Kylie & Nikki Glaser on Next Big Celeb Roast, Choice To Not Have Kids & “How Many” Kelce Nannies? | Ep. 86

Kylie’s back for a spooky Halloween edition of Not Gonna Lie brought to you by Invisalign! She’s joined by the hilarious comedian and Golden Globes host, Nikki Glaser (21:30)! Kylie and Nikki go all in about what it was like getting voted out first on Dancing with the Stars, putting herself out there for roasts (43:55), who should be roasted next and the important duties of being an aunt (1:09:13). But before Nikki joins the show, Kylie talks about what it was like watching Jason get inducted into the University of Cincinnati Hall of Fame (1:31). Kylie also gets honest about her favorite Halloween candy, what costumes her daughters landed on (10:12), and she reveals her thoughts on Trunk or Treats. Then, Kylie looks back at Real Ones who dressed up as her for Halloween and the most unusual toddler Halloween costumes. After that, Nikki joins the show to talk about the “mistake” she made which may or may not have led her to getting voted off Dancing with the Stars first. Plus, she bonds with Kylie about yelling in the comment section (28:12), cursing in front of her Dad, and Nikki reveals what she does NOT want to talk about on stage anymore. Later, Nikki spills what it really takes to prepare for a roast, who her dream celebrity roast is, and who she wouldn’t joke about (50:58). Then, Nikki talks about what it’s like to never see herself having kids, how she’s open to adoption, but loves her role as an aunt (52:53). You can find even more clips from Kylie’s longer conversation with Nikki on our YouTube channel on More Sh*t Monday. . NEW MERCH ALERT!!! Check out our new NGL fall merch collection right now: https://www.nglkylie.com Support the show: Invisalign: It's never too late to start – find your local Invisalign doctor today!​ https://www.invisalign.com/find-a-doctor?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=influencer&utm_campaign=mom_consideration-docloc_national__oct2026&utm_content=kylie_kelce ​ Pandora: Make this season uniquely yours. Shop in-store or online at https://Pandora.net KitchenAid: Make More Than Meals™. Shop now https://www.kitchenaid.com/countertop-appliances/stand-mixers CVS: Go to https://CVS.com/app to learn more and download the app now. Pull Ups: Buy Pull-Ups with Learning Layer now, designed to help kids learn wet from dry! https://www.pullups.com Visa: This episode is presented by Visa. Paying with Visa. Td hat’s a Pro Move. Visa cardholders receive 20% off automatically when purchasing from The NGL Game Day Essentials Collection with a Visa card at checkout. https://visa.nglkylie.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:49Kylie Kelce?

  Now, you've said that there are celebrities that you will not make jokes about, right?

• 0:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 0:54Kylie Kelce?

  And who is that?

• 0:55Speaker 03

  Being a comedian, does that help you on the dance floor? And I said, "Well, I'm not the best dancer, but I've had a lot of rough sets." And he goes, "Whoa." And I go, "No, no, sets, sets, like comedy sets."

• 1:10Kylie Kelce?

  How many nannies do we have? One.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  There's all these other messages in that of like, "Do kids ruin your life?" Like heroin, of course not, but in like, some ways, could they?

• 1:20Kylie Kelce?

  She's closing the door slowly and she goes, "Bitch." Not gonna lie, I'm feeling a little defeated about Halloween. And I wasn't feeling super festive until I walked onto this beautiful set and found these. For my audio listeners, I put witchy fingers on my middle fingers and I'll let your imagination do the rest.

• 1:48Kylie Kelce?

  I'm presenting them proudly, though.

• 1:52Kylie Kelce?

  Let's get this podcast started.

• 2:00Kylie Kelce?

  Welcome to our second annual Halloween episode of Not Gonna Lie, a Wave original brought to you by Invisalign. If you don't recognize me in this elaborate costume, don't worry. It's still me, your host, Kylie Kelsey. My favorite Halloween candy is Twix. Ooh, I surprised myself. What am I stealing from the girls' trick-or-treat bags? Whatever I want, when they're asleep or when they're not looking. Don't tell them I said that. We do have rules about how much candy the kids can eat on Halloween. It's not a lot, and we do ration it to like, one piece a day. Because they're crazy when they eat candy. The best Halloween movie ever is...

• 2:44Kylie Kelce?

  Does Practical Magic Count?

• 2:48Kylie Kelce?

  I think I'm going Hocus Pocus. And proud wife to one of the newest inductees to the University of Cincinnati Hall of Fame. That's right. Jason was inducted on Friday. We got to go back to UC. I always think it's so funny because, well, I don't have a college anymore to go back to, R.I.P. Cabrini. And so now I like to think that I was adopted a little bit. It's so funny because when Jason was introduced, there was an acknowledgement of an accolade that may or may not be in the future. And I purposely did not clap my hands because I refuse to acknowledge it.

• 3:33Kylie Kelce?

  We're not, I'm...

• 3:36Kylie Kelce?

  I understand how silly that is, and I'm gonna keep being me. Here we are. Now, I also want to shout out the comment section on these photos because I think after two years of my warnings, you finally get it. Someone said, "All I can hear is Kylie saying, 'Mine.'"

• 3:53Kylie Kelce?

  That's correct. That's what I want you to hear every single time.

• 3:57Kylie Kelce?

  I love that for us. Next person said, "Looking good, Jason." Her handle is Foxy Lady, but I'm gonna let it slide just this once because you actually, you were okay.

• 4:12Kylie Kelce?

  And the next one, "Congratulations, Jason, looking good in a suit." Respectfully, it actually says that. Keyword, respectfully. Now, don't make me regret giving you praise because there may be something coming that could end up as a thirst trap of my husband. There is a new, what is called Kelsey Versus coming out.

• 4:40Kylie Kelce?

  The thing that Jason went up against this time was sumo wrestling. So, first of all, if you haven't checked that series out, you absolutely should. But if you do check out the sumo episode in particular, just remember that when you see that little chicken ass, it is mine. All right, now that that's been addressed, let's get into it. Coming up on today's Halloween special, I'm gonna get honest about how the months-long Halloween costume saga has played out in the Kelsey household. We also have a real spooky doom scroll with some Kelsey-inspired costumes and the funniest kid costumes I've seen on the internet. After that, I'm gonna be joined by one of the funniest comedians ever, the queen of roasts and hilarious host of the Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser is here.

• 5:23Kylie Kelce?

  Before we get to all that, a couple of very fun NGL announcements. First up, next week, you're getting two new episodes of NGL, one on Tuesday and one on Thursday. Because when you have an opportunity to talk to guests as special as this, you say yes, no questions asked. Queen Emma said, "I should give guests hints again," and she will strategically bleep them. Our special bonus guest on Tuesday, she's highly requested. She's a professional [BLEEP]. She's a big [BLEEP] fan and a friend of the family. Then on Thursday, 11/5, she's from Texas, but not a Cowboys fan, don't worry. Go [BLEEP] again.

• 6:06Kylie Kelce?

  She's someone Real Ones likely watched on [BLEEP] on HGTV. She has [BLEEP] kids, the most beautiful hair I've ever seen, and her name is my nickname. That's all the hints you're getting. Tune in on Tuesday and Thursday to see if you guessed right. And next announcement, we have new fall merch, Real Ones, and it's available to order right now at nglkylie.com. Queen Emma has some photos of the new stuff right here. Let's check it out. Okay, guys, first of all, stadium bag, super helpful. Second, love an SMA keychain. We're big on backpack keychains in our house right now, so don't put the SMA one on your kid's backpack, or do, honestly.

• 6:51Kylie Kelce?

  Anyone have a kid like Samantha Marie Adams? Get her that, you know? There is a long-sleeved shirt that says, "Express yourself, one bird at a time." Isn't that nice? I like that. You're gonna want to get one of these wooden spoons for bird watching season because we need all the help we can get. Am I right? And guess what? We have another special merch announcement coming up in this episode, so keep watching because you're not gonna want to miss this. It's a special discount alert. Who said that? Anyway, all right, that's it for announcements. Let's get right into Real One Comments of the Week. Our comments this week are from NGL subreddit.

• 7:36Kylie Kelce?

  Oh, that's exciting. Someone said, "Kylie was a guest on IMO today. That's the podcast Michelle Obama does with her brother Craig. It was very enjoyable. And before anybody asks, Kylie didn't curse." Thank you so much for saying that. Thank you for noticing.

• 7:56Kylie Kelce?

  You should really stay tuned for my conversation with Nikki about cursing because it perfectly addresses this situation. Someone else said, "I watched it and I was wondering how much she was sweating." LOL. Thank you for bringing that up because...

• 8:14Kylie Kelce?

  A lot.

• 8:17Kylie Kelce?

  It was a lot. I feel like I had control over my upper lip. I was sweating less this time. First of all, it was in person. We got to start out with like, the most wonderful hug, hello. And that really puts your mind at ease. And then also, Michelle and Craig, isn't that so silly that I use both their first names, like, we're like, chilling? Some of the most warm, incredible, comforting people to end up in a conversation with. It was such an absolute delight to get to talk to them. But like clockwork, a media outlet simply had to create a clickbait headline that's earning them my official SMA of the week.

• 9:02Kylie Kelce?

  That's right, E! News is the culprit this time with the headline, "Kylie Kelce Reveals How Many Nannies She and Jason Kelsey Employ For Their Four Kids." Guys.

• 9:16Kylie Kelce?

