338 Love Louder and Deepen Relationships with Preston Smiles

"When you choose to step into your calling, it will make room for you." - Preston Smiles If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/338 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 338 with Preston Smiles.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone to this special episode with my good friend Preston Smiles. And if you don't know who Preston is, then you are in for a treat today. Make sure you listen to this full episode or watch the video at lewishouse.com/338 because wow, Preston is electric. And I go back a few years with Preston. We did some leadership workshops, some emotional telejumps workshops together. We've done a lot of work together. We've been through a lot together and he knows a lot about me. I know a lot about him. So it got pretty interesting today and I'm super pumped to introduce you to him. He's got a new book out, which I want you to check out. We've got it all linked back at lewishouse.com/338.

• 1:17Lewis Howes?

  Make sure to give this one some love and share it out. And for those that don't know who Preston Smiles is, he has taken over the inspirational video world by storm. On YouTube and on Facebook, he's got these incredible videos that really bring people to their highest power and to their highest light and to their biggest heart. And his mission is to empower, inspire, and ignite a multi-generational movement of radical growth through conscious, creative content, acts of love, and by living boldly. And he believes we're all here to leave the planet better than when we found it. And he's committed to motivating others to join him on that mission and live their best life right now.

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  And boy, does he bring it out of people. He really electrifies people when he connects with them. And his content is so inspiring to me. It's some of the content that I share out. On a consistent basis. He has a new book. He does workshops over the world. He's a public speaker. He's a coach and he's a good friend of mine. And I want to make sure you give him your full attention. Again, share this out with your friends, LewisHowes.com/338. Check out the full resources and show notes over at that link as well. And without further ado, let me introduce you to the one, the only, Preston Smiles.

• 2:40Lewis Howes?

  All right. Welcome back and more to the School Things Podcast. I'm very excited about today's guest. His name is Preston Smiles, my man. Good to see you, brother.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 2:51Lewis Howes?

  Very pumped about this. Preston's got a new book out. I just bought 20 copies. I pre-ordered myself. It's called Love Louder, 33 Ways to Amplify Your Life by Preston Smiles. Make sure to get the book right now on Amazon. It is out today. Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Thanks for being here, man. I'm excited about this.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  For sure, for sure.

• 3:09Lewis Howes?

  We've known each other for what, three years now? Three and a half years, maybe now?

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd say a little, maybe a little longer, somewhere.

• 3:14Lewis Howes?

  Four years, maybe?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Somewhere right there, yeah.

• 3:15Lewis Howes?

  I think I first met you at the Love Mob event. It was like at The Grove.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:21Lewis Howes?

  That was the first time I met you.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  And then I met you, I don't know if I'd done the workshop before then or after then, but we essentially did a workshop together for like six months. That was pretty intensive and crazy and amazing all at the same time. We were like, essentially you can create buddies in this workshop for this specific one we did and we became buddies.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  And so we had a lot of intimate moments, a lot of crazy times, challenges. There was one time we were

• 3:49Lewis Howes?

  one time we were going down the street here and doing some crazy stuff. You were like writing poems for people. I was like dancing with men or something crazy. We were doing challenges to overcome fears of ours. It was all about breaking through limitations. So we've had an amazing ride. And I remember in this process, this was three years ago, two and a half years ago we did this?

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:08Lewis Howes?

  Two and a half years ago we did this. You were like, I want to write a book. And I was like, now's the time, like let's make it happen. So now the book is finally out.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:16Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty cool. It's coming full circle now, right?

• 4:18Speaker 01

  It's amazing, yeah. We spoke yesterday and I'm going to say this again on camera just because I wanted to like, thank you. Your push during that time, you know, we were both pushing and pulling and like

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  digging and like holding each other high, but your push at that point, I didn't even have what we would say a functional website, not the one that, not what I was worth, you know?

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  And like for you at that moment, you were like, yo, it's time. Like you're ready and it's time. And to sit here, you know, three years later.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty sweet, man.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  And to both be, you know, not at the top of our game, but at the top of our game for now.

• 4:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Um, and then that top will keep, you know?

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, we're in a nice stride, you know?

• 4:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:54Lewis Howes?

  We're like

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:55Lewis Howes?

  cruising, you know? Sprinting along, so it's very cool. Uh, and you, you had some different ideas for books, but this is the one you finally came up with. You actually just finished a second book, but Love Louder. Why Love Louder? Why, why did you want to do this book as your first book?

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Cause man, everything comes back to love. Every guest you've ever had on here, anybody who's ever talking about anything positive, it always comes back to love. Underneath all of our stories about each other, gay, straight, white, black, Christian, Muslim, underneath all of that is love. And for me, you know, I've lived in this short lifetime, a million lives. I've been at the very bottom, close to suicide, and I've also experienced some of the highest heights. And my understanding is, is the moment we, we turn the volume up, the moment we amplify our love, we automatically amplify our lives. So for me, I'm cutting out the middleman and going straight to the source. So Love Louder, source.

• 5:53Lewis Howes?

  That's really, again, what we all achieve to do is to experience love and to have more love, to give more love. You know, why we make more money is because we want to have more attention. Or, you know, why we strive to be great athletes is we want to get the acknowledgement that we never got, or whatever it may be. It's like there's some deeper sense of we just want to be loved. We want to create something great in the world so that more people love us, right?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Heck, yeah.

• 6:15Lewis Howes?

  Or that the people that are in our relationships finally love us and see us for who we are, you know, whatever it may be. So, um, very cool, man. Well, I'm excited. And you, you started this thing called The Love Mob, which is where I first met you. And tell us what that is and was and...

• 6:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, The Love Mob's kinda on hold right now. It's about to come back full steam, but The Love Mob is organized acts of love. So we do Giant flash mobs, the one you went to, we took over this popular mall in LA.

• 6:39Lewis Howes?

  The Grove.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  The Grove.

• 6:40Lewis Howes?

  Like marched through like a marching band.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  There was like eight hundred of us singing and and just reminding people that on the busiest shopping day in America, that the only thing we need is love. So we sang the Beatles song, All You Need Is Love. And we do different things, but it always comes back to organized acts of love. We're like the mob, but for love.

