Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack III

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about an animal attack. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Hi. Today we have Animal Attacks, Part Three.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  So, these are scary.

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, animal attacks are very scary.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  They're scary and it's validating.

• 0:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and we got a monkey one, which I love.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  There's one that involves an animal that I also have had some issues with this year. So, you know, I just feel validated.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  You feel validated, yeah, yeah. Seen.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I feel seen.

• 0:29Dax Shepard?

  You will too. Please enjoy Animal Attacks, Part Three. We get support from Quince.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:44Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:24Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:35Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:53Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.

• 2:41Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 3:00Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 3:17Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:02Dax Shepard?

  Is this Laura?

• 4:04Speaker 02

  Hello, it is.

• 4:06Dax Shepard?

  Of course it's Laura, but my mother had a client. Her name's Laura and he always called her Laura.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Okay, I pronounce mine Laura, so not even Laura.

• 4:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, different.

• 4:18Dax Shepard?

  Where are you?

• 4:18Speaker 02

  I'm currently sitting in Canada, but I'm from Delaware. I'm at the scene of the crime.

• 4:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you are. You're returning to heal some past trauma?

• 4:26Speaker 02

  For sure, for sure. No, it's for a friend's bachelorette party, but I made that friend through this story.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Lot of connections.

• 4:34Dax Shepard?

  Delaware is our tiniest state, yeah?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Second smallest. I think Rhode Island's number one.

• 4:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, congratulations, Rhode Island. But it's a teensy little fellow, right?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  She's small. Everybody knows everybody. I can name every high school in the state.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 4:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Aubrey Plaza, one of the only famous people from Delaware. Did acting classes with her.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 4:54Dax Shepard?

  She was always cool?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Always cool. Yeah.

• 4:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, some people are born cool, right, Bonnie?

• 4:58Speaker 01

  They sure are.

• 4:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  In the DNA.

• 5:00Dax Shepard?

  What is very cool is to be attacked by an animal.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:04Dax Shepard?

  Tell us about your animal attack story.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Well, let me set the scene. I was a wilderness canoe trip leader for years in Canada. This particular trip was one of the harder trips that the camp led. And I was given a group of 10, 14 year old boys and me.

• 5:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. What age were you?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  20, probably. Horrible ratio, though. And this particular day was gonna be a doozy. Like, we had to wake up at 5:00 a.m. We were gonna be paddling until 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. But we knew the end of the day was gonna be this section of creeks and portages, like, six portages, six creeks. The creeks were really short in between the longer portages, and so it was exhausting. So I knew we needed to get there early. And so before we started this system of creeks and portages, we were like, everybody, fill up your water jugs and your water bottles, because once you get onto it, it's like muck. Like, it smells bad. There's beaver dams. There's nowhere you can fill up your water. So this has probably taken us five hours to get through these. And we're at the second to last one. Everybody's out of water. Everybody's exhausted. It's a hot day.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  We get to the end, and there's a couple coming up to us. And they're like, hey, there's a moose out there. It's really cool. And we're like, oh, great. Wonderful. We come out that end, and this moose are huge. I actually was like, this is the size of an elephant.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  So we look out, and we're like, oh, this is cool, right? At first, by the way, its entire body is blocking the creek, like, head on one end of the bank and butt on the other end of the bank. So we can't paddle.

• 6:31Dax Shepard?

  Is it a bull or a female, do you know?

• 6:33Speaker 02

  It was a female. Relevant later in the story. So we're admiring, having a good time. Okay, 10 minutes of admiring turns into 20, 30, 40. Now it's been an hour. It's probably 8:30. Everybody's dehydrated. We are one portage away from being done the day and on a lake where we can fill up our water. And the boys are starting to go from like, Laura, like, what the heck? This is your fault, whatever, like joking around, to like silence. Now I'm worried. People are really dehydrated, and we have to get out of here. And so we had a bear horn to scare bears away if they came onto your campsite. We can't move until it moves. So air hornet looks up at us, looks back down, doesn't care. So I'm like, this is a mess. Now it's probably been an hour and a half. Still eating, chilling, not moving.

• 7:17Dax Shepard?

