From the Archives: Audra McDonald is the "Luckiest Survivor in the World"

Much like the staggering beauty of her voice, Audra McDonald is impossible to ignore. The only artist to sweep all four acting categories at the Tony’s, she’s the most decorated Broadway star of all time. Reviews of her award-winning performances overflow with accolades, describing her stage presence as “spellbinding,” “haunting,” and “genius.” But for the California native, things haven’t always been easy. She talks to Alec about getting into Juilliard, making it on Broadway, and the suicide attempt that helped shape who she is today. Originally aired July 25, 2017 See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 1:34Alec Baldwin?

  Hey, it's Alec Baldwin here. Before we launch our next season of Here's the Thing at iHeart Radio in January, I thought I'd play some of my favorite shows from the archives. Audra McDonald occupies a unique place in the American theater. With six Tony Awards, she has the most of any actress in history. She is renowned for her work in opera, as well as in films and on television. Here is my conversation with Audra McDonald.

• 2:31Alec Baldwin?

  Much like the staggering beauty of her singing voice, Audra McDonald is impossible to ignore. The only person to sweep all four acting categories at the Tonys, she's one of the most decorated Broadway stars of all time. Reviews of her award-winning performances overflow with accolades. She's spellbinding, radiant, and wrenchingly human. This year, the Juilliard graduate took on her first voiceover role, playing Madame Gardrobe in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. The performance was so great, one critic wrote, that her name in the credits prompted theatergoers to erupt in cheers.

• 3:14Alec Baldwin?

  I sat down with Audra before her debut this summer in London's West End, where she takes on Billie Holiday, whose life as a black female performer hits close to home.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Specifically for me, I would say that there was an expectation on my part that things would get easier as a result of being successful. You know, well, what do you mean? They're gonna make more money than I am. And yet, we're doing the same thing. We're playing, we're basically equal as far as the roles are concerned. Or...

• 3:48Alec Baldwin?

  What did you do to address that, if anything?

• 3:50Speaker 00

  I didn't for, I didn't do anything for a while. I should've, and I didn't.

• 3:55Alec Baldwin?

  It just went along?

• 3:55Speaker 00

  Well, and especially, you know, when you're an actor, it's like you're always being told you should be grateful you've got the job.

• 4:01Alec Baldwin?

  Right, yeah. Where you're being told that if you, if you push too much, you're gonna get a bad reputation for being difficult.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, and I was...

• 4:07Alec Baldwin?

  There's actors that are infinitely less talented than you, who work all the time, because they're just easy to work with.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  They're easier to work with, and they don't, they don't cause a problem.

• 4:14Alec Baldwin?

  What about as being, what in terms of being an African-American performer, did that change?

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Well, I tell you, I mean, let me give you an example of how, in some ways, it changed and didn't change. I have to, I have to acknowledge the fact that I am someone who has had an incredible opportunity in terms of sort of breaking down barriers as far as like colorblind casting, being colorblind cast as Carrie Piporage in... In Carousel, you know, or the fact that I played Mother Abyss in The Sound of Music Live, you know, and, you know, a lot of people have issues with that, but, you know, I was the one that got the opportunity to do that, you know. When I was doing Annie for ABC, they did a version of that with Kathy Bates and Victor Garber and Alan Cumming and Kristin Chenoweth, and they cast me as Grace Farrell.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  And there was a scene at the end where Grace Farrell and Daddy Warbucks proposes to Grace Farrell at the end, the happy ending's happening, you know. And Victor was Daddy Warbucks? Yes, he was my daddy. I love Victor. I love him too. And actually, you'll appreciate this, we were sitting around one day on the set and, you know, in the big gorgeous mansion that Daddy Warbucks has, and we were sitting between takes, and I was sitting next to Victor, and I just got a little emotional. I said, Victor, what if this was really our house, and we were really getting married, and we had all this money and this life? And he said, in the just true Victor fashion, darling, get a hold of yourself. You can totally hear Victor saying that, right? But, anyway, so we were filming. Breaking barriers. Yeah, we were filming Annie.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  And so we shot the scene where, you know, Daddy Warbucks gives Grace Farrell the ring, and it's lovely. And then we get word that we have to come in on a Saturday to do some reshoots. And Rob Marshall was directing. And Neil Maron and Craig Zaden, who are wonderful, wonderful producers, and have been very kind to me over the years, and give me a lot of work, they cast me in Sound of Music as Mother Abyss. And they said, we have to do some reshoots. And then they took me aside and said, it turns out that Disney might be a little uncomfortable, or the powers that be, I don't know if it was Disney or ABC, or I don't know, we uncomfortable, there might be some issues with Daddy Warbucks actually marrying Grace. What year was this?

• 6:31Speaker 00

  1999, I think, 98, 99. So we need to reshoot the scene and do it without.

• 6:41Alec Baldwin?

  You're hooking up with Daddy Warbucks.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  You're giving, yeah. And I was devastated. I was devastated. It was one of those things where, you know, you're starting to feel good, you're starting to feel like, oh, there's really change coming. Things are happening. Here I am, playing this role, and it's Annie, but nobody cares, and it's wonderful.

• 7:00Alec Baldwin?

  How did everybody else feel, including Victor?

• 7:01Speaker 00

  I think everybody.

• 7:02Alec Baldwin?

  And Rob.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  I think they were all kind of horrified.

• 7:05Alec Baldwin?

  What did they use in the product, in the film?

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Rob said, okay, so, we're all gonna come in on a Saturday. And you know how expensive that is, when you're only shooting Monday through Friday. Come in on a Saturday, just to reshoot this scene. So, everybody comes in, and we get dressed up in that moment for that scene, and Rob does one big master take of Daddy Warbucks just sort of going, hey.

• 7:28Alec Baldwin?

  Hey, buddy.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Hey, buddy, it's great, isn't this great, this happened?

• 7:31Alec Baldwin?

  He's looking at you, kid.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  Exactly. You, you over there.

• 7:35Alec Baldwin?

