Why Your Environment Dictates Your Future Success | Ed Mylett

The people closest to you are quietly writing the next ten years of your life. When the water got shut off in my apartment, I did not just take inventory of myself. I took inventory of who was around me. What I found there redirected everything that came after it, and it is still the part of my story I talk about least. So this weekend I pulled together the conversations that hit this from every angle, and I put my own version of it up front. Jeff Foxworthy, Master P, Jamie Kern Lima, Trent Shelton, Fallon Taylor, and Tom McCarthy each arrive at this from a completely different life: comedy, hip hop, beauty, the NFL, rodeo, and peak performance. Not one of them got where they are alone, and not one of them got there by accident. Here is a piece of what we get into: The question I ask about every person in my life, and why "they love me" is not the answer I am looking for Why Jeff Foxworthy says the mistakes that blow up a life never begin as big mistakes What Master P told his grandmother at seven years old, and the ten thousand dollars that showed up years later The story about my first grade teacher that Jamie Kern Lima pulled out of me, and why it still gets me Trent Shelton's soil test for your entire environment, and the palm tree that makes it impossible to unsee What Fallon Taylor says the turning point in a life actually looks like when it happens Tom McCarthy's poker table experiment in carrying an identity he had not earned yet The three words I use with people I love who are not good for where I am going Here is a piece of what we get into:I am not asking you to go clear people out of your life today. I am asking you to look around. Look at who you text when something good happens. Look at who gets the last hour of your night. Then be honest about what that is producing in you, because you will get your standards and not your goals, and those people are the ones setting them. 👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠ → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ➡️ ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ ➡️ ⁠FACEBOOK⁠ ➡️ ⁠LINKEDIN⁠ ➡️ ⁠X⁠ ➡️ ⁠WEBSITE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 AM to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 PM. And my third day, 6:00 PM to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

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• 1:02Speaker 01

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• 1:36Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Mylett Show.

• 1:41Ed Mylett?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. So I get asked all the time, how in the world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water, to living oceanfront, to have another home that's lakefront? How does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing. A lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made. But there's one area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as well. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me,

• 2:26Ed Mylett?

  but what was around my life. And the fact of the matter was, I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of standard, got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car. Never mind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous. It was very dangerous for me, for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life

• 3:10Ed Mylett?

  where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I had read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think differently. Been to a lot of the events that you go to. Why is it that so many people go to all these self-improvement, personal development, business events? They get all excited when they're there. They're ready to conquer the world. Then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal. And that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives. That's why. And so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event, the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing. And so I had to start to address my environment. And environment is the place you are, but most importantly, your environment is the people that are around you. Because, write this down, number one.

• 3:54Ed Mylett?

  In our lives, the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again. The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're going to get out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so I had to begin to address, who were the people around me? And specifically, what was the environment that I was in? Because, number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you. That's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated at all given times. And people ask me, how do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support? I don't know that you're always going to get more support, and I don't even know that that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all relationships

• 4:40Ed Mylett?

  is does this person believe in me? Most people love us. That's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life? Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you, there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus that says, I better change. There's no discomfort. Because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence over us. So number one thing I want you to ask yourself is, do the people around me believe in me?

• 5:25Ed Mylett?

  And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated. People say, well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe, in some cases. I mean, if they're antagonistic to you, certainly. But what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you, or who will believe in you. And if they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life, but one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be. I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game is more important even than your mental game because it's what supports it. And so I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me?

• 6:06Ed Mylett?

  Number two, are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words, when you're around them, what do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present, but most importantly, the future. In other words, I want people who are present with me so that when they're with me, we're together. You know you have those friends too who are constantly not present even though they're in your presence. We don't want that either. But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things, remember when? High school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business, remember when? Constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing. Or are they projecting me into the future?

• 6:49Ed Mylett?

  If at least 75% of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your future. They're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. And so this is a very subtle thing. And I think even as I say it, you're going, whoa. They do love me. I think they might believe in me, but man, we talk about the past all the time. Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you. You know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development that, you know, you snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state, or you walk, you hear a song, it's a trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a memory.

• 7:34Ed Mylett?

  Or a song you love right now, it triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So things are triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life, just by their proximity, trigger events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you, just by being around them, they're a trigger. Humans are triggers. Do you have people that just when you see them, they trigger peace for you? They trigger joy? They trigger abundance? They trigger competing? They trigger intensity? They trigger belief? They trigger confidence? They trigger your desire to grow? Ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life. What do they trigger in you? And you begin to, you start to look at these things. You're going, wow, I have this group of friends who, they accept me, but I don't know if they believe in me.

• 8:17Ed Mylett?

  Then I've got this other group of friends where they believe in me, but we're always talking about the past. And then you know what? They kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me. Who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow? Who makes me uncomfortable? Who do I have, like, I kind of clean up the house before they come over? Who do I have where I get excited when I see them because not every conversation's the same? I don't know where it's going to go. You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you should have these other people who really don't accept this version of you. They believe in you so greatly, so much, that they don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this performance from you. They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you

• 9:01Ed Mylett?

  because they know how much more you're capable of. Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because, and I want you to write this down, we get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in life, and the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was at a birthday party last night, and the people sitting around me were all very fit people. And dessert came. It was birthday cake time. And I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake. But the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life and when their cheat days are, their cheat meals are.

• 9:45Ed Mylett?

  And all three people passed on it. And immediately, almost through peer pressure, I went, no, I'll pass too. And then my buddy goes, dude, it's okay, have a piece. And I said, no, no, no, man, it's good. That standard alters us in every little area. Now, that's an obvious example. But we're going to get our standards, our standards of wealth, our standards of faith, our standards of abundance. And the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life. So the people around you, evaluate next. What are the standards they help you set in your life? The other thing we win with is energy. And so ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone. You're like, oh.

• 10:31Ed Mylett?

  Right, you know that conversation, that text is going to be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping, because we're going to talk about that next. But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with? Okay? Or, on the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life? Because all of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking, it'll support the changes we're making, it'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well, Proverbs 27:17,

• 11:16Ed Mylett?

  "As iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another." And so, one of the obvious questions about this is, if someone is lower energy for me, or is a past reference person, or a trigger that doesn't support me, or they don't believe in me, or they only accept me as I am. If you have some of these issues, what do you do with them? I'll give you three things. I don't think you just eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing, because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people, but it is reducing their proximity. And so, I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to, number one, I would recommend you be kind to them. Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to them, and I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial.

• 12:00Ed Mylett?

  But I will tell you that you begin to become three, which is concise. Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, "Gosh, that's so difficult." Well, do you want to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down, you're already working on yourself, you already got some habits that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. Their schoolteachers influence them, that's their mentors. That's like what we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends, and it's their closest friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly, the good parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their children

• 12:44Ed Mylett?

  are going to influence ultimately who they become. Our lives begin to have a pace that's different than when we're young, but the same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors like our schoolteachers. They have some influence. I have influence, hopefully with you, but not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening to this. Not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight. Not the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of influence over you. Because in your life, you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you? And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right?

• 13:24Ed Mylett?

  Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings. With the same people? With the same people. With the same people, you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now, if everything in your life is rich, and you don't want it to change, and you don't want it to grow, and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well then by all means, keep these people very close to you. And add people as you go. But if there's this part of you that's, "I want to change the memories, I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have." So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your environment, and the things around you in your environment.

• 14:08Ed Mylett?

  What do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you. And so, that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life, the best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So, I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends, and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy, it's work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of reciprocity.

• 14:50Ed Mylett?

  You don't just ask somebody to be your friend, you find a way that you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine, say, "How can I help you? How can I serve you?" Just offer whatever you have. You say, "Well, I don't have anything to offer people." You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised, someone like myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person, the people you want in your life, when I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more. And so, the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are,

• 15:34Ed Mylett?

  and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations, maybe it is your connections, maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful to me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sensed, "This person truly believes in me. They truly care about me. This is a real friend." You have those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have the, all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you, they really love you. And then, the last thing I want to ask you today is, because for you to add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? Right now, are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer?

• 16:19Ed Mylett?

  Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you hope your friends set high standards? Or the acceptable standards they already have? Right? Are you someone who deeply believes in people? And they know it? Or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin to ask you of. How are you showing up in other people's lives? Because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin to support, your mental game will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life. You were put here to do something special. All your life, since you were a little boy or a little girl,

• 17:02Ed Mylett?

  there was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find, where you're living the real, true, authentic version of you, your best version. You know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite there yet. And maybe it's your thinking, maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time on this show. Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely, it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards, it's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that accept you, because you want to do something so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you have heard, that when I die someday, I believe, I want the Lord to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

• 17:47Ed Mylett?

  But I have this hallucination, as many of you know, that when I die, the Lord's going to do that, and he's going to turn around and say, "Eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be. When I made you in my image and likeness, this is the destiny version of you. This is the man you were born to be." And that guy's going to be standing there, and I want to meet him and go, "I've been chasing you all my life, man." And he's going to say, "Boy, you caught me. You did it, I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen, you became the man you were born to be." We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass away. Heaven is I meet the man I was born to be and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers. You're total strangers.

• 18:31Ed Mylett?

  That woman someday, when you die and you meet the woman you could have been, and you're total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions, your entire life, and you never become that woman, you never become that man. To me, that's hell. So, if it's that important to you, that you've always known, and maybe it got buried as you got older, maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it, and then maybe our parents, our friends, our schoolteachers, just life started to happen and we forget who we are. We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life, because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it, you felt it, because you were closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life,

• 19:13Ed Mylett?

  they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you. And maybe you've started to accept that. So if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our greatness, if it's people who did this to us, it's people who are going to help us get out of it. If it's the environment that stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment that'll give it back to us again. And we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have, not just that have always been there. In cybersecurity, the scariest thing isn't the attack you see coming. It's the attack path you didn't even know existed.