  Phew.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  So I see there's like a rock and I'm like, let me just climb up that rock and look out, survey the land and see if there's any other way to get around this moose. And so I see what I think, like if this is the creek and then there's a big thing of land, grass, marsh, and then it looked like another little creek pathway around that you could circumvent the moose. So we're like, perfect, I've got the solution. Get everybody in the boats. The kids are freaking out. The kid in my boat starts to cry because to do this, we have to pass the moose pretty close. You could like reach out with a paddle to the moose.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Start doing that paddle. It doesn't really care about us. Doesn't really look. We get over. Once we start doing this paddle, I realize that it's like muck. You're sticking your paddle in and heaving the canoes forward, but it's not thick enough to stand in. So if like a kid tried to walk in it, he'd sink. I was afraid they would drown because you can't swim through it. We've like heaved them far enough that going back is going to be really hard. So I'm like, okay, there's land that I can like leap to myself. So I'm going to try that. So I leap onto the shore and as soon as I do it, I'm like, I don't know about this. Like it's giving moose home.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  A lot of moose poop on the ground. And it's a female. So I'm like, what if there's a calf back here? Moose are super territorial. These thoughts are kind of happening and as I'm having them in the calmest voice you've literally ever heard a 16 year old do. He was like, hey Laura. And I was like, yeah. He was like, um, the moose is attacking us.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Turn around, moose is running like dead sprint at us. And if you will picture with me for a second, I'm standing on the land and all of the campers are in boats in front of me. This is a worst case scenario. As a leader, like you gotta be the one that gets attacked.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  You can survive on the land. Moose have bad eyesight, but if they all get attacked and they get into the water, like it's over.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  The adrenaline was rushing so quickly. I really don't know how I managed to do this, but leaped back into the boats all the way to the front leader boat, getting pulling the bear spray, which is like mace times 10. I couldn't think of this in the moment, but afterwards I realized the wind was pushing at us, sort of mace myself and all the campers if I had actually done it, but I didn't. I was like holding. It like a gun. It comes up to a stopstead. Okay. It's like breathing out really loudly. I could pet its nose. It's so close to us.

• 9:33Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Scott like a hoof out. We're staring at each other. And I'm like, oh my God, in this moment, I don't know if this is true because I can't read a moose's thought. But I was like, in this moment, it's deciding if it's gonna genuinely kill us or walk away.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  If it had put one foot in the boat, he could have flipped the boat and the kids would have drowned. Like, we cannot swim in this water we were in, but you'd sink down into it. Your brain works in strange ways when you're going through this. I remember in this moment staring at this moose when my mother was training our dog back in the day. Was like, the best way to train a dog is you alpha male it. Like, you stare it in the eyes. Do not blink. Do not look away. Just stare at it until it puts its head down and walks away. So in this moment, I'm like, I'm gonna alpha male the shit out of this moose. That's the only option I have right now. I stared at it, it stares at me. I don't know how long it lasted. It could have been forever. Out of the corner of my eye, two of the boys paddles in the air like they're about to start beating it.

• 10:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, boys, put the paddles now.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Right, 100%. Two of the boys feed in the water. I'm like, do not do that. Boy in my canoe sobbing. And this one kid we had from Spain, totally oblivious all the time, was like, you guys look a frog over here. And I was like, there's a fucking moose.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Eventually, it looks down and walks away. So I'm like, I alpha male, I'm freaking out, right? We paddle as fast as we can to this next lake. And the real moral of the story is we go back to the summer camp. They're teenage boys, so they start exaggerating this story and telling all these insane things. And so by my last year at this summer camp, I had this little boy come up to me, he's like probably seven, come up to me and be like, you're that girl that killed a moose with its bare hands. It ate its heart raw. I was like, yeah, that was me that did that. So if anybody's listening, I guess I'm making myself sound less cool.

• 11:15Dax Shepard?

  The fact that you just held your position is warrior status.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  It is.

• 11:20Dax Shepard?

  I mean, the head on that thing is bigger than this coffee table. I mean, it's just so enormous. They get to 1,800 pounds.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  No, they're enormous.

• 11:28Dax Shepard?

  Did you have any piddle in your slacks when this was all over?

• 11:30Speaker 02

  1,000%. And they also, have you heard of this concept of tracker bears? Where like they will hunt you basically. And kill you in the woods.

• 11:39Dax Shepard?

  No, tell us about tracker bears.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Everybody's so afraid of them up there, especially the kids, but you'll see them once a day, the bear. And you'll be like, is that the same bear? And it's like following you.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Oh, it's like a stalker.

