Jimmy Kimmel & Molly McNearney

Jimmy Kimmel is an Emmy-winning host, comedian, and producer. Molly McNearney is an Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actor. Jimmy and Molly join Armchair Expert to discuss how working together strengthened their marriage, why ten quiet minutes in bed can constitute a date, and raising children who know the president as their family’s antagonist. Jimmy, Molly, and Dax talk about rescuing unprepared talk-show guests, getting fired from radio with less than $20 in the bank, and attempting to evade paparazzi after the show’s suspension. Jimmy and Molly explain why deliberate distortion is worse than disagreement, how to teach privilege without shame, and the importance of building traditions around collective joy. Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/ Take printer ink off your back to school list with HP Smart Tank | https://hp.com/SmartTank See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  It's me.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  We have two returning guests, but never together. Good friends of ours, Jimmy Kimmel and Molly McNearney.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  So fun.

• 0:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  I just love them. So glad that they came together. That was a fun, um, different type of interview.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  And it was in the evening. It was a night, very appropriate for a late night show family.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Exactly. BTS, we started around 6:45 PM.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, just so you know the exact time, uh, in case anyone needs it as an alibi. Uh, Molly, of course, is the head writer and executive producer at Jimmy Kimmel Live. And Jimmy Kimmel is the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Please enjoy Jimmy and Molly. We get support from Quince.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:54Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a T-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  $60, $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories. They skip the middlemen and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:34Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:45Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:03Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Oh, look at this. You have a duplicate.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  That's right. That's right. We're gonna ask you guys to award the next best boy.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Oh, nice.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  How are you? Did you have fun with Sally?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  I did.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Love her. She's the best. When I did that Ardent photo shoot, Monica did it also.

• 3:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  And Sally was amazing.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  We love her.

• 3:20Dax Shepard?

  But wait, I like who she's curating. So you guys are her models and you guys are very much the behind the scenes ass kickers.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  That's what she does.

• 3:28Dax Shepard?

  Kind of like unsung women.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Totally. Yeah, she has this whole brand for like working women and she really likes to highlight women who are badass.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Do you invest in this liquid death?

• 3:38Dax Shepard?

  I wish. I've been trading stocks on my Charles Schwab account for about a year and five months where I actually focus on it. And I'm like so proud of myself. This measly amount of money I've made. Molly, have you been consuming anything and gone to Jimmy and been like, we need to get involved with this?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  No, have I? I don't think I have.

• 3:58Dax Shepard?

  No, she doesn't. I don't allow her to eat. Okay.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 4:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  I have to feed myself trim.

• 4:04Dax Shepard?

  For longevity.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. I do remember like explaining like Drybar to you once. You're like, oh, that's a good concept, but we didn't invest in it.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  You remember my reaction was I wanted to learn how to blow dry hair so we could save the trip.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I do remember.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  I feel like I could figure this out.

• 4:19Dax Shepard?

  It's not a super precise device. You're blowing a huge swath of wind at hair.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  It's a big franchise. They're teaching these people their way. If they just teach me the way, how hard could it be?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  How hard?

• 4:31Speaker 02

  That's how I look at everything. How hard could it be?

• 4:33Speaker 01

  He does do that sometimes. Before award shows, he offers to do my hair and makeup.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  And you never say yes.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  He did convince his cousin Sal once that he gave haircuts.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  I did, yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Well, Dax gives haircuts. He gave me a haircut on this podcast once.

• 4:47Dax Shepard?

  And? She hates to admit it, but it was a good trim.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  It was a B+.

• 4:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  It was really good.

• 4:54Dax Shepard?

  I thought it was an A. I'm just learning it was a B.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  A B+ is an A+ by the way.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  That should have been an F-.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  It was good. He's good.

• 5:03Dax Shepard?

  How many heads of hair have you cut? Hundreds and hundreds. Really? To bore you, I detasselled corn between seventh and eighth grade all summer. And I think I made like $800. Right. And I spent the money on a Nintendo, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, and then wall clippers and scissors. And I came back from this summer of detasseling corn and before school I was like, who wants a mohawk? And I cut like six or seven kids' hair before the pictures and it was a big dust up at Meere Junior High. My mom got called, parents were super upset, but it didn't thwart me. I kept cutting hair. And by the time I was in high school, I was pretty good. Like I could do fades. Anytime I got my haircut, I was really paying attention. Like what are they doing? Oh, they're cutting like this. Okay, cool.

• 5:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they're grabbing in these sections.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  And no YouTube? There's none of that? You didn't have a guide or anything?

• 5:53Dax Shepard?

  You had 25 minutes at, you know, Sam's to study the barber.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Every three months.

• 6:00Dax Shepard?

  Pick up, you know, some skills. But what's funny is so all through my twenties, I cut most of my friends that I hung out with hair. Cause I did a pretty good job and everyone was broke. And I used to do it for like a six pack or pizza or whatever. So now my thing is I don't really need anything. I love to cut people's hair, but only one time. Cause I want to impress them and then I never want to deal with it again. So like Kristen's mother was visiting like three years ago and I'm staring at her hair all weekend and it's starting to drive me crazy. It's like a classic Michigan cut. Well, you need some layers. You need some things going on. And she crazy enough let me cut her hair. And then she came back on the next visit and she's like, I've never gotten more compliments from a hairdo.

• 6:41Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, oh, that's so great. She goes, I mean, honestly, like maybe 20 people told me. And I was like, oh my God, that's incredible. And she was very much staring at me like, could I get a trim?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:50Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, I just got the thing I really wanted, which was to blow your mind.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  It's so selfish.

• 6:56Dax Shepard?

  I'm just being honest about it. Like I would cut your hair for sure. One time.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 7:02Dax Shepard?

  And then once you were impressed, there's nothing in it for me.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  That's why you gotta say B+.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  I shouldn't be shocked because I will say, when I first met you, I looked at you and said, this looks like a guy who cuts his own hair.

• 7:14Dax Shepard?

  And I was cutting my own hair. And I haven't had my hair cut by a professional in seven years, since I was on a show last.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  You're still doing it to yourself?

• 7:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  How do you get the back?

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  So in the back, I generally use a five clipper attachment and that one just lives at that level. There's no layering going on yet, cause it's problematic. But now that I'm growing my hair out, the back is getting really challenging because I am having to cut it with scissors.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was way too much about me. Do either of you have a super hidden talent that you like to do one time?

• 7:43Speaker 02

  I am completely blown away by this fact. I have to say, you know, it's weird when you know somebody and then you find something out about them. Like Chris Bianco, our friend who's a pizza chef. I've never heard the guy sing two notes in a row. We did karaoke at the lodge last year. He's got a really good voice and belted it out.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  It was really exciting.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  And we were going crazy.

• 8:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 8:07Dax Shepard?

  It's so exciting. But if we're talking at a school, the performance that Jimmy Fallon put on in the full Elvis outfit was about as.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, well.

• 8:16Dax Shepard?

  For a private show that you're not getting paid at.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  First of all, he was dressed as Evel Knievel.

• 8:23Dax Shepard?

  Fine line between the jumpsuits.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  Two white jumpsuits.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  The best part of that story was that, you know, Jimmy and I fished together that day. And he had no fishing clothes. He had nothing to wear on the water at a fishing lodge. And so I said, all right, well, we gotta go to the shop and get you some clothes and like, you know, it took like 45 minutes. We got him the clothes. We get them all decked out. And then he comes into the bar fully dressed as Evel Knievel to sing. And I said, you brought this and nothing to fish in?

• 8:54Dax Shepard?

  Huge outfit.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  Took up probably the majority of his suitcase.

• 8:57Dax Shepard?

  He said it was the whole bag.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  He's incredible.

• 9:01Dax Shepard?

  The performance was so good that I think we all mid-performance started getting very concerned he was gonna have a heart attack or something medical, right?

• 9:08Speaker 02

  That's no surprise though. We know that he's a very talented singer and performer. Now, if you've seen him make a pizza, not as professional, not as impressive.

• 9:17Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  This is like Chris Bianco. Well, you remember he made that shitty pizza and he made a video of it?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  He did?

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then I made a one in response.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Was that during COVID?

• 9:25Speaker 02

  It was like a rap battle, an old school rap battle.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you won that one. You won that one.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it is weird when people have like some weird talent. I don't have any hidden talents because when you're doing the show every single night, you bring all three of your talents to the forefront.

• 9:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. If you can play a little bit of drums, you'll be playing the drums.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 9:44Dax Shepard?

  But you have the cartooning.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I've done that on the air. It's hard to be funny though and to draw at the same time. It's almost impossible.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  He's also an incredible cook. He's not messing around.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  But what are you gonna do with that? We'll feed all your friends.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Make everybody happy around you. Yeah. I have a very weird skill, which is I can remember what women wore to almost everything.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  It is in.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Wait, really?

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Incredible.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Really? And we just discovered it.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  The most impressive thing I've ever seen anyone do. And what did I say to you last month? I just threw something out there. I said something to the effect of, what did our niece Allison wear to our daughter's baby shower 18 months ago? And she's like, she thought about it for a couple of seconds and she came up with it.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  It was like a white linen pant.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  And our niece was going wild.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I don't know why. I'm not aware of it in the moment, but I don't remember what men wore, but I can remember what women almost wore.

• 10:40Dax Shepard?

  There's nothing memorable about what we wear.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  But you're stylish.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Last year, Jimmy Fallon and Evel Knievel.

• 10:45Dax Shepard?

  And this unfortunately is probably more of a Jimmy question, but maybe it's not. So watching Fallon put on that show last year, it was kind of like a rite of passage. I remember watching him and I was like. This would be so hard for me five years ago. He's so much funnier than me and energetic in the life of the, like, he is in the role I filled in my group for years. At that time, I was 50, watching it, and I was like, I think we're finally here where we can let him be spectacular. It has nothing to do with how unspectacular I am. Do you remember getting, I mean, you've always been funny and then, but you're surrounded by a lot of people. At some point, you gotta go like, yeah, let Fallon jump on the table.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  I've never had that inclination in the slightest bit. If I'm at a table with funny people, I'm more than happy to just sit there and listen to it the whole time.

• 11:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  I think maybe being a talk show host, you need to have that because the goal is for those people to shine.

• 11:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  And to me, it's just a relief when somebody can carry the ball, right?

• 11:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know what I mean? But you know, when there's an audience, when there's a live audience in it, like, you have to get that.

• 11:56Dax Shepard?

  Once in a while, we get comedians on and I'm like, oh, we should have them every fucking day.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Makes it easy, right?

• 12:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they care. They're trying hard to be funny and you're like, oh, man, what a blessing.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  But you still want them, to be fair, you still want their approval. You want them to think you're funny.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  If it was a long form situation like this, yeah, I would certainly want that, whatever. But you know how it is at our show, you have eight minutes and those are your eight minutes. If you see me being funny in those eight minutes, it means I'm just trying to fill in a hole.

• 12:25Dax Shepard?

  It means their three minute story was 45 seconds and now we've got some time.

• 12:32Dax Shepard?

  It's funny, are you conscious of that click? Cause occasionally we'll have an expert on who is very, very smart, but they've never been in front of camera. They're not gonna dole out the info that they have. And I go like, yes, can just give me one of these episodes. I'm just telling random stories quite a bit. And you feel a little bad about it, but you're like, that's what I gotta do right now.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  It's funny because online, like if you get somebody, like sometimes the worst guests are very young and they're very popular.

• 12:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  And they have a rabid fan base of young people who are very excited to see them. And they walk out there and they don't know what to do.

• 13:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  And you have to help them and you have to help fill that time and make sure it's not a train wreck. And then your reward is you will go online and be bashed by everyone saying, you didn't let so and so talk.

• 13:19Dax Shepard?

  I couldn't agree more. What I have to resist to comment to those people.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it's real easy to see, you know, on YouTube, you know, they're right there for you. So that's just something you have to deal with.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  It really is a skill and I know you guys have figured that out. It is a skill for people to know how to tell a story and some of the most talented people can't do it.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  You know what's interesting? Chefs, a lot of chefs, some of them are made for television, some of them are made for broadcasting and some of them are great chefs and they're just not good at it. You're kind of puzzled. You're just like, oh, this guy's such a great chef. Why can't he tell me what's happening?

• 13:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, of all the ways to get famous and end up on your show, that one required the least amount of probably personality. You say you have the skillset and you're a great manager, probably. Doesn't mean great talk show.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:07Dax Shepard?

  When thinking of things, we already know life story, we've done life story. First of all, again, just publicly, what a great episode you had. You had such a spectacular episode. People loved it so much.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  They really did.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was a huge, huge.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  It was a real bucket list moment for me. You know, I love this podcast so much, constantly texting Monica, everything I love about it. So thank you for having me.

• 14:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, the thing I was thinking about is I've known you guys for a long time. How long have you been together now?

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Well, you and I have known each other for 20 something years, 22 years, probably.

• 14:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  And you and I have been married for 12, I always forget and you get mad.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  It'll be 13 in July.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  13, been married for 13.

• 14:45Dax Shepard?

  And you were together for how long?

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Three before that, so.

• 14:47Dax Shepard?

  16 years.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  That's a long.

• 14:49Dax Shepard?

  That's mega.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:50Dax Shepard?

  It's your longest relationship, right?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. By some time, right?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Not by much, but yeah.

• 14:56Dax Shepard?

  All right, we might, okay.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  By a year.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  We made it.

• 15:00Dax Shepard?

  I don't really know your meet cute story. Monica and I really wanted to hear like.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  Oh, I'll tell you.

• 15:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, how it blurred.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Okay, well, we knew each other because we worked together, but well, I met him a couple of weeks into working at the show. And I went into his office with the executive producer at the time and he said, oh, I want you to meet my new assistant. I don't think Jimmy even looked up from his desk and my boss at the time, Daniel, said, this is Molly, she's my new assistant, she does triathlons. Cause I was doing triathlons at the time. And Jimmy said, how stupid. And then that was it. Like that was my first of meeting him.

• 15:34Dax Shepard?

  He started by nagging you, yeah. He had just read that book.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  No, I really couldn't, I couldn't understand why a human being would do something like that.

• 15:42Dax Shepard?

  Subject themselves to. Well, really quick, your first impression of him, other than the fact that he looked up and gave you eye contact.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:50Dax Shepard?

  Were you like, hmm, this is like a thing?

• 15:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:53Dax Shepard?

  No, not at all.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Like not even a little bit. And by the way, same with him with me, like I didn't even.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Even more so.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I did not look at him that way at all. Were you intimidated by him? Yes, for sure, I was intimidated by him. Yep. But as I got to work with him for years, I really loved this guy. I was like, he is such a good human. He takes such good care of his staff. He's so good to his family. He's just a good human being.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  That's what I do. That's how I set the table, you know?

• 16:23Dax Shepard?

  It's a long play. You gotta really get to know how you treat everyone in your life before the attraction ramps up.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  That's what I have to do.

• 16:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  So I think, I don't know how far, and like, I think it was like eight years into maybe me working there and.

• 16:37Dax Shepard?

  Wait, that long?

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a long time.

• 16:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my heavens.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  And I remember at the time I was one of the head writers and at one of our writers meetings, someone asked, oh, cousin Sal said, you only have five foods the rest of your life, what are they? And we all went around the table and said them. And I just rattled off, I remember I said pizza, gnocchi, crab claws, BLT and chocolate chip cookies.

• 16:56Dax Shepard?

  Really quick.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, real quick, good list. And about six months later, talking about long play, six months later, I go to Jimmy's house. He asks me to come over after work. I just got back from Africa, I think, and he was gonna help me build a classroom over there. I went over to his house and he opens up the door and it smells delicious. And he's like, I've made some things. And it was pizza, gnocchi, crab claws, chocolate chip cookies and BLT. And he had remembered what my favorite foods were and he made them all.

• 17:29Dax Shepard?

  Now, really quick, do you immediately register that as like, oh, he wants to fuck?

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:35Dax Shepard?

  He likes fucking with me.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  And it made me very excited and very nervous.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Wouldn't it have been so weird if that wasn't? I was just like, no, I just, I wanna know what you like to eat.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  I really love food.

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  You were just the most confusing plutonic front anyone ever had.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  But I remember thinking, oh no, this is a bad idea. I mean, he was my boss.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  I didn't have that thought.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, no.

• 17:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Clearly. No, no, the person in power usually doesn't. But I was very nervous about it. I thought it was a terrible idea and I was very skittish and I kept telling him, I think this is a bad idea. And he kept saying, it's not a bad idea. And now we've been together for.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  Stop talking.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  You talk too much. MBA, let's eat this. Eat this gnocchi. You eat this gnocchi and then you tell me you don't wanna do it.

• 18:25Dax Shepard?

  You tell me that. You look me in the eye, I'm just straight face.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  All right, blondie.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  So are you guys doing some sneaking?

• 18:32Dax Shepard?

  A little bit, yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. For the first few months, we were very, very quiet about it. I was very nervous about it changing, obviously the work dynamic and I was in a room full of mostly men and we had a great thing going on in that room and I didn't want it to change, but then it did.

• 18:47Dax Shepard?

