Barry Rothbart Meets The Whiskey Ginger Ghost 👻 | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and storyteller Barry Rothbart for a smart, funny conversation about stand-up, self-awareness, and the art of turning everyday awkwardness into big laughs. Special guest appearance of our studio ghosts! 👻 They talk about Barry’s approach to joke writing, navigating the comedy world without losing your voice, and why embracing who you actually are on stage usually works better than chasing trends. It’s a laid-back, comic-to-comic episode with plenty of laughs and insight. In this episode: • Writing honest jokes that don’t try too hard • Finding confidence in your own comedic lane • Touring stories and learning from rough sets • Santino and Barry talk comedy instincts, timing, and perspective Drop a comment with your favorite Barry Rothbart bit. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #BarryRothbart #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #comedians ======================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSOR SQUARESPACE USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:49Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave Series. Hello, Whiskey Ginger fans. I'm jumping around a little bit. Bad friends, Bobby Lee and I are going to be playing Thunder Valley Casino in Lincoln, California, which is basically Sacramento. Come on out and see us. Then I'm at the Win Casino in Las Vegas. Beautiful Las Vegas, viva Las Vegas. Come see me at the Win, March 21st, the 27th. I'm going to play the Little Roadie Fest out there in Providence, Rhode Island. The Borgata is the make-up date April 3rd for Atlantic City. Please come back out and see us. Sorry that got canceled. It wasn't me. It was the weather. Then finally, Bad Friends. Bobby Lee and I are playing the Los Angeles YouTube Theater right here in California for Netflix's The Joke Fest, May 8th. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy ginger. And I bet her the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger? Oh, hell no.

• 2:48Andrew Santino?

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean him once again today. It is Barry Ross Bart.

• 3:02Speaker 04

  What's up?

• 3:02Andrew Santino?

  You have an amazing athlete name. That's a great-

• 3:05Speaker 04

  No, it's not.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  Barry Ross Bart. That's a great yell-out name.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  How many Jewish athlete names are there?

• 3:11Andrew Santino?

  Uh, how many Jew athlete names are there? Well, Sandy Koufax.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  A great Jewish baseball player.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, in the last 100 years. I mean, Koufax was what, the 50s, 60s?

• 3:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, 70s, into the 70s. Okay.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  Roethlisberger?

• 3:30Andrew Santino?

  Ben Roethlisberger. What? Huh?

• 3:31Speaker 05

  55 to 66.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  66, okay.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:35Andrew Santino?

  Roethlisberger, he's not Jewish, but he has a Jewish name.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Sounds Jewish.

• 3:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Uh, who else sounds Jewish?

• 3:40Speaker 05

  Al Rosen.

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 3:41Speaker 05

  Al Rosen.

• 3:42Andrew Santino?

  Al Rosen, yeah.

• 3:43Speaker 05

  Julian Edelman.

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Julian Edelman's a Jew. And he's a current football player. Well, he's retired, but he's a buddy. He's a Jew.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  I was trying to change my name at some point early in my career. Did you ever go through that? You have great names, so Santino-

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  Santino was kind of a home run, although it didn't match the face. So I'm sure like an early manager was like, "You should be O'Donnell." You know what I mean?

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Well, someone I met was like, "You should-" My middle name's Ross. You know, like Jeff Ross was Jeff Lifshitz.

• 4:09Andrew Santino?

  Right, yeah, Jeffrey Lifshitz.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Um, they were like, "You should be Barry Ross." And I actually like did it. I changed my name. And then I felt so fucking lame.

• 4:18Andrew Santino?

  Dirty. That feels dirty.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  It's so lame.

• 4:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's wrong.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  So many people do it. I don't know if they do it anymore, but-

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  It's funny for- It's funny to change your name if- Look, it makes sense if it's like remarkably difficult.

• 4:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:29Andrew Santino?

  But to change it because what, it sounds too Jewish?

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:34Andrew Santino?

  For the business?

• 4:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's too Jewish.

• 4:36Andrew Santino?

  That makes almost no sense.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  I know, I know, man. I was like, you know, Jason Schwartzman's doing well.

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  And he, he's the most Jewish looking guy like on earth. If you drew, you're like, draw a Jewish guy. They're like, Jason Schwartzman? You're like, you got it. That's the guy. I think, who, like, who else? Well, then there's guys that don't have Ju-, like Adam Pally.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:58Andrew Santino?

  Not a Jewish name, doesn't really look, I mean, he'll be like, yes, I look Jew.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Right. Yeah.

• 5:03Andrew Santino?

  Not in the traditional actor, Jewish actor sense.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Cristalia.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  Paul Rudd.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:09Andrew Santino?

  Paul Rudd.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  Paul Rudd is Jewish?

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's a hidden Jew.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  I didn't know he was Jewish.

• 5:12Andrew Santino?

  You don't know about this?

• 5:13Speaker 04

  That's huge.

• 5:14Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 5:15Andrew Santino?

  You know this, right?

• 5:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, Jiminy Glick.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's right, called him out.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:19Andrew Santino?

  No, Galifianakis called him out. He was like, how do you, how do you sleep at night avoiding being Jewish so hard?

• 5:25Speaker 04

  There was also a thing about spelling, and that Galifianakis is a great example. I was like, can people like spell Roth? But it's like, who fucking cares?

• 5:32Andrew Santino?

  Who gives a shit?

• 5:33Speaker 04

  Who gives a shit? I'm not gonna make it anyway. It's like, who cares? Like, I'd rather like fail with my name, you know?

• 5:40Andrew Santino?

  Than fail under the guise of someone else?

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  But you have made it very well.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  Have I?

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  I think you've done fantastic.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah, I think I've done okay.

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  What's the scale of what we're looking for, I guess? You've been in, you've been in, you've been in more things than most of your peers. How about that? You've done, you've accomplished more than most of your peers.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  I feel that, but I don't know if anyone looks at life that way, you know?

• 6:02Andrew Santino?

  In the business.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Do you? Do you, do you like go around being like, look how much more I've done?

• 6:05Andrew Santino?

  That's all I've ever done.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  Than everybody. You do?

• 6:07Andrew Santino?

  I literally go up to friends.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  That's great. My therapist says I should do that more.

• 6:10Andrew Santino?

  Friends come to my house.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:11Andrew Santino?

  And I go, done more than you, come on in.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  You have your IMDb just like printed on your wall.

• 6:16Andrew Santino?

  If they've done more than me, I'm like, take, take, you gotta go home, man. No, I just mean like you, you, you have had great success.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 6:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:23Andrew Santino?

  You have.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  It was, you know, the first thing we did together. Punk'd.

• 6:26Andrew Santino?

  I know, isn't that crazy?

• 6:27Speaker 04

  That was the first time I was ever on TV. I think you too, right?

• 6:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, same.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  No, actually, it's not. It was, I did Men of a Certain Age. I did a guest star.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, on the sitcom. Wait, who was the star of that?

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Scott Bakula, Ray Romano.

• 6:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. Robert Loggia. Yeah.

• 6:43Andrew Santino?

  And then you did Punk'd.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  And I did Punk'd.

• 6:46Andrew Santino?

  What a wild nightmare that turned out to be.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  Do you remember how I got fired from Punk'd?

• 6:50Andrew Santino?

  Trying to remember, what happened?

• 6:52Speaker 04

  I was like, I knew from the moment, I mean, this isn't, I'm not like, you know, don't smoke up your ass. But I knew from the moment I met you in the writers' room, I was like, he's gonna be the like guy.

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  Of the thing.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  Like, you had the most confidence of anyone in that thing.

• 7:04Andrew Santino?

  You know why, to be honest with you, and I appreciate the compliment.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Cocaine?

• 7:07Andrew Santino?

  It was coke.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  No, it's because I didn't fucking care. At the point that I had gotten that show, I didn't care if they fired me, cuz I, I kinda was tired of working with those guys, because I'd worked with them a year before, writing a whole season of a fucking Comedy Central show that literally got shot and thrown immediately in the trash.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  You mean Goldberg and like the?

• 7:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Ian Edwards and I wrote a Comedy Central pilot for Al Sheer. For people that don't know, Al Sheer was the other guy on the season one of Punk'd. Everybody remembers Dax. But Al, who's very famous on BET's show Hits from the Streets, he was in the black community at that point in time. There, he was the guy on TV, cuz BET ran reruns of Hits from the Streets forever. So, it was him and Dax, but Dax exploded, and then Al got a deal with Comedy Central to do a show. They didn't wanna hire real writers. Comedy Central was as penny pinching as they've ever been, and was like, "Just give us a bunch of young bullshit writers." So they had to hire-

• 8:04Speaker 04

  They, they did that up until the end.

• 8:06Andrew Santino?

  Until they, until they fucking folded. But they hired Ian to be the head writer, cuz Ian Edwards is a brilliant writer, and they were like, "We'll pay one guy."

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  And then they, and then all these other writers they brought in, they were like, "I'm not fucking writing a show for no money." And a friend's friend was like, "There's this young comic I know, he'll write for no fucking money." And I was like, "Yes, I will. I'll write for..." I think it was, honestly, it was like a couple hundred bucks a week. And I was just-

• 8:30Speaker 04

  I would've done it.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my god.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  Like, $2.50 a week.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  Anything.

• 8:33Andrew Santino?

  And I, so we wrote with Ian, we shot this whole series, and Comedy Central was like, "We're not gonna air this at all." So at that point, I was like, "Why am I even fucking doing this?"

• 8:41Speaker 04

  Was it like a punk-type series?

• 8:43Andrew Santino?

  It was a hidden camera show.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  It was a hidden camera show, but it was, um, from the perspective of Al, like, it was a lot of like, he wanted to do only pranks in the hood. Like, he was, he was like, "We're not doing, we're not pranking white people."

• 8:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:56Andrew Santino?

  He's like, "We are only gonna prank people in the hood."

• 8:59Speaker 04

  And now that's the biggest thing. On social media.

• 9:00Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that the funny, he was way ahead of the curve.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  He was, yeah.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  He really was. He did a bit, well, he did, he's like, if we're gonna fuck with white people, we're fucking with them bad. So we went to Beverly Hills, or Bel Air, and we did a bit called Gangster Gardener. Where he showed up with a bunch of like jacked up, tatted up dudes, and they just started doing your lawn. And they would come out and be like, get off, get the fuck out of here. And he'd be like, no, no, you always, I mean, he did hedges. And this, and they, and he gave them a detailed list of what they did.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Wait, they just walked up to other people's that?

• 9:26Andrew Santino?

  They just walked up to a lawn in Beverly Hills and started doing it. Gangster Gardener. He's like, if we, cause he was like, if we're gonna fuck with white people, I'm gonna make them uncomfortable about, like, service. Cause then you can get them in an actual, physical, you know, that was kind of the world we started learning, was like the, you did this, no, you didn't. That never worked. But the physical was always great. Like a guy would run out and he was like, digging, they were digging a hole, planting a fucking tree. And the guy was fighting him on putting the tree in. And I was like, well, this is great. And Comedy Central was like, this is lawsuit central. Like, it was just, they hated every second of it. So then by the time I got to Punk Truly, I was like, if they fire me, fine. I was, I was fucking, I was miserable.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  You were like, that's it for my career. I got.

• 10:08Andrew Santino?

  I didn't, I, yeah, I hit the ceiling. I just didn't give a fuck, cause I thought, well, this, it just felt so like, uh, and also that you, you remember, it was not.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  It was a crazy writers' room.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  Fucking insane.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  It was insane. And then like Miley Cyrus would show up and like, Chris was just like, you know, I don't wanna say it, but yeah.

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  It was nuts.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  It was crazy. It was, and it was, it was very alpha. It was like very.

• 10:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  Like, you really had to get your pitch in.

• 10:36Andrew Santino?

  It was impossible.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  It was impossible. And I was just like, I made it. Like, this is huge.

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  And I remember, yeah, I remember you were hilarious and.

• 10:45Andrew Santino?

  Adam Lustig.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Adam Lustig, who I just saw, I just saw like a week ago.

• 10:48Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 10:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, his kid knows my kid. And we're like, we both live in Pasadena. Well, his, his house was messed up in the fires and stuff.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I, that's right.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. But.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  And you did that, by the way. That wasn't the fires. It was you, you did, you just burnt down his house.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  My fires.

• 11:02Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, he, it was messed up in the fires.

• 11:03Andrew Santino?

  The Rothbart fires?

• 11:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a much smaller, just his house.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  Um, I, yeah, so what happened was I did five episodes of Punked with You. And this was, it was funny, cause like when I auditioned, the audition was amazing. I don't know if you remember how fun it was.

• 11:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it was awesome.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  A lot of people, it was like, that was my nightmare, cause everyone auditioned for it at the time. But they basically just go into a room with some other actor and they're just like, just improv.

• 11:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Like, there was nothing. It was literally just like, just, yeah, do something.

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  There was no set, there was no like scene, there was no set rules. So then it was really playing to some people's ultimate strengths. Yours in particular, cause you can fly. Some people really kinda can't.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  You let me go, bro?

• 11:44Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 11:45Speaker 04

  Open the gate. That's what I used to call it on set.

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  Open the gate!

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Open the gates, let him go.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  But you really, it does play to some people's strengths, but I did see a lot of improvers that would come and they would get eaten alive because they wanted way more structure. And the show is kind of oddly unstructured. It was very much, this is the bit, but if you didn't figure out a way to like, rogue set up your own little world inside of there, it was never, you were just gonna be lost on camera.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  You also can't have a sense of humility in that show. Like, you really have to like be able, I remember the advice, cause I was so nervous the first time when we, we did.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  What was the first bit?

• 12:18Speaker 04

  The first bit we did was, it actually was ruined. It was at this cafe where a car was gonna drive into it with, uh, who was it?

• 12:28Andrew Santino?

  And the cafe was in Los Feliz, right?