• 19:53Ed Mylett?

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• 20:36Ed Mylett?

  Visit horizon3.ai/milet. And again, that's horizon3.ai/milet. No commitment required, results in hours, not weeks. So when I end, when I ended up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating, and I spent a fortune in the first half of the place, and I'm like, "I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff." And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed, and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution. Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand-vetted by product specialists that use a 10-point quality inspection system. Here's all I can tell you. The stuff has lasted over time, it looks great, and I get compliments on it. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall

• 21:21Ed Mylett?

  or transform your space for Halloween. Use filters, custom photos, and reviews to find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five-star reviews, 20 million. So, transform your space with the pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 21:50Ed Mylett?

  Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. All right, welcome back to the program, everybody. I'm so excited to have this man here today because I've been a fan of his work for a long time, but as I started to research him, I became a bigger fan of the man behind the microphone, what he stands for and his story in his life. I think there's going to be an amazing amount of lessons on life and success and abundance here today. He's got a new special out that is hilarious on Netflix called The Good Old Days. He also happens to be the number one seller of comedy albums in the history of the planet Earth, like of ever. So that's kind of a big deal. But I'm more

• 22:35Ed Mylett?

  impressed with the kind of man, husband and father that he is, as I've learned more about him. So Jeff Foxworthy, welcome to the show, brother.

• 22:42Jeff Foxworthy?

  I'm honored to be here. Thanks for having me, Ed.

• 22:44Ed Mylett?

  And one of the things you talked about, that everybody talking about is don't make the big mistakes. What are some of those? Help us, help us avoid them, or what you see as some of the big mistakes? What does that mean?

• 22:58Jeff Foxworthy?

  Well, I, you know, most of the time when, when we go off the road and blow our lives up, we don't take a 90 degree turn off the road. We don't just turn. It's like that slow drift, you know? And so the big mistakes are having the affair that blows your family up. Well, you don't just walk in one day and see somebody and go, hey, you wanna, you wanna screw? It's, it's, you start hanging out with them, then you start, you know, making sexual references with them, and then you joke, and then you start being left alone with them. And so it's that slow, it's not that 90 degree turn. You're just kind of breaking

• 23:40Jeff Foxworthy?

  little bitty trust along the way, you know? And I, man, we're all good, we're all fallible. I mean, I'm, I have such the potential to do that, that I gotta, I gotta put up a little guardrail for myself to go, no, can't do that. Can't, can't be alone with them. Can't.

• 23:59Jeff Foxworthy?

  Um, cause it's the big mistake. I used to tell my kids that, don't make the big mistakes. Don't, don't get in a car with somebody that's drunk driving, because you, you can die from this, or you can be crippled from this, or, you know, those are the, the life changers. You know, don't get pregnant when you're in, in the 10th grade, because I want you to have a full life. Not that having a baby's not a wonderful thing, but there's a season for that, and this ain't it. Um.

• 24:29Ed Mylett?

  Do you think this group, so there's two groups with you, though. So you got the group that you lead before COVID with the, the homeless folks, and that's just beautiful work you've done. And that grew to, from like a few to like 100 people, I think, right? So.

• 24:43Jeff Foxworthy?

  Started with 12, yeah.

• 24:45Ed Mylett?

  Well, not interesting that it started with 12.

• 24:47Jeff Foxworthy?

  Yeah, ironically, yeah.

• 24:49Ed Mylett?

  What an interesting number. But it grew. But I think the other thing for me has been who I'm around is my friendship circle. And this power of association, people don't take it seriously enough. If you really look at the lives of the five people you're around the most, I mean, really look at their, not just their material success, but, you know, their, their bliss, their happiness, their peace, right? Their contribution, like really evaluate them. Their emotional maturity is another thing. Like, people always want to be around people that accept them. These people accept me as I am. I don't want people, I want to have a few friends of my, hey, let's pick up before they come over. I want to have a few friends where like, we laugh our tails off, but I'm kind of accountable to them too, right? Like, that to me has been huge. And I have to think for you to

• 25:33Ed Mylett?

  have this kind of longevity and not make the big mistakes. There's this other group that I think you meet with on Thursdays, or were, or used to, that like, has been in your life forever. So discuss this, because it may not be a Bible study for everybody. Most, some people might not want to read the Bible. Some people may not be people of faith. But having a group, right? So talk about that a little bit.

• 25:52Jeff Foxworthy?

  Yeah, it's having a, having a group of guys, you know, and I don't mean the sexist at all, but for me, it was having a group of guys that you could be accountable to, that you could, that some guy could look at you and go, hey dudes, I'm struggling at home right now. Man, I'm, you know, I'm been flirting with this girl at work, where somebody else can speak some wisdom into you and go, dude, be careful, because you're gonna mess this whole thing up. You're not gonna have your kids. And so, yeah, there was a group, we met for breakfast Thursday mornings in a barbecue, back of a barbecue restaurant for 18 years. Uh, and so what we did was we did life together, you know, when somebody was having kids, then you're sitting there like praying that night, man, please, please

• 26:36Jeff Foxworthy?

  let this kid be safe, please let the mom be safe. When somebody's mom died, you're there with them, if for no other reason, just I'm here, you know, while you bury your mom. But we were doing life together, going through work struggles together. And I think it's real important in your life, we weren't created, um, to live in isolation. That's, that's been the really weird thing with COVID, is, is this isolation. I saw a study where they were, they were studying people that lived in isolation but had totally healthy habits. I mean, like vegan, exercised every day and all. The people that lived in community, like had that group of friends, didn't matter if they smoked, drank, whatever, they lived

• 27:18Jeff Foxworthy?

  longer and happier lives than the people that, that lived in isolation, no matter what their health habits were. Because we weren't create, you need people around you. I always said Elvis needed somebody around him to go, drop the cape and the hat. Stop, stop, you're acting like an idiot. Stop. Michael Jackson needed somebody to go, dude, don't be taking this stuff to go to sleep. Stop. And you need people speaking truth into your life. And, and the people that are telling you what you want to hear, that's not your friends. Your friends are telling, are the people that are telling you things that you don't necessarily want to hear. You know, to go, hey buddy, I love you, but you need to be careful here. Or you need to watch this. And so you need people that care, that

• 28:03Jeff Foxworthy?

  love you enough to speak truth to you.

• 28:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, yeah. So good, Jeff. All right, last question. It's actually, I hope, I hope you remember this story or this analogy. So I've been around faith all my life, and well, not all my life, that's not right, but I've been around faith most of my adult life. And very rarely does somebody say something. At Erwin McManus, who's a pastor on my show, he was a pastor, he came on my show, and he said something I had never heard before that stuck with me, which was that all other faiths about, are basically about what you need to do to get to God. And he said, what I love about my Christian, Christian faith is that my faith is all about what Jesus did to get to me. And it just has always stuck with me. It's that, that stayed on my heart. There's a second time, and it happened

• 28:51Ed Mylett?

  yesterday, and it came from you. So there's pressure on you to remember this. But you talked about, we've all sinned in our lives, guys. We've all made mistakes, and I, we carry this stuff with us, because we do want to be better people. We should try to aspire to be better. We should try to do good in our lives. That's the whole, we were put here to do something great with our lives. But we fail often. And it was the defense attorney analogy. Do you remember that? Please tell me that you remember it, because it's.

• 29:22Jeff Foxworthy?

  I do, I do remember that. And, and to me, that's.

• 29:25Ed Mylett?

  It's not going to leave me, Jeff. So would you just share that with everybody in the last couple of minutes here, that whole concept and thought?

• 29:32Jeff Foxworthy?

  And, and so here's the other thing, Ed. So for me, that, there's a lot of things that happen in organized religion that I'm not a fan of at all. But I'm, but I'm, but I'm really big on faith. And, and it's, this one, the amazing thing about it to me is it's not based on how good we are. Because you say we all make mistakes. I, I, hell, I'm gonna make them today. I'm gonna make them tomorrow. And no matter how bad in my heart, I don't want to do it. I'm gonna make them. Um, so it's not based on how good I am, it's how good he is. And so, what, what, and that's what happened at the cross was, was he goes, hey, I love you enough that, there's gotta be justice for all this bad

• 30:14Jeff Foxworthy?

  stuff that you've done, but I'm gonna pay the price for it. And so, being the visual guy, it's like sitting in a court, and they're going through your life and going, all right, and what about the, you know, the time you drove drunk and, you know, had sex with your buddy's sister in the back of your car? And, and, and it's, I just depicted the defense attorney's just being Jesus, and he stands up, holds up that hand with a hole in it, and he goes, already paid for that. And what about the time you did this? Already paid for that. You know, and that's, what is, what about that is not attractive to somebody? To, to be loved? Because that's, that's what we all want. And as a comic, you're always

• 30:55Jeff Foxworthy?

  looking, what do we have in common? We all want to be loved. We all want to be heard. But we all want to be significant. You know, we all, we want to mean something. We all search for significance. And, and to me, then, then the, the story of Jesus is, he goes, not only do you mean something to me, you mean everything to me. You, you meant, I let him do this. And I could have just held up my hand, and then a band of angels was, I let him do, I let him beat me, and I let him nail me to a cross, because I love you this much. So you don't mean something, you mean everything to me. And, and, and, and this is not, I'm not a preachy guy. And if you don't have faith, you and I can still

• 31:40Jeff Foxworthy?

  be friends, and we can still hang out, and we still laugh. You know, this is just for me. This is, this is my lane. And, and it works. And, and, and I, and I, and I don't want to sit in judgment of anybody's faith or lack of it. That's not my job. This, I'm just telling you my story.

