Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)

Watch James' standup titled 'HEY AMERICA' now on our YouTube Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Jimby @ https://www.jdfmccann.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Good Morning everyone. This week we're joined by our beloved James. Watch his new stand up set on our YouTube! Beef Bourguignonnnnnnnnnnn. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/MSSP to get 10% off your first month If you’re 21+, check out https://viiahemp.com/ and use code MSSP for 15% off AND if you’re new to VIIA - get a free gift of your choice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  All right. Hey, we're here live today and our guest today is Simple Jack.

• 0:07Speaker 02

  Don't worry about it, he says.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  We actually just took him off a stick in a cornfield. He was a scarecrow.

• 0:13Speaker 02

  I think it's cool. It's what the kids are doing. I'm part of the young Latin Kings running around the streets.

• 0:22Matt McCusker?

  It's good. It is a Paul Brother haircut. You got a Paul Brother haircut.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  True.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  I was on the phone to Shane immediately before getting the haircut and I said, the barber has a monkey. Cause there was a small monkey at the barber shop.

• 0:32Matt McCusker?

  Say what?

• 0:33Speaker 02

  There was a monkey at the barber shop near the, where we live and it had pajamas on and it was on a leash.

• 0:39Matt McCusker?

  Did you let the monkey cut your hair?

• 0:41Speaker 02

  No, no. The monkey was in the next room screaming and very unhappy.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  For, he had like an angry monkey in the barber shop?

• 0:49Speaker 02

  There were like 18 guys working in the barber shop and one of them had a monkey. I've never seen this before. Anyway.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  And you were like, that's the, that's where I want to go.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  It was the most affordable place to have your haircut in the area. Everywhere else was like, I went to another barber first and they said, you need an appointment? And I thought that broke the barber's code of like, just walk in and hang out.

• 1:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Can I just talk baseball? That was the original barber shop quartet. You would stand outside of the barber shop and dudes would just harmonize and just get down.

• 1:17Matt McCusker?

  Barbers used to keep musical instruments in their place.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Just to keep the party going on at all?

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You just, you would chill and just be like, oh, with like four of your boys and fire them up. You got, you would just be, you'd be at like the ye olde haircuttery and just be like, oh.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  White people started that.

• 1:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. In England, they would keep like a lute handy in case.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  The barber shop? It's a white thing.

• 1:41Matt McCusker?

  It kind of, I mean dude, barber shop chill culture.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Now, now white culture, now white haircuts are just either guys with those mustaches or go to the haircuttery at Walmart.

• 1:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Now we're talking a cut.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  There's no, there's not a haircuttery at Walmart.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  They would have done you better than the monkeys.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  I keep thinking of signing up to the Walmart bank. Well, every time I'd said, I went to the barber shop and they had a monkey, people did say that.

• 2:03Matt McCusker?

  Monkey cut.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  People looked at me like I was dropping some terrible slur.

• 2:09Matt McCusker?

  It's not a bad haircut.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  It's not that bad.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  It's not that, you gotta pick a, someone of your race to cut your hair. The worst one I had was an Asian barber who had no idea what to do with hair.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  It was worse.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've had a worse, this is not the worst haircut, if you can believe it. Best one I had was an ex-con in Adelaide, that was great.

• 2:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  I got a mullet, they knew what to do, they were respectful.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you should get a mullet.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  I let the mullet grow out too much and then I immediately looked like a woman, a fat woman from.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Oh man, well, James, the special's doing great. You gotta feel good.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  I feel, it was meant to be an hour and then I had a panic attack and I cut it right down. So I'll do another one, but thank you for having it come out. I drank raw milk and then I was vomiting everywhere.

• 2:51Matt McCusker?

  I know, it was just hard to hear you had a bad experience.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I was devastated that the raw milk.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Well, that was the conversation we had, cause he was like, I think it was the raw milk. And I was like, I don't know, but I just got raw, Matt gave me raw milk and it was great.

• 3:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  It was the most delicious milk.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I sucked Matt's raw milk down and it felt great. But then he was like, no, I had, I had like seven glasses.

• 3:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  I drank like most of a gallon.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I, how, and what, how long? Fucking do that too.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  What did you say?

• 3:16Matt McCusker?

  You crushed almost a gallon.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  It was too good.

• 3:18Matt McCusker?

  It is so good.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  It's so good.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  It tasted like a secret.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  You know, there's, there is like a thing about how milk itself is like white supremacist.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  That's why I wanted the right wing milk. I wanted to see what it was like. And the guy who was selling it looked, he was handsome, he had big shoulders. He was the only person at the farmer's market who actually looked healthy. Everyone else looks weak and faded and unusual.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  They're not drinking the raw milk, dude.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  I just didn't trust anyone else.

• 3:42Matt McCusker?

  They're not, they're not fucking drinking the raw milk. They, they say that they're like, there is like, almost like a Nazi Aryan connection where they try to say like the original mythical Aryans were the only people who could digest cow's milk.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  Well, I'm a race trader as well as being sick?

• 3:56Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  I don't live up to Hitler's ideals with my food poisoning.

• 4:00Matt McCusker?

  No, they say like, you just drank too much.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I am gonna go back to the raw milk, I think.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  I know you're going back.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  It's not enough for me to stay away.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I know you're gonna go back to the beef burgundy.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  I was gonna ask for that video of me throwing up over the beef burgundy. I thought that would be good if I ever have a production company.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  I know, beef burgundy.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  We could have Burgundy Productions and then, oh, Burgundy.

• 4:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Did you throw up the Burgundy?

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, me and him went out one night in Philly.

• 4:26Matt McCusker?

  I never told you this?

• 4:27Speaker 01

  No. And he got fucking hammered. He got shitfaced at dinner and he got beef burgundy. And then we got back to my apartment and he was fucking puking. He was like, Shane, don't follow me. I was filming him.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  I asked him not to record, but it's a great.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  This? And I was like, I'm not.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Then he showed it to my wife. I tried and said that we work hard when we're on the road. He's like, James, we're so fucked up. Look at him vomiting and beef burgundy.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Uh, but the beef burgundy, like in between, he vomits so loud. It's like, oh.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  That is a problem that I do have. Yeah.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Oh, then he goes, oh, too much beef burgundy.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  I don't know how to throw up quietly. It's not an easy thing to manage.

• 5:06Matt McCusker?

  Is vomiting accented? I never thought about that.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  No, I'd make a noise.

• 5:09Matt McCusker?

  Is vomiting accented?

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, at the very end of it, you can hear a little Australian. He's like, wah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  It's the chunder. That's why it has a special name.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Beef burgundy.

• 5:19Matt McCusker?

  Damn, what would an Asian vomit be like?

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Beef burgundy.

• 5:26Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be, it's gotta be slightly accented.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  You found.

• 5:31Matt McCusker?

  I think the end of a black vomit, you're, god damn. God damn.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Ah, it's great.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna make fun of you. I'll take you on a podcast and let everybody know about it.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  He's walking shirtless back to the bathroom.

• 5:52Matt McCusker?

  That's a Burgundy shuffle.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  It's a Burgundy shuffle.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Like, leave me alone. Stop.

• 6:02Matt McCusker?

  You don't have to lock it. You don't have to lock it.

• 6:07Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty loud.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  No, no, no. Get the Burgundy on. It's very funny.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  You got shy. I'll leave you alone. Alright, I'm done.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Come on. Isn't that?

• 6:46Speaker 02

  But wouldn't that be a good?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  So, I do absolutely.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Like at the end of a sitcom, the credits come up and then he goes, "Ah, Burgundy on."

• 6:52Matt McCusker?

  Burgundy on.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  I think that's-

• 6:55Matt McCusker?

  That was the Burgundy on coming up.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  It was great. It was not the Burgundy on's fault. Yeah. It's one of my favorite moments. I had the Beaujolais with the Burgundy on.

• 7:03Matt McCusker?

  What were you, what were you drinking?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  I was drinking a beautiful wine.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had some nice wine.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  I cannot pace myself with a, with wine. It's very-

• 7:10Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, wine used to be like fucking badass drink. Like that was like fentanyl back in the twenties.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Undiluted wine?

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

  Wine was for like, for real, like sailors and badasses. It was considered like, if you didn't like nineteen ten or like, even like the late eighteen hundreds, if you drank wine, you were like an absolute fucking monster.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  I think it went, like winos.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they called it-

• 7:29Speaker 01

  When you read like Bukowski's, like I'm fucking in Skid Row with all the winos.

• 7:33Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  You guys are just drinking wine?

• 7:35Matt McCusker?

  Dude, Franzia hit the block in like eighteen ninety and dudes are like, completely-

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Franzia made it to me. You fucking get a box of that shit, you, yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  You know about the cocaine wine that the Pope was on?

• 7:46Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 7:47Speaker 02

  They would, yeah, back when like Coca-Cola and people were mixing cocaine with their products, they would, there was a special cocaine wine. And the Vatican ordered like thousands of bottles of this wine and the Pope was just loving it.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Have you seen the Pope right now?

• 7:59Speaker 02

  He's not doing well.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  He looked like shit.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Yes. We might have a conclave at some point.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Pope John Paul? No, uh-

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Frankie?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Francis. He looked, uh-

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  He had like bronchitis, they said, so he couldn't even talk. He was just up there like-

• 8:11Speaker 02

  He's been unwell for a while. He's not stepping down.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  His head and his fucking neck fat is, I mean, I'm not one to judge on that category, but god damn.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, he'd be, he'd be getting the Biden treatment.

• 8:20Matt McCusker?

  He had a, he's like-

• 8:21Speaker 01

  His neck fat is like-

• 8:22Matt McCusker?

  Like the dude from Mad Max? He's just like-

• 8:24Speaker 01

  It's truly impressive.

• 8:26Matt McCusker?

  Let me see this.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  I think he only had one lung to begin with.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  He has double pneumonia.

• 8:32Matt McCusker?

  He has double.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Both lungs.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  We must pray for the Pope.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  I'm not making fun of him, but they they did him dirty with this, uh.

• 8:39Matt McCusker?

  Damn, he's, I didn't realize the Pope was that fucked up.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Wasn't Washington Post was doing him dirty on this.

