Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Chris & Yanni @ https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas Go See them Live too @ https://www.historyhyenasisback.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Good morning. Happy New Year everybody. Another blessed year. Another hot cast. Biz as usual. Big SG comes back next week, but this week Cusk is joined by the History Hyenas - Chrissy D and Yanni. They're back and better than ever. Support the bros. Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  And we are beginning. Thank you guys for coming. God damn Yannis Pappas, Chris Stefano, the history hyenas dude. Thank you guys for coming.

• 0:08Speaker 02

  We're here.

• 0:08Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  I'm pumped dude.

• 0:09Speaker 03

  Dude, thank you.

• 0:10Speaker 02

  Thanks for having us and I just want to say, cause the last I was on the show, um, a couple of weeks ago, a month ago, Yannis. And I just want to say to all your fans out there, say something about my hair now. Look at my hair now, dude. You guys were talking shit saying I had no hair product in, my hair was flat. What, what about now?

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  It looks great right now.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Right dude? Now I look like a 60s crooner. And look at Yannis's hair dude.

• 0:32Speaker 03

  I look great.

• 0:33Matt McCusker?

  That looks good.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  That's painted on.

• 0:34Matt McCusker?

  That looks good.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:36Matt McCusker?

  The wave.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  Right? So I just want to make sure everybody fucking knows.

• 0:39Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  What's up?

• 0:40Speaker 03

  And I'd like to say, yeah, I'd like to say, um, it's good to be here in Republican Hollywood and.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 0:45Speaker 03

  The candidate over here and the candidate over here.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:48Speaker 03

  They got bad hair. They're no good for you. I will make it so barbecue is available for everybody in this city at all times. And I just always wanted to stand at a podium and feel like I'm in a primary.

• 1:00Matt McCusker?

  It feels good, doesn't it?

• 1:01Speaker 02

  It feels fucking powerful.

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  I want almost go like.

• 1:07Matt McCusker?

  Feel it now.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  You feel the fucking.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Dude, being white and standing behind this podium is.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  I got ideas right now. I'm telling you man, not that I've ever agreed with anything that Hitler sent it. I despise the Nazis and what they did, but if you just want to AI, listen to Hitler. Speeches in English and just change out the words from Germany to America in your head, you'll get really pumped up for the day.

• 1:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  That guy just knew how to light a fire under you dude.

• 1:31Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:31Speaker 02

  The way that he would speak about Germany was like, I fucking get it, man.

• 1:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was like they tied to their like mythic folklore of like the German here and all that stuff. And yeah, that would for sure get anyone pumped.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Dude, he was telling people like, if you die in battle, you're going directly to Valhalla and you're going to ride a val- like, you know, you're riding like, you know, eagles there. And it's just like, he was like, you know. Germany, one, Germany is verse England right now. Germany's verse Great Britain, you know, at that moment when they're in that war. And he says, we are two superpowers and what the only way to win is one of us is going to have to be destroyed. And it will not be Germany. And the crowd goes nuts. You're like, fuck yeah.

• 2:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Dude, I started putting. On my fucking boots.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  He has an outfit. He has an outfit.

• 2:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is. Yeah, you can always get the devil's do. Like everyone's always like, he was fucking failed artist. No one liked him. It's like, people liked him, dude.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  No, the kid, he was a closer. I mean, he was a headliner. You can't, you was a guy when he went up, you're like, all right, we should only do another show two days from now.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, let people kind of settle.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  He was a talker. I think he gelled the hair, but I think he left the front flap. I think he knew the effectiveness of.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Of the flat front.

• 2:40Matt McCusker?

  It was a tail. It was a tail fett.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  And then I always loved when he did that afterwards.

• 2:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  When he just gathered himself and he did that.

• 2:45Matt McCusker?

  Smear it back.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  What I like about standing up too is this is a fit city. You could just get your calf raises in while you're, and that's why I think he did it, dude. It's just like a workout.

• 2:52Matt McCusker?

  I know. I was tired of sitting around all day.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  What's up with all the gay art over here?

• 2:56Matt McCusker?

  I just, I thought it was visually striking. This is nice. I had someone, my friend told me about this painting. I'm like, I looked it up. I was like, perfect.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:03Matt McCusker?

  This is, I just wanted something kind of intense and then, you know.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Well, I told, I was telling you on the plane, he's a guy, he jerks off to erotic poetry. So this kind of goes with it.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Which I started doing now, by the way.

• 3:11Matt McCusker?

  Erotic is nice.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  So you kind of like us have a little bit of a female brain.

• 3:15Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Because you like the imagination. Yeah.

• 3:17Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Well, you know, it's not, that's not uncommon amongst us. We are performers. And here's the thing.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  If you're a performer and you get into the arts, you at least got nicked. You at least got nicked with the gay gene. You got nicked. Some people get fully clipped, like Mateo Lane, we got nicked.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  We got nicked.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  We got nicked.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  It gives us our eyes.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  And we all got nicked. We all got nicked and our wives and girls, they all know that we're kind of like out of their friend group. Like they're like, they're proud of us, but they're like, my husband's kind of gay.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  And they just accept it. Yeah.

• 3:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, dude, it's, it's like embarrassing. I don't know what to do. Like I was talking, just like talking sports. I don't follow it at all. So that it like, it makes me feel really gay. When other men are like, dude, you uh blah blah. And I'm like, I don't.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  When you told me that, the last time I came on the show, it's something that I, I swear to God, there's, you know, like, you know, I'm 40 now, you wake up, you have to pee or whatever. And there's been multiple times in the past, like months since I've been on your show, I've woken up and like, I can't believe Matt doesn't know anything about sports.

• 4:06Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  And I've just been thinking about it because you're such a guy who, you look at this guy, you listen to this guy, you're like, he's going to be like an NFL broadcaster. And he doesn't know, I mean, he has a headset on like Tony Romo right now.

• 4:17Matt McCusker?

  I love playing sports. I love playing sports. Like I played. Football, basketball, and I'll still play sports. I just, I can't bear to follow them. I don't care.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  It's amazing because like you look, it's funny to see like physically you, I like to play sports. God gave you a body for sports, but then this is your brain. Yeah. These paintings, this is what it is.

• 4:35Matt McCusker?

  This really is a great representation.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  He laughed at us. I think when he made it, he's like, dude, I'm gonna make this Matt one. I'm gonna put him outside Philly. I'm gonna make him look like an athlete, but then I'm just gonna have fucking paintbrushes. And, and you know, just gay stuff in his brain. And I think they laugh.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. And right now you do look like a high school, like offensive coordinator with that headset on.

• 4:53Matt McCusker?

  I looked the part. I look like a cop. I really look like a cop.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  The only thing you'll be is like Robert Frost's, uh, Road Less Traveled is a beautiful poem, guys.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  I know, I know.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  You look like a good cop too. You really do.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  I think I would have been a decent cop.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  You would have been a decent cop. And I think, I think you also would have been a good, you're a really good coach that you would have, if you did fuck around with a kid, it was like in the eighties.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Wasn't anything recent.

• 5:14Matt McCusker?

  I hear what you're saying.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? So like one of those things, like you were doing it when everybody's doing it.

• 5:17Matt McCusker?

  No, I was young too.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  But you kind of had the, you had the, the thoughts where you, you, you realized it was wrong in like the nineties.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Which is way ahead of most people.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  He did it at a time where the parent would have sided with you and not the kid.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 5:30Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  It's just what being a Catholic was. He taught you football, so.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  He was a good guy.

• 5:35Matt McCusker?

  We had a, uh, I went to a basketball camp, uh, it was called Bucky Gill's Basketball Camp in Chichester. And he was the coach of the girls' high school team. And he got, he got round, he was like apparently like, well, they're in the, this was the rumor, I should say. He was like opening the shower curtain, just like spraying them with soap. He was like back there partying with the girls.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 5:55Matt McCusker?

  And then, but it all, we all had his basketball camp shirts. We, everyone went there. But then when he got in trouble for it, we'd all wear the shirt. We thought it was funny. We'd all wear the shirt.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  But with, but with girls, but to me with girls, are you all right?

• 6:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I'm Googling this story that's gonna blow your guys' minds.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  With girls though, with girls, I almost like, obviously it's fucked up, but it's not, it's like, it's, it's, that's rare. It's normally always, it's always boys getting clipped. It's usually always the boys getting clipped.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  I was in two situations. I went to Penn State football camp when I was a kid, never got clipped, never saw Jerry Sandusky, but never got clipped. And then there was another guy in Christ the King. Basketball coach Bob Aliva that also went down for that stuff and I never got clipped by him. And I was many, many times in the gym, just him and I, because my mom had to work. So I was the kid that I would get dropped off. My mom would pay extra to drop me off at basketball camp at like 7 a.m. 45 minutes before, because she had to get to work and it was just him and I and he never did anything, never clipped me at all. And I know like the hack joke, what people say, oh, what about me, whatever, like, you know, but I genuinely had like feelings about it. I was like, am I ugly?

• 6:57Matt McCusker?

  Wait a second.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I really would talk to my therapist about it.

• 7:00Matt McCusker?

  It's the opposite. I think you're, I think when you're like a Jack Strong kid, they know they're like, no, this kid might be.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  They won't, yeah. Well, you know what I think Bob Aliva and these people saw in me? They were like, this guy will kiss me back and that's not what I want.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  I don't know if this has ever happened on a podcast, but I just realized that I got clipped.

• 7:16Matt McCusker?

  When'd you get clipped?

• 7:17Speaker 02

  You got clipped?

• 7:18Speaker 03

  I think I just got clipped.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 7:19Speaker 03

  You started talking and I was like.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  You got hit?

• 7:21Speaker 03

  I think I might have got hit.

• 7:23Matt McCusker?

  That's how it works. You don't remember.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, tell us about it.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  I gotta brace myself.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Tell us about it.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  This is the exact position I was in. I think I got banged.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Who'd you get banged out by?

• 7:30Matt McCusker?

  Someone made you an artist?

• 7:31Speaker 03

  I think Saint Saviors. I think, yes, somebody, somebody turned me into the arts. No, I'm kidding. But dude, there's this crazy story where my, uh, my brother went to poly prep, you know, poly prep in Bay Ridge. Anyone can look up this story. There was this.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Brother was an openly gay man.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Openly gay man.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Openly gay man, big time hot shot attorney, but a full, I mean, as gay as gay, gayer than your paintings.

• 7:51Matt McCusker?

  Your brother's a gay attorney.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  He's a $3 bill guy. Which is what messes with him because he's got the, you know, his brother got hit hard with it. So he's like, how much of this gay gene did I get in? If literal, I came out of the same womb, which might be just a tainted gay womb.

• 8:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. And it's like, were we really wrestling that whole time?

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  So I get, I get his pain.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, what was really happening? But dude, this, this story's crazy. Philip Foglietta was his name and he was a legendary football coach at poly prep. And he molested, he had, he had a legendary program that like, they were like incredible. The community supported him.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  What you call it? Uh, the mobs, what was the mob guy?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Well, what, John Gotti?

• 8:33Speaker 03

  No, before him.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  John Gotti, Phil Cost, uh, Paul Costellano.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Before him.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Before, uh, uh, uh, the Gambino crime family.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  Gambino.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Carlo Gambino.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Carlo Gambino's kid.

