You Must Be Willing To Stand Alone | On Handling Haters

Ryan explains why no matter the circumstances courage is always required, and reads this week’s meditation from The Daily Stoic Journal, on today’s Daily Stoic Podcast. Pre-orders are available for Ryan Holiday’s new book Courage Is Calling: Fortune Favors The Brave - check it out at https://dailystoic.com/preorderSign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://DailyStoic.com/emailFollow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:04Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

• 0:34Ryan Holiday?

  You must be willing to stand alone. It's hard to read about Cato's life and not be struck about how often the man stood alone. He stood alone in his efforts to reform Rome's treasury, the sole voice in opposition to spending money the empire didn't have. He stood alone when he refused to buy elections. He stood alone in how he dressed. He stood alone when he filibustered against bad laws. And, as Seneca would write, "Cato stood alone against the vices of a degenerate state that was sinking to destruction beneath its very weight. And he stayed to follow the republic to the utmost that one man's hand could do to draw it back." But, of course, we can't all be Catos, as the saying goes. Most of us are more like Harry T. Byrne,

• 1:18Ryan Holiday?

  whose story I detail in Courage is Calling. In August 1920, Byrne was just an ordinary 25-year-old politician in the Tennessee State Assembly. Harry was not a crusader. He had no history of bold stands or brave votes. "My vote will never hurt you," he reassured his political bosses, who were firmly against ratifying the 19th Amendment, which would enfranchise women. They believed him, and he delivered, voting twice to table the discussion of ratification. You can imagine the surprise then, when on August 18th, his eye not only ratified the amendment in Tennessee, but triggered its passage nationwide. Byrne was not steeped in courage. This would have been the scariest moment of his life.

• 2:03Ryan Holiday?

  But when courage came calling, he answered. And as we talked about last Monday, he mustered 20 seconds of courage, and in an instant, gave the vote to 20 million women. Would he have rather remained an ordinary politician? Probably. Would he have rather gone along with something that kept most of his constituents happy? Sure, just as he probably never wished to be put in the position in the first place. But such is life. Fate and fortune don't care about our "rather's." You will have to stand alone from time to time, refuse to go along, insist on speaking up, push through that pit in your stomach, not just step away from the herd, but get up in front of them and say

• 2:42Ryan Holiday?

  what you truly think and feel. Yes, you, you yourself must be willing to be that person. You must be willing to stand alone. Standing alone is a difficult thing. It's a controversial thing. It is unfortunately, a rare thing. But we need it now more than ever, lest we go the way of Cato's Rome. And of course, this is a topic of my newest book, Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Bold. I have a wonderful chapter about the little-known Harry Byrne. I contrast him to the always surprising John McCain, war hero and maverick senator. But the idea of Courage is Calling is not that courage is always running into a burning building around

• 3:25Ryan Holiday?

  the battlefield. It's doing the right thing, even when everyone doesn't think you have what it takes or wants you to do the exact opposite. I really do hope you check out the new book Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Bold. It's my newest series on the four Stoic virtues. Matthew McConaughey has called it "an urgent call to arms for each and every one of us." General Mattis, our former Secretary of Defense, called it "a superb handbook for crafting a purposeful life." You can get a bunch of awesome preorder bonuses before it's out at the end of September. Just go to dailystoic.com/preorder to check that out. Order in any format. Order signed copies from me. You can get it in Audible. You can get it on iBooks. You can get it from your local indie bookstore. I don't care.

• 4:08Ryan Holiday?

  I would just love to ask you to support my new book Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Brave, by me, Ryan Holiday. Check it out at dailystoic.com/preorder.

• 4:21Ryan Holiday?

