Ep 589 - Broke Mind Virus

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ hello0o0o0o0. Hope you've all had a good week. The D. A. W. G. Z. have reunited ... on Shang's bday no less. yayyyy. Hot cast ensued. What did you expect. TGIF. Please enjoy. God Bless. $35 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Visit dosedaily.co/MSSP and use code MSSP to get 41% off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  All right.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Hello.

• 0:03Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Hello, we're live now, dude. How much does Nate's brother look like Dr. Uma?

• 0:09Speaker 03

  I thought it was a good doctor, for sure.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  When, when your brother walked in, and of course I know him, so that's how I know him, but when he walked in, I was like, oh shit. I thought it was Dr. Uma. And then the good doctor, you guys were, you and your brother put on the fucking dipshit brothers. You and your brother are the dipshit brothers.

• 0:26Speaker 03

  My brother, I don't know how, he, he usually holds it together. I did what I do, but him, that was out of character.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Right before, right before I go on stage, he comes walking through, puts his arm around Nate's shoulder, can't walk, going through the tunnel. I go get him a chair, we sit down, I turn around, he falls out of the chair.

• 0:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, he never hit the chair. He, I tried to put him in the chair.

• 0:46Matt McCusker?

  He pulled out from under him, ultimate prank?

• 0:47Speaker 03

  And like, leg just still up on the chair.

• 0:50Matt McCusker?

  That was like a medical pass out, though.

• 0:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  It was. And Nate.

• 0:55Speaker 03

  I panicked.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Nate cried.

• 0:56Speaker 03

  I didn't cry, but I did go.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  I go, holy shit, is he all right, Nate? He goes, I don't know.

• 1:01Speaker 03

  It wasn't that bad, but I did hit him. I was worried about him. He went down.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  I don't even know, help.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  I saw, I've nev- I never see, I didn't say help.

• 1:10Matt McCusker?

  Somebody call an ambulance.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  I was thinking about it for a second.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  I was like, I can't go on stage, Nate's brother just died.

• 1:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  The good doctor.

• 1:19Matt McCusker?

  Nah, Shane AI stepped over him while talking.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  I did step, I did step over him, dude.

• 1:27Speaker 03

  He's all right. He popped, I don't know if you heard it when he popped up. He popped up and was like, I wasn't on the ground. That was the first thing he said.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I heard when he popped up.

• 1:33Matt McCusker?

  I didn't pass out.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  As, as fellow big guys, we were both celebrating the fact that his belly did not fall out.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, that was good. That was a good look on him.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Because that could have been devastating. Just laying on your side, that big, it's like, it's got a slight curvature. It's a rough look.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, he laid it on his back, he got lucky. He would have been mad.

• 1:49Matt McCusker?

  You hit the floor and your belly hit the floor?

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I can't even remember. It was just.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Leg in the air, yeah, you were pure panic.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57Matt McCusker?

  It sucks.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, he, once he was good.

• 2:00Matt McCusker?

  I was telling Nate, passing out sucks, dude. Passing out is sus.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  That's what Jim Jones says.

• 2:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I was watching Jim Jones's podcast. Dude, the old black guys are flying into the podcast game. They figured out the code. All you gotta do is call each other gay the whole time. And they're making millions already.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  We've been doing it for a decade.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Welcome brothers.

• 2:22Matt McCusker?

  They're just coming in, talking, like, wait, you pass out? It's kind of fucking gay. Like, anyone, I never pass out. Fuck passing out. That shit's gay as hell.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Fuck, that is actually my whole act.

• 2:35Matt McCusker?

  Now, old black dudes, they've been doing it forever. The paws. They're the paws. Paws and each other is the best. Jada Kisses and Fat Joe's podcast is just so Fat Joe gets paws nonstop.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  He does. He says some wild ones.

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he's crazy.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  It's almost like he's doing it on purpose.

• 2:50Matt McCusker?

  I really think so. He probably has a staff of writers, be like, write me the gayest shit you can possibly think of.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  But no, Nate's brother bounced back and then Nate picked up the torch.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  He said, how can I make a bigger fool of my family? He was rolling around on the couch.

• 3:04Matt McCusker?

  Man, when you say roll, like, I could have been, I was just.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  You literally were standing right there, you'd fall over the couch. Like a scuba diver, you would.

• 3:12Matt McCusker?

  Like, like going, oh shit.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  You'd fall backwards.

• 3:16Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know you got, you were that drunk. We were on the plane together.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  You know, I found, do you know why scuba divers, you know how they sit on the boat and fall backwards?

• 3:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Do you know why they do that?

• 3:23Matt McCusker?

  Look cool.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  No, because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Come on, guys.

• 3:36Matt McCusker?

  Classic. Highlight reel 2025.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Joke world, clip it.

• 3:40Matt McCusker?

  Joke room. Highlight reel 2025, just run that back 25 times.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 3:46Matt McCusker?

  That's what we'll do for the New Year's.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  New Year's episode.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Over and over for three hours. You'd fall asleep to it. But you're gonna laugh every time. You're gonna try to sleep and you go.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Now, Phil hit me with that. Phil hit, Phil hit me and Gerbys with that.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  It was great. We were watching a shit, he was watching some fucking bullshit travel show. He was watching like a show about cruise ships. And they were showing, I was like, dude, you want to go on a cruise so bad. This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh, yeah. Fellas, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.

• 4:22Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 4:23Speaker 01

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• 4:28Speaker 01

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• 4:44Matt McCusker?

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• 4:50Speaker 01

  Now, wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse.

• 4:54Matt McCusker?

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• 5:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:16Matt McCusker?

  Did you hear about the guy who just died on a cruise?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:18Matt McCusker?

  Some dude had on record 33 drinks, because I guess they went in the tally.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:22Matt McCusker?

  Dude, and they.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Back to the black podcast?

• 5:27Speaker 01

  That's kinda gay, dude.

• 5:29Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, they shot him with an antipsychotic. So he was, he had fully rodeo bowled himself. He just got 33 drinks in. He's getting his fucking money's worth, honestly. There's nothing wrong with that. And then they tried to like subdue him and apparently they gave him an injection.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  That'll kill you.

• 5:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think the two things combined, which is like, first of all, if you're gonna subdue anyone on a cruise ship, it's probably gonna be from alcohol. Why would you have a thing that does that? Secondly, like, why don't they have a Narcan version of alcohol that as soon as you give someone it, they're just like,

• 5:59Speaker 01

  God, that'd be bad.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  I'd carry it around. I'd just be like, alright, well, that's coke, but.

• 6:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Just so you know, that is coke. People go, I'm a little too drunk.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  I'm back, hey, what do you guys wanna talk about?

• 6:13Matt McCusker?

  But no one would take it. If you're drunk, you're like, yo, you gotta take your anti-alcohol. You'd be like, shit, fuck it.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm fine, this feels good. He could've used it on Nate. He was, yeah, dude, you were rolling all over the couch.

• 6:24Matt McCusker?

  We could've, we should've Narcan Nate, dude. Alcoholic American.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  And you got on the plane going, I'm sober. I had to take care of my brother this whole time.

• 6:31Matt McCusker?

  I was kinda.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  You were not.

• 6:33Matt McCusker?

  I really felt sober.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  We talked about, me and Matthew talked about it.

• 6:36Matt McCusker?

  Not sober.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  You were drinking, you, when we got into the green room, you poured a, a glass.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Of liquor.

• 6:43Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  You're drinking liquor the entire show.

• 6:46Matt McCusker?

  And then you did those poppers. You did a couple of poppers in the bathroom.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  And you took the poppers, you and your brother, you and your brother just snorted poppers.

• 6:53Matt McCusker?

  You took poppers and juicy with your brother.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Don't put diddy on it.

• 6:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you were like rail lines to see before the show.

• 7:03Matt McCusker?

  And then you had GHV laced baby oil. You gotta start traveling with like a, just a milk carton of baby oil.

• 7:11Matt McCusker?

  What the hell?

• 7:11Speaker 01

  God damn.

• 7:12Matt McCusker?

  Who the hell's that?

• 7:13Speaker 01

  We're never gonna get this podcast done.

• 7:15Matt McCusker?

  We're never gonna get this thing done.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  This is the busiest day.

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

  That was a hard, that was an authoritative knock too. Let's see what that is.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  Sounds good so far.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  It's fucking.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  I don't know what the hell, maybe did you guys order something?

• 7:31Speaker 01

  No, it's probably birthday bullshit.

• 7:32Matt McCusker?

  You think so? It's like a hat and like a.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Says Frigile, must be Italian.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Come on, man.

• 7:41Matt McCusker?

  Put it 2025.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  2025 clips, 20, the best out of 2025 joke roll clips.

• 7:47Matt McCusker?

  Clip it up.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Damn dude, stop sending me boxes.

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  I know, just crap.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  More boxes.

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  Just fucking crap.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Alright, so Nate, you and your brother were snorting poppers, you kissed. He fainted, that's how.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  That's how Nate woke him up, dude, he was a little fucking Prince Charming.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  Forehead kiss.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, kissed him on his lips and he came back to life.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Kissed him on the center of his forehead, told him I'm big bro.

• 8:09Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  You, you did handle it, I didn't like the way you were handling it. You were saying nasty things to your brother, he just died.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Once, once I knew he was okay, that's how I had, I had to start.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  He was sitting there, coming back to fucking life and you were standing over him being like, you fucking piece of shit. Hey, you dumbass fucking fainted pussy.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  I didn't do that, why are you making me sound like that?

• 8:29Speaker 01

  You did.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  I was shaking my head at him though.

• 8:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was like, give me that 25% of the company back, dude, fuck you. Nate went full diddy on his brother.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, baseball bat.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  I, I had to take advantage of being big bro for one hour, that was, he's, he's like older than me by enough then.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  You couldn't handle the success.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  You immediately blacked out and rolled around.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  You were laying on this couch, you passed out, I grabbed you by the legs and pulled you as hard as I could.

• 8:59Matt McCusker?

  Lost a check immediately.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Belly came out, lost his paycheck from the show.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Well, I didn't forget that. Actually, I think about that every day.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta get on that.

• 9:09Matt McCusker?

  But no, I was shocked. We got back and it was just like thinking everything was cool. Then all of a sudden I looked over. You're on the couch, just like, like a fish out of water, just floundering around. What the fuck?

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Flopping around and everyone's going Nate, what are you doing? And you're going, isn't this funny? And we're like, no, dude, it's kind of embarrassing.

• 9:26Matt McCusker?

  I mean, bro, in different entertainment circles, you would have gotten clapped.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:29Matt McCusker?