• 8:44Matt McCusker?

  I was supposed to tell you.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  The thank you owes fucking sandwich shop.

• 8:51Matt McCusker?

  Italian autism.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  His son went there and this kid clipped like hundreds of kids.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Hundreds of kids for so long and it finally came out and like so many kids got clipped. And it was happening like in front of kids. They had jokes about it, but it was just back in that era.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  But he was like, he was like a gangster too?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  He, no, he was just a legendary football coach.

• 9:11Matt McCusker?

  I thought you were saying he was like part of like the mafia.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Gambino's son went to that school. He didn't, I don't think he got clipped.

• 9:16Matt McCusker?

  I thought he was clipping, I thought he was clipping kids and being like, forget about it.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, he kinda was. He was like a little cannoli cream. He was like the last guy anyone would expect, but he would take kids and he'd put them in his Cadillac. He did it in the most Italian way.

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  Right.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  He'd be like, let's go get some Zeppelis, kid. You're fucking, you're a good lineman.

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  Right.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  And be like, let me see a penis. Yeah, this will help you. You want to start?

• 9:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:36Matt McCusker?

  It happens too.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  But what is, what do we think? Because obviously, you know, the, the guys, that happens a lot, the Sandusky's of the world, the, these, the Fogliettas, whatever. But like women, they, women teachers have sex with this male students, like it's rampant and they get caught all the time. But if you, if you, all you have to do, I encourage you at home, go home and just ask like three or four people if they know someone. And they all know someone.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Who maybe they're having, the woman hasn't gotten arrested, but they know, like I know in high school, my friend banged the teacher. It was confirmed it happened. She never got arrested for it. It never came out to the public. It never will. But it's, so what is that? Do we know?

• 10:15Matt McCusker?

  Why they don't get in trouble, you're saying?

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Why do they constantly do that? Why are they always hot? Always hot?

• 10:22Matt McCusker?

  So I, I think it goes down to, or comes down to like, a lot of women's television is still centered around high school. Like even like, like, you know, like what, uh, there's, there's always, in my opinion, a lot of those soaps have like a heavy high school romance element to it.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:38Matt McCusker?

  Like women constantly watch high schoolers like make out and have sex. It's part of a lot of the shows.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  I never thought about that. Like Euphoria. That show.

• 10:44Matt McCusker?

  That was a big one, dude. All like the, you know, fucking, just all those like soapy dramas. A lot of them are centered around high school love. And that's like a thing for them. It's like the, the meeting when like a boy and a girl first, like they finally kiss and meet.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:57Matt McCusker?

  Like their brains like free.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  You don't think it's payback, though, for like centuries and centuries and centuries of fifty or forty year old dudes just marrying eleven year olds? And now girls are finally like, you know what? I'm gonna bang this sixteen year old. Just to payback what guys have been doing to us for so long.

• 11:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, I'm gonna be a pedophile.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:15Matt McCusker?

  Damn, that's crazy. They got, they came so far that they can be pedophiles.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, they just.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  That's how you know that we're equal now, yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  You think Trump will change the law and just let boys be have a legal age at like thirteen and you can just fucking clip them all day?

• 11:26Matt McCusker?

  Just for boys?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Just for boys. You think Trump will just be like, these kids, these boys really don't give a shit. It's their moms getting in the way. I mean, honestly, if I was fifteen and I, if I was fifteen and I, I actually, I'm sorry, no, I lost my virginity at seventeen. But then I was seventeen and banged a woman in her thirties, so that's technically a crime, right? But I don't care. And she doesn't, I, I would never, it would never make a difference to me. But if I was a girl, I might get older and be like, I got seduced.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Was she a babysitter or a family friend or?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  She was a family friend. That's crazy you knew that. She was a family friend. I might have told you, maybe I told you. She was a family friend.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  The thing about the women.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  It was awesome.

• 12:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's pretty cool.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  They, they don't, they always do it like that. They even do it in a woman way. Like, they get to know you first, you talk to them. Guys just snatch you up and put you in the car. Women are like, yeah, let's see, you're my, I'm gonna give you Spanish lessons after class.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're my little buddy.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  They do it more emotionally.

• 12:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but that's the thing, though. The problem is, as then as a seventeen year old, you can get like sucked into like adult kinda dynamics. Like, you know, say she's cheating on her husband. That's like a crazy thing to get a kid in the middle of. That's a tough one. Although, to be fair, I don't know, would you rather, if you were to be cuckolded, would you rather it be like a young, like, boy?

• 12:38Speaker 03

  No, I'd like it to be a black guy with a big dick.

• 12:41Matt McCusker?

  You just wanna go straight to the source.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  I just wanted to know that it's, and I'll, I'll give it to her. I'll be like, I get, I get what you need.

• 12:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  You needed the rest of that whole film.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Do you know, do you know the myth of the black guys with the big dick? Do you know where that comes from? The black guy.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  From their dicks.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Well, no, they, they absolutely. They absolutely basketball guys, the biggest things I've seen are, it's fucking crazy. Shout out Tim Fudd. Can you cackle that? Yeah.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Just put a mute over that.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, tip fuck.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  Big dicks.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  He named a real guy.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  I named a real guy with a fucking dick. I mean, if you saw this thing, you're going, what is a mutant? What is this?

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Big cocks.

• 13:16Matt McCusker?

  Chaos in the locker room?

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  I know, dude, the locker room for me, I went to an all boy Catholic high school and I remember like the boy, you know, obviously the players, like everyone going in there butt naked and I would go in with a bathing suit shorts on because you know, I feel embarrassed. But then I remember the older kids would be like, take off the bathing suit shorts. What are you fucking gay? And I'm like, isn't it gay or if my dick and balls are out with the rest of you? But the black, but the black dick thing. So supposedly, supposedly, I think this, I think this might've been like 1600s, late 1600s when like the first waves of like African slaves started to come over. The, the, the, the men, the white men were so scared that they were gonna, because they were how muscular they were, that their wives was just gonna bang them left and right. They said that their dicks were so big, but it was a negative thing back then, like they're gonna

• 14:00Speaker 02

  kill you and you're gonna get killed by them, like that's a weapon. And so then, and then, but then it became like, we want the big dick, but back then the big dick was frowned upon.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  So it was like a negative thing.

• 14:10Matt McCusker?

  It was a bad thing. In ancient Greece, if you had like a real small, just flaccid penis, people would be like, what a astonishing man.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  I got so nervous.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  That's why, that's why these sculptures, medieval sculptures are all little flaccid penises because that was beautiful.

• 14:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you were smart.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  I got so scared just watching him at that podium when he said African slaves. I was like, I hope this finish is good. Just the podium is just kinda like, you're going, all right, let's just.

• 14:31Matt McCusker?

  It's such a funny thing to be like, oh, those huge muscular exotic guys? Yeah, well, trust me, they got huge dicks. You want anything to do with it?

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:39Matt McCusker?

  I got some guy raised like his pint of ale, like, I got it, I know.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  But dude, it turns out that they do.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  They do.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  I mean, not all of them, but the ones that are big are like, big. And like the Chinese guys, I mean, we've all seen the porn, it's just, some of it is genetic.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  No, you could look this up. The science though says as far as like penis length, the African culture, black people in general don't have bigger dicks than anybody else. If you look at the science of it.

• 15:04Matt McCusker?

  There are condom studies, they released the data and it wasn't the average, it wasn't as big as you would thought in terms of like compared. It's not that much bigger on average.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  13, 14 inches.

• 15:12Matt McCusker?

  But I think their outliers do, I think they kind of.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:15Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. It's also crazy to be white and have like a huge, that's kind of something unsettling about that.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember like when, you know, Pete Davidson.

• 15:24Matt McCusker?

  I get it reduced.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  I remember like when Pete Davidson got really, really.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  He would get it reduced?

• 15:28Speaker 02

  You get a reduction?

• 15:29Matt McCusker?

  I would take it right back to where I'm at now. I'd be like, this is crazy.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember when Pete Davidson got like, you know, like really famous and started to like blow up and everyone was saying how big of a dick he has, whatever. And then like all these comedians were like making TikToks, but like, dude, I could confirm, I saw it. I started comedy with him. I was like, he started comedy when he was 16.

• 15:48Matt McCusker?

  I knew him way back before he was famous.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  I can confirm that cock dude, I saw it in high school, bro.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  It was big when he was 12. Yeah.

• 15:57Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know people did that. That's crazy.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  It was crazy. I was literally seeing people be like, stop, don't phrase it like that.

• 16:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Say it like I saw it a week ago. But if you said when you, we did a road gig together and he just pulled it out. I'm like, yeah, dude, the kid started at 16. His mom used to call me and make sure that he was like being okay on the road because he was a child.

• 16:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You had to be like, dude, his dick's huge.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. I'd be like, Mrs. Davidson, he's fine. His dick's wraps around my neck though. How do we stop this? Do I have to feed it?

• 16:24Matt McCusker?

  It is funny to ride the wave of like just someone else's dick. Just be like, yeah, I saw it and you're gonna catch me on the road at a.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Just put your dates across the shaft of his dick of the pic you have from when he's 18.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. For your dick to get like a legend of its own must be kind of cool.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Oh yeah. I mean, his has it. I mean, no, no doubt about his has it.

• 16:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  But my net, you ready for this? My call though, my next call for the, just the new absolute coxman is going to be Marcelo from, from, uh, I think Marcelo's the next coxman big. He's like the Latino Pat, Pete Davidson.

• 16:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  Imagine Pete, all the power Pete has, but on top of that, you're fucking Latino unstoppable. How do you stop that?

• 17:02Matt McCusker?

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• 17:05Speaker 04

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• 17:05Matt McCusker?

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• 17:21Matt McCusker?

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• 17:41Speaker 02

  Incredible.

• 17:42Matt McCusker?

  Although Pete's vague ethnicity is kind of powerful as well.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  That's true, too.

• 17:45Matt McCusker?

  You're like, you don't know what that guy, you're like, yeah, whatever, man. Could be black.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  He looks like a black guy who bleached his skin.

• 17:50Matt McCusker?

  He does.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  He looks, he looks like Sammy Sosa.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:53Matt McCusker?

  He's just a white guy.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's just a white guy, dude. He's a, he's a fireman's son. He's like as white as he gets, white working class as he gets, but he does have a black face.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  And he's got the cock to match.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Supposedly.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  Allegedly does. It's definitely not small.

• 18:07Matt McCusker?

  No, dude, they made it to the halls of Kardashian. That's a big, that's just, that pool party must be crazy.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. There's a certain length to get into that party. That's been established. There's a precedent that was set that he had to meet, he had to meet. Yeah.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. You don't have a dick that size, you have to have fifty bitcoin.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  One or the other.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  Kim Kardashian, you know, you know, when you go on the rides, your kid goes to like, goes to a ride and the ride says you gotta be this tall. I mean, Kim Kardashian just goes and measures your dick and go, you can come into this ride. You gotta be this tall.

• 18:34Matt McCusker?

  Put it on a digital scale.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. But it's crazy, cause like, I'm like, you know, as men's minds, like, I think we all still think in our minds, like, oh, maybe one day we can hook up with Kim Kardashian, too, even though we have no chance and no desire to.

