Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w Joel Kim Booster (Fraud Friday)

Joel Kim Booster (Wondery’s Bad Dates and Bravo’s Love Hotel) joins Laci to dive into all of your scams and stories, CON-gregation! First, Joel shares his own heartbreaking story of being caught shoplifting. Then, they dive into letters revealing an Ocean’s Eleven-level grocery store checkout scam (also… stop locking everything up, grocery stores!!!), how to dupe the public transit system with a screenshot, a boss becoming someone's “John,” and a text-ual relationship that was sketchy as hell. Stay schemin’! Keep the scams coming and snitch on your shady friends by emailing us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected]. Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod https://www.instagram.com/scamgoddesspod?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Laci Mosley: @divalaci https://www.instagram.com/divalaci/ Joel Kim Booster: @ihatejoelkim https://www.instagram.com/ihatejoelkim?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Confession Stories by the CONgregation Curated By Jessica Cisneros See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  911, what's your emergency?

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Please help us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder warnings.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  911 Nashville returns. It's a homicide detective down here.

• 0:13Speaker 02

  Three bodies on the ground.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  Alson swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues for Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Ryan Phillippe joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 0:30Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años, y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas. Y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA o fotumumab en kissimta.com.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Whether you're buying, renting, or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today. To help find a home that fits where you are in life, or that apartment that's a little closer to where you want to be. Zillow has the right information, tools, and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started.

• 1:26Speaker 04

  Cash flow crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds, up to $200,000, right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 1:56Speaker 05

  This is Ashley Canetti from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast. You know that feeling when your skin just needs a tall drink of water? That's what Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour Moisturizer is for. Moisture Surge 100-Hour Moisturizer absorbs instantly and hydrates for 100 hours for plump, glowing skin. That's right, 100 hours. It's a lightweight, oil-free gel cream, safe for sensitive skin. It's allergy-tested and fragrance-free. So try Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour today at clinique.com. Feels like Moisture Surge.

• 2:32Laci Mosley?

  Making plans with asthma can be awful. It always goes from, "That sounds fun", to, "In this weather, what if my asthma acts up?" I got tired of saying no, so my doctor suggested Dupixent. I'm Rachel, and I'm sponsored by Regeneron in Santa Fe to share my story with real patients like me.

• 2:46Speaker 06

  Dupixent, Dupilumab, is an add-on prescription maintenance treatment for adults and children six years and up with moderate to severe eosinophilic or oral steroid-dependent asthma that's not controlled with current asthma medicines. Dupixent is not for sudden breathing problems.

• 2:58Laci Mosley?

  Dupixent helps people breathe better in as little as two weeks. And now, I don't even think twice about saying yes to plans more. Rain or shine.

• 3:05Speaker 06

  Severe allergic reactions, including skin reactions, can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue, or throat swelling, wheezing, or trouble breathing. Tell your doctor right away of signs of inflamed blood vessels, like rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, brown or dark-colored urine, tingling or numbness in limbs. Tell your doctor of new or worsening skin symptoms, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection. Don't change or stop other treatments without talking to your doctor.

• 3:25Laci Mosley?

  Do more with less asthma. Ask your asthma specialist about Dupixent by name. Visit dupixent.com or call 1-844-DUPIXENT.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, aka Scam Goddess. The podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. I don't know, we'll see along the way. Congregation, if you are an OG member, please stand up out of your pews and recite with me. I am very what? Yes, excited. A scam, all right? Said like a man. Yes! You already hear that beautiful laugh, so you know I'm excited for today's guest. We have an actor, comedian, producer, and writer, and the homie on the show. He's the host of the new reality dating show, Bravo's Love Hotel, which premiered on April 27, 2025. So y'all can get out there and get some of that Bravo love hotel in your eyeballs right now.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  You may also know him from his other shows. Okay, come on, hit TV shows, excuse me. Loot on Apple TV, which was renewed for season three. Okay, honey, that's what we're talking about. Get them seasons. He's also the host of a podcast called Bad Dates and is riding high from Fire Island, which won GLAD Media Awards and earned him two Emmy nominations. If you haven't seen Fire Island, y'all know I love that movie. I literally was a foot soldier for that movie. Congregation, please welcome the talented Joel Kim Booster to the show.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Oh my God, what an intro. This is incredible. We gotta get you on Bad Dates, because I know you've got some stories.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  Oh, yes.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  I know you have some stories in your past.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Sadly, recently?

• 5:46Speaker 01

  There's trauma there. There's trauma there. I can tell.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  That's what we do. We turn it, we spin it.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Exactly. Monetize it. Monetize the trauma.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  Do you ever, are you ever in like a weird situation where you're like, "Damn, I'm gonna get some good content out of this"?

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Oh, all the time. The amount, like, stand-up brain has broken me in such a way where I will stay in a situation much longer than I need to just because I'm like, "Well, I gotta see how this turns out." You know, like, it is so crazy. Like, bad hookups, bad, like, social interaction, like, anything. Like, I literally have had such terrible hookups, but they're so wild and funny that I'm like, "Well, somebody's coming." You know, like, and then this, I will be dining out on this story for a good, long while.

• 6:32Speaker 05

  I can attest to that, because on Monet Exchanges show, you did share a hookup story that was so outlandish. All of us were like, gooped and gagged and gassed. We were like, "Sir, sir."

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Yep, yep.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  As it continued. I'm the same way. I'm that way with people, but I'm also that way with scams. Like, if I feel like something is a scam, now I'm in it. Now we both in it, and I want to know.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  You're responding to the robo-text messages.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Yes, when I get the robo that's like, "Hey, Tom."

• 6:55Speaker 01

  You're having those conversations.

• 6:56Speaker 05

  We're golfing today. I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, this is Tom's phone. What time are we golfing?" I'm like, "I want to know. What's the endgame?"

• 7:02Speaker 01

  I love golf. I love golf. What are you gonna give me in exchange? You know?

• 7:07Speaker 05

  Where are we meeting up? Like, I'm so, I want to know what the endgame is.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  I know, there's nothing more fun than fucking with those people.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Not at all.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  I'm like, "You're gonna waste my time, like, I want to waste yours."

• 7:15Speaker 01

  It's like some person in another country who barely speaks English, who does not understand a bit. You know, like, they don't.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  But I want to know the endgame of that when I haven't figured it out yet, and everyone keeps asking. They're like, "Why do people keep texting me saying hi?"

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Well, because there are old people who fall for it. There are people, it would, they wouldn't, it would not happen if people did not fall for it.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  Well, I say hi back. Like, I try to engage in conversation with these people, and then they stop talking to me.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Well, that's what they want at first, until you get, start getting weird. Like, once I start getting weird, where I'm like, "Oh, I just, I bet you have the deepest voice." Like, "Can you send me a voice note?" Like, you know?

• 7:53Speaker 05

  See, you taking it there. I'm trying to be on the ride. You like, show feet.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. That'll shut them up real quick, yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, then they gonna leave me all red. I'm like, I'm trying to play along, like, "Yeah, like, who's Tom? That's not me, but like, I love golf. Like, I want to, come on, help me."

• 8:08Speaker 01

  You know what I want to know the endgame of? Is there is an epidemic, especially in WeHo, of like, phones getting stolen. Like, every weekend, I have a friend whose phone got stolen. My phone has been stolen three times. Except, I now have this case that makes it look like an Android, and boy, do people not want to steal my phone now.

• 8:26Speaker 05

  Oh, that's the new scam, y'all.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Pro tip, they think it's an Android, they say, "No, thank you." And the thing is, the thing is, is that it's all, a lot of them are, it's like a ring of women. And it's perfect, because you go to WeHo, you go to these gay bars, you're invisible to us. You know, like, we're, no one's paying attention to the girls. They're all trying to get laid. And I saw one get caught by security, and I walked by her, and she had one of those big sling purses inside, I kid you not, over a dozen iPhones. In that, and my thing is, is it's not easy to just restart a cellphone and then... And then resell it. I want to know the pipeline from those girls to then who they report to, to then what happens to that iPhone. Because one time my iPhone got stolen and I turned

• 9:13Speaker 01

  on like find my iPhone or whatever. And a week later, it woke up in Beijing. And I'm like, how did it get stolen in Mexico and woke up in Beijing? Like, it's like, what is the process? Like, I'm actually fascinated.

• 9:27Laci Mosley?

  Your iPhone went on vacation.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  I want to meet one of these girls and be like, I'm not gonna like, call you, call the cops or anything. You're not gonna get in trouble. I just want to know, like, step by step, what happens to these phones. Like, I'll give you a phone.

• 9:38Laci Mosley?

  That's a pretty simple process, right? Like, one phone just for the iPhone. It's like, a pretty simple process. It's like, we take the phone, and then we give it to someone who obviously knows how to jailbreak the phone, wipe it, and then we go resell it. So.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  But it's not that. It's not as easy as it used to be. It used to be really easy to jailbreak a phone, but the, the technology, like, the, the advances in the phones, it's not as easy, it's not as simple as just jailbreaking it and then wiping it and then selling it. Like, there's, there's other things that they have to be doing in order to get the phone ready to be reused.

• 10:10Laci Mosley?

  See, I feel like with technology, there's always someone, there's always a scammer who finds a loophole. There's somebody out there who's like, 1001512.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Innovators in STEM. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 10:20Laci Mosley?

  We got scammers in STEM. Scammers in STEM, okay?

• 10:22Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 10:23Laci Mosley?

  But that's, it's so interesting to me, because you held up your phone and, like, obviously the audience can't see, but just when we put this out, can we get a photo of like, what his phone case looks like? So Joel has like, a square phone case.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Just a square.

• 10:34Laci Mosley?

  And y'all know the Android loves like, a rectangular type situation. They love an angle. They want the phone to be sharp. You can hit a bitch in the head with it like, pow.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Like, I'll be talking to somebody who's fucked out of their mind, and I'll be like, oh, let's exchange like, Instagrams, and I'll hand them my phone, and they'll be like, oh baby, I don't know how to use Android. And I'm like, are your eyes crossed?

