Ep 556 - Spud Sucker

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello everyone. Good Morning. Hope you're all having a good start to your day. Fambly ep this week - just the D. A. W. G. Z. We talk all the hot topix, current events, and happenings. And everything is alleged. Please Enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Get $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com with code: MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild, Wild West.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Yes. Yes. What a, uh, man, what a little, what a week. What a crazy week. What a absolutely crazy week, man.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  I'll say this about Shannon.

• 0:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah?

• 0:14Speaker 00

  The funniest thing to me about Shea Shea defending himself was being like, "You only have a 30 second video. Release the full 10 minutes." Like, he was like, "I didn't fuck for 30 seconds, I fucked for 10 minutes. Put the whole sex tape out."

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  He's on, he's on a mission for like some male sex award. He's always, he's been talking about this for years. Like, "I'm a deep sea fisherman. I plumb to depths." He's like always talking about his dong game.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  It's a dangerous world. Eventually you get caught up.

• 0:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. You gotta, you gotta, you know, dude, I was reading a, uh...

• 0:43Speaker 00

  It's the high seas.

• 0:44Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? You can't be deep sea fisherman.

• 0:46Matt McCusker?

  You can't be, man. It's gotta be, you know, he's too old for that, dude. I read it, I like, you know, like articles now, they include internet comments? One of them, I was reading on The Root. Did you ever read that publication?

• 0:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:57Matt McCusker?

  The Root, it's usually, yeah, it's a lot of it's like clickbaity stuff, but one of the...

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Oh, it gets me.

• 1:04Matt McCusker?

  Some of the takes...

• 1:04Speaker 00

  I'm back, by the way.

• 1:05Matt McCusker?

  You're back?

• 1:06Speaker 00

  I'll let you finish. I'm back, though. I'm back in my evil ways.

• 1:09Matt McCusker?

  Right wing king.

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Saw sinners last night. I'm back.

• 1:14Matt McCusker?

  Dude, the funniest takes, one of them was, you know, you have like the whole situation going on, and then it's like, one of the top takes is like, no way, like, a BM will allow a WW to talk to him this way, never allow a BW to talk. It's like just someone was pissed being like, they'd never let a black woman talk to you.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  They're using Gerby's terms?

• 1:34Speaker 00

  A BW?

• 1:34Matt McCusker?

  BW. BMs will let BW, WWs talk to them however they want, but they'll never let a BW talk to them like that. And it's like, dude, that's your takeaway on this?

• 1:43Speaker 00

  I, I haven't looked into any, anything about it at all. Other than, I just saw a little bit of Shannon defending himself, but it just cracked me up being like, "It wasn't 30 seconds, dude."

• 1:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  It was 10 minutes.

• 1:57Matt McCusker?

  Or, yeah, or just be also like, release the full tape.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  We can all relate to that.

• 2:00Matt McCusker?

  Release the full tape. It's like, bro, come on, man.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  He wants tape.

• 2:04Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I get, I get it. You're painting it in the corner. It's a bad corner to repaint it in, but it's a phone call.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Weren't they all calling one of the girls on ESPN a whore?

• 2:12Matt McCusker?

  Who?

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:17Matt McCusker?

  Who called?

• 2:17Speaker 00

  No one's saying shit about, Shannon Sharpe's out here putting out sex tapes. What'd Skip get fired for? He was being a horny ass.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  I saw Skip do that debate about LeBron. He looked like he was gonna get gang banged.

• 2:31Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Did that, he just did a, like a, one of those things where you sit down and people argue with you.

• 2:36Matt McCusker?

  Verse like twenty-five people.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was like LeBron versus Jordan, but it started, he was like, "I'm Skip and I'm gonna..." And there was just a bunch of dudes standing behind him. It looked nuts. These people are, they're bonkers, bro.

• 2:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't understand the need for like, that level of discourse where it's like, having two people have a conversation is not enough. I need to see somebody verse twenty-five. It's a fetish.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  It's fully porn.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  It's literally, yeah, it's bukkake.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:01Matt McCusker?

  It's literally bukkake.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  By the way, we've all been there. You go, "I'd like to see her take on more than just one guy." Let's see what twenty-five looks like. I wish I hadn't done that. I'm not the man I thought I was.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they did, someone said that was an ancestral dragon, like dragging for like, you know, for Sharp messing around with these snow bunnies. Leave them buddies, leave them buddies alone, bro.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Doctor Umar said that.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  You need to see Sinners.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Doctor Umar.

• 3:25Matt McCusker?

  Doctor Umar needs to fucking worry about his own house, man.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  You need to see, you know, don't, sorry.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  I don't speak about another man's house.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Don't talk about him, dude. He'll get you.

• 3:35Matt McCusker?

  Let him, bro.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  He defends, he defends Shannon, uh, but on one condition that he leaves them snow bunnies alone from now on. That's what he said.

• 3:43Speaker 00

  You gotta leave the snow bunnies alone.

• 3:44Matt McCusker?

  You gotta, bro. Especially that guy. Nah.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Nate, Nate?

• 3:49Matt McCusker?

  Big no from me.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Nate, I'd like you to leave the snow bunnies alone. That's something me and Doctor Umar can agree on.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  I, I got, I got triggered last night, dude.

• 4:01Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 4:02Speaker 00

  Saw Sinners. It's, uh...

• 4:04Matt McCusker?

  What's it about?

• 4:05Speaker 00

  It's about evil Irish vampires attacking black people to steal their souls and music.

• 4:13Speaker 00

  To steal their rock and roll.

• 4:15Matt McCusker?

  What was this on?

• 4:16Speaker 00

  It's a huge movie.

• 4:18Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Obviously a hundred percent on Rotten Tomatoes, obviously.

• 4:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  No, the movie fucking does rule. It was, it was a very good movie.

• 4:24Matt McCusker?

  Irish vampires?

• 4:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, it kinda hyped me up. At one point, they sang Rocky Road to Dublin outside of the, it was, I mean, it was, it's basically Dust Till Dawn.

• 4:32Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  With Django. There's a Django scene, there's a Django scene, you'll, you'll see when you see it.

• 4:42Matt McCusker?

  Where does, where does it take place?

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Uh, you're never gonna guess. Uh, Jim Crow, Mississippi.

• 4:47Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  You're never gonna guess. One of our proudest moments.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's running back the hits.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  There's a running back, the big time hits. No, it was, uh, the movie was good, but again, it was, I, I'm working on not being able to, not getting triggered by

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  race baiting. But that's not, the movie was good.

• 5:08Matt McCusker?

  It was a good movie?

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was good.

• 5:09Matt McCusker?

  But why were they fucking Irish vampires?

• 5:11Speaker 00

  The evil white vampires did kinda piss me off. And the only white people in the movie were evil, nasty folks.

• 5:18Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:19Matt McCusker?

  Do you think it's strategic at all? Cause there, the people make that argument a lot.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Obviously it's strategic.

• 5:23Matt McCusker?

  Well, I'm saying right now.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  They shoehorned Native Americans and Asians into the good side.

• 5:28Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 5:28Speaker 00

  So it was everybody against the honks, dude. The honks were outside going.

• 5:31Matt McCusker?

  So the, the eighteen hundreds Asians were like, hey, my black brother.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:37Matt McCusker?

  They still don't do that, dude. It's twenty twenty-five. It's twenty twenty-five.

• 5:42Speaker 00

  It's, I guess.

• 5:42Matt McCusker?

  What happened to that communities where they fell apart?

• 5:44Speaker 00

  I don't know, but I guess.

• 5:45Matt McCusker?

  They had it figured out back then.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  It's a thing in the delta, I guess, Mississippi, where Asians did go there.

• 5:52Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  And due to Jim Crow laws, opened bodegas and shit.

• 5:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  To be like, you guys can fucking shop here.

• 6:00Matt McCusker?

  They're a middleman minority. That's, that's their whole thing.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  And they did that, I guess, back then. I don't know how prevalent it was that it needed to be in the movie. I don't know how many fucking Choctaw Indians were running around in nineteen thirty, but, you know, fuck it. They're vampires, so.

• 6:12Matt McCusker?

  What was, what was, what was the vibe in like the, uh?

• 6:15Speaker 00

  The vibe in the theater?

• 6:16Matt McCusker?

  No, the vibe, you went in the theater and watched?

• 6:18Speaker 00

  I saw it last night.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh, shit.

• 6:19Speaker 00

  Yep. I was one of the few honks.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  You're talking about in the, in the bodega?

• 6:23Speaker 00

  Whenever they'd make a point in the movie, I'd hear a lot of.

• 6:25Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  And it didn't piss me off until I, until I got on.

• 6:30Matt McCusker?

  Well, actually.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  I almost was standing up going, ah.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  If you look into the actual history, I don't know.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  I don't know. What do I know?

• 6:45Matt McCusker?

  You've never been there?

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Fire, I wish you did. The only thing that bothers me, it's not that movie. It's just that that's how people get their history.

• 6:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  That's what they think was real. Like, always. No, not the Irish Vampire, but like, I got on Twitter and someone was like, "That's why black people don't have welcome mats to let vampires in." That's just old Mississippi voodoo.

• 7:10Speaker 00

  There you go. Yep, for sure. Every single thing that we do today was from that.

• 7:15Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 7:16Speaker 00

  I think that was just one dumb person, but...

• 7:19Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck do welcome mats?

• 7:21Speaker 00

  It's about vampires not letting them into your house.

• 7:23Matt McCusker?

  Does that let a vampire enter if you have a welcome mat? It's like, technically, you welcome me into your house.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I guess.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 7:31Speaker 00

  I don't know. You'll see. The movie does, Michael B. Jordan fucking rules.

• 7:34Matt McCusker?

  He rules in it?

• 7:35Speaker 00

  He fucking rules. And he plays a twin brother, as he plays himself twice, which normally I fucking hate.

• 7:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  He did a great job.

• 7:43Matt McCusker?

  He nutty-professed it.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  He nutty-professed it out, and it was pretty good.

• 7:46Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  When they told me he was playing his brother, I was like, "Oh, that sucks."

• 7:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  And I saw it and I was like, "Man, he's pretty fucking cool."

• 7:54Matt McCusker?

  He did a good job. Damn, dude.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  He's cool. I hope he kills all the white devils.

• 7:59Matt McCusker?

  And he got them.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  He did get the white devils.

• 8:01Matt McCusker?

  How do you, how do you kill, what, do you shove like a potato in their heart? How do you kill?

• 8:06Matt McCusker?

  A potato dagger?

• 8:07Speaker 00

  They wanna suck your potatoes. They're trying to get in there.

• 8:11Matt McCusker?