• 18:45Matt McCusker?

  I saw her in real life one time.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  What'd you think?

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  It was just happenstance. She's way shorter than you think, but it was for real. It was like, I went, oh.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:52Matt McCusker?

  Like, I was stunned.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Dude, I felt that way, uh, two weeks ago, I did a show at Luca Lee's Pizzeria, a very famous pizzeria in Brooklyn, some of the best pizza in, probably the best pizza in New York. And, uh, besides Joe and John's, my local pizzeria. Shout out Ridgewood Queens, baby. Um, but, uh, but Anne Hathaway was in the second row of the show, and when I tell you, the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in my life, besides, of course, my girlfriend, and obviously, she's way hotter, duh. But Anne Hathaway was literally to the point where I would do a joke, I would be like, you know, she was sitting over here, and I'd be like scanning the room, and I'd do a joke, and I'd hit the punchline, and I would, you know, like, people be laughing, and I would slowly... Go like this and just make like, like, almost like a she left and there was a couple of times I saw her laugh and I swear to God dude, I got butterflies.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  You're flying.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  I was like, oh my God. And then you have this fantasy like she's going to come out here and be like, you know, you were so great. Like, why don't we just like, why don't you talk to your wife and I'll talk to my husband and you and I could just be together. And they'll allow it and we could just be together and, and it would be great and you, we could do movies together, but like our wives and husbands don't care and they're actually, they're actually cheering it on.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Supporting us.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then, and then you, and then I just drive home and then you're like depressed that like she didn't, you know, DM you.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Check your DMs.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  And then you're like, fuck, man. I guess I suck.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Do you remember when we were in that sushi?

• 20:10Matt McCusker?

  Thinking about you right now.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, dude.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  She's probably watching the, our show, History Hyenas.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, she probably is.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  Big fan.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  She's probably on the Patreon.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  She's probably on the Patreon. You never know. Do you remember we were in that sushi restaurant in LA with Tim Dillon?

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yes. Yes. This is a great story, dude.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  So Emma Stone was in there and she went to the bathroom and.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  No, but wait, but you're missing a key part. You, you, let me just set this up. We're in this very famous sushi restaurant with Tim. It's me, Yanni and Tim Dillon. And Tim Dillon, 20 minutes before is telling us how much Emma Stone hates him.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  He's telling us Emma Stone despises him and me and Yanni are listening, but we're kind of be like, this is, maybe Tim's just like making it a bigger deal. Maybe Emma Stone like, there's no way that Emma Stone hates him. And we were like, maybe Emma Stone didn't even know who any of us are. We don't know, but we were like, whatever. And then go ahead.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  And then she was in the restaurant.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Like in a movie, 20 minutes later, actual Emma Stone walks in and yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I think she came in for, this was my like serendipitous moment. She came in, cause I, I think she's the most gorgeous thing in the world. I love how big her eyes are. I like pale women, uh, except for my wife. My wife's the most beautiful, half Italian, half Greek.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  You're a smoke show, Mrs. Pappas.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  She went to the bathroom. She went to the bathroom and I just saw it as an opportunity to be in the bathroom after Emma Stone. So she went to the bathroom, came out and then I went to the bathroom and I did not sniff her seat.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  You did.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  I did not, but I did sit down and pee.

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  That's perfect.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  I did sit down and pee. Yeah.

• 21:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that's so nice.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  But, and that, and then also.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  That's not creepy, right?

• 21:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  But any guy would have done that.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Dude, I mean, how was it?

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Done that, right?

• 21:38Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  You can't stand to pee.

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  Was she just a little bit cooler than like? The average.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  It just smelled so good in there.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  I just remember how good the bathroom smelled.

• 21:46Matt McCusker?

  She just.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  And I just sat and I was like, this is just where Emma Stone peed.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  And it felt great. But Emma then.

• 21:52Matt McCusker?

  Did she flush? That'd be, that'd be nice if you peed on her pee. That would have been next level.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Now she shit in the sink. How great would that would have been? You just thought it is a turd in the sink. But she walked past us and was like, holy shit, Emma Stone. And then she came back the other, cause Tim was sitting with his back chairs. But then when she came back out of the bathroom, she walked and looked at Tim and I saw, I saw her go, ugh. Like that. So it confirmed everything he said.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  It could have just been.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  She does hate him.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  It could have been just the way he was eating, just like.

• 22:21Matt McCusker?

  What was their beef? Why the fuck would she?

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Something with Tim, you know, cause Tim's hilarious.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Her husband.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  Tim.

• 22:26Matt McCusker?

  That's what happened.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  No, Tim's hilarious on social media and I think he was tweeting like, you know, hilarious shit, but maybe like shitting on an Emma Stone movie, you know?

• 22:34Matt McCusker?

  That happens.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  You know, that's what just makes me think about celebrity. Is it worth it to just like, you know, Emma Stone, the poor girl, she just went into the bathroom to take a piss. And then there was this guy that went in there and just sat down and peed after her. And I'm telling it on a big podcast. I'm sorry, Emma Stone.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Sorry, Emma Stone.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  I'm sorry I did that.

• 22:48Matt McCusker?

  You did nothing wrong.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  I did nothing wrong. I don't think. It's not, I didn't do it.

• 22:51Matt McCusker?

  Feel a hot lady's body heat on the toilet.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's creepy a little bit.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, I'm taking it on my phone. I just want to make sure my hair's still good because these fans are just fucking unbelievable.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Your hair looks great, dude.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  All right, we're good, dude.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  It's you guys can't stop me. What I want to do is hang an ornament right off that Christopher Reeves curl.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  Just right there.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  That would be actually really nice.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  What do you think of that?

• 23:08Matt McCusker?

  That's nice. That'd be really nice.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  What do you think of that, dude?

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, just put it right there and get it some right on the fucking mouth.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Hold on, I just, by the way, I just looked at my, I just looked at my phone to like, you know, like see my hair. And then I, I just looked at like a quick text and I'm, have a special coming out for Hulu, uh, in February. And I just got a text from like the person who like runs it, like, hey, we, we, we really need to have a conversation. So just call me when you can. I'm like, here we go. It's over, baby. It's over. There it is, folks. And it's gone. Yeah, just like the way, you know, I just think it's done now. So this will be a fun next 30 minutes for me to just know it's done.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  Just wait.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Just waiting, just, and, and then calling her and then her not calling me back for a week.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  That would have been weird if it was Emma Stone who texted you.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Imagine?

• 23:51Speaker 03

  Like, whoa, that would have been weird.

• 23:53Matt McCusker?

  I so, I want to, that's, that's very funny. It's funny you have to sit with that for the next half an hour.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, just deal with it.

• 23:59Matt McCusker?

  Here's my thing. I don't think it's that creepy. That's like, that's like mercy. Cause creepy would have been like waiting right by the door to try to do like a rom com like, oh, sorry. Oh, my God. Like, oh, crazy. Hey, I'm Yana. Do I know you?

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. She probably gets people that like, want to take pieces of her hair, her skin. If the worst thing about you, you want to sniff her toilet seat after she goes to the bathroom. She might be like, we can actually go on dates. I didn't sniff her seat.

• 24:22Matt McCusker?

  Not sniff, not sniff. Feel the warmth, feel the warmth of her body.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  You would have done the same as what you're saying?

• 24:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. We're gonna waste it. You know, like, look, that's her body heat.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:31Matt McCusker?

  It's gonna just fade up or you can just enjoy it before it gets like inducted back up.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  There's no rule against it. I had to go to the bathroom and it happens to be Emma Stone and I want to just sit in your body heat. I'll do that.

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  And you didn't like jerk off.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  No, but I mean, but even if he would have, it's his, it's, I didn't do anything.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's his space. But I didn't do anything, but I have not bathed the bottom half of my body since.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  So she's with me. I don't know if that's creepy. She's with me. Yeah.

• 24:53Matt McCusker?

  I mean, you did absorb her body heat. Part of her does live inside of you.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  I mean, I do hang out outside her house a lot and take photos, but that's a different thing. That's public property. I, you know.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  Girls love that stuff, man.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, I'm happy that you said that.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  They do.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Because girl, as much as like the world we live in, where like, do you not objectify me feminism? They want you to tell them how hot they are at all times.

• 25:13Matt McCusker?

  And you want, they love, they'll be like, that's so weird. But if they're like, say they took a dump and it kind of stinks. If you just stood in the bathroom and you're like, they're like, oh, my God, get out of here. And they're like, I fucking love that.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  I fucking love it. Yeah.

• 25:26Matt McCusker?

  I fucking love that shit.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Dude, you know, when I wake up next to my girl, she's like, you know, I try to like kiss her good morning. She's like, no, stop. She has morning breath and I just fucking burrow in there like a gopher. She loves it.

• 25:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, they love that shit.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  It's a thin line. It's a thin line between complimenting them and creepiness. It's a thin line.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Well, there's actual in stench in the stink of men and women. I think there's actual, um, what's the like term for aphrodisiac? Pheromones. There's actual pheromones in that.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Correct answer.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yep. Boom. 200.

• 25:53Matt McCusker?

  I don't know why your thing went off. It's fucking bullshit.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  I think that's a fact. I think that's what we call on the history. I know is a truth bater Ginsberg. That there's pheromones, there's pheromones inside stench that, that actual, like, that's what you're supposed to have stinky sex.

• 26:07Matt McCusker?

  I think so, man.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Sex.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Are you sure?

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Or is that just something Jim Norton told you because he likes to get women shit on his chest?

• 26:13Speaker 02

  That's what Jim Norton told me after, after he was like, just drink this.

• 26:16Matt McCusker?

  No, I, dude, I agree. If I, still to this day, if I smell like, um, like when women put on, no, when women put on deodorant, but their body odor still comes through a little bit, that smell drives me like absolutely.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  I love, I love a girl with pit smell.

• 26:29Matt McCusker?

  It's a little bit, it's a little bit through the deodorant. It's just like, fuck, I love that.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Do you like a girl with a little bit of fumes?

• 26:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I honestly don't mind it. Yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  You don't mind it at all?

• 26:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't mind a little bit.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  You know, fumes.

• 26:40Matt McCusker?

  Are you talking about coming off the box?

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm talking about a little fumes.

• 26:43Matt McCusker?

  It depends, it depends on the fumes. I prefer no, here's the thing, I can take if it's like, pungent, but just like, kind of like bold spices, but if, if there's the fish smell.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, can't do it.

• 26:54Matt McCusker?

  Can't do that, man.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  But there are girls, what we say on our show, is there are girls that we call swim throughs, where you will swim through, they're so hot where you will swim through fumes just to bang that. Like, like if Kim Kardashian had fumes, she'd, she'd be considered a swim through.

• 27:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  She'd be considered a swim through for Rome. Meaning, what we mean by that is you'd swim through her fumes, just to bang her out, and then for Rome, meaning if we were living in ancient society, she would be taken for the Roman Empire, ripped away from her mom and dad, and she would be part of the harem of King Yannis.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  That's how hot she is.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  That's what it would be, of Emperor Yannis.

• 27:22Matt McCusker?