  What? What are you... Okay, let's discuss why this is so crazy. The comments will inform you of that. This comment from Krista Garvin said, "So one?" Question mark, LOL. Someone else said, "It's okay to have help with children." Look at these comments, passing the vibe check. Krista, thank you so much for explaining how silly this is. How many nannies do we have? One. We have one nanny. And then we have family members.

• 9:56Kylie Kelce?

  I truly believe that it is a wild thing to focus so heavily on the help that we have. Because it's either that we pay a nanny

• 10:14Kylie Kelce?

  or we send our kids to daycare,

• 10:18Kylie Kelce?

  which most other working parents do.

• 10:24Kylie Kelce?

  This is not groundbreaking. So...

• 10:30Kylie Kelce?

  You guys kind of suck for trying to make this a story because it's not a story. We, you said, "How many?" How many? How many? One. We have one nanny. All right, that's it for your Real One Comments of the Week and your SMA of the Week. So just in case that was unclear, E! News suck my ass. Next up, a special Halloween edition of Can I Be Honest? Brought to you by Pandora. This week, can I be honest about Halloween as a parent? Guys, I'm tired. The whole Halloween costume debacle, here's how I'm settling my thoughts about it.

• 11:13Kylie Kelce?

  I think you purchase Halloween costumes. And for the people who I've seen a lot of people discussing online, that it's very disappointing to purchase a Halloween costume for one day.

• 11:30Kylie Kelce?

  Guys, that's dress up. That's dress up play for until that thing gets destroyed by being worn too much. I'm adding the costumes to the dress up closet regardless of if they're worn. Right now, we have Nova from Zombies 4. We have Red from Descendants. We have Queen of Hearts because Benny wanted to wear red lipstick. Or Leila from Teen Beach Movie. I don't know which one. So just let's, I don't know which one yet. I can't help you. I think that's going to be a game time decision. And Finny is a cupcake. There is a headband. Zero chance she wears it. It's what ties the whole costume together. It's so cute. It's a little cherry on top.

• 12:16Kylie Kelce?

  It is adorable. If I can successfully get a picture of her wearing the cupcake topper without it being disrupted or removed, I'm calling Halloween as a whole a win. Jason, I don't know what he's going to be, but I know that I purchased him a Bugs Bunny costume. Why? I couldn't tell you. It was on the website.

• 12:41Kylie Kelce?

  I'm not going as anything unless Jason chooses not to wear his Bugs Bunny costume. Then maybe I'll pop on a 2X Bugs Bunny costume. Could be kind of fun and cozy. I did not feel pressured to get the girls multiple costumes. I think this is a me problem. Next year, I want to lock in who they are early and I want to be like, hey, this is your choice. Now you're living with it.

• 13:07Kylie Kelce?

  To be fair, some of the, some of the other costumes, the Tinkerbell costume, the Jasmine costume, I ordered independently of my kids. My kids had made a choice and I thought to myself, maybe they might be this. And then they said, no. So that was, that was on me. One thing that I do have, I have questions about it and also I'm jealous. Trunk or treat. What's up with that? What are you guys doing? My understanding is that you go to a parking lot, you decorate your trunk. It has a little bit of a theme, maybe something popping out of the back. And then you have a little table in front with your, your candy. First of all, love that it's one stop shop. Love that. Second, love that it's all in a tight spot.

• 13:52Kylie Kelce?

  It's, it's organized. You go in order around. Third, I love creative people. So I love the idea of decorating your trunk. Would it be me? Probably not. Maybe this is why I've never been to a trunk or treat. Someone invite me. I'd like to come. Uh, and that was it for Can I Be Honest About Halloween? Brought to you this week by Pandora. Now let's keep it moving with Doom Scroll of the Week. Brought to you by KitchenAid. Make more than meals. First up on Doom Scroll ahead of Halloween this weekend, I have to issue my annual reminder. Guys, do not dress up as me. Don't do that. Queen Emma, let's see it.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  What the do I care about a game day fit? This guy's game day ready, baby. Some people go to play football and some people play dress up. Okay. I don't like to play dress up. I like to play football. All right.

• 14:39Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah. That's it. She's rocking the classic 62 did this t-shirt. I do have to respect that. That is a pull. That's a deep pull. Um, I think that's what the kids would call it. Um, that shirt was made for me by Annie Elliott. And, um, I wore it proudly, but I would like you to not.

• 14:59Kylie Kelce?

  Don't do that. Queen Emma wants me to give advice if I had to for a Kylie costume. I refuse. We're not doing that. We're not participating. Queen Emma says you could be Cowgirl Kylie from the Garage Beer commercial. No, you couldn't. Um, you could be postpartum Kylie from, uh, the podcast episode we did immediately after I had Finn. No, don't do that. Or Ocean Drive fundraiser Kylie. This could actually be pretty comfortable. Um, but also don't do that. Easy. And lastly, I gotta give it up to this toddler's parents because he probably had the most unique costume on the block. Let's see it, Queen Emma.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  When your two year old says he wants to be a KitchenAid mixer for Halloween.

• 15:43Kylie Kelce?

  That's outstanding.

• 15:49Kylie Kelce?

  That's really good. I absolutely love a homemade costume. I think it adds something that is just, you're, you know, your kid's not going to have the exact same costume as somebody else, which nowadays kids pick this literally, I mean, last year, guys, we had two Anna's, two Elsa's. Perfect example. This is amazing. The fact that first of all, this child is experiencing his KitchenAid mixer in his household enough. And in a positive way that he was like, I want to be that outstanding. No notes. Um, he has to love baking with mom. I think that that's a given or like cooking, baking with mom. Um, and that's so sweet.

• 16:34Kylie Kelce?

  I will say, just to level up this costume, I'm not trying to nitpick here, but if we wanted to maybe pop a little light right next to that, um, right next to the attachment, the mixing attachment.

• 16:52Kylie Kelce?

  He could have been the new Luminaire stand mixer that I just got.

• 16:58Kylie Kelce?

  Just think like maybe level it up a little. Also, while we're here, a moment for some of the best viral toddler costumes of the past couple of years. This little boy went as pants. That's it. That's the whole sentence. He went as pants. There's a book that I wouldn't be surprised if he got this idea from. Or maybe he's super creative and just wanted to be pants. There was also this little girl who went as a chair. Okay, whoever made that costume, you nailed that. What a neat looking chair. The sad thing is, is like, these are funny in like a, an unintentional way. Like, I'm pretty sure these kids were just like, I want to be a chair. Like outstanding. My kids have not done that yet.

• 17:42Kylie Kelce?

  So maybe they're not funny.

• 17:47Kylie Kelce?

  That's disappointing. I could, I feel like I could make a chair. So a chair would be cool.

• 17:54Kylie Kelce?

  I want to know if they're gonna, if any of them are ever going to pick something a little bit more obscure that I can help them with.

• 18:03Kylie Kelce?

  Cause I feel like I could get crafty. I have gotten crafty before. Once upon a time I made a corn on the cob and a peapod. We threw it back. My sister and I were that when I was little and my mom made it. So then I made it for the girls. I was literally stitching it as they were putting it on. Because procrastination. All right, that's it for Doom Scroll of the Week. Brought to you by KitchenAid. Next up, she's the Emmy and Grammy nominated comedian. You know her from specials, Someday You'll Die and Good Girls. She absolutely destroyed her roast of Tom Brady. She's about to be a three time Golden Globe host. And you can see her on her stunning tour, Nikki Glaser. She's coming up right after this. Cheese. Did I do it? For my audio listeners, I'm smiling at the camera.

• 18:46Kylie Kelce?

  Today's episode is brought to you by Invisalign. As a mom, I spend a lot of time trying to get everyone else to smile for a picture. But this time we're talking about mine. I had Invisalign when I was in college. I was sick of seeing my teeth and my focus going straight to them every time I smiled. It bothered me and really only me. But that's why I wore Invisalign. Ooh. Ah, wow. There are always a million things I need to remember. Playdates to get to and podcasts to film. And somehow whatever I wanted to do for myself becomes, I'll get to that later. But being a mom doesn't mean the things you want to do for yourself stop mattering.

• 19:29Kylie Kelce?

  For me, having a smile I feel good about is one of those things. And I'm glad I chose Invisalign treatment because they fit seamlessly into my life, even as a busy mom. Not only are Invisalign aligners the number one doctor recommended clear aligner brand, but they are honestly really discreet. You couldn't even really tell that I was wearing it. That was really exciting for me. If you've been thinking about straightening your smile, consider this reminder. You're allowed to be on the list too. Find an Invisalign doctor today. This football season, whether you're buying tickets, booking travel or shopping for team gear, paying with Visa is the ultimate pro move. Not going to lie, forgetting your diaper bag when you've already driven to the stadium? Not a pro move. Paying securely with Visa? That's a pro move.

• 20:12Kylie Kelce?

  Visa runs more than 500 security checks to help identify fraud before transactions are approved. So you can focus your defensive energy somewhere else. And now I teased it earlier and here's the reveal. Visa cardholders can shop our limited edition NGL Game Day Essentials collection, available exclusively at visa.nglkylie.com. In this collection, we have a t-shirt that says, bird watching season. We also have an NGL beanie, a stadium bag, because everyone needs those, and some keychains to go along with it. You must use a Visa card at checkout. Visa cardholders receive 20% off automatically when purchasing from the collection with a Visa card at checkout. Now that's a pro move. Visa, the most trusted way to pay.

• 20:56Kylie Kelce?