  Give me your spuds. Give me your spuds. I know you've got spuds in there. Let me in. I'd like to suck your spuds.

• 8:20Matt McCusker?

  I know you're keeping a spuds back there. Let me in there, boy.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, the music scenes were fucking sick.

• 8:28Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. You'll see. Whatever. I'm complimenting a lot, because I got frustrated. You two, you're gonna love it.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  You guys are gonna...

• 8:36Speaker 03

  I'm really looking forward to seeing it, actually.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  I would love it. They need, let's get a white movie.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  I mean, you think you get sick of the story after a while?

• 8:43Speaker 03

  What do you mean, let's get a white movie?

• 8:45Speaker 00

  Where we kill all the other races.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Oh, you can't do that.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Why? You guys do it every single fucking time!

• 8:51Matt McCusker?

  We used to do it, we had those movies.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  I know, they were a big hit.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Swear to God, I think they showed Birth of a Nation at the White House.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, remake Song of the South, yeah.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:01Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  The basketball playoffs are here and the action is heating up on PrizePix. The best place to cash in on your favorite sports. I mean dude, what are you, what are you excited about for the start of the playoffs?

• 9:15Speaker 00

  For the playoffs?

• 9:15Matt McCusker?

  Who do you have winning it all?

• 9:17Speaker 00

  I have, I'd like to see the Lakers win it all. I like what they're up there. And I usually don't like the Lakers, but I, I'm enjoying, I'd like, I'd like to see Lina Doncic and LeBron Jones.

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  LeBron Doncic.

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  Some particular players? I'm glad you mentioned some particular players.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  I will mention a particular player, LeBron James.

• 9:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  I hope.

• 9:37Matt McCusker?

  You wanna see him just...

• 9:38Speaker 00

  I'd like to see him do great.

• 9:39Matt McCusker?

  How many more, how many more seasons do you think he has in?

• 9:42Speaker 00

  If, if he wins here, this, you know, this could be it.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 9:45Speaker 00

  But he's doing great. He's having a great year. Bit of a renaissance.

• 9:48Matt McCusker?

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• 10:01Speaker 00

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• 10:02Matt McCusker?

  2,000 times.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  Did you read that right?

• 10:03Matt McCusker?

  2,000.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Holy hell.

• 10:05Matt McCusker?

  Was 1,000.

• 10:06Speaker 00

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• 10:06Matt McCusker?

  Now it's 2,000. I mean, this week on PrizePix, I, I'm trying to think who I'm gonna go with. I think...

• 10:12Speaker 00

  What about Shay?

• 10:13Matt McCusker?

  Nikola Jokic for more than 25 points.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  Ooh, that's a good one.

• 10:15Matt McCusker?

  That's my pick.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go Shay Gildress Alexandra. I don't know how to say his name.

• 10:20Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 10:20Speaker 00

  Shay Gildress Alexandra. He's the man. You'd like OKC, they're a fun team.

• 10:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've actually heard of them.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  They're beating the brakes off of the Grizzlies.

• 10:28Matt McCusker?

  Did they really?

• 10:28Speaker 00

  They're fucking killing them.

• 10:30Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Every game, they're, it's two games, but good God.

• 10:33Matt McCusker?

  Crushing them?

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:34Matt McCusker?

  Beautiful.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  First game was by like 50.

• 10:36Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 10:37Speaker 00

  It was over, I turned it on, they were down fucking 50. I was like, this is out of control.

• 10:40Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ.

• 10:41Speaker 00

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• 10:47Matt McCusker?

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• 10:48Speaker 00

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• 10:58Speaker 00

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• 10:59Matt McCusker?

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• 11:18Speaker 00

  Run your game.

• 11:19Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  I mean.

• 11:21Matt McCusker?

  You guys were the bad guys for a while there, movies.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  You guys were some bad guys for, yeah, they had a good run of being, uh. Not really.

• 11:28Matt McCusker?

  Well, yeah, they were portrayed pretty flatly and one dimensionally for a while there.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  In the early.

• 11:33Matt McCusker?

  Early nineties.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Early twentieth century, early nineties.

• 11:36Matt McCusker?

  They were hits, though.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Black people would just like stop being, this is the first like Irish vampire movie, like, black people would just stop being portrayed as bad guys necessarily all the time.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  I, I don't remember them being a bad guy in a movie.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  In the last thirty years, since I've been alive.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  If they're a bad guy in the movie, they're still like the star of the movie, like Training Day.

• 11:59Speaker 00

  Like Denzel.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Training Day, or I guess John Q, he was kind of the bad guy.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  It's always Denzel being a hero.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yes, Denzel being kind of a hero, bad guy.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  I guess it was more the Russians were the bad, Russians were the bad guys.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  For since nineteen eighty.

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  I feel like you could, there's gotta be some black bad guy movies. Or maybe they just portrayed like thug henchmen all the time, I don't know.

• 12:19Speaker 00

  Thug henchmen are always white. It's like a fucking home alarm system commercial.

• 12:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  It's always two white guys breaking into your house, like, give me your potatoes.

• 12:27Matt McCusker?

  Maybe I'm just thinking, maybe I might, I might just be thinking of the news in the nineties, that might be what I'm thinking, the news was crazy.

• 12:32Speaker 00

  Now, that's a horse of a different color.

• 12:36Matt McCusker?

  I'll be getting movies mixed up with the news.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, movies since I've been alive. Now, I will say they did hit black people with Cool Black Friend, Sidekick.

• 12:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  For a while.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. Which, come on, man, we're trying.

• 12:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm going right now.

• 12:52Speaker 00

  This is the honks trying their best.

• 12:54Matt McCusker?

  Movies?

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Now it's white friend sidekick in black movies.

• 12:58Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  We've switched, yeah. I watched G20. You guys are gonna love that.

• 13:03Matt McCusker?

  What's G20?

• 13:04Speaker 00

  Oh, come on, man.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  It's the, it's the best film.

• 13:07Matt McCusker?

  What's, what's G20?

• 13:09Speaker 00

  Uh, it's a Michelle Obama biopic.

• 13:11Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 13:13Speaker 00

  No, it's not, it's not.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  It's, uh, Viola Davis plays a kick-ass war hero that becomes president and...

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Saves everyone's life.

• 13:23Speaker 00

  Saves, time to save the whole world again.

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  It's good?

• 13:27Speaker 00

  It's good.

• 13:28Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome. What's it based on?

• 13:29Speaker 00

  It's based on, uh, evil white guys break in to try to kill the coolest black lady and the coolest black husband and their kids.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  Enough, dude.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  It's very good.

• 13:39Matt McCusker?

  Enough.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Enough, I've had it up to here.

• 13:44Matt McCusker?

  Dang. Meanwhile, Unc is sweating right now.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  Unc's alright.

• 13:48Matt McCusker?

  It's the Uncpocalypse, dude. It's Unc.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  It is the Uncpocalypse.

• 13:50Matt McCusker?

  Fucking Kanye. Kanye has Uncapals right now, dude.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  Kanye might be a vampire. He sucked his cousin.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  He fucking wanted to suck his cousin.

• 14:00Matt McCusker?

  Well, I love how they're like, he allegedly sucked his cu- it's like, he said it himself. I mean, it could be making it up.

• 14:06Speaker 00

  It could be, yeah, just, just chatting, but that one seems, that's a tough one to put on yourself.

• 14:10Matt McCusker?

  That's the weirdest troll.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:12Matt McCusker?

  And I like, I was like, maybe the song, I listened to the song, I'm like, this is so disturbing, dude.

• 14:17Matt McCusker?

  Cause Bliss tricked me. Bliss was like, the song's actually pretty good. And I was like, how could that, and I listened to it, I'm like, no, this is not, this is... Making me feel weird. I'm on an airplane right now, dude.

• 14:26Speaker 00

  I didn't listen to the song yet.

• 14:27Matt McCusker?

  It's just him in auto-tune being like, I sucked my cousin's dick. It's like, it's crazy, dude. It's crazy.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  He says that in the song?

• 14:36Matt McCusker?

  I, I, I think.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Oh, this song fucking rules.

• 14:38Matt McCusker?

  I gave my cousin head. That's a, yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  I gave my cousin head?

• 14:41Matt McCusker?

  I gave my cousin head.

• 14:44Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy, dude. It's.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  He sound like Big Daddy Mark. I love Big Daddy Mark.

• 14:49Matt McCusker?

  Too bad, uh, you know who, what you call it, Nate Dogg's not around. I'd be like, oh, gay my cousin.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'd be good.

• 14:55Matt McCusker?

  The Hook Master.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  Suck his dick every day.

• 14:59Matt McCusker?

  That could have been the summer banger, dude, we were talking about.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, we need that. Instead, we got cousins. Is that what it's called?

• 15:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cousins.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  That's the summer banger.

• 15:07Matt McCusker?

  Sucking cuz, yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  They could be playing that at the club.

• 15:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm rarely disturbed and I was like, yep, you got me, man. I'm, I'm genuinely fucking disturbed and whacked out listening to this. This is a crazy admission and like, maybe he's just

• 15:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:21Matt McCusker?

  really purging everything.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  He probably saw White Lotus.

• 15:24Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  He was probably like, I could do that.

• 15:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. That is, he has his pulse on the culture. He's, he's got the pulse of the culture, man. Yeah, that was.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Nate, are you skinny? Did you lose some weight?

• 15:37Matt McCusker?

  I, I haven't been drinking as much and I've been in the gym. I might've lost a little.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  You lost a lot of weight. You're trying to, you're trying to avoid, after Unc got in trouble, you're trying to distance yourself.

• 15:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, try to.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  No, I always be on. Leave the Unc sphere.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  I'm not trying, I would never leave the Unc sphere.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  You're still in the Uncle sphere.

• 15:50Matt McCusker?

  I, I don't think I can leave it. I think I'm too dug in now. Yeah. Although I, you might, you know, there's a lot of snow bunnies not taking up right now. I might, snow bunny's up for grabs right now.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Snow bunny season.

• 16:01Matt McCusker?

  Unc had himself a little rabbit hutch, bro.

• 16:03Speaker 00

  He did.

• 16:05Matt McCusker?

  He had a little wab, his wabbits.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  He has wasky wabbits.

• 16:08Matt McCusker?

  He does kind of talk like fuck.

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  Poor Unc dude. I mean, Stephen A. Smith played the fence pretty well. He's just like, we're looking into the matter very, very, very seriously. Very, he got like real into the hierarchy of ESPN. He goes, I'm authorized to say that right now by the higher ups. He's like, there's, there's levels to this. There's people even higher than me in ESPN. They're telling me, I can tell you this.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:32Matt McCusker?

