Ed Helms asks about a hill you'd die on

Ed Helms of "The Office" and "The Hangover" asks the Handsome crew a question about small things they have big feelings about. Plus Tig on "The Office," fake Canadians (not Mae), and Fortune's very specific coffee order! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 1:50Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your hosts, Fortune Veenster.

• 1:54Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm Mae Martin.

• 1:56Tig Notaro?

  And I am your third and final host, Tig Notaro.

• 2:01Fortune Feimster?

  Hi, guys.

• 2:02Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  I have missed you so much.

• 2:06Tig Notaro?

  Do ya?

• 2:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I've been thinking about you, and now you come on here with this sexy new haircut.

• 2:12Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, I did.

• 2:14Fortune Feimster?

  And your lumberjack shirt.

• 2:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I did.

• 2:18Fortune Feimster?

  Just looking all handsome-y. Very Jack Kerouac.

• 2:21Tig Notaro?

  Now, here's something interesting that I didn't know.

• 2:26Tig Notaro?

  I'm in jeans, a white t-shirt, and a flannel.

• 2:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 2:31Tig Notaro?

  And somebody here in Toronto, I'm out here filming season two of Starfleet Academy. And they said, "Thank you for wearing your Canadian tuxedo." Is that also with a flannel?

• 2:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, incorrect, incorrect.

• 2:48Tig Notaro?

  That's what I thought, but I thought-

• 2:50Fortune Feimster?

  Who's this dumbass Canadian?

• 2:52Tig Notaro?

  Hey! There's already enough trouble between the US and Canada.

• 2:57Mae Martin?

  I think that's an imposter. I think that is an American-

• 3:00Fortune Feimster?

  He's an American, yeah.

• 3:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, because definitely Canadian tuxedo is double denim, right?

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  That's what I thought.

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  To me, you're wearing like almost an American iconic classic combo there.

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, this was a dumbass American who said this.

• 3:13Tig Notaro?

  Hey, Fortune Marie!

• 3:15Fortune Feimster?

  What? I'm calling it like I see it.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well, either way, I just, I said, "Yeah." And I thought, "Wow, I must not know something." And I was just zipping between wardrobe and hair and all that. And just was, I didn't go back to do my typical thing of, "I'm sorry, I didn't fully understand. Can you go back and explain to me what..." And I don't mean this as any offense, I just want to clarify. Were you saying, "I feel like that's me walking around the planet"?

• 3:47Mae Martin?

  Really? You feel like you do that? Like you're, like something will stay in your mind and then you'll go... When you said on Wednesday that-

• 3:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I can't move on. Like if somebody- Huh?

• 3:57Fortune Feimster?

  I said, "Oh, really?"

• 3:58Tig Notaro?

  Are you being sarcastic? Because I need to go back and clarify. Are you being sarcastic?

• 4:03Mae Martin?

  No.

• 4:04Tig Notaro?

  No, just if somebody says something and I don't fully understand, I have to stop and get clarification.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  If anything, you look like the brawny paper towel guy.

• 4:15Tig Notaro?

  What about just a lesbian?

• 4:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, Fortune.

• 4:19Tig Notaro?

  Nobody has mentioned that. Everybody's like, "Jack Kerouac, brawny." How about Tiggy?

• 4:25Fortune Feimster?

  You look like a big old dyke.

• 4:27Tig Notaro?

  Okay, dyke.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  I think that's good to check for clarification because that... Think about all the misunderstandings in the world that you could, you could like carry a grudge for years just because you didn't check. What did you mean by that?

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. I am constantly just needing to understand. And then a few times I step-

• 4:52Tig Notaro?

  I make a misstep and I come across as more aggressive than I meant to be.

• 4:57Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 4:58Tig Notaro?

  And I

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  You're saying

• 4:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, because I didn't, I'm not meaning to be aggressive. I'm just trying to get my point across or like go back and clarify and ask some questions and then, and then it's like, oh, you know, whatever. And then I'm like, no, I did it again.

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  To them, it sounds like you're going, hey, can I just clarify, why were you such an asshole two days ago?

• 5:20Tig Notaro?

  Right. And I see you're back from May. You're, you're no longer.

• 5:26Mae Martin?

  I thought about you today that you'd noticed that I, I did come back early, but I might go back out there, but.

• 5:32Fortune Feimster?

  I don't believe, I don't think you will.

• 5:33Mae Martin?

  I was supposed to be there till, you know, for another five days or something. And then today I'd, I'd been alone for three days. Then I had friends come up and my friend was packing up her car and like she was packing and, and I suddenly thought, I gotta get in that car. I gotta get, I gotta get out of here. And so I packed up as much as I could and I got some, I'm back for a couple of days and it's real. I gotta say, it's really nice.

• 5:57Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let me ask you this. Did you bring all your stuff back in the Uber?

• 6:00Mae Martin?

  No, I, I brought what I could fit in my friend's car and then I got still stuff up there. So I gotta go back.

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta go back. Okay.

• 6:07Tig Notaro?

  Or are you gonna send your assistant?

• 6:10Mae Martin?

  I could.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  May was like, I didn't even think of that.

• 6:12Mae Martin?

  I never think of that. But yeah, you're right. I could do that.

• 6:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well.

• 6:16Fortune Feimster?

  Just pay for the gas.

• 6:18Mae Martin?

  It is nice to be back.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  What, what is so nice about being back? Like specifically that's hitting you where you're like, ah, this feels good.

• 6:25Mae Martin?

  I think I just have like a creeping sense of guilt about being like on vacation, like just, and not that I'm doing work up there. Like I'm gonna do all the same things here, but it's just nice. And all my little objects, it's nice to know I can get my forks, not their, that's a bad example. But like stuff that's mine, you know?

• 6:46Tig Notaro?

  And what are you working on currently?

• 6:49Mae Martin?

  I'm working on a pitch for a new series that I'm pitching soon and then all kinds of stuff.

• 6:56Tig Notaro?

  Wayward is just a.

• 6:58Mae Martin?

  It's like a limited series. Yeah.

• 6:59Tig Notaro?

  A limited series. Okay.

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  It's eight apps. But man, I had a good time up there, guys, and I'm gonna go back and I had my friends from grade eight come and visit. Did I tell you about that?

• 7:07Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  Up there in the woods?

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  So these are friends who, if I'm being honest, we weren't even that close in grade eight.

• 7:14Tig Notaro?

  I appreciate that honesty.

• 7:16Mae Martin?

  I gotta be. But we were friends in middle school and then they had come to shows in the past couple of years. And then I hear myself go to one of them about three months ago. I go, you should come to this cottage that I rented. And she even was like, you don't know me. And she goes, what are we gonna talk about? Like, people from grade eight? And I was like, exactly.