• 12:29Speaker 04

  I think it was, um, what's his name, Deardick. I think, we were pranking Deardick. And I was supposed to be like the manager who's like, you gotta pay for that. Like, the whole bit was someone just randomly drives in with his car, like the ballet guy.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was his car.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  And I was like, I was like, you gotta pay for that right now. It's like a hundred grand or whatever.

• 12:46Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  And I was so fucking nervous. And I remember, uh, Goldberg, Jason Goldberg, he was just like, don't be nervous because what you have to understand is no one is thinking about you being weird. Everyone's thinking about themselves all day.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Like, no one goes into a situation being like, that guy's not real.

• 13:05Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  And then immediately, that's what happened. He was just like...

• 13:11Andrew Santino?

  Rob Dyrdek was like, "You're not real."

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Immediately, he was just like, "This isn't real," right? And it was ruined. And then they quickly had to be like, "What celebrity is nearby?" And they got, I think, Shawn Kingston.

• 13:21Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Who I think was arrested not too long ago for some crazy shit.

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  Wait, really?

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  Shawn Kingston, the rapper, right?

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:30Andrew Santino?

  I think it was the same guy.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  And they got him and we did it, and it was fine. But it was very nerve wracking. And I also was like in this high because I had just like got new faces. JFL, which was like, when you got new faces at that time in our careers, it was just like, that's it.

• 13:44Andrew Santino?

  Didn't you also do the same year?

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Tonight Show?

• 13:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, right. You had like three things in a row.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  And I got an agent for the first time right after booking Punk'd, and it was ICM.

• 13:55Andrew Santino?

  The golden boy.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  They don't exist anymore.

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  You were the golden boy.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  I was the golden boy, and they put out a Deadline article that I signed with them, which is crazy.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  That's funny when they do that.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Isn't that fucking crazy?

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  It's so weird.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  And Deadline articles, if people don't know, who aren't in this business, are the only reason you get into this business, is Deadline articles.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  You get an article, baby.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  They're so fucking great. It's just like, everybody's like, "You get a Deadline article, man? I'd rather get that than the paycheck."

• 14:23Speaker 04

  But we, yeah, so I got, they announced it and they said I was on Punk'd in Deadline, mid-shooting the season. And I got a call like that day from the punk producers. They were like, "We gotta fire you because everyone's gonna know you're..."

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  "...a cast member."

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  That's right of the article.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  And you're gonna, it's gonna fuck up every bit. And I got fired.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  What a fucking terrible move.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:46Andrew Santino?

  Why did they do it?

• 14:47Speaker 04

  And I stayed with that agent. I stayed with them for some reason. In some weird way in my head, I was like, "Now they owe me."

• 14:53Andrew Santino?

  It is interesting to think, it's more, it is, they didn't need to fire you, because I don't think you were famous enough then for a celebrity.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  I also wasn't like amazing on the show, I don't think.

• 15:02Andrew Santino?

  Well, nobody really was. The show was really tough to do. It was hard. But I just mean like, they didn't need to fire you, but at the same time... The thought of the agent getting off them, that was just them getting off saying they signed you. So bad, they needed it that bad. Yes. And they, it's, that's, and honestly, if you, if you told an agent, you'd be like, I should, I should take away your money. Like, you should get no commission. And then in their mind, they'd be like, what do you mean? This is a celebration.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  There is this thing, I don't know if you have this with agents, where there's a point where you're like, well, now they're gonna be on my side. Like, something will happen and you're like, now they're, now they're working for me.

• 15:39Andrew Santino?

  Correct.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  And I was like, no, they, they screwed up my, my life.

• 15:42Andrew Santino?

  Now they'll fix it.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Now they're gonna get me something else. And they never did. But yeah, it was cra- yeah, I guess they, they didn't have to, but I could see them being like, yeah, like, agents being like, hey, look out for this guy, you're gonna get punked. But that was a crazy season, man. That was like,

• 15:58Andrew Santino?

  But that is a-

• 15:59Speaker 04

  I feel like everyone was so mad. It was just like a strange vibe.

• 16:01Andrew Santino?

  It was an unfortunate, it was, it was more stressful than fun. I remember like, most nights feeling anxious and stressed. And also bummed if like, we shot something and it didn't go well. I would just go home at night and be really fucking bummed. Like, like, it just would fuck you up if you didn't, you know what I mean? It's not like a day on set. If you had kind of a shitty day shooting a TV show or shooting something, you're like, ah, I just wasn't as good today as I wanna be. But it could, you get over it pretty fast.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:27Andrew Santino?

  With that show, it would like, sat with me for days.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Cause you were so good on it. You were the only thing that was good on that show.

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's nice. It was just, I care-

• 16:36Speaker 04

  You haven't been good since, but I think-

• 16:37Andrew Santino?

  Trust me.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  You were great on that show.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  And the business agrees.

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  Have you seen Ricky's the Nicky? What happened to Sean Kingston, by the way? Now I'm like, crazy interested.

• 16:47Speaker 05

  He was arrested at Fort Irwin US Army Training Base, performing a show based on a Florida warrant for numerous fraud and theft charges. His mother was also arrested three hours earlier at their Florida home.

• 16:57Andrew Santino?

  Book him, Dano.

• 16:57Speaker 04

  When your mother gets arrested?

• 16:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  That's so disgusting. They book your mom?

• 17:01Speaker 05

  In a federal fraud case, both of them.

• 17:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, because he probably bought, the house that she lives in is probably under his name, and it's probably dirty money.

• 17:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, they were sentenced to three years.

• 17:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, they're in jail together. Yay!

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, they both got killed in prison, right?

• 17:17Speaker 04

  Just start fake.

• 17:19Andrew Santino?

  John Kingston. He's singing to his mom at night in prison is kinda sweet, though. You're so beautiful, girl. At night?

• 17:28Speaker 04

  I just, yeah, we don't have to say I'm punk, but the last thing, I remember the, the, the scenes would take all day to set up, like.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's the ghost.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck.

• 17:37Andrew Santino?

  That, that's good, that means, no, that means he likes you.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  Oh, good.

• 17:40Andrew Santino?

  And that's the ghost means he likes you.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  Of John Kingston?

• 17:42Andrew Santino?

  There, there, there. See, if he fucks with the lights, that means he likes you. I'm not kidding. There's a ghost that does this.

• 17:47Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 17:47Speaker 05

  It's Morse code.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  Bear, be, very, can.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Book. Something.

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  Something in twenty

• 18:02Andrew Santino?

  thirty-five. That's a long time away for a gig.

• 18:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

  Is this gonna keep doing this now? That's crazy.

• 18:10Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 18:12Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 18:15Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or you're scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I've talked about them so much now, why aren't you using them? The SEO tools are incredible.

• 18:37Andrew Santino?

  Uh, if you're looking to get discovered online, you can get discovered fast. Thank you to Squarespace's SEO tools. Every website is gonna be optimized, uh, and indexed with metadata that is going to spread to the people that need to know what you are up to, whether you're a personal trainer, you're an artist, uh, you're an artur, you're a photographer, uh, whatever you are and whatever you're putting up on the internet, they can help you do it. Squarespace also has a videos, uh, a video, um, portion, section, for you to engage with your clients by putting up, uh, videos of your own kind, whether you're selling videos or just throwing them out there. You can also take donations, you can sell content, and there's tons of email campaigns. So do yourself a favor, go over to Squarespace.com/whiskey, okay?

• 19:15Andrew Santino?

  Use that code whiskey, of course. You're gonna save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace.com/whiskey. What's the code? It's whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 19:29Andrew Santino?

  And we're back.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 19:32Andrew Santino?

  And we're absolutely back. Getting off of the world of punk-ata. It was a strange time in our past.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  I got punched in the neck by Nick Cannon's friend.

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  I liked that part.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  And I remember them being like, "Keep going, keep going." I was like, "I can't breathe."

• 19:49Speaker 04

  They were like, "Keep going." Yeah, dude punched me in the neck.

• 19:52Andrew Santino?

  His security guard or something?

• 19:53Speaker 04

  No, it was, it was one of the people who was being, like, it was a rap group he was managing or something. Do you remember it was a sex party in a warehouse?

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, in a warehouse, yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  I love it when it was Lustig butt naked.

• 20:04Andrew Santino?

  Lustig was butt naked.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  Running around.

• 20:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, we wanted, we wanted somehow to get Adam Lustig to run naked through a scene. Cause Adam is, has a, he's a beautiful, beautiful bald man who's very skinny with it, he's well endowed. And it was like, who doesn't want to see that guy?

• 20:19Speaker 04

  Huge dick.

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  He's a massive cock.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  How is that possible?

• 20:21Andrew Santino?

  Ah, God loves some people more than others. I feel like, and he's got a good heart.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  And he wears it well.

• 20:26Andrew Santino?

  He wears it very well. But he has a big wiener and we thought, yeah, I don't know who pitched it. I'm sure it was Chris or one of us that was like, "You gotta have this guy at like a crazy party in Hollywood run through butt naked."

• 20:39Speaker 04

  I was, there were so many sketches early on in my career and so many things where I was like, "This would be so much funnier if I was naked." It was just being naked was so funny. I was naked in so much shit. There was a naked show in New York. Do you, do you remember? You never did stand up in New York, like, living there?

• 20:52Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no. Only when I came, only when I would go to do shows.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  There was a naked show where the audience and the comics are both naked and-

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, see, that's fair. I like that. If you're both naked.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  You don't have to be naked, but a lot of people would come. So, it was nudists. And nude, for some reason nudists are never attractive. I don't know why. Like, people who are like really into nudity. But it was like, this is a bit I should work on.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. But why are they not?

• 21:16Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 21:17Andrew Santino?

  Cause everything I've seen nudists, like, they all seem like very well-to-do people, very nice and sweet, but they're never attractive.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Never.

• 21:23Andrew Santino?

  Why is, what would it be? You think as attractive people?

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I think if you're attractive, it's like, it's too high value.

• 21:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's almost like a gift to see me naked.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:34Andrew Santino?

  Right. And nudists are like, "This is a fucking push. This is a push."

• 21:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. And they're all hairless.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  We don't know, I think that the nudity of a hot person is more high value. But this, but, so this show you go to is nude audience, nude comic.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  Nude comics. Um, and I would, you would do a set. You would just do stand-up. I did, I did an hour.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Uh, no, yeah, it was like 10 minutes. It was just like, you just, yeah, you do a set.

• 22:03Andrew Santino?

  Are you not self-conscious of your penis? I mean, like, look, I'm sure you have a regular penis, but like...

• 22:07Speaker 04

  No, you'd be surprised.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you got a nice beef, huh?

• 22:09Speaker 04

  No, no, no, not nice.

• 22:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh. But so then you care less. I feel like you may care less if your penis is not... Sometimes I feel like if people are, have like, are well endowed, unlike Adam, I think they're a little more embarrassed about it, which is odd.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Really?

• 22:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  I haven't found that.

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, kinda like, uh, um, they don't wanna show it off. Maybe it feels like it's like, I don't know, that's not a... But little penis guys always wanna show it.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  It's not little.

• 22:34Andrew Santino?

  Like Bobby always wants to show it.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  It's not little.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, his isn't either. It's nor, it's average.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  I really, you know, like...

• 22:40Andrew Santino?

  No, little, it's little. Yeah, it's little.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  The grower not a shower thing is very real. I don't know if that's like...

• 22:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're...

• 22:45Speaker 04

  It's weird in like, you know, in your locker room settings when you're not hard.

• 22:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, you gotta grow for the boys.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  I gotta grow. So I would be like, you know, trying to jack off a little backstage, you know, I would go in there and...

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. There's some comics, I'm not gonna name names, who have unbelievable dicks. Just the beautiful...

• 23:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, well, that's a great compliment. I'd love to know who has a nice cock.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know, I didn't wanna say it.

• 23:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I got it.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  You know.

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  And then there were women comics on the show, or this is just another all-white male show?

• 23:10Speaker 04

  No, no, no, women.

• 23:12Andrew Santino?

  And they were butt naked?

• 23:13Speaker 04

  Butt naked. Yeah. This was a hu... I don't know if it's still going on, but yeah, it was...

• 23:16Andrew Santino?

  What was it called?

• 23:17Speaker 04

  It was a big deal. The Naked Show.

• 23:18Andrew Santino?

  And who ran it? Do you remember?

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Some nudist guy who just was like...

• 23:22Andrew Santino?

  Who wasn't a comic?

• 23:22Speaker 04

  No, he wasn't even a comic.

• 23:23Andrew Santino?

  At a bar?

• 23:24Speaker 04

  He was terrible. He had the smallest dick I've ever seen, ever in my life. It must be crazy having a micro penis, right?

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  We talked about that once before. I didn't believe it was real.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  I, I, I almost think it's a, it's a, it's lore, but, but he, this man probably had just had a small penis.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  Well, he was fat. If you're fat, it kinda doesn't count.

• 23:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  I heard you can gain, uh, three inches per 10 pounds of weight you lose.

• 23:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's...

• 23:50Speaker 04

  I don't know if that's true.

• 23:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, get back in the gym, you know?

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:54Andrew Santino?

  It sounds like a reason for me to get back in the gym.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Anyway, the craziest naked thing was, I got hired, this was before I was like, even in LA, I was just starting in comedy, and I got hired to... I was a videographer for a while before I...

• 24:05Andrew Santino?

  In New York?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  In New York, and I got hired to shoot a 50-plus gay nudist colony commercial.

• 24:12Andrew Santino?

  For a commercial for the colony?

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, an hour, well, not even a commercial. It was like, an informational video where I had to stay there for two weeks.

• 24:23Andrew Santino?

  Where was this?

• 24:24Speaker 04

  In the Poconos.

• 24:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, nice.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, well, someone, because I had an ad on Craigslist or whatever, like, just being like, "Yeah, I'll shoot whatever, you know, I got a camera," you know?

• 24:34Andrew Santino?

  I'll shoot anything.