  If I can defend the men in power for one second, cause no one's doing that anymore. It's been like a decade since anyone has taken up a sword to defend the men in power. You would think the man in power would be like, oh, I hope she doesn't just like me cause I have power. You're thinking, I don't think she likes me. I don't know if this person likes me. The last thing you're thinking is like, she likes me so much, I hope it's not for my power.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  It's funny because that would never occur to me. I always was like, oh, if she thinks I'm funny, then maybe she'll like me. It's never about like anything other than that.

• 19:21Dax Shepard?

  Right, right.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  I know that my only chance is to be funny.

• 19:24Dax Shepard?

  Now, when it clicks to a guy in power, then we got danger.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, big time. But I don't know that the friends I've had who've ended up dating coworkers, I don't think they were afraid the person liked them because they had power. I think they were just mostly really nervous and hopeful they liked them.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  They're saying the person in power was nervous and hoping the person without power liked them.

• 19:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:44Dax Shepard?

  Like you'd have to be like, oh, they love me. They like me. I hope it's not for my power.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  They're not even assuming you like them.

• 19:51Dax Shepard?

  Like you have to start there in some weird ways. That make sense?

• 19:54Speaker 02

  I think it depends on what you look like. I think like when guys are real good looking, it's just, makes more sense to them.

• 20:00Dax Shepard?

  They're not worried.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  That's like societal power, I guess. But more it's, once you're dating, then the power is the problem, can be the problem. Because then it's like. Well, I just kept thinking like statistically, this is not going to work out. And your life doesn't change, but mine does. Yeah. And that's what really freaked me out.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  That's what gave me so much comfort.

• 20:21Dax Shepard?

  Absolutely. That was your leverage.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I was really freaked out by it cause I'd worked really, really hard. I was one of the head writers of the show. I'd been doing that role for about a year and a half.

• 20:31Dax Shepard?

  The thing I'm most related to is when you were talking about like, I don't want it to be like, I like being us and them. I wanna be in this writer's room and shit on him. Like that would be the thing I would be afraid to lose.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I still shit on him in the writer's room.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  More so. Much more so.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Sometimes I do find myself over correcting a little bit.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Not a little bit.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  A lot bit.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. I gotta keep my relationship in there, you know?

• 20:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'll tell you right now, Monica will probably cut this out, but she's in this situation where she's a guy that was moving furniture into her house. She's like, that guy's tall and handsome. Went on a date with him, it didn't work out. Now she can't order any more furniture.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Well, I will be ordering more furniture. I just will be getting the schedule.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Is he the only furniture delivering person?

• 21:12Speaker 03

  He works with my designer. So my designer's like, okay, we're bringing in this. And he came over twice and I was like, that guy's cute. Stay on the couch. Yeah, bring more couches. Drop the couch. I did make a mistake because I then pursued, which I was very, actually very, I was very proud of myself.

• 21:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're all happy.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  Everyone's very proud of me.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  How did you do it? What did you say?

• 21:35Speaker 03

  So I reached out to my designer and I said, who is that guy? And she said his name. And I said, do you know if he's single? How old is he? She gave me all the information. He was single. And she said, should I give? First, she said, do you wanna see him again before you decide? And I was like. Very designer, by the way.

• 21:52Dax Shepard?

  Try it out for a week.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  Look at the sample.

• 21:54Dax Shepard?

  Was he on it?

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Was there a 30% you mentioned?

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Exactly. No, they call it auditioning a piece when they like have someone. Do you wanna audition him? So I said, okay, well, give him my number. And then he texted me immediately.

• 22:07Dax Shepard?

  It was fine, right?

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Someone needs to snatch him up and marry him, but it's not gonna be me. Yeah. He was a nice boy though.

• 22:13Dax Shepard?

  And now she's really gotta decide how bad she wants the ottoman.

• 22:19Dax Shepard?

  From the catalog.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Never coming downstairs from upstairs.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's hard.

• 22:23Dax Shepard?

  What if I'm there when he arrives? I'm like, hey, um, yeah, she was nice. I start receiving your furniture.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  You start dating him.

• 22:29Dax Shepard?

  I'll start dating him. Yeah. From your point of view, this is confusing to me, but I accept it, which is you slowly were exposed to what a wonderful and generous and thoughtful human he was in your attraction group. What took you eight years?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Well, I was dating someone.

• 22:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Dating Sarah Silverman, and then we broke up and then because we broke up, I didn't feel it was, I don't know, just didn't feel like it would be cool for me to go anywhere to like be out or anything.

• 22:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  So we would just hang out at the office with a group of about seven or eight people every night. And that was really like our social life. So it was like a reality show in some ways, you know? I've not seen Love Island.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  You're making this sound so romantic. You're like, basically I couldn't go anywhere. So she was just there.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:13Dax Shepard?

  Jurors are sequestered.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  She was the only woman I was allowed to be around.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Like we were in lockdown.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Well, we got to know each other in a way that you don't usually get to know people at work.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Especially me, because there are like four people at work that I talk to every day. And Molly's not one of them, you know? It's like, I'm in a, an office, just kind of staring at my computer, trying to figure out what we're gonna do that night.

• 23:38Dax Shepard?

  Right. Okay, now that you guys have been working together and together for 16 years of that, I do wonder, it's almost impossible to have time with your partner when you have kids. Considering how demanding both roles are at the show, do you think you could have been together 16 years if you didn't work together? Would you ever see each other and would you only see each other in this stressful kid dynamic?

• 24:04Speaker 03

  That's a great question.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  There were like work weekends where we have to go someplace that we wind up spending a lot of time together and they feel like vacation weekends. And then occasionally we do go on, we don't take long vacations together, but we'll go away for a couple of days and that's always nice.

• 24:21Dax Shepard?

  How often does that happen?

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Well, I was gonna say, I think we would have found each other and been together, whether we worked together or not. But I do think that the job has made us so much closer. I do think that there's kind of like this, I mean, similar to, I imagine what you guys feel like you have a common goal every day. We have a shorthand with each other. We have an understanding, especially just like the ups and downs of our life professionally, personally, publicly. I think it has made us so much closer.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  We don't have to explain things to each other like, oh, wait till you hear what happened at work today because experience it simultaneously.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Do you think it's also neutralized what could easily be bad behavior? Like if you were just the host of this talk show and you had a wife who wasn't in the business, it would be easy for you to think like, what you're doing is so demanding and important. And you would come on and you'd explain to her the pressures and she might be enamored with how much, but you're doing the same thing. So no one gives a fuck that anyone's burnt out, right? Don't you think that's kind of healthy?

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:21Dax Shepard?

  Like Kristen's not impressed with what I do. I'm not impressed with what she does. Do you think it's like neutralized how you might've behaved otherwise in a different relationship?

• 25:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know really. I think most people have a pretty hard day, right? I do a lot of stuff.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Too much stuff.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  And if anything, the argument we have is that Molly says, I'm doing too much stuff and can't understand how I'm doing this much stuff. To me, it's just kind of like, well, I have stuff that has to be done, so I'm doing it.

• 25:49Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Stuff needs doing.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Where I get frustrated personally is when there's something that I don't want to do, some like work that I have to do, that's like two hours of going through scripts in a very detailed way that is not enjoyable and I get shit for it. That I don't like. It's like, wow, this, once again, I found myself in a lose lose situation.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Well, you have someone who wants to be with you, you know?

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Right. But then I go like, yeah, but also, you know, you work at the show too and you know, we have to do this stuff.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  I do.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  So it sometimes it's like, not only do I have to do this, but she's mad.

• 26:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure, sure. That's the icing on the cake.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  I said to him the other night, the day is so grueling and like putting on a show every day is so demanding. I don't know if people really understand it is from seven in the morning and to him, it's usually like 10 or 11 o'clock at night. He gets home, we put the kids to bed, you know, he reads Harry Potter with them. We have dinner and then it's back to work for about two to three hours on his computer, prepping the next day. And the other night we were just like laying in bed and I said, this is my favorite time of the day when it's just quiet. There's no noise and it's just two of us laying in bed together and we got like really talking and connecting. And it's also crazy that it's just like 10 minutes a day when it's a show day, you know?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  And then there was silence and then she heard.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Well, he is narcoleptic and he falls asleep immediately.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Well, if he's up from, or working from seven to 11.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  That's my secret talent is falling right to sleep.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  It's so annoying. He falls asleep immediately.

• 27:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's aggravating. So I'm very much you in the relationship. I think Kristen could say no to more things. I envy her sleep.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:31Dax Shepard?

  It's interesting because would you agree, you don't just get angry that they work too much or that they've said yes to many things. I start getting into psychoanalyzing her and I'm like, what is the big barrier of saying no?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:44Dax Shepard?

  Or is it, can you not remember how you felt the last time you said yes to that thing? And that you'll be there and you'll hate it and you don't need to do that anymore? So I get overly obsessed with trying to figure out what is going on.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Same. And I think a lot of it is, I just say like a yes to all that is a no to us at home. And I know that a lot of it is part of the job and you have to do it, but I start to take it, I wouldn't say personally, but well, yeah, I guess personally, I'm like, why do all those people get a piece? Can we have a little bigger piece of the pie? But I also understand the demands of the job better than anybody. It's all the extra stuff. I mean, you know, all that extra stuff.

• 28:20Dax Shepard?

  Right now. And by the way, I just want you to know for the record, I did not ask you guys to come on. He was so nice and offered and I never would have done it because I know what week we're all having.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  I was confused at first.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Dax was, you didn't believe that. He made the mistake of trying to communicate with me as a human being and I'm not used to that.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Bad idea.

• 28:38Dax Shepard?

  We could bond. That this time of year for both of us is really hellish.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  I saw it as he needed help.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  We will, you know what? We are very busy, but we will figure it out. And he's like, well, I wasn't asking you for anything.

• 28:53Dax Shepard?

  In a tricky situation, I was like, I would never, ever turn you guys down as guests.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Wait, why are we here? Did you invite us here?

• 28:58Speaker 02

  I did.

• 28:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  I invited us here.

• 29:00Dax Shepard?

  Molly, I just said, kind of, hey, checking in. I know this is our most miserable time of year. We share this. Always when we get to Idaho, I'm dead and I can see you guys are dead. So I was just kind of like saying like, hey, how's the grind going?

• 29:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:14Dax Shepard?

  And I don't know why I interpret that as like.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  I'm not sure why I interpreted it either.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  I'll tell you why.

• 29:20Dax Shepard?

  Maybe he's asking people to work more than you think. He's just saying yes.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  No, this is the problem. This is the problem. This is the problem. This is just a human being trying to have a human interaction with you, a friend checking in. What a nice thing, but you're so like used to just like the transaction of every day of like, yes or no, do I do this?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  It was the middle of the day. I was in that mode, you know?

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 29:41Dax Shepard?

  It was a confusing time of day.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  Also, this isn't exactly work. The only time we really get to have a long, detailed conversation is when I'm here doing this podcast. So I look at it as a social opportunity.

• 29:55Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that your keys are actually in your hand before you close the car door. Have you ever stood in a parking lot full of sun staring at your keys, sitting right there on the seat, four inches away and completely useless to you? It's a very specific kind of humbling. Yeah. Checking first is a good idea. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds and for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an Allstate roadside plan today. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms and availability.

• 30:38Dax Shepard?

  Insurance by Allstate North American Insurance Company, Northbrook, Illinois. Roadside assistance by Allstate Motor Club Incorporated, an Allstate affiliate. We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now you already know I'm a big YouTube person.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:54Dax Shepard?

  Uh, it's incredible on its own, but premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long, two hour deep dives, you name it, motorcycles, uh, travel, cars.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Cooking shows for me.

• 31:13Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane wifi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 31:55Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love premium. Try YouTube premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new tab,

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  re-explaining everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just another thing collecting dust in the browser. Superhuman, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using, email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found. It's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way. So the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed, no catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Which is a fair question.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. So Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  You may have picked up on some truth though. We did need this. We do. We're trying to get through the summer.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Right. I understand it. I felt like if I can help that, I can relate to that. You know, you've got to bank some shows in order to go on vacation.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Wait, I need more. Was the intention at all to have him on the show? Tell me the truth.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  A thousand percent zero.

• 35:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, no, it's clear from the text. That wasn't his intent.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  I know what his schedule is.

• 35:08Dax Shepard?

  I won't ask you guys to be on when I need you and I know you're free. So the chance I would have asked during y'all's hardest.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  We have asked you so many times. Dax and Kristen always come through when we need a guest.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  That is also in my head too. Like if there's a request of any kind, I must.

• 35:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you ready?

• 35:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 35:28Dax Shepard?

  It's that time of year, dot, dot, dot, doing six to eight a week, trying to get free for the summer. Thought you might be in a similar burnout phase. June 19th can't get here soon enough.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  I see how you read that as he might need some.

• 35:40Dax Shepard?

  I was like checking in.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  That is a human checking in with another human.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  It was the, it's that time of year part that I was like, okay, all right, it's that time of year.

• 35:49Dax Shepard?

  He goes, I'm in the same boat, but if you need me, I'll make it work.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 35:57Dax Shepard?

  Which I responded, ah, that's generous and beautiful. I promise I wasn't fishing. I was just thinking of who could relate to the bottomless content inferno that we won't ever abate.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Why are we here?

• 36:10Dax Shepard?

  And then he wrote, ah, either way, the offer stands. And now it's like.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  Now he's doubled down. I really want to come on.

• 36:16Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna offend him by not inconveniencing him.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  It'd be so great if these weren't even on. Like just set this all up for us.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  That's one of the fun things about being me. Like on one hand, you know, I don't want to do stuff. On the other hand, if, for instance, if you had been doing this podcast for a long period of time and never had asked me to be on it, even though you'd said, you know what, he's so busy. Like I don't want to bother him asking me to be on it. It would drive me insane.

• 36:39Dax Shepard?

  It would. It's so hard to figure out. I think that's why I'm still intrigued with you after 22 years. Cause I want to know why you're saying yes to everything. Immediate theories jump out at me like, one is you have a hard time saying no. Two is like, you think you gotta keep your foot fucking slammed to the floorboard to keep, I don't know, the business going, which doesn't seem right.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  You're generous.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  I'm in the business of asking people to do things for me.

• 37:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Excuse me, what do you mean by that? Like them coming on the show?

• 37:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like when we have a bit and like, you know, I'm committed to some idea. I think it's going to be so funny, but it can only be this person. And if they say no, it can be so heartbreaking, you know? And or if you're in like a tough spot, you're like, somebody got sick and the show's in three hours. So for me, there are certain people like Dax, for instance, who I would never say no to ever. And I mean, unless like, you know, I was on the moon or something like that. And then there are other people, you know, who to a lesser extent, like, you know, somebody's been on my show eight times and then they want me to do their podcast. In my head, the just thing is to do the podcast. That's it.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  That's a beautiful way to put it. But if I were your partner, what Kristen would say to me is they're not doing you favors to be on your show.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  You have a great fun show that is a great opportunity to promote a project that you're obligated to promote. And there's no better, funner place to go do it. So really, it's not about doing favors really. It's about being fair, the spirit of it.

• 38:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  It's about knowing what it takes to pull off something like this. But it's hard. And so if you can show up for someone, you will, you do that. If anyone asks you to be on a podcast, you say yes.

• 38:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I will, but I'm not as busy as Jimmy or as popular. So it doesn't come up as much. But I want a psychological breakthrough here. There's something more going on.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  I have a hard time saying no to charity events as well. It's a very, very difficult thing for me.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's hard. I'd also just like to add that I think some of it is guilt maybe, like a little bit of guilt. I think Jimmy is still in shock that he is as successful as he is. And I think that he feels very guilty almost about that.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  I think it's more, I grew up Catholic and I just have an inherent sense of guilt about existing in the world and having. Listen, if you're going to really be Catholic, you should have no money. You should have nothing. You should give all of it away. Right? So that's strike one, two and a half, just to start off, that you gotta come back from. And in general, like I'm from a family of people who do a lot of things for other people. That's the model. That's what I have seen in my life. When we would go to church at the end of church, my parents would be folding up all the chairs while everybody else left, right? So that's just what is ingrained in me.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  That is exactly who you are.

• 39:32Dax Shepard?

  That could be motivated by two things. One is, yeah, I don't deserve this. And I'll jinx myself if I'm not always available and ready to show up.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  I don't look at it like that.

• 39:44Dax Shepard?

  You don't? No, no.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  It's not like superstitious. Thank you.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you just passed the most important test.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, we just talked about this.

• 39:51Dax Shepard?

  We just talked about this. We went to lunch with some friends a few years back. And I'm at this lunch and I'm staring at my male friend's nose. And there are six very, very visible, huge black hairs growing out of his nose from across the table I can see.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  Inside.

• 40:07Dax Shepard?

  No, no, the outside, sprouted from the bulb of the nose, right? Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Are you friends with a rhesus monkey?

• 40:13Dax Shepard?

  See it from the other side of the table and catty corner, right? I was diagonal from my friend. And we got in the car and I said to my wife, she hates his fucking guts. That woman is a foot from his face. She sees that and she's like, yeah, I want this motherfucker out there with hair all over his nose. And she goes, yeah, it's kind of crazy. There's no way you would be moving around town with huge hairs growing on your nose.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  Never mind her. What's wrong with him?