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Were you interested in her at all?

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  No, no, these are two old friends. Yeah. Both, no, not both married, but two old friends. So they, one of them flew from San Francisco, one from Vancouver, and it was so fun. And they brought their yearbooks and we went through, we talked about every single teacher and student. We talked about where they are now. We talked, like,

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  That's cute.

• 7:59Mae Martin?

  shed light on their middle school experience, too. It was incredible.

• 8:03Tig Notaro?

  That's really interesting.

• 8:05Fortune Feimster?

  I can't believe they came with someone that you barely have talked to.

• 8:09Mae Martin?

  I know. And it was the best. It was like, it was like picking up where we left off. And I do have, so Amy brought her old grade seven diary. So she was 13. And we weren't even that close. So I was like, oh, there won't be anything about me in there. Can I read you guys this?

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  Please.

• 8:26Mae Martin?

  Toxic diary entry.

• 8:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:29Mae Martin?

  I guess, okay, Claire and I, there says Amy and Claire. Claire and I had beef because she made out with Mark Ravensamla.

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I had heard about that.

• 8:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:38Fortune Feimster?

  Everybody heard about that.

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:40Mae Martin?

  Okay, so that's referenced in this diary. So, okay, so this is what Amy wrote. And she presented it to me. She goes, oh, my God, this is so funny. Like, you, and, and I'm hearing it going, I'm, I'm toxic in this. Like, I am so clearly in love with this guy, Will Smythe. And I've invited over Claire and Amy to Will's house. Yeah, Will Smythe.

• 9:04Fortune Feimster?

  Not to be confused with Will Smith.

• 9:06Tig Notaro?

  He's the knockoff do it yourself version.

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  The DIY Will Smith.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Okay, so picture me braces, acne, I'm friends with a boy, which I'm excited about. I'm at his house and I think I've decided I'm gonna invite over these two other girls to just show him I have friends or show them I'm friends with a cool boy. That's my interpretation, okay? May called me from Will's house and invited me over. Oh, and by the way, I'm just, I'm in this dire entry, I'm she/her and I'm just gonna do that. Okay. I really, I mean.

• 9:39Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you're going back to that time.

• 9:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:42Tig Notaro?

  You couldn't have been more what?

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  More she/her in that moment, like braces, acne, long hair, obsessed with Will. Okay.

• 9:49Fortune Feimster?

  Will Smythe.

• 9:50Mae Martin?

  Will Smythe. Okay, May called me from Will's house and invited me over. So I went to his house. Claire was there too. Claire was flirting so much with Will and he was reacting even though May hates Claire and Will is good friends with May. May didn't like it at all. So then, we kinda played broken telephone between the three of us with me being in the middle. So I'm saying to Amy, can you tell Claire this? Cause I'm not speaking to Claire, even though I've invited them over. So, May asked if Claire liked Will and Claire said no. Then May said, still through me, that she was leading him on and it was bad. Then Claire just.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  Leading him on?

• 10:28Mae Martin?

  Leading on Will. Also, what's, how is it my business? I'm like.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  You're leading him on.

• 10:33Mae Martin?

  Like, just cause I love him, right? Like, clearly I'm in love with him.

• 10:37Tig Notaro?

  And you weren't getting a vibe from him?

• 10:39Mae Martin?

  No, all I remember about him is people would say, oh, you guys are like Ross and Rachel, like, will they, won't they? And I was like, they will, trust me. And he was not interested. Okay, then, this is so dramatic.

• 10:54Tig Notaro?

  But maybe now that you've had top surgery.

• 10:56Mae Martin?

  You think then Will would be into it?

• 10:58Tig Notaro?

  Maybe, maybe he'd be like, hey, you know, that's all I was looking for is a little short hair, top surgery, you know what I mean? Cause that is, you before was not what he was looking for. You don't have acne, you got short hair, got top surgery.

• 11:13Mae Martin?

  What I'm getting from this is that Will is wildly interested in everyone else but me. Okay, this is, it's almost over, but it gets dramatic. So then Claire just stood up and sat as far away as possible from us. I felt really bad because I was the one who said it. And I think Claire was kind of mad at me, but then everything was okay. Later on in the night, get this, Will was flirting with me, she says. So now Will starts flirting with Amy.

• 11:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  This is crazy. My plan has backfired, right?

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  This is blowing my mind.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  Thank you, Tig.

• 11:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  And all Will wants is to get blown.

• 11:47Mae Martin?

  Right?

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie!

• 11:51Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Um, for the whole end of the movie, we were watching Road Trip, classic.

• 11:57Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 11:58Mae Martin?

  Will had his head in my lap and his arm around my lower back.

• 12:01Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  So imagine me fuming at this, right?

• 12:04Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for sure. Steam is blowing out of your ears.

• 12:07Mae Martin?

  This is so bad. It says, while he was like that, May whispered to me, asking if I liked him. I said, I don't know. Then she said, he liked me. So I told her I liked him. And for the, this is so embarrassing. For the rest of the night, May kept taking us aside one at a time.

• 12:23Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 12:26Fortune Feimster?

  To talk about this?

• 12:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, May kept taking us aside one at a time. And then at the end of the night, she said that Will's going to camp this weekend for two months anyway. So that's why he doesn't want to ask me out. I was like, okay, but it was so embarrassing to be me. The end.

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:41Tig Notaro?

  And do you have any recollection of this?

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  There's some distant memory of being at his house and being excited. Maybe he was like, can we invite some other people over? This is boring. And I, I start calling through my class list and I get Amy and Claire over. And just the idea-

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  And were they just inseparable?

• 13:00Mae Martin?

  They were pretty close, but not besties. No.

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Oh, interesting.

• 13:04Mae Martin?

  The fact that the three of us were there, and then the three of us have now found each other at this cottage 20 years later.

• 13:10Fortune Feimster?

  Love you pulling everyone aside. You're like, we need to talk about this.

• 13:14Mae Martin?

  How controlling.

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  You really needed to get information over and over again.

• 13:18Mae Martin?

  I'm just like trying to establish who likes Will, does Will like them back? And then I want to let them know, listen, he's going to camp anyway. So you're not gonna have him.

• 13:26Tig Notaro?

  This is that perfect example in life where it's like, get over it now because you're gonna eventually get over it.

• 13:34Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent. That would have felt so intense to me in the moment.

• 13:38Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 13:39Mae Martin?

  And yeah, I have no memory of it.

• 13:41Tig Notaro?

  And does anyone know where Will is?

• 13:43Mae Martin?

