Bonus #166 - McDade's Maniacs Vol. 11 w/ Shawn Murray [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld The Commander of Chaos JP McDade returns with the absolutely out of his mind Shawn Murray for the 11th edition of McDade's Maniacs!! Shawn, JP and Stav discuss just how maniacal things could get growing up in Connecticut, inappropriate children's sports league coaches, terrorizing Yale students, and more. Shawn, JP and Stav help callers including a former child soldier who had a run-in with his evil warlord commander, and a man wondering if he should dump his girlfriend after she threw away his obscure vintage adult film collection behind his back. See Shawn Murray live and follow him on social media: https://www.instagram.com/lowbrowshawn https://linktr.ee/shawnmurray325 ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, LD?

• 1:02Speaker 03

  I have one that might even be too maniacal for McDavid.

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:07Speaker 03

  Our boundaries have never been tested.

• 1:09Stavros Halkias?

  Let's find out. Keep it twisted level. Let's find out.

• 1:13Speaker 04

  Hey staff, elders, guests. There's a lot to this. I'm just going to get into it. I was a child soldier. I'm 8 to 12 in the Balkan wars.

• 1:24Speaker 05

  No. Holy shit.

• 1:25Speaker 04

  From 91 to 95. My village got taken out. And I can say where, so people can look it up. But after my family was killed, they got taken in by a guy named Sergeant Nicola.

• 1:41Speaker 04

  That was who I guess you could call it served under.

• 1:45Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:46Speaker 04

  He was a real piece of work. You know, he was. abusing some of the other boys who were also fighting. Never got me though, because I'd slept with a knife and I think, you know, I'd stick him.

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  You were nice with it.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  But.

• 2:00Stavros Halkias?

  Those other guys were pussies. Wow, this really has been a thing about getting molested. That's the running theme of this episode.

• 2:07Speaker 06

  We've now found the worst way to get molested.

• 2:11Speaker 06

  Worst way to get molested is you're also a child soldier when it happens.

• 2:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we found it. We found both sides of this. You have to get molested and then you fucking put a grenade launcher on and burn, burn an old woman alive. That's how you fucking like calm down after getting molested? That's brutal, dude. Jesus Christ. Whatever, alright.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  But after the war, Nicola just kind of vanished. We got taken in by the UN.

• 2:42Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's 60.

• 2:43Speaker 04

  UN forces that were operating in the Balkans. Long story short, I got adopted by a family here in States.

• 2:49Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  I love my adopted family. They are my family. Super grateful for them.

• 2:57Speaker 04

  But here, you know, I got the chance to go to, get my GED, go to college. And now I'm working at a refugee organization that takes in specifically SOTs drivers of torture and victims of political violence. So I do the intakes for a lot of them and they always have me do the intakes for the folks from the Balkans. Speak Serbo-Croat because I speak it too. So last week, I got given the slip for an intake for one Nicola. I won't say his last name, but it's unique enough that I recognized it.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  And then sure enough, when I sat down in the intake, it was Sergeant Nicola.

• 3:43Stavros Halkias?

  Shit.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  He's older and fatter now, but I recognized him. He didn't recognize me because obviously, you know.

• 3:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're not sexy anymore.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  I'm in my 30s now. But.

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  You're not hot to him anymore.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  I don't really know what to do. If I report him, I have no evidence of what he did. My first thought was to kill him, but I'm not gonna do that to my family.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, don't kill him.

• 4:10Speaker 04

  Right, I'm past that kind of shit.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no more killing.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  I don't know what to do. Do I bring it up to my supervisor? I don't.

• 4:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  I just don't know what to do.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you do.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  I still can't even believe it's him after all these years. Um, but yeah, bit of a heavy one. Would love your guys' input.

• 4:31Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus.

• 4:32Speaker 06

  Start a podcast with him.

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Well, I will say that I looked up Sergeant Nicola and there appears to be a novel about someone named Sergeant Nicola.

• 4:42Speaker 06

  I was gonna say, if this was a fake call, a riveting screenplay.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, top notch.