  Life is made up of bright, magical moments and it's time we illuminated every one of them. The KitchenAid Design Series Luminaire Stand Mixer doesn't just reflect light. It becomes a spotlight for the milestones that define us. It has a fluted hardened glass bowl, which captures and diffuses the light from the new Artisan Plus Integrated Bowl Light. And it's so pretty. It can just sit right on the counter. And it's a new stand mixer color, blue peppercorn crinkle finish. Guys, it's almost like our NGL blue. It's like they knew. From the excitement of collaborating on a holiday feast to the flower dusted laughter of a birthday bake off, it shines a light on the connections that truly matter. Also, it now has 11 speeds, including a half speed.

• 21:41Kylie Kelce?

  Perfect for when I have little helpers in the kitchen. Flour won't go all over the place. We can start it slow. The girls really do love to help me bake. They get very excited and it's such a fun activity for us all to dive into together. You can now achieve effortless accuracy of any recipe and make it look like a piece of cake. Make more than meals with the KitchenAid Design Series Luminaire Stand Mixer. Shop now. Have you been watching Dancing with the Stars? Here and there. Um, our house calls. Dancing in the Stars. My three year old. We'll watch Dancing in the Stars.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  That's so cute and that's much more beautiful.

• 22:19Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah, until they're like, like grinding on the floor, like they do like a set and I'm like, whoa, oh, hey.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  It does get a little spicy. It does.

• 22:28Kylie Kelce?

  Cause like that's the nature of the dances.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like it's dance, so it's like excusable, but it's sometimes I go, oh, this should be an OnlyFans.

• 22:39Kylie Kelce?

  What are you doing? Your clothes on or off?

• 22:42Speaker 03

  It's, but it's, it's fun. I like watching it. I did it and I, I love.

• 22:47Kylie Kelce?

  I heard, I heard that you said you would go back for a.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  A loser's season, like first voted off, everyone's first voted off.

• 22:54Kylie Kelce?

  It feels very aggressive to call it the loser's season, but okay.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  I was and it, it was so embarrassing getting first voted off and it was like very, it was, it was really good for me because it, it was so humiliating because I actually really cared and I actually thought I had a chance of not winning by any means, but just like lasting on the show and getting better and um, and to be voted off, it was just, it was like getting told like you're not a, you're, you're not.

• 23:20Kylie Kelce?

  Don't come back to sing lessons.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. It was like, it was so humiliating and it, it felt like, oh, I, I, I felt like, oh, people that my peers in comedy are like, why are you doing this show? And I'm just like, I can dance and I'm just like so involved in it. I'm like, I'm a dancer. And to be told like, no, you're not, you suck and, and to even try, like to try and fail is so embarrassing. And I learned in that moment, like, it doesn't really matter. Like, I thought it was gonna follow me the rest of my life. The only one talking about it is me. No one remembers I was even on it. And it's was fine. Like, it was embarrassing in the moment, but it's led to, it's really funny to be the first voted off something. Much more funny than the fourth voted off. Like, it's, it was a better story.

• 23:59Kylie Kelce?

  First voted off.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  First voted off.

• 24:01Kylie Kelce?

  Way funnier.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  Is crazy. It's crazy. It was, and I mean, I'm not even going, going into detail of who else was on the show, cause I don't wanna get mean, but like, I shouldn't have been first voted off. Um, a guy named Bobby Bones. And I've told this before, but Tom Bergeron in like, it was like right after I did my first dance and I, it went okay because I didn't fall and I was like, success. Like, I didn't trip and fall. And I was like, I'm a dancer, cause they told me to say that. Like, they, the audience wants to like believe in your hopes. So I got done, I don't think I'm a dancer, but I'm like, I'm a dancer. I'm saying it kind of like, obviously sarcastically. And Len Goodman, the judge goes, no, you are not. And was like, that was so awkward. It was so bad. And I'm just like, uh, uh.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  And then Tom Bergeron like interviewed us and was like, uh, and, and that was, I, I went up to Tom, cause like, he was really friendly to us and I said, Tom, what are you gonna ask me in the live interview? Just cause that's the only thing I'm good at is like talking and coming up with something quippy and funny to say. And he goes, I'm just gonna do it on the fly. I don't really know. And I go, just let's plan something. But he was like, I just like to do it on the fly. So I'm like, okay, great, whatever. I'll be fine. And he goes, what is it like, you know, being a comedian? Uh, does that help you on, on the, on the dance floor? And I said, well, I'm not the best dancer, but I've, I've, and I've had a lot of rough sets and they, and he goes, whoa. And I go, no, no, sets, sets, like comedy sets. Not, not, and he goes, we don't talk like that around here. Like, everyone's like booing.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  And, and I'm already getting scolded of like, you don't be dirty. And I wasn't being dirty. I was being, I was like my best behavior. And I said sets, but they all thought I said sex. And so then to save it, I go, well, I've had both. And then they were like, ugh. And they were like, she did it. She went there. And then I was out. I don't know if that's, I don't think that's why I was out. It was many factors, but um.

• 25:44Kylie Kelce?

  I think that might have been why you were.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  I've had a, can you imagine? I'm saying, when they're asking me, you're a comedian, how is it like being on a dance floor? And I go, well, I've had a lot of rough sex, so. What, that doesn't even make sense. But I, I've learned recently, like you, not even recently, in that moment, I learned you can't use like comedy jargon. Like, I didn't realize set was like.

• 26:09Kylie Kelce?

  It's not layman's terms.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. So that, that's on me. What I learned from it is it's not embarrassing. I, I, it's okay. If you're embarrassed and you think it's never gonna, you're never gonna escape it, it, it will go away. It's like, you'll be fine. Ever, people have such a short term memory.

• 26:25Kylie Kelce?

  And it's also the news cycle, right? Like.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Exactly. It all goes away, but it feels really bad in the moment, but it's kind of exciting to, to be humiliated. It's kind of like.

• 26:36Kylie Kelce?

  Kind of fun. Makes you feel alive.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  It does make you feel, it does make you feel alive. And it makes you realize who your real friends are. And it makes you realize you're not that important, cause you think everyone's gonna care and then they don't. You're like, oh, no one's really thinking about me, so this is okay.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Like, does that help comfort you ever when people go, no one's thinking about you? Like, as much as you think, not, cause you're not like me and you don't worry about what other people think, which is so great. And I wanna get some. But it does help me to go like, no, no one's really thinking about me. It doesn't matter.

• 27:09Kylie Kelce?

  I can, I mean.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  It feels good. Cause sometimes my mom will be like, should I wear this? I go, no one's looking at you tonight. Like, no, it doesn't matter. And she goes, that hurts my feelings. You're saying I'm not being seen. I'm like, no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. You're gonna be seen, but no one's gonna care if your belt is matching your shoes. And she feels sad when I tell her that, but I think it's freeing.

• 27:27Kylie Kelce?

  This feels very much like putting a bikini on and going out on the Jersey Shore. Cause I'm like, no one's gonna, no one's gonna be like, I'm gonna watch this person all day to see how their body moves. When they get up from their chair, when they unfold themselves and they still have creases in their belly and like, no one's gonna, no one cares.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Same with the gym. Like, I remember being very scared to go to the gym, cause I wouldn't know what I was doing, or I just looked away that I didn't wanna look. Then you go to the gym and you realize everyone's looking at themselves. They're not even looking at you. Or like a class, I used to be terrified of taking classes, cause I would be worse than the other girls and they would all like laugh at me. Everyone's dying. No one is looking. I've never looked at anyone else in my class, ever.

• 28:13Kylie Kelce?

  Any cycling class I've ever been in, the first couple of times I signed up, I was like, like, people are gonna see me dying. People will see me like on the brink of death. Just like pedaling for my life. And after two classes, I'm like, oh, everyone's.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Everyone's dying.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  It only gets, what, what is the thing? You, you don't get, it doesn't get easier. You just get stronger or something, but it's always hard. And everyone's dying. And if someone's looking at you, they're not working hard enough. And it's, and it's also, it's their own insecurity, but it's, it's, it's, it's hard. Especially like, my new thing is like, I don't read my comments ever, like good or bad, which is kind of, you don't even get good. So I'm like, I don't even know where I stand. I never get any good, cause I can't read the bad, so I avoid the good. And I don't even believe the good, because it's all just.

• 29:05Kylie Kelce?

  Mishmash.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Yes. So I don't pay attention to any of it. It is. I know, but like you don't know.

• 29:12Kylie Kelce?

  You don't know. Usually it's user five, six, seven, eight, nine. You know what I mean?

• 29:18Speaker 03

  People don't usually do an eight digit number after their initials. That's a really good point. Okay, so, but I don't read any of the comments. Or if I see a headline with, or a post with my name in it, I'm like, ah, and I go past it so fast. And so I teach my algorithm, like, I don't want her. And, but then I read other people's comments and then I go, what must they be saying about me? And then it's so much worse of what I imagine is happening.

• 29:45Kylie Kelce?

  Sure.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Cause I'll tell my assistant, like, just, will you monitor this post? Cause I know they're gonna be nasty on it. And she said, they're not saying anything. What, what, what is your algorithm? What, what are you reading? And I'm like, well, I always read comments to, to see what people are saying.

• 29:58Kylie Kelce?

  Pop in the comments? Do you ever like?

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I have. I popped in.

• 30:01Kylie Kelce?

  You go toe to toe?

• 30:03Speaker 03

  I got mad last week because.

• 30:05Kylie Kelce?