  They're looking into it very, very seriously.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Goes all the way to the top.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  This goes to the very top.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  Goes all the way to the top. Lee Corso said we could do it.

• 16:43Matt McCusker?

  He said I could be very vague about this. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 16:48Speaker 00

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• 16:49Matt McCusker?

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• 17:06Matt McCusker?

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• 17:25Speaker 00

  Incredible. Yeah, I mean, we'll see.

• 17:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. I mean, dude, it's like.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  Hopefully, hopefully, it's all fabrication, you know?

• 17:33Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they have the phone call, which again, it's like, I was listening to it being like, damn, bro, you're walking right into this.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  The phone call was the one you just played where he said, black eye chokes white girl?

• 17:43Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  That was a goof.

• 17:45Matt McCusker?

  There's, yeah, no, there was a legit one.

• 17:47Speaker 00

  I'm with Shay Shay on that, but that's all I heard.

• 17:49Matt McCusker?

  She was like, I don't know how I feel about this. And he's like, stop. She was like, stop manipulating me. He goes, if you say that word one more time, I'm gonna choke the shit out of you. And he goes, and she's like, you think I want that? He goes, I know you want that. And it was kind of like, damn, Awkward, you stopped me. It's so damn sexual. He's so freaky, dude.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's just being a freak boy. That's.

• 18:07Matt McCusker?

  That's what it, it was like. I don't know if it was some weird BDSM play.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  Wait, you're not allowed to say you're gonna choke someone on the phone?

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  I think you can unless they are suing you in court for allegedly sexually assaulting them. That's, you know.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  Ah, that gun it.

• 18:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that gun it for sure.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  Get a wasky weeb it. A wasky weeb it in front of 12 of my peers.

• 18:32Matt McCusker?

  So yeah, it's, it's, you know, we'll see. I mean, if he releases, that's gonna be crazy to sit in court and watch just.

• 18:38Speaker 00

  Read those texts.

• 18:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, just getting freaky, bro.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  That might be not his, I was gonna say that's everybody's nightmare. Unc might be like, yeah, that's what I do.

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, for sure.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:49Matt McCusker?

  He already got caught up with the fucking audio recording, which kind of, that was bizarre.

• 18:56Matt McCusker?

  The live stream, yeah, my bad. The audio was live stream. And now he's like, he's just so hot. It's like, dude, just start doing porn, man.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  I, this is way off topic, but saying how bizarre reminded me of, uh, I've definitely said it on here before, Bob Lazar on, uh, Joe Rogan with the UFOs. He's going, Bob Lazar.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  I was out in Area 51, Bob Lazar.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 19:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's more, dude. Apparently also Dong Lemon and Chris Cuomo are beefing. Dong Lemon and Chris Cuomo are beefing right now.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  They were brothers, dude. They literally said, I love you every day. I watched it every day during the peaceful protest.

• 19:34Matt McCusker?

  I'm glad you're sitting down. I'm glad you're sitting down right now.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  You tell me that was fake?

• 19:37Matt McCusker?

  It was fake, bro.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  No way.

• 19:39Matt McCusker?

  According to Chris Cuomo, it was fake.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  He was the one leading it. I watched it every night. Cuomo was overly like, I love you, brother. We're gonna get through this. Dong Lemon was always the one that was kind of like, alright, I love you too, bud.

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  Well, according to Cuomo, he's coming out being like, that was all bullshit, dude. That was all fake as hell.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  I watched it. I'm siding with Dong.

• 19:58Matt McCusker?

  You're siding with Dong?

• 19:59Speaker 00

  I never thought I'd say, maybe send her to change me.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  I'm siding with Dong, I'm siding with Unc.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  OJ Simpson, I'm back.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  In the spirit of an innocent man.

• 20:13Matt McCusker?

  Drew.

• 20:17Matt McCusker?

  No, he's, uh, yeah, he's saying it was all fucking fake and it was, cause he didn't, Dong didn't have his back.

• 20:25Matt McCusker?

  When Chris Cuomo's brother.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  This is all allegedly.

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  It's very messy. The whole thing's very messy.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Everything we've said.

• 20:31Matt McCusker?

  Huge alleged over the whole thing. Quotes, everything quotes, in italics.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, we.

• 20:36Matt McCusker?

  Legally speaking, bold print, quotes.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  In parentheses, sick, whatever that means.

• 20:43Matt McCusker?

  E T C period.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 20:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so the situation, if you don't recall, the situation at hand was Chris Cuomo's brother grabbed ass.

• 20:53Speaker 00

  In an Italian way.

• 20:54Matt McCusker?

  Grabbed ass, yes.

• 20:55Speaker 00

  But that's Italian culture.

• 20:56Matt McCusker?

  Some book, yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  A little sweet, the lemon chella.

• 21:01Matt McCusker?

  But Don Lemo, Don Lemon didn't have his back, who also an alleged hot dog snatcher.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  He is a hot dog snatcher. No, he had a hot dog snatch allegedly at the Hamptons. He allegedly hot dog snatched.

• 21:15Matt McCusker?

  Capital of hot dog snatching, I would imagine.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  A major, it was one of the great hot dog offenses. One of the old time, what are you selling, hot dogs, do it.

• 21:24Matt McCusker?

  Snatch a hot dog at a bar allegedly. So you'd think your brother, your brother, they were podcasters, to be fair, they were fellow podcasters. And I think what happened was it was floated P P D.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  All great podcasts, dude. They flew too high, they exploded.

• 21:37Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. But they were floating the idea of him and Don doing the podcast together and Chris just spazzed and was like, he's not my brother. It was all fake, it was all contrived. It's like, damn dude, the fuck?

• 21:49Speaker 00

  I watched him do it.

• 21:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was like night after night.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  I swear to God, Don was the one going.

• 21:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  All right, man.

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. But I think the beef came when he defended his brother live on air and Don was like, nah, bro.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:02Matt McCusker?

  Brutus him. Brutus, understandable Brutus, not gonna be like, yeah, I got your back, I get your brother's back. Why would you, why like?

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a tough time to get your brother's back there.

• 22:12Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  You just gotta wait a year.

• 22:14Matt McCusker?

  Cuomo's all about loyalty.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  True. It's the Italian way.

• 22:18Matt McCusker?

  Very Italian, yeah. Loyalty's in my blood.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:23Matt McCusker?

  My brother grabs ass, I grab ass. Allegedly.

• 22:28Speaker 00

  True.

• 22:29Matt McCusker?

  Double allegedly, dot, dot, dot.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  I wonder if he had Don's back when Don went through the hot dog scandal.

• 22:35Matt McCusker?

  I, I mean, he didn't.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  The great dog scandal. Fucking Sag Harbor Dong scandal.

• 22:41Matt McCusker?

  A good weenie caper. That classic, the lights went out, they said, who did it?

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Lights went out, who done it?

• 22:47Matt McCusker?

  Somebody grabbed my hot dog in the parlor. What a mystery night.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  Lights came back on, Dong was gone. Oh, it was you, Dong.

• 22:55Matt McCusker?

  Dong.

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Dong, don't do that.

• 22:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, everyone's fighting, man. Just, I just want a little bit of peace, man.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Just want peace.

• 23:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a little bit of peace. Okay, I mean, I don't know. Hopefully, I, I think he'll bounce back. I think it'll be, uh... The tapes, that's the problem though. The tape's gonna get leaked too. There's no way.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  He was, he wanted it.

• 23:14Matt McCusker?

  He might leak it.

• 23:15Speaker 00

  He said leak the tape.

• 23:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:17Matt McCusker?

  And that's the thing. It's like, I was almost like, stop fucking filming yourself. Stop with the, stop with the bunnies, but it's also like, he might have to film every encounter he has now.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  She was a Waskely Wabbit. You're saying she was a fine Wabbit. She might have been, she might have been baby of the week if, under different circumstances.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's a Lola Bunny.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Lola Bunny.

• 23:37Matt McCusker?

  Still could be. I don't see, you know?

• 23:38Speaker 00

  I don't wanna see your eyes light up like that when you talk about Lola Bunny. I know you wanna fuck cartoons, dude.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  Not all of them. La Mer, La Mer, you're not alone in Lola Bunny's so fucking hot.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  Lola Bunny's unbelievably hot. And again, they took it from us. The woke left took that from us.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  I'm a Jessica Wabbit kinda guy.

• 23:53Matt McCusker?

  Jess, I mean, obviously.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  I'll tell you what, I'm, I'm also back on my lib shit.

• 23:58Matt McCusker?

  What's up?

• 23:58Speaker 00

  I watched, uh, just a video today of, it was at the UFC when Trump's cabinet was there.

• 24:04Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  And they do that thing where the camera gets in front of you. Every single one of them was like...

• 24:09Matt McCusker?

  Trump's, Trump's cab?

• 24:10Speaker 00

  All the bros. Fucking, uh, Marco Rubio was like...

• 24:16Speaker 00

  It genuinely pissed me off.

• 24:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're drinking that Sucker juice, bro.

• 24:22Matt McCusker?

  Why are they all the bros now? They're the bros now.

• 24:24Speaker 00

  They're all acting bros out.

• 24:25Matt McCusker?

  They are on tea. That's probably just at the fight, like, yeah.

• 24:33Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know they were broing out.

• 24:34Speaker 00

  I'll show you. It's gonna fucking piss you off. You can't be, you can't be a repub after you see this.

• 24:40Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 24:40Speaker 00

  True, all smidaddy.

• 24:42Matt McCusker?

  That's tough. He still, Trump still gets the big fucking ovation at the UFC, doesn't he?

• 24:46Speaker 04

  He disrespected Cheryl Heinz too.

• 24:48Matt McCusker?

  I saw that, yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Good bro.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Hold on. These are the bros. Mark Ingram being funny.

• 24:59Matt McCusker?

  Sick.

• 25:00Speaker 00

  Deion Dawkins, beast.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  Licks his wife's face.

• 25:04Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Beast.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  Awesome.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  Now, RFK keeps it classy.

• 25:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he does.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  That's how politicians should do it.

• 25:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  Uncomfortable waves. Here's the head of the FBI.

• 25:14Matt McCusker?

  Cash Patel.

• 25:19Matt McCusker?

  Gabs.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  Anglers, who's that bull?

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Marco Rubio.

• 25:26Matt McCusker?

  That's Rubio, he's definitely, allegedly on T.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Bro.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  His, dude, he, let's go.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Can't have our cabinet doing that.

• 25:32Matt McCusker?

  No, they can't. You gotta keep the cabinet locked away, dude. They should be like Supreme Courts. They should just be justices, like.

• 25:39Speaker 00

  I never thought of it. Cash Patel's an Indian in the cupboard.

• 25:46Matt McCusker?