  No, I actually just looked for him on Instagram. I couldn't, I mean, there's a lot of Will Smythes.

• 13:47Fortune Feimster?

  He's getting jiggy with it. Na na na na na na na. Get it? Thank you. I'll be here all day.

• 13:54Mae Martin?

  Will? How insane to take people aside one at a time.

• 13:58Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 13:58Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta get that information, baby. That's how you do it. Hey.

• 14:01Tig Notaro?

  And do you, do you connect with that part of yourself still? That you're, like, even if it's not totally exactly what you're reading, are you like, that is a little bit like me?

• 14:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what I, I'm hating this that, yeah, it does. Well, the like, almost limerence, like I, that I'm, I'm just into someone. I got blinders on and I'm like, I don't know, I'm getting myself in a mess about it and I'm, and I'm, I can just feel the emotional energy like radiating off me.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What do you think would have happened if it was the three of us and Will?

• 14:39Tig Notaro?

  Um, you'd have him.

• 14:41Fortune Feimster?

  You would totally get Will.

• 14:43Mae Martin?

  Do you think?

• 14:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, I do.

• 14:45Fortune Feimster?

  What would we have done with Will?

• 14:47Tig Notaro?

  Well, Fortune and I would have been cuddling.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  That's true. That's true.

• 14:51Fortune Feimster?

  I would have been combing Tig's hair.

• 14:55Fortune Feimster?

  Putting lotion on your, on her arms.

• 14:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:58Fortune Feimster?

  That was my go-to move was, I just wanted to touch someone.

• 15:02Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:03Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, mainly women.

• 15:05Tig Notaro?

  And did you announce that beforehand? I just want to touch someone.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  Your arms look dry.

• 15:12Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah. This is my signature move.

• 15:15Tig Notaro?

  Your arms look.

• 15:17Fortune Feimster?

  Dry. Do you want me to put some lotion on them? They're like, sure.

• 15:21Tig Notaro?

  There had to have been an entire school of women, of girls talking behind your back going, oh my God, she, she put lotion on my arms too. She said my boobs look dry too.

• 15:35Fortune Feimster?

  Never talked about boobs. I was a classy gal.

• 15:44Fortune Feimster?

  I kept it to lotion and I would just, I would just, it kept it to the arm. Right here, the forearm.

• 15:50Tig Notaro?

  The forearm.

• 15:51Fortune Feimster?

  And it was the greatest feeling in the world.

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  The arm is connected to the boob, though.

• 15:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's true. Didn't touch a single boob.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  I don't believe you.

• 15:58Fortune Feimster?

  I promise you.

• 15:59Tig Notaro?

  I think you were putting lotion on dry boobs.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  I was too scared of women to try any sexual thing. Lotion was as far as I got.

• 16:09Tig Notaro?

  But did you, you didn't even know then that you were wanting to try?

• 16:12Fortune Feimster?

  No, I had no clue, but I mean, there's, there's a couple friendships I had in high school that were clearly so gay.

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:21Fortune Feimster?

  But without any, without any kissing.

• 16:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:25Fortune Feimster?

  But it was like writing notes to each other, leaving them in the car, on each other's car, in the lockers, being so intense when they would like have a date, going over to their house and like cut, like spooning and cuddling and just like so intense about each other. I'm like, this was so gay.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  Were you like, let me spoon you?

• 16:48Fortune Feimster?

  No, we just did it. We just like, we're cuddling and there, I remember this, this one girl's mom kind of looking at us like, what is happening? And we were like hugging on each other all the time and like, it was, yeah.

• 17:04Tig Notaro?

  I wasn't affectionate at all.

• 17:07Fortune Feimster?

  I love affection. I'm a touch gal.

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  I enjoy it now. I'm just saying, at that age, I was not, if somebody was going to cuddle me or...

• 17:17Fortune Feimster?

  You wouldn't have liked it?

• 17:19Tig Notaro?

  No, I would have been like, you know, what?

• 17:23Mae Martin?

  Freeze up? So would, I feel like your move might have been, would you like, kind of make fun of people as you're flirting? Like your move, you'd focus in on some, but you didn't even know you were flirting, but you were just like, I always make fun of that one girl because I like how she laughs when I do it?

• 17:38Tig Notaro?

  Who, me?

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, definitely. And I had this one friendship, I guess I had two, maybe three friendships, where there definitely was a gay vibe and I definitely felt like they saw me as like their boyfriend or something.

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:01Tig Notaro?

  And, and I would easily upset them and they were, I had one of them...

• 18:08Tig Notaro?

  Her boyfriend came up to me and asked me to stop spending as much time with her.

• 18:15Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, funny.

• 18:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So, but I was clueless. I was just like, I didn't know, it's that thing that it's just naturally there between people and the connection is kind of crushy, romantic.

• 18:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:32Tig Notaro?

  But you're young and yeah, it was confusing.

• 18:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:37Tig Notaro?

  For sure. But I wasn't putting lotion on anyone and.

• 18:40Fortune Feimster?

  What it, I didn't have a crush on every single girl I was good friends with, but there was a handful where.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:46Fortune Feimster?

  It was crush city.

• 18:47Tig Notaro?

  And have you talked about it now as an adult? Have you been like, yeah, I had a crush on you?

• 18:53Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I don't think so. I don't think I've ever, a couple of them I'm not, I don't talk to them anymore.

• 19:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  And a couple I do, but it was never a thing.

• 19:05Mae Martin?

  Time to tell them. Recommend like getting your old middle school friends together to just shed light on like that time. Like I, there were so many details that I'd, I'd forgotten and weird scandals in the class in grade eight and things that I'd forgotten and it was so, it was so nice.

• 19:23Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. I love how dramatic people are when they're young.

• 19:26Mae Martin?

  Especially middle school. It's just like.

• 19:29Tig Notaro?

  And then the people that are so dramatic now, imagine what they were like in middle school. I mean, because there are still those people now that is, I cannot, I cannot believe how dramatic and stirring stuff up.

• 19:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:50Tig Notaro?

  And then thinking about them as a kid, it's like, oof. Yippee.

• 19:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:55Tig Notaro?

  Yippee. Yippee.

• 19:57Mae Martin?

  So you're in Toronto, Tig?

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I want to say one last thing about that. I've had a couple of people that I grew up with saying. Did you have a crush on me? Or my friend thought you had a crush on me? Like, after they found out I was gay?

• 20:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  I did not have any knowledge of any crush on anybody.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  And always the people that ask you are never the people that you had a crush on.

