end up just saying, we can talk about this, but like, I think I want to break up. And so a couple of days later, she comes over. It's a Friday night, and we're having a party because we're eighteen. So there are people in the house. She's like, can we please go in your room and talk? So we go into my bedroom and we start talking. And she's like, so what's this about wanting to take a break? And I was like, no, I want to break up.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  And then she just says like, no, I don't think you can do that. Is that an option? Then I'm like, I'm really sorry. This does suck. This isn't gonna work out. So she does some begging and pleading, and I, of course, feel horrible, but just stand my ground. And then she's got a few things in my room. So she gathers her things, and she's obviously stomping around my room and is huffing. And then she walks out of the room and slams the bedroom door. And then she opens the door back up and puts her hands on her hips. And she goes, by the way, I'm pregnant.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Stop. No, no.

• 36:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so, okay, I'm gonna, okay. Now I'm just gonna let this proceed.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  So I didn't handle that well. And I, at this point, was like ninety-eight percent sure she's lying.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  Right.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Because she's angry. So I just do the dumb eighteen-year-old boy thing of like, oh, okay, you're pregnant. Yeah. I kind of made fun of her.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Monica, I'm sorry. I know. It's not a good look.

• 36:43Dax Shepard?

  Monica, I'm sorry.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  I mean, she's worse off in this situation than you are. Her behavior is worse.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  What my egos allow me to remember is this is the first mistake I make is poking at her.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Right.

• 36:55Speaker 04

  In a very vulnerable moment, even though like you're using this lie as a weapon.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:00Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  She leaves, she calls me a hundred times over like a week. I don't answer. She sends me a text and says, I need you to meet me at store and I wanted to buy some pregnancy tests. And so I'm like, oh, okay. Now I'm kind of scared. Like, okay, maybe she is serious.

• 37:14Dax Shepard?

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  So she comes over in the middle of the day and we have a couple that we're friends with that are there to mediate the tension. And I'm like, I don't want to be alone with her. We go in the bathroom and we take the tests. It's negative.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  We take a second and then a third one. They're all three negative and I'm like jumping for joy. I'm eighteen. I make two hundred and fifty dollars a week. Like, I can't have a kid.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:34Dax Shepard?

  You're living with twelve dudes.

• 37:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm like clapping and I'm like, yes, this is awesome. She's like in tears and I'm like, this is a good thing.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  We broke up. You're not pregnant. And then she goes, well, I just thought if I actually was pregnant, that we could be together.

• 37:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  And I'm like, no, that's not how it works.

• 37:51Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  For one, this imaginary child that you lied about.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  We would have raised them separately. I'm not gonna be with you regardless.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  You would have raised them separately.

• 38:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this conversation right now would be about visitation rights, not about where we're gonna buy a house.

• 38:10Speaker 04

  So I was like, so you did lie about the pregnancy? And she said, yes. And then I'm like, okay. Please gather your things and leave and I don't want to speak to you anymore. So she leaves. My friend and I have the decency to wait till she's out of the apartment to high five.

• 38:25Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  And like, this is a huge relief, even though I knew it was a lie. Just the idea that it's a possibility is terrifying. She starts telling everybody that she miscarried and that that's why she wasn't pregnant. So she's telling everyone in the friend group that like.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  The stress of our breakup and blah, blah, blah. No one believes her.

• 38:40Dax Shepard?

  Thank god.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  I don't look good in this situation, even though I really haven't done anything wrong.

• 38:44Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, you haven't done anything wrong.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  We don't talk. It's the next summer. So like nine months goes by. I have some friends who rented a house on the lake. We're partying. I go to bed early. What do you do in the two thousands? You take someone's phone and you make prank calls. So I have not texted her, I've not called her, she's not reached out to me. One of the people they prank called in my phone was my ex.

• 39:06Dax Shepard?

  So it's your buddies fucking with you. They're like pranking people from your phone? Or you're participating?

• 39:10Speaker 04

  No, I'm asleep.