  Do tell.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Okay, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I didn't like, I watched it, cause my, like assistant and my, the girl that was doing photography were Gen Z and they were like so excited. And then the next day, they were like, kinda, we were on the road together. And they're chatting about like, oh, and did you hear, everyone's like really mad at Meghan Maroney. And I go, wait, what, what'd she do? She performed, opened the show and she had these big angel wings and they're putting her on this little runway and the models are like walking by as she's singing. And some of the models had to like dodge around her wing, because it was taking up too much space. And she was not aware of the models in her periphery. And I'm like, and I watched the clip to be like, how bad was this? Was she really like knocking models out of the way? She's standing stationary, singing with these wings that someone gave her on a stage that someone built, that she had nothing to do with.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  And these models are having to dodge, but they don't seem bothered. They're just like, boop, boop. Like, they're like, fine. And the people in the comments are so nasty. And they were like, how dare you make this about you? It's, it's giving selfish. And like just trashing her in these comments. And, uh, cause I, they were saying, my friends were saying, oh, that she's getting trashed. I'm like, there's no way. This is so nothing. And I went in and they were, and so I got in there and I said, I, I just responded to some comment and I was like, this, why would you, just something to the effect of like, why would you care about this? Also, this isn't her fault. She's just wearing the wings they gave. And pretty much what I just said, it was like, get, get in, get some interest. What, why are you so mad at this girl? It's something else going on here. And so, yeah, I'll get in there.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  And it's nice to be like, I, that's where I was like, I like having a little blue checkmark, cause people pay attention to the right opinion that I'm saying. Do you ever get in the comments? Do you ever get?

• 31:44Kylie Kelce?

  All the time.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  And do people screenshot them and like, talk about it?

• 31:49Kylie Kelce?

  I wouldn't know. I don't read.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Do you ever like follow up to be like, how's this doing?

• 31:53Kylie Kelce?

  Occasionally I do.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what's an example of the time you've done it?

• 31:56Kylie Kelce?

  One of the ones that I did it, which was not to a person, so it doesn't really feel as aggressive, was, um, it's like celeb homes.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 32:05Kylie Kelce?

  And they put like a bird's eye view of where we live with our children. And so I was like, and they were trying to give like details of our property. And I was like, hey, so like, they were like, why would you need? We bought the house like next door to us. Why would you need this many houses? And I'm like, for fucking security and privacy, you pieces of shit.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:30Kylie Kelce?

  They left the post up, so it's still there. You can still find it.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:33Kylie Kelce?

  I think I typed get fucked. And then when I tried to post it, it wouldn't let. Why? I want to tell people to get fucked. I want to.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  You're so cool.

• 32:43Kylie Kelce?

  I'm mad about it.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 32:45Kylie Kelce?

  That's what made me even more mad. I was like, I want to tell you to get fucked. Yeah.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  I love that. I, I, I want to get more. I'm like, this is, this is what makes me feel good is like, fighting for justice on there and standing up for people and.

• 32:59Kylie Kelce?

  Yes.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  And, you know, I, I have like a Reddit burner account and I, I'll get spicy and defending my, my favorite like, people, you know, and just, there was something last night that I wanted to come up, but now my burner's getting, I'm talking about so many things that are things I'm interested publicly about that I feel like someone's going to figure out it's me. So I have to, I have to like mix it up.

• 33:19Kylie Kelce?

  Diversify.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Yes. And I just got to get a new one to start posting. Because I just want to, most comments, what I want to write is, I'm sorry, your life is hard right now.

• 33:28Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  And that you're taking it on this person who's happy. So, some, it was, there was some post, I won't get into it, but it was some post about someone I really love. And it was like, just so snarky. And I'm like, you, and they go, and someone was confused, like, why? Why is this a joke? Why is someone upset about this person? I go, because they, because it would make her happy and they aren't happy and they want everyone to be miserable. That's what it comes down to. I'm like, there's no other reason. You just want to make people as unhappy as you are.

• 33:56Kylie Kelce?

  But it's fun sometimes to tell people to get fucked.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  I am going to do it so much more. I think it's so cool that you said that, you piece of shit. You said, you piece of shit.

• 34:04Kylie Kelce?

  Uh, I, I said whatever I was allowed to say.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  You got rejected a couple of times.

• 34:10Kylie Kelce?

  Do it multiple iterations. I was like, get fucked. Fuck you. You piece of shit. I tried, I was like, I suck my ass.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:20Kylie Kelce?

  All of it.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  All of it.

• 34:22Kylie Kelce?

  Oh. That, that's why when people don't curse, I'm like, how do you get the?

• 34:27Speaker 03

  How do you get the feelings out? Do your kids curse?

• 34:31Kylie Kelce?

  No. So they have.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 34:34Kylie Kelce?

  But, um, we, I'm just realizing I have cookie crumbs in me.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  I didn't see.

• 34:38Kylie Kelce?

  Maybe it was blocked by the microphone. Um, they have cursed. But they know that it's a grown up word.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:46Kylie Kelce?

  I curse in front of them on a daily basis.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:49Kylie Kelce?

  It's really sucked the fun out of it. Um, our oldest is really the only one who has found that it is satisfying.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 35:00Kylie Kelce?

  And so occasionally along the way, and she hasn't done it in probably two years. But when she was maybe four, there was one instance in particular where I could just tell, like, you could tell she felt it like to her core.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:14Kylie Kelce?

  Her sister was inside the house and she was closing the door in her face, like on purpose.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:18Kylie Kelce?

  Cause she's the firstborn child. And she's closing the door slowly and she goes, bitch. And close the door. And here's the thing I always say, I think she always latched onto the word bitch, because it's not a word I use very often.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Oh, interesting. Okay.

• 35:33Kylie Kelce?

  Like, it's just not, it's, so I think it made it more exciting for her. Like, she would never say fuck. She's a mom uses that every other word. I don't.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  It's not even interesting. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:40Kylie Kelce?

  It's not exciting at all. She's like, shit, mom says that nonstop. Not exciting. Bitch.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  Bitch.

• 35:46Kylie Kelce?

  Mom barely says that. And when she does, it's usually like exciting for mom, because I use it.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 35:52Kylie Kelce?

  As like, you're a baby back bitch. Like, that's my.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  That's making it gender neutral.

• 35:58Kylie Kelce?

  Get it?

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 35:59Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  I mean, it's.

• 36:00Kylie Kelce?

  The whole like bitch aggressive to females, I'm out. Baby back bitch? Have at it.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Yes, bitch.

• 36:08Kylie Kelce?

  It applies to anybody. She slowed, slow closed the door.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Bitch. Oh, my god.

• 36:13Kylie Kelce?

  I was like.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  She used it so perfectly.

• 36:15Kylie Kelce?

  It was.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  I mean, honestly.

• 36:16Kylie Kelce?

  Absolutely flawless execution. How could I be mad?

• 36:19Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 36:20Kylie Kelce?

  I was like, hey. And she was like, grown up word.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  She knew.

• 36:25Kylie Kelce?

  She knew. And, and I love her for it.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  When my nieces and nephews, if I cuss and they go, you said a bad word. And my, my sister's like, language, you guys. And I'm just like, can't we trust kids to know what's for adults and what's not?

• 36:38Kylie Kelce?

  Yes.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Like, I, I feel like we've lost that sometimes where it's like, parents don't want their kids to see anything. And I'm not talking about like graphic things or anything. But like, I knew as a kid, I can't drive a car because I'm not an adult. I can't say bad words. I can't kiss boys yet. Like, these are adult things. Like, kids are smart enough to know that there are things that are off limits to them. They're not just like, I can do anything adults can do because they just see it. Do you find that's?

• 37:04Kylie Kelce?

  I think that, I think absolutely. I think to some degree, it also prepares them for life. Like, the answer isn't always going to be yes in life. Like, you can't just always do what you want to do.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:15Kylie Kelce?

  And especially children. So like, in those moments, to know that there are boundaries, like mom can say that, dad can say that, you can't say that. Right? Like, I can go out the front door freely. You are not allowed to go out the front door without a grown up. Like, very different experiences of life right now.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:30Kylie Kelce?

  When you're older, let the fucking F bombs fly. And to be clear, like you saying about how you were on your best behavior at Dancing with the Stars. For me, like, I think people sometimes, because I curse freely and I talk about cursing in a very positive way, people will be like, oh, you, you're not allowed to curse in this. And I'm like, guys, it's.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  I hate that so much.

• 37:53Kylie Kelce?

  I do it when I'm in like casual conversation. I'll do it. I can like read the room.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm smart. I can adjust.

• 38:00Kylie Kelce?

  I'm, I'm emotionally aware enough to understand.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  I know when you do like a radio, now we're live and this is Christian radio.

• 38:06Kylie Kelce?

  My favorite.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  So, I mean, I used to talk about sex on stage.

• 38:08Kylie Kelce?

  Do you go on Christian radio?

• 38:10Speaker 03

  No, but.

• 38:12Kylie Kelce?

  Could you imagine?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Aren't they all?

• 38:13Kylie Kelce?

  I would love it.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Cause I used to talk about sex all the time on stage. Like, that was what I started talking about when I was 18, when I started doing stand up. Because it was, it was the taboo subject and I was scared of sex and I was a virgin. And I was like, I just want to talk about this thing that I, I have never heard anyone talk about. And so as soon as I started having it, I'm like, can you believe this? And I just wanted to like, get the word out there for other girls that might be younger than me, like me, that were scared of it. And like, we're like, I didn't know anything about what it was. And so I want, I felt it was my duty and it was my interest to talk about it. And now I'm like, I would never, it's so gross for someone to hear about my personal sex life. But that was all I talked about for literally 10 plus years of my stand up career.

