Robby Hoffman: Hot Takes & Falling in Love

Join Alex in the studio for an interview with Robby Hoffman. Robby discusses the rise of her career and the pivot from accounting to stand-up. She gives some hilarious takes including socks during sex, airplane etiquette and the male DJ epidemic. She also reminisces on the early days of first meeting her wife Gabby and what truly makes them so compatible with one another. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

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• 1:30Alex Cooper?

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• 2:13Alex Cooper?

  What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding Father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:22Alex Cooper?

  Robbie Hoffman, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me.

• 2:25Alex Cooper?

  I'm so happy you're here.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Thrilled.

• 2:27Alex Cooper?

  I mean, you are an Emmy nominated actress and comedian. In my opinion, you're one of the funniest people in the industry right now.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Thank you. I appreciate that.

• 2:36Alex Cooper?

  How do you feel when people read your bio and accolades to you? Do you like it?

• 2:43Speaker 01

  I feel great when I hear about my stuff. I'm extremely proud of myself. And I think it's probably something that comes from the self-raising of it all. I don't know. I just feel like.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  I think when you're, when you don't, when your parents aren't that involved in the raising of you and you depend on yourself a lot for the, you know, the raising. I kind of look at myself and I go, my God, I'm really proud of you. Well done. Like it was, you know, so first of all, not many people are reading my bio back to me. But if they did, and it's in a positive light, I say, thank you.

• 3:20Alex Cooper?

  Keep it coming.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Like, what am I gonna, it's amazing.

• 3:23Alex Cooper?

  I feel like you can kind of tell a lot about a person by how they react when people sing them happy birthday.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 3:32Alex Cooper?

  What are you doing? What are you doing when people are like, here we go?

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Happy birthday. You know, I get a lot of attention.

• 3:38Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Nature of what I do, I'm an entertainer. I do stand-up comedy. I act and I write and I'm in the public and my relationship gets the attention. So I do like in like, things like that, I'm happy to give other people the attention, especially like weddings and like Gab and I eloped. We had a very small wedding, but in my family, I like partaking in their weddings and really celebrating them because it's like they have more quiet. They are not as accoladed. Not for any reason, it's just not what they do. For instance, my sister's a social worker. She doesn't, you know, she's not like getting articles and da, da, da, you know? So when she has a wedding, I'm like thrilled to throw that on.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  So the happy birthday, I feel like I get enough. That's why our wedding being small, it's like, we're gonna have the whole family fly out. We get a ton of praise all the time. And so where we can pull back, we do.

• 4:36Alex Cooper?

  If you had to say though, what is the most attention whore thing you've ever done?

• 4:44Speaker 01

  I mean, I was like class clown. I think I was always, I didn't know how to,

• 4:52Speaker 01

  I didn't know how to, you know, steer or finesse that energy, you know, I kind of wanted whatever attention. I got in trouble a lot.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  You know, I got kicked out of class and things like that. And then now that I've harnessed it, like I do have attention, but it's in a very sophisticated harnessed way now versus it was free for all until I figured it all out.

• 5:21Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, free for all whore-ish, like.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Like, like, okay, like whore? Yeah, I gave tons of hand jobs. Is that what you're getting to? Caller daddy? Like in ninth grade? Like, what do you mean whore? Okay, yeah, I, I gave, what? I gave, they were a couple of tugs. It wasn't much. Um, I didn't know about lube. They were very dry and, and I, the customers seemed happy. I never had a problem.

• 5:46Alex Cooper?

  Hand jobs are just never a good experience for anyone.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  I mean, I've given six blowjobs.

• 5:53Alex Cooper?

  Six?

• 5:54Speaker 01

  I know, it's a lot. It's very generous.

• 5:56Alex Cooper?

  Six?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  I've given six.

• 5:59Alex Cooper?

  I like that number for you.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Two guys, six.

• 6:04Alex Cooper?

  Two guys?

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, like one kind of four, one two. One, I really tried again, but I said, you know what? I'm really not in the mood. I said, I don't think so. He had hair on the bottom of his shaft. I just, I couldn't get it together. Well, I never even went all the way down the shaft, but I just, I, and he was like, I'll get rid of it. And I said, just forget, just forget it. It was brutal.

• 6:25Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I can't imagine being down there in that moment. You're just like contemplating your whole fucking life.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. Is that the kind of whore you're asking about?

• 6:32Alex Cooper?

  Oddly, no.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I'm back to the again, I'm getting, I'm going through the blowjobs. I'm going through.

• 6:38Alex Cooper?

  Class clown is a good answer. You're, you're hitting it hard. So being a stand-up comedian, at some point, you're obviously going to interact with your audience, right?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:47Alex Cooper?

  What are some unhinged things that the crowd has ever said to you, done to you?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  This is gonna sound insane. And I know that people have said this before. I don't experience any of what you're about to ask. The heckling or the this. My audience is in it to win it with me. I can't even tell you the vibe and the energy like they.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  I maybe I don't come off approachable. If they did say something to me, I don't think they think it would go well. But I don't invite that sort of back and forth. Um, and my audience just comes to church. So we're together, we are in it together. And I just don't experience that sort of thing. And I know that sounds like whatever, whatever, but it's just literally, I, I can't believe the energy of my audience.

• 7:41Alex Cooper?

  I mean, that's incredible.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Like people, like I remember when it wasn't like my show, like when I used to do just whatever shows around the city. I remember I did a show in Canada where some guy on a bachelor party like took his dick out or something. But, um, there were things like that, that happened in general audiences. But I'm telling you, when they come for me, it's like we, the sermon has begun. The phones are out, everybody is just. They, they've taken a deep breath and we're just together for an hour, hour and a half. Yeah, literally.

• 8:14Alex Cooper?

  Take us home.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Literally, it feels that way. Um, and I feel for people who deal with this sort of thing. Um, but it's just never been, uh, it's, and thank, I keep it that way. By the way, keep it that way.

• 8:26Alex Cooper?

  No, keep it that way for sure. But I, yeah, when you just said that earlier though, like, do you think there's also an intimidation thing?

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no way they'd win that.

• 8:35Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Right? So I think it's like, if somebody, I mean, if somebody sneezes in my eye, I say, bless you. You know, like there's nothing I'm not gonna, you know, can we all say bless everyone's blessed you? You know, like people are, so it's like, you know, I, I don't know. Um, I'm not challenging anyone, you know, at the same time.

• 8:55Alex Cooper?

  Challenge you.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  I would, you know, give them the attention though. This person needs attention. Let's all, I'm sorry you're sad. What happened? Um, and let's work through it together. Is there anything else you'd like to say? And okay.

• 9:07Alex Cooper?

  Is that what you're like in an argument?

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Explain.

• 9:10Alex Cooper?

  Like if someone is arguing with you, do you take the temperature down?

• 9:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:15Alex Cooper?

  Make the, okay, okay.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  No, okay, I don't know. I have never taken the temperature down, unfortunately. That's another thing that I don't really relate to. But arguing is an interesting question to me because I, I mean, to me, to complain is to enjoy, to argue is to speak occasionally, depending what culture I'm in and the cultures I've grown up in.

• 9:38Alex Cooper?

  Like you're going in at the dinner table.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but so is everyone else I know there. Keep in mind, I'm, you know, I have nine siblings who are a lot like me. I, you know, I'm friends with similar comedians and this sort of thing. So we're all like that. Now, if I went to a normie dinner,

• 9:58Speaker 01

  you know, I'm actually really pulled back at something like that. I might still be the craziest person there. But for me, that is like, you don't even know. If I was just with comics or just with my fans, forget it. We're all going, and he said, but she said, okay, so we're gonna see, you know.

• 10:15Alex Cooper?

  So we like an argument. I like this.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love an argument. Oh, I love an argument.

• 10:20Alex Cooper?

  Before you got into comedy.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:22Alex Cooper?

  You were pursuing a career as an accountant.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 10:26Alex Cooper?

  You know, that's a pretty big pivot. Comedian, accountant. What happened there?

• 10:33Speaker 01

  What happened is, is comedy, really. I really wouldn't wish this happening to anyone. Um, but, uh, yeah, I grew up again bore, you know, you're gonna, my violin comes out, my violin is only getting bigger. I think being poor is just so criminal and it's so bad that I'm not over it. Like people want me to be over it. I'm not over missing the bus 15 minutes, 15 years ago. Like I'm not over, like people are like, I'm not over anything. You know what I mean? I'm not over spectrum going from $39.99 a month to $79.99 a month. Like, and then you want me to get over my chat? Like, there's things I'm just not over. But not everybody in my family went to school. So when I got to go to school, I was like,

• 11:15Speaker 01

  what's the least amount of school for the most payoff? And they were like, you can get a job this summer in accounting or finance with an internship. And that's exactly what I did. I said, say no more. Where do I sign up? And I, and I, you know, and that's what I did. I didn't. And then when I started to have money every two weeks, direct deposit, I considered miraculous and amazing.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  That's when I started really like to sleep for the first time and to really like, I know people think I'm anxious now. This is, I'm actually quite calm. This is, you know, I used to be far more anxious.

• 11:56Alex Cooper?

  You should have seen me back then as an accountant. Okay, then from there.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:00Alex Cooper?

  You go to McDonald's. Well, back to McDonald's, teenage years.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I always had jobs during school, during all this. These are simultaneous.

• 12:08Alex Cooper?

  How would you describe yourself as an employee?

• 12:12Speaker 01

  Horrendous, but joyful. Like, we refused to work the back and flip the burgers. I only wanted to work the till, the cash, but I was,

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Alex, I was hitting them orders in. It was crazy. And so, you know, but we had a good time.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and, and like I said, you know, I really, I was eating McDonald's every day when I worked there and it was amazing.

• 12:38Alex Cooper?

  Were you ever employee of the month? Like?

• 12:41Speaker 01

  No, we did do well. No, no, no, no. I was actually really good during lunch rush and stuff like that. Maybe because of how I grew up, I'm used to a rush. So we, I was very good and we did get pins.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got a pin. The only reason I earned that pin actually is we randomly had a uniform spot check. Like our manager, our floor manager decided to do this check. Maybe the owner was coming in. I can't remember. And so everybody had to lift their pants. And if you were wearing black socks, which I happened to be wearing for no, I wasn't even. I don't even know, but me and my friend were wearing black socks.

• 13:21Alex Cooper?

  And you're not allowed to wear black socks?

• 13:23Speaker 01

  No, you had to be wearing black socks.

• 13:24Alex Cooper?

  Oh, you had to be?