• 20:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Where you're like, "No, no, no, no, no." But yeah, I'm in Toronto. We've been on vacation for a long time and then got back. Stephanie and Max and Finn went home and I went to Toronto. It's that weird feeling of I immediately miss my family when we said goodbye at the airport. But, and this is no offense to anybody in my immediate family, but there was something nice to just check in to where I'm staying in Toronto and just decompress and settle. Because we have been traveling non-stop for the past couple of months.

• 21:06Tig Notaro?

  And yeah, yeah, it feels nice. And it feels good to be back at Star Trek. Everybody's so nice. And I did almost four hours of ADR today.

• 21:18Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 21:20Tig Notaro?

  For the entire first season, where they just added more lines and I redid a few of my old lines where there was audio glitches or I didn't deliver it well. But they also just added so many. And...

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Like full plotlines that are just on the back of your head?

• 21:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. No, but I have to say, like, it looks really good. I'm really excited. And I had talked to my friend Alex, who is the creator and runs the whole Star Trek universe. And he was like, "Tig, it's so..." Good.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love that.

• 22:00Tig Notaro?

  Of course, you know, as we've, we know Holly Hunter is the lead, but also the, the young cadets on the show, every actor on this show, I'm just like, wow. You're good, you're good.

• 22:15Fortune Feimster?

  You're good.

• 22:15Tig Notaro?

  You are good.

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  How do you find it watching yourself? Are you, you're used to it by now?

• 22:21Tig Notaro?

  I'm used to it, but I'm, I'm more still kind of in the, it's still fun to see myself in the Star Trek world. Where I'm like in like high stress explosion, you know, that kind of thing. And I'm just not normally in that, obviously.

• 22:42Mae Martin?

  Hmm. You're seeing it with all the, with all the special effects done and everything?

• 22:45Tig Notaro?

  Um, no, not necessarily, but the, the, the, you, you like rock and

• 22:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  get knocked over and, um, you know, just that kind of stuff.

• 22:57Mae Martin?

  So fun.

• 22:58Tig Notaro?

  But just to see myself so intense, like trying to get us out of situations and telling everybody what to do. Um, as a commander and I don't know, it's, it's fun. I'm, I remain happy and proud to be a part of the Star Trek universe.

• 23:15Mae Martin?

  Is it the same crew? Like the same people on, like same makeup and hair and stuff?

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, um, there's some people that came over from Star Trek Discovery. But, um, there's also some new ones and they're all just talented, nice, great, all of those things. And it's true.

• 23:36Mae Martin?

  I'm pumped to go to Toronto. I miss, I'm jealous that you're there.

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:40Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna be there soon. I think we're gonna miss each other though.

• 23:42Fortune Feimster?

  I spent two summers there. It's so weird not knowing, I'm not going back. No more food bar.

• 23:47Mae Martin?

  I know. How do you feel? I saw that. And how do you feel? And I'm so sorry about that.

• 23:51Fortune Feimster?

  It's all good.

• 23:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, did you, did you post something on, I guess, on Instagram?

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  No, it just, it just, they didn't renew it.

• 23:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  That's so tough, because did you, like, when you end one season, if you think it's coming back, you don't really do all your goodbyes properly.

• 24:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mean, a lot of, a lot of them live in LA, so it's just like, like Tig, Tig's hair person is the same one I had.

• 24:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:17Fortune Feimster?

  So it's so crazy, like, I, I miss so many of the crew. Um, it's weird not to get to say bye to them. Um, but yeah.

• 24:25Tig Notaro?

  I can tell her goodbye for you.

• 24:26Fortune Feimster?

  Please.

• 24:27Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:28Fortune Feimster?

  My sweet Sherland, um, I, yeah, there's like some not closure to it and you, you kind of mentally go, oh, because we thought we'd maybe have three seasons and that would have one more. Um, hurrah in Toronto, but it, it all worked out. I, I booked a new show, um, yeah, that starts in a couple of weeks that I'm excited about.

• 24:52Tig Notaro?

  Wow, that's quick.

• 24:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's a Will Ferrell, um.

• 24:56Mae Martin?

  I thought you were gonna say it's like a Will Smythe situation.

• 25:00Fortune Feimster?

  It's just like, uh, Will Smythe. Where I kept whispering, if people like him.

• 25:05Mae Martin?

  But where you, you know, you're sad about one thing for a minute and then something else comes along and.

• 25:10Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah, I mean, honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do this one if that had, had been renewed, so it's like one door closes, this other cool opportunity opens. Will, I love Will Ferrell, he's like my, and it's Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon. So you talk about, when I was in high school, I worshipped.

• 25:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:32Fortune Feimster?

  Them, they were my SNL cast, like, that I just, I told them the other, the other day, I said, I watched your sketches and I memorized them and I performed them for my friends. Um, and so like-

• 25:46Tig Notaro?

  Were they like, can we see it?

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:50Fortune Feimster?

  And to like have this full circle moment where I'm like with the two of them is nuts.

• 25:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:56Fortune Feimster?

  It's a fun show about, uh, he's a golfer and I play his caddy. Um, but I'm like his mini me. I'm like his shadow like throughout the show. So it's a trip. I would just be playing off of him for this entire show. So I'm, I'm really excited for it.

• 26:14Tig Notaro?

  What is it on?

• 26:15Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, Netflix.

• 26:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, nice.

• 26:17Mae Martin?

  I'm so excited to see that comedy dynamic, whatever it is between you and him. Like-

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and our hair is the same.

• 26:26Tig Notaro?

  And so is it just the three of you or are there other cast members?

• 26:29Fortune Feimster?

  There's a couple of other people, yeah. But it's a small, it's a smaller cast.

• 26:33Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. That's awesome.

• 26:35Mae Martin?

  To get to, I mean, I, my fantasy is always getting people to laugh. Like if you get to crack up Will and ruin a take, that would be the dream.

• 26:44Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I mean, I got to, I did these two other movies with him, but like really only like a short scene in one. And then the other movie I did with him recently, he and I didn't have scenes together. Um, but I, just doing the one scene with him in that first movie, I was like, this is like the dream. And then, then the scene got cut.

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  So it feels like, okay, that was just like a fun practice to this, cause-

• 27:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. This makes up for all of that.

• 27:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And the way that it's written is it's gonna lend itself to a ton of improv and a ton of bouncing. Like we're basically gonna be like, you know, a duo.

• 27:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:25Fortune Feimster?

  For a good chunk of it. I mean, he's the star, but like, I'm like the person that he keeps coming back to. So it's a trip.

• 27:35Tig Notaro?

  You guys are gonna become one of those famous comedy duos. Feral and Fortune.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  Feral and Fortune.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  Feral and Feimster.

• 27:44Fortune Feimster?

  Him and Molly are so, so the table read is watching the two of them is hilarious.