  He truly is.

• 25:47Speaker 00

  The FBI director.

• 25:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 25:50Speaker 00

  Fucking kidding?

• 25:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, maybe we should all take a step back, man.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Everyone needs to chill. Those guys aren't as cool as they think.

• 25:57Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  The libs are probably as gay as they are being accused.

• 26:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  But.

• 26:04Matt McCusker?

  Keep classy.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  RFK did the right thing.

• 26:06Matt McCusker?

  He did. He's a, yeah.

• 26:10Matt McCusker?

  Next to his, next to the.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  That's what I want out of a politician.

• 26:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just, I, I, yeah, yeah, what's going on? They also all did that, that might have been a little.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  I think Patel ruined it, because Tulsi's Hawaiian. So that's probably what that was.

• 26:24Matt McCusker?

  That's her jam.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  And Patel beat her to the punch.

• 26:26Matt McCusker?

  It's gonna, it's gonna be an ancient Hindu symbol.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  I don't know what to do. They do have the best ancient.

• 26:34Matt McCusker?

  It's gonna be an ancient Hindu symbol, you never know. Yeah, man, it's, what a, what a week.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:40Matt McCusker?

  What's going on with you personally? Going out of the macro level, let's go back to the micro.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Um, I had a fun experience. A guy gave my girlfriend his number like right in front of me, which is pretty funny.

• 26:57Matt McCusker?

  The hell?

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Uh, but then I got his number, so he left. So I started texting him. I catfished him for a while, as long as I, as long as I could. And then I said.

• 27:09Matt McCusker?

  And you were probably good at it, too.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  I was really good.

• 27:10Matt McCusker?

  I was about to say.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  And then I was like, can we hang out tonight? And he was like, I can't, I can't hang out tonight, but soon. And I was like, uh, are you awake? And he was like, yeah. I was like, can I at least call you? And he was like, yeah. Called him, I go, it's me, pussy, you dumb fuck. You gave my girlfriend your number right in front of me, you dumb bitch. He was like, oh, dude, I didn't know, I'm sorry, ugh.

• 27:32Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  So that was the other night. That was fun.

• 27:39Matt McCusker?

  A beast.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  I mean, I respect him too, and he wasn't, I, now, here's the way I was looking at it, cuz he wasn't a great looking guy.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  He was kind of an older drunkard. Which he probably saw me with her and was like, fuck it, she'll fuck anyone. Fuck it, I'll give this thing a shot. Uh, or he thought the discrepancy between me and her was so great that we were just friends sitting there.

• 28:02Matt McCusker?

  He saw you chatting.

• 28:04Speaker 00

  I was sitting with her.

• 28:06Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck, he's probably just an old drunk horny devil.

• 28:08Speaker 00

  He was a beast. I'll give him, I'll give him credit for that.

• 28:10Matt McCusker?

  A lot of old drunk horny devils like shamelessly.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, I, I respected it. And then, uh, I got, I got my gun, I got an MPX.

• 28:19Matt McCusker?

  Nice. Perfect timing.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  I got a gun, so that guy can come fucking find out.

• 28:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. If he literally steps in your house, you could, you could catfish him under false premises.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  I know, and say, come over here.

• 28:30Matt McCusker?

  Oh, what the fuck?

• 28:32Speaker 00

  But.

• 28:32Matt McCusker?

  Shoot him in the back as he runs away.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  I don't wanna make fun of them cuz the gun is awesome and they, it was a gift, and it's really cool, but they painted it. And it's Eagles colors with an Eagles logo by the clip. And, uh, they gave me a fucking Call of Duty, they gave me a Fortnite gun.

• 28:50Matt McCusker?

  That's.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  And that, it's cool, but, you know.

• 28:56Matt McCusker?

  You should shoot him.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Nate saw it, me and Nate went and fired it. It's a great gun. Did you get to shoot it? Yeah, it's an awesome gun.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  It shoots like, it doesn't move.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  You can't miss.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, so it was, it was sick.

• 29:05Matt McCusker?

  This house is pretty.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  I think I was shooting that guy's dick when you were trying to shoot.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Wait, what?

• 29:09Speaker 00

  The target, I was blowing his dick off.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was crazy.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Perfect, you can't miss, fucking twenty shots straight to the dick. You literally cannot miss.

• 29:17Matt McCusker?

  Center grab, that's where you gotta go, dude, right to the center.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what we were told too.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, no dick shots, dick shots are off the table.

• 29:24Speaker 00

  Uh, turns out that's actually a good place to shoot someone.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  It's perfect.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  You got the dick and all these arteries there, and, you know, if you shoot, you're shooting to kill, bro.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I'm not.

• 29:34Speaker 00

  If I discharge my firearm, I'm, I'm.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  You're going for the dick.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  I'm trying to dispatch you into the next world.

• 29:39Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  I'm not, you know, I'm not trying to find out. He's still in the fight if he's wounded.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  I'm going for his teeth.

• 29:44Speaker 00

  I wanna make sure he's not in the fight.

• 29:46Matt McCusker?

  Take out the sidearm, yeah, you can still get you, you gotta hit him right in the dick.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Alright. No dick shooting for me.

• 29:52Matt McCusker?

  No dick shooting, even if someone's breaking into your house to disturb the peace.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  Shoot him right in the dick.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  And you're gonna go, oh, I'm so sorry, dude. I didn't mean to do that to you.

• 30:03Matt McCusker?

  But you deserved it.

• 30:04Speaker 00

  But I got, yeah, I got a gun, but they painted it. So it's, it's kind of a silly.

• 30:07Matt McCusker?

  I mean, if you do murder someone defending your home and then the guns, if you, just like being the victim of the gunshot wound and they show like an Eagles gun on the news, the whole family like, God fucking damn it.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:17Matt McCusker?

  Shot him with a fucking Eagles gun.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  And they're Cowboys fans, because they're gonna be down here, they're definitely gonna be Cowboys fans. Well, man, how do you feel about that? It's pretty, you like it.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  You gotta do a dance after you kill somebody with that gun.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  Sure, now I have to.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:29Matt McCusker?

  Or just jump, just, just jump in the corner. Just do like jumps in the corner, yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I hope, I hope it doesn't happen.

• 30:39Matt McCusker?

  I had something like that very early on, when me and Brittany both like came off the apps, because there's always those like weird, that's that gray period where like, did you delete like Tinder yet?

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta delete Tinder.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  And she, like, you know, she had a guy when we were first together, messaged her on Snapchat, she fell asleep, I saw the notification go off, I went, what the fuck? I opened it up, a dude did like a check out my abs shot. And I just responded back, I'm like, dude, what's wrong with your stomach? Closed it out, deleted the message, like, fuck you, dude. Sent him into a tizzy. Would you have like a hernia or something?

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I actually felt bad after I catfished the guy.

• 31:11Matt McCusker?

  Nah, you did the right thing, man. Fuck that guy.

• 31:13Speaker 00

  I, I hope he knows it was all in good fun.

• 31:15Matt McCusker?

  I mean, was it?

• 31:18Speaker 00

  It was pretty, although I did go get up and look for him immediately. I was like, what the fuck?

• 31:22Matt McCusker?

  I'd be pissed, man.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:23Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 31:25Speaker 00

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• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers, and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 31:32Speaker 00

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• 31:33Matt McCusker?

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• 31:56Speaker 00

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• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 32:25Speaker 00

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• 32:40Speaker 00

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• 32:46Matt McCusker?

  Because sex is not just be about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.

• 32:53Speaker 00

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• 32:56Matt McCusker?

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• 33:16Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:18Matt McCusker?

  I've run into the problem when I would like go to places. Uh, we went to like some kind of fucking street festival in like South Philly. And like young black dudes will sometimes will see me and just be like, fuck this guy. And just, it's pure total disrespect. And I just go total white boy crazy every time.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  You have to.

• 33:35Matt McCusker?

  Full spaz and they're like, what the fuck dude, relax.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  Don't look at me.

• 33:40Matt McCusker?

  To be fair, they got this, saw your random old white guy walking next to her. What the fuck, you want to fucking fight right now?

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Now they're, now they're scared of us.

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  Now they know we're vampires.

• 33:52Matt McCusker?

  Irish vampires are coming to get you. We're taking your music. True, still your french fries are on the table, too.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  Grab your fries, bro.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  I might grab a hot dog.

• 34:03Speaker 00

  I might break in there and grab a dog if I need to.

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  And I would have your back.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  And then shoot the dog and then go.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  I'll say, what are you, a fucking queer? I grabbed your dick.

• 34:13Matt McCusker?

  Stop making me grab your dick. Yeah, I'd have your back, too.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:17Matt McCusker?

  I'd have you, I'd fully have your back. It wouldn't be some bullshit.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  You're not some fucking dong lemon. You're Cuomo at heart.

• 34:24Matt McCusker?

  Total familia, bro.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  I also, I do want to say this because people are going to be gay about me talking about sinners. The Irish vampires might have been a little nod to Irish oppression.

• 34:34Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 34:35Speaker 00

  Because that's how they became vampires. They, there's certain people that can play music so good that it communes with the otherworldly. And the Irish are one of them.

• 34:44Matt McCusker?

  So they could play the music.

• 34:45Speaker 00

  There's, yeah, rocky road to Dublin gets the evil ghouls coming. Just so you know.

• 34:51Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny. Well, I was saying it's kind of strategic a little bit because they're really pushing. There's a lot of unrest in Ireland with the immigration, but Ireland's being like, bro, we're we're literally an oppressed minority being displaced. You know, we're an oppressed like country, whatever, being displaced. Why can't, why can't we be cool?

• 35:09Speaker 00

  The problem with Ireland, uh, they better fucking let immigrants in.

• 35:14Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  The fuck have they been up to their entire fucking?

• 35:18Matt McCusker?

  Immigration. Yeah, that's all they do. They go, ah, saved up enough money. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Headed to America. I hear they have black potatoes.

• 35:28Matt McCusker?

  I mean, you are entering into an absolute cauldron of overt racism. You're like an immigrant, like, I'll go to Ireland. It's like, bro, pick another one, dude. These guys truly don't give a fuck. I was at a comedy show one time, like a long time ago. It was like an open mic or showcase. And there was like Irish immigrants there and I was with Sid the Kid. And as soon as Sid left, he's like, this guy will steal your shoes and off your feet. Be careful. And I'm like, yo, bro, relax, chill.

• 35:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did that in Dublin. I did a joke and they, I was like, uh, I was like black football teams and the whole crowd went boo. And I was like, yo, we're not allowed to boo black people.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  I know you guys are allowed over here because there's like six of you, but chill, chill.

• 36:09Matt McCusker?

