Armchair Anonymous: Camping

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy camping story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Your favorite topic, your favorite activity, camping.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  I don't love it.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I need to go in a tent. The bus life is fun, but having this prompt made me realize, no, I need to unzip that thing in the morning, crawl out. You're like, ah, fuck, I just woke up in a plastic bag.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  But then you're like, oh, let's make some coffee. And then everything just starts getting better and better and better.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Now, have you gone tent camping since you stopped drinking?

• 0:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  You have?

• 0:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. Okay.

• 0:36Dax Shepard?

  Not a ton. You're right. Drinking helps.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  It helps.

• 0:39Dax Shepard?

  Camping so much.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  It helps.

• 0:41Dax Shepard?

  It's almost one of those activities where it's like, is there an activity of drinking? Like snowmobiling. They tried to crack down on drinking and riding snowmobiles in the northern Michigan and Wisconsin. I'm like, guys, you're not gonna have an activity.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  It's all connecto.

• 0:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is crazy camping stories and they deliver. Please enjoy crazy camping. We get support from Quince.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 1:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:52Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:00Dax Shepard?

  And he looks iconic.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 2:03Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully Design furniture, you can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:21Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that too.

• 2:57Speaker 01

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• 3:09Dax Shepard?

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• 3:23Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 3:27Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 3:45Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.

• 4:30Dax Shepard?

  Hi Emmy.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:32Dax Shepard?

  How are you?

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I'm great. How are you guys?

• 4:34Dax Shepard?

  Good. Where are you at?

• 4:35Speaker 02

  I'm in Ontario, Canada.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  Beautiful. London, Toronto. Where are we at?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  I live in Orangeville. It's just a small town, maybe an hour and a half north of Toronto.

• 4:48Dax Shepard?

  En route to Muskoka?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Kind of a bypass, but yeah, it's sort of on the way.

• 4:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And have you spent any time on those lakes?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, we've been up there a few times, camping, topical camping.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Camping, ding ding ding.

• 5:00Dax Shepard?

  Ding ding ding.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. I have friends with cottages up in that area too. So yeah, spent a lot of time up there.

• 5:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you Canadians got that figured out, lake life. So where does your camping story take place? Tell us.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  My camping story takes place in Grundy Lake. It's an Ontario provincial park. That's maybe two hours north of Muskoka. It's a little ways up. This takes place around 15 years ago. So my husband, then boyfriend, in June will have been together for 18 years.

• 5:28Dax Shepard?

  Congrats. You seem very young to have been with someone for 18 years.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I get that a lot. We started dating when I was 17. Our wedding anniversary is January 2nd.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:40Dax Shepard?

  That's a peculiar day to get married, no?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  We were gonna try and do a New Year's wedding, but nobody would take us because they're all booked up. So we were like, well, the 2nd is a Saturday. So as much as I feel like you complain about people not loving your birthday, like we made people go to a wedding on January 2nd.

• 5:57Dax Shepard?

  After they just quit drinking.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  But I love that because then it's like we're starting off the year with a party.

• 6:02Dax Shepard?

  That's nice.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  And love. That's nice because beginning of January can be tough mentally.

• 6:07Dax Shepard?

  Also, if one of your resolutions is like, get married, you knock that out on day two.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. His name's Nolan. So when we met, he was super into camping. I had done some trips, but not a ton. So he really got me into it. He was more of like a portage guy.

• 6:21Dax Shepard?

  Is that with canoeing?

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like you would put all your food in a barrel and you have your backpack and you canoe in.

• 6:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Cool.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I had done a couple of trips like in Ungonquin and we had done things like that before. But in this particular case, we were going to Grundy, so it's car camping. So you would drive up and park your car on the site, right? And you set up your tent and away you go. So we were used to food barrel, string up your stuff in a tree, absolutely isolate everything from animals because when you're further north, you have to worry more about the wildlife. So we were kind of more in line with that. But then when you go car camping, you're basically only as tidy as your nearest neighbor. So you can't do a whole heck of a lot there. We've been camping and we've seen like raccoons eating hot dogs at the picnic table next to us.

• 7:04Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure. You're describing Michigan camping perfectly. We always drive right to the spot. You wake up, there's raccoons everywhere. There's empty bags from the hot dog buns that they got into.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Exactly. So in this particular case, we were there for a couple of days and it was really beautiful. We hadn't been there yet and lots of really great hiking, amazing swimming. It was like really typical Canadian Shield, like a group of seven painting. It was so beautiful. We had done a lot of hiking and we had noticed a lot more animal signs than we had expected, given that it was a car campsite.

• 7:33Dax Shepard?

  What kind of animals are up there? What do we gotta be nervous about?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Not so much moose in that area, but you'd be more thinking about bears.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  No wolves?

• 7:41Speaker 02

  I don't think so. Maybe like there's tons of coyotes around here, but they're not really gonna do much.

• 7:45Dax Shepard?

  Right, although we did hear that crazy coyote story and it was in Toronto or suburb.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  A lady got killed.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  What?

• 7:51Dax Shepard?

  It was like some kind of weird hybrid, wasn't it, of a coyote? Wolf coyote.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  No, that was a story we heard. Is that what you're talking about?

• 7:58Dax Shepard?

  It was in Armchair Anonymous.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Oh, I know, but then also we looked up a coyote did kill some.

• 8:02Dax Shepard?

  Once. Oh, once, one time in the history of coyotes in California. The person might already been dead, but anyways.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Anyhow.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  They eat a lot of dogs. Like if you have your dog in your backyard around here, you have to be careful, stuff like that. But yeah, it was one particular day. We had already been there a bit and it had been raining all day. And so we were kind of cooped up under our tarp. And then it cleared up and we thought, okay, let's go down to the water. Let's enjoy the scenery. It was a gorgeous sunset. We wanted to watch the stars because there's no light pollution in that area. So we went down. Down to the beach area just by our campsite and we were kind of hanging on this rock and it was just like big kind of sweeping rock that went down into the water scenery all around and it was gorgeous. And then at one point while we were laying there, we could kind of hear some rustling in the bushes beside us. Nolan was like, what was that? And he was kind of freaking out about it. I should tell you too. He's insufferable when it comes to like camping and wildlife.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Whenever we would go places, he would sleep with a 12 inch knife. He would have like an axe in case like something happened.

• 9:01Dax Shepard?

  Borderline paranoid.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  But he likes it, which is interesting.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  I know. It's like he wants it. So I just was like, shh, it's nothing. Leave it alone. And then it's kind of rustling a little more and he's like, no, Em, like, I think that's actually properly something. And I'm like, you need to relax and chill because you're ruining my experience. Stop it.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  And so at some point he goes, stand up. And like before I could even really react, he had like grabbed me by the scruff of my back and had like hoisted me up to a standing position. And I kind of looked over and a meter and a half away from in the bush is this huge bear.