• 4:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's good fiction, if it is fake.

• 4:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think starting a podcast is the way to go.

• 4:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  It's like when Louis and Marc Maron finally sat down to hash it out.

• 4:59Speaker 06

  At the end, it's like, so are we good, Sergeant Nicola?

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Dude, I was just jealous the whole time. That's all it was. You were young.

• 5:06Speaker 06

  You were the best sniper in the unit.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  You had a whole future ahead of you. I was jealous. And you and the other boys.

• 5:15Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, dude. Yeah, I mean, I think you can snitch on this. Like, first of all, you can tell. He says he works for an organization that like, you know, helps people survive political violence, you know, all this kind of stuff. You could just say like, I know who this fucking guy is. And at the very minimum, you shouldn't have to deal, like, all right, you don't have proof, whatever. You shouldn't have to do his fucking paperwork.

• 5:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right. Like, at the very least, you should be like, and also the people that work with you know, like, they know these types of people, you know, they're versed in exactly this kind of shit, so.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  Although, you could fuck up all the paperwork.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna say, yeah.

• 5:55Speaker 06

  You could put him in bureaucracy hell, where you're like.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  And send him back to the fucking Balkans. Reject his application.

• 6:02Speaker 06

  Return to send it.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. What can you do to fuck up his application?

• 6:07Speaker 03

  This is one where maybe you should forward the papers to ICE and let them sort.

• 6:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if ICE has to come in in a rented minivan with fucking masks on.

• 6:20Speaker 06

  But then ICE is gonna be like, alright, put it in the white pile. The white ones we'll get to later.

• 6:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're just gonna fucking former fat white war criminals are like, oh dude, you're good.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  Like, hey, you're, you're good at finding children, eh?

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, we have a bunch of kids that we don't even know whose parents they are anymore. Yeah, dude, we can't pay you, but listen, every fucking Monday, you get three hours in the lost kid cage.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  He's gonna be leading an ICE splinter cell in no time.

• 6:49Stavros Halkias?

  They'll just put him to work making a child soldier brigade of ICE for sure. Fucking nine-year-old Mexican kids.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  You gotta see Sergeant Nicola down in Venezuela blowing up fucking boats.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  First time my life has had purpose since the Balkan wars ended.

• 7:05Speaker 06

  He's gonna start like the whatever the Hitler Youth equivalent of ISIS.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, dude.

• 7:11Speaker 06

  Damn, that's a crazy one. Just having to having to sit across the table from that guy.

• 7:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, first of all, good on you for being able to even do that shit.

• 7:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  And it's good that even though your first instinct was to kill him.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Murder him.

• 7:25Speaker 06

  Which is fair.

• 7:25Stavros Halkias?

  Which is completely.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  With the skills that he taught you, you know what I mean?

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's kinda poetic. If this is a movie.

• 7:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the way it ends.

• 7:32Stavros Halkias?

  If this is a movie, I'm saying earn his trust and then torture and kill him for everything he did. But this is not a movie. You're a real guy. You've worked really hard. You have a beautiful adopted family. You're probably gonna start, you know, probably have your own family or starting your own family, whatever. That is not, in real life, violence, unlike in cool movies, violence is not the answer in real life.

• 7:54Speaker 06

  Unfortunately, yeah. If you did torture this guy to death, as we'd all like to see, it would probably fuck up your life more than his.

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You're just risking, honestly, I won't even say it necessarily will fuck it up. You're just risking that it will.

• 8:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:07Stavros Halkias?

  Cause if you get away with killing. Probably would feel awesome.

• 8:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  Right, but, but.

• 8:12Speaker 06

  In the moment, but then you're looking over your shoulder.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I think I could probably kill a guy who wronged me and, and more, and like, my conscience would be okay. I just wouldn't want to go to jail.

• 8:22Speaker 06

  Right.

• 8:22Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 8:22Speaker 05

  That's my, yeah, that would be my big fear. I'm not losing any sleep.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's a complete piece of, he deserves to die and go to hell.