• 40:37Dax Shepard?

  No, he can't see.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  Why can't he see it?

• 40:41Speaker 02

  He's got a mirror, right?

• 40:42Dax Shepard?

  I didn't want to say mine. This friend is Stevie Wonder. No, no, no, no. But it is an older man who probably would have to put glasses on to see the hairs in the mirror. And we don't bring our reading glasses to the mirror regularly. This is her job and it's his job to be minding her. So I say this in the car and Kristen kind of agrees. Guys, they got divorced three months later.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Really?

• 41:04Dax Shepard?

  They did.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 41:06Dax Shepard?

  So what I just saw, you caring for how your partner looks, good job.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Just bought us at least three months.

• 41:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I am not making that prediction.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  What was it like? Is there some like nose hair version of irreconcilable differences?

• 41:18Dax Shepard?

  If I were him and I was in court, I would say, look, she could see these huge hairs. I was embarrassing myself everywhere and she wanted me to be.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  She could also say in court, he just stopped taking care of himself. He was letting all these hairs grow out of his nose and didn't seem to care enough about.

• 41:35Dax Shepard?

  Molly, I can't see. I need you.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Who drove home? Was it her or him?

• 41:41Dax Shepard?

  They were staying at the hotel. That's enough information.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  And I was hot under the collar when we left that.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Wow, because of that.

• 41:49Dax Shepard?

  What is she doing?

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Why didn't you tell him? See? But it's interesting to me that you got mad at her before him. I agree. You are one of the most feminist men that I know. And I'm a little surprised that you were mad at her and not him. Like, why aren't you like, hey, man?

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he would have felt the same way. It was reversed, right?

• 42:05Dax Shepard?

  He clearly doesn't know that. He has those hairs. No one would leave the house if they knew about the amount of long hairs growing out of the nose.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:15Dax Shepard?

  And so is your partner not looking at you at all? That's concerning. Like if Kristen had five huge black hairs growing out of her nose, I would see it. And I would go, hon, I know you're going to a photo shoot. Do you want me to grab the tweezers? Cause I love her. And you would do the same thing.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would.

• 42:30Dax Shepard?

  This is a good reason to be disappointed.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  He could be a very sensitive person, maybe before she's tried to be like, hey, you have, and he's like, don't stop. Just stop picking on me.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  Don't touch my face.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  I had a terrible.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  That's how I make my money.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  I had a terrible experience helping someone with a hair once. I was at high school and this girl, Carmen Pastorek, blonde, beautiful. All the guys loved her. They're all around her. She's telling a story. Everyone's enamored. And I was like, oh, look at her. But I'm embarrassed for her because she has blonde, blonde hair and once on her face. As she's mid story, I reached over and I pulled it and it went, and I'm like, oh, and all of the guys went, huh. At the same time, and she got beet red. She had like a nine inch long blonde chin hair. I don't know how she made it out the door, not seeing that, but I remember just feeling.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  When you pulled the string, did she say something?

• 43:22Speaker 03

  I want to be.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Friends.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  No, I don't think I showed you my friend anymore. I felt terrible.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 43:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because you just thought it was an errant hair.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought it was an errant hair and I went to pull it and it was connected to the chin.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  We have somebody at our show who has a lot of ear hair that I monitor and I talk to him about it. I was like, that's too much ear hair.

• 43:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  You gotta take care of that because once you just stop, then it's just like, what happens? You become an old man, right?

• 43:48Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  And so I monitor it.

• 43:50Dax Shepard?

  Have the children taken over any of your duties? Because Lincoln, for whatever reason, is so on top of my ears. She examines them all the time and she finds crust in there. She hates it. She wants me to have clean ears when I leave the house.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  Oh, I like that.

• 44:04Dax Shepard?

  So is Jane taking over any of your duties in that regard?

• 44:07Speaker 02

  She yells at me when I put Q-tips in my ears.

• 44:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Because she knows they're not. They're very interesting children. They're very by the book. We have a friend who litters and smokes and they are mortified by this. And he loves how mortified they are by it. And so he does it a lot in front of them.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Sure. He yells at me when I hold my sneezes in, which I do.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, they both do.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  Because I then made the mistake of telling them, and you have to fact check this, that it kills brain cells. And they now are worried about my brain.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Now she lets these terrifying karate chop sneezes out. Each one takes like six and a half days off of my life.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  You get so mad.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  You have no idea how mad I get.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Oh, I do.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Because I keep it in most of the time. It really is like somebody hit you in the back of the head with something.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  I had to let it out because the kids get mad. They're like, Mom, let it out.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  She went from, when we met.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what he always says. No, one time I really let one loose and I hear him the other room. When we started dating, they were so quiet. You were so mad. Like you felt like I told you.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  They frighten me.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  Oh, for God's sake.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  They startle me.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  We have a friend who has horrific sneezes in the same way. It's like the whole table just jumps up every time. Yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  They're hostile.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  They do. They feel aggressive.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  She's adding to them.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  I am not adding.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  They're cartooning.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I don't want to get into the weeds in it, but there are several funny things that came out of the cancellation. I wouldn't have thought this. It was like cancellation, suspension.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  My, yes, my, my vacation.

• 45:37Dax Shepard?

  Whatever. Yeah, whatever we're calling that now. I found there to be some funny things I learned today.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  I'm excited about this.

• 45:43Dax Shepard?

  I didn't know this. There were helicopters all around your house during this?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  So I didn't know that. That's intense.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, there were like 15 black SUVs following us home.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  Remember when we were crouching in the bushes?

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Including the local NBC affiliate, which I found, for whatever reason, that really pissed me off.

• 46:03Dax Shepard?

  And that got you?

• 46:03Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 46:05Speaker 03

  We were trying to lose them on the way home from the show.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  I learned that in time of war or strife, we would be so dead.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, we would.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  I'm like, here's what we're gonna do. You make a left here. We're gonna get out of the car. You're gonna keep driving. You'll keep going. You know, we're blocked by the houses. You keep driving and then send the, another car to pick us up coming the other way and we'll slip into that car. And they're like, yeah, and I was like, the whole time I realized that they know where we live.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 46:32Dax Shepard?

  Getting in and out of cars.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  And by the way, then they got, the only photos they got of us were when we were doing that stupid car swap. We're like, let's go to the Trader Joe's parking lot. We'll swap cars.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  That's right. We went to Trader Joe's also.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  We did.

• 46:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that was part of the plan to go to Trader Joe's.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. We have no idea what we're doing. We're not cut out for this.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, we did not go to the Britney Spears School of Paparazzi evasion.

• 46:54Dax Shepard?

  That's where you, you guys needed to switch to motorcycles that week.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  That would be cool.

• 46:59Dax Shepard?

  But it was more intense than I think I gave it credit for. But there are a couple hysterical moments that came out of it when you had to like tell the kids. And I'm thinking about something Jane said and Billy, but Billy was the first right to ask. Is it the president? Does he have something to do with this? Is he the one who asked that?

• 47:16Speaker 03

  I believe it was Jane. We had to explain what was going on because there were helicopters and noise outside our house. And also they're still in school and this was becoming a very huge story. We didn't know how big it would be and we didn't know if the kids were gonna hear about it at school. So we said, the show has been canceled for a little bit. And Jane said, is this Donald Trump's fault?

• 47:36Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  And we said, yes.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 47:40Dax Shepard?

  When you're evaluating all the weird ways our kids are growing up, that's incredibly bizarre.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  It really is. I said to Jimmy there, I'm like, what a wild childhood for these kids to know that the president of the United States doesn't like their father. I mean, that's not a great feeling, but it's also kind of funny.

• 47:58Dax Shepard?

  And a feather in your cap.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  I don't know if they understand that he's not like a movie villain or a TV, you know, in a way he is. He's like a cartoon character in our house.

• 48:08Dax Shepard?

  They're probably having a hard time taking him seriously.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  It will also, they never had a normal president. For them, it's like, this is what happens with the president.

• 48:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, these are presidents.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  President is like interchangeable with Dr. Evil or something.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:20Dax Shepard?

  But the one that cracked me up is that Jane was really concerned, and I just learned this about her. She very much thinks she'll be taking over your show.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  She does, yes.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  She believes it's gonna be Jane Kimmel on.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 48:33Dax Shepard?

  So she started crying because her show was going away.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Which I found annoying. I'm presumptuous. For whatever reason, she's decided, even though she is one of my four children, that she is taking over the show. It was never a conversation even. It was just like, yeah, well, I will, of course, run the family business.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  I love the spirit. I know if I were your kid, I'd be thinking that for sure.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  I would almost be really pushing you off.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  I think she'd be great.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  She'd be great.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  I told Jon Stewart about this. He said, yeah, yeah, my son said the same thing. And he's like, yeah, and then I will be taking over The Daily Show. And he was like, what's with this Trevor character? What's going on? Who's he?

• 49:16Dax Shepard?

  And then another really funny thing was you had said, I think, to Jane, I hope you know that over time, you'll find out that we were on the right side of history.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  That's really important.

• 49:26Dax Shepard?

  And to which she replied, I thought we were on the left.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  She did. She goes, I thought we were on the left. She also offered to sell her LaBubus. She immediately cried. She was, I'll sell all my LaBubus. She had three LaBubus at the time.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, each time something happens, they think we're just gonna be bankrupt the next day. They don't seem to understand that there's some savings.

• 49:48Dax Shepard?

  I went to play poker with my Groundlings friends from like 30 years ago. It's like a $10 buy-in poker game. And I went, little did I know, the entire three hours I was gone, Lincoln was obsessed with the fact that I'm gonna lose all of our money. And when I got home, she's like, dude, you lose all of our money? And I'm like, I guess you have a right to fear that I'd be a gambling addict too, but I'm not.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  I mean, it's better that than them thinking like, you guys have infinite money.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  You want them to be a little anxious about it.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe not as anxious as they are, though.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's a fine line, I guess.

• 50:22Dax Shepard?

  How long was the window before you knew that you were coming back?

• 50:26Speaker 02

  We were suspended on, was it a Tuesday or a Wednesday?

• 50:31Speaker 03

  I remember it as a Wednesday. It was the 18th.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think a Wednesday is correct. And we were back on the following Tuesday.

• 50:36Dax Shepard?

  The following Tuesday. So like almost a full week.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, almost a week, yeah. Three shows really is what it was.

• 50:42Dax Shepard?

  Were you at any point going like, ah, okay, I'm retired? Was there any little window where you're like, maybe I need to embrace this and maybe I'm excited for that?

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's funny. It's more immediate than that. It's more like, all right, so I don't have to do a show on Monday. You know, that's kind of how I looked at it. I was like, all right, well, the good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow. Of course, it turned out to be a much more stressful workday than the usual workday, but it was a little bit of that.

• 51:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 51:11Speaker 03

  It was like, I don't need this. This is such bullshit. I don't need it.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  You do deal with that thought. I deal with that thought regularly, not just in an extreme situation.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  I deal with that now on a daily basis, I think. Just like, is this worth it?

• 51:26Speaker 02

  Weirdly, I deal with it less now than I used to because now I feel like this show is an outlet for people who are outraged by what's going on and I feel some responsibility to those people. So it's not just like, why do I need to get up? And it's like, well, yeah, there is kind of a reason, a non-financial reason that you need to do this. Nothing we ever did in the past had any consequence, you know, it was just like, you know, just stupid shit.

• 51:54Dax Shepard?

  Tweet something, maybe.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  I don't even mean consequence in that way. I mean, consequence like it didn't matter. We had people jumping off a diving board in their bathing suits that we pulled off the street. It had nothing to do with anything that was actually going on in the world.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Not winning a Peabody really for that, probably.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, no. By the way, I noticed today that Peabody's been rolling around in my trunk for like two weeks.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 52:19Dax Shepard?

  Can we rent it?

• 52:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, we've been wanting one.

• 52:22Dax Shepard?

  We campaigned for it almost every episode. We don't want any award other than the Peabody and we're not sure how you get one or why.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  For you guys.

• 52:30Dax Shepard?

  It sounds great.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  There's 15 jurors and they all have to say yes. If one person says no, you don't get it.

• 52:37Dax Shepard?

  It's like joining the Hells Angels. It's gotta be unanimous.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 52:40Dax Shepard?

  Aren't you now on the committee for Peabody? So a guest told us this. They said, I think Kimmel has joined somehow.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  If I am, it's news to me. I don't think so.

• 52:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, if you are, and if you end up at a meeting, they ask. Or they probably don't even ask you, offer to go.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  If you want the one that's in my trunk.

• 52:56Dax Shepard?

  I would love it. Yeah. I just want to see what it looks like.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  It is pretty cool. And it started in radio. The Peabody started as an award to people in radio.

• 53:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's because that's all there was at the time. It's a broadcasting and film award.

• 53:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Did it get tricky at all?

• 53:14Speaker 02

  It's stressful on a relationship, no?

• 53:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure. I think this is a little different because we were in it together.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and most of the situations we are.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, like it affects my livelihood, my job, my coworkers. So I was right there, hand in hand with him the whole time. I will say like, I get to a point of resentment when it is relentless scrutiny. Or, oh my God, that joke we said yesterday is, everyone's mad at us for it. I resent how much time and it sucks.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  How much energy it takes.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  The energy, it sucks. But no, I feel like we are lucky and that we really kind of were in the same spot during that.

• 53:52Speaker 02

  I let it roll off my back much more than I ever had. The older I get, the less affected I am by that.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  I'm much more affected, I think.

• 54:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, when I heard you guys talk about it, you said you get more mad.

• 54:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:06Dax Shepard?

  Why do you think it's less now?

• 54:08Speaker 02

  I think I'm not as connected to what people are saying. I also, you know, before I did this job and even before I was on television, I was in a very stressful job as a radio disc jockey, getting fired from town to town to town. And I've become hardened in some ways. Also, like at that time when I lost my job, I was in deep financial trouble. Like I couldn't miss one paycheck. It was a problem if I, and I do try to remember that. I go, okay.

• 54:41Dax Shepard?

  If I don't have this job, we're gonna be okay. I don't have to worry about that. And I do take some solace and comfort in that. So there's like little spikes of gratitude within the misery.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Keeping you in perspective, that perspective at that time now, yeah, it wasn't the president. You weren't dealing with the most powerful person in the world.

• 55:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  But a much bigger concern is I can't get $20 out of the ATM. Because I have less than that in it. That's a real concern. So these things that I'm dealing with are big and they get a lot of attention. But getting fired in Tampa, Florida was harder than this.

• 55:22Dax Shepard?

  How about the aspect, though? I don't mind at all if I said an opinion and you understood the opinion and you object to it. I can live with that all day long. Our weird little dust-up made me mad because we were in trouble for a joke people didn't get. And so you're mad at me for something you've misunderstood. And I find that really fucking uncomfortable.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:43Dax Shepard?

  Like, I can't just let that roll off my back.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Same. I feel like I have to explain it and protect it.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Until they accept it.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  I do believe we're also living in a time where people are deliberately misinterpreting words for either clickbait or attention or just prodding people.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Political capital.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I resent that, too.

• 56:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's hard to live with the notion someone is really angry at you or something they misunderstood. It's hard. I don't know why. I like, I wish I could shake that off.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  Misunderstanding, I can deal with that. What really drives me crazy is intentionally perverting your words to suit whatever their narrative is.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but that's a class of person, right? They're coming for you no matter what. Like that, I would put in the category, you know, no matter what I say, you're gonna. But it's just like the average person who heard through the grapevine what the thing was. And they don't understand. That irritates me.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Some people believe it. That's the hard. It's like, yeah, that type of person is doing it.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  Especially because I don't do it. I won't do it. Even when I see Trump say something crazy and he's obviously joking, which he is sometimes.

• 56:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he was joking and they're like, oh, you know, like, yeah, but he was joking, so.

• 56:52Dax Shepard?

  You have some ethics about what you're gonna.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  I might make a comment about if this joke was presidential or whatever. But I'm not going to make that a literal statement.

• 57:03Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Do you have a harder time when it's directed at Kristen or at you?

• 57:08Dax Shepard?

  Thousand percent worse when it's Kristen. In fact, I never, I don't think I ever engaged defending myself online. But if I read something about Kristen, I am fucking at the keyboard.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 57:16Dax Shepard?

  I won't have it.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  I find it really hard because I feel like you know that person better than anyone. And you're watching people write their story that is absolutely not who they are. And I feel like I do it all the time with Jimmy, too, and it makes me crazy.

• 57:29Dax Shepard?

  You're also married to a very generous, beautiful person, as am I. So my anger is like, how fucking dare you sling mud at her? What have you fucking helped somebody do recently? Like, no one in this country is in a position that they can be on a moral high ground over Kristen.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Right.

• 57:46Dax Shepard?

  It drives me fuck, like, how dare you? This is the most generous fucking person.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  That's where it's really, really hard for me. I get really upset. I'm like, you don't know this person.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Same here when it happens the other way. You wanna fight then.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:59Dax Shepard?