  We're just having a piss.

• 36:12Speaker 00

  They were having a piss and they knew it was funny and everyone in the room knew it was funny. So everyone was laughing.

• 36:20Matt McCusker?

  Truly the capital of funny.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  They are. They're the funniest people.

• 36:23Matt McCusker?

  Funny vamps, bro.

• 36:24Speaker 00

  They're the funniest vampires.

• 36:26Matt McCusker?

  One, two, three, four, five. Our rocky road to Dublin. That'd be nice to host a screening.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  You're gonna be scared. You're gonna be scared of the Irish after you see this. Rightfully so.

• 36:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I mean, they're, they are pure spazes.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  No spaz, only?

• 36:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're, they're definite spazes. I just, I still.

• 36:43Speaker 00

  Scotland and Ireland have the scariest spazes.

• 36:46Matt McCusker?

  It's, yeah, we've talked about it before. Just through the gritted teeth spat, quiet spaz. He's been looking at me all night. They put the silencer on it. Get out of this, where the fucking god?

• 36:58Speaker 00

  They do put the fucking silencer on it.

• 36:59Matt McCusker?

  I remember my aunt would do it to my cousin. You can't poop in the basement toilet. It's not for poop. It's not for poop. It's not for pooping. You keep pooping in the basement toilet. I told you a hundred times.

• 37:13Speaker 00

  What was with the plumbing? Cause we had a toilet that was like that. You're like, don't shit in the basement. I'm not.

• 37:19Matt McCusker?

  It's so good. I don't know what it is. Cause that's like all the plumbings right there. You think it would like, you know, mash the turds up right into the ground or wherever plumbing goes. But yeah, you shit in the basement toilet, man. You gotta be careful. It's the gravity. I don't know. We gotta ask those ladies who are on the spaceship. They probably understand physics.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Ladies from space? I'm back on that too. That fired me up. I'm getting hit with videos of Katy Perry's dumb ass.

• 37:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, I was, uh, I, that was like cracking me up. The defense of it, I was watching Gail King, cause they got back in there. They thought, for real thought the world would be like here, my heroes.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  They thought shit was sweet, dude.

• 37:54Matt McCusker?

  They came down and literally the whole world was like, shut the fuck up. And they were mad and they were like, well, just for your information, the Blue Origin mission is to find, get like trash from Earth and send it into outer space. So jokes on you. And we were raising awareness. It's like, bro, Bezos owns a fucking newspaper. He can raise awareness.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:15Matt McCusker?

  He doesn't have to send.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, could have been in Wapo.

• 38:18Matt McCusker?

  He could have said, I mean, dude, if he's gonna try, yeah, or if he's gonna like really grab attention, there's other, no offense to them, dude, but there's other babes. It'd be like me going somewhere and being like, we're just raising awareness. They'd be like, okay, dude.

• 38:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, that could have been, that could have been better babes.

• 38:33Matt McCusker?

  Better babes.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  Better babes. That's what we wanted.

• 38:35Matt McCusker?

  Different bunnies, man. They could have grabbed some different bunnies.

• 38:36Speaker 00

  What if they just took the last six babes of the week?

• 38:41Speaker 00

  Just launched 10 deformed ladies with huge asses.

• 38:48Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, that's, you know, so that's jokes on us. They're, they're raising awareness about sending trash to outer space. It's also like.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  See how that works.

• 38:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Send, send the fucking trash then. If you guys wanna raise awareness, blast trash in outer space. That'd be sick. And although the, I don't, I like, how much trash are you gonna get up into outer space?

• 39:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, it doesn't seem too feasible.

• 39:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like dude, I just one fucking dumpster.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  We should just keep dumping it in the ocean. Fuck it.

• 39:11Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 39:13Matt McCusker?

  Nah, we need to get the dolphin consciousness dude.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  I have dolphin consciousness.

• 39:16Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Fully.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  Did you see, Gardini sent me a video about dolphin consciousness, it's so good.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  What about, they're, they're a bit of a Kanye, they'll fucking suck their cousins.

• 39:25Matt McCusker?

  Dolphin.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  Dolphins will suck their cousins.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was very informative.

• 39:32Matt McCusker?

  It was just a black guy rapping about how like, we need dolphin consciousness, cause they can like heal us if we have problems.

• 39:37Speaker 00

  Oh, it was dumb.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 39:39Speaker 00

  I thought it was like a real thing.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  No, it's just, it was just a sick video of a guy doing the dolphin consciousness rap.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  That is good.

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  Just hitting you with just like pyramid facts and it's like, dude, fuck yeah. So I'm talking about.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  It's the craziest thing of all time.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  Well, we're not allowed to say it, you can go ahead.

• 39:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude, there's a lot, there's a lot dude, there's, you know, there's a lot about dolphins we don't understand, their brains are just as big as ours.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Their brains are just as big, I think they might be a little bigger.

• 40:02Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Is that why they rape?

• 40:09Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck, Lemay, we're talking dolphins? Yeah, every animal in the fucking.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, how do you think animals mate?

• 40:17Matt McCusker?

  Although there are courting, some are courting.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  No, no, dolphins will rape guys. Dolphins rape other male dolphins.

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  They all.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  Stick their dicks in like their blowholes and shit.

• 40:26Matt McCusker?

  And, and they take the dolphin away before they do it, cause they know it's bad.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  They know it's a rapist dolphin.

• 40:31Matt McCusker?

  They know it's rape.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Raper.

• 40:34Matt McCusker?

  Like the other dolphins will take it away, or like, they're, they're using their fuck, that's probably telekinesis. They're like, bro's about to go nuts. Bro's about to.

• 40:41Speaker 00

  Apparently the dolphins are, they're sly devils, I think there's like a lady that lived with dolphins that ended up jacking them off.

• 40:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's, people will get a little fucking horny around those things.

• 40:49Matt McCusker?

  Well, there's that whole, huh?

• 40:51Speaker 04

  Dolphin killed himself, cause the lady had to leave.

• 40:53Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 40:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, they found out about her jerking off the dolphin, they reassigned her, and then the dolphin just like drowned.

• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, John Lilly, John Lilly got like, that's pretty nuts, the dolphin drowned. The guy, John Lilly was like.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  He's just like, I'm not going back up.

• 41:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  I'm not getting jacked off. It's been a fucking week since I got jacked off. I'm staying at the bottom of this tank. Fuck it. Fuck it.

• 41:15Matt McCusker?

  Dude, there's, that dude John Lilly wrote a whole book. He got a giant grant, I think in the seventies from like the National Institute of Health. I think like millions of dollars and he just did LSD in a float tank and like fucked with dolphins. And then wrote a book to like, cause he had to like come up there like, give us something. What did you find? He even said, he admitted to it. He's like, dude, the first hundred pages of this book are pure nonsense. Then like in the last chapter, he wrote about how sick it was to do LSD with dolphins. And they got, they were like, you son of a bitch.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  That'd be the coolest fucking thing in the world.

• 41:43Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Till one of them turns on you and fucking bends you over a barrel.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Those fucking dickheads.

• 41:50Matt McCusker?

  That would be nuts if you're just like tripping so hard with dolphins, just like, this is amazing. And then, yeah, you fucking.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  There was a guy who claimed he would fuck the same female dolphin. He would swim out and fuck this dolphin.

• 42:01Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 42:02Speaker 00

  Fuck. I gotta find that. That was a great story.

• 42:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  It was disgusting. He should be executed.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Their sonar's. Their sonar heals us.

• 42:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. That's the other thing.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  And they think they're extraterrestrial.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  432 hertz.

• 42:17Matt McCusker?

  What do we fucking know?

• 42:19Matt McCusker?

  What the hell do we know?

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Sonar heal us.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  It just does.

• 42:24Matt McCusker?

  Just does.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Bats don't.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  They might.

• 42:28Speaker 00

  Well, then we need to get to that bridge in Austin.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:31Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 42:32Speaker 00

  Margaret Howell Lovett was a lady who jacked off dolphins.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  Jacked off the dolphins?

• 42:37Speaker 00

  I think so.

• 42:38Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 42:39Speaker 00

  Margaret Lovett.

• 42:41Matt McCusker?

  I think she was with Lilly. I think Lilly was, Lilly had a sick, John Lilly. They get a sick op going on.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  How did Peter the Dolphin, his name was Peter the Dolphin.

• 42:51Matt McCusker?

  Peter?

• 42:52Speaker 00

  Oh, Lilly was, yeah, Lilly was with her. Was with the jack off lady.

• 42:55Matt McCusker?

  He was over, that was his whole operation. The National Institute of Health gave this guy millions of dollars. And he had a lady jerking off dolphins and he was just tripping in a float tank being like, I'm about to figure it out.

• 43:07Matt McCusker?

  The dude is a man.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  I'm gonna put it all together in a couple of minutes. Hey, uh, jack off Pete again. He's horny.

• 43:15Matt McCusker?

  That's funny, like, let's see if Pete can tell you before he's going to come.

• 43:20Matt McCusker?

  Is she really?

• 43:21Speaker 04

  That lady jerked off dolphin still alive and she has four kids. Yeah, she works at SeaWorld. No, she's like eighty something.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  Dang, she was known for living with and attempting to teach Peter, a bottlenose dolphin, to speak in the nineteen sixties. Part of the John C. Lilly project. She was trying to teach the dolphin to talk.

• 43:42Matt McCusker?

  They taught the fucking gorilla how to do sign language.

• 43:45Speaker 00

  What the fuck's a dolphin? To talk, to speak. It said speak, not like communicate.

• 43:49Matt McCusker?

  I think they make a lot of different noises, so maybe they just figured they'd try it out. That'd been so sick if a dolphin actually talked.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  I think she wanted to go, "Oh, fuck."

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. They're trying to teach a dolphin, "I'm gonna bust."

• 44:01Speaker 00

  She did, eventually, Peter, being an adolescent dolphin, frequently had sexual urges.

• 44:07Matt McCusker?

  Hold up, she was jerking off a juvenile dolphin?

• 44:09Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  Not cool, not cool.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Which disrupted his lessons and taking Peter to a downstairs pool with two female dolphins proved to be a logistical issue for Lovett. Eventually Lovett relieved Peter's urges herself, stating, "It wasn't sexual on my part, sensuous perhaps."

• 44:27Speaker 00

  "It seemed to me that it made the bond closer, not because of the sexual activity, but because of the lack of having to keep taking breaks."

• 44:36Speaker 00

  And that's really all it was.

• 44:37Matt McCusker?

  So you're saying jerking them off decreased the amount of breaks? You think that would increase the breaks? Little dolphin siestas.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  That's pretty hot.

