5 Life Changing Relationship Lessons I’ve Learned In the Last 5 years and 3 Surprising Reasons Couples Fail

On Purpose has been nominated for a Webby Award - help us win by voting NOW! https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2021/podcasts/general-series/health-wellness If you’re unsure what went wrong in your last relationship, your current one may not last very long either... that is, until you learn why. It might come as a surprise when you learn that the answer is simple, and it lies within you. The power to lasting relationships doesn’t depend on who your partner is, but your level of commitment. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty unpacks the top reasons relationships fail and what you can do to make them last. Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. What needs to change? What are you expecting or what are you needing that I'm not doing? It sounds like a business check and it sounds like a meeting, but it's so needed because if you want a relationship to be long term, you can't just make one discussion and one decision about this relationship and expect it to last forever.

• 3:32Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you. I really hope that you've listened to the Will Smith episode by now. If you haven't, make sure you go back and listen to it. It was phenomenal. It was groundbreaking. I've had so many comments and I've seen so many reviews about that episode. If you've not gone and left a review already, please, please do it. It makes a huge difference to the podcast. Now, today we're talking about the three reasons relationships struggle and end and what we can learn from them. I've been asked so much recently because I know that pandemic has negatively affected

• 4:13Jay Shetty?

  so many relationships, or at least created new struggles, new challenges, new issues in relationships. And therefore we need new ideas, new insights and new thoughts. And that's what you're getting on today's episode. Now here's the straight up truth. Most relationships fail. And most of them fail quickly. Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld followed over 3,000 people in couples, both married and unmarried, in heterosexual and same-sex relationships, and found that 70% of straight unmarried couples break up within the first year. Yet when couples made it to the five-year mark,

• 4:55Jay Shetty?

  their odds of splitting up dropped to just 20%. Now, Ravi and I obviously just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary, and I'm so grateful to have spent this much time with her. And we can truly say that we think it took like three, four years to even really start to get to know each other, to really find that momentum and groove. And so I can understand why people break up earlier than five years more often than not, because it takes so much to learn about another mind, another person. That person's going through their challenges in growth. There is just so much going on. But here's something even more interesting.

• 5:38Jay Shetty?

  Rosenfeld said that while it was relatively easy to collect data on what made the successful relationships work, it was harder to find out why so many of the relationships failed. One challenge, he often said, is the nature of how studies are constructed. But also, people just often don't recall their failed relationships that well. You might be thinking, Jay, I definitely recall my failed relationships. And sure, you remember the relationships, but even if you think you know what went wrong, chances are your perspective is biased. And when that's the case, it's really difficult to learn from what went wrong, so we don't repeat it in the future.

• 6:20Jay Shetty?

  So today, we're looking at the three reasons relationships struggle and the five lessons I've learned over the last five years in marriage. We're going to be talking about why relationships struggle, especially in the early years, and what we can learn from them. So whether you're currently in a relationship that's struggling or you're single and looking to make your next relationship more likely to succeed, I've got lots of great stuff to share with you today. Make sure you stick around, get your notepad out, and get ready to share these insights.

• 6:51Jay Shetty?

  Reason number one. Let's start with the story. Just to note, the stories I'm sharing with you today are fictional stories based on the experiences of real people. I didn't want to give away any names or any people in specific, so I changed it up. Sarah is on a call with her girlfriend, Yesi, who's sharing a story about her boyfriend, Omar, and yet another sweet thing he's done for her. This time, he surprised her by getting home early and having dinner ready. Sarah turns and looks out into the living room where her husband, Ryan, is playing video games. Then she looks at the kitchen sink, which is piled full of dirty dishes from the meal she made after the stressful day she had at work. "Why can't Ryan be more like Omar?" she wonders, and not for the first time.

• 7:36Jay Shetty?

  Some of you are thinking, "Yeah, why can't Ryan be more like Omar?" And I get the question, but it's really dangerous. The reason for that is that comparison kills relationships. That's the number one reason relationships fail. One reason for this is that, just like we're comparing ourselves to others via social media, or comparing ourselves to that coworker who got the promotion we wanted, comparisons are usually based on biased or partial information. We form a perception on information that's often curated by other people. Most withhold their struggles in favor of making things look easy or perfect in their lives, either purposefully or unintentionally. Take Yesi and Omar.

• 8:18Jay Shetty?