• 9:40Dax Shepard?

  And Monica, a meter is three feet. That's the length of our coffee table here. Describe for me how big this bear is.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  What color?

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Black bear. It was not small.

• 9:50Dax Shepard?

  Bigger than a Newfoundland?

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Oh, definitely. Yeah, 100%.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. So a Newfoundland's a 200 pound dog, Monica. Okay.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Monica, three feet.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Do you know how about weights and measures?

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Dax is an honorary Canadian.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Anyway, so the rest of the story, it has to be from his point of view because honestly I blacked out. I don't remember any of it. What Nolan says is that I stood up and like saw the bear and then he said that it was like the Road Runner legs. He said that my feet went so fast and I just started sprinting as like fast as I could.

• 10:24Dax Shepard?

  Big no-no.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  You're supposed to play dead or freeze.

• 10:26Dax Shepard?

  Running is Monica, when you sprint away from.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  You're not supposed to do that and that's exactly what I did. I knew not to do that. I've watched Bear Girls and like I know about these things and I had been camping and I knew that, but like my flight response.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. Sometimes your body takes over.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Who can be thinking in those moments?

• 10:43Dax Shepard?

  You don't know how you're gonna react in any situations until you're in them. You think you can model it out and then you gotta be in them.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  I ran and then because I ran, the bear was chasing me.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Yes. Oh, my God.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  And then Nolan started chasing the bear.

• 10:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  And was like trying to like get it to like stop chasing me. You know, he like threw some stuff on it and he eventually kind of got in between me and the bear and he started doing what you're supposed to do, which was clapping and like, whoa, bear. And it stopped. I don't think it wanted to eat me. We probably startled it.

• 11:11Dax Shepard?

  Again, you both triggered both of your instincts, which is like, the bear just knows to chase anything that runs away from him. It doesn't even have to think about it.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I just went sprinting and it chased. So it stopped and then Nolan chased it back.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  I don't know how he did this.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  He was just waiting for his opportunity. Like, he was ready.

• 11:29Dax Shepard?

  This is what I'm always training for, Monica.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Oh my god, do you think he like paid for this? Like, this is a service you can do?

• 11:36Dax Shepard?

  Platinum experience.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  So yeah, I chased it up the tree and it was kind of hanging up there. And then the first thing that I actually remember was that he grabbed my forearm and he was like, stop running. He grabbed me to stop. And then I saw the bear, my legs turned to jello and I fell over because I was like so...

• 11:53Dax Shepard?

  Overadrenalized, yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  It was freaky. So the bear went back up the tree and then we were like, okay, we got to get back to our campsite. But now this bear is up in the tree that we need to pass to get back to our campsite.

• 12:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh boy.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  And we were like, well, it chased me once. I don't know, maybe it'll chase me again. So we just backtracked basically around the other way to get back to the campsite and thinking, you know, okay, we'll go back. But then on our way back, we saw two more bears.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ!

• 12:19Speaker 02

  One was further up on the trail and it kind of scooted across in front of us. And then we saw another one like in the periphery of a campsite. So we're like, we're out, we're not doing this anymore. So we got back to the site and we packed up our sleeping bags and we just slept in the RAV4 that night because we were like, I'm not sleeping inside anymore.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  We packed up and we drove home. I think we had another night we were supposed to spend and we were like, no, it's not happening. We're not doing it.

• 12:45Dax Shepard?

  Nolan had fulfilled his fantasies. Like, I don't need a round two of this. I've got enough to brag about. I don't need to press my luck.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Well, that's exactly it. For years and years and years, he was like insufferable and he was so annoying and we would be like, stop. And he got vindicated in it, which is so annoying.

• 13:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's got the leverage now for life, probably.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Well, for a little bit. Couple of years.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  He was even remarking how the couple nights before, as we were walking back, he was like, I told you that I heard something and like, that was probably a bear. And I'm like, okay.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  I kind of understand that because then he had to get in the middle. He almost got mauled.

• 13:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, I gotta applaud Nolan when he was met with this situation.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did the right thing.

• 13:27Dax Shepard?

  By the way, I would argue his response was probably heavily weighted by you being there. Him on his own, I don't know that he exhibits this kind of chasing a bear.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  He's pretty intense like that. Like we've had situations where like not necessarily same animals. Like if a dog is running in the park towards him, he's like, yeah, I'll just put out my foot and kick. Like he's not the kind of guy who would run away. If my response is flight, his is definitely fight.

• 13:49Dax Shepard?

  Ah, that's a good pair.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 13:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you found each other.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I left him to die. Didn't even think about him for one second.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  When you walked back and you walked by the other two bears, like you just walked right by it?

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Well, we were sketchy about it, but the one that we saw, like we were walking and it just like skirted across the trail. And we're like, well, the whole thing was very heightened. I've talked to people who go there all the time. They're like, I have no idea what you're talking about. We've never really encountered and it definitely is bear country. And they're probably super used to humans, especially in that general area, but we have not been back.

• 14:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, listen, if it had been a brown bear, we're not talking to Emmy.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Right?

• 14:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Remember the brown bear story? That guy was hunting moose and those things are fucking gnarly.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  I think there are brown bears in Ontario. I think you have to go a lot further north to really get involved with them. They're definitely around here. Like they're not far from where I live either, but they're not coming into where people are.

• 14:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I saw footage on Instagram two days ago. Pretty certain it was an AI. Yeah. And there's a guy in a four wheeler driving down a trail and he came around a corner. There's this two fucking brown bears, like 1,200 pounders. The way they ran right up to the four wheeler and hit it and then backed up. It was the scariest approach I've ever seen. Like the way they run when you're looking at them is fucking terrifying.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I wouldn't go anywhere where there's brown bears. We've had lots of moose encounter in like Algonquin and they're pretty chill if you don't get in their way.

• 15:14Dax Shepard?

  They're dangerous moose, but not intentionally, right? They don't see you until they're on top of you.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Deer are.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  We did get trapped one time in like a river inlet because there was a mom moose and like a baby on either side. And we had to just hang out there for like an hour because like you wouldn't cut them off, right?

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I don't know enough and like, oh.

• 15:33Dax Shepard?

  And Monica, have you ever seen a moose in real life?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  I feel like it.

• 15:37Dax Shepard?

  They're impossibly big. They're so tall.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, they'll be standing in the water and you see them and then they kind of come out on the bank and you're like, oh my gosh, they're 12 feet tall.

• 15:46Dax Shepard?