• 13:25Speaker 01

  So, we got the pin for hygiene or whatever it was.

• 13:29Alex Cooper?

  Why do black socks mean hygiene?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  At the time, it was part of a uniform. McDonald's famously changes their uniforms all the time. Um, but we had, we had like jean on Friday, you could wear jeans.

• 13:40Alex Cooper?

  But don't you think that it would be white socks, you can see what's going on? Black hides things.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  I have no clue. We never even knew of this rule. It's just maybe he had extra pins, like to this day. And there was no, the pin didn't come with it. I don't remember the pin. Other than we got the pin, we were thrilled. And we were killing it at work. There's nothing to say.

• 14:01Alex Cooper?

  Wow. Okay. So you were never like the personality hire. You did the job?

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Both. I was definitely a personality hire too. Yeah.

• 14:08Alex Cooper?

  Can you give me a little intel? Is there anything you've seen a little too close up that you're like, maybe don't get that?

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Well, you know, I was at McDonald's, they had like fun, like they were going through a sub phase.

• 14:20Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Like they had their own identity crisis. Let people like, they were like trying to do subs at one point. Thank God those are gone. Um, I hear the Filet-O-Fish is good. Um, I don't go near it, which is a lesbian is, is shocking. Um, but people who like it, that is their go-to.

• 14:39Alex Cooper?

  That's their go-to, yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  That is their go-to.

• 14:41Alex Cooper?

  Okay. All right. I've never tried it. Maybe I'll try it.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Maybe we'll try it. I don't know.

• 14:46Alex Cooper?

  Is it true that in the early days of your career, you got your script for comedy in front of network executives by impersonating couriers, claiming that you have a delivery to make?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Yes, it was only one, you know, I wrote a script. Um, when I discovered stand-up, and this relates to your earlier question, I was like, and then I thought I could be good at it and I was. Now, most people who see stand-up, they think they can be good at it. They can't. I happen to be. It's, it's like nine out of 10 times, it's not going to be the case for you if you're watching this, and I apologize. But for me, it was, and it was like devastating because it's like now I have to pursue this thing. I had a moral dilemma. Like I have the opportunity to make, to have a good job. Like to make more than, you know, just as an accountant, I was making thirty, uh, two thousand five hundred a year, Canadian, my first year at twenty-two years old, which was, nobody was really even salaried, right? Uh, already making more than obviously my mother or whatever.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  And then I'm gonna pursue the arts. Like, the thing, it just, it was very difficult to think, but I knew I was good at it.

• 15:52Alex Cooper?

  How did you know you were good?

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Because I was winning, like, I gave it six months. I said, if six months, nothing is doing, phenomenal. KPMG gave me a laptop for keeps. We are killing it. Like, they couldn't be nicer to me. Um, I wasn't the best auditor, but I was invited on the, on the audits that were, you know, out of state and stuff, because just the travel. I'm good on a plane, let's have, you know, suppose play on the movie. Um, but, yeah, it was a real moral, moral dilemma, uh, moral dilemma for me. Like, and, and so that's why I gave myself that six months. Like, if six months, nothing's doing, okay, you have a great job, you get paid

• 16:35Speaker 01

  every two weeks. This is wonderful. Um, and during that six months, I was doing mics and stuff and competing. I, I did, uh, open mic competitions. I was submitting to festivals and it was all, I was getting approved. So I, there were benchmarks. There were ways to know that you were good at it. And trust me, if I wasn't good at it, I would have stopped. I do not want to be traipsing around this scene, like many that we see, and there's no awareness. And if you don't have self-awareness, take it from others. After a certain point, you know, there are comics who get up there and they say, you know, I've been bombing for six years and they, they talk about it on podcast and they're bombing and bombing.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  If you're bombing to that extent, by the way, it happens, no que, okay. But to that extent, maybe, maybe it isn't for you. No worries.

• 17:26Alex Cooper?

  You gotta go.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  No worries, but I, it could never be me.

• 17:30Alex Cooper?

  You're too self-aware.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  No, and if I'm not, I don't even trust that. I thought I was good, but I'm not going by me. I'm then gonna say, okay, I'm gonna enter that competition. I'm gonna enter this. I'm gonna do that. Is every, is everybody on my page?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Right, because I know that I come with a certain amount of delusion. I think I'm great, for sure, but I could be wrong. I've been wrong a million times. I'm wrong about so many things. So this was no different. I wasn't going to trust that I'm 100% right on this. I felt a ping in my stomach that I probably have to do this, that I'm probably good at it. But there was still a hope that I wasn't good at it and I wouldn't have to do it.

• 18:08Alex Cooper?

  What do you think you are, like, percentage-wise, delusion to self-aware?

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Probably both.

• 18:14Alex Cooper?

  Split, down the middle?

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Because delusion is free, delusion and dreams. Like, when people ask me what I dream, like, I don't put a limit on my dreams. It's like, it's free. It's like, taking soap from the hotel. It's like, just take it, who cares? You know, you've already paid for it. Like, dreams is like, I'm not charged to think of living on the beach. So just if you want to live on the beach, dream about that. That's in the delusion thing. The self-aware thing is on the critical thing. It's kind of like, um, just reading about this, the observing ego. Um, my therapist was telling me that, um, and I go to her ad hoc, and I don't want to hear it. I dip in and I dip out. And her big thing is, that's okay to think that, that's a, that's a, that's a thought, it's a feeling, you fear.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Um, it's not a fact. And the other thing is, there's something called your observing ego. Your observing ego looks at your ego, and I could be getting this wrong, but for the most part, it's right.

• 19:09Alex Cooper?

  Let's try it.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Okay. Um, your observing ego is all about skeptic. It's all like, huh, I hear that story, that you think, okay, you took a blood test and it's going to come back. You had your annual physical, normal, normal, but you've worked this up into being that it's going to come back and you're, whatever. Sure. But your observing goes, I'm doubtful. I don't know if I believe that. I don't know if I believe that story. And that's where the self-awareness comes. Self-awareness is almost like you're observing ego. It's like, okay, you think you're good. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Let's get some data in.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Let's, let's look at the, let's look at this practically speaking and object, as objectively as you can.

• 19:56Alex Cooper?

  Do you think you really let your mind wander with the medical?

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:01Alex Cooper?

  My husband, I have had him lay next to me at night and he's like, has a cough and he's like, what if?

• 20:08Speaker 01

  No, it changes my whole.

• 20:09Alex Cooper?

  What if it is cancer, though?

• 20:11Speaker 01

  No, literally.

• 20:12Alex Cooper?

  How did we get from the sinus infection to cancer? But I have to hold him in that space, but also bring him back to reality. Like, does Gabby meet you there?

• 20:22Speaker 01

  Gabby was an ICU nurse. By the grace of God, as if she couldn't get any better. It's, when I first met Gabby, when we were first dating, like, my stomach hurt. Like, I slept over, but I did shows that night. I maybe didn't eat dinner and was gonna eat after, but I just crawled into bed with her and I had a tummy ache. She, like, literally sprung up to make me something. Like, she was like, oh, there's like these oats that I've given to patients. And it's like, like, she's so good with the medical. Like, she's unreal with the medical.

• 20:55Alex Cooper?

  How soon in did you start asking Gabby for medical advice?

• 21:00Speaker 01

  I mean, I can't even remember to me to breathe is to, I, I, I don't even, well, you know, I, I, I couldn't pinpoint. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's something I taught, it's like the weather, you know, how I'm feeling.

• 21:14Alex Cooper?

  You could be in the coffee line and you could turn to someone and be like, do you think the symptom means?

• 21:19Speaker 01

  No, I know, it's very scary.

• 21:21Alex Cooper?

  It's terrifying.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  No, your husband should see an ENT. If he, no, if this, I, I do wanna say, it seems, if you guys have good insurance, I mean, by all means.

• 21:39Alex Cooper?

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• 22:22Alex Cooper?

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• 23:04Alex Cooper?

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• 24:29Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 24:30Alex Cooper?

  In one of your sets, you said that the makeup of any man is 95% the greatest guy in the world.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:37Alex Cooper?

  And 5% jail.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  All right.

• 24:40Alex Cooper?

  Can you elaborate on that breakdown?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Well, men have a very dark. Some of it is coming to light now.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  It's amazing how much of men's darkness continues to come to light. Like it just continues, continues. It's like an onion, right? It's like we all have known, but I guess now men are like, you caught us, but not really. Right? Like there was the Harvey Weinstein thing. We're like, we all knew. Now it's the pedophile thing. And we're like, oh, right. This is like, really? Fellas, this is not, you've got to get it together. This is just unbecoming. Like this is just unwell, right? What you're, is this punch?

• 25:21Alex Cooper?

  Yep.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 25:23Alex Cooper?

  Have a little.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  It's cold.

• 25:25Alex Cooper?

  A little refresher. Watermelon.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Hmm. That's excellent. Thank you.

• 25:31Alex Cooper?

  Of course. Yeah. So they started to kind of, we started to be like, huh?

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know what the men are doing anymore. I can barely keep up. Right? But 5% it's you don't want to know. I guarantee 5% of this man.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  I don't want to know.

• 25:48Alex Cooper?

  Can you imagine if women were doing that shit?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 25:52Alex Cooper?

  We would be in jail.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, they're putting, they're trying to put women in jail for emails. I mean, this is what's going on. Never mind.

• 26:02Alex Cooper?

  Right, we're like, you're with the children and we're sending emails.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Every problem in the world, and I not, I love the fellas, you know, and, and, and I, I'm with dudes a lot and I'm best friends with them, you know, when somebody says, oh, I'm friends with it. Well, I have friends with Jewish, or, you know, um, I know gay people and I'm friends with them. I know men and I am friends with some of them. Um, but every massive problem is them. It really is, it's distilled down to men versus women at the end of the day, war.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  We would not have gone about with war. A thousand years ago, we're setting up society. I'm not going to be like, you know what, let me bash a bitch into the wall. Like, we just don't think like that. I'm like, I'm going to talk to her.

• 26:47Alex Cooper?

  We'll talk it through.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  See, how, how long is she staying here? How, okay, okay, no problem. So we won't, but, like, like, we would discuss.

• 26:56Alex Cooper?

  Communicate.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  At first, yeah. So war is just not the way we would have gone about it. We wouldn't have invented, um, you know, the economy is run on the stock market, which is astrology for men. You know, it's like, it's just not the way we would have gone about money.

• 27:15Alex Cooper?