• 24:35Speaker 04

  I'll shoot anything, I'll edit anything, I was like, I got fucking, I got a computer, whatever you need, man, and I got an email from this weird email address, I think it was like Nude Yorker or something, and they were like, "We run a 50-plus nudist colony, and we want someone to come stay with us for two weeks." Gay, gay nudist colony, all male, "And we want someone to come stay with us for two weeks and just shoot everything and just, you know, video, literally, the entire thing." Document the entire retreat. It was just a retreat.

• 25:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  It was like a camp, it was like summer camp for older guys, naked, gay. And, and I went, I was like, you know, "I'm just letting you know I'm not gay," like, is that okay?

• 25:17Andrew Santino?

  Sure, you're not, just bring your camera.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  They were like, "That's preferable." And I was like, "Okay."

• 25:22Andrew Santino?

  Why would that be preferable?

• 25:23Speaker 04

  Well, you're about to find out.

• 25:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  And, so I went with, with this other guy who I would shoot stuff with, and we got there, and we were clothed, and it's, it's crazy, it's shocking to see that many naked people in one place. It's a fucking shocking thing.

• 25:38Andrew Santino?

  Fifty naked guys?

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:39Andrew Santino?

  It's heavy.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  It's like seeing a dinosaur somewhere, like, you're just like, "How is this fucking possible?" Like, your eyes are like, like, that many older naked people.

• 25:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 04

  There was 500 people there.

• 25:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, shit, I thought you said 50.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  500, 50 plus.

• 25:52Andrew Santino?

  God!

• 25:53Speaker 04

  They were all older than 50 years old.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  And they were like, "Oh, you have to be naked too," the whole time.

• 26:02Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  And I was like, "Ah, I don't really want to," and then they were like, "Trust me, you're gonna wanna." And I started walking around, fully clothed, and being the only fully clothed person just felt so strange, so I was like, "I'm gonna try it, I'm gonna try being naked," and I was naked, and I spent the rest of the time naked, and it was the best two weeks of my fucking life.

• 26:24Speaker 04

  Lot of people propositioning me.

• 26:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, of course.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  And it confirmed to me that I wasn't gay, because you know, you always have these doubts. You're like, would I? Like, there was times where I would be taken to like, the back of like, a cabin by some like, everyone was very friendly, very friendly.

• 26:39Andrew Santino?

  Sure, they were.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Handsome man.

• 26:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  And he, honestly, he was like, do you wanna like, fool around and do something? Like, just no one around, no one around, and I was just like, no, I kinda just wanna talk. And I would just talk to these naked guys. It was the most beautiful experience, and then they have a talent show on the last day. And they were like, we heard you're a comic. And I was like, yeah, and they were like, do you wanna do stand-up? And I was like, yes, I do. And I did twenty minutes of stand-up at their talent show.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  Naked.

• 27:09Speaker 04

  In front of five hundred people, completely naked.

• 27:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 04

  And it was the greatest thing ever.

• 27:13Andrew Santino?

  That is rad.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, a guy named Bear Man.

• 27:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh, we all, we know Bear Man.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know Bear Man.

• 27:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we know Bear Man.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  So many cock rings, too, at these places. Nudists love cock rings.

• 27:22Andrew Santino?

  Cock rings or piercings?

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Rings, like, that keep your dick hard.

• 27:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so they stay, so these guys are hard the whole time?

• 27:28Speaker 04

  They're at least half, halfway.

• 27:30Andrew Santino?

  Wow. Did you ever get hard while you're filming?

• 27:33Speaker 04

  No, no, I didn't get hard for a month after.

• 27:38Andrew Santino?

  It would be fun to take like, a blue chew and just be hard while you're filming, just dick up all day long.

• 27:42Speaker 04

  Oh, so many people were walking around hard. There was some, one of the guys who ran the camp were like, don't go to this section of the camp, ever.

• 27:49Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's not for you.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Cause they were like, that's where some scary stuff happens. And I was like, what? And they were like, you know, it's just like, people are fucking like, constantly at this part of the camp.

• 27:59Andrew Santino?

  There's a couple guys that have never left.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, people walk around with boners, like, full boners.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  I felt great, I honestly was like, I kinda get it. What's weird about nudity is it kinda just takes away all pretense.

• 28:11Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  From your life, like, it takes away class, like, you don't know who's rich, who's not.

• 28:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  It takes away a lot of like, it kinda puts people on the same level, and I kinda got disappointed when I had to put my clothes back on.

• 28:23Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  It's a lot easier to leave the house, like, we had our cabin and it was like, I don't have to think about what the fuck I'm gonna throw on.

• 28:29Andrew Santino?

  This is actually an interesting perspective, people wearing shoes, obviously.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 28:33Andrew Santino?

  Cause footwear.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Well, what was scary was if it rained, people would just wear top, no bottom. And that's a whole different kind of naked.

• 28:40Andrew Santino?

  The Yogi Bear.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  Somehow it's more naked when you're just clothed on the top and not the bottom than it is being fully naked.

• 28:46Andrew Santino?

  It's the Winnie the Pooh, I mean. That's the Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. That's the Winnie the Pooh. Just a shirt on top with a dick out.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:53Andrew Santino?

  That because the shoe.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  But shoes, yeah, you wear shoes.

• 28:54Andrew Santino?

  You have to because you can.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  You're walking around camp. Yeah.

• 28:57Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  It is funny. This is a, there's, there's something in the. My brain immediately went to when you said you don't, you can't tell class. I was like, that's really interesting. It is funny in society. I think it should be the richer you get, the more naked you have to be in our society.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Oh, I love that idea.

• 29:14Andrew Santino?

  Like, wouldn't that be nice to see these fucking egregious, like billionaires and they must be nude at all times? Like, they, they cannot wear clothes. It is, it is against the law after a certain tax bracket for you to wear clothes.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:26Andrew Santino?

  I'm one, I wonder what that would do to the world of wealth. That's like, you have to be naked.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Wouldn't want to be wealthy anymore.

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  I know. Isn't that interesting? You have to be naked at all times.

• 29:36Andrew Santino?

  You would purposely not do certain things because you're like, I don't want to.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  You would just get certain surgeries and shit, though, you know? Like, you'd get.

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  Because you, but you see some of these, like billionaires on the list and. Or like you see these like extremely globally wealthy people. And they always look like that one guy that yells at people on TikTok who has glasses, bald, a little short, fat guy. What's that fucking guy? He's like, you can't fucking that, that, he's like screaming all the time.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  My pillow guy?

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  No, no. There's like a little, like a, uh, he's like a motivational speaker and every other word out of his mouth is a cuss word. But I know he's a little pudgy fuck under all those clothes.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:11Andrew Santino?

  And I'm like, it'd be so funny to make you be naked.

• 30:14Speaker 04

  Got a little dick, I feel like.

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  Elon?

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  You've seen it, right?

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:20Andrew Santino?

  I'm trying to remember what it felt like.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  That musk cock. You could tell, you could tell Elon Musk has a small penis based on the rockets he builds.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Oh yeah.

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  Rockets are purely a phallic.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  It's huge.

• 30:33Andrew Santino?

  Dream. That's like such a.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Cyber trucks?

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Well, the Cybertruck was a big, it was a prank that, that actually like worked on America. He, I think he drew that. No, no, I seriously, I think that the joke was like, he drew like some quick concepts and that became the car.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 30:49Andrew Santino?

  Which is such a fuck you to people. To design engineering, like all the, it's illegal, you know, it's illegal. The Cybertruck's illegal in France. Uh, my, my, my friends were over at my house this past week and she's French and she's from France. She's like, it's illegal. I was like, what do you mean it's illegal there? She's like, it's too sharp. Like the French government was like, it's far too sharp.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  Too sharp?

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  Like physically sharp?

• 31:11Andrew Santino?

  Yes, like the angles are dangerous.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Oh, like if a toddler falls on it?

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, if any, if, if it bumped into somebody, it would get, could, it could cause more harm than a regular car.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:19Andrew Santino?

  Which I think is very French and very, no.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  That's, that's how it's gonna harm you?

• 31:24Andrew Santino?

  It's too sharp.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  If it hits you?

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. They just, I just, I, I like the idea that they're using that as a, as a loophole to be like, no, we can't have those in this fucking country.

• 31:32Speaker 04

  I learned, I dated a French girl for a while and I learned, uh, they have a lot of crazy, like you can't, they have a whole list of names you can't give kids.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean?

• 31:39Speaker 04

  Like you can't name a kid Hitler. You can't name a kid, you know, cocksucker or whatever it is that like you can't. Here you could name a kid any, literally anything.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  Why couldn't you?

• 31:48Speaker 04

  Louis CK had a good bit about this.

• 31:49Andrew Santino?

  About what?

• 31:50Speaker 04

  About you name a kid, he's like, you could literally name a kid fifty Fs in a row.

• 31:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  That was like a bit he did. Yeah, yeah.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I remember, yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  Ladies and gentlemen.

• 31:58Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  Ladies and gentlemen, yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  Um, but there are illegal US, uh, names.

• 32:03Andrew Santino?

  What are they?

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Not illegal.

• 32:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  What?

• 32:06Speaker 05

  Cause they're considered titles religiously offensive or impractical, like King.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Impractical?

• 32:11Speaker 05

  Jesus Christ, Messiah, Adolf Hitler, the at symbol, ten sixty-nine.

• 32:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit. What's ten sixty-nine?

• 32:19Speaker 05

  I don't know, that's just the first.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  I'm gonna name my next kid sixty-seven. Is that a thing?

• 32:22Andrew Santino?

  Ten sixty-eight?

• 32:23Speaker 05

  Ten sixty-nine banned name.

• 32:25Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ, you've banned, but however, that's, that's really manipulative, cause you could name your, your kids, Jesus is an extremely common name and your, his middle name could be Christ.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  I, I think you're on a fake news site.

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're on fake news.

• 32:35Speaker 05

  I was looking at True Social. It says it's banned in, uh, ten sixty-nine is banned in places like North Dakota, Minnesota and California, cause it consists so solely of numbers, which can cause confusion in legal and administration systems.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Just that number?

• 32:48Speaker 05

  I don't know why, there maybe that's just, maybe that's just the fall guy.

• 32:50Andrew Santino?

  Some sort of penal code or some bullshit?

• 32:53Speaker 00

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• 33:37Speaker 00

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• 33:56Speaker 00

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• 34:42Speaker 04

  What was I gonna say, there's gonna be kids named 67. My daughter's six and she knows 67 already as a thing. Do you know about 67?

• 34:50Andrew Santino?

  Six-seven, you mean?

• 34:51Speaker 04

  Six-seven, yeah.

• 34:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's okay, I know.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  Six-seven.

• 34:53Andrew Santino?

  Your daughter's six?

• 34:54Speaker 04

  She's six.

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  And she knows that?

• 34:55Speaker 04

  She knows it.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  Are you gonna have more kids or that's it?

• 34:57Speaker 04

  I think that's it.

• 34:58Andrew Santino?

  Because if you did have another kid, would you want to have another girl or a boy?

• 35:01Speaker 04

  I'd want another girl. I don't want a boy.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, isn't that funny?

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Boys suck, man.

• 35:05Andrew Santino?

  Boys are dog shit.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  Every friend she has that's a boy, I'm just like, ugh. I actually don't like any kids besides her.

• 35:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, that makes sense.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  Nah, some people like kids after they have kids. They're like, I like kids. I just don't like any kids.

• 35:16Andrew Santino?

  I think most of my friends with kids only like their kids.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  And they hate other kids because their kids play with other kids and they're like, I fucking can't stand those kids.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  Cannot stand them. It was the opposite when I got a dog. I was like, I love all dogs now.

• 35:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's me. Yeah, right. I love every single dog on earth.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  Every single dog. Hate every single. I hate kids so much more now that I have a kid.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, that does line up because they're closer to you now. Now you like see how they behave in your home. Like if she has a friend over, you're like, Jesus Christ, I can't stand that fucking kid.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  Awful. And I think he's gonna have little fucking boners and you're sticking them everywhere. It's like, I can't have that. That's disgusting.

• 35:46Andrew Santino?

  It is funny to say, I do love all dogs because of my dog. Actually, I'll say this. I love dogs. I love certain breeds. I like certain breeds now that I didn't really like before. I was a breedist.

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  There were certain breeds of dogs, I'm like, I don't fuck, I can't stand that dog. I always was yucked out. It's a OCD thing. I'm grossed out by like bulldogs because they drooly.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  Oh, you have like an OCD like germ thing?

• 36:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Really?

• 36:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  I didn't know that.

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  That stuff grosses me the fuck out.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but not like Howie Mandel level.

• 36:20Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 36:22Speaker 04

  Or like Trump level.

• 36:22Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's pretty like Trump. It's like Trump.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  It's like Trump.

• 36:25Andrew Santino?

  No, what's Trump's? Does he OCD?

• 36:26Speaker 04

  Crazy. He won't shake people's hands unless it's like he has to.

• 36:30Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, I'm split on this because I do understand. I don't love touching people.

• 36:37Andrew Santino?

  Like I would love to hug you. I know you.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:39Andrew Santino?

  But like strangers hug you, touchy all the time, ah, that, that I'm...

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Hate it.

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, okay, so that I'm kinda like...

• 36:44Speaker 04

  I hate being touched, especially after shows.

• 36:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't want to touch.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Oof.

• 36:48Andrew Santino?

  So that's the little weird to me. Like when I used to say hi to fans and stuff, a lot of times I'd be like, "Hey, hey, thank you for coming, thank you." But a lot of people want to shake out of respect, but it's like, I don't want to shake everyone's hand. Because that's an OCD weirdo germ-y thing where it's like, I'm on the road now, I'm more likely to get sick if I shake every one of your fucking hands. I'm gonna get sick. You know what I mean? Like...

• 37:07Speaker 04

  Boy, I was just thinking about how Bobby would just tongue...

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  He'd tongue kiss people. Yeah, he used to tongue kiss people.

