I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way

Reaching 5 million subscribers is more than a milestone, it’s a testament to the shared journey of growth, healing, and curiosity this community has built together. In this special episode, Jay revisits the conversations that shaped On Purpose, moments where global icons, artists, world leaders, and visionaries shared the truths that made them human. Jay reflects on the life-changing conversations that continue to echo long after the recording ends. Tom Holland opens up about the quiet struggle behind giving up alcohol, teaching us that letting go of what no longer serves us is an act of bravery not loss. Kobe shares how to look past fear by facing it with stillness and curiosity, revealing that discipline and consistency are the real foundations of excellence. Emma Watson invites us to build relationships from wholeness, not need, and reminds us that asking the hard questions can lead to the most liberating truths. Madonna shows how spirituality can be the grounding force beneath ambition, while Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez model how relationships grow when honesty becomes a shared practice. Former President Joe Biden closes with a timeless lesson, that presence is often the greatest form of love, and that resilience is born through community. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Break Free From Addictive Habits How to Build Discipline Through Consistency How to Face Fear by Unpacking It How to Ask the Hard Questions That Can Change Your Life How to Ground Yourself With Spiritual Practices How to Communicate Maturely in Relationships How to Support Someone Through Grief How to Replace Old Patterns With Healthier Alternatives You are allowed to evolve, to outgrow old versions of yourself, and to step into a life that feels more aligned, more peaceful, and more true. Keep leaning toward the choices that bring you closer to who you want to be. Your next chapter is already waiting, and you are more than ready for it. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty. Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:31 The Challenges of Sobriety 06:49 Practical Steps to Stay Committed to Sobriety 11:23 How Alcohol Quietly Impacts Your Well-Being 16:59 How to Stop Letting Emotions Run Your Life 19:26 Growth Requires Trial and Error 21:03 Why Greatness Is Never an Accident 23:28 Understanding the Difference Between Wanting and Needing 26:32 The Power of Asking Yourself Hard Questions 30:08 Why Lifelong Learning Keeps You Grounded 37:29 How Spirituality and Success Work Together 41:45 Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships 44:09 Using Past Relationships to Build a Better You 48:03 How to Show Your Partner You’re Truly Present 53:37 Practicing Compassion in Every Day 54:37 Finding Strength Through Loss and Grief 56:41 How to Be Fully Present in Your Child’s Life See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in wearable. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy, August 2026. Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12.

• 0:30Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs.

• 1:12Jay Shetty?

  And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/OnPurpose. That's drinkag1.com/OnPurpose. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 1:53Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:36Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. Reaching 5 million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I could never have imagined when On Purpose first began. Over the years, I've had the honour of sitting with some of the most extraordinary people in the world: artists, world leaders, athletes, visionaries, and experts. These conversations have offered us glimpses into how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how love and resilience shape our lives. I'm truly grateful for how far we've come, and it's all because of you.

• 3:20Jay Shetty?

  It's also just the beginning. So today, we're celebrating our community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most significant moments from incredible guests along the way.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  The number one health and wellness podcast.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty.

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  I remember this one really well because I was in France, I flew to London to take a flight to the US, and then flew back to London to interview Tom, all within 24 hours. When I spoke with Tom Holland, he shared something deeply personal: his decision to quit drinking. In a world that celebrates alcohol, he stepped away to protect his mental and emotional health. And he's not alone. Surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before, with many saying they feel healthier and more present.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Here's Tom on how that choice changed his life.

• 4:17Jay Shetty?

  One of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago.

• 4:22Tom Holland?

  Yes.

• 4:23Jay Shetty?

  And you said it was the hardest thing you ever did.

• 4:25Tom Holland?

  Yes.

• 4:26Jay Shetty?

  And I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you. Why was it so hard?

• 4:31Tom Holland?

  It's interesting. I didn't one day wake up and say, I'm giving up drinking. I just, like many Brits, had had a very, very boozy December. Christmas time, I was on vacation, I was drinking a lot. And I've always been able to drink a lot. I think I get my genes from my mum's side in that thing, that I can, I can drink. And I decided to just give up for January. I just wanted to do Dry January. And all I could think about was having a drink. It's all I could think about. I was waking up, thinking about it. I was checking the clock, when's it 12? And it just really scared me. I just was like, wow, maybe, maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing. So I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll do February as well. I'll do two months off.

• 5:16Tom Holland?

  If I can do two months off, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem. Two months go by and I was still really struggling. I felt like I couldn't be social. I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda. I couldn't go out for dinner. I was really, really struggling. And I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem. Um, so I decided that I would wait until my birthday, which is June 1st. I said to myself, if I can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem. And by the time I had got to June 1st, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I could sleep better. I could handle problems better.

• 5:57Tom Holland?

  Things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off, I could take in my stride. I had so much, such better mental clarity. I felt healthier. I felt fitter. And I just sort of said to myself, like, why, why am I enslaved to this drink? Why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink? And I would look back and recognise that I would go to events for, for work and, you know, I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers. And I just felt so much pressure and this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community because so much of it is about how much can you drink, let's get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly been the best thing I've

• 6:37Tom Holland?

  ever done. I'm a year and a half into it now. It doesn't even cross my mind. I've found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic, ones that are also really healthy. I found this one beer that is full of electrolytes and it's, you know, the carbohydrates in it, a long lasting energy. So like, having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing. I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it. I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like, oh, go on, just have a beer, like, you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me and I don't want to be that person that's saying to people, you should get sober, you should get sober. If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great. But I, I don't want to start getting into the world of you need to stop drinking

• 7:19Tom Holland?

  because I just, it's, it's not for me to say, I went on my own little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my mum's also given up. She's loving it. And it's been amazing. I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking. I feel amazing.

• 7:32Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing, man. I love hearing that. And I love hearing that it's been great for you, right? I think that's, that's the point. Not everything has to be like, look what I did, you can do it too. It's kind of like, no, this is just what's been great for me. Do you think it was partly that attitude, for you at least, in the beginning where it's like, well, I can drink, I drink a lot, it comes from my mum genes and it doesn't affect me. And then all of a sudden you realise, well, wait a minute, it's more than that. Because I think there is that. Like, I was like that as a young man as well. Like, for me, it was, it was easy to drink. I, I didn't drink daily. For me, I drank a lot more socially and I loved playing drinking games with my mates. And that was really what I enjoyed the most probably. And for me, when I quit, I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk. So for me, for me, it was more that. But yeah, I wonder for you, did you find that it's, there's a really

• 8:17Jay Shetty?

  fine line between like, oh, I know I can drink a lot. And then all of a sudden, you're kind of addicted, not addicted beyond that.