• 27:51Mae Martin?

  Does she have a caddy in it? Can we sign up? Can me and Tig be her caddies?

• 27:56Fortune Feimster?

  She's not a golfer in this, but you never know where it will go.

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  But that would be even funnier if she had two caddies and she's not a golfer.

• 28:04Fortune Feimster?

  Well, tell the writers, let's, let's call them up.

• 28:12Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let's get to, uh, let's get to our question.

• 28:14Mae Martin?

  Today's question asker is a Screen Actors Guild and Writers Guild award-winning actor, comedian, musician, and writer who played Andy Bernard in The Office and Stu in the Hangover movie trilogy. He co-created and starred in Rutherford Falls and recently published a book titled Snafu. Ed Helms is asking today's question.

• 28:34Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 28:35Speaker 04

  Oh, hello, handsome. How are you? Um, I am traveling. As you can see, I'm in a car. I just landed in Chicago and I'm on my way to my hotel. And, uh, uh, it's so funny. When you're traveling, I'm actually on my book tour right now, by the way. I'm gonna shamelessly plug it. The book is called Snafu: The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw-Ups. Read it. It will make you smarter. It will make you funnier. And it will make you a killer at dinner parties. So, there's that. And yes, I'm on the road. And, and I keep, when, when, when you're traveling, you just keep running into these like little frustrations, these tiny little

• 29:20Speaker 04

  things that, these hiccups, things that go wrong, or are, are, you know, that just moving through airports, there's, there's like slow people in front of you, or, and you're in a hurry, or like you get to the hotel, and like, there's no, there's no soap, or there's no towel, or something like, it's just all these weird, little, annoying things that are super frustrating. Uh, and it's just, it's, it just made me laugh, like, how passionate we get about things that don't really matter that much. Things that don't really have that big of an impact on the universe. But, but those are some of the

• 29:57Speaker 04

  things that we just get so, like, intense about. So, my question is, what is a really mundane hill that you will die on? What is something that is basically meaningless, but you have just an incredibly strong opinion about? All right.

• 30:27Fortune Feimster?

  I have one of these. First of all, Ed's so funny.

• 30:30Tig Notaro?

  I love Ed.

• 30:30Fortune Feimster?

  Plays the banjo.

• 30:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Fortune Feimster?

  And that's such a fun instrument that I really wish I could play. It's so, like, I don't know in what world I would have as a kid been like, I want to play the banjo. Steve Martin both play the banjo really well.

• 30:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Also, that book sounds like my dream book. It's like interesting facts about history. It's like for people.

• 30:51Tig Notaro?

  He also has a podcast called Snafu.

• 30:54Mae Martin?

  About history?

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's Snafu, the podcast.

• 30:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm gonna listen.

• 30:58Fortune Feimster?

  You can be learning all these things right now on audio.

• 31:01Mae Martin?

  Especially when he said, um, it's, you'll be a hit at dinner parties. I was like, oh, I can plan my human interactions.

• 31:08Tig Notaro?

  He also had me, um, moderate his Q and A for his Snafu, uh, book thing in Los Angeles. I just remembered.

• 31:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was a, it was a funny night. It was a funny night.

• 31:22Fortune Feimster?

  People are still so obsessed with The Office. It's wild.

• 31:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:27Mae Martin?

  Deeply.

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  I was on The Office for one episode.

• 31:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  And, yeah, and people will be, they know me from nothing else but The Office. And they'll just be like, are you from The Office? I mean, I guess.

• 31:43Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 31:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:45Fortune Feimster?

  It went off Netflix, but when it was on Netflix, it was like their most watched show of like all time, I think. Like re, re.

• 31:53Mae Martin?

  It is one of those ones that you can just have on in your house while you're, like, it's so soothing and so funny and never ages. It's.

• 32:01Fortune Feimster?

  There's so many of those seasons I've never seen.

• 32:04Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 32:05Tig Notaro?

  Ed is also one of those really, um, just sincere, nice guys, you know? That his, his comedy can just sneak up on you, which makes it all the more hilarious.

• 32:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Tig Notaro?

  Like. Aside, like, I did this independent film with him years ago and I had never, aside from being in the office, I had never worked with him, really. And I was stunned. But of course, he's funny. He's on a show where you improv. But like, I, I just kept saying to him, "Your stupid face." Like, because it made me laugh every time I looked at him. And he had a million, I, I guess I'm just explaining improv to two people that know improv and do improv. But I, I just, I was so, you know how not everyone is nailing it with improv? Okay?

• 33:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  Ed Helms, nailing it, nailing it, nailing it. Just such a funny guy. And to this day, he is like, "Yeah, man, my stupid face."

• 33:16Tig Notaro?

  Just a callback from that. But he's, I just, he's so kind of unassuming, you know?

• 33:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Except he's walking around airports irate about, about meaningless things.

• 33:26Tig Notaro?

  And he's, he's from The Office and a bunch of other things, The Hangover. So he's not terribly unassuming.

• 33:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Fortune, did you have a thing that?

• 33:35Fortune Feimster?

  I have a hill I will die on. Um, it's not travel related, though it happens a lot when I travel, for sure. Because I will say in general, most things slide right off my back. I think I can say, and my friends would agree, that I'm pretty easygoing for the most part. Uh, I will get worked up for sure, like anybody. But in life in general, pretty chill.

• 34:02Mae Martin?

  You're a cool cucumber, yeah.

• 34:04Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a cool cucumber. So if things go awry, eh, whatever. But for whatever reason, I am so obsessed with my coffee order.

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  Are you familiar with the comedian Henry Phillips?

• 34:24Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  He has an internet, a video, he's so funny. He has a video series called You and Your Fucking Coffee.

• 34:34Fortune Feimster?

  I would be, he would be annoyed by me.

• 34:36Tig Notaro?

  Look up, well, it's just all of those situations where people are particular and outraged. Out, yeah, outraged. Check him out, Henry Phillips.

• 34:45Fortune Feimster?

  Is the one thing I'm very particular about. So here's my coffee drink of choice. It is espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk. So technically, it would be considered like an un-iced version of a Cortado.

• 35:04Tig Notaro?

  Cortado, yeah.

• 35:05Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'm gonna remember that for, we both have to write that down, Tig.

• 35:09Tig Notaro?

  I already knew it before she said that.

• 35:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, write this down, you guys.

• 35:12Mae Martin?

  If I get that wrong, okay, yeah.

• 35:14Fortune Feimster?