  You.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  You person, you. And he got one shot, one master take, one shot, and then Rob said, okay, got that. So, while we're here. And then he proceeded to reshoot other things that he thought he could make look a lot better.

• 7:51Alec Baldwin?

  He tried to tank it.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  So, he tanked it.

• 7:53Alec Baldwin?

  He tried to tank it.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  He did tank it.

• 7:55Alec Baldwin?

  And so, they couldn't use it.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  So, they ended up using where, so you look in the film, and Daddy Warbucks proposes to Grace Farrell in that. And that's because Rob, that's because of Rob, you know?

• 8:02Alec Baldwin?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 00

  And.

• 8:03Alec Baldwin?

  His courage.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  His courage, absolutely. And then, at the end of the year, when the film came out, Time Magazine said something, or maybe it was Newsweek, and it said that, in things that happened this year, Daddy Warbucks marries a black Grace Farrell, and nobody cares. So, I don't know what that's the answer to, but it's just an issue of things that, you know, you think you get to a certain point where, you know, things are changing, and then, boom, you're sort of slammed back into that reality.

• 8:28Alec Baldwin?

  What are you in the middle of doing now?

• 8:30Speaker 00

  I can't remember.

• 8:31Alec Baldwin?

  Are you rehearsing some show?

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. I've got a lady day on the West End.

• 8:36Alec Baldwin?

  You're gonna go to London?

• 8:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've never been.

• 8:38Alec Baldwin?

  No.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  I've never performed on the West End.

• 8:41Alec Baldwin?

  That's what I mean. You've never performed over there?

• 8:43Speaker 00

  Not, I performed, but never on the West End. I've never, I've done like concerts and stuff, but I've never done a show over there.

• 8:48Alec Baldwin?

  You never did a legit show over there?

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:50Alec Baldwin?

  What other places outside of New York have you performed? That's an interesting thing to think about.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Well, in terms of like concert work, everywhere, but actual shows?

• 8:58Alec Baldwin?

  Shows.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  I, I've only done, well, that's not true. I did the Secret Garden Tour a million years ago. So, you know, you do, you do kind of a national tour. You go all over the place.

• 9:06Alec Baldwin?

  But no LA?

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did, but as a, you know, ensemble member, you know, and then I did Masterclass. It's the only other one that I did. We did that in LA and at the Kennedy Center. We did it at the Taper, at the Kennedy Center, and Plays and Players in Philadelphia before we came into New York, but that's been the 90s.

• 9:23Alec Baldwin?

  Do you find that you stay in New York and try to stay in New York because that's home and that's easier for you?

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, I mean-

• 9:30Alec Baldwin?

  It is Broadway?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Well, it's Broadway and that's where I want to be, yeah, but especially since, you know, since having kids, you know.

• 9:36Alec Baldwin?

  How many do you have now?

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Well, I have a six-month-old and I have a 16-year-old and I have two stepsons who are 16 and 13, so it's a bit-

• 9:45Alec Baldwin?

  You have a 16-year-old?

• 9:47Speaker 00

  And a-

• 9:48Alec Baldwin?

  That's yours?

• 9:48Speaker 00

  That's mine.

• 9:49Alec Baldwin?

  And you have a six-month-old?

• 9:50Speaker 00

  That's mine.

• 9:51Alec Baldwin?

  That's yours?

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Yes. Yes. You know what that's like, having a bit of a spread in between.

• 9:56Alec Baldwin?

  So you had a kid when you were very young, the 16-year-old?

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Well, that's very kind of you to say. No, I was 30 when I had my first and now I'm 46 and-

• 10:04Alec Baldwin?

  And you want to have another baby?

• 10:05Speaker 00

  I, you know, I-

• 10:07Alec Baldwin?

  Or you were drunk on a sailboat with your husband. What happened? Which is it?

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Which is it? It's, it's, it's somewhere in between. The, it's really that the Broncos won the Super Bowl. Seriously.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  And my husband is a big Broncos fan and, um, nine months later-

• 10:22Alec Baldwin?

  The rest is history.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  The rest is Sally James McDonald Swenson.

• 10:25Alec Baldwin?

  No!

• 10:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. What are you gonna do?

• 10:27Alec Baldwin?

  How was that for you? Because, I mean, I, I don't always want to ask, I was saying how I want to do another show, but I don't want to be away at dinnertime every night-

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:36Alec Baldwin?

  For four to six months.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 10:38Alec Baldwin?

  What's that like? Do you bring the kids to the theater?

• 10:40Speaker 00

  I did, I, well, I certainly did with my 16-year-old. Um, when she was little, she was at the theater all the time with me. That was kind of the only way and, um, uh, I, I imagine, well, I know for a fact when I'm in London, um, I'm staying very close to the theater and she'll be at the theater and, uh, and, uh, if I were to get another Broadway show, I would just bring her there because you don't want to, you don't want to miss anything and you don't- You don't want to make them feel like-

• 11:06Alec Baldwin?

  And what about the baby?

• 11:08Speaker 00

  The baby, but, yeah, the baby will come, absolutely. She has to.

• 11:11Alec Baldwin?

  And just be with you right up till the half hour?

• 11:12Speaker 00

  That's what I've been doing now, this year. You know, since I've had her, I started back concertizing and literally, I've had her backstage with either my husband, when he can join me, or my babysitter, and I will sing and then run offstage and nurse her and then, you know, go do your meet and greet or whatever. And actually, during one concert, she was really, really fussy and so my husband went on and performed and I ran offstage and nursed her and calmed her down and then ran back onstage. Crazy, crazy.

• 11:41Alec Baldwin?

  Where did you meet him, your husband?

• 11:43Speaker 00

  We met doing 110 in the Shade, the show on Broadway, back in 2007. Yeah, it was a long time ago.

• 11:50Alec Baldwin?

  Really?

• 11:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a crazy time, too. I met him and then my dad was killed in a plane crash, like, a couple, like, about six weeks later.

• 12:01Alec Baldwin?

  What, and you knew your dad?