• 8:31Speaker 05

  The right thing to do is to report him, like you said, the fun thing to do is bury him, just fucking go Jimmy Hoffa on this dude.

• 8:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:41Speaker 05

  Put him under the metal lens.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  We cannot give you that, we can't, no matter how much we'd love to officially give you the advice of murdering him. Officially we'll say, do not do that, report him, uh, yes, tell your fucking boss, your supervisor, even if you don't. Worst case scenario, you shouldn't have to process this guy's application.

• 9:01Speaker 05

  Make sure you're not the one doing his paperwork, like.

• 9:03Stavros Halkias?

  You give him a strong thumbs down.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're not prob, you're probably not going to get like a, a happy resolution to this, but if you pass the paperwork off to someone else. At the very least, you're like, okay, I just don't have to think about, like, you know, he's out there, but it's like, you knew he was out there before, you know what I mean? But if you, if you try to process, if he processes the paperwork, he's going to kill him because he's going to know where he lives.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  The more. True, true, yeah.

• 9:25Stavros Halkias?

  And the more you spend thinking about this guy.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's just going to drive you insane.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. You knew he was out there somewhere. I guess you were hoping he was killed in wars, but you know, yeah, get this off your plate. But man, this actually would be a sick movie.

• 9:39Speaker 06

  That's all I was thinking. Yeah, right, right about this.

• 9:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's a movie. This guy's just telling us, this guy's just telling us the fucking story of a movie.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, I can't wait to find out that we were idiots.

• 9:51Speaker 06

  We had a teacher in high school, a gym teacher who told us all like stories from Vietnam and one of them was like, yeah, there was a village a couple clicks south of us and, uh, you know, uh, launched artillery and it turned out like, he thought it was an enemy camp and we, we actually blew up a village and like that exact story is from a book called The Things They Carried about Vietnam.

• 10:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, incredible book, by the way.

• 10:11Speaker 06

  He's like, we shot what we thought was a

• 10:14Speaker 03

  Dude, before the internet.

• 10:15Speaker 06

  It was a water buffalo.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Lie in such hilarious ways.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  He was like, we finally made it across the river. There was this weird tribe. Colonel Kurtz was in the He was sitting in the dark.

• 10:27Speaker 06

  But we actually worked for the same company briefly. Yeah, and bleep it out. We, there were incredibly annoying customers. And I was just trying to think like about this guy's story. Like, how do you treat incredibly annoying customers that you don't want to deal with? And when there was a guy who hated me and I hated him. And we just mutually detested each other.

• 10:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 06

  And like, he called on the phone and be like, hey, can anyone else help me? Not you. He would literally say that. And then he like came into the store when we were really busy and like he was in a rush and like frantically looking for like supplies for some job. And he was like, came to my desk to try to get some help. And I was like, someone else can help you. It's a nice, satisfying moment.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  That must have felt awesome, dude.

• 11:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, give him the old runaround.

• 11:10Speaker 06

  Yes. Oh, make their life hell in the customer service type of way.

• 11:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, man. Good luck. This is fucking insane.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  That's one of the wildest things I've ever heard.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  That could have been you, Aldous. If Greece didn't take you in, your family is refugees.

• 11:23Speaker 06

  Aldous slit the throat of the guy who was trying to kidnap him into the child brigade and he fled to America.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  I kinda wish it was me. Kinda like how I wish I joined the military right after I was little.

• 11:34Stavros Halkias?

  You wish you were getting molested and having to murder people at nine years old?

• 11:38Speaker 03

  I wish I had this cold, emotionless demeanor of a caller here.

• 11:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm sure his day to day is a lot easier than yours.

• 11:45Speaker 05

  You could have had whatever the Albanian equivalent of a Dodge Charger is.

• 11:50Speaker 06

  A donkey.

• 11:54Stavros Halkias?

  A horse without, not missing any teeth.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  A crippled mule.

• 12:08Speaker 07

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