• 39:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay, great.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  They just sent her some texts and said some things on voicemail. She didn't answer the phone. I had no idea that this had happened. Two days later, there's a sheriff knocking at my door to give me papers for a restraining order.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 39:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Chris.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  I have to go to a hearing and I have to explain like, this is what's going on. I don't have to go to the hearing, but if I don't go, she automatically gets the restraining order, I guess. If I don't show up to defend myself. I'm 19 now. This is how dumb I am. I think a restraining order is like a physical thing. Like, I can't be in her physical realm. So I text her and go like, what's the deal? Why did you get a restraining order against me? And I, at this point, I figured out like what happened with the prank calls. A restraining order, there's zero context. So I screw up, not knowing that you can't text the person and be like, can we be reasonable? I thought it's like, you know, if I go to a coffee shop and she's there, I have to leave.

• 40:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's kind of.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  I would have thought that probably.

• 40:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 04

  So I get a fine. I have to go to a court gate now.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Oh, because of the restraining order?

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I violated the restraining order. So I have to go in front of a judge and say, this is what happened. And he's like, why would you text her? And I'm like, I don't know. You know, I'm a lawyer.

• 40:17Dax Shepard?

  You're right.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  I'm just like, sorry, sir.

• 40:19Dax Shepard?

  You're in your Kalina's t-shirt.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, pretty much. Just skateboarding jeans that don't have holes in them. He basically is just like, she's allowed to have this. You could have gone to the hearing and fought this. I understand your position, because I had proof. I got the phone company involved with call logs. I mean, I told him the whole story. I just told you guys.

• 40:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  You can tell he's just sitting there going like, wow, she's something.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:39Dax Shepard?

  You got your hands full.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  But you did violate a restraining order. So you have to pay the court fee. You have to pay this fine. And this is like a strike one kind of thing, because I don't have a record. And so I'm just like, wow, I'm just like a creep who has a restraining order from an ex-girlfriend. That sucks.

• 40:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I feel like that's on a questionnaire sometimes. Like, have you ever had a restraining order filed against you? It's not like being labeled a sex offender, but it's not great.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  It's not great.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, no lesson to be learned, other than just, I guess, maybe don't take people's virginity.

• 41:08Dax Shepard?

  Monica's not gonna like that takeaway, but I feel very confirmed in my fear. There should be professionals. There should be like sex workers. Their singular business is taking virginity.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  That's the lesson here. Let's start a new field of sex work.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  I have never spoken to her since and the restraining order expired and we've moved on with her life. It's been over 15 years now and I married you, an amazing woman who's like, yeah, you've never shown me any of these signs. Cause I tell the story as kind of like a cocktail party, like a, she has this crazy story I have.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  I know this doesn't make me look good, but it's a funny story, right?

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Everyone's always like, yeah, you didn't do anything wrong.

• 41:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, Chris, it's a damn delight to meet you.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks for chatting with us. That was fun. I'm sorry that happened.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  Thank you both.

• 41:52Dax Shepard?

  All right. Take care, Chris.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  Bye bye.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  I thought a baby was gonna answer the call one day. Pranked her.

• 41:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 41:58Speaker 05

  This is nine months.

• 42:01Dax Shepard?

  That's what you thought the big twist was. And the baby answered and said, dad, dad? The baby knew his number. I thought she was gonna threaten to hurt herself, cause that's pretty common. I've had that.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  People are crazy.

• 42:14Dax Shepard?

  People get really emotional and they act unpredictably.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  No, people are crazy.

• 42:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Okay?

• 42:21Dax Shepard?

  I guess the title is crazy acts. Fuck with you.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  People scare me.

• 42:35Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff, but there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there. Inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't

• 43:18Dax Shepard?

  add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So, do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go. From the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 43:39Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our sponsor Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 44:04Speaker 06

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine euplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.

• 44:44Speaker 06

  Once-daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 45:02Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace, and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic, and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run.

• 45:46Dax Shepard?

  Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 45:59Dax Shepard?

  If we did an episode where we got to air one thing about one another that was really inconsequential, but that we couldn't accept.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  Would you know what yours would be?

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, that's such a big thing.

• 46:11Dax Shepard?