  Yep, yep. Yeah, you don't really care about any other principles you had.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  I don't. Yeah, you become just like kind of an animal protecting a cave.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's funny, it even happens here, but we often are on opposite sides sometimes of a conversation or an issue. But then if, it's like when it's your brother, like when somebody else says it, I'm like, no, no, you don't get to say this. You are not allowed to say it. Only I can say it.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  I want you guys to apologize to me because I'm sorry.

• 58:31Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'd prefer you heard it first.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

• 58:34Dax Shepard?

  It doesn't feel as genuine when you don't know what you're.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 58:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but I can see that you've been with someone for 16 years. You have the right blueprint.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  I love the setup to this question. I almost don't even wanna hear the statement because it's so exciting. I wanna revel in the drama of what is.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  We can switch subjects for a while and then come back to it. I'm good at earmarking things.

• 58:55Dax Shepard?

  But when all this stuff happened, I'm like, oh, boy, I need to send Molly and Jimmy a text. And then I go, the last thing they need is a fucking text from somebody. I'm at home and I'm just like, ah, fuck, I know I don't wanna bother them. And also I need them to know that I'm heartbroken. They're going through this. You know, I molded over for a couple of days and then I finally committed to sending it. And that was just really stressful for me.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  I cannot apologize enough for that.

• 59:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, good. You can't really imagine what I went through, can you?

• 59:27Speaker 03

  Oh, we're apologizing to you for the stress it caused you.

• 59:30Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I didn't know whether I should text you or not.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  It's funny because the question itself is puzzling to me. Because I'm not adding up who has texted me and who hasn't, or who has emailed me and who hasn't. It would be impossible.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  But I wouldn't notice if like my dad didn't send me something, you know?

• 59:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  And I do think that, yeah, waiting like a week or so is good, is a good way to go. Because it shows that, like, hey, listen.

• 1:00:00Dax Shepard?

  I'm just not trying to add to your thing.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:00:02Dax Shepard?

  And then the fear kicks in and you're like, maybe he is going like, what does he agree with these people?

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be honest with you, that's where I was.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  I was there. I was like, wow, we haven't heard from so and so or so and so. And I think I was spinning out. We were in isolation in our home. We were being attacked by the White House and a big part of the country. And I was, after a few days, been like, haven't heard from, you were not, I'm sorry, I didn't say your name.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  No, that's great.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  But it would be a few people. I'm like, wow, haven't heard from them. I'm like, do they think we should be off the air? Like, I started to think like, oh, they agree with this decision. He was never there. I would bring it up to him.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  I don't know anybody who agrees with this decision.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  Stop it. They don't wanna reach out, but I was going there.

• 1:00:43Dax Shepard?

  But this has been super productive because now I know in the future, I will text you.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  Thanks, and I'll just show up to be on your podcast.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  Guys, this isn't your last dust-up.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  I know, so tired.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  We have to learn to appreciate when the sailing is smooth.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Cousin Sal said it best the other day. He said, writing for this show and being part of the show is like, being in the car and you're not drunk, the cop pulls behind you and you start to just drive like, oh, I should be slower. And I could get pulled over for a little thing. That's how it feels every day.

• 1:01:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Like, there's a cop behind us.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Except I'm still speeding.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Dax Shepard?

  And you're all drunk.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. I always err on the side of sending it, even though it can feel a little selfish. Cause it is like, I just need them to know that I care or I'm thinking about them. And I recognize it's like, oh, I know they're getting so many, but it's important to me that you know that.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  A lot of it is about who it's coming from. You know, sometimes there are people who you just don't know at all. Like, you know, they wanna tell their friends that they.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  Some of the texts came in and you're like, oh, they just wanna know what's going on.

• 1:01:47Dax Shepard?

  People in their lives have said, have you talked to Jimmy? People in my life said that.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:01:52Dax Shepard?

  My mom called me. I'm like, what, what?

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Dax Shepard?

  I have to give you an account of.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  Should've sent her on through. I would've texted with her. Although I will say, I did not respond. I got hundreds and hundreds of texts. I did not respond to any. I would just heart, heart, yeah, heart.

• 1:02:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Because I was too scared to say. I didn't know what the status was. And I was also afraid, honestly, at that moment, I'm like, are my text messages gonna be used in court? Like, I don't know what's going on. And so I just hearted everything.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Here's another angle, though, I will throw at you.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Sometimes when somebody who's famous is going through something, I intentionally will not reach out to them. Because I don't want them to think, like, cause sometimes something's going on with me and I'm like, oh, this is no big deal. And then suddenly it's like, I look at my phone and go, oh, crap, I guess this is a big deal.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna out him. Jake Tapper, I learned that we were in a controversy. We were five days in. I had no clue.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  No way.

• 1:02:43Dax Shepard?

  He never stops reporting the news. I don't even know the people involved.

• 1:02:50Dax Shepard?

  And I literally wrote back, wait, what are you talking about? And then he's like, oh, sorry. And I'm like, yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about. Kristen's been keeping it from me.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, that happens sometimes.

• 1:02:59Dax Shepard?

  Didn't even know.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  I go like, oh, jeez, I would never have known about this.

• 1:03:03Dax Shepard?

  But you text back right away, of course. And you said, you want me to come on your show and talk about it?

• 1:03:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm a little busy, but I could be there in 15 minutes. No, but you wrote back right away. I was like, exactly. This poor guy, he's fucking dealing with this and now he's gotta write me back. I shouldn't have sent. Okay, lastly, I wanna talk about family. I wonder, we addressed it already. What's not fair to say is that our kids are growing up in a very weird situation. Because actually, they're not. I think people would be surprised about that. Like, it's just the same. You're eating dinner, you're begging them to clean up the room, you gotta go to school. It's just real life. But then there's pops of insanity.

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Dax Shepard?

  Where it's like, someone they worship is walking through the driveway to come talk to them. That stuff's kinda weird. And I wondered, do you guys share the same fears? What are the fears?

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  We do, but also I think we have to accept what reality is. And there's this idea, like, I'm gonna create this phony world for them where everything is as it was when I was a kid. Even, I think back to when I was a kid, I grew up in Las Vegas. It's a strange place to grow up. It wasn't a normal upper. Now, most of it was. And I think it's the same with them. Like, most of it is. But then also there's the strip right near your house. And people are there getting drunk and gambling and everyone's parents work there and you're exposed to it. And I just think like, you wanna teach them values and you wanna have like a normal life

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  and give them attention and all those things that are important and make sure they learn their multiplication tables. But you can't be phony and you can't pretend that what's happening is not happening.

• 1:04:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you can't gaslight them.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  And that's kinda what I think our initial inclination is. Like, we gotta let them think everything's exactly the same as if they were growing up in Brooklyn, you know?

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  I find that I definitely worry about it, the access they have or the things they get to experience. And then I will say to them, like, don't talk about this at school.

• 1:05:09Dax Shepard?

  Yep, same.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  And then I'm like, what am I doing? I'm teaching them to lie or to hide or feel shame that they got to meet Olivia Rodrigo? Like, cool, that should be exciting. Yeah. But also I realize, like, they don't know how cool that is. They genuinely don't. Like, Olivia Rodrigo was on the show and she made an offhanded comment like, I'd love to babysit the kids sometime. Well, Jane keeps asking, like, when's she gonna babysit? Like, she doesn't know what her hourly rate would be. I think we put so much more value on these things than they do.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  The things I worry about also, I'm gonna have to also let it be what it is. So one of the things I observe is like, well.

• 1:05:47Dax Shepard?

  They go to a totally normal fucking school. More than half the kids are free lunch, right? So half the kids that come over to this house, they don't have a swimming pool. I start getting nervous about like, oh, she has all the leverage. It's not healthy for someone to have all the leverage. Like, it's not healthy to know you're providing the special thing to all the people when you're young. Will she exploit that? Then I've spin out, I'll like observe like, was she being a little short with her friend? Just normal stuff, but I have such a fear that she would not realize. Well, a lot of these kids, this is a special experience. That's what stresses me out.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  You know, what's funny is so many times I've been stressed about this and I've thought we should call Dax and Kristen. Well, I'm learning you don't have the answers either.

• 1:06:30Dax Shepard?

  I make decisions.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have no idea. Like parenting already, no one knows what they're doing. I mean, they don't, we're doing the best that we can.

• 1:06:38Dax Shepard?

  Your first time.

• 1:06:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like this added element of like, now there's fame in there and there's billboards of their dad on the way to school. Like, that's not normal. I don't know how to do it. I'll be honest.

• 1:06:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's a little scary.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  I go, hey, guys, look, it's me.

• 1:06:54Dax Shepard?

  Who's this handsome guy?

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  Look at me over there.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  But I also don't think they should carry our, I feel like we do project our own. It's good that we're scared.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  I think we have this idea that however we were raised is the way you're supposed to be raised.

• 1:07:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  And it's very egomaniacal and a lot of like, look at how I came out. I need them to come out this way. This was the formula that that happened. But if you think about leverage, you think about like leverage to kids. I think having a beautiful house with the pool is not so different from when I would go over my friend Cleto's house and he had a Betamax. You know, it's like, it's just to a kid.

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  It's different.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Leverage could just be you have a pair of Reeboks.

• 1:07:40Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:41Dax Shepard?

  But I was in a situation where it's like, you did hang out with a kid you didn't like in your neighborhood who had a pool. Cause you wanted to go swimming. I was friends with the dude because he had a fucking Odyssey. I wanted to be around this off-road vehicle. You know, and be there feeling kind of dirty about it. Those dynamics happen.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  It's part of, yeah, it's part of society.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:08:09Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run.

• 1:08:53Dax Shepard?

  Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step.

• 1:09:34Dax Shepard?

  Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from, I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching to gather a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Glee Ron.

• 1:10:14Dax Shepard?

  Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 1:10:29Speaker 05

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.

• 1:11:09Speaker 05

  Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 1:11:27Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 1:11:40Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix sleep quiz and within two minutes they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.

• 1:12:01Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 1:12:12Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And what they're happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired, and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 1:12:39Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  The most popular kids are not necessarily the ones with famous parents or like rich parents or anything.

• 1:13:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  I think personality and cool factor is real, whoever your parents are.

• 1:13:10Dax Shepard?

  That's what I want them to know. You can't ride on this shit. You have to be a rad friend. You have to be funny. You have to be attentive. Like, that's what I want them to know.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:19Dax Shepard?

  Don't skate on this.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  Right. I always find myself over explaining stuff, like when they get to experience something through his work or they get to come to the show. They're like, this is so cool. I said, yes, and your friends' parents also work very hard. And just because they're not on TV doesn't mean their jobs are less meaningful. And Jimmy is just rolling his eyes and be like, I go way over the top. I'm like, there are nurses who work just as hard and they can't afford to have a pool in their yard, but that doesn't make them less special.

• 1:13:46Dax Shepard?

  I join in with you on that. Yeah, it's true though.

• 1:13:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think first class is a tricky one though. Yeah.

• 1:13:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  Cause like going back from first class, that's tough.

• 1:13:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  If you're used to it.

• 1:13:58Dax Shepard?

  Your first class was Delta's plus one, remember?

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, the first time I flew first class, I was a three-year-old's plus one. And it was amazing. I was like, I feel like Richard. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I feel like I'm Julia Roberts right now.

• 1:14:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but what do you do? You go in first class and you put your kids in the back.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  I've heard of people doing that before.

• 1:14:20Dax Shepard?

  It seems admirable, but I'm not willing to do it. It's hard enough to get them to sit down in first class. I don't want to be fucking with them in the back of the airplane.

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  It seems kind of terrible to me. Either we're all in coach or we're all in first class.

• 1:14:32Dax Shepard?

  We fly Southwest like twice a year just to let them know what's happening. I want to talk about retirement. You and I end up always talking about it when we're in Idaho. I know we're going to talk about it this year too.

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  Time of year.

• 1:14:45Dax Shepard?

  And I guess I want to know, Molly, first, like, what do you think about the notion of retirement?

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  It definitely appeals to me for the nervous system of the household. But I feel like Jimmy has like a fly rod in one hand and like a torch in the other right now. It's like, he deserves to go out there and just be on the river and relax, but I also want him to keep fighting. And I feel this sense of desire to not quit because I think what he's doing is incredibly important right now. And yes, I know we're doing it in a vacuum, but I think it's giving people a feeling of like their voice is heard and I think it's important. But as his wife. I really would like him to be able to not do the show anymore so he could relax. But what about you?

• 1:15:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what about you?

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Me, I'm good either way. I would be happy to be done with the show, end it in a great way, and do my own next thing. But I do care deeply about that show and the people who work there. And I think the voice is really important right now.

• 1:15:45Dax Shepard?

  And do you have a fear that if you guys did wrap it up in the most beautiful way and you got it exactly as you wanted? Do you have this simmering fear that you'll, two years later, you're like, wait, why did we stop doing this thing we love? Is that in the equation?

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. I have that, yeah. Cause I know people who've been in that situation. It's funny, people make a big show of like, I'm done and I'm tired doing this. And then they make a lesser comeback, trying to do the same thing. That's always a bummer. And I always look at that and go, oh, is that gonna be me?

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  I know. I do look forward to that moment, like when the kids leave for school and then it's like coffee and open the computer and digesting all the news of the day and like having a purpose with it that I will definitely miss. Reading at leisure sounds nice, but I also like reading with a purpose. Like I'm gonna read this and then figure out the angle on it. I like that feeling and I will miss that.

• 1:16:34Dax Shepard?

  Do you have enough hobbies that you think you'll be entertained?

• 1:16:38Speaker 03

  No, and I need to work on that. I started learning piano, trying to learn things, but no, I look forward to that.

• 1:16:44Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  He has a lot of hobbies.

• 1:16:46Dax Shepard?

  I see all. It's really tricky to evaluate it. Cause part of me is like, I've done show business for a very long time. I'm like, how long did I need to do show business? A, B, I'm afraid of letting it all go, cause it, it was so hard to get. And then that is what makes me horny for it because I'm afraid of it. It's how I felt when I was in Detroit and was like, we're gonna go to California. We don't know what's out there. Probably failure. We must try this. The actual fear of it is what really motivates. It feels like, oh, there's a challenge in front of me. Can I let go of all this? Can I have a different chapter that has nothing to do with any of this and feel valuable without being productive? Like, it feels like a lot of life challenges.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  Do you ever think to yourself, how would I explain this to me at 25 years old? Just giving up, just letting it go. I know that 25 year old me would be like, are you crazy?

• 1:17:44Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:17:44Speaker 03

  Keep going.

• 1:17:45Dax Shepard?

  25 year old me too, but also 25 year old me was in a blackout five days a week. So it's like, I shouldn't, I have no interest in what 25 year old Dax thinks I should be doing.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Would have just been so excited to work at a place that had a snack table that was free.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:02Speaker 02

  You know, that would have been just like.

• 1:18:03Dax Shepard?

  Or a gas card if they like gave you free fuel or something. I would have kept any job.

• 1:18:07Speaker 02

  22 cents a mile or something? Forget about it.

• 1:18:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. How do you feel about retirement? Sorry, I'm not trying to do your job.

• 1:18:13Dax Shepard?

  No, do my job.

• 1:18:14Speaker 03

  I'm curious. Like, he gets asked this a lot, but I feel like it changes.

• 1:18:19Speaker 02

  I mean, it depends on what you mean by retirement. I'm never gonna stop doing things.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  So it's just a different scenario.

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  Got the thing on the eyelash.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  I know, but yeah, my, my.

• 1:18:28Dax Shepard?

  My makeup coming off.

• 1:18:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:30Dax Shepard?

  When I eat garlic, my eyebrows start flaking immediately. Is it an allergy you have? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty immediate.

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Dax Shepard?

  I just, I'll get red.

• 1:18:40Speaker 02

  I don't know, something got in my eye.

• 1:18:41Speaker 03

  Do you think Molly though, that you will do another job? Yes. That makes, that like, yeah, hopefully that makes money. That probably makes money.

• 1:18:50Speaker 02

  Molly's always wanted to open a karate studio.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:18:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I think a lot of us have wanted her to open a karate studio, not just her.

• 1:18:57Speaker 03

  Well, when Dax retires, I'll join you.

• 1:18:58Speaker 02

  She has to learn karate.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure. I'll do that first. That part's easy. Yeah, no, I'm definitely excited to like write something and do my next thing. But I also wanna ride this as long as we can and then do my own thing.

• 1:19:11Dax Shepard?

  What if you opened a karate studio to learn karate?

• 1:19:14Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  Ooh, I like that.

• 1:19:16Dax Shepard?

  Very novel approach to learning karate. Like you wanted to have your own mat or whatever the fuck you have in karate.

• 1:19:22Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 1:19:23Speaker 02

  Really, all I need is positive affirmation. I need somebody to look at whatever I've done and go, oh, that's great. And then I'll be.

• 1:19:31Speaker 03

  Jimmy recently painted a sweatshirt for me. You'll see it in Idaho. Hand painted this sweatshirt. It was how many days of work?

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  Not that many.

• 1:19:39Speaker 03

  Several.