  Sarah and Yesi have actually only been friends for about a year, while Yesi and Omar have been together for five years. Yesi didn't get to see the early struggles they had to get where they are. They were even in counseling. But Sarah doesn't know that. Yesi is rightfully proud of the relationship she and Omar have now, but that's only part of their story. Also, because Yesi and Sarah's friendship is relatively new, Yesi is more likely to share the good things about Omar than her complaints, because she wants Sarah to have a favorable opinion of him. The thing Sarah doesn't see is what Yessi and Omar still struggle with. For instance, Yessi hasn't told her that they routinely argue over money. When we compare ourselves to other relationships,

• 9:02Jay Shetty?

  we are usually comparing our reality with our own fantasy. Right? We're comparing our reality with our fantasy version of what we think someone else has. For instance, we often think celebrity couples have it all. When Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell got together, how many people looked at their partner and thought, "Look how those two talk about each other. Why can't you say such wonderful things about me?" But as they've grown together, Bell and Shepard have been generous in being open and honest about their highs and lows, showing us that everyone struggles. It's healthy for us to learn to not idolize other couples, no matter who they are, but the reality is that there are always parts of other couples' relationships that we don't see. As Wayne Dyer once said, "Problems in relationships occur

• 9:47Jay Shetty?

  because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person." That's what we're doing when we make negative comparisons. So the first lesson I learned in my marriage was not to compare Radhi to any of my exes or to anyone else. Why? Because if someone's just better than your ex, that doesn't mean they're good for you. It just means they're better than someone else. That means there could be someone better than them in the future, and you've made the wrong choice. Whereas for me, it was about understanding my needs. So now, you're not comparing the person to someone else. You're comparing that person to your needs, to your values, to what you're looking for, to how they connect with you.

• 10:31Jay Shetty?

  That's the thing you want to be connecting that insight to. That lesson was huge for me and Radhi. I realized very early on that I had to share my needs in a certain way. I realized very early on that I had to make her aware of certain things, and I had to be aware of certain things. So that energy, that idea that you have to compare your partner to someone else, use it to compare them to your own list of values. Now here's an exercise. When you find yourself making negative comparisons, here are two things you can do. First, make a list of at least five reasons you're with that person and what you love about them. You can even keep it on your phone and look at it as a reminder. Because what we tend to do is make a pendulum swing.

• 11:13Jay Shetty?

  We have this unrealistic expectation when we get together with someone that they're perfect. Or if not perfect, at least close to it. But of course, as that initial obsessive love starts to wear off a bit, we start seeing more of that whole person. That's where the negative comparison can really start to come in. So maybe Ryan isn't great at cleaning up, but remember how funny and smart he is? You had decided at one point in time that those things are really important to you. And guess what? Because he doesn't clean up now doesn't mean he won't. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe you both need to work on your communication. That's such an important point. It sounds really simple, but often these things are just signals and signs for us to work on something.

• 11:56Jay Shetty?

  We assume that people should already know. They should know our feelings, they should know our mind, they should know what we want, when we want it, how we want it. And the truth is, we never make them aware. That leads to the second thing you can do when you find yourself making negative comparisons. The second thing is gather more insight and data. In Sarah's case, she can ask Yessi if Omar has always taken it upon himself to do those things for her. And when she finds out it wasn't, she can hear how Yessi learned to express her needs to Omar and learn from how hard that was for them at first and how they worked it out. That is a much more useful conversation. Now here's reason number two. Khadija and Jerome had a whirlwind romance.

• 12:41Jay Shetty?

  Six weeks into their relationship, Khadija's lease was up and they decided, rather than wait at least another year, they should just go ahead and move in together. After all, they were perfect together and they were practically living together anyway. In the last four weeks, they'd only spent two or three nights apart. But then, two months into living together, the two started fighting. First, it was over basic household chores. Then it was over money. Jerome figured that since Khadijah made more money than he did, she should pay a larger percentage of their bills, while she thought they should split the bills fifty-fifty. Reason number two that relationships fail early on is because of moving in together too quickly,

• 13:25Jay Shetty?

  or even making plans to move in together too quickly. Data from Pew Research shows that these days, millennial couples are more likely to live together without being married than in generations past. And when moving in happens fast, it can cause challenges that may not have arisen otherwise. Two of the biggest reasons millennials move in together too fast are fantasy and finances. Khadijah and Jerome were doing great. They were highly compatible in their values and their interests. They had fun together, they respected one another, and all signs pointed for both of them that the other could be the one. Based on this, they started creating future fantasies, imagining where they would buy their first house and how many kids they'd have. They even talked about these things.