• 32:00Ed Mylett?

  I love your story and I could feel it right now. My audience wished we were going another hour, but you got a busy day and I enjoyed this. I 10 out of 10 tremendously, brother.

• 32:11Jeff Foxworthy?

  And I love your heart for other people to want to mentor to, you know, to it's, it's like holding, helping somebody else hold their heavy rock, you know, to go here, man, give me that side of it. I'll help you hold it for a minute. And that's, I think that's awesome that you just got a heart to mentor people that way.

• 32:29Ed Mylett?

  Thank you, brother. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. All right, welcome back, everybody. It's not every day you sit a couple of feet away from an icon, from a mogul and somebody when you're growing up that you admired so much from a distance to be able to come up close and meet them and feel their spirit is really an honor for me. And the man that I'm going to talk with today that I'm going to share to the rest of the world this conversation with is a rapper, record producer, entrepreneur, unbelievably successful entrepreneur. Thing I'm most impressed with them though, is how

• 33:10Ed Mylett?

  he is as a father. It's the thing that stood out the most to me. And so, most of you know him as Master P, but his real name is Percy Miller, and I'm so grateful to get to know Percy today. So Percy, welcome to the show.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  I'm glad to be here, man.

• 33:24Ed Mylett?

  It's so good to have you. What about who you surround yourself with? What do you think about that topic? I really believe that, and I'll say this to you respectfully, I think in a lot of different communities, that message is not communicated strong enough about because particularly when you grow up in an environment, I would imagine, I can only imagine, where not everything around you is great, right? That it's easy to grab on to groups of people that don't serve you, that aren't doing the right things, that don't think the right things. And even in everyday life, no matter who you are, I think you are who you surround yourself with. I think it's a huge influence on people.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  It's the truth.

• 34:00Ed Mylett?

  Do you believe that?

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, because think about it, right? Most people look for followers. How many people look for leaders? Because a follower gonna tell you whatever you want to hear.

• 34:12Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  So you all should know right there, man, leave that alone. Don't be afraid to cut people off that don't mean you no good. I don't care who they are, family members, friends, could have been around, because my thing is I like, everybody has 24 hours. Most people want you to be successful until you're successful. That's when they hate you. Like, that's when the jealousy kick in, the self hate kick in, because nobody wants you to get there before them. Think about, I grew up in a project, you think people in a project wanted to see me make it? Instead of saying, you know what, this, this kid made it out here, he one of us? No, man, well, he ain't all that. Really.

• 34:51Ed Mylett?

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• 35:36Ed Mylett?

  Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers, or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash ed. So you know, I've been trying to take my health and my morning routine to the next level. And I used to do a whole bunch of different stuff, tons of different supplements, and then I found all in one in a drink with IM8. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine, finally, once and for all. 16 supplements replaced 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink. You can have all these supplements for $2.61 a day. I've changed my mornings. The whole IM8 routine has changed my mornings. I feel

• 36:19Ed Mylett?

  great, and I bring energy to the entire day. Go to im8health.com/ed10 right now, or click the link in the description and use code ED10 for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order. That's code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. Code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  I was the best person I could be when I was there, and I represented the way I need to represent it. I was an A student.

• 36:58Ed Mylett?

  Were you really?

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I grew up in the hood. I didn't want what everybody else wanted, even though I know this is my environment. I've always thinking, I live in a mansion, because I know that's where I was going there. Why they was thinking, oh, I live in a ghetto, I'm gonna die here. I'm like, no, I'm not about to die here. I'm about to make it out here. Because I already seen it, that I supposed to be living in a mansion. So I'm already dreaming big, thinking outside the box, looking at something else. I'm not looking at these bad conditions and thinking, oh, this for me. I'm like, no, this ain't for me. I wasn't supposed to be here. I'm here because of my family that came before me, but now I need to break this curse. And so that's, people don't realize, these curses are generational,

• 37:42Speaker 03

  especially when you come out of poverty. The only way you could break it is you have to do it.

• 37:45Ed Mylett?

  You gotta be the one.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  You gotta be the one. Like, and I've always, I looked at my grandparents and told them, like, look, I'm gonna get us up out of here. And so that was before.

• 37:54Ed Mylett?

  How old were you when you would tell them something like that?

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Like, seven years old.

• 37:58Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Seven years old. I mean, I, I used to tell my grandparents, my grandmother said, baby, don't worry about it. We gonna be alright. I said, no, grandma, I'm gonna get us up out of here. And I always thought it was basketball. So I worked on my game to get to college. I wasn't even thinking about the NBA, even though I know I wanted to make it to the NBA, but I'm like, look, if I get an education, then I'll be able to do something. I'll be able to get some better resources. And, and when I got to college, my coach was like, why you so happy, son? I said, coach, I've been sleeping on the floor all my life. I never had a bed till I, I got my own bed when I went to college. And so, but I never was angry and upset. I'm like, that motivated me. Like, I'm gonna change this. And so, my

• 38:40Speaker 03

  grandmother had 12 kids. So me and my brother, that's 16 people in a three bedroom project. But we was happy. We had the best, neatest house in the ghetto. Whenever the mayor or something come, they come look at our house. We had, we had grass, we had flowers in the backyard. We wasn't living like we was in the ghetto. Our mindset, and that come from my grandfather. So when you look at the military thing with No Limit, with the camouflage, my grandfather always told me, because he fought in the Vietnam War, and he said, son, they were supposed to give me 10 grand when I come back so I could buy, go put down, down payment on the house, and they didn't do it. So he said, son, you have to start your own own, you have to get your own business. And that's where my company came from, No Limit.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  And that's where the whole camouflage came from. My grandfather, big daddy, Claude Miller, and so that's how I built my brand. With the whole camouflage and the No Limit thing, No Limit Soldiers, that's where it started from. Because my, then my grandfather passed, I was with him. And he died in the VA hospital where they gave him some blood, then the medicine for another patient. And so my grandmother ended up getting 280,000 on the life insurance thing, and she gave everybody in the family $10,000. I took my $10,000 and opened up No Limit Records, the retail store.

• 39:54Ed Mylett?

  At 19?

• 39:55Speaker 03

  At 19.

• 39:58Ed Mylett?

  That last couple of minutes are one of my favorite minutes of my life. Just hearing that. Sorry, that makes, that's just picturing you as a seven year old little boy. Look what you've turned into.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, and when, and when a lot of people didn't believe.

• 40:11Ed Mylett?

  I'm sure almost nobody believed.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  And so, but that's what this about. Like, you don't have to wait for them to believe. So when I started my record business and in the music side of this, right? So you got Tupac, you got all these great artists, right? So I'm in the, in the radio station trying to get my song played. And I bring my record up, and I'm from the south, but I live in California. I sound country. I got body, body, I'm sound. Like, nobody understand me but me. So Tupac, like, you about to get this played? I said, yeah, man, I'm about to get this played, right? I get up in there, the program director say, what you have, P? I say, body, body. He said, what is that? I said, man, it's a hit. He lied to me. This don't work here, P. He said, bring me something next week, something better. I'll come back

• 40:56Speaker 03

  next week. He said, what you have? I say, body, body. He said, didn't I tell you to bring me something else? I said, yes, sir. I'll bring you something next week. Come back the next week. What you have? I say, body, body. Come back the next week, body, body. He said, man, I can't play. I say, can you just put it on one time and let the people hear? And if they don't like it, I'll never come back again. He said, all right, just to get you from out of here, I'm gonna put it on. The people called in and said, man, I love that record, Body, Body. And that's how my career blew up. And I also was on tour with Tupac. And I'm there with the lights on. So don't be afraid to start with humble beginnings. That's why I'm so humble now, because I started with humble

• 41:40Speaker 03

  beginnings. Nobody gave me that I had to work for. So I appreciate it. And that's the message we gotta give to the next generation. Appreciate every opportunity, go create opportunity. So I'm on stage when the lights on, nobody coming to see me, they waiting for Tupac. And I see one guy, I'm singing my song, Body, Body, and one guy jumping up, I don't know if he drunk or what. This guy jamming. I said, I walk off the stage, 30,000 people, and walk to this guy and give him a No Limit tee shirt. I said, you like that? He said, man, I love it. So my brother's standing next to me, he said, man, why you so happy? I said, I got one. He said, got one? I said, a fan. I said, I'm gonna turn that into a million. He said, yeah, right. I turned that, we even sold over 100 million records independently

• 42:23Speaker 03

  today. And that's how God works, nothing but God, because not stopping, not giving up. People ask me, how bad you want to be successful? As bad as I want to breed.

• 42:34Ed Mylett?

  My gosh, I'm sitting here, I have to be honest, it's a little bit of an out of body experience for me. I'm like, this is Master P telling me that he gave a dude a shirt. Yeah. He was happy to get his first fan. The other part of me is like, there's gonna be hundreds of millions of people sharing these clips. This is some of the best clips in the history of the planet. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show.

• 43:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  Ed Mylett.

• 43:06Ed Mylett?

  Jamie.

• 43:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  It is such an honor to interview you on your show. This has never been done before.

• 43:12Ed Mylett?

  Nope.

• 43:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  You in the hot seat.

• 43:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 43:14Jamie Kern Lima?

  We're flipping the script and are you ready?

• 43:18Ed Mylett?

  I'm ready. I feel like I'm in great hands with my dear friend here, so let's do this.

• 43:21Jamie Kern Lima?

  Can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher.

• 43:26Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, Mrs. Smith.

• 43:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 43:28Ed Mylett?