• 10:50Laci Mosley?

  The shape.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  You're cut off. This is an iPhone, babe. Like, you know how to use this.

• 10:54Laci Mosley?

  They're okay. You know what I mean? They saw a shape. We're lucky that they could see a shape.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  I didn't want to say it.

• 11:00Laci Mosley?

  We're lucky that they recognized the shape, okay? They're like, bitch, is this a rambus? Oh no, I don't know how to use that. Okay, but that's really smart. I might have to invest in one of those sharp cases.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  And they're cute, too.

• 11:11Laci Mosley?

  Because that's like, really the only distinction between the iPhone and other phones. iPhones tries to keep the cases, like, the edges all smooth.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  That's square. Yeah, or the smooth edge. Yeah.

• 11:20Laci Mosley?

  But then the Android's like, yeah, we want an aggressive square.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Now, isn't it an effective case for protecting my phone? Am I going to the Apple Store after this to get a brand new phone because it's cracked to hell? But, you know, safety first, you know?

• 11:33Laci Mosley?

  Get it now before those prices go up.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:35Laci Mosley?

  That was great. What's your relationship with scams? But I still do want to ask you the question, because it's been a minute since you've been on the show.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  No, and I think we talked about this a little bit last time. Like, uh, we're millennials, and we are the scam generation. Because we've had to. Like, nothing has come super easy for us, other than if you have rich parents, whatever, and whatnot, you know? But like, from the time I was 17 years old, out on my own, not taking a dime from my parents, I scammed my way through adulthood. Because there is just no other way to do it. Like, and it's like, simple things, like, you know, like, does shoplifting count as a scam? A little bit, you know? Like, you know, it is.

• 12:12Laci Mosley?

  I mean, it falls under the umbrella. We just say robbery.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  If you're, if you're trying to convince someone, like, my scam was, is the classic, self-checkout.

• 12:23Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yes.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  And then, you're not scanning everything, baby.

• 12:27Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  And like, I don't do this anymore. I don't need to do this anymore.

• 12:30Laci Mosley?

  People, do boo? It's not about, it's about the principle.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  But you know that.

• 12:34Laci Mosley?

  If I work here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my wages.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Exactly. Well, and you know, the one time I was arrested for shoplifting, was when I was in college, I had no health insurance. I was deathly ill, and I shoplifted cold medicine. And I got caught. And it's not on my record or anything anymore, like, it was my first offense, whatever. But like, the fact that I was so sick and had no other options, but, and, and so poor, that I couldn't afford the cough medicine. I think, you know what? I did something wrong, but it's an indictment on this country, you know?

• 13:08Laci Mosley?

  I don't know if it's wrong. It's like, you needed medicine. And if the country wasn't busy robbing us all blind, you would have that.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Exactly. Like, there's no reason, in one of the richest countries in the world, a 19 year old with bronchitis has to go into a CVS and try and shoplift cold medicine. Like, it's just, like, that shouldn't have been the option for me.

• 13:29Laci Mosley?

  Right. And this is not like you're getting like, a meth lab amount of like, Sudafed. You're getting something that you need. No, I'm not, see, I, I was with you on the scamminess, but that one, to me, isn't a scam. That was necessity, and we completely understand.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Well, and sometimes scams are, you know?

• 13:43Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. A lot of times they are.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  We gotta, you know?

• 13:45Laci Mosley?

  You know, there's certain people who it's like, you don't really have to be in fraud, like, babes, your family has money, like, why are you doing this? You just love it for the art of the game.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Exactly. Winona, she just wanted to feel something, you know?

• 13:56Laci Mosley?

  No, she was getting in the car, smoking that cigarette all hard with the shaky hand, like.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  But, you know, it's so funny, because I think like, millennials, like, we are the hustle generation, and we are the scam generation. And I think those two things intertwine a lot of the time. Like, we have, like, we have been, for the time, since the time we were in our twenties, hitting the pavement, scamming, doing, taking every job, doing everything we can. And it's not, it's not necessarily a scam, but like, those, that desperation and that need, because everything got so much harder the minute we turned 21, like, it's just like, sometimes those things, uh, intersect, and are, and like, the scam can be a little bit of a hustle, and the hustle can be a little bit of a scam, and it's just a fact of life for us now.

• 14:40Laci Mosley?

  I agree. I mean, like, and then there's like, a thin line between a hustle and a scheme. Hustle and scheme are cousins.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Scheme.

• 14:46Laci Mosley?

  Okay, they're first cousins.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:49Laci Mosley?

  They love to hang out together, okay? And, you know, a hustle and a scheme are right there.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Not blood related, though. They're, they're the kind of cousins where it's like, that's my cousin. That's my cousin, but.

• 14:58Laci Mosley?

  See, I feel like they are first cousins. I feel like they are blood related on their mama's side, because don't nobody know their daddy's family. Don't nobody know you play with their daddy's cousins. But on your mama's side, that's your, that's a real cousin.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:11Laci Mosley?

  I feel like, mm, they're, they're, they're a little closer than that.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:14Laci Mosley?

  You know, you might be running a hustle, and then it turns into a scheme.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  And you see all the social.

• 15:17Laci Mosley?

  You might have a scheme, and then it blends into a hustle.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Speaking of schemes and hustles, like, you see, speaking again of like, the way our generation has developed and like, tried to make it, is like, you see some of these influencers on Instagram or TikTok or whatnot, like, selling their wares, selling their, selling their, selling their vegan protein, like, um, meal plan. Meanwhile, they are juiced to hell. They are on steroids. But they are selling themselves as like, this fitness guru who only eats pea protein and tofu. And you, if you only eat pea protein and tofu, you can look like me. And it's like, that's a scam and a scheme, you know?

• 15:55Laci Mosley?

  That's a scam and a scheme. Just like Goop, okay?

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 15:58Laci Mosley?

  Goop got the girl's guy. But now Goop is like, going under, apparently, there's a shift in the market right now. I've been reading about this, um, that wellness is now kind of being chucked out of the window. Because you know, for a minute, celebrities were all selling their creams, you know, and their drops and their tinctures.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Who the fuck can afford those creams?

• 16:14Laci Mosley?

  Exactly.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Who the fuck can afford those creams?

• 16:16Laci Mosley?

  We know you're a Bo Sox lady. We know you're a Drew Durham lady. That's okay. I, I, I get some of those things myself. But I'm not out here being like, ooh, I rub this, this cream on, and then bam.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  And the fact is, is like, her customer base is like, narrowing, narrowing, narrowing. Because it's like, there's so much going on, and everyone is, everyone is struggling. It's like, I don't have the money for a jade egg to shove up my pussy right now, you know?

• 16:39Laci Mosley?

  I don't need a $5,000 sauna in my house.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I need to put food on the table, you know? And the jade egg is not gonna cut it.

• 16:44Laci Mosley?

  No. Scams!

• 16:48Speaker 01

  911, what's your emergency?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Please help us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder hornets. 911 Nashville returns. It's a homicide detective down here. Three bodies on the ground. With emergencies of biblical proportions. Allson swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues of the Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville. Brian Phillippeach, 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 17:18Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años, y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas. Y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom! Eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA o Fortumab en kissimta.com.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  Cash flow crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds, up to $200,000, right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval. Whether you're buying, renting, or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today. To help find a home that fits where you are in life, or that apartment that's a little

• 18:29Speaker 00

  closer to where you want to be, Zillow has the right information, tools, and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started.

• 18:44Laci Mosley?

  My name is Jessa. One of the things I love the most about working for United Healthcare is that everybody matters. Every moment matters. There's a person behind every problem. I care because it's what I was put on this earth to do.

• 19:00Speaker 06

  I'm Ben, and I work at United Healthcare. I am just one piece, a larger puzzle, but every piece matters. It's more than just work. We want to make the healthcare system better for everyone. I care because I want to make a difference. That's what committed to care means to me.

• 19:18Speaker 06

  She'd throw things, wander, and started hoarding. Mom's Alzheimer's.

• 19:22Laci Mosley?

  Was already so hard. But then we found out she had agitation that may happen with dementia due to Alzheimer's disease. And that was a different kind of difficult. So we asked her doctor for more help.

• 19:33Speaker 06

  Seeing symptoms like these in a loved one? It could be time to ask their doctor about Rexulti, Rexiprazole 2mg. The first FDA-approved treatment for this condition. Rexulti is proven to reduce agitation symptoms. Rexulti should not be used as an as-needed treatment. Elderly people with dementia-related psychosis have increased risk of death or stroke. Report fever, stiff muscles, and confusion, which can be life-threatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements, which may be permanent. High blood sugar can lead to coma or death. Weight gain, increased cholesterol, unusual urges, dizziness on standing, falls, seizures, trouble swallowing, or sleepiness may occur. Learn more about these and other side effects at rexulti.com. Tap ad for PI.

• 20:08Laci Mosley?

  I'm glad I asked for help.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  Ask your loved one's doctor about Rexulti.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Relax and get ready for bed with Dr. Teal's magnesium spray. Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals powered by pure Epsom salt and natural Dead Sea salt. Dr. Teal's magnesium spray is designed to help you unwind and get in a nighttime state of mind. It's an effortless way to get a boost of magnesium and help prepare for your night of rest. Dr. Teal's magnesium spray comes in a lightweight, fast-drying formula. Just shake it up and generously spritz onto the soles of your feet and massage until absorbed. Dr. Teal's magnesium spray is wellness you can feel, and you can find it in your local bath aisle. Dr. Teal's. Yep, you needed that.

• 20:53Laci Mosley?