• 6:59Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. I love it, man. So you guys are on hold now because you guys, you and your fiance have been traveling around the world doing workshops.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Leading workshops, writing books.

• 7:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So it's on hold.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Speaking, doing all that good stuff, so.

• 7:10Lewis Howes?

  And you were an actor before, right?

• 7:11Speaker 01

  I was.

• 7:11Lewis Howes?

  That was like the main reason you came to LA was to act. You went to school for acting or was it for something else?

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got an MFA in in theater and like did the whole thing, man.

• 7:21Lewis Howes?

  And that was the dream to come out and be like a big movie star originally or what was?

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Yes, that was the dream. And then I got out here and I had, um, I experienced some heart palpitations when I first got to LA.

• 7:30Lewis Howes?

  Really? Why?

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Um, I'll get to that. So I hadn't been to the doctor. I was one of those dudes that didn't go to the doctor. It's like, what would I need to do that for? Um, and it got so bad that I was like, okay, I probably need to see what this is. And I went to my general doctor who was like the same doctor I had when I was like nine.

• 7:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  And she ran a couple of tests and she was like, you need to see a cardiologist immediately. And I was like, okay. And she was like, like tomorrow. So I went the next day and I was sitting in this office with an eighty-five-year-old man to my left and like a seven-year-old woman to my right. And I'm here, I am this twenty-five-year-old kid and, you know, it hit me that the one thing you don't mess with is the heart. Like you can, you can lose a liver, you can lose a finger, you can lose a lot of things, but when that thing goes out, you're done. And, um, went in and the doctor ran a couple of tests and

• 8:22Speaker 01

  hooked up this machine to my chest that was going to monitor what was happening. And I came back a few days later and he, um, He, this guy actually changed my life and I wanna hunt him down because this, he not only changed my life, he changed a lot of other people's lives as well indirectly. He asked me two questions, changed my life forever. So, the first question was, was after looking at my charts and kinda looking back up at me and like, he said, "Young man, um, he said, "What are your stress levels like?" And I was like, "What's a stress level? Like, I'm a kid, I don't know what you're talking about." Yeah. And he explained what stress was and I explained my life and he said, "You're highly stressed out." So that was number one. Number two, and this happens, anybody who's ever been sick, like really sick, gets the same question.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  The second question was, was "What is your diet like?" And I said, "I eat food." And he was like, "Okay, talk to me about food. What's food to you?" And I said, "Well, I eat McDonald's, Burger King, I drink beer, I smoke weed, uh, you know, like, I do what everybody else does." And he said, "Young man, that's not food." And I'm like, "Dude, what are you talking about? Of course it's food, it's on the commercials, it's food." And he said, "How long have you been doing this?" And I said, "My whole life." And he was like, "By your whole life, what do you mean?" And I said, "Literally, everybody I know and everybody they know, grandparents, everybody, everyone eats that way." And he said, "Well, as a doctor, I'm gonna give you some pills that will regulate your heartbeat for the rest of your life." This is a 25-year-old person that's gonna be taking pills for the rest of his life.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  He said, "As a father, as a citizen, I think you might wanna look into this." And I went home that day and made a decision that I would never be taking pills for the rest of my life. And that led me into this journey of awakening and getting super upset about what I didn't know, that I didn't know and what most of society doesn't know. And I was the angry, I was the angry person that like wakes up and it's like, "Do you know what you're eating?" And I was going to all my family and I'm like, "You gotta start juicing!" And like, nobody could hear me. Right, right, right. So you weren't coming from love? I was not coming from love. You were coming from judgment, from criticism, from, "Now that I know, I'm better, you don't know," type of mentality.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I mean, what's, what was deep, deep, deep under it was love. Because I wanted to save them. But what I didn't understand was, was that my context, you see, the context determines the content. So my context was creating a content where people couldn't hear me. The moment I shifted and changed the context from love, from understanding, from compassion,

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Everything over there changed.

• 10:59Lewis Howes?

  From let's both win and figure this out together as opposed to, you know.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's cool, man. So what did you, when did that start to shift? So was it like a year where you were just yelling at people? Obviously, you weren't yelling at everyone, but that energy of like.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Yes, it took about a year and then, and then I.

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  What, you realized it wasn't working and you're like, okay, I need to do something different?

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I actually met a guy and um, something about his energy was like amazing. And I had never met a man who stood as a king. And I said, dude, I don't know who you are, what you do, but like, like what did you do? Cause I need some of that.

• 11:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  And he said, I took this workshop in New York. I think they have them in LA.

• 11:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  And I made a few calls and I ended up at this place called MITT, which is Mastered Transformational Training. And took that workshop and it was, cracked me wide open.

• 11:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  We did a few exercises that let me know where I was actually standing, you know?

• 11:52Lewis Howes?

  Showed you who you were being in the world?

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. And now I teach that stuff. Now I will, I go around the world leading workshops. Particularly the embodiment piece because Louis, I gotta tell you this, a lot of people who are wanting to change their lives, um, don't really understand what's happening. Cause there's an industry built for intellectual change. But the body never lies.

• 12:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  And most people do change here, but it never drops here. So for me, my work is about supporting people and understanding and, and, and moving it into the body, moving it into practice. So they are the living embodiment of it. Cause I've met millions, not millions, hundreds of people who have all the head knowledge. They can.

• 12:41Lewis Howes?

  The intellect.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. They can tell you about all, all the best quotes and all that stuff. But when it comes to actual application, when it comes to that moment, high stress situations, fight, flight, freeze or appease comes out. And my work is about being above that. Epi, like epi genetics, being above fight, flight, freeze or appease, which is what most people's.

• 13:01Lewis Howes?

  Uphease?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:02Lewis Howes?

  Uphease, yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  So in stressful situations, like I, um, we'll get to this if we get to this, but I, a woman died in my arms in New York last year on Mother's Day.