• 44:48Speaker 00

  That was part of Peter. It would just become part of what was going on, like an itch. Just get rid of that scratch and we can be done and move on.

• 44:54Matt McCusker?

  She's not wrong about that.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  That's what I'm talking about. That's what I mean. That's the hot part.

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  That's, and it's government money well spent. I feel like that is a piece of knowledge a lot of people need to know. It could just be, like, you know.

• 45:04Speaker 00

  Lovett might be the only cool lady on Earth. She might be the only one that understands it's just an itch. It's just that fucking, just scratch the itch and then we can move on.

• 45:12Matt McCusker?

  It's just an itch, man.

• 45:13Speaker 00

  Then I'll go to the Charlie XCX concert.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  I'm not going to the fucking Charli XCX concert unless you scratch the itch a little.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. You might get a little antsy at the XCX.

• 45:26Speaker 00

  What if I get antsy in my pants?

• 45:28Matt McCusker?

  XCX only sang, "I don't care." "I love it."

• 45:33Speaker 00

  Love it.

• 45:34Matt McCusker?

  Jerking dolphins.

• 45:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm love it.

• 45:38Matt McCusker?

  She is right about that. It's just like, dude, I, yeah, I mean, that's, again, that's been my cause forever. It's like, "Bro, just, I'm a machine."

• 45:46Speaker 00

  You are a machine.

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  "Just treat me like a machine."

• 45:47Speaker 00

  You're a complete machine.

• 45:48Matt McCusker?

  Every three days. I told my babe, I was like, "Bro, three days passes, and you haven't even just grit me. Something's wrong."

• 45:54Speaker 00

  I need to be grit.

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  Just check in. Just grit me up.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Give me the, and I-

• 45:56Matt McCusker?

  How's this thing go?

• 45:57Speaker 00

  And I come the squiz.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Give me the squiz. Oh, man. Matt, if you know me, look, guys,

• 46:07Speaker 00

  if you want to make your mom happy this Mother's Day, it's simple. Call her. But if you want to go the extra mile, and you should, it's your mom, get her an Aura digital picture frame and send her some meaningful photos.

• 46:18Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames.

• 46:22Matt McCusker?

  We'll snap, we'll just snip it up and send it in there.

• 46:25Speaker 00

  Uh, they didn't say when. It has to be read verbatim.

• 46:28Matt McCusker?

  True. That's true.

• 46:30Speaker 00

  So, I'm a fine print guy, Matt.

• 46:32Matt McCusker?

  True that.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  I can't wait to show my mom this picture of, uh,

• 46:36Matt McCusker?

  Me.

• 46:36Speaker 00

  Me flexing shirtless.

• 46:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. From behind, flexing from behind, shirtless, showing my back, traps, glutes.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  My mom needs to see my gains.

• 46:45Matt McCusker?

  Close up of my glutes.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  It's actually a good idea to Aura Frame out and just send your mom befores and afters of your gains.

• 46:51Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  She probably hasn't seen you in a while. Go, "This is what I worked on."

• 46:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  Wait till you've done the gains. Don't just send her a whole before album.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  Eighth grade to now, just being like, "I'm such a fucking bitch."

• 47:00Speaker 00

  That's actually a great idea.

• 47:01Matt McCusker?

  That'd be nice, yeah. Just flexing hard.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  I'm gonna start taking the same picture every year. Compiling Aura Frame for her.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  That'd be nice.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  What would you do? What would you send your mom?

• 47:12Matt McCusker?

  Um, I would send my mom a picture of me doing like male cheerleader moves.

• 47:18Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 47:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just like supporting Brittany from underneath. And it's also like, you know, with cheerleading, I'd hope she'd be mature enough to know that my hands are gonna be.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  They're gonna be in their butt.

• 47:28Matt McCusker?

  That's what it is.

• 47:29Speaker 00

  Come on, man.

• 47:29Matt McCusker?

  But that's male cheerleading. I think my mom would understand that.

• 47:31Speaker 00

  She would understand that. Uh, an Aura Frame is exactly what needs, what she needs to store and display all those pictures. You can even send her a picture the next time you're talking to her on the phone, telling her about that game you went to. There's a reason Aura Frame was named best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. That's no joke, folks. That was in Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides this year.

• 47:52Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 47:55Speaker 00

  Uh, plus, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's crazy. That's A-U-R-A-frames.com, promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

• 48:17Matt McCusker?

  Mother's Day's on lock. Also, you guys can catch me at Cobb's Comedy Club, San Francisco, California, Crest Theater, Sacramento, California, Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington, and then Hollywood Improv, Hollywood, California, so.

• 48:31Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, go to Shane M. Gillis.com for tickets. I'll be in a bunch of cities. Goodbye. Oh, wait, guard dog. Do you have a show you'd like to promote?

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  You know to get in front of the camera. You know that.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Okay. Would you like to join me? Are you coming, Mayor?

• 48:47Speaker 00

  Oh, Nate's not allowed. That's interesting.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Well, Nate, do you want to come too? To promote the shows?

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Hello, everybody. It's us, La Mer, Sean, and Nate, and we're here to promote the Optimum Noctis.

• 49:00Speaker 04

  May 6th at The Creek in the Cave, and also April 27th.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Are there any good guests?

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  And also, if you're not in Austin, Texas, please, please join me for a night of stand-up comedy in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on May 6.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  And it wasn't good. I went to Optimum, knocked this, and the lineup stunk, and there was 20 people in the crowd.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  No, that was just, no, that's just a joke, guys.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  It seems more like an excuse for you three to go fuck off than that.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  No, that's not true. It's the first Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave. Please join us, and then I'll be at Philadelphia Helium on May 6, shawngardini.com. Please come.

• 49:38Speaker 04

  This Sunday, April 27, Live Panties in the Mouth, Speakeasy. We got a special guest. And then, and then, yeah, panties in the mouth, that's it. Alright, sorry, guys.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  God bless you. Thank you.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  You are a machine, but you're a little dinged up right now, huh?

• 49:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, oh my god, dude, I fucking, I, it's an Easter miracle that I didn't get, for real.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  It was an Easter miracle.

• 49:57Matt McCusker?

  Seriously injured. We, we were at an Airbnb near my parents' house, and dude, from a rental perspective, like, insurance-wise, you know, shout out to them, I like seeing people take chances, but they have a, like, seven foot, six foot, seven foot high.

• 50:15Matt McCusker?

  Just a zip line. You just, you know, the kids were doing it, and last year I would do it. I'd be like, watch this, and I, you know, when you jump up.

• 50:21Speaker 00

  You went to the same Airbnb last year?

• 50:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Oh, sick.

• 50:23Matt McCusker?

  Same place.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  You didn't lay it, huh?

• 50:25Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. They have a tub full of Legos like this deep. It was so fucking fun. I mean, they have a piano in the first room, keyboard in the basement, guitars throughout. It's just, for real, the best house. It's awesome. And, uh, we get on the, we're doing Legos or whatever, but they have the zip line, and like, when you do a zip line, you know, it's like, you know, pause, but you have to pull your legs all the way up.

• 50:45Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 50:46Matt McCusker?

  So I, I like, I was like, watch this, guys, and I fucking jumped up, ass-first. Dude, it'd be like standing on a six-foot ladder. It's, it's as high as these fucking things. And I jumped off that, kicked my legs up, and landed flat up. The thing just completely disconnected when I jumped off. So I just, out of nowhere, just, it happens in an instant.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Cannonball directly onto the.

• 51:07Matt McCusker?

  Cannonball, dry cannonball, onto my left ass cheek, thank god, onto moss, too, because this zip line, it's like, right away, it's a soft patch of moss, and then it's like these giant boulders that are just fixed in the ground.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  Holy shit.

• 51:20Matt McCusker?

  If I fell on the boulder, I would've broke my fucking tailbone. If I even landed on my tailbone, I could have broken it. So I jump off like six feet high and then land on my ass. And then smash my elbow. I did heal up. I had some scratches on my elbow. This was all fucked up. And then the final was my neck just went like that. And I was like, I broke my neck. I totally definitely broke my neck. And my brother's like, dude, you're all right. And the kids are like, oh, and my little fucking nephew was like, ah, so I pop up. And I was like, it's not funny, dude.

• 51:51Speaker 00

  You hit him with the sirens. You're like, it's not funny.

• 51:54Matt McCusker?

  Your uncle fell from the zip line. It's not funny.

• 51:58Matt McCusker?

  You're lucky I didn't hit the rocks. I landed on some soft moss. Some soft peat moss. And then I, and then I got up and did like a, like a, just a circular, just spaz walk where I was like, just waiting for just something to like, I don't know. I was like, dude, I, I for this is hospital time.

• 52:15Speaker 00

  Yeah. What noises did you make when you hit the ground?

• 52:17Matt McCusker?

  I don't remember. It was definitely like.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  It's like it out of the wind knocked out your type like.

• 52:24Matt McCusker?

  It was like jump.

• 52:30Matt McCusker?

  It was a jump and then like shocked where I was coming to like, what the fuck happened? I was like, oh my God, I fell. Got up and like, you know, everything kind of hurt, but I was like, I don't have to go to the hospital. And my, dude, my brother, even like, you know, when your brother's like, are you like, he was like, nice talking like, are you, are you all right? You can tell. He thought he, he, when I finally like got to like came to, he was like, bro, for real. I thought you were going to be doing hey buddies at Wawa for the rest of your life. He's like, I for real was like, well, Matt's done. Good run. He's over. He's fucking done.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  If you were in a chair, this would be a sick pod.

• 53:07Matt McCusker?

  That would be nasty.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  You'd be smarter.

• 53:09Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  Then you could understand quantum physics.

• 53:12Matt McCusker?

  I for real was like, I, I was like, it would have been hawking. So just have the hawkings out.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  You'd have to.

• 53:17Matt McCusker?

  Or Reeves. What did Reeves do? Reeves didn't really get into physics.

• 53:21Speaker 00

  Was it a tr- he, but did he fall off a horse or hit a ski?

• 53:25Matt McCusker?

  Horse.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:27Matt McCusker?

  What happened to the fucking, uh, hawkings?

• 53:30Speaker 00

  It was a degenerative disease?

• 53:32Matt McCusker?

  Okay. So he didn't like fall. He, he just got, his shit got fucked up. Yeah, bro. I, I for real, I for a second was like, I fucked myself up. I broke my neck. Something's wrong. My, you know, my spine's fucked up. Totally fine. My knees, right now, the only thing still nagging me is this goddamn knee. I think I twisted it when I went down, but other than that, dude, miraculous survival.

• 53:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:53Matt McCusker?

  And imagine if the dude, like, apparently, first of all, imagine if the kids fell.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:57Matt McCusker?