• 8:23Tom Holland?

  No, addicted mate. Like, I'm happy to say, like, I was definitely addicted to alcohol, not shying away from that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and has, not wakes up, anyone that has a beer every day is probably got a little bit of a problem. But yeah, you're right. I would drink and drink and drink and drink. And then you would just reach that moment where you're like, wow, I shouldn't have had that last beer. And you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep.

• 8:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Aura ring.

• 8:48Tom Holland?

  Yeah. And it was amazing because I couldn't sleep. I was like, why can't I sleep? I'm working 14 hours a day. I'm doing two hours in the gym. I'm eating really healthily and I can't sleep. What's wrong with me? I bought this ring and it was booze. It was completely affecting my sleep. And since I've given it up, I can sleep anywhere, you know? It's also interesting as well, going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start, you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's, I love you, man. I love you so much. And you're like, yeah, brilliant. I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to bed. But I love being that person now. I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8:00 AM in the morning, feeling fresh and ready to go. And they're sort of crawling out their

• 9:30Tom Holland?

  car. And so, yeah, so I'm over the moon to be sober. I love it.

• 9:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. For anyone who is listening right now and is going, Tom, I love that for you. I want to do it too. Like they're listening going, I'm having too much every day. I can notice some of those things, but I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know that addiction's that way. We know that this is heavy. It's not easy. But if someone is watching going, Tom, tell me like, what did you do to even get started? How did you have that courage to say, I'm going to do January, I'm going to stick at it? Were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again? Like, just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going, Tom, mate, I want to be in your position in like six months.

• 10:09Tom Holland?

  I didn't fall back on it. I have done in the past. I've had periods of my life where I'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking. But this time, I don't know, it was just different. I really worked to sort of change my mindset. I really asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking? And a lot of the time, my answer would be to feel more comfortable in a social environment.

• 10:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 10:33Tom Holland?

  And I just put myself. In those environments and just would force myself to be there. I'd force myself to hang out and and go to a club or go to a bar, go to a dinner.

• 10:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so you weren't avoiding those places.

• 10:45Tom Holland?

  I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it. But then after a while, I sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time. You've got to go out and enjoy yourself. And and if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking, then you really do have a problem. But I just changed my mindset. I just I found really good replacements, things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer. I often found with me, most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it, whether it's sparkling water or a beer. I now can't, I don't associate, like, I don't see a difference.

• 11:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Tom Holland?

  But I think it's different for everyone. I had a great support system. Jack is one of my best mates and we travel all over the world. He doesn't drink and doing it with him was was a really helpful experience for me. My brother is always on the road with me. He was very supportive. And yeah, I just really set my mind to it. I was like, I really want to do this. I want to prove to myself I can do it.

• 11:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 11:40Tom Holland?

  And then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self.

• 11:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Tom Holland?

  It's like, oh, my God, this is this is the best. But do you not drink?

• 11:49Jay Shetty?

  I haven't drank for seventeen years.

• 11:51Tom Holland?

  No way. Congratulations. That's amazing.

• 11:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I feel amazing. Yeah, it's incredible.

• 11:55Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 11:56Jay Shetty?

  It's like one of the best feelings in the world. And it's my my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like, how am I going to hang out with my mates?

• 12:02Tom Holland?

  That was my biggest worry, yeah.

• 12:04Jay Shetty?

  I was like, my mates knew me as the guy who was like, first to the game, last to get out.

• 12:08Tom Holland?

  That was me, right?

• 12:09Jay Shetty?

  You know, the clown when I got drunk, like life of the party, kind of like that kind of guy. And then all of a sudden, I I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore. I was like, crap, am I going to fit in? And then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink. And I was like, God, am I going to miss out on like opportunities and networking? Like, you know, all the guys afterwards are like, going to get drinks. And I'm like, I'll come, but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is.

• 12:30Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 12:30Jay Shetty?

  And what was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking. Made me rely on qualities and skills I had.

• 12:39Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 12:40Jay Shetty?

  That were actually better.

• 12:41Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 12:42Jay Shetty?

  So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away or ignored.

• 12:50Tom Holland?

  Suppressed, totally.

• 12:51Jay Shetty?

  And all of a sudden, you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were.

• 12:54Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 12:54Jay Shetty?

  Rather than the person who you were when you were drunk.

• 12:57Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 12:57Jay Shetty?

  And, and actually that worked in the workplace and there was no one at the workplace going, oh, Jay doesn't drink, so he's not getting promoted.

• 13:02Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 13:02Jay Shetty?

  It wasn't like that. People were like, oh yeah, I really like hanging out with Jay always. He's a really good guy or whatever it may be. And I was still getting the same opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was. And I think that's why I'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer, even for you, like you've, I'm sure as a, you know, with your career path, you have to be at parties, you have to be at events.

• 13:24Tom Holland?

  Of course.

• 13:24Jay Shetty?

  And the fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't, it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career. If anything, it's the opposite.

• 13:32Tom Holland?

  Mate, I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired or sat down with a producer or director and been like, oh, you know, well, I don't drink anymore. And they go, oh, I don't drink 10 years. And you're like, oh my God. And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story, their reason for giving up. And there is a wonderful community of people and I love it. I love being a part of that community. I'm really proud to be a part of it. I hope that, you know, I can meet other people and chat to them about it because it's really nice. It's lovely to be like, let's go get a lime soda together, you know?

• 14:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, let's get a juice. Let's get a smoothie.

• 14:07Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 14:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it, it is true. It's true. And it's really interesting because they, I can't remember. I'm trying to remember. There was this blog that came out years ago. I can't even remember it now. And there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention. And one day she just disappeared, like she stopped posting. And everyone's just like, all the comments were like, where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like, what happened to you? You know, everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her, they were following her and all the rest of it. And. What they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted, she was drinking. And it was a made up, it was almost like original AI.

• 14:52Jay Shetty?