  And I think they can get up to 1800 pounds. I told you this story where Uncle Grandpa and I, Tom Hanson, were in his backyard in Wyoming and we're just shooting the shit and we're letting the dogs out and there's only like eight feet between him and the lake behind him and he's facing me and it's night and then all of a sudden, just the whole background behind him changes to black and a moose is running through the backyard and just went between the gap of him and the lake. Tom's like, oh my God, what was that? And I'm like, dude, a fucking bull just ran behind you. You were almost gone. Let's go camping.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  I'm good.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  We still camp all the time. We're super pro camping. Like we have a five year old and we take him out. He loves it, but we definitely don't go to those areas because I think Nolan wouldn't sleep at all.

• 16:32Dax Shepard?

  He'd have to have a machine gun with him or something. And then doing the canoeings still, the portage?

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Gosh, we haven't done that for years and years and years. It's kind of one of those things where the joy in it is maybe like the peace and the tranquility. Some people go hard, but with a five year old, it kind of sounds like my worst nightmare.

• 16:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's really lovely meeting you.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Lovely to talk to you guys too. Thanks a lot for hearing my story.

• 16:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, tell Nolan we say thanks for his role in this. Because without him, we have no account of what the fuck you did.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  He's the best. We love him.

• 17:03Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. Oh my God, your best friend's calling.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Callie?

• 17:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Maybe it's about the time she saw Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on a camping trip.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  And kept it quiet until now.

• 17:17Dax Shepard?

  Callie.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  I am Callie, yes.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Callie is an important name to me. My best friend's name is Callie.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  Spelled the same?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  No, she spells with a K.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Understood.

• 17:28Dax Shepard?

  Have you met a lot of Callies in your travels?

• 17:30Speaker 03

  I have not met a lot of Callies, but people do like to say, like California, what is it short for? Or they tell me that they had a cat when they were a kid named Callie. Every time I say, well, was it a calico cat? And the answer is. Always yes.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  And where are you, Kelly?

• 17:49Speaker 03

  I am in Plano, Texas. I guess we call it a suburb of Dallas, but it feels like it has all the things. It's grown so much.

• 17:56Dax Shepard?

  I was there last year with my best friend, Aaron Weekly, at a Sprouts or a Total Wine.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  We have both of those. I'm telling you, we have everything.

• 18:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Plano's where it's at.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  So Plano, Texas, that's not where the story takes place. So October 2014, my husband and I had been married about a year and a half at this time, living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and my older brother and sister-in-law, who lived in Oklahoma City, they decided, along with us, to buy tickets to a concert in St. Louis. And we were going to make like a whole road trip of it. But being the young, not wealthy, poor married couples that we were, we decided we would go camping for the first night to like save on the hotel room. So we had figured out campgrounds at the Miramax Caverns in Missouri, about an hour outside of St. Louis.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  And so we kind of picked that place out ahead of time and we all packed into our 2007 Toyota Prius that we had at the time. Feel like it's worth a small pause because I just want to put in the detail that my brother is like six foot seven. And so I just want you to get the full picture of four grown adults in the Prius for six hours.

• 19:05Dax Shepard?

  With camping gear as well.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Yes, of course.

• 19:15Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics.

• 19:56Dax Shepard?

  Everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is. Come find me all in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace.com slash DAX for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice, quick getaway location. And I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it?

• 20:34Dax Shepard?

  Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I go see my stepdad when he's working out there. The weather is perfect in fall, warm, sunny, no humidity. And you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Saguaro. And then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip.

• 21:13Dax Shepard?

  What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  It really is the perfect fall reset.

• 21:27Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwind in scottsdale.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or Set weekly deadlines, you move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics.

• 22:12Dax Shepard?

  They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit walden.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head

• 22:57Dax Shepard?

  always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 23:23Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 23:38Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  So we made it to the Miramet caverns and had a short hike, ate over the fire. We're up late talking and drinking around the fire. At some point, my sister-in-law and I decided that we were tired. So we went into the tent like this is very legitimate tent camping. We're not in a cabin or an RV. It's not glamping.

• 24:37Dax Shepard?

  Do you have two two-man tents or do you have one four-person tent?

• 24:41Speaker 03

  I have one four-person, which again, sort of like the Toyota Prius. It's like you can fit four people and zero other things and you must lay very near each other. My sister-in-law and I go to bed and we leave my brother and husband up finishing visiting. And this is 2014 after all, so none of us have really great cameras on our phones. But many of us have bought a Canon and believe that they are professional photographers. Oh, yeah. They're up late and they have their telescope and their time lapse and they're looking at the stars and trying to take amazing photos.

• 25:22Dax Shepard?

  They're nerdy now.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're having their astronomy course out there and we are already passed out of the tent. At some point in the night, they get tired and also come to the tent and go to sleep. And then I don't know what time it is now. I happen to know it was around 2:00 AM, but at the time, I don't know what time it is. I just know that I wake up to a sound. Something that also palls on is my older brother and I have sort of similar personalities. And there's a bit of like anxiety mixed in there, like a heightened awareness of danger. And so I wake up and I hear a sound that I realize is sirens in the distance.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  And so I'm awake and I see that across the tent, my brother and my sister-in-law and my husband, they're all still asleep. So I sit up and the sirens are kind of getting louder. And this campground where we are at is actually, I don't know if we can call it a mountain. Probably like some kind of foothills. Okay. I don't know the geography of Missouri super well, but there's a mountain-esque thing and you're going down switchbacks. So sure, we're familiar with like, you don't just go straight down a mountain. You're doing the back and forth to kind of cut the elevation easily. And so I start hearing sirens, but also there's like

• 26:44Speaker 03

  an engine, but it's not a constant engine. It's like revving, like it's really loud and then it cuts. And I realized that it's like somebody driving very quickly down these switchbacks and they're rubbing the engine every time they make it around one of the turns. At this point, I sort of noticed that my brother was awake and I hear that it sounds like there's two engines and there's sirens. And so I looked at my brother, we're both sitting up now, of course, our spouses. They are more of the balance us out type. I can't say that my husband is laid back in any way because that is certainly not the case, but definitely not jumping to the worst case scenario. So my brother and I, so we happen to be the ones that are awake, my brother and I. And I looked at him and I said,

• 27:25Speaker 03

  is that not a fucking police chase coming down the mountainside?