• 13:11Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  And. I got to see the work that I had been doing because in stressful situations like that, when someone How are you gonna show up? Exactly. So, most of the people in New York on the street corner, when she got hit by this cab and her brains were on the ground, it was really hard. Wow. Most people, flight, they took off. Freak out, screaming. Exactly. But for me, I walked in and I got to see, oh, I've embodied the stuff I've been talking about. Right. I could step into that with a calm heart and really, truly be with this woman in her last moments on this planet, you know? Wow. What was that like? Was she able to speak or now was she kind of already gone? She was gasping. And this is also a part of why I wrote this book.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Wow. I didn't know this happened. I was still in the midst of this. And for me, and like, man to man, human to human, the only thing that matters when it's all said and done is this breath. And we take it for granted all the time. And I watched somebody, huh, gasp. All she wanted was one more. And I watched her go through that process and I sat there with her and I spoke to her. I went on the spiritual level. There was one doctor and one nurse on the scene, hundreds of people. Nobody wanted to be there because her brains were splattered and it was bloody and gory and all that stuff. Wow. So while they were checking her pulse and doing that, I went into the spirit world and I put my interact with her. Yes, exactly. Be loving because that's what she wanted. Boom. And I said, I'm here with you. Wow.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  If it's time to go, perfect. If you want to stay, I'm here with you. Wow. And we just had this back and forth. And then there was a moment, because I closed my eyes. And there was a moment when something said, open your eyes. And I opened my eyes and she

• 14:56Speaker 01

  That was it? Gone. Whoa, that's pretty heavy, man. Yeah, you can look this up right now. It's, her name is Amelia Stern tool. Anybody can look that up on the internet and see when it happened in New York and it was Wow, did anyone videotape this or no? No.

• 15:10Lewis Howes?

  That's intense, man. That's a deep experience.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Yes, life changing.

• 15:14Lewis Howes?

  It's heavy.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Yes, very much so.

• 15:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What happened for you after that experience? What did you?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Just a beautiful reminder. I mean, I had a little bit of PTSD. I'm not gonna lie. Cause I, you know, replaying, watching someone die is not an easy thing. And then having to face off with my own mortality and, and understanding that not a single soul is getting out of this thing alive.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Like, I don't care how many, how much money you make, how many people you interview. You're one of the most awesome people I know. You're gonna die one day.

• 15:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  And so am I.

• 15:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  And so the question is, is like, how am I actually going to walk this earth? What legacy am I gonna leave? And for me, anybody who's ever seen my videos, anybody who's ever experienced me in person gets that I care. Like, I truly care. And that, that experience with Amelia, ramped that up tenfold. Because I'm not, I'm not afraid. You know, I could lose everything right now, and I would still have everything. If you know what I mean.

• 16:14Lewis Howes?

  Of course, yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  And I would just gain it back.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  Heavy, man. I didn't know that happened. Wow, that's crazy.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. I didn't talk about, I made a video after, but no, I didn't talk about it for that much.

• 16:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow. I wanna talk about your name, Preston Smiles. That's not your given name, correct?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  No.

• 16:32Lewis Howes?

  What's the given name?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  My given name is Preston Davis.

• 16:35Lewis Howes?

  Preston Davis.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  Is there a middle name?

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, Eugene.

• 16:39Lewis Howes?

  Preston Eugene Davis.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. No one's ever asked me this. You see, you see how Louis is coming at me right now? Uh-oh, hot seat. Let's go, Lou.

• 16:49Lewis Howes?

  Preston Eugene Davis. So, when did you change your last name to Smiles? Is it an official name or is it not official yet? And why?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Yes. So, story. I went to Louisiana State University, and I was in the theater department. And there was a woman, and nothing against any of the people in the theater department, I love them dearly, they're amazing. But there was a group of kids that would smoke cigarettes and wear all black and like, intellectualize and philosophize on the stairs every day. And they would throw their cigarette butts down in front of this woman, this janitor named Miss Evans. And every time I saw that, it bothered me. Cause it was as if she wasn't human. And I made a decision that, cause I saw her, I was in a graduate program. So I saw her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from eight AM basically to five PM or later during classes. So I, Louisiana is really hot.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  So I made it a point for every morning that I would see her on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I would bring not only myself a bottle of water and a granola bar, but I would bring her one. So we started having breakfast together and just talking. I'd hear about her kids and what she was buying them and what she was up to and just dove into her life. Just as a human, nobody saw it, it was just her and I. And a few months into the semester, um, I was running down the hall doing something and you know, she pays attention, she works there, that's the building, she mops up, she cleans the toilet, she does all the stuff. And I was running down the hall once and she said, "Boy, you always run around here smiling. I'mma call you Preston Smiles with your happy self." And it was this moment for me where I was like, "That's my name."

• 18:28Speaker 01

  You know, it didn't necessarily click, click, I didn't claim it at that moment, but it like hit me different. And when I moved to LA and had all of that experience, I got that. And this is nothing against my given name, but that's a slave name, you know? That's that, if you really go back, that Davis is a slave name. So I asked myself, "Who do I choose to be?" And then digging in the, in the crates and like sitting with who I choose to be, Preston Smiles came out.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  And that's what I embody now.

• 18:58Lewis Howes?

  I like it. Is it an official, is it, did you change the name?

• 19:01Speaker 01

  So here's the funny thing, also, I've never told anybody this. So I called my sister first, cause my sister's amazing and she's like my confidante. So I said, "You think daddy would care if I changed my name to Preston Smiles?" And she was like, "I think he would care." But try it. So I called my dad and he was like, "No way."

• 19:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  No way. Cause for him, it's about legacy.

• 19:21Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  So honoring my father who's amazing.

• 19:24Lewis Howes?

  You haven't changed it.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  I haven't changed it officially.

• 19:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, gotcha.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  But I write as Preston, everything I do is Preston, I'm Preston Smiles.

• 19:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Davis is...

• 19:31Lewis Howes?

  It's on your, it's on your ID, Davis.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:33Lewis Howes?