• 1:19:39Dax Shepard?

  So modest.

• 1:19:40Speaker 03

  But just this beautiful scene of Idaho on a sweatshirt. I love it so much. It's like my prized possession, but he can't.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  Can't stop when I get started.

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  He can't stop. And also like, are your hobbies, are you able to enjoy them? Or are you sitting there going, I should be doing something that earns money?

• 1:19:59Dax Shepard?

  Hmm. No, I can enjoy the shit out of my hobbies. If anything, I feel very guilty. I'm not doing some of my hobbies. Like I haven't been to the sand dunes in two seasons. That actually makes me mad at myself. Like, why are we here? If we have the ability to do this thing you've always, like, that drives me nuts. I'll get critical.

• 1:20:16Speaker 03

  I do sometimes wonder, like, if you could know, this is how much time you have left. Are we wasting it on stuff we shouldn't be doing?

• 1:20:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just interesting. I didn't grow up, again, talk about how we grew up. I never met anyone who had the option to retire. I never met anyone that was fine and took on another challenge and became a different human being. I knew you work until your body quits and then you go to Florida and you drink. And then you play golf and then you're dead in like, I don't know, 12 years. You hurt your hip and you're going on.

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, same here. Everyone I know who has or can do that is someone I met in the last 20 years.

• 1:20:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right. And you don't know if you trust them.

• 1:20:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's some guilt with that too. Like my dad just retired. He's 72. And yeah, to be like, I'm done now at 52.

• 1:21:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  Feels like.

• 1:21:04Dax Shepard?

  It feels irresponsible.

• 1:21:04Speaker 03

  Rude or something.

• 1:21:06Dax Shepard?

  I think people will hate me over it.

• 1:21:07Speaker 03

  You're not allowed to do that.

• 1:21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, lazy.

• 1:21:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  It does, it feels un-American.

• 1:21:11Dax Shepard?

  It does. Like, I know people will hate me over that if I retire in my 50s.

• 1:21:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:16Dax Shepard?

  But part of me is like, oh, there's this great challenge. I'm afraid to know who I am without being productive and spectacular. And I want to take on that challenge.

• 1:21:26Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 1:21:27Dax Shepard?

  I don't know how you guys think of legacy. I doubt you think about it. I certainly don't. But I just have to say, your guys' legacy, from the bottom of my heart, it's so unique. There's about 30 kids that come to Idaho every summer. And I promise you, if you ask these kids when they're adults, the best weeks of their entire life, that is this thing you guys created, this environment and this vibe and the way it's put together. And for the 30 adults, are we at the seventh year, sixth year, seventh?

• 1:21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think six.

• 1:22:00Dax Shepard?

  It's getting long.

• 1:22:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:22:01Dax Shepard?

  Every year we debate it when we're there.

• 1:22:03Speaker 03

  I know, we never remember.

• 1:22:04Dax Shepard?

  Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, and I have had a spectacular, charmed life. And everyone that goes to this thing has had a spectacular, charmed life. It is among my favorite weeks of my entire life that you guys have given me and 30 other families. And it's so special. That's a weird art to be able to do that. It's very much your legacy.

• 1:22:23Speaker 02

  It's very kind of you to say, but for us, we feel the same way. So for us, we feel like we're a part of that and we do it because we love it. We know our kids feel that way. And we do it with our family also. Each year we do the same thing. And we just remember, like Molly always talks about her time going to Lake Michigan with her family. We never really had anything like that, but those memories are so intense and special and important in your life, I think. And also just, they mark time in a lot of ways. And so I'm big on that. I think it's important to have family Christmas Eve and the traditions and to do it properly. Because I love watching these kids running wild.

• 1:23:08Dax Shepard?

  They turn into teenagers. Some of the boys now have muscles. It's so fun. It's like, I love seeing how everyone's growing up. It's so special. We're just so grateful. I don't know that we can relate to you how special it is.

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  You guys have done a really good job of communicating. You were not as good at texting us after we were canceled.

• 1:23:31Speaker 03

  You've done an amazing job of communicating that. And it also brings us such joy to do it and to have people who love it. And I think we've curated a really great group of people there. And I, I'm so grateful you guys keep loving it and coming.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  I love being around people who are having a lot of fun.

• 1:23:48Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  That's why I love going to Las Vegas. And I tried to explain to Molly, she's like, what, what? I was like, look at how much fun everyone's having here. It's infectious. It's contagious, you know? Certain things that you just go like, oh yeah, everybody. And that for me, going to that fishing lodge, being around everybody, it's just energy that feeds me in some way.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think after the year that we've had, I feel like that is just something we are craving. It's just being around a bunch of people we love who just are feeling joyful.

• 1:24:17Dax Shepard?

  You know, I had that observation. We had a friend who was doing a show for us and it was called Flightless Burton. He's a Kiwi and he's confused by a lot of the American things. So he does this whole episode on Disneyland and Disney adults. And it finishes and I go, but obviously you went to Disneyland for this story, right? And he's like, no. I go, we're not putting this fucking story out until we go to Disneyland. So the four of us went to Disneyland. And it was on that trip, I realized like, oh, the reason Disneyland is the most incredible place on the planet, aside from the park, which is amazing, is it's the only place you'll ever go in your life where everyone that's there, all present, decided this was gonna be a spectacular day.

• 1:24:54Speaker 03

  The best day of their life.

• 1:24:55Dax Shepard?

  And there's really no place you can step into where that vibe is live. It goes to hell by 4:00 PM. All the kids have gotten cranky. Yeah. No one's having that. But man, those first four hours at Disneyland, it's like, everyone here is optimistic and is going to have the best day of their life.

• 1:25:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a flight to Hawaii is like that too, right? Like everybody, you know, like people have saved up and this is it. And they got the whole week ahead. And there's that moment where you walk into the hotel and the other people are walking out and you're looking at them and you go, you poor bastard. And then I think to myself at that moment, I go, oh, I'm gonna be that guy walking out. And then I am that guy walking out and I think, and I see the people walking in. I'm like, god damn it, I'm going back to work.

• 1:25:37Dax Shepard?

  That's the one pleasure you were denied by growing up in Vegas. There's no starker difference between a flight to Vegas and a flight home to Vegas. On Spirit Airlines from Detroit where your fucking ticket was 115, the ride there, everyone's drinking, having a great time in the ride. Oh, everyone is.

• 1:25:52Speaker 02

  I will tell you how I relate to it. How I relate to it is the drive home when the sun is coming up in Las Vegas, when you're headed home after a night and you see people like running and you're like, ah, I just feel like a piece of shit.

• 1:26:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  These people are up for the day. I haven't even gone to bed yet.

• 1:26:13Dax Shepard?

  That was my number one grievance about being a cocaine addict is I was constantly coming home on San Vicente Boulevard in Santa Monica. And the whole town is running in the morning. I'm like, I gotta figure out how to go to sleep. And Saturday's gone. I'll see you guys Sunday evening. Well, I love you two so much. I'm so lucky.

• 1:26:34Speaker 02

  Thank you for letting me invite us here.

• 1:26:38Dax Shepard?

  So funny.

• 1:26:38Speaker 03

  You're welcome for coming.

• 1:26:39Dax Shepard?

  For coming on. You don't even need a booker anymore.

• 1:26:43Speaker 03

  Just send nice texts. Just check in on your friends and they'll show up.

• 1:26:49Dax Shepard?

  I gotta figure out what Brad Pitt's doing more. So they're appropriate. Yeah, I love you Molly and Jimmy and I'm so grateful that we have you in our life and thanks for coming in. And everyone wants to become alive. And I don't know, whatever thing you're gonna host this year, I guess. I love you guys.

• 1:27:03Speaker 03

  Love you. You guys are the best.

• 1:27:07Dax Shepard?

  I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica comes in and tells us what was wrong. How was your MP dinner party?

• 1:27:18Speaker 03

  It was, it was good.

• 1:27:19Dax Shepard?

  It was good?

• 1:27:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I made a new recipe.

• 1:27:23Dax Shepard?

  A new chicken item, right?

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I was listening to a New York Times, no, I'm sorry, a New Yorker podcast.

• 1:27:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:27:32Speaker 03

  It's called Critics at Large. I very much like it.

• 1:27:35Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  And um.

• 1:27:37Dax Shepard?

  You don't like it very much. You very much like it.

• 1:27:40Speaker 03

  Correct, in that order.

• 1:27:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:41Speaker 03

  And they are doing some series and they were talking about cult classics and she was talking to a cook lady.

• 1:27:52Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:27:53Speaker 03

  Someone who knows cooking and they were talking about cult classics and they said she recommended this cookbook, Zuni Cafe.

• 1:28:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, what's Zuni Cafe?

• 1:28:01Speaker 03

  I guess it's a popular cafe or was maybe in San Francisco.

• 1:28:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:28:07Speaker 03

  And there's a cookbook and she was saying she made one of the recipes, a chicken, roast chicken with a bread salad.

• 1:28:16Dax Shepard?

  Bread salad. So stuffing?

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  No, but like.

• 1:28:20Dax Shepard?

  I mean, you could call.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:22Dax Shepard?

  You could call stuffing bread salad.

• 1:28:23Speaker 03

  Bread salad classically is called panzanella.

• 1:28:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh, you know so much about cooking.

• 1:28:29Speaker 03

  I do, I do. I know a lot. I actually thought that the other day.

• 1:28:33Dax Shepard?

  Did you have a moment where you're like, man, I know a lot about cooking? Sure.

• 1:28:37Speaker 03

  I mean, this is what happens when you watch so many videos. You don't know you're learning.

• 1:28:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:42Speaker 03

  But then someone will say something and you'll know.

• 1:28:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:45Speaker 03

  The answer.

• 1:28:46Dax Shepard?

  Can earmark that, cause I wanna ask if you made a certain thing recently, but continue.

• 1:28:50Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:28:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  So then um, it sounded so good to me. I couldn't get out of my head. I went to an actual bookstore. They didn't have it.

• 1:28:57Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, is the Zuni Cafe cookbook from like the seventies or something? Why is it a cult?

• 1:29:02Speaker 03

  From a while ago.

• 1:29:04Speaker 03

  No, not, not that long, but like.

• 1:29:06Dax Shepard?

  You're not sure what decade.

• 1:29:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  Um, so then I ordered it.

• 1:29:11Dax Shepard?

  The cookbook?

• 1:29:12Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:29:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:29:13Speaker 03

  Came right away. You know, this is what's frustrating. I'm trying to support local biz.

• 1:29:17Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:29:18Speaker 03

  And like, they just don't have what I need.

• 1:29:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was the origin of Amazon was books.

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:29:24Dax Shepard?

  You know that? That was what it originally was, rare books.

• 1:29:26Speaker 03

  Well, the irony, you know, it's like I go into, this weekend, I go into Barnes and Noble to look for a Zuni Cafe cookbook because that's, that's at this point, a small business.

• 1:29:36Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:29:37Speaker 03

  A small bookstore. Anyway, they didn't have it.

• 1:29:39Dax Shepard?

  Remember when Barnes and Nobles and Borders were around, people were so mad about those?

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

• 1:29:44Dax Shepard?

  Is it just the, it's just the nature of life evolving, isn't it?

• 1:29:49Speaker 03

  One of my favorite movies of all time, You've Got Mail.

• 1:29:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:52Speaker 03

  That's the whole premise of that movie is that basically Barnes and Noble comes in and takes over this little baby bookstore.

• 1:29:58Dax Shepard?

  Sounds so quaint now.

• 1:29:59Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:30:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:00Speaker 03

  You know, sometimes the villains become the victims.

• 1:30:03Dax Shepard?

  And as unimaginable as it is, someday someone will take over Amazon and they'll go, oh, remember Amazon?

• 1:30:10Speaker 03

  I wonder how old we'll be when that happens.

• 1:30:13Dax Shepard?

  Good question.

• 1:30:13Speaker 03

  Dead?

• 1:30:14Dax Shepard?

  Probably dead. Although, the breakthrough's in anti-aging. Who knows? Maybe that'll even be the reason Amazon is replaced.

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  Interesting. Wow, it's all tied together. Anyway.

• 1:30:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:30:27Speaker 03

  So I couldn't get that out of my head. So I was like, I'm gonna make that. So I did.

• 1:30:31Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:30:31Speaker 03

  I made roast chicken. Now, this was a dry brine roast chicken. That means it had to sit in the fridge for 24 hours beforehand. That really think things through. And then the bread salad had, I had to change up some of the ingredients cause I didn't have currants.

• 1:30:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:30:51Speaker 03

  So I had to use dried cranberries.

• 1:30:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:53Speaker 03

  And I used arugula instead of, I forget the other thing I was supposed to use, lettuce wise. Um, but it was very good. I also made a peach and burrata.

• 1:31:01Dax Shepard?

  I feel so guilty, but I wanna be really honest with you.

• 1:31:05Speaker 03

  You don't know what currants are?

• 1:31:06Dax Shepard?

  No, I never do it, but you know, when I talk about automotive stuff and I see, oh God, she's gone and you admit to it. Like you can only do, I don't even know, a sentence of automotive and then you're out to sea. And I went a little out to sea for a second.

• 1:31:20Speaker 03

  That's fine.

• 1:31:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I just wanted to own it. Like, oh, okay, this is what it feels like.

• 1:31:24Speaker 03

  Sure. I mean, okay, so I wanted.

• 1:31:27Dax Shepard?

  Maybe like the third ingredient or something. It's just like, I started thinking of.

• 1:31:30Speaker 03

  It doesn't make your mouth water?

• 1:31:31Dax Shepard?

  My road trip to Florida and how it was a tropical storm.

• 1:31:34Speaker 03

  It doesn't make your mouth water when you're hearing like bread salad and roast chicken and dry brine?

• 1:31:42Dax Shepard?

  No, especially not the dried brine. Even though I, I like, because I think it's interesting. It's called a dry brine if you're doing chicken, but we call that a dry rub when you're doing steak. You know, us, us barbecuers.

• 1:31:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:31:55Dax Shepard?

  Um, and brine for me really just sounds like seawater.

• 1:31:58Speaker 03

  No, well, it's salt. That is the point of it. That's just very interesting. Cause when I hear people talking about food, I get like aroused.

• 1:32:07Dax Shepard?

  Same. If someone's talking about a new valve train system and an overhead cam that might have reduced.

• 1:32:11Speaker 03

  I already left.

• 1:32:12Dax Shepard?

  Friction, that it could rev to 9,000 RPMs. I'm like, what? 9,000 RPMs?

• 1:32:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's interesting. It's really interesting.

• 1:32:20Dax Shepard?

  The nature of interests, I think.

• 1:32:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. What about peach and tomato, heirloom tomato and burrata? Does that sound nice?

• 1:32:27Dax Shepard?

  I mean, here's what.

• 1:32:28Speaker 03

  Did you go?

• 1:32:29Dax Shepard?

  Things taste nice and when I look at them, I'm very hungry for them and I'm excited if I'm looking at them. But no, just thinking about a laundry, cause all you're doing is walking me through a grocery store right now, which is not stimulating for me.

• 1:32:41Speaker 03

  Well, I actually hate going to the grocery store, so I can't relate to that. And I'm actually offended that you said what I did was that.

• 1:32:49Dax Shepard?

  But I feel like what you just said doesn't hold because the thought of those, aren't you walking through the produce thing going, ooh, oh? Given the fact that just hearing the word tomato makes you excited, you said?

• 1:33:01Speaker 03

  Well, heirloom tomato, peach and burrata salad, the whole thing, not necessarily just one ingredient. Um, what I don't like about the grocery store, one, it's freezing in there. I hate it. Way too cold.

• 1:33:14Dax Shepard?

  My favorite part.

• 1:33:15Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 1:33:15Dax Shepard?

  By the way, I love the grocery store. I don't wanna paint a picture. I especially love going to Kroger in Mount Juliet, Tennessee, cause it's like the Kroger growing up for me.

• 1:33:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:25Dax Shepard?

  Cause here grocery stores are limited space. They do what they can.

• 1:33:28Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:33:29Dax Shepard?

  But man, you go into those Krogers, you, you could have like seven, eight people all pushing carts in the aisle next to each other and they wouldn't be bumping into each other. And I get in there and I'm like, let's play.

• 1:33:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:33:39Dax Shepard?

  And it's acres of food.

• 1:33:42Speaker 03

  There's so much food.

• 1:33:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, the other thing I don't like about it is that like it's too, if you're, it's too vast, like there's too much to look at. I get, I don't know where anything is.

• 1:33:53Dax Shepard?

  Decision anxiety.

• 1:33:55Speaker 03

  I just don't know where anything, and then sometimes I feel like, should I ask or I, huh? And then nothing's made yet. So it's possibility. But it's not hopeful. Like, you know, it's the, just the green bean, but it's not the made, it's not the cooked green bean.

• 1:34:12Dax Shepard?

  Unless they've got the bar.

• 1:34:14Speaker 03

  I don't.

• 1:34:14Dax Shepard?

  Like.

• 1:34:15Speaker 03

  Germ wise, that's not for me.

• 1:34:16Dax Shepard?

  What's our guy here?

