How to Stop Caring What Everyone Thinks of You & Find Yourself Again | Josh Duhamel - EP 810

In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles sits down with actor, entrepreneur, and father Josh Duhamel to explore how letting go of other people's expectations, redefining success, and creating a more intentional life helped him become more fully himself.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00John R. Miles?

  Have you ever noticed that you become a different version of yourself depending on where you are? When Josh Duhamel gets to his cabin in Minnesota, he says his whole life slows down and something surprising happens. I feel like I become who I really am. When we talked about why that place brings out a different version of them, he made me rethink just how much our environments shape who we become. Take a listen to this.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  I know that however long I'm going to be here, I'm going to be totally present. I'm going to be totally in the moment. I'm not going to be thinking about anything but making sure that everything is working properly because life just gets a lot simpler, I think. And I think that's what helps lower the blood pressures. I'm not thinking about all the other stuff other than just what we're doing right here in the moment.

• 0:47John R. Miles?

  It's your friend, John, and welcome to Passion Struck. I'm so glad you're here. Whether you're a longtime listener or someone who just discovered the show, thank you for pressing play today. Maybe you've felt the life you were supposed to want, but you've quietly wondered why it still doesn't feel like enough. If that's you, you're in the right place. Every week, I sit down with the world's top scientists, researchers, and thinkers to uncover what it actually takes to build an intentional life that matters. Thanks for joining me. Let's get into it. Welcome back to episode 810 of Passion Struck.

• 1:31John R. Miles?

  We're continuing our series, The Adaptive Brain: How Your Mind Learns, Changes, and Heals. And today, we're doing something a little different. In case you missed it, earlier this week, Mark Manson challenged us to think about what it really takes to change. And Dr. David Perlmutter showed us how the biological environment we create can shape the future of our brains. Today, I want to look at another environment that shapes us every day, the world we choose to live in, the people around us, the places we spend our time, the pace of our lives, and the space we create to simply be present. That's what made my conversation with Josh Duhamel so interesting.

• 2:13John R. Miles?

  As many of you already know, Josh is an actor, entrepreneur, and father. But what you might not know is that he has spent decades living in very different worlds: Hollywood, North Dakota, and rural Minnesota. And he told me that when he gets to his cabin in Minnesota, something changes. His heart rate drops. Life gets simpler and he feels more like himself. But this conversation goes much deeper than where Josh chooses to live. We talk about how shaping the land around him has shaped him, how fatherhood changed his definition of success, why he's becoming more intentional about being present with his children, and what he hopes they'll remember about him years from now.

• 2:58John R. Miles?

  And I think there's a powerful question underneath all of it. Are the environments you're creating bringing out the person you really want to become? So today, we're stepping outside the laboratory and into real life. Here's my conversation with Josh Duhamel. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life that matters. Now, let that journey begin. And I am super excited today to welcome Josh Duhamel to Passion Struck. Josh, so great to see you.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I'm so happy to be here, John. Thanks for having me.

• 3:36John R. Miles?

  Yeah, before we dive into everything today, I actually want to start with the movie From the Past. That's always had a special place in my family, and that's Safe Haven. When my kids were growing up, we used to live in the Charlotte area, but we'd spend every summer on Bald Head Island. And I remember every trip started the same way. We'd spend some time in Southport and then take the ferry over. So when I watched the film, for me, it's not just a movie, it's a place that we knew. What do you remember most about filming there? Did Southport get under your skin the way it seems to for so many people?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I get asked a lot, what is my favorite experience making a movie? And Safe Haven is always right up there, maybe my favorite time because, and I don't even know if it was, the movie making experience was really fun, too, because Los Alamos is a really chill director who makes it fun and makes it easy and you can be creative and collaborative. But there's something about Southport and Bald Head Island, by the way, because I played golf there a couple of times, a beautiful area. The whole area is just incredible. And I think that what I loved most about it was I had the option when we first got there to have a house in town in Southport or a little condo on the beach. And I chose the condo on the beach just because I wanted to be those beautiful natural habitat

• 4:54Speaker 01

  beaches that they have in North Carolina is just something I wanted to do. And it turned out to be, I don't know what it was, but they have these little turtles. The turtles, they come on shore and then they dig their hole and they plant their eggs and then they go back off. So they know exactly where they leave them and they take that very seriously in North Carolina. They protect those things, they put a cage around them, they build a little walkway so they can find the ocean. And I sat there for two months waiting for these eggs to hatch. I'd be out there on my days off, I got a beach chair, a cooler, a bodyboard, and one of those tents from Walmart. And I would just go out there and just chill all day long and waiting for those turtles to come. And sure enough, they came and it was incredible. It was like a whole event.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  But that movie in particular was one of my favorite experiences.

• 5:41John R. Miles?

  I live here in St. Pete Clearwater area. We have those same turtles, same experience.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Beautiful.

• 5:48John R. Miles?

  I'm glad you mentioned staying there for a couple of months because as an actor, I've always wondered this, you don't just visit a place, you're like inhabiting it. Do you think that changes the way a place stays with you?