• 37:11Speaker 05

  He won't even shake hands.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  I mean, I would do, yeah, I would do that.

• 37:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he tongue kiss people.

• 37:15Speaker 05

  And he'd get really sick a lot.

• 37:16Andrew Santino?

  He gets sick all the time. But that was my thing is like if I was on the road, everyone wanted to shake your hand after the show and I would do it, but then subconsciously I'm like, well, I'm gonna be sick next week in Florida.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  Not only shake your hand, I, people for some reason feel like they have like physical ownership over you.

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  That's a little strange.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  After show where they like put their arm around you and shit or grab you. Does that happen to you?

• 37:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  You're a little scarier than I am.

• 37:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, we're, but you're, they don't know how scary you really are.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  No one knows.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're fucking, I know the little, I know the basement of Barry.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  Daddy?

• 37:46Speaker 04

  Go back downstairs. No, but you come off more intimidating, I feel like.

• 37:51Andrew Santino?

  People say that sometimes, it's, but then when the fans meet me, they, I think they start to change their tune. Actually, the first thing they say is, where's Bobby? And you're taller than I thought. That's like the second, everyone says that everywhere I fucking go.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  Taller than they thought.

• 38:05Andrew Santino?

  Because on the show, it's behind a desk and so they don't know, Bobby and I look like we're the same height. But then when we're next to each other, he's five, one and a half or what is he, four, nine or?

• 38:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  He's just over five feet.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  He's four, nine?

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  No, he's, what is he really?

• 38:17Speaker 04

  He's five, four.

• 38:17Andrew Santino?

  What is he really, five, three?

• 38:18Speaker 04

  He's five, four.

• 38:19Andrew Santino?

  Isn't he five, three?

• 38:20Speaker 04

  Five, three. Four, nine is such a funny height.

• 38:22Andrew Santino?

  I wish he was.

• 38:23Speaker 04

  I, I'm not, you know, if, if that's like a, if you're, you know, a normal person and I don't wanna, you know what I mean? Like if that's your, if that's your ailment, I'm not, you know, it's fine. But if you're a normal person who's four, nine, it's just such a crazy height to say.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  It's a funny number.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  Just say five foot, no one's gonna check that, you know?

• 38:38Andrew Santino?

  I might.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  You?

• 38:39Andrew Santino?

  Pull out the tape. Well, there's like a little girl, there's like a, TLC always runs these shows, there's like a woman who has a, she has a kind of, um, uh, like a pituitary gland thing where she looks like a woman, but she's perfectly little. Do you know who I'm talking about? She's not a little person. She's not an LP.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Proportions is what you're talking about.

• 39:00Andrew Santino?

  Yes, her proportions.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  Her proportions are fine.

• 39:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't know how to describe it. But then she's dating this guy.

• 39:05Speaker 04

  She's tiny.

• 39:05Andrew Santino?

  Of course, the internet, she's dating this like six, two handsome guy and the internet is like, this guy's a pedo, lock him up. And you're like, no, she's thirty. You know what I mean? Like?

• 39:16Speaker 05

  Are you talking about Shauna Ray?

• 39:18Andrew Santino?

  Shauna Ray, that's exactly who I'm talking about.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  I don't know why you're saying perfectly little woman just got me. She's just a perfectly little woman.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  She just looks like a tinier version of one of us.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  I know what you're saying, yeah. Four nine is such a crazy height.

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy to be like that. That is her.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  You know, I think Tom Cruise is five foot three.

• 39:36Andrew Santino?

  Don't talk about the lights will go back out again. He owns this entire place.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  Tom Cruise and, and Michael J. Fox is also a really crazy short. Like shorter than you would think. I, what I was gonna say is that you're in great, you're in better shape than I would assume. I always think that when I see you. I'm like, he's in good shape. I don't know why I wouldn't assume you were in great shape.

• 39:55Andrew Santino?

  But yeah, since you've known me, I've always, I've had moments of getting, uh, uh, chubbier. Uh, when I did shows like that, like after I came off punked and started doing my, that first sitcom I did. I was miserable, so I was eating like shit. Drinking and eating, it was more that I was-

• 40:10Speaker 04

  Was that the Jim Carrey one?

• 40:11Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, it was the, the Mixology ABC show.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Mixology. I tested on that.

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  I was miserable on that show.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  That was such a crazy, man, those pilot seasons back then, I was just like, everything.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  The pressure was insane and you felt like you needed to get your fucking bit in. Cause you were like, I'm never gonna be on TV again. If I don't get this thing again and I, and I gotta show off, otherwise they'll never want me back and I, if, that, those-

• 40:34Speaker 04

  It's also so much money where it's like, it feels like network shows are an amount of money where you're just like, it's almost like an intimidating amount of money.

• 40:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, it's basically they're like, you could hit the Lotto with us and we're gonna give you the, the numbers to put the Lotto on. So you're like, so I can win. They're like, you can. But you gotta, you gotta be good. You know, you have to like play their little game.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  Mixology was one night, right? It was like the whole season was one night?

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  So crazy.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  So stupid.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  It's like The Pit, but it was a comedy.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  It was a comedy at a bar in New York. And it was supposed to be shot in New York and then the guys decided. They wanted to shoot it in LA. It was the guys that wrote The Hangover, the original draft of The Hangover.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  I remember that.

• 41:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, John and Scott, which was crazy. I, cause I remember when they sold it to me, like when my agent was like, you gotta go out for this thing. And I read a little bit of it and I was like, oh, this is kind of interesting. And then he was like, it's the guys that wrote The Hangover. And I was like, wait, didn't? I thought The Hangover was written by Todd Phillips. And they're like, no, Todd directed it. And I was like, but it's, I think it says he wrote it. And they're like, yeah, they wrote the original draft and then he took it, redid it.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  That happens all the time.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  Made it his own.

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:37Andrew Santino?

  Cause I remember saying when they were like, they wrote The Hangover. I was like, no, they didn't. I don't think they did. But they did. And, you know, didn't need to do anything ever again for the rest of time.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  That, yeah, that movie must have made, and then the sequels.

• 41:49Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't it the highest grossing comedy in, in history? The Hangover one?

• 41:53Speaker 05

  Well, its budget was thirty-five million and its box office was four hundred sixty-nine point three million.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  A half a billion dollars for a comedy is, not only is it unheard of for, it'll never happen again. We'll never, we'll literally never, ever see a comedy make the fifty million.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  And not really an action comedy either. Like, action comedies do really well.

• 42:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, I mean, the, the, the, the Tyson stuff, like, those stuff is, not action, but it's-

• 42:18Speaker 04

  It was a hard comedy.

• 42:18Andrew Santino?

  Hard R comedy, yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, hard R.

• 42:20Andrew Santino?

  Hard R comedy. What?

• 42:22Speaker 05

  The highest grossing comedy of all time came out in, technically, the highest grossing comedy of all time came out in twenty twenty-three.

• 42:29Andrew Santino?

  What was that?

• 42:30Speaker 05

  Bet you can guess.

• 42:31Andrew Santino?

  Twenty twenty-three?

• 42:32Speaker 05

  What was the biggest movie of twenty twenty-three?

• 42:35Andrew Santino?

  It's two years ago.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  This isn't a Marvel movie, right?

• 42:37Speaker 05

  No, sir.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  No.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 42:40Andrew Santino?

  The biggest, the highest grossing comedy of twenty twenty-three? Oh, Minions, Minions.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  No. Live action.

• 42:47Andrew Santino?

  Live action.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Live action, Moonlight.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 42:53Andrew Santino?

  La La Land.

• 42:54Speaker 05

  No, that was twenty eighteen or whatever.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, I don't know what years are.

• 42:58Speaker 05

  One point four billion gross.

• 42:59Andrew Santino?

  Holy fuck.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Ghostbusters.

• 43:02Andrew Santino?

  Jumanji.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  You're gonna feel so dumb when you hear what it is.

• 43:06Andrew Santino?

  Give it to us.

• 43:08Speaker 05

  Barbie.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Oh, that's not, come on.

• 43:10Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  That's what I mean.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  That was not a hard R.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Number two, Deadpool, Wolverine. Number three, Hi Mom. A Chinese comedy film grossed eight hundred forty-one million dollars in twenty twenty-one.

• 43:21Andrew Santino?

  That's not true, that's the Chinese government said that.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  That's surprising, I mean, it's not that surprising, Barbie was huge.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Number nine is Hangover Part Three. So Hangover Part Three was the highest grossing.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  Number nine?

• 43:31Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Of all time.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  Bridesmaids must have done well.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  Five hundred eighty-six million.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  God, that's crazy. Yeah, those guys never had to do anything ever, but that will never happen again, like, that is a fear of, when will comedy go back to the theater? It's kind of a bummer. Like, that Keanu Reeves, Seth Rogen thing, it tanked so fucking bad and you're like...

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I don't even know what that is.

• 43:50Andrew Santino?

  I know, that's what's really sad, like, it's supposed to, it's like a, he's like, Keanu's like an angel.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Oh, god.

• 43:56Andrew Santino?

  You know, whatever.

• 43:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:57Andrew Santino?

  But Seth, Keanu, uh...

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  Who else is in it?

• 44:01Speaker 04

  Aziz.

• 44:01Andrew Santino?

  And someone else? But what did it?

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Oh, Aziz directed it.

• 44:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he did?

• 44:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:05Andrew Santino?

  Who would it make? I mean, that was one of those where you're like, okay. This is back to like a-

• 44:09Speaker 04

  It was his big directorial debut or something.

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  He never directed his show, that Master of None?

• 44:14Speaker 05

  I think he did do his show, too.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  No, feature, right?

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, well.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  First feature.

• 44:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:18Andrew Santino?

  But that's the kind of the bummer about that, that I'm like, I'm begging so bad for fun comedies to try to sneak back in.

• 44:23Speaker 05

  Budget was thirty mil, so far, box office is thirteen mil.

• 44:26Andrew Santino?

  Thirteen?

• 44:28Speaker 05

  But also, it just came out recently.

• 44:30Andrew Santino?

  It came out three weeks ago.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's a low number.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  It's only the twenty-seventh, I don't know if you want to date this, but it's only been like two weeks.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, no one goes to theaters, like, unless it's like a huge event.

• 44:39Andrew Santino?

  Don't you go, I still go.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  I go, yeah, but we're not like anyone else.

• 44:42Andrew Santino?

  I know, that's also true, because we're embedded in this bullshit.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  We're so different.

• 44:45Andrew Santino?

  We're not like you.

• 44:47Speaker 05

  But also, this happened, US theater attendance used to be three times a week on average in like the nineteen twenties, so it's been going down consistently ever since.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's why AMC is like, yeah, just go, see whatever movie you want. For free.

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  What, the AMC?

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Are you an A-lister?

• 44:59Andrew Santino?

  No, isn't that funny, I've never joined after all these years, that's like, my dad and me, that's like, it's gotta be a scam. Like, my dad, my dad never signed up for anything.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:08Andrew Santino?

  But it's probably giving you way more ba- you're probably getting to go.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, it's incredible.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  But AMC likes me more.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  And they treat you like you're like a whale in Vegas, like, they're like, you go to this line. I always say I'm an A-lister.

• 45:19Andrew Santino?

  They comp you a room?

• 45:20Speaker 04

  They comp you a room.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Would you like the AMC Sweetsmith or Rothbart?

• 45:24Speaker 04

  They're like, your popcorn's free, I'm like, how? They're like, oh, it's just free.

• 45:27Andrew Santino?

  Is it really?

• 45:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, like-

• 45:28Andrew Santino?

  So, if snacks are all free?

• 45:29Speaker 04

  They just like spring these gifts on you, they're just like, you want a free candy? I'm like, yeah, and they just give me a free candy.

• 45:36Andrew Santino?

  Because wasn't the rumor that like, much like gas stations, concessions are really where a lot of money is made in movie theaters?

• 45:41Speaker 05

  It's not a rumor, that's a fact, yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  That's the only place they make money.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that crazy that you're like, well, the movie was thirty dollars, and they're like, I know, we lost on that.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  All goes to the studio.

• 45:50Andrew Santino?

  You're like, we lost, you lost on that?

• 45:51Speaker 04

  All goes to the actors, that's why actors make so much.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  And actually Brad Pitt's gonna get some of that popcorn, so he gets a nickel for every popcorn sold.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, there's nothing like seeing a comedy in the theater where you're just like.

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  Laughing with other people?

• 46:06Speaker 04

  I felt that seeing one battle after another.

• 46:08Andrew Santino?

  So did I.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  I felt that like that comedy juice of like when he was like, you know, hard R retard on the phone and people just lost their shit. People in the theater clapped when Sean Penn died in the theater I was in.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 46:21Speaker 04

  I've never, I've never been in a movie where people clapped when the villain died.

• 46:24Andrew Santino?

  I don't care if people haven't seen it yet, you're too late now, you should have already seen it by now, but the scene when he falls off the roof, I laughed for like a full five minutes.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  So fucking funny.

• 46:32Andrew Santino?

  I laughed so fucking hard, I had to like do the thing where my wife was like, stop, please. Cause I kept replaying it in my head, how funny it is to see a guy fall.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, and the like young kids are jumping so high over the thing. They're like bouncing, yeah.

• 46:48Andrew Santino?

  It was so fucking good, it reminded me of old school comedy Pratt Fall, but not hokey, it didn't feel.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 46:55Andrew Santino?

  And this isn't me taking a shot, but in the way that like.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  It wasn't like Farrelly Brothers.

• 46:57Andrew Santino?

  Right, I was just about to say, in the goofy, wacky fall, this was like a real fall that felt real, but so funny, cause you're like, god, that looked real, it looked so fucking real.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  Dying with the like, yeah, I don't wanna give too much away, I don't know if people have seen, but like.

• 47:13Speaker 05

  Cause also the fall didn't cut, it was Leo when he gets up.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  He really did the fall too. Did you know that?