  And you probably fix, that'd be nice to like, take a girl like that and then fix her fumes, back in Roman times.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, now, but in Roman times, that was chilled, and be like, dude, I'm gonna fix your fumes.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  Dude, in Roman times, that was a real worry, like, fix your fumes.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  It's like a shop in Rome, fix your fumes.

• 27:35Matt McCusker?

  Ground from the ground up.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Dude, in Roman times, that was a real worry. Like, imagine being a father and you know your daughter's like sixteen and is smoking, you're like, this girl's gonna get taken for Rome. The emperor's gonna come and take her when they come to our town. They're gonna take her for the harem and I can't do anything.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, and that's just, nothing. I know for a fact, if I was an emperor, that's just, unfortunately, that's what I would do.

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  I would just roll around my chariot and go.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  Do you think though, but back then, I think it was kind of like, if your daughters got snatched up by an emperor, you'd be like, fuck yeah, dude, you'd high five your wife and like, we fucking did it.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Well, they did, if they snatch you up, according to the, to the research we've done, if they've snatched up, uh, your daughter for Rome, which is a real thing, you would, you would get a tax break. So it's like, you know?

• 28:12Matt McCusker?

  We're at the rule.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't have to fucking hit taxes that year because we took your kid. So what are you gonna do?

• 28:16Matt McCusker?

  Deduction.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, do it for your family.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  It's a write off.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  That's a really, that's a really great Republican platform.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, like you guys want lower taxes?

• 28:25Speaker 03

  Give me your daughter.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Dude, I think Olympic athletes that win gold medals should get no, pay no taxes for a lot. I think, I think that's, because you're not going to get any money. So my thing is like, if you win the gold medal for us, no taxes.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  I like that idea.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Right?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  And you're at a podium, I think it's great.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 28:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. I didn't realize they get fucked over so bad.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 28:41Matt McCusker?

  You spend your whole life doing that and then it's just like.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Then they don't give a fuck about you.

• 28:44Matt McCusker?

  You got a silver medal and I guess you can start like your own type of lessons back home.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  You gotta be like a super, so like Simone Biles gets money.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Yes, Michael Phelps got real money.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  Whoever gets the bronze medals and worked there until he's not remembered.

• 28:56Matt McCusker?

  And it's so impressive, you're like, you know, you're like the third best person in the world. It's like, yeah, dude.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:01Matt McCusker?

  They should, you're right, they shouldn't pay taxes.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah, dude, that's my, and then I, military shouldn't pay taxes, dude. And I think if you did the right thing in November, you shouldn't pay taxes. And I did the right thing.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  My opponent here, he thinks nobody should pay taxes. I believe that, uh, the government should pay for gender reassignment surgery. That's my position.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  That's what it is, yeah.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  That is my position.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Yanni goes left, Yanni.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  That'd be nasty. I think that's my position.

• 29:23Matt McCusker?

  Gender reassignment.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Dude, we met with our driver yesterday.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  So you can have something to jerk off to.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Dude, our driver yesterday.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  I saw that clip.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  And ain't nothing wrong with it.

• 29:32Matt McCusker?

  I'm off the porn, I'm off the porn.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with it.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Not at all, yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, sometimes you just look and you go, I'm fooled. I'm fooled. Sometimes a guy in a wig, you just go, you know what, I'm fooled.

• 29:42Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, man, it's like you watch the porn and it's just like, it just starts to be like, eh, you watch it so much and you're like, what's this? And it's just a new thing.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Well, it's dissociation, like Yannis was telling me yesterday. He was like, you're dis, and then you start to think about, how come my wife doesn't look like that? Why don't we do that?

• 29:56Speaker 03

  I'm like, where's your penis, baby?

• 29:57Speaker 02

  I said that to her a few times.

• 29:58Matt McCusker?

  Here's the eternal, here's the eternal question, what would you rather do? So if you had to have sex with a, like a straight up, you know Buck Angel?

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 30:05Matt McCusker?

  Like a dude with a pussy or a lady with a dick, who would you rather?

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Tranny. Yeah, I mean, can I do it quicker? Yeah.

• 30:13Matt McCusker?

  Crazy, it's, it's a weird, it's a mind.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  I'll even go one further, like a hot, beautiful tranny with a great personality, because it's not all about the physical for every woman. Or, uh, like a butchy lesbian or Roseanne O'Donnell? Trans.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  I'm going trans.

• 30:28Matt McCusker?

  You wouldn't take down like a stud?

• 30:29Speaker 03

  And I'm just, I'll just pretend if we're having sex that my penis was so big it popped out the other side.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  That's all you gotta do is use your imagination.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Well, we watched a science video about, about the neuroscience of the brain. We watched this a few years ago where they said, actual from a scientific point of view, the highest climax, the best orgasm a man can have is when they're watching transgender porn because the number one things, the one and two things that men are attracted to, most men are big boobs and a big dick. So even-

• 30:55Matt McCusker?

  That is the thing, yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  And that's heterosexual men. We're not talking about gay men.

• 30:58Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Because a heterosexual man, even if it's not transgender porn, will fast forward subconsciously if the man's penis is not big enough while they're watching it. Because we, everything, we mirror everything.

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  So a big penis and big boobs theoretically would get the most excitement from the male brain, and that's a transgender person. And that's another truth bader Ginsberg.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  That's a truth bader Ginsberg. It's subconscious and it's just the way it is. And the truth is that gay guys don't watch that.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  They don't like it.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Gay guys are not into it.

• 31:24Matt McCusker?

  They're not.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Some of it's impressive. You're going like-

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  It's almost like impressive. It's like when you see like, when a Puerto Rican soups up a car.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  You're going like, look what they did with that fucking Honda.

• 31:33Matt McCusker?

  The ground effects.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. You're like going, this was a guy. And look at what he turned, look at the rims he put on the, look at those fucking rims he put on that body.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  You're not, and you're not gay. Like we, I think we sit, sit and think a lot we're gay and that's why it's great to be in comedy and have gay friends. Cause I've asked Mateo Lane multiple times, am I gay? And he said, no, you're not gay, you're just feminine. But that's not gay.

• 31:51Matt McCusker?

  It's not gay.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  You're more like a woman than a man, but you're not attracted to men. And that's because you really don't know, man. As your, as your brain starts to develop, you're like, I don't know. Because I will not immediately push a handsome man out of my brain if he pops in while I'm masturbating, I'll let him hang out a little bit.

• 32:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  But that's just being a more of a woman, not a gay man. Cause we said it many times, and Yannis is the one who discovered this, that I like to, I fall in love with men, but I have sex with women. And that's just who I am, but that's not gay.

• 32:18Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  According to Mateo, who I would say is like, I mean, he's the top gay.

• 32:21Matt McCusker?

  And they can tell.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:22Matt McCusker?

  If you're gay, they can look at you and be like-

• 32:24Speaker 03

  They know.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  He's told me to.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  I mean, but Chris did try to crawl in my bed last night and cuddle with me.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  I did.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Because I just got a little freaked out because my TV wasn't working. I don't like sleeping in the dark, so I just knocked on Yannis's door and I said, can I just fucking- Post up in here.

• 32:36Matt McCusker?

  It does chill.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, but I couldn't, but then I couldn't because his feet smell so bad. I'd rather sleep with the fear of Ted Bundy popping out of a closet.

• 32:45Matt McCusker?

  Well, that was your hetero kicking in being like, just the smell is off and you're like, what the fuck am I? I gotta get out of here.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  I gotta get out of here too, because if I was a real gay guy, then I would have just fucking went in and tried to.

• 32:53Matt McCusker?

  You would have washed, you would have washed his feet and then blown it.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, 100% dude.

• 32:56Matt McCusker?

  It would have been nice.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Made it work for me.

• 32:58Matt McCusker?

  This is a quiet, slow blowjob.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  But you're a big fan of history.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just a quiet, slow one.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  That, that, that one made me like, I felt that one. A quiet, slow blowjob to your male friend, like that literally, like, it actually made me like pause. Like, we're fucking around, but that one I have to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, like you grab onto the podium, like, holy shit, Matt went crazy just now.

• 33:18Matt McCusker?

  The quiet and slow is gayer than the blowjob.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, if you would have been like, oh, a teethy blowjob, I'd be like, ah, yeah, man, but quiet is a fucking manly one, like, yeah. That one, like, that's another one, I'll just probably think about that now.

• 33:33Matt McCusker?

  The fuck are you doing, man?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  You're gonna get a text from me like, 4am, quiet and slow, question mark?

• 33:39Matt McCusker?

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• 34:22Matt McCusker?

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• 35:04Matt McCusker?

  your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCHED on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. Now, let's get back to the show. Also, guys, before we do, uh, Happy New Year, by the way, Happy New Year, and with the new year, I am glad to announce we're out of the podcasting desert, man. We're after this week, business as motherfucking usual. Thank you, guys, for, uh, you know, trudging through the podcasting desert with me. It was, it was interesting. And, um, you know, like I said before, it was a crucible situation. And a crucible you are, steel is melted down and reforged into sometimes a stronger,

• 35:47Matt McCusker?

  sometimes a weaker shape. But I'm excited to announce that anyway. I don't know. I'm very tired. I stayed up late last night, and now I have to do advertisements. Let's get back to the show.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  But, yo, yo, we talk, we talk about this all the time, and you love history, too. On our show, we talk about when you look back at history, all the empires, just the top guys, like the viceroy's and, and the emperors and all that, they just engaged, they took whatever was on the table. Men, women, eunuchs, boys, and like, they were the toughest dudes. Like Alexander the Great was like the most masculine guy, and that guy had a straight up boyfriend.

• 36:22Matt McCusker?

  Yes, he had boys.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  He had, and he had a, but an actual like lover that was his, I can't remember his name.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Um, I'm forgetting something Greek.

• 36:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was a battle boy. He took a boy into battle. It was like a battle boy.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it was, no, he had one guy that was like his 13 year like partner. And when that guy died, he made it like a holiday. He quieted. He was like, it was like, he was like, he was beside himself. Damn. And yeah, I think he just was in a great depression because he was in love with a guy.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  There were no labels back then, though. That's the thing. It's like, you being gay or straight was irrelevant. They didn't care about that. It was like, it was more of like, do you love your country and want to fight in war or not? But you being gay, they were like, we don't, that's not, everybody's banging guys, girls, animals, it doesn't matter. So now, and because dude, even like the label of being gay, that's like 150, 200 years old, even in Abraham Lincoln's Time, nobody cared that the guy, the, uh, who was it? The guy before him, James Buchanan?

• 37:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  He was like known gay, never had a wife. They used to call him, uh, they used to call his like guy that was always with them. I think they used to call him like Aunt Nancy or something like that, which is like a gay term back then. But like, the people didn't care. His, his political opponents didn't slander him with that because they were like, nobody cares about this.

• 37:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  So it, it only came later in life, like, oh, being gay was taboo.

• 37:35Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's crazy too, that, you know, if you think about how strong gay must be to like, fight through like biblical, like the Bible belt stuff. And even, I'm sure in medieval Christianity, it was probably kind of frowned upon.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:47Matt McCusker?

  Like heavily, heavily. And pure, you know, pure, uh, pure in times. Like gay just like kept bubbling under the surface and eventually was like,

• 37:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:55Matt McCusker?