  All of it.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  It's like, we would have been like, everybody gets a hundred K to start. Is that good? Okay, so let's just all take a hundred. Okay, and we end at four. Let's all go home at four. Like, like, we would have set up every system, the economy, warfare, politics. It just would have been very different.

• 27:33Alex Cooper?

  What do you think about women? What is our makeup of jail to great?

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Women are more nuanced. It's hard. It's to me, women are more case by case. Men, I can apply more of a general, they're, they're more basically made. So I can, you know, they're like a pill like that, like, like I can, you know, we, we're more, women are a lot more complex.

• 27:57Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. Okay, let's unpack this further. I'm going to give you a scenario.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:01Alex Cooper?

  You're going to tell me if it qualifies as great or jail? And we're like, we're bringing this down to like, normal life. We're not talking-

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Should I pee now or after?

• 28:09Alex Cooper?

  You have already have to pee?

• 28:10Speaker 01

  I have, because I'm having my tea.

• 28:12Alex Cooper?

  Go.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Really? Okay, but are, but are you going to be able to continue as is?

• 28:16Alex Cooper?

  Oh, I'll, I'll sit right here. Will you run? Do you know where it is?

• 28:22Alex Cooper?

  I don't think, hey, everyone, intermission, um, I actually don't think anyone's ever

• 28:28Alex Cooper?

  left to be I appreciate the directness. Most people would sit there and just hold it.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  No, no, no, because you know what?

• 28:38Alex Cooper?

  Tell me.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  I, I consume a lot of water and tea.

• 28:41Alex Cooper?

  I just saw the tea's gone.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:44Alex Cooper?

  You're, you're already hitting the unwell.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  And I won't do this on here, and it makes Gab sick. I will squeeze that tea bag at the end. It's one of the grossest things that I do.

• 28:54Alex Cooper?

  Don't you dare.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  5% of the woman, you know what? That was exactly 95% normal and 5% she takes the end at the end of her tea. And it's as gross, some might say, as pedophilia. She takes the end of the tea bag. Some may say, and she squeezes it.

• 29:11Alex Cooper?

  Squeeze it into her mouth or squeeze it back into the-

• 29:13Speaker 01

  No, back in here and I finish the tea.

• 29:16Alex Cooper?

  It's like backwash. That's like the last driblets of like a-

• 29:21Speaker 01

  The tea bag.

• 29:22Alex Cooper?

  Don't you fucking dare.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Because it has the most tea in the bag, I think. It's the most potent of the flavor of the tea.

• 29:29Alex Cooper?

  Put it down. Put it the fuck down.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:33Alex Cooper?

  It's looking nasty now.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's fine. We can remove it now.

• 29:37Alex Cooper?

  Okay, that's your jail. Ready, game?

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:40Alex Cooper?

  You're going to tell me if it's great?

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:42Alex Cooper?

  Or if it's jail?

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:44Alex Cooper?

  They fuck with their socks on.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  A guy or a girl? Yeah, I think that's fine.

• 29:52Alex Cooper?

  I think it's fine, too. I remember reading-

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Are you cold? I mean, I also grew up in Canada. Like, is it cold? How's your heat?

• 29:59Alex Cooper?

  You like to set the mood.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Like, I fucked with all clothes. Like, we're both like, let's just, the least amount that has to be shown is fine. You know what I mean? There's a reason there's a fly for some people.

• 30:12Alex Cooper?

  I remember reading at one point that if you keep your socks on during sex, you can have a better orgasm. And this was back in the day when my boyfriend was just like not getting it done. And so I tried it. And I don't know if it was like a placebo effect, you know?

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 30:27Alex Cooper?

  But I kind of convinced myself, like, maybe we are having more progress. And it's not like I'm now running to put the socks on to then have sex. But if they're on, sometimes I just won't take them off.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  Well, it's also, it's a nice thing. Like, maybe you keep your extremities warm. You know, um.

• 30:42Alex Cooper?

  We tend to clench. We can let.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  I think on a man, I would probably prefer, I don't want to see a man's feet.

• 30:47Alex Cooper?

  Such a good point. Yep.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  I think a woman can go either way. Like, if she wants to be cozy and cute in socks, I'm not mad. But a man, please, I would say, as somebody.

• 30:57Alex Cooper?

  Prefer.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Uh, I don't, you know, I don't even, men who don't wear socks with shoe, like, if, even if they're in a shoe and there's no sock, I'm upset. I don't want to see a grown man's ankle. That I'm in no mood for.

• 31:10Alex Cooper?

  The ankle on a man, it's.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Unbecoming.

• 31:15Alex Cooper?

  It's a good one.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter, unless you're on a boat.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  That is, you're on a boat, you're at the pool. There's no reason for me to see your ankle.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  You're at the airport in a flip flop?

• 31:30Alex Cooper?

  What do you think about that?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Call the police. That's, that, that, that is just.

• 31:35Alex Cooper?

  What do you think about shorts at the airport?

• 31:37Speaker 01

  I'm more fine with shorts, but I don't love them.

• 31:40Alex Cooper?

  Would you ever wear shorts to the airport?

• 31:42Speaker 01

  No. I like to be cozy, and I'm cold a lot.

• 31:45Alex Cooper?

  What about bare feet on a plane?

• 31:47Speaker 01

  It's unacceptable. It's horrible.

• 31:50Alex Cooper?

  What would you do if you were sitting next to someone with bare feet on a plane?

• 31:54Speaker 01

  I would combust. I really thank God and I travel so often. I've been near it, but not quite directly next to it. And I'm, see, I'm grateful once again. You know, I'm extremely grateful for the life I have, including somehow dodging something like that.

• 32:14Alex Cooper?

  You've been like a few rows away.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:17Alex Cooper?

  Caught the glimpse?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:18Alex Cooper?

  The shiver down the spine?

• 32:20Speaker 01

  It's just so gross. I don't know. It's really gross.

• 32:24Alex Cooper?

  It's disgusting.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  I did sit next to somebody once. This man could only be described as homeless. And I don't know if he was unhoused or not, but I'm describing him that way to give you the idea. And he had one singular tissue, not a hanky, not one. And he blows, he blew his nose so aggressively, so many times into this like, and I asked the flight attendant for a mask. This is before COVID, before anything. How I even thought to ask for a mask before COVID, I never, you know what I mean? I didn't even know like

• 32:59Alex Cooper?

  You were out of your time.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  outside of the hospital. Yeah. And they didn't. And I literally thought I would die of AIDS. Like I thought like that flight, like I'm done for.

• 33:10Alex Cooper?

  When you sit on the plane and you hear the person who are like,

• 33:15Alex Cooper?

  and it is all, it's just the coughing, the hacking, you're like, I am sitting in an incubator.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do feel that.

• 33:22Alex Cooper?

  I am a prisoner.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  No, that is terrible. That's, I do feel that.

• 33:26Alex Cooper?

  It's good to know. Um, okay. They sit on the couch in their outside clothes.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  That's fine.

• 33:32Alex Cooper?

  We're okay.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Couch, yeah.

• 33:33Alex Cooper?

  The bed?

• 33:34Speaker 01

  No, less so, but it's fine occasionally. Is the comforter on?

• 33:39Alex Cooper?

  Comforter's on.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Is there a coverlet? Is there a little throw at the end?

• 33:44Speaker 01

  You know, when you throw the throw?

• 33:45Alex Cooper?

  How do you feel about the throw though, in a hotel?

• 33:49Speaker 01

  I get rid of it immediately. Get it the fuck away from me. Get it the fuck away from me.

• 33:56Alex Cooper?

  No, my husband does the same. He's like, put it out the window.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. And here's the whole thing. I've stayed at Holiday and Express, not, not to brag. And I used to like, sometimes the coverlet is the blanket. At those hotels, like there isn't a blanket under. It's like just sheets or a very thin blanket. Like I've been frozen as can be. Before I, I'm like, I'll freeze to death. I don't care.

• 34:21Alex Cooper?

  The shit that's on there. Oh, a decorative pillow in a hotel?

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Terrible.

• 34:27Alex Cooper?

  Okay, they have a cat?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  I have a cat.

• 34:30Alex Cooper?

  How many?

• 34:31Speaker 01

  One. And I don't like other cats just because I have a cat. So it depends the cat. I'm also case by case, just like humans, I'm case by case with the animals. I don't need an animal, a dog to run and, and, and, and pounce on me. I'm not in the mood to be assaulted by a dog today. Sometimes you go to somebody's house. I was not in the mood to be jumped by a dog. It used to be acceptable if somebody had such a dog to say, could you put it in a room? Could, you can't ask somebody to put the dog in the room now. But by the way, I'm a little afraid of dogs. I don't want to really be harassed right now. Can you put the dog in the room? Like, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, it's not okay for me. I don't want to be, I once had somebody's dog, they were like gnawing at my sock. They're like,

• 35:11Speaker 01

  oh, he just wants your sock. I'm like, I want my sock. Look, I, look, I want my sock. So I don't know. So the dogs, it depends the dog, and it depends the cat. I don't want your cat scratching. My cat doesn't do such a thing. My cat is the gentlest little cat that ever was. I got her already at two years old. And so she was, she was fully grown and very gentle and I knew her, but some people get a kitten and it grows up, it's a menace. And I'm, I'm locking the door, I'm afraid of the cat.

• 35:39Alex Cooper?

  Does your cat have a name?

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Num.

• 35:42Alex Cooper?

  No?

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Num.

• 35:43Alex Cooper?

  Oh, I thought you said no. I was like,

• 35:44Speaker 01

  No, her name is Num.

• 35:45Alex Cooper?

  Num.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:46Alex Cooper?

  Okay. They are allergic to gluten?

• 35:50Speaker 01

  No, it can't be done. It can't be done. Is it real? Or they think they are? Like, unless they come, like, I want to see the outbreak. I want to pick up a roll. We're having rolls tonight. Just a bag of rolls. I don't care if it's the Hawaiian roll, whatever roll, okay, I don't care if it's a dinner roll, butter it up, and let's see. Is it Hitch? It better look like Hitch. It better look like Will Smith and Hitch. If it's not Will Smith blowing up in Hitch, I don't know.

• 36:23Alex Cooper?

  It does feel kind of recent, huh?

• 36:25Speaker 01

  It's very recent. It's very recent. And, you know, I don't want, it's just, I gotta see. Everybody is suddenly celiac.

• 36:34Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, like, I don't think people of my parents' generation.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Like, remember when we were kids, probably everybody was allergic to peanuts? I never hear that anymore, because it's not cool anymore. It's not cool anymore. Less and less people are allergic to peanuts. People used to, kids used to fucking pass out and eat an EpiPen. You were taught you gotta stab them. I was ready. I grew up ready to stab a bitch who was freaking out with a peanut.