• 11:50Dax Shepard?

  They should call it stalker bear, not tracker bear.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  That is not a concept with moose, but all of them were like, we're gonna have a tracker moose is gonna find our campsite. We're gonna get murdered. So I spent the whole night awake trying to comfort.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  What a horrible job. I'm impressed and we need people to do that, but wow.

• 12:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, everyone should continue doing it and it's good for kids.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 12:12Dax Shepard?

  There's like a teenager out there protecting pre-teens from a moose.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  I know, but you're doing such a good job. I'm impressed.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have paddled over there. If we had waited another thirty, maybe it would have moved.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but everyone was like passing out. Basically you were in a bad situation.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  It was genuinely scary. I was like, genuinely, I'm gonna lose my life today.

• 12:33Dax Shepard?

  But these boys thought you were so radical afterwards?

• 12:35Speaker 02

  Yes, but they told everybody at the camp, we killed the moose. So I'm not sure.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  So many rumors start flying.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:43Dax Shepard?

  An investigation by fishing game.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:46Dax Shepard?

  What's the situation with mosquitoes and black flies and all that stuff?

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Oh my God, you've never seen anything like it. Well, I was doing a portage one time with a pink rain jacket on. So many mosquitoes and flies on my wrist. I couldn't see the pink anymore.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  No, no, nope, nope. I'm good.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  So bad, but it gets better. Once you're in like August.

• 13:04Dax Shepard?

  So you're just up for fun right now?

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, just a bachelorette party. It's my friend Rachel's bachelorette party.

• 13:08Dax Shepard?

  Any portaging?

• 13:09Speaker 02

  We're actually going back to the town where the camp is run, but we're not doing a canoe trip. It's a bachelorette party. You know what happens? Could I do a quick shout out before we end? I just wanted to shout out my friend Lori, who's like the biggest armchair in the world and she's got some great stories. So maybe you'll meet her one day.

• 13:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, look forward to it.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Fingers crossed.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  My wonderful fiance Nick, who listens to every episode in the car with me. And my friend Sally and Joe, whose room I'm in right now, their craft room.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Oh, craft room. That sounds so fun.

• 13:36Dax Shepard?

  Shout out to everyone. Well, have a great time.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Thank you guys so much. It was so nice meeting you.

• 13:40Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 13:43Dax Shepard?

  Sarah?

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 13:44Dax Shepard?

  How you doing?

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Good. How are you guys?

• 13:47Dax Shepard?

  Good. Look how many long flowing dresses you have.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Well, this is my long hang section.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Oh, I love a long hang section.

• 13:54Dax Shepard?

  Are you a Stevie Nicks fan?

• 13:56Speaker 03

  I like Stevie Nicks, but I mean, I wouldn't say I'm a super fan.

• 13:59Dax Shepard?

  You're kind of an innocuous question. Everybody likes Stevie Nicks.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:03Dax Shepard?

  Do you have a whimsical flowy dress vibe in the summer?

• 14:06Speaker 03

  I turned 50 this year and yes, I've kind of adopted that. I just don't give a crap what I look like and I just want to be like myself and be comfortable.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Dress is very in.

• 14:17Dax Shepard?

  You picked a great time to be comfortable because it's in.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Thank you. And speaking of Stevie Nicks, Monica Taylor, last night at the NBA.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  About to bring it up.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  What happened?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  The Knicks won.

• 14:28Dax Shepard?

  The Stevie Nicks?

• 14:29Speaker 01

  And Taylor was there and had a shirt that said Stevie Nicks.

• 14:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she did? Oh, that's clever.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Anyway, thank you for seeing me when you saw that.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  You guys don't know this, but we're all really good friends because I spend a lot of time with both of you.

• 14:44Dax Shepard?

  No, we do know that. We know that feeling quite well. Our parasocial relationship is coming tomorrow. David Sedaris is coming back.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  My favorite.

• 14:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you have an animal attack story. Where are you in the country?

• 14:56Speaker 03

  So I am in Beverly Farms, Massachusetts. Now that is 20 miles north of Boston and it is what Beverly Hills was named after.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  No way.

• 15:08Dax Shepard?