  All right. So we're gonna get into our next segment here. This is normally historic Hoodwings, but y'all, I told you, we're taking the tariffs off the bonus episodes, okay? Okay? We're taking them off. We're taking them off. We're taking them off. Yeah, so if you don't know, Stitcher Premium is a now-defunct platform. Yeah, it's been gone for quite some time, yeah. But when it was a thing, because the show is now old as Methuselah, we would have bonus episodes for Stitcher Premium listeners where we'd read your listener letters, and all of those episodes are gone. I don't know where they are, but lucky for me, because I'm a scammer, I keep receipts, so I still have the letters.

• 21:38Laci Mosley?

  So we are releasing them from behind the scammy vaults.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Love.

• 21:42Laci Mosley?

  Yes, and so Joel is going to be here to give us names and opinions all throughout this episode. So if you're an OG listener, something sounds a little familiar. Look at you, knowing the lore, the lore, the lore.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  Somebody was subscribed to Stitcher Premium.

• 21:58Laci Mosley?

  Right. Those three of y'all who were subscribed to Stitcher Premium. Okay, y'all getting a reboot. But everybody else is something new. But also, you know, Joel is a new person, so we don't even know what he's gonna have to say. And I'm a new person now, too. I've changed.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  You've changed.

• 22:14Laci Mosley?

  It's been almost six years.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  The body and the hair. The volume.

• 22:17Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, the hair. The hair has really changed me. It's full of secrets and lies. All right, but as always, email your scams. Snitch on your friends, your family, and your enemies at [email protected]. Just make sure the scam is retired, because we don't want a what? Yes, fuck up your bag. It looks like a fun bag we could get into. So Joel, are you ready to send our confessional boots today? Confessions? So I need a fake name for this person.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Okay, fake name for this person.

• 22:45Laci Mosley?

  We don't care about dinner, so it could literally be anything.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  We're gonna call them Moses.

• 22:50Laci Mosley?

  Moses.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  It's gonna be a biblical theme today, I think. Old Testament.

• 22:54Laci Mosley?

  I love a theme. I love a theme. Yes, very good. So, "I, Moses, worked at a locally-owned grocery store at 16 as my second job. I am now in my 30s. My first was at 14 delivering newspapers, which meant..."

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Get your bag. Look at that, starting early. I love that.

• 23:13Laci Mosley?

  I don't know how you do that. I had a stepdaddy one time. He was very brief. It was kind of like a chem case situation, but I had a stepdaddy and he...

• 23:21Speaker 01

  He had a huge ass?

• 23:22Laci Mosley?

  I think he did. Mr. Tim, he didn't make it far, but Mr. Tim would deliver newspapers, and sometimes, I don't know why the fuck I had to be in it, but you know, I'm like four or five, like in the back of the car while they throwing out newspapers, like with Mr. Tim.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Baby, that's your job.

• 23:37Laci Mosley?

  I know, I should have been in my bed. Who gonna come get me? Y'all lock the door. So Moses says that they were waking up at 4:00 a.m. to get paid $10 an hour, and that Moses had to pay for his own rubber bands to deliver papers for two hours. A scam, I tell you, says Moses. Yeah, I don't know why you gotta pay for the rubber bands.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he's getting scammed right now.

• 23:58Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm sorry, y'all would have got, like, naked-ass papers then. Okay, we wild-dogging the news today. I'm not getting rubber bands.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  The print media is not doing well. They cannot even afford fucking rubber bands right now.

• 24:09Laci Mosley?

  Like, this had to be a little back in the day, because are people still getting newspapers to their doors? I don't think they do that no more.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  I do. I get the LA Times.

• 24:17Laci Mosley?

  It comes to your door?

• 24:18Speaker 01

  It does. I like it, because I don't like looking at my phone for that kind of stuff, and it does. Now, do I read it page to page, cover to cover? Absolutely not.

• 24:27Laci Mosley?

  Oh, come on, Joel. You gotta flex one time and just have a paper out in public. You know how content would be?

• 24:33Speaker 01

  On the 101, fully driving with a newspaper in front of me, yeah.

• 24:38Laci Mosley?

  You gotta shake it out, make a lot of noise, get all the attention. I feel like that in like a hipster coffee shop, just like, oh, what a nice little impromptu photo shoot. I would come and take pictures, like, unironically, if you're reading a newspaper in like a very country coffee shop. I'm like, oh, Cottin Act. I didn't even know you could physically touch news anymore. I didn't know they put it on paper. It's wonderful.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  It's still there.

• 25:01Laci Mosley?

  So that's a scam, though. You shouldn't have bought the rubber bands. Everybody would've just got a floppy-ass paper. You're playing with me. So anyway, the grocery store was acquired by a big chain on the East Coast while I was there, because remember, Moses did the newspaper thing when they were, yeah, like 14, and then 16, they had the grocery store. New ownership meant changes in the store. We got a fancy new touchscreen register. I was a bit of a scammer and petty thief at this point, so I realized pretty quickly that you can set the register to "training mode" and essentially look like you're cashing someone out but not actually charging them. Not, you know, a POS.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:38Laci Mosley?

  That's a real scammer right there. You found the window real quick.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  This person is a hero.

• 25:43Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  This person is a hero. This person is Robin Hood. This is a victimless crime. I don't give a shit about the conglomerate grocery store.

• 25:51Laci Mosley?

  Do you know how much food they throw away?

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 25:53Laci Mosley?

  This is just us helping with waste. So realizing this, Moses said, "I told my mom, and she was immediately on board to scam and steal groceries from the store."

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yes, mommy!

• 26:05Laci Mosley?

  While I worked there. Come on, mama! See, mama said, "I know who I raised. I know I raised a scammer." Okay, listen, look at you making your mama proud. I love that that was your first phone call, too. Our grocery heist. She'd pile up a cart full of shit we would never buy because we were broke, then get into line. As soon as she was up, starting to check out, I would switch my register to "training mode." She'd pretend to use the card machine, and I would print her a fake receipt and send her on her way.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Yes, Ocean's Eleven. I fucking love this. And here's the fucking thing. I know that grocery store was not paying that boy a living wage. There's no way.

• 26:40Laci Mosley?

  Moses says, "I had a few motives here. I don't care about stealing from corporations at all, and happily look the other way when I see others doing it and even encourage it." Okay.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Yes, man.

• 26:49Laci Mosley?

  Let my people go, get them groceries. There were hard times for my family, and I was thrilled to be eating free crab legs for dinner at home. And at 16 years old, my sense of risk had not yet developed, and I figured I'd have a good lie if I got caught. Yes, you would. You'd be like, "I'm just a girl, honey."

• 27:03Speaker 01

  I was just training. I didn't know. I didn't know the buzz and acid push.

• 27:06Laci Mosley?

  What went in that hit? I can't breathe.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  You didn't train me well enough.

• 27:09Laci Mosley?

  So on the scale of scams, where would you rate this? Do you think this is kind of good, kind of bad, kind of indifferent?

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Definitely good.

• 27:15Laci Mosley?

  Harmless? Yeah, I would say good.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  And the thing that pisses me off about stuff like this is like, you see this with like Walgreens or whatever, or whenever there's like, people, they're like, "Well, it's the employee shoplifting, and that's why we have to raise prices, and that's why I have to close stores." And it's like, "Hey, baby, why don't your CEO take a billion-dollar pay cut? And then you won't have to close all these fucking stores? And none of this fucking shoplifting is making a dent in your bottom line. Stop lying to us, you fucking idiot."

• 27:40Laci Mosley?

  And you have insurance. Like, can we start being for real about shrink, which is what corporations call it when people steal, like shrink of the merchandise? Let's just be for real. Y'all have insurance. Also, I'm tired of going in the stores and everything is locked up. Why do I have to call an attendant to get some orange juice? What do you mean? The Orange Juice Bandit?

• 27:58Speaker 01

  The way I will press that button to get my deodorant and then walk around the block and have a meal, and then come back, and they still haven't come to unlock the deodorant yet. I have to like, I literally, it's so insane. I bring a book. I'm like, I'm gonna be here for a while, because this deodorant is not gonna get locked up.

• 28:16Laci Mosley?

  And they're so cheap as hell. Okay, at least if you're gonna have us over here like we in prison, can you at least have one person whose whole job, the whole shift, is just to unlock shift? Why is that person also stocking up boxes and shit, and then they gotta stop and then come over with the key? You're the unlocker. You're supposed to be the man just running around here with the key.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Can we talk about how nefarious it is that, like, okay, I get it. Electronics, lock it up. The La Mer, lock it up, sure. But the fact that you want to keep people from getting deodorant, soap, like hygiene items, like, that's just, hey, you hate poor people.

• 28:46Laci Mosley?

  And why they're the most stolen is like their necessity? Maybe we should look at why they're being stolen? But I mean, look, that's a whole, like, we know where we're at.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Welcome to church. Welcome to Scam Goddess Church.

• 28:57Laci Mosley?

  Amen, amen. I will say this last thing, though. This is a shout out to the pavilions on Melrose in Los Angeles. I don't know why when I go through self checkout, y'all got these self checkout like thugs now. Okay, you know.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Oh, they're watching.

• 29:10Laci Mosley?

  Like, no, but here's the thing. Okay, you're watching, boop, boop, boop, boop, I'm scam items, whatever. Like, that's not my issue. I'll pay for shit. That's not my issue. My issue is, is that I know in California, if you don't bring your little, you know, hemp bags from home, that you get charged 10 cents per bag. Personally, I work at the store if I'm going through self checkout. So when they ask me how many bags, I always say zero. Tell me why now they don't even put the bags next to the self checkout anymore. You gotta click how many bags you want. And then the fucking bag sergeant comes over and literally like licks her finger and pulls out the exact amount of plastic bags that you ordered and paid for. That is some bullshit. We should all be able to steal bags, Los Angeles.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Can I, can I give a, a, a little scam, a grocery store scam that I think is, um, that I've been using for years? Which is, you hit up the hot bar first. As you're shopping, you eat everything you put in that box from the hot bar. And by the time you check out, you've had a meal and there ain't nothing to pay for.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Try it at home, kids.