• 14:10Jay Shetty?

  So why not move in together when Khadijah's lease was up? It seemed a logical next step. But while there was nothing wrong with an imagined shared future, it took them out of their present reality. They mentally leapfrogged forward without stopping to consider practical matters, like how to share money and responsibilities. Now, I was really fortunate that after my monk training, I was really self-aware about the type of relationship I wanted. And when Rani and I first got together, this is the lesson I learned. I was really upfront from the beginning about what my expectations were. Rani loves cooking, and I said to her, "I can't cook to save my life, but I will always clean." That was our arrangement. I was like, "You cook, and I'm gonna clean.

• 14:55Jay Shetty?

  We're gonna make sure we do that." We also made another commitment. We decided in the beginning that we were always going to try and split things fifty-fifty. And when that wasn't possible, that we were understanding what the other person was bringing to the relationship and carrying. The relationship in a specific way. It was really important for me to realize that a relationship is both financial and emotional. Someone may be carrying the relationship financially, but it may be the other person who's carrying the relationship emotionally or spiritually or mentally. It's important to take into account all of these facets. Radhi and I decided that she would be the one who would focus on health for us both. She would be the one making sure that we're eating healthy, taking our vitamins, taking care of our health. And I promised her that I would take care of some of the business affairs

• 15:40Jay Shetty?

  and paying the bills, for example. Creating this very clear agreement and commitment about how we wanted to approach our life isn't boring or grown up. It's not even against being spontaneous. It's about making things really clear. See, uncertainty breeds when there is no clarity. And when you create clarity, you start creating really effective communication and a conscious partnership. So that's the second lesson that I learned in my five years of marriage, that was to be really honest about the things you even thought that might scare that person away. Because if you could share the thing that you thought would scare them away, but it didn't, it brought you closer, then you're guaranteed to have a really effective relationship.

• 16:25Jay Shetty?

  Sometimes we're scared of not telling people things in the relationship because we're scared they'll run away from us, not realizing that when they figure it out later, it's just gonna lead to more pain. For example, Kadisha also became irritated that Jerome was on his phone a lot of the night, texting with his friends or checking sports stats. He hadn't done that so much when she would stay over. And once Kadisha moved in, Jerome realized how important it was to her to have everything perfect in the apartment before going to bed. Dishes away, laundry folded. She'd even vacuumed the rug at 10:00 PM if there were a few crumbs on it. He felt like he couldn't relax in his own apartment because even though they now shared it, it still felt like his. The other thing that blinded Kadisha and Jerome

• 17:10Jay Shetty?

  to the fact that it was too soon to move in together was finances. Kadisha had a good job and Jerome was okay too, but they both had student loans. Jerome also helped support his retired mother, who is in a difficult financial situation because of health concerns. When they saw an opportunity to split the rent, they figured it was a win-win. But they failed to acknowledge that they both had concerns and stresses about money, and never talked about how to handle money within their relationship. And incidentally, according to divorce statistics, money is the number one reason married couples split up.

• 17:47Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 18:30Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 19:13Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. Tish and Jerome did something that's really common today, which was to rush through some of the best aspects of dating and getting to know one another. It can seem old fashioned, but there used to be this period we called courtship that had boundaries around it.

• 19:58Jay Shetty?

  And within those boundaries, there were things we didn't do yet, like live together, or for some, even spend the night together. As I discuss in my book, Think Like A Monk, when we create these boundaries in our relationship, it can feel old fashioned, but it offers us something really important: space to really get to know one another without pressures or distractions such as sex or sharing money and so on. You form more of a foundation based on a genuine connection and understanding of the person. Here's an exercise I want to share with you. We can learn to extend our courtship period by putting in place some boundaries. We can have our own, but we should discuss with our boyfriend or girlfriend or partner what they are and decide on them together. This is also a great early exercise

• 20:43Jay Shetty?

  to see how you do respecting one another's feelings, discussing a potentially challenging or uncomfortable topic, and coming to an agreeable solution. Now, what if you're already living together? You can still revisit the courtship period. One of my friends has been in a relationship for many years now, and she and her partner have this thing they do where they'll plan to meet at a coffee shop or a bookstore and pretend they're on an early date, or even that they don't know each other. They flirt, they ask questions, designed to get to know one another better, and they get to re-experience that thrill. The amazing thing is that even though they've been together for years, my friends tell me that every time they do this, they end up learning something new about each other. And that's the key thing: we're not learning new things about each other