• 8:45Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  They were like this sleepy.

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they don't gotta do that to him.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's it's your grandpa at the end.

• 8:51Matt McCusker?

  I mean, again, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna rush this Pope, but I, we do need a new Pope.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  It's time.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  I'm ready for cool, young, American Pope. The Young Pope activated me.

• 8:59Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  That's what the church needs.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  When did we elect Francis, wasn't it?

• 9:03Matt McCusker?

  They don't.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Oh, like ages ago. It was like 10 years ago.

• 9:06Matt McCusker?

  He was the first guy to come out. He was like.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  It's a hard job.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  He was looking all right.

• 9:11Matt McCusker?

  It was, yeah, he was decent.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  This is.

• 9:13Matt McCusker?

  He had a bit of a twinkle in his eye. Double pneumonia, cocaine, wine.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Beef, bug, and yawn.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  He's got the bug and yawn going.

• 9:24Matt McCusker?

  That would be a cool life and like the absolute utter, like the top hierarchy of the church would be probably sick as hell.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Have you seen the new Conclave movie?

• 9:33Speaker 01

  No, it's not any good.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  It's not as good as The Young Pope. That's all I could think, but it is. They, it's great until the last 10 minutes when you find out, spoiler, that the, uh, the guy they've just elected is a intersex Pope with a womb.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  And then, and it's like, it's written by a Church of England guy, so they're all just like very sensitive, like, wouldn't that be interesting? What is a man? You go, this was a great drama about one of the, one of the candidates had a secret family. He was black and homophobic and people like, you only like him because he's black and they're all having it. It's great. There's like arguments and what's the future of the church? And then just at the end, there's a terrorist attack and people go, let's get the trans woman. Or the intersex person. It's problematic, but Ralph Fiennes is great and Stanley Tucci. Everything Stanley Tucci is is wonderful.

• 10:19Matt McCusker?

  Like a serious, like religious drama that ends with a trans Pope?

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. Intersex Pope.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Oh shit.

• 10:24Matt McCusker?

  You mean, you mean like, like a natural one, like a natural trans?

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, uh, it's a little Mexican guy who's like, I found out that I had a uterus.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  They're killing the Mexicans with this trans shit.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  What?

• 10:35Speaker 01

  They got this and fucking.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Have they got another big trans person?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  There's a big, uh, Mexican trans movie.

• 10:40Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Amelia. It's like they're getting all the Oscars.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Emilio Perez. I watched it.

• 10:49Matt McCusker?

  How was it?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  It's fucking terrible. It's one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen.

• 10:54Matt McCusker?

  It's about a Mexican trans?

• 10:55Speaker 01

  It's about a cartel leader that transitions.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  They quit the cartel and the way they're hiding is transitioning. But instantly, the character becomes like a sympathetic character.

• 11:05Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I thought you.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  It's like, yeah, they would just beheading everyone. It's like, oh, they're trans. They're like, oh, I love them.

• 11:10Matt McCusker?

  So they want.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  And it's a fucking musical. With not really good singing.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Sounds great. As a description, if someone said, this is my cartel trans musical, that sounds.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I watched.

• 11:21Matt McCusker?

  It's a cool idea. It's a cool premise.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:23Matt McCusker?

  Cartel boss becomes queen of the south, basically.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:27Matt McCusker?

  Becomes a trans.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  And then comes back. They think the, the family thing, then he misses Delfi, or is the family.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  It truly does. He comes back to his family and he's like, it's me.

• 11:37Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:39Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Which it was clearly him.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  Are you sure you weren't watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  No. We had that conversation. For real, we, while we were watching it, it was like, damn, this is what it must have been like. Where like a little girl is holding, or he's holding a little girl as a woman now. And the little girl's like, I just miss my dad so much. He like, I miss the way he smelled. He was, I loved him. And then Mrs. Delfi is like.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Did you ever see the Kardashians episodes where Bruce is obviously starting to transition into Caitlyn? But they're hiding it from the audience. There's like two seasons where it's just, the hair gets longer, gets smoother. He moves out of the house. They go, the marriage is fine. I'm just living in a different house across town. But then it's still. He just like, long weird hair, just demolishes everybody in table tennis, is working through some feelings. Just beating all the other Kardashians in table tennis. It's a great weird arc where everyone's going, this is normal. Nothing's wrong. Nothing strange has happened.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that was, I still, I, I've like forever tipped my hat. The Bruce Caitlin, it's a wild move.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:45Matt McCusker?

  Just to be like, peace. Cause then that forces your wife to divorce you.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:50Matt McCusker?

  And you can be like, I didn't want this.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Many a time in a bad relationship, I thought about. Cause you never want to break up with someone, you want them to break up with you. That's how I always felt.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  A bad relationship. It's like, what if I could become gay? What if I genuinely was trans? Then you'd have to leave.

• 13:02Matt McCusker?

  And just to sweeten the deal, you get to be a lesbian.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  It is sick.

• 13:05Matt McCusker?

  Bruce is a lesbian, or excuse me. Caitlin is a lesbian.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Caitlin with a C was the nastiest one.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Good for you.

• 13:10Matt McCusker?

  Caitlin is a lesbian, which is like to break up, to get divorced and become a lesbian might be dunking on a lady as hard as you possibly can.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:19Matt McCusker?

  Be like, I'm a fucking girl.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  And still fucking.

• 13:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  Did Bruce go the whole, pardon me.

• 13:25Matt McCusker?

  Excuse me.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Uh, excuse me. Bless you. Thank you.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Did the Jenner person remove the sex organ?

• 13:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:35Matt McCusker?

  I don't think so.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  If, if they did not, you're exactly right. This is the ultimate.

• 13:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  It's the best move possible.

• 13:42Matt McCusker?

  You have tits.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Just get some fucking drugs. Hold up, sex change and all.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  In 2017, Caitlyn Jenner underwent a bottom surgery.

• 13:53Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 13:54Speaker 01

  In what year?

• 13:54Speaker 04

  2017.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  So that thing been gone for a while.

• 13:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that thing's been gone.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:02Matt McCusker?

  Well, hey, man, you can now, you can fully les out now.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  But you can't, certainly, you definitely can't come. There's no way if they build you a vagina, you, you can't.

• 14:13Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Where would the orgasm come from?

• 14:16Matt McCusker?

  Caitlin.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  You're making me sick right now.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Why?

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Why are you talking about other people's genitals? They didn't push it on you.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  I don't know if you've been to a public library, that's all it is, back to back.

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  You can probably still get that prostate going. And it's just probably, it's probably like a nuclear explosion when you cut off the fucking D's and B's.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Probably puke it out.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Where's it go?

• 14:41Speaker 01

  You go, oh, beef burger, y'all.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  There is nothing further from coming than that particular moment.

• 14:51Matt McCusker?

  That's a great question. I know, uh, yeah, I don't know.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Can they still hit the prostate on a, right?

• 14:57Matt McCusker?

  I think they somehow attach your old penis head to your belly button. So that's kind of like a remote control.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Mine might fit. Mine might not break the surface. I got a deep belly button and a tiny dong.

• 15:10Matt McCusker?

  Be perfect. You'd be on search.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  I might be able to hide it.

• 15:12Matt McCusker?

  You'd be on search.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  This will be my little secret.

• 15:15Matt McCusker?

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• 15:17Speaker 01

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• 15:18Matt McCusker?

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• 15:25Speaker 01

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• 15:34Matt McCusker?

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• 15:54Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 15:55Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:58Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Oh, I know you do.

• 16:04Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight, and have four-way stretch, so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  And with the holidays coming up, Viori makes gift giving easy. Uh, I was close to that. Whether it's the Sunday collection or the Strato collection, their bestsellers are go-to gifts for everyone on your list, including yourself. Get 20% off your first purchase at viori.com/secret and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. I have a little door in my shirt.

• 16:51Matt McCusker?

  Just a little joystick.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  What are you doing?

• 16:54Speaker 01

  A little more, I go, oh, Indian in the cupboard.

• 16:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is, that's like an age old mystery.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  I don't know why that disappeared. I don't know why people aren't celebrating Indian the cupboard. They never pushed, there's no like Indian in the cupboard.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Oh, I guess maybe they're, yeah, cause Indians.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  It was that one and the bird that could talk in the basement. I think it was called Paulie. Remember there was a little parrot in the basement who lived a beautiful life.

• 17:13Matt McCusker?

  I don't remember that one. I remember the, I remember the we Indian in the cupboard.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  I remember, that was a, it was a pro Indian movie, I think. Wasn't it?

• 17:21Speaker 01

  I don't remember.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  He wasn't just a toy. He was a man who had his land taken away.

• 17:26Matt McCusker?

  For sure, but you're probably kinda like pissed that like, you know, if you're Native American, you're like, we're in a fucking cupboard now? What the fuck? If you don't wanna be a sports team, a kick ass sports team, you don't wanna be a tiny, yeah, you wanna be a tiny white child's toy in a cupboard.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  But he learns peace with the cowboy.

• 17:41Matt McCusker?

  Right.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  I think that was the point of the movie.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I don't even remember it.

• 17:45Matt McCusker?

  They probably wanted revenge.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  It was a special cupboard that brought all the toys to life, but then the cowboy toys were like, we're getting him. We're getting that Indian.

• 17:52Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a cool movie if like, you know, they did that movie like when Hitler won, like quote unquote, if the Indian, Native Americans won. That'd be cool.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  That would be sick.

• 17:59Matt McCusker?

  If we lost and just all became Native Americans. All, everyone is last Samurai.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Good idea. All the, all the Europeans that came here just kept losing.

• 18:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  For four hundred years.

• 18:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Everyone was just like, I'm going, I'm gonna fucking get it this time.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  I think the Ethiopians were the only ones.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Nope, you're one of us, brother. Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  The Ethiopians did it.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  The Ethiopians survived.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  They kept trying to take the Ethiopians. They held on.

• 18:25Matt McCusker?

  Did they really?

• 18:25Speaker 02

  And the Siamese managed to hold on. The Thai people. I think they're the only ones who got their own monarchy. And the Japanese, that's it.

• 18:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Ethiopia.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  They all had great music in the seventies.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Ethiopia held it down.