  Explain. Tell us that.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  So it's fancy.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  I just know that President Taft used to vacation here in this town and that this is where Beverly Hills got its name. Something about the rolling hills and I haven't done the full Wikipedia, but that's what I hear. But this story takes place in my hometown, which is right next door, five minutes away, which is Manchester by the Sea.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a very sad movie.

• 15:31Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say permanently make you sad now. They kind of ruined the name.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  They did, and it's not actually a good reflection of the town. The town is much more mellow and very cheery and a beautiful place to grow up. So this story takes place about nine years ago in April and I am a dog lover. Monica, sorry.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Don't apologize.

• 15:51Dax Shepard?

  Sorry.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Now people are apologizing for liking dogs.

• 15:54Dax Shepard?

  Sorry, I don't hate dogs, Monica.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  I've always had a bunch of dogs and walking them and taking care of them is just like very therapeutic. It's just one of the loves of my life. So in this particular story, I had my own two dogs and I was also taking care of my sister's dog and a friend's six month old puppy. Because I had four really active, energetic dogs, I'm thinking I want to discharge their batteries early in the morning, take them for a really good like off leash walk. We'll blow it out in the morning and then they'll rest all day. Perfect. It's like kids. You just want to kind of like tire them out and then they're good. So I take them to a trail in Manchester where I've walked many times before and it's early in the morning and I'm thinking, okay, like off leash, I had brought two leashes with me because I only usually had two dogs with me.

• 16:38Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  And we start in on the trail and let me just explain kind of the dynamic. So there's my sister's dog's fine. This puppy's great. One of my dogs is an English setter and that is a bird hunting dog and these dogs are athletes. He is amazing. He runs in the woods checking in with me and all of a sudden I hear him barking really loudly, maybe hundred and fifty yards into the woods and I can't see him, but I can hear him and very quickly the barks turn to only what I can describe as dog screaming.

• 17:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  And now I look down and I have three other dogs with me. It felt like it took me two hours to come to this conclusion, but it was probably ten seconds. And I quickly had a puppy and a larger dog to a tree. And I start running through the woods with one dog still following me towards his cries. And I come to a clearing. I finally find Billy. Now this is New England woods. It's branches, it's leaves, it's a disaster. And I see Billy in the middle of a clearing. There are three coyotes just taking turns lunging.

• 17:46Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Grabbing at him.

• 17:47Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 17:59Dax Shepard?

  This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work,

• 18:44Dax Shepard?

  and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from "I've been working on this" to "Here it is, come find me." All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 19:39Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz, and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really...

• 19:59Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard... That you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp.

• 20:07Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy, free shipping right to your door. And what they're happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 20:37Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 21:36Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 21:55Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Billy, he's like a 60 pound dog who is used for hunting. I mean, he's a good sized dog. The coyotes where we are are a little different, I think, than the coyotes where you guys are. The eastern coyotes are definitely like a 50 50 wolf coyote hybrid. So they're big. They can be anywhere from, I think around 35 to 60 pounds. And these were pretty big coyotes. And there was three of them. They're going at him and I'm standing there for like one second. And then I'm like, well, I'm not going to watch this happen. Like, I gotta do it. It's like your kid, you know, you're like, I gotta do something. So I run in and I just grab Billy by the back of the neck and break the blow of his tail. And I'm just dragging him out of the woods and I'm holding him and they're grabbing at his legs.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Oh, even while you're, oh my God.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:00Dax Shepard?

  And didn't you say you had another dog with you, though? Did you bring one dog to the scene?

• 23:03Speaker 03

  I had one dog with me and he was kind of just staying back, which is obviously really smart. And I'm now playing tug of war with my dog's body and these coyotes.

• 23:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  And I'm screaming. And this is like one of those moments, you guys, where you look around, you're like, well, where's the adult? You're like, oh, my God, it's me. I'm the adult here. So I'm kicking and I'm screaming and I finally made contact with one of them and it kind of like backs off because I kicked it so hard. And another one backs off. So now I've got one kind of following us, but not grabbing at the dog. And I'm not a big person. I'm 5'5". So I'm carrying a 60 pound dog. There's definitely that moment where you're like adrenaline.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  And I'm dragging him and carrying him. And now it occurs to me that I've tied two other dogs to a tree somewhere in the wood. And I don't know where the other two coyotes went. And I'm like, oh. My God, I have to get back there. So now I'm dragging Billy to have him like just in my arms, blood everywhere. I'm running and I'm running backwards because if you turn your back on a coyote, Monica, this is good for you to know. If you turn your back, they chase. If you face them, they stop immediately.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Normally you hear like they don't like humans. So if there's like a human in the mix, they'll run away, but they're not.