  You would have gotten fully clapped. I knew I wasn't in the same space. You would have woke up. I knew I wasn't in no clout though. You would have been in the camera and been facing you 10 years from now. You'd be like, I don't know what happened.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, pilot could have clapped him.

• 9:43Matt McCusker?

  Anyone could have clapped him.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Anyone could have, anyone.

• 9:46Matt McCusker?

  Anyone could have clapped. Could have been a lady with a strap on could have clapped you? Well, I didn't get clapped, so that's a good thing.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  I'd pay to watch that. I'd ditty that. I'd take ecstasy and watch you get clapped for three days.

• 10:00Matt McCusker?

  I still don't understand. Three straight days. What were they taking though? It's making them clap for three days.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  I take, I take, anytime I take any of those drugs, I'm like, I don't want to talk to anybody.

• 10:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you don't want to clap, let alone clap for three days?

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Clap for three days? It's an ovation.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Matt, this episode is brought to you by PrizePix. I love the holidays. Gifts, food, and most importantly, sports.

• 10:22Matt McCusker?

  We got bowl games, basketball matchups, playoff pushes. It's all going on. And while you and I are out here making decisions every day, like how much turkey is too much turkey? There is one place where it feels good to be right. PrizePix.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  God, Matt, could you just riff for me daddy on, uh, talk about something PrizePix offers in the app that you love lately?

• 10:44Matt McCusker?

  I just love the more or less and, uh, I love, that's always, that's like the, you know, flagship feature. I do love the fact that they have another feature where I believe you can like completely get out of something if the player's not performing well.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Something like that.

• 10:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I like that one too.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  It's a good feature.

• 11:00Matt McCusker?

  I love that.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Sweet riff. Matt, is your fantasy season over already? My team is cooked. Ha ha. This couldn't be written for me because my team's in first place. But with PrizePix, I don't have to wait until next year's draft. PrizePix has something to play every week. Pick your favorite players and teams all season long. Think about that.

• 11:17Matt McCusker?

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• 11:29Speaker 01

  PrizePix, it's good to be right.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Lots of ball fun.

• 11:32Matt McCusker?

  I do like how, I do like how Diddy like slowly, he bring the male escort over. Let the male escort obviously cuck you or whatever. But then like how he slowly got involved is so funny. Just punishing her for liking it too much.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Good lord, dude.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Good, the most diabolical thing was, if you haven't seen The Doc, go watch it.

• 11:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty great.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Most diabolical to me, obviously, maybe Killing Pock, whatever.

• 11:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, pretty bad.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Making Biggie's family, the estate, pay for the funeral. And then dancing on the fucking VMAs.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  It is amazing, though, how he like, right after that happened, he became like truly, I mean, he was already obviously famous, but then he became like a real music superstar in his own right. And it's like, watching him dancing around on stage in all white was kinda like-

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Even as a kid, I was like, this guy sucks dick at dancing. People were like, he was a professional dancer. I was like, he's terrible. This is the worst dancing I've ever seen.

• 12:28Matt McCusker?

  He's not a professional dancer.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Did y'all notice he stole a Rolling Stone cover from him too? Like after he died, he was like, I need it now.

• 12:35Matt McCusker?

  He had a business, he had a business to run. I get that. He had a business to run. Things don't just stop.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Gotta keep it moving.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Dude, and the clips of him and fucking Ellen? What was that? That's like daytime television for, you know.

• 12:51Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  She was like grabbing his, she's like, what are you grabbing there? Your piece? Oh.

• 12:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was pretty wild.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Somebody's got to do it.

• 12:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was a-

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Freaks.

• 13:02Matt McCusker?

  She left the country?

• 13:05Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 13:07Speaker 04

  She's in Europe or something like.

• 13:08Matt McCusker?

  Why'd she leave?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Cause everyone said she was mean.

• 13:10Matt McCusker?

  Cause she's mean, so she had to go?

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Trump got elected the second time she left.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Hmm, that's a, that's an excuse. Everyone said she was mean.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I heard she was just nasty.

• 13:21Matt McCusker?

  She got exiled for being a meanie. Had to go back to Europe.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Gotta go back, dude. Your lineage ends here. Back to the old country. Start over.

• 13:32Matt McCusker?

  Try again. How about you change your attitude and come back?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't be mean this time, Ellen.

• 13:37Matt McCusker?

  I mean, how mean was she? I feel like so many people in the TV realm are probably pretty fucking mean. Like, how mean are we talking? Can we get, like, is there any, like, specific examples of, like?

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Uh, off memory, I, I remember she was like, sort of like a no eye contact in the hallway sort of boss, like, don't look at me.

• 13:55Matt McCusker?

  That's just lesbian alpha.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:58Matt McCusker?

  That's lesbian, I don't see nothing wrong with that.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  I'll look it up, she, if I can find anything, but.

• 14:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's just like.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  No eye contact in the hallway, that's

• 14:06Speaker 01

  fully acceptable.

• 14:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  We're oh, sexual misconduct.

• 14:10Matt McCusker?

  Hold on now. What kind of, uh, what was she doing?

• 14:14Speaker 05

  I'm just, I just read the headline real fast, I'm sorry. Uh, March 20, 20th during, uh, quarantine, Squid, Twitter.

• 14:22Matt McCusker?

  Just puking.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  That's so crazy.

• 14:25Matt McCusker?

  That's insane.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  Why?

• 14:28Speaker 01

  You were just on your hands and knees in the bathroom, puking.

• 14:33Matt McCusker?

  Now you're on Ellen's ass.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Wait, you bent over?

• 14:37Speaker 01

  You bent, you gotta fucking get down there to puke.

• 14:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you did hands on the hips?

• 14:41Speaker 01

  He did akimbo?

• 14:42Matt McCusker?

  He did macarena.

• 14:44Speaker 05

  I went full teapot.

• 14:46Matt McCusker?

  So wait, so, okay, so Ellen only, no eye contact, which I totally fucking get, and possibly I think we should instate here.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:54Matt McCusker?

  Specifically during the podcast.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I don't like looking at you guys.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  No eye contact.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Being a meanie, yeah, that kind of sums it all up. Fear-based environment, producers allegedly being rude, dismissive or discriminatory, people getting fired or taking uh, foretaking medical leave or bereavement leave. Uh, so basically just being a big.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Depends what type of bereavement.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  In my opinion.

• 15:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Somebody's like, my fucking, my nana died. Like, how old was she? She's like one hundred and five.

• 15:27Matt McCusker?

  Get in here.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're going to work.

• 15:29Matt McCusker?

  Get in here. You're lucky to go to the funeral. Get in here.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  I remember Greg Fitzsimmons used to work for her and he was like, yeah, she was fucking nuts.

• 15:37Matt McCusker?

  Fitzdog.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, allegedly. And there's a controversy about her DJ. She, did you ever see that guy?

• 15:43Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  My mommy used to love Ellen, so I used to watch it a lot. And she had Twitch, who was a DJ who would dance with her and stuff.

• 15:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  And he committed suicide, I think, out of nowhere. And he had like a family. It was really sad stuff.

• 15:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. So what are you, what are you, what are you saying?

• 15:58Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Are you alluding to?

• 16:02Speaker 04

  I think Ellen bullied him to death. Yeah, I think Ellen, I don't know.

• 16:06Matt McCusker?

  He thinks he found his car in Vegas and paid the Southside Crips to take him out?

• 16:09Speaker 04

  I don't know. She might have called a hit on Twitch.

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  Never paid the Crips. How crazy is that? What a miser, truly a miser.

• 16:20Matt McCusker?

  I was just thinking about that, how that is like, I mean, again, if all of this is true, which, you know, a lot of the points need to line up. It's like, that's the worst guy ever to not pay you and then just fuck you afterwards. It's one thing not to get paid, but stink. But then if he just starts like fucking you, I'd be like, dude, what the fuck, man?

• 16:36Speaker 01

  You mean like literally fucking?

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like fucking you.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:38Matt McCusker?

  Literally fucking you after not paying you and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna fuck you.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that DJ, that DJ that was on the boat for a while. I don't know what happened to him, dude. He was getting drugged.

• 16:48Matt McCusker?

  He's getting paid now. He said, he was like, I went, I took this thing, thinking I was gonna get money to change my family's life. It's like, well, you might get it, man. That's termination. That's making the band.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  That's, that is making the band.

• 16:59Matt McCusker?

  That's making the band.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  But I loved, the Diddy voicemails to him were great, dude. It's like, bro, I love you. Why the fuck are you doing this? I'm gonna pay you. What the fuck, man? I remember you, you were so funny. We hung out.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Somebody being like, can I get paid? The album's out?

• 17:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, him and, him and his, that was my favorite era, is him in like, post-making the band when he was just fifty, just like, still getting after it. It was really funny.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was, when he was dressed like the Joker running around screaming at people.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could see, you could see something, something was coming down the pike on that one. It was a clear mental breakdown.

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  Well, that means-

• 17:38Speaker 01

  He's gonna get out and murder everybody.

• 17:40Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 17:41Matt McCusker?

  We can't, because everyone's gonna make documentaries and prove he murdered people.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  He probably wants to kill himself, he's gonna-

• 17:46Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that, that like B-roll of him, like, kinda present day, apparently there's 140 hours of that stuff. So, I think there's a lot more. That's, that's, that's what-

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Well, we were talking about, what, what was the baby oil doing in the, basically in the fucking like, the control room, like, this is, things are going bad.

• 18:06Matt McCusker?

  It's the war room.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  It was the war room, and it's like, don't forget ecstasy and baby oil, just in case we have like a fun night. During the, uh, trial.

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  I mean, once you get, once you get the baby oils going, it's hard to like not, you, you kinda want that on deck, and, God forbid things go south, let's get a good baby oil sesh with my grown son.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Guy, I agree with that.

• 18:30Matt McCusker?

  That's the craziest too, having your boy-

• 18:32Speaker 01

  Bringing your boy into it?

• 18:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  And then, like during that, when his, his son was like, we gotta do something, we gotta say something, he was like, God told me to be quiet, you do whatever you gotta do.

• 18:42Matt McCusker?

  I kinda respect that.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  He's just fucking abandoning yourself.

• 18:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but God told him to do nothing. God told him to bring 14 jars of baby oil-

• 18:50Speaker 01

  He said, "There's a whole ocean of oil under my tub."

• 18:54Speaker 01

  "I've abandoned my boy."

• 18:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, that's the most, I can't think of a worse thing to come out about anybody. You think YouTube comedy docs are rough? Try getting 50 Cent on your ass with some fucking B-roll, dude.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  He's the ultimate fucking elephant graveyard. He's the ultimate dude.

• 19:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you think that's rough? His style is actually very unoriginal, it's like, bro, whatever, after seeing the 50 Cent shit, I'm like, man, I don't care.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Last thing you want is 50.