  It is. Lauren.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 46:14Dax Shepard?

  Can you hear us?

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Yes, can you hear me?

• 46:16Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I'm gonna take up two seconds of your time because we're gonna have a real life thing in front of you, okay?

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Please.

• 46:21Dax Shepard?

  So while it was ringing, I said to Monica, let's do an episode where we both air something about one another that's really inconsequential. We shouldn't care, but we want the person to change that. And then you answered.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like he dropped this huge bomb. He's obviously thinking about it.

• 46:37Dax Shepard?

  Yep, because it just happened. Why won't you put your phone on do not disturb? You know, it won't vibrate if you put it on do not disturb. And I hear it through all the interviews downstairs and I hear it nonstop. It was ringing off the hook yesterday in our back to back interviews.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  You couldn't ask nicely.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  I have.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  No.

• 46:54Dax Shepard?

  I have suggested do not disturb many times.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  You have never said, hey, can you put your phone on do not disturb, please?

• 47:01Speaker 05

  It's your turn, though.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  No, I don't have one. Sorry.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, Monica, I'm not a do not disturb girly either.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Sorry, Dax, I'm gonna have to sigh.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Oh, I love this. I love the way this went.

• 47:12Dax Shepard?

  Lauren, do you do a show that is audio centric where like audio is kind of important?

• 47:16Speaker 03

  In Dax's defense, Monica, I do not.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  In my defense, do you know all the things you do that have to be cut out that are audio?

• 47:26Dax Shepard?

  Tell me.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Please.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Just the other day, he wanted us to hear how close his truck was.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:32Dax Shepard?

  There you go.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 47:33Dax Shepard?

  But see, this is great and I'm open to it. That's okay. Tell me. I can take it. We're best friends. You know what it is? My great curiosity is, do you know you can do that?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  I do, but I don't want to.

• 47:47Dax Shepard?

  What a great defense.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  I want to know if something serious is happening. I'm kind of scared of it.

• 47:52Dax Shepard?

  Are you afraid you'll forget to turn it back on to focus? Because I could remind you at the end of every episode.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  No, thank you.

• 47:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Are you glad you got to be privy to this? Because this is what happens quite often.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  I don't even have. Oh, yeah, I do.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  Of course. Yeah, I often see myself as the third party. Love it.

• 48:07Dax Shepard?

  Did you think you didn't have it? Is that what you were just about to say?

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 48:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 48:13Dax Shepard?

  Lauren, you have a very nice closet and I'm seeing some kind of snake skinny platform things behind me that are exciting.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, some snake skin booties. My closet.

• 48:21Dax Shepard?

  I'm not quite David Beckham level, but I aspire to be. And what I noticed you're doing, and I wonder, I want to ask Monica if she does this too. You have one shoe that points out and one shoe that points in. Is that what you do too, Monica?

• 48:32Speaker 01

  I do.

• 48:33Dax Shepard?

  Should I be doing that? Maybe not, only because sometimes I'm looking for the color of the shoe that I need for the outfit, but also the heel is very important as well. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Am I going one inch, three inch? Where are we at?

• 48:45Speaker 01

  I also think it just looks cool.

• 48:47Dax Shepard?

  Will you feel it's an invasive question if I ask how tall you are? No, not at all. I am five, three on my best day. That's lovely.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  That's a good height.

• 48:56Dax Shepard?

  Mini and mighty. That's me. Where are you at in the world? I am from Muskogee, Oklahoma. I'm coming to you from my closet. Wait, isn't there an oaky from Muskogee? Isn't that a thing? Yes. And it's so crazy that you bring that up because we just unveiled a new Merle Haggard statue. Downtown. That's right. It's a Merle Haggard song. An oaky from Muskogee. Do you know that term, Monica?

• 49:19Speaker 01

  I've heard it. Yeah.

• 49:19Dax Shepard?

  That's so good. An oaky from Muskogee. Wow. The big joke now is there's a dispensary on every corner here. And so we do smoke weed.

• 49:29Dax Shepard?