  That was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you could think you're really close to them and you could think their lifestyle looks amazing, but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post. And you didn't realise they had an alcohol problem. So there was no real person who died. But the point was that this, your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware? And are you conscious of how much it affects you? And I can't, can't remember who built that page.

• 15:16Tom Holland?

  I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now, if alcohol wasn't a thing and you like, I've invented this drink that is gonna make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're gonna just sell it to the masses. People will be like, nah mate, keep me all funky juice. Like, we don't want that. That sounds terrible. And it's one of those things, cause it is so socially acceptable, the, the addiction side of it, the bad sides of it really do fly under the radar.

• 15:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 15:44Tom Holland?

  And that's really interesting. I'll tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker. I love being the designated driver. I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home. I don't know, I just, I like being a dependable person. I, I think I'm quite dependable and I really like that, that thing. And I saw this crazy YouTube video once, this was years ago, of a guy that went to a bar, he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car. And I don't know if this is real, it could have been fake, but it's really impactful. Basically what his friend had done was set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years. And his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like

• 16:28Tom Holland?

  old makeup on to make him look older. And now I'm thinking about it, there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off? But he basically is saying to him like, you've been asleep for 10 years, everyone's missed you, like we can't believe you're awake, this is amazing. And it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life. So I do love being the designated driver. That is something I enjoy. Seeing my friends have a good time and being like, don't worry, Tom will take you home.

• 16:55Jay Shetty?

  I I I used to love being the designated driver until I realised that an ex-girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't do that. Yeah, right. That wasn't a fun designated driver job. But I've always been that guy since because so I I lived as a monk for three years. Yeah, amazing. And when I came back after that, obviously, I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything. And so but I went back into the workplace. And I remember everyone would always open up to me and give me advice. But it's what you're saying. When someone was drunk, they'd tell me their whole life story. Yeah. Next day, they'd wake up and go, Jay, you'd actually remember what I said, right? I remember everything. They're like, please don't tell anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I loved I loved that part where I was like, I was able to be there for people. Totally. Just hear their stories. A hundred percent. And someone that had context the next day, because if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember, then it'd be gone. No, I I think the benefits that

• 17:39Jay Shetty?

  you've just pointed out of good sleep, good health, great mental clarity. Totally. They're huge. But there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening, just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it. It's really beautiful as well. But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives. And during my monk life, we always talked about how there was there was something that we called the higher taste. And it was saying, you can never give up a lower taste unless you had a higher taste. Sure. And so there has to be a switch. There has to be a replacement. Has to be a replacement, a hundred percent. And so the fact that you found alternatives, I think that's half the battle. Sure. Because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives. And then you're just trying to fill it. Yeah. And then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful. And the second thing you said, which I loved,

• 18:20Jay Shetty?

  which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone who's one year ahead of you, someone who's 10 years ahead, someone who's 20 years ahead, who's gone through that process. And they're open and honest and vulnerable about, you know, I did have a weak moment, or you know what, this was really tough for me. And I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference. So if anyone's struggling, I hope that those two things can kind of, you know, give you the support you need. Tom's honesty reminds us of a key takeaway, that strength doesn't come from fitting in, but from making the choices that protect your peace. Whether it's alcohol, overworking, or any habit that no longer serves you, sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to let it

• 19:00Jay Shetty?

  go. One of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had, and that I'm deeply grateful for, was with the legendary, late Kobe Bryant. I got to interview Kobe Bryant just a few months before his tragic passing with his daughter. Kobe described his mindset for excellence, what he often called the Mamba mentality. It wasn't about talent alone, it was about obsession, discipline, and showing up every single day. Psychologists studying mastery of skills have found that consistent deliberate practice is the strongest predictor of peak performance. Talent is valuable, but without consistency, something Kobe embodied in every area of his life,

• 19:43Jay Shetty?

  it's rarely enough. Let's take a look. How have you been able to in your life see past the cloud of emotion to actually execute on things? Because I think what we were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people have today, everyone has today of just so much information, so much cloud of emotion, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage that you're bringing, like how have you always cut through that and execute on that?

• 20:07Speaker 05

  You know, what I try to do is just try to be still and understand that things come and go. Emotions come and go. The important thing is to accept them all, to embrace them all. And then you can choose to do with them what you want versus being controlled by emotion. You know, a lot of times I've seen players, even myself, you know, when I was younger, being consumed by a particular fear. And to the point where you're saying, okay, no, it's not good to feel fear. I shouldn't be nervous in this situation, like nah, and it does nothing but grow. Versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about the situation. Yeah, I am fearful about the situation. Well, what am I afraid of?

• 20:50Speaker 05

  And then you kind of unpack it and then it gives you the ability to look at it for really what it is, which is nothing more than your imagination running its course, you know?

• 21:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I love that because what you're saying is that when you're dealing with something, it's almost like, how can I get to the root of it?

• 21:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:05Jay Shetty?

  Because sometimes what we're dealing with, like you're saying, it's an imagination illusion. It's not really.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  It's not really a thing, you know, like you think about game winning shots and or game winning free throws. And people go to the free throw line and they're nervous about it. Well, what are you really nervous about? If you unpack that, okay, you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot. All right. So you missed the shot, then what happens? People are going to be embarrassed. You're going to be embarrassed because thousands of people, millions of people see you missed a shot. All right. And then what? People are going to talk bad about you. Okay, right? And so you're looking at it and you go, are those things even important? You know what I mean? If that is my fear, like, what is? You worried about letting your teammates down? Okay, have you let them down before? Oh, I'm sure, and practicing things of that nature, right? They're still there.

• 21:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  You know? And so when you're able to unpack it, you kind of look at it for what it is, which is really nothing.

• 21:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that, breaking it down. I think that's so important. I think everyone who's listening or watching right now, next time you're facing a fear, next time you're going against something, do that. Like, literally unpack it. Don't just settle for your first answer, because the first answer is rarely the right one.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  Don't hide from it, you know? You gotta be able to look at it and, you know, and, and, and deal with it head on.

• 22:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that, man. And, and you talk about that, because you talk about, you know, when you talk about missing five throws, and you talk about getting over yourself.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:20Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, getting over yourself. How did you get that mentality of just being like, I need to get over this? Like, I need to get over myself?

• 22:26Speaker 05

  You know, trial and error.