  Right. But you haven't changed, gotcha, gotcha. I like it, man. What, um, what is the, uh, the thing that's missing from your life right now?

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Hmm, ooh, yeah, let's go. Um, structure. Structure. Um, it's not missing. But what is the thing that I could ramp up? Structure, for sure. Because I'm a wild child, you know? This is, this is the thing that, um, and this is to anybody out there. Cause I know this is the school of greatness and people are building their, their, their tribes and their communities and all of that stuff. And I want to reiterate this. When you choose to step into your calling, like you did, it will make room for you. So I chose to step fully in. That means that I'm, I'm available for the arrows and for the praise.

• 20:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Right? And in stepping in, it's made room for me. So I make, you know, quite, I'm, I'm abundant in all ways. Now with that said, I'm complete, but I'm not finished. And in the, in the, in the not finished part, I get to keep honing structure, you know?

• 20:41Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  So like, some people send me, I get interviewed for a lot of podcasts and people will say, okay, here's the questions. And would you like to structure and maybe, I never want to do that. I don't know these questions you're gonna ask me.

• 20:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't structure my videos. None of that stuff gets structured because that's, that's my gift.

• 20:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  That's my Picasso. You know? That's the thing that I, that I light myself on fire and become the flame wherever I go. So that's awesome. And then there's the Achilles heel where some more of my life gets to be structured.

• 21:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. It's funny, I was doing an interview with Chase Jarvis recently and he was talking about how he's a photographer and a creative artist. And he says that actually, structure creates more freedom for artists.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  And allows you to get your art out there better and produce better work when you actually put it in a structure and a framework.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  Here's what I'll say as well. Yes, I'm highly structured.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  I'm not highly structured when it comes to, um, business models.

• 21:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Right?

• 21:40Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  So.

• 21:41Lewis Howes?

  Everything's a skill we need to learn and master.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 21:43Lewis Howes?

  So if you haven't been taught it.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:44Lewis Howes?

  It's not like you're just gonna own it and master it right away. You've gotta spend years of doing, failing, doing, learning, growing, you know, making mistakes. Oh, okay, that didn't work. Now this is gonna work.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:56Lewis Howes?

  So it's all process.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Organized chaos is what I live in. So for instance, people say, dude, like you're one of the most consistent people on social media. That's structure. It's scheduled into my life. I don't miss days. You know, I'm making videos every day. I don't know many people who are that consistent. Besides Ralph Smart and a few other of my friends. You see what I'm saying? So there's, it's, it's a very particular aspect, but good question, Lewis. I'm gonna karate chop you after this.

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is missing from, uh, let's generalize it. Most men in the world and most women in the world. So two different questions. What's missing from most men? Let's call it the US.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:41Lewis Howes?

  You know, general.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:43Lewis Howes?

  And then women in the US.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  This is twofold.

• 22:46Lewis Howes?

  Cause you do a lot of workshops where you're in it with men and women and people in relationship, not in relationship, you're in the messiness of it. So what do you see?

• 22:54Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  That's happening.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Um, so there's a couple of things. One, our society is built around trying to get high on good all the time. So everybody's trying to feel good. They want another hit. They're always looking for another hit, so they buy another car.

• 23:07Lewis Howes?

  Another like, another.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 23:08Lewis Howes?

  Comment, another.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Chasing it, chasing this proverbial carrot that's always outside of themselves. So that's number one. Number two is most people do not allow their experiences to complete themselves. And what I mean by that is we have something happen, an event, which is neutral. Right? This is the philosophy. Everything's a neutral event. You can name the worst thing on the planet, it's still a neutral event till we give it meaning. So a neutral event happens where let's say someone breaks up with someone. Then what happens after that is we make up a story. We have an interpretation of that thing. He broke up with me, which means I'm not good enough. Right? Then after the story, we get emotion. Right?

• 23:48Lewis Howes?

  Angry, mad, frustrated, resent.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  But what usually happens on our planet is the moment that emotion comes, something else comes in where we intellectualize and justify.

• 23:58Lewis Howes?

  The emotion.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Yes. I didn't need him anyways. I didn't need him anyways. You know, I'm better off without him. Right? And they don't allow the experience to complete itself. And understanding that everything in the universe is circulating. Something called the law of circulation where nothing is stable. It's always moving. Right? We stop the circulation. We stop the flow the moment we justify. We intellectualize something that landed in the body. Now, kids are the greatest teachers on the planet. Little Tommy is playing on a swing. Jesse comes up, steals the swing. Tommy takes that neutral event, makes up a story about it, runs back to his mom. Jesse stole my swing, Jesse stole my swing. And he's crying and he's going through his experience and he lets the whole thing complete itself.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  And then thirty minutes later, he's back playing with Jesse on the swing. Now, adults, we have a tiff about a hundred dollars and we don't talk to somebody for twenty years.

• 24:53Lewis Howes?

  Right, we hold on to it.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  We hold on to it because we never let it complete itself. And we have to understand that if we took, because I've done some really quote-unquote terrible things in my lifetime, right? Like I've, I've almost killed people on accident, not on accident. I've done some pretty malicious things, stolen fights, graffiti, like a lot of stuff, right? And this is what I had to come to understand. If we take a lemon and squeeze it, the only thing that can come out is lemon juice. So, it doesn't matter who's squeezing it, doesn't matter if someone's stepping on it, doesn't matter if it's thrown against a wall. The only thing that will come out is lemon juice. And it's the same thing with humans.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  So, what we like to do is project and blame someone over there. Well, the only reason I flipped out is because you said this and you said it that way. And if you wouldn't have said it like that, then I wouldn't have done that. And it's all about over there, right? But my teachings, what we teach is that it's all an inside job. It can't happen if it doesn't exist over here.

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  Right, and you created meaning from it. It could have been neutral, it could have been an event that you changed your mindset about it, right?