• 27:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  He starts looking out the little netted windows. Kind of a foggy night this night, but we've got headlights and we've got flashing police lights he's seeing. And so we start to wake up my husband and sister-in-law and the way that this camp ground is set up is it's down these switchbacks. And when you get to the bottom of the switchbacks, it's just simple state campgrounds. And so there's like a gravel oval and tent spots and there's RV spots. We happen to be the only ones that were tent camping. Um, it wasn't super busy and there was a couple of RVs like a little further away from us. The Miramac River is just maybe about. Fifteen or twenty yards from our tent, like it's just right over there and you can hear

• 28:15Speaker 03

  the water trickling all through the night. And so these headlights are coming down. When they get down there, all there is is the campground. It's the only thing the road leads to. And so, okay, I think it's time to wake them up. So we go to wake them up. Their first thing is doubt, like, oh, sure, guys, I'm sure it is definitely a police chase coming down the mountain because y'all don't tend to jump to these worst case scenarios or anything. So they were kind of doubting. And then about that time, the car is now in the campground, police cars chasing it. My brother has fully stepped out of the tent at this time and is like watching it. And he's like, guys, we ought to go down past the RVs. The police chase has ended now. Then we've got more deputies like showing up. They've turned their sirens off. There's lots of shouting. And

• 28:57Speaker 03

  it is at this time that it becomes very evident that we have a foot chase on our hands.

• 29:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  We don't know what this person has done. We just know that they've been chased directly down the way from us. So we decide that we need to get in the car and we need to get in the car quickly. And so we're trying to hurry, get our shoes on and everything. And about the time that all four of us are outside of the tent, you can hear splashing in the water. And this is the river that has been completely calm, just like a peaceful trickle all night is suddenly splashing. And so we're like, oh, my gosh, he's in the water. He's just right there. He's in the water. And of course, you're not thinking that it's a drunk driver. You're thinking that this is a hardened violence criminal.

• 29:39Dax Shepard?

  Fleeing a murder scene.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Yes, absolutely. We are now really trying to get to the car and we all get in the Prius and lock the doors. And my husband turns it on and hits the gas.

• 29:49Dax Shepard?

  It's an emasculating thing to hide in. And so you're already hiding, but you're also hiding in a Prius.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  All of us are in the Prius and he's hitting the gas and nothing's happening. And so this is like exactly like a scary movie at this point. You're all completely screaming. The fog has set in. So the headlights are putting in the fog. I don't know the science behind it, but the air outside is chilly and there's four big upset, heavy breathing individuals in the car. And so the windows are fogging on the inside. Oh, Jesus Christ. Anything. Why is the Car not working. It felt long, of course, but probably like forty seconds of this, like he doesn't know what's wrong. He reaches down and he finds that the tripod from them being professional photographers the night before, he had put it in the car before he went to bed, put the camera and the tripod away.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  And it was on the floorboard of the driver's feet and it was up against the brake. Well, since this was a Toyota Prius, you're not hearing an engine revving and thinking, oh, something must be on the brake. Nothing's happening. Like the electric engine isn't engaging because the brake is fully pressed down.

• 30:54Dax Shepard?

  You gotta push the brake to turn it on, maybe even too. I think with the Prius, you gotta like have your foot, the brakes gotta be depressed for the engine to turn on.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  If we weren't in a panicked moment, perhaps he'd have noticed the tripod all along, trying to put his feet down there. But so after like forty five seconds, finally he rips that thing and we decide like, okay, we just, we leave the campgrounds for now and on our way out of like the gate, we tell the police, hey, because they set up like a checkpoint and everything, hey, we think he was in the river, like right by our tent over there. And we just drive on up the switchbacks out of the mountain. On our way up, we pass a fire department truck that's pulling a boat on a trailer because they're, I'll go start their water search.

• 31:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this is great.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  We have left our tents and our bags and all of our gear that's like around the fire. We've left everything and driven back up to like the nearest town, like fifteen minutes, probably got some terrible motel and just kind of like woke up in disbelief the next morning and drove down there and there was no sign of anything. Everything looked peaceful and normal. And we packed up our stuff and drove on to St. Louis and had our weekend. It was a Sunday night concert. So I went to the concert. And then I think it was at some point on the drive back, or maybe like the day after we got back, we're like, we should look up and see like if there was a news story, figure out what actually happens.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  There was no sign of anything and the guy was not a violent criminal. They apparently just refused to stop for a traffic stop earlier in the night. And then they crossed counties and you know how it is out there. You lose your jurisdiction and so. The one deputy had let him go and then somebody else tried to stop him later in the night because they had heard the call from earlier and that's where that chase started. And they just had multiple traffic violations. I don't, they were in a lot more trouble afterwards, but no reason to be running.

• 33:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I would just think if he already has three DUIs and he's not supposed to be driving, you're looking at prison time. You're like, well, fuck, if they don't catch me, they don't know who was driving the car. I mean, you make a lot of smart decisions in that moment.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  There's a lot of reasons, but point being, there was not really a crime listed other than like resisting arrest. But he was found in an empty campsite, under a tent, wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 33:26Dax Shepard?

  Wait, what?

• 33:27Speaker 03

  There's been a lot of debate through the years of like, was it under a tent? Was it under the cover of a tent? Does that mean that he was in our tent? Should we be concerned that he was in one of our sleeping bags? There was he like cleaning the tarp in the ground?

• 33:41Speaker 01

  I feel like that, like I feel like he was under the entire tent.

• 33:44Dax Shepard?

  He just dove under. That's a good hiding spot, actually.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, he must have not dug out enough or something because somehow they found him.

• 33:52Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  That's our camping story.

• 33:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Have you done much camping since then?

• 33:59Speaker 03

  I have three little kids, so I'm kind of in like a hiatus from camping. My husband does take our two older kids. Once the baby gets older, then I think I'll be back to camping. But yes, we continue to camp after that and even have had a couple of family camping trips, but I'm taking a break from it because it's too much chaos.

• 34:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's a lot to keep your eye on. It does make me crave camping, being next to a river, hearing it.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Babbling Brooks.

• 34:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, some police sirens, maniac.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Peaceful police sirens.

• 34:31Dax Shepard?

  The guy with nothing to lose.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Wow. That's wild.

• 34:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, Kelly, that's wonderful. I mean, not for you, but for us.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Thank you guys for having me and hopefully y'all get lots of good ones for this one.

• 34:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, thank you so much. Hi Kevin.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Hi, how are you?

• 34:47Dax Shepard?

  I'm wonderful. How are you?

• 34:49Speaker 04

  I'm probably the most nervous I've ever been.

• 34:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  I've been inside house fires before, so that says a lot.

• 34:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  We're flattered, but you should not be nervous.

• 34:59Dax Shepard?

  No, there's nothing intimidating about Monica or me.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Well, I'm scary.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  It's definitely calming me down, so it's good.

• 35:05Dax Shepard?

  Where are you Kevin?

• 35:06Speaker 04

  I live in Crete, Greece, in the Mediterranean.

• 35:10Dax Shepard?

  You're lying. How does an American end up in Crete?

• 35:13Speaker 04

  I'm the safety director for a Navy base out here, for a US Navy base.

• 35:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you are?

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 35:19Dax Shepard?

  Have you guys been busier than normal?