• 22:27Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  You know, you grow up and you make game-winning shots, and it's awesome. And you come back the next day and miss a game-winning shot, and it's misery. And then the next day comes and you're back playing again, and you understand that life has this cyclical nature, where it's, you know, what you do on Monday is fantastic, but then Tuesday is a bad day. But guess what? There's Wednesday.

• 22:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  So are we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time? You know? Versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of evolution every day. It's just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.

• 23:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:06Jay Shetty?

  Like, we get obsessed about, like, the output.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:08Jay Shetty?

  Not the input, of not figuring it out and not, like, changing things. What you said, trial and error, like, the experimenting.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:14Jay Shetty?

  We forget to do that.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  It's unfortunate, man. Like, I've seen a lot of players, especially now, you know, in youth basketball dealing with that. You have players that are, like, bigger and faster and stronger, and, you know, their coaches are just coaching them for results. You know, we're just gonna use your size that, because you're bigger than every other 12-year-old out there, to dominate today. But they're not growing. Right? So they're just based on that result, but they're not focused on growing this young child.

• 23:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 23:41Speaker 05

  Into becoming a better an athlete. And, and through that, teaching them how to become a more well-rounded person. And we're missing that.

• 23:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, see, what you've said there, just, I want to ask you this, and I'm not saying, because I, you know, like, you know yourself best, and you know how you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place of humility, of learning. When I look at you, I'm like... You know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is like you think strategically. Like, that's a very strategic thought of saying, this person could be this in the future if they were developed as a whole individual.

• 24:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 24:16Jay Shetty?

  Rather than just like, let's use them for the short term.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 24:18Jay Shetty?

  And where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper? Where did that come from?

• 24:25Speaker 05

  Well, I had to do that because, you know, I grew up, growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there, it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian. I didn't have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to make friends and build connections. But it was a lot of time spent alone. And, and when I came back to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. You know, I was really scrawny, like really, really skinny and had like major knee issues because I was growing. So I was the dorky kid with high socks and big old knee pads.

• 24:55Jay Shetty?

  It's fashionable now.

• 24:56Speaker 05

  It's fashionable now. It wasn't then. It wasn't then. And, and so I had to look long term because in the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids. I mean, there was kids that were like 12 years old with beards. Like, I can't, I can't, what am I supposed to do with that? Like, they're, they're doing windmills and dunking backwards. And I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know? So I had to look at it from a long term because I wasn't going to give up on the game.

• 25:20Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 25:21Speaker 05

  So I had to say, okay, this year, I'm going to get better at that. Next year, this, and then so forth and so on. And then patiently, I was able to catch them.

• 25:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Kobe taught us that greatness isn't an accident. It's built through discipline, consistency, and the willingness to go further than most are willing to go. His words and wisdom live on as a challenge to bring our best to whatever we love.

• 25:51Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with Wi-Fi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favorite podcast. Choose a seller or Northeast Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one-hour workout to build strength, burn fat,

• 26:36Jay Shetty?

  and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com/onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage and studio for details. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective. And with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct. Enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining,

• 27:21Jay Shetty?

  and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at chase.com/sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N A Member FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Terms apply.

• 27:45Jay Shetty?

  When Emma Watson called me to be on the show, I was thrilled. One insight in our sit-down, out of the many that she said that stood out, was her view on building relationships from wholeness, not need. In her younger years, she might have chosen from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and self-knowledge. She also spoke about asking the hardest questions. Am I really happy? Am I aligned with my values? Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth. One of the hardest questions you talked about asking, answering, asking yourself difficult questions. And I want to ask you something about that, but... One thing I've said to my wife is, if you ever fall out of love with me, please tell me. Because I don't want to live a day without love.

• 28:28Jay Shetty?

  I'm really confident about the fact that I'm worthy of love and that I want to experience love in my life.

• 28:33Emma Watson?

  Hmm.

• 28:34Jay Shetty?

  If you ever fall out of me, just tell me, it's okay. Because I don't have the desire

• 28:40Emma Watson?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Jay Shetty?

  to stay somewhere for any other reason. And it sounds risky saying that in extreme, but to me, it's a greater risk to have spent ten extra years with someone. And then they tell me, I haven't really loved you for the last five, ten years. And then I'm like, wait a minute, I've lived without love for ten years of my life. And I don't want to be in that place because I've seen people go through that and not be happy. And so it does come with a humility and a

• 29:04Emma Watson?

  Yeah.

• 29:05Jay Shetty?

  openness to have very difficult conversations.

• 29:09Emma Watson?

  Yeah.

• 29:09Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and not to force something that, oh, it's been going great for twelve years. It has to. It should do, it it must do. And it's like, well, maybe, no, like, yes, if it does, it's great. And it is right now, but why should right now be a prediction for how you feel in fifteen years?

• 29:25Emma Watson?

  Hmm.

• 29:26Jay Shetty?

  With everything else that's gonna change.

• 29:28Emma Watson?

  I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the needs of someone and they couldn't meet my needs, if I really couldn't make them happy and they couldn't make me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation, surely that like makes love impossible, like negates. So I I totally get what you're saying. And my mom said this thing to me, which was like, you want to be with someone because you want them, not because you need them. And I think maybe another reason why I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe I would have married someone not knowing who I was. And I would have needed them, maybe not wanted them.

• 30:10Emma Watson?

  And I think now I have a life that's whole and complete as it is. And I would be making a choice from a place of, I just want you. And I don't need you, but I just want you. And I don't, I don't think I was that woman five years ago.

• 30:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. And, and, and there's so much, so much to be said for attracting from a place of peace.

• 30:35Emma Watson?

  Um.

• 30:36Jay Shetty?

  Because you know what peace feels like.

• 30:39Emma Watson?

  Um.

• 30:40Jay Shetty?

  And so then anyone or anything that comes into your life.

• 30:42Emma Watson?

  Um. And what feeling satisfied feels like.

• 30:44Jay Shetty?

  Satisfied is probably even a better word.

• 30:46Emma Watson?

  Yeah.

• 30:46Jay Shetty?

  And that feeling of, I know what it feels like to be satisfied. And so I now know whether someone makes me more satisfied.

• 30:53Emma Watson?

  Yes.

• 30:54Jay Shetty?

  Or less.

• 30:54Emma Watson?