• 12:02Speaker 00

  He was a high school principal.

• 12:04Alec Baldwin?

  And you grew up in California?

• 12:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, but he-

• 12:06Alec Baldwin?

  You were born in Germany?

• 12:07Speaker 00

  I was born in Germany.

• 12:08Alec Baldwin?

  And what was you doing over there, your family?

• 12:09Speaker 00

  He was in the, he was in the army.

• 12:10Alec Baldwin?

  They were in the military?

• 12:11Speaker 00

  And then, yeah, I was raised in Fresno, California. My dad was a high school principal and then he went on to become an associate superintendent of schools there. But his passion was flying and he flew small planes and he had his own. And he was, he had just recently retired and he had his own plane that he was flying and, yeah, he-

• 12:31Alec Baldwin?

  Where were you when you found out about that?

• 12:33Speaker 00

  I was actually walking, I just finished the matinee of 110 in the Shade, we were still in previews, and I was walking with my husband. He wasn't my husband at the time, he was just a friend at the time. We, a bunch of us were walking to meet the rest of the cast to have, you know, a post, you know, Sunday matinee drink with the entire cast. And my stepmom called and said-

• 12:56Alec Baldwin?

  Your dad was remarried?

• 12:57Speaker 00

  Yes, he was remarried.

• 12:58Alec Baldwin?

  And your mom's still alive?

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Yes, my mom is alive.

• 12:59Alec Baldwin?

  Where is she?

• 13:00Speaker 00

  She lives next door to me.

• 13:01Alec Baldwin?

  She's in the city?

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, or, yeah, in Westchester, when she retired.

• 13:05Alec Baldwin?

  You left town?

• 13:07Alec Baldwin?

  To get some breaks?

• 13:08Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. But, yeah. My stepmom called me and said, and I was just, I was on 53rd Street, between 8th and 9th avenues. And it was, it was, it's interesting, you know, in those moments, you know, you see what happens on, in film and you think it'll be similar, you know, in real life and it seldom is, you know, as an act-

• 13:29Alec Baldwin?

  In what way?

• 13:29Speaker 00

  Well, I didn't- It didn't compute what she was saying, you know? She said, "Your dad had an accident while he was flying the plane and he didn't make it." And I kept saying, "Oh," I said, "Okay, so where is he now?" And she said, "Audra, he didn't make it." I was like, "Okay, well, where is he?" They can't say the words, yeah. Yeah, but I wasn't, it wasn't computing either, you know? And I was just really stunned. And it took, it took a day for me to really start to cry, you know? Because it just, it was- You were close to him? Yeah, yeah, very close. And it just wasn't making sense, you know? So it's interesting, I mean, it's been 10 years on, it'll be 10 years actually next week, that his, since his passing.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  But it's just interesting, as an actor, this sounds so cold and callous, and it's not, it's not meant to be, but as an actor, there was a part of me that was sort of floating away from my body, watching the scene, going, "I don't think you're having the right reaction." Right. You know, I don't think- Well, you're processing what's happening. Yeah, yeah, that's not, you know, if this were a scene, you'd fall to the ground and, you know, break into a million pieces, and you're not doing that. You're, you're playing the scene wrong. It's so strange. But actually, I know exactly when I really started to cry about my dad's passing, and it was, I had, I found out, we were getting ready to open 110 in the shade, and so we were getting ready to go into Critics Week, where critics are coming, and they're saying, I'm saying, "I have to go," and they're saying, "You're the star of the show, you can't leave." I have to.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  And so they canceled a couple of shows so I could fly home to California. This is for your father's funeral? Yeah. They said, "You can't leave." Well, they, no, they were just, they were like, "How do we do this?" You know, and actually, it was at the end, it was like, right at Tony, what's it called? When it's the cutoff time? Qualification, yeah. Yeah, qualification time. So everybody was like, "We, what do we do?" So they were kind enough to cancel enough shows for me to run home for the funeral, and trying to work that out with my stepmom, who was devastated and, you know, really broken, and trying to keep her together and keep the family together and figure it all out. And it wasn't until after the funeral, you're saying hello to everybody, and I just kind of kept it together the whole time. And then as soon as I greeted like, the 30th person or something, he had like, a thousand

• 15:39Speaker 00

  people at his funeral, he was very, very well-known and very loved in Fresno, California. And my, his older sister came and said, "How you doing?"

• 15:50Speaker 00

  And that's when I lost it.

• 15:52Alec Baldwin?

  So when you emptied out.

• 15:53Speaker 00

  I emptied out, but it was, you know, but once again, that's not how, I mean, maybe, maybe a good director, but that's not how I just imagined the film.

• 15:59Alec Baldwin?

  Well, as an actress, you're always controlling and managing your feelings anyway.

• 16:02Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:03Alec Baldwin?

  There are always like levers and knobs and dials inside of us.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 16:06Alec Baldwin?

  They're sitting there playing with all the time.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  Yes, of course, of course.

• 16:08Alec Baldwin?

  That we get paid for, you know.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:10Alec Baldwin?

  So you moved to Fresno when you grew up in Fresno, beginning at what age?

• 16:13Speaker 00

  I was nine months old.

• 16:15Alec Baldwin?

  You were your little baby.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:16Alec Baldwin?

  So you're a child and so there's the Audra McDonald who grows up in California.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:22Alec Baldwin?

  There's the Audra McDonald who now is one of the princesses of the Broadway theater. You know, there's like a Mount Rushmore. It's you and Bernadette and all these chicks now who are the greatest singers in the world. And I want to talk about the Audra in between.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:37Alec Baldwin?

  So the Audra in between, when you first started in the business, when people are hiring you and as you're building your career in New York and singing, what were they hiring you for?

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Well, I think it had more to do with, if I look back on it now, and no one's ever asked me this, so kudos to you.

• 16:54Alec Baldwin?