• 35:22Speaker 04

  You know, I thought you were gonna ask that and business has picked up a little bit. We're doing good. We're staying safe out here.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 35:28Dax Shepard?

  How long have you been in Crete?

• 35:29Speaker 04

  This is our second time living here, but I've been here recently for about two years. Before that, we were in Okinawa, Japan. We like to travel. We like to get out and move around.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  You're seeing it.

• 35:39Dax Shepard?

  And when you say we, you have a wife and some kids? Is that what's happening?

• 35:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've got a wife and we've got six kids. Three of them are a little bit older.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Oh man, what a life you guys are living. This is awesome.

• 35:51Dax Shepard?

  Six kids. How are they liking that adventure?

• 35:55Speaker 04

  My 17-year-old son is kinda ready to be done with it. He's sick of moving his room around. The younger two that are with us now, they enjoy it. They get a lot of good opportunities, man. A lot of things that people normally don't get to see.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:08Dax Shepard?

  Shaquille O'Neal was discovered on a military base, if you recall that story, Monica? Yeah, maybe he'll be discovered by a visiting coach.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  We'll see. My kids are very unathletic, so it's probably not gonna happen.

• 36:20Dax Shepard?

  They need statisticians.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe it'll be a math coach or something that comes.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  It could, maybe. Biology, I think, is where we're going.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 36:27Dax Shepard?

  And is your wife also enlisted?

• 36:29Speaker 04

  No, I'm actually a civilian. I'm not in the military and she's got the hard job. She's been homeschooling these kids for past 10 years.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  That's hard.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  She's living her best life out here in Crete, though.

• 36:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good. You have a camping story?

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Yes, so this takes place a long time ago, 2003. I grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio.

• 36:50Dax Shepard?

  I see you.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Monica, Cedar Point.

• 36:52Dax Shepard?

  Kings Island, Cedar Point. You were very close to Kings Island, right?

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Let's get it out now.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  Very close. We got it out.

• 36:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. The Beast?

• 36:59Speaker 04

  The Beast, yeah, of course. The Beast. That thing'll break your neck.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  So we would typically go down to Red River Gorge to go camping.

• 37:07Dax Shepard?

  Is that in Kentucky?

• 37:08Speaker 04

  Yes, probably like southeast of Lexington. Beautiful place, lots of like old like sandstone arches everywhere, lots of good hiking. So we'd probably been down there 10 times by this point and there was a group of us. I want to say there was eight or nine of us, good mixture of guys and girls.

• 37:24Dax Shepard?

  What age were you at this time?

• 37:26Speaker 04

  I was 22. My buddy Josh, he had just been dating this girl for I think two or three weeks. And she gracefully said, I'll go camping with you guys. None of us had really ever met her before.

• 37:38Dax Shepard?

  It's a lot because, by the way, I've been in this exact situation. She's joining a group that's already done this a million times, right?

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:44Dax Shepard?

  Good for her.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  That's tough.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  The first look we got of her, she did not look like she was an avid camper.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Already she was a little out of place. So we get down there Friday, everything's good. You know, it's usually cooler full of beer, fire, sit around, tell stories, get up Saturday morning and go and hike. Try to look for some new stuff. So we're out, we're all doing our thing, hiking, having a fun time. And we run into this other group of hikers and we start talking and they start telling us about this cave that they had just been to.

• 38:12Speaker 04

  We're like, this checks out, we'll go. So this is something, I believe they called it Moonshiners Cave. If that tells you anything, some stuff was going on there at some point. So we get on the trail, we find this place and it's got this low opening and we've got our flashlights with us. And the guy had told us that we can go all the way through it. There's an opening, go out the opening and come back around the end. So we're going through, it's pretty dark, it's caving. Guys are trying to be macho, girls are not liking it, but they're putting up with it.

• 38:42Dax Shepard?

  And they're stuck, yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  Yes, they're stuck. They don't want to go back. It's pretty dark.

• 38:55Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.

• 39:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft. It's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.

• 39:27Dax Shepard?

  Great, great, great.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.

• 39:42Dax Shepard?

  Roger.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.

• 39:55Dax Shepard?

  So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?

• 40:01Speaker 01

  You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Confidence. It's listening to your gut. It's moving forward even when the path ahead is unclear. For nearly 160 years, Pacific Life has helped people keep their promises, building confidence for generations. Whether you're confident in your financial future or just beginning to envision it, we're here to help. Ask a financial professional how. Pacific Life, the power of a promise. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  We get to this point called like fat man's misery, something like that.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 40:59Dax Shepard?

  I hate it. No, no.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Very narrow.

• 41:02Dax Shepard?

  You've just stumbled into one of my great fears.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Which is claustrophobia.

• 41:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes. When I see speed lunking, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you that you would enjoy that?

• 41:10Speaker 04

  I don't know. Some people love that stuff.

• 41:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they do. They do. Good for them.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Our group was half and half. Half of us liked it. The other half was not too happy. So we're all squeezing through this thing. We all make it through. Everybody's kind of happy. The new girlfriend, Molly, I think she was probably a little bit claustrophobic. So she's kind of getting a little bit nervous, a little bit antsy. And we start walking and we finally see sunlight. The problem was the sunlight was coming from above us.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  There's definitely an opening there, but it's like a sinkhole.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  What?

• 41:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  So we're looking up probably 12 to 15 feet.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Jagged sandstone all over it and my buddy Joe's like, look, I think we can climb out of this.

• 41:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, Joe. No, no, no.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  Joe was that guy though. Joe was that guy. Everybody's got the friend Joe. He attempts to scale at first. He gets up, no issues. It looked like other people had done it before. She can kind of see where people were putting their hands. I went up, my buddy Pete goes up and then two of the girls come up, no issues. Up at the top, it's kind of slippery. You got wet leaves, a little bit of mud and stuff. And it's Molly's turn to come up.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:15Dax Shepard?

  No, Molly.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Molly, I feel horrible for Molly.

• 42:19Dax Shepard?

  Has anyone considered like tying a bunch of shirts together or any kind of rope system to throw down? No.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  There wasn't even a thought. No, it was like, we're all just going to muscle through this, climb out. So she gets on there, we're kind of guiding her where to put her feet, where to put her hands. She gets up to the top. She comes up to me, I grab her hand and I say, you know, you're going to go behind me, but go to the left, don't go to the right. It's slick. For whatever reason, she ignored it. She didn't hear it. She steps to the right and she slips. Have you guys ever seen those like nesty plunge commercials?

• 42:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:52Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  They just fall backwards into the pool.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  She went straight down this hole.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  Head first.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Oh wow. Oh my God.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Doesn't hit the side miraculously.

• 43:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Lands on her back, eyes roll back. We all freeze. It's dead silence. Everything's going through my head. I'm like, is this girl dead? Is she paralyzed?