• 26:04Speaker 01

  So, if anger keeps arising, it's because I haven't allowed anger to complete itself. You see, most people have a core wound, something that happened when they were seven, five, nine. Most people, and here, let me get back to your question real quick. Louis. We are in rooms with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people all over this world and I would say 90% of the people in the rooms that we are participating in have been sexually abused in some way, men and women, 90%. You have to understand that, whether we're in Costa Rica, whether we're in Africa, whether we're in Australia, whether we're in New Zealand, no matter where we are, whether we're in the US, 90% of the room has been sexually abused in some form or fashion and hasn't talked about it.

• 26:49Lewis Howes?

  That's the worst.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  So that is, that's moving with them everywhere they go. Every time they meet somebody, sexual abuse is meeting them as well because they haven't allowed it to complete itself. They haven't faced off with what that meant. And they're still walking around with those wounds, carrying those bags around, blaming their father or their dad and not understanding why they can't have a functional relationship with anyone because they haven't ever allowed themselves to experience betrayal, experience fear, experience pain, experience, dude, like I will go crazy in here. This is, I get so passionate about this stuff.

• 27:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I mean, I think the stat is one in six boys and men have been sexually abused.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  And that's what's reported.

• 27:31Lewis Howes?

  What's reported. I think women, I can't, I don't know what the stat is.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  It's one in three.

• 27:35Lewis Howes?

  One in three. So, you know, it's probably more on both sides.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 27:40Lewis Howes?

  But it's challenging, you know, you know that I experienced this when I was five and I held on to it for 25 years and I talked about it on the podcast, for those who've heard that episode where it was, you know, listen, I was still a joyful, loving guy, fun, like inspirational, all these things before I started talking about it, but it was like, I carried around these triggers, this anger, frustration, resentfulness, you know, it was like, it was challenging and I was always like uncertain, lonely, frustrated inside.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:10Lewis Howes?

  And I never felt enough, so that's why I was keep going for more.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:13Lewis Howes?

  To prove people that I was enough.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to coming from a place of serving the world and being an inspiration of the world and just having a deep mission. And when I started, you know, this workshop actually we took, um, helped me let it go, helped me face it.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  Kind of complete the cycle. Now, it's still a lifelong journey and there's always stuff that's gonna come up, but I'm aware of it. And I'm able to talk about it so it doesn't own me.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:36Lewis Howes?

  I think most people, they don't talk about it because it owns them.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:38Lewis Howes?

  They're afraid of the shame, the guilt that they feel.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:41Lewis Howes?

  The loneliness that'll come from like talking about it. Um, so I encourage who's ever listening, if you've had any type of trauma as a child.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:49Lewis Howes?

  Or as an adult, that, and if you haven't talked about it.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:53Lewis Howes?

  To someone that you trust, like, just take a look. I'm not telling you you need to talk to someone or you have to do these actions. Cause I'm not a therapist or anything.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:01Lewis Howes?

  By that means, um, but I'm saying, take a look of, is that supporting your life?

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:06Lewis Howes?

  Or is it hurting you?

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:08Lewis Howes?

  If it's hurting you and people around you, then definitely look and do some research about how can I have a conversation with someone about this? How can I create a safe place to talk about it?

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:19Lewis Howes?

  And even when you talk about it, you're gonna need to talk about it for a long time.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:23Lewis Howes?

  Until it's probably fully.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:25Lewis Howes?

  Out of your system, right?

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:27Lewis Howes?

  At least that's what it worked for me. It took me about six to nine months where every time I told it to someone, I was terrified.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:33Lewis Howes?

  And now I can talk about it like it was eating breakfast yesterday. You know what I mean?

• 29:36Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  It's still like a, a sensitive topic for people, so I can't just throw it out there, but we've gotta talk about these things and let them go.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Absolutely, man. Absolutely.

• 29:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Because here's the deal, Louis, I know a lot of people come to you, um, because they wanna build big businesses and they want all this money. And my understanding of all of these things, because I've, I'm having them, I've had them, it's here now.

• 29:57Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Is that none of that matters if you truly aren't loving the person.

• 30:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  That you're looking at, at yourself in the mirror, you know? And like, um, I teach that the Ninja Turtle and the Ferrari are no different. You know, we're still looking for that dopamine hit, you know, that you get the Ninja Turtle. Oh, got a new one. I got Raphael. You play with it for a while and then what happens? You fade away and you need the next one.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  And so can you override? Can you be above that? Can you be bigger than? Can you be so in love with yourself? And true self-love is doing what you just said, which is having conversations, having the tough conversations. You know, we as humans will do anything to avoid seeing ourselves.

• 30:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  We'll watch porn, we'll overeat, we'll have sex, we'll be on Tinder swiping. And all of those things are ways to avoid actually seeing the self and facing off with the self. And they don't get that the most successful people on this planet, and I don't mean money necessarily, but the most successful, abundant, harmonized people on this planet are those who face off with those things. They don't shy away. They walk in, they move in. That's bravery.

• 31:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's scary. It's one of the scariest things you'll ever do is to face yourself.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 31:15Lewis Howes?

  So look yourself in the mirror and like tell yourself the truth.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:18Lewis Howes?

  It's fricking terrifying, but it's liberating and the freedom that comes from it is unbelievable.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 31:24Lewis Howes?

  And you know, I started this podcast before I opened up about this experience from my childhood. And then when I started opening up about it, people would email me and say, is there like something you're doing is differently? Like your podcast was great before, but like there's something about you.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:39Lewis Howes?

  I can't put my finger on it, but you're just so much more present and connected and like you're a better listener and you're more caring. And I'm like, well, they can notice.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Everything is touching everything.

• 31:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  This is one of the biggest things. People come to me for coaching and they come to me for, uh, cause they want to build authentic brands and all of that stuff. And they want to talk, they want to look over there. And I say, well, we'll get to that. But you have to understand that everything is touching everything. So what's happening in your relationships, what's happening at home, what's happening in that moment when you feel anxiety and you go and masturbate or, or go to a bar, that's, that's where the work is. Because when you master that, you master this, you know? I can give you a million tactics and give you a million tactics and those tactics will work for a minute. But can you keep it? Can you actually really hold it, you know, as a man? You can, and I'm not, I'm just a human being, but I know my superpowers right now.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  I know that you can put me in any room right now and I can hold my own.