• 5:59Speaker 01

  For sure. I think that one of the beautiful things about what I get to do for a living is that we get to see some places that I would never otherwise see, whether it's Dominican Republic and all the beautiful areas around it, or going to Malaysia later this year, like we talked about, or even Southport, North Carolina. I don't know if I ever would have gone there had I not worked there. And when you're there for as long as you are, it's not just a vacation. You get to assimilate through the local culture and see what the place is really, what the best little diners are, what the dive bars or whatever it is, you get a real feel for whatever community that you're in.

• 6:37John R. Miles?

  And one thing about South for me is I'm not sure if you were there for the Fourth of July. I think you were because if I remember the movie correct, it had it in it, but maybe you weren't.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  It was, but that was our version of it. I don't think we were there for the Fourth. We just, we'd set our own fireworks off.

• 6:51John R. Miles?

  It ruined it for me because they're like known for it. So now anytime I have a Fourth of July, it never lives up to what they do in Southport.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:59John R. Miles?

  Well, so one of the things that I've heard you say, speaking of places, is that when you get to Minnesota, your heart rate drops by like 25%. What's actually happening inside you in those first few hours after you arrive?

• 7:14Speaker 01

  It's hard to, it's hard to like.

• 7:19John R. Miles?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  It's hard to describe really because even my, I'm noticing that now even with my little two-year-old son, he comes, you turn off this highway down this, you're like right into the woods. It's like a dirt road that takes you two and a half miles back. And you're driving through the woods and all of a sudden you come around a corner and there's the lake and my little red cabin. And it's like this, such a nostalgic, comforting feeling, I think. I don't know, because I know that for however long I'm going to be here, I'm going to be totally present. I'm going to be totally in the moment. I'm not going to be thinking about anything but making sure that everything is working properly, everybody's fed and we have water and we have all the basic things because life just gets a lot simpler, I think.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  And I think that's what helps lower the blood pressures. I'm not thinking about all the other stuff other than just what we're doing right here in the moment.

• 8:12John R. Miles?

  Yeah, and I know for most of your career, you lived in LA if I have it correct. What's the biggest difference that you see between your life now and having a house in LA?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Well, we still have a house in LA that we, because my 12-year-old son is still going to school there, so we have to be there for a good part of the year or at least in and out. And I've had this place, I guess, for close to 20 years now, but I never really left. I feel like I left, but I never really left North Dakota, if that makes any sense. There was something that just kept me hanging on to that. And I think it's maybe for my sanity because if I left altogether, I might be who knows where the world would do or the wind would take me. I've always kept it very close to home, even when I wasn't a resident. I'm a resident again now of North Dakota after 25 years. But yeah, and life is not, I'm not going to trash on Los Angeles because there's a lot of great things about it. It just, I feel like in a lot of ways, I outgrew it.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  I didn't have to be there as much as I used to have to be because nothing shoots there anymore, unfortunately. The only thing that's really keeping me there is my 12-year-old. I just try to make the most of that, too, when we're there.

• 9:19John R. Miles?

  And you're right about that. It seems like less and less is shot actually in LA. How much has that changed your whole lifestyle? Because you must have to be on the road constantly when you're in active acting mode.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  It's not ideal. I used to have quite a few things happening in Los Angeles, but literally nothing I've shot. I haven't shot anything there for years. And it's unfortunate. I wish that they would do something about that. I wish they would figure out a way to attract productions back into Hollywood where the whole thing began. But I just think it's too prohibitive at this point because of any number of reasons. It's just too, you can shoot something for almost half as much in a place like Southport as opposed to Los Angeles. And that's until they figure that out, nobody's going back.

• 10:11John R. Miles?

  Well, I can definitely understand why, because the financial aspect of it.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  It's all about the money, John. It's always about the money.

• 10:20John R. Miles?

  So I have to ask, having a 12 year old, my kids are now 21 and 28. What's it like being a dad again?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh. Well, my 12 year old is my oldest. I also have a two and a half year old and I have a almost three month old. So I love it. I just have to sit back sometimes and thank God because it's like, I loved having Axel and it was such an amazing experience. And then having the opportunity to do it again. I thought I might be done having kids after Axel and then to have these two other little maniacs is really unbelievable. All my friends are sending their kids off to college or having grandkids and I'm still changing poopy diapers over here and I wouldn't have it any other way, to be honest.

• 11:10John R. Miles?

  What do you think's the biggest change? My, my kids have six, six years apart between them and even then a lot changed, but in 12, I guess it would have been nine years. What were the biggest changes between parenting the first time and now being a father again?

• 11:30Speaker 01

  You forget, when you're in the weeds with an infant, you forget all the steps that it takes, honestly until, because you, I think that most parents would agree that you're just getting through it at every stage. And every stage you go through feels like the best stage. I love a little baby infant, but I also love it when she starts smiling at me and then I love it when she's going to roll over and then she's going to start crawling and then she's going to start trying to talk to me. It's just like every stage of it just keeps getting better. And so I think that, does that even answer your question? I don't remember what the question was at this point.

• 12:08John R. Miles?

  I think for me, it's, as time goes on and now it's becoming even more accelerated. It's like the world around us is changing so much. So I just found like the access to things that we had to parent were different. So to me, it was like, I was having to reinvent parenting because so much had elapsed, but we had new ways to parent now that we didn't have in the past. Do you find that to be the same?