  Well, I do try.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  You've got, you've got the talent. But I think it had more to do with, I wasn't what people were expecting. You know, back in those days, can I say back in those days? Yeah, the early 90s, you know, you'd go and audition for something and they'd see an African-American girl in her 20s walk in and I think they'd expect some big gospel voice or, you know, they're like, can you be street smart? You know, all those code words and whatnot. And I would sort of break out with this pseudo operatic voice that had Broadway qualities and was a bit goofy. And so I think it just intrigued people more than anything. I think that's even how I got into Juilliard, when I auditioned for Juilliard. And I wasn't, you know, I wasn't really wanting to pursue classical music, but I

• 17:40Speaker 00

  thought, I'll audition on the strength of my voice. That's, that's my, my strength.

• 17:44Alec Baldwin?

  Was that a goal, to go to Juilliard?

• 17:46Speaker 00

  Well, I wanted to go to New York. I wanted to live in New York. Juilliard was at Lincoln Center, you know, you know.

• 17:51Alec Baldwin?

  A good beginning.

• 17:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I thought I'd be able to get like my acting classes and dancing classes while I was there. I didn't realize that once you're in a program, once you're in a department, you, you know, you shall not stray. You stay in that department. And, you know, so I just went in there and auditioned, didn't really know what I was doing, and kind of riffed at the end of a Mozart aria. You're not supposed to riff with Mozart, and I did. And I said I was a mezzo soprano and I'm singing subret, you know, roles for them, showing them, I sang a subret aria from the Ora di Figaro, Marriage of Figaro.

• 18:22Alec Baldwin?

  So for people who don't know what subret is, what is that?

• 18:24Speaker 00

  It's a-

• 18:25Alec Baldwin?

  I'm one of those people, by the way.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  No, you do.

• 18:27Alec Baldwin?

  What is subret?

• 18:27Speaker 00

  Well, subret is sort of like a really high, light soprano, not necessarily coloratura, but she's like a young, sweet heroine-type-

• 18:34Alec Baldwin?

  Right.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  -lighter sound, not like a full lyric soprano. And so, it's, a lot of people say the ina roles, despina or zelina, the little cute roles. So, anyway, that's what I sang. I sang one of those arias, but then I said, "I'm a mezzo soprano," which I just, was just, it just showed how much I didn't know, how, how little I knew. And they laughed at me, and they said, "How old are you?" And I said, "I'm 17." And they just said, "Okay." And I thought, "Well, I blew that." And then two weeks later, they called me and said, "We want you to come to Juilliard," but I don't think, I think it was just intrigue on their part.

• 19:11Alec Baldwin?

  Were you there for four years?

• 19:12Speaker 00

  Well...

• 19:13Alec Baldwin?

  When did you start working?

• 19:15Speaker 00

  No, I was there for five years.

• 19:18Alec Baldwin?

  Okay. But you finished there, you graduated from that?

• 19:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I had, I took a leave of absence, because I, I had a suicide attempt, actually, while I was there. So, I, I took a leave of absence. There's a lot that happened between the Audra in Fresno, California, and the Audra who's on Broadway now.

• 19:30Alec Baldwin?

  Okay.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:32Alec Baldwin?

  We're gonna cover as much of that as you care to in the time we have.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm completely open about it.

• 19:36Alec Baldwin?

  But would, so you're in Juilliard?

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:39Alec Baldwin?

  What years was that, that five years was from when to when?

• 19:41Speaker 00

  It was from 1988 to 1993.

• 19:43Alec Baldwin?

  Right. So, when you're there, was it troubling for you fitting in? Did you feel uncomfortable and out of place there?

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 19:50Alec Baldwin?

  You did. Was that a part of what led you to do what you did?

• 19:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I felt out of place artistically. I felt, all my life, growing up in Fresno, California, all I ever wanted to do was be on Broadway. And then I thought, you know, let me audition for Juilliard, just didn't think it through. Audition, got in. So, everybody back at home was like, "Wow, Audra got into Juilliard in New York. She's, you know, she's gonna make it." And then I get to Juilliard and I'm studying classical music. I'm like, "This isn't what I wanna do. I don't wanna be an opera singer. Why, surely they're gonna let me go take some acting classes. Surely I can go do some dance lessons. Surely I can go and audition for Broadway shows. No, you have to just study- You know.

• 20:25Alec Baldwin?

  You aren't enjoying it.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  No, I and I felt I felt lost. I felt completely lost. I felt like I was off my path.

• 20:31Alec Baldwin?

  But that alone, I'm assuming, and tell me if I'm wrong, didn't lead you to do something drastic. What else?

• 20:37Speaker 00

  No, I mean, well, you know.

• 20:38Alec Baldwin?

  To the extent you can say.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, you know, like I said, I I'm open about it, because, you know, I'm I think I'm a case of it's it gets better, you know, but I so I was lost in terms of that and then feeling like I couldn't just quit and go back home because I would look like a failure back at home. And, you know, I had boy trouble while I was there. And so the culmination of being where I wanted to be in New York City, thinking I'm finally going to realize my dreams, stuck and failing miserably at Juilliard, not being able to admit to anybody at home what was going on, not being able to go home because I would have looked like a failure, living literally on Broadway, on Broadway. My apartment and my address was Broadway, 2508 Broadway.

• 21:22Alec Baldwin?

  That's Broadway in what?

• 21:23Speaker 00

  93rd. I lived at the residential hotel.

• 21:25Alec Baldwin?

  The old Broadway, what I call the Wild, Wild West.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 21:29Alec Baldwin?

  Yeah. Anything, anything north of 86th Street, forget it.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  You did not in those days.

• 21:32Alec Baldwin?

  You needed a shield and a sword to go to the grocery store.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  Right, and to look at it now, oh, my goodness.

• 21:37Alec Baldwin?

  But what I'm curious about is that the woman, the young woman from Fresno, who goes to New York, and and again, I want let me put a fine point on this before you answer, which is, and you say you have boy troubles. Are you dating a different kind of boy now at Juilliard?

• 21:53Speaker 00

  No.

• 21:54Alec Baldwin?

  Are they boys that were hard for you to understand?