  We're fucking gay. And the whole society had to be like, all right, our bad.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a strong, strong, uh, driving force.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Listen to this, like, people are like, oh, Pete, Pete Budichik.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Pete Budicek, who we say Pete likes it in the Budicek.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Unfortunately. And I don't know why his political opponents, like if he ever went up against Trump, I trumped out, which is what Trump should say. Pete likes it in the Budicek, that would go viral.

• 38:16Matt McCusker?

  That would be, yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  He's gonna watch us and take that.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  But my point is like,

• 38:21Speaker 02

  He can take it, dude.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  People think that's so shocking that there was never a presidential candidate who was gay. But when you look back at the Roman Empire, Trajan was a full gay dude. And he was like the best Roman, he was like one of the ones by historians that's considered to be like one of the best emperors. And he was just a gay guy. He wasn't even into like, I'm gonna marry my horse or you, he was just love bad.

• 38:42Matt McCusker?

  He was a gay guy. And the clarity, the clarity must be amazing to like not be just kind of like dealing with like a lady. Like if you're a gay, like and women are like, you're just like, I, I for real, I'm not doing this. We're immersed in like,

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:54Matt McCusker?

  You know, we're immersed in women's thoughts. If you have a wife and you're a straight guy, it's just like, you're constantly just dealing with just whatever.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  You know what I'm just saying?

• 39:01Matt McCusker?

  Some minor problem that if you're a gay guy, that imagine if those problems never cross your radar.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 39:05Matt McCusker?

  I think I didn't eat all, you know, you have to be like,

• 39:09Speaker 03

  You can get a lot done.

• 39:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can really crush it.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  You could look at Michelangelo and you're like, that guy got a lot done because he didn't have to listen to those.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Like people with smaller brains.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. Bill Burr has like a good bit, like paraphrasing. About like if you see like a lesbian, a thirty five year old lesbian in a bar, who's married and a thirty five year old married guy at a bar, straight guy, they have the same look. Like they're both angry, pissed off, but then a thirty five year old gay guy, like he was like, have you ever seen a sad gay man? And it's the truth, you have never seen it. There's just always having fun lighting the party.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  There's also, there is actually a kind of a dark element to just like, we, we used to do a comedy show in a gay bar.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  And they were so mean to the female comics.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Good.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, they are.

• 39:48Matt McCusker?

  Fucking ruthless. It like, a lady was on, they'd be like, boo, honey, you stink. And like, I was like, oh my god.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:56Matt McCusker?

  Ruthless. They can get kind of nasty.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, they can get really nasty.

• 40:00Matt McCusker?

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• 40:02Speaker 04

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• 40:03Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 40:09Speaker 04

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• 40:09Matt McCusker?

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• 40:33Speaker 04

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• 40:55Matt McCusker?

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• 41:00Speaker 04

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• 41:00Matt McCusker?

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• 41:45Speaker 02

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• 41:55Speaker 03

  You know what I just thought of? You know what's really funny to think about? Michelangelo, fully gay guy.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  Painted the Sistine Chapel. All the people that come in and pray like hate homosexuals, but like the biggest Christian icon in the world was made by a flaming $3 bill. I think that that's like kind of poetic justice for the gay community.

• 42:13Matt McCusker?

  It is. It's also imagine him just drawing all those beautiful baby penises.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:18Matt McCusker?

  Just you need it. You need the master.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you think after he sculpted David, when he just that? Cause that penis is like remarkably small. He knew like this.

• 42:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Just gave it a kiss on the balls. Magnificent.

• 42:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. God, it's a masterpiece.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  That is a good point you bring up. It's mostly baby penis that he's was painting.

• 42:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  And all the popes came in, they're like, fucking perfect, bro.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  You know that was.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  You know, that was started by some powerful dude with a small dick and he was like, everyone's dick's gonna be small. Yeah, I don't want anyone to see. Cause people probably saw each other's dicks all the time. They only had togas on. So when they sat down, I mean, they didn't have underwear yet.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  No, and you had to live communally a lot. A lot of people, people just lived in the same one big room. So this whole taboo of like sexes in private wasn't really a big thing back then. Like people, parents, kids would watch their parents have sex as if they would watch a guy work out or whatever. They were like, it's just, we all live amongst each other.

• 43:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're like, yeah, get out of the way.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. You ever see how they shit in those old Roman latrines where it was just like, they all shit together. It was public shit, public toilets and they always. And they would hang out and it was social for them. They'd shit next to each other.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  What about toilet paper? What would they use?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  That's the thing. I think they used water.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  They used, oh, really?

• 43:27Speaker 03

  Just wash your ass with some water.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  I think they used leaves. I think they used water.

• 43:30Matt McCusker?

  They didn't have that back then.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Even the hair of a eunuch.

• 43:32Matt McCusker?

  Medieval London was the same. If you had to take a shit, you were supposed to like walk out of town and like shit off the bridge and it would just fall in the river.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:39Matt McCusker?

  But if you like got caught dumping your thing, they would, they would like really fuck you up. They would, the, uh. Fucking the butchers too would just throw entrails out into the street every day. So you'd walk and there'd just be like rotting fucking animal carcasses.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  Downtown Manhattan, that that that famous like lake member down.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  Old Manhattan.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Collect Pond. That's what it was called. Collect, Collect Pond.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  They all the butchers, all the waste, human waste.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Gangs in New York time.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, gangs in New York time.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  It was just this disgusting lake that had all the waste from animals and butchers.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  They would do it.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  It just yet. We, we always say history stank. I mean, it just, you can smell when you think about what history must have smelled like.

• 44:21Matt McCusker?

  It just started telling you.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  It was Teddy Roosevelt who was the one that changed it all. Teddy Roosevelt instituted like the sanitation department and would come, guys dressed in all white, like, we gotta clean this up. Because dude, the idea of like a germ being discovered that that was the Louis Pasteur, that wasn't that long ago.

• 44:33Matt McCusker?

  No, you know who actually discovered germs before Pasteur? There was a guy, uh, he was a doctor in like, I don't, I forget where he was, somewhere in like maybe Belgium or somewhere. And they were doing this thing. I was just talking about this last night. They, so back then they would deliver the babies, you know, a lot of babies died. So like there was like where they put the dead babies was really close to where they delivered babies. So doctors would be handling dead babies constantly. Like, all right, here you go. And they're like, all right, let me deliver this baby. So they're transferring like dead fetus germs to living fetus. And it was, it was killing like 50% of the, the babies.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 45:07Matt McCusker?

  And then this one doctor was like, dude, I think there's like stuff getting on our hands from these dead babies. And he started washing his hands with like a solution of whatever chemicals and the, uh, and he like, the, the infant mortality rate went down to like, only like, you know, 7% of the babies were dying or whatever.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  And then he tried to tell the other doctors about it and they were like, nonsense. We're doctors and doctors are gentlemen and gentlemen are always clean. And then they like told this guy, he was crazy. He went into an insane asylum and he died.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:33Matt McCusker?

  And then they eventually figured out like, fuck.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  That he was true.

• 45:35Matt McCusker?

  He was totally right.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Infant mortality rate, you know, like when people, you know, you think like, oh, from the 1500s, 1600s, oh, we would have been dead by 35, 40, but that's not true. Like all, like Benjamin Franklin, these guys lived to their 70s and 80s. It was the, the, it would say life expectancy of a male back then was whatever, 45, but it's because of the infant mortality rate. That's what it's. Doesn't tell you. So many babies were dying at one minute old that it brings your average down. But if you passed, if you passed childhood, most likely you were going to live to your seventies and eighties like we are today. So we don't live much longer. It's just, we don't die as babies as much because back then no processed food, working with your hands. Out in the sun, all those things.

• 46:16Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense. That's crazy because I've been thinking about that nonstop being like, damn, if it was like 200 years ago, I'd have been dead like I'm.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Most likely, well, you might have died as a child if somebody put some dead baby juice on you.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  But people did die of like, you know, viruses, germs.

• 46:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  You get a fever and you're done.

• 46:32Matt McCusker?

  A lot, you know, a lot of wives died in childbirth. It was really normal to have like three wives just from like your first two die.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  The weak definitely still kind of got, you know, it was more animalistic in the way that, you know, if you were at a weak immune system, you were going to go.

• 46:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're out.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Nowadays, you know, there's a lot of weak people walking around.

• 46:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  Myself included.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. Imagine trying to talk to like, you know, somebody in the 1700s about your mental health as a guy that would be like, what?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  The British are coming. Yeah. What are you talking about?

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. They would stab you with a bayonet.

• 46:59Matt McCusker?

  I think it was improper to even like bring it up. I think you had like a couple, although I did like the letters people wrote each other in history. That's something we got to start back up.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, beautiful.

• 47:07Matt McCusker?

  Beautiful letters, long letters to each other.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Instead of calling depression, depression, they said, I'm suffering from melancholia.

• 47:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 47:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's awesome.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  They did it better. Nobody, nobody has a better joke about that than Greg Giraldo. You ever see that Greg Giraldo joke? He's like back in day would be like some soldier would be like, dearest mother, dearest Martha, I miss. Please kiss the children on the forehead and your visage. I miss your visage with every battle. And then now he goes, the letters now like, dear Marie, don't fuck nobody. Yeah, I'll be back. It's changed. Yeah.

• 47:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kind of, it kind of sucks.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  I mean, do Josephine's and Napoleon's letters are, I mean, I mean, Joe, talk about stench. Napoleon and Napoleon is saying, I can't wait to fake smell your bush. He said, get your pubes, like basically paraphrasing, but he said, I want your pubes. When I get there, I want your bush as, as big as possible. And I don't want you to take a shower and he would come in, feral and he needed to bang her out. With like a full, the stinkiest pussy she could possibly have. She would not bathe, like if she knew he was coming, she wouldn't bathe for like five, six days. And just let the bush go.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  Cause that's what he wanted.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Wild boy right there.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Look up, if you're into that, look up the letters between Josephine and Napoleon, they are wild.

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  Just totally horny letters.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Like wild dude.

• 48:20Matt McCusker?

  Damn, requesting the big stinky bush is like pretty out.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  He wanted it. He wanted it. Big time.

• 48:26Matt McCusker?

  I want it. Yeah, I want that thing lost.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yes. He wanted it dude, and that's just how he's, you know.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  Guys at the top always have some peculiarity about them.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:34Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  And here's the thing about Napoleon, he actually wasn't that much of a squeak.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  He wasn't that squeak as a little guy under five, six.

• 48:41Matt McCusker?

  Oh, because everybody was kind of short, right?

• 48:43Speaker 03

  He was like five, seven or eight.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  You know what that was, right? It was, it was British misinformation. What the British did that on purpose. There was a writer, I'm blanking on his name, but he wrote when the British were fighting the French, that let's make Napoleon, because nobody really knew back then, let's just make, do all these political cartoons of him being really short. But he, so it's not like he was over, like George Washington was legit six, five. He was tall. Lincoln was tall. But Napoleon wasn't tall like that, but he just was a normal height. So this whole idea of like Napoleon complex, is there's truth in that, but he didn't suffer from it because he wasn't short enough. He was an average height for that guy.

• 49:18Matt McCusker?