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Oh, I think that the basic fundamentals will always be there, but you're right. We've got this little bottle washer that's just like, it's the most advanced technology you've ever seen.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I'm like, can't we just put it, wash it in the sink? She's like, no, because this sanitizes it. It's like, okay. I think people have been, people got through back in the day. So my wife has all of the latest and greatest sort of advancements in formula. She's now where you, she went from breastfeeding the formula and then we had to make sure that we had the best stuff in that. And some of these strollers are just insanely, what is it? Is it the Nuna? There's one of them. Oh shit, I forget which one. That you can take from the, it's the car seat. You take it out, it turns into a stroller. Baby, I can't remember the name of it now.

• 13:20John R. Miles?

  Would make life easier for sure.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it definitely does. So I don't know. I just feel like the technologies have advanced. You have answers to all the things that you didn't have before, because the internet is so full of, every possible question you have can be answered now by the internet. So I think that in a lot of ways it's easier, but at the same time, I feel like

• 13:39Speaker 01

  there's those basic fundamentals that no matter how much technology we have around us, that, that's part of the fun of it. It's just one of the greatest things you could ever do.

• 13:47John R. Miles?

  Josh, one of the things I love is that when people ask you about hobbies, you, you don't typically talk about celebrity life. You talk about moving dirt, building trails, running heavy equipment, trading something with your hands. Why are those things so important to you and what do they give you that acting doesn't?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  I guess my hobby would be, I'm at my cabin right now in the woods and I think that this is probably it for me. This is my hobby, if you will, because

• 14:17Speaker 01

  there's just so much to do. There's so much that you have to fix, so many things that you have to figure out. Last night, for example, this is a totally random example, but my little Blackstone has the grease in the back has to go into a thing down below. And the one that was down there was completely full of nasty, old crappy grease that had been there for a month. So I had to cut a new, I had, I had a gas can that I had to cut the top off of. I didn't know how to, I didn't know which blade to use on my saws also. I had to go figure that out, put the new one on and cut through it. Little things like that, that I would never, ever do in Los Angeles. So I'm constantly tinkering, making things or fixing something or pushing dirt or popping stumps or

• 14:59Speaker 01

  somehow improving the property. And I think that's really what I love the most about it is that I'm completely in the moment and I have purpose out here because it even yesterday with my little two year old, we just sat out there in the water. You want to go play in the water and I can sit there and take the time and do that while I'm out here.

• 15:18John R. Miles?

  I heard you talk about when you originally got this land. So you have a bigger cabin now, but I understand when you first moved out there, you had much more basic elements that you were dealing with, right?

• 15:30Speaker 01

  It's come a long way. We were pickaxes and shovels for the first 10 years. It took a while and plus I didn't know anything. I'd never had a lake place before, so I didn't know anything about boats or docks or any of the stuff that you need to go with it. So it's been a huge learning curve for me and I'm so much more capable now of doing handiwork than I ever could before. And I think that's one of the things I'm proud of stuff is I can fix things now. I can make things, because when you're 40 miles out into the woods and there's no stores around, you gotta be able to do that. And it's made me a lot more handy. And I think that when we first got here, I have a fun story for you. So when we first got here, I had a little, right up here was a little cabin, a little shack of a cabin

• 16:12Speaker 01

  up in the woods. No electricity, no water, but it was a structure and I wanted a boat. So my dad went on boattrader.com and found this 86 pontoon, just a piece of crap. But it was a boat to go on the water and I'd never been out on the water out there. It was my, we'd been here for a couple of years and every time I come out, we'd just hang out up in the woods and go home. And I wanted to go, and we bought a floating dock, but I didn't have a boat.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  So he brings this boat trader boat from 86 out there. It's now 2005, 2010, I'm guessing. And he brings it out, puts it in the water. It's a whole process getting it off the dock into the public access, off the trailer and into the water. We get it in there, turn the crank or turn the key, nothing.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  Nothing. So we bring it back, put it back in the trailer, take it up and haul it back to town. Next summer comes around, same thing. We bring it out there, put it, take it off the trailer, put it in the water, nothing. I'm like, Dad, come on. You told me this thing was going to work. Ah, you told me it would work. You told me that it was going to work. So we put it back in the trailer, bring it back. Next summer, we bring it back out here. He promises me this thing is going to work. We get it on the trailer, pull it out to the lake, bring it down the public access, get it off the trailer, into the water, the thing starts up, which was like a, not a small celebration. We finally got this thing working. Well, then I put it in drive and nothing.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  I'm like, what? It doesn't go for, and I put it in reverse and it starts working. We start going backwards. So we literally have toolled around this lake right here.

• 17:46John R. Miles?

  Going backwards.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Two hours going in reverse and it was absolute bliss. Up to three years of trying to get this stupid old boat to work. That was my first boating experience. So you can tell when I first got here, I didn't know anything. I'd never even driven a boat before.

• 18:02John R. Miles?

  It's crazy to me. You buy this land and then you're up there living in basically a hunting cabin, hunting shed with no water, no electricity. It's like, I just have to ask it this way though. People want to do things like this, but then they're afraid of all the stuff that's going to come with it, all the stuff you've got to learn. Like, how did you just so willingly jump into it?

• 18:27Speaker 01

  I just wanted to. I don't know what it was. I just wanted to build something away from everything out in the woods on a lake and, and my dad found this property and slowly but surely, and it was a lot of work. I'm not going to lie. It was a lot of blood, sweat and tears. I can't tell him any cuts and bruises and poison ivy and all the things that it took just to start clearing all this stuff. But once you start to see progress and once you start to feel like, oh my gosh, look what this was and look what it is now. Like right down here, I don't know if you can see a little beach down there?