• 38:55Kylie Kelce?

  I will say though.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Never do.

• 38:56Kylie Kelce?

  Don't you think there is a switch of like, you hit a certain age, you are in a relationship with someone? Like, now you start referencing things. First of all, to some degree, you're like, well, that was my past and now my current, like, relationship has to hear about it.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:15Kylie Kelce?

  Or I'm talking about the person that I'm with.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Currently with.

• 39:19Kylie Kelce?

  And that's weird.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  I know. A lot of times I phrase it as ex boyfriend, but it's the person I'm currently with to protect. He knows it's him, because it'll be something maybe nice that's happening. But then you're right. But then if it's an ex and it's bad and it's still him, I can say it's an ex and he won't know. So it's always an ex. And my boyfriend currently is my ex, because we've broken up a million times. So it kind of isn't, I'm not even lying.

• 39:44Kylie Kelce?

  I love that loophole.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  It's so great. But you're so right. Like, it's just, it's.

• 39:50Kylie Kelce?

  It really.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  I just get embarrassed because people will talk about, like freely about my sex life to me. And I'm like, why are you doing this? And I forget that I've given them that license by talking about it on stage. And it's also something I always, because people were like, you're a sex comedian. When are you going to stop talking about sex? And I was like, when I don't like it anymore. And so I, I don't. And I've stopped talking about it. It's not really interesting to me. And it's something I want to avoid at all costs. And I don't, I, I really like, I, I used to joke like, oh, when I'm perimenopausal, I'll stop talking about it. Cause I'm not going to want to have sex, because based on women, hearing them be like, I don't want to have sex with my husband. And I'm there. I don't, it's not interesting to me. I honestly don't relate to the person I was that used to love it. I'm waiting for that person to come back. I'm waiting for my like Kim Cattrall.

• 40:34Kylie Kelce?

  You're like, hey, girl, where are you?

• 40:37Speaker 03

  I used to love it and be so excited about it and want to do it all the time. And to me, right now, it feels, I was trying to think of an analogy for it. It feels like when kids want to play tag with you and you're like, I remember when my aunt chasing me was like the most fun thing I could ever imagine. Like, just being chased by an adult all day long, it's all you want. And then at some point you become an adult and you're like, I would never want someone to chase me. But at one point it was all you cared about. That's for me what sex is. I, it's, it's playing tag. And that is how little I want, like where it doesn't even make, why would anyone want to do that?

• 41:12Kylie Kelce?

  Why would anyone want to play tag?

• 41:13Speaker 03

  I'm waiting for it to come back. It's going to come back some, at some point, but.

• 41:17Kylie Kelce?

  Old people love to play tag.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  My god. It's never coming back. It's so right.

• 41:24Kylie Kelce?

  It seems like not. Although there's this new hormone replacement therapy.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:29Kylie Kelce?

  Maybe that's laser tag.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 41:31Kylie Kelce?

  That's laser tag.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  I'm looking for anything. Like, I watched Heated Rivalry. I felt something. I watched it with my boyfriend. I was like, oh, is he gonna not feel, but he felt something too. So that was like a little bit of a whoop. And we need another, I think we need to consume things.

• 41:47Kylie Kelce?

  A season two.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  We need a season two of a gay hockey romance. For my heterosexual relationship to keep going.

• 41:54Kylie Kelce?

  We need a season two of Boy Aquarium.

• 41:58Kylie Kelce?

  And then we'll get it rolling. That's outstanding.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  It's just, but anyway, here I am talking about sex, but the lack of it, like, that's interesting to me now. Whereas before it was interesting, like, I love it so much. Don't relate to that girl. Where is she? Missing?

• 42:11Kylie Kelce?

  Who is she?

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Jane Doe.

• 42:13Kylie Kelce?

  Someone should call her.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  Can't find her. Have you seen this child?

• 42:17Kylie Kelce?

  Uh, since we're talking about stand up, I'd love any excuse to play back some of my favorite clips.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Wait, can we just like say what it is and like not play it?

• 42:26Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Cause I like hate listening to myself and watching myself. Oh my god, Kylie, do you like?

• 42:30Kylie Kelce?

  I can't.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  It's awful.

• 42:32Kylie Kelce?

  I genuinely, there have been times where my husband will be like scrolling on his phone and a clip, an NGL clip will come up. And I will literally, before I can finish the first sentence of whatever I'm saying, I'm like, why are you watching that? And he's like, because it came up on my feed. And I'm like, turn it off.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Same. And everyone around me knows, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry if there's something that they're seeing.

• 42:53Kylie Kelce?

  He's just sitting there basking in it and I'm like la la la la la la.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Like I just did a photo shoot the other day and I don't like to see, cause sometimes a photographer will be like, do you like this? And I'm like, it's, if, the chances that I like it are slim because I'm just in, I'm, I'm too focused on my looks right now. I feel like I'm trying to be a model and I'm not, so I'm already insecure. So if you, if you show me, like I never want to take a picture and be like, let's look at ourselves because I have to look like that all night if I don't like it. I'd rather have a couple of days and be like, I've changed since then. But, so I got the photos back and I'm like, the lighting and my hair and blah blah. And I have no one else to blame but me. If I would have just looked at the shot, I could have fixed the things that I didn't like about it, but I didn't. And so I have to live with it. And so I'm not as good as I could be because I don't, I don't like to see myself.

• 43:36Kylie Kelce?

  Do you know I did that? I'm so bad about that picture specifically, that when I got my passport photo taken, the girl at CBS was like, hey, do you wanna, do you wanna look at this? And I was like, no, that's between me and the gate agent. I literally, I literally was like, I don't want to look at it. And then I thought about it afterwards, after I got the little two inch photo.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  And you had to see it eventually.

• 44:01Kylie Kelce?

  And I opened it up and I was like, oh, she was trying to save me from myself.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 44:05Kylie Kelce?

  It was so bad. It like, you know how like some of them end up looking like mug shots?

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 44:09Kylie Kelce?

  Mine was worse.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, no.

• 44:12Kylie Kelce?

  Horrific.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 44:14Kylie Kelce?

  Horrific. And she tried, she tried, she tried too. She tried to be a girl's girl. She was like, hey, you wanna see? And I was like, no, that's.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  And the irony is you have to live with that photo for the next 10 years. And it, and you, cause you didn't want to live with it for one second there.

• 44:29Kylie Kelce?

  Correct. Dooms Girl, the week Nikki Glaser edition is brought to you by Invisalign. Okay, first clip. This is from your roast of Kevin Hart.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:37Kylie Kelce?

  From the Brady roast.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  You really gotta hand it to Kevin Hart, cause he can't reach.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  No, Kevin, I love you. No one works harder than this man. Do you know that every morning Kevin wakes up at 4 a.m. to make a shitty movie?

• 44:55Speaker 03

  And I love your movies, or as I call them, short films.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  No, I'm, I'm kidding. I hate them. No. No, sorry, Kevin. I don't mean to belittle you, but you be little, man. Like, you're a tiny guy. Kevin is 5'2", 150 pounds, um, 155 after The Rock finishes, but.

• 45:20Kylie Kelce?

  Now, in the caption, you thanked Kevin for having the best roast reaction.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:24Kylie Kelce?

  Is this the best reaction you've had in real time?

• 45:26Speaker 03

  It's one of the best. Like, I would say that, um, you know, people don't really realize how, what, we were talking about comments under clips. Like, you kind of will think a video is funnier if a lot of funny people below it are saying how funny it is. You just subconsciously are like, I guess it's funnier than I even thought it was. So when it, when you make a roast joke and then the person you're making it about laughs and is like, it, or, or does the thing like, what? Like a Kevin Hart, like huh, you know, just adds the comedy of it and it means that they're signed on to it. So it, it, it makes you look better. So it's really, it's always been so important to me to celebrate the people that I make fun of's reactions when they're cool about it.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Because it can just make or break the, the whole night for you. So the Golden Globes, like Leo, I remember did like a, at like, did one of the meme faces. And that was like, that's just, when that happened, I was so worried about the, the series of jokes around that. It just calmed me so much because I was so worried. You know, calling Sean Penn, like I said, he looked like a, an old like leather handbag or something. Like a, that you want to have sex with or something. So it was like, I, I was like, but you want to have sex with it, even though it's an old leather handbag. It's nice, right? But seeing him, like, looking at, and I kind of blur my eyes when I look into the crowd and deliver a joke. But I kind of saw him like, like just smile a little bit and I was just so calmed by it because it's just, it's everything.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  When someone doesn't take a joke well, which I totally understand, I've been on the receiving end of jokes. I'm just like, what? Like, that just ruined my life. But when they're able to laugh at themselves, when they don't really want to, no one really likes to joke about themselves at all, ever. They are just being good sports and I really appreciate it.

• 47:00Kylie Kelce?

  So it, it feels very much like a cosign. Like they're like, that was outstanding.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  It just feels like they're just like, they're playing the ga, they're helping you win.

• 47:07Kylie Kelce?

  And also it has to feel good that you have that like appreciation of like, yeah, you nailed that.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, they're just, they could, they have a chance, they have an opportunity to, to ruin it for you. Cause they really could. Like, there's been some audience crowd shots that I've seen from other people that I've watched host things and getting ready. Where the, they'll just be like, you know, and um, like a Tom Hanks.