• 18:35Matt McCusker?

  Held down the battle.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  Even when the Waps came in knocking recently.

• 18:39Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, Mussolini tried to get in there.

• 18:41Matt McCusker?

  Although they, they do have, Ethiopians do have a very distinct, I guess, cause they're on like, are they only towards the tip of Africa?

• 18:46Speaker 02

  There was a guy in Chicago, they're, no, this is, alright, this is weird, but. They don't, there's like a ruling class of Ethiopia and they don't think it's biological. They can't find like a gene that does it. But if you join the ruling class of Ethiopia and they're all from all over the place. They all just start looking the same for some reason. No one, no one can figure it out.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  What?

• 19:07Speaker 02

  It's very strange, but you can pick Ethiopian. Like I can see.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Ethiopian and Somali are very distinct.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Kenyan, I'm getting better at Kenyan. The tribes within Kenya, I got nothing.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  I cannot.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  You'll figure it out.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Masai?

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I used to, I used to deliver beer to a couple Ethiopian restaurants back in the day. And I remember being like, yeah, you, once you like get in, you're like, oh, I could, yeah, I could spot these dudes from anywhere.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Seven eleven by our old house.

• 19:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yep. Ethiopian fellers.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Great Ethiopians.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  I went on a date with the owner of that seven eleven. Brief one date.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  What?

• 19:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the, no, no, the owner's daughter.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, I met the owner, dude, that was a guy, that was an Ethiopian guy.

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  The owner's daughter. I went on a date with the owner's daughter and I was like kinda starstruck. She's like, my dad owns a seven eleven in Lancaster.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  You're like, bro, I've been in that, I walked.

• 19:58Matt McCusker?

  I've been so high in that store so many times. It was cool.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  You're like, damn, have you ever met the black guy that opens the door? He's the man.

• 20:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was really, I always remember being like, what the fuck?

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:11Matt McCusker?

  Holy shit. Yeah, there was a seven eleven near Drexel University that was just, it might, I think it was honestly like the highest grossing seven eleven.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  It had to be.

• 20:20Matt McCusker?

  It was nonstop.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Is there anything special about the seven eleven or just the placement was?

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Location.

• 20:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was just right on a college campus.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Ethiopians were great.

• 20:27Matt McCusker?

  They were.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Ethiopians are also beautiful ladies.

• 20:29Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:30Matt McCusker?

  Very much so. But yeah, there was the line, some of the dudes there had a bit of attitude. Like some of the, some of the cashiers, yeah, some of the youngsters had a bit of an attitude. But they were getting, they were getting.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  The clientele seemed to have the biggest attitude.

• 20:43Matt McCusker?

  They were getting assaulted.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  I ran into the clientele a lot.

• 20:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. True. Yeah, I will say.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  He's just drunk college kids and the locals.

• 20:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've witnessed.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  The locals and the drunk college kids. Everyone was disrespecting the.

• 20:59Matt McCusker?

  A lot of Mr. Disrespectful.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  A lot of Mr. Disrespectful.

• 21:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was very much. I remember witnessing my first ever like, uh, black American versus like Middle Eastern, which I believe Ethiopian could be almost mistaken for Middle Eastern.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:13Matt McCusker?

  And it's dude, it was unforgiving, unforgiving of just trying to get a salmon cream cheese bagel and just being like, put it on there Obama.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  It's like. Mine was a lottery ticket dispute.

• 21:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  I was the, they almost like looked at me as like a mediator. Both sides kept going to me like I was next in line and they kept going like.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Successful lottery ticket? Or what was, how do you have a lottery ticket dispute?

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Uh, it was just taken. I think there was a language barrier a little.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  He wanted to buy, it was about, it wasn't even redeeming a prize. It was getting the opportunity.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think it was redeeming tickets. I think the guy was maybe going too slow for the customers.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  He wanted his money to get more scratch.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  He wants his money and he wants it now.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Do you call them scratchies?

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, scratch offs.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, scratch offs.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  I'll be back on that.

• 22:00Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 22:00Speaker 02

  I lost my card, so now I have to pay with my phone. Like I have to pay ahead of time because I can't insert the card. I'm wanting, but then when I overpay and there's a little gap in the amount of gas to what I've given them.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Get some scratchies.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Give me the scratchies.

• 22:13Matt McCusker?

  Don't they, oh, because you gotta prepay.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  You scratch off, man?

• 22:18Speaker 02

  That's all I want to spend my excess money on is a little scratch. I try not to, I'm not overdoing, I'm not going, give me $400 worth of gasoline.

• 22:24Matt McCusker?

  There's the, there are the hundred dollar scratch offs. I've seen people do those and it's like crazy.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  When I was door to door sales, I would do that to get through the day. I would walk around with the, that's how I knew, I didn't realize I was depressed selling cable television door to door until one like what, couple of weeks later, I was like, I didn't used to spend $50 on scratch off cards every day. That's new.

• 22:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a, those, I always forget that like, I mean, a lot of people play them. They're big, man. My old boss used to rip like several $100 scratch offs daily. It was just like, bro, put them down.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Your fingers start getting discolored from a little bit. You can tell that there's a problem. There's a, there's a lot of lint flying around, a little tiny bits of plastic.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  I kind of, yeah, that sounds nice.

• 23:08Matt McCusker?

  A little scratchy?

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're they're exciting.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  It's a great birthday present for a child. It's the one bit of gambling that you can get a child in on.

• 23:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. And then they go, let me see what you got there. Let me see that.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  That would be nice to get a kid a gambling gift.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Do you not do that here?

• 23:24Speaker 01

  Give him a card. Yeah, we give scratch cards, but I'm saying like, I placed a futures bet on the Anaheim Angels for you.

• 23:29Matt McCusker?

  For you.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  Hundred fifty bucks. This thing's gonna pay out fucking crazy if they win.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  It's a nice gift.

• 23:37Matt McCusker?

  That'd be, yeah, putting on like parlays for your.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I put together a nice parlay for you.

• 23:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we'll see. Let's watch.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  It might hit next year. We'll see.

• 23:43Matt McCusker?

  That's gonna be cool.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Fifty bucks on it.

• 23:45Matt McCusker?

  Not bad.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:47Matt McCusker?

  And if it doesn't hit, you owe me.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  If it doesn't hit, I'm coming back.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Do you know the Eurovision?

• 23:51Speaker 01

  You owe me, there's gonna be, there's a big.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is?

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  This is what I, I always think about gambling on it, but this is the year that I finally take it seriously. Cause I think I can pick which song is gonna win. They let you know what all the songs are beforehand. Every country in Europe has their own song and then they compete and they vote. But I think, I think I could pick the winning song.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  How would you pick?

• 24:12Speaker 02

  I would listen to them and feel it in my heart, what was the correct song.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  What show was this?

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Eurovision Song Contest.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  We should be doing that in America. We should go state by state.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  They tried it once. They tried it once. It was an enormous failure. I don't know why.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  We gotta bring it back.

• 24:26Matt McCusker?

  We, we have, you know.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  We should do state by state everything. We should do a state fighting contest.

• 24:30Matt McCusker?

  That'd be cool.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:31Matt McCusker?

  Like you have America Olympics, basically.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I like America Olympics.

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  Why do we stop at high school? Well, yeah, I guess we have like the NFL.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Oh, Trump was just talking about this.

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is one of Trump's first day plans.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  The America Olympics?

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, like the greater, yeah, he's like, we're gonna have football. He's like every state. Yeah, did, remember he was talking about like having an American fair?

• 24:50Speaker 02

  What, like State of the Art?

• 24:51Speaker 01

  He was bringing that back and he was like, in that, we're gonna have the American Games.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Well, it's like everyone has a football team with the, like.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  From their state.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  That's great. We do, we do that in Australia. State of the Art, there's only two.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  No, no, high school.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  It'd be like all-star teams from each state. That'd be the sickest thing ever, dude.

• 25:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Just Wyoming is gonna get crushed by California.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  California, Texas versus Rhode Island and Connecticut. They're gonna get the Ocon man out there.

• 25:18Matt McCusker?

  That's, yeah, his world fair, I, dude, a world fair now would be nice.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  We haven't, why haven't we had one?

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Cause the mudslides.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Cause the French showed you up one time.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  True. The mudslides, the mudslides.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  Wait, what was the mudslides?

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Uh, don't even, don't, you don't even wanna know.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Did you ever go to a world fair?

• 25:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 25:35Speaker 04

  You don't wanna know about the mud floods and the history of Tartaria.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Talking about Tartaria, yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  No, we don't wanna talk about Tartaria.

• 25:40Matt McCusker?

  What's Tartaria got to do with the world fair?

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Oh wait, this is, oh, this is the secret society?

• 25:42Speaker 04

  We don't wanna talk about Tartaria and the hidden.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  They're covering up all these beautiful architectures with just bricks and shit. Come on, man.

• 25:48Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  They're trying to hide our past.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  And why are the windows in the ground?

• 25:51Matt McCusker?

  Wait, what's Tartaria have to do with the fucking world fair?

• 25:53Speaker 04

  You don't wanna know, we don't, we don't wanna know about it.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  You don't wanna know, dude. You don't even wanna know.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Alright, let me, I wanna ask, I wanna ask something.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  No, I don't, I just said, I don't know.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Did you ever read Wimbledon, the script I gave you?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. No, I did not.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  You did not? Okay.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Did not.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Cause I was, I don't think I've ever spoken to Matt about it and I've not spoken about it publicly, but.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  You lost me on the pitch.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  I did lose you on the pitch, when I said the coach was fat.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  He was like, the coach is just a big, fat, ugly fucker.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  I didn't say that.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  And I want you to play him. And I was like, alright, you piece of shit, I'm not reading that.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  He's heavy set for a tennis player. But I wanted to, it's a story about a, a old, older coach who can't play anymore and if, if they find this dog.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  You sure you wanna put the script out? Cause this is big.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Hmm?

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Alright, go ahead.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  You think I shouldn't describe it?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Let's, let's get it.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  I'll just say it's about a dog who plays tennis.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Um, we're now making it a graphic novel.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Nah, keep going, cause I like what happens in Japan.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  There's a little girl who has a dog and he's a, a golden retriever and he's very good at tennis.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  It's air bud, bud.