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  How are we going to get EMS here? Like this is kind of before cell phones.

• 43:20Dax Shepard?

  Also, climbing out of a shaft is much easier than climbing down a shaft.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  We still had a few people down there. Josh, her boyfriend, was down there.

• 43:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  And I just remember screaming down like, don't touch her, don't move her. Let's give her a second. It felt like eternity. Her eyes open up and you hear.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  She had gotten the wind severely knocked out of her.

• 43:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  And she lay there after like 30 seconds. My beta blockers kicking in, my mouth is getting all dry here.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  After about 30 seconds, she sits up. She starts feeling around. She was visibly terrified, but she stood up. We started checking her. Everything was good. And we're like, look, you got two options. We can go back through the cave to get out, to get back to the camp. Or bad option, climb again.

• 44:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  This girl was a trooper, though. She ended up climbing out. We got her out. Everybody got up safely. We're all kind of just like racking our brains like, what just happened? Go back to the campsite. Everybody kind of goes to their tents. People are cracking beers. She goes in there and we start hearing like crying, like weeping. We're like, oh no, she's in a bad way.

• 44:32Dax Shepard?

  The shock has worn off. Yeah, the trauma is setting in. Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  The other girls go in there and she came out of the tent. She lifted up her shirt, her entire back. Everything was bruised, like the worst bruising I've ever seen in my life.

• 44:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  We got out of there safely. Nobody was seriously injured. I doubt she ever went camping again. I don't think that relationship lasted too long.

• 44:54Dax Shepard?

  Right, doesn't sound like a match to me. Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no. But we all dodged a bullet that day for sure.

• 45:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, big time. So there's photos.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, take a look at those photos. So one of them is the entrance.

• 45:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh. Okay, the entrance doesn't look inviting at all. Yeah. For the listener, the entrance is like, I don't know, there's a three foot gap at best to get in. And it's just miles of shale above you. This looks horrible. You're seeing stone. Oh, my God. And then the next photo is someone looking down into this hole. Fuck that. Also, what she landed on is just covered in fucking sharp rocks.

• 45:32Speaker 04

  It was a miracle.

• 45:33Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if she did break anything and she just ignored it. I'm surprised she didn't have internal bleeding.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  She probably did and you guys just didn't do anything about it.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Dax mentioned the whole shock aspect. She was probably in shock. She gets that flight or fight thing going on and she's not really feeling anything.

• 45:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, not to bore you, but I had this pretty horrific motorcycle accident in Santa Monica and I didn't have insurance. So I refused the ambulance and then I actually rode the broken motorcycle 10 blocks home and I'm think I'm fine. And then I got in the shower and boy, once I got in the shower, I was like, oh boy, I think I have some broken things. It's crazy how long it can be delayed like that.

• 46:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it's a little bit of denial mentally and then obviously you're like, I do not want to go to the hospital. That's just another ordeal.

• 46:17Dax Shepard?

  Can't afford it.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  I hope Molly is thriving.

• 46:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she is.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  In her big city job where she never has to go camping ever again.

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Probably an injury attorney somewhere.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:32Dax Shepard?

  Well, Kevin, I don't know why you were nervous. You told that story like a pro.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Beautifully.

• 46:36Dax Shepard?

  But let me ask you this. You have beta blockers on demand, which makes me think, do you do public speaking or something? When do you need them?

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, with my position, it's called the AFN, like the Armed Forces Network. We do have a radio show that I'll go on and promote different safety things. And then I've got to get up in front of the command a lot and just give speeches and, you know, talk about risk management, all that kind of fun stuff.

• 46:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:59Dax Shepard?

  I've never, and I have a lot of friends that obviously take beta blockers because they're performers, but I've not heard the dry mouth thing. Like Kristen takes them before she sings.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  That's exactly what I thought. I was like, oh my God, that's a side effect. Well, how is she doing that?

• 47:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What if she got dry mouth right before a big thing?

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Guys, we're all different. Our bodies react differently.

• 47:16Dax Shepard?

  You're right.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  You're so right.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  You're right about that, Kevin.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  Hey, can I give a quick shout out?

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  My beautiful wife, Tenille, it's one o'clock in the morning here. She tried to stay up. She apologizes. She wanted to come see you guys.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  We apologize that this is the timing.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  This is the best Zoom call I've ever been on. So I really appreciate it.

• 47:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, please send her our love.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 47:39Dax Shepard?

  She is a true angel on earth if she is homeschooling all these children. We did it for whatever it was, two months during COVID and it was almost family ending, you know?

• 47:49Speaker 04

  She's definitely the rock of this family. She keeps it all together. So much love to her. I wish she was here.

• 47:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, lovely.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Have fun in Greece.

• 47:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're gonna stay as long as we can.

• 48:00Dax Shepard?

  Lovely meeting you, Kevin. Take care.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  Kalinikta, kalinikta. Bye.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  That mean now we

• 48:08Dax Shepard?

  It was definitely goodbye in Greece.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Was it goodbye or love you or like it could have been a lot of things like you guys are so hot.

• 48:15Dax Shepard?

  Hello, are you in an RV?

• 48:17Speaker 05

  I am actually. It felt very fitting considering it's a camping story.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Exactly, Sim.

• 48:25Speaker 05

  I'm actually packing to go camping this evening.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 48:28Dax Shepard?

  Are you in Canada?

• 48:29Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm definitely in Canada. You clearly picked up on that.

• 48:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Are you in Ontario?

• 48:35Speaker 05

  I am in B C. I'm on Vancouver Island.

• 48:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, the beautiful Vancouver Island. Are you in a motorhome or are you in a trailer?

• 48:43Speaker 05

  I'm in a trailer, so I guess it could be loosely considered camping, considering it's 30 feet long and has a number of very nice amenities.

• 48:52Dax Shepard?

  Well, don't you think that there is a trajectory for all of us campers, which is like you do a lot of tent time and then eventually as you get older, you get weaker, right?

• 49:00Speaker 05

  It's true. I did the sort of natural progression from tenting to the little camperette to a fifth wheel and now what feels like a very bougie trailer.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 49:11Dax Shepard?

  It's good living. We drive a bus around, but yeah, to be able to be in nature and then also come in and cook food is pretty damn nice.

• 49:17Speaker 05

  And hear the rain as opposed to experience it.

• 49:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, good distinction. So will you go camping somewhere on Vancouver Island?

• 49:25Speaker 05

  I'm in Couchin Valley and we do a load of camping at Couchin Lake. We are situated in a pristine location. We have rivers and oceans and Gulf Islands and lakes galore to visit, which we sort of rotate between.

• 49:41Dax Shepard?

  You also brown bears?