• 32:38Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  I know that, I know who I am and I know what I am and I know that you are the same.

• 32:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  So, so then I'm able to look through and sift through and speak to someone's heart, you know? And that's a practice. Whatever you practice more of, you get more of.

• 32:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Period.

• 32:54Lewis Howes?

  And you've just been doing the work for so long that you're,

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Boom.

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  You've been with people, you know, engaging with them in this, in this way. So you're gonna get better at it.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:01Lewis Howes?

  Simple. Just like if you wanna get better business, you gotta do the work, you know?

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Boom.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  And you've been doing this for years now. So, let's talk about relationships.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  This is, you know, the key,

• 33:13Lewis Howes?

  you know, uh, the key to success in, in life is relationships. We can't do any of this on our own.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:19Lewis Howes?

  So we need to learn how to have powerful, meaningful, loving relationships. And that's really what we're here to do is to create communities and tribes and families and

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:28Lewis Howes?

  connection. It's not to be born and then go live in a cave and isolate ourselves.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 33:33Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to create something meaningful in the world, uh, alone. What do you think is, you know, the divorce rate is over 50% now.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:41Lewis Howes?

  You know, people are, you know, living out of, out of integrity in their relationships, whether they're married or not married. Why is it so challenging for so many people to be in a relationship with one person and deep with that one person and be fulfilled with them for 50, 60, 70 years? Why is that so scary or challenging for so many people? Why do people run when it gets hard?

• 34:07Lewis Howes?

  Or why do they stay in it for 20 years and let it be hard?

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 34:12Lewis Howes?

  And say, well, I just have to stay in it and it's just, let's just grunt it out.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:15Lewis Howes?

  Cause I made the commitment.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 34:17Lewis Howes?

  And so I'm not gonna remove it cause I'm guilty. I don't wanna feel guilty or shameful of like getting divorced. So I just asked about 20 questions.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  I was just gonna say, you asked 48 questions just now, but we'll start here. The paradigm of the planet right now, when it comes to relationships, is completely screwed up. And For me, and Alexi and I, my fiance, soon to be wife, July 2nd, I love you baby, I love you. Alexi and I have this understanding that it is not my job to make her happy. Right. It is not my job to fulfill her. It is not her job to fulfill me. And in that, there's so much space for growth. Because we're two autonomous beings coming together, choosing to stare at the same mountain and walk together, while simultaneously understanding that life is constantly flowing and moving.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  So she could be here today and gone tomorrow, likewise. So we honor what is here without having this deep, and I get it, I absolutely get it. The moment you fall in love and you have this beautiful thing, you want to hold on to it. And at that moment, the moment you start squeezing and trying to like, no, she's mine, or he's mine, you become Getting jealous. You become the addict. And that person becomes the dealer. Right. And now you have to get a hit. You have to keep searching and figuring out and looking at Instagram and Facebook and seeing who they're following and going through all of that stuff, which is really your own deep insecurities about whether you're enough.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  So taking off the table that it's your job to complete someone, because that's a misnomer, that's not true. That's not true. It's their job to be complete. Exactly. When two wholes come together, it's a whole different ballgame than when two halves come together. And for me, that's the practice. That's where you start. And, and you and I have had off-camera conversations about all of this stuff. A lot of people want to sort of compartmentalize their heart, right? So they start dating, but they're kind of like this. Come here, stop. Come here, stop, right? And they're compartmentalizing, well, I'll just show her a piece of my heart, or I'll just show him a piece of my heart. And we'll just, you know, we'll just be friends with benefits. It's okay.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Expecting, because remember, whatever you practice more of, you get more of. Expecting to one day, meet the one and be able to actually crack that heart open and let somebody see you. That's not how it works. You see, we have to practice. So for me, my advice to anyone choosing to be in a relationship is start practicing now with whoever you're with, even if they're not the one. They may be the two, they may be the three, they may be the seventeen. If you can be present with them, because remember, none of us know when it's our time to go. You may not ride off into the sunset and have a forty year marriage, you know? Part two to this, Louis, I think is one of the biggest things in the world right now.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Most people don't understand that we have masculine and feminine energy. And most women, right now in our society, are operating in their masculine. They are operating in their masculine and then they're dudes, and remember, this is even with you and I, right? At any given moment, whether there's twenty people in a room or just two. If one person is in their masculine, the other one will surrender into their feminine. Or they'll stay in their masculine and they'll fight. They'll fight. Boom. So what's happening in people's relationships is the woman is so used to being in her masculine, and so is the man, and she's wanting him to, or let's just put it like this. She's used to being in her masculine, he's used to waning in some ways,

• 38:00Speaker 01

  and she's wanting him to be in his masculine. And what women don't understand is, the moment a man gets home, that's his one place where he gets to be in his feminine. That's the one place where he gets to kick back. Relax. Hit the remote, scroll through, relax and not think about it. And for a woman, she's been practicing the masculine for so long that she's wondering, she loses attraction to him because he's not stepping in. Well, women, he will not step in if you don't relinquish it. Now, I know I hear some women saying right now, "Well, that's not fair. Why doesn't he just relinquish it? Or why doesn't he just move in in the first place?" Because that's not how life works. You guys are superior beings in some ways. You have more gray matter and all of that stuff, and women, you're freaking awesome. So get that emotionally.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  Little girls are taught to experience their experience, they're taught to share and touch, and dudes?

• 38:54Speaker 01

  We're taught to fight each other and to like tackle and things of that nature. And we're very simple. So I don't know where I'm going with this, but bottom line is, is you get to learn to dance between the masculine and the feminine.

• 39:07Lewis Howes?

  Both men and women get to.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Both men and women and women get to understand that if you want your man to be in the masculine, you must surrender it and move into your feminine.

• 39:17Lewis Howes?

  And it's exhausting to be in the masculine all the time.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  It is.

• 39:20Lewis Howes?