• 47:19Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 47:20Speaker 05

  No, yeah, they hit a cut somewhere, but it's a really, cause I just rewatched it last weekend again, and it's, I could not see where they cut.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  It's seamless.

• 47:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, maybe the stunt person did it, I don't know.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  More than likely, they wouldn't throw Leo down, it was like a thirty foot drop.

• 47:35Andrew Santino?

  I don't, I think it's half, I think some of that stunt and the other half is good camera work.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, he fell into a shadowy area, they definitely hit a cut somewhere there.

• 47:42Andrew Santino?

  And then getting tased is always funny, don't tase me, bro. It's like, it returned to all the things inside of me that makes me really laugh hard about simple, stupid.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  I just love movies.

• 47:51Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  It's just a movie, you know what I mean?

• 47:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a movie.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  You're like, this is a movie, I just saw a movie, I'm not just like, ugh.

• 47:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:57Andrew Santino?

  Because lately I have been going to see stuff and I'm like, this is boring.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  I know, it's so boring to say movies suck, but like, movies suck.

• 48:04Andrew Santino?

  They do.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  So much stuff sucks.

• 48:06Andrew Santino?

  What are you making right now? Aren't you making stuff?

• 48:08Speaker 04

  I am trying to, yeah.

• 48:10Andrew Santino?

  What are you making?

• 48:10Speaker 04

  Movies.

• 48:12Andrew Santino?

  Movies suck. I wanna make one.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  It's funny, I um, I had this podcast that just came out recently about my dad. It was like a doc series about my dad being a criminal and.

• 48:22Andrew Santino?

  Your dad was a criminal too?

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:25Andrew Santino?

  Like, what kind of criminal?

• 48:26Speaker 04

  So, he was in the mob and I found out, he always lied to me. The, the basic story is he, he said he was Jon Bon Jovi's manager to me until I was like ten.

• 48:38Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you. Really?

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then he got arrested and I was like, what the fuck? And he was like, yeah, I do illegal shit for the mob with like gambling and loan sharking and like.

• 48:47Andrew Santino?

  Did he ever work with Jon Bon Jovi?

• 48:49Speaker 04

  Never. Just a total lie. Just a total fucking lie. And uh.

• 48:55Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I love that.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  And then I started working with him in high school. Like, I started like dropping shit off at places and like disposing of evidence and like doing all this crazy shit. And he died in two thousand seven of cancer and he made these tapes on his deathbed. He made deathbed tapes and.

• 49:11Andrew Santino?

  Saying goodbye to people?

• 49:12Speaker 04

  No, just like his life story. And I didn't listen to them until during the pandemic. I was like, I was like, maybe I could do like a a fucking serialized podcast about like discovering who my dad was. And I listened to the tapes and it was like a bunch of shit I didn't know about him. And it like sparked this investigation and then I did this audible series.

• 49:35Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and this whole audible series is me just like learning about his crazy fucked up shit he did. And it's kinda like a comedy true crime thing. But yeah, I'm turning that into a movie, hopefully.

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  That's amazing. Did you, did you have a relationship with your father or was all kind of surface?

• 49:51Speaker 04

  We were best friends. We were like, yeah, he, it was like almost to the point where it was like beyond what a father should be like best friends. Like, he would hang out with me and my friends.

• 50:00Andrew Santino?

  More than your buddy than your father?

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:03Andrew Santino?

  And he, and then he died when you were twenty one?

• 50:05Speaker 04

  Six.

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  Twenty four, sorry.

• 50:08Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. And he died, yeah, he died and I, I actually gave him the, the cassette tapes. I was like, just record something. And he recorded all, he admitted to like the darkest shit I've ever, like sex crimes.

• 50:18Andrew Santino?

  Cause he knew he was dead. Oh, that's not, that part's bad.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  Like, like crazy shit and then maybe having other kids too and like.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  I did, it's, I, there's a huge twist at the end of this thing, it's, it's like, uh, it's ten episodes, but I find out something crazy, I'm not gonna say it.

• 50:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  But, uh, I find out something crazy about myself that I was like, had no idea.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  I, I think I know.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  We'll say it, I'll say it off screen.

• 50:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Micro dick.

• 50:46Andrew Santino?

  And that's where you got the micro penis from.

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  And that's where I found out. That's fucking.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

• 50:51Andrew Santino?

  Is your mom ever remarried?

• 50:53Speaker 04

  She did.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  That try, oh, that, okay.

• 50:54Speaker 04

  She didn't know about, the craziest part of this is she didn't know about any of this, and he admitted to cheating on her their whole marriage, they were married ten years. And she didn't know any of this shit, and I had to, I, it's in the, it's in the doc series, like, I had to tell her all this shit, like, and have this conversation with her.

• 51:11Andrew Santino?

  That's what a weird debate in your mind, that you had, did, did you decide, like, you, was there a moment you're like, maybe I shouldn't tell her, because why would I?

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, why, what's the point?

• 51:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, why did you decide to tell her all that stuff?

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Cause she kept asking.

• 51:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  I like, I, I interviewed her for the thing, it was part of the, and she just kept being like, what it was on the tapes, and I was like, she's gonna hear it. So I had to tell her, like, at their engagement party, he got a handjob, and like, crazy shit, yeah.

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, like, someone, a friend of theirs jerked him off at the engagement party?

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  Like a friend?

• 51:40Speaker 04

  A friend, my mom's best friend.

• 51:43Andrew Santino?

  Jerked off your dad at their engagement party?

• 51:45Speaker 04

  In a car outside of their engagement party. True story, and he gleefully admitted this shit on these tapes, gleefully.

• 51:54Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy, at your fucking engagement party?

• 51:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:58Andrew Santino?

  Also, your mom's friend, dog.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Dude.

• 52:01Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck is her deal?

• 52:02Speaker 04

  This didn't make the series, but my mom and I decided to track.

• 52:05Andrew Santino?

  Also a handjob?

• 52:06Speaker 04

  A handjob, yeah.

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  Yuck.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  Why yuck? I love handjobs.

• 52:09Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 52:10Speaker 04

  Oh, dude. I do.

• 52:12Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  What, what?

• 52:13Speaker 04

  You don't?

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  I really like him.

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  Suck it, sit on it, I don't want your hand on it.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  What?

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  I don't, don't touch it, suck it, sit on it, I touch it, you.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  It's really easy, it's like, quick.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  No one's gonna jerk you off better than you.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  It's, it's, it's so much easier.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, your wife does that, cause she doesn't wanna do other stuff, she's like, here.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:30Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 52:30Speaker 04

  I'm not under the impression that's.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  I'm totally, maybe I'm in the minority on this, but I love handjobs.

• 52:37Andrew Santino?

  I've never gotten a handjob from my wife.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 52:40Andrew Santino?

  The only time I got handjobs was when we were teen, like teenage years.

• 52:43Speaker 04

  Really?

• 52:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, at high school.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Am I alone on this? Do you like handjobs?

• 52:48Andrew Santino?

  You're alone on this. Yeah, handjobs suck, dude.

• 52:50Speaker 04

  Nah, I love them.

• 52:52Andrew Santino?

  No one's better than you.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  At handjobs?

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna drive my car better than me, it's my car.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  She's good.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  Send her over.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  She's good, man. No, no, yeah, it's, you know, whatever. Handjobs are good.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  He got, so he got a handjob and my mom and I tried to track this lady down.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  No, that's rad.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  And we found her. And we couldn't use it in the series because she never gave permission, but, yeah, we found her.

• 53:16Andrew Santino?

  She's still out there giving handjobs?

• 53:17Speaker 04

  She's still out there. She's a comic.

• 53:19Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Swear to god.

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Shut up!

• 53:22Speaker 04

  Swear to god.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  She is a comedian.

• 53:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:25Andrew Santino?

  In New York?

• 53:26Speaker 04

  In LA.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  No way!

• 53:27Speaker 04

  Yeah. Ellen Clegg Horn.

• 53:32Speaker 04

  It's not her.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it's crazy, yeah.

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  But she does, she is an actress or something, or what is she?

• 53:37Speaker 04

  No, she just, you know those people who just are like, they go to like the haha or something and it's just like older people? Like, and they're just like, and they write a book or something that they say, you know, it's one of those people.

• 53:47Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I love you so much. You know, older people, you know, they fucking...

• 53:50Speaker 04

  You know what I'm talking about? They all self-publish books?

• 53:52Andrew Santino?

  I see three of them in my head right now.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:54Andrew Santino?

  I know exactly who you're talking about.

• 53:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, those kind of people.

• 53:57Andrew Santino?

  I want to, off camera, you're gonna tell me who it is, because I'm just crazy interested. God, that's fucking wild.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was, it was a wild ride. It took three years to make this thing.

• 54:05Andrew Santino?

  Was it cathartic? Like, do you feel like you got some relief from it, or no?

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  You did?

• 54:10Speaker 04

  A ton of relief.

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  So it felt a little bit of a...

• 54:12Speaker 04

  I didn't expect to.

• 54:13Andrew Santino?

  Weight lifted.

• 54:14Speaker 04

  Hey, you know what's funny, it's like, I don't know if you're this way, but I feel like nothing could affect me. Like, I'm just like, I've been through so much shit, I'm like, I could learn anything about my dad and it would not affect me. And then it started affecting me, and I was just like, this is crazy.

• 54:26Andrew Santino?

  I'm a little numb to a lot of stuff, although the, a big, if it was a big enough curveball. You know, I have a friend, did I tell this before on here, who found out at the latter years of his father's life, who was fading away, that he was a PDF file.

• 54:45Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  And it blew, it fucked him up in a way, he was talking to me about it, we hadn't seen each other a long time, but it fucked him up in a way where, I mean, if you like changed the chemistry of his brain, he almost didn't seem the same. It's like he did nothing wrong.

• 55:02Speaker 04

  There's like elements of that in my life.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  Right, where he like, he just was different, because it blew his mind so fucking deep, that that's who that could be, that he was like, I don't even know, yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  Do you like get a lot of pride from your family or your father, like, do you like, are you like, I'm proud of who I am, like, being a Santino?

• 55:22Andrew Santino?

  We don't, well, my mom's remarried and, and, and my dad and I have kind of a, you know, our relationship, my biological for dad is like, we're just, it's a guy, it's, we're guy, you know, hey, I hope you're well, it's good to hear from you, you know, like, we didn't really keep close, because my parents got divorced when I was a kid and he wasn't around, so like, it was hard for me, we didn't really, like, he, he was, uh, he was my father, not my dad, you know what I mean?

• 55:51Speaker 04

  Right.

• 55:52Andrew Santino?

  So for, for me, it's like, you know, now we're, I'm grown and like, we keep in touch a little bit and it's nice, but there's not, there's not that thing beneath it where it's like, remember when I, uh, took you to the, then the ballgame, it's like, we never lived that life, so he's like an adult male, and I am too now.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's why you're scary.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  The dad thing?

• 56:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:13Andrew Santino?

  But my stepdad was a wonderful man who, who raised me, I mean, in lieu of my father not being there, he was incredible. But my stepdad and I are unbelievably different. I like, sometimes I joke with my mom, I'm like, I, we literally couldn't be more different guys.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I feel that about my stepdad.

• 56:28Andrew Santino?

  I've adopted some of his, uh, habits, where like, he was a neat freak, like, I, I am a neat freak, like,

• 56:35Speaker 04

  Oh, so you were really young, when he gave you your life?

• 56:38Andrew Santino?

  My parents split when I was one.

• 56:39Speaker 04

  Oh, my four.

• 56:40Andrew Santino?

  And then my dad was in jail for a big chunk of that, yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 56:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 56:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  You should do an audible series.

• 56:47Andrew Santino?

  I thought about it. I'm gonna find the tapes.

• 56:52Andrew Santino?

  Except my dad is like old school Chicago guy.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, mob stuff or no? You don't have to say it.

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, well, no, it's, it's, you know, the, the running joke was like, if you want framework of my family's history, my grandfather, his dad, till the day he fucking died, worked at the racetrack.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 57:13Andrew Santino?

  Put it together.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  You're like, this guy was embroiled in like the most, it was like.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was my dad was at racetracks all the time.

• 57:19Andrew Santino?

  They live, these people, they live and die by these places. And so they all gamble and their, their worlds are completely surrounded by people that are trying to,

• 57:30Andrew Santino?

  hit the life lotto.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  This is the people I emulated growing up. It was like my dad's friends who were like at OTBs. Do you remember OTBs?

• 57:36Andrew Santino?

  Please, what do you mean?

• 57:37Speaker 04

  We used to go to OTBs all the time, my dad and I.

• 57:39Andrew Santino?

  For people that don't know, off track betting is like, if there is nowhere for the, if it's a place where the weather doesn't permit, they will just bet on Florida horses all day long or wherever they are.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  It basically looked like a hospital where you could bet.

• 57:54Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Really, yeah. It was like fluorescent lights.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  It's so gross.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  It looked like a hospital waiting room. And there was just people just betting on horse races in a hospital waiting room.

• 58:02Andrew Santino?

  It's somehow sadder than casinos. Like it's because casinos at least have like some sort of vibrancy to it. Yeah, yeah, carpet. It just, the OTBs were always, yeah, so I would go to the track and he worked at the dog track, the greyhound track.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  Dog tracks.

• 58:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, really tough.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 58:20Andrew Santino?

  There goes that rabbit.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  That's the real fucking degenerates.

• 58:23Andrew Santino?

  But as a kid, yeah, I was fascinated with it because it was like, it seemed like a playland. I was like, this is incredible. And they had boxing nights on like Mondays and like, they would have events to keep you there longer because they wanted more people to just come back and stay, even if the dogs weren't running that night or that time of year. But yeah, my grandfather, every one of my grandfather's friends had nicknames. It was stuff I learned as I got older. I was like, oh, that's not normal.

• 58:48Speaker 04

  And Italian, right?

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that, that almost became very obvious to me that I was like, does your grandpa's friends, your dad's friends not have nicknames? You know what I mean? Like street names?