  Bullshit.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, fucking bullshit.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Lets you know, man, like a lot of the stuff in history is just not true.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  It's just misinformation. Dude, even, even.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Fake news.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  It's fake news. Trump's not wrong with that.

• 49:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he really did blow the lid off. I mean, I remember watching the news when I was like twenty, but I was, I was always like very stoned all the time. And I was like, dude, this just shit is fucking fake.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:39Matt McCusker?

  Then I would still like read the headlines and like, there's got to be some modicum of truth to it. And then like, he really did blow the lid off that.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  No dude.

• 49:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit, we are being all lied to.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Dude, I read this book, I read seventeen seventy-six, and then this book, The British Are Coming, and they basically were saying that even the Declaration of Independence, that was all made up by the founding fathers. They created this idea of like, oh, we want to be free from the British and independence. But like that wasn't, when the Revolutionary War started, it was all they want, all the people were saying was, we just want to be taxed. If we're going to be taxed, we just want to be represented in parliament. That's it. Because we don't want the British to leave, because if you think about, put yourself in the mind of a colonist back then, besides like a select few like wild patriots, but most of the colonists.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  I just got instantly racist.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Get in there.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  He's like, oh, yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Push your mind as a colonist.

• 50:28Speaker 03

  You go sit over there and don't talk.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, get some guys in chains. I was just listening to your instructor. Yeah, yeah.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  And what's this Mexican doing?

• 50:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, sorry. They didn't even know what that was back then.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Jesus, look at this dirty Irish Mick, they're all drunk.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Drunk, sorry.

• 50:41Matt McCusker?

  You're about to go outside and handle business.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  I'm hating myself, you dirty fucking Greek.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  You Greek shit.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  But.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  You white N-word.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's okay.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  I put myself in the mind of a colonialist.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  That's what it is.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Yeet.

• 50:54Matt McCusker?

  He just got the super stream like, oh.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, there was a time you'd look at him and if you were, we were back then, we was like, this fucking dirty Irish.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  They were the most racist against Irish.

• 51:03Matt McCusker?

  No, they were pretty bad.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  In New York.

• 51:04Matt McCusker?

  They were bad. They were terrible, though. You read about like what they were up to, you're like, God, those guys must have been fucking terrible.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Oh, God, coming off the docks.

• 51:10Matt McCusker?

  I was reading, uh, I was reading Angela's ashes and like, it's so sad. The first chapter, just like the author introduces his family. His little sister dies just like in a stroller by herself at nighttime. The family's like, they're just all devastated. So they go back to Ireland and they're on a boat. The mom's on the boat. She's pregnant again. And she gets sick and as they're looking at the Statue of Liberty, she's explaining it to her family. She's like, I look how beautiful this is. And then she goes, and threw up and it just, the vomit just missed it in the wind and just went on all the other passengers. And they're all like, you fuck, God damn it, lady, get the fuck out of here.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Fuck you.

• 51:44Matt McCusker?

  And you just watch seagulls eat his mom's vomit as they like sail away.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 51:48Matt McCusker?

  It is kind of beautiful away, but it was the spray of just being like, oh, there it is. Just crushing all the passengers.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Dude, so these colonies, they would, the, the declarat, they, you know, they just wanted to be taxed, right? Uh, they just wanted to be represented by parliament, but back then they were like, if you were a thirteen, if you were a colonist, you had, you wanted the British because you had to the north, the French, who at that point wasn't on your side and they would kill you and take your land. And then to the south, Spain, who definitely didn't like you.

• 52:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  And then to the west, Native Americans who absolutely despised you. And the only thing stopping those three people from coming to kill you were the British.

• 52:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh, wow.

• 52:24Speaker 02

  Cause they were like, we're one of the Brit, you do not fuck with Britain. That's a British subject. So, but then the war is going on, you know, 1775, whatever, all the soldiers, they, they did nine months, but they were like, dude, we gotta go. Go home, we're gonna lose to these British fucks. We gotta go home because we got our farms. We gotta take care of our farms. Our wives are dying. Like the, oh, who knows? We have to go back and they just started leaving in droves. So Washington, Thomas Paine, common sense, was like a pamphlet, like the first viral thing that ever happened. He, Tom, George Washington told Thomas Paine, dude, you're like a great writer. Why don't you make up, can you make up something to like galvanize these guys to come back? So they came up with, what if we change this messaging from taxation without representation to,

• 53:06Speaker 02

  let's be free from the tyrannical Brits. Let's just be free from these fuckers. Don't you hate them? And then that messaging started to get into people's minds and then next thing you know, they're fighting the British and they're like, this is not even what we wanted, but we just believed the fake news. And then obviously, as you know, Benjamin Franklin had to go over to Paris and bang some, some of Louis, the Louis, King Louis' concubines to get in Louis' ear. And then he convinced fucking, he convinced the French to get into the war because the French hate the British more than anybody. And then we won. But that was not, so it was fake news. That's what these books said.

• 53:38Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 53:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:39Matt McCusker?

  And that was the last time the French were tough.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Yes. Dude, they got fucking steamrolled in World War II.

• 53:44Matt McCusker?

  Fucking.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  We gotta talk about that for another day, but the French got absolutely fucking field goal kicked in, in World War II and they were the number one seed. They were the number one army in the world.

• 53:53Matt McCusker?

  They were killing it for a while, but they would always bankrupt themselves. That was a problem. Everything I've read about French history is them being like, all right, how much money do we have? Like, nothing.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:00Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Dude, and another, another fun fact, history with the French, like Dunkirk, when they got like steamrolled in Dunkirk and they almost lost everything, whatever. I read something that said, one of the main, one of the, of course, Germany was this crazy army on a mission, whatever, but Hitler would not allow the German soldiers to get prostitutes. Or if you, if you got caught masturbating or drinking, you could take the Ponzer chocolate, which was crystal meth. So they allowed meth, but no, but no banging prostitutes and no masturbating and no alcohol. Because he wanted like a fucking tip top army where the French were encouraging prostitution and were encouraging you to like be free, sexually free. And supposedly there was sexual STDs running rampant through the French army those last six months before the Nazis took over them. And he was, these guys were like fighting with like active.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Chlamydia and VD where the Germans were just coming in fully loaded cocks on crystal meth. Ready to steamroll.

• 54:52Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  And that's like a big part of like why they just beat the shit out of everybody. But then as the war went on, the crystal meth, obviously you can't take that for so long.

• 54:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Then even Hitler, you started to go nuts.

• 55:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  It's just like rock and roll. They had better drugs.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Like the guy, the best bands had better drugs.

• 55:06Matt McCusker?

  Dude, having like meth psychosis in like World War II as like a Nazi soldier must have been crazy.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Imagine coming out of that. A lot of sold Nazi soldiers killed themselves when they got back to Germany because they were like, not only does the world hate us, but like I didn't want to do this. I was on meth. And I killed all these people and did all this shit and I'm done. And then they killed themselves.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't think you could. I think, I think you can't do war without drugs.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  You have to be on a little.

• 55:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I think so. I think it's, you're just ripping addies now and yeah, I kind of agree with that.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  You gotta be a real psychopath to just go sober.

• 55:32Matt McCusker?

  Sober?

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:33Matt McCusker?

  It's hard to do like stand up without.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  That'd be funny. A guy facing death. He's like, no, dude, I got 13 days sober. You guys drink.

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Dude, I mean, we're going to die. What do you think this is? This is drugs, dude. This is, I'm on, using a drug right now.

• 55:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I needed it today, really. But yeah, I think a lot of it too is just nicotine. I think they're just crushing fucking nicotine pouches. Probably like 500 milligrams of caffeine a day.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's it.

• 55:54Matt McCusker?

  There's, I, there's a nice story about World War II.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Nothing that would chill them out, that's for sure. No, they weren't sitting there microdosing mushrooms.

• 56:01Matt McCusker?

  Cause then they would all just sat there and be like, whoa. When they get back, a lot of them do actually, but yeah, not when they're there. But the, there was a story I read about World War II where the, um, I think the Nazis were in Italy, I think at some point, and they were like, they came to the bridge, like, you know Dante's whatever Inferno.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 56:17Matt McCusker?

  So it was the bridge from the book where he first laid eyes upon Beatrice before she died. And there's, it's an actual bridge there in Italy and the, the Nazis, they could have blown the bridge up to keep like the Americans, whoever like off their ass. So they radioed, they had some sort of communication. They were like, look, we won't blow up Dante's bridge where he saw Beatrice. It was such a beautiful place. You guys gotta promise to do like a 20 minute timeout. And they're like, all right, and the Americans chilled for like 20 minutes.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Really?

• 56:41Matt McCusker?

  Let them cross the bridge and they didn't blow it up and then they used it 20 minutes later and like pursued him.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 56:45Matt McCusker?

  It was just like a weird moment in the middle, in the middle of like war where they're like, dude, that fucking.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Well, that's like World War One. You ever seen that story about the French and the British on Christmas Day? They're sitting there in the trenches. They, they're there for a year. They had, each side has moved up like 50 yards max. They're in there, there was no man's land. It was called where like, you know, it was all like, you know, mines and everybody would just die there. So Christmas, I forgot what side, but one of them basically called a timeout and they all went out to no man's land and had Christmas dinner together. Drinking, eating, and then they went back December 26th and started killing each other again.

• 57:16Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck?

• 57:17Speaker 02

  It's a, it's a fascinating thing in World War One, Christmas dinner. Yeah.

• 57:20Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be so nice.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, just hang out. You're like, this is just a regular guy. I don't hate this guy.

• 57:24Matt McCusker?

  You gotta shoot him the next day.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, and the next day you're just blowing his.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  It just lets you know how big propaganda is in war. You need it. Like you just need it to be like, look at these dirty jobs. So you just need it. Otherwise guys are going, why am I killing these?

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're committing mass murder. So yeah, you have to.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Or dude, you didn't even bang your girl or like.

• 57:41Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Get, get the, get the TV show you wanted.

• 57:44Matt McCusker?

  It is, it's a weird on and off switch because in the society.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  You have no reason to kill this guy.

• 57:48Matt McCusker?

  No, you have, in society, you have to control murder. Then every now and again, you gotta be like, you know who kinda sucks actually? And like, what if we just killed that whole country and everyone's like, get the fuck out of here?

• 57:58Speaker 02

  Well, like the Japanese, like the emperor was just like, guys, if you fly your planes into the sides of this, the, you know, fly your planes into the sides of the, the American boats. I can personally, I'm the emperor, dude. I can, I guarantee you're getting into heaven. You can have whatever you want.

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  They're like, yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  And just did it. But that emperor was like, fucking dude, I don't know.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know, they, our politicians know our weakness. All you gotta do is like a little fake attack on us.

• 58:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  A little something like, and that gets us.

• 58:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  Pearl Harbor, nine 11.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  The drones.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  We'll attack anyway. They'll be like, we're going to this country. They didn't have anything to do and they're like, just fucking kill people.

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  One of our boats, one of our fucking boats.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  Nobody was like, wait a second. Why are we going to Iraq?

• 58:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 03

  Everyone's just like, go.

• 58:38Matt McCusker?

  That was, that was a total green light. Everyone thinks we're, I've heard people, I should say, who think we're gonna go to war with China, like, that's inevitable.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, they're flying their drones right now over my house. Dude, honestly, dude, who is that? What is going on?