• 47:31Kylie Kelce?

  Also, fuck that producer.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Well, absolutely that. And a lot of times the reaction shot, and there's one in particular that gets a lot of attention of like, she didn't get that joke. And it's like, she didn't hear it. She was talking to someone and taking a sip of water.

• 47:44Kylie Kelce?

  Right.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  She wasn't mad about the joke. It's not that she didn't have a sense of humor. She didn't hear it, you guys. And so that, so the reaction shot is not always off of what is happening. So I think a lot of those times it's taken out of, um, context. But there is an opportunity for people to not have a sense of humor about themselves and ruin it. And I just really, it just means so much to me when someone's like, no, I'm gonna help you out on this one. When I, even though this joke is making me deeply uncomfortable and I hate the fact that you're even talking about me and how dare you? You're just a comedian. I'm an Academy Award winning actress. Like, there is a, a power imbalance and it's cool that they're just like.

• 48:20Kylie Kelce?

  Okay. Now, you, you've said that there are celebrities that you will not make jokes about, right?

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 48:26Kylie Kelce?

  And who is that?

• 48:27Speaker 03

  Um, I mean, I will not, well, I won't make jokes about people who I don't think have a good sense of humor about themselves. I, I struggled with that with Sean Penn. Is like, when I was doing the joke about him looking like an old leather handbag that I wanted to have sex with, I was worried that, that's like mean. And, and like if I said that about a woman, that's unacceptable. But I was like, well, it's not, because people were like, you wouldn't say that about a woman. I'm like, but I'm not.

• 48:50Kylie Kelce?

  You're right. You're right. I wouldn't. So I said it about a guy.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  Said it about a guy, but before I did that, I had to really ask around about what he was like to his friends. And Jimmy Kimmel told me, he's like, he's the least vain person I've ever met. And when I heard that, I was like, wow.

• 49:05Kylie Kelce?

  Green light.

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Green light. Like, this guy doesn't care. Like, me saying he looks like something is not gonna affect him. If he's the least vain person, that would be my biggest worry is like hurting his feelings about how he looks, even though I do think he's very attractive. Um, it didn't matter. The joke was mean, but he, he, he was absolutely right and he took it in stride. So, and then there's just like, there's, there's some people to me that are just, you know, that I'm, I, I, I would not make a joke about, like, like, let's say Taylor, who is, you know, everything to me. I wouldn't, I wouldn't make a joke about her unless I knew, and I would feel like I would know what she would laugh at. So, but I, but I would really not do that to anyone. I feel like the roasts, I don't like to get to know the people too much or meet them beforehand because I don't want.

• 49:46Kylie Kelce?

  To feel personal.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  To feel personal. And when I, when it's not, that's exactly it. I've struggled to like articulate that feeling, but it's, it's personal when I know them. When I've had to make jokes about Jeff Ross, who I know, when I'm doing these roasts, it feels bad to me. But when it's someone I don't know, uh, it's, they can just, at least they have the defense of like, she doesn't know me. And that she read this little fact on Wikipedia.

• 50:09Kylie Kelce?

  It's like surface level, right? Like you did your research through what everyone else can collect from the internet. And it doesn't feel like you're attacking them on a human level.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Yes. Yes. And that, that feels safer to me. And they've signed up to be there, but at award shows when someone's like there.

• 50:25Kylie Kelce?

  Minor detail, they've signed up to be there.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  If they're in a roast, like onstage, they, if you have never done your research and watched roasts and how brutal they can be, it's on you that you get upset about it. Yes. Like that you sign up for it. I signed up for it too by being up there. But then if someone's in the crowd at an award show, that, they're there to like accept, accept an award or to be a plus one. It's like, you really shouldn't go for the jugular on that. And I try not to, but, um, but that's what the audience wants. It's kind of hard to give the audience what they want, but not offend people. But I, I just, I really am not a mean person. I don't, I know what it's like to have a joke written about you that you go, oh man, I didn't even realize people saw that about me. And I've always thought that about myself and now it's out there in the world for people to make fun of, that I look like Larry Bird, or that I don't have an ass, or that I'm not that talented.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Look, whatever it is that is my deep insecurity and someone broadcasts it in a set, and then it lives on in a clip, that's haunting. And I don't like to do that to people. I really do try to have empathy and be like, how would I feel if this joke was given to me? But I have to put myself in Sean Penn's shoes. If I'm a guy who was like, made his whole career off of being like a rugged, kind of, character actor looking guy, and I'm very, seem very confident, I'm like, oh, I probably wouldn't be, mind being called an old handbag. Or a leather couch, or I forget what I said, but regardless of what it was, it was, I did want to have sex with it. And that's all that matters. The classic defense. Yeah, sex with me on leather couch.

• 51:55Kylie Kelce?

  Now, is there a celebrity that you'd love to roast next on that like Tom Brady level?

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Oh, man, you know, anyone, what was interesting to me about Tom Brady? I didn't do the Kevin Hart roast and it was many factors of like, I was busy and I just didn't have the time to commit to it that I wanted to, but it was just also like, I think Tom Brady was so interesting to me. I'd done a bunch of roasts before him and I was kind of like, I think I'm done with this. But then when I heard it was Tom Brady, I'm like, that's, that's interesting because that's someone that like, it's pretty private and we don't know much about and there's a wealth of things to pull from. But also how cool of him to put himself out there like that. And I just really respected the decision from someone I would have never thought that would put themselves in that position to be made fun of. So to me, that was really fascinating.

• 52:47Speaker 03

  So I guess it would have to be someone that I would never expect to do it and who I thought, wow, I want to, I want to pay them respect by doing, by adding to this amazing night because I respect them so much. It would have to be someone, you know, like a Paul McCartney. I'd be like, I would do anything to do that, but not because I want to make fun of him, but because I want to honor him the right way.

• 53:07Kylie Kelce?

  Right.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Also, one of the reasons I don't want to do one again is because I just don't want jokes to be made about me and out there forever in clip form. Just a supercut of all the reasons you should hate this girl from Pete Davidson's own mouth. And you're just like, okay, great.

• 53:22Kylie Kelce?

  Well, fuck me.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  It lives on forever and then that tells a generation of young boys how to perceive you.

• 53:29Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  And I just, I'm not interested in that, but for the right person, I'd come out and do it.

• 53:35Kylie Kelce?

  I really would. Never say never.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:38Kylie Kelce?

  Now, the last clip is you explaining your decision to potentially not have kids. Using one of the funniest analogies I've ever heard.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Listen, I get why you have kids. I'm not so naive. Like, it's because you love them. It's because they, it's, that's a great feeling to feel the love that you have for your child. It's a feeling I've heard of and it sounds so good. And I might not get to feel it and sometimes I get bummed out by that. I'm like, is this a human life worth living to not feel that great love? And then I think about, you know, you don't get to feel every feeling in life that's good, you know? Like, I also have no plans on doing heroin. Like, I hear that feeling's pretty great. I hear it's might be better than the kid feeling, to be honest with you. Because I know people who have kids who do heroin and they're like, kid schmitz, like, leave them in the car. Let's go get more heroin. Oh, yes, that was a good one.

• 54:31Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you. That was a good joke.

• 54:33Kylie Kelce?

  No.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  Sometimes you hear a joke back to yourself, like, I would never remember that joke because it was a while ago. But you're so right, like, I, I know having kids would feel amazing and I'm not going to do it probably in my lifetime. Who else's lifetime am I talking about? Why would you even say in my lifetime? Like, why do we need that phrase? I just realized that's, it just makes me sound like intelligent. No, the opposite. Okay, so I'm never gonna have kids, but I'm also, yeah, my point was, I'm never going to do heroin. And I hear that that's actually better than kids. A lot of people leave behind their kids to go do more heroin and I'm turning down that every day. Then what's the harm? But that is, that's something I'm still exploring is like the, because when I wrote that joke, I was still like in my 30s

• 55:17Speaker 03

  and it's like, maybe I could, but now I'm 42 and it's like the window, the door is closed. I didn't freeze my eggs. It's not like, having my own kids is not something that my body is interested in doing even accidentally, you know? So it's not gonna happen for me. And that's my new kind of struggle is like, oh, it was always easy to be like, I'm never having kids, but like, I still could if I wanted to. And now it's like, I'm never having kids and, oh, well, that's, that's that. And I can't. And if, I mean, I'm open to adoption and things like that, but it's, it's to have your own. It's, it's a sad thing to say goodbye to, even if you never wanted it. And it's something that I'm like, dealing with.

• 55:57Kylie Kelce?

  Now, one of the reasons why I love this joke is because there are a large population of people who take issue with the fact that there are women who choose not to have kids.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:08Kylie Kelce?

  Which blows my fucking mind.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  That's nice to hear from you.

• 56:11Kylie Kelce?

  It's baffling to me. I always say, like, I was always the type of person where I was like, if you want to have kids, if you don't want to have kids, if you want to take a different path to have kids, like, to me, it all made sense, right? Whatever makes you happy, whatever is your life plan. Once I had kids, I never, that was the moment I better understood the people who chose not to have kids.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 56:34Kylie Kelce?

  Like, I love my kids. I would never give it up.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Yes, of course.

• 56:39Kylie Kelce?

  But I understand even more deeply why people choose not to have kids.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:45Kylie Kelce?

  And so the people who take issue with women who choose that or don't choose that or not able to, whatever the path is.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:55Kylie Kelce?