  So, yeah, I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all and I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super really kind lady and we had moved to the town that we were in then. And so I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before or there was just turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house, this little dude, I wish I could go back and hug him, you know? Which my mom did a lot of, by the way. And so she knew that I just had no self-esteem.

• 44:09Ed Mylett?

  And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff for the next grades. And she purposely had, I believe she purposely did this for me. She had someone come in the back of the room and say, "Mrs. Smith, we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class." And I could see the person in the back, I heard them. And I watched Mrs. Smith go, "That's Eddie Mylett. I would pick Eddie, he's the smart boy." And she picks me and I remember going, "Oh my gosh, she thinks I'm the smart boy." And I just looked at her and she smiled at me.

• 44:49Ed Mylett?

  And I remember just lighting up and then the person goes, "Okay, then Eddie Mylett, you need to come with us." And I stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, "I'm special. This is special." And I walked up and went to the back and I took the test and I guess I did well. But when I came back in, I didn't say this on the last time I told this. When I came back in, at the end of the day, class was over and Mrs. Smith said, "Eddie, can you come up here for me?" And I came up and she hugged me.

• 45:28Ed Mylett?

  And she goes, "You're so special and so smart, you're the smartest boy." She just like hugs on me for a minute. And it really changed my life a lot. It changed my life because that was the first time I was like, "Well, maybe, maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm, maybe I am smart, maybe I am special." And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that. She knew there was this child, I think she had this sense something was going on in my home. Because kids don't come like that to school, that shy, that timid, unless something's wrong at the house.

• 46:09Ed Mylett?

  And I'm telling you the truth that I have thought about that like hundreds, maybe thousands of times in my life. That, that event in my life, what a beautiful, beautiful soul she was. So that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people, you know, in your life when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years.

• 46:48Ed Mylett?

  And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people. That they go, "He loves me, he cares about me, he most, maybe even as important, he believes in me." And, and then you show people how to live a little better. And that's exactly what she did. She was a super, super special person. And little did she know, that little first grade dude would, you know, be on a show with you today.

• 47:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen. And I'm just imagining like the power, right, of her seeing you.

• 47:30Ed Mylett?

  First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been, I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well, perform their best. And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that that's, my role is a little different. And that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world, that were like the first grader me, but they're 30 years old. They're 35 years old, they're 40 years old, they're 22 years old. And they don't believe they're important, they don't believe they're valuable, they don't know what their role in the world is.

• 48:11Ed Mylett?

  They walk in a room and no one knows them, no one acknowledges them, no one sees them. And more and more and more, our culture's making that prevalent. And then worse, sometimes we're mean to one another or hurtful to one another. And I really feel like the remaining part of my life is to help people know that they are seen, that they are important, that they do matter, that they do have something to give. My sister's here watching this, my baby sister who runs all my businesses. But my middle sister is hugely successful as well.

• 48:50Ed Mylett?

  She's not on Instagram, she's not wealthy, she's, she's born with diabetes, she's basically blind. She can't drive anymore. And, but she's changing the world every day. And what she does is she's a school teacher at a Christian school, she doesn't make any money, any real money. But every day she's using the gifts God gave her, her two or three gifts, which are her kindness, her ability to teach, her gentle nature. She's also really tiny and short, right? So she's the same height as the students, like she was made for this job. And she helps little children feel seen and important. And guess what? She's seen and important.

• 49:34Ed Mylett?

  And I want people to know that you do matter, you're not invisible, you count. You were born to do something great with your life in big ways, what people think are big and what people think are small ways. But I see you, I know you see them. And I just want people to feel like, you know, our community and what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life is to let you know that you matter, that you're important, that you're beautiful, that you're special. And that you were made, God made you in His image and likeness. He literally made you in His image and likeness to do something beautiful with your life. And you may not have found it yet, but we're gonna find it together, all of us together. We're gonna find it for you, we're gonna find it. We're gonna take advantage of your great blessings and gifts that God gave you. And He did give them to you.

• 50:19Ed Mylett?

  And we need to, you need to figure out what they are and we'll help you do that. And I hope the book helps with that actually a lot, too.

• 50:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  The book is so powerful about that. And, you know, I think another powerful thing about your story and you getting to this place where you're able to articulate like your contribution to the world and with such clarity and granularity about how you see people and the impact you want to make. But on your journey, right? Because there's people that probably heard what you just said, like, okay, I believe it, but right now I can barely pay the rent. Or right now I don't feel seen when I walk in the room. And what I want to, what I want to ask you that I think is so beautiful and relatable about your journey is you have had, you have been in a situation in your life where you're, you were driving a car where the panels were Velcroed on.

• 51:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  You've had your, your car repossessed, you've had your home, I believe, foreclosed on. You had to shower in a public shower.

• 51:19Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 51:19Jamie Kern Lima?

  Can you share about that time in your life? And in that time, did you still have this sense, this sense that you had a calling? That you were gonna make it, even if you didn't see a way at the time? Because I think there's people listening right now that feel like they're in that spot and they think how, okay, okay, I'm meant to do something great with my life, but like, look at my situation.

• 51:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  But you've been there.

• 51:44Ed Mylett?

  I've been there. So that, yeah, I've had of all that stuff happen. The hard part for me was that, like I said earlier, I had these fears, maybe a lot of people can relate to this. I wasn't really sure that I could do something great with my life. And then when I started to, I was like, "Maybe I can." And then when I'd have this setback, I'm like, I knew it, it was a fluke. And the worst though was when the water got turned off. When the water got turned off and we would have to go down to that outdoor shower. We were newly married and take showers every morning there and I'd hold the towel up. And Kristina would brush her teeth and shower outside and then she would hold it up for me. And then I'd totally emasculated and ashamed, we'd walk up every morning to that apartment. And I'm trying to sell the dream and I'm living a nightmare, right?

• 52:28Ed Mylett?

  But I have to tell you that my faith during those times, I did actually have a little bit of a sense that, you know what?

• 52:38Ed Mylett?

  I'm gonna do something great. And I got really, really, really, really close to not believing that. But my dad had this thing where when he got sober, and it's just stuck with me, thank God. My dad, when he got sober, I said, "Dad, are you gonna stay sober the rest of your life?" And this is where the power of one more comes in. My dad says, "I don't know. I'm not, I can tell you this, I'm gonna stay sober for one more day." And so when I went through that, my dad called me. I was really broke. My dad goes, "You thinking about quitting?" And I go, "Yeah, I'm close." He goes, "Just don't quit for one more day." He's so wise. And I didn't. And that not quitting for one more day and holding on would go to the next day and to the next day.

• 53:24Ed Mylett?

  But there were these glimpses in my life where it's like, you know what? I may not be the smartest or the best talker. I definitely don't have the highest IQ. I'm not the tallest dude, or the strongest dude, or the best-looking dude, or any of that. But I'm not gonna get outworked. I'm gonna outwork you. I'm gonna do one more rep in the gym. I'm gonna do one more phone call. I'm gonna do one more email. I'm gonna do one more text. And I did have this overriding opinion, which I opened the book up with, that, you know what? I am one meeting away from changing my life. I'm one decision away. I'm one relationship away. I'm one new thought. I'm one new client. I'm one away. I never, I never thought it was impossible. And I also really believed, here's the thing that I had advantage of.

• 54:07Ed Mylett?

  I believed in this one more stuff so strongly that I also didn't think it needed to be 25 years away either. I thought it was like, even for you, in your career, you struggled and struggled and struggled and struggled. And then, you know, the QVC moment happens, right? And so there was this one moment, one decision, one meeting, one show. And it wasn't all the one, because there's all the things you led up to that. But it was a catalyst that put you to a new level. It catapults you to a new level. And so for me, I always was looking for that one. What's the meaning? What's the thought? What's the emotion? What's this seminar I should go to? What's the breakthrough? And I stacked up these one more's. And I did have this sense like, I am gonna be the person who is pursuing these one more's much more aggressively than most other people will.

• 54:52Ed Mylett?

  Because I'm not the smartest. And so, because I'm not, I have to outwork people. And I can control that. And I think anybody who knows me will tell you back in those days, and even now, they'd say that, dude doesn't get cheated when it comes to work. I won't get cheated. So that humility of knowing my limitations. Some of you that are like, "I know I'm not this or that or the other." Awesome. That's great. Let's leverage that into being a one more thinker, being a one more doer. Let's leverage our humility. That humility you have, which is all it really is. You're way more talented, way more gifted, way more favored than you know you are. But let's leverage the fact that you don't believe all that stuff about you. You don't have to believe all these great things about you. What we have to do is do the right things for right now.

• 55:34Ed Mylett?

  And as we do the right things, all this evidence is gonna start to appear for you, one by one by one by one. And by the way, I'm not unique to that. Jamie's story is identical in just a different way and a different form. And if you took apart most people who are successful, there are these one meetings, one relationship, one decision away from new levels all the time. And I did have a belief I would find those.

• 55:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. When I read the open of your book, I instantly went to, you know, as everyone I think will do. You apply it right away to your own life.

• 56:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 56:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you start thinking about, where could I have done one more? Where did I do one more and it made all the difference? And the first thing I thought about was, you know, for me, it was hundreds and hundreds of no's. But I learned to sort of change my relationship with rejection and just keep going for that one more. And then I eventually got that one yes.

• 56:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 56:26Jamie Kern Lima?

  And then I eventually got the one show. And I would email, email, email, you know, trying to get into a retailer who told me I would never, right? And it's that one more email. And you don't know which one it's gonna be. But when you go for that one more.

• 56:39Ed Mylett?