• 19:26Matt McCusker?

  He killed everybody, all your favorite rappers, he killed those guys, didn't pay anyone, and raped everybody, and you're like, dude, this is just bad.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Murdering rapist.

• 19:34Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Gay. You go, "Hold on a second, I'm not gay."

• 19:42Matt McCusker?

  Not as, and I like a lot, in the documentary, a lot of times when he's like, when people are like complaining about him, he'll like be like, man, he's just, it's just broke mindset, he's just broke mindset. The guys you didn't pay and fucked, they have broke ideas, these broke motherfuckers are funny as hell.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  I ain't fuck them, what, what are they talking about?

• 20:01Matt McCusker?

  That's what happens, you get so broke.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Nobody's gonna make that up. No dude is gonna be like, yeah, and then he fucked me. That one, you don't toss that one in.

• 20:10Matt McCusker?

  No, that's crazy, bro, that's crazy. Apparently the guy, like you see the, the guy was, he was talented.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  It's a real accusation.

• 20:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  You're a dude, a straight dude.

• 20:21Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm, and then going, I don't even wanna talk, on the doc going, I don't even wanna talk, I wanna get into that. But going, I woke up and I was a little, that's exactly what a dude would say, I was just sore, um, I don't wanna talk about it, it's like, fuck, man, fuck, man. But yeah, he is in for a rough one, he, he's already, they're already trying to like, challenge, you know, they're probably trying to sue Netflix right now, big time. Diddy's team, who's his team, dude?

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Cease and desist, apparently, yeah.

• 20:48Matt McCusker?

  Who is it, Dershowitz?

• 20:52Speaker 04

  Well, apparently, that he fucked his lawyer, that, not like literally, but since he, they.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  He definitely didn't pay his lawyers, there's no chance.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  But the footage like, kinda exposes the lawyer of like, bad practice and stuff like that, because there's like, personal, or like, what were supposed to be private conversations, that the guy was just filming the whole time, and 50 put those in the.

• 21:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Doc too.

• 21:15Matt McCusker?

  Filming himself with his lawyers, yeah, what the hell was that about?

• 21:18Speaker 04

  I don't know, but it fucked the lawyer, I heard.

• 21:20Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 21:21Speaker 04

  On the internet, yeah, apparently he's not too happy about it.

• 21:23Matt McCusker?

  I fucking bet, dude, also, yeah, obviously, dang, that sucks, man, being a lawyer stinks, cause then like, you're just, you're the guy advocating for the guy, and everyone's like, what a fucking asshole.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:35Matt McCusker?

  Cause his dream team, he did have a nice dream team.

• 21:39Matt McCusker?

  I also, I also, I do respect being at trial, and just looking at the jury and going, can you believe that shit?

• 21:44Speaker 01

  I know, and it works.

• 21:46Matt McCusker?

  Bullshit.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  That girl that was on there, the juror was like, dude, he's, Diddy's fucking sick, he kept looking at me, we were making the same face, it was kinda fucking funny.

• 21:53Matt McCusker?

  That was funny, like, we both made the same face, like, what?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  The girl who was like crying, that was like, I got kidnapped, and the whole jury was like.

• 22:03Matt McCusker?

  There was like fucking broke mindset, clearly broke mindset.

• 22:08Matt McCusker?

  It was a broke mind virus.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  The broke mind virus got into the jury. The jury did not have the broke mind, they were fucking paid alphas.

• 22:16Matt McCusker?

  We got the most, it was nothing but the most extreme hustlers is the old Indian guy. They were in love. Classic love story.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Shout out to fucking Diddy's jury, or his, his team of lawyers. For jury selection being like, fucking Pakistani immigrant. Get him the fuck on there. He's not gonna give a fuck about that fucking video of Cassie getting hit. He's like, she shouldn't have left the room. How could she leave?

• 22:45Matt McCusker?

  He was in the middle of a bath.

• 22:48Matt McCusker?

  You must never leave your husband while he bathes.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  There are many oils. Oh, there are many oils in his house. Some of the finest oils.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  They fucking, they would have stacked that jury with 12 angry Indians. The Indian dudes were just fully like free Diddy, he's totally innocent dude, when he fucking hit a couple of girls.

• 23:17Matt McCusker?

  They were in love and they did crazy things. And he was also like, and if you cannot take all the glitz and glamour and take it one way or the other, she could leave. It's like, he literally kidnapped his assistant, like, I'll kill her if you don't come outside.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 23:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the, the one thing that really kinda rocked my socks is when the assistant was like, yeah, I saw this fucked up shit, but I didn't wanna say anything, just like for the culture. And I'm like, what the fuck are you?

• 23:45Speaker 01

  It's for the culture.

• 23:46Matt McCusker?

  What are you talking about?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  We have representatives of the culture here, would you guys like to speak on the culture?

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Scared to reach for it.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  I will.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Yes. It's for the culture, dude.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  I don't got nothing to say.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  You got kidnapped to gunpoint to try to murder Kid Cudi. But you didn't want to tell anybody for the culture.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  That was that lady. She did it for the bag.

• 24:12Matt McCusker?

  You think it was the bag? Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  It's a lot of money.

• 24:14Matt McCusker?

  It was just the craziest excuse to be like, "Yeah, I did see him beat the fuck out of his girlfriend. He kidnapped me." But it's like, you know, just like overall for the culture. It's like, what? You're not gonna tell about the murderous rapist?

• 24:26Speaker 03

  That didn't feel like a real sentence. That felt like, like, nah.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, dead. Like, maybe for the culture.

• 24:33Matt McCusker?

  You think Capricorn was capping?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  She got the name for it.

• 24:38Matt McCusker?

  True name is Cap, dude. I can't believe a single thing you said. That cracked me up, though. I was like, what the fuck is that? What are you, what are you talking about? Every time I hear that, I'm like, dude, what are you saying? What the hell are you saying?

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Truly, like, it's crazy.

• 24:52Matt McCusker?

  It's insanity. It's fucking pure insanity.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  It's very funny.

• 24:55Matt McCusker?

  Obviously, it's for the culture. It's like, what? What are you talking about?

• 24:59Speaker 01

  White people have to start holding that down.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Next time there's like a white collar crime, like Enron, just be like, dude, we couldn't. It's for the culture, bro. I knew there was insider trading. I knew they were doing all this, but it's for the culture, bro.

• 25:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we, we did loan Zambibia fucking seven million dollars at 4,000% interest.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Where the fuck are you from, Zambibia?

• 25:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, it's, it's rough, man. A lot of the OG black entertainers, it's, the line is drawn in the sand. The dude's coming out to like speak up for Diddy or just getting absolutely destroyed. I would never want beef with 50 Cent, man. I just don't, I just don't want it. Cause they're coming out and they're going like, it's fucking, obviously it's clearly bullshit and it's just, they're getting destroyed. It's like the worst thing they could possibly, why would they speak up for him right now?

• 25:54Matt McCusker?

  Are they on, that's my thing. Are they on cam?

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Tony Ayo was at the mothership on Tuesday.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  He's doing like a press tour. He's doing like all the pods right now.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  I don't know. He was at the, he was at the mothership. Obviously, he's Tony Ayo. That's G-Unit.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  But not Young Buck. They've been, Young Buck and, uh, they've been beefing with Young Buck. But yeah. Yeah, so.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  It's Matt's hip hop corner.

• 26:20Matt McCusker?

  Gather round now, y'all.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  Over like trans stuff?

• 26:25Matt McCusker?

  Uh, Young Buck, that, yeah, that was one of the allegations.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Also, the thing is, this, every one of these like hip hop fucking beefs is purely internet speculation.

• 26:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  It's very fun to just be like, wasn't it over trans stuff and somebody was gay?

• 26:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 26:41Matt McCusker?

  But that usually kind of is part of it.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, it is coming out that it is mostly that.

• 26:49Matt McCusker?

  So, but yeah, that documentary, man, that was great. I, uh,

• 26:52Speaker 01

  It was, yeah.

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  Very well done. When you start it up and you're going, how the fuck did he get this video? Still, there's, people are trying to get the source. People are trying to figure out who it was and, you know, they're getting close, but.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Who the videographer was?

• 27:06Matt McCusker?

  Videographer was?

• 27:07Speaker 01

  He's in trouble.

• 27:08Matt McCusker?

  I don't think so.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Bro, he's gonna get shot.

• 27:11Matt McCusker?

  You think he's gonna get shot?

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he's. Diddy is gonna kill everyone.

• 27:13Matt McCusker?

  But he doesn't pay anybody. It's in the thing being like.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter.

• 27:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  He never cared about, he'll kill you.

• 27:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Although he has to hire henchmen. Where's he gonna get the henchmen now?

• 27:23Speaker 01

  The henchmen are gonna go, like they always have, be like, he says he's gonna give me a million bucks.

• 27:27Matt McCusker?

  True, true.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Fuck, he didn't pay me.

• 27:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the henchmen afterwards.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna tell them though, cause it's the culture.

• 27:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. If the henchmen, if it was true, their story that they like killed Tupac and then sat right outside, watched the ambulance pull up, and then just went and smoked weed and partied, it's fucking wild.

• 27:46Speaker 05

  They were bad henchmen, you know?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Well, they were good.

• 27:49Speaker 05

  They got away with it.

• 27:50Matt McCusker?

  Perfect henchmen.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  They were the best henchmen ever.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  It was because of Diddy. It wasn't, the guy's in jail. The guy was in jail for something else, though. Like the guy.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but dude, they're henchmen. They're fucking killing people and just chilling outside.

• 28:00Speaker 05

  I know, but like.

• 28:01Matt McCusker?

  Right where they killed a guy.

• 28:01Speaker 05

  When you're a henchman and you don't get your money, you gotta go kill the boss.

• 28:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but who do you think is gonna sit around and kill somebody in Las Vegas for you just like that? It's not gonna be like a, it's not John Wick. These guys are fucking, very, you know? They're making bad choices all the time.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:18Matt McCusker?

  These guys are making terrible choices.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:21Matt McCusker?

  And they got away. They did a good job as far as henchmen go.

• 28:24Speaker 05

  I think Diddy made, they're like, you only got Pac, so you only get half.

• 28:28Matt McCusker?

  And then he didn't even, but yeah, true. That was fair. The deal was both.

• 28:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:33Matt McCusker?

  So, deal was both.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Botha. What's a botha?

• 28:41Matt McCusker?

  The holidays are basically one long combo of eating too much, drinking too often, and not moving at all. It's fun, but your system ends up taking a hit.

• 28:50Speaker 01

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• 29:07Matt McCusker?

  That's nuts.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Matt, could you hit me with some discussion prompts?