• 49:42Speaker 05

  More black bears, cougars. I actually had a bear in my garbage can two nights ago, which shot the dog right through the ceiling and was a wonderful mess to clean up.

• 49:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a camping story. Tell us about it. When did it happen?

• 49:58Speaker 05

  I have many camping stories. I'll tell you the best. It happened three years ago, 2023. I scheduled a week long trip to Couchin Lake. It's one of my favorite spots.

• 50:08Dax Shepard?

  You're out of cell service, beautiful swimming, et cetera. And a good sort of kickoff is the first week of July, so school's wrapped. I was really looking forward to, you know, a much needed break from work. How many kids do you have? Two kids. This story is essentially about my son Brenner. He was nine at the time and I have my daughter Ruby was five at the time and my husband and our dog joining me. So my son's a big sports player, so he was on a number of baseball teams. And the sports team scheduled a tournament over the same weekend. So we quickly realized we're going to have to commute from the campground. So for the first three days, we're going to have about three or four games that will travel to and from to play. And then I'll have the remainder of the week to relax. And so the first night, Friday night, we stayed in town for a game, drove up.

• 50:52Dax Shepard?

  And it's very eventful, got to our site, settled in. And I decided to call it a night. I wanted to get in early. It was a big week, packing and doing all the things. And so I said I'd hang out with my daughter Ruby, reading a book and having a glass of wine. And finally, you know, unclenching my jaw. The boys have recognized some friends from town. They're camping next door. So they decided to join their campfire. So I'm hanging out and not too much later, I'd say 45 minutes to an hour. I hear a bit of a commotion outside of the trailer door. And my husband and son kind of crashed into the trailer and I immediately can tell something's gone wrong. Oh, boy. And so I'm trying to get a bit of understanding. It's quite chaotic.

• 51:33Dax Shepard?

  I of note have experienced many, many emergent situations with my son at this point. We have had enough headwinds and poison control calls that I can now sort of Okay. Kind of flag them as okay, that's glue. Those are stitches. Here's where we're at. So I'm trying to remain calm and just kind of get scope of what's happened. And they tell me that he's burnt himself and he might have burnt his eye. And I go, what? What? And so he says they're next door, decide to do the standard camping thing and make some smores. And so he's handed this two prong metal roasting stick. As if you've made smores, you know, sometimes when you get it from the previous user, there's a little bit of marsh.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Mellow leftover. So he put it in the fire to burn it off. It fell off and he picked it back up and went to blow out whatever was still attached to it. And he dropped the hot metal poker onto his face and into his open eye. What? Oh my god.

• 52:35Dax Shepard?

  This is like a torture scene in a kidnapping movie, right?

• 52:38Speaker 01

  My god.

• 52:40Dax Shepard?

  I can't think of anything worse than getting a hot poker to the eyeball.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  And was it the sharp part too? Yeah, this is my understanding. This is what I'm told. I've dropped the hot poker onto my face. So I'm like, okay, what is happening? What have you guys done? There's two dads. They grabbed cell phone flashlights and they're like, hold open your eye, let me see and pour in some cold water from a bottle of water and to see, you know, are you sure you burnt your eye? My instinct is I'm like, how are you not on the ceiling screaming bloody murder right now? If you've burnt your eyeball, I cannot imagine the intensity of that pain. And he's pretty cool. I'm looking at him immediately. There is a small pink mark at the highest point of his cheek. And as you know, burns, they don't really develop right away, but I noticed that, okay, there's enough visibly there.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  There's no mark near his eyelashes and he's beautiful, long, dark lashes. So I think, well, surely they would have melted. His cheek being a little bit younger at nine or a little bit fuller. And so they stuck out further than there. So I'm just trying to play as much logic as I can. He's not letting me look in his eyeball. It's really bright. So I turn off all the lights and I kind of do the subtle side light. I look and I truly can't see anything. So at this point, I don't think he has perhaps. Maybe he just closed it in time. I give him Tylenol Advil and what's called rescue remedy. It's like a little homeopathic thing to sort of settle your nerves. And so I get him settled and I say, what do you want to do? And he just wants to go to bed. And I'm like, okay, for sure. So I'm like, I'm gonna sleep with you.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  If anything happens or you're not feeling good, let me know. And it's important to note, the campground closes their gate at about, I think 11 o'clock, 10 or 11. And we are 40 minutes away from any sort of healthcare center as well. So I eventually fall asleep. I'm very surprised to see he goes to sleep quite quickly. He's barely. Pride. He was more than anything quite embarrassed because this was, you know, a friend and he was a little bit older. It was probably going to be on his hockey team that fall. And so I get everybody settled and in the morning, very first light, I look at him and I see that, okay, that burn on his cheek has developed. It's that dark purple. You can see it's a bit of a shallow scab forming. I kind of gently check on him and I say, how you doing, buddy? Do you mind if I just double check your eye? I want to see. I just want to make sure you're okay.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  So I cracked the blinds a little bit and it's all filtered through the ferns and trees. It's low light and gentle. He cracks his eye open and there's this white line right down the center of his eyeball. Oh my God. The color, the pupil, everything. And he looks like this insane snake. Oh my God. I was like, he's immediately blind. This is all happening. He's never had sports again. I almost throw up, but I have to show up every single part of that.

• 55:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You don't want to freak him out.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  No, right? So I'm like, oh, okay. Well, you know what? I think it might be worth a try this morning. Why don't we load up? We'll make it a thing. We'll grab breakfast. And I'm trying to be as calm as possible, making absolutely wild eye contact to my husband who's like asleep still. And I don't even know what timeframe. I get everybody loaded into the car. I get him in the backseat, kind of recline. I say, why don't you just keep a blanket over your head? You probably don't want light on you. I like whisper hissed what's actually happened and what I saw to my husband. And I'm like, get it together. So we are driving and I'm trying also not to drive at like a hundred and eighty kilometers per hour like I want to.

• 56:00Dax Shepard?

  That'd be a hundred and four miles an hour for our American listeners, just so everyone knows.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  I'm driving along and my husband in the front seat is just kind of seesawing between gagging and throwing up to like weeping. And I am karate chopping him, being like, shut up. Oh, wow.

• 56:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he's really unraveling on you. Is he hungover?

• 56:21Speaker 01

  It could have been, although I'm sure the amount of adrenaline might have washed all that out. I've learned now, as I said, I've been through quite a few emergent moments.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  I thought for sure I would be the weaker one. I fainted with the first head wound and then realized, okay, no, I'm gonna have to be the one who digs deep and deal with it later. And so I was like, you get your shit together, you keep your blanket on your head. And I just continued gentle coaching like, hey buddy, we're just gonna get it checked out. You never know if we want to keep camping for the week, maybe we need a little medicine and whatever happens today, we're gonna be fine. We're gonna figure it out.