• 21:25Jay Shetty?

  because we don't ask each other interesting questions. We're worried that people in our life are becoming boring because we don't ask them anything interesting. We say, "How's your day going?" How are you feeling? How are you doing? These are not interesting questions. I was asked the other day by someone, "Jay, what's the most useless talent you have?" All of a sudden, I was so alert, I was so fresh in that conversation. And for those of you wondering what the answer is, my useless talent is that I have some really good trick shots when I'm playing pool. You know, if you see me at a pool table, then you know what I'm talking about. So, that is reason number two. Okay, so reason number three. Our third couple, Vicky and Iris, have been together for two years. Overall, their relationship's pretty happy,

• 22:10Jay Shetty?

  but recently, some cracks have begun to show. For instance, Vicky has told Iris more than once that when Iris doesn't acknowledge all of the things she does to keep their household running or to otherwise support Iris, she feels like Iris doesn't care. Each time, the conversation has turned into a fight. Iris tells Vicky that, of course, she appreciates the things Vicky does for her, but she shouldn't rely on validation from other people for her self-esteem. When Iris says things like that, Vicky sees her as an insensitive person and wonders if Iris really knows or cares about her at all. When this happens, Vicky calls her mother, who always reassures Vicky that she's wonderful and caring and that Iris is lucky to have a partner like her. There are a few things going on here,

• 22:53Jay Shetty?

  but the big overall reason that Vicky and Iris are struggling is, can you spot it? They're not fully committed to one another. As a result, when conflicts arise, they have a tendency to pull away from one another instead of leaning in to solve the problem. Have you ever seen those couples' challenges on reality TV where people have to work together to complete obstacles? There's one where the couple are up in the air, wearing harnesses, and they're each standing on a rope. And they have to get from one platform to another, sliding across these ropes. And the only way they can do that is if both of them lean in and touch palms. And they have to lean in equally, or one will fall back and the other forward. When conflict arises and we both lean back, or when one of us does, we both will fall.

• 23:37Jay Shetty?

  Defensiveness is a key sign of leaning back. Iris becomes defensive when Vicky asks for acknowledgement for the way she supports her. It's more important for her to deflect or criticize Vicky's need for acknowledgement than actually listen. For her part, Vicky does something called coalition building when she calls her mom. She's leaning back by seeking validation from someone else that Iris is wrong. Both of these behaviors indicate a lack of trust in one another and the relationship. Now, in my relationship with Ravi, I remember really early on saying something to her. I said to her, "This relationship is between me and you. It's not a relationship between you and my mom. It's not a relationship between me and your mom.

• 24:19Jay Shetty?

  It's not a relationship between you and my family, and it's not a relationship between me and yours. This is a relationship between us. And so, we have to connect. We have to talk about these things. We have to discuss things. And we should be the ones letting each other know how we feel about each other, not taking external insight into that. That's the third lesson that I learned in my marriage over the last three years that has really helped, is that when I have an issue with Ravi, the person I speak to about is Ravi. And that we both have to have the openness and we both have to have the maturity to allow the other person to share how they feel and not deflect, not get defensive. And this takes work.

• 25:01Jay Shetty?

  It's so easy and it's so natural to just get defensive. But to actually listen, to actually understand, that's what love is, isn't it? Isn't that the love that we're all looking for and searching for and want in our lives? So here's an exercise. What I want you to do is the next time your partner's sharing something about you that they're struggling with, please put your ego aside. Feel like they're talking about someone else that you don't even know. Because you aren't that person. You aren't someone who wants to make them unhappy. Make it out like they're talking about someone else and listen to it in that observer mode. That will teach you so much about your partner and your partnership, more than you could ever get from any other method.

• 25:46Jay Shetty?