• 29:14Matt McCusker?

  Let me see. Please discuss your experience with overindulging.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Matt, what's your body trying to tell you after your third party in a row?

• 29:22Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I don't, it depends on what kind of overindulging we're talking about. Are we talking food? Are we talking sex?

• 29:28Speaker 01

  I can tell you, exactly. My mind's telling me no.

• 29:32Matt McCusker?

  But my body.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Uh, no, I, I've, Dose is good. It tastes good.

• 29:40Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it.

• 29:41Matt McCusker?

  Love that stuff.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  That's all you need to say about that.

• 29:43Matt McCusker?

  Love that stuff, dude.

• 29:44Speaker 01

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• 30:05Matt McCusker?

  One time only.

• 30:09Matt McCusker?

  Guys, please come. I'll be at the Springfield Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri, uh, this weekend. 12/12, 12/13. It's gonna be good. It'll be a good time.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  I hear you got some good openers.

• 30:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. I got the Mies Mat.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  The Mies.

• 30:20Matt McCusker?

  I got the Mies Mat coming.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  They're gonna get to see the Mies, too?

• 30:23Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Now, that's a ticket.

• 30:24Matt McCusker?

  The Mies in the flesh. Uh, Syracuse, New York. I'll be there 12/19, 12/20 at the Funny Bone. And then go to mattmccusker.com. I'm gonna do a bunch of shows come January 16th, all over the country. Thank you.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. If you're in Philly, buy tickets to the show at the link. And, uh, you should do that. There's gonna be some very good special guests. The ticket will be worth it. Even if I suck, because it's in a stadium, this show's gonna be worth it. Thank you. Oh, Lemar, sure.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  Hey, everybody. It's me, Lemar.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Why don't you promise to the camera you're gonna stop drinking and driving?

• 31:00Speaker 05

  I, I promise.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude. All right, go ahead about your fucking bullshit.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  I do promise, December 17th in Albany, New York, please come out over there. And also, January 15th at the Hilliam Alpharetta, please, please, please come. And Optimum Noctis, December 16th, actually. They've been really fun recently. They've been a hoot.

• 31:22Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  I like this.

• 31:27Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still, just one scoop, once a day. Vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great. Doesn't taste like a fistfight. Packaged travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle,

• 32:12Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  What do you know about Quince?

• 32:26Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cotton, like regular materials. Not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a big fan.

• 32:37Speaker 01

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• 33:02Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  That's a bargain.

• 33:04Matt McCusker?

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• 33:28Speaker 01

  That is pretty wild. I always wondered though, why didn't Suge Knight then try to kill Diddy?

• 33:34Matt McCusker?

  You know what I mean? If it was definitely him, and he was in the car, he saw the gunman. So I was curious why Suge Knight didn't try to kill, did he? No, he didn't.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  He's in jail right now, isn't he?

• 33:44Matt McCusker?

  Suge Knight's in jail?

• 33:45Speaker 04

  I think he's in jail for a long time.

• 33:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  I watched a weird, like, uh, like, one of the Sean Blazington-type videos of, uh, them interviewing Suge Knight, and he was corroborating everything that 50 was saying.

• 34:00Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 34:01Speaker 04

  He's really skinny now, though. They're, I mean, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't talk about this, but...

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  What? What the hell? We think you're gonna get touched?

• 34:07Speaker 04

  Uh, the culture is speculating that he has, like, an autoimmune deficiency, uh, type deal.

• 34:15Matt McCusker?

  He might. What the hell? What the fuck? You're acting like it's like a crazy conspiracy. He probably does. Oh, you're saying, like, autoimmune?

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Suge has AIDS.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  That's what the culture was saying in the YouTube video that I watched.

• 34:26Matt McCusker?

  I don't like that.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  I don't like it. I'm just, I don't know why I even brought it up, to be honest with you.

• 34:30Matt McCusker?

  But him having AIDS, potentially?

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't even really wanna talk about it.

• 34:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you thought he, you thought he might have been...

• 34:36Speaker 01

  You're afraid Suge's gonna get you. Sean Gardini. Sean Gardini.

• 34:39Matt McCusker?

  You have to be scared this Suge's gonna get you.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not fucking saying it. I'm saying Sean Gardini is saying that on a pretty massive platform.

• 34:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  You should, you're gonna edit this out.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  No, I'm not, well, I'm not gonna edit it out.

• 34:54Matt McCusker?

  You're saying with the streets, you got your ear to the streets.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, the streets are talking. I'm not, you know, I'm just relaying the message. Yeah, it could be.

• 35:00Matt McCusker?

  Could be cooking up some Oz.

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Or just good diet and exercise.

• 35:03Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 35:05Speaker 05

  Allegedly.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  This is all alleged.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  These are all alleged rumors.

• 35:10Matt McCusker?

  We need that documentary. Lemare, you gotta spearhead that doc. How did Eazy-E get AIDS?

• 35:15Speaker 05

  Straight out of Compton, dude.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Lemare, you gotta spearhead a documentary. He's puking. Lemare is on the take control.

• 35:22Matt McCusker?

  I think Lemare has AIDS.

• 35:23Speaker 05

  No, not yet.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 35:27Matt McCusker?

  Do people even get AIDS anymore? People still get it, I guess.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's...

• 35:31Matt McCusker?

  But it's totally manageable, from what I heard.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:33Matt McCusker?

  Look, I've had it now for, like, ten years.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:36Matt McCusker?

  It's not a big deal at all.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  I catch it, I catch it every, right around when the seasons change.

• 35:40Matt McCusker?

  I got it. Once I got, once I got my third booster, I got HIV. It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a huge deal at all.

• 35:49Matt McCusker?

  Just kidding. Anyway.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Oh, there's a lot of college football drama. Enough of Matt's hip hop corner.

• 35:54Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Now it's time for Shane's sports corner. We've covered the culture, now it's time to cover it. Sports. Notre Dame got buttfucked. Not a big deal. Notre Dame got diddied in front of everybody. And that's fine. We got diddled about as hard as it gets.

• 36:10Matt McCusker?

  Who done it?

• 36:11Speaker 01

  It's a committee. It was a committee. They lied on us for weeks. They lied on us. They put us, they ranked us ahead of Miami and Alabama for weeks and weeks. And then both teams not playing, they go, nah, they're better. Wait a second.

• 36:26Matt McCusker?

  How the hell does that work?

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Now, look, I'll give them Bama, or excuse me, I'll give them Miami. Cause Miami, they both went 10 and 2, and Miami beat them. Granted, it was week zero, it was in August. And Notre Dame starting a freshman quarterback for the first time on the road and they lost by a field goal with one minute left.

• 36:43Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Still, they played the game and they lost.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Give us the 1993 title. Now. We get the 93 title if that's how we're doing it, but. Then Miami proceeds to lose to SMU in Louisville, who are fair to middling. Quality, but fair to middling. Those are not great losses. Notre Dame rattles off 10 straight wins by an average of 30 points a game. Killed everybody the rest of the year.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  But push comes to shove, they give it to the head to head winner, which I can, I was all for Miami getting in over Notre Dame in that scenario. But Bama is 9 and 2, or 10 and 2 going into the conference championship game. Now, the logic is you shouldn't be punished for playing a conference championship game. It's an extra game against Georgia, who's one of the best teams.

• 37:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  But you get killed in the conference championship game. You get killed. You lose 28 to 7 with negative 3 rushing yards total. You get bullied.

• 37:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Don't move, don't drop a single rank. You stay above Notre Dame. Come on now.

• 37:46Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking bullshit.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 37:47Matt McCusker?

  That is crazy.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  But it's just the.

• 37:51Matt McCusker?

  It's drama and people are people kind of like gloating, sending you nasty stuff about it.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Obviously, I'm still receiving nasty messages. Nonstop. Fuck Notre Dame, fuck you, you fucking pussy.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  And that's fine.

• 38:02Matt McCusker?

  What does it affect though? It's just the standings?

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Well, that knocked Notre Dame out of the playoffs.

• 38:06Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 38:06Speaker 01

  Miami and Alabama, Miami and Alabama got in, Notre Dame's out.

• 38:10Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking bullshit, bro.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  It hurt, bro. I woke up that morning going, Notre Dame might win a national championship.

• 38:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Dude, watched, it's a live show that they unveil the rankings and who's in. And everybody's like, oh shit, like, cause all the ESPN announcers, the whole time, they're like, Notre Dame should be out. They advocated against Notre Dame. So I'm like, getting a little worried. I'm like, fuck, they're gonna fuck us. Then I checked the Vegas odds and Notre Dame's a lock. Like, alright, so Vegas thinks Notre Dame's in. I'm confident.

• 38:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Notre Dame gets fucked.

• 38:41Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  So I go from thinking, we got a chance this year. We got a lot of talent. We could compete for a title. Then later that day, they declined to even play in a bowl game and the season's just over.

• 38:50Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, Notre Dame's done.

• 38:52Matt McCusker?

  Why didn't they play the bowl game?

• 38:53Speaker 01

  It's a good question, Matt, but I like it. I like their decision.

• 38:56Matt McCusker?

  They're like, fuck you guys then.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were like, fuck you guys then. Cause they would have made ESPN and the ACC money. And both of them campaigned against Notre Dame.

• 39:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let them feel the pain.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Also, half our team was gonna sit out. Cause it's a meaningless, it was, they were like, alright, you can't win a national title, but you can play in the fucking Pop Dart Bowl in Orlando. Fuck you.

• 39:16Matt McCusker?

  How are they looking next year? I mean, I'm already thinking next year.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  They're fucking, they're gonna be nasty, brother. They're gonna be fired up.

• 39:21Matt McCusker?

  And they got a chip on their shoulder.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  And guess who's coming to town next season? Miami. Ooh, we're gonna fuck them up, dude. I can't wait. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun one.

• 39:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, that, I kinda like them getting snubbed and having a little chip on their shoulder.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  I do too, but the thing that hurts is we'll never get to see Jeremiah Love run the rock for the Irish again.

• 39:39Matt McCusker?

  That sucks.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Devastating. Thought I'd get a few more games out.

• 39:42Matt McCusker?

  Who do they got? Who do they got? Like, what's the, is there a young team, aren't they?

• 39:45Speaker 01

  They are, but we lose, well, we'll be alright. Transfers and the recruiting classes the last couple of years have been pretty nasty.

• 39:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  This year's, oh, I'm so excited to see these young boys play football.

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  You know?

• 39:56Matt McCusker?

  I'm sorry that happened. That sucks.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a devastating day.

• 39:58Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  And then the Eagles lost in embarrassing fashion again.

• 40:02Matt McCusker?

  Forget that. Bears lost to the Packers too.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:06Matt McCusker?