• 36:57Alex Cooper?

  Such a good point.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  The EpiPen was killer and they said, and I said, I'll, believe me, I'll do it. I remember like, could I do it? I remember really like, you know, and they're like, and third, because we had somebody in our class allergic. Take the EpiPen. And I said, teacher, I will do it.

• 37:13Alex Cooper?

  But no one was allergic to gluten in our classes.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  No. And now I don't see the peanut allergy too much.

• 37:18Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. Comment down below if you've got a peanut allergy. And comment down below if you have a gluten allergy.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  They had, by the way, they're coming for us. And fine, I believe you. I'm also,

• 37:28Alex Cooper?

  we don't care, but we're joking. We're curious.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  We're curious. Is it a gluten? In, you know, when they ask you at a restaurant, like, hey, like Gab and I like to go to Sugarfish in order to trust me. We're like, we should, you could trust me. But instead of the crab, can we do the, and they go, is it allergy or is it a preference? It's like, that's what I want to know with these people. Is it an allergy or a preference?

• 37:50Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Their go-to grocery store is Air One.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm sorry to say, this is, people are not gonna like, Gabby orders from Air One more than, more than I would like. Now, when Gabby is on a trip, I can't imagine it. Okay. Um, and also it's a very annoying grocery store to shop in because they don't label any of their aisles. Like they make you want to go through the aisles. And I'm like, I'm not here like, explore the grocery store. Like what's in the aisles? Like I'm looking for, so and the only time I go is if Gabby's coming back from a trip, I will buy her her treats from, uh, from Air One. I'll pick up a bag. I'll get her like flowers and I'll get her like, you know, she likes these mush,

• 38:40Speaker 01

  uh, oatmeals and different things that they sell there. So I will get her the stuff that she likes, just to make sure that there's a couple of things that she really likes.

• 38:47Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Someone that has their phone background is a photo of themself.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  That's terrible. So weird. So very weird.

• 38:56Alex Cooper?

  I agree. People who have dabbled with DJing.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  It's horrible. Criminal. DJ, can I add something, Alex? Permission?

• 39:06Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Permission to elaborate?

• 39:08Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Photography.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  Fellas, you got a nice camera, you got a couple, you got a record player. Like, how much is you and how much is the, is the thing? Like, the camera? Photography, I'm not sure, it's very hard to, especially at the amateur level, and the DJ at the amateur level, it's very hard to denote, what are the tables doing? And what are you doing? What are the songs themselves doing? You drop hot in here? We're on, okay? I don't know if to give you the credit.

• 39:42Alex Cooper?

  What did you do?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Or back to Nelly. But is it Nelly hot in here?

• 39:47Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, it's Nelly.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  I don't know. Photography. Was it, was it the Laika? Or was it you? I don't know.

• 39:57Alex Cooper?

  It's such a good point, and the photography, I remember being on dating apps and being like, if he was a model or a photographer, it was just a, it was a quick, it was a quick, easy decision.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Oh, a model? A model for a man? I mean, there's certain, this is where I get in trouble sometimes because I can be traditional, even though I live an untraditional life to some extent.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  I had a TaskRabbit once come over. I bought, you know, the cheaper the thing at Ikea, the more of your life they take. Right? Like, so it's like, yeah, the shelf's really cheap because there's 97 different screws that you're gonna spend the next two days doing, right? So it's like, that's what you pay for. So, and, and so I would, you know, I'm, I'm no stranger to ordering the cheapest possible things, moving to a new apartment. Not anymore, by the grace of God and all of you, thank you. Um, and so I was just moving to LA, maybe, a, a new apartment, and I called a TaskRabbit. It's maybe six, seven years ago. And another lesbian shows, another dyke shows up, I go, Girl?

• 41:05Speaker 01

  No, I, I, I need my handyman. Excuse me. I, if I could do, I would have done it. Now we're both, I'm on the floor with this bitch doing it? Send me, I need a guy to come over here. Like, I'm looking for like an old Italian or Mexican dude to come in here and do what the hell he does.

• 41:26Alex Cooper?

  You got on the floor with her, why?

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Because she was, she was like, oh, I know, that was my problem. All right, let's see if we can figure it out. It's like, no, the, the has rabid's gotta be a dude. Okay, and, and the model has gotta be a girl. I don't wanna, you're a male model?

• 41:42Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, okay, okay, so-

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Men who are so into fashion and know what kind of jeans a woman's wearing, that really, just be gay. Like, women don't like, literally save women's time. Like, I hear these stories all the time where I'm like, that sounds gay. And I have a theory about gay, and again, and, and I don't, it's only a theory.

• 42:00Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, talk to me.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Okay, we are, we are hypothesizing still, but I do think that everybody who you think is gay, is gay. And then on top of that, there's a million more people, you wouldn't even know who are gay, who are gay. So if you think a dude's gay, that's all you need, a hundred percent factually gay. Because then on top of that, there's the whole download, the people you don't know who are gay.

• 42:25Alex Cooper?

  That, yeah, a really int- cuz I, I feel like I've seen you said something about, um, like, everyone has a little gay in them, right?

• 42:33Speaker 01

  The fellas.

• 42:34Alex Cooper?

  The fellas.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they're scared of it. Like, girls want a little gay in them, even if they don't have a little gay in them, they're like, "Waaahhh", kinda holding their hand. Like, girls on a beach will like, be like, "Ah, let's like, pose like this", like, you know, they're not shy of being a little gay, they like, have fun with it, they like, like flirting, or, or, or whatever. But fellas are like, so afraid of it, that if they just were like, eh, you know, like, yeah, or, you know, like-

• 42:58Alex Cooper?

  They're terrified.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like terrified of it, because they've heard each other doing it. Like, the thing is, is they used to bash each other's head in if they actually were. They've scared each other. Again, goes back to men being the problem. They're also a problem to themselves.

• 43:10Alex Cooper?

  Right. Like, embrace yourself.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, they bash themselves. Dude-on-dude violence is massive.

• 43:25Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. As you guys know, I have basically been working double time throughout this pregnancy to bank episodes for the month that I will be on maternity leave. And a few weeks ago, it all just kind of hit me. I was like, wait, wait, wait, where did summer go? And I was talking about this with Matt and he ended up surprising me with a little staycation. He booked this beautiful home on Airbnb in Malibu so that we could pretend like it was summer while it's still warm here in LA. The weather was perfect. The house was right on the beach, which was so relaxing and amazing. It also had just such a gorgeous kitchen. We stayed in, we cooked dinner together. And you know, daddy gained my cooking skills. They have,

• 44:09Alex Cooper?

  they have gotten better. They've gotten a little bit better through pregnancy. But it was really just so nice to unplug and spend that time together before the baby comes and we move into this completely new chapter of our life. So whether you're planning a cozy weekend away, or you're just looking for an excuse to unplug for a few days, October is the perfect time to get out of town. Booking a home on Airbnb makes the trip feel even more special because everyone has room to actually spend time together. Whether you're coming back after a long day out, or you're also just cooking dinner, Airbnb makes settling in even easier because you can order groceries for your trip and have all the snacks and essentials delivered after you arrive.

• 44:52Alex Cooper?

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• 45:31Alex Cooper?

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• 46:10Alex Cooper?

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• 46:49Alex Cooper?

  When you were a teenager, you said you made sure you earned your stay in your friend group by bringing the tea.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:56Alex Cooper?

  And getting your friends some dick.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:00Alex Cooper?

  What, what were you up to? What was your?

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Well, you know, I was naturally born. I had a good figure. I'm low-key pretty. I have a prettiness to me. You know, my brother always asks, he's like, why are you starting to look like Joe Pesci? Like, he's like, you know, like, my family thinks like, some of my sisters are like, you know, you were, you, you know, you could be pretty, like, you know, like, they think, like, I don't know. Like, he thinks like I have an insecurity or whatever, like, I dress, like, you know, you could be wearing, like, my sister used to like, if we were window shopping, she'd be like, ah, with your figure, I'd wear that dress. And it's like, they can't imagine that I choose to dress, like, they think it's like, must be something.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  But in high school, when I wasn't in tune to what I, I just was like, oh, yeah, like, you know, in high school, we wanted jobs, boyfriends, like, you know, it was Romeo and Michelle, let's go. So.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  My friends had, you know, like, let's say my friend's father would take us somewhere like, my mom didn't drive, right? Or like, I never had any money. And maybe my friends would, they got allowance. I once asked my grandfather for allowance and he walked me to the fridge. He's like, you want allowance? Ah, what do you think this is? All the food in the fridge? And I'm like, copy that.

• 48:13Alex Cooper?

  Thank you, Grandpa.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  But, yeah, so I would, I think it's, it's like being, you know, being blind and maybe your other senses pick up the slack. Um, I didn't have a lot monetarily to contribute. Um, in the summers, I wasn't the house that had a pool, that knew somebody who had a pool, you know? But I could, I could get us to the front of the line if I needed to. I could, you know, like, I could get us, get us drinks. Right? She's paying the Uber. Why should we be, no girls. I always knew, girls don't pay for drinks at bars. I looked good. I put on whatever tight I had to be. I had a good time and I would just walk up to whatever,

• 48:59Speaker 01

  you know, they used to have guys roped off at clubs and stuff. I'd say, what are we drinking, fellas? Before we knew it, we're like five girls. We're sitting there, we're drinking, you know, the orange juice and the cranberry juice are there, the bottle service. I'm like pouring all of them and then we would leave those guys. We never put out, we never anything.

• 49:14Alex Cooper?

  Did you actually call them fellas back then?

• 49:16Speaker 01

  No, I would say, hey, guys, what do we, you know, like, we were always, and we were always, it's so funny looking back, we were always like amazed, like, let's say we like, we were like, five, like, skinny bitches, like 20 years old, short skirts, heels, the whole bit in the freezing cold. You know, no, not even paying for coat checks. So running from, running from the car to the club, trying to get in. Hey, please sir, we're cold. And we can't believe he lets us in. Okay, meanwhile, we're like five 20-year-old girls, like, of course, that's who's getting, and we can't believe we got the free drink. Did you believe these guys gave us their cranberry?

• 49:55Alex Cooper?

  It's so obvious.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  The only reason they got the, the, the, the bottle was for this to happen to them.

• 50:00Alex Cooper?

  Dude, it's, isn't it so terrifying when you look at it? You're like, oh my God, how stupid and easy men are when it's like, it's all it took was me to wear that chop? Are you fucking kidding me?