  So, um, here's the problem. Back in my other times in life, I would drink a latte. And then I went on this, this diet where you could, you had to pull out all like the sugars and the creams and stuff. And I just drank straight espresso. So during that time, I learned to really love just espresso. But it's, it's a lot. You need to cut it with some milk, you know? Cause otherwise it can be kind of bitter. So it made me be very like cognizant of like how much milk is in a latte. And a latte is essentially an entire cup of milk. With a dollop of espresso.

• 35:58Fortune Feimster?

  So it's, it's almost white. So when you order a latte, you're drinking a cup of milk.

• 36:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't want a cup of milk as a grown ass woman. I want to taste the espresso because I love the taste of espresso. So I will go to a coffee shop.

• 36:16Tig Notaro?

  Now you need to settle down because we didn't do your order wrong.

• 36:20Mae Martin?

  I know, but don't take it out on us.

• 36:22Fortune Feimster?

  This is how passionate I am, you guys.

• 36:24Tig Notaro?

  All right, but ease up, Fortune Murray.

• 36:27Fortune Feimster?

  This is the hill I'm dying on.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  You're gesturing like you're running for office. Like you're like emphasizing your point.

• 36:35Fortune Feimster?

  People are better about it now, but in early days of ordering this, I would say to people, can I get an iced Cortado? And they go, Cortados aren't iced. And I would say, But it's just a cortado and you put ice in it. And there were baristas that would fight with me.

• 36:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:54Fortune Feimster?

  They're not iced. And I go, fine. Can I order a cortado and can I buy a cup of ice? Now, it's more work for them because now they've got to go foam the milk. You don't got to foam the milk in an iced cortado. You just pour the milk into this espresso, bloop, there it is. So they would do all this stuff, foam the milk, heat it up, put it in a and then put it in a warm cortado cup, hand me the ice. And I would literally take the cortado and pour it into the ice.

• 37:33Tig Notaro?

  Did you do it like making eye contact?

• 37:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Now I'm just wasting cups. Even though I paid for the ice, it's so stupid.

• 37:42Tig Notaro?

  They are.

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  They are. And it would drive me nuts. So I stopped asking for an iced cortado because they'd so many people like, you know, I can tell you.

• 37:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wait, where are you getting your coffee that they're talking like that?

• 37:57Fortune Feimster?

  There are coffee places where the baristas are real snotty.

• 38:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:01Fortune Feimster?

  So now, so the sweet spot that I've landed on now is I say, I would like to order an espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk. And there's no problem.

• 38:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, it's literally just an iced cortado.

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you had to describe each ingredient in order to get the thing that you wanted.

• 38:22Fortune Feimster?

  I had to just say it all because then sometimes people would give me an iced americano and then put milk in that. And I go, and I can taste it right away. I'm like, oh, there's water in this.

• 38:31Mae Martin?

  Right. You don't want the water.

• 38:33Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. You don't want water in it? No, I don't.

• 38:36Mae Martin?

  And so, um, what now if someone gets it wrong? I am scared. Now, if someone gets it wrong and you're in a hurry or they give you shit about it, like, are you telling them the way you just told us?

• 38:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I will say, can I get espresso on ice with a little bit of oat milk? Some baristas are so lovely that they'll make the espresso, put it in the ice and they'll hand me the oat milk and go, here, do it yourself. And I go, thank you.

• 39:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, you like that?

• 39:09Fortune Feimster?

  I love it.

• 39:10Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 39:11Fortune Feimster?

  Because I need, here's where you want to land with your drink. It needs to be like a caramel color. You don't want it too dark because that's not enough milk. You don't want it white because that's too, that's too much milk.

• 39:24Tig Notaro?

  That's for babies.

• 39:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's for babies.

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  Say it.

• 39:27Fortune Feimster?

  You want like a, you want like a caramel colored, uh, drink. So I do it just enough. I look at the color and I go, perfect.

• 39:35Tig Notaro?

  When I'm at a restaurant and I'm ordering dessert, I usually like something a little chocolatey.

• 39:41Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 39:42Tig Notaro?

  And I like to have just espresso. I love just straight espresso and chocolate. Are you not into that?

• 39:49Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I like a, at the end of like a nice Italian milk.

• 39:52Tig Notaro?

  Love it.

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But to start my day, to start my day, I want the milk in there.

• 39:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 39:59Fortune Feimster?

  But you can also order a macchiato. That's a, a espresso shot with just a little dollop.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  I have a question. So you're, you're against, you don't want water in your drink, but what happens as the ice melts? Like, do you have to drink it fast so that the ice doesn't dilute?

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  I have to say extra ice.

• 40:16Mae Martin?

  You'd say extra ice.

• 40:17Tig Notaro?

  How much ice are we talking? That was my next question.

• 40:20Fortune Feimster?

  Fill up the cup, baby.

• 40:22Tig Notaro?

  Well, how big is the cup?

• 40:23Fortune Feimster?

  Fill up the cup.

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  How big is the cup?

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's gonna melt. So that's why you don't want extra water. Cause some of it, some of the ice will melt.

• 40:31Tig Notaro?

  There's so many baristas listening.

• 40:33Fortune Feimster?

  Ice in there, it keeps it nice and cold and it doesn't melt as, it doesn't melt as fast.

• 40:39Mae Martin?

  Right. I see.

• 40:40Tig Notaro?

  But are we talking like a small coffee cup? Or are we talking a venti?

• 40:46Fortune Feimster?

  Like, yeah, like a, no, no, a small, because you don't need all the milk.

• 40:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, a small, a small, a small cup. And I'm such a snob about it, the taste of it, even if they get it right. If I walk out of a coffee, again, I'm not a waster of money. I appreciate the value, the value of a dollar. I work hard for it. If I take a sip of it and it's disgusting, I will toss it in the trash can and drive to another coffee shop.

• 41:13Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 41:14Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:15Mae Martin?

  So you're, but you're not going back in there going,

• 41:17Fortune Feimster?

  Not going back in there, no.

• 41:18Mae Martin?

  No, but you're tossing it.

• 41:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's just the bean then sucks.

• 41:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, this morning, how do you feel about the, even though, well, you like your ice, your, your ice, uh, situation. I, but when I was waiting for my ride to go to work this morning, I walked over to this coffee shop and guess what?

• 41:39Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 41:39Tig Notaro?

  My drink was room temperature.

• 41:42Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 41:43Tig Notaro?

  Didn't ask for that. That infuriate, I wanted it hot. That infuriates me. And then I don't realize it's room temperature until I get in the car to go to my job. And then I'm like, oh my God, I'm drinking a room temperature. That's irritating, but I'm not trying to jump on your coffee anger.

• 42:01Fortune Feimster?

  No, listen, there's things you, there's just things you like a certain way. And that's literally the only thing I'm so particular about to like an annoying level.