  I, it fascinates me on like the deepest level of just like, you're a fucking idiot. Like, do you think that that is what women were put here for? That we cannot provide anything else to the world other than like, we're here to procreate, right? Like, we're just here to create babies. That's us. We're here to repopulate the earth. And the fact that you took this point

• 57:22Kylie Kelce?

  and then used heroin was just like, it was like so poetic in a way of just like, fuck.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 57:31Kylie Kelce?

  Because it's the people who would be so disturbed with you not having kids.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 57:35Kylie Kelce?

  That are gonna be like, you don't ever want to feel that one day?

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what they say.

• 57:39Kylie Kelce?

  They're also gonna be bothered even more so with the idea of heroin.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  I love when you find a logical fallacy of like, that just shuts people off.

• 57:48Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah, you see how silly you sound.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  You go, that, that is true though, so should I do heroin? And it's like, you know, there's all these other messages in that of like, do kids ruin your life? Like heroin, of course not, but in like, some ways, could they also? Like, yeah, like, but I, I appreciate that and I have become like, sometimes when I talk about, I don't, I didn't have kids on stage with like childless women are like, oh! And I'm like, I'm just kind of like, let's calm down with that. Like, I, I just, I think that, because I don't look at myself as like, I'm a poster child for like, you didn't choose to be a mom, go get it, girl, get your career. It just, it's not like it chose a career over having kids. It really, it never occurred to me to have kids.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  It's just, it just was never a thing that ever even fluttered into my brain even once. Like, it just never presented itself. And so it's not like I'm like pushing it down and I'm choosing this.

• 58:42Kylie Kelce?

  This wasn't like a thought along the way. This is just how your life worked.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  You know, obviously I thought about it and was like, why don't I want kids? Like, why is this thing that's happening to all my friends in their, in my, you know, all my friends in our 20s were never having kids. And then they all kind of by mid 30s were like, I think I want kids and became pretty obsessed with it. And, and now they're all mothers. And I was waiting for that to happen to me and I felt kind of broken of like, what? Am I not like a real woman if I'm not at least having the urge that I'm, I can push it down, but at least having the urge? And I just, I have to accept that that's just the way I am and I just never, I never wanted it. And maybe that, it sucks that I could change my mind at some point and it's too late. That's what I really resent is being a woman and having this little window. Like, I would love to be in my 80s, like Al Pacino. Like, I think I'm ready.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  Like, I want to go to an adoption agency when I'm 83. Give me one and see what they do. Because why are we giving them to men at that age? They would never.

• 59:43Kylie Kelce?

  No.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  But, you know, like, I, I do leave it open of like, because I would be, I have no problem with adoption and things like that. But it's, but it's not something that's, that's popped up for me. And I, I do know that I'm missing out on a lot.

• 59:59Kylie Kelce?

  I will say, and I don't know that this is correct, but from the way that you're framing it, I like sort of like the fluid approach that you have to it where it's like, yes, I chose not to and it didn't come up. And now if I chose to, I could go to adoption, I could go and explore other avenues.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Kylie Kelce?

  But it's not that like, I think that a lot of times people think. That it's going to be like this like declaration of like, I'm never having kids and that. I don't want them. And like, sometimes that's not how it happens.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  I think for me, it's like, if I'm getting to the real reason why it never, it never occurred to me is like, it was just a commitment that seemed like you can't ever get out of it.

• 1:00:40Kylie Kelce?

  No.

• 1:00:41Speaker 03

  And that is so, I'm, I'm honestly in awe of women who become moms because there's no going back.

• 1:00:47Kylie Kelce?

  No.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  And almost literally everything in life you can take back. Ev- every commitment you make, you buy a house, get a husband, divorce, you can sell it. It's like, but kids?

• 1:00:57Kylie Kelce?

  Yep.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  My joke is, you can't leave. You're not a dad.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  So being a mother is the ultimate commitment and I'm completely in awe of my friends who do it. Um, and, and everyone who does it because if you don't like it, girl, you gotta stick that out.

• 1:01:11Kylie Kelce?

  Yes.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  And it's incredible.

• 1:01:14Kylie Kelce?

  Well.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Cause I'm a little weasel. I want to get out of anything.

• 1:01:16Kylie Kelce?

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• 1:02:00Kylie Kelce?

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• 1:02:41Kylie Kelce?

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• 1:03:21Kylie Kelce?

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• 1:04:03Kylie Kelce?

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• 1:04:48Speaker 06

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• 1:05:46Kylie Kelce?

  Well, you know what you can't, you can't give back?

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:05:50Kylie Kelce?

  Not having kids. Nieces and nephews.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:53Kylie Kelce?

  How many?

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  I have three. And they.

• 1:05:56Kylie Kelce?

  One niece, two nephews?

• 1:05:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:59Kylie Kelce?

  And how old are they?

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  They are nine, six and four. And I'm babysitting them tomorrow and I am like filled with dread. Like Kylie, like it's so embarrassing that I barely ever home, but when I'm home, I'm like, please let me help. And they finally asked. And so I'm watching them from like 12 to five tomorrow. And I can't stop thinking about it. Like, I'm like, how, cause it's reminding me of babysitting and like, I'm going to be just like watching the clock. Like, when's the mother getting back? Like, I didn't like babysitting as a kid.

• 1:06:24Kylie Kelce?

  And the mother is your sister?

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, the mom's my sister. And I love these kids, but I, I, I don't have a great imagination, I feel like, in playing with them. And um, I'm scared they're going to be bored. I'm scared, like, I'm just, but I'm so stressed out by, I don't know. I, I really like, it's, it's so pathetic at how much I'm thinking about tomorrow and dreading it. And women do this day in and day out and make it work. Like I, I have so, like, I have a newfound respect because I'm like, oh, I'm actually faced with having to walk them for longer than like an hour tomorrow. And I'm daunted.

• 1:06:57Kylie Kelce?

  I think that there is a pressure specifically with like kids that are not yours. Because like all day, like my kids, like they don't leave. They're always there. Like there's no, there's, there's no like end in sight.

• 1:07:13Speaker 03

  There's not.

• 1:07:14Kylie Kelce?

  It's so terrible. But like, they're always there. You turn around, one's there. You turn around, three's there. Like you, there's always someone.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  There's always someone touching me. That's crazy Kylie.

• 1:07:25Kylie Kelce?

  Always.

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  Wait, you're so right. Like I never thought about motherhood like that.

• 1:07:28Kylie Kelce?

  Always. This is not, this is not an exaggeration.

• 1:07:32Speaker 03

  I love cuddles with my kids and of course you do.

• 1:07:35Kylie Kelce?

  When it's my choice.

• 1:07:38Kylie Kelce?

  My body, my choice. Okay?

• 1:07:42Speaker 03

  There's always someone touching you. It's so, it's so much.

• 1:07:45Kylie Kelce?

  I cannot explain this enough. Yesterday morning, I was making lunches.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Kylie Kelce?

  I have one, a three-year-old on this side, a one-year-old on this side, pulling my pajama shorts down on either side, thinking that it was funny every time I had to grab the side of my shorts.

• 1:08:02Speaker 03

  And you're just like, bitch.

• 1:08:04Kylie Kelce?

  Literally, I should have closed the door. Bitch.

• 1:08:09Kylie Kelce?

  It is, it's just, it's like, it's like, I don't know, sensory overload. And then, and then my one-year-old starts pushing me back from the cabinets, like from the countertop as I'm trying to make stuff. And I'm just like, get out of the kitchen.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:08:23Kylie Kelce?

  Get out of the, and you can't tell a kid like, get away from me.

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. Yeah, it's not the eighties.

• 1:08:28Kylie Kelce?

  I have a couple of times.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, of course.

• 1:08:30Kylie Kelce?

  Because they just don't stop touching me. Yeah.

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  And they can handle it.

• 1:08:34Kylie Kelce?

  Well, usually I'll say it and like, would you get away from me? Like.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  That's so sweet.

• 1:08:38Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah. And then.

• 1:08:39Speaker 03

  Then it's like flirting.

• 1:08:40Kylie Kelce?

  Maybe twice. I'm like, get away from me. Like just.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Oh, when mom.

• 1:08:45Kylie Kelce?

  We've had too many warnings. We've had too many warnings. You walked yourself into this.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. Are you, like the gentle parenting is.

• 1:08:51Kylie Kelce?

  It's not me.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  It's not you.

• 1:08:52Kylie Kelce?

  No.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  You just, you, yeah, you don't seem like you're faking anything. Like your, your kids get the real you.

• 1:08:59Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  There's not like a lot of.

• 1:09:01Kylie Kelce?

  Well, parents that are like moms who are like, we don't raise our voice in our house. And I'm like, how do yours fucking listen?

• 1:09:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Kylie Kelce?

  Like there are times where like, three of them are yelling at each other. And if I do not raise my voice, like that's going to continue until the end of time. I don't know.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  Sad, just a woman kind of talking to herself as the kids are screaming around her. Like that's.

• 1:09:23Kylie Kelce?

  Sometimes that also happens.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  I just can't stand the like, now that's not nice when you kick your aunt in the face. We don't do that to people. And it's like, well, that's kind of, we, no one does that. That's bad to do. We don't do that to people. Like it's like, maybe sometimes, but yeah, obviously. That's not very nice. Now say sorry. I hate the say sorry where I'm just like, he doesn't want to say it. He's not going to say it. Now I'm going to get sorry, like a fake sorry. That doesn't feel good to either of us. Just let him not say sorry. I don't need thank yous and pleases if the kids aren't trained to do it anyway.