  You change your relationship, let me ask you this. You change your relationship with the one more, or with the rejection. Do you think to some extent that people, I write about this a little bit in the book, but I'm more and more believing this. Do you feel like maybe you have a different relationship with pain than most people? Meaning, I feel like to some extent eventually, because I got a lot of pain in my life. I think my relationship with it changed. That the presence of it didn't mean necessarily I was a failure. Or the presence of pain or adversity used to mean to me, see, that's proof, I'm not.

• 57:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right.

• 57:14Ed Mylett?

  But now, at some point, the presence of pain, my relationship was like, I'm gonna get something from my pain. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get pain anyway. And I talk about this a lot lately. But all pain is temporary. It's when we believe it's permanent. Nothing's permanent. My father's body, other than my father's soul. My father's body even wasn't permanent. My body's not permanent. So the pain, my father's pain in going through chemo or radiation or the surgeries, wasn't permanent. And so, the pain you're in, whatever it is, is not permanent. Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary pain and temporary conditions. And at some point, my relationship with pain changed just a little bit

• 57:59Ed Mylett?

  to where the presence of it, Napoleon Hill says that on the other side of pain, if you can survive the temporary, you get introduced to your other self. And that's so profound to think, this presence of pain in my life, if I can survive the temporary, on the other side of it, I meet another me. And usually, another version of your life is on the other side of it. So now when pain comes into our lives, it's not that we want it, not that we embrace it, but we almost dance with it differently now. Because we know on the other side of this, there's another us. And you know this to be true. You've met many different versions of yourself on the other side of temporary setbacks and pain. So have I. And I hope that helps everyone.

• 58:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  It does. Well, and I don't fear it anymore.

• 58:42Ed Mylett?

  Me either.

• 58:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  I wanna get really real about pain, though. You, I don't wanna say inflict pain on yourself, cause pain. You're very hard on yourself. And I think that may surprise a lot of people because you're also so inspiring and uplifting. And you just, oh my goodness, can you just pour into someone and have them just believing to the point where they're flying? You know what I mean? Flying high with belief. And this other part of you is so hard on yourself.

• 59:16Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 59:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  Can you share that?

• 59:18Ed Mylett?

  This is what I've finally discovered as I've gotten older. Is that when you allow yourself to feel loved and valued, you'll actually achieve far more significant things. So this actual feeling of, if I get this achievement, I get this significance, then I'll get love, is actually a limiting level of significance and achievement. But someone who feels loved, someone who feels cared for, someone who feels valuable, they go achieve far greater external things anyway. And it's not always just achievement. It also can just be attention. So sometimes people conflate attention with love. So they, if I can get this woman's attention, if I can get this man's attention, if I look, my look, if they think I look great and I can get attention for that, then I'll feel loved.

• 1:00:03Ed Mylett?

  Or if they think I'm really smart, then I'll feel loved. Or if I can read them my resume, that I've got an MBA, or I've got a doctorate, then I'll feel loved. Or I'm gonna tell them about my jet and my car. I meet people all the time where I live here, that's like, the first three minutes is their resume. I've got this, I've got that, I did this, I did that. And I've literally stopped people here before. After a while, when they do it with me at this particular place I live in, I go, "Hey, brother, I love you. It's cool, brother. I love you. You're cool with me if you had that jet or you didn't. I don't love your jet, I love you." I don't love how beautiful you are. I love you, right? I don't love what you're achieving. And so, we have an achievement-addicted culture as well

• 1:00:48Ed Mylett?

  that's lying to people by saying, "If you'll just go do these things, then you'll feel better about yourself, then you'll be happier." And I talk a lot about blissful dissatisfaction, which is essentially this. People conflate, you can be dissatisfied and want more and still be blissful. You can live blissfully and still be, dissatisfaction's healthy. Dissatisfaction says, "I'm capable of this and I'm doing this, I wanna fill the gap." That's wonderful. Nothing wrong with being dissatisfied. That's totally different than being unhappy, though. So you can simultaneously be blissful and happy and dissatisfied to the extent that you wanna grow and change. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow The Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

• 1:01:32Ed Mylett?

  You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I am Ed Mylett. And by popular demand, I have the man to my left here today. He's one of the most inspirational figures in the world. Author, motivational speaker, thought leader. And for me, one of the most interesting and influential people in all of social media. Somebody that I'm very proud to call a friend of mine. Former NFL football player, Baylor football player, wonderful father and husband, Trent Shelton's here with me today.

• 1:02:02Trent Shelton?

  Hey, man, thanks, man, I appreciate that.

• 1:02:03Ed Mylett?

  Thank you for being here.

• 1:02:04Trent Shelton?

  Glad we could connect, man. I've been waiting for this for a long time.

• 1:02:05Ed Mylett?

  I think a lot of people have been waiting for this.

• 1:02:07Trent Shelton?

  For sure.

• 1:02:08Ed Mylett?

  People ask me, "Are all your friends really wealthy and successful?" No. In fact, a couple of my very best friends, I consider them incredibly successful, but not wealthy.

• 1:02:16Trent Shelton?

  Right.

• 1:02:16Ed Mylett?

  They're successful as husbands, they're successful as dads, they're successful in their contribution. They don't measure success based on money, but I consider them successful. But all my friends, most of them have this in common. They're very self-aware.

• 1:02:28Trent Shelton?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Ed Mylett?

  They're self-aware, and so because they're so self-aware, they're aware also of me. It's very difficult to be, to be able to give yourself to somebody and support them if you don't even aware of who the heck you are.

• 1:02:39Trent Shelton?

  Exactly.

• 1:02:40Ed Mylett?

  So I got some goofy, crazy friends, but I love that about them. Not all of them are business moguls or former athletes. They're just people who kind of know themselves and like themselves and want to change themselves. That's what mine have in common. But I want to talk about that change now with you.

• 1:02:53Trent Shelton?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:53Ed Mylett?

  Because they see this man, I mean, I think it's obvious that, you know, you and I are grown men. We're sinners saved by God's grace in both of our minds, but we're, we make mistakes.

• 1:03:03Trent Shelton?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Ed Mylett?

  And we're both always trying to figure stuff out. But let's be honest, I think one of the reasons you've evolved so much is that you're vulnerable with the changes you make. So if you follow Trent, and if you're not, you're about to, all of you, you know, you're going to see someone who's constantly giving wonderful advice like what you're hearing. Based on his own experiences and mistakes. But it's amazing to me to think that this man that I know is such a loving father.

• 1:03:25Trent Shelton?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Ed Mylett?

  And when we talk on the phone or in person about what kind of father you are, about what kind of a son you are, a friend you are, a husband you are. I consider you a great man based on those things about you. But those are things that have also made progress in your life too. So if you're willing to talk about this just for a second.

• 1:03:43Trent Shelton?

  For sure.

• 1:03:43Ed Mylett?

  Let's talk a little bit about Tristan and your son, because you said at three years old, you know.

• 1:03:48Trent Shelton?

  Right.

• 1:03:48Ed Mylett?

  You would come back and all that, but let's, if you don't mind sharing this, I want all the men and women hearing this. Who right now are beating themselves up about a behavior they have, that's listening to this, there's something you're ashamed of. There's something that you've done in the past or are currently doing that you think because you've been bad, you can't win. You can't make progress. You can't change. You don't deserve to succeed. And you keep beating yourself up about this, something you've done that you don't feel good about. So if you'd share this and they could see a total turnaround if somebody shared it.

• 1:04:19Trent Shelton?

  Before I show, I'm going to share three things real quick for, because I'll forget.

• 1:04:22Ed Mylett?

  Good.

• 1:04:23Trent Shelton?

  Where these three, and some people who follow me might have heard these things, but I came up with these quotes based upon this transformation. Number one, I said, my transparency leads to my transformation. And I want them to understand that. Your transparency leads to your transformation and other people's transformation. The second thing that I told myself was see my heart, not my past. Right? Because just because you made some past mistakes doesn't mean your future can't be great. So understand that. So with my story, me and Maria, which is, who's my wife. You know, we didn't have a Cinderella type of, you know, come together and it was so beautiful. We went through a lot.

• 1:04:58Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Trent Shelton?

  You know Tristan was born out of a way lock. And it hurts me to say this, man.

• 1:05:05Trent Shelton?

  And Tristan knows, so if he ever sees this, he knows, but I was viewing Tristan as a disappointment. When Maria called me and told me she was pregnant, I was viewing him as a disappointment. And it's amazing how, when I fast forward, how God can use what you thought was your biggest disappointment as your greatest rescue.

• 1:05:21Ed Mylett?

  Absolutely. And Tristan, when you listen to this later, the first thing your daddy talked about when we first met was you.

• 1:05:26Trent Shelton?

  Exactly.

• 1:05:26Ed Mylett?

  Just so you know.

• 1:05:27Trent Shelton?

  Exactly.

• 1:05:28Ed Mylett?

  So that's why I saw, and he knows.

• 1:05:29Trent Shelton?

  And he knows. And so the reason I say that is because me and Maria, I had a girlfriend at the time.

• 1:05:35Ed Mylett?

  You had another girlfriend.

• 1:05:36Trent Shelton?

  I had another girlfriend at the time. This is my first time talking about it, man. So I'm giving it to you, brother. I had a girlfriend at the time and we were off and on, and that was still no excuse for me to do what I was doing, but I was messing around. I was living that lifestyle, man, which is a hard lifestyle to handle. I mean, you have money, you have everything at your disposal. You want to live that life. And I end up getting Maria pregnant. And when Maria called me, I made her feel like she was wrong for getting pregnant. Because I didn't want to face my truth. Because I knew I had to call my girlfriend. And I had to say, hey, I cheated. And you know, make a long story short, I was in New York and I tell her and, you know, she kicks me out. And I feel like my punishment was right after and I get stuck in the airport for two days, for two days.