• 58:50Speaker 02

  If I was the president, I would just go to war with Portland.

• 58:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:53Matt McCusker?

  Portland would be nice.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Get these guys out of here.

• 58:55Matt McCusker?

  Dude, my theory is World War III, if we're all being smart, we should stop fighting, kind of like, you know, between countries and have just all attack the oldest, like, the elderly.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  Just plunder the elderly.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  Get them out of here.

• 59:08Matt McCusker?

  Get them out of here.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  If you gotta get their bloodthirst.

• 59:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. We all plunder, we all make a deal, like, look, let's just use all these advanced technologies we've created to, like,

• 59:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  absolutely plunder the elderly.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Do you think we're gonna come together as a planet and fight whoever's controlling the drones? Like, this, these drone things? You think, like, the aliens? You think the alien invasion, this project, blue light or beam light, whatever?

• 59:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 59:28Speaker 02

  Blue beam?

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  I've heard of it.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  That's what everyone's saying?

• 59:30Speaker 03

  I think it's called Blue Book?

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Blue, uh, blue beam?

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  Blue beam, blue beam.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, where it's like, you know, the alien, like, where the countries are staging an alien attack, and they're gonna say that these drones are, we're gonna get attacked by aliens and come together against a common good.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  That would be great.

• 59:42Matt McCusker?

  I've heard that, I've heard that theory.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Common enemy.

• 59:43Matt McCusker?

  And they're gonna use it to do, like, a one-world government situation.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  You think so?

• 59:47Matt McCusker?

  I mean, yeah, people get mad, I always say this, but I do think, like, that kind of setup, or that, I don't know, man, I don't know if we'll always be countries, or if that unification will ever happen, where we're like, cause, I mean, they have the EU now.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:59Matt McCusker?

  So all it would take is, like, the US, I don't know, man.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  You gotta do it with language. You gotta, you gotta unite people with, there's too many languages, dude. It always works, language, religion, you gotta do.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  What should we go? We go English one, Chinese two?

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude, it would be.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  What do you wanna go, three?

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  The most beautiful ones. English, Spanish, French.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  Chinese is out.

• 1:00:15Speaker 03

  Chinese is out.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  Let them learn French.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't wanna be like, I don't.

• 1:00:18Matt McCusker?

  They can do it, yeah, they can do it.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  They can do it. They're smartest people in, smartest humans.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  Let's just be honest.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Them Ashkenazi Jews, yeah.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  The Romance languages are the best sounding languages when you don't speak them.

• 1:00:27Matt McCusker?

  They are, they're nice.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  I'd like to speak that language.

• 1:00:29Matt McCusker?

  They are pleasant.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, when I hear Hebrew, I'm like, I don't wanna speak that language.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  It's harsh.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  Hebrew is harsh.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  When I went to Sicily, dude, I was fucking rock hard 24 hours a day, just listening to people speak.

• 1:00:37Matt McCusker?

  Dude, French is, French as well, man, I've, I've always, I'm, I'm like, the French accent kills me, dude.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd love to fucking French.

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. But yeah, I uh, I don't know. I mean, here's the thing, if that happened, even if they staged a fake alien attack and we got to be like with like Russia, like come on, brother, let's shoot down these fucking aliens. That would be fun.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  That would be.

• 1:00:58Matt McCusker?

  How much better than COVID would that be being like, we're fighting the aliens together?

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  We'd lose so quick if it was a real thing, though.

• 1:01:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  I mean dudes that can come here like light years.

• 1:01:06Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  We'd be done.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  Pow, pow.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's what our guns would sound like to them.

• 1:01:10Matt McCusker?

  Pow.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Pow. And they'd just be like.

• 1:01:13Matt McCusker?

  Well, this is my argument for that. If you're able to get to that level of technology, I, I do think there's a good chance that you would have worked out the weird interpersonal kinks that would make you like a weird kind of like.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Matt McCusker?

  Dominating world.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  But they may look at us like cattle, though, and be like, you know, they may look at us like ants or something, but like not even have that compassion because they're like, look at these stupid.

• 1:01:32Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. They're like doing podcasts. They're talking.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Matt McCusker?

  They're probably digging the cast.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  They probably digging the cast. Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  It might be the thing that they like.

• 1:01:40Matt McCusker?

  If you could hear, if, I mean, they're probably smart. Imagine if you could like just watch ants and like get a full in-depth look into like what they're thinking, feeling all day.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  This is awesome.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  That's a good point, actually. It's a good point.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  I don't think that, I don't think the drones are sniffing for nukes, though. That was a big theory.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Big thing. I said it's nuke sniffers.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  And even if they are, I don't think the drones will, I don't think the nuke will go off because it's in America. I think the nuke knows, like, I'm home. This is where it created me.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know so.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  I think the nuke, the nuke will do a quick scan and say, there's not enough Japanese people here. I can't go off unless there's a certain percentage.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  It's like, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  Just kidding around.

• 1:02:15Matt McCusker?

  They don't have a wish, Jack Jean, but yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  I'm just kidding around. Yeah.

• 1:02:18Matt McCusker?

  Because our nuke has AI.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Matt McCusker?

  It's probably AI now. It's probably full. The nuke's probably conscious. It's like, oh, I don't want to do this.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  But like, you know, you know, we, it was created here. So like the nuke kind of knows, like.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  What do they think the drones are set? Yeah. They think they're going to set off the nuke or something?

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  They think the drone's sniffing for the nuke.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Where it is.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  To where it is to find it.

• 1:02:36Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Cause the issue is the nuclear weapons now supposedly are have more power, power than Hiroshima and they can be fit in a suitcase.

• 1:02:45Matt McCusker?

  I've heard, yeah.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  That's the issue.

• 1:02:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:02:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, dude, I, I don't know. I, I had a, I had a guy on recently. He did a, uh, James Fox. He did like multiple documentaries on UAPs and UFOs and stuff. And he's like, I mean, he's totally convinced. He's like, dude, we've been contacted multiple times. But I, I don't know. I don't, I was like, what the fuck are you gonna do? It's like, if you're worried about an alien invasion, it's like, bro, you're totally peril.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  I have no fear of that for some reason.

• 1:03:08Matt McCusker?

  I have zero, even nuclear, nuclear war, I'm kinda like.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  Whatever. Yeah.

• 1:03:12Matt McCusker?

  I just don't worry about it. I'm like, dude, I don't know. I was like, I hope it doesn't happen. But yeah, I'm not gonna be like, hey, guys, knock it off.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:19Matt McCusker?

  We should really rethink this. But it's like, it would suck if it didn't, like, if it was like, it put us in like the wasteland scenario. But then it's like, we get to all doon out. So it's like, I don't know.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, then the whole world would just look like Sixth Street.

• 1:03:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Matt McCusker?

  You can go there and practice for like the end of the world.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  This is what, this is why we come to Austin, dude. We're practicing for the new world.

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  What a dump at night that street is.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:42Matt McCusker?

  That'll be huge. If we, if we somehow, if they can use the aliens to make us somehow like, all disarm like our nuclear weapons, but like, no one's, no one's gonna wanna do it first. They're gonna be like.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  You know what would happen though? The aliens would have us disarm the nuclear weapons and then we would just go back to medieval warfare like 20 years later. We would just start attacking the regular way, which that would suck.

• 1:04:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, we could still, we could still drop big bombs. They just couldn't have.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Okay, but just no nukes.

• 1:04:06Matt McCusker?

  But when you're like murdering each other, you're gonna get the edge. It's like, it's a, it's a catchy thing.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Cause they say aliens only started showing up after the first nuke went off. There were no alien sightings before 1945.

• 1:04:17Matt McCusker?

  That's what the guy James Fox was saying. It was like, they're very draw, a lot of the sightings around military stuff have always been. And then I was like, well, what if it's just like super advanced technology they're not talking about? He's like, I mean, even that is like a whole thing in itself. He's like, it could be, but.

• 1:04:29Speaker 02

  Right. Yeah. I mean, Bob Lazar, I believe that guy Bob Lazar saw all that stuff years ago. I was telling everyone about it.

• 1:04:35Matt McCusker?

  They're claiming they can do like full speed, right angle turns, just like, like that. He said there was a pilot that like, sauce, like a silver, kind of like a, almost like cylinder object. Just buzzing around and he like did a nosedive to come down to see what it was and he said the thing spiraled up towards him. And then when he kind of like, he like tried to contain it, it just was gone. And then he, they had like a latitude longitude. He was like, when he got to the latitude longitude, it was just there, just like waiting for him.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Rogan just posted yesterday on his Instagram, like to explain like this footage and it was like this unedited footage and it's just two orbs. Like that just happened, I guess, last night and they just, the way they shoot off into space is not, and it, you know, Rogan saying this is unedited footage, this is real.

• 1:05:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. The problem is, is like, well, there's like two things. Cause you could fake that so easy. You could fake that. But there's all these like high level military guys coming out being like, no, for real. I saw it. It's like, why would they risk their.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  They either don't care about us. They're like, they're looking at us like we would look at ants and like, what do we care? Or they're jerking off to us.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  That's, yeah.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Because think about it, when you jerk off to something shameful and then you just jet, you like leave. Like, so maybe they're just taking it out, they're winking and then they're, and then their commander's like, where were you? And like, he clears the search history.

• 1:05:45Matt McCusker?

  The ones who die are like the people who get caught like auto erotic asphyxia.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:50Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he's out there jerking off to humans and crashed.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Cause it's the only thing they come and then they bounce. So what are they doing? What are they doing, man?

• 1:05:59Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  They're either totally disinterested or it's a, it's a fetish. It's a kink for them.

• 1:06:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Or like I said, I, I just, I just, you know, I hold out hope being like, dude, if you get that advanced, you must like, there's no way you get that advanced when you're still like kind of self-destructive and all that. I think they might be pretty chill.

• 1:06:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think one of the big things they probably to get that advanced, I think they have no shame. Cause I think the thing that holds humans back is shame.

• 1:06:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  Shame. It's like.

• 1:06:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but it's also.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  All our anger comes from shame and it's all projected out.

• 1:06:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but shame's pretty good though. Cause it keeps, like, you should have a sense of like, if you do a certain thing, like there's going to be a bad feeling accompanying it.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Matt McCusker?

  If I went home and like blew my dog and just like, took a walk, that's a problem for society. I need to be like, what the fuck?

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Solid, solid point. It's a good point. Solid point.

• 1:06:42Matt McCusker?

  Shame's not a bad thing.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  What I said was wrong. Yeah. Cause you just made a solid point.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  You need it, dude. Shame is a good, it's like, I mean, it's like the beginnings of your conscience. It's just your conscience, but it's like, if you kind of get carried away with it, you can burden yourself with it. But like having no shame is not good.

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  Not good. People might go far in life with no shame, but it's not, it's not good.

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  It's not good.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  You gotta have a balance. You gotta be like, turn off the shame for certain things.

• 1:07:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  And then, but then turn it back on when you're going to blow your dog. Or, or are you going to just, you know, take a kid into a fucking harem and drink their blood? You want to turn the shame off for that. Yeah.

• 1:07:15Matt McCusker?