  God bless those outlaws that were just singing it from the roof. You know, famously, do you know this, Monica? Willie Nelson, when he was invited to the White House, he went up on the roof and smoked a joint.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 49:39Dax Shepard?

  It's pretty cool, right?

• 49:41Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 49:41Dax Shepard?

  That is cool.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Who was the president?

• 49:44Dax Shepard?

  Uh, Lincoln.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  I would look it up, but my phone's on do not disturb now.

• 49:49Dax Shepard?

  I bet it was Carter. That's gonna be my guess. Maybe Rob will figure that out while we're talking.

• 49:53Speaker 05

  You're right.

• 49:53Dax Shepard?

  Is Carter? Hey, Rob.

• 49:54Speaker 05

  Hello. It's with his son Chip.

• 49:57Dax Shepard?

  Ah, he and Chip banged a doobie up there on the White House. That's great.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Carter was nice. He was a Georgia boy.

• 50:03Dax Shepard?

  If there was anyone who would not be bummed when they walked outside to see that weed smoking, it'd be Carter. I mean, we should ask him. Bless him. He's still with us.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Exactly. You're right.

• 50:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's incredible.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  It's really cool. Okay.

• 50:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Lauren, you have a crazy ex. Yes. To give you some backstory, this story starts with a teen pregnancy. Mine, as all good stories do. So I had my son in high school. The guy in this, I'm not going to say his name just to preserve his anonymity. This is my story from my perspective. Things didn't work out with. My son's dad, no big deal. He's lovely. Family's lovely. Everything's fine. A year after I have my son, we start to get serious with me and I'll call him my fiance. Not baby's daddy. Not baby daddy. Different guy. A year after my son's born, me and my fiance, we start getting serious. He had just finished school. I'm finishing school. He had moved about three hours away from our hometown for work. Where subsequently, my stepdad factors into this. They did the same kind of work. They were there together. Oil and gas?

• 50:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, ding ding ding. Cheryl Paulson. Just listened to her yesterday. The Dust Bowl, Oklahoma. Dingles, dingles, dingles. So, end of school, my last semester, I was lucky enough to get everything where it was online. And we had just gotten engaged that Christmas. And so I was like, I'm just gonna move there. There's no reason, like, I can do everything online. School was the only reason why I hadn't moved to be with him already. We'd been together for years at that point. My son's two or three. Everything's great. So I move out there. It's a Friday night. I'm getting dressed. Monica, you'll know this. This is ten years ago. I'm wearing my skinny jeans, my peplum top, my sock bun, ready for date night. To the local Chili's, might I ask? Yeah, baby. I never got that Chili's and I'm still upset about it.

• 51:40Dax Shepard?

  So, he comes home from work. He jumps in the shower. You know, he knows the thing. He's gonna change. We're gonna go to Chili's. All that's great. While he's in the shower, the doorbell rings. So as I'm walking down the hallway, you can either turn left to the front door or right to the living room. And through the windows of the living room, I see three or four cops through the windows. Oh.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 51:57Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, okay. I mean, there's an air force base nearby. I'm like, maybe they're just looking. I don't know what's going on. You know, I've only been in this town for a couple of months at this point. So I open the front door to about five cops.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 52:09Dax Shepard?

  And so they instantly say, please step outside. And so I'm like, okay. You know, with no shoes on, my peplum top and my sock bun. And they are like, is anyone else in the home? I'm like, yeah, my fiance, he's just now getting out of the shower. And as I turn around and tell them that, he's rounding the corner, putting his shirt on. He's like, hey, guys, what's up? He's like, step outside. Instantly, they separate us, where we can't see or hear each other. I'm with one older cop.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  And the other 12 cops are with him. I'm like, you have to tell me what's going on. Like, does this involve me? What is the deal? And he's like, I can't tell you anything. And I keep badgering him. And finally, I'm like, can you just at least tell me if this has anything to do with me? And he says, at this point, I don't think so. I'm racking my brain. I have no idea. Mind you, our wedding is a month away.

• 52:54Dax Shepard?