• 26:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Air bud. But this old coach is like, I wanna win a golden slam. I wanna win, I wanna take this dog to all the great grand slams and win. And that's the only thing worth doing in tennis. But the first one they have to go to is Japan and, uh.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Wimbledon runs into a PR disaster.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want him to not shake a guy's hand. Everyone is very, but they're like, great dishonor to not shake a man's hand. They start throwing swords, cause they want the dog to commit suicide. And then the dog goes up to the opponent's bag and opens it and, uh, child pornography and marijuana come out of the bag. And people go, he was a bad guy. Wimbledon was right not to shake his hand. But then they're only upset about the marijuana. Like the child pornography was good. There was some of the best child pornography we've ever seen. We love that in Japan, but marijuana, we don't tolerate at all. But I think this is a good family movie. I'm gonna, I'll say it to you again, I'm making it a graphic novel. And I appreciate, I asked very briefly and you said yes, and I didn't get a commitment publicly, but I'm using your, we've started the artwork for Wimble Dog.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  I've used your likeness in the graphic novel about.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Well, hold on a second. I didn't know it was about child. I didn't know the child porn happened.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  You shut it down.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  You shut it down.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  You're not doing the child pornography.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  It's also not you. It's a character that looks exactly like you in a graphic novel that a man, a beautiful man in Tulsa is drawing at the moment. But I think, I think you should, if you ever get time.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Well, what happens with Wimble Dog?

• 28:11Speaker 02

  I don't want to spoil the story about how he has to fight a robot dog at the end of the American Open. There's also a role for Matt as the evil villain in charge of the tennis federation who's offended that there's a dog competing.

• 28:25Matt McCusker?

  I can see we get a little power hungry, yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  But I think Wimble Dog, I mean, stand-up comedy, that was my love me do. This is my Sergeant Peppers, Wimble Dog.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  I'm moving into the future. I really, I believe in it.

• 28:38Matt McCusker?

  So that's awful.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  It doesn't have to be that.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Matt's dabbling in graphic arts as well with the.

• 28:41Matt McCusker?

  I have.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  I've seen the cartoons. I was inspired.

• 28:44Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Prostitutes.

• 28:45Matt McCusker?

  Secret prostitute Garfield Patreon project.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  No, I don't know about this now. Secret prostitute?

• 28:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Mr. Lozani, bro. Someone, a secret artist sent me a comic strip. It's really, actually really well done.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  And you're funny. You're the Medici family.

• 29:00Matt McCusker?

  I'm the Medici family. I was like.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  He's filling his coffers. You're saying, I need more art.

• 29:04Matt McCusker?

  He goes, I don't know what to do with this. I'm like, bro, please let me put this on the Patreon. Everyone hates it. I can't stop putting it up there. It's about, it's about Garfield becoming a trans, streetwalking prostitute. And then just John trying to get Garfield off the streets and out of life.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  I would have made him a John. It would have been so easy. The John would be trying to buy.

• 29:23Matt McCusker?

  No, John is, John's appalled. Just sweet little kitty.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  Then John falls into the underworld in effort to save Garfield.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  What's the dog doing?

• 29:32Matt McCusker?

  Odie, Odie's part of the Yakuza.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Damn, you guys are, you're overlapping a little.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  Oh, America's ready for a beautiful story about a dog that does something.

• 29:42Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real, dog sports, dog sports was like a big genre.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  And then it went away. This was, I was, Hollywood complains that no one's going to see movies and then they're making weird trans Mexican cartel musicals. Make a movie about a dog that wins at sport and people will flock back to the cinema.

• 29:57Matt McCusker?

  People, people were mu- Air Bud had, what, they have three Air Buds?

• 30:01Speaker 01

  It was football, soccer, probably a couple basketball ones.

• 30:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Air Bud went to space?

• 30:06Speaker 02

  I didn't know that.

• 30:07Matt McCusker?

  Space Bud? I knew, I knew he went to space. Movie Valhalla, dude.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Didn't they have Beethoven? Was the great dog who saved the family? Lassie was the great dog?

• 30:17Matt McCusker?

  Homeward Bound is a great dog movie.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:19Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I watched that a bunch of times with my kids recently.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Shadow.

• 30:23Matt McCusker?

  Chances, yeah.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Hold on, what's the?

• 30:25Matt McCusker?

  The cat's name?

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:27Matt McCusker?

  Chance Shadow.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  There's fourteen Air Bud movies.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Missy?

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Fourteen.

• 30:30Matt McCusker?

  Missy. Holy fuck, it's Missy.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 30:33Matt McCusker?

  I'm pretty sure.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I loved the fuck out of that movie. It got me every time. It got me every time. And Shadow fell. I didn't see it coming every single time.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Have you ever seen My Dog Skip?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  It's Frankie Muniz. He's got a beautiful dog and when it seems like the dog dies, it's a.

• 30:47Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Dog dying in a movie is the only time I really cry.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a good move, though.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  All the animals in Homeward Bound died. Like, they, they killed a bunch of animals making that movie.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Uh, are you sure you're not thinking of Milo Notus?

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Milo Notus, they were just.

• 31:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because they live, they survive in the end.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  That was the, that was the Korean or Japanese. Milo Notus used to be my go-to.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  They killed a bunch of dogs to make Milo Notus?

• 31:09Speaker 01

  It was a puppy, pug and a kitten.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Uh, you'd have to.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  They were ta- and at one point they fight a bear. And apparently they were just tossing those things.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  There was no need to do that.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  For real? Yeah, they filmed it for real and they finally got it because I think, I think the bear finally got full from pugs.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  That can't be true. Is that true?

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 31:28Matt McCusker?

  They definitely in Homeward Bound threw a cat into a river.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  They also do that in.

• 31:33Matt McCusker?

  Do they really?

• 31:34Speaker 01

  In Milo Notus and they lost a couple cats in the river.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Used to be able to kill animals in movies. Now they've always got a thing saying no animals were harmed. I was watching an old Russian movie and a horse really falls down the stairs.

• 31:44Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 31:44Speaker 02

  That was a hard watch. And then I watched Apocalypse Now.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Apocalypse Now is nuts.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  They just have a cow at the end.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  They cut a cow, yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  And they just like hacked and like.

• 31:54Matt McCusker?

  I mean, if they ate it afterwards, that's.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was. It was. He filmed like a real, actual ritual.

• 32:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Like Francis Ford Coppola's wife was like, I just saw some villagers hacking a cow apart. Do you want to put that in the movie? And he went, all right.

• 32:07Matt McCusker?

  Obviously.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  It needs something in the third act to really give it.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Directed, Milo Nott is directed by Masanori Hata.

• 32:14Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  And Kan Ichikawa.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  I didn't know it was a Japanese movie.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  It is.

• 32:19Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know that either.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Uh, I've heard, uh, what's his name? Louis talked about this. It was very funny. Yeah. Louis Gomez was the first person I heard break this story.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they, they were tossing some dogs and.

• 32:35Matt McCusker?

  They'd have to get a new replacement pug every time. Pugs luckily look pretty similar.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Have you seen their skulls?

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  I can't stop thinking about.

• 32:46Matt McCusker?

  What's up with their skulls?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  It's a circle.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's the ugliest, weirdest. We did that to them.

• 32:53Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Well, Chinese emperors did that to them to have just a fun little thing.

• 32:57Matt McCusker?

  That must've been so tight when you finally like turn a wolf into a tiny little thing.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  You've done it.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  Whoa, what the fuck?

• 33:03Speaker 02

  And when they sneeze, their eyes fall out sometimes.

• 33:06Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Pugs are great.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  There was another movie idea. I wanted someone, all right, like Greyhound racing? Does it have to be a Greyhound? Maybe there's a guy who thinks his pug has it in him. You know, but then at the end, the dog sneezes and its eyes fall out.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Then a Japanese businessman throws it at a bear.

• 33:24Matt McCusker?

  Having a movie, a heartwarming story about a pug that ends in its eyes falling out from sneezing would be pretty great. And then be like, we're just raising awareness to pug deformity. But then like, what do you do? Just wipe out the pugs?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Let's breed it with a slightly longer faced animal.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Start breeding, yeah.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Start breeding the nose back into the pug. The Pug Nose Restoration Project Society. And you're just making pugs have sex with Great Danes over and over again.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Tommy Pope had a pug and it makes me laugh. He had a long, it was huge. He showed me a picture of it. It was like a fucking 10 foot long pug. It was laying, it was laying flat on the porch with its arms and legs out.

• 33:57Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck?

• 33:58Speaker 01

  This is the biggest pug I've ever seen. He was like, oh, that's Buffereini Marie.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  His pug's name was Bufferini Marie.

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  Was it a wiener dog mixed with a pug?

• 34:07Speaker 01

  No, it was just straight pug. It was just a big one.

• 34:09Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 34:10Speaker 01

  I just love that it had a wap name Bufferini Marie. Think of it, Tommy Pope with a pug.

• 34:16Matt McCusker?

  Bufferini Marie.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Come here Bufferini.

• 34:19Matt McCusker?

  Bufferini Marie is so funny. I never really thought about being a dog in an Italian household.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  You're probably gonna hit.

• 34:24Matt McCusker?

  No. He's probably crazy.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  I think about it every day. I wake up and I think if I was a dog at an Italian household, with all the pasta that they've, you know, the problem with that pug, the nono was there. You're so skinny, let's give it a dog.

• 34:36Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be like dramatic. It's gotta be like the Roman Empire. You're just at the top. You're being treated like a fucking absolute god.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 34:42Matt McCusker?

  Next thing you know, you're just, they're rising up against you.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  You're just getting swept.

• 34:48Matt McCusker?

  You're eating delicious cuisine, sitting on like a nice silk pillow.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  It's better than Irish dog.

• 34:53Matt McCusker?

  Irish dogs are worse, bro.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  You had some guys hitting dogs.

• 34:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, our dogs got beat. I thought you could hit dogs until like maybe six years ago.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  We've discussed it. I've witnessed Phil, Phil punched, he fucking punched dogs.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  He punched them in the head. The dog was being bad. He hit Riggins, he popped Riggins. That was recently.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Did he get his shoulder into it or is it just a little?