• 1:34:17Speaker 03

  Lazy Acre.

• 1:34:18Dax Shepard?

  Lazy Acres.

• 1:34:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:19Dax Shepard?

  They've got a medley of yummy different.

• 1:34:21Speaker 03

  I went to Delta to Lazy Acres and she got, oh, the only, she got so much mashed potatoes. And I said, can you get a little bit of green? She got like one piece of broccoli.

• 1:34:31Dax Shepard?

  Go for it.

• 1:34:32Speaker 03

  So anyway, I, I was very happy with the dinner. It was a great party menu.

• 1:34:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:34:38Speaker 03

  Party menu.

• 1:34:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  And people were happy with it.

• 1:34:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Did it, was it a Moy's chicken? Did it come on Moy's? That's really all I care about.

• 1:34:45Speaker 03

  Because of the dry brine.

• 1:34:46Dax Shepard?

  Because of that dry brine.

• 1:34:47Speaker 03

  And you know what else I had to do?

• 1:34:48Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 1:34:48Speaker 03

  Stuff garlic and thyme under the skin. That was hard.

• 1:34:54Dax Shepard?

  Separate the skin from the meat and slide it in there?

• 1:34:56Speaker 03

  I actually don't know if I did that part right.

• 1:34:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:34:58Speaker 03

  But um, it tasted great.

• 1:35:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 1:35:01Speaker 03

  So.

• 1:35:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, I wish I would've had a bite. Sounds delish.

• 1:35:04Speaker 03

  I can make it for you. I, you do have to crank that oven to 500.

• 1:35:09Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm. Let's go.

• 1:35:10Speaker 03

  And.

• 1:35:11Dax Shepard?

  Floor it.

• 1:35:11Speaker 03

  You know, your smoke alarm is gonna go off as it did for me.

• 1:35:15Dax Shepard?

  It did.

• 1:35:15Speaker 03

  It did, even with my new circumstance.

• 1:35:18Dax Shepard?

  You've already had stuff drip at the bottom?

• 1:35:20Speaker 03

  It's just smoky cause it's so hot.

• 1:35:23Dax Shepard?

  Are you sure there's nothing in there burning?

• 1:35:25Speaker 03

  I'm sure.

• 1:35:26Dax Shepard?

  Is this the pain of smoking or something?

• 1:35:28Speaker 03

  No, it's just like, it gets so hot.

• 1:35:31Dax Shepard?

  It gets so hot, produces smoke.

• 1:35:35Dax Shepard?

  A lot going on. By the way, this is a crazy update. So I went for a walk. I'm trying to do a new thing where I walk after dinner.

• 1:35:44Speaker 03

  Oh, wait.

• 1:35:46Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 1:35:46Speaker 03

  I'm trying to do that. Can we go together?

• 1:35:48Dax Shepard?

  Sure, absolutely. I mean, the odds of us having eaten at the same time seem a little, let's hope for the best, but yes, yes, yes.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:35:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Which if we're gonna plan it means you're gonna have to wait till the madness decides when they're eating.

• 1:36:04Speaker 03

  That's fine.

• 1:36:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. It'll give you a heads up.

• 1:36:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I've been really, this has been a thing, but I'm scared by myself because the coyotes.

• 1:36:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and I just want to give the virtues of it and what it, why it occurred to me. Now, I've already heard this, right? That exercise, fifteen, twenty minutes of exercise after you eat really helps the spike in your insulin.

• 1:36:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:36:23Dax Shepard?

  And it's just not great to spike your insulin. So, um, your glucose, your insulin, whatever, both. And, uh, the other thing that happened was when we went to Europe, obviously, every time you eat when you're on vacation in Europe, you walk back to your hotel.

• 1:36:39Speaker 03

  It's my favorite part.

• 1:36:40Dax Shepard?

  It's the best part. And I, I went hog wild. Uh, you know, I ate like a motherfucker. I ate as much as I could every time I ate.

• 1:36:50Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 1:36:50Dax Shepard?

  I was exercising in the gym, but also just all the walking. The point is, is I came home a little lighter than I left and I had eaten probably 1.5x what I normally, maybe even twice as much.

• 1:37:02Speaker 03

  Definitely. Me too. And I didn't do any lifting.

• 1:37:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah. And you come home kinda, and I was like, it's not just the miles. Cause if I do walk the miles, I'm like, it really is that I walk after every meal. If you have lunch, you then walk home from the lunch. So tried to do it in Nashville a bit. We were pretty hit or miss, but I did, I did persuade often large groups of people that were visiting to join me on these walks. And a lot of them were quite fun.

• 1:37:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:26Dax Shepard?

  So anyway, I went for a walk two nights ago after I ate a particularly heavy meal.

• 1:37:31Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:37:32Dax Shepard?

  Like I gotta do a zipper on the neighborhood. And I noticed that the entire street is cut up and that people can't park in front of their houses. And I said to Chris and I go, man, they just can't get the fucking sewage pipes right in this neighborhood. Cause since we've been here, they've dug up the streets, like I want to say four or five times and always for sewer mains. They can't get the poop out of this neighborhood. So I was like, here we go again, this fucking, these damn sewers. And then today I get a text from our sweet neighbor Jay. It's like, hey, bro, someone in a dump truck just smashed into your fence, right?

• 1:38:10Speaker 03

  He texted you that?

• 1:38:11Dax Shepard?

  He saw it happen.

• 1:38:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:38:13Dax Shepard?

  And then you sent me a screen grab of someone saying, hey, Monica, we just bumped into Dax and Kristen's fence. Don't worry, we'll fix it. And then you forwarded it to me. And then I said to you, why did someone send that to you?

• 1:38:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:26Dax Shepard?

  And you said, cause it was, cause it's Bill.

• 1:38:29Speaker 03

  It was me, basically. It was me who hit, not me, but my people who hit you.

• 1:38:34Dax Shepard?

  Right. And then come to find out all that street cutting up is you?

• 1:38:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:38:39Dax Shepard?

  Did you have to pay for that?

• 1:38:40Speaker 03

  That's the power thing I told you about. Yes.

• 1:38:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, Monica, I am so sorry.

• 1:38:48Speaker 03

  It's horrifying.

• 1:38:49Dax Shepard?

  I'm so sorry.

• 1:38:50Speaker 03

  It's really bad.

• 1:38:51Dax Shepard?

  What a bummer. Yeah, you're paying for a major, major construction project where they have cut up the street for like a quarter mile.

• 1:38:59Speaker 03

  We're digging a trench.

• 1:39:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:39:01Speaker 03

  Through Laughlin Park to get to Los Feliz Boulevard. That's what's happening.

• 1:39:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:39:06Speaker 03

  Um, I guess here's a great place to air an enormous grievance with the city I do love, but my God, this has been a disaster. It should not, we should not, there's a way to get, okay, basically I only have a hundred amps of power for my house.

• 1:39:22Dax Shepard?

  That's not gonna do it.

• 1:39:23Speaker 03

  It is definitely not gonna do it. As Bill, um, said, he did, he's, he gave a great analogy. He said, you have a Ferrari running on a hamster wheel.

• 1:39:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:39:35Speaker 03

  You don't like that analogy? What is not to like about that?

• 1:39:39Dax Shepard?

  Uh, well, tell me, tell me why that's the same. So there's a

• 1:39:42Speaker 03

  Because it's, I have a house that's this beautiful, nice.

• 1:39:45Dax Shepard?

  I thought he, I thought he was gonna say you have a Ferrari with a half gallon fuel tank. That kinda makes sense, which is basically you, you, you're not gonna be able to fuel this vehicle. But now Ferrari, it's like, it's a, it's a huge hamster wheel. The Ferrari fits on it.

• 1:39:59Speaker 03

  That's the whole point is it's, it's not, it can't, okay? It can't.

• 1:40:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I love Bill. It's a good analogy.

• 1:40:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay, sorry.

• 1:40:06Speaker 03

  Don't do that about Bill. Okay, he's my dad.

• 1:40:08Dax Shepard?

  I'm really sorry.

• 1:40:09Speaker 03

  So, um, so.

• 1:40:11Dax Shepard?

  You know what is a great analogy? You have a house that requires probably 250 amps and you only have a hundred amps. That's a great analogy.

• 1:40:17Speaker 03

  That's an analogy. That's just regular words.

• 1:40:20Dax Shepard?

  I'm just saying it doesn't even really require an analogy.

• 1:40:23Speaker 03

  Okay, so I have a hundred amps and I need more. And there's a much closer, easier way to get it. Should have been a not, this should have been a non-issue. And we went to the city. We said, we need to do this. They said no.

• 1:40:37Dax Shepard?

  On what grounds?

• 1:40:39Speaker 03

  Exactly. Exactly. And so Bill was back and forth with them forever on this and just, what do you mean? No, it's right there. It's crazy. Um, and they said no. And so we have to do this insane?

• 1:40:54Dax Shepard?

  I'm so sorry, but.

• 1:40:56Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Is this another mean thing about Bill?

• 1:40:58Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 1:40:59Speaker 03

  Okay, great.

• 1:41:00Dax Shepard?

  I kinda would wanna sue the city.

• 1:41:02Speaker 03

  Oh, I know. I do kind of, well, wait till you hear this.

• 1:41:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:41:05Speaker 03

  Okay. So now we're doing this crazy construction project.

• 1:41:09Dax Shepard?

  Guys, it's like, when I saw what was going on, I thought for sure L A D W P, whatever water and power was, was in charge of this.

• 1:41:18Speaker 03

  Well, he told me yesterday, he said, you know, he looked in, it's a trench. It's a huge open trench outside my house and other people's houses, unfortunately. Um, and you know, we have to close that all up. We have to, we have to do the whole thing.

• 1:41:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:32Speaker 03

  Anyway, he looked down and the city had added their own, yes.

• 1:41:39Dax Shepard?

  On the shoulders of your dig? Oh, you gotta, you gotta.

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  So he said, he said that he's gonna talk to them, obviously. And he's gonna tell them if that is used by any, anyone else, we need to be compensated for that.

• 1:41:53Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:41:54Speaker 03

  So anyway, yes, I'm the one ruining the neighborhood. I hate it. The email, email went out. You must've missed it. Email went out. Um, and by Mike, who runs the neighborhood.

• 1:42:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:07Speaker 03

  And he, you know, two emails, one when this was starting, two today, because literally a section today, I think maybe for another hour is completely blocked.

• 1:42:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, I ran into issues today, dropping Delta at school, coming back because of traffic, going in the entrance and trying to come by your house to come to my house. And yeah, it was all completely blocked off. And then I had to go around down. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's just today. That's just for another hour. But anyway, it's a disaster. And, um.

• 1:42:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm getting a lawyer over this. If they could have let you do it.

• 1:42:43Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:42:43Dax Shepard?

  And then they threw their own pipe down.

• 1:42:45Speaker 03

  I know. It's bad. It's really bad.

• 1:42:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:42:49Speaker 03

  Anyway, so, um, yeah, and it's hard. I hate being like this crazy inconvenience for everyone. And it's like.

• 1:42:56Dax Shepard?

  I wouldn't be sweating that. This, these, I've been here for a long time. These, these roads have been dug up a bunch of times, but holy smokes, I had no idea that was your branch.

• 1:43:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:06Dax Shepard?

  I'm so sorry.

• 1:43:07Speaker 03

  Wild. It's really, really wild.

• 1:43:09Dax Shepard?

  The amount of money to replace this, this, to run power to fucking Los Feliz Boulevard, you could have gotten something absolutely elaborate or ornate and beautiful and whatever.

• 1:43:22Speaker 03

  More than, I mean, I could buy another house, essentially.

• 1:43:27Dax Shepard?

  Dude, it's.

• 1:43:28Speaker 03

  It's horrible.

• 1:43:29Dax Shepard?

  That really sucks. I'm sorry.

• 1:43:30Speaker 03

  It, it just, it extra, it's more of a justice thing than a money thing because I didn't, it didn't need to happen this way.

• 1:43:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:38Speaker 03

  And it's.

• 1:43:39Dax Shepard?

  Did you consider, I'd have been like, cool city of LA, I'll be running a fucking diesel generator in my backyard to offset.

• 1:43:44Speaker 03

  My dad, of course, was like, trying to figure out all these ways to get around.

• 1:43:49Dax Shepard?

  Your own power.

• 1:43:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:43:51Dax Shepard?

  Be off grid.

• 1:43:52Speaker 03

  Ultimately, this is the way. And I'm gonna have 400 amps at the end.

• 1:43:56Dax Shepard?

  Was there, you're gonna have what, 400 amps? Oh, guys, put my welding shop in your backyard now.

• 1:44:00Speaker 03

  Exactly. It's for everyone.

• 1:44:02Dax Shepard?

  Was there any talk of doing like an insane amount of solar panels?

• 1:44:05Speaker 03

  There was talk about that.

• 1:44:06Dax Shepard?

  And then having a big bank of energy to pull from when the sun's down to offset?

• 1:44:11Speaker 03

  There was the generator, there was the solar panels, there was all of the things. Ultimately, none of that really made sense. Um, and.

• 1:44:22Dax Shepard?

  Cause in a weird way, I feel like with the amount of money you spent to go get power from Los Feliz Boulevard, you could have become completely off grid.

• 1:44:28Speaker 03

  I know. It's hard though, cause it's like, it's not as reliable. And there's a million reasons, but it like, also very hard to get that from the city too. You have to get all these permits to have solar. And I mean, I think so that, well, I think so because Bill Maher was famously complaining about that nonstop. Yes. So anyway, listen, um, that's what's happening. I've ripped up the entire street.

• 1:44:56Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:44:56Speaker 03

  It's also scary. I could fall in.

• 1:44:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:59Speaker 03

  Anyway, um, okay, I have a question.

• 1:45:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great. Just what? I love answering questions.

• 1:45:08Speaker 03

  Now, this is a dirty question.

• 1:45:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, those are my favorite kind.

• 1:45:13Speaker 03

  Now, when you hear the word cookie in regards to something sexual.

• 1:45:20Dax Shepard?

  Someone's pussy?

• 1:45:21Speaker 03

  Okay, that's what, that's what you hear, right?

• 1:45:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's what I hear people say. I've never referred to vagina as a cookie. I don't like it personally, but I've heard people say they're cookie.

• 1:45:33Speaker 03

  Okay, because I was, I was with Jess, obviously.

• 1:45:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:45:38Speaker 03

  I mean, obviously, the story includes him because he's,

• 1:45:44Speaker 03

  he thought a cookie was a boob.

• 1:45:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he's so gay in this situation. He's really showing his gayness off.

• 1:45:50Speaker 03

  And he said, the chips are the areola is there.

• 1:45:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, that would mean there you go.

• 1:45:55Speaker 03

  It's how many areolas. Yeah.

• 1:45:57Dax Shepard?

  Also, the only cookie that would make sense is, you know, those shortbread cookies with a Hershey kiss?

• 1:46:01Speaker 03

  Yes, 100%.

• 1:46:03Dax Shepard?

  That would work if that was the only kind of cookie that existed.

• 1:46:04Speaker 03

  That's the one he is thinking of in this scenario.

• 1:46:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, because chocolate chips, like, what, the areola is fragmented everywhere?

• 1:46:11Speaker 03

  Yes, splashed. And I said, I said, no, my God, no. It's, it's, I, it's a vagina.

• 1:46:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:21Speaker 03

  And then I was like, wait, then I started to get in my head, is it? And because he felt pretty strongly that it was a boob and he kept saying, no, it's a boob.

• 1:46:32Dax Shepard?

  And why wouldn't then be called cookies?

• 1:46:34Speaker 03

  Listen, I, I know.

• 1:46:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:37Speaker 03

  I, I gave a lot of reasons why there's no way it was, but then I got in my head and then when we looked it up, there really wasn't like that much corrob, yeah, corroboration on either one. And then someone said butt?

• 1:46:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, well, someone might call their butt their cookie.

• 1:46:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, they might, but like.

• 1:46:55Dax Shepard?

  That's kind of cute. Like, if you're into butt stuff and you're like.

• 1:46:59Speaker 03

  Show me your.

• 1:46:59Dax Shepard?

  She was, he was in my cookie. That's kind of, it's a cute way to, I mean, it definitely de-stigmatizes it.

• 1:47:07Speaker 03

  But it's too cute. Cookie boy. Cookie boys are into anal. That's a lot of boys, I think. A lot of boys are cookie boys. Anyway, I, I agree that I thought it was a vagina.

• 1:47:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:22Speaker 03

  Uh, and I'm glad to hear that was your first thought too. Rob?

• 1:47:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:29Speaker 03

  He has a question mark.

• 1:47:30Dax Shepard?

  Rob has, Rob has this, he's such a patented yeah.

• 1:47:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's very him.

• 1:47:37Dax Shepard?

  It's very specific. Like, I could, like, I could be blindfolded. Like, they do this thing to the Formula One drivers. It's so impressive. They play audio of just engine noise of the car and they say, what track are you at? And they can tell within like 12 seconds, oh, turn six, going into turn eight at Silverstone.

• 1:47:52Speaker 03

  It's like a sommelier.