• 18:59John R. Miles?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  So that was just completely covered in

• 19:05Speaker 01

  old dead logs and rocks and stumps and all these things that you could barely even see the beach because it's a natural beach.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  And I said, if we can just get this thing cleared off, we're going to have a beautiful little beach there. And sure enough now, after a lot of work and a lot of cleaning up and shaping and doing all the things, we have this amazing little beach that, that's great for kids. It goes from about that deep to about that deep.

• 19:29John R. Miles?

  Perfect for your case.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  For the kids, it's perfect. They learn how to swim. They can play. They're safe. And it's those kinds of little wins that you get along the way that you look back now and you're like, whoa, we did all this. But in the moment, when you're just working on that one project, it just, it feels like a lot. But then you just start to, these little moments of success start to stack on each other and next thing you've got a place that you can actually inhabit.

• 19:52John R. Miles?

  We'll be right back with more of my conversation with Josh Demel. As you're listening, I'd like you to think about one question. What environments bring out the best version of you? Josh's story is a powerful reminder that sometimes changing our lives begins with changing the conditions we're living in. If you want to go deeper into these ideas, you'll find a companion workbook for the Adaptive Brain series inside The Ignited Life on Substack. You can find the link for it in today's show notes. Now, a quick break for today's sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show.

• 20:33John R. Miles?

  You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network. Now let's get back to my conversation with Josh Demel. Josh, I'm a veteran and I, one of my good friends is a retired Navy SEAL and he calls me up one day and says, hey, let's get in the boat. I want to take you somewhere. And so I live here in Tampa Bay. And so we are heading out into the middle of the bay and all of a sudden this land comes up in front of us and he says, check this out. So we go by this land and then out of nowhere appears this 3,000 square foot house in the middle of this property. And it turns out a friend of his, who's also a retired SEAL, while they were deployed somewhere,

• 21:17John R. Miles?

  was looking for a place that he could just make his own. And he found this series of 30 islands, all connected in the middle of Tampa Bay that no one really knows about.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 21:30John R. Miles?

  Now we go out there and we help them do burns and clean it up and everything. But sometimes you find the most unexpected places where you wouldn't even think they would exist.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  That's so cool. I love that story. So he lives out there?

• 21:43John R. Miles?

  Yeah, they've recently bought a place on the mainland because I think it was starting to drive his wife nuts because they would have to, I think it would be easier when Amazon can start sending you things via drone, but they're about a mile and a half from the shore by boat. So anytime they need to go to the store, they have to take a boat.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, that would be a lot.

• 22:05John R. Miles?

  But man, he fully air conditioned it, fully solar powered it, brought everything out by himself. People don't realize how much work it is, but like he loves it out there.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  So does he have his own little barge or something or his own boat or shuttle everything from the mainland to his island?

• 22:21John R. Miles?

  So hearing you talk about this pontoon reminds me of him. So he would find like the cheapest things that he could find and then he would create barges with them and he would use these barges for as long as they would last. Sometimes a few months, sometimes longer, but he brought everything out, including like he completely put in a new kitchen himself on the bottom floor, redid two bathrooms. So all, he's telling me he's done like 600, 700 trips.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Wow, that's incredible. That island life is a whole different thing and that makes it that much harder. There's one sitting right here off the, just off to my left. They have a cabin on that. Every time they come, every time they gotta fix something. They can't get any heavy equipment out there unless they barge it out there. That's a whole thing. So hats off to him.

• 23:11John R. Miles?

  Yeah. Well, the other thing he's huge into, obviously, because he's completely off the grid is prepping. And I heard that's something that you're fascinated with too.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  I am. It used to be the zombies, zombie apocalypse. Now I feel like it's AI robots

• 23:28Speaker 01

  or drones or something. I feel like it's just, I just always had this recurring sort of nightmare, daymare, whatever you want to call it, that things are going to go sideways in Los Angeles and any little thing can set it off. And so I just always felt like, what do I do if something, if the freeways are locked up, we can't get out, the place is complete chaos. So we have a plan to get out of Los Angeles is the first thing, if we're even in Los Angeles. And then it involves moto dirt bikes and boats in a mile or an hour north and the whole thing, just to get here, just to get back to here. But then here we have, everything is pretty much off the grid. It's not, I'm still, it's always going to be work in progress. We're going to do underground sort of bunker system. That's, we're in the

• 24:10Speaker 01

  process now of clearing that land and getting the permits and stuff like that. But for the most part, I'm, I'll run on propane. We have solar. We have three wells, enough stuff to last us, I don't know, a few months probably. But I'm working on being able to do it for many, like Lou and I are completely, and by the way, we can fish and hunt and get all the food that we need. So we have water and we have food. That's all you really need.

• 24:35John R. Miles?

  I have a good friend of mine who recently built a compound in Alabama for much of the same reasons. And it's really cool. It looks like a metal building from the outside, but you get in it and he's got like a 4,000 square foot mansion in there in the middle of it. But from the outside, you would just think it was a working barn.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:58John R. Miles?