• 58:58Speaker 04

  That's what I had, yeah.

• 58:59Andrew Santino?

  I just didn't, I thought that was totally normal.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  I'll never forget, I used to go to like the back of pizzerias with my dad and they would meet these guys with the biggest hands I've ever seen. They all had huge hands. I don't know why they all had the meatiest fucking hands.

• 59:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Like just knuckle draggers and.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  And they would, a few of them would just hand me fifty dollar bills.

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, cash, I always got cash.

• 59:21Speaker 04

  I was like, I was like, seven.

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 04

  And they would just be like, you want a fifty? I was like, yeah, I'll take a fifty. One of them handed me a Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card. Just was like, you want this?

• 59:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 04

  I was like, why does he have this on him?

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  They're endearing themselves to the, to the community.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  It's so crazy.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  Getting cash was always very strange. People that would give you cash as a kid was always like a, uh, because that's the only people that had that kind of cash on them at all time. Because they're, they're their own bank. They're not depositing money into a fucking checking account.

• 59:47Speaker 04

  Dude, my dad didn't have a checking account his whole life.

• 59:50Andrew Santino?

  This is what I'm saying.

• 59:50Speaker 04

  He kept, I knew how much money, because he kept it, he had this like headboard where you could keep stuff on it. And he would have just a stack of money and that was his money. I thought he was rich, because I was like, the stack was like this big.

• 1:00:00Andrew Santino?

  My dad's a billionaire.

• 1:00:01Speaker 04

  And I was just like, who has money that much? Probably like ten grand. But I was like, that's all the money he has in the world? But it was like ten grand in like twenties?

• 1:00:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  And I was just like, he's the richest man on earth.

• 1:00:13Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever pinch, or no?

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 1:00:15Andrew Santino?

  Never?

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:00:15Andrew Santino?

  You were scared of your dad?

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  No, he would give me money if I asked.

• 1:00:17Andrew Santino?

  Okay, it was never like that.

• 1:00:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  Right. If you're like, I want a hundred dollars for this thing.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  He also would like, like OCD level count it all the time.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  He loved money.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  He loved counting money. He just would count it all the time.

• 1:00:29Andrew Santino?

  You're not that, you don't love money like that?

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  No. I, I'm scared of not having money, but I don't love, like, when I have a lot of money, I'm not like, oh yeah, this is great. It almost gives me more anxiety. Like, when I'm really flush, I have, like, I'm more anxious than when I'm not.

• 1:00:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think that's a healthy way to live. I think that's a healthy feeling. Because if you become someone that like gets money and then you go, "They can't touch me now."

• 1:00:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Andrew Santino?

  Then it's like the world will fall, fall on your fucking head. But the gross part about money is, when people start making substantial sums of money, for some reason, I wonder what the psychology is, like the very, very wealthy people in the United States, the more money their families acquire, it's almost as if the more selfish they get, or the more insulated they get.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, cuz everybody wants it.

• 1:01:12Andrew Santino?

  But so I wanna know what the, you know what that old, there was that old thing on the internet that was like, at a certain level of money doesn't determine any more happiness. You remember this old thing that it was like, if you make an X amount of money a year, right, I think it's a bullshit.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  Well, because if your lifestyle doesn't change with the amount of money.

• 1:01:26Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Like, that's the thing, is like, if you keep the same lifestyle, but you just make more money, you're just like, yeah, it's just in an account.

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  But the more money you make, the more you spend, and you're, yeah.

• 1:01:35Andrew Santino?

  But I wonder what this, I would rather hear a study about, what is the level of money that people achieve, like a CEO, or like a company owner? Where they begin to give less and do, they do less for other people and give less, cuz I do feel like young money people start to really do give more, like, there's more philanthropy that's given

• 1:01:56Andrew Santino?

  at a certain level of, of new money, where they are very generous, and then there's like a weird cutoff.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  I think there's a point, and I'm, I've never been this rich, but I think there's a point where every need is taken care of, you're like, I bought the houses I want, I bought everything, my, my kids, kids, kids are taken care of, and then money becomes a game, like a number game? Where you're like, I just want more than other people?

• 1:02:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 04

  And that's where I think it happens.

• 1:02:23Andrew Santino?

  Like, like, uh.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Because you're like, it's all taken care of, but now my goal is to be like, I have more than that fucking billionaire.

• 1:02:28Andrew Santino?

  Or, or it's an, e- even smaller game, like Warren Buffett, that weirdo fucking game he plays where if the stock market is up, doesn't matter if it's, it doesn't matter the number of how much up, but if it's up, he gets a, he gets a, um, uh, what is it called, at McDonald's, he gets the sausage egg McMuffin, if the stock market is down, he gets just the egg McMuffin without the sausage. Isn't that disgusting?

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  It's great.

• 1:02:49Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's how manipulative money is, and, cuz it doesn't ma, the, the price of anything means nothing. He just thinks that's like a, that is like a financial jinx.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Did you grow up without money, or with money?

• 1:03:00Andrew Santino?

  No, we had, we, so when I was a kid, kid, when my mom was a single mother, um, you know, she was, she was paycheck to paycheck, right? Like, she was just kind of going to get by, and then when she met my dad, he's a salesman who had a good job, who, who like, did very well and uh, and took care of us very well, so when we were young, it was a really hard struggle for my mom, something I only learned when I got older, that she really struggled. She would, you know, she was, it was really, much harder than I ever knew as a kid, she was good at hiding it.

• 1:03:31Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:03:32Andrew Santino?

  And then my stepdad, um, worked in sales and did well, you know, was never like.

• 1:03:38Andrew Santino?

  My parents were always afraid of everything, like, we're not gonna, this could all go, you know. So we never were like flush rich, we never took a ton of fancy vacations, nothing like that, but he always had a good job and did well enough. And my mom, they both worked my whole life. They both just retired, like, five years ago. Like, they were, my mom never, never not worked. I only knew her as someone that worked. So, we were fine. We were always well and fine, except when I was a kid, I think I had no idea that my mom was struggling pretty bad.

• 1:04:08Speaker 04

  I didn't know. I mean, when you grow up with that, like, fear of money in your parents, it seeps into you.

• 1:04:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Like, it really, you start to, not even consciously, you're just like, I've been scared about running out of money my whole life.

• 1:04:20Andrew Santino?

  And you will for, because of them.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Forever.

• 1:04:23Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:04:24Speaker 05

  I was gonna say, Warren Buffett actually orders the more expensive bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit when the market is up. And then he has the sausage McMuffin with egg and cheese when the market's down.

• 1:04:35Andrew Santino?

  So it's the fancy biscuit when the market's hot.

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Andrew Santino?

  But this is such a-

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  I kinda like that less.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  But it's, yeah, me too.

• 1:04:40Speaker 04

  Than what you said.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I thought, I thought, yeah.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  Yours is way more fun.

• 1:04:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fuck that other thing. Mine's better. But that is, that is a disgusting manipulation of, like, because he's so full with money, that you're like, oh, then this is-

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  It's a joke.

• 1:04:53Andrew Santino?

  It's, I know, that's so-

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  He's making a joke.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  That's gross, though. That's like, so fucking gross.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  He has a hundred and forty-seven billion dollars.

• 1:05:00Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't. Berkshire Hathaway does.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  I also like the, like, I like Jay Leno. Have you ever met that guy?

• 1:05:06Andrew Santino?

  I met him for the first time not too long ago, and it's, it was so brief that I, it was almost like I didn't meet him.

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  Great guy. I don't wanna talk shit about Jay Leno, but his whole thing about, like, never spending his Tonight Show money, do you know about that?

• 1:05:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I've heard this.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  That pisses me off, too.

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  I don't even know if that's real. Does that sound like bullshit?

• 1:05:22Speaker 04

  That sounds like one of those fucking, you know, urban legends, yeah.

• 1:05:25Andrew Santino?

  That he says he's only spent money that he made on the Tonight Show?

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I'm sorry, on stand-up.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:31Andrew Santino?

  He never spent Tonight Show money.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  Meanwhile, Conan's like, I spent all that money on that.

• 1:05:36Speaker 04

  I've spent every dollar I've ever made.

• 1:05:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's what you're so put, that's what it's there for.

• 1:05:41Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  That's not the right attitude.

• 1:05:43Andrew Santino?

  No, spend it, dude, you're gonna die. You know, it's like, almost like when I finally, this is such a dumb, I'm such a dumb person. When I finally learned that with credit, like, let's say you, let's say you acquire, you, you accrue thousands of dollars of debt, tens of thousands, and you die with 80 grand in debt, in credit card debt, it goes away.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  Dude, I-

• 1:06:03Andrew Santino?

  It's the coolest thing in the world!

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  I'll one-up you with that. I, I got it, when my dad was getting sick, this was like, I was like, early twenties, I got into crazy credit card debt. Cause I was just like, I was doing stand-up, you know, I wasn't working really.

• 1:06:15Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  I just got credit card, credit card, credit card.

• 1:06:16Andrew Santino?

  What's the highest you had? What was the highest debt you had?

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  I mean, for a kid in his twenties, I had like, 20 grand, probably.

• 1:06:21Andrew Santino?

  That's a fuckload of money.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  Which was a lot. And, you know, I was just like, I'm not gonna pay this.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  You weren't scared at all?

• 1:06:28Speaker 04

  I was just like, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna pay this.

• 1:06:30Andrew Santino?

  Or you're actually like, what are they gonna do?

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  I'm, yeah, I'm going, I'm doing the fucking like, you know, the bar down the street, open mic, like, what am I gonna do? I stopped. Um, and I think I was just like, on the fringes of society enough for them not to find me. And then seven years later, it was gone. And I found out that there's a seven-year statute of limitation on most credit card debt. That if you don't pay it for seven years, it's off your record.

• 1:06:54Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  Gone.

• 1:06:55Andrew Santino?

  But if they get you in the meantime, then you're fucked.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  They could garnish wages or something, but I just never had wages. So I was just like, making, you know, I was touring, doing stand-up.

• 1:07:03Andrew Santino?

  There are no wages to be garnished.

• 1:07:05Speaker 04

  But if you could avoid it for seven years, and then I like, checked my credit like, 10 years later, I was like, it was great. And I was like, how? I thought, I just was like scared to check my credit for the rest of my life.

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  Do not do this, people at home, but this could-

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Why not?

• 1:07:17Andrew Santino?

  Alright, do it, yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 04

  No one pays their student loans.

• 1:07:20Andrew Santino?

  I know, but I'm afraid now it's gonna be like, people are gonna try it, and then someone's gonna go to jail, be like, "Thanks a lot, Bailey Rothbart!"

• 1:07:25Speaker 04

  I don't know if this, I, I'm not a lawyer, but it did happen to me.

• 1:07:28Andrew Santino?

  It happened to you.

• 1:07:29Speaker 04

  It happened to me.

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  It says, "While the unpaid credit card debt falls off your credit report after seven years, the debt itself does not disappear. This distinction is critical because it affects your creditor's ability to sue you and continues to impact your financial life in other ways."

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, let me tell you something.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  Gone.

• 1:07:41Andrew Santino?

  Come get 'em.

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  Come get me, here I am.

• 1:07:45Speaker 04

  Here I am, Fleet Bank. You still around?

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's probably what it is, the bank folded. And they were like, fuck it, we can't do it.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  That happened with one of my student loans, the bank folded and they were like, nah, you're fine.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  Fuck it.

• 1:07:56Speaker 04

  I just like, yeah, private student loan just sent me a letter last year and they were like, you're fine. That's another, I stopped paying a student loan at some point, too.

• 1:08:02Andrew Santino?

  And my dad was lucky, I was very lucky, my dad told me, he was like, "You will not have a credit card in college. Do you understand me?"

• 1:08:09Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 1:08:10Andrew Santino?

  And he instilled this insane amount of fear in me.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  And he was like, "If you do, I will never help you ever again with anything." Like, "I won't even give you a dollar." And I was like, "Oh my god." So then my money that I made in college was my money and that's what I had to operate with. Unless I was really low, if I was crazy bad broke, you know, in college, my dad would be like, "All right, I'll give you a little bit, I'll give you a couple hundred bucks, but you gotta figure out the rest." And I think it was good for me, but it was painful because a lot of my friends did more shit than I did.

• 1:08:39Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 1:08:40Andrew Santino?

  So it sucked a little bit.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Andrew Santino?

  Because I did never had a credit card and I, and, and my senior year, they had some dickhead on campus, you know, doing like, you know, some like, you know, 28-year-old kid, it's like, "Dude, uh, you wanna apply for a credit card? You get a free blah blah blah blah blah." And I was like, "God, really?"

• 1:08:56Speaker 04

  You're like, "It's free money."

• 1:08:58Andrew Santino?

  It's free money. I wanted to do it so fucking bad. But my dad scared the shit out of me, cuz he's like...

• 1:09:03Speaker 04

  Are you still that way?

• 1:09:05Andrew Santino?

  Uh, in the sense of like, um...

• 1:09:08Speaker 04

  Scared of debt?

• 1:09:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, I don't have, I don't, yeah, I, I paid everything off all the ti- I was like, I don't want them to come get me. And also, I don't even have a, I don't have a debit card. Like, I don't have a debit card.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  You just pay cash, everything?

• 1:09:20Andrew Santino?

  It's either, it's either my credit card, which is paid off automatically, or...

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  I was doing that.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Or cash. I just don't, I have this like eternal fear of like, being flippant about stuff or losing track, only cuz like you heard those stories about people that like, lost track. And they're like, when, when you, when you heard like, when you're like, "What do you mean, James Brown's broke?" Do you know what I mean? You're like, "What do you mean?" They're like, "He's broke." You're like, "James Brown?"

• 1:09:44Speaker 04

  He trusted some Jew.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  You're like James Brown, the guy who made like a hundred million dollars in a single year. He has no money?

• 1:09:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Andrew Santino?