  Which some would argue, like, well, they wouldn't have because they're not 180 something pounds. But it's like, my brother, we like rehooked it back up and Billy was saying, when you jump on it, it like the thread comes out a little tiny bit at a time and I just really accelerated. Maybe popped out eight threads at once.

• 54:13Speaker 00

  I hope dude, sue you for breaking the zip line.

• 54:16Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 54:17Speaker 00

  I might counter sue.

• 54:18Matt McCusker?

  Christ like, don't sue me, dude.

• 54:19Speaker 00

  I'm on the, yep.

• 54:20Matt McCusker?

  I'll settle out of court, dude. Don't bring it to the public, dude.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  Release the fucking tape, dude. Release the full tape.

• 54:27Speaker 00

  All 10 minutes. I don't fuck for 30 seconds.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  Release the tape from last year when I shredded the zip line like five times. And then you gotta like, it comes up against a tree, so you gotta like kick the tree at the end. It's fucking so tight, dude.

• 54:43Matt McCusker?

  I literally could have sued. I, I, it was total grounds for sue.

• 54:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:47Matt McCusker?

  But my, my like that, man.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  No.

• 54:49Matt McCusker?

  These guys opened their house to me and I, you know, I am, I didn't, I shouldn't have been on the zip line.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  Yeah. Did you read the rulebook in the house?

• 54:56Matt McCusker?

  It doesn't say anything about not being on the zip line.

• 55:00Matt McCusker?

  It doesn't? You've never even read the guidebook.

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude, it was a Christ like sacrifice on my part because if the kids fell, you know, it was Good Friday, dude.

• 55:11Speaker 00

  Dude, we didn't even talk about our fucking beautiful Papa, our Pope pastor.

• 55:14Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Sweet, sweet Papa.

• 55:17Matt McCusker?

  Papa's gone.

• 55:19Speaker 00

  What? I don't think that was real.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought, oh.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  I don't think that was a real New York Post.

• 55:25Matt McCusker?

  Hey, whatever.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Forgive me.

• 55:26Speaker 00

  Somebody in our group chat posted a thing from the New York Post. Trust me, I checked. I was like, there's no way that's fucking real.

• 55:31Matt McCusker?

  Do I have to be the fucking Pope?

• 55:33Speaker 00

  Am I gonna be the Pope?

• 55:34Matt McCusker?

  That would be nasty. You would make a good Pope.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  Thanks, man. I don't know what I would do first.

• 55:39Matt McCusker?

  Just your Eagles gun on the balcony of the Vatican.

• 55:42Speaker 00

  Dude, the Green Goblin?

• 55:46Speaker 00

  I was, I was so excited when I got to Green Goblin. And I took pictures and I sent it to everybody just because I was very excited. And then instantly started getting negative feedback.

• 55:55Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 55:56Speaker 00

  And then I realized, fuck, they're kind of right, it is gay. And then it took me a while to come back around and be like, no, this gun's fucking sick.

• 56:03Matt McCusker?

  What, what was the negative feedback they're giving you?

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Lev Firth's fucking bitch ass.

• 56:07Matt McCusker?

  Who?

• 56:07Speaker 00

  Lev, you know Lev? You would like him.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  We call him Heavy Levy.

• 56:11Speaker 00

  He's a big, he's a guy who ballooned during COVID.

• 56:14Matt McCusker?

  Beast?

• 56:15Speaker 00

  He was a handsome devil.

• 56:16Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 56:17Speaker 00

  And then COVID happened, he, for real, it was before and after La Mer on the Green Bay trip.

• 56:23Matt McCusker?

  He just beefed up?

• 56:24Speaker 00

  He beefed up.

• 56:25Matt McCusker?

  Not his fault, the government did that to him?

• 56:28Speaker 00

  Kind of.

• 56:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, me for real.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  I wish I, I want to tell that story about, eh, I don't know. It's a Lev personal story.

• 56:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  Making his girlfriend cry, it was one of the funniest stories I've heard.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  Fuck, I want to tell it, I'll tell it, I'll tell it and then text him and if he says no, we can edit it out. But we, he gets, he gets a lot of guff for being heavy. And he said one time he ate so much that he made his girlfriend cry. And I guess, what happened, guard dog?

• 57:04Speaker 02

  He got two foot longs from Subway.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, they were in the middle of an argument about him having to be healthier.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  And in the middle of the fight, he had just ordered two Subway foot longs.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  And they arrived.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  And arrived and he sat down and grubbed twenty, twenty-four inches.

• 57:21Speaker 00

  Point six, seven yards of subs.

• 57:24Matt McCusker?

  Of hoggy.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Of hoggy.

• 57:25Speaker 00

  Of hoggy, right in front of his babe.

• 57:27Matt McCusker?

  They're buffalo, Subway's buffalo chicken.

• 57:29Speaker 00

  Subway rules, dude. Everyone tries to shit on Subway, it's great.

• 57:32Matt McCusker?

  Subway smell still fucks me up. If I smell, I used to crush Subway.

• 57:35Speaker 00

  Subway's great.

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  You know, we're all trying to get back in shape on the child predator diet back in the day. But dude, I used to crush their foot long buffalo chicken sandwich.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  That was a sweet onion chicken man.

• 57:47Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 57:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:48Matt McCusker?

  I would go buffalo chicken on the cheese, whatever toasted cheese roll and it was like, yeah, motherfucking damn it.

• 57:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I doubt Lev wants us to air that out.

• 57:55Matt McCusker?

  Did he eat two feet?

• 57:56Speaker 00

  That's a truly devastating story.

• 57:58Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it's a beast move. That's frame, bro.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  He probably won't care, but.

• 58:02Matt McCusker?

  That's holding frame, though.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  That's.

• 58:04Matt McCusker?

  So you're gonna lose weight. It's like, watch me eat two fucking feet of hoagies, dude. Almost a yard.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  It's the longest yard.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  Just, for real, the longest yard. You're babe crying.

• 58:14Matt McCusker?

  My dad was a.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  Dude, if I grubbed so hard that my woman left the room crying.

• 58:19Matt McCusker?

  Such an, we can only aspire, we can only aspire. Well, I, I still operate under the assumption that like it turns women on when you eat like all your food really fast. Anytime I'm at a restaurant and I crush my plate, I'm like, yeah, I'm already done. This lady's so horny right now.

• 58:33Speaker 00

  Everyone's horny. I just ate fucking seventy thousand calories.

• 58:38Matt McCusker?

  I don't know why in my head, I'm like, every time I crush, just like a, a breakfast, like a, I'll get like a double breakfast where it's like a, you know, classic eggs, whatever, potatoes, bacon, and like a side dish. Just smash both and be like, yeah, that's what I do, babe.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, man.

• 58:52Matt McCusker?

  Go ahead, babe, take this away from me. Sorry, but you see the ring.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  I don't know if you're wrong.

• 59:00Matt McCusker?

  I think it, I, yeah, I guess it could.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  I think it depends on the dish. If you sit down and smash a cake, they're gonna be.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Not too pleased.

• 59:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, mm, that was yummy.

• 59:09Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, ice cream, that's another one.

• 59:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  Two Subway footlongs.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  That's like a hundred fifty grams of protein.

• 59:17Speaker 00

  It's fucked up.

• 59:20Matt McCusker?

  God, that makes me so hungry right now.

• 59:22Speaker 00

  I know, I am pretty hungry.

• 59:23Matt McCusker?

  I did, I did decadent weekend, uh, last place I was in doing standup, I kept crushing pizza. San Antonio kept crushing pizzas before the show.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 59:32Matt McCusker?

  Couldn't stop it. I was.

• 59:33Speaker 00

  What type is that?

• 59:35Matt McCusker?

  Uh, via three one three, Detroit style.

• 59:38Speaker 00

  Detroit style is fucking great.

• 59:38Matt McCusker?

  Detroit style is so fucking good. And then this is actually a bit, uh, this maybe could have made babe cry. I also got a rotisserie, I, uh, got a rotisserie chicken while the Uber Eats was coming and just laid like a huge topping of rotisserie chicken on the pizza. It was just crushing it backstage. It's so good.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  That would make a bay proud.

• 59:58Matt McCusker?

  I think so too.

• 59:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, they'd be hyped on that.

• 1:00:00Matt McCusker?

  They'd be like, damn, you're definitely hitting your macros today.

• 1:00:02Speaker 00

  Ingenuity. He's a handyman.

• 1:00:05Matt McCusker?

  It's, I yearn for another Detroit style with the tiss on top. Detroit style with a thick layer of tiss, man. It's so fucking good. It's.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  No. Lev said it's okay.

• 1:00:16Matt McCusker?

  Yes. Be obvious beast.

• 1:00:18Speaker 00

  He is a beast. I've never seen someone that doesn't care more. About.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love heavy.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  And he talks shit to everybody. He's very funny.

• 1:00:26Matt McCusker?

  Animal.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  He's a nasty fuck.

• 1:00:27Matt McCusker?

  I must have, I must have met this guy. I never.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:00:31Matt McCusker?

  I'm not, I'm not a.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  But you weren't really that much in New York.

• 1:00:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he's a New Yorker?

• 1:00:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:00:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:38Matt McCusker?

  I thought this was a mothership brew.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  No, he's not a mothership brew.

• 1:00:41Matt McCusker?

  What an animal, dude. He's just in the Big Apple, just crushed.

• 1:00:44Speaker 00

  The Big Apple. He became the Big Apple.

• 1:00:46Matt McCusker?

  King Kong. King motherfucking Kong.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's a good group chat.

• 1:00:51Matt McCusker?

  The ti- dude, ticking out, that's the, that's the move.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Hanging around Charlie's.

• 1:00:55Matt McCusker?

  Just fully ticking out and just getting, just gaining tons of weight is the fucking move.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  I was, I was playing, we played Halo, me and him would play video games together. And one night it was like 3 a.m. And we're playing Halo and he's like, I'm kinda hungry. I think I'm gonna get a chicken parm sub. And I was like, dude, just go to bed.

• 1:01:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  It's 3 a.m. Let's just go to bed. You do not need to, or you need to stay up until 5? Like 4 to get that parm sub?

• 1:01:24Speaker 00

  Don't get me wrong, I was jealous of the man's freedom.

• 1:01:26Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  I wish I was willing to go, yeah, fuck it, parm sub, 3 a.m.

• 1:01:33Matt McCusker?

  The wake up.

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  Sober.

• 1:01:34Matt McCusker?

  The wake up's tough.

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  He was sober hitting these orders.

• 1:01:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh, but I mean, look, I can't.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  He's a legend.

• 1:01:40Matt McCusker?