• 50:14Speaker 01

  But they had to spend some money. I do remember thinking. Well, I do remember because I remember my brothers having to go out and I helped my brothers with their plenty of fish profiles and online dating back then. And one of my brothers was colorblind. He's like, this shirt, this shirt. My brother was so cute, but um, they didn't have money. And I always felt like, what really sung me, because I always thought a great date for any amount was a movie. And when movies became unaffordable, I said, that is it. If my brother cannot even take a girl to a movie, what are we doing? What chance does he have? What cha- and he's only like 18, like he's trying to order, he's working at FedEx, like, if he can't take a bitch to a movie, like, he's not,

• 50:59Speaker 01

  I've been out to these clubs.

• 51:00Alex Cooper?

  What is he gonna do? He's stuck.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  It's horrible, because these fellows had to have, like, that bottle was like five hundred, I don't know what it was.

• 51:07Alex Cooper?

  The bottle service is fucking crazy.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  And they did it. So, you know, there was, they were doing their thing, however they got their money, maybe they were flipping cellphones. I don't know what they were doing, or coming from it in many cases. The ones not coming from it who got it, I'm not looking at your taxes. I don't care what you did.

• 51:25Alex Cooper?

  You don't care?

• 51:26Speaker 01

  You did what you had to do.

• 51:28Alex Cooper?

  And you did what you had to do.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  And you got, yeah, and I did what I had to do.

• 51:31Alex Cooper?

  Okay, you have a theory.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 51:33Alex Cooper?

  In every relationship, you need one hot person.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:36Alex Cooper?

  And one smart person. How did this idea come to be?

• 51:40Speaker 01

  It's just always been the case. I can't tell that ideas, and it's not 100% per the per, you need the right ratio. There's a relationship ratio. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about the two sides of the ratio, okay? For those of you didn't, you know, math is, you know, the two colon, the colon is the ratio, and you're equating both sides. One side's gotta be hot. You need an attraction, something. Hot is different to people, but also it's, you know, and then there's uh, smart. Those are the two things for the relationship. That's a scale. So, if you're bringing mostly smart, you gotta look for mostly hot. If you're bringing 50%

• 52:24Speaker 01

  smart and 50% hot, you need a 50/52.

• 52:27Alex Cooper?

  What if the balance is off and you have two hot people? Or two smart people?

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Look at two hot people. It's a disaster. Hollywood, J Lo and Ben, it doesn't matter how many times they try. They're missing an entire circle, right? They have too hot, and I'm not saying, and they're lovely, but they're missing an entire, too smart, that's too uggos, that's a hazard on the road, no, and nothing wrong. But that's just what it is. We've seen the couples. But you need something driving the other stuff. You need a good mix of both.

• 53:02Alex Cooper?

  But what's more lethal? Or what's more like, oh, this is gonna go down in flames? Hot, hot? Smart, smart?

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Down in flames, I think, is hot, hot.

• 53:13Alex Cooper?

  What happens with too hot people, or too, um, smart people? They're just, you're literally just walking around like uggos?

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:19Alex Cooper?

  But is that so?

• 53:21Speaker 01

  By the way, by the way, okay, but at least they can work, you know? But, but what happens is, you know, sometimes, you know, you, you get, uh, you know, then, then, then, you know, they either go outside or whatever if the hot doesn't pick up.

• 53:38Alex Cooper?

  Right? Like maybe the uggos, he's a hottie.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  I mean, she's gonna kill me for saying this. Emily?

• 53:45Alex Cooper?

  What?

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Emily?

• 53:47Alex Cooper?

  Are you trying to talk to your team?

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:50Alex Cooper?

  They can't talk to you back in here.

• 53:52Speaker 01

  Basically, it's a general ratio. You wanna make sure you have it, okay? Um, Gabby, you know, and, and, and the ratios don't even make sense. Gabby, I think, brings 90% of, of the hotness. Um, and I can feel confident going anywhere with her, whether it's a grocery store, whether it's a carpet, whatever it is, cuz I'm like with Gab, nobody's even looking at me, who cares? Okay? Um, but I think I'm a cutie, so I bring 10%. So we have our 100% hot. And on the smart, people forget Gabby was a nurse, so she's practically a fucking doctor in this country, she's an ICU nurse. So we split the smart 50/50. We have our circle there. Just fill the circles. However you can get to your fill, do it.

• 54:33Alex Cooper?

  You gotta do it. Yeah, I think that's a really great point. I, I do think people need to be a little bit more self-aware. And it also depends what type of, like, time you're in, in your life, right? And sometimes in college, you're like, I just want a hot guy. I want a hot girl.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 54:46Alex Cooper?

  And you're just going for the hot, and you're actually like, I don't want you to be fucking smart.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:49Alex Cooper?

  Cuz I don't wanna end up with you, I just wanna have fun.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  And you might be smart. Right? That's a lethal con- you want to know lethal? Somebody like you or Gab? They're hot and they're smart. Gab, I always tell her, she doesn't have to be hot. She doesn't have to be hot or smart for as hot and smart as she is. You don't have to be hot, you don't have to be as smart as you are for as hot as you are. You could have leaned on one. That is the lethal combo. Is that sometimes they're hot like Gab and they're brilliant too. What fucking chance do you have? What chance do you have?

• 55:23Alex Cooper?

  But does that mean that they could get with someone that can bring less to the table because they're bringing more?

• 55:29Speaker 01

  It does.

• 55:29Alex Cooper?

  Or does that build resentment?

• 55:30Speaker 01

  No, but that means that you, if you want just some guy in college, what do you care? You're carrying a lot of the circles already.

• 55:37Alex Cooper?

  We're carrying it.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have a big contribution to your, your, your, right? Your fill is, is, is there. You need less of it. Maybe you're doing 90% hot like Gab and 90% smart and you just knew you're looking for 10 on either.

• 55:50Alex Cooper?

  Oh, what a life.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  A guy walking around with 20%, that checks out. Most of them are.

• 55:55Alex Cooper?

  And that's generous.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you.

• 55:58Alex Cooper?

  You had a live call-in show once where you gave advice called the Robby Hoffman Consulting Group. What do you think?

• 56:05Speaker 01

  During COVID.

• 56:06Alex Cooper?

  Qualified to you to give people advice?

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, I have an undergraduate degree from McGill University in accounting. Thank you very much. I think I'm qualified on all areas of relationship, of, of, of, of psychology, of finance, of fashion. Due to my credentials right there.

• 56:27Alex Cooper?

  What are some of the weirdest calls you ever got?

• 56:31Speaker 01

  No, we got a lot of calls, you know, um, uh, this is so boring. We went through people's resumes. I like to spruce up a resume.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  You know, things like that. We really, I don't know, we got tons. None. I don't know what weird is. I can't even qualify as something being weird. Like somebody could ask me anything and I'm like, oh yeah, that's a fair question. What celebrity?

• 56:54Alex Cooper?

  So I don't know. What celebrity would you call for advice?

• 56:57Speaker 01

  A celebrity?

• 56:59Alex Cooper?

  Well, they're calling you. What would it take for you to call into someone?

• 57:02Speaker 01

  I wouldn't call a su- I want like, you know, the, the, the, the neurologist at Cedar Sinai. That's somebody I would call, you know?

• 57:11Alex Cooper?

  You want that person on speed dial?

• 57:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:13Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I don't think a celebrity I'm going to for advice, but to me celebrities are, because my mother always had a reverence for doctors. And we went once a year for a checkup. And I remember at one point, and if we weren't going to school, I don't think we would have had these checkups. So thank God for the schools, the school system. But I remember me and my brothers sitting on the, what is that bench called at the doctors?

• 57:35Alex Cooper?

  Oh, I know what you mean. What is the, the, well, you know?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  You know?

• 57:42Alex Cooper?

  The thing.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  With the paper on it?

• 57:44Alex Cooper?

  It's like the, it's like the table.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  The table?

• 57:46Alex Cooper?

  The table.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  The gurney, it's almost a gurney.

• 57:48Alex Cooper?

  It's kind of creepy.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Okay, so anyway, we're all on there, we're all in our underwear. You know, I'm maybe like eight, nine, 10, and like, right? We're all a year apart and we're all in our underwear, me and three of my brothers. Okay, we're freezing, we're sitting, he's doing the knee thing, we're having fun. Okay, he weighs us all and he's going down and my mother's there like, you know, nervous. Like she's brought four of her kids in for this appointment. And he does our checkup and he's going through it and he's like, yeah, your brother looks really healthy. This one over here, uh, the oldest is, he's looking great, um, perfectly, you know? The other one, uh, we'd love if he was finishing his plate. My brother, who is like a little, so, nothing crazy, but just make sure he's finishing everything on his plate. He's in a little lower of a percentile. We'd love to see him, just a little meteor next year, nothing, nothing crazy. Uh, me, you know, uh, Rifka, Robbie, she, she looks, uh, healthy, fine.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, he, he gets finished with all of us and he goes, okay, kids, have a great year at school. See you next year. He leaves the room for us.

• 58:42Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Right? My mother's like, get dressed, get dressed, get dressed. We're like pulling our, we're getting dressed, okay? She's pulling my brother's pants, she's like, you're all way enough. Embarrassing me in front of the doctor because my mother, all she did was cooked and, you know, threw food on the table, right? And he's just a small, we were all, he's still small to the say. You know what I mean? He's just a skinny guy, right? And, but my mother, she was so embarrassed, like it looked upon her that she wasn't feeding her kids because he's, and he doesn't, you don't weigh enough. He's eight years old, he has no clue. What do you, what does he have anything to do with what he weighs at that age?

• 59:16Alex Cooper?

  It's like a full form of self-examination for her in that moment. She's like, how they looking? But really, it's like a reflection on her.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's taking it like, so then she implemented the piece system where you finish to, you know, two more pieces or whatever, doing all that. And I'm like, I already had my two more pieces. I'm good. You said two more pieces last time. I am done with pieces for this.

• 59:36Alex Cooper?

  I love that you all went in together.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  She would do as many as she could.

• 59:39Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, four, then four.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, because it was just like an annual checkup. Like are the kids, do they have their shots or whatever?

• 59:45Alex Cooper?

  They were always kind of a little intimidating.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  It was sitting there in our underwear. I was like cold. He's some pedophile, obviously, that he's chosen to do this.

• 59:53Alex Cooper?

  Did I have things stripped out to my underwear, not thinking about it? That may have been a unique experience.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  It may have been my mother being like, everybody get, you know, the doctor's coming in to examine. Like she had us ready, like she didn't waste the doctor's time.