• 1:47:54Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes. And when I could hear a symphony of noise and if I heard that, yeah, I would say that's Rob's maybe.

• 1:48:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, that 100%. That's Rob kind of wanting to agree, but not knowing that if he agrees.

• 1:48:08Dax Shepard?

  People pleaser in him.

• 1:48:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:48:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:10Speaker 03

  So what did you think it was? Maybe? A boob?

• 1:48:14Speaker 06

  No, I mean, it's a thing you eat.

• 1:48:17Speaker 03

  Well, obviously.

• 1:48:18Dax Shepard?

  Well, he took a real sexy trash. He's such a rascal back there.

• 1:48:22Speaker 03

  It could be either one then.

• 1:48:23Dax Shepard?

  You're pants on back there?

• 1:48:24Speaker 06

  I just don't normally associate it with vagina.

• 1:48:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, well, right.

• 1:48:29Speaker 06

  My go-to when I hear cookie.

• 1:48:30Speaker 03

  Would you be more inclined to say it was a butt?

• 1:48:33Speaker 06

  No, I mean, I, I would say vagina if it's what body part.

• 1:48:37Speaker 03

  Those are the, if you had to pick one.

• 1:48:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, B, C.

• 1:48:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, multiple choice. Anyway, okay, well, weigh in, listeners, if you want. If anyone has ever thought it was a boob.

• 1:48:50Dax Shepard?

  Stop.

• 1:48:51Speaker 03

  Just stop. Yeah, yeah, don't do that. Don't do that.

• 1:48:55Dax Shepard?

  You think it's a boob, stop thinking it's a boob.

• 1:48:59Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:49:05Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time, but even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts. The stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now, that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 1:49:47Speaker 03

  They never are.

• 1:49:48Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com.

• 1:50:00Speaker 03

  Also.

• 1:50:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:50:02Speaker 03

  Wait, speaking of, God, I hate to do this to her because it's just so, she's so sweet and nice.

• 1:50:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:50:08Speaker 03

  But this is for Jimmy and Molly.

• 1:50:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:50:11Speaker 03

  And.

• 1:50:12Dax Shepard?

  We could have been a little cleaner.

• 1:50:13Speaker 03

  Well, no, I mean, she said in their meat cute story, which was so cute, you know, in the writers room, they had just, they were going around and saying their five favorite foods. And one of hers was chocolate chip cookie. Mine too, by the way.

• 1:50:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:27Speaker 03

  Um, the actual food.

• 1:50:28Dax Shepard?

  You're right.

• 1:50:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:50:30Dax Shepard?

  Chocolate cookie, does that mean brown girl vagina? I mean, it does.

• 1:50:37Speaker 03

  Chocolate chip. Chocolate chip.

• 1:50:39Dax Shepard?

  I know, I left chip out because then.

• 1:50:42Dax Shepard?

  And there's no such thing, chocolate cookie.

• 1:50:45Speaker 03

  Oreo cookies are chocolate cookies, but then they just have white on the inside.

• 1:50:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's move on. Let's, let's move on out of respect for the Kimmels.

• 1:50:59Speaker 03

  Okay, well, listen.

• 1:51:01Dax Shepard?

  Has Oreo ever made a pink filling cookie? They have a bazillion flavors back to Kroger. This is one of my great joys is when we're, summertime is Oreo time for us. It's Dairy Queen and Oreo time. And basically each night is either like, are we doing Oreos or are we doing Dairy Queen?

• 1:51:20Dax Shepard?

  So I was, I found myself at Kroger's loading up on Oreos and by God, are there a lot of flavors now?

• 1:51:26Speaker 03

  I know. I used to be very partial to the spring one. It was before they had all these different kinds. It was like one of their first and it was like, kind of like bluish green, like, kind of like a minty color.

• 1:51:39Dax Shepard?

  A mint, like a refreshing cookie?

• 1:51:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's still, it was.

• 1:51:42Dax Shepard?

  Like, before you kiss somebody, quickly have one of these cookies.

• 1:51:45Speaker 03

  It wasn't mint flavor, it was just mint color.

• 1:51:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:51:48Speaker 03

  Anyway, yeah, they probably do. For Valentine's Day, they probably have pink inside. Oh, see?

• 1:51:54Speaker 06

  Strawberry Oreos.

• 1:51:56Speaker 03

  Brown girl.

• 1:51:57Dax Shepard?

  Chocolate, pink cookie.

• 1:52:00Dax Shepard?

  Fucking looks great.

• 1:52:02Speaker 03

  It's a little, yeah. If Oreo doesn't sponsor us after this, I don't know what they're doing.

• 1:52:08Dax Shepard?

  I don't, they need to, like, right?

• 1:52:11Speaker 03

  Well, I don't know.

• 1:52:11Dax Shepard?

  Savannah bananas, I learned this weekend that they, they've never spent a dollar on marketing.

• 1:52:16Speaker 03

  I know, they don't need to.

• 1:52:18Dax Shepard?

  They don't. They put on such a good show that they don't need any marketing.

• 1:52:21Speaker 03

  And their waitlist is five years.

• 1:52:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:24Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 1:52:24Dax Shepard?

  Five million tickets on the waitlist.

• 1:52:25Speaker 03

  So cool. But I wanted to ask you what your five, what your five foods are.

• 1:52:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and I'll just caveat, I can't eat these foods, but these are my five.

• 1:52:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:52:36Dax Shepard?

  The tropicalia chicken with the super garlicky chimichurri, that meal with the, with the, with the, also the far loaf of the, the ground Brazilian flour thing. It's like a little bit of crunchy. I called it the churri, the slurry or the, uh, uh, yeah, the slurry.

• 1:52:50Speaker 03

  It's gone now. That place is closed.

• 1:52:52Dax Shepard?

  It's gone and I, I couldn't eat it anymore. The last few years it was there because of the garlic sitch.

• 1:52:59Dax Shepard?

  Then I would probably have to say, um, my spaghetti. I know that's arrogant, but my own spaghetti. Um, macaroni and cheese craft, two packets of cheese.

• 1:53:13Dax Shepard?

  My mom's meatballs that she makes for me for my birthday.

• 1:53:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53:20Dax Shepard?

  And then maybe, maybe shit on a shingles slash dosy Joe's slash hanky pankies.

• 1:53:26Speaker 03

  Wow, okay.

• 1:53:27Dax Shepard?

  They're, they get called different names all over the place, but.

• 1:53:29Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:53:30Dax Shepard?

  Half spicy Jimmy Dean sausage, half ground beef, high fat, everything. Whole block of Velveeta cheese mixed all together, garlic salt on the little tiny rye hors d'oeuvre breads.

• 1:53:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53:42Dax Shepard?

  Put in the oven. Yikes.

• 1:53:44Speaker 03

  So good.

• 1:53:46Dax Shepard?

  Your five, go.

• 1:53:47Speaker 03

  Wow, you really rattled them like she rattled them. I'm not that good at that. I don't think I'm there.

• 1:53:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, could you put a couple on the list?

• 1:53:56Speaker 03

  I mean, hers were kind of like good because they were, they were not specific. It wasn't like this burger from this restaurant. Because that really requires a lot from me. So I have to, you know, so I think I'll do more her style, which would be like a bolognese.

• 1:54:14Speaker 03

  A, uh.

• 1:54:16Dax Shepard?

  Pizza.

• 1:54:16Speaker 03

  I know. No, probably if I had to choose, like, I'm going bolognese, bean and cheese burrito.

• 1:54:28Speaker 01

  Probably.

• 1:54:30Dax Shepard?

  Are you fucking kidding me right now?

• 1:54:34Speaker 01

  What are you mean?

• 1:54:34Dax Shepard?

  Get out of here.

• 1:54:35Speaker 01

  I love bean and cheese burritos.

• 1:54:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:54:38Speaker 01

  Are you upset because you don't know me? Like, is that what you're learning?

• 1:54:41Dax Shepard?

  No, I'm about to make a criticism that would also expose me as being a very big hypocrite. Because really macaroni and cheese, what is it? It's noodles and cheese. But it's just like bean and, what did you say?

• 1:54:53Speaker 01

  It's so, I mean, come on.

• 1:54:55Dax Shepard?

  They're good.

• 1:54:56Speaker 01

  Bean and cheese burritos.

• 1:54:57Dax Shepard?

  They're good.

• 1:54:58Speaker 01

  We used to get them. Remember from that place I'd also closed, I think? Remember, we used to order them a lot.

• 1:55:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. It was like a, it was like a truck inside of a store on Sunset called like Cali Burritos.

• 1:55:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was so good.

• 1:55:11Dax Shepard?

  So good. Not as good as California Baja, Baja California tacos, though, my new.

• 1:55:16Speaker 01

  Do they have bean and cheese burrito?

• 1:55:18Dax Shepard?

  I haven't had it because they have hard shell tacos.

• 1:55:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:55:20Dax Shepard?

  Anytime there's hard shell tacos.

• 1:55:22Speaker 01

  So you're, you wanna add that?

• 1:55:24Dax Shepard?

  I might, yeah.

• 1:55:25Speaker 01

  You need to replace.

• 1:55:26Dax Shepard?

  I might have to swap something out.

• 1:55:27Speaker 01

  See.

• 1:55:28Dax Shepard?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:55:29Speaker 01

  See, it's hard. But anyway, I'm going bolognese, bean and cheese burrito.

• 1:55:33Dax Shepard?

  White slice of bread. I'm going banana and I'm going white rice.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  No, this is, okay, because hers were crab claws.

• 1:55:44Dax Shepard?

  Crab claws?

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  I wrote, I wrote it down. What did she say? She said, yeah, it's a, okay. It's if you could only have five foods for the rest of your life.

• 1:55:54Dax Shepard?

  I left off ribeye. Go ahead.

• 1:55:55Speaker 01

  See? Okay, if you'd only have five foods for the rest of your life. So it's not just like your last meal.

• 1:56:02Dax Shepard?

  Right. It's you're on an island. You're gonna have these five items to choose from. You better love them.

• 1:56:07Speaker 01

  Okay, hers was pizza, gnocchi, crab claws, BLT chocolate chip cookies. Great list, I think.

• 1:56:14Dax Shepard?

  Man, that's a solid sandwich. When you get the perfect BLT.

• 1:56:18Speaker 01

  I'm actually really proud of myself for putting bean and cheese burrito on my list. I'm really proud of myself. Okay, listen.

• 1:56:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  Bolognese.

• 1:56:28Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:56:28Speaker 01

  Bean and cheese burrito. I'm also going chocolate chip cookie.

• 1:56:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:56:32Speaker 01

  Um, I'm go, um, soft hot. Um, I'm going.

• 1:56:38Dax Shepard?

  You have two left.

• 1:56:39Speaker 01

  No. Burg, cheeseburger.

• 1:56:42Dax Shepard?

  Cheeseburger. What am I talking about? Of course, cheeseburger.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  Cheeseburger.

• 1:56:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love cheeseburgers. And by the way, I love so many of them.

• 1:56:51Speaker 01

  That's what.

• 1:56:52Dax Shepard?

  Like, when I'm saying, that's a little bit my issue with the bean and cheese burrito. It's like, they, they can be fantastic. They can also be microwave and taste like a fucking shoe sole. Oh, you've never had a bad one? Okay.

• 1:57:03Speaker 01

  Bean and cheese?

• 1:57:04Dax Shepard?

  That's like saying I've never had bad pizza. That makes sense.

• 1:57:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like.

• 1:57:07Dax Shepard?

  But I can name like sixty five places I like to eat the hamburger. You know, so dependable, probably the most dependable offering out there.

• 1:57:14Speaker 01

  Okay, well, that's four, and I, I reserve the right to add the fifth later on.

• 1:57:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Yeah, sleep on it.

• 1:57:20Speaker 01

  But wow, you really went fast and you messed up. So just.

• 1:57:24Dax Shepard?

  Haste makes ways.

• 1:57:25Speaker 01

  Now, if.

• 1:57:26Dax Shepard?

  I stand by the first five, though.

• 1:57:28Speaker 01

  Well, you only have five.

• 1:57:30Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 1:57:32Speaker 01

  Okay, well, if I was.

• 1:57:33Dax Shepard?

  Like, even one of me said cheeseburger. I can't then think of one of the five I mentioned that I'm gonna replace with.

• 1:57:39Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:57:40Dax Shepard?

  I'm not gonna ruin my spaghetti.

• 1:57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:42Dax Shepard?

  I'm not getting rid of hanky panky shit on a shingle, dosey doze.

• 1:57:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:57:46Dax Shepard?

  I'm not getting, macaroni and cheese, Kraft macaroni and cheese, I'm never getting rid of.

• 1:57:50Speaker 01

  You're not? These aren't necessarily.

• 1:57:52Dax Shepard?

  Pizza. I'm never getting rid of.

• 1:57:54Speaker 01

  I don't think you said.

• 1:57:55Dax Shepard?

  I did.

• 1:57:55Speaker 01

  Oh, you did? Okay.

• 1:57:56Dax Shepard?

  I hope.

• 1:57:57Speaker 01

  I, I.

• 1:57:59Dax Shepard?

  That's number one.

• 1:57:59Speaker 01

  No, you said, you said your mom's meatballs.

• 1:58:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, mom's spaghetti, throwing up mom's spaghetti.

• 1:58:05Speaker 01

  Said mom's meatballs, your bolognese, macaroni and cheese.

• 1:58:10Speaker 06

  Like chicken garlic chicken thing?

• 1:58:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, from Topicali, but I said I can't eat it.

• 1:58:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you said it.

• 1:58:15Dax Shepard?

  I would have.

• 1:58:16Speaker 06

  It was number one, though.

• 1:58:17Speaker 01

  It was number one.

• 1:58:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this was if I can't eat it.

• 1:58:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:58:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and the macaroni, one of my, I'm all scrambled. Okay.

• 1:58:23Speaker 01

  You, you, you've made mistakes.

• 1:58:24Dax Shepard?

  I've made, I've made a mess of it.

• 1:58:25Speaker 01

  I need you to just think about it because, you know, maybe for your birthday, somebody can make all your items.

• 1:58:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:33Speaker 01

  Because no one's gonna have me cute with you since you're already married, so it has to be for your birthday.

• 1:58:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and then I'm just asking my wife to make me these five elaborate meals.

• 1:58:39Speaker 01

  We can all do it.

• 1:58:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, everyone in the pod?

• 1:58:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:42Dax Shepard?

  Bring a, that would be great. If I ever get a terminal diagnosis, I will do that.

• 1:58:48Speaker 01

  God. Um, speaking of.

• 1:58:52Dax Shepard?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 1:58:53Speaker 01

  It's too good of a ding ding ding.

• 1:58:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:58:55Speaker 01

  I have to put a pin earmark. Um, the other, one of the other facts is just holding a sneeze caused death of brain cells.

• 1:59:04Dax Shepard?

  Is that what Molly thought might happen?

• 1:59:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:59:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:59:06Speaker 01

  Um, it doesn't.

• 1:59:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:09Speaker 01

  It doesn't.

• 1:59:10Dax Shepard?

  No, that's.

• 1:59:10Speaker 01

  But what does happen is it traps high pressure air inside your body. It increases your airway pressure up to twenty four times normal levels, which can damage your ears, blood vessels, or throat.

• 1:59:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, everything in the system. Um, are any of the facts that you get to that you just look at and you go, yeah, no? Like, you don't even look it up. Like, for that one, I would just go, no, it doesn't damage your brain. Next one.

• 1:59:35Speaker 01

  No, I, I have integrity. My god, because I don't think I know everything.

• 1:59:39Dax Shepard?

  What if someone says water boils at two oh eight?

• 1:59:43Speaker 01

  Well, I'd be like, what if in some circumstances it does? I'm gonna look.

• 1:59:47Dax Shepard?

  Well, at certain elevations, that could be. Okay, sorry. What, what if someone says, uh, water on earth boils at a hundred degrees Fahrenheit? You go, nope, nope, don't need to look that up.

• 1:59:58Speaker 01

  Be like, what?

• 1:59:59Dax Shepard?

  You just go, no, you'll shag. Oh, wow, okay.

• 2:00:02Speaker 01

  That's why, that's why I'm good at this.

• 2:00:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a know it all.

• 2:00:06Speaker 01

  I do think I could be wrong about anything.

• 2:00:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, any of us could, I guess.

• 2:00:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Not for me when, when water boils or freezes. Like, there's some, there's some.

• 2:00:16Speaker 01

  Like, I guess if someone said, this isn't blue.

• 2:00:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's very subjective. There's no such thing as blue.

• 2:00:26Speaker 01

  Oh, let's not do that.

• 2:00:27Dax Shepard?

  But there isn't. There's just, that's how our three cones combine those wavelengths. So it's not objectively blue. But anyways.

• 2:00:34Speaker 01

  Okay. What was your earmark?

• 2:00:36Dax Shepard?

  Uh, Savannah bananas.

• 2:00:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I want to tell you this story because it was such a wonderful time. And it's gonna involve a brag, but I hope you'll be happy for me.

• 2:00:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:46Dax Shepard?