• 21:55Speaker 00

  No, I was, you know, I was.

• 21:57Alec Baldwin?

  Was that all the same?

• 21:58Speaker 00

  Well, I was just not not being treated well by a boy. Yeah, boys are the same.

• 22:03Alec Baldwin?

  All boys are the same everywhere you go?

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 22:06Alec Baldwin?

  Thank you. My guest has been Audrey McDonald, everyone. Good night, everybody. No, but but but but the reason I ask is I want to know, you were a fish out of water in every way.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Yes, I was a fish out of water in every way, except for the fact that I was in New York, which is what I I knew I wanted. I knew that much was right, but everything else.

• 22:23Alec Baldwin?

  That kept you grounded.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  Yes, but everything else was wrong. And so, and in, you know, in those days, I was, you know, 2021, I couldn't see past the fact that I had gotten here and everything up to up to now had gone swimmingly, and all of a sudden, it was all falling apart. And um.

• 22:40Alec Baldwin?

  If you don't mind my asking, what would the ramp up? The time, what you were thinking and feeling? And the only reason I ask this is for people who listen to this.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:48Alec Baldwin?

  Who might be young people.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:50Alec Baldwin?

  And artists who experience a certain kind of pain that you experienced in this business that I think is very unique. Because you exude in your work, you seem so confident and so powerful.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Well, I think it's because I'm now, I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm doing what I think, if you want to get, I don't know.

• 23:10Alec Baldwin?

  You're not playing the E in roles anymore.

• 23:11Speaker 00

  No, no, no, but I'm, I mean, it's more about, I'm artistically fulfilled. I think my artistic soul is fulfilled. It's doing what it's supposed to do.

• 23:50Alec Baldwin?

  Not that she doesn't still find challenges. Coming up, Audra McDonald talks about a song that's been rather hard to sing. Audra McDonald isn't the only star who's struggled to find her voice.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  I mean, when I tell people I was extremely shy, nobody believes me now.

• 24:07Alec Baldwin?

  That's a thing that people have to overcome.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly. You know, I've found a lot of comedians to be extraordinarily serious and, and almost withdrawn sometimes. So, yeah, I think sometimes we overcome things by going after the very thing that really eludes us.

• 24:21Alec Baldwin?

  To hear more about Renee Fleming's story, go to hereisthething.org.

• 24:28Speaker 05

  Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers, producer, songwriter, guitarist, and co-founder of the group Sheik. A great song has a way of defining a moment. A moment of joy, heartbreak, or anything in between.

• 24:44Speaker 05

  This fall, I'll be driving across the country, dropping in on some of the coolest, most fascinating artists working today. We'll go deep into their lives and careers and hear what it was like before the moment that made them. From hitmakers like Miguel...

• 25:02Speaker 06

  That last year, finishing that record was the hardest experience of my life. Regardless of how everyone else buys into this, I believe in this and I'm gonna push.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  To rising stars like Alex Warren.

• 25:16Speaker 07

  You know, a song is a story and the verse is setting the scene. And for me at least, it's allowing me to be personal and vulnerable with the audience, whether it's about my wife and I'm being vulnerable about her, or it's about, you know, my parents and I'm being vulnerable to them. And it's almost like a cinematic piece in a way where each song tells that beautiful story.

• 25:35Speaker 05

  It's gonna be one hell of a trip. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 26:16Speaker 08

  This is Shirley Strawberry from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an all-wheel-drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla Sedan with the latest features and tech. Or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or Adventure Ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops. While Toyota's legendary resale value means you could get more at trade-in, get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shoptoyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.

• 26:58Alec Baldwin?

  This is Alec Baldwin and you're listening to Here's the Thing. If ever there was a track record that warranted divedom, it is Audra McDonald's. But despite her unparalleled fame, the queen of Broadway is disarmingly humble. Perhaps the mark of a person who's endured great pain, in her case, while studying at Juilliard.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  This was my third year and it had been just yet another year of floundering and doing poorly in all my classes and teachers just saying, you know, you've got to give over to your operatic sound and me not wanting to, not knowing what that was. And when I would get close to an operatic sound, I'd say, I don't want to sound like that. So I felt like I was just being pushed and they were doing their job, rightfully so. This is like, this is, you're at Juilliard to study this, this is what you've got to do, to push me into a place that just wasn't me artistically. So that coupled with being, you know, 20, 21, by yourself in New York and being treated poorly by... Whatever his name was, yeah. What's his name? Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  He's selling hot dogs on Sixth Avenue, by the way. No, I wish I could say that. No, no, no, no, no. He's, he's fine. He's a great guy now. But at any rate, so all of that combined with me being sort of like the great hope from my, my hometown too, you know, oh, Audra's going to make it. If anybody's going to make it on Broadway, it's going to be Audra. The boy was the catalyst that sort of like, sort of broke, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. But it was three years of, I'm in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, I'm failing miserably, but I'm here in Disneyland where I'm supposed to be, where I said I wanted to be. So what'd you do? I slit my wrists one night. And what happened? And... Did you write about this?

• 28:51Speaker 00

  Have you written about this? I haven't. I guess I should. I speak about it all the time. Right. But maybe one day I'll write about it. And who found you? I slit my wrists and then realized what I had done and called the student affairs director who I had become close with and said, help me. And someone came and helped you? And they helped me and they took me to a mental hospital. Right. It's interesting, this mental hospital's still there, Gracie Square Hospital. It's next door to my, my OB-GYN who delivered my six-month-old.

• 29:27Alec Baldwin?

  What a circuit that is. I almost didn't make it and now I made it and I'm in this office over here.

• 29:34Speaker 00

  Yes, I had to pass it, you know, every week to go to my OB-GYN appointment. I had to pass Gracie Square Hospital and every time I passed it, there was a part of me just, you know, waddling down the street, pregnant as can be, some 29 years later. I would, I would, I felt such relief and joy and, and, you know, a sense of, yes, I get, I get the big picture now.

• 29:56Alec Baldwin?

  What month in the school year was that, that that happened?