• 1:06:19Trent Shelton?

  And what was even deeper is our families were close.

• 1:06:22Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Trent Shelton?

  So our parents that were best friends didn't talk for years. And I became, I subconsciously and even consciously, I was blaming Maria for it. So I was treating her wrong throughout her whole pregnancy. And it was probably the lowest point of my life, man.

• 1:06:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:39Trent Shelton?

  But it took me facing, facing my reality, which a lot of us don't do. You will never win your war by running from your battles. So it took me, man, and I'm looking myself in the mirror and say, you're not being a man. You had an example. You have no excuse. Your dad was a man.

• 1:06:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Trent Shelton?

  You know, my dad was in my life. And so I faced it, man, and to fast forward, you know, me and Maria, we went through our ups and downs. She dated other people, I dated other people, but Maria was there for me when nobody else was. She had all the right to get back at me by saying, oh, you're nobody now. You don't have football no more. You're playing arena football. You don't have any money. She never threw that in my face. She never bothered me about child support when I couldn't afford it. She stuck by my side regardless, and I appreciate her forever. Baby, you watching this? I love you forever for this. And she believed in my purpose when nobody else did.

• 1:07:31Ed Mylett?

  Wonderful.

• 1:07:31Trent Shelton?

  And a lot of people on social media are like, oh, you know, Maria doesn't, she's a solid supporter.

• 1:07:36Ed Mylett?

  I know exactly what you're talking about. I do.

• 1:07:37Trent Shelton?

  It's like, oh, she should be a speaker. No, she shouldn't. If she wants to be that, fine, but she supports me more than anybody else because she allows me to do what I do without any interference.

• 1:07:47Ed Mylett?

  I love you, man. Like, just so you know, your transparency does lead to your transformation. And the fact that you're willing to share this, because he's such an incredible father. And you can see his love for Maria and how he talks about her. And by the way, Maria, same thing, off camera too. That's how I measure a man, right? Like, when no one's around, when you're with your boys, then how do you talk? How do you act? I admire that about you, but I will, like, people say, well, I'm vulnerable on social media. That's real vulnerability. But you just, that like, because all of us, listen to this, listen, everybody, I love you so much, man. I appreciate you so much. Because you're so highly respected. And it's easy when we're in the positions you and I are in to sort of put on a facade of perfection. And, you know, people say, well, I share some, that's sharing something.

• 1:08:29Ed Mylett?

  And, and I hope everybody listens to this. We all have things in our life. Listen, listen. We all have things in our life we're ashamed of.

• 1:08:37Trent Shelton?

  That's right.

• 1:08:37Ed Mylett?

  We all, I was just thinking of something the other day, you know, in the interest of Tom, but I was like, I can't believe I did that. At one age, I'd done something in a classroom on a test in college, you know, and I was like, I can't believe I did that. Like, we all do things we're ashamed of, and what happens is, is we hold our own sins against ourselves for the rest of our life. And they, they hold us back from making progress. So the fact that you do share this, it does give you a chance to move past it and to make progress. I'm so impressed with you. I want everyone to hear this message. This man has turned himself into one of the most influential people on the earth. About how to transform your life and change your life, and he came from the places he's describing to you.

• 1:09:17Trent Shelton?

  Forget perfection.

• 1:09:18Ed Mylett?

  It does.

• 1:09:19Trent Shelton?

  Forget it. It doesn't exist. And I know in the social media era, it's, it's popular. I mean, it's popular, right? I mean, it's like, nobody's really posting their struggles. And I'm not telling you to go on a soapbox and post all your struggles online, you know, I'm not saying that, but just be real. It's okay to show that you're a human. It's okay to be embarrassed. I mean, when I first started speaking, it was 10 people that showed up and it was my family and my friends, but I was proud. Like, I was happy about that. And I just see so many entrepreneurs, influencers trying to fake it till they make it.

• 1:09:46Ed Mylett?

  You're so right. The better thing to do, and we agreed, by the way, we were going to riff today because we share stuff. The better thing to do is to get people rooting for you. And by the way, when you're vulnerable, people root for you. When you show your weaknesses and your bad days and the things that aren't going good. So you shouldn't do it for this reason, but here's the secret. If you want to grow your social media content, if you come across perfect all the time.

• 1:10:09Trent Shelton?

  Exactly.

• 1:10:09Ed Mylett?

  That kind of gets boring, right?

• 1:10:10Trent Shelton?

  It's not relatable.

• 1:10:11Ed Mylett?

  It's not relatable. It's not true, and people kind of sense it. So unbelievable story. Just unbelievable. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm so excited about today's program because I'm one of the most inspirational people, I think, on earth today with me. And she was also, I always put these polls out to you guys saying, who do you want on my show? And there kept being this name coming up, this beautiful name, by the way, Fallon Taylor, Fallon Taylor, get her on your show. And so I'm so excited that she's here today. This lady to my left is amazing. She's an incredible entrepreneur.

• 1:10:51Ed Mylett?

  She's got an amazing social media and YouTube presence, but she's probably best known for being a world barrel racing champion. And not only is that extraordinary, but she did that after breaking her neck and having a 2% chance to even ever walk again. And she comes back and wins the, what is really the World Series of Barrel Racing. So I'm so excited for you guys to hear this story. So thank you for being here, Fallon.

• 1:11:13Fallon Taylor?

  Thank you so much. I really am excited to be here.

• 1:11:15Ed Mylett?

  How important have your parents been to you?

• 1:11:17Fallon Taylor?

  So insanely instrumental. And so I, I always encourage people because I realize that I'm probably in the minority of people that have parents that were married for 56 years and, you know, have that kind of encouragement. I think that that's the biggest thing, the biggest takeaway for me, when I help someone is I'm understanding they don't have that same support. But you can get that same support from, just like the Max Out universe. You've got people around you that are like-minded, that want to help you, that want to see other people win. Not everybody's going to want to see you win.

• 1:11:47Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 1:11:47Fallon Taylor?

  Not every single person is excited for your journey. Because you're going to prove a lot of their beliefs wrong. So be around people that really believe that if you do all of the things necessary to really get some lift off the ground of the things you want to achieve. Those people are going to just propel you to the next level. So being a part of something is really important.

• 1:12:06Ed Mylett?

  It's why I created this. It's like, I want our community supporting each other. That's why I do all this stuff of like, hey, comment on my stuff, get in there. I want you commenting on each other's stuff. I want you liking each other's stuff. I want you knowing what each other do and supporting each other because you're exactly right. Most people don't have parents like you have or that I have. They don't, they don't have people in their life that are supporting. So you have to go find those people. And in my case, I've created that environment for you to find those people. And then I bring on amazing people like you too. So last question. If you and I, you know, this has been a blessing for me, as I've told you. But if one of my listeners said, could I get like five minutes and a cup of coffee with you, right? Or could we go on a ride for five minutes? And they could ask you something, most of them would say, and I know we've covered a lot of it, but you're just like, there's so much still that we didn't even get to.

• 1:12:51Ed Mylett?

  And they said, I want to make my dream come true. And I'm at this place where I'm not doing it. I've tried and I failed. I tried and I failed. Or I don't have support around me. What would you just say to somebody who's like, I got a dream too? And you've inspired me today. What would be just a couple of things you would share with them if they met you like I got to? What would you share with them that they should be doing and thinking?

• 1:13:12Fallon Taylor?

  I would tell them to write it down, the craziest thing, let your mind wander to the craziest place it could go. Because we limit ourselves so much. And we limit ourselves by those beliefs that aren't true. Writing down if you had just an endless supply of money and all the time in the world, what it is that you would do. And then break it down to, what if you had almost no time? What would you regret that you haven't done? What's that big regret? What's that regret? And then attack that thing first. Go there. And when the brain starts to kind of work its way around, what if this thing could actually be possible? The other little stuff comes along. It's so crazy when you when you focus on fixing yourself and loving yourself, all of a sudden that standard shift.

• 1:13:54Fallon Taylor?

  Like, I think more about my checkbook. I think more about my how my spouse is treating me. I think more about the people I keep around me and how they speak to me. I think more about what I get up and get dressed like in the morning. You know, there's a time where it was sweatpants and it was just like if I left my house, it'd be a miracle. So so depressed and in such a place. And now it's like, no, there's a standard for how I want to present myself to a group of people and however they think about that is their own problem. That's their own belief system. So I think just narrowing it down to what's that one big thing? Let's not leave this planet regretting something that we haven't tried. And you will fail. And that's okay. That's the biggest lesson. The biggest lesson is in the failure.

• 1:14:33Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh, like 2013 for you, right?

• 1:14:35Fallon Taylor?

  Every time.

• 1:14:35Ed Mylett?

  I think your whole, I picture this day to day of the whole story of this little girl who turns pro at, you know, seven years old and then has this amazing life. But then I picture you taking that first step down the hallway that you've got to walk back and forth, right? And it's amazing to me to think that first step you took that day to get to the end of the hallway and back. That step eventually led to you being the world champion back on a horse.

• 1:14:59Fallon Taylor?

  The smallest thing. It gets me emotional all over again. It's those, nothing's ever done in these huge moments. Nobody's going to run up to you and go, I've got a million dollar idea, or I'm going to help you win a world title. It's this little like saying yes to the lady that said, you can get up, but you might die. Or saying yes to, yeah, I might try that thing, or saying yes to, well, do you want to give this another shot? It's little tiny things, saying yes to a first date with somebody you thought would never like you, saying yes to a job that you think you're not qualified for, saying yes to, it's not these huge moments. It's those little tiny ones, just that one step, that one little step.