• 1:00:06Alex Cooper?

  And the doctor was like, I didn't need you to be naked.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  To this day, like I, I like to get on the phone with a great lawyer or a doctor or scientists.

• 1:00:15Alex Cooper?

  I've been one of them on speed dial.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  A lawyer on speed dial, a doctor on speed dial, there's, there's nothing like it.

• 1:00:21Alex Cooper?

  There's nothing. Um, okay. In one of the episode descriptions, you said, we are now helping those most in need, predominantly non lesbians. What?

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  What, did I say that?

• 1:00:31Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, that was in one of your, that was in one of your just episode descriptions for your advice.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Oh, for advice, yes. Because I, no, no, no, because what happened was people thought it was only lesbians to call in. And so lesbians were flooding the lines and it's like, no, like the fellas need a lot of help here. You see how they're walking around. They're, they're in many wars. They're, they're, they're, they're investing in crypto at, you know, they're, and, you know, so get them on the line. So I think that was a clarification.

• 1:01:00Alex Cooper?

  What, what is some straight people shit you just like cannot get behind?

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  A lot.

• 1:01:05Alex Cooper?

  Okay. A lot of straight men claim that going down on a woman is so difficult because it's hard to find the clit.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Yeah. Like DJ Khalid is gay. Yeah, no, that's what I think. I think if you're bragging about not going down on a woman, it's like, bro, just come out. Like, there's no other way to come out. Like, it's not giving what you think it's giving. Fellas, it's like bizarre. It's like, just be gay. Like, again, leave women alone. Like, why this whole song and dance? Like, they like gay men. Like, just be gay. Be, like, they'd be thrilled for you. Like, don't drag them on this thing and your weird thing. Yeah, no, I think a man not going down on a woman, which by the way, going down on some woman is great, some others it's not. I'm sure it's like hooking up with men. I've had, I've had, you know, thank God I married

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  Gabby is all I can say. Thank God I married Gabby. But, you know, so it, it finds your girl, you know, but I think bragging about not going, it's like, okay, like, I don't know where to go from that. Like, just literally be gay. So weird.

• 1:02:08Alex Cooper?

  Give us your advice, ready? If someone's like, how do I approach someone in the wild? What do I do?

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  It depends on the circumstance. Okay, who's approaching? Who?

• 1:02:21Alex Cooper?

  A young woman in her early twenties.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  To a man?

• 1:02:27Alex Cooper?

  Is going up to a man.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  No, never. Do not do that. You don't need to be doing that.

• 1:02:33Alex Cooper?

  A man in his thirties is going up to a woman in her thirties.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Where are they? Are they in a place?

• 1:02:39Alex Cooper?

  They're at a, a luxury bar.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Okay, they're at a bar. They're at a place of approach.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think just keep it simple. Can I buy you a drink? Listen, I don't want to beat around the bush. Can I get you a drink? I've been looking at you. No worries either way. Okay, have a great evening. She says no, walk away nice. She says, I'm okay, thank you. Say, have a terrific evening.

• 1:03:06Alex Cooper?

  I like the no worries either way. Like, don't put too much pressure.

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, hey, was just wondering, you know, it's like Gabby when I met her the first time and I was like, listen, I don't want to beat around the bush, but I gotta get your number.

• 1:03:18Alex Cooper?

  Love that. Did she give it to you?

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Well, her friend, who is a fan of mine, that's how like her friend spotted me and I was like, thank God, because it was very new for me for spotting to be happening. She was with Gab and she said, I'll give you the number, I'll give you the number, because she was a fan of mine. And I said, no, no, I'm not getting it from you, I'm getting it from the source and I'm testing it tonight.

• 1:03:37Alex Cooper?

  Wait, how did you guys meet?

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  We met outside.

• 1:03:41Alex Cooper?

  Of?

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Uh, we were, uh, there was like a little like event happening at a bar space.

• 1:03:47Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I was late to it because I work nights and um, I got there to meet up with a friend and we were all on our way out and I got spotted by, by, well, another lesbian who kind of looked like me, like one of the more boyish ones, even more boyish than me. So at this point, I thought, well, let's get out of here. This is really, this is not the night. I'm like, I'm not gay like that. You know, somebody like that is looking at me, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, I'm not one of those, I'm not that gay, you know? Like, I don't feel gay with Gabby because I'm like, okay, one's like kind of doing the boy weird thing and one's a girl like, we kind of have a hetero, like heteronormative lifestyle. The only gay thing about me is that I'm gay, but other than that, I'm not even gay.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  But if another lesbian like me, like, or even butchier than me with the buzz cut and the whole hit on me, I'd be like, what are you fucking gay? Like, that to me is so gay and it happens.

• 1:04:37Alex Cooper?

  It'd be too much for you.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  That's too gay.

• 1:04:39Alex Cooper?

  You have a very specific type that you're going for.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, just, no, it's not even, yeah, like, Gab and I make sense to me. So, that person was, and I was like, and they were like, no, no, I love, they were like, oh, no, I'm not gay like that. They were like, I love your comedy. I'm like, oh, thank you so much. I'm happy it's relating, da, da, da, you know, but then I was like, okay, never mind you, who are you with? And it was Gabby and you know, one of these things doesn't belong, you know, kind of a dive. You know, lesbian events or not. Um, let's, let's just say we're not gay men, you know, the event space isn't. Isn't, you know, the flowers weren't picked up that day and all, all the stuff that gay men maybe do, but um, we could use more at our places, but uh, Gab was there and I was like, well, well, who's this? And they were like, oh yeah, that's Gabby, the Bachelor. I was like, the Bachelor's gay?

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  But I don't know what the Bachelor's doing. Maybe they are gay now. And some of them, you know, I didn't heard one was gay. I mean, he tricked all these women. Again, just be gay.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Even though people would argue that Gab did that, but bisexuality in women is a lot more like they're more open with it. Um, I just think it's not as shameful. Men have like shamed each other into like not even being able to be their 5% gay, which is a minimum. Uh, maybe for them, but yeah, so I just, I wasn't sure that was the Bachelor's gay. Okay. I've missed out on so long of the bat, you know? And um, and they were like, oh, no, no, no. Uh, you know, uh, she's uh,

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  she's, she's just exploring. And I'm like, what is she Dora the Explorer? I was like 28 years old exploring? I said, I don't think so. You know? And um, I, I got right to it. I got right to it. I was like, uh, okay, uh, well, do you, do, I forget what I asked her, but then the second question or something I asked her is like, do you come for money?

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  And she was like, eh, and I was like, say no more. I knew she didn't, you know, because people come for money. Nothing wrong, but I can't date them. Um, they say we were comfortable or something, right?

• 1:06:46Alex Cooper?

  Wait, why couldn't you date someone with money?

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  To me, it's like dating outside of the faith. Like, I don't, you know, for me, religion isn't the, the thing that, it's like, the day to day, like, people who grew up with money versus people who didn't, it's an entire different, it's, it's, it's day in and day out. It's every small thing. You know, I joke about it, but grocery, you know, grocery shopping changes, everything changes. If I'm not in the mood, whether I have the money or not, to spend nine ninety-nine on raspberries from an Arowan, I'm not in the mood. I don't care if the money is there, I cannot. And she moves, we understand that language, we're like, that is criminal, we keep it moving. We keep it moving, right? With somebody who grew up differently than that, those are, those are too many, we're not speaking the same language.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Gab and I speak the same language, and that's, I want somebody who's doing well now, by the grace of God. Um, and we both get it, we both have our own, we don't want to spend that. We know, we don't want to, we don't want to. So, I asked her that, and she said, no, you know, military, like, and I said, military, for sure no money, that's wonderful. They, we don't, you know? And her father is, you know, her family is amazing, and, uh, thank you for, thank you for your service, for her entire family, but military family. And, um, I just love that, I love the grit of, of how she grew up and being a nurse, and I just, there were so many things that lined up. You know, we spoke the same language, like, on paper, we don't look. People are like, what an odd couple, but it's like, the compatibility is, is through the roof.

• 1:08:13Alex Cooper?

  Did, even though you were first told, like, oh, she's just exploring, and you were, right now, just like, oh my God, no, not interested. Then you started talking to her. Did you kind of know immediately?

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  What do you mean, they're not interested?

• 1:08:26Alex Cooper?

  Like, you said, like, oh, when you're someone, when the person told you, like, oh, she's exploring, you're like, no, what is she, Dora the Explorer? Like, no, no, no, wait, like, I'm not interested in that.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  No, I didn't say I'm not interested, I said, she's, she already knows.

• 1:08:36Alex Cooper?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  She's made it to the Dyke Bar, or the Dyke Event. This is, this is not Dora the Explorer on an assignment, she's not Anderson Cooper in the war zone reporting back. No, no, no, she, this is, yeah. I, she was a little, reaching your late twenties, when you're thirty, I think, no, you're sixteen and you're exploring, go ahead. But do not come to me. You know, at a certain age, and tell me you're exploring.

• 1:09:05Alex Cooper?

  So you knew if you got in there? You're like, no, no, no, she's ready.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that, I mean, she just, she had twenty-five boyfriends. You know, so that didn't, you know, so she's here. You know, she did her last ditch hurrah. And I got the final rose. It's unbelievable.

• 1:09:22Alex Cooper?

  How did you and Gabby kind of navigate those early days in your relationship with like the fame of The Bachelor and people looking at you guys? Like, how did that go?

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Honestly, and again, I hate saying this, it could not have gone better. I really am living one of the greatest lives I've heard about. And it happens to be mine. And I'm like thrilled with it. Like, I really thought the worst case scenario. But my observing ego was like, maybe it'll work out somehow. I'm like, no, this is gonna go, like, I told her not to come out. I said, this is not gonna be good for Bachelor Nation. They don't want you to be gay. The fellows are gonna go crazy, right? And then I don't need this mob. Bachelor Nation has embraced me. I love you. Everyone is just tremendous to me and to Gab. So it went really well. But I told her, I thought, she doesn't have to come out. People were starting to see us.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  Um, I don't love living in secret, but I also was fine to do it because I'm like, oh, she's a lot more public. And that, you know, her dating life is specifically public. I'm public with my work, you know, but nobody's really, you know, so it was a new sensitivity or another, you know. Um, and so I told her not to come out because I said, they're gonna blame me. They're gonna look at us and say, whose fault is this? So obviously this, you know, they're gonna blame me. And then they're gonna find out, like, you know, Jewish, it's like, we don't need, like, forget it. It's all gonna come down to me. I was in no mood. I said, this is a miracle that we even met and that we get to enjoy. Um, but, uh, but actually it went amazing and people have been,

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  again, it's like, I hate to say it, but people have been so good to us.