  I was rooting the Bears on. They're my number two team.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  I understand, I understand rooting for the Bears.

• 40:09Matt McCusker?

  It's my number two team.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  You gotta support the Bears.

• 40:11Matt McCusker?

  Especially versus the Pacs.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Especially like those consistent basement dwellers finally being good.

• 40:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  That's fun, dude. See the Lions come out of the basement, you go, look at you boys.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  It'd be like if the Browns were good, you'd go, fuck yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  But more importantly, Michigan's head coach just got fired yesterday.

• 40:30Matt McCusker?

  For what?

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Originally, it was for cause. So on the contract, you can get fired and not get, like if you have a cause to get fired.

• 40:38Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  So the initial statement is for cause.

• 40:40Matt McCusker?

  That's a general.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  And then you go, what did he do? He was banging a couple of the female, like recruiting assistants.

• 40:49Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  And, uh, yeah, there's some nasty footage out there.

• 40:54Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 40:54Speaker 01

  And like standing next to her before a game, like, apparently a text that came out that was just like, yo, come give me a head.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  Now, that one, I don't know how valid that is. But then he got detained by the cops.

• 41:07Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Allegedly.

• 41:09Matt McCusker?

  For what?

• 41:10Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think he went to somebody's house. And I think he threatened, uh, I think he threatened to exit this world, the earth, you know?

• 41:21Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Publicly. I think he said, you want to fucking ruin my life, bitch?

• 41:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, respectable power move, obviously.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Now, those are alleged allegations.

• 41:30Matt McCusker?

  That is a, I mean, it's respectable if you're wiling out that hard and then it's like everything, I'm guessing.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  And he had a wife and kids. So that's where it's like.

• 41:36Matt McCusker?

  I'd imagine that. That's kind of the last move to be like, I'll kill my fucking self, dude.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:42Matt McCusker?

  God forbid I had a little bit of fun. Now you want to ruin my whole life? I am going to kill myself and it's your fault.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  The thing we gotta find out, because this is classic dirty Michigan. Classic dirty Michigan. Now, did they know that this happened? Because somebody tweeted about it like two weeks ago.

• 42:02Matt McCusker?

  A little Sandusky Joe pie actually talking about.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  I know what, Shron's getting fired and this is why. And everybody ignored it. Now, the reason they would ignore it is so they could sign their recruiting class that they already had committed and then go, actually, that guy's a scumbag. He's out. But you got signed. You got to play for Michigan. They tried to, they tricked high school kids on top of their coach being a dirtbag.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  And I, you know, dirtbag strong, but just getting a little head, come on.

• 42:29Matt McCusker?

  Boils, I mean, although that kind of stuff.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  I can't, can't.

• 42:33Matt McCusker?

  That stuff boils down to the team, though. If you're in such a leadership position, you can't be out here wilding out like that.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Well, Matt, could you do some research? Is their quarterback transferring? Yeah, Underwood?

• 42:43Matt McCusker?

  I feel like if I were the coach of a college program, I'd be like, guys, I'm not going to come this entire season unless we win the championship.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, and which is what they had. Their last coach, their national champion coach, Jim Harbaugh.

• 42:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just a beast.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Full-blown autist.

• 42:56Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  He would never come like that.

• 42:58Matt McCusker?

  No, you can't.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  He would literally be like, what? What are you talking about?

• 43:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like for the.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  He's drinking milk, dude.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  That's the best.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  He drinks milk. He does it. He takes his shirt off to play seven-on-seven with high school kids. He wore hackies, shirtless, and played seven-on-seven. He's the fucking, Jim Harbaugh is the man.

• 43:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like as a coach, you can't try to be out here getting pussy and be cool, dude. You gotta be totally focused on the game.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 43:23Matt McCusker?

  I mean, players obviously should be too, but when I hear about coaches trying to get pussy, I'm like, dude, knock it off, man.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Wait till you find out about Lane Kiffin.

• 43:29Matt McCusker?

  What's up with him?

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 43:31Matt McCusker?

  Bad man.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Boy is a ree bad man. He's not afraid to talk to college girls while being the head coach at Ole Miss.

• 43:40Matt McCusker?

  Can't do it, man.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Which, can you blame him? Bro, can you imagine? Sorority girls from Ole Miss.

• 43:46Matt McCusker?

  So are they trying to take down the coach like that?

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, the only reason they're taking down Lane Kiffin now is because he left to take the LSU job from Ole Miss, which his team has one loss and they're going to the playoffs, and he still quit. The whole sport's just.

• 44:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the hell's going on?

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Money. Money changed the sport entirely.

• 44:06Matt McCusker?

  Damn, these guys are superstars now.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  They're all stars. Players, coaches, they're all, it's strictly business.

• 44:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Brian Kelly taught us that at Notre Dame, dude. We've been burned before.

• 44:14Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  But we got diddied. We fucking, we hired him after he, he made, he took Cincinnati from, like, Cincinnati. Took him to a Sugar Bowl, like, undefeated, and then he quit before the bowl to take the Notre Dame job. Abandoned his team before the biggest game in school history.

• 44:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kinda crazy, man.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  It was kinda the right move because they were playing Florida and they were definitely gonna get buttfucked.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  I went undefeated, you guys fucking lost and I got thirty mil, so.

• 44:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, couldn't they just let him play that one last game?

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Sometimes they do that, but yeah.

• 44:45Matt McCusker?

  Or they're like, we need you, hurry up, get over here.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  And when Kiffin left, he took a lot of the staff too. Ole Miss lost, like, their coaching staff.

• 44:56Matt McCusker?

  Dang, I didn't know so much drama going down.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Lot of drama.

• 44:59Matt McCusker?

  I still think with all the apps now that you have to like, if you wanna watch a sport, it's like, does YouTube TV cover like every sport thing? Or is there still teams where it's like you gotta pay a monthly?

• 45:09Speaker 01

  It depends. If you're, if you're Notre Dame and you're a national brand and everyone loves you, you can be on TV.

• 45:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  No, they cover the big games, yeah.

• 45:17Matt McCusker?

  I feel like the gambling apps, the least they can do is pull together some money and just stream every game for free.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  That's what they should do. That would be the right thing.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  I think I saw that at a bar, which is the smartest thing I've seen was, uh, one of those like FanDuel or DraftKings or one of those had a TV network. And it was showing like Serbian basketball at like 3 a.m.

• 45:38Matt McCusker?

  It's the least they can do.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  That's what you, first off, you're gonna make so much money.

• 45:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Get the rights to Japanese fucking baseball.

• 45:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  And just show it at fucking 3 a.m. when everyone's drunk.

• 45:49Matt McCusker?

  Especially, I think that's the least they can do, especially after like, you know, the guy who was on the app for six months, lost everything, punched his wife's in jail. He should at least be able to watch sports.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  In jail. He should be like, fuck, I wish I could be gambling on this. Fucking bitch wife said I'm not allowed.

• 46:03Matt McCusker?

  But at least they're streaming every game for free, which, cause that's what I've been hearing. It's like a pain in the ass, like where's the game on? Like, oh, you need this thing, you gotta go to this app and it's like.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Like certain sports like baseball, especially here in Texas where it's like you can't get it local.

• 46:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Like I had to buy the baseball thing to watch the Phillies.

• 46:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Nate had to buy the league pass to watch the 76ers, who are still fun. That Lakers game, the Lakers game, look, I hate to, hate to lose, but watching LeBron have fun.

• 46:30Matt McCusker?

  Watching LeBron drop thirty?

• 46:32Speaker 03

  The only thing I did like is the crowd was so hyped for him, but I got it at the same time. Like you get to watch LeBron hoop one last time.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  When he would dunk, I was like, oh, still got it.

• 46:42Matt McCusker?

  How long, he's been playing, how long's he been in the league now?

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Has to be like twenty, twenty-one? Years, twenty two years?

• 46:48Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was in like.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  We were kids.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were kids.

• 46:53Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ, that's crazy.

• 46:56Speaker 03

  He's played against like players and their dads. Like, he's been in the league so long, he's played against dads that now have sons in the NBA.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Generations.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 01

  He's dunked on fucking different generations.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's kind of a man.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  He is.

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  What did you do to Stoudemire?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  He's Thanos, dude. Killed the Stoudemire.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  He just dunked on him.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Everyone's getting fucking, whole family lines getting wiped.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  The Currys are next.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Curry, yeah.

• 47:33Matt McCusker?

  I'm rooting for LeBron's son. Everyone was hating on him. Kind of rooting for him.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Oh, you know who I'm rooting for? Shador.

• 47:39Matt McCusker?

  Are you really? Has he turned it around?

• 47:40Speaker 01

  I started cheering for him when he dropped in the draft.

• 47:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Be fun to see him do well and unfortunately got sent to the fucking Browns where.

• 47:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  You're never gonna, every quarterback that's ever been sent there just dies.

• 47:51Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  But he played alright. He's doing alright.

• 47:54Matt McCusker?

  Is he really?

• 47:55Speaker 01

  He's starting now the rest of the season.

• 47:56Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of sick.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. I hope he does well. Also, Deion kind of shut the fuck up a little this year.

• 48:01Matt McCusker?

  He chilled out.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  I think his team sucked. What's Colorado do? What mayor? What was Colorado football's record? And did Bryce Underwood transfer from Michigan?

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you don't really hear much about the Buffalo. That was a big, that was a big news.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  They were, and then the Buffalos never really did a single thing, so they kind of had to move on.

• 48:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was kind of some exciting.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  They were just stoking racial division as hard as they could. That was crazy.

• 48:32Matt McCusker?

  Just for the check for twenty twenty four, dude.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  They were three and nine this year.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  They were three and nine?

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  I had a feeling, because Neon was awfully quiet.

• 48:43Matt McCusker?

  So they didn't change.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  It's time to take the humble approach.

• 48:46Matt McCusker?

  Didn't change the game after all. That was, they was like posing it like it was like a sports revolution that was gonna change the game.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, they had a black coach. It's the first time in the history of football.

• 48:56Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Other than Notre Dame.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  But whatever.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Maybe he's not a dick.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  But yeah, that's another one. Like, I would shit on them and then you look into how fucking nasty Dion was and it's like, I understand why he's insane.

• 49:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, every-

• 49:14Speaker 01

  He deserves to be insane. He was like the greatest.

• 49:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, every time we played backyard football, it'd just be 12 kids pretending to be Neon Dion every time.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  In the high step?

• 49:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the whole time.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, high step, little shuffle when you score.

• 49:24Matt McCusker?

  The whole time. Yeah, that's good sports talk, though. It's a lot going on.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  I'd hit you with like the girl version of sports talk. You know what I mean? I'm giving you the drama, I'm giving you the dirty deeds. We're not talking ball, we're talking off-field issues.