• 1:09:58Kylie Kelce?

  Do you know what? I will send them back multiple times. Like my seven-year-old will be like, I'll be like, you cannot want your sister backwards off the couch. I need you, you need to go over and you need to apologize for what you did. She'll go over and she'll go, sorry. And she'll walk away and I'll be like, roll it back, walk it back.

• 1:10:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:10:15Kylie Kelce?

  And she's like, she's, I said it. And I'm like, that's nice. Walk it back. Give her a full sentence. I, I will literally, we'll do it like three or four times just to get her to be like, Benny, I'm sorry I kicked you off the couch.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  That's so great.

• 1:10:30Kylie Kelce?

  I won't do it again. And I'm like, get, cause they'll just.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  That's crucial.

• 1:10:34Kylie Kelce?

  Sorry.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  And they take it into adulthood. How many adults do we know that are go, I'm sorry, but you would, and they do a but, and it's just sorry. Well, yes, sorry. It's like, people still talk that way. And a real good, like we were talking about before, a good apology really can just make everything better.

• 1:10:51Kylie Kelce?

  Yes.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  And it's so important to learn how to do that. That's so good that you do that.

• 1:10:54Kylie Kelce?

  Oh, we do it often. It's sweet until you realize that we do it probably at least twice an hour.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:03Kylie Kelce?

  Every single day.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Learning from it.

• 1:11:05Kylie Kelce?

  Not at all. Not at all.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  But it's somewhere there. Yeah.

• 1:11:08Kylie Kelce?

  It's somewhere in there.

• 1:11:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:10Kylie Kelce?

  It's going good. Now, you're an aunt, like we said. Um, we asked Uncle Trav this question because it was a TikTok trend. And now I want Aunt Nikki's answer. Would you sign your nieces, your niece or nephews bad grade and not tell your sister?

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a good question. Um.

• 1:11:34Speaker 03

  No, no, I couldn't do that. Because also, I would, I would love for them to come with me with a bad grade. Because I'd be like, who cares about this class? It's not that important. Grades are not that important.

• 1:11:46Kylie Kelce?

  Okay.

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  Like, you could be anything you want. It's like, I would, I would love the opportunity to do what I wish someone would have told me, which is like, if you get a B minus in this class, or even a C, it doesn't matter.

• 1:11:58Kylie Kelce?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  It's just high school. And it's like, so I think I would, I, but I would tell my sister, but I think she would be of the like, and then I'd tell her, it's not that big of a deal. Let's not freak out about it. But I don't think I would, I don't think I would ever go behind my sister's back with, with parenting. I just could, you would?

• 1:12:13Kylie Kelce?

  I would do it in a heartbeat.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Really? Give me your reasoning.

• 1:12:16Kylie Kelce?

  Here's what I would do. Similar to you, but like, in a more like theatrical way. I'd be like, hell yeah, I'm gonna sign this test. Don't tell mom. Not a big deal.

• 1:12:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:12:29Kylie Kelce?

  You don't need, like, this is not the end of the world. It's one bad grade. Not a big deal. We don't care. I'm gonna sign it. Secret safe with me. And then, two weeks later, I'm gonna tell my sister. But, I'm gonna be like, I'm only gonna tell you this if you pinky promise to not freak out. I'm telling you because I want you to have the information, but the deed's done. You can't go back now. You can't, you can't roll it back. You can't be like, hey, teacher, I know that two weeks ago, blah, blah, blah. No. We're letting it ride. But like, I want my nieces and nephews to feel like I'm a safe space.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  That's so good.

• 1:13:07Kylie Kelce?

  Because I want them to have other adults in their life. Like, if there's ever a moment where they think to themselves, I can't call mom or dad.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:16Kylie Kelce?

  That I want them to be able to call me.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  That's what I always want to.

• 1:13:19Kylie Kelce?

  Because even though I will tell their parents, whether they find out or not, I will tell their parents. But they will be safe because they're with a trusted adult.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Right. So they'll, they'll feel safe because the deed has already been done. And you wait long enough that they have gotten away with it.

• 1:13:36Kylie Kelce?

  Exactly.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  And it's good to go. And you wait long enough that it's not really that big of a deal anymore.

• 1:13:40Kylie Kelce?

  You get it.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  The dust has settled.

• 1:13:41Kylie Kelce?

  Yes.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  That's, that's my new plan. That's what I'll do.

• 1:13:44Kylie Kelce?

  Okay.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  That's way better. Because I want that trust too. You wanna be the cool aunt, you wanna be the one they can go to when they're having a breakup.

• 1:13:50Kylie Kelce?

  Call me. You need ice cream after that breakup? Call me.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  You, you, your friend needs a place to crash and, because he's too drunk and does, like, let me be a safe haven, let me get them the Gatorade, let me, need a ride? I'll call an Uber for you, I'm sleeping.

• 1:14:07Kylie Kelce?

  Really?

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, no, no, no.

• 1:14:09Kylie Kelce?

  No, no, I'll call, I'll track you the whole way home.

• 1:14:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need to bury a body.

• 1:14:14Kylie Kelce?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:14:15Speaker 03

  I've got a backyard.

• 1:14:15Kylie Kelce?

  I have shovels.

• 1:14:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. Look at us.

• 1:14:18Kylie Kelce?

  I wanna be the trusted adult. Now that we've gone completely off the rails.

• 1:14:21Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:14:22Kylie Kelce?

  Thank you so much for being here.

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  Oh, my god, thank you.

• 1:14:25Kylie Kelce?

  This was incredible.

• 1:14:26Speaker 03

  You're awesome.

• 1:14:26Kylie Kelce?

  I will say, we, um, this was a spooky Halloween episode, obviously. We should, we should address these. We just were spirited.

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  Sorry that we're festive.

• 1:14:37Kylie Kelce?

  Sorry that we like to celebrate holidays.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Sorry that we just wanted to timestamp this forever, so that any clip would seem out of place at any other time of year.

• 1:14:46Kylie Kelce?

  Duh.

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  You know what? I want this to only work around the holiday season, these clips.

• 1:14:51Kylie Kelce?

  Let's do it, every year. Um, the one other thing I will tell you is, your love for Uncrustables lights my soul on fire.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  It's one in my purse right now, it's getting eaten on the drive home. Oh, yeah, and guess what today? I've discovered a new way to do it. If you're ever steaming clothes, run a steamer on that Uncrustable. It is so good, a little warmed up with steam.

• 1:15:09Kylie Kelce?

  Can I tell you? Do you wanna know my secret?

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:12Kylie Kelce?

  Okay, my secret is, I really like when the peanut butter's still just on the cusp of being frozen. It excites my soul.

• 1:15:19Speaker 03

  What about the jelly? Is the jelly frozen?

• 1:15:21Kylie Kelce?

  No, the jelly is not frozen.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  Oh, because it has a different freezing temperature.

• 1:15:24Kylie Kelce?

  Correct. So you know what I do? Take it out of the freezer, shove it under my leg.

• 1:15:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, you.

• 1:15:29Kylie Kelce?

  And you, you use your own body heat, okay? And then you're sitting there, you got maybe, I don't know, three to five minutes, right? You can't wait very long.

• 1:15:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:15:36Kylie Kelce?

  Because that is, you know it's there.

• 1:15:39Speaker 03

  I hate waiting, it's like, that's why I don't cook.

• 1:15:42Kylie Kelce?

  I mean, that's why on there, it's like, hey, do not microwave us, we will be a molten lava pocket. Can't do it.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:15:49Kylie Kelce?

  But you're so impatient. So you shove it under your little leg.

• 1:15:51Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:15:52Kylie Kelce?

  And then after three to five minutes, you pop it out. The bread is soft.

• 1:15:55Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 1:15:57Kylie Kelce?

  The peanut butter is hard.

• 1:15:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:15:59Kylie Kelce?

  The jelly is soft.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Three to five minutes. Okay. I love, I always sit on it, like, I'm laying an egg. It's so good. But try a steamer. Next time you're steaming clothes, just run a steamer on it. Even one that's already like defrosted.

• 1:16:13Kylie Kelce?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Just heating it up a little bit is, I did it today.

• 1:16:15Kylie Kelce?

  Have you ever popped one of the Nutella ones in the toaster?

• 1:16:17Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:16:19Kylie Kelce?

  Nikki?

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:20Kylie Kelce?

  What?

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  What am I doing with my life?

• 1:16:23Kylie Kelce?

  Get one of the chocolate ones.

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:24Kylie Kelce?

  Put it in the toaster.

• 1:16:25Speaker 03

  My mouth is literally watering, just the sensation of biting into one.

• 1:16:31Kylie Kelce?

  Perfect. Um, you can get tickets to see Nikki on her stunning tour now at NikkiGlazer.com. Watch Steps on Netflix, November 20th, and watch her host the Golden Globes this January. Thank you so much for coming on.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me, Kylie.

• 1:16:46Kylie Kelce?

  I'm so excited to watch it on the Golden Globes, too.

• 1:16:48Speaker 03

  Thank you, girl.

• 1:16:48Kylie Kelce?

  And that's it for this episode of Not Gonna Lie. You can find even more clips from my longer conversation with Nikki on my YouTube channel, on More Shit Monday. Follow us on social media, at NGLwithKylie for clips throughout the week. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Not Gonna Lie is a Wave original brought to you by Invisalign. Thanks again to the real ones for tuning in.

• 1:17:16Kylie Kelce?

  Wave.

• 1:17:59Kylie Kelce?

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