• 30:13Laci Mosley?

  You know, in the early 2000s, they used to just pop a few grapes in the mouth.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

• 30:16Laci Mosley?

  Now, now we're taking.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. You put the egg rolls, you put the chicken masala, you, you, everything, baby. And you, by the time you're done shopping, you're done with that box, you throw it out, nobody needs to be the wiser.

• 30:29Laci Mosley?

  Listen, we gotta get creative out here. Times are weird. Let's get to our next con.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  I can't wait.

• 30:35Laci Mosley?

  Fashion drill. I need a fake name for this person.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  We're gonna call this person Rebecca.

• 30:41Laci Mosley?

  Rebecca. So Rebecca says, hey, Lacey, y'all better give me a good scammer name and I will cry if I hear my scam. I hope you like Rebecca.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  I hope you like Rebecca. Rebecca with the good hair.

• 30:55Laci Mosley?

  Rebecca with the good hair is great. Okay, Rebecca, I think you should be satisfied. So I just started a new job in the downtown area of my big city. I know you say make sure the scam is retired, but this was too good not to tell you. Anyways, I'm a young, single mother and a couple of dollars here and there adds up, honey.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Ain't that the truth?

• 31:11Laci Mosley?

  Yes, it does. Also, the traffic downtown is crazy to get out after work. And my job does not reimburse parking. And it can get up to $16 a day. So I've decided it's best to take the bus. So yeah, job not reimbursed and parking. Like, how do you expect me to get here, babes? Like, what do you want me to do?

• 31:28Speaker 01

  I hope you, I hope you're okay with me being late because I had to take three buses to get here.

• 31:33Laci Mosley?

  Like, now I'm paying to go to where, I mean, yeah, we pay for gas, but like, gas plus parking?

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Gas plus parking and now I, and now I have to sit on a bus and be racially attacked because every time I've ever been on an LA city bus, there have been, there's been a racial incident. And I, and, and that is an extra, that's added labor to this woman's job that she does not need. I don't even know if she's a person of color, but like.

• 31:57Laci Mosley?

  Not the microaggression mobile?

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Literally, you don't even have to be a person of color. On the bus, you will experience horrors unlike horrors you've never known. This is, I'm speaking specifically of LA though. I will, I will say the buses in New York, the buses in Chicago, brilliant.

• 32:11Laci Mosley?

  Well, that's cause those are commuter cities.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 32:14Laci Mosley?

  People who are commuting in LA, it's like much different than like normal commuter cities cause this is a car city.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 32:19Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I've never been on a bus in LA.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Wait, can I talk about a scam really quick?

• 32:23Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  My favorite party scam to talk about. Did you know that in the, in the, the 1940s and 50s, LA had the most state of the art public transit system in the world? People would come from all over the world to study our public transit system. It was state of the art. It was like the future. We were heading in a great direction. And then a conglomerate that owned tires, oil, and cars bought it all up and they said, we'll keep it open, we'll improve it. And then they immediately shut it all fucking down because they wanted to make LA the very first urban car city. And boy, did it work. And boy, does it fucking suck. Cause can you imagine if LA's public transit system was able, able to evolve over the last 60 years?

• 33:02Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my gosh, we would look like China.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  New York goodbye.

• 33:05Laci Mosley?

  We would have shit like floating in the air and shit.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  New York who? Like, we, like, literally, we would be one of the greatest cities in the world. And instead, I'm stuck in fucking traffic trying to get downtown to the Ikea. Like, it's.

• 33:16Laci Mosley?

  That makes so much sense, cause I often wonder how like older buildings here like don't have parking. And I'm like, did y'all, who paved this city? Rabbits? Like, why?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Look it up after we get off, cause it looked cool. It looked like Jetsons sort of style futurism. And it, it obviously would have evolved and looked different, but like, there were like gondolas going up into the hills to take people up. Taking people up into the hills. Yeah, it's crazy.

• 33:37Laci Mosley?

  Oh, we were wrong.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Talk about a scam, this, this conglomerate being like, oh, we'll keep it open.

• 33:43Laci Mosley?

  Of course not. I mean, I've watched enough Succession. We know it's a hostile takeover. And Bonnie's like, shut it down. That shit ain't right. I watch common side effects. Y'all can't fool me.

• 33:56Laci Mosley?

  Okay, if you haven't watched the show, it's good. It's a cartoon on HBO.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  It really is. It really is.

• 33:59Laci Mosley?

  Great show. It's, I love it. So, um, this is a scam already, Rebecca, that you have to take the bus because you can't take your car. So Rebecca says, our city's public transportation system is absolutely garbage. We can relate. But they recently allowed riders to purchase bus passes through the mobile app. What they haven't done is upgrade the ticket collector system. So there's nowhere to scan the purchased bus pass. And the driver just flags you down, which I mean, they get paid regardless, so why should they care? I know that's right. Mind your damn business. More people need to do that, okay? I literally just saw some, something blow up on the internet about some lady at H and M who wouldn't let two black girls shop there. And I'm like, girl, you don't own H and M.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  This is my, this is.

• 34:38Laci Mosley?

  Or that man at Walmart who was trying to fight the other man at self checkout who worked at Walmart. Like, you don't own Wally Mart. You don't own Wally World.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Always my issue. I'm like, you owe these people nothing.

• 34:47Laci Mosley?

  Nothing.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  They are paying you nothing.

• 34:49Laci Mosley?

  Dust.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  You owe them nothing. Why do you care so much?

• 34:53Laci Mosley?

  This is where I implore my kind of dark theory, but it's really worked for me in so many aspects of my life. And it's, um, when there's something that I don't wanna do or it doesn't feel like it applies to me or whatever, you know? I think like, what would they do if I was dead? You know, so if I go to a job and if I die the next day, they gonna have another bitch in my chair. You know, like, why, why would I, you know?

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 35:15Laci Mosley?

  I'm not gonna do anything, cause what would I, what would I, I'm gonna do what I would do if I was dead. People ask me for money, I'd be like, hmm, but what if I was dead? Where would they get that money from? And that's when I'm like, they would figure it out. So I'mma pretend I'm dead.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  That is such, that is such a brilliant framing device to look at things.

• 35:32Laci Mosley?

  Pressure coming from other.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  If you are the grocery store clerk, think about it for a second. If you were dead, do you think that company would mourn? Do you think that company would say?

• 35:43Laci Mosley?

  Flowers on your register and to put it at half mass?

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Without Rebecca.

• 35:47Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Rebecca is too important. We need Rebecca. No, they ain't thinking that. They're gonna drag in some other Rebecca and, and hope and pray.

• 35:57Laci Mosley?

  Before the funeral too.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  That she doesn't figure out the training mode.

• 36:01Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 36:03Laci Mosley?

  Right, to figure out, exactly.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:04Laci Mosley?

  So what if I was dead? So, long story short, Rebecca says, I reused the first bus pass I ever bought by taking a screenshot of it on my phone. And nobody has ever questioned it. I've saved almost a hundred dollars in bus fare so far and I hope to keep it up.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Girl, keep going.

• 36:19Laci Mosley?

  Keep going.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  I am literally at the sidelines of like the Olympics, the like 100 meter dash going, yeah, yeah.

• 36:26Laci Mosley?

  I'm handing out orange slices and water. Keep going. You can do it.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  I want that number up. I want that number at the end of the year. I want you to be able to pay for a fucking switch too, that's gonna be a $900,000 now because of the tariffs. I want you to put all that money so that you can buy something nice for yourself because that is what you deserve. Literally, unless they're gonna improve the bus system, the public transportation system, I ain't paying for shit.

• 36:53Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Okay? Cause already my tax dollars are going for that shit and already they ain't doing shit about it.

• 36:59Laci Mosley?

  Nope. And I hate when things go up in price but not up in quality. I'm like, bags, what are we doing? Nothing looks new. Nothing looks nice. Where, where, why?

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Every time Netflix goes up, I'm like, oh, so you're gonna give me another B tier German dating show that I can't even, like, why am I paying for this?

• 37:18Laci Mosley?

  And you're gonna pay for it.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  And I'll watch it, but like, I.

• 37:23Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'll be there.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:24Laci Mosley?

  Da-dung. Yeah, I'm there.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Subtitles on, not on my phone. I will be watching the drama on Love is Blind Ukraine, you know, like, I want.

• 37:33Laci Mosley?

  Love is Blind Ukraine, no.

• 37:38Laci Mosley?

  Oh, Lord, she's.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Babary.

• 37:43Laci Mosley?

  911, what's your emergency?

• 37:46Laci Mosley?

  We need help, us. They're everywhere.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  We think they're murder wantons.

• 37:50Speaker 04

  911 Nashville returns.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  It's a homicide detective down here. Three bodies on the ground.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Oh, sin swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues of the Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Brian Phillippe joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 38:12Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Segler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA off at TUMA map, en kissimta.com.

• 38:52Speaker 00

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• 39:13Laci Mosley?