• 49:38Matt McCusker?

  Talking the narrative.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  We're talking-

• 49:40Matt McCusker?

  You know I love the narrative.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  You gotta see your boy Kiffin.

• 49:43Matt McCusker?

  What's he up to?

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Just the texts, the girls are, you can't, obviously dude, if you talk to college girls, they're gonna fucking post it.

• 49:50Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  And they take, they would like, one girl would hold her Snapchat and the other girl would take a picture of it. And be Kiffin, be like, "Don't tell your boyfriend about this. Ha ha. Come over to my house." It's like, dude, you're cocking a fucking high- A fucking college kid, dude.

• 50:03Matt McCusker?

  I know, dude. I know.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Some poor kid is a fan of yours? That's a fan of the school? He's going to the games like-

• 50:11Matt McCusker?

  "Totty, totty, come on, Ole Miss." "Slides the visor backwards, time for a blowjob."

• 50:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just don't like the idea of coaches getting a bunch of pussy from college. It's just bothers me. Botheres me deeply.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  You should, dude. You're a Harbaugh man.

• 50:27Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  You would love Jim Harbaugh.

• 50:29Matt McCusker?

  I really liked the sound.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  As much as I talk shit on Michigan, Harbaugh's the man.

• 50:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just-

• 50:33Speaker 01

  They cheated, but awesome.

• 50:34Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  I wish Notre Dame would cheat. I don't give a fuck. Cheat, please.

• 50:40Matt McCusker?

  True. Thanks for forgetting this later.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. Oh, yeah. Last minute shopping for gifts is the worst. The shelves have been picked clean and really, if you've been putting it off this long, there's a good chance you have no idea what they even want. You know?

• 50:57Matt McCusker?

  Every year, oh yeah, I struggle to shop for it.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Before you do anything, I just need you to riff for me, daddy. Riff on something about Aura Frames for me, daddy.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  No, I like to, uh, I like to give them to my mom. I've told you this before. I like to give them to my mom, me, my brothers, sisters, pictures of us as babies in the bathtub. Then I have some ones from us when we were like a little older in the bathtub and we're actually recreating the whole family in the bathtub.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  I'm gonna need to get a copy of that.

• 51:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  I need a copy of that.

• 51:28Matt McCusker?

  Cousins and all. We're all gonna get in there and just do like different shots. Kind of like a calendar situation. So. Just us, our children, all of us in the bathtub.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  James is doing that with his daddy. James's dad are getting in the splash splash.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  Save yourself the stress and get them a personal gift that doesn't scream last minute. An Aura digital picture frame. Can you imagine? Matt, I need you to riff again, dude. Riff for me daddy. This is another riff about the Aura frame.

• 51:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man. The one thing I really like about it, man, we have a couple, we got them all through our house. We have Aura frames everywhere and I have a picture of myself for my eyes. It's like a portrait, but my eyes actually move.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 52:09Matt McCusker?

  So when people come by, I go, and then I go, got you.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  You go, hmm. Everybody that comes in, you go.

• 52:17Matt McCusker?

  So that's something, that's a fun trick.

• 52:18Speaker 01

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• 52:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, dang, that's fucking crazy, man. Who do you got for the NFL? Winning the stupid bowl.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  The Birds. The Birds are gonna come back, dude. I know it. I know it. I know it. We're gonna come back.

• 53:05Matt McCusker?

  Are they even in like the wild card running?

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. They're still top of the division.

• 53:08Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  But they're sliding.

• 53:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the hell?

• 53:11Speaker 01

  They just lost three straight.

• 53:13Matt McCusker?

  Do you think it was?

• 53:13Speaker 01

  And that means they lost five of the last seven. Right? Cause it was two losses, then two wins, then three losses.

• 53:23Matt McCusker?

  It's not too late to turn on the Jets, but I don't know, man. I think it's just the.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  They looked all right. In the loss, I don't mean to make an excuse. A lot of turnovers, a lot of unfortunate turnovers. AJ Brown, yeah, but he's, he had a game and, and Saquon looked good. They're finally, they, they could run the ball a little. Let's get some designed runs to Jalen Hurts.

• 53:41Matt McCusker?

  I haven't, yeah.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  What's the point of having him stand back there and throw? Let's use his legs a little.

• 53:45Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 53:46Matt McCusker?

  I'm not against you on that.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  Let's get a fucking designed run.

• 53:49Matt McCusker?

  Don't you think though, it's a little just like post-Super Bowl curse? It's gotta be hard to play this season after.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  It is, for sure.

• 53:54Matt McCusker?

  You know, you're partying up after winning the big Super Bowl. I think, I, I already wrote off the season. After they won the Super Bowl, I was like, they're not gonna do very well. You gotta, you gotta let them taste the pain. You gotta let them taste the pain and then maybe they'll come back again, cause. And I didn't wanna, you know, deflate your guys' spirits, but I saw you guys cheering for the Birds. I'm like, guys, this is not their year. I knew, I knew, going into the season.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  No, it is a true thing. It's, it's very difficult to repeat.

• 54:16Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  A lot of teams don't make the playoffs after they win.

• 54:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't know how you would. It'd be impossible. I would still be celebrating like three years later. I would never shut up about it. Every play, I'd be sacked 15-yard loss, but yeah, last year we won the whole fucking thing. It was so sick.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  Get a ring, pussy.

• 54:31Matt McCusker?

  I would wear my ring.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Anybody that tackled me, I go, dude, you'll never win. I haven't, it's already over. I'm done.

• 54:37Matt McCusker?

  Like dude, I already cashed in. I'm done. It's also funny, dude.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Get hit really hard, be like, yeah, whatever, pussy.

• 54:42Matt McCusker?

  Well, even with like Kels, it's like, dude, they, him and his brother have a bazillion dollar podcast.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  I think Kelsey's having a good year though. He had a rough game this week.

• 54:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm sure he's good, but it's like, you wouldn't catch me going across the middle, ball a little bit high across the middle. I'm like, yeah, I got a million dollar podcast to do one day. I'm not going for that.

• 55:01Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna go talk about fucking, I'm gonna sell fucking toilet paper and shit. I'm not doing this. Getting crushed across the middle by a young, hungry middle linebacker, like, yeah, I'm good. You can have that. I'm ma- I'm also married to Taylor Swift.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:15Matt McCusker?

  I don't have to catch that ball.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:18Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna get someone, I'll pay someone to catch it for me.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I'll be on the moon, pussy.

• 55:22Matt McCusker?

  I'll pay someone to catch that for me, bro.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:24Matt McCusker?

  He's got that long money now.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  True.

• 55:26Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna hi- I'm gonna hire a tight end of my own and put him out there and let him chill.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  You should be able to do that.

• 55:33Matt McCusker?

  Should be like the draft in the Civil War. He should be like, 300 bucks, I can send someone else out.

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  I know what I always want people to do, just all the young people out there working. It's like, I don't understand why people don't do this. If you have a remote job, from my understanding, it doesn't take up that much of your time. Like, it doesn't take, it's not like a 40-hour, non-stop thing. You're at your house, you're kind of answering emails. Apply for three or four remote jobs, get all of them, and then outsource it all to dudes in like Pakistan. Do like data entry, some like easy dumb bullshit, and then just get like three salaries at once. Get like three like modest salaries and then just hire dudes on-

• 56:11Speaker 01

  You can hire a fucking warehouse in Pakistan.

• 56:13Matt McCusker?

  You can hire dudes on Fiverr and give them fuck. You can get 30 bucks an hour, pay dudes 10, and just have like four salary jobs and just boss up.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  It's the future of probably what dudes were doing with like contracts. Just being like, yeah, I'll sign this contract to redo your porch.

• 56:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and you sub it out.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  And go, I'm going to fucking Home Depot right now and be like, boys, I'll give you 10 bucks. Go build that fucking porch.

• 56:35Matt McCusker?

  I know, that's what I'm saying, but nobody subs out white collar. You never hear about an employee subbing out there.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:39Matt McCusker?

  They got that fuck, they got the broke, they got the broke mind virus, dude.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  They do, it's the broke mind virus.

• 56:43Matt McCusker?

  All they know is just sitting in their sweatpants in their house, be like, oh, I don't feel like going on this Zoom.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Well, hold on a second, that's not the broke mind virus.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  That's what I'm doing right now.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Sitting in sweatpants going, I don't feel like going on TV or the Zoom.

• 56:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but just wail out, just fucking blank screen, guy from fucking Nepal, just be like, yes, buddy. Sorry, guys, I have a cold, excuse my accent, be like, yes, buddy, very good. Just, you're talking to four Indian guys at once.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  That's a nice fucking squad.

• 57:14Matt McCusker?

  Just like chorus, like, yes, okay. That'd be awesome. That, guys, I'm actually working as a remote, I'm in fucking Kabul right now. Forgive my internet connection.

• 57:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, time-

• 57:28Speaker 01

  It's a great idea, man.

• 57:28Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, I wish, I wish people would do that, I would do that right now. If I had to get a job again, I would, I would just get nine jobs. I'd apply for nine jobs, get as many as I can. Completely lie on your resume as hard as you can.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  You have a company, dude, at that point.

• 57:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  You'd be the boss.

• 57:42Matt McCusker?

  Be the boss. Be the bully boss, you'd be a bully but the boss, you'd be the secret boss.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Also, it's so easy to get those jobs, just be like, find like a local, especially if you're in like a shitty town. Just where people are kind of, you know, you just go to like a car dealership and be like, I'll be the social media manager.

• 57:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Done.

• 58:00Matt McCusker?

  Any data entry job.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Just go to any, any shitty company and go, I'll be your social media manager. You gotta hire an Indian to post shit on Facebook once a week.

• 58:08Matt McCusker?

  Piece of cake.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Five grand a month.

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Here we go.

• 58:12Matt McCusker?

  True. That's all you gotta do. That's my, that's my, that's the business corner. We did the sports corner, now we're in business.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Now back to business.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  What is this, the money channel?

• 58:25Matt McCusker?

  Put it out, man. Bitch, dude, I did a, uh, last, uh, two nights ago, I did, I got to go to my kids' like, Christmas concert for the school. Dude.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Must've rocked.

• 58:35Matt McCusker?

  It was so awesome. It's also funny, cause like-

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Did you tear up at all?

• 58:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, big time. I, I was like laughing-

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Seeing the little angels?

• 58:41Matt McCusker?

  Dude, especially, uh, my, the, uh, my, the youngest one up too, and she was like, facing the wrong way. The whole, I don't know how, was facing sideways.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  She was sitting there like, turn around.

• 58:51Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was-

• 58:51Speaker 01

  God damn it.

• 58:52Matt McCusker?