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Like a jab to the top of the dog's head.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  That's frowned on.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  What the fuck was that?

• 35:20Speaker 02

  That is frowned upon.

• 35:21Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was so normal, man. I would see, I saw dogs getting beat like, I would, there was one, there was one house. I would go to one house where if the dog was seen in the kitchen, it would be viciously kicked as hard as possible every day. Every, I saw, it was just a daily occurrence. A dog would be in the kitchen, it was like this orange shitty mutt. It was like a fat, it would look like a lab mixed with like a, like a dingo. It was just a shitty, standard, yellow, 55 pound fat mutt. And if it was spied in the kitchen, it would try to like go under the little countertop and just be.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Good for him though. Just keep going back.

• 36:01Matt McCusker?

  Right, true.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  You guys can't hurt me.

• 36:03Matt McCusker?

  Right home from work and just be like, I don't get up. Hard as possible.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  To not learn the lesson is a beautiful thing.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  That shows that they're not being too abusive because the dog's still got hope.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:15Matt McCusker?

  I think this dog was just dumb. I think it would just be like, it just was like, yeah, I think it would just get cold and be like, I'm gonna go lay in the sun. And would just like lay in the sun for four hours. And then wake up to just a giant man and be like, god damn it.

• 36:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if it was spotted in the kitchen, it was supposed to stay in the mudroom, which is a cold tile floor.

• 36:38Matt McCusker?

  And we, when I, when I was little, we had an outside dog. We had a dog that like did not really come inside that much ever. And it would just, if it was off the leash, it would hop the fence and bite people.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  I mean, the craziest one is when you see a house where they have the big cages out front, the dog in the cage.

• 36:53Matt McCusker?

  I had, I had an outside cage dog as an adult for a while.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  That's a scary house.

• 36:57Matt McCusker?

  It was only when we were working. It would sit in like a cage in the backyard and just howl.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Phil installed a giant chain link fence in our basement. And we put Shaq in there and he would fucking break out. He would rip through the fence.

• 37:11Matt McCusker?

  He'll chew out.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:13Matt McCusker?

  Yep. Yeah, we had, there was a, when I had the Akita and then there was like its brother, my ex-wife's like, uh, mom and stepdad got it. And then when we, like, when we separated houses to like when they're, they're like mom and stepdad lived with us for a while, but for a little bit, we lived with them, I guess it was mom's house. But they took their dog and they built like a dog jail in their basement and it totally like.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Just rip it out, yeah. Turn the lights out and leave it down there.

• 37:38Matt McCusker?

  They freak.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  It's gonna go nuts.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  Well, they won't do it. They're like, there's dogs that are like, I'll, I'll die. Dude, Andrew's dog Zeus, R I P Zeus, but dude, it would literally, it jumped out of the second story one time.

• 37:51Matt McCusker?

  Cause he didn't have windows in his house.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  When he says it would stand on the outs, on this, it would like stand on the roof.

• 37:57Matt McCusker?

  Yes. So he didn't, he was a three-story house. Spud didn't have windows in his house for a long time. So he had a window, he was living in a windowless house in West Philly and his dog would get out on the third floor, go up on, it was like a parapet. It was like a roof, like it was like the window and then there's like a strip of roof like this wide and it would pace back and forth.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  It was huge.

• 38:17Matt McCusker?

  A big fucking, it was like a.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  And it fell or it jumped out of this?

• 38:20Matt McCusker?

  The second story, it jumped out of the second story, but it, it would just patrol. So it would sit, it was in like, dude, it was in the fucking hood. And he had this giant, like mastiff, white pit bull that would stand on his third floor like a gargoyle.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:32Matt McCusker?

  It was fucking nuts. And it would just wait for him every day.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  It's good security though.

• 38:36Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it for real was. I mean, I would get like superstitious if I saw that.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:40Matt McCusker?

  Just walking by and I, actually I've seen him, he would just pace and then just sit like this on the top of the third floor.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  That's the devil. That's literally an omen. That is an actual demon. That's nice.

• 38:51Matt McCusker?

  This show is brought to you by BetterHelp.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:55Matt McCusker?

  Hmm. What are some of your relationship green flags? What do you like?

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Tits.

• 39:00Matt McCusker?

  Get you going. Green flag. Tits are a good green flag. We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for the green flags in our friends and partners?

• 39:08Speaker 01

  I focus almost entirely on the green flags.

• 39:10Matt McCusker?

  True. Just my wife waving me down, being like, "I'm right here, the runway's right here."

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 39:15Matt McCusker?

  I say, "Yo, get that thing ready for me, girl."

• 39:17Speaker 01

  I'll ignore all the red flags because of your giant fucking green flags.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Don't need no help there.

• 39:30Matt McCusker?

  Actively practice having your-

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Sorry, BetterHelp, you can kick rocks. I can see tits for a mile.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  Actively practice having our relationships and embody that green flag energy.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 39:42Matt McCusker?

  Ready for this? Yourself.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  My tits?

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  You are the green flag. You have been the green flag the whole-

• 39:49Speaker 01

  So wait, BetterHelp's suggesting that I squeeze my own tits while I jack off?

• 39:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  Exactly it. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or squeezing your tits while jerking off allegedly, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Dude, they're-

• 40:07Speaker 01

  They're helping us.

• 40:08Matt McCusker?

  I do gotta love myself back.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Well, they're fucking better.

• 40:10Matt McCusker?

  Okay. Um, broader, give me the broader benefits of you personally of, uh, therapy.

• 40:18Matt McCusker?

  How about learning positive coping skills?

• 40:20Speaker 01

  That'd be nice.

• 40:20Matt McCusker?

  How to set boundaries?

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  Or maybe just empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't all about people who experienced major trauma, etc. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over five million people worldwide.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 40:36Matt McCusker?

  That's 10 million tits. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Guys, easily switch therapists anytime at-

• 40:47Speaker 01

  30,000 credentialed therapists? 60,000.

• 40:54Matt McCusker?

  Guys, here's a call to action. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash MSSP. What are you waiting for, guys?

• 41:11Speaker 01

  They keep coming back.

• 41:14Matt McCusker?

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• 41:29Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Fuck this shit.

• 41:37Matt McCusker?

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• 41:51Matt McCusker?

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• 42:04Speaker 01

  I'll tell you what, Matt. I was goofing off and making fun of Viya. They've won me over.

• 42:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You think that's honesty? Maybe you just wanted to get high?

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's just get fucking high as shit.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  Viya gives you the power to blaze your own trail. Dude, how do you like that wordplay?

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Now that I'm being funny, and I'm back, Viya.

• 42:22Matt McCusker?

  That was a real-time reaction.

• 42:25Matt McCusker?

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• 43:01Speaker 01

  It's crazy, Matt. You went from...

• 43:03Matt McCusker?

  I smoked down on them.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  You went from selling weed?

• 43:05Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Now you're big time, bro. You're top G. You made it.

• 43:09Matt McCusker?

  Moving the keys on my cell phone, dude, like Rick Ross. I actually have smoked Viya's weed. I do like it.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 43:15Matt McCusker?

  And I like how you can just get it right to your door because it's T H C A hemp dude, it's not weed.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:20Matt McCusker?

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• 43:51Matt McCusker?

  I mean, 21 plus adults, obviously. Enhance your everyday with Viya.

• 43:58Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, R I P Zeus. He was the best. He would be in the basement. He would just like chew fucking pipes in the basement. He was so funny. And if, when, once he got older and the sun would go down, he would go, remember I brought him to our old house?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:08Matt McCusker?

  I brought him, I watched him for.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Blue was my favorite.

• 44:11Matt McCusker?

  Blue was great.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Blue ribbing the wood man's food right out of his hand was the craziest thing I've ever seen. We were just.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  I know we've talked about it a bunch of times on here, but whose dog was that? Was that?

• 44:22Matt McCusker?

  Tom's.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Tom?

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dog's R I P as well.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  He stole man's food out of his hands.

• 44:26Matt McCusker?

  Dog was awesome.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  He was so, yeah, he literally just walked, like, say we're sitting here.

• 44:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Our friend Chris Wood was sitting down eating like a tortilla. He'd just, he would get a bowl of meat and put it in a tortilla and just sit there and munch it. A dog slowly walked up to him and just went. Took the entire fucking thing out of his hand and then just walked away. Like, it wasn't like it fucking grabbed it. It literally just slowly walked up to him. I've never seen anything like it. It reminds me of, uh, O'Connor. We were just in, uh, Seattle, or, yeah. O'Connor, when we were in Vancouver once, he got so fucked up and the next day, he's like hungover and I forget what he got. He might've got like a donut. And the seagulls are fucking huge out there. O'Connor was standing there and a bird just took it.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  I had a chip. I had a fry once where that happened.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  Just think of O'Connor being like.

• 45:19Matt McCusker?

  Great.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Is anyone gonna do anything about these fucking birds?

• 45:25Speaker 02

  I had the exact same thing happen to me. That was, it really stayed with me as a terrible memory. I was holding a french fry and a bird just took it, it was a seagull, came and took it out of my hand.

• 45:36Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  I remember I talked about it on stage that night and I got nothing, but there was a lot to me.

• 45:39Matt McCusker?

  It's the funniest.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  It was very hard to explain.

• 45:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty intense.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Serious and upsetting.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Dude, how'd you handle it? What'd you do?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I was so, it was kind of beautiful, but I was scared. I was upset.

• 45:52Matt McCusker?

  Did the beak get anywhere even near your fingers or was it like?

• 45:55Speaker 02

  It was just gone. I just saw the bird and then I didn't feel it touch my hand. It was just out. It was not a lot of, I don't leave a lot of time between.

• 46:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, quick.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  I'm pretty close bucket to mouth type of operator.

• 46:08Matt McCusker?

  I'll never forget when my cousin hit a seagull in the chest with a wiffle ball bat. Dude, we were like, we were, we were throwing food to get him, we knew what a creature storm is, having him storm the fucking front desk.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  The creature storms are so funny.

• 46:21Matt McCusker?