  So that fear of like, the first time I ever got a TV show, I was like, I'm gonna save every single fucking dime.

• 1:09:58Speaker 04

  I just like to know every, I do my own books. Like, I don't have my business manager accountant do my books. I do, I literally every month do my own books.

• 1:10:05Andrew Santino?

  You have a business manager, but you still do it?

• 1:10:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:10:07Andrew Santino?

  Brilliant.

• 1:10:08Speaker 04

  An accountant.

• 1:10:09Andrew Santino?

  Sure, same thing.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Andrew Santino?

  I mean, yeah, a guy who watches your-

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't want, I wanna do my book. I wanna know.

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  You don't trust, you don't trust him.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  I wanna feel how much money I have, you know what I mean? Like, I, I'm, I do this thing, I don't know if a lot of people do this, but I like, I'm constantly adding up how many months I have left until I'm broke.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, I'm so scared all, having a kid too, it makes you more scared of everything.

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say, that probably scares you the hardest.

• 1:10:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I'm like, you know.

• 1:10:32Andrew Santino?

  I need for her.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm always, always.

• 1:10:35Andrew Santino?

  You don't need for you.

• 1:10:36Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  You need for that. That machine needs a thing.

• 1:10:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's so, that's-

• 1:10:40Speaker 04

  It's great.

• 1:10:41Andrew Santino?

  That's probably the thing that keeps you moving. If you never had that kid, you'd be dead.

• 1:10:45Speaker 04

  Dude, the amount of fucking money I wasted. It's crazy.

• 1:10:49Andrew Santino?

  Could've gone to the kid.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

  On sneakers?

• 1:10:50Andrew Santino?

  Could've gone to the kid.

• 1:10:51Speaker 04

  What the fuck was I doing?

• 1:10:51Andrew Santino?

  Could've gone to the kid.

• 1:10:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course I could've.

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  Daddy, how come I'm hungry? Daddy wanted shoes. Daddy wanted Nikes. And you just don't understand that.

• 1:11:02Speaker 04

  I have a lot of Nikes.

• 1:11:03Andrew Santino?

  That's what, is that where I sleep in the shoe closet? That's where you get to sleep, kiddo. Because daddy wanted to waste money and that's how we live. No, I think most Americans have like that ticking time bomb. Or, they get to a place when they're like, I don't give a fuck, fuck you.

• 1:11:18Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  Like, they just don't, if, if, because they know that they're, they're financially in a bad place, so they just are like, what are you gonna do?

• 1:11:25Speaker 04

  Who cares?

• 1:11:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fuck you.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  That must be great.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  I, well, maybe.

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  I don't know, I feel like, yeah, it's, there's a fear all the time. I, but the thing is like, I try to, you know how like, some people who are rich, they're like, I don't want my kids to know how rich I am.

• 1:11:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so stupid.

• 1:11:38Speaker 04

  You know, like, they're like, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna be middle class, but secretly, I'm not. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I have no money, but I want her to think-

• 1:11:45Andrew Santino?

  Her to think you're rich?

• 1:11:48Andrew Santino?

  That's actually brilliant.

• 1:11:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:50Andrew Santino?

  But that whole idea of like, we have friends that have kids that they try to like, they're like, we don't let them, we try to like, keep them humble or whatever.

• 1:11:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's like, you fly first class.

• 1:11:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are you talking about?

• 1:11:59Speaker 04

  That's always the thing, man.

• 1:12:00Andrew Santino?

  Your kids are with you in all of the wealthy things that you normally do.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  Every rich person I know, they're like, yeah, I don't, I don't want my kids to know, but like, we always fly first class. I'm like, I'm not gonna sit in fucking economy, like.

• 1:12:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Once you can fly first class, there's no one on earth who doesn't wanna fly first class.

• 1:12:15Andrew Santino?

  Right. Nobody goes, we'll go back.

• 1:12:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Andrew Santino?

  No, we'll go.

• 1:12:17Speaker 04

  I don't love my kids that much.

• 1:12:18Andrew Santino?

  I saw a kid at, I saw a kid at fucking, we, I took my, my, one of my, my childhood best friends came into town and I was like, oh, I'm gonna take you to Nobu Malibu on the beach. I was like, I haven't been in a long time. And I go, this would be fucking amazing. It's a good night for all of us.

• 1:12:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:33Andrew Santino?

  So I make a reservation, we go out there and we're waiting for a table that's just not happening. They're like, we, we only had two people on the list. I was like, no, it's for four of us. It's two couples. They were like, well, you're gonna have to wait a while, cause there's no tables. Then I look over to my right.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  You told them about Mixology?

• 1:12:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I told them about Mix. I said, do you know me from Punk? I look over to my right and sitting at a beach chair, eating sushi, is no shit, a six-year-old girl and her mom. And I was like, this is the, this is the world that Los Angeles has that people are like, what are you talking about? That kid is eating the most expensive sushi in LA at six. And she's just kinda like on her iPad and her mom's chatting with some other girl, having martinis. And I was like, this is, this is the world that LA's created where

• 1:13:17Andrew Santino?

  wealthy people just kinda don't, at some point, they don't give a fuck. They're like, whatever, she's gotta come with me. She's gotta indulge in the way that I, this is how we live.

• 1:13:24Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna stop doing this.

• 1:13:26Andrew Santino?

  I know. It is what it is. It's funny to watch, though. You're like, that's crazy.

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:30Andrew Santino?

  Like, we didn't, I don't think we, like, going out to dinner, when I see young people at a nice restaurant now, I'm like, I don't remember going out to a nice restaurant when I was a kid. We went to a reg- regular restaurants.

• 1:13:40Speaker 04

  I remember thinking Chili's was the nicest restaurant that existed.

• 1:13:43Andrew Santino?

  It was.

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  I legitimately was like, we're gonna chill.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, when they, when they, when they, I, I think like,

• 1:13:50Speaker 04

  Tony Roma's actually was the, the nicest.

• 1:13:53Andrew Santino?

  Tony Roma's is very nice.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  Does that still exist?

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  I think they're gone. Yeah, I think they're gone. Suparosa was good Italian. Do you know that? Suparosa? They're all gone too.

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  Buca di Beppo?

• 1:14:02Andrew Santino?

  I mean, good Christ, what are you, a billionaire?

• 1:14:05Andrew Santino?

  My god.

• 1:14:06Speaker 05

  Tony Roma's is still around.

• 1:14:07Andrew Santino?

  They are.

• 1:14:07Speaker 04

  It is. Great ribs.

• 1:14:09Andrew Santino?

  God bless TNR. Yeah, those like, those higher end chains or whatever, those were the fanciest thing in the world.

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  I still have like, if Ruth's Chris seems like the most expensive meal you could have.

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's not, but yeah.

• 1:14:20Speaker 04

  It's not, yeah.

• 1:14:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're so like, but for steak, you were like, who goes here?

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Who goes there?

• 1:14:25Andrew Santino?

  CEOs? Is this only for CEOs? Yeah, we never really had that. My parents were never into like, like my sister now loves fancy restaurants. And she suckers my parents into going half of the time.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:14:37Andrew Santino?

  But my dad still prefers the other stuff. Buy a landslide.

• 1:14:40Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 1:14:41Andrew Santino?

  We get my dad every year, the same gift, a hundred dollar gift card to the Olive Garden every year for Christmas.

• 1:14:46Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:14:47Andrew Santino?

  He's, yeah, every year.

• 1:14:48Speaker 04

  A hundred dollars goes a long way there.

• 1:14:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it lasts the, literally the entire year. I'm not kidding. It's Christmas to Christmas. He starts to run out around November. And then he lets us know. He's like, you gotta top off that card, man, because I gotta go back.

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  I need it, man.

• 1:15:00Andrew Santino?

  That is the possible ended. This is like, uh, unbelievable truth about my dad. He's upset and he likes to go alone.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:06Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't need to go with anybody, goes alone, sits in his little booth.

• 1:15:10Speaker 04

  We would go to the Olive Garden on very special occasions, like a graduation or something. And my mom would always be like, get the never ending bowl. Do you know they do that? Like, as if it's like a hack that she discovered. She's like, no, no, it never ends.

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  There's a loophole.

• 1:15:22Speaker 04

  Like, you get as much pa- I was like, I don't want that much pasta.

• 1:15:25Andrew Santino?

  You need to.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  No, you're like, it never ends.

• 1:15:28Andrew Santino?

  Or what was the hometown buffet?

• 1:15:31Speaker 04

  Country, country, old country buffet.

• 1:15:33Andrew Santino?

  Old country buffet, OCB, little OCB. We'd go to those in high school because that, we feel like we crack. It's so funny that you do feel like you crack the system. You're like, I'm gonna eat fucking nine different kinds of food. Are they aware that I'm doing it?

• 1:15:45Speaker 04

  I went to the best buffet I've ever been. Are you a big buffet guy?

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  I haven't been to one in years. I don't, where is a buffet?

• 1:15:50Speaker 04

  You're not a big eater, right? You don't like, I, I love food. I have to like-

• 1:15:53Andrew Santino?

  I make my, my nutritionist makes my meals in pills now. So I don't, uh, no, I'm ki- how funny. If I only take a pill.

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

  You're like that guy, the, who's trying to stay alive forever? You see that dog?

• 1:16:02Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, oh, well, well, we, he asked to be on the show.

• 1:16:05Speaker 04

  He was great.

• 1:16:05Andrew Santino?

  What was his fucking name?

• 1:16:06Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:16:06Andrew Santino?

  He's like, I'm biologically, I'm-

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  It was like Bobby Johnson.

• 1:16:09Andrew Santino?

  Ryan Johnson.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  Ryan Johnson.

• 1:16:10Andrew Santino?

  Or Brian Johnson.

• 1:16:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, Brian, Brian Johnson.

• 1:16:12Andrew Santino?

  He's like, I'm four years younger than my actual age. You're like, who fucking gives a shit? That's insane. Who fucking cares?

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I look like Powder from that movie, you know, like, I look so strange.

• 1:16:22Andrew Santino?

  I am Michael Stipe. I am Michael Stipe. I'm, I look like I'm actively dying, but I'm not.

• 1:16:28Speaker 04

  Um, I love buffets. Yeah. I, I went to the Bacchanal. My brother took me, we were in Vegas.

• 1:16:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:33Speaker 04

  That's the, at the Caesar's?

• 1:16:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's the one.

• 1:16:36Speaker 04

  It is, I've never been to anything like that.

• 1:16:38Andrew Santino?

  They say that's like the nicest one, isn't it?

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  I guess.

• 1:16:41Andrew Santino?

  That's like the fanciest one in Vegas.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  I don't know. I just am like, and I do it right, man. I just get like a tiny bit of everything. That's my buffet strategy.

• 1:16:47Andrew Santino?

  What's your perfect buffet plate?

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  General Tso's, banana foster cake.

• 1:16:53Speaker 04

  Lasagna and sushi.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  And sush.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  And sushi.

• 1:16:58Andrew Santino?

  See, for me, it's pasta, pizza, meat of some kind, whatever the pizza.

• 1:17:02Speaker 04

  Do you get pasta and pizza at a buffet?

• 1:17:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I have to. I put the pasta.

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  You're wasting your, you're throwing your money away.

• 1:17:06Andrew Santino?

  I put the pasta on the pizza.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  You're throwing your money away, though.

• 1:17:09Andrew Santino?

  I wrap the pizza in pasta.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  That's a terrible idea.

• 1:17:11Andrew Santino?

  I know. But if I go there, I know I'm gonna go deep. I'm gonna go hard. So that's my first plate, is a, is a little tour of Italy. My second plate's usually sushi, because I can settle on, that's easy.

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  You can do a whole king crab legs plate?

• 1:17:23Andrew Santino?

  I can't do the crab legs.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Andrew Santino?

  I don't know what it is. I just, I can't do it.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  People go nuts for king crab legs at buffets. People go crazy.

• 1:17:31Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna say it.

• 1:17:32Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:17:33Andrew Santino?

  Black people love it.

• 1:17:39Speaker 04

  That was the Red Lobster thing.

• 1:17:40Andrew Santino?

  Red Lobster, dude.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  They, they stayed afloat because of black people.

• 1:17:43Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:17:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:44Andrew Santino?

  Uh, you know, I've never been to a Red Lobster.

• 1:17:47Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:17:47Andrew Santino?

  I've never been to a Red Lobster. I've never been to a Long John Silver's. Not once.

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  It's bad in a way where you're just like, this could, uh, I, I might need to go see a doctor after I have this. It's so bad.

• 1:17:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Andrew Santino?

  It just, I don't, I, fast, and I've always said this, people have argued with me. I say it's fast food seafood. They're like, that's not fast food. It's casual dining seafood, but I still.

• 1:18:06Speaker 04

  Long John Silver's is, yeah.

• 1:18:06Andrew Santino?

  But it still feels like fast food seafood to me.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:09Andrew Santino?

  I know it's not, but it does feel that way. Like frozen shrimp, um, you, when you can taste the water mo, like it tastes like water. Do you know what I mean? Like frozen shrimp tastes like water?

• 1:18:18Speaker 04

  Of course, yeah.

• 1:18:18Andrew Santino?

  It just gives me a, a feeling. It creeps me out in my soul. I don't know why. It fucks me up.

• 1:18:23Speaker 04

  I've made big mistakes at Red Lobster. I mean, the, the cheddar bay biscuits are great, but I've gotten like oysters. Like, I was like stupid. I was like, what am I doing?

• 1:18:31Andrew Santino?

  Asking for a bacterial infection?

• 1:18:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing, man.

• 1:18:33Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 1:18:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was stupid.

• 1:18:35Andrew Santino?

  But oddly enough, those are probably healthier than. Some fancy restaurant that uses a technique that's supposed to taste more organic or something, but that probably has way worse shit in it. They probably spray bleach their oysters. You're not getting sick. They got a fucking spray bottle with fucking bleach. You're never getting sick.