  I know what my baseline is.

• 30:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:56Emma Watson?

  If you don't know what your baseline happy is, then how do you, you've got no idea of knowing what's going on at all.

• 31:02Jay Shetty?

  And that's not a feeling of being complete or having it all figured out. It's like, I know, satisfied is a great word. It's like, I know what it feels like to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself. And now everyone can show me.

• 31:15Emma Watson?

  Yes.

• 31:15Jay Shetty?

  Where that pendulum swings.

• 31:17Emma Watson?

  Yes.

• 31:18Jay Shetty?

  Um. One thing you said, which I, which really resonated with me is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard questions to do the work. And I wanted to ask you, what, what's one of the hardest questions you've ever had to ask yourself, if you could recall?

• 31:31Emma Watson?

  Well, the first one that comes to mind, and then maybe I'll dig for a deeper, a different one is like, to have to admit to myself or ask myself the question of like, you right now have the career and the life that like, looks like the dream. But are you really happy, Emma? Are you really healthy? Are you really happy? Like, is this really what you want? And to be at that point and like, realize and have to admit to myself that I wasn't and I didn't, was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. Because, you know, I basically had to ask myself on a daily basis, like,

• 32:13Emma Watson?

  I felt like I was crazy and walking away from something without knowing what you're walking towards was.

• 32:23Emma Watson?

  Not having the answers, but leaving something that was that the world considered to be such of such high value, such a high value kind of moment in my professional life and career. I think that was a real sitting with that was a real moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth? Can you live with your truth? Can you accept the fact that for most other people, your truth is pretty confusing and unpalatable? That was definitely a hard moment of sitting. More recently, because I've been being my own partner,

• 33:04Emma Watson?

  asking myself, are you really living your values? Things that you preach, are you actually aligned? And actually looking at some spaces in my life where I was like, shit, no, not at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about. And I need to like create some sort of urgency or a deadline for that so that I make sure that I'm a person of integrity. I purport to be someone that cares about the world and about the planet and sustainability and, you know, there are some things I was doing wasn't enough. By my own standards, not by anyone else's, just by my own. Probably not. But what's nice is, is

• 33:48Emma Watson?

  I actually have the time now to be like, okay, what can you do about it? Like get on with it and like.

• 33:54Jay Shetty?

  But those, those are, thank you for those. Those are great questions. Really, really great questions. Ms. Bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins with knowing yourself. When you're complete on your own, you can choose someone because you want them, not because you need them. And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel right on the inside and to realign your life with your deepest values. Now, it's a given that Madonna is a cultural icon. But what struck me most wasn't her ambition or longevity. It was her devotion to spirituality. Even at the height of fame, the success, she felt a void.

• 34:39Jay Shetty?

  And what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals that gave her peace and purpose. From yoga and Sanskrit study to Kabbalah, spirituality became the compass she realized she needed for herself and for her daughter. What are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey that have kept you going? At the times, as you said, there were so many times you could give up or things could go wrong, or you kept pushing and they kept you locked. What were they? What are they?

• 35:12Speaker 07

  Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study. I mean, you can study the Bible, you can study the poetry of Cahill Gibran, or you can study the Vedas, you know.

• 35:31Jay Shetty?

  And you did that, right? You actually studied different traditions on your part.

• 35:34Speaker 07

  I mean, to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I was looking for answers. And...

• 35:41Jay Shetty?

  Why do you think that was? Why were you looking for answers?

• 35:43Speaker 07

  Because I had everything that people would assume would give you happiness. I had a successful career, I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things. But I wasn't happy. And I naturally sought out... Well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate. She was a Buddhist and she would get up and chant every day. And so I was very intrigued by that. Like, nothing bothered her, you know what I mean? Everything bothers me.

• 36:20Speaker 07

  Everything bothers me. I'm, you know, I'm a Leo, I'm Italian, I'm very dramatic. I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but I was just struck by her confidence and her knowingness that everything was happening for a reason. She never got upset about things. And this is in the beginning of my career, when I was living in New York and I was broke and a lot of crazy things happened to me, really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her, her name is Marianne, I would always say, what, like, why are you, like, never upset? So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me.

• 36:59Speaker 07

  And then later on, I started practicing yoga, Ashtanga yoga, and my teacher Eddie Stern, he still has a

• 37:07Jay Shetty?

  Love Eddie, he's great.

• 37:08Speaker 07

  You know Eddie?

• 37:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, he's amazing. I got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series, second series, third series. But one thing I noticed is that a lot of people would come into his practice, his studio where he taught, and they wouldn't even do the poses. They would just go and sit in front of the Statue of Ghanesh, or light candles, or prayer. And I realized, and Eddie pointed it out to me, because sometimes I would have injuries, I would, or I would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga, and he'd say, "Look, are you breathing?" And I'd say, "Yes." And he said, "You're practicing yoga." So I realized that I was too, still, too caught up in the physical poses. And he's like, "No, you don't understand. You're missing the whole point.

• 37:54Speaker 07

  The poses are just something that you do to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down, and to bring you back to your center." And that really spoke to me. There was a big, um, no, it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio. It says, "Desire and Detachment." And I said, "What does that mean?" And he said, "Well, of course, we want, we want all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures. We want all the happiness. We want every, we want it all. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be attached to it. Because then if you're attached to it, and you don't have it, what's gonna happen to you?" So I studied that for a while, and I studied Sanskrit. I had a teacher.

• 38:36Speaker 07

  And, you know, I learned that the vibrations of the letters, you know, had a calming effect on your nervous system, and centered you, and placed you firmly rooted in the earth. And all of that made sense to me. But then, again, nothing happens by accident. But I was pregnant with my daughter Lola, my oldest daughter, and I suddenly realized, I was living in LA, I suddenly realized I'm going to be responsible for another human being. What am I going to teach her? I'm just, I'm like a meteor, like making my way through the, you know, the, on this planet. Like, you know, I'm, I have great survival instincts. I have a great work ethic.

• 39:21Speaker 07

  Yes, I'm very ambitious, all of those things.

• 39:25Speaker 07

  But I was never like, I was just knocking them down. You know what I mean? And not like looking back like I'm going to be somebody because that's, you know, that's why I came to New York in the first place. I will never go back to the nobody life I had when I was a child growing up. So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive, but I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious. When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing. And I was a slave or a victim of, of other people's opinions of me.