  So with Vicky and Iris, they sit down together and Vicky voices her issue as a challenge she's having. But instead of putting it directly on Iris, she puts this in this imagined third space. If they're sitting at a table, it's like putting it out on the table. She can even write the issue down on a piece of paper and put it on the table in front of them, but not between them, so they can look at it together. Vicky writes, "I feel a need for Iris to acknowledge me and the contributions I make to the household and the relationship more often." That's what people who love one another do. Then it's not her problem or Iris's problem, it's one they are both looking at together. Notice how that switches the paradigm of fighting against each other versus fighting

• 26:30Jay Shetty?

  against the issue. Researchers Robert Levinson and Anna Roof had couples discuss an area of conflict while they videotaped them. Then they had each person re-watch the video of their conflict twice, while wired with sensors to detect physiological data such as heart rate. While they watched the video the first time, the person turned a dial to indicate whether each moment of the conversation felt negative, neutral, or positive to them. For instance, when they heard their partner acknowledge their feelings, they would turn the dial to positive to indicate that was a positive experience for them. The second time they watched the video, they were asked to guess what their partner was feeling. Here's what was fascinating. Of those who most accurately guessed what their partner was feeling at various points

• 27:14Jay Shetty?

  throughout the discussion, their physiological readouts actually shifted to nearly match what their partner was feeling. They weren't just connecting mentally with their partner's feelings, they were actually feeling them along with their partner. They had deep empathy. They knew how to read their partners and they knew how to lean in. And these are key skills for problem solving in couples. Now, I want to share with you two more lessons that I've learned in my five years of marriage. And I know it's not the longest time, I know people have been married for plenty longer, but I'm just sharing my journey with where I'm currently at and what we're experiencing. One of the things I've encouraged Radi and I to do is to have constant check-ins every month.

• 27:59Jay Shetty?

  I'll check in with her and I'll say, hey, how do you think this relationship's going? What do we need to work on? What do I need to work on? What needs to change? What are you expecting or what are you needing that I'm not doing? It sounds like a business check-in. It sounds like a meeting, but it's so needed because if you want a relationship to be long-term, you can't just make one discussion and one decision about this relationship and expect it to last forever. We make a decision to be together and then we never discuss that decision ever again until something goes terribly, horribly wrong. Please set in a monthly check-in time where you talk about three things. The first thing is, hey, what am I getting right? B, what could I do better?

• 28:42Jay Shetty?

  And C, where are we going and growing together? If each of you reflects on these three questions together, I promise you will reduce the amount of conflict, reduce the amount of fights, and improve your connection and improve your communication. Try it out. The fifth and final lesson that I've learned from my five years of marriage is don't over-amplify the small stuff and don't carry that resentment into the next day. Don't let the little things become huge. Have those conversations and solve them. A lot of couples fight over daily activities, and Radhi and I do too. But we both wake up the next morning, forget about it, move on,

• 29:27Jay Shetty?

  and put practices into place to limit that happening again. You've got to be forgiving. You've got to move forward. Unless it's something truly physically or emotionally abusive or manipulative, we've got to be forgiving. We've got to move forward. If you truly want to build love, because the problems you have with your current partner, you'll have with your next partner. If you don't heal them now, if you don't solve the parts of your own puzzle that need to be solved, you will keep having to solve that puzzle with the next person. Right? If you feel like you're with someone and there's a missing jigsaw piece, find out how that's missing in your life. Because I promise you, when you get with someone else and you put down all the pieces of the puzzle, that will be the same missing jigsaw piece again and again and again, because it's somewhere missing in you.

• 30:12Jay Shetty?

  What part of the puzzle do you need to solve for yourself? Einstein once said, "If I had an hour to solve a problem, I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions." And that's the big takeaway today from all of these stories and all of my lessons. Rather than getting swept away with our immediate surface interpretation of what's going on with the other person, which is usually inaccurate, when we invest in developing an accurate picture together, we're more likely to succeed as a couple. Admittedly, it takes vulnerability and courage to lean in. But these are key elements of all successful relationships, and it's worth investing in and developing them. Poet Dominic Riccittello wrote, "Looking back and wondering

• 30:57Jay Shetty?

  if it could have worked eventually hurts more than trying and failing." Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Purpose. I hope it moved you and powered you, and I hope that you share it with a friend that it will help as well. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you so, so deeply. I'm so grateful.

• 31:22Jay Shetty?

  Okay, I have some big news. Thanks to all of your support, I have been nominated for a Webby Award, pretty much the internet Oscars. Actually, we have. On Purpose, the podcast, has been nominated in the category of Best Health and Wellness Podcast. If you enjoy this podcast, if it makes any difference in your life and has ever had an impact, it would mean the world to me if you vote for us for the People's Voice Award at the Webby's. The link is in the caption. Please, please, please go and vote. It will take all of 20 seconds, and it would mean the world to me if you come and support me and my team. Let's go win a Webby. Check out the link in the caption. I can't wait to see if we get number one.

• 32:07Jay Shetty?

  Fingers crossed.

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