  So, okay, so we go to the Savannah Bananas game in Denver, Colorado. And we bring Erica and Ace and Wilder, our friends.

• 2:00:58Speaker 01

  Some friends.

• 2:00:58Dax Shepard?

  And the two little boys play baseball.

• 2:01:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:01:00Dax Shepard?

  Not only did the two little boys play baseball, one of the little boys also is the most incredible street dancer you've ever seen, right? His, his whole life is baseball and, and hip hop dancing.

• 2:01:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:11Dax Shepard?

  And he's incredible.

• 2:01:12Speaker 01

  He is.

• 2:01:13Dax Shepard?

  And he will not dance for any of us. We just get to see the clips occasionally on Instagram. So we all have to go to the, uh, Colorado Rockies, uh, arena, a stadium. So that, uh, Kristen can learn the song and the dance routine and the whole nine yards. So we've got a couple of hours hanging on the baseball field. It's so neat.

• 2:01:32Speaker 01

  It is.

• 2:01:33Dax Shepard?

  It's so neat. It's such a special feeling to be able to, because you've just looked at it your whole life. So anytime you get to be out there on it.

• 2:01:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:39Dax Shepard?

  It just always feels neat.

• 2:01:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:41Dax Shepard?

  I'm playing with the catch with the girls, my daughters, and Ason Wilder and having a good time. And then a guy comes up, one of the players, and he's got this sweet mustache and a mullet. He looks just like, um, Dana McBride and.

• 2:01:55Speaker 01

  Oh, amazing.

• 2:01:55Dax Shepard?

  Yes, he looks awesome.

• 2:01:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:57Dax Shepard?

  I immediately like him as he's walking up. And he's smiling really big and he's just like, man, I was just, I got, I grew up on Without a Paddle and Zathura. And he just starts, employee of the month, my favorite, and he starts doing lines to me. And I'm like, oh, this is so lovely.

• 2:02:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:02:11Dax Shepard?

  Right? And then another, and then another guy comes up and another guy, and Monica, if I didn't have video evidence of this, I wouldn't expect you to blame me. But for the full two hours, we were there while she was rehearsing, I had an enormous group of these young dudes around me that wanted to meet me.

• 2:02:30Speaker 01

  Okay, you had their ears.

• 2:02:31Dax Shepard?

  Favorite lines and stuff from things I did. It's been a very long time since something like this happened. It was so funny that, like, all, everyone on Kristen's team, like hair and makeup, and, and then on, everyone was like, what's happening? With Tex, the whole stadium's over in the, they were filming it. Lincoln was laughing so hard. She's like, what's, why is dad so popular here right now? It was such a, I got celebrated in a way I never have, and it was so fun. I loved every one of these guys. They were so fun to talk to. It was a sweet, sweet two hours.

• 2:03:05Speaker 01

  Now, did you? Plug this show. Did you say, you know, you guys, if you love me?

• 2:03:10Dax Shepard?

  I'll tell you one thing that was quite special. So of the forty plus dudes that came up and I talked with and took pictures with in the whole nine, only one guy came up. He was taller than me. He came up to me and he said, I just want you to know I've been an armcherry for six years. And all the other guys, I shook their hands and stuff. I immediately grabbed this boy and I hugged him for so long. And it was such a connected, beautiful hug. And then when I let go, he goes, oh, man, I really needed that. Thank you. I was like, yeah, that's a fucking armcherry right there.

• 2:03:46Speaker 01

  Listen, how old is he?

• 2:03:48Dax Shepard?

  I think he was thirty.

• 2:03:49Speaker 01

  And was he cute?

• 2:03:51Dax Shepard?

  Extremely. I also think he, most of those guys were married. Most of the guys that was meeting were, I'd say the majority of them all had wives. And the majority of them had all gotten married around twenty-three. I kept asking like, what age they?

• 2:04:03Speaker 01

  So how much longer do you think he'll be married? Like a year or two?

• 2:04:07Dax Shepard?

  This guy, Monica, would be such a catch for you. DM bro who I hug, he's so handsome and tall.

• 2:04:15Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 2:04:16Dax Shepard?

  If you hear this, please on this episode, comment it was me so that I can follow you and figure all this out. He is such a fucking babe.

• 2:04:25Speaker 01

  But do they travel like nonstop?

• 2:04:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but it would be great for you. Yes, yes, yes. I think they play sixty games a year. I think they travel from like February, March, all the way to October. And so again, it was like, it was fun because I'm, I'm getting to have like, I'm like, God, you guys are like, you know, you're two thirds of the way through. You've been on the road for a long. You're like, you're in the hotels and really, how's that going? It was very like, oh, it was so, it was such a blast.

• 2:04:48Speaker 01

  That's so fun.

• 2:04:49Dax Shepard?

  And then, of course, watching Kristen do that thing.

• 2:04:52Speaker 01

  So fun.

• 2:04:53Dax Shepard?

  Was, she's done a lot of impressive things over the years. But this one, just showing up and, and in a pretty quick time, learning that whole thing and all the choreography and the jump and do the fucking, I had the dirty dancing moment. You saw it, right? Where they hoisted her up in the air. I think it's among the most impressive little sequences she's ever had.

• 2:05:15Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 2:05:16Dax Shepard?

  And so we were just, we were in the suite that they let us be in and we're cheering like fucking crazy. And I just, it ends and it's so impressive. And I said to the girls, like, can you fucking believe that woman's your mom? And which they never, you know, no one's impressed with their mom. Your mom's your mom.

• 2:05:36Speaker 01

  Your mom's your dad.

• 2:05:37Dax Shepard?

  Your mom's your dad, your dad's your mom. And they both were like, no. Like, they really had a little moment and it was so sweet.

• 2:05:45Speaker 01

  That's very sweet.

• 2:05:46Dax Shepard?

  It was lovely.

• 2:05:48Speaker 01

  Now, another thing that's impressive, karate. You said, what do they have in karate? Their own mat? They don't really have their own mat.

• 2:05:55Dax Shepard?

  I asked if in karate, they have their own mat?

• 2:05:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was part of a bigger thing. Molly said, it was a joke about karate. And then owning her own karate studio. And then you said, yeah, you just get it because you want your own mat or whatever they have in karate.

• 2:06:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:06:17Speaker 01

  And they don't.

• 2:06:18Dax Shepard?

  It was all over the map in this episode.

• 2:06:20Speaker 01

  Well, they, they don't have their own mats, but they, they use specialized training surfaces called tatami mats or interlocking foam tiles, typically one inch thick, rather than personal individual mats.

• 2:06:32Dax Shepard?

  That makes sense.

• 2:06:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're gonna fall and they need a lot of space for that. Oh, one thing I wanted to bring up, I'm reading a book. I have an advanced copy. Fun. Of a book called Switzy. It's by Emma Klein, who wrote The Girls and I think The Guest. A very popular author and this new book coming out has a lot of like buzz around it. I'm about a hundred pages in. It's very good, but I have to keep putting it down because the protagonist, I feel fine saying this, has dementia. And you're in his brain.

• 2:07:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:07:14Speaker 01

  And it is intense, but it's also very, it's like very funny. Like it's written with humor, but it, sometimes I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, it's scary.

• 2:07:26Dax Shepard?

  Using your, losing your faculties.

• 2:07:28Speaker 01

  I know. And in the book, at one point, he goes and takes this cognitive test as part of a physical. And they ask him to remember these three words and like they write them out. And then he can't remember them, basically. And basic, like, since I read that, every twenty minutes, I'm trying to remember those words.

• 2:07:51Dax Shepard?

  That you read in the book?

• 2:07:52Speaker 01

  Yes. Now it's become a test for me.

• 2:07:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:07:56Speaker 01

  I think it's rose apple chair, rose chair, apple. I'm pretty sure.

• 2:08:02Speaker 01

  But it's now like I'm getting kind of OCD about it. OCD, no, OCD, no. I don't know. I'm getting weird about it.

• 2:08:13Dax Shepard?

  No, it kinda is OCD because again, OCD is you think you have or are something that is not in alignment with your morals. And your, yeah. So you, you don't have dementia. That's just a fact. We're in a fricking Alzheimer's study. And we know for sure you don't.

• 2:08:32Speaker 01

  Take the last.

• 2:08:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So you don't have dementia, but yeah, you think you do. I think that's just hypochondria.

• 2:08:38Speaker 01

  I don't, I, okay, hold. I don't think I do.

• 2:08:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay. You just wanna make sure you don't.

• 2:08:44Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly. I'm just fearful of it. I'm not, I don't, I'm not walking around thinking, thinking I have it. I just am like, oh, my God, like, that's scary. And I gotta, if I don't remember it, what does that mean?

• 2:08:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Can I say one thing to end the Santa?

• 2:09:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:09:02Dax Shepard?

  Savannah bananas thing. What I'm saying is thank you, guys. That was so sweet. It made me so happy.

• 2:09:09Speaker 01

  The boys.

• 2:09:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Yeah. I just wanna say thank you. Okay, so back to.

• 2:09:16Speaker 01

  Well, did it make you miss being like in, in things?

• 2:09:20Dax Shepard?

  No, it just, at times I'm like, was I in things? You know, did anyone see those? Were they for anything? I grew up in an era where you repeated all the lines from Fletch and the lines from all these movies. That was the culture. And then all the lines from Wedding Crashers and all the lines from the Will Ferrell movies. And it's just like, I did this for a long time and I don't feel like I really had that thing. And then I had a little experience with it. So it just felt like, oh, it did happen. It was one of those, yeah, that really happened. And people really saw that stuff. And they liked it and they remembered stuff from it. And it was sweet.

• 2:09:54Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 2:09:55Dax Shepard?

  So they gave me a very nice gift.

• 2:09:56Speaker 01

  Good.

• 2:09:56Dax Shepard?

  Back to the cognitive thing. Yeah, this is the scariest thing. And as you remember, like, I have never cried from an injury. Like when I went over the handlebars of the motorcycles, like nearly every bone above my hips was broken and I don't care. But the moment in my loop from the concussion, when I recognized that I had been on a three minute loop for hours. Was the scariest I've ever been on planet.

• 2:10:21Speaker 01

  I know, I know.

• 2:10:22Dax Shepard?

  I had just enough cognition to go, holy fuck, the rest of my life might be in a three minute loop. I can't do anything.

• 2:10:29Speaker 01

  It's so bad. And it is, it's so hard to see people you love have dementia. Like my grandfather had it and he was so brilliant. And then to see like someone's brain who worked, overtime, like worked at a capacity, none of the rest of us did to like, can't get to like peeing on, on the floor.

• 2:10:54Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna be honest with you. So I know someone who's, seems to have a little bit of light bit, you know, a little light, light version. Like I'm just noticing some stuff, right? And it so goes against my stupid stereotype that I shouldn't have. And it's kinda what you're saying about your grandfather. It's like, I thought if you used your brain really intensely, which this person did for sure. That would safeguard you from that. And I'm seeing that it hasn't. And it, and I, and I hate it. Yeah, I don't like it.

• 2:11:26Speaker 01

  They do say that like crosswords.

• 2:11:35Dax Shepard?

  They do say dry brine chicken helps.

• 2:11:38Speaker 01

  Do say cooking and repeating the things you've made.

• 2:11:43Dax Shepard?

  Three words from the book.

• 2:11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, rose chair, apple. It's wild to think like, and it's just gratitude, like every day, that your brain is working, that your body is working. It's.

• 2:11:58Speaker 01

  It's it can can go quite quickly.

• 2:12:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Um, so you know, I'm such a David Sedaris fan. That like, I couldn't wait to watch our own episode with him. Like, I just wanted to stare at his face a little bit.

• 2:12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:12:15Dax Shepard?

  And we got into that. We had had that whole section about him getting his haircut. And I asked him on the road, you know, these barber, you know, how do you choose a barber? And then come to find out, he doesn't care at all who cuts his hair. He said, he made that very clear. And I never mentioned in that episode that I cut hair.

• 2:12:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:12:32Dax Shepard?

  So you know that I'm gonna be assisting him at his book reading.

• 2:12:37Dax Shepard?

  The next time he's here in Pasadena, and I text him yesterday and said, would you like a haircut before the show? And he said, I would love one. So now I'm gonna cut his hair before the show and then be his assistant.

• 2:12:48Speaker 01

  Whoa, hold on. My brain is exploding because you don't even know, I'm sure you don't remember, that that's a crazy ding ding ding sim. We talk about you cutting hair in this episode with Jimmy and Molly.

• 2:13:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, we do?

• 2:13:05Dax Shepard?

  But I just need to tell you, I cannot wait to cut his hair.

• 2:13:08Speaker 01

  Practice beforehand?

• 2:13:09Dax Shepard?

  I don't need to practice.

• 2:13:13Speaker 01

  He's your hero. It's like.

• 2:13:15Dax Shepard?

  No, I cut my own hair. It was way harder to cut my own hair and it's long and there's layers.

• 2:13:18Speaker 01

  We're so different, me and you.

• 2:13:20Dax Shepard?

  Here we are. Yeah.

• 2:13:23Speaker 01

  That's all it shows.

• 2:13:24Dax Shepard?

  No, I can't wait. It's a very intimate thing to cut someone's hair.

• 2:13:28Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:13:29Dax Shepard?

  It's like a very nice, they're trusting you, you have sharp scissors.

• 2:13:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:13:34Dax Shepard?

  It's it's a lovely thing to share with somebody. I can see why hairstylists like being hairstylists. It's an intimate activity. And the person sits there like, they sit real still. And then, you know, you're playing with their hair.

• 2:13:48Speaker 01

  You have full control.

• 2:13:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And just, yeah, they're trusting you quite a bit. And they sit, like, they're behaving, right? They sit real still and you're like, you're you're just combing their hair and grabbing. I don't know. It's I'm so, I'm so excited to be able to play with David's hair and cut it.

• 2:14:04Speaker 01

  Now, this brings me to something because you you saying it's intimate, which you're right. I've never thought about that, but it is.

• 2:14:11Dax Shepard?

  I think that's why people tell their barber so much stuff is it's like already a forced intimate situation.

• 2:14:15Speaker 01

  Totally. But also, you know, you reiterated in this episode, but you've said it many times. You'll only cut someone's hair once.

• 2:14:22Dax Shepard?

  I'll cut his as many times as.

• 2:14:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:14:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, Monica, I'd cut my kids' hair as much as they want to do Kristen's hair, Aaron's hair, your hair.

• 2:14:31Speaker 01

  Oh, there's exceptions?

• 2:14:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:33Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't know. Okay. Okay. Okay.

• 2:14:36Dax Shepard?

  This is more like, I know people, they find out, like, again, that whole scenario is people finding out I cut hair. Or me wanting to show them I know how.

• 2:14:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:14:45Dax Shepard?

  You guys already all know that. There's nothing about that.

• 2:14:48Speaker 01

  Okay, that makes me feel a little bit.

• 2:14:50Dax Shepard?

  Like, when I cut your hair, you already know I can cut hair.

• 2:14:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. But I, okay, but I was, the point I was trying to make is you'll only do it once. And then maybe that's kind of like when you used to have sex with people.

• 2:15:01Dax Shepard?

  One night stands. Yeah. And I just wanted to impress them and get their approval.

• 2:15:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:15:06Dax Shepard?

  Thanks for sure. That's what I'm owning up to in that, in the conversation with Molly and Jimmy. Like, I know this is a gross part of me, but I'm I'm trying to be open and honest about it. It's vomitous.

• 2:15:18Speaker 01

  But it's better than.

• 2:15:19Dax Shepard?

  I want them to be impressed with me. And then, once I have that, I don't want, there's nothing in it for me again.

• 2:15:26Speaker 01

  No. Well, okay, that's a mean way to look at it. That's a, that's one bad thing to say about it. But it could also be that you're afraid that if you do it again, the thing they thought was so great will won't be as great.

• 2:15:44Dax Shepard?

  That's not my fear.

• 2:15:45Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I was trying to give you one out.

• 2:15:47Dax Shepard?

  Thank you. My fear at that point is like, I don't have space for clients. I don't. I can't have like seven people.

• 2:15:56Speaker 01

  Sex with, and then bye, bye, bye.

• 2:15:59Dax Shepard?

  Because I was telling you, it got worn out with all my friends in my twenties when I was broke. And what got weird is like, I cut Tim's hair, every haircut Tim Lovestead had for 10 years, I gave him. I cut Scotty's hair. These guys didn't go to a barber for years. And then all of a sudden, I had like money and I was busy. And of course, they still wanted me to cut their hair.

• 2:16:19Speaker 01

  You should have.

• 2:16:20Dax Shepard?

  And I still did, but I was also like, I gotta be careful how many more clients I pick up. I don't have time to cut everyone's hair. People need their haircut all the time, Monica, especially if they have short hair.

• 2:16:30Speaker 01

  Well, that, yeah, I don't know about that.

• 2:16:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you wouldn't know about that. You can probably do it once every six months, right?

• 2:16:34Speaker 01

  I do like twice a year. Yeah.

• 2:16:38Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:16:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, this is fun.

• 2:16:40Speaker 01

  This is great.

• 2:16:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I love you.

• 2:16:41Speaker 01

  I love you.