  So fun, dude. And we were just throwing up bread. There was just so many seagulls getting closer and closer. My cousin just came out with a wiffle ball bat, went thwump! Right in the chest and dude, it fucking dropped dead. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  I like this.

• 46:36Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mixes great, doesn't taste like a fistfight. Packaged travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drink AG1.com slash secret pod and for a limited time only get

• 47:18Matt McCusker?

  a free immune support bundle, including omega three, fish oil and vitamin D three plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 next gen or AG1 pro. That's drink AG1.com slash secret pod. It was all we came out to investigate it huge wings long as hell. Just a dead seagull in the front, like a family walked by and they're like, oh.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's sad. I saw a homeless guy punch a pigeon once. The pigeons were just running around on the ground.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  That is a battle. They've been battling for centuries.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  The pigeon wasn't doing anything to him and he bent, he was just walking along calmly and he bent all the way down and just fucking got a pigeon and kept walking.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  I mean, we've all had that thought. That guy's just so.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe the pigeon didn't move or anything, but it sensed his.

• 48:00Matt McCusker?

  They get, dude, those things are crazy. How there's the ducks around where we live, dude, you can walk, you can grab them by the necks. They don't give a fuck.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  This bird talk.

• 48:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  We had a, you know, it's funny, the time we went to see Scorpion King.

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Me and my buddy had a creature storm at the beach.

• 48:17Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did it with a bag of Doritos.

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  Dude, how sick is it?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  It was great.

• 48:20Matt McCusker?

  It's the fucking best.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, what are the odds?

• 48:22Speaker 02

  I hadn't heard creature storm before.

• 48:24Matt McCusker?

  You ever went to the beach and just threw like a loaf of bread and just let it get crazy with birds?

• 48:29Speaker 02

  We would do, yeah. Well, when we would have like fish and chips on the beach and there would be, they'd come around like, you know, you're a kid and you stand and your dad goes, stop bringing them over.

• 48:39Matt McCusker?

  Okay, imagine your dad's not there and it's just you and your boys with as much bread as possible taken from the beach house.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  And you are ruining everyone's day.

• 48:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, as an adult, I'll try to wait till like 4:30, 5:00 PM, which is like not as crowded. But dude, it's still people there and they are very upset, but you can get like, dude, you can get for real like 500 seagulls.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  You can run. You can hold a, a bag of chips and run and they're, the storm will follow you.

• 49:04Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  They're at your, now you control the storm.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  Running through a big pile of birds at the beach is one of my greatest happinesses.

• 49:12Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 49:13Speaker 02

  When you just, there's like a big gathering of birds and you just run straight at the birds.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  I like watching the little guys that run with the tide. That's fun.

• 49:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  I just like to observe those guys.

• 49:22Matt McCusker?

  It's fun watching kids chase seagulls. That's like an easy way to get kids tired. Like go get the seagulls and they'll just like relentless like a fucking dog just chase seagulls.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  And you get to watch him for long enough, you see who's the king seagull and you see the one sad seagull with like half a foot and his beak doesn't work and he's

• 49:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  Trying to get the, none of his buddy seagulls are looking after him, helping him get it, they're just taking his food away.

• 49:41Matt McCusker?

  Is, is a seagull, do they have like a pecking order like chickens have?

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 49:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I would say. Shit, the chicken pecking order is brutal dude.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 49:48Matt McCusker?

  My cousin had, my brother and my cousin had chickens and I didn't realize like if there's another rooster, the rooster will peck, literally take your like rooster crown off and be like, you're a fucking hen. You're getting nan pussy around here. I'm getting all the pussy.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  They like, they basically-

• 50:03Speaker 01

  What's, what's that called when they kill each other? Doesn't like a, I swear to god, like there's something happens where they just, the whole coop will just kill itself.

• 50:11Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 50:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  But they'll just have a mass suicide in the coop?

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, they just start killing each other. Guys, get on that. What happens?

• 50:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, check that out. I'm actually curious about that. Have you ever heard of the old Irish myth of the two cats who fought until only their tails were left?

• 50:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:24Matt McCusker?

  That's a sick myth, I just came across that.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 50:27Matt McCusker?

  It's old.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  What, uh, what is the, um, message there?

• 50:30Matt McCusker?

  It's just mutual destruction. They fought and fought and fought until only their tails were left. Like, what's the point of the fight after that?

• 50:37Speaker 02

  They've paid no attention to that.

• 50:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  That has had no impact on the development of the Irish people.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Speaking of, Okaman got me that painting there. And that's a nice Irish Brigade, uh, at Antietam. Turns out, the guy looks exactly like Tony Hinchcliffe and, uh-

• 50:53Speaker 02

  No, I was gonna say he looks like, uh-

• 50:54Speaker 01

  He kinda got ruined for me. You guys were like, he looks like Tony. You got a painting of Tony? I was like, no, it's fucking cool.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Who's the defense against the dark arts teacher in the second Harry Potter movie?

• 51:06Speaker 02

  No, you know, the Gilderoy Lockhart. No, the little, he looks like the Shakespearean actor who did-

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Do you know who I'm talking about?

• 51:14Matt McCusker?

  Not Little, is it Littlefinger from Game of Thrones?

• 51:17Speaker 02

  No, but he also looks like Littlefinger from Game of Thrones. He does not look especially Irish. He is Irish though.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Captain Clooney.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think he died right there.

• 51:25Matt McCusker?

  Did he really?

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, at Antietam. I could be wrong.

• 51:28Matt McCusker?

  That would be kind of a sick way to go if you rally up a bunch of troops, then just get blown, head blown off.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  The Irish Brigade would go, they came to America to learn how to fight so they could bring it back.

• 51:35Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 51:36Speaker 01

  To England, yeah.

• 51:37Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda sick.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  And he was apparently a monster.

• 51:39Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty tight.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Read about him, they're like, he was the best soldier ever.

• 51:42Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 51:42Speaker 01

  He was just fearless and then, you know, got the best of him when he was like, I'll stand right in front of everyone.

• 51:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  And got shot like twenty times.

• 51:49Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  He was a horse, so he was like, I don't care, come on boys, eh. You can see it there. He's got some wounds.

• 51:56Matt McCusker?

  Wasn't there like a?

• 51:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's falling. He's literally falling down while that picture's being taken.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Fuck you pussies.

• 52:01Matt McCusker?

  Wasn't there a story of like a Vietnam? Wasn't there like a war hero who had like a fantastic? They built, they made a movie on it where he like, he had this crazy charge where he killed like sixty people himself. And he went home for a while and he finally went back to war thinking like, I got this down, just died.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  No, that was a, that was, that was Barcelona.

• 52:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:22Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  He's got a rest up.

• 52:24Matt McCusker?

  Does he really?

• 52:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, in Jersey.

• 52:25Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  Do you know about Ned Kelly?

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  Ned Kelly's our great bush ranger hero where he, the cops were after him and he was like a sheep thief. And he built a suit of armor out of iron.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  It's hilarious.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  It's like a cool hat that he built and the chest and he just like stood and shot at the cops and they were shooting at him. He was shot something like a hundred times in the dick and legs.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  He was, the lower half of the body was. Mick Jagger?

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, the movie.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  No, there's a movie with Mick Jagger as Ned Kelly as well.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  I didn't see that one.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  We made it over and over again.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  We love that story. And they go, you'll never take me alive, copper. And then he's such his life. He had cool quotes.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:01Matt McCusker?

  Damn, where did he have the armor?

• 53:03Speaker 01

  It was one with Russell Crowe.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  He made out of a trash can, I think, or something. I don't know, Russell Crowe was in it. Everyone's got a.

• 53:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the Oscar to grouse them.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  He did. We have, we have one of those. We have the Killdozer.

• 53:14Matt McCusker?

  Killdozer.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  I heard about the Killdozer.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  It's the same thing.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  He was like, you guys are gonna take my land. And then he went into the warehouse and spent three years building a.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Killing machine.

• 53:23Matt McCusker?

  Did anyone ever make a movie about the Killdozer?

• 53:25Speaker 01

  No, I've only seen the documentary.

• 53:27Matt McCusker?

  You can't glorify acts of domestic terrorism.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think the Killdozer is in your passport as something to celebrate.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  They took her nerve.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a good sports team.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  What?

• 53:35Matt McCusker?

  Killdozers.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  Give it fifty years and people will be ready.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  Ready to forgive and forget. It does take time.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  They'd bring in like a sniper, like a fifty caliber sniper to try to get some bullets in there. It's pretty great.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Did he kill people?

• 53:49Speaker 01

  No, he was just driving through all his enemies' houses.

• 53:54Matt McCusker?

  That is fucking incredible.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  There's no, if you get no fatalities and maximum.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  I think he got no fatalities.

• 54:00Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  It was a bulldozer, so it was going slow as fuck, but no one could stop it. So he like would go through someone's house and then be like, all right, I'm headed down to the fucking town hall.

• 54:08Matt McCusker?

  No, no.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Just had to be like a fucking asshole.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  What's the, I think Oklahoma City bombing, they managed, they injured a couple of people.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  No? Hold on, what am I thinking of? There was one where they.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  They killed a bunch of kids.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Oh, that's bad.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  There was a daycare there.

• 54:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  It's an AT, no, an AT and T building in Tennessee, Nashville.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was recently and.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  But he like, he did it on Christmas day.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  An RV and he had speakers.

• 54:33Speaker 02

  He was playing music and he was like, everybody get out, I'm blowing up the AT and T building. And I want to hurt anyone, I just want to make AT and T unhappy.

• 54:40Matt McCusker?

  What was his beef with AT and T?

• 54:41Speaker 01

  I think it was NSA, uh.

• 54:43Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  He, yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  I thought he was just on the phone for too long.

• 54:46Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 54:49Speaker 04

  It's such, it looks like Sauron and Spud was like, if I had to look at that building every day, I would probably want to blow it.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, if I was a little schizophrenic and they're like, there's a.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  It's very scary looking building.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Tower there.

• 55:01Matt McCusker?

  It was a scary building?

• 55:02Speaker 04

  It's so scary.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like windowless.

• 55:04Matt McCusker?