  So cool what you can do.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  So that's pretty much what this is. This was a steel structure. It is a steel structure. We put nice wood paddling on the outside. It doesn't look quite as pole Barney as it could.

• 25:09John R. Miles?

  I know for my kids, my ex-wife grew up on a farm and they had about a hundred acres and my kids' favorite thing was just to go out to the farm to let kids be kids. And I think it's something now with kids these days that they miss. I know you and I are about the same age. I know growing up, my parents just used to unleash us and it was like after school, come back when it's dusk for dinner. And it's like that's missing for so many kids today. So it's great that you're giving yours this future ability to have it. Axel must love coming out there.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  You're completely right, John. It's just like the, this is the one, this is the reason I really did it because I wanted to be able to pass this on to my kids and they can pass it on to their kids because it is a place for kids just to be kids. There's no iPads when we're out here. They're just out there, whether it's fishing or paddle boarding. They're playing soccer and football out there on the beach yesterday. I'm pulling them on the tubes about three times a day. Shepherd absolutely loves it. He loves exploring. Everything about this just feels like a throwback to the way I grew up. And I love that about it.

• 26:17John R. Miles?

  One thing I wanted to ask you about was on this podcast, we talk a lot about like willingness to understand that so many of us are stuck and we struggle. And sometimes people see someone like you and they're like, there's no way this guy could possibly be struggling with his identity and things like that. But I recently had, I'm not sure if you're familiar with them, a gentleman named Daniel Amen on the show, who's a well-known psychiatrist. And he works with Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber are a couple of his well-known clients. But they often tell them that they never feel like they're enough. And at first he's like, how could someone like Justin Bieber think that they're not enough? And

• 27:01John R. Miles?

  I heard you on another program talk about that there was a time when you realized your struggle wasn't about anyone else. It was your own ego and how you were measuring yourself.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:12John R. Miles?

  What helped you finally see that?

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Such a good question, John. One thing that I've realized is that, and I've always been somebody who tries to, I pretend like everything's okay. But there's always, like everybody else, and this is one thing that helped me come to terms with this, is that we're all struggling. We're all insecure. We're all working on things. We're all wondering if we measure up. And it's an ego thing. It's a pride thing. It's an insecurity thing that, but once you realize that everybody's going through it and oftentimes the behavior, whether it might seem like one thing, but it's also, it's usually rooted in a deep insecurity about something. And I'm no exception. Believe me, I'm definitely a work in progress. There's a lot of things that I could be doing better, things I'm working on. It's a normal sort

• 27:56Speaker 01

  of reaction to look at somebody else's life and think, oh, they've got it all together. But the truth is, especially with social media and everything else, we project this image of perfection or unattainable life. But the truth is, they're just as insecure as the other one. And in fact, if you're projecting this life, and it's not real, that's your own sort of deep seated insecurities to pretend you're something you're not. So as the older I get, the more I realize that I don't need to pretend to anybody. And I don't care as much as I used to about what people think. Thank God, because that's paralyzed me before because I was so concerned about what everybody else thought about me that I wasn't able to really live my own full version of myself. So as I get older, I learn

• 28:40Speaker 01

  more. Still staying curious about everything.

• 28:44John R. Miles?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Including myself.

• 28:46John R. Miles?

  Well, I, do you think, because you've had a ton of success, a lot more than many people have had. Do you think that success makes it harder to know who you are? Or does it simply expose the parts of yourself that still needs work? How do you think about that?

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Honestly, don't feel like I've done enough. And that's my own.

• 29:04John R. Miles?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Honestly feel like I have so much that I need to, that's the, what you're talking about Bieber and the rest of them. It's like, we're always trying to, it's never enough. Always searching for that validation or that thing that maybe in some ways drives us to do it. But I feel like I just have, I don't know, I have a lot to do. I have a lot to prove and I have a lot to achieve before I'm done with this thing.

• 29:27John R. Miles?

  And I personally don't know many celebrities, but one person I got to know a bit was Matthew McConaughey. And I met him in the weirdest of places, church.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 29:39John R. Miles?

  Yeah. He and his family started showing up to this church that I went to when I lived in Austin. And every single week, they were like three pews in front of us. And

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 29:49John R. Miles?

  At first, I didn't even know it was him because he was filming Dallas Buyers Club.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:54John R. Miles?

  And he had lost all that weight. He was bald. And I remember I kept, you know how you look at someone and you're like, I know this person, but I can't put my fingers on it. And all of a sudden I get this huge elbow to my chest. And my wife at the time says, you're ruining it for me. I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? We're at church. She's like, that's fricking Matthew McConaughey. Stop looking at me.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 30:18John R. Miles?

  You know what was so cool is his kids were about the age of, what, you have a two-year-old, three-year-old? They, one was around that age and the other one was a little bit older. And just seeing him interact, putting them on his shoulders, he was running around the playground with them, everything. It just gave me a completely different appreciation. And the person that changed the most was my son was in middle school. He was about the same age as your son. And he was just really struggling with identity. And when he saw that Matthew was showing up and being so normal and everything, it actually changed him. He wanted to go to church. It had such a profound impact. So it was really a cool experience.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  I love that. And how old was your son at the time?

• 31:03John R. Miles?