  I was dying, cause all the kids are, they're, they take it all very seriously.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:56Matt McCusker?

  And then I just watched my daughter just like, turn around, she was start like, poking people next to her, and then like, a part of the song, she knew it, and she would turn around and put her hands here and be like, "Ahhhhh", singing as loud as she could. But it was funny, cause as the kids get older, you know, like kindergarten, it's still boys and girls going pretty hard. Once you hit like, second, third grade, you can see the boys start being like, I don't wanna do this shit anymore, and the girls carry the performance so hard. It's, the boys are like, they had to clap and move a little bit, and like, you see the girls just like, belting it out, and the dudes are just existing, being like, come on, man, let me the fuck out. It's so funny watching that as the years progress, to where dudes just immediately are like, I'm not doing this shit. Girls really take that shit so seriously. They never stop taking that kinda shit seriously.

• 59:39Matt McCusker?

  If you were to get like, eight women right now, like, yeah, you guys gotta make up a dance and put on a song, and they'd be like, okay. And they would be so serious about it.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  It's gonna look like shit.

• 59:49Matt McCusker?

  But it was, that was really funny, taking me, it was taking me back to grade school, when you just sit up there and you're like, god damn it, I feel so weird, my brother's out there laughing at me right now.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  I got fucked every year on that. Every year, I'd be like, I'm gonna get a good role in this. They'd put me in the back. The fucking tableau, was it, what was it called, the, like where you do the nativity scene?

• 1:00:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Isn't it the tableau?

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  I don't know if it's called the tableau.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  It's called something.

• 1:00:12Matt McCusker?

  It could be.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  It's, it's gonna be tough to Google it.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  I always wanted to be a shepherd or a wise man.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  I, I got shepherd one and I got a, hold a banner and go like this, just shake a banner.

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  What were you aiming for, like Joseph?

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  I could've got Joseph.

• 1:00:25Matt McCusker?

  You wanted Joseph?

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Could've got Baby J.

• 1:00:27Matt McCusker?

  Baby J would've been nice.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  I could've laid down and gone.

• 1:00:34Matt McCusker?

  Just rise up and go on and just skip forward and start attacking the Jews.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  They're here, get them.

• 1:00:40Matt McCusker?

  You will not turn my father's temple. But yeah, man, that was, uh, the concert was sick. It was really funny watching.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  You told me you were doing that and I was like, damn, that's gonna be nice.

• 1:00:50Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so nice, dude. Yeah, this one, like dude, Maya takes it so seriously. We have, I have video footage.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  Tableau? Fuck yeah.

• 1:00:56Matt McCusker?

  It's the tableau.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  I knew it was, that's it, it's in there. Cause that was a big, that was a big moment.

• 1:00:59Matt McCusker?

  Get snubbed on the tableau.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  We had a play for all the kids that could be nice and act and be good. And then all the shitty kids were in the tableau where all you have to do is stand there for like five seconds and pretend to be the nativity.

• 1:01:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but then you, do you get to hold a cane as a shepherd?

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  I got to hold a cane one year and then the next year I, I literally just stood behind everyone and shook a banner back and forth. My parents said, be like, this kid's a fucking bum already. He's a fucking loser. There's fucking 20 kids in his class. He got last, he got the last job.

• 1:01:31Matt McCusker?

  I've told this before, we had to do a play and, uh, and I immediately, it was like, I, I was so older brother pill that I was like, nah dude, being in any place gay, I'm stage crew.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Well, that's what, that's how it, that's what happened. I got in there and you're like supposed to audition. I was like, I'm not gonna fucking do this. I'm gonna make fun of this.

• 1:01:49Matt McCusker?

  Then you get the back.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Not in the play, I'm holding the banner going, fuck. That guy looks cool as shit, dude. He got to play Joseph. And the girl I liked played Mary.

• 1:01:56Matt McCusker?

  That was always.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  She looked fucking hot as fuck as Mary, dude.

• 1:01:59Matt McCusker?

  Why, why is it always, how do they know the hottest chick is Mary?

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  They know the hottest babe. And, yeah.

• 1:02:04Matt McCusker?

  Or the May, did you guys do a May procession?

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 1:02:07Matt McCusker?

  We did this thing, uh, around, it's actually kinda pagan now that I think about it, but in our Catholic school, we would do this thing where it was like, around May, the hottest chick would be Mary, basically. We would all, it was like the May Queen.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:02:19Matt McCusker?

  So we would all like follow.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  That's pagan, dude.

• 1:02:21Matt McCusker?

  It is kinda pagan, bro.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Fully pagan.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  It is very pagan, but we'd have the May Queen.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  You get a little sprinkling for the May Queen.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  And we were like follow, it was like a procession. They would just take like the hottest chick with the biggest boobs in your class. They'd be like, yeah, she's married.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  She's got the biggest tits.

• 1:02:36Matt McCusker?

  She's like, she could bear a child. And, uh, yeah, and we'd all just like follow her. And that was the one I'd be like, God, she looks so beautiful, dude. This is, that would, that would fuck me up.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Matt McCusker?

  During the play, I remember a stage crew, as soon as any of the actors would be get called, like it was like their cue to go out, I would hold on to the back of their costume. Come on, let me go, let me go.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  We'd do that in stand up.

• 1:02:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd grab people over there like, oh, you're going out.

• 1:02:59Matt McCusker?

  Get the fuck off me, you fucking shit. Yeah, it was so fun. But yeah, my cousin landed the hero role. He landed like the main role and we were all just backstage. We were, and he kind of killed it. And we're all just like,

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Fucking pussy.

• 1:03:11Matt McCusker?

  Like a bitch.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  That's so lame.

• 1:03:12Matt McCusker?

  You see him on stage next to the babe and you'd be like, fuck you.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Wish I was there next to the babe and sit in the back.

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  Fuck. Yeah, it was awesome.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Christmas play ruled. Then you sing joy to the world at the end. Same at the end, end of Christmas mass. That's the only time I'd belt in church.

• 1:03:28Matt McCusker?

  You could get me belt.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  I would hit the hardest.

• 1:03:30Matt McCusker?

  J T W?

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:32Matt McCusker?

  That'd be awesome.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  You guys don't know shit about J T W.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  You got kicked out for being a sex pervert.

• 1:03:40Matt McCusker?

  But I made it through seven grades of it. I went through, I did the singing. Well, we didn't have to do a play though. We had to just.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  You were the donkey in the play.

• 1:03:48Matt McCusker?

  I was always whatever the black thing was.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  You were dressed like a donkey.

• 1:03:51Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  They said, get the sex pervert in the donkey suit.

• 1:03:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What were you Nate? Were you like a wise man from the east? We didn't do the play. We, we.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  You're from Zambibia. There's a wise man from Zambibia coming up. He's here in Redham, Pennsylvania.

• 1:04:07Matt McCusker?

  We did, we did the songs from Sister Act. I had to do the rap part.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Which one?

• 1:04:12Matt McCusker?

  Huh? Joyful, joyful Lord, or it was called. Yeah. And I still remember the lyrics.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  I thought, I was hoping it was gonna be, oh, Happy Day. That was a good one.

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  That was great. Uh, I think we might have to do that too, but I didn't do, those are the two songs. We always did two from a movie. I can't remember. I just remember doing, uh, Joyful, joyful Lord. And then we did the year before that, we did Oliver. And, uh, it was just like food, glorious food. I don't know why, but that's what we did.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:04:37Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  But Mary, did you ever participate in any holiday plays?

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  Why not?

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  I don't think my school could afford it.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  Couldn't afford a fucking play, it's free.

• 1:04:50Speaker 05

  In Detroit?

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  It's free.

• 1:04:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, but like, they didn't like, they didn't make us do it. No, it's not.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  I think Redding in Detroit, I think Redding might have a case here. It's just, it's smaller, but it's, you know, it's just, it's pretty fucking poor. Although Detroit might be holding it down as number one poorest.

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  It might have the broke mine buyers.

• 1:05:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, why are you competing?

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  Why are you competing for poverty? It's not good.

• 1:05:20Matt McCusker?

  That was Gardini, he came up with that.

• 1:05:24Matt McCusker?

  Give credit where it's due.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26Matt McCusker?

  The Gardiner.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  I have a surprise behind me if you wanna.

• 1:05:31Matt McCusker?

  What is it?

• 1:05:33Speaker 04

  Okay, hold on. It's a birthday cake for Shane. Shane's birthday today, it's your special day.

• 1:05:41Matt McCusker?

  You got him that little bitty cake?

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  I thought it was gonna be bigger. I thought it was gonna be bigger and I thought it was supposed to come with candles too, and they didn't give me the candles.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  You got me a cupcake.

• 1:05:51Matt McCusker?

  Bro, let's just slap him in the fucking face. Show that to the camera. I told you, you wanna get Shane a cake, I'm like, yeah, get him a cake. Bro, let's just slap him in the fucking face.

• 1:06:02Matt McCusker?

  Smack it out of his hand.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  I will. You bring this to me on my day?

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  That was, the cake's perfectly intact, that was Matthew's idea to slap it, I would never do something.

• 1:06:16Matt McCusker?

  Yo, did you walk?

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Oh, it's an Oreo cake, thank you.

• 1:06:18Matt McCusker?

  Did you walk four miles and get it? Did you walk and get it?

• 1:06:23Speaker 04

  No, no, I didn't.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  This looks very good.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  I got it delivered.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Thank you, it needs to be defrosted before serving.

• 1:06:29Matt McCusker?

  You got him a frozen cupcake?

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  You got me a frozen, we gotta let it sit at room temperature for thirty to forty-five minutes.

• 1:06:40Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck is that?

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 1:06:41Matt McCusker?

  No candles?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  No candles.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  I ordered the candles, I forgot the candles.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  He did buy me some Zins this morning.

• 1:06:47Matt McCusker?

  That's, that's Joe.

• 1:06:48Speaker 04

  And I tried to get candles at the CVS, they didn't have them.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  That's okay, I appreciate the effort, thank you.

• 1:06:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the cake is nice.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  It's not very nice.

• 1:06:58Speaker 04

  It said it served four to five people.

• 1:07:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the, no, it won't.

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  There's false advertising.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that's fucked up.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  I tried so hard for you guys. And then you guys give me one fucking cupcake.

• 1:07:12Speaker 04

  I tried to get you a nice cake.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Nah, I don't want a cake.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  I knew you wouldn't want it.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  I would not want it.

• 1:07:18Matt McCusker?

  That's the best possible scenario. A tiny frosting cake. Where'd you get that from?

• 1:07:25Speaker 04

  Amy's Ice Cream. They fucked me, so fuck Amy's Ice Cream.

• 1:07:29Matt McCusker?