  It's justified.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  The architecture was terrible.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Well, people had to pretend that the World Trade Center is beautiful. The new building instead of the World Trade Center is.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  A little Fountainhead reference.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Which one? What did you say?

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Nothing, I don't know why I'm remembering.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Did you read the Fountainhead?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Suddenly I'm remembering books. I don't know what's happening. I'm taking it easy on the drinking all of a sudden, I'm like, I don't remember books.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  I love the Fountainhead.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Fountainhead fucking rules.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  The ending of the Fountainhead is the most insane close of a book.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's one of the best.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  He's a great architect, he does a rape and that is a, like the lady thinks it's hot, so that's a weird part of it. But moving past that, he's a great architect and he lowers himself to design public housing. He's like, I'll build the best public housing. If I'm going to design public housing, it's going to be the best public housing. And they make it ugly, so he destroys all of the homes for poor people. And then he gives a beautiful speech about, I had to do it, ugliness has no place. And the jury let him off because the speech is so good and then the book's over.

• 55:55Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 55:55Speaker 02

  But it's a book about the importance of destroying public housing.

• 55:58Matt McCusker?

  Projects.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've got to ruin the projects.

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  It's such a great book.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  That's crazy, I did not get that out of it.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Really?

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Funny synopsis.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  It's also about like relentlessly pursuing your goals and being the man.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Clearly, yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  And all the media companies trying to tear you down.

• 56:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, it's Ayn Rand.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:15Matt McCusker?

  Ayn Rand wrote that?

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was her first big, big hit.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  I like it more than Atlas Shrugged.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  I really liked Atlas Shrugged. I was a big Ayn Rand teenager.

• 56:24Matt McCusker?

  I know, I didn't even.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  I was like, I am the great man of history.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  You gotta really commit yourself.

• 56:28Matt McCusker?

  Was Ayn Rand a girl?

• 56:29Speaker 01

  Fucking, yeah.

• 56:30Matt McCusker?

  Okay, I thought so.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Also, like, this old Russian lady.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, she hated communism.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  I find her very sexually, uh, exciting. She has great interviews. In all of her interviews, I think she's so.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  I've never really taken a look at young Ayn Rand.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Young Ayn Rand is okay looking. There's a great interview she gives late.

• 56:45Matt McCusker?

  You prefer her older?

• 56:46Speaker 02

  She's like, I do not want a woman to ever be president. That would be wrong.

• 56:51Matt McCusker?

  Yo, bro.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  I know, it doesn't come across as much in the picture.

• 56:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm talking about, bro.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Doesn't come across in the picture, but she has an energy. I'm telling you, she has an energy.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  Like Steve Gerben.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  It's not the best picture of Ayn. We all have bad pictures of us out there.

• 57:06Matt McCusker?

  Ayn Rand is fucking busted, bro.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Ayn Rand is ugly as shit.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  She's a very sexy woman.

• 57:11Matt McCusker?

  I think Atlas Shrugged, dude.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  Just look, look at some videos of Ayn Rand and see the way she moves and talks.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  She's one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. You're far right, dude.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  If you're about her, everybody wanted her.

• 57:23Matt McCusker?

  The bride's looking all right. Then I went, oh, okay.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  I'm saying they're a better.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  I haven't found one picture.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  It's not about the look.

• 57:29Matt McCusker?

  Her mug's crazy, dude.

• 57:33Speaker 02

  And yet, despite that, she's very sexy.

• 57:34Matt McCusker?

  She looks like she spent at least a couple of years underground.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  She may have. I don't know what half she went under in Russia, but it was.

• 57:41Matt McCusker?

  Like physically.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  But they don't like her, because she's, uh.

• 57:44Matt McCusker?

  She was against communism.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, she had a little dollar lapel. She's like the Fred Martin.

• 57:49Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 57:50Speaker 02

  So powerful.

• 57:51Matt McCusker?

  Damn. I mean, dude, that's, that'd be crazy, living in like a depressed communist country and just smashing Ayn Rand.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:01Matt McCusker?

  It's all you get. You get like two loaves of bread a month.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Couple of vodkas, potatoes.

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Couple of Ayn Rand's, kicking around. You dig them up out of the dirt.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Dig an eye out, you go, this is a tuna, fuck.

• 58:15Matt McCusker?

  It's murder.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Turn it, you go, never mind.

• 58:17Matt McCusker?

  Just an Ayn Rand.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  It's mine.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  When did you have your Ayn Rand? I didn't have you picked as a.

• 58:22Matt McCusker?

  Hillary Clinton's our.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  That's kind of all I ever read, was like a classic, classics.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  It feels wrong to waste time. Ah, all right. I was reading about Roman Polanski this week. I got in a big Roman Polanski Wikipedia wormhole.

• 58:36Matt McCusker?

  Allegedly a pedophile.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Alleged, well, actually openly, he gave an interview in nineteen eighty five where he's like, I fucked young girls. Everybody wants to do that. He was like very open about it. He definitely says he does. Anyway, the French culture minister stood by him. This is getting back to literature in a second. The French culture minister at the time was like, we must not deport this man. He's a great artist. We stand by that. Then people read the French culture minister of the times autobiography and there's this big section where he was going to Thailand. He's like, I was at the boy brothels and these sweet boys, you can pay them and it was the most erotic feeling. His defense was that he wrote half novel, half autobiography and it wasn't all true. But like, imagine being a politician and coming out with your biography.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  It's a big section about how you love boy prostitutes in Southeast Asia and then go.

• 59:23Matt McCusker?

  But that was just literary flair.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  For a literary flourish.

• 59:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was just him being like.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  And I thought like Norman's book is like that.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  I was just putting it out there, you know.

• 59:30Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Show people a little something crazy in them.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  But also he doesn't say which bits are made up. He just says you can't trust all of this. Maybe that bit about me being a pervert in Asia is.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Norman's book, I got tricked by it. I read it way too long before I realized it was a joke.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  When he's committing prison rape?

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Way too long. I was on like chapter three.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  So you got through him.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  A lot, like his uncle, like everything.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  You thought the bit where he was on SNL because he was giving Lorne Michaels morphine was legitimate?

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  It took, no, but I mean, I was like, I was, yeah, it took, I was ashamed at how long it took.

• 1:00:04Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Matt McCusker?

  I, I read the first chapter without knowing and I was just kind of like, maybe he did bring him drugs. I don't know. I was.

• 1:00:12Speaker 02

  It's such a great opening. I call this a recurring character.

• 1:00:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was awesome.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  Lot of Adam Egan in there, it's great.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  There's, Adam Egan was the only person I got really starstruck by in America. And he finds it very, it's cool now, I think it's normal, but every time I see him, I go, that's jerking off punks under a bridge for fifteen dollars a pop.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  It's the Adam Egan.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  I, yeah, he's the man.

• 1:00:35Matt McCusker?

  He does rule. Damn, I didn't know that guy wrote in his autobiography, like, and then it just detailed explanation.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  It's very, he's like, he talks about the incredible erotic feeling of being able to pick your boy. It's like, he's a member of the French government.

• 1:00:49Matt McCusker?

  It does have a kind of one of those weird, like, sell, pick your boy, it's like cellar door, it's like one of those poetic expressions. You know, to pick your boy.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  The perfect.

• 1:00:58Matt McCusker?

  Phonetically, yeah, it's like, it sounds kinda great.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Fuck you, Lemay. Lemay's like, I don't, I don't fuck with this.

• 1:01:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you play video games with the girl characters, you should be on Megan's Law, dude.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  For real, playing with, that is like, number one, like.

• 1:01:12Matt McCusker?

  Pedophile watch.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Playing with girl characters?

• 1:01:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, it's better.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  Do you think that's why?

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  You gotta look at the character, why not look at a hot lady?

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Here's my question, I think that's maybe why the trans thing happened, cause it's the first generation that grew up playing girl characters and seeing themselves as a girl all the time. And then they, it's just a thought, you don't think so, you don't think that's what's going on?

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  It's all about looking at an ass.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  I never play the girl, never.

• 1:01:31Speaker 00

  It's all about looking at the ass.

• 1:01:32Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you're living in a woman's body, you're inhabiting, you're power inhabiting a woman's body.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  I believe you, Nate, you are very, very horny. I think you like playing as a girl.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  What? No.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  You just, we were just playing UFC, you wanted to pick fucking female fighters.

• 1:01:48Speaker 00

  It was the only way I could win.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  He did not win.

• 1:01:52Matt McCusker?

  A little Joanna man, man.

• 1:01:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think Infinite Jest is a joke.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Hmm?

• 1:01:58Speaker 00

  The book.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  It's a great book.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  No, but I think the whole book is a joke.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:03Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 1:02:03Speaker 00

  Like, it's a joke by the author, author on the people reading it.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  No, I think he wrote it out of love.

• 1:02:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, not at all.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  Did you read Infinite Jest?

• 1:02:11Speaker 00

  No, it's too long.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  I was shocked, dude.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Structurally, it's a joke, I think, cause it's that long, and then all the action of the book takes place, like, outside of the book, like, you have to. There's so much time for him to describe the important things in the book and he still doesn't do it.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  But I, no, I love that.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  That's why I think it's a joke. And then everyone just tries to figure out what it means and it's like, no, it's just a joke.

• 1:02:32Matt McCusker?

  It's not that, it's not as like complicated as that. He said, I watched an interview. He wanted people to, he wanted to make something very hard. You had to like work for and study for.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  There's a real point to it.

• 1:02:41Matt McCusker?

  Cause he thought technology was becoming so addictive. It would one day grow, or entertainment was like growing with technology to become so addictive. But one day just ensnare us completely and we'd all lose ourselves.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  He's gonna make a hard book.

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Matt McCusker?

  With like a thousand footnotes.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  But it's still fun. Like it's very, it's, I laughed a lot.

• 1:02:59Matt McCusker?

  That's good.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  And then there's a great interview where he goes, once they have virtual reality pornography, I have to commit suicide immediately.

• 1:03:06Matt McCusker?

  He killed himself.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  And then he did.

• 1:03:08Matt McCusker?

  Man of his word.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  I think it was for that.

• 1:03:09Matt McCusker?

  Hung himself, yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  I never read it. I, I.