• 40:07Speaker 07

  And I didn't have really, even though it looks like and looked like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever, you know, I, deep down inside, I was not. So I was at a dinner party.

• 40:25Jay Shetty?

  While you were pregnant?

• 40:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, I was at a dinner party at my friend's in LA. And there was a woman sitting next to me. And I knew her vaguely. She was, she's a costume designer. She was a costume designer. Her husband's a director. And she said, oh, you should come with me to class. And I said, what class? I'm, I'm open to classes, by the way. I love being a student. So what's the class all about? She said, there's a teacher there. It's something called Kabbalah. It's next to a synagogue. And I was like, wait, so he's Jewish? And she said, yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with being Jewish.

• 41:06Speaker 07

  It's just a belief system, not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that, you know, you could learn a lot from. And I said, okay, I'll go. So I did. And that's how I met my teacher. And I literally would sit in the back of class for years. Mostly men were in the class at the time. It was, um, but everything that he said seemed to make so much sense to me. And gave me courage to be who I am and who I meant to be, and made me actually think about intention and a real sense of purpose. Cause my sense of purpose can't just be, I wanna be rich and famous, or I wanna be popular, or I wanna sell a lot of records,

• 41:50Speaker 07

  because none of that lasts. But it wasn't until I went to class that I actually started thinking about those things. So I just kept going. And here I am today. But you know, motherhood or being a parent is really what made me start asking questions that I most likely, I should have asked them sooner, but I didn't. Cause I was just caught up in my self.

• 42:16Jay Shetty?

  I love that story for so many reasons. One of them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain similarities in that, not that I was pregnant. So definitely not that one, but I had a friend and friends who were starting to get interested in spirituality. And they invited me to hear a monk speak. And I'd seen monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant. And I'm so glad I said yes to going along. And I was very young, I was eighteen, nineteen years old. I wasn't even seeking. I was open and I was curious.

• 42:53Speaker 07

  Right.

• 42:54Jay Shetty?

  And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else was doing at that time when you're an eighteen, nineteen year old kid, like.

• 43:00Speaker 07

  Experimenting.

• 43:00Jay Shetty?

  Experimenting and doing everything else under the sun. But I'm so glad I went because now looking back, I find that after meeting the monks that I met, it gave my life a compass at a very early age that I'm so grateful for because it changed the entire trajectory of my life. I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing in the same way as you did. And it sounds dramatic, but it's true that without the group of friends that invited me to go along and and meet my teachers, who'd become my future teachers, I can't imagine what life could be like.

• 43:35Speaker 07

  And are those teachers still your teachers?

• 43:38Jay Shetty?

  Yes, absolutely. Still since that time. So it's been nearly twenty years now.

• 43:42Speaker 07

  That's meaningful.

• 43:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, very meaningful.

• 43:44Speaker 07

  And are your friends that came with you still also studying or?

• 43:49Jay Shetty?

  One of those, yes, absolutely. One of those friends was my best man at my wedding. And he studies under the same teacher still to this day.

• 43:56Speaker 07

  That's cool.

• 43:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 07

  Well, the woman who took me to class, no. No, she doesn't stick with it.

• 44:03Jay Shetty?

  Are you still attached to her at all?

• 44:04Speaker 07

  Yes, I am sometimes, yeah.

• 44:06Jay Shetty?

  It's amazing to hear that you had this ambition and this drive

• 44:11Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 44:12Jay Shetty?

  to become successful and at the same time, there was this spiritual calling.

• 44:15Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 44:16Jay Shetty?

  that was almost happening simultaneously. How did you reconcile the two when

• 44:23Jay Shetty?

  to the external eye, they could look very opposite? How did you actually see them?

• 44:27Speaker 07

  Like, look weird, you mean?

• 44:28Jay Shetty?

  Not weird in the sense of, I think a lot of people assume that spirituality and success don't go together. A lot of people would think that.

• 44:34Speaker 07

  That's absurd. Those are narrow-minded people. I mean, you need to be spiritual to be successful. Success is having a spiritual life, period. It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some time ago and

• 44:51Speaker 07

  after we broke up, we saw each other years later and I was telling him about Cabal. He's like, oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you grew up as Catholic. I know how religious your mother was. And I was like, no, no, that's not what it is at all. It's got nothing to do with religion. Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them and resonates with them. But I do think it's important to have one. And I dare say, if you didn't have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as you are today. I will make that assumption in your work, in your marriage, in your friendships, all your relationships. Honestly, it sounds like a really, like a cliche, your spiritual life even.

• 45:34Speaker 07

  It's like, the reason, but it's just got a bad rap. You know, you like 100% can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one.

• 45:45Jay Shetty?

  Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone. It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing the internal work to find fulfillment. She demonstrates the takeaway that spirituality isn't separate from success. It's the foundation.

• 46:13Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice, the ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive, so you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Mazda, more of what matters to you.

• 46:58Jay Shetty?

  Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed Sponsored Jobs helps find quality candidates when you need them most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show

• 47:43Jay Shetty?

  will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them, whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part?

• 48:26Jay Shetty?

  There are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees. So you keep every dollar you earn.

• 48:54Jay Shetty?

  When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it was evident that their love wasn't just playful. It was mature. They shared how they handle conflict, take space and return to one another with honesty and respect. Research shows lasting couples aren't those who never argue, but those who keep respect and practice repair. Real love isn't perfection. It's creating a safe space through communication and trust.

• 49:20Benny Blanco?

  Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny.

• 49:23Selena Gomez?

  Oh, boy.

• 49:24Benny Blanco?

  No, no, no. She'll do this and it's really cool. She'll go,

• 49:29Benny Blanco?

  I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes. And I'll say, okay. And then I give her her space. And then after like five minutes, she texts me, she's like, hey, will you come back? But it's, but it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries set with each other. Like, I don't have to be on top of her every second. She doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together. I just want to know she's in the house. So I can say like, hey, I love you. And then go back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean? Cause look, we're both highly independent people. Okay. But we're both little mushes who just need to be attached.

• 50:08Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, we are so cheesy. It's so fun.

• 50:11Benny Blanco?