  So, you know, that's probably why men will go into feminine sometimes because it's hard to always, you know, know what to say, be in control, have it all figured out, be able to stop all the chaos and be the one who's calm. Like it's a challenge sometimes. So I think women need to understand that, like give your man a break, like let him relax, let him be chill as well. And um

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  It's all gonna work out.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Another thing that I find that is an issue in our society is we have unrealistic expectations.

• 39:52Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  And we've made a society where it's easy to shop. So you can scroll through and shop for people on Instagram and on Twitter and on Tinder and this new, there's a new one called Raya or something like that. So you can shop. So if it's the grass is greener syndrome.

• 40:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Where the moment issues happen.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What else is out there?

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I'll look somewhere else because this is not working out. And one of the things that's so amazing about Alexi and I's relationship is the times where we are in conflict. Because that's, those are the times when we get to see where our core wounds are. You see, for me, here's one, I'm dyslexic, right? I'm experiencing dyslexia in this lifetime up to this point. It's not a life sentence, right? So Alexi and I, and this happened the other day, this is why it's so perfect to stay in relationships and to see that it's always a relationship with the self anyway.

• 40:45Lewis Howes?

  All right.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  So Alexi and I are reading something on a computer screen. For Alexi, school as a child was amazing. She's a brainiac.

• 40:54Lewis Howes?

  Reading super fast.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  She can read 40 books in like a week, right? For me, one book.

• 40:59Lewis Howes?

  In a year.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  A year, exactly. Right? Exactly. So, we're reading something on the screen with each other. And she says, are you done? And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. So she scrolls up and I have this moment where I'm like, I just lied.

• 41:15Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  I wasn't done.

• 41:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  I was on the second line when she was on at the bottom of the page.

• 41:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  You know, because I have to read things quite a bit for me to land. And I stopped myself and said, baby, I just lied to you. You know, and it was a trigger for me because I felt in that moment, I felt stupid. I felt less than.

• 41:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  I flash back to what happened when I was nine, 10, 11, when I was the dumb kid in class who kept needing, you know, more time until they put me in special education classes, where I felt even worse about myself because I'm with mentally ill children.

• 41:50Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  You know, so at this point, now I'm, you know, a 30 something year old man, reading a computer screen and I'm flashing back to that. And most people in relationships, they'll blame the person. It's not her fault.

• 42:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  She's the lighter fluid to what already existed within me, which is the worthiness conversation that I still get to be get over.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  That I still get to be with in a different way.

• 42:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 42:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Shoot. How many times, you guys have been together for what, two, three years now?

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, almost three.

• 42:18Lewis Howes?

  Would you say that you've experienced normal amount of conflict and challenges? More than normal, less than normal?

• 42:27Speaker 01

  You know, I'll say this, it's always perfect in whoever's relationship. I was talking to a friend in Mexico a few days ago and his situation is his, or I'll just say this, I won't talk about him. I'll say that some people's dharma in this lifetime, right? So your, your dharma in this lifetime was you, whether however you want to look at it, your mom, your dad, this situation, living here, this is all your dharma, right? This is what you call for. I called for a hippie father and a super CPA powerhouse mother and I called for all these things. And a part of that is I called for a relationship that would reflect all of the, the stuff back to me. So I don't believe in normal or whatever.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  I think it's always perfect for whoever is in the relationship.

• 43:15Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  And sometimes, and Alexi and I have these conversations sometimes where we'll say, we'll probably look back. Thirty, forty, ten years from now, and go, wow, we were so hard on each other.

• 43:27Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, but I get it. So, being in a relationship with someone, for those of you guys who don't know, Alexi Peno, my fiance, also does the exact same work. We work together. So.

• 43:38Lewis Howes?

  So you're together all the time?

• 43:39Speaker 01

  We're together all the time.

• 43:40Lewis Howes?

  And you're working together.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  It's like a crazy workout partner, who I get to have sex with and kiss and rub on, right?

• 43:47Lewis Howes?

  Snuggle Anthony.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Yes. So, we're constantly raising the bar. So there's no room in our relationship for anything. Like, any little thing gets pinpointed because we're both coaches.

• 43:55Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  You know?

• 43:56Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  So, we're, we're playing at such a high level, that sometimes we'll laugh and be like, dude, like.

• 44:03Lewis Howes?

  We're human beings.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're human.

• 44:04Lewis Howes?

  Just a break.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  We get, yeah, exactly. So, I don't believe in normal. I think it's perfect for whoever it is. I know people who never quote unquote argue, but they also find each other boring, you know? And they never, I mean, they have conflict. They just don't, they're passive aggressive with it. Or, you know, one person always acquiesces to the other person and gives up and surrenders. And I love that Alexi is fiery. I love that she stands in her queendom. I love that I stand in my kingdom. I love that when she goes into her warrior energy, sometimes it's sexy to me. It turns me on. I want to, like, I know she wants to choke me sometimes, probably as well, but I'm like, mm, and I want to kiss her, you know? There's a thing that drives me crazy about her. There's a thing that drives me crazy about her.

• 44:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  You know?

• 44:46Lewis Howes?

  It's a good line.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 44:48Lewis Howes?

  It's a good line. Um, final few questions. If it's your last, uh, you know, day, many, many years from now, and you haven't achieved what, or you haven't done what, or you haven't said this, what's the thing you would regret?

• 45:03Speaker 01

  See, you keep coming up with these trick questions that I don't align with. So I'm going to remix your question, because I don't believe in regret as well.

• 45:11Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  But.

• 45:12Lewis Howes?

  Is there anything you regret right now?

• 45:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 45:16Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  There are things that if I had the opportunity to do them differently, I would.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  But it's all perfect.

• 45:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  It's all perfect. It's one of the reasons why I can step in these rooms and talk to these people because I'm not guessing. I'm not some dude that lived a perfect life. I'm the dude that's went too far. I've been to the bottom of the barrel and because of that, when I'm speaking to people, I'm not guessing. They know where it's coming from. It's coming from this heart. It's not an intellect.