• 1:18:52Speaker 04

  Like spraying Lysol on their fucking oysters.

• 1:18:54Andrew Santino?

  They're probably cleaning it by hand with soap and water. They're like, put these oysters right back in the shell.

• 1:18:59Speaker 04

  My dad used to go to, he loved Arthur Treacher's. Did you know that was a thing?

• 1:19:02Andrew Santino?

  No. Arthur Treacher?

• 1:19:04Speaker 04

  Arthur Treacher's is like a lower end Long John Silver's.

• 1:19:07Andrew Santino?

  No chance.

• 1:19:08Speaker 04

  That only exists in like truck stops and shit.

• 1:19:11Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  I used to have a joke that like every time we went to an Arthur Treacher's, they were surprised we were ordering from them. Like they were like, like they could, it is the lowest quality fish place.

• 1:19:22Andrew Santino?

  Arthur Treacher? Can I see a photo of what it looks like? Arthur Treacher's?

• 1:19:25Speaker 04

  Arthur Treacher's was his place.

• 1:19:27Andrew Santino?

  And your father loved it.

• 1:19:28Speaker 04

  Loved it. You just get fried fucking whatever. Who even knows? Yeah, there it is. Arthur Treacher's.

• 1:19:33Andrew Santino?

  Never in my life. This has gotta be a New York thing.

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  No. It was everywhere.

• 1:19:38Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:19:39Speaker 04

  Pretty sure, yeah.

• 1:19:40Andrew Santino?

  Truck stops all across the country. Have you heard of this, Minnesota boy? No. No. But I love the British flag on the outside.

• 1:19:45Speaker 04

  Did you have Roy Rogers growing up?

• 1:19:46Andrew Santino?

  I know of it, but I never had it. I saw it. Roy Rogers is slated in the category of Cracker Barrel to me. It kinda had that same.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  Cowboy.

• 1:19:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what was it? Not Don Johnson. What was the other?

• 1:19:59Speaker 04

  Howard Johnson?

• 1:19:59Andrew Santino?

  Howard Hotels.

• 1:20:00Speaker 04

  Hotels? OJ?

• 1:20:02Andrew Santino?

  What was it called? There was like a, not Don, there was like another in that.

• 1:20:05Speaker 04

  Tim Hortons.

• 1:20:06Andrew Santino?

  No, we didn't have those, Jimmy Hortons, eh? We had, you had those in New York. We never had those.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  No, we didn't have those. We had one in like Penn Station or something.

• 1:20:14Andrew Santino?

  Right, but we never, I never heard of that till I went to Canada. What was it called? Not, but it had that Cracker Barrel feel. It was almost like a southern. But we never went to those either. My parents were very, it was like, we went to one or two local spots and that was it. They never really went out.

• 1:20:30Speaker 04

  My dad loved diners. I would just do diners all the time. I loved diners.

• 1:20:34Andrew Santino?

  But they're dead.

• 1:20:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're dying.

• 1:20:36Andrew Santino?

  Like Cafe 101 closed down years ago.

• 1:20:38Speaker 04

  No, they reopened a new one there. It's a new diner. It's another diner.

• 1:20:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's the same thing?

• 1:20:43Speaker 04

  Same thing, yeah.

• 1:20:44Andrew Santino?

  But is it good?

• 1:20:45Speaker 04

  It's good, yeah, it's diner. I don't know. I like diners.

• 1:20:48Andrew Santino?

  I like diners if they're authentically, like, it's kinda shit, which makes it good. But when they try to do, like, good food at a diner, then I get bothered.

• 1:20:56Speaker 04

  Fred's?

• 1:20:57Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing? That, what is that?

• 1:20:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  That's a restaurant.

• 1:21:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're trying to be a restaurant.

• 1:21:01Andrew Santino?

  It's a fake.

• 1:21:02Speaker 04

  It's like twenty dollars for a burger. I don't know.

• 1:21:04Andrew Santino?

  The fuck are we talking about?

• 1:21:05Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 1:21:06Andrew Santino?

  Bru- br- okay, real pri- if you and I open a diner, alright?

• 1:21:09Speaker 04

  I'm down.

• 1:21:11Andrew Santino?

  Let's do it, dude.

• 1:21:12Speaker 04

  I'm fucking down.

• 1:21:13Andrew Santino?

  Let's do it.

• 1:21:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:14Andrew Santino?

  What would, what, let's be honest about our prices. What is a cheeseburger at our diner?

• 1:21:19Speaker 04

  Tops, ten.

• 1:21:21Andrew Santino?

  That's, I would, I would say eight bucks is probably right around there.

• 1:21:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:24Andrew Santino?

  Eight to ten bucks.

• 1:21:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, you gotta get a greasy, like, you wanna, my wife, she messes up. She always goes to diners and orders the things, like, that aren't in their wheelhouse.

• 1:21:32Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:21:33Speaker 04

  Like, she'll get, like, the shakshuka at a diner or something.

• 1:21:37Speaker 04

  It's like, no, no, don't get the tuna melt. Get, don't stray.

• 1:21:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:41Andrew Santino?

  Get the old school, get the thing that they can make in lightning time.

• 1:21:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:44Andrew Santino?

  They can make it so fucking fast, it's done when you order it.

• 1:21:47Speaker 04

  She overthinks it constantly, yeah, like lasagna at a diner and shit.

• 1:21:50Andrew Santino?

  Insane, that's, that's fucking nuts.

• 1:21:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:52Andrew Santino?

  No, you get the thing where you know the moment she types it in, it's in the window.

• 1:21:55Speaker 04

  It's.

• 1:21:56Andrew Santino?

  It's like fucking, the moment it's like, doo doo, they're like, yeah, order up!

• 1:21:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:59Andrew Santino?

  That's what you wanted at a diner.

• 1:22:00Speaker 04

  Soup.

• 1:22:01Andrew Santino?

  Soup, diner soup is always pretty good.

• 1:22:03Speaker 04

  I love diner soup.

• 1:22:04Andrew Santino?

  But my, my problem is, um, sometimes diners, they do soups that are for their clientele, which is, you know, old people.

• 1:22:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:14Andrew Santino?

  So they'll do like a split.

• 1:22:14Speaker 04

  You split pee.

• 1:22:15Andrew Santino?

  Pee.

• 1:22:16Speaker 04

  Split pee.

• 1:22:16Andrew Santino?

  And it's fucking, no one's eating that shit.

• 1:22:18Speaker 04

  No one wants that.

• 1:22:19Speaker 05

  White Palace Grill in Chicago?

• 1:22:21Andrew Santino?

  White Palace.

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  Love that spot.

• 1:22:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and they should change that fucking name, by the way. Cause that's not cool anymore.

• 1:22:26Speaker 05

  It's not a White Palace.

• 1:22:27Andrew Santino?

  No Kings, no Kings, no Kings, no Kings, no Kings at White Palace. By the way, uh, uh, the No Kings protest has now been like a, a weekly thing in the valley here at, uh, in Studio City, they protest on the corner out front of the CVS.

• 1:22:43Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:22:44Andrew Santino?

  And it's kinda cute, cause it's a bunch of old people. It's only, there isn't one person under sixty, not, not fucking one. And they sit there and they have their, the No Kings sign. And this is every weekend and uh they get the honks, you know honk, they honk, you know honk. But then I thought like you do see these elderly people like they honk, they all get scared when someone does honk. They want them to honk, but they all do jump a little bit. It's so funny to watch. I'm like, it's cause it says like honk, so they'll be, they'll walk across the intersection and then eh and you'll see them all kind of ju- jump a little bit. It's the funniest shit. I was dying laughing watching it. I was like.

• 1:23:21Speaker 04

  One dies.

• 1:23:24Andrew Santino?

  I was like, just don't make them honk. Don't make them honk. Just hold up the sign and enjoy the fucking protest.

• 1:23:29Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm not, you know, I just the name, no kings. It's just lame.

• 1:23:33Andrew Santino?

  It's a lame fucking, yeah. It should be, uh.

• 1:23:36Speaker 04

  No kings?

• 1:23:37Andrew Santino?

  No kings is whack. It feels like England. I feel like that's a thing for British rule, like anti-British.

• 1:23:42Speaker 04

  No kings.

• 1:23:43Andrew Santino?

  No kings, no kings, no kings. No, please.

• 1:23:46Speaker 04

  Come on, no kings. Come on, no.

• 1:23:52Speaker 04

  I don't know why it sounds like that to me.

• 1:23:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no kings. Oh god, no, no, no, no. What? How much? Oh, no, no, no, no kings. No, no, no, thank you. Um Barry, I love you. You're, you're maybe one of the funniest people I've, I've known for. I would say we've known each other for, I would like to say it's gotta be seventeen or eighteen years now.

• 1:24:11Speaker 04

  Twenty ten.

• 1:24:12Andrew Santino?

  Wow. Fuck, that's insane.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Punked.

• 1:24:17Andrew Santino?

  That's gross.

• 1:24:19Andrew Santino?

  We're getting old.

• 1:24:19Speaker 04

  It's crazy, right?

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  We're getting old.

• 1:24:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't feel old.

• 1:24:22Andrew Santino?

  I do.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  I look old, I think.

• 1:24:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, we both look our age. I think I see that more and more now when I, like when I, if I'm out somewhere and I see like teenagers. I'm like, oh fuck. Like I can, you can, I can physically, I can see the way that they look at me.

• 1:24:39Speaker 04

  Some reason I'm like mad that more comics keep coming?

• 1:24:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:43Speaker 04

  I thought it would stop. I thought that would be it.

• 1:24:45Andrew Santino?

  You thought we would close the door?

• 1:24:46Speaker 04

  And it's like twenty year old comics now?

• 1:24:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh yeah. And they're cruising, baby. But when I see them, I, when I see young people, I do know that they look at me the way that I looked at. When I was twenty four in comedy and the way I looked at the forty something year old comic.

• 1:24:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:00Andrew Santino?

  I know they, I know how they look at us.

• 1:25:01Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 1:25:02Andrew Santino?

  It hurts a little bit.

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:03Andrew Santino?

  When they go like this, when they go, oh hey, what's up? I'm like, oh fuck.

• 1:25:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. They hate us, dude. They're like old fucking, you see Barry's fucking pants? Meanwhile, we're like, I hope they see my set, so they take me on the road. That was always the thing. I remember reading Judy Carter's comedy bible when I got into standup. And one of her pieces of advice was hand a tape to headliners whenever you see them.

• 1:25:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:28Speaker 04

  And to be like, you want to take me on the road?

• 1:25:30Andrew Santino?

  But people did that back in the day. I know, people did though. And guys that, and by the way, the guys that did that did get roadwork.

• 1:25:37Speaker 04

  I guess.

• 1:25:38Andrew Santino?

  No, no, but they may not have become, they may not have become a headliner. But I do remember guys that were so good at playing the game and I was very jealous. Cause I was so scared of, I didn't know how to do that. You know, I never opened for a headliner.

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 1:25:52Andrew Santino?

  No one ever took me out.

• 1:25:54Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 1:25:54Andrew Santino?

  I was always scared to ask.

• 1:25:55Speaker 04

  But you were in cities, you didn't need to.

• 1:25:57Andrew Santino?

  I know, but I was so, but I would love to have gone and gotten the experience. Cause I had to go get it. The only times I got it was if Irvine Improv or one of these was like, hey, come host. You know, if somebody from the improv up here sent me down, right? Same thing with, um, La Jolla Comedy Store or something. They would send me down with a headliner. You could go down, they need somebody and, uh, I guess you can go. It was that kind of, it was never like, the headliner wasn't like, you want to come with me?

• 1:26:23Speaker 04

  I mean, what people don't realize is that you just gotta be a good hang. That's what headliners want. They want to hang out with someone.

• 1:26:28Andrew Santino?

  I'm scared of even, I was so scared of even asking people. I was so nervous about being like.

• 1:26:31Speaker 04

  Who do you take now?

• 1:26:33Andrew Santino?

  Uh, right now, I'm taking a, a young man named Devontre Coleman. Do you know him?

• 1:26:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:26:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's fucking fantastically funny.

• 1:26:39Speaker 04

  Cool.

• 1:26:39Andrew Santino?

  But I've taken in the past, Zach Townsend, maybe for a while, Laura Peak, um, Ally Makovsky before that, Chris O'Connor. But yeah, I'm, I keep trying to change it up and take new people. But Devontre's with me now, he's, you know him, he's brilliant. He's so fucking good.

• 1:26:54Speaker 04

  Well, if you want, I'll hand you a tape. You could check out my set.

• 1:26:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think, uh, do we still take tapes or? All right.

• 1:27:02Speaker 04

  I hand you a VHS?

• 1:27:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, uh, thanks, man. Uh, Barry, we end the show the same way. Thank you. Do you want to plug anything more now? Do you want to plug something now?

• 1:27:10Speaker 04

  My audible series?

• 1:27:11Andrew Santino?

  Plug the audible series, Mars.

• 1:27:12Speaker 04

  Searching for Alan Rothbart, it's on audible.

• 1:27:14Andrew Santino?

  I love the name.

• 1:27:16Speaker 04

  It's one of the coolest things I've ever done, maybe the coolest.

• 1:27:19Andrew Santino?

  Um, searching for Alan Rothbart is on, uh, audible now. It will put the link in the description down below so you guys can go. Um, it's amazing to see you and I love you and, um.

• 1:27:27Speaker 04

  Love you, buddy.

• 1:27:28Andrew Santino?

  I'd like to see you more. You're not far, Pasadena is not far.

• 1:27:31Speaker 04

  No, you're Burbank, right?

• 1:27:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:33Andrew Santino?

  I mean, so as far as they know.

• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:37Andrew Santino?

  We end the show the same way. Look into that camera, say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Pussy.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 1:27:48Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. It's sturdy and ginger.

• 1:27:52Speaker 06

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:28:04Speaker 03

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:28:09Speaker 00

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• 1:28:45Speaker 00

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