  Whether you're buying, renting or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today. To help find a home that fits where you are in life or that apartment that's a little closer to where you want to be. Zillow has the right information, tools and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started. My name is Jessa. One of the things I love the most about working for United Healthcare is that everybody matters. Every moment matters. There's a person behind every problem. I care because it's what I was put on this earth to do.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  I'm Ben and I work at United Healthcare. I am just one piece of a larger puzzle, but every piece matters. It's more than just work. We want to make the healthcare system better for everyone. I care because I want to make a difference. That's what committed to care means to me.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  She'd throw things, wander and started hoarding. Mom's Alzheimer's was already so hard. But then we found out she had agitation that may happen with dementia due to Alzheimer's disease. And that was a different kind of difficult. So we asked her doctor for more help. Seeing symptoms like these in a loved one? It could be time to ask their doctor about Rexulti. Rexiprazole 2mg. The first FDA approved treatment for this condition. Rexulti is proven to reduce agitation symptoms. Rexulti should not be used as an as needed treatment. Elderly people with dementia related psychosis have increased risk of death or stroke. Report fever, stiff muscles and confusion, which can be life threatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements which may be permanent. High blood sugar can lead to coma or death. Weight gain, increased cholesterol, unusual urges, dizziness on standing,

• 40:55Speaker 06

  falls, seizures, trouble swallowing or sleepiness may occur. Learn more about these and other side effects at rexulti.com. Tap ad for PI. I'm glad I asked for help. Ask your loved one's doctor about Rexulti. Hola, es Mr. Monopoly. Has you had a dream of winning $50,000 for the first house? Or a gift charity of the year? Monopoly is back at McDonald's. And those are some of the prizes you could have won. Be thankful for it. You don't have to compare $50,000 to the United States or the US. 18 years or more. Check the rules at playatmcd.com and playatmcd.com/ame for information about playing without a payment or email before the 2nd of November. The Chance Card Game ends on the 8th of November. The game ends on the 22th of November of 2026. Details of the prizes in the rules. Monopoly is a registered house.

• 41:42Laci Mosley?

  Okay, I need another fake name, Joel.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Um, this one, I'm gonna go Atticus.

• 41:48Laci Mosley?

  Atticus. Now, is Atticus in the Bible?

• 41:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:51Laci Mosley?

  Okay, okay. Because I was like, I think it's a Rebecca in there, so we were still.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  No, there's definitely a Rebecca in there.

• 41:58Laci Mosley?

  Atticus. You know, you never know. Who has fully read the Bible? Like, fully read it?

• 42:04Speaker 01

  Cover to cover, babe. Cover to cover.

• 42:06Laci Mosley?

  Cover to cover. In the beginning. Oh, that's my favorite part. What can I do?

• 42:10Speaker 01

  In the beginning, the word was with God and the word was God. And I could keep going, but I won't.

• 42:15Laci Mosley?

  And I love that you can. That's a flex. So Atticus says, "In the past, I've worked at several tech startups in the tech startup capital of the world." So I'm gonna guess you're near Cupertino.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 42:28Laci Mosley?

  You know, for the longest, I did not know why the iPhone said Cupertino. If you don't know, if you're a dummy out there like me, it's because that's where the Apple headquarters are. That's the headquarters location. It's always like, what the fuck Cupertino? What the fuck is Cupertino? Yeah, that's the Apple headquarters. And now you can pretend you knew all along if you didn't know, okay? Because I didn't, okay? So probably near Cupertino. I underst- Atticus says, "I understand the vitality of this field and like stunting like a bad bitch. So I've always had a side hustle or two while working full time."

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Oh, geez.

• 43:03Laci Mosley?

  One of my lo- I love that it's like stunting like a bad bitch. I feel like in San Francisco, that's like wearing like a $5,000 white t-shirt that only a certain people know is $5,000. By like the embroidery stitching, you have to get very close.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's leasing a Tesla.

• 43:17Laci Mosley?

  I love quiet, loud luxury. It's like if you're rich, you know how expensive it is, but everybody else doesn't. It's like you're still flexing, bro.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:25Laci Mosley?

  And I love that for you. And you know, now Mark Zuckerberg, he dresses like.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Mark Zuckerberg?

• 43:29Laci Mosley?

  Mark Zuckerberg.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Mark Zuckerberg?

• 43:30Laci Mosley?

  Mako Zuckerberg?

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:32Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, Mako Zuckerberg. Now he'd be dressing like he like a little dicky.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 43:37Laci Mosley?

  He look like a little dicky rich cuz.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Get out of those ASOS basics, you dumb motherfucker.

• 43:42Laci Mosley?

  No, he's in expensive clothes and now he got a little curly perm.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  They're made to look like ASOS basics, but they are $600 a t-shirt.

• 43:50Laci Mosley?

  Literally. And you know, he got a chain now. I don't know what's going on. He having a crisis. He looks better than he did. That bald haircut was terrifying.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Sure, on the outside.

• 43:59Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, no, no, come on on the inside. Yeah, like, let's get this photo of a little dicky here.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 44:07Laci Mosley?

  They call him golden delicious.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Oh, that man. That man damaged one time by rejection from a woman and now he has ruined our entire lives.

• 44:18Laci Mosley?

  And listen, I mean, I can't disagree with his philosophy because I talk about on the show that if you're a hater, you should get a hater job.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 44:26Laci Mosley?

  And I want to shout out in San Francisco. Shout out to the young lady who came up to me. And at the time, you were working at a shroom store. I don't know if you still work there, but those shrooms were great. Thank you so much. But also, she told me, she was like, you know, you really inspired me. You said the thing about hater jobs. Like, I love the pocket watch and now I'm in school to become a CPA. And I thought, no, that's right. I know that's right. You gotta channel that haterration into something positive in your dance.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  And I mean.

• 44:52Laci Mosley?

  And now he did the evil villain route.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  You gotta give it up. You gotta give it up. In terms of hater jobs, he took it to the next level.

• 44:58Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  He said, "I hate this woman. I'm going to destroy the world. I will burn the world to the ground because this brunette rejected me."

• 45:06Laci Mosley?

  Literally. At first it just started, "I'm gonna make an app so we can raid her in college." And then it just took off from there. If only we knew.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  I support you, Atticus. I support you.

• 45:16Laci Mosley?

  I support you, Atticus. So you know, be a bad bitch, Atticus. So one of my longest hustles was working as a sexy masseuse, AKA rub and tug.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:25Laci Mosley?

  I'll spare the details to protect my fellow sex workers, but let's just say some of us made upwards of 30K a month. Anywho, I don't know, that's.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Listen, listen.

• 45:34Laci Mosley?

  And if you're out there judging, some of y'all are here fucking for free.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  I know a gentleman on OnlyFans.

• 45:38Laci Mosley?

  And I love.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Who farts on cakes and makes six figures a month. I'm not joking you. I am not joking you, bitch.

• 45:44Laci Mosley?

  Farting on cakes?

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Farting on cakes. All kinds of cakes. Birthday cakes, wedding cakes.

• 45:50Laci Mosley?

  Why did I think of that? You could use some ice cream. You can fart all day.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  No, and it's like not even sexual. It's just his ass, but it's just like, yeah, no.

• 45:59Laci Mosley?

  It's just his ass and it's not sexual?

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Just his ass on the cake. That's it.

• 46:03Laci Mosley?

  Wow.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. So you could be, listen, if you got a special talent out there.

• 46:07Laci Mosley?

  That is so innovative. Yes, monetize it. That's really innovative. Anywho, Atticus says, "The scam is I flipped one of my tech company bosses, the CEO company, into a John." Oh.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:21Laci Mosley?

  Okay. "My young dumb ass confessed to having a crush on him and rather than be a responsible leader, he ran with it and ended up becoming a massage client of mine."

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:32Laci Mosley?

  Oops.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 46:34Laci Mosley?

  So, I mean, crushes are free. You know, sleep with people is free. I guess this is a better.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  The problem is, is like, did he pay you for the massage?

• 46:44Laci Mosley?

  I think so. She said client or they said client.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  That is tough. Because here's the thing. I'm not in favor of blackmail. I don't believe in blackmail unless in certain situations. But you need to ask for a raise, baby. You need to ask for a raise right now because.

• 47:00Laci Mosley?

  I mean, I don't know.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  That's an HR violation.

• 47:05Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I mean, but then who start? Like, you said you had a crush.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  No, I guess the other option is, is that like, "Hey, I really enjoyed the massage I gave you. I hope you had fun too. The price is going up."

• 47:17Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I think the price just needs to go up.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  The price is going up.

• 47:19Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Because the stakes are a little bit higher now.

• 47:21Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  You're my boss. I'm your employee. You need to pay me a little bit more.

• 47:25Laci Mosley?

  But also, if you're working in the tech field, like they, I thought they were supposed to be paying all. Okay, but this is a tech startup.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Tech startup. Yeah, it could be, it could be a lot of different things.

• 47:32Laci Mosley?

  If you don't have a lot of VC's and, you know, injecting capital perhaps.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  In San Francisco, babe, like, I know a Google project manager who makes a shit ton of money on OnlyFans. They don't give a shit. They really don't. Like, and he's open about it, like.

• 47:45Laci Mosley?

  I don't mean like having the secret job. I just mean needing to have another job.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it is crazy.

• 47:50Laci Mosley?

  Shouldn't the coins be like rolling in?

• 47:52Speaker 01

  You'd think, but San Francisco, very expensive city.

• 47:55Laci Mosley?

  Very expensive.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Very expensive city to live in. He's just putting that money away to save, you know?

• 48:00Laci Mosley?

  You know what? And I'm not mad at it. Not mad at it at all. I'm gonna give you the title, the working title of this before we start, before you give me the name, okay? So we've been hearing like lots of confessions from proud scammers among our listeners, but we couldn't wrap up the episode without someone from the congregation snitching on their own family and friends. Yes, which, as I said before, [email protected]. Snitch on your friends and your family to just make sure the scam is what? Retired, yes, because we don't want to, yes, fuck up your bag. Amen. So I, this is a fake mistress fraud. And it says, "Snitching on my dad's friend." And then in caps, "I don't give a fuck."

• 48:42Laci Mosley?

  Clearly. So what would you like the title of this person?

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Um, okay. I, um, uh, we're gonna go Jezebel.

• 48:51Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel. Now we calling you the Jezebel. You're like, I'm snitching on the dude. Okay, but I love it. So Jezebel says, "I write you today, all the way from Brazil. I was a long time listener, first time snitcher." So a little background. This scam happened to my father's friend with whom my dad shares a singular brain cell with.

• 49:13Laci Mosley?

  Came out the gate, swinging, swinging.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  Leave him down.

• 49:17Laci Mosley?

