You Control What You Hear, Not What People Say

"The political strategist and pollster Frank Luntz is fond of the expression, 'It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.' His point is that politicians often think they come across to the public one way, but in fact are seen and heard quite differently. The same goes with issues, which might seem straightforward but in fact are interpreted with all sorts of baggage and context."Ryan explores this expression and what lessons you can learn from it on today's Daily Stoic Podcast.***If you enjoyed this week’s podcast, we’d love for you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps with our visibility, and the more people listen to the podcast, the more we can invest into it and make it even better. Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: http://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow Daily Stoic:Twitter: https://twitter.com/dailystoicInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/Facebook: http://facebook.com/dailystoicYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dailystoicSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystoic.com.

• 0:29Ryan Holiday?

  You control what you hear, not what people say. The political strategist and pollster Frank Luntz is fond of the expression, "It's not what you say, it's what people hear." His point is that politicians often think they come across to the public one way, but in fact are seen and heard quite differently. The same goes with issues which might seem straightforward, but in fact are interpreted with all sorts of baggage and context. This is a timeless political reality. Some of the Stoics were more effective at managing it than others, but that's not really the point. The distinction between what is said and heard is worth noting and are personalized for two reasons. Most simply, we should realize that we can't always control how people perceive us, even if our intentions are good and our

• 1:11Ryan Holiday?

  message is clear. But more importantly, we should think about this distinction in relation to Epictetus's observation about how anytime we are offended, we are at least partly to blame. Because, let's flip Luntz's remark around. It's equally true that it's not what someone said, it's what you've heard. You have the power to interpret the remark as rude or pointed. It's your brain that's made the decision to record something as being in bad taste, or stupid, or awkward. The ask is the ask. Remember, the remark or the request is objective. Our opinion of what it means, or why it was said, is subjective. So while we cannot change the words that come out of other people's mouths, we can control how we choose to hear them. That's really the thing for you to start thinking

• 1:56Ryan Holiday?

  about. What's a better way to go through the world? Being provoked and outraged, or pissed off and disappointed because you've chosen to see the worst in people? Because being able to laugh, to let go, to see through the rough exterior, to ignore, because you've chosen to hear better? You control which path you choose, and in the process, you choose how happy your life is gonna be. If you're liking this podcast, we would love for you to subscribe. Please leave us a review on iTunes or any of your favorite podcast listening apps. It really helps. And tell a friend.