  On handling haters, and this is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal, "366 Days of Writing and Reflection on the Art of Living by Yours Truly and my co-writer and translator Stephen Hanselman." I actually do this journal every single day. There's a question in the morning, a question in the afternoon, then there's these sort of weekly meditations. As Epictetus says, "Every day and night, we keep thoughts like this at hand. Write them, read them aloud, and talk to yourself and others about them." You can check out the Daily Stoic Journal anywhere books are sold. You can also get a signed personalized copy from me in the Daily Stoic store at store.dailystoic.com. The Stoics taught that kindness trumps hate. They believed that those who engage in hate are prisoners to a destructive passion, one

• 5:06Ryan Holiday?

  that hurts the practitioner, not the intended target. There's no reason to hate a hater. They are already suffering enough. In fact, when we see them this way, it makes it easier to be kind, good-natured, genuine, and useful. Remember that line in the Bible about how loving your enemies is like pouring hot coals on them because it's so unexpected? What can surprise you that way? Whose enmity can you meet with kindness and compassion? And how much better do you feel when you've done so? You know, this is something I've struggled with a bit recently, just having watched my stuff on social media get attacked by a brigand of sort of crazy anti-vaxxers and COVID deniers

• 5:51Ryan Holiday?

  and weird trolls. And, you know, sometimes I have fun with it. Sometimes I like to stir it up a bit. I try not to get angry about it. It's not something that makes me angry, but there is a part of it that makes me really sad, really frustrated, because it's not that I can't take it, I can take it. But what I understand is how these ideas are rippling through and influencing other people, making them do, or making them fall prey to misinformation or participate in antisocial behavior. But I do try to remember this idea that hurt people hurt people. And...

• 6:30Ryan Holiday?

  That is a great expression. I found it to be very true in my life. But I thought I would give you that thought as we get into today's quotes. The first is from Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11:3. "What if someone despises me?" He says, "Let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won't be found doing or saying anything contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I'm kind and good natured to it all. And be prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully." So when I respond, I try to have fun with it. And if it doesn't always come off as I'm having fun, I assure you, I am having fun.

• 7:14Ryan Holiday?

  If you can't troll the trolls back, then in a sense, they are winning. But let's go to Meditations 11:18. "Kindness is invincible, but only when it's sincere and with no hypocrisy or faking. For what even can the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness? And if, given the chance, you gently try to point out where they went wrong, right as they were trying to harm you?" This is the hard part. And I talked about this with Brad Stone in his book about Jeff Bezos. You know, Jeff Bezos heard very early on from his grandfather that it's easier to be clever than kind. And I would say this totally drives with my experience. It's easy to have a witty comeback. It's easy to be sarcastic.

• 7:55Ryan Holiday?

  It's easy to dunk on someone, to point out the obvious and ridiculous flaws or contradictions in their argument, or even to focus on the horrific implications of what they're saying and point out the costs of their behavior. But kindness is almost certainly what is going to convince someone, right? Patience is what it's going to take to convince them. And when you attack, you're almost certainly making them dig in more. And I have to remind myself of this. And then finally, we have Epictetuses in Coridion 20. "Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger, note that it's really your own opinion that's fueling it.

• 8:39Ryan Holiday?

  Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions. For with time and distance, self-mastery is more easily achieved."

• 8:49Ryan Holiday?

  The other thought I would add to this is with the new book coming out, Courage is Calling, you know, I've never put out a book and not seen some people react negatively, meanly, aggressively about, you know, this thing that I just spent so much time and energy on. And that's something you learn when you put out stuff into the world. I talked about this with Malcolm Gladwell on the podcast. The people who dislike what you do are almost always louder than the people who are like, "Oh, it's pretty good. I like it," right? Most of the things you like, you just sort of nod your head and move on. But it's the things you really hate, that's what seems to get us riled up. And that's what we seem to talk about most, we complain about most. So anyone that puts anything out in the world

• 9:31Ryan Holiday?

  has to understand how to handle haters, not to be triggered by them, not to be distracted by them, not to be made bitter by them, not to be made worse by them. That's what I'm thinking about as I go into this new book. If you're not a hater, I would like to tell you about it. You can pick up Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Bold. It's out in a week. I can't believe that's true. I would say I eagerly await what you think of it, but I'm going to try to tune out what people think about it, good or bad, and just focus on knowing that I know I wrote the best book that I'm capable of writing. But you can check out, we have a bunch of preorder bonuses. You can pick those up at dailystoic.com/preorder. I hope you, I do hope you like the book. I know it's good. I think you'll agree. I hope you're not a hater. I hope you can find some more courage in your life. Check out

• 10:15Ryan Holiday?

  the new book Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Brave, dailystoic.com/preorder. Pick up the book anywhere you want, but if you want to get the preorder stuff, it's all right there. Talk soon.