  This man, I need another fake name.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  This man, Bartholomew.

• 49:22Laci Mosley?

  So Bartholomew, we're gonna call him Bart.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Bart.

• 49:25Laci Mosley?

  This man Bart is a married man, a leader in the church, and a pillar in the community. We gotta stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad. I feel like everybody in the community can just hold up the same amount of weight because when we have a pillar, the pillar always falls.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  It is one of those things that I do not trust people immediately when they want a leadership position in the church, or when they want to be a pillar in the community, or when they want to be president, quite frankly, because I'm like, there is something intrinsically wrong with you.

• 49:51Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  To want that, to want that work, and you want the glory, you want the attention, you don't want to do the work, like, I do not fundamentally trust people who want to be in leadership positions like that. I think, I don't think they should be allowed. I think it should be, we should find the person who wants it the least, who's the most qualified, and say, sorry babe, it's yours. Yeah.

• 50:14Laci Mosley?

  No, we're not gonna let you walk away.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:17Laci Mosley?

  No, it's actually, the government is acquiring you, okay? And now you have to do this job. I would love that. I literally just saw a video, and I'm not gonna get, this is the only thing I'm gonna say about it, I don't want to go any further, but of our current president, there was a church service where this lady was like, painting real fast on a canvas, a picture of that orange man, and he's like, looking at a tiny, tiny cross in the distance, like Jesus on a very tiny cross, and he's in the forefront of the photo, and while she's like slashing and painting, it's always like a very thin white woman who's barefoot and in a tight dress, and she's like, painting and slashing, painting, and this is a fucking, like, it was like a huge amphitheater, full of people, like, filming and crying, and they're

• 50:59Laci Mosley?

  playing gospel music, and everybody's like, amen, and she's painting that man, and I was like, y'all done lost the plot now.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:07Laci Mosley?

  And they're like, y'all did this with Obama? I was like, no, we did not go to church and pray to Obama. Like, yes, we had some songs, my president is black, it's still a bomb.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 51:15Laci Mosley?

  You know, we had some t-shirts, we, you know, our grandies got commemorative plates. We did not bring Obama to the church house and start painting him next to Jesus.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  I had a lot of notes for Obama, I loved the playlist, but I had some notes, okay?

• 51:26Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, loved the playlist, loved his book selections, loved his favorite movies. Do we have notes? I mean, but you can't be the head war criminal and not be a war criminal, that's like what America's about.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Exactly, I'm so glad you have taste, but you bombed a lot of people, so, you know.

• 51:40Laci Mosley?

  And we remember, but at the same time, we weren't painting pictures like, amen.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 51:46Laci Mosley?

  Like, that's, come on now. So, so Bartholomew is a married man, right? He's a leader, he's a pillar, all these things. He's seen as an honest man, and has been saving money for his daughter's wedding.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:59Laci Mosley?

  And then, so, this is again Bart. So Bart met a woman on God's internet, you know, we know about, I don't know about God's internet, I feel like I've been on the devil's internet for a while, and God not letting me dial up, because every time I get on there, I'm like, oh, God is not here. God's country, not online. So they messaged back and forth, and he was honest to God, having a text message affair with this lady.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:27Laci Mosley?

  So remember, this is Bart, he the pillar of the community, he got a wife, and he had met another woman on the internets, and now he's texting back and forth with this woman, having an emotional affair. I know you don't shame, and normally I don't either, but honestly, shame.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:42Laci Mosley?

  So it's in all caps. So, Jezebel said that, Jezebel says shame. So Jezebel says he had a wife at home and was having a straight-up affair. There were my loves and promises of spending a lifetime together, and then in parentheses, Jezebel says, and nudes, of course.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 52:58Laci Mosley?

  Gotta, gotta.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  How does Jezebel have, privy to all this information?

• 53:02Laci Mosley?

  I don't know, Jezebel, what were you up to?

• 53:03Speaker 01

  She got his login or something?

• 53:04Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel, you all up in this man's phone.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:08Laci Mosley?

  So she claimed to be an American cop, not FBI, not Army, just a regular police officer, on duty in Turkey, the country, for some reason.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  A-Cav.

• 53:18Laci Mosley?

  Now, why is she over there?

• 53:19Speaker 01

  A-Cav in Turkey.

• 53:19Laci Mosley?

  Right, A-Cav in Turkey. Now, if she was smart, she would've sent Israel, because we literally do send police officers over there to train, so that would've been plausible.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  We ain't sending people to Turkey.

• 53:30Laci Mosley?

  We ain't sending nobody to Constantinople.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  Mm-mm.

• 53:32Laci Mosley?

  Okay? I don't know, okay, though. So she told him that while serving a warrant and looking for drugs in a Turkish cave, so while she's doing that, she's serving a warrant, she looking for drugs in a Turkish cave.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  She's spelunking for drugs.

• 53:45Laci Mosley?

  She's spelunking.

• 53:48Laci Mosley?

  You know how you be spelunking?

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just be spelunking for drugs.

• 53:51Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, as a, as a cop, as a regular cop. She went from traffic tickets to spelunking in Turkey for that dope, you know, as one does. So she said while she was doing this, she came across a treasure appraised for over five million dollars. I just want to know if buried treasure is a myth or if anybody, I know Sandy Jenkins, the fruitcake fraudster, he did try to bury some treasure near a lake before he got arrested by the F, the B, and the I, but I want to know if there is really treasure, because I don't know why y'all still fall for this. Is it movie propaganda?

• 54:20Speaker 01

  I gotta say, I feel like the people of Turkey would've found this by now. If there were five million dollars that existed somewhere in a cave in Turkey, I feel like they're on the case.

• 54:30Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  I, like, what is the, what are the odds that this fucking police officer stumbled upon five million dollars in a cave spelunking for drugs? Like, because you know if there were drugs in that cave, there were other people spelunking in that cave, who could've found that treasure. Found this treasure, what is she, in the Temple of Doom? Like, what ancient artifact is she stealing from the country of Turkey that's worth five million dollars?

• 54:56Laci Mosley?

  This is Indiana Jones right here, but she in Turkey, Turkeyana Jones. So, however, as always, there was a catch. If the Turkish government found out about the treasure, they would seize it because it was their own national treasure.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:10Laci Mosley?

  Isn't that a movie?

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's stealing the national, the Declaration of Independence right now.

• 55:16Laci Mosley?

  So she needed help smuggling the found treasure out of Turkey, fast, and she also had to do it fast, no reason why there's a rush, other than this is a scam. I told you all, when people put time constraints on stuff, again, just think, what if I was dead, okay? There's always 30 seconds to think about anything.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:33Laci Mosley?

  You got 30 seconds, give it, say it all out loud, it's not gonna make sense.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Read back the messages.

• 55:38Laci Mosley?

  So however, but she did send those news, the news probably popping. So however, as always, you know, there's this catch, right? So lucky for her, this honest man, Bartholomew, remember, the pillar of the community, did not have the shared brain cell that weekend, because remember she said her and this man, her daddy and this man, it was on loan, the dad had it. She said, I guess my dad was using it, the shared brain cell, L-O-S. See, you coming in, I don't even have to write the jokes, you got a whole set here. So she asked him for 5,000 Brazilian reais to ship the treasure out of the country through her diplomatic friend who promised to split the treasure with them.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Ooh, and now we got a third character coming in?

• 56:16Laci Mosley?

  We got a third character, diplomatic friend. You know how you just, you a cop, and then you go to Turkey, and you spelunk for drugs, and you also have a diplomatic friend? Now, the diplomatic friend can't just, they can't do this together, they leave him and his money to the diplomatic friend.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:32Laci Mosley?

  Because the friend ain't that diplomatic.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 56:34Laci Mosley?

  Okay, money make me diplomat.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:36Laci Mosley?

  Money make me dip. So it wasn't long until that friendly smuggling diplomat contacted him, however, to inform him that the treasure had been confiscated by customs, and that they needed an extra 7,000 Brazilian reais to bribe them into releasing the treasure.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  What's the exchange rate over there in Brazil? You know what, I don't care, it's a lot of money.

• 56:59Laci Mosley?

  Right, and then also, if it's in customs, so they're trying to bribe it out of customs, so they're not even talking about paying like a tariff or like a tax, they're saying like, or a VAT or anything, they're talking about, we need to bribe the customs people, and they're shady, and they're shady to the tune of exactly 7,000 USD. So, oh no, the treasure, Jezebel says. I cannot stress enough how much he did not have access to that one brain cell, because he once again dipped into his daughter's wedding fund, and sent 7,000 dollars.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Oh my god, this man.

• 57:29Laci Mosley?

  Then he came to my father, a 70-something-year-old man who had been using their shared brain cell to try and explain why vaccines are bad and healthy diet is all you need.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  My god.

• 57:41Laci Mosley?

  Just to brag about how savvy he was and how he'd make bank with his mistress. So Bart came to dumb dad who had the brain cell, who was currently injecting ivermectin, and said, I'm about to make so much money with my mistress, who I've never met, and also this diplomat, who I also have never met, who has asked me for a copious amounts of cash.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Are there cameras in here? Where are the cameras? I need to direct, where, where are the cameras?

• 58:08Laci Mosley?

  There are cameras, I will give you a camera, I will give you a camera.

• 58:14Laci Mosley?

  You're on.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  What, what is wrong?

• 58:18Speaker 01

  With these people.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  And that's the preview for the episode.

• 58:23Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 58:25Laci Mosley?

  Yes. I don't know what's wrong with these people and also just bragging about this. Y'all in y'all 70s. Like, y'all should have known better.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  My god, yeah.

• 58:32Laci Mosley?

  So it says, "My dad having possession of their shared brain cell, right, informed him that it was obviously a scam."

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Well, thank god for dad.

• 58:41Laci Mosley?