• 29:59Speaker 00

  It was January or February.

• 30:00Alec Baldwin?

  So it's at the midpoint, let's say, and you take off, obviously, and you come back. When you come back the following fall or you don't?

• 30:06Speaker 00

  I came back the following fall for a little bit and then I got an opportunity to audition for something that ended up, that ended up being The Secret Garden, actually. And I asked the, you know, the administration office and my, the dean, what I should do and they said, you know, go do that. It's okay, take the time off to go do that. It seems like that's where you want to be, so.

• 30:32Alec Baldwin?

  And they probably didn't want to disappoint you.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  At that point.

• 30:36Alec Baldwin?

  At that point, they were like, sure, Audrey, go.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Go, go, go.

• 30:38Alec Baldwin?

  You want to go sing on Broadway? Go.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Go do it.

• 30:40Alec Baldwin?

  Yeah, we don't ever want to get in your way.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  You know, the thing is, there was actually a lot, not a lot, but they had a special arrangement with Gracie Square Hospital. There were a couple of other Juilliard students there that I had wondered what had happened to. I was there, I was at the hospital for, I mean, but Gracie Square, I think, is private hospital. I was there for a month. They evaluated me and said, you, you're not going anytime soon.

• 31:03Alec Baldwin?

  Did that change you?

• 31:06Speaker 00

  I was so heavily medicated. They, I was heavily medicated.

• 31:10Alec Baldwin?

  When you say that, it's so compelling to me because when I see you, I think of you, I think of you like, you know, you're so strong, your personality and perform, I view you as the person that's going to go, I'm going back into the burning building to save the baby.

• 31:24Speaker 00

  Well, that is me now. But I think maybe that experience helped make me that now. I mean, look, I'm still a mess. I mean, everybody's a mess, always a mess. I, you know, and I, what I understood.

• 31:35Alec Baldwin?

  You've got a lot going on.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I realized, you know, I'm someone who suffers from depression and, but I learned in the years, A, how to deal with it, B, to find, you know, find my joy, and C, to realize that like alcoholism, it's something that you wake up every day and you say, yeah, that's still something that I have to deal with. As opposed to saying, oh, I'm just not depressed anymore, just but to learn how to cope with that. And my art gives me a lot of joy and keeps me, keeps me strong.

• 32:02Alec Baldwin?

  So what's the first job you do? This is a tired question, but I can't help but ask you, especially with somebody like you. What's the first job when you do, when you sit there and go, I got this, I think I got this?

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Like I'm over the?

• 32:14Alec Baldwin?

  No, no, meaning you know that the sky is the limit for you. You're out there and you're doing it and you're connecting to that material.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  You know?

• 32:22Alec Baldwin?

  And you go, I think I really, really have a shot at my dream coming true here.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  It was Sally Murphy and she was, she was Julie Jordan and I played Carrie Pipbridge.

• 32:31Alec Baldwin?

  And who was the guy?

• 32:31Speaker 00

  Michael Hayden.

• 32:32Alec Baldwin?

  The one with Hayden?

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, yes. Nick Heitner at Lincoln Center.

• 32:36Alec Baldwin?

  Exactly.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Which is also crazy for me to then open, you know, in Carousel at Lincoln Center, where at Vivienne Beaumont Theater, where you can look up and I can see the school that I, you know, had a hard time in. And I remember standing in those, in those windows at Juilliard, looking at Vivienne Beaumont, seeing Patti LuPone performing there and going, why am I not doing that? And then?

• 33:00Alec Baldwin?

  How'd you feel?

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Like the luckiest survivor in the world. I mean, and I felt a sense of gratitude, a sense of relief and a sense of, okay, I get it. I now get that I was on my path.

• 33:23Alec Baldwin?

  Out the window of one place is your future. Out the window of Juilliard, where you try to snuff yourself.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:30Alec Baldwin?

  Is the Vivienne Beaumont, where you're going to do Carousel.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:32Alec Baldwin?

  Across the street's always a vista for you, what might have been.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  What might have been.

• 33:36Alec Baldwin?

  And what was, which was something not bad.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:39Alec Baldwin?

  And wonderful.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean.

• 33:40Alec Baldwin?

  Babies and Tony Awards and all that stuff.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  I think, I think what I realized is there's a bigger picture. And I think, you know, it's very easy to, you know, just get into tunnel vision, especially when you're young and, you know, it's only you that you're having to think about and not that that's a bad thing, but it's just easy to, to get buried very quickly, under emotion and, and fear and disappointment and all that. And then I just think that I learned to have a bigger picture about life.

• 34:13Speaker 05

  Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers, producer, songwriter, guitarist, and co-founder of the group Sheik. A great song has a way of defining a moment, a moment of joy, heartbreak, or anything in between. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, dropping in on some of the coolest, most fascinating artists working today. We'll go deep into their lives and careers and hear what it was like before the moment that made them. From hitmakers like Miguel...

• 34:47Speaker 06

  That last year, finishing that record was the hardest experience of my life. Regardless of how everyone else buys into this, I believe in this and I'm gonna push.

• 34:58Speaker 05

  To rising stars like Alex Warren.

• 35:01Speaker 07

  You know, a song is a story, and the verse is setting the scene. And for me, at least, it's allowing me to be personal and vulnerable with the audience. Whether it's about my wife and I'm being vulnerable about her, or it's about, you know, my parents and I'm being vulnerable to them. And it's almost like a cinematic piece in a way where each song tells that beautiful story.

• 35:19Speaker 05

  It's gonna be one hell of a trip. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 35:32Speaker 09

  Cash Flow Crunch, OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds, up to $200,000, right when you need it. Cover, seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 36:02Speaker 10

  Hey, it's Lunchbox from the Bobby Bones Show. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability, and it starts with a great deal on an all-wheel-drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla Sedan with the latest features in tech. Or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or an adventure-ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops. While Toyota's legendary resale value means you could get more at trade-in. Get a deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.

• 36:40Alec Baldwin?