  Mmm.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  And so I'm like, what is going on? The dozen of cops and my fiance go stand by the mailbox. And there's a gray truck that had been parked down the road, but I didn't think anything of it. Just thought it was parked outside of a house. Well, about the time they do that, the guy pulls up, rolls down his window, takes one look at him and said, yep, that's him.

• 53:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  They cuff him, put him in the police car. The gray car goes and they leave. They tell me nothing. Oh, my gosh. Standing there, I'm thinking they had gotten in trouble on their job site a couple of weeks before burying trash or something silly. So I'm like, maybe it has something to do with that. Again, racking my brain. And so I instantly call his brother, which again, it's a Friday night. I call him, he's at a party.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  I need you to leave. We've got something going on. I get him up to speed. I'm like, if there's anything that you know, I need you to tell me now. He's just as clueless as I am. Freaked out because his brother just got arrested. So this is where my stepdad comes into play. Again, he's the only person I know. And so I call him. It's Friday. He's already at the bar. He's having a good time. Friday, big day.

• 53:55Dax Shepard?

  And a hard work in town.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Man, long week, long hours. And so I tell him and he's like, I don't know what's going on. When I saw him, everything was fine. But you know what? I'm at the bar, come pick me up. Consequently, I'm friends with one of the bail bondsmen that comes to the jail. Oh. And we can figure this out. So I go and pick him up and he's like, they couldn't tell me. They just told me where he was and that it's a thousand dollars bail.

• 54:15Dax Shepard?

  That's mildly comforting. We're not talking murder.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  That's kind of what I thought. It wasn't even just a thousand dollars bond, thousand dollar bail for the whole thing. So I'm like, okay, get some cash out. We go to the jail. I walk up there and of course, no one's there because it's after hours.

• 54:30Dax Shepard?

  They're at the bar and at Chili's too.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Hmm. Exactly. And so I pick up the phone call and this lady answers, hi, I'm here to pick up so and so. I have the money. She's like, okay, great. We'll send somebody up in just a minute. You'll sign some paperwork. We'll send him out. I said, okay, ma'am, could you please tell me?

• 54:45Dax Shepard?

  What the charges are or what's going on? And she's like, no, I can't tell you that. As he comes walking out, again, me and my stepdad in the car, he's then moved to the backseat because he is just Mr. Non-confrontational. He has no idea what's going on. He has nothing to do with this whole situation. So he said, LB, I'll tell you this, please just don't ask him while I'm in the car. Just take me home and then you can do it. And I'm like, okay. So we take him across town, take him to his house. He gets out. And then I'm just sitting there thinking, because of course, as soon as he's gone, I want to just turn to him and be like, what is going on? Like, we're getting married in a month and you're getting arrested. But I just have this moment of like, these past few hours have been so crazy and hard for me. And I'm not even the one that went to jail.

• 55:27Dax Shepard?

  So I'm gonna give him a second. He's probably so scared, felt so unsafe. Give him a second to just let it sink in. You're an angel.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  That's so empathetic and kind.

• 55:39Dax Shepard?

  The hours, it wasn't as heightened. And so we get home, he goes to get out of the door. And I instantly pressed the button to lock the doors. I'm like, no way, I can't go into this home with you. And just go to bed like nothing has happened until I know what's going on. That's when he lowers his head and breaks down and tells me that for the past year or so, intermittently, not every day, on his way home from work, he had been exposing himself to strangers on the street. Wow.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  My god.

• 56:09Dax Shepard?

  And the guy in the gray truck, my fiance had done it on the way home from work that day. The guy in the gray truck, his daughter was in the backseat. He followed him home, called the cops. And so that's why he was like, yep, that's him.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 56:28Dax Shepard?