  Right. He, you know what? That cell is working. That's a strong brain cell. So Bartholomew insisted, however, that his girlfriend was real, like the Marieals. And when the diplomat friend contacted him again to ask him for, guess what? More money. My father picked up the phone and started asking questions. At this point, the diplomat, who had no problem communicating with Bartholomew in Portuguese, claimed, "He no hablo Portuguese."

• 59:06Speaker 01

  That's not right.

• 59:07Laci Mosley?

  So they're all Brazilian and they were speaking Portuguese before, but all of a sudden, he was like, "Langu- languish better."

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. That's a classic move when you're scamming somebody.

• 59:16Laci Mosley?

  No speaking English.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  I don't, I, no English.

• 59:19Laci Mosley?

  No English.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  No English. No other language either. No, no.

• 59:22Laci Mosley?

  No English, right?

• 59:24Laci Mosley?

  What I mean is no, no English. I don't want to speak English with you.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:27Laci Mosley?

  I'm gonna start using that. People will come after me on the street. No English. Like, in a perfect English accent. No English. No English.

• 59:36Laci Mosley?

  So finally, my dad's friend became convinced that the diplomat was a scammer, finally, but was convinced his mistress wasn't in on it. Mm, not bae. Not bae who sent me them titties. He immediately contacted her to tell her that he wanted to rescue her and ask her how this man was forcing her to participate in his scam.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  My god. Not misogynist on top of everything. Not believing that a woman could be capable.

• 1:00:00Laci Mosley?

  She's not smart enough for that.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  No. She's not smart enough to scam me out of however many dollars. She needs a man's help to do that.

• 1:00:06Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Honestly, run with this. I'm like, my dumb woman brain and my ovaries. My ovaries don't know how to run a conch.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  I forgot to speak Portuguese. I don't know how to speak it anymore.

• 1:00:18Laci Mosley?

  So keep in mind, he'd never verbally spoken with this woman. The whole affair was via text message and presumably stolen nudes.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  My god.

• 1:00:26Laci Mosley?

  So he didn't even hear her voice. She was like, "Hello."

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  They weren't FaceTiming? They were nothing?

• 1:00:31Laci Mosley?

  I mean, he's in his 70s. They don't really know how to do a FaceTime.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 1:00:36Laci Mosley?

  And that's, that's perfect because obviously a man knows what to say to get another man, like, interested and pretend to be a woman.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:00:45Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. So she hit him with a bunch of, "My love, what are you talking about?" nonsense. And after he begrudgingly admitted, she...

• 1:00:54Laci Mosley?

  Finally, after she was like, "Babe, what are you talking about? Babes, babes." He was like, "Okay, she's probably in on it. It took you too long, bro."

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, what a journey.

• 1:01:02Laci Mosley?

  He was so pissed and wanted to go to the police. My dad reminded him that before finding out it was all a scam, he believed he was helping her.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Commit a legal act.

• 1:01:14Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Scam a whole country.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Laci Mosley?

  And was willingly going along with it. Yeah, was sure. And you spy versus spy.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  You know what?

• 1:01:20Laci Mosley?

  You can't be like, "I was trying to do crime and then it turned out that the other criminal did crime on me. Arrest them."

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Our friend, Jezebel is it? I don't even know. Tanya, whatever we named her.

• 1:01:29Laci Mosley?

  Yes, Jezebel.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Kudos to her. What a foolproof plan. I need your help committing an illegal act.

• 1:01:36Laci Mosley?

  Oh, the scammer. We never named the mistress. Yeah, it's a love mistress. Tanya, Tanya.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Tanya is genius because the fact is, is she's right. Like, she asked him to do something, help her with something illegal.

• 1:01:47Laci Mosley?

  Illegal.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  He has no recourse now.

• 1:01:50Laci Mosley?

  Yep.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  He's been painted into this corner. He just out the money.

• 1:01:53Laci Mosley?

  Right, because it's not like, that's a good one.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Like, he, he ain't getting nothing.

• 1:01:57Laci Mosley?

  He ain't getting nothing but some text messages. Oh, Bartholomew.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Somebody Google image searched "hot Brazilian woman" and send those pictures to him.

• 1:02:06Laci Mosley?

  Bartholomew, you really got scammed. You paid the scammer man for scam texts? Like, really? Like, it's like that one tweet where somebody was like, "I can't believe y'all out here fucking the text man," or no, it was like, "I can't believe y'all out here fucking the weed man for weed." And then somebody retweeted it and was like, "I can't believe you out here fucking the text man for texts." Like, you fucking the text man for texts. You're not even fucking. You're literally giving your money away. And you're right. This is an advanced form of love fraud because not only are they stealing the money for you, they have made the intents and purposes of that money something illegal. So now your intent, it's not like they said, like, "Oh, I'm having a surgery," or "Oh, I'm doing this thing," and it's like, clear out love fraud. They're saying, "Participate in illegal activity with me." So now how do you go to the police?

• 1:02:49Laci Mosley?

  What's the legal recourse when you're like, "Okay, so I was trying to rob a bank."

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Laci Mosley?

  But then these other bank robbers got there first.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  I was trying to, I was trying to, national security, steal the Declaration of Independence of Turkey, and I, apparently it turned out to be a scam. I'm sorry, but I need your help.

• 1:03:06Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I need your help to get my money back for the crime I was trying to commit.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Laci Mosley?

  We invested a lot in those guns and those ski masks. We watched, set it off 12 times. And I just feel personally robbed when I was trying to do the robbing.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Exactly. I set my car on fire and now I need a new one. Like...

• 1:03:22Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I did arson, but the insurance didn't really work out because they were scamming me. So, no, you can't, you're involved in crime now, so you can't do anything. So obviously, he can't go to the police with this. They would immediately lock him up, Jezebel says. So Bart starts backtracking. No, he wasn't trying to steal anything. He's an honest man. He didn't think of it as smuggling. Finders keepers, yadda, yadda, yadda.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  You 77, you're goddamn years old. You know what smuggling is, my friend.

• 1:03:48Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, that's one of y'all's terms, okay? Like, with hootenanny, you know? Like, that's one of y'all's old school terms. You definitely know what smuggling is, okay? It's like calling somebody a harlot. You know those words. That's from your generation. So the best part of it is that the scam kept happening.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  No, I thought we were almost done.

• 1:04:06Laci Mosley?

  We are. The lady has claimed more, like, two more victims in the same town, last I heard. And honestly, I stan, says Jezebel.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  I kind of stan too, because here's the thing, like, it... He had every opportunity.

• 1:04:24Laci Mosley?

  Every.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  Not a one alarm bell went off. This is a teaching moment for this man. He's, he's ending, he's nearing the end of his life. Now, I, I hope he's not cleaned out. I hope he has retirement. I hope he can live.

• 1:04:37Laci Mosley?

  Well, the funny part of it is, Robert, his daughter's wedding. He's a pillar in the community.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my god, his daughter's wedding!

• 1:04:42Laci Mosley?

  His daughter's wedding.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  His daughter's wedding.

• 1:04:44Laci Mosley?

  Put a balloon budget out the window. Cake budget.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Have fun at the buca de beppo, sweetheart, because that's about all you're gonna be able to afford now. Because your dad's sending this Brazilian money. I cannot believe this. I have, I have no sympathy for this man.

• 1:04:59Laci Mosley?

  They say you get married at the Olive Garden because when you're here, you're family.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  I have, I have sympathy for the daughter. I have sympathy, uh, but that's pretty much it. Because quite frankly, like, I don't understand what happens to a man. I, I don't, listen, I'm getting older. I'm pushing 40. I get what it's like to be getting older, to feel less desirable, to want that attention.

• 1:05:19Laci Mosley?

  Do you, Joel?

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  To want it so badly.

• 1:05:22Laci Mosley?

  That was so nice of him.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  We established.

• 1:05:23Laci Mosley?

  Now you sound like a nepo baby. He's a genetic nepo baby.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  There are no cameras in this room.

• 1:05:28Laci Mosley?

  I know how it feels to be one of those, those ugly people.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  No, I'm just saying, like, listen, once you hit 40, it's like, you know, it's game over.

• 1:05:36Laci Mosley?

  You're gonna keep getting hotter.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  But the fact is, is...

• 1:05:38Laci Mosley?

  It's not fair.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  We've established there's no cameras in the room, so no one can say otherwise.

• 1:05:41Laci Mosley?

  Then you're gonna see photos when I drop them.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  These, these men are desperate. These men are desperate and they are so willing to go along with just an ounce of love. And this is another problem is, and I don't...

• 1:05:52Laci Mosley?

  But he got a whole wife. What you mean an ounce? He literally got a gallon.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  I forgot about the wife! I forgot about the wife! Oh, my god, no sympathy.

• 1:06:00Laci Mosley?

  He got a gallon of love at home.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  No fucking sympathy.

• 1:06:03Laci Mosley?

  Because it may apply to somebody else.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  I got too distracted.

• 1:06:06Laci Mosley?

  So, yeah, so the woman is still around here, right, doing this scam? And he had a wife. He had a gallon of love at home.

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  And what happened to this wife?

• 1:06:15Laci Mosley?

  So anyways, Bartholomew, this is Jezebel talking, became desperate to cover up the money he lost before his wife found out because she was this real, like, she was like, real close to kicking him out. And he asked my dad for advice. So again, they swapping that one brain cell. He was like, "Toss it back to me, bro." Catch. I'm wide open. I need the brain cell. Through their conversation, he decided to make up the difference from the church. He runs.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  No!

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:06:48Laci Mosley?

  So the conversation with your dad, Jezebel, they came up with the ingenious plan. You know what?

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Let's just embezzle from the church. Let's just embezzle from the church.

• 1:06:58Laci Mosley?

  I mean, his standing as a pillar is already gone.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  I'm gonna need y'all to tithe 30% this month, uh, because there is a man pretending to be a Brazilian woman that's, that conned me.

• 1:07:09Laci Mosley?

  Coned in the community, y'all.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Um, so I think it's what God wants, that he wants you to tithe double to triple.