  He was seventh grade, 12, 13 years old.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. I wonder what that is. I bet it changed his perception of church maybe in some way. Because even when I was a kid, we went to Catholic church and it was so boring to me and I didn't want to go, but I knew I had to.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  But if something like that happens where it's like, oh, normal people that I really admire go here and they find ways to have fun here, it kind of shifts your own perception of it. And I'm guessing that's what happened to your son?

• 31:34John R. Miles?

  It was not only that, it wasn't like Matthew stood by the side and didn't engage with anyone until the paparazzi discovered him there. He was physically running around on the playground and going down slides and chasing kids and playing basketball with them. So I think it just made him see that, look, this is a normal guy, even though he's a star. And yeah, I think it just changed his perception of like how fun this could be and not looking at this chore that we were forcing him to do.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Love that. I love that. Well, good for you, Matthew McConaughey.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Bringing people to Jesus, at a boy.

• 32:13John R. Miles?

  Well, the sad thing about it was eventually people started posting on social media and paparazzi started showing up. So I actually hated it for him because he, all of a sudden it got taken away and he stopped showing up, which really sucks, I thought. I want to talk to you now, Josh, about your company, Gatlin. And you've been open to the fact that as you've gotten older, and I feel this myself, it becomes harder and harder, I think, to keep up with the standards that we set for ourselves. And I understand you started to look at, how do you start optimizing your metabolism? How do you start looking at your longevity? How do you start looking at your hormone levels more intentionally?

• 32:56John R. Miles?

  What kind of got you thinking about those things?

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Well, since we're talking about Gatlin, I should probably put my hat on.

• 33:04John R. Miles?

  The right way.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  So, yes, it was, I don't know, 10 years ago or so, I knew that I was now 43 years old, I need to start looking at how I can stay as physically optimized as I can, personally for mostly professional reasons. And then I started having kids and I realized I need to stay as healthy as I can for as long as I can. And so I started taking a hard look at some of the things that were out there, one of them being testosterone, a lot of these peptides. I started doing my own research about it, started taking testosterone about seven years ago or so, and realized how much it helped my world, how much it changed the way I can walk through life.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  And that's physically, mentally, it just completely changed for me. And so when my friend Fabian came to me a couple of years ago with this idea to start this TRT company, I was like, love this stuff, but I can't be the face of that. And then I started to think, well, why not be the face of that? Because it's helped me so much. Why not be the guy who makes this okay, shines a light on it and gets people talking about it? And that's been one of the most gratifying things about this is just getting the conversation started because men don't want to talk about this stuff. Women are much more prone to talk about what they're doing or how they're feeling, but men just don't typically do it. So what we've really been successful with is making it okay.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  And whether it's TRT or NAD or BPC 157 or TB 500 or GHKCU, there's all these different peptides that you can take for whatever you're feeling that really improve the way you look and feel. This is not snake oil, this stuff is for real. And I think that once people get their blood tested, find out what they're deficient in, talk to one of our doctors and start to optimize, people are starting to see like how big of a difference it can make in your life.

• 34:59John R. Miles?

  Well, anyone who watched the World Cup and any of the commentary saw the play by play of a certain former soccer star's hair growth loss and then hair return.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Was that Beckham?

• 35:13John R. Miles?

  No, it was the, the US player.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I'm not sure that was peptides though. Well, that's transplant.

• 35:22John R. Miles?

  But man, it's hard to put yourself out like that. How did you, it's hard for me to talk about these things. I've gotten, I have an alternative health podcast, so I talk about these things a lot. But at first, man, it was tough. How did you push through that?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Well, I just, I'm not as concerned anymore what people think. I think like we talked about earlier, people want to perceive me a certain type of way, but the truth is I have just as many insecurities as the next guy. And the sooner I can confront that and make it okay and talk about things that maybe are uncomfortable or things that I need to work on or things that I'm trying to improve, I think it makes us all just a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more able to evolve and grow as we get older. And so this has been one of those things. Yeah, I'll tell you exactly what I'm taking because I want to be the best version of myself physically and mentally as I can be. And sometimes that involves therapy, sometimes it involves going to yoga, sometimes it involves

• 36:21Speaker 01

  going to the gym, and sometimes I can help maximize all the stuff I'm doing if I'm making sure my hormone levels are where they're supposed to be. And or making sure that I have my thyroid is properly working or I'm properly metabolizing the foods that I'm taking. And there's all these things that we can help people do now that we couldn't do before. It really does make a big difference in your life.

• 36:44John R. Miles?

  I'm going to just veer off here for a second. So what got you into yoga?

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Where was I? I think I was in Michigan shooting one of the Transformers movies and they had this hot yoga place across the street from the hotel. So I just went over there one day out of curiosity and that hot yoga was one of the best physical exercise sessions that I'd ever had. And it was because I left there, it was incredibly hard because it was hot and I couldn't do all the stuff. But I felt like every corner of my body was like more flexible than it had ever been. Like I was reaching places that I'd never been to. And so I started, and also mentally, I felt really clear headed after I left. And I think that both mentally and physically, yoga has been a game changer for my knees, for my back and for my brain.

• 37:33John R. Miles?

  You want to know, I started practicing it when I was like 23, 24, and you're never going to guess where I discovered it.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Where?

• 37:42John R. Miles?