  That's such a beast, man.

• 1:01:40Speaker 00

  And he had a motorcycle.

• 1:01:42Matt McCusker?

  Did he really?

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  And he gained 500 pounds and he drove a motorcycle.

• 1:01:50Matt McCusker?

  That is, that is like, dude, I just found out.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Pig on the hog.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  No, dude, being mean to the sweet love.

• 1:01:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I just found out, apparently, that's the only time a anaconda, or not anacondas, uh, pythons. My, my nephew is a bit of a snake man. He's got a python.

• 1:02:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, watch that.

• 1:02:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, he's got, he's got.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  Kanye's nephew was a bit of a snake man.

• 1:02:13Matt McCusker?

  That was his cousin, dude.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 1:02:16Matt McCusker?

  This is just his cousin. And, uh,

• 1:02:20Matt McCusker?

  closest cousin.

• 1:02:22Matt McCusker?

  They, he was saying, so like the anaconda, you can like, or python, sorry, I don't want to get, you know, I don't want to cause a stir in the reptile community, but he, he was telling my brother like, yo, you gotta chill. You can't pet them when it, when it, the only time a python gets aggressive, it's when it's, it's digesting its food.

• 1:02:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Matt McCusker?

  So like when they, they eat and they just have this giant fucking knot in their stomach.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  At that point.

• 1:02:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they will. And my brother was like, dude, it'll be fine. And the fucking thing bit my brother, scared the shit out of him.

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  That probably hurt like hell.

• 1:02:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he said it didn't hurt as bad as you think, cause he had, they only have teeth. Pythons have teeth in the back of their mouth. But it did leave a mark. And he's like, bro, I, I like, it's something about a snake striking you. He's like, I can't, can't even reach my hand.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  Terrifying.

• 1:03:01Matt McCusker?

  It was so scary. So it was funny. He was like, shut up, dude, watch this. My, my nephew knows.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Hit by a snake.

• 1:03:07Matt McCusker?

  He got bit by a python.

• 1:03:09Speaker 00

  When was this? This weekend?

• 1:03:10Matt McCusker?

  It was right before I came.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  What were the McCuskers doing?

• 1:03:12Matt McCusker?

  Oh, we got some rep, there's a lot of reptiles going on.

• 1:03:14Speaker 00

  That's.

• 1:03:15Matt McCusker?

  Just scored, just scored the bearded dragon. Bearded dragon's nice, dude.

• 1:03:19Speaker 00

  That's a really good score.

• 1:03:20Matt McCusker?

  Bearded dragon's nice. You gotta keep the tiles in there, get them warm for the DVD.

• 1:03:23Speaker 00

  Very good score.

• 1:03:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we had, there's the python, there's a little baby corn snake, bearded dragon.

• 1:03:27Speaker 00

  Corn snake's nice.

• 1:03:28Matt McCusker?

  Corn snake's great.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Matt McCusker?

  I was holding the baby corn snake. And dude, they, they'll like, hold mice.

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  Bro.

• 1:03:36Matt McCusker?

  Come on, dude. Come on, don't do this.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  Baby corn snake is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that one. I might use that tonight.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  I might use that tonight with my, my woman.

• 1:03:48Matt McCusker?

  Hold the baby corset.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  You know what time it is?

• 1:03:51Matt McCusker?

  What, what time?

• 1:03:52Speaker 00

  It's time to hold the baby corset. The baby corset's hungry.

• 1:03:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, my niece and nephew will like hold dead mice and let the snake strike out of their hands.

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  They're gonna be out of their minds.

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  Bro, they're fucking fearless.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  They're gonna be nuts.

• 1:04:05Matt McCusker?

  It's, we have a video of it. They just, my, my niece is holding a dead mouse and the baby corset goes right out of her hands. I'm like, dude, I can't, I'd flinch. I'd be like Darwin in front of the glass.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  He couldn't do it. He would stand in front of a snake, even behind the glass and would strike at him. He's like, I would flinch 100% of the time. He's like, something about these motherfuckers, dude.

• 1:04:24Speaker 00

  Charles Darwin?

• 1:04:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he would stand in front of like a snake tank and be like, this is the day I'm just gonna have nerves of steel and let it strike at me. He goes, I'm oh for a hundred. Every, every day the snake would strike and he'd go, oh.

• 1:04:34Speaker 00

  They're scary guys.

• 1:04:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. Scary as hell. But yeah, we got, the reptiles are popping over on the compound. It's pretty tight.

• 1:04:42Speaker 00

  Bearded dragons.

• 1:04:43Matt McCusker?

  Bro, he came down, that, we had the family Easter party, came down with the bearded dragon just on him, just like, yeah.

• 1:04:49Speaker 00

  Who did that?

• 1:04:50Matt McCusker?

  Mac.

• 1:04:50Speaker 00

  How old was he?

• 1:04:51Matt McCusker?

  He's like six. It's a sick flex, dude.

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  Fucking flex for a kid.

• 1:04:55Matt McCusker?

  It was a pretty sick flex. But yeah, Easter was, Easter was sick, dude. I was, uh, I kept teasing all my nieces and nephews. They did the big Easter egg hunt.

• 1:05:03Speaker 00

  He's gonna fucking bite his ass too.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  Wait, the bearded dragon?

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, this thing's a fucker, dude.

• 1:05:08Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they're big. He's, bearded dragons live till 20. So he's got a good 14 years on this bearded dragon.

• 1:05:15Matt McCusker?

  Or, you know, puberty might shake that up a little bit.

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Matt McCusker?

  He might drop the beard.

• 1:05:19Speaker 00

  Girlfriend might come in between him and his bearded dragon.

• 1:05:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he might, yeah, he might, uh, put down the bearded dragon and try to touch another.

• 1:05:25Speaker 00

  Put down the bearded dragon.

• 1:05:26Matt McCusker?

  Touch another reptile.

• 1:05:30Matt McCusker?

  Touch another slimy creature.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  The slimiest, slimmest.

• 1:05:35Matt McCusker?

  Bearded vagina. Hopefully be carrying down a nice bearded vagina in 14 years.

• 1:05:41Speaker 00

  Hope he's carrying it down at Easter, God, everyone.

• 1:05:45Matt McCusker?

  Carrying out a bearded vagina.

• 1:05:47Speaker 00

  Lemese, we could get you a bearded dragon.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  I love a bearded dragon. They don't, they like, they don't like shed or nothing, right?

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  Damn, I didn't know they were this chill.

• 1:05:57Matt McCusker?

  They're chill as hell.

• 1:05:58Speaker 00

  They're the king of chill.

• 1:05:59Matt McCusker?

  They are, they're for real chill as fuck.

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  There's a YouTube video about bearded dragon, the king of chill.

• 1:06:06Matt McCusker?

  My nephew's like confused why I don't have a ton of reptiles. He's like, bro, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, you could have one of these right now.

• 1:06:12Speaker 00

  Reptiles suck.

• 1:06:14Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck, dude?

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  I swear. Don't get me wrong, bearded dragon's cool, but I mean.

• 1:06:19Matt McCusker?

  I know what you mean.

• 1:06:20Speaker 00

  I don't want a pet that's nothing.

• 1:06:22Matt McCusker?

  You're talking about being a reptile adult?

• 1:06:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's tricky territory.

• 1:06:26Speaker 00

  I knew a reptile adult. A dear friend of mine, I think I might have talked about it. My, my cousin was dating a reptile adult. She had a giant fucking like iguana.

• 1:06:38Speaker 00

  She had a huge lizard that they would, she would like put in bed with them.

• 1:06:41Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  Big dog.

• 1:06:45Matt McCusker?

  You gotta put that thing away when it's time to fucking smash.

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  No, you gotta say, let the boy.

• 1:06:49Matt McCusker?

  The boy watch. I got absolutely, I got totally aura robbed by, uh, we fed, there's like a little Shetland pony.

• 1:06:57Speaker 00

  You got aura robbed on that zip line, dude.

• 1:06:58Matt McCusker?

  I mean, zip line.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Devastating.

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  Crush.

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  That was all your coins?

• 1:07:02Matt McCusker?

  And then all my coins. I, I was already zero, I think I died then because I had zero coins and then we went, I brought like everyone up to feed the little Shetland pony. There was a little Shetland pony.

• 1:07:12Speaker 00

  Shetland pony, now that's a good animal.

• 1:07:14Matt McCusker?

  Great animal.

• 1:07:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:15Matt McCusker?

  Cody is thirty one years old, bro.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  You have a thirty one year old Shetland pony?

• 1:07:19Matt McCusker?

  On the compound kicking around, thirty one year old Shetland and a mini pony. And I brought everyone up, Brittany was with me and we went and fed the pony. And we were, I was just giving it grass. My uncle's like, oh, I got like horse feed, you can dump it in the thing. So we dumped horse feed in and dude, this, the pony was so excited, its dong just came out. And I was just watching my fucking wife be like, oh my god. And I was like, dude, that's the fucking dong on a Shetland pony? It was, it was thick as.

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  It was thick and long.

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 1:07:49Matt McCusker?

  He just dropped like a fucking, not quite a coke ant, Cody.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  Cody.

• 1:07:53Matt McCusker?

  The code master dude.

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  Cody Rhodes.

• 1:07:55Matt McCusker?

  Cody, Cody came down, bro Cody just dropped while he was eating, dropped dong while eating as soon as he finished, it was like sucked back in. My wife was like, what the hell? And I was like, yeah. Glancing, I was like, oh my god. Flas. Just like, it was weird, it wasn't, it wasn't bricked up, it was just dropped, a swollen, flaccid dong.

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  That's even, that's way more enviable, yeah.

• 1:08:19Matt McCusker?

  And it was a shetland too, it was like, bro, it's not even a full horse, and I was just like, not even in my dreams, bro. This thing was crazy.

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Matt McCusker?

  Just dropped like an HBO, Lord of the, just a full fucking flaccid dong.

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  A showstopper.

• 1:08:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, total showstopper dude. It was my wife and her friend, just like, oh my god, and I was like, alright guys, come on, let's go see some other parts of this place, this is fucking bullshit.

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's funny that men have that, and women, you know, you never see like a fucking dog's pussy and go, eh, cheese.

• 1:08:50Matt McCusker?

  Pussy on their dogs wet as hell.

• 1:08:53Matt McCusker?

  Things glistening.

• 1:08:56Matt McCusker?

  Just a nice, it's a nice buttery mini butt on a dog.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  Alright, alright, alright, alright, that's good, that's the end of the podcast, we'll go to the Patreon, Sinners was great and I'm not racist, thank you.

• 1:09:07Matt McCusker?

  That's a puppy.