• 1:07:16Laci Mosley?

  The sermon just started getting weird. He was like, "Okay, God told me it's a flood coming, so we will be needing 50% tithes this week, okay? Because we're gonna build the ark."

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Heg. Heg for this man. I hope this woman leaves him. I hope that, like, he, I, I, you know, and I do hope that he learns his lesson, and I hope that the lesson that he's learned is that you are 77 years old. There ain't no world where a Brazilian woman wants you for anything but your money and you have a whole ass wife at home, who you have built a life with, have a daughter with, who is probably sitting there wondering, like, "I would have loved this man forever till the ends of the earth, and this is how he treats me?" He deserves nothing.

• 1:08:01Laci Mosley?

  Nothing. But here's the thing, though. So it's a quadruple scam now, Jezebel says. Scamming Turkey out of the treasure, scamming his sweet wife, scamming his daughter's wedding fund, and finally scamming the church fund. Oof, problematic. That is where it is. So we don't know if this man was ever caught. I feel as though she is snitching because she learned all of this from her father.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  Probably.

• 1:08:22Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel learned this from her father.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  And here's what I need Jezebel to do. You need to write an anonymous letter to that church because that, that is not a man who should be leading a church.

• 1:08:30Laci Mosley?

  Yes. And like, oh, lordy Jesus. But also, like, if I'm the daughter, like, I mean, I guess that the wedding fund was replenished by the church. I don't know where the money came from.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Right. And the thing is, is this is kind of like the best kind of juicy gossip drama-like scam because you are so far removed from it. You're like three degrees separated from the actual drama that it is like, what an amazing story to tell at a party.

• 1:08:56Laci Mosley?

  Right. This is a great story, Jezebel.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  And it affects you exactly 0%.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  And it's just, it's so, like, to have, to be that proximal to this level of drama, what a gift from God. Now, she is a woman of God, because God has blessed her.

• 1:09:12Laci Mosley?

  Blessed you for sending this in. We send all the blessings your way.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:16Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but I mean, again, check on your older relatives. They don't need to be out here meeting people online.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Take the phone away. Take the phone away.

• 1:09:26Laci Mosley?

  There's some people who are still on dating apps, but I feel like it's just because it's like they want to do penetrations with people. I don't really know a lot of people who are looking for love on dating apps anymore. It was like a big boost for a while, and now it's kind of tapering off to like, oh, are you five miles away? Or are you a mile away? Like, oh, I'm trying to go out.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  It's all very GPS focused now.

• 1:09:45Laci Mosley?

  Yes, yes. It's not about, I mean, when I was looking to date people on the apps, I was still GPS focused. If you lived in Pasadena, I'm like, oh, bitch, what is this? Are we in some kind of fucking Nancy Meyers movie? I'm gonna write you a letter or some shit. You know how much traffic there is?

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  Some guy messaged me in Venice the other day. I live on the east side, and I was like, see you never. I will go to San Francisco before I go to Venice. I'm sorry.

• 1:10:04Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, that's a long distance relationship. What do you mean?

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  I live near the Burbank airport. Depending on what time I leave, I can get door to door to San Francisco faster than I can get to Venice.

• 1:10:12Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Listen, I, I don't even know how much Post Forever stamps are right now, okay? I'm not doing that with you. Because we're certainly not driving. No, what about drive? Stay at your house?

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  I'm gonna lose.

• 1:10:22Laci Mosley?

  How do I get back home?

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  I don't have that many podcasts to listen to, okay?

• 1:10:27Laci Mosley?

  No one does.

• 1:10:30Laci Mosley?

  I'm watching full-length movies in my car. Like, bitch, the fuck?

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  I love it when the Uber drivers have like their phone up and there's clearly YouTube playing, and I'm like, I don't feel like you should be watching that.

• 1:10:40Laci Mosley?

  One of my best friends does that. Like, she, she would drive from Philly to Pittsburgh. It's like a six-hour drive. It's like across the state. But she would like watch full television programs and movies and stuff. And I was like, ah, all right.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Well, let me know next time she's on the road, and...

• 1:10:56Laci Mosley?

  Listen, that's better than LA drivers. I see people fully like phone up to the face, like fully in their phone as the vehicle is operating. And I'm like, why are y'all? Come on now.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  I saw a man driving the other day. He was leaning over, driving. He had one hand on the wheel, and he was leaning over to get, to like adjust his right side mirror, because it was like stuck. And I was like, baby, pull over. You're in the middle, like you're in the middle of driving, and you're leaned fully over to the passenger side seat to reach out the window, to push. And I was like, it ain't that serious. Pull the fuck over.

• 1:11:32Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  Get in that Wendy's parking lot and do it there.

• 1:11:35Laci Mosley?

  And I'm gonna leave you guys with this, um, on the driving note, which is completely irrelevant to what we were talking about, but I don't care. I had a friend, like, I think, I don't know if you know her, but she had posted on Facebook, this was like years ago, and I still think about it. She was like, guys, you really need to get off your phone when you're driving. Like, anything that you're looking at can wait. Remember when I say, what if I'm dead? Okay? Ask yourself that. What if you're dead? You're not gonna get that email right now. You're not gonna get that text right now. What if you're dead? Just drive. And I was looking at my phone, and there was like some important email coming in, and I was finding myself like on the 405 about to like read it. And I was like, I thought about what she said, and I put my phone down. And when I put my phone down and I looked up, there was a truck in front of me that had, it was like one of those beat

• 1:12:16Laci Mosley?

  down pickup trucks, like definitely somebody who does like, um, contract work.

• 1:12:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I was gonna say math. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:23Laci Mosley?

  That too. You know, you gotta stay up. You gotta stay awake when you building them houses. And so, on the back of the truck was all of these like windows, like glass windows that you like install in the house. But like, it was a bunch of them stacked up on the flatbed of this pickup truck. And it's like one of those smaller kind of rinky-dink pickup

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  Final Destination tees.

• 1:12:43Laci Mosley?

  Literally. Like, so they had strapped down with some rope or something. I was like, let me get out of this lane. Tell me why when I got out of that lane, the window started flying off the back of the truck into traffic.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  Final Destination tees. Oh my God.

• 1:12:57Laci Mosley?

  No, don't say that, because I mean, the window man gonna come back for me.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're the, you're the main character. You're the main character. You survive. You survive.

• 1:13:05Laci Mosley?

  I'm scared of so many windows in here. But yeah, so y'all, just look up from your phone. You don't, you can, whatever it is, remember, what if I'm dead? Somebody ask you for money? What if I'm dead?

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  I am taking that away from me today in such a real way, a real powerful way. What if I'm dead?

• 1:13:20Laci Mosley?

  Like, what would you do then? You would find another solution. That's how I get rid of the guilt. When somebody asks me to do something that I don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing, instead of feeling that external pressure and doing it anyway, which is what I would do when I was younger, now I'm just like, what if I was dead? They would have to figure this out. So, they would figure it out either way. I wouldn't be dead.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  The stakes can't be that high. If, if I'm dead and they find somebody to do it, then the stakes can't be that high.

• 1:13:44Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  You know? The only way you do it is if you say, what if I were dead? And then you say, oh, well, there's no one else for the job. I gotta do it. Like, there's, like, I am actually uniquely qualified to do this if I were dead.

• 1:13:56Laci Mosley?

  And no one else is.

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  If I were dead, this person would be fucked. I guess I'll do it.

• 1:14:00Laci Mosley?

  And there's very few things where that happens. So, just keep that in mind, guys. So, Joel, we reached the end of the show. We always ask here, where would you like to be found? Anything you want to plug? Social media, people can watch you. Be amazing.

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  I am blessedly off Twitter now, but you can still find me on Instagram, unfortunately. It's at I Hate Joel Kim. That's where all my dates are. Everything that I'm promoting, that I'm doing, uh, uh, work-wise is on there. I hate it. I'm only on there because I have to be, but you can still find me. I Hate Joel Kim.

• 1:14:29Laci Mosley?

  I Hate Joel Kim.

• 1:14:29Speaker 01

  Listen to Bad Dates. It comes out every Monday. Um, and check out Loot, which will be coming out later this year. Seasons one and two are streaming on Apple. And you can check out Love Hotel on Bravo on April 27.

• 1:14:41Laci Mosley?

  I can't wait to see you, ho. I'm turning it on. And as always, y'all can find me at D I V A L A C I D, Lacy on all platforms. I have a mask, so I am still on Twitter. Scam Goddess. If you want to see photos or anything we pulled up, if you want to get your fake Android phone so you can stop getting your phone stolen, uh, you can see that on our page as well. It's Scam Goddess Pod on Instagram. You can pick up my book, Scam Goddess, or get the audiobook, wherever the books are procured, babes. And then you can stream all the episodes of Scam Goddess, the television show, on Hulu. You can also stream Going Dutch on Hulu as well. So, get into one of these things that I'm slanging, honey.

• 1:15:18Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am.

• 1:15:19Laci Mosley?

  Yes. The congregation, y'all get out there and y'all stay resurrected, okay? Imagine yourself dead, when you don't want to do something, and then resurrect yourself again when that person figures it out on their own, okay?

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  Amen, amen.

• 1:15:32Laci Mosley?

  Hey, Scam. Scam Goddess. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros, and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming. Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años, y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas. Y después de hablar con mi médico

• 1:16:15Laci Mosley?

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• 1:16:28Laci Mosley?

  Okay. Laundry stinks. Literally. I mean, you could just keep buying new underwear. Not that I've ever done that. Or maybe sort your clothes into piles based on how re-wearable or filthy they are. Or just use Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. It's made for real life stinks and stains. So even if you don't do laundry the quote "right way," Deep Clean will knock it out. I mean, it is from the number one liquid detergent brand that tackles more loads than any other. Come clean with Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. Number one claim based on total wash loads sold.

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• 1:19:10Speaker 02

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