  Once you become extraordinarily successful in the business, you won your first Tony Award for what show?

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Carousel.

• 36:46Alec Baldwin?

  For Carousel, and you were how old?

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Twenty-three.

• 36:48Alec Baldwin?

  You're a child. And you win, you were fresh out of that situation. You weren't far that far removed from that situation.

• 36:54Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I was two and a half years away from that situation.

• 36:55Alec Baldwin?

  So, two and a half years later, which is nothing.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:58Alec Baldwin?

  You win a Tony Award, and you've won six Tony Awards.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 37:01Alec Baldwin?

  You've won the most Tony Awards of anybody. Are you tied with somebody? You're tied with...

• 37:04Speaker 00

  No, not with actors.

• 37:05Alec Baldwin?

  Go, go, go.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  No, I mean, no, that's true. It's true. I'm not saying...

• 37:10Alec Baldwin?

  No, I love when people sit there and they go, "Oh, I don't know. I don't keep track of that." I go, "You liar. You got all your Tonys lined up."

• 37:17Speaker 00

  I do not.

• 37:18Alec Baldwin?

  No, I'm not you. I'm saying for people in general. I doubt you, dude, actually. But to embarrass you even more than I already have.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  Oh, good God.

• 37:26Alec Baldwin?

  You are enormously talented, and everything clicks, and you're very, very successful. And you're a gorgeous woman.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Well, you're kind.

• 37:32Alec Baldwin?

  You're a gorgeous woman.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 37:34Alec Baldwin?

  And what did that do in terms of your career? Meaning, that you could have gone and made films and done a television series. Did you have a lot of offers to do that?

• 37:42Speaker 00

  No.

• 37:42Alec Baldwin?

  That you swept aside?

• 37:43Speaker 00

  No, I've never had those offers. I mean, I did one television series once where I played the best friend in Private Practice to the main character.

• 37:51Alec Baldwin?

  What show?

• 37:52Speaker 00

  Private Practice.

• 37:53Alec Baldwin?

  Who was in that again?

• 37:54Speaker 00

  Kate Walsh played Addison Montgomery, and I played her best friend.

• 37:58Alec Baldwin?

  How long did you do that?

• 37:59Speaker 00

  I did it for five, six years. The show ran for seven years, and I did it for five or six years. But, no, Hollywood has never really banged down on my doors, and I think that's because you're very kind to say I'm gorgeous, but I don't think I'm the typical sort of look. I'm also a big girl, and I'm proud of that, and I'm fine with that, but, you know, it's interesting when you go to Hollywood and you see these people on the movie screens your entire life, and then you see them in person, and they're all like one-fourth of that.

• 38:26Alec Baldwin?

  You're in like a paper airplane.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly.

• 38:28Alec Baldwin?

  You're like, "What the hell? You don't look well."

• 38:30Speaker 00

  No, no. Do you want a cheeseburger?

• 38:32Alec Baldwin?

  Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I mean, it's the same, you look terrible, but it's just for me, it's just like, I, you know, I think size-wise, that has something to do with it. And I, and I don't know that that's where I'm at my strongest.

• 38:42Alec Baldwin?

  Right.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  You know, and I think we're...

• 38:44Alec Baldwin?

  You work so hard to develop this perch you're in now.

• 38:46Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:47Alec Baldwin?

  What's that like for you to have to go out and wring yourself out?

• 38:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, again and again and again.

• 38:52Alec Baldwin?

  What's the process every night?

• 38:53Speaker 00

  Well, the process for me, I go really inside. I get really quiet. People around me think that I'm angry with them. Before I do a show, because I just get very quiet and I go inside and stay still. And I'm not, I'm not one to kind of jump around and go visit other dressing rooms. I just, I have to kind of go in and be super, super, super quiet and still because.

• 39:14Alec Baldwin?

  Focus.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, because in a minute, you're gonna have to turn all of your insides out. And so if I'm giving all that out beforehand, I will have nothing to give.

• 39:22Alec Baldwin?

  What was one of the hardest ones for you?

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Lady Day. Absolutely. I was by myself on stage for an hour and forty-five minutes, just having to give it. And especially living that life that she led. I have to live that on stage every night. That I was no fun to be around before the show. After the show, I was a ball.

• 39:41Alec Baldwin?

  That's very common.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  Yes, because I was thrilled it was over until the next, you know, it's interesting, I know, I can't remember who. Oh, maybe it was Kathy Bates. I can't remember who said this to me, but I said, why don't you ever come back to Broadway or do a show on Broadway? And I think it was Kathy Bates. She said, oh, honey, oh, that's hard. It's hard. And she's right, you know, it is because especially when you think, okay, I've done it. I've given a good performance. I got through that. You know, when you're doing a film, you're like, great, it's in the can and now I'm off to Cabo or whatever. You know, but Broadway, it's like, and now I have to do that again tomorrow night. And then the next night after that, and the next, and it's a blessing.

• 40:16Alec Baldwin?

  At the end of every day, I gotta go to work.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 40:18Alec Baldwin?

  You have that whole day and what happens in that, in the world. The worst thing for me when I was acting was when I'd have a wonderful, fun day. And then I had to go to work and wring myself out and some drive to go do the Scottish play.

• 40:29Speaker 00

  Yes, for me, it was always on Sunday matinees, when you're headed to your Sunday matinee and you're walking down Ninth Avenue. You're seeing everybody outside, either at a street fair or having wine and brunch. And I can't tell you how many times.

• 40:41Alec Baldwin?

  In the sun.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  In the sun. I can't hardly tell you how many times you're walking down Ninth Avenue, you just wanna take your hand and swipe all the food off of those sidewalk tables. It's like, that's not fair. No, of course not. I mean, it's, I'm doing what I wanted to do my entire life, but there is that.

• 40:53Alec Baldwin?

  And people are counting on you.

• 40:54Speaker 00

  Yes, of course.

• 40:55Alec Baldwin?