  I don't know why, this might be unfair to people with this condition, but when I think of these flashers in the train, I can't wrap my head around, if I'm filling in the blanks, I'm assuming that person's the weirdest motherfucker and I would be able to detect that. And that's what everyone always says, you know, looking back, were there any signs? No, I was about to marry this man and be with him for the rest of my life. Everything was great. I had no idea. I am very shocked he admitted to all that, to be honest with you. I'm surprised he didn't go like, this person pissed me off and I'm like, I'm gonna show him my dick. Like, that's pretty wild. He came clean like that. I think it was because, turns out, they had been looking for him because he had been doing it for so long.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Of course, people had gotten his tag number and stuff, but we're not from there. The address and stuff wasn't leading them to anywhere local. Oh. So turns out there were six felony counts of indecent exposure. Oh. And God knows, I mean, because thinking back now, if I saw, I would just like, ooh, and keep going, you know? And of course, tell all my friends this crazy story that happened. I'm not going to think to call and report it. So who knows how many times it actually happened. Exactly.

• 57:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What were your follow up question? You must have just been dumbfounded.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Also, they let him out for that that quickly? That's weird.

• 57:44Dax Shepard?

  They can't hold you. If they set a bail.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying I'm surprised the bail was set for so low for six felony accounts.

• 57:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  He had signed a statement while he was there, admitting guilt and remorse for all of it. Of course, I had a ton of follow up questions. Why? When? What? Was the reaction ever good?

• 58:02Dax Shepard?

  I've read that. What they're after is they like the look on the person's face.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  The shock.

• 58:07Dax Shepard?

  Did he say that?

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, he said it was never good and that's what his goal was.

• 58:12Dax Shepard?

  I so.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Did he get, oh my God, I have so many questions. Ultimately, he was sentenced and he went to prison for a few years. And the last time I have talked to him, seen him face to face, I guess, was through the glass on the phone at the jail, like you would imagine. And this was 10 years ago.

• 58:29Dax Shepard?

  Did you, by the way, I would not be judgmental. In fact, maybe I'd even admire this about you. Cause you could go like, yeah, you need to go get punished, but also you could have compassion for him. I don't want that condition.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  That's exactly where my head was. It made me feel bad that we were close enough to actually be married and that he felt that, number one, he couldn't tell anyone, but certainly that he couldn't tell me.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  And think that I wouldn't want to work through this or fix it because now it's a little.

• 58:55Dax Shepard?

  Too late.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  I mean, again, I have my son. Yeah. I mean, he's a sex offender. To be with him, I would have to get married to him like that. I could not see that for myself. I didn't want that for myself. And I like to think that he didn't want that for me either.

• 59:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. This could be potentially really heartbreaking, Lauren. Like if I was so in love with someone and I found out they had this thing, that would not be easy. It's not like I go like, oh, great. So now I don't feel all the ways I've always felt about them.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Looking back, there were never any signs, but it did just cast a shadow. On certain things and I mean, I was twenty two at the time.

• 59:27Dax Shepard?

  Already had a three year.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  So much on your plate. This is terrible and I helped him as much as I could, but I kinda had to say.

• 59:35Dax Shepard?

  Too much for me.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  I gotta go home.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  But just from friends of friends, I've heard that he's since then remarried and he seems like he's doing fine and doing great.

• 59:44Dax Shepard?

  Keeping his pants on.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  Hopefully in therapy. Let's hope. And about a year after all of that happened, you know, I had moved home, started working. And actually me and my son's dad, we rekindled about a year after and we've been together ever since.

• 1:00:02Dax Shepard?

  Delightful ending coming our way.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Great ending. Kind of like a blessing in disguise for me at least. Also, you caught it just in time. Yeah, I mean, Monica, I had to call, I mean, all the venues, cancel the cake. I had my huge dress hung up, ready to wear. It was insane.

• 1:00:21Dax Shepard?

  Although I will say, normally when you have to call for wedding, you have to go like, yeah, I just decided I was, I didn't want to be with them forever. But this is like so clean, it's like, turns out he's a flasher.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Well, that is also like you have to tell people and you probably are conflicted. I feel bad for him and I have to tell all these people he knows.

• 1:00:37Dax Shepard?