• 45:38Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Yes, I learned and I read some books and things like that, but I learned this on the streets. I learned this in the trenches, you know, so I don't regret anything. What I will say is, you know, at the end of the day, if I haven't, damn Louis, this is a tough question. Because it's my goal to leave with my tank on empty. It's my goal, it's my intention, it's my commitment to leave this earth with nothing left in my tank. To be the dude that they say went all the way for love, for people, for humanity.

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  So what does that look like?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  For me, that looks like constantly checking in with this first. Like I said, lighting myself on fire and then being the flame wherever I go. And turning my kitchen fire into a forest fire and burning everything down that comes in my way in the most beautiful way possible. And that'll look like writing books. That'll look like creating and, and supporting conscious children. That'll look like creating programs and love mobs and, you know, we have the Bridge Method, which is our 12-week online training program that thousands of people are in all the time. Like, things like this, I don't know. Actually, the best answer to that is, I have no clue. Because I don't have to know, I just have to know the knower.

• 46:54Lewis Howes?

  Alright, I like that.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, Lou, Lou.

• 46:58Lewis Howes?

  Okay, um, what are you most grateful for in your life recently?

• 47:03Speaker 01

  This moment right now is pretty friggin awesome. Um, friendship and play. I've made it my business to, um, stay connected to people and to not take myself too serious. You know, we're making, all of us are making quite a bit of money. It's a beautiful, we're pioneers right now.

• 47:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  The internet is just cracking open. We have no clue what this thing is gonna do.

• 47:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  But I make it my business not to get caught up with that and to actually be friends with people. You know, you and I, we go there when the camera's not on.

• 47:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  You know, both ways.

• 47:34Lewis Howes?

  And when it's on.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  And when it's on. Yeah, I mean, we do. We're doing it now.

• 47:37Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  But you know what I'm saying?

• 47:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Outside of all this stuff, if all this went away and there was no Lewis Howes and School of Greatness or Preston Smiles, if it all went away.

• 47:44Lewis Howes?

  We're still doing it.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  You'll still be my homeboy.

• 47:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  You know?

• 47:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  And for me, I'm super grateful for the friends that I've cultivated. You know, I'm rich. I'm wealthy when it comes to relationships.

• 47:54Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  So I can call on people and they can call on me, you know? And that's huge. I don't think there's, I mean, community is the new money.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  You know, that's one of my hashtags.

• 48:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  And being love's voice everywhere I go. That's what I'm about.

• 48:07Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. That's cool. Before I ask the final two questions, I want to make sure everyone goes and gets a copy of this book, Love Louder: 33 Ways to Amplify Your Life. If you want to take it all to another level, then make sure to get this book right now. I just bought 20 copies. So make sure to get a few, get some for your friends, give them away. It's a quick read, but a lot of good inspiration and power in this book. So make sure to check that out. Where should we connect with you online? Where's the best place to hang out with you and say hi?

• 48:38Speaker 01

  I mean, you know, I do my thing on social media, but go to PrestonSmiles.com and you'll find everything.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:43Lewis Howes?

  But you got a lot of great, for those that don't know Preston, he's got a lot of great videos on Facebook and YouTube, so make sure to check out those two pages also. Good stuff there. Final two questions. This is called the three truths question.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 48:56Lewis Howes?

  So it's many, many years from now and it's your last day. It's like you know the last day is coming and this is the last day. And you've written 50 books and spoken all over the world, done everything you wanted to do, the modern day Gandhi, whoever you want to be has happened. But everything's been erased. All the books, all the writing, all the videos deleted from the internet. It's blown up. And your great, great, great grandson gives you a piece of paper and a pen and says, will you just write down the three simple truths? Things that you know to be true about your life that you'd want to pass on for everyone else? Since we have nothing else to read or watch, what would you say are the three biggest truths?

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Love is all there is, was, and ever will be.

• 49:45Lewis Howes?

  There you go. Perfect. I like it.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 49:48Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask the final question.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:50Lewis Howes?

  I want to acknowledge you, Preston, for our friendship and for standing for me in many times when I was afraid, fearful, scared, uncertain of how to live my life and for being a great reflection for me of love and really stepping up. We are so similar and so different in so many ways, but I think it's been beautiful how we've connected and how we came together at the right time for each other, I think.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:17Lewis Howes?

  And so I want to acknowledge you for stepping up and taking a leap to create something tangible that people can have that's going to change people's lives and also being a channel to go out around the world and serve people one by one and in groups. So I want to acknowledge you for the work you're doing, for how you're being, your consistency to create inspiration and love in the world. We need more people like you. So I want to acknowledge you for that.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Thanks, man.

• 50:42Lewis Howes?

  You're welcome.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Really appreciate that, man.

• 50:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And the final question is what's your definition of greatness?

• 50:47Speaker 01

  Ooh. Definition of greatness is you, is me, is you. My definition of greatness is anybody who continues to get back up after they get knocked down over and over and over again. Because I know that it is not easy to walk this earth right now. And anybody who chooses to wake up and face another day, anybody who chooses, chooses a smile in the midst of pain, anybody who chooses to face off with themselves, they're great.

• 51:22Lewis Howes?

  Preston smiles. Thanks, my man. Appreciate you.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  That's the far eye.

• 51:28Lewis Howes?

  And there you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed connecting with Preston. And again, a good buddy of mine that I've known for many years. We've been through a lot together, grown a lot. I've seen him overcome many obstacles and just grow as a human being as he has seen with me, as we both had many things that we've overcome over the last three years and still doing the work, still many things to overcome for both of us. But it's amazing to see the ...success he has, make sure to pick up a copy of his book, I already picked up a bunch of them, and I'm so excited to hear what you think about this episode. So, let me know what you guys think over on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, @lewishouse, and just share the link out on all those platforms and tag me and let me know what

• 52:12Lewis Howes?

  you think. Again, lewishouse.com/338. If you're on the podcast app right now, just click on the share button on your podcast app and you can tweet it out or post it on Facebook right from the podcast. I love you guys and I'm so blessed and grateful that you continue to show up every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I'm pumped to bring you some incredible guests that we have coming up next. We've got big names, inspiring people lined up all month, so get ready. And one last thing, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.