  I was stationed in Rio de Spain and I was at Naval Special Warfare Unit 10. And they had a training command there and the SEALs used it in mindfulness training to help with basically emotional regulation. So that's where I started practicing it. And then I went away from it for a while and then rediscovered it and just realized not only how much it was for my mental health, but physically, I had always been like a gym rat and I felt even stronger by doing the body weight exercises than I did going to the gym. It really, and then when you do the hot yoga, you also get the release of all those toxins as well.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:26John R. Miles?

  But I love it. It ain't cool.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Well, again, it's one of those things that I'm willing to talk about because it's helped me tremendously, whether it's peptides or hormone therapy or yoga. I feel like these kinds of things I've learned along the way. And if I can get some other guys out there to start thinking about this stuff and make it okay to go do yoga, then it's a win.

• 38:49John R. Miles?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Because you're right, mentally and physically, it's just so good for you.

• 38:53John R. Miles?

  It is, I'm kicking myself. We got a house on the water at exactly the wrong time. Two years ago, we had about three and a half foot of water throughout our house and it kind of threw our life in a tailspin. And it's hard to get back into the routines you once had once something like that hits. So I personally need to get back into my yoga routine because I feel when I'm doing it consistently, man, I feel more grounded.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure. I agree. Is the house back in order now?

• 39:22John R. Miles?

  Well, luckily we had been renting it to figure out this new area, but it had so much damage that we had to leave it, man. We lost pretty much everything. We bought another house now and we're about 60 feet above sea level. So go through that again.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't blame you.

• 39:41John R. Miles?

  People think, man, it's been so interesting in life how shit just hits you that you never expect is going to and the lessons you learn from it. But I think every time you hit one of those things, you end up coming out stronger.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  I agree. And I agree a hundred percent. You just took the words out of my mouth. It's like these things that seem so daunting in the moment, you can look back on and say, yeah, I got through that. Better than what I was before.

• 40:10John R. Miles?

  Man, you want to know what one of the most like pivotal points of it was for me is when we, man, you walk back in this house and I can't even describe it to you. It's like a mixture of gasoline smell, raw manure, and just the dirtiest water you can think of. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  You're talking about during the flood?

• 40:33John R. Miles?

  Yeah. And all this mess, we had like 15 people show up for us who just helped us move everything out. Cause there was no way we could have done it. And this included people we'd never met before. So I think it just shows you the humanity of people when they come to your aid and things like that. And it's something I will never forget for the rest of my life.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I'm glad you got through it. Those, those floods are nasty.

• 40:57John R. Miles?

  They're one until you've been through it, you see a million of things like this on the TV, whether it's the fires in LA or people flooding hurricane, whatever. And until you've lived it, you just don't realize how devastating it is.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I'm glad you got through it.

• 41:14John R. Miles?

  I wanted to get back to Gatlin because I thought it was important for people to understand the model. So it's not just you in front of this product. You've got teams, you've got personalized protocols. You guys are analyzing biomarkers. What can you explain the model a little bit more and why people should look into this?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  I think that people think that I'm just a paid spokesperson for this company, but the truth is I'm one of two founders, Fabian and myself founded this company almost three years ago. And so I really am invested from the very bottom to the top, from beginning to the very end. And I think that what we love about our whole model is that if you have questions, if you have concerns, you'll have your own personalized doctor that'll help you through it. So once you get your blood tested, you'll then be assigned to a certain person, whether it's Heather or Avery or Dr. Lawrence, whoever it is, they'll help you by answering whatever questions, looking through your biomarkers and your blood test that you have, figure out where you're deficient, what you might need, what your goals are health wise.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  And then we will send you whatever it is that you're looking to do right to your front door. So it's a very easy process, a couple of little hurdles in the beginning, just by getting your blood and things like that done. But after that, it gets really easy. And I think that this concierge model that we've gone to has been the smartest thing that we've done because we're not just clicking on the computer and having stuff sent to you. We're actually concerned about what you're doing. We're able to personalize the journey that you're on.

• 42:46John R. Miles?

  And since we've been talking about veterans a couple of times through the episode, do you do anything specifically for veterans or first responders or medical professionals?

• 42:55Speaker 01

  First of all, thank you for your service, John. And our CEO Tyler Williamson is also a former army officer. So he's very much involved with the military, first responders, those people that oftentimes don't get enough praise for how heroic they are. And so we're in the process of starting a whole thing where I think that anybody who's in the military or is a first responder will get a certain percentage deducted from whatever it costs.

• 43:23John R. Miles?

  All right. It's interesting, man. My wife is a primary care provider and it's crazy how much stress and mental stress specifically that a lot of them have to deal with. And yet we cater to certain people in society and we don't cater to these who see death and ailment all the time.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Nurses and teachers, man, they don't get enough credit. Nurses, teachers, first responders.

• 43:51John R. Miles?

  I hear you. I've got just a couple of last questions for you. I wanted to go back to throughout the whole discussion we've had and ask, you bought this land about 20 years ago. So over the last 20 years, what do you think Josh has changed for you most about your definition of what you think a successful life actually looks like?