• 24:24Dax Shepard?

  But they're not attacking her.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  They're after him in my arms.

• 24:28Dax Shepard?

  She's holding cold cuts, you know, and they think they can just grab a little bit.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Totally. And so I'm kind of going backwards and turning around every few seconds to keep that one coyote back. And I get to the tree and I see the other two dogs and they're okay. And I quickly unhook leashes, like I call it a yard sale, like everything just got left. And I'm kicking dogs. I'm kicking them and screaming. I'm like, go, go, just get out of here as fast as we can. And one of the dogs I unhooked is my dog Remy, who's this big Mississippi Street dog lab. He's just the smartest, coolest dog. And he knew exactly how to handle the situation. He turns around and just starts lunging, but not making contact. And he's lunging. And then it's giving me time to kind of like get a little further away with Billy,

• 25:16Speaker 03

  who I'm now like basically dragging on the ground through the leaves, bleeding a mess. And all the dogs are running and finally Remy keeps that coyote far enough back that it stops escorting us out. It was basically escorting us out of its territory. We get to the car, I throw everybody in. I could probably tell you another story about an unauthorized situation, but it didn't happen. It was the scariest thing. So we get in the car and I call the vet and I'm like, I'm coming in hot. I don't know what I'm coming in with. Billy's not making noise anymore. The other dogs, the one that was with me got a big bite taken out of the back of his leg. And I'm like, whatever triage, he's okay, but we gotta get Billy. We get there and I bring Billy

• 25:56Speaker 03

  in. He's mangled. He's eviscerated. Those coyotes, their job is to kill things as quickly as possible. So they go for head, neck, soft belly, under the arms, the softest. He's just torn to shreds. They stabilize him. They sedate him and they're like, you know, he's gonna need to go to a bigger vet closer to Boston. So at that point, my husband had come and he had taken the other three dogs. He took them to another vet. They're getting rabies boosters. I mean, it's just a total disaster. I bring him to the bigger vet and they take him in back and they're just like, listen, his intestines are coming out of it. Like, he's a mess. They're like, we don't know what's gonna happen. So after hours and hours in surgery, internal stitching,

• 26:40Speaker 03

  external stitching, he made it. He came out of it. I sent you guys some pictures and it's him right after the attack.

• 26:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he's a sad boy, but he's a good boy.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  This is so upsetting.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  And those are drains you can see coming out of him. And then the last pictures of him with my son.

• 27:06Dax Shepard?

  In this one, he looks like a wise professor when he's with your son.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  He's the best dog. He's actually 15 years old now. And I still have Remy, my hero, who kept the coyotes back. And he's still with us too. And they're my buddies. And it was such a crazy story. But I have to say, after I got over the shock of it, it was one of those moments where this horrific thing happens and you make it and you make good decisions and you you figure it out. And afterward, you're so empowered by it. You're like, oh, my God, I'm such a badass.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  The nightmare happened and you rose to the occasion.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I still take them, well, not as much anymore because now they're really old, but I do still take them in the woods all the time. I just now I make a lot more noise when I'm walking because I think what we determined after talking to a lot of different people who know wildlife, they said that what likely happened because there was three coyotes together, which doesn't always happen, Billy got too close to a den that had pups. And that's what happens in early April. It was just like the perfect storm. We just were too close. He surprised them. And I think, Monica, what you think is correct. If you make a ton of noise and you're Just living your life normally and walking, they're not gonna try and take on a person or even a healthy dog.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  It's just that if one threatens where they have babies, they have to get rid of the threat.

• 28:30Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's funny you'd point that out because what I was just about to say is I am fascinated by the power of identity. When a woman has decided she's the mother of something and breadth of what they're capable of just goes up exponentially.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. It was not even a question. It was, I'm going in. What's the worst that can happen?

• 28:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but you deduct your baby from that scenario and you're not going anywhere near a fucking coyote.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:55Dax Shepard?