• 56:51Dax Shepard?

  You're paving the way to say like, your life's gonna change dramatically. And we've got to slowly start easing into that new reality. Well, you'll have no depth perception. Is he saying like, yeah, it hurts?

• 57:04Speaker 05

  At this point, no, like it hurt the night, but he was more mad about everything. And I think because it was so mishandled and he was just kind of overwhelmed. But on the drive, completely cool as a cucumber, just laying back blanket on his head. But in my head, I'm like, hey, what's so cool when I nickname or maybe we'll never play any sports again. And maybe we'll never have depth perception or oh my God, could I be a mom with a glass eye? Like, could I ever try to support that? That's gonna be a 90 degree learning curve.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  We finally get there. I don't park. I just leave the door open, throw the keys at my husband. I'm like, take her home. I'll reach out later. I gotta go. And thankfully, again, inside emergency, they triage him. They recognize clearly this is a pretty legit injury. They give him this kind of an eye cover, which keeps air off of it, wrap his head up. And we are put back into the second portion. We have a phenomenal group of staff members that provide exceptional care in a very small and dated hospital in our community. So we were in essentially a supply closet with the lights out, but with a stretcher. And so we had a nurse, very lovely man come in first. He provided some more pain management and then it didn't take long at all for a doctor to come in,

• 58:19Speaker 05

  who was able to do sort of a physical inspection, confirm, okay, obviously there's the burn on the cheek. And confirmed, yeah, you have a shallow cornea burn. With that, the

• 58:30Dax Shepard?

  Treatment plan, they were going to explore calling in an ophthalmologist. They sent out, you know, the notes, et cetera. She decided based on the description, it was shallow enough that a follow up would be sufficient. So that was scheduled for two days later. We got freezing eye drops and antibiotic eye drops because your next risk, of course, is infection. Yeah. And a nice handful of some eye patches to take with us and we were discharged. So we went home and I kind of got unsettled. He ended up having a nap and he wakes up and he's just feeling fine and said, you know what? I still want to go cheer my team on because he knows he can't play the game now. So I'm at the ball game with him. He's in the dugout with this head wrap and eye patch on. Looks like he was attacked by a brown bear.

• 59:16Dax Shepard?

  I was like, you've got to come up with a really good story. He's had two trophies now for sportsmanship. He just really wanted to be there and cheer on his team. They ended up winning. We ended up going back camping. We spent the night and then the next morning, you know, we were following all of the things. And I guess it must be similar to a mouth, but it healed so quickly and essentially just kind of sloughed off. That's rather gross. Yeah. That same day, he ended up deciding he was fine. And we put a ton of sunscreen on the actual cheek burn and a hat and sunglasses. And he went out and he played the final game. Oh, my. And scored an in park homerun and the whole team won. And it was just most insane weekend ever.

• 1:00:01Dax Shepard?

  This is a movie. All right. I've got photos. Yeah. Okay, here's the championship team. There's the team. You can see his little white spot. And then we've got some of the actual injury. Here we go with his contraption over his face and then his cute little burn on his cheek. What did he get on his ankle? What's going on with the ankle? I've actually written in a few times and everybody that are all arm chatters, thanks to me, immediately said, well, what story? And in that week alone, so I mentioned, we went back camping and he finishes the game. The next day I fell down the stairs.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  And I absolutely annihilated this one leg. And then I thought, that's fine. Let's just keep on going. And then two days after that, that is my leg. I got bit by a dog.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Oh my God. That's bad for a dog bite. It's like in there. Ew.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  And I was so frustrated. I was like, I have gone to the hospital four times already this week. I only have five days off and I just taped it up. And I'm actually just not even addressing this at this point.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:01:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you guys need like a nickname, like the Ouchies or something. Like the whole family's really vulnerable to injury.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Accident prone.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  We're a bit of a chaos crew for sure.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  I see the snake.

• 1:01:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, it's cool, actually. Now that we know his eye stayed intact. Well, Anna, I burnt my cornea as well one time.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 1:01:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Monica already knows the story, but I was in high school. I was a senior. I was in a girl's yard, in her front yard. I was smoking a cigarette and I jokingly, I don't even really know what I was thinking, but I, I was gonna like ash my cigarette by flicking it. And I flicked it and it went straight up, flew up in the air and went straight into my eye. And I blinked at the worst time. Like it would've been better if I just didn't even blink. But when I blinked, it pinched the cherry end of the cigarette, where I had to smack the cigarette out of my eyelids because it was pinched in there holding it. And then you had to go to the doctor. They said you burnt your cornea. They gave me drops and a patch.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  How long did you wear the patch?

• 1:02:06Dax Shepard?

  Few hours.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  Did you score a home run?

• 1:02:10Dax Shepard?

  I wasn't on any championship teams. Yeah, I probably wouldn't smoke more cigarettes. Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  I am grateful at night it wasn't from a cigarette and only a small bite. Do you want to meet him?

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  This is Dax and Monica, but you know them.

• 1:02:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Brenner? Yeah. Yeah, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Are you a Blue Jays fan? Yeah. And you're still talking to us even though we're from Los Angeles? I appreciate it.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  How does your eye feel now? All better?

• 1:02:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's fine. It's like all better.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:02:45Dax Shepard?

  You still playing baseball? Yeah. What position do you play? Pitcher, shortstop.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Being bad catcher.

• 1:02:50Dax Shepard?

  These are all the roles that pay the most money if you get into major leagues, so keep at it.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Good choices.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Well, we're proud of you for going back to your game and that story. It's really good.

• 1:03:01Dax Shepard?

  Big time.

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:03:02Dax Shepard?

  And you're about to go camping again. Are you gonna make some marshmallows?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Probably, but not with the marshmallow stick.

• 1:03:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  We've learned our lesson there, right?

• 1:03:10Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever made a smore with a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup instead of a Hershey's Chocolate Bar?

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've probably done that before.

• 1:03:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's where it's at. That's where it's at.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Thanks for chatting with us.

• 1:03:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you. Yeah, you can see in one of the photos, he's got another scar right above the burn from the six stitches a day before kindergarten. Oh. Motorbike. Can see the cuts.

• 1:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Whiskey throttle.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  You guys have been through it.

• 1:03:32Dax Shepard?

  Anna, nice meeting you. Such a lovely family.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Thanks so much. Take care.

• 1:03:36Dax Shepard?

  All right, have fun.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  Oh, cuties.

• 1:03:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I wanna go camping now. I really do. Now I wanna go camp. Yes.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Okay, do it.

• 1:03:44Dax Shepard?

  I wanna camp. All right, love you.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 1:03:49Dax Shepard?

  Do you wanna sing a tune or something? I wanna have a theme song. Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, rhyme dish. On the fire, rhyme dish. Enjoy.