• 1:15:34Ed Mylett?

  That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. You know, the reason I do this show, and by the way, it's it's precious to me because we only do one a week, or the number one show in the world. And that is not easy to do when you do one a week and you're sort of ranked up against shows that come out every day or three or four days a week. And so that seat that this man is sitting in means the world to me because I only get to share one person a week with each of you. And so I take it as a great responsibility to make this time we have together every week so profound and so valuable in your lives. And I know so many of you get value out of it, and that's why you share the show. So I wanted to thank you. Today in particular is really an honor for me because

• 1:16:19Ed Mylett?

  I'm going to introduce somebody to you that some of you will know, but many of you will not know. And I wanted him on the show today solely because of how good his work is, how solid his content is in helping people change their lives and perform at a higher level. I'd call them like a peak performance expert. There's all kinds of different terms I could come up to describe this man, but he's got a book called The Breakthrough Code that is outstanding, and I like the way it's written. Uh, he was a Wall Street guy for a while, then went to work to train in Tony Robbins companies. He's been training top athletes and corporations for many years, and he's just great at changing people's lives. And so Tom McCarthy, welcome to the show today.

• 1:16:56Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, it's an honor to be with you, Ed, and I'm just amazed at what you've done in such a short period of time, man. It's incredible.

• 1:17:01Ed Mylett?

  Well, thank you. Identity. Uh, we both talk about identity a great deal. And I think it's almost invisible to most people. So you know, when you really listen to someone or you watch them, you can begin to hear their identity. I'm working with a couple new athletes right now. And people ask me all the time, what do you work with when you're with athletes? Or what do you work with when you're with a CEO of a company or an entertainer or whatever? It might be say my name, say my name, which I think might be Beyonce. I'm not completely right. Am I right about that?

• 1:17:30Tom McCarthy?

  Probably.

• 1:17:30Ed Mylett?

  I am right about that. The fact that I know that is pretty bizarre. And if I'm wrong, it's close enough, everybody. But it was rattling in my head. So, um, anyway, I might be right. It's close. But what I work with, usually when I'm talking with athletes or working with them, there's all kinds of different techniques. But at the end of the day, if I distilled it down, it's both their confidence and their identity. At the top levels, people still struggle with confidence. When you see an athlete go in a slump, is it they don't know how to hit anymore?

• 1:17:56Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:56Ed Mylett?

  No, a couple of negative results happened. They started to move towards that story. And all of a sudden they're lacking confidence. And so if you have to work on your self-confidence or your identity, welcome to being a human. And I'm talking about people that have led big countries, run big companies, are the top athletes in the world. I think a lot of people think, well, I struggle with my confidence, so I'm not like these other people. It's natural to them. Yeah, right. Until they have a big setback, and then it's not so natural. Or they just have this amazing identity. And they just have more, yeah, until they don't anymore, until the success is stripped of them. So how does one begin to build a new identity and how important is it?

• 1:18:35Tom McCarthy?

  It's everything. You know, your identity is your most critical story that's inside of you that shapes everything you see. Like, we think we see the world uh, with our eyes, right? We think we hear things with our ears, but you really don't. You hear with your, your story, right? You see with your story. And identity is like your truest, most uh, precious part of your story, the one that you're gonna like stand up for day after day. And a lot of people do have identities that are not supporting them. Uh, you know, they have identities or belief systems around like, I've written a couple of books on speaking, public speaking, right? I've been speaking all around the world for years and years and years. And so we'll train somebody and they'll go, you know, I always get nervous

• 1:19:21Tom McCarthy?

  right before I speak. And, and I, and what I try and do is like, that can't be the way you think about this. And they go, well, no, I get over it. I go, yeah, but nervousness, you're either in one of two emotional states, I'm going to generalize here a little bit. Uh, when you do anything, you're either in a protective state, you're walking in, like if I come in here and I'm going, all right, I don't know this guy, what's he gonna ask me? You know, I'm in a protective state, I'm not going to be as good. Words aren't going to flow, the mind's not going to work. Or I'm in a growth state, right? Like, I've already flubbed some words, made some mistakes. I don't even worry about that when I'm speaking. I don't even worry about that. I probably made like eighty-four mistakes already.

• 1:20:02Ed Mylett?

  I don't think so.

• 1:20:03Tom McCarthy?

  Right? If we've been counting, yeah. I'm, I'm just kidding. I've been counting. But it doesn't bother me, right? Because I'm not worried about that. My identity is, is not that I've got to be perfect every single time. My identity is just, I give everything I've got. I'm going to just pour everything I have into this and we're going to have some fun. But my identity, and I'm sure yours has shifted a lot, you know, from childhood. I was that person that thought life was hard. I thought I was that person that thought life wasn't fricking fair, man. Why don't, how come I don't have a dad? I just shift that. I just shift that. And at the core of who we are is our identity. And, and when you really get clear on what that is, you can, and if you don't like it, you don't have to stick with it, right? You can shift it and change it. I love what you were saying earlier.

• 1:20:47Tom McCarthy?

  It's, to me, it's like carving away at something.

• 1:20:50Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:51Tom McCarthy?

  So I don't look at it as like one and not, right? You know, I know there's some lag time, but I'm just going to carve away today, carve away, carve away, carve away. And then it does start feeling more and more real, and then you're living it. And then life is so much easier because you're not even seeing the same world you used to see.

• 1:21:07Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 1:21:07Tom McCarthy?

  It's a completely different world you're experiencing. And that may be hard for people to imagine, like, what do you mean it's a different world? Like, everyone sees the same thing? No, they don't.

• 1:21:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:15Tom McCarthy?

  I had a friend, I was in a, a car accident. It wasn't bad, but we were in Hawaii, this friend of mine, CEO of a company was driving, his daughter was in the back, she was like six years old. And somebody hit him in from behind. So his experience was, he was pissed off, like gets out, you know, he's kind of angry. Uh, and I'm sitting in the car, his daughter in the back, you know, she called me Uncle, Uncle T. She goes, hey, Uncle T. She goes, can we go out and look? She goes, this is so exciting, right? You know, this is so, I've never been in an accident before. So people don't see the same thing.

• 1:21:48Ed Mylett?

  They do not.

• 1:21:49Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:49Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, dude, brother, that is such a good example. Oh, on identity, there's little pieces of ourselves that we begin to realize, like, I used to hear people say, I'll give you one little subtle thing that might help everybody. I was just thinking of it when you said it. Why here, and I say this often too, like my, a lot of my, the separation is in the preparation, I say, or like, you know, a lot of my confidence comes from how prepared I am.

• 1:22:10Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:11Ed Mylett?

  It's a real fine line with that, though, because years ago, it, it drifted into something dangerous for me. So, yeah, I do think you need to be prepared. But I think a lot of people, what holds them back is the threshold of what they think they need to know before they act.

• 1:22:25Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:26Ed Mylett?

  You agree with that?

• 1:22:26Tom McCarthy?

  Absolutely.

• 1:22:27Ed Mylett?

  So like, they, they get this preparation thing conflated where they go, yeah, and so I'm just preparing.

• 1:22:31Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:31Ed Mylett?

  And if I just knew a little bit more about it, if I was a little bit more prepared, if I had a little bit more knowledge, if I went to one more seminar, if I read one more book, if I just had one more exercise, then I take action. What I find is the identity level of people that do find bliss, do find successes, their threshold for what they think they need to know before they leap is lower. And the people that struggle, the threshold of what they think they need to know or be prepared or capable of is so high that they never quite meet that threshold to take a leap. That was just a subtle thing.

• 1:23:03Tom McCarthy?

  That is such a great point, because I, you know, there's people in life that whatever they do, they just seem to get the ball in the end zone.

• 1:23:10Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:23:11Tom McCarthy?

  And, and, you know, were they more prepared? Maybe, but a lot of times they weren't. And then there's people that, and they're good people, but they always need that extra little thing and, and that, you know, they're never quite ready and everything looks good and then it doesn't work out. Uh, I do little tests with this stuff on me, and I'm sure you do it on you too. But I do some crazy things, right? Like, um, I was asked years ago, actually it was 2005, so it was many years ago, I was asked to play in this poker tournament. Now, I'd played poker exactly one time in my life and it was back in college, so it was twenty years before.

• 1:23:45Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:45Tom McCarthy?

  And, and these guys are saying, you know, come on, it's gonna be great. There's gonna be some World Series of Poker.

• 1:23:51Tom McCarthy?

  Players that play in the world championships that are gonna be there. I'm like, guys, I don't even know how to play. I don't even remember anything. They go, oh, yeah, come on, you're gonna be fine. So I said, all right, I'll do it. And I said, you gotta spend, I told one of the guys, you gotta spend 10 minutes with me. And, and just show me the hands, like, and remind me of the rules.

• 1:24:08Ed Mylett?

  What wins?

• 1:24:08Tom McCarthy?

  Things like that. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But I didn't watch, and, and, you know, because I'm not, I don't play poker, I haven't played since. But I didn't watch tutorials, I didn't read books, I only had like a week to prepare. But here's what I did. Every time, because my identity was, at first, it was like, I'm gonna suck at this. I'm gonna embarrass myself, I'm gonna lose early. And I'm like, no, stop that, stop. I said, put a new thought process in, put a new belief system in. And literally, this is crazy. But I told myself over and over again that I made great decisions and I found a way to win. And every time I thought of it, and I didn't, you know, I didn't proactively think of a lot. But every time I thought about, oh, that thing's coming up, yep, I made great decisions, found a way to win.

• 1:24:51Tom McCarthy?