  Totally fucked you.

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  They said four to five people and I ordered the candles for five extra dollars and they did not give me the candles. So Amy's, you on my shit list?

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Nah, Amy's is great. Don't.

• 1:07:42Matt McCusker?

  Amy's Ice Cream is good ice cream, but not known for their fucking birthday cakes.

• 1:07:46Speaker 04

  I like ice cream cakes, so that's why.

• 1:07:49Matt McCusker?

  I hate ice cream cakes.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:07:51Matt McCusker?

  I have always hated ice cream cake ever since I was younger. It's like, just have ice cream?

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  I was so pumped when someone got an ice cream cake.

• 1:07:57Matt McCusker?

  I hated that shit. I don't like cake.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  I like ice cream cake.

• 1:08:00Matt McCusker?

  See, I like cake and I like ice cream, but don't.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Like Funfetti though. Funfetti cake fires me.

• 1:08:04Speaker 04

  Funfetti's fucking slamming.

• 1:08:05Matt McCusker?

  Funfetti's slamming.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  You guys could've got Funfetti a cake.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Guys, I'm 38 years old. I need a Funfetti cake.

• 1:08:15Matt McCusker?

  What color frosting?

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Funfetti frosting.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  I like the way those sprinkles taste in there.

• 1:08:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he really, it's like I can taste them, man.

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Matt McCusker?

  When you have them, you're like, these do give you a taste. Cause it is just vanilla.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  It's a delicious treat.

• 1:08:30Matt McCusker?

  But Funfetti is so fucking good. Funfetti Ice Cream.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  La Mer, what'd you get me for my birthday?

• 1:08:35Matt McCusker?

  Just a big fat puke in the toilet.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Just a puke in my bathroom.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  You jacked off in my house and puked in it. Said, "Happy birthday, brother."

• 1:08:44Matt McCusker?

  La Mer's gonna spill every bodily fluid in your house for your birthday.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  He did. I did eat some chicken Alfredo he made this week. Where'd you get those noodles? Their quality, everything he made, I couldn't believe how good it was. Thank you, thank you. He made chicken Alfredo and it was fucking delicious.

• 1:08:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, La Mer's a chef.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  He said, "He, Jabri, everything Jabri learns, he has a twin. Everything his twin learns, he learns too." Jabri went to culinary school and La Mer got the download.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  He did honestly learn everything Jabri knows. Not everything. Everything.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were talking, thirty eight's a useless age.

• 1:09:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty dumb.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Matt McCusker?

  Nobody gives a shit, thirty eight, thirty nine.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  I also, I thought I was thirty eight this whole year.

• 1:09:30Matt McCusker?

  Did you?

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  It was one of those, yeah.

• 1:09:32Matt McCusker?

  I've been already forty.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:09:34Matt McCusker?

  No, I've been forty my whole, this whole year. If anyone asks me, I'm forty. Brittany goes, you're actually thirty nine. I go, shut the hell up, I'm fucking forty.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, thirty nine's embarrassing.

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  Thirty nine is like, don't even talk to me about my age. I'm fucking fifty right now.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  I'm seventy five, I'm dead.

• 1:09:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm my Spotify, I identify as my Spotify age, seventy three, I think. Seventy three, I'm an old soul. But yeah, dude, I was, I was telling you before I came here, just, I, I think from Saturday morning, I had like a two day hangover from

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:10:02Matt McCusker?

  Staying out all night, went to like a kid's B day at like eleven AM, and I was like, I could have just slept, but I woke up and I'm like, I slept in till like ten thirty, and I was like, I'm up, this is crazy, I never sleep in this late. Go to this fucking birthday, like a Ninja Warrior course, I'm just like, my head is killing me, my, my eyes, my skin felt weird.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, we were up so late.

• 1:10:21Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was horrible.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Kid's B day is insane.

• 1:10:24Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was, it was absolutely brutal. And then I go, I take a nap, before I took a nap, Brittany goes, oh, we have a bar crawl today, and I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. So we, I take a nap, wake up, still hungover.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Matt McCusker?

  And at like six thirty PM, we all went out first to like get food and drinks, and I just like drank a martini, or, what you wanna call it, espresso martini, just to fight the hangover off. And then just sat there, just at every bar, like, oh.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  You only, you only had one?

• 1:10:52Matt McCusker?

  I had, and then I sipped, like, I had no drinks. The problem was, every year, I, last year I had, do you ever have a buttered rum?

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  I'm not sure.

• 1:10:59Matt McCusker?

  Dude, buttered rum is maybe the perfect holiday drink, it's just rum warmed up with like a quarter stick of butter and maple syrup and cinnamon. Oh, I remember it last year, and it was just such a treat, and I looked forward to it all year going, can't wait to go back, I can't wait to go back to Miracle on Fifth Street, I'm getting a buttered rum. Show up and they go, we only have coconut hot chocolate. I go, motherfucker, bro. I'm so hungover and I was, I was banking on this. I was gonna eat an espresso martini and a buttered rum. And then feel better tomorrow. And they didn't have it. And I might have to make my own buttered rum.

• 1:11:33Speaker 01

  You should.

• 1:11:34Matt McCusker?

  I am. I'm gonna make one on Christmas. I'm gonna put, I'm gonna, you know, uh, trigger warning to anyone who believes in Santa Claus. I'm gonna put all the Christmas gifts together and I'm gonna have a buttered rum. And then another one at Christmas dinner.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Matt McCusker?

  I can't wait.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  That's something to look forward to.

• 1:11:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I can't wait. I look forward to it all fucking year. It showed up. In my darkest hour going, uh, I don't see the buttered rum on the menu, but I sure like one. They were not making it. I went, oh my god.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  I can tell you, if, if I was, if I had gone on a bar crawl that day.

• 1:11:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  I would have blacked out.

• 1:12:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  I would have gone as hard as I could.

• 1:12:03Matt McCusker?

  I.

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  To escape the pain of that hangover.

• 1:12:05Matt McCusker?

  See, I.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  I laid in the tomb and just took it on the fucking chin, dude.

• 1:12:09Matt McCusker?

  Fucking wish, man. I was, I was dying.

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  Watched, watched college football all day, just laid there.

• 1:12:14Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Then watched Notre Dame get absolutely buttfucked the next day.

• 1:12:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you added that on.

• 1:12:19Speaker 01

  I was watching the Alabama game going, oh, they're out, we're in. They have to be out. They had negative rushing yards. How? Notre Dame had more rushing yards.

• 1:12:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:30Speaker 01

  Than Alabama in the conference championship game.

• 1:12:33Matt McCusker?

  Couldn't you do like a math, isn't there like a math equation where you go like stat for stat almost?

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  You can. And Notre Dame's ahead. But.

• 1:12:40Matt McCusker?

  I guess.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  There is strength to schedule.

• 1:12:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Speaker 01

  Notre Dame had a weak ass schedule.

• 1:12:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What are you gonna do?

• 1:12:46Speaker 01

  There's nothing we can do. Teams backing out. All they, they, they, they joined two conferences now. So they're kinda like two super conferences.

• 1:12:53Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  It's just the Big Ten and the SEC. So they're kinda, they're starting to like, they kinda fucking hate that Notre Dame's independent.

• 1:13:02Matt McCusker?

  Right. Is there like a Vince McMahon behind this all? Like putting these all together?

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  No. I mean, there's commissioners of conferences for sure, but there's just a ton of money in the SEC and the Big Ten. So these schools like Texas and Oklahoma, they were Big 12. It was, it used to be a geog- geographical fun time.

• 1:13:19Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense, yeah.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  Now it's not. Now UCLA is playing fucking Rutgers.

• 1:13:22Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck is that?

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  What are we talking about?

• 1:13:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the hell is that about?

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Women's volleyball. They gotta get on a fucking charter plane like, on a fucking Wednesday night, you're playing in New Jersey.

• 1:13:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kind of nuts, actually.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  And you're just a beautiful girl from UCLA. God, I wish I was a beautiful girl from UCLA. Said I'm a thirty-eight-year-old fucking slob.

• 1:13:43Matt McCusker?

  You know what a beautiful girl from UCLA would've gotten on her birthday?

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:13:46Matt McCusker?

  Diamond bracelet, dude.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  She would've gotten the whole world. What did I get? A broken cake from a fucking shitty WAP.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  From a disgusting WAP, smoking cigarettes. The cake smells like cigarettes.

• 1:13:59Speaker 04

  It was from all of us, by the way.

• 1:14:01Speaker 01

  You guys all chipped in?

• 1:14:02Matt McCusker?

  Sean quarterbacked it. Sean quarterbacked it.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  This is from all four of you. You guys each pay fifty cents? Has chipped in seventy-five cents?

• 1:14:13Matt McCusker?

  How much was that cake?

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  It was, uh, twenty-five bucks plus five for the candles, yeah.

• 1:14:20Matt McCusker?

  You got him a five-dollar cake?

• 1:14:21Speaker 04

  No, twenty-five.

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  Twenty-five bucks?

• 1:14:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's kind of fucked me in the eyes.

• 1:14:25Matt McCusker?

  I am with you. You think you get a, you know?

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:28Matt McCusker?

  At least an eight-incher.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  I was hoping for eight inches.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  I was looking for eight inches. Never came.

• 1:14:38Matt McCusker?

  Gave Shane the micro bird.

• 1:14:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, sorry.

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  You did give me the micro bird.

• 1:14:41Speaker 04

  It's the thought that counts.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  God, can you imagine if I was a UCLA volleyball girl?

• 1:14:45Matt McCusker?

  I mean, bro.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  What my birthday would be like today?

• 1:14:48Matt McCusker?

  It'd be crazy, bro.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Instead, it's just, I'm gonna lay here.

• 1:14:51Matt McCusker?

  Champagne.

• 1:14:51Speaker 01

  Play Hell Let Loose.

• 1:14:52Matt McCusker?

  Champagne everywhere.

• 1:14:53Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get the Akon Man on the horn.

• 1:14:55Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  Me and his cousin are gonna play Hell Let Loose. I'm gonna get killed every five seconds. Jog.

• 1:15:03Matt McCusker?

  Gosh darn it. Well?

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  Well?

• 1:15:06Matt McCusker?

  We did it.

• 1:15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:08Matt McCusker?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  Thanks, man.

• 1:15:09Matt McCusker?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  Another one in the books, dude. We did it.

• 1:15:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  Uh, all right. Join the, join the Patreon, dude. I mean, we're gonna go crazy on the Patreon.

• 1:15:19Matt McCusker?

  I have, I have, I have been actually, I'm gonna talk about Beowulf. I started reading Beowulf again.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 1:15:24Matt McCusker?

  It's the best book ever.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:15:27Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  Do it.