  You're slow blowing your

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  You wanna, you wanna turn the shit, yeah, you wanna turn the shame all the way up at a Diddy party and then you wanna just turn it off when you're fucking hitting the stage. Yeah.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 1:07:28Speaker 02

  Dude, the slow, the slow blow is, it's really dude, it's just gonna be quiet, a quiet, slow blowjob to a male friend. There's gonna be something that I might, I might honestly bring it up on Rogan and just ask his assessment.

• 1:07:41Matt McCusker?

  He would love that. What man, what the fuck you talking about?

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  And I remember once, I remember the last time I went on, I was saying how attracted I was to this trans actress on the show Baby Reindeer and thinking like he was gonna be like, you know, back and forth and he just went, ugh, it's disgusting. And then he just started talking about alligators and I was fucked.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  Whenever I've done that show, once he starts talking about grizzly bears, I know I'm bombing.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  It's like, you know what, man? You just gotta cook it before trigonosis sets in, man.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  And I'm like, okay, I'm boring you.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that's the sign.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:17Matt McCusker?

  It is for real, dude, I'm, I'm, I'm like being genuine, the ability he could, his ability to sit there for three hours and talk, it's uncanny.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  Crazy.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  I don't know anyone else who can do it.

• 1:08:25Matt McCusker?

  I can feel an hour in me and I go, alright, I've hit an hour and I start going, alright.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, and to do, and he does that, by the way, three times a week. It's not like he does it once a week.

• 1:08:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for, it's for real, like, it's pretty nuts.

• 1:08:34Speaker 03

  He's such a busy guy, I think that's how he schedules in his socializing.

• 1:08:38Matt McCusker?

  It's a good move.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Cause he's so busy, man.

• 1:08:39Matt McCusker?

  It's a good move. After you podcast a lot, it does kinda suck when you socialize, you're like, dude, I should be getting paid for this right now.

• 1:08:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:45Matt McCusker?

  Why am I wasting my time?

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like, why am I giving gems to these people at dinner when I could just be doing that on Patreon?

• 1:08:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm out with my neighbors, I could just be man on the street right now. Generating content.

• 1:08:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean dude, we were filming, we were literally talking to our driver yesterday and, cause he was like a liberal guy from Texas, so we were like going crazy, we couldn't believe that we finally met one, whatever. And he was like an older guy and we're having fun, whatever, talking and we were, I was recording the whole thing, but I was like, oh, this would be good on Patreon. And then at the end, when he's dropping us off, you know, he says, he says like the address of where we are and then the honest like, oh, we probably shouldn't post that dude, he just said the address and the guy was like, are you recording me? And then I slowly put down, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. But it's fun, the last bit we have, he goes, are you recording me? And then, so you can see that at patreon.com/historyhyenas, we've already posted that puppy.

• 1:09:30Matt McCusker?

  Who's doing Veritas on fucking?

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, so we're like, that's actually like a crime, but we're just willing to do it if you give us five dollars a month.

• 1:09:37Matt McCusker?

  No, it's like investigative journalism, Project Veritas.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:09:40Matt McCusker?

  That shit was awesome.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  Awesome.

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  When they got guys being, just give a guy one martini and he'd be like, dude, fuck, I'm so fucking horny, dude. All this stuff and COVID is fake.

• 1:09:49Matt McCusker?

  Did you see those videos?

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know if those were real though.

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  Were they real?

• 1:09:53Matt McCusker?

  I think so.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  I think they are real.

• 1:09:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude, if you get a guy, you get crushed, like dude, if you like just go on like LinkedIn profiles and just have like a hot chick be like, I'd love to come out and talk to you. They're like, oh, okay.

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:03Matt McCusker?

  And like, dude, we're fucking, we're like making up half these fucking, and it was just like, there's a guy, he, he claimed that they were making variants so they could get ahead of them. So they could create vaccines for ones they made up.

• 1:10:14Speaker 03

  But here's the issue.

• 1:10:14Matt McCusker?

  He validated, he said that, so they're like.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  That's wild.

• 1:10:17Matt McCusker?

  COVID's out there and they're like, well, what if we made a thing like it, got the vaccine for it? And then that way we're already ready if something like that strikes.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  But to Chris's point, this is why I don't think it's real and it's probably like a setup, like you're going to be this guy, because it is illegal. So like, if that really happened, the guy would be like, get in trouble. It's illegal, you can't do that.

• 1:10:35Matt McCusker?

  It's like a gray area with the journalists though. I think journalists can do that somehow.

• 1:10:38Speaker 02

  Can they?

• 1:10:39Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  Well, maybe it's illegal and maybe they're actively suing them, but the whole, it's out anyway and maybe eventually they'll take it down, but.

• 1:10:46Matt McCusker?

  This is all my favorite.

• 1:10:47Speaker 03

  Maybe they're willing to suck to, to take the lawsuit on the chin.

• 1:10:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:50Speaker 03

  Just to say it.

• 1:10:50Matt McCusker?

  It's a weird, it's a weird term.

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Offense though, isn't it?

• 1:10:53Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, I don't know. Um, I don't know. That's a good question because I know you can't record a phone call without the other person's consent.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  Right. So I would assume that it would be in person.

• 1:11:02Matt McCusker?

  Done a bunch of times, but.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  You just posted it, yeah.

• 1:11:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's fun. But, but you can, um, yeah, I don't know, man. It's, it's a weird gray area because I feel like journalists have to be able to do that. Like whistleblowers and shit do it all the time.

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  I think probably if you do it, then maybe you, maybe you, I don't know anything, but maybe.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Dude, the laws are like, well, if you, any law, like if you've ever, when you were single, if you've ever like paid for a girl's Uber to come over to your house and then you guys have had sex, you Uber her home, you've technically sex trafficked her.

• 1:11:27Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  Like that's all real, you know?

• 1:11:29Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, but you have to trick her. You have to be like, yeah, which you know, that is, there is some trickery there always.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  I guess, yeah. I mean, like, let's watch a movie. We're not really, I don't want to watch the movie.

• 1:11:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  I think though the problem becomes if she comes over and you bang her and then other guys come over and bang her too.

• 1:11:42Matt McCusker?

  Did you see that shit in France?

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, this 50, we were watching on the plane.

• 1:11:46Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  So what we couldn't hear, what's the thing, 50 guys are going down for?

• 1:11:50Matt McCusker?

  I think a guy was just kind of like, like this is what Diddy was getting accused of with Cassie, or Cat, whatever her name is, Cassidy.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Matt McCusker?

  Saying like, he would just be like, imagine you took your wife out to a nice dinner, then like, when you got home, you're like, surprise babe, and there were just like four dudes there, and she's like, ah, I don't really feel like it, and he's like, no, it's going down. And he would just have her get, allegedly have her get kind of banged out.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:12:10Matt McCusker?

  And I think the French guy was going ham with it at the same setup, where he'd be like, surprise. And it was just like four of his, four dudes, I'm not gonna say his bros, I don't know if they're his bros or not, but it'd be like, like four or five dudes would just.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:22Matt McCusker?

  Run the fucking.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  Banging out his wife.

• 1:12:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just banging, and it was like, apparently 50 dudes got caught.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  And he's a real wealthy, like, celebrity in France, this kind of guy?

• 1:12:29Matt McCusker?

  I guess so, yeah, which is the craziest thing to get caught with.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, the human brain is wild, isn't it?

• 1:12:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, it's fucked up, and that's such a, that's such a wild one, though, man.

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:38Matt McCusker?

  They go, you're not gonna fuck me, alright, and just have like dudes come through?

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  Or they get off on it, watching dudes kind of uncomfortably bang their wife, yeah. It's a weird thing, man. People got weird things.

• 1:12:49Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy, bro.

• 1:12:49Speaker 03

  We all got something.

• 1:12:50Matt McCusker?

  Never me, bro, I'm, I'm numero uno, bro. Nah, I would be so mad.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  No, I would, yeah, I'd be upset.

• 1:12:56Matt McCusker?

  Third guy, you'd be like, what the fuck am I doing, this is?

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, take three. Yeah.

• 1:13:01Matt McCusker?

  Like, what the fuck?

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  By the third, you're like, wait, this wasn't a good idea.

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  I was fine with the first two.

• 1:13:05Matt McCusker?

  Well, the craziest for you and 50 people to all go down together for that, that was, that trial must have been crazy.

• 1:13:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  They're all going down, too.

• 1:13:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  What is French jail even like, though? You think it's even that big of a deal? Probably cigarettes, baguettes.

• 1:13:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, I, it's probably, French jails probably, and the gay sex service probably has that French flair.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Well, it's loving.

• 1:13:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it probably is, like, oh, some boo, yeah, that's, I don't know, man, the French jail probably actually does suck.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, all jails, I mean, yeah.

• 1:13:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I wonder if the food might be alright.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Food's probably better, better than most.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  If you're a criminal, just take a flight to Norway and commit a crime, and then you just live great.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  No, no, no death penalty, no life in prison, most of your prison time is on a farm.

• 1:13:44Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I saw, I saw a documentary about that, and they have like guitars and shit, they have like music rooms, you can just go play, it's like, that is a kind of a good idea.

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  It's like, kind of like hanging out in like a rec room of a luxury condo building. Like, you just got everything you want, you're chilling.

• 1:13:56Matt McCusker?

  That wouldn't be bad.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  No. Not at all.

• 1:13:59Matt McCusker?

  And you can do a pretty sick crime. You can like crash a car into someone's house, something like, you know, crazy.

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  That that guy in Norway who like, like killed all those school kids, like that awful thing. He's just, he's gonna get out of jail.

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  Is he really?

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  In a fucking open air jail.

• 1:14:13Speaker 03

  I don't think he's ever gonna get out, but the laws are that he should, but they keep finding.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. All right. So I missed.

• 1:14:18Speaker 03

  But it's funny because technically he would get out. But because of what he did, they keep finding loopholes to keep him in there because their own laws, by their own laws.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:26Speaker 03

  They're all about rehabilitation and.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:28Matt McCusker?

  They just sent him to Guantanamo.

• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:30Matt McCusker?

  Ship him to Guantanamo and be like, all right, you're fucking, you're out of there.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Matt McCusker?

  Cause yeah, he shouldn't be there like doing like fucking, he's probably like getting emails and stuff.

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:38Matt McCusker?

  So that guy should be locked up.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  Dude, I mean, prisoners have Instagram in the U. Like they're on, they know, they're listening to pods.

• 1:14:45Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:14:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Matt McCusker?

  Chill.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. But yeah, where are we at time wise? I don't want to keep you guys up.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:14:50Speaker 03

  Let's get some breakfast, dude.

• 1:14:51Matt McCusker?

  Fucking eat some breakfast. Thank you guys, dude.

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:14:52Matt McCusker?

  Thanks for coming on.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  Oh, and by the way, January 18th, we're doing our first live History Hyenas show at the Lincoln Theater in Washington DC.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:58Matt McCusker?

  Nice, man.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  Dude, we're doing it, baby. Two days before the inauguration, so get down there.

• 1:15:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's gonna be awesome.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Get tickets at historyhyenasisback.com, christiecomedy.com, or yannispeppescomedy.com.

• 1:15:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Hell, yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:15:10Speaker 03

  Thank you, brother.

• 1:15:11Matt McCusker?

  Hell, yeah.