  He'd be so embarrassed that everyone knows.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  Being from a small town, everyone knew we were getting married and then everyone knew we broke up and no one knew why. So I mean, maybe someone will hear this and they'll be like, okay, I get it. I get it. And you also protected him from not telling everyone. That's very kind. In the end, all worked out, but yeah, that was a crazy time. I told this story one time at a bachelorette party. We were staying in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and the power went out because it was a rainstorm. They're like, let's tell ghost stories. And I didn't really know all these girls. And I was like, circle up, let me tell you, I got one.

• 1:01:17Dax Shepard?

  Pull up a chair, gals.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  That was wild. I really, really hope he's doing okay. From what I hear, I think the system worked in the way that it is ideally supposed to. And he got the help that he needed and I can only hope that moving forward, he learned his lesson and has gotten over that because I can't imagine.

• 1:01:35Dax Shepard?

  I just might feel more in love with them than I actually was because I wasn't allowed to be with them for a reason that was out of my control. Like, I feel like it's just ripe for that.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  I think that made it easier for me not to be kind of vindictive and do things that I probably would have regretted. So I am thankful for that. And he is such a nice, I mean, I was going.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  Going to marry him. He's a great guy and I truly hope that all of that got fixed. But I'm just was ultimately sad that he was in that place that he felt like he couldn't disclose to anyone.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  That is one of the things our society doesn't really have an outlet for people to go say like, hey, I have these feelings or I'm doing this and I don't really want to be doing it, but I'm doing it. Where can anyone go to do that? And then it perpetuates the problem. It's not good.

• 1:02:19Dax Shepard?

  Let's add that to the list of things to fix.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Okay, add it to the list.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  Well, Monica, add it to the list of your questions to ask any potential suitors.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh my god.

• 1:02:30Speaker 05

  Showing your penis to strangers ever, just a little bit, just once or twice.

• 1:02:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, Lauren, thank you for telling us that.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:02:36Dax Shepard?

  And thanks for mediating our conflict at the beginning.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, thanks for agreeing with me.

• 1:02:40Dax Shepard?

  Good, yeah. And me too.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Well, no.

• 1:02:42Speaker 05

  I was hoping that the uplifting end would put a nice little bow on it.

• 1:02:47Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, be well. Thank you so much.

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, thank you so much. I hope you guys have a good rest of your day.

• 1:02:51Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. Oh my god, that gal is so positive.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Don't you think maybe do not disturb is not such a big deal in light of what people are doing out there? My god.

• 1:03:02Dax Shepard?

  I said, part of my question was something insignificant you shouldn't care about. So I owned how trivial this is.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  But you do care.

• 1:03:14Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, because it distracts me. I get worried the guest is like, who's ringing? Is someone going to answer that?

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  They don't care.

• 1:03:19Dax Shepard?

  They don't care.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  No one cares except you. Wow, that was wild.

• 1:03:25Dax Shepard?

  That was wild. We got kind of every variety of that.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  I wonder if I loved someone that much, I wonder what I would stick around for. And that's like a scary thing to say out loud, but I really could see sticking around for stuff I shouldn't.

• 1:03:43Dax Shepard?

  Well, no, no, I think the rule is pretty clear. It's would you stick around as they tackled this problem?

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  I have to really love them though, because I'm kind of quick to be like, I can't be here for that.

• 1:03:56Dax Shepard?

  That's fair. You would never stick with someone who's not going to address it. But if you love someone and they're going to work their ass off on this thing, I think you would stick around for that.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Oof, yikes.

• 1:04:06Dax Shepard?

  Also, if you saw the look on someone you love's face of the shame when they told you, I do think it would be very powerful.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:16Dax Shepard?

  Again, it's all how they say it. If they get like defensive and denying, but no. But if someone just has that moment where they come clean and they're full of shame.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  So sad.

• 1:04:25Dax Shepard?

  I think the best part of us would want to help that person figure it out.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, but also, I mean, it depends on your shit, because she has a kid like.

• 1:04:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, that's made it very easy. Yes.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Wow.

• 1:04:38Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 1:04:39Dax Shepard?

  I love you.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Love you. Do not disturb.

• 1:04:43Dax Shepard?

  Focus.

• 1:04:47Speaker 07

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 1:04:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great.

• 1:04:52Speaker 07

  We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. Enjoy.