  Yeah, but it's like, but I feel like, I think it helps us too, that we're both, you know, on my list, a thing was, I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day. And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah. Like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when you're talking to your mom and you just say, your mom just keeps talking, you go, yeah, uh huh. Yeah, like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm. I see what she did and I'm like, it inspires me. And I'm like, I gotta do more in this league. And it's like, we're in this place where.

• 50:54Benny Blanco?

  We're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing. And, and she'll help me out. She'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this and this? And I'm like, and then she'll say something and I'll be like, well, why don't you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities that are also the same. But we're the thing that one of us is really good at, the other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa. And it's so cool to be able to like workshop, like little conversations or how to handle a situation. And it, and I just feel so comfortable with her, like that I can say anything and she won't ever say, I don't know.

• 51:35Jay Shetty?

  I love the maturity. I mean, hearing you both talk about it.

• 51:38Selena Gomez?

  Yes, but let's be clear, we are not the perfect.

• 51:41Benny Blanco?

  No, no, no.

• 51:41Jay Shetty?

  It's not perfect, no, but you're disagreeing. No, no, no, but I think the maturity of, and, and I agree with you. I think, I think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection.

• 51:52Benny Blanco?

  Yeah.

• 51:53Jay Shetty?

  Perfection is saying, we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other. We, you know, which you're not saying, you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes space. And then I was like, wait a minute, I need you. And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts.

• 52:09Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 52:09Jay Shetty?

  For you to first say, hey, I need space, for you to say, I get it. I respect you. And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back.

• 52:17Benny Blanco?

  Yeah.

• 52:18Jay Shetty?

  And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so, for you to be like, I'm here for you. Like that, that's not perfection. To me, that's maturity. And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it, that you are going to have disagreements. You are going to want space. Like me and Riley went through that. She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement, and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great.

• 52:43Benny Blanco?

  Yeah.

• 52:43Jay Shetty?

  She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices. But I was just like, I never wanted that in my home. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred. And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen. But it took a long time for us to realize that when she, at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space. And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me. And that wasn't true. She just needed space to process. So it took time for us to mature, for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship.

• 53:20Benny Blanco?

  Some people, I get it. They want to talk about it right then. They want to. The one thing that also works for us so much is like, we're not chill people, but we're like, we're not, we're never gonna get, I like, I'm not gonna yell at anyone in my life.

• 53:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, same.

• 53:34Benny Blanco?

  Yeah. And, you know, I, I came from a home where a lot of that was happening. And I saw, like, at a young age, and I was just like, well, like, my parents weren't speaking the same language. Obviously, they were speaking the actual same language. They weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate. And if someone comes at you, like hostile right away, the first thing I'm gonna do, and I know she's gonna do, is shut down. So you're not getting anything, you know, and I always say this, guys are so quick to like, they gotta win, they gotta win the argument. And it's like, what are you doing? What are you winning? Like, you're gonna argue with your wife and like, make her cry? And then you're like, I won that argument. And then she hates you and resents you, like, wait,

• 54:19Benny Blanco?

  like, don't be an idiot. And, and it's like, I only-

• 54:22Selena Gomez?

  I've been guilty, though, to start.

• 54:24Benny Blanco?

  Yeah, I don't know. I just-

• 54:25Selena Gomez?

  Not of you, sorry. I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other situations of mine, it was, um, I was very reactive. I think that's why I was alone for five years, because I really needed to collect myself. I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, and 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you, I just wouldn't have been in the right headspace. And I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before, so.

• 55:01Selena Gomez?

  I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes and, and I just want this to be right. So for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn because I think girls can equally want to be right. That for me, it was really difficult in the past and he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like very quick to understand. I hear you, like you're allowed to feel that. And that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger. So.

• 55:38Jay Shetty?

  So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments?

• 55:42Selena Gomez?

  Yes.

• 55:43Jay Shetty?

  That allowed you to not be reactive? What was it that allowed you? Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.

• 55:52Selena Gomez?

  I respect Benny. I, because he's done nothing but respect me. I, again, trust him. I can tell him anything, even if it's about something that's uncomfortable and maybe you should just talk to your girlfriends. Like, he is that. And that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before, or whatever it is. It's, nothing is ever bad. Like, nothing in my life I regret. And I'm so, so happy for my journey. And I'll continue to be. It is a lesson that you have

• 56:31Selena Gomez?

  to be patient and learn. And I just, I can never picture myself disrespecting him, I think.

• 56:39Benny Blanco?

  Well, it's, it's also just a different thing because it's like, look, none of us are perfect. Like, she gets spicy sometimes.

• 56:47Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 56:47Benny Blanco?

  And when I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile, not adding a jetpack on top of it with a, with like, machine gun artillery. Like, I want to make, if I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man. In five minutes from now, this room could explode. I'm never gonna let it get to that five minutes from now. I'm gonna say, what are all the tools that I know that work for her? That I've learned over, like, I'm not gonna exacerbate a situation. I'm gonna try to calm it down, cuz why do I wanna be in that position where we're both just like upset about something? I don't wanna just calm it down and tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that, I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes, you're right, you're totally right, like, everything you, no.

• 57:31Benny Blanco?

  I think you listen and you say like, okay. Like, sometimes I even, I'll say like, let's not let it get there. Let's like, just talk about this. And I, I do think physical touch is always like a very big way. Like, if you're in a conversation with your partner, like, it's like, sometimes just like a hand helps, or just holding their hand while you're telling them, or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And, and if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well, here's what I think, you know? And, and you can work through these things together, such an easy way. Very constructive. It's not always easy, I can tell you that. And sometimes, we just, someone wants to be frustrated. And it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that, she'll just be like, I know it's gonna be

• 58:16Benny Blanco?

  okay, but like, I just wanna be frustrated in this moment. Yeah. And, and I'll have to redirect, cuz I'll be like, you know what? You have every right to be in this moment. And she'll say, this is why, she said, this is why I wanna be frustrated in this moment. She said it the other day about something, I can't even remember. And I was just like, oh my god, I was like, yeah, I was like, that makes so much sense. I was like, I don't agree with the frustration, we'll get there afterwards. And I was like, but I get it, I get it. And it's so cool, and I've never quite had a relationship like with her. And we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world. We're perfect for each other, we're not perfect for everyone else. But I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences. I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right.

• 58:58Benny Blanco?