• 1:11:00Alex Cooper?

  Who said I love you first?

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Me, of course.

• 1:11:04Alex Cooper?

  Did she say it back right away or no?

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. But then she stopped saying it for a minute. So here's what happened.

• 1:11:09Alex Cooper?

  What'd you do?

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  This is the gayest thing about me because I have dated before, but I'm very, I've been slow. I never really lived with anyone. I took five years to like, maybe, you know, with Gab, I was like 13 days in, like sat her down. And I'm like, I just gotta like,

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  I, I gotta be upfront. I am falling in love with you. Cause she was like, what is this? And I'm like, this is love. Like, what are we?

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  She's like, what is this? And I don't know. And I'm like, it's love. It's what it is.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  And I, so that's what's going on. And we need to confront that. You know, and so I asked her to be my girlfriend and then, you know, it was very elementary, very sweet, very cute. Um, very lesbian, which, uh, but you know what? It's never too late to be a lesbian. For the first time I was acting as fast as they say we were. Um, and then, yeah, I was feeling fast for her. So we, we, we pulled back. But she was also not trusting, like in the beginning, like Gabby. You know, and, and in a healthy relationship or good relationship, ideally you work through your stuff with the person. Like you realize why you are the way you are and you don't, you know what I mean? And it all comes out. So she was having that experience of like, you know, I guess I didn't trust that, you know,

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  one of her parents would be home when they should be home, or they said something to her and it didn't happen. You know, she, she wasn't able to trust it. But as we committed more and more, she always felt like, even though it felt like she actually enjoyed the commitment. Like when we became, when we moved in, she was like, oh my God, I, I really trust that you love me. Like, I really feel better. Like every step that we did to more commitment, which would seem that she was like a pulling back. But actually when, and I never, when she was like, okay, yeah, let's move, like when she, I would never push or whatever. She would then feel 10 times closer. When we got married, she even said, she's like, I really trust that you love me. Like,

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  it's just about, it's just about, we're all coming from our, our spaces. And in the beginning, she was sometimes afraid to say a feeling that she had because if she spoke up as a child sometimes. And, you know, one day when she, uh, you know, if, if you, you know, if you want her on, and she's leaving the house or you catch her at the right time, she could speak more to this. I hate to share her stuff, but, um, um, she.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  What was I saying with the trust?

• 1:13:40Alex Cooper?

  Didn't believe, love.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, no, yes, you got it, you got it. You're a fucking pro.

• 1:13:44Alex Cooper?

  Got you.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  I appreciate you.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  Appreciate you.

• 1:13:48Alex Cooper?

  Got you.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, she would, like, if she expressed her feelings, let's say something I did annoyed her. I'm annoying. I'm expecting to be annoyed. Like, I'm expecting at some point she's gonna be annoyed with me. I'm a very annoying person. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I always try not to be. And for people who find me annoying, I'm always trying to talk less and to be less annoying. And unfortunately, part of my anxiety is I talk a lot and I am annoying. So it is what it is. But I'm aware and I don't like it either. I don't like it either. But let's say she, you know, I left something where she wouldn't want something, or, um...

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  I don't know. If it like, if I'm like, oh, will you throw me the leash? And she would rather like throw me this. She wouldn't even say something even as small as that bothered her because she would think that it's like a fight. She would think that like, oh, I wouldn't love her if, if something, you know, she's so used to like, if she brought up problems as a kid, it was like a problem with her. So that stuff like came out and I'm like, babe, you're gonna have a million problems with me. Like, you're gonna be like, a million things, sometimes I'm gonna hurt your feelings. Like, there's gonna be so many things. Um, and I'm still here. I'm here. I had the opposite experience with, even though I was so poor, my mother was always home. So I knew no matter what happened, I colored on the walls, I fucking flunked this, I, I, whatever.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  We got into a fight. The bitch is in the kitchen, she's cooking, she's cooking, she, where is she? I know to this day where my mother is. She's in the kitchen. The bitch is in the kitchen. You know, she was for love or money, poor, cooking and doing laundry every single day. She never left the house. Right? So that type of stability, so we come from somewhere that I can handle a lot? I'm like, bring it on. What is it?

• 1:15:28Alex Cooper?

  Which is probably so amazing to her though, but she had never experienced that. And I love what you had said at the beginning, which is so real. It's like, sometimes you do have to... Really individually do the work because your partner can't solve it for you. But then the fun moments in relationships, when you realize you're compatible is also realizing like, oh, my baggage and my shit works really well with your baggage and your shit. And what I'm bringing, like Gabby's like, oh my gosh, let's see if you can handle this. And you're like, this is child's play. Like, I got you. And she's like, wait, you're not going to run? You're not going to get mad at me? And that's really beautiful.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  I am in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. And I love everything. Yeah, like, yeah, it's kind of like, yeah, what you were saying, the baggage, it's like, we heal each other through, you know, it's like I have the exact je ne sais quoi for her and she is exact for my stuff. Um, so it really, really works in a way that isn't, yeah, we're not solving each other's problems, nor is it our responsibility. They just are healing together.

• 1:16:29Alex Cooper?

  And how amazing that like her with her wanting to trust, but not feeling like she could trust you having, yes, things in your childhood, but you being like, no, no, I'm always going to be in the kitchen. I'm not going anywhere.

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 1:16:43Alex Cooper?

  And to be that stable force for her to keep proving, like proving when you moved in together. And she's like, oh my God, maybe this is real. Proving when you got married. She's like, oh my God, you really do love me? You're like, girl, I'm always going to be here.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  Like, I'm just, nobody is here. Like, I'm just here. That's what, like, it's not, yeah. So, once I decide, I mean, I'm also like that with so many things. I found these glasses 12 years ago. I don't know what I'm going to do with this. Like, they work, they fit. This is my glasses. Like, I don't rethink, I have one, you know, I decide on the thing. Babe, look how I am, I used to do it with everything, not just people.

• 1:17:18Alex Cooper?

  You're all in.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  I'm like, if I like something, why am I getting new glasses? Why am I going to the optometrist trying on like, no, I don't, I like it, it works and I can like something for a long time. I still listen to songs 20 years ago. Okay, freaking Vanessa Carlton, making my way back home, nothing like that.

• 1:17:39Alex Cooper?

  I think it's making my way downtown.

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Could be wrong. Listened 20 years and I still don't know the lyrics. But that is a classic. That's a classic. Like I won't get over it.

• 1:17:51Alex Cooper?

  Making my way back.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  Making my way back home. Wait, does she ever say that?

• 1:17:54Alex Cooper?

  No, it's making my way downtown, walking. Yeah.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then at some point she goes home.

• 1:17:59Alex Cooper?

  She goes home.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Wait, can you tell us in the comments? She does?

• 1:18:03Alex Cooper?

  Look it up, look it up, look it up. I do love a good Vanessa Carlton.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  Are these real?

• 1:18:08Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, you can eat them. No, no, you can. Maybe you're not the type of person to eat them.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  Wait, how long have they been there?

• 1:18:13Alex Cooper?

  We replenish, but there could be a little dust.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  You just replenished.

• 1:18:18Alex Cooper?

  There's no way it says making my way back home. She says making my way downtown.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  You're right about that. You're right.

• 1:18:22Alex Cooper?

  Face is hot and I'm homebound.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  There we go, and I'm homebound.

• 1:18:26Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, she's homebound.

• 1:18:35Alex Cooper?

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• 1:19:15Alex Cooper?

  Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit snhu.edu/callherdaddy to learn more.

• 1:19:37Alex Cooper?

  All right, we're playing a game. Ready?

• 1:19:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Alex Cooper?

  Who's more likely to, you and Gabby addition?

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  People hate when I chew on podcasts.

• 1:19:43Alex Cooper?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:44Speaker 01

  I'm learning. See? See the annoying? I hear you.

• 1:19:48Alex Cooper?

  Are they good?

• 1:19:49Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:19:49Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. All right. Who is more likely to laugh at an inappropriate time?

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Me. Or Gab. Gab and I are the same. Gab and I laugh at everything the same. Like, we both, we are so inappropriate at home. She lets me be me. I let her be her.

• 1:20:07Alex Cooper?

  What is like an inopportune time that you guys have found something funny that you're like, "What? We need to fucking stop right now. Stop laughing. Stop laughing."

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  It could be an unfortunate circumstance and we're laughing. It's not my fault.

• 1:20:17Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Who's more likely to send back a meal at a restaurant?

• 1:20:21Speaker 01

  Me. But I don't send anything back. It really would have to be very bad. But I'd be more likely.

• 1:20:27Alex Cooper?

  Are you leaving reviews?

• 1:20:28Speaker 01

  No, never. I don't know the side, the, the, the depths of a person who logs in.

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  I can't even, they're logging in. The login alone, forgot password, go to the email, get the code.

• 1:20:45Speaker 01

  I, it, it bewilders.

• 1:20:47Alex Cooper?

  It's bad.

• 1:20:48Speaker 01

  It's really scary stuff.

• 1:20:50Alex Cooper?

  Who's more likely to plan a spontaneous date?

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  Me.

• 1:20:54Alex Cooper?

  What is one of the most romantic things you've ever done for her?

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  Um, I don't know. We do so many romantic, we love to be romantic together. The most romantic thing?

• 1:21:03Alex Cooper?

  Or just like an example. Doesn't have to be the most.

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it's so tough to say. Let me think. Well, well, I know, but I do romantic things for her all the time. I mean, I drive home from, from shows and she likes, um, high chews. So, if I pick up gas, I go and I grab high chews and I bring her a snack.

• 1:21:20Alex Cooper?

  You're thoughtful.

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  Or things like that. So, there's small day to day and then there's the big grand. We go horseback riding. I booked us a beautiful, you know, I don't want to say the inn, but you know, they have this and that. So, we do, we do big and small romantic things all the time, I think. Yeah.

• 1:21:35Alex Cooper?

  Who's more likely to pick a fight?

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  Her.

• 1:21:38Alex Cooper?

  What is the dumbest thing you guys have ever argued over?

• 1:21:41Speaker 01

  We all dumb things all the time and we're over in two seconds. Something that Gab and I have in common and this is back to the compatibility. None of us hold a grudge. We are ready in two seconds to kiss and sit on the couch together. Like it, it's the best thing. We're like, I was, you know, sorry. I was like, I'll be like, I was in a mood. Kiss, kiss. We're back. It's two seconds.