  Now, when I said it, though, I was like, in a confident state, right? I made sure I matched what I wanted to, the, this, the emotional state that I wanted to have. And I literally believed that I was gonna win the damn thing, right? And so I remember I'm getting ready to leave and my, so my wife knew I'd never played before, or played once. And she, I said, hey, I'm getting ready to leave, go to that poker tournament. She goes, what time's it start? I said, 6:30. She goes, I'll see you at 7:00. And so anyways, I went, I didn't even let that, right? Because you got the naysayer. No, she was just playing with me. We've been married 30 years, you just met her.

• 1:25:25Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:25:25Tom McCarthy?

  Uh, but I went, and, and I just, you know, I had this confidence, like, unearned confidence.

• 1:25:31Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:31Tom McCarthy?

  Totally unearned confidence. But people are making mistakes and I'm, I win my table and, and then I get, you know, finally the championship table. And now, uh, I have one guy left. I had like this huge pile of chips and he didn't have as many. But he was like, you know, one of these really good players and people are saying, oh, you're, this guy's beating you, does you know how to play? And the guy's getting pissed off. And he goes all in, I go all in and, you know, I win and

• 1:25:54Ed Mylett?

  That's awesome.

• 1:25:54Tom McCarthy?

  My friends are picking me up and I got this, you know, big, huge trophy and bracelet and all this kind of stuff.

• 1:25:59Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 1:26:00Tom McCarthy?

  And so I come back, it's like 2:00 in the morning, I open the door of the bedroom, my wife's long asleep. Turn the light on, guess who you're sleeping with tonight?

• 1:26:09Tom McCarthy?

  Now that, I'm not saying I could have done that 10 times in a row. But literally, I, I consciously burned all the boats. I did not allow a thought that was going to lower my confidence in any way. And I did it for about a week, right? So, yeah, but, but that's what happens, right? You know, that, you, you, and even if I wouldn't have won, I know I would have played a heck of a lot better because I had done that. That's the thing that most people don't get. Well, I didn't win. Well, were you better? Yeah, okay, then do it.

• 1:26:38Ed Mylett?

  That's the whole point. By the way, I love that term, unearned confidence. Obviously, the highest form of confidence is something you've earned. But let me tell you something, unearned confidence is a pretty damn good substitute. And it's a whole lot better.

• 1:26:48Tom McCarthy?

  When you gotta go.

• 1:26:49Ed Mylett?

  And by the way, what most people think, this is what they'd say to themselves, I've earned lack of confidence. And so you think you have to earn this confidence thing all the time. It is absolutely not true and not enough of you give yourself credit for your intentions either. You don't give yourself enough credit just for your intentions to serve, your intentions to contribute. And it's a huge, huge thing. I, I, I love that story because, you know, for me, I, where's it come from for me often? I had two friends the last week say something, man, I have a couple of things I'm ill-prepared for. Like, I have no life experience to prepare me for a couple of things, kind of like this poker tournament. Really good friend of mine, John Gordon, said, and by the way, we've talked a lot about energy today. I'm also a Christian, so I'm both. And John's, and he's a good Christian friend of mine. He goes, Ed, faith over fear. Choose faith over fear. I'm like, that feels good, man.

• 1:27:34Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:34Ed Mylett?

  And then like, three days later, my next door neighbor at the beach, Jerry, Jerry, if you're listening to this, thank you for this gift. He's like, hey, man, I've just all my life, I've chosen faith over fear.

• 1:27:43Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:43Ed Mylett?

  And it just, I was like, wow. Now, that's that vibrational frequency thing, right? Like, like, all of a sudden, both of these messages were being directed to me. For me, that applies to my Christian faith. But for some of you, it might be, I'm gonna have faith in the work I've put in. I'm gonna have faith that, you know, that everything always works out for me. But sometimes it's just a matter of taking a leap and going, I'm gonna choose faith over fear. Because what is holding you back is the fear. So I just wanted to share that with everybody.

• 1:28:06Tom McCarthy?

  And one thing, one thing on that, on to Ed is, uh, turn fear into faith. Because fear is energy, but use that energy, shift that energy and turn it into faith. I, I used to sometimes, you know, way back in the past, be a little bit jealous. Hey, how that person, you know, accomplished that or do that? And I'm like, hey, that's not a good use of energy. And I turned jealously, uh, jealousy into prosperity, right? And I just, whenever I will, you know, see someone doing well, I'm like, whoa, great. Hey, this is proving that I can do even more too.

• 1:28:37Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 1:28:37Tom McCarthy?

  And literally just shifting energy into another form.

• 1:28:40Ed Mylett?

  Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited to have my friend here today. This guy, uh, he's perfect timing for me in my life. And so I know what we're gonna discuss today is gonna improve and change your life tremendously. And I just have this feeling, I'm having him on again at the right time. So this gentleman's been on the show, I very rarely have people come back twice, but when they really, really help people, I do it. So very few times, only a couple, I've done that. But my friend Trent Shelton is here today. Trent is an author, he's a podcaster, straight up with Trent Shelton is his podcast.

• 1:29:24Ed Mylett?

  And I think I would just call him somebody who, I guess, a life strategist. But I just think he helps people manage their lives better. And I want him to help all of you do that today. And I think he's the best at what he does. So Trent Shelton, welcome back to the show, my brother.

• 1:29:39Trent Shelton?

  Hey, man, I appreciate you, man. Thanks for having me back. It's good to see you. It's good to be back on this epic podcast, bro. So thank you, man.

• 1:29:46Ed Mylett?

  Now, there's the, so there's the angels in our life. And then there's the people that aren't angels in our lives. This is part of that peace thing.

• 1:29:54Trent Shelton?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:54Ed Mylett?

  And everybody says all the time, hey, remove toxic people from your life. But here's the truth, almost nobody ever does it. Almost nobody does it. They just don't. They go, I'm gonna get rid of these toxic people in my life. Yeah, but you don't. You don't. And I think, I don't know if it's a lack of courage or the ability to do it. Or if people feel like, well, then I'm gonna be alone and that's worse than this toxic person in my life. But talk about, because you're just so profound about this, is it, the, the way you say it. What do toxic people do to us? And then how do we find the strength to, do we remove them? Do we keep them at a distance? Like, what are your thoughts about toxic people stealing that peace I want this year? Or we all want?

• 1:30:39Trent Shelton?

  Absolutely. I'll just, I'll just ask everybody this question. And this question seems a little bit straight up and harsh, but it's the reality. You know, if you're in a situation where your environment sucks, your environment's terrible. And I want to be clear, Ed, you know, I mean, sometimes we're the toxic people. You know, I mean, sometimes we gotta look ourselves in the, in the mirror and make sure we're not that person. And take that responsibility. But once you understand that and you have the things around your life, you gotta ask yourself, picture everything in your life as soil, right? Your environment is soil, the people that you're around, the places you take your life, everything is soil. I believe that each and every one of us, we're a seed.

• 1:31:20Trent Shelton?

  We're a seed of greatness, we're a seed of, of goodness, we're a seed of, you know, a person being legendary. We have all of those qualities in us. I believe God made us that way. What happens is, a lot of us, we put our seed in toxic soil. And we wonder why we're not producing the right harvest for our life, right? We wonder why, why we're producing weeds. We wonder why we're producing things that end up dying. So I'm gonna ask the person listening to this right now, is what type of soil are you putting your seed in? Because a great seed in bad soil will not produce good fruit, will not produce a good harvest. And you gotta be real with yourself. Do you want to live the rest of your life unhappy?

• 1:32:04Trent Shelton?

  Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want to die miserable? Because like you said, Ed, a lot of people are afraid, they're afraid of, they're afraid of confrontation. They're afraid of what people are gonna say once they make that decision, because we know how it is. People will start to make you feel like you're the bad person, no matter what you have done for them. They'll point out all the things you didn't do and not all the things you did do.

• 1:32:23Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:32:23Trent Shelton?

  Um, I think people are also, yeah, they're afraid to be alone. But you have to understand this about the journey. Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely, because I say perfectly, to understand what being perfectly loved feels like. So it took me in my darkest moments, in my loneliest times, to understand God's true love for my life. And once I realized the love that he had for me, once I realized how he created me, it became a lot easier. So I gained more confidence. I knew my worth and I went on this journey of being the greatest me. And one thing about the journey that's true, the journey will always be loyal to giving your life what it needs. So as I walked down the right path, yeah, I was lonely at first, but as I'm climbing this mountain, I seen somebody else

• 1:33:07Trent Shelton?

  that was climbing the mountain in the same direction. I seen somebody else as I went a little higher, that was climbing the mountain in the right direction. And then you build this tribe of like mindsets. And so, you know, another illustration, just really quick, Ed, like

• 1:33:19Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, please.

• 1:33:20Trent Shelton?

  It's, it's like a, I'll just put it like this, my neighbor, like two houses down, we're in Texas, right? We're like in Dallas, it's hot. So we moved here and my neighbor has like a palm tree. And it was about fall time, so the palm tree, it looked good, right? And so when winter hit, the palm tree was terrible, right? The palm tree was bad. The palm tree withered away, it died, they had to cut the top off, it looked terrible. And it made me realize this truth. And I want people to understand this. When you look at your life, you look at yourself as that palm tree, right? You're beautiful, everybody wants you, you're popular, you're a popular tree.

• 1:33:58Trent Shelton?

  But if you put yourself, right, you put that palm tree in New York, that palm tree wouldn't ever reach its full potential. That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree. It would be an ugly tree, nobody would buy. But if you put that palm tree in Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you put that palm tree in Puerto Rico, in the right environments, that palm tree flourishes, that palm tree looks beautiful. So with your life, yeah, you're that palm tree, you have all those great qualities. And if you're in the wrong environment, you will never meet the potential that your life has.

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