  It's amazing. When I did Streetcar, I got really sick and I missed the show. I was out for, for a weekend. The two Saturdays and the Sunday, and I missed the show. But I go downstairs, I lived on Central Park West, I go downstairs, I cross over to Broadway, on Eighty-Sixth and Broadway, on the northeast corner. I'm gonna cross over to Williams Chicken.

• 41:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:13Alec Baldwin?

  And get my soup.

• 41:14Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:15Alec Baldwin?

  And I'm there and this little woman looks up to me, it's like seven o'clock at night. It's a Friday night or a Saturday night, rather, and she looks up at me, this little hourish woman, she goes, aren't you supposed to be on Broadway right now? And I thought, God, this town, this flipping town.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  I have a story like that, too. I mean, we were, it was New Year's Eve and Ethan Hawke had been able to, we were doing Henry the Fourth at Lincoln Center, and he'd been able to get the entire cast invited to the Plays and Players Club, or the, what's that club over on?

• 41:45Alec Baldwin?

  Players Club.

• 41:46Speaker 00

  Players Club, yes, for New Year's Eve. So we're all there and we're all celebrating and it's wonderful, but we're, you know, in and amongst, you know, the actual members of this club. And it's New Year's Eve and I'm doing a play and I was still young and I thought, I'm gonna have a cigarette, you know, why not? I'm gonna have a cigarette. And I don't smoke as a rule, but I just decided it's New Year's Eve, I'm gonna have wine and cigarettes and it'll be fun. So I was smoking out on the little terrace they have out there, smoking my cigarette and I'm chatting with some of my cast members and an older woman, who's a member of the Players Club, she comes up to me and she said, "I'd say you're Audra McDonald, but it couldn't possibly be her because she wouldn't be smoking."

• 42:25Alec Baldwin?

  Never. Destroying her instrument.

• 42:28Speaker 00

  She wouldn't be smoking. And then she just sort of marched off.

• 42:32Alec Baldwin?

  Now, who are people who, in your life, in your career, one might assume, you've sung the songs, sang the songs of pretty much everyone you want to sing, but is there one that's gotten by you? Is there some composer whose music you want to sing that you haven't sang?

• 42:47Speaker 00

  No, I wouldn't say that. I mean, there's always young, I have always championed the work of new, young musical theater composers, so I'm always looking for new work to do. There are certain songs that I stay away from because I don't feel that I can do them properly.

• 43:01Alec Baldwin?

  For example?

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Um, one that I have not been able to conquer, that I have tried a couple of times and never done in public because I can't conquer it, is "Being Alive," by Sondheim. I cannot, as much as that song moves me and as much as it means to me, every time I try and sing it, I fail. So I have not done it in public and I, and I won't until I figure it out. Isn't that, is that strange? Yeah.

• 43:24Alec Baldwin?

  No, no. I mean, you, I'm sure there's people. It's like in, in plays. I mean, I'm, I'm trying to think of who.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Certain roles, yeah.

• 43:30Alec Baldwin?

  I'm trying to think of writers.

• 43:31Speaker 00

  Do you have writers whose work you steer clear of as a performer because you don't, you don't get it, so you don't know how to bring it to life? Not that you don't enjoy watching?

• 43:41Alec Baldwin?

  I might enjoy watching. You know, whatever I want to have in the theater. Life itself is so filled with oddities now and surreal crap going on with the government and everything.

• 43:51Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 43:51Alec Baldwin?

  I want to see something which is really, I want some honesty.

• 43:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 43:54Alec Baldwin?

  I need to have like oxygen. I need a big hit of honesty.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  I, you know, that's interesting. I was listening to a performer on the way down here who, who I absolutely admire, whose work I admire, and they were singing a song that didn't, in my mind, seem quite right for them. Not that they weren't singing it beautifully, but I thought, I don't think they believe this. I don't, I think they're trying something and they don't believe it. And, and there's a part of me that thought, why am I thinking that about them? I do that stuff all the time. But I think you're right, there is something going on right now in the zeitgeist that's sort of like you're, everybody is needing truth and needing, needing something to ground them. And where is reality anymore?

• 44:30Alec Baldwin?

  Yeah, satire. Now, my last question for you is, well, first of all, describe for me, if you would, as I try to always think about people in your profession and who do what you do as well as you do, a moment when you're on stage, and you used to go out there at night and you'd sing a song, and you knew you were going to kill these people. You know, the minute that you sang that song, the way you sang it, you could almost feel the people just getting destroyed by that song. Is that in Lady Day as well?

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Well, I think in the beginning with Lady Day, because I think no one thought that I could find her voice, you know, because I'm a soprano. So it's like, what are you doing with a soprano doing Lady Day, you know, trying to be Billie Holiday? She doesn't have it in her, and I didn't think I had it in me. And so, some nights, you know, the show opens and the first thing I do is sing before I even start speaking. And so the audi, and you can tell that the audience is waiting to hear, is she going to get it? And on nights that I really felt that I was really lined up, really lined up with Billie, I had, I had enough, you know, of her perfume on, and I had the makeup right, and I had the gin behind my ears, so I could smell like what she must have smelled like in those days.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  And I would open my mouth and sing the first, "All I know is I'm in love with you." And you'd hear, sometimes I'd hear the audience gasp, and that's when I'd be like, okay. I got that right. Now sustain it for the next hour and forty five minutes, you know, and I'd feel that. I'd think, OK, they're they're taking the journey with me. And there were nights where that wouldn't happen. I think, OK, I got to drag them on this journey too, you know. But every once in a while, there'd be that moment of, and every once in a while, I'd hear people go, oh, my God.

• 46:09Speaker 11

  All I know is I'm in love with you.

• 46:20Speaker 11

  Even though you said that we are through, I know without your love, I just can't go on. I wonder where our love has gone.

• 46:42Alec Baldwin?

  The final line of a review from the Evening Standard for her recent West End debut as Billie Holiday doubles as a review of Audra herself. Quote, yet still she stands broken but indomitable to the last, unquote. I'm Alec Baldwin. Here's the thing is brought to you by iHeart Radio.

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