• 42:13Mae Martin?

  I'm glad that you're owning it. You deserve that specificity and precision.

• 42:18Tig Notaro?

  You and your fucking coffee. Henry Phillips. Look him up.

• 42:23Fortune Feimster?

  It's my thing, y'all.

• 42:24Mae Martin?

  I've been trying to think what, if I have a thing, Tig, do you have one?

• 42:27Tig Notaro?

  What I appreciate very much is if I'm out to eat, I really appreciate if somebody asks before they take my plate.

• 42:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:42Tig Notaro?

  I just, I, I just really appreciate that. I've worked in restaurants and it doesn't matter if, what kind of restaurant, if it's nice, casual, it's not hard to just say, may I take this for you? Or you finished with your meal? Um, because a lot of times people will just grab the plate when they see like, Three french fries on there. Guess what? I was gonna eat them.

• 43:07Mae Martin?

  We're saving.

• 43:08Tig Notaro?

  And it's just, it's always awkward to like grab the plate.

• 43:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:12Fortune Feimster?

  I need those three taters.

• 43:13Tig Notaro?

  Or like, oh, I was gonna eat that. Or, you know what I mean?

• 43:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:17Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I can let three french fries go. I just, I ju- I think also it probably comes from my first boss when I worked in a restaurant, saying that you should ask, like, would, can I refill your water? Or, uh, may I take your plate?

• 43:33Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 43:34Tig Notaro?

  And I guess, you know, people are probably just busy and running around. They just wanna get the job done, which I understand, but...

• 43:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, consideration and then also people doing their job well to make things run smoothly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:48Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes with a drink too, like an alcohol, like an old fashioned.

• 43:52Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  They're small, like, the content's small.

• 43:55Tig Notaro?

  You love a tiny drink.

• 43:56Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I do. I like a tiny drink. But sometimes there's like a third of the drink left. And they'll grab it and you're like, what?

• 44:04Tig Notaro?

  That's what I'm talking about. It's like with drinks or meals, that all it takes is, may I take this for you?

• 44:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Tig Notaro?

  Are you finished? Yeah, that's all. It's from restaurating.

• 44:17Mae Martin?

  Restaurating.

• 44:19Tig Notaro?

  Anything for you, ma? Nothing irritates you?

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  Everything irritates me. Everything irritates me, but I, yeah, I feel like we all should have really, like, cause this is sort of stand-up in a way, is like, doesn't it get your goat when this happens? But all of us are like, we don't really do that type of stand-up.

• 44:37Fortune Feimster?

  Some people just naturally rant about everything.

• 44:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, one thing that bugs me is, this is so specific, but if you're, let's say I'm getting in an Uber, which I often am, with a friend, and I go to one side and I open the backseat door to get in, and the friend behind me, instead of going around to get into the other seat, just stands behind me.

• 44:57Fortune Feimster?

  Wants you to scooch over.

• 44:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I'm like, I often I go, okay, I'll go around. And then I end up going around. I, I'm like, I'm getting in the seat, just go around and open the other seat. Or, or vice versa. Yeah, I don't know.

• 45:09Tig Notaro?

  You're like, no scooching. No scooching.

• 45:11Mae Martin?

  No scooching necessary. It's not necessary. Or if they're getting in first and I go around, and then when I open the door on the other side, they've scooched.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, they scooch.

• 45:21Fortune Feimster?

  They scooch? You didn't have to scooch.

• 45:24Mae Martin?

  No, let's be civilized. Also, mayonnaise on burgers and mayonnaise in general, I don't like.

• 45:29Fortune Feimster?

  What, so if a burger, if you were given a burger and it had mayo on it?

• 45:34Mae Martin?

  Or oily.

• 45:35Fortune Feimster?

  Uh. Would you still eat it?

• 45:37Mae Martin?

  Ah, I'd be really stressed and I'd be like, why didn't they say that on the menu? Mayonnaise to me has no flavor of its own. It's just like a lubricant.

• 45:46Fortune Feimster?

  Extra calories for no reason.

• 45:48Mae Martin?

  Just oily and greasy and I'm.

• 45:51Tig Notaro?

  And I'm sorry, what do you mean a lubricant?

• 45:53Mae Martin?

  It's, it just lubes up the food.

• 45:56Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 45:57Mae Martin?

  What does it taste like? Whiteness?

• 46:00Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I don't know. I eat veganaise.

• 46:03Fortune Feimster?

  Egggy olive oil.

• 46:05Mae Martin?

  I might like veganaise more than regular mayonnaise. I just, yeah, don't put it anywhere near a burger and don't eat your burger with a knife and fork. Just.

• 46:14Tig Notaro?

  Don't do that. Don't do it with pizza either.

• 46:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:18Tig Notaro?

  You know, I have one more thing. Speaking of cars, this, this actually irritates the hell out of me. When I am in a car and I am backing out of a parking spot and somebody just inserts themselves behind me and starts going, you're good, you're good. Just keep coming back. You're good. Where I'm like, who are you? Get the hell out from behind my car. You know what I mean? Like, I get they're trying to be nice, but just like assuming that somebody.

• 46:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:51Tig Notaro?

  Again, I guess it's the assumption that somebody doesn't say, do you want me to, do you need help?

• 46:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:56Tig Notaro?

  Just, you look in your rearview mirror and there's a stranger going, all right, back it out, back it, you're good, you're good. Two more feet, two more. I'm like, shut up.

• 47:04Fortune Feimster?

  They think you're a pretty little lady that's in distress.

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, look how I'm dressed.

• 47:09Mae Martin?

  Advice, unsolicited feedback from male comics in green rooms when you're first starting out. You get offstage and they're going, yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah. You should do a tag of this. And you're like, did you say this to any of the other comedians? Like, yeah, I don't like that. And I don't like when comedians are on stage and it's not going well. And so they start almost punishing the audience. Like, and they're like,

• 47:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:32Mae Martin?

  They almost go into this performance art of like, well, you just don't get it. Or like, I'm like. People paid to come like, like, don't punish them. You know what I mean?

• 47:41Tig Notaro?

  What is the performance art, though, of you don't get it?

• 47:45Mae Martin?

  It's like people in forgetting that their job is to make it work. So they're, they're doing bits that aren't going well and they start blaming the audience there and or they start doubling down or they're milking the silence and in a perverse way, they're enjoying like that they're bombing. And I'm like, just, uh, the joke didn't go well. You can make fun of yourself or address that it didn't go well, but don't be like, you're wrong. That's funny. So often I've heard people say, that's really funny and you're wrong. And it's like, well, maybe you didn't say it right. I don't know.

• 48:18Tig Notaro?