  And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna change that the next time, you know, with this person or with that person. And I think that's when you really grow. It's when you take all your experiences, good or bad, like, I, I'm like her, I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything. It's like, everything happened for a reason. And I'm not gonna sit here and mope about like things that could be better or different. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna say, okay, I learned this and now I'm gonna put it into practice.

• 59:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, for me, I always, I always said to Rodney, I always say to my wife, do you want me to listen? Do you want me to fix this? Or do you just want me to go through it with you?

• 59:37Benny Blanco?

  Yeah, cuz a lot of times.

• 59:38Jay Shetty?

  Make it clear for me because.

• 59:40Benny Blanco?

  They don't want you to fix it right away. And I'm not saying, I'm saying men or women. Sometimes it's not about fixing, you know, everyone is, you know, I'm such a problem solver and you are too. So it's like your first thing, I know the first thing in your head is like, how can I fix this situation? But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there. Sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like, strong, like both our partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life. They have the world on their backs. Your wife has, there's so many people that rely on her, there's so many people that rely on her. So sometimes they just wanna complain about something and that's okay. That's okay.

• 1:00:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 1:00:19Benny Blanco?

  It's okay. Who else are they gonna do it to? They might as well do it and you, and you just listen.

• 1:00:23Jay Shetty?

  What Benny and Selena show us is that love is less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it. Taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing, and validating feelings instead of winning the argument, that's what creates trust, respect, and growth. Their stories prove that lasting love isn't built on perfection. It's built on continuing to choose each other. And finally, President Biden. It was the honor of a lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview a sitting president. When I sat with President Biden, our conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family. He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call, a visit, simply showing up,

• 1:01:08Jay Shetty?

  can ease the anxiety many young people face today.

• 1:01:11Speaker 10

  Think of all the young people today. I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in a long, long time. You know my friend, I appointed him Admiral of MacArthur. He was telling me about, you know, the percentage of young people today who are feeling lonely, alone. And sometimes it's just, just touching, just showing up.

• 1:01:40Speaker 10

  I used to get my deceased son Beau, who should be sitting here instead of me, would always say, Dad, you know, I'm time to make that call. I'd get in the plane and go home and because someone had a a serious problem, lost a wife, a daughter. And I'd say, Dad, you don't have time. When he passed away, hundreds of people told me how he called, he showed up, he was there. And because there are people who showed up for me too. This really matters.

• 1:02:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you've been through, you mentioned it there. You've been through so much tragic loss in your life. As you just mentioned there, you didn't run for presidency in 2016. Shortly after the loss of your son, you've lost your first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't even begin to understand how someone has the courage to process that much loss and grief, let alone move forward in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did you begin?

• 1:02:42Speaker 10

  I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss. And that was I had a really close family that was there. For example, when my wife and daughter were killed, my first wife and my two boys were very badly injured, a tractor trailer brought inside. I was not in the accident. When I got home from the hospital, my sister and husband already gave up their apartment and moved in, helped me raise my kid, my brother. We lived in a suburban area, it was more country than suburban. And there was a little barn, a garage barn. And my brother came and he turned the loft of the barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for me all the time. That was a gigantic difference.

• 1:03:25Speaker 10

  My best friend in my life and my sister and my brothers. And so I had an enormous advantage. And I think that When you see people who are going through something tough, it does matter if you reach out. I mean, it does matter. Like, for example, you know, you have a, when you're a senator for all the years I was in a small state, you know, so many people and people would pass away, you'd show up at the wake or the funeral, no matter what was happening. I learned it early on. People would stop and just come and throw their arms around me. Because if they know you know the pain they feel, they get some solace in it.

• 1:04:07Speaker 10

  It's not always easy, but it's a, it just matters just to, just to reach out. Let people know you see them.

• 1:04:15Jay Shetty?

  How did you allow yourself to receive that help too? I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either struggle to know what to say. I think we live in a society where people are like, but what do I say if they've gone through that? And the opposite, and what you just said, being able to be open enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of courage and strength as well.

• 1:04:41Speaker 10

  Well, I was

• 1:04:44Speaker 10

  raising a family for real, an extended family, my grandparents as well. Where my dad, in expression, family is the beginning, middle and end. There's a rule in the family growing up, not a joke. We didn't know it at the time, but whenever you wanted to speak to your mother or father, I mean, they said, can we, he had a problem. No matter what they were doing, they stopped. No matter what they were doing, they stopped and heard you, listened to you. And I did the same with my children and they did the same with theirs. Because it's a, it's a matter of them knowing that you, they are the most important thing in your life. If they've got a problem, you're there to listen.

• 1:05:28Speaker 10

  I have seven grandkids, four of them all, five of them old enough to talk on the phone, you know, every day I either text them or call them. And as a matter of fact, during the campaign, they were having a, I didn't realize they're having an interview, the four oldest grandchildren. And I said, and just at the time, and I said, they call me Pop. Pop calls us every day or texts us every day. And I call them, the phone rang.

• 1:05:57Jay Shetty?

  While they're in the interview?

• 1:05:58Speaker 10

  Well, I give my word. I had no idea they were in there. But it's a, look, I just think being there is important and it makes such a difference, I think, knowing that someone's going to be there for you, just to listen, just to, just to hold you, just to hug you.

• 1:06:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. After his own losses, he shared how family and community carried him through. Research confirms it. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma. What the president reminds us is that helping doesn't require perfect words or solutions. It can simply require presence, to reach out when someone is struggling, to show up when it would be easier to stay away, and to listen fully, so the people we love know they matter. Because sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not letting someone go through it alone. These conversations are just a glimpse of what this community has built together, over

• 1:07:01Jay Shetty?

  five million subscribers. On Purpose has always been about learning and growing together. Thank you for being a part of this community, for listening, watching, and carrying these lessons into your own lives. I'm so incredibly grateful, and I can't wait for the next five million. Thank you. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing, and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress. If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.

• 1:07:42Speaker 11

  No wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new technology, and we've just taken it in, hook, line, and sinker. And we have to be mindful for our kids. They'll just be thumbing through this stuff, you know, their, their minds never sleeping.

• 1:07:58Speaker 12

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  Mr. President? My company told me of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

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• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

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• 1:08:57Speaker 13

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• 1:09:21Speaker 02

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