• 1:22:03Alex Cooper?

  Who's more dramatic?

• 1:22:05Speaker 01

  I don't know. Maybe her, but not by much.

• 1:22:07Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Who is more likely to spill a secret?

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  I think neither of us.

• 1:22:12Alex Cooper?

  Really?

• 1:22:13Speaker 01

  Of each other?

• 1:22:14Alex Cooper?

  Or just like if someone, how about this?

• 1:22:16Speaker 01

  We tell each other everything.

• 1:22:18Alex Cooper?

  I was gonna say, are you the couple that's like, if someone tells Gabby a secret and they're like, do not tell anyone. She's like, uh huh, uh huh.

• 1:22:24Speaker 01

  No, no, she is your spouse, guys. Don't, you're not gonna come between my marriage. It's like I signed this NDA. Like she signed this NDA for traitors or something. One of the shows that she went on to, she had to sign an NDA. I'm not gonna know if she won. You thinking that NDA is gonna come between me and my wife? Are you out of your fucking mind? Are you out of your goddamn mind? It's like we know, we, we are NDA proof. Okay. So you just need to know that industry, studios, NDA, Gabby, Wendy knows everything I know. And I know everything she knows and that's the way it is.

• 1:22:55Alex Cooper?

  I don't see how it could, like, I think, um, my husband and I had this conversation with someone recently where we're like, oh, we know everything. Like we, we tell each other everything. And one of the couples was like, what? And we were like, are we the weird ones or are they the weird ones? And this is making me feel like they're the weird ones.

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  They're the weird ones. You know, my friend, uh, Ally, and we debated this, but she, um, she told me about somebody, you know, she told me about this, you know, love affair that she was having, having. Um, not an affair like cheating, just a love affair. She was having a romance.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  And she said, but don't tell Gab, you know, cause Gab might know the person or something like this. So I said,

• 1:23:33Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  Come on. And especially fun tea like that, I'm running. Bro, I am running. I am pedal to the metal. I can't wait to tell her. And guess who's hooking up? I walk into the house. Guess who's hooking up? I mean, that's all, that's a joy. We have such small joys. Let's have joy.

• 1:23:56Alex Cooper?

  Oh, it's just the best.

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  A great new piping hot tea. You know, I love my tea.

• 1:24:02Alex Cooper?

  When it's not also like impacting your life.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  At all.

• 1:24:05Alex Cooper?

  So you can kind of just like.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  And you know, she told me that you know that she, you know, she's like, come on.

• 1:24:11Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. If you think that someone's not telling their fucking partner.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  I hate when someone says, if I tell a friend and it's nothing to do with spousal telling or whatever, I say, don't tell anyone this.

• 1:24:23Speaker 01

  And they go, who am I going to tell? I go, what kind of a response is that? I don't care. I don't care. Even if you have no one to tell, even if you are in jail cell, I don't care. No one, I don't want to fathom who you have, who you don't have. I don't know your friends with this week and who you're not. What kind of response that when somebody says, don't tell anyone, who am I going to tell? I don't know. That's not the response that you say. You say, don't tell anyone. You go, I will not.

• 1:24:50Alex Cooper?

  I will not. Cause you know what it is? You're right. And people have said that to me before. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Have I ever said that to anyone? It's almost like you're kind of already admitting guilt. You're, you're like, who would I tell? Like I have no one to tell.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:25:03Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, you do. There's always someone to tell.

• 1:25:06Speaker 01

  There's someone to tell. It's like, who would? And it's just not a relevant response to that. It, I, I don't know how we got to that. And that's gotta, that's gotta go.

• 1:25:13Alex Cooper?

  That's gotta go.

• 1:25:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:15Alex Cooper?

  Cause there's always someone to tell.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  There's always someone to tell and, and you may not have someone to tell today, but you could tomorrow. I don't care. I have nothing to do. I just said, don't tell anyone. I didn't ask who.

• 1:25:27Alex Cooper?

  You have a comedy special called Wake Up currently out on Netflix. Congratulations.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:25:33Alex Cooper?

  I mean, from the beginning of this, you saying like, I gave it six months. I was gonna say people liked it.

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:25:39Alex Cooper?

  I was good with my accounting position.

• 1:25:41Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:25:41Alex Cooper?

  You know, and now here you are on Netflix. How does that feel?

• 1:25:45Speaker 01

  It's unreal. I mean, John Mulaney, who is one of the greatest stand-ups ever, end of our time, you know, called me out of the blue on this. It's like, and I, I wasn't, you know, John Mulaney's in a suit. He's so polished, you know, that he would jive with someone like me. But again, it's about that compatibility. You know, he just was tremendous. He put his weight behind me. This is the fellow's helping. You want to be a good dude? This is the way to fucking do it. And he got it done. And I showed up for him. I said, well, I'm gonna, all I can do is bring you an amazing hour of material. I got, you got me and I will not let you down. And we went out there and we did our shit in one night.

• 1:26:30Alex Cooper?

  Were you nervous at all?

• 1:26:33Speaker 01

  No, I was, I'm always nervous. I mean, when you ask me if I'm nervous, I wake up nervous. You know, it's my baseline. Um, but I, it's also an excitement. I'm very, I know how to chat, like, I'm just always a little bit of a nervous person. But especially nervous for this. No, it's always before I go on. As soon as I get on stage, I'm home. I feel like all the lights, it's just me and I traipse around like it's my living room. I feel so comfortable. It's all the beginning and the stuff around it. But as soon as they call me up and I got the mic and I know I, I have some stuff to say and everybody just sit the fuck down. We're gonna get through it. I feel so at ease. It's almost like the talking to you or the small talk

• 1:27:16Speaker 01

  that I have to experience or the handshaking or the, or the small social gatherings that I'm more nervous than when I get on to that stage where I feel. Um, completely home. People go, did you get nervous front of all these big theaters? I was thinking the other week, I'm like, I think these big, the bigger, the better for like, I feel amazing in these theaters. It's feeling so warm. It's feeling like an apartment I walked in, I turned the lights on and they work and the water is running hot and it's just a great spot. I'll take it. I, I, everything I do, I'm, I, I just take seriously and I enjoy doing.

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  So I'll continue. This is how I toil, basically, how I do stand up, I write and I act and I'm continuing to do it on bigger and bigger scales, but within due time, you know, I'm working on my own show for HBO. Obviously a dream, but it's not to say that my first part on Hacks wasn't a dream. They're all part of the dream and they're all just, you know, snowballing into the, they're all just growing the dream. So it's all, it's all good. I'll be on tour. I love seeing you guys in these theaters. I've never felt more at home.

• 1:28:26Alex Cooper?

  And it's all sold out. I look at your website and I'm like.

• 1:28:28Speaker 01

  And we're just dropping, when this comes out, I think, we're dropping the next, you know, uh, swag two of the tour, so to speak.

• 1:28:37Alex Cooper?

  Congratulations.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you. So just doing, just, yeah, just, I, I live, again, one of the greatest lives. I'm, I'm building on my life with Gabby. Um, and we just, we just love it. So I really, I wish, yeah, I don't know how humble that sounds. I'm just really grateful and I'm really thrilled.

• 1:28:56Alex Cooper?

  Well, I think we can all agree, you've done a wonderful job.

• 1:28:59Speaker 01

  Have I? Very, very nervous to be on this.

• 1:29:03Alex Cooper?

  Why?

• 1:29:03Speaker 01

  No, because I, I'm not so familiar. I have no clue what's going on.

• 1:29:06Alex Cooper?

  I think you've done an excellent job.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  They said you would ask pointed questions. I said, okay, I, I don't know if it's like, you know, who wants to be a millionaire? I'm like trying to get my facts.

• 1:29:14Alex Cooper?

  I don't think that was that pointed. We had fun.

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  No, but, but they said, you know, she can, she can be realized. Okay. Well, I'm gonna, you know, I can't say anything other than what I said.

• 1:29:21Alex Cooper?

  But also like, I wanted to just have fun with you. You're a really entertaining person. I was excited to get to know you. I'm excited for my audience to continue to get to know you. I wanted to have a nice, we're in May, you know?

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  It's unreal.

• 1:29:33Alex Cooper?

  The, the weather's good.

• 1:29:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:35Alex Cooper?

  Our feet are up. You're eating jelly beans. You finished your tea. You didn't drink the bag in front of me to make me vomit.

• 1:29:42Speaker 01

  Call her daddy, baby. Look at this. See, this is all part of the dream, actually.

• 1:29:45Alex Cooper?

  We did it.

• 1:29:46Speaker 01

  See, I'm not upset with the other podcasts I've done. I'm just saying we're now on Call Her Daddy. That is all I'm saying.

• 1:29:52Alex Cooper?

  No, this was such a pleasure. You were so fun.

• 1:29:54Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:29:55Alex Cooper?

  Your wife also was such an incredible host on our reality show.

• 1:29:59Speaker 01

  How good was she? I know, and people think I'm biased, but she's objectively good. I'm asking others.

• 1:30:05Alex Cooper?

  When I would get the cuts and I would see her sections, we're like, this woman's a star.

• 1:30:11Speaker 01

  Oh, right, because it was your, that's true.

• 1:30:13Alex Cooper?

  So I'm in post-edit watching her and we're watching her different takes and I'm like, how do you pick a take? Like, every take was amazing.

• 1:30:20Speaker 01

  And you let her get away, because she was like, she was saying some shit and thank God you guys let her get away being her.

• 1:30:26Alex Cooper?

  I said to everyone, I said, if this is our host, you have to let her be Gabby and let her do her thing. Because you can't dilute it to just, for television, make sure it's friendly. Like, let Gabby rip, because that is when she's at her best.

• 1:30:39Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 1:30:40Alex Cooper?

  And when she was calling people perverts, I was like, yes.

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  They were perverts, you know, it's not, I wish they weren't. It's like, people ask me, how do I come up with my ideas for comedy and why do I talk about, I wish I didn't know pedophilia. I wish I didn't know it, fellas, but you have outdone yourselves and now it's in my head and I don't want it there, so I bring it to you.

• 1:30:57Alex Cooper?

  We gotta talk about it.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. We will be dropping the new dates. Thank you so much.

• 1:31:04Alex Cooper?

  Thank you for coming.

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  Alex for having me.

• 1:31:21Alex Cooper?

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• 1:32:05Alex Cooper?

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• 1:32:28Speaker 02

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• 1:32:51Speaker 03

  Get a free premium Delta drink with eligible plan and linked SkyMiles account 24 hours before qualifying. Flight required, must be 21 or older. C T life for terms.