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Oh gosh, that's a really good question, John. As somebody who's always measured myself by how much I've succeeded or achieved,

• 44:23Speaker 01

  which isn't necessarily the healthiest way to go through life, by the way. I always felt like I had to prove something to people and it still sticks with me to this day. But when I look at this property now, I feel like

• 44:35Speaker 01

  all the memories that we make out here, all the friends that we've made, the time that we get to spend together as a family, the legacy that I'm leaving for my kids and their kids, that to me is success. Not as much the material things, but the memories in the family. Because if you can just continue those rituals that your family has together and all those memories that you have, I feel like those are the things that to me at this point really matter because material things, yes, I like nice things and I like to make money. I'm not going to lie to you about that. But they allow me to build something out here that is really what really what matters. And that's making memories with my family.

• 45:19John R. Miles?

  You are raising children in a way that's intentionally different for many Hollywood families. And when you look back decades from now, what do you hope they remember the most?

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that this is a tough one for me because I do work a lot, probably too much. And I'm trying to be as present as I can. If I can look back and have them say dad was there, I don't even know what dad did. I've never even seen any of his movies or TV shows, but he was there. He was a regular dad and we never would have known what he did for a living because he was just always there. So that's really my goal. I'm trying to work a little bit less or be a little bit more intentional about where I work or when I work.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Or if I am working to have them with me as much as I can, but that's the biggest struggle right now, especially with my 12 year old is getting quality time with him. Thankfully he's out here with us now. He's been out here for most of the summer. So we've had a lot of amazing time. But it gets tough when I'm away, even for two weeks at a time, it gets really tough. And I worry that they're going to look back on that someday and be like, dad was just never around. I remember him ever being there. That to me would be the worst possible scenario.

• 46:29John R. Miles?

  Thank you for sharing that. And then lastly, Josh, you could live almost anywhere. Why North Dakota? Why Minnesota? Why there?

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Well, I grew up in North Dakota. My wife grew up in North Dakota. She grew up living this lake life. We're perfect for each other because this isn't for everyone. There's something about, and I'm hesitant to talk about North Dakota because I want to keep it the best kept secret in the country. But I'm also one of the ambassadors for tourism. So I have to let people know, but I really truly love this place. Again, from the outside, it's not California. It doesn't have all the beauty. It's such a special place because of the people, because of the lifestyle, because they live their lives. It's all about family, being present. It's a little bit slower paced and it's not as much of a rat race. And I think that's really what I love about it. And it's right in close proximity to Minnesota, which is where our cabin is at.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  So it's kind of perfect. And you're also insulated from some of the crazy east and west coast stuff that we're trying to avoid infiltrating our kids' minds. And I just said that in the nicest possible way I could.

• 47:36John R. Miles?

  Awesome, man. Can you just share a little bit for the listeners on where they can go to learn more about Gatlin? I also understand you have a media company or had a media company?

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. So we have a Dakota media is our production company. We do all the content creation and all the stuff like that for Gatlin. We do sports, we do long and short form documentary style stuff, branded content, things like that. So that's what Dakota is. And then Gatlin is a telemedicine company that I'm very proud of. Just go to Gatlin.com and we will take very good care of you.

• 48:10John R. Miles?

  Okay. And then lastly, any upcoming films or anything else that the audience might want to get a preview of that you might be doing in the future?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Sure. Well, Ransom Canyon just came out a couple of weeks ago. It's been doing very well on Netflix. Please check that out. Season two. I've got a movie coming out sometime later this year called The Rescue, directed by Patsy Ponzarella, amazing director. I get to play a very bad person in that one. Bad guys are always fun to play. I just finished another movie called The Runaway up in Vancouver with Summer Howell, James Franco, and Paula Patton. So that's also going to be a very fun movie. And then I got a couple more things that I'm going to be shooting this summer. So look out for Runaway and The Rescue.

• 48:57John R. Miles?

  Awesome. Well, Josh, such an honor to have you today. Thank you so much for joining us.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  John, you're the man. Thank you for making this happen. And thank you for your patience, by the way. You could have easily blew me off. You didn't. So I appreciate that.

• 49:09John R. Miles?

  Man, it's an honor to have you. I understand how busy things can get. So I get it.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  I appreciate you.

• 49:15John R. Miles?

  Okay. I hope today's conversation with Josh Demel reminded you that sometimes changing your life starts with changing the environment you're living in. Josh's story is a powerful reminder that the places we spend our time, the people we surround ourselves with and the priorities we choose can all shape who we become. If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway. Share it with me on LinkedIn, Substack or Instagram. And if you know someone who could use a reminder to slow down and reconnect with what matters, send them this episode. And if you haven't already, be sure to follow Passion Struck on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube. So you never miss an episode.

• 49:55John R. Miles?

  Because next Tuesday, we're continuing our Adaptive Brain series with behavioral scientist Dan Ariely. Dan is the bestselling author of Predictably Irrational. And his research explores one of the strangest things about being human. We can know what we should do and still make choices that work against us. We'll talk about why we make irrational decisions, why we often avoid meaningful risks, how organizations can lose sight of what actually matters, and what happens when we become so focused on efficiency that we lose the very things that make life meaningful. It's a fascinating conversation about the gap between what we intend to do and what we actually do. I think you're going to love it.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  In the short term, we regret the things that we did. But when you look at it from the perspective of time, you're upset with the risks you didn't take. The biggest gap I find, the area of life that they don't take enough risk, romantic love. And people basically say not willing to be vulnerable.

• 50:57John R. Miles?

  Until then, remember, the life you're creating is also creating you. I'm John Miles and as always, stay curious, stay intentional and stay passion struck.