• 1:03:12Matt McCusker?

  It's good.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  I think it bothered me.

• 1:03:14Matt McCusker?

  What, the book?

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Matt McCusker?

  The first like million pages are pretty.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  Tough. And then once you get into it, it's just awesome.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  Once they get to the tennis academy?

• 1:03:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You gotta read it on a Kindle. Cause there are a million footnotes.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  I don't even know what it's about.

• 1:03:26Matt McCusker?

  It's about like a guy, so they, they made an entertainment cartridge that if you watch it once, you're fucked and you've never take your eyes off it. And your body will just like, you'll just let your body be completely destroyed. And it was made by.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  Textbox.

• 1:03:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  It's how, it's how it let loose.

• 1:03:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And it was made.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  I can order a Chipotle.

• 1:03:47Matt McCusker?

  It was made by a guy whose son was in a tennis academy, if I remember correctly. But the dad, after making it, it was like a failed filmmaker, but that one took off. But it was like a government weapon that like Canada's fighting.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  There was a great scene where he comes home to his dad committing, his dad puts his head in the microwave.

• 1:04:02Matt McCusker?

  And cuts out a hole.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  And explodes his head. And the boy's like, the worst part is I walked in the house and my first thought was it smells really good in here. It's a really funny, it's also about Quebec separatists. It's about crippled.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Is this a Canadian author?

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  No, but he like, part of the joke is that all of North America has become one country, but Quebec still wants to secede. But only, they only let crippled people become assassins. And you can tell when they're coming where you hear the squeak. It's a really funny book.

• 1:04:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is funny.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  It's also about a drug addict who decides not to have painkillers when he's very seriously hurt. It's such a beautiful.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Did this inspire your book at all?

• 1:04:38Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I mean, obviously, just reading it, I was like, this shit rules, but I could never.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Strikes me, yeah.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  Right now, Finnegan's Wake is inspiring me big time, but I can't understand any of it. I just read it and go, so I just read the footnotes and go, oh, wow, that's what that means? That's so fucking cool.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  I'm so envious that you have that. Like, if I read a footnote, I'm like, I'm done with it. Like, I don't, I gotta read this sentence four times, I still can't understand it.

• 1:05:02Matt McCusker?

  Once I see the asterisk, I go, oh, boy.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  I'm going to that.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  Here it's coming. I'm going right to the footnote. I love footnotes.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  What, Infinite Jest is like, he'll do footnotes on the footnote. You gotta have three bookmarks going while you read it.

• 1:05:13Matt McCusker?

  But if you have a Kindle, you can just tap the link and it takes you to it.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Kindle was nice for words.

• 1:05:18Matt McCusker?

  That's how I did it.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Words I didn't know.

• 1:05:19Matt McCusker?

  And words, dude, I wouldn't have gotten through that. Without a Kindle, I couldn't have read Infinite Jest.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  Have you read The Sun Also Rises?

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Matt McCusker?

  In high school, yeah.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  I just was waiting for his dick to start working the whole time.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Brother.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  And it never did.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  We've talked about this. The first, I read the entire book.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  And somehow missed in the beginning that his dick didn't work. I was furious. At the end, when they're in the car and they're like, oh, we could have been something, I love you so much.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  You're just like, why not?

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:05:44Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  You dumbass, yeah, you got his dick injured.

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  We need to read that for high school.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Dick gets injured in the war, yeah.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I missed that part.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  And this is what I love is when his dick, he's recounting when he, like, when his dick first got injured. I think I said this recently, but it's like, he's in a hospital bed, but it's, it's all Italian guys making fun of him for his dick being blocked, which is the nastiest. Like, of all the hospitals you could be in, an Italian hospital and all these guys going, your dick don't work? Kill yourself. That's the worst thing that could ever happen to a man.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  I just read the other one, Farewell to Arms.

• 1:06:15Speaker 02

  Is it good? That's the one that the guy throws out of a window in Silver Linings Playbook, so I didn't want to read that.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  No, it's great.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Especially the first, the beginning, when it's about, before he gets hurt. It's great. The war scenes, it's awesome.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  He's such a good writer.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's probably my favorite.

• 1:06:29Matt McCusker?

  We had to do that in high school and had to do like a blue book, like essay examination. I remember just being like so fucking stunned. I remember there was like a question on it. It was like, why? Why doesn't he just bring it up on the date or like tell the lady or something like that? I remember in the essay distinctly remember writing like it would be hard to be like, hi, my name's Jake and my dick doesn't work.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Matt McCusker?

  And the teacher literally underlined, it was like hilarious.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:06:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  That's a good thing.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  I mean, you were right.

• 1:06:55Matt McCusker?

  Shout out Mr. Quinn, dude.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:57Matt McCusker?

  He was the guy who told us all to learn how to fake cry. He's like, it'll serve you so well in relationships. He's like, if I get back on a corner, I fake cry. He's like, I fake cry, my wife just caves every time.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Holy shit. I mean, that's terrible advice.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  That was good.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  That's insane advice. I love, it's awesome going on.

• 1:07:14Matt McCusker?

  High school English teachers are crazy.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  And the teacher being like, all right, enough of that lesson. Women suck. You guys are about to find out. You gotta learn how to fucking cry.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  I picked my own syllabus to teach your boys about women. I'm gonna start with Hemingway. He knows how to treat a lady.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  He does. We'll tag him up a little. True. Fucking in with a, touch me cunt.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I went to Hemingway's house too. It's pretty sick. And when I was in Spain, I went on a nice Hemingway bar crawl.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  Now, have you been to the, the bullfighting?

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  I didn't go to the bullfighting.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  It's made bullfighting seem so appealing.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  I don't think I would like it.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  I think I would get bored immediately after they killed the first bull. I would go, this is what I'm talking about.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  It makes it, it's through the whole book, I'm waiting for him to get an erection and the bullfight's coming up. I go, sure, he's getting hard at the bullfight. And then he doesn't.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  And he goes for a swim and he doesn't get an erection there.

• 1:08:07Matt McCusker?

  Such a good story though. Like, what if your dick didn't work?

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  And he just has to watch the love of his life just keep.

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  Fuck other men.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  Fucking, fucking the bullfighter. He's, yeah.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  And then, alright, the best bit in the book.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  A young hot matador comes in.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Young hot matador and the guy, like, he loves bullfighting and the guy who owns the hotel loves bullfighting. They're the only two who really understand bullfighting and they go, this man is special. We gotta keep him away from loose women and hard drink. And then the woman he loves has sex with the bullfighter and the guy in charge of the hotel looks at him like, you fucking impotent. No, you couldn't even, you couldn't even stop your degenerate friend from ruining the one beautiful boy.

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  Brett.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  Brett.

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  Isn't that her name?

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  She was so eroticly charged throughout the, there was, oh man, there was one bit, like, it's all obliquely written and it's straightened. Like, we had Hemingway stuff, we went there on the next day, it was a good day and we went over there and it was very hot.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  We had wine and we went fishing.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  But the one sentence that I love is like, he's at a party that he hates with like this woman he loves and the man, she's fucking. And like, the man goes off to get champagne and he's so angry with this guy going to get champagne, he's got to be with this woman he can't have sex with. And then the guy comes back and, fine, we'll open the champagne. And then it goes, it was sensational champagne. I folded that over, I was like, I don't know why that, that's not a good sentence on its own, but within the book.

• 1:09:21Matt McCusker?

  What about a reboot of that story movie, but then he just gets into pegging?

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  That would be.

• 1:09:29Matt McCusker?

  He just gets pegged.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  That'd be great.

• 1:09:31Matt McCusker?

  That'd be sick.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  I don't understand how they can turn it into a movie. Nothing would happen. It would just be a man fishing and watching a bullfight and looking at a lady sadly.

• 1:09:38Matt McCusker?

  If you knew his dick didn't work, it'd be, it'd be gripping, you'd be like, fuck.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  It'd be great if you had to change the title so that everyone, just like you call the movie his, the man whose dick didn't work.

• 1:09:48Matt McCusker?

  What I didn't know, I didn't know was his dick, when I read it in high school, I, I just imagined he had, you know, like when Michael Jackson had like his nose redone?

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Matt McCusker?

  I thought he just had like a clo, was it like a cloth over it, like it was missing or was it just not functional?

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  I don't know, I don't think it ever really described.

• 1:10:02Matt McCusker?

  I imagined it like it was missing, I thought he didn't have a dick.

• 1:10:05Speaker 02

  I think he's, they don't go into detail, but he doesn't have.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  They don't go into detail, but there were scars, I think he lays, I think he lays down with a lady at one point.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  There's a prostitute who tries to get him to employ her and he goes, I won't be able to protect that. She goes, you are sick? And he goes, yes, she goes, I'm sick too. He's like, maybe she had gonorrhea and he missed out. He's broken penis, it's a great, I didn't think I'd enjoy the broken penis book.

• 1:10:28Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  I loved it.

• 1:10:29Matt McCusker?

  Now the technology exists, you can get that pump in your ball.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  There was an episode of that pizza, yeah.

• 1:10:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Where you have to activate, I think the trans pizza.

• 1:10:38Matt McCusker?

  Is it under the sack?

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  You get to choose.

• 1:10:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  That would be so nice to get to choose when you had an erection.

• 1:10:42Matt McCusker?

  I think it's just, I don't know, maybe just underneath your sack.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  I think, I think it might be underneath the sack.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  That's what the testicles are, it's a little squeezy.

• 1:10:49Matt McCusker?

  Building it into the sack would be sick, just, you could just literally pump your sack.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, pretty sick. Pump up penis would be nice.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Matt McCusker?

  I'm chased right now for the time being, I'm chased for five days, but.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  No food, no sex?

• 1:11:04Matt McCusker?

  No coming, yeah, no coming.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  Well?

• 1:11:06Matt McCusker?

  No food.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  Let's take this cum talk into the Patreon.

• 1:11:10Matt McCusker?

  True, let's, yeah, we're at an hour already. Yeah, let's, I actually, I got.

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  Let's, if you want to hear about some cum talk.

• 1:11:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Patreon.

• 1:11:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I have, I have some good topics, actually.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  Alright, nice. See you there.