  I, I had this, um, show years ago, uh, some terrible one nighter gig, um, in a beach town in Northern California. And I tanked so hard. And I was tanking so hard. And I just decided to stop. And I sat on a stool and I analyzed my set in front of the audience. And that, they were confused at first and then they started to come around.

• 48:53Mae Martin?

  That I love.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Cause I was like, I am so confused. I've been on tour. I'm having a terrible night and I need to figure out what this is that thing, like in the beginning of the podcast where I'm like, I have to go back and get clarification. I did it in the middle of my set where I, I analyzed my set and the audience got so much on my side that they were laughing at me analyzing. And I did like a whole other set analyzing the bombing.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Cause I was going to say, you might have, I did that also once in Florida when I was bombing and I walked off stage and I sat down with a couple at one of those like round top tables. And I was just like, what do you suppose is happening? Why?

• 49:40Mae Martin?

  That's hilarious. That's like, you've turned it around. You're, you're adjusting in the moment. You're responding to what's happening. I can't, I mean, I am thinking of one specific example of this that, that got my goat, which was it's a charity night. You know, people are doing their sets. There's people that have to go on after this guy and he goes on and his stuff was sort of borderline offensive and just not that fun. And then he, so he sat down on the stage and he started singing something, but he kept saying, oh, that all the comics in the back are loving this. Like, you guys are just dumb. You don't get it. Basically, none of the comics were laughing in there. It was like, he milked it for, he went way over his time. And it was just like, oh,

• 50:22Mae Martin?

  my God. That's when it becomes like, almost, it's, I think in his mind, he was doing this avant garde, like, yeah, fuck it. These, they don't get it. I don't know. Anyway.

• 50:33Tig Notaro?

  No, that's interesting to hear because when you're saying that, I've thought, I was thinking, like, well, I feel like I've done some things like that, that could be something where you'd be like, yeah, I'm not into that. Or.

• 50:46Mae Martin?

  But you're doing it with, with love, almost like, like, like a scientist. Like, what is going wrong here? And then you're pivoting and you're improvising and it's funny. And it's not like, I'm right and you're wrong. Like.

• 50:57Tig Notaro?

  No, I always assume they are.

• 51:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  Fully right. Fully, fully right.

• 51:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, should we hear Ed's answer?

• 51:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, shit. Yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  All right. I made it to my hotel here in Chicago and I have an amazing view of pickleball courts.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  All right.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  That's so funny. I know nothing about pickleball, except that people are passionate about it. I don't know. It's kind of polarizing. The courts are adorable. But hey, I got to answer this question. So my answer to the question, I know that, that I sort of conjured the question in the context of like, travel frustrations and whatnot. That's what kind of got me thinking about it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized my, the mundane hill that I will die on is, is not travel related. It is food related. Now, the other crazy thing about my answer is that. I actually say the opposite in the book that I just wrote, so hear me out.

• 52:05Speaker 04

  The mundane hill that I will die on is that pizza is better with pineapple. Pineapple belongs on pizza.

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, you heard me. That's right. Now, I made the opposite claim in a little aside in my, in the book. I just, I realized I just, I was talking about terrible things in snappus and I made the easy joke that like, you know, that pineapple on pizza is a national tragedy. I only said that because I know that's how most people feel. And honestly, I was pandering. I was pandering to the reader, but the truth is, I love pineapple on pizza. And you should too, because it is perfection. The tanginess of the cheese, the saltiness of the cheese and the crunch of the crust

• 52:57Speaker 04

  is juxtaposed so perfectly with the sweetness and the tenderness of a little yellow ring of pineapple. It's also aesthetically beautiful on anything, so it's just such a lovely thing to add to any dish. But I have to say, it is, it is, it creates, pineapple on pizza creates the perfect culinary manifestation of yin and yang, the salty and the sweet, the triangle of the slice and the circle of the pineapple. That is a mundane hill I will die on.

• 53:39Fortune Feimster?

  Right. I agree. I love it. I love pineapple on pizza and I love his passion for it.

• 53:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:46Tig Notaro?

  I have no problem with a pineapple on my pizza.

• 53:49Mae Martin?

  You're coming down and you're, but you're neither here nor there?

• 53:52Tig Notaro?

  I'm just, I'm fine with it. I like pizza. Stephanie, Max and Finn live, live for pizza. And I'm like, this is good. And my father, he used to be an assistant manager at a pizza restaurant. And so I had my fill of pizza and don't, you know, I'm just like, yeah, it's good. And throw whatever on it. I'm fine.

• 54:16Mae Martin?

  I'm with Ed and that was great.

• 54:18Fortune Feimster?

  That was awesome. Yeah. What a treat.

• 54:21Tig Notaro?

  I love at Helms.

• 54:23Fortune Feimster?

  What do you guys have coming up?

• 54:26Mae Martin?

  September 9th is the day today of my premiere of Wayward at TIFF at the Film Festival. But the show doesn't come out till September 25th.

• 54:36Fortune Feimster?

  But, um. Everybody watch it.

• 54:38Mae Martin?

  Everybody watch it. I'm doing all that. But then also September 17th, I'm at Largo in LA with very special guests. So come hang out and yeah, just get pumped for Wayward. What about you guys?

• 54:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm gonna be a Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles on September 21st. And then I'll be at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino. If you are in Biloxi, Mississippi on September 27th, or anywhere nearby, or even nearby the state of Mississippi, I hope you come on out because people, I am from Mississippi. And so people are always like, why don't you do Mississippi? I'm doing Mississippi and I have done Mississippi. Oh, also, October 11th, I'll be at the Eccles Theater in Salt Lake City, Utah, for the Equality Utah Allies Gala. And yeah, go to tignotaro.com for all of my live tour dates.

• 55:33Tig Notaro?

  And don't forget to make a note, November 14th on Apple TV. Come See Me in the Good Light, the documentary with Andrea Gibson and Meg Faley, will be premiering.

• 55:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna be in San Antonio and Houston, Texas soon. Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia, DC, Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Chicago, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, North Carolina, a bunch of places. So you can go to my website, fortunefeamster.com for that.

• 56:09Tig Notaro?

  Incredible. Also, make sure that you subscribe to our podcast. Also, the YouTube channel. And please, if there is an episode you love, pass it along. Share it with somebody that you think would enjoy being a part of this very handsome community. And we have merchandise at handsomepod.com.

• 56:33Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. And until next time.

• 56:38Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 56:40Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 56:57Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 57:05Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 57:07Tig Notaro?

  And Hannah Simone.

• 57:08Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 57:30Tig Notaro?

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 57:43Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 57:54Tig Notaro?

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.