  It's really impressive.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  I do still have a little PTSD, though. When I do see a coyote, I kind of get like a rapid heartbeat and I'm like, okay, no, it's okay.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  I hate them. You know, you could bring wolf pee with you. It's a deterrent. I bought a bunch of it.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  I bring bear spray. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. I might not use it correctly and then I'll end up now blind.

• 29:13Dax Shepard?

  There's always a great risk that you'll spray yourself. You'll shoot it upwind and then you're fucked. It's funny, the one photo of him, he's just got his head kind of slung low and he's fresh out of clearly the vet. This is the exact same look that Frank had when he was gouged from, remember he went under the fence? And then he was trying to come back under and two coyotes were getting him from behind as he got back under. They just had the most stunned, they're like paralytic for a while.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Really?

• 29:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like obviously like probably the adrenaline dump and then afterwards are just like sedated.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Well, I think they're so like humble too.

• 29:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  I mean, most of my dogs, whenever they see a coyote, they're like, I'm gonna take that asshole. Like they're so on it. But I think when one gets the better of them, they're like, oh shit, that thing is.

• 29:59Dax Shepard?

  I didn't know you got down like that. I thought we were gonna like nip at each other.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Exactly, totally.

• 30:04Dax Shepard?

  Sniff each other's ass, nip nip and then on our way.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  I thought we were here for a good time.

• 30:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Sarah, what a valiant defense.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Thank you. Do you guys mind if I do some shout out?

• 30:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, we love it. We love a shout.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  So my family, my husband, Tim, and my kids, Callie and Ben, I have to give them a shout out because all I ever do is I'm like, you guys, I have to tell you what Dax and Monica were saying today.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Your poor family.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  And then the two people that introduced me to you guys are my cousins Cara and Katie. And I'm sure they're going to submit a story at some point, but I'm so glad that I found you guys because I have more fun listening to you.

• 30:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you. Thank you, Cara and Katie.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:44Dax Shepard?

  Sarah, thank you so much. That was a great story.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, thanks. This is fun.

• 30:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay, take care.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Hello, guys.

• 30:53Dax Shepard?

  Hi, Darren. Where are you?

• 30:55Speaker 04

  I live in Kentucky, but I actually am visiting family in Ireland at the moment.

• 31:00Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say, you do not sound like you've got the Appalachian drawl. Yeah.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:06Dax Shepard?

  Where in Ireland?

• 31:06Speaker 04

  I'm from the west of Ireland. It's a great place to be from.

• 31:10Dax Shepard?

  Did you have to pause to let any sheep pass as you approached your family's houses?

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Well, I live on a farm, so there's no shortage of animals around here. So it is very rural, as you might imagine.

• 31:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What brought you to Kentucky? I mean, this is a very famous migration. Most of the people in Kentucky are Scots-Irish.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  For sure. Kentucky's two signature industries are horses and bourbon. So it's, it's horses that brought me to Kentucky.

• 31:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, to Lexington?

• 31:35Speaker 04

  Correct.

• 31:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no kidding. And what do you do with horses?

• 31:37Speaker 04

  I work in sales for a stud firm.

• 31:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And without divulging anyone's personal secrets, I am always shocked when I watch these documentaries. Some of the fees that these studs reach, right? If they're like Kentucky Derby winners or whatever, like what's the most expensive horse you've seen sold?

• 31:54Speaker 04

  One recently was 10.5 million down in Ocala, Florida for a two-year-old.

• 32:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, 10 and a half million.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  For a two-year-old?

• 32:03Dax Shepard?

  Wanna go for a horse?

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Oh, a two-year-old horse.

• 32:05Dax Shepard?

  That could get a cold and die. It's not like a car that, I mean, it's wild.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  I know.

• 32:10Dax Shepard?

  But how much can that $10 million horse then produce in sperm?

• 32:14Speaker 04

  Exactly. The top of the market, stallions are standing for a quarter of a million a service per mare. And they could breed up to 200 mares in a season. So you do the math. It adds up pretty fast.

• 32:25Dax Shepard?

  I gotta get in the horse racket.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  I wonder if it was that lady who told me I could play black in Ocala.

• 32:32Dax Shepard?

  You think it might have been her?

• 32:33Speaker 01

  I hope so.

• 32:34Dax Shepard?

  Who bought or sold the horse?

• 32:35Speaker 01

  I hope for her that she's thriving with that horse.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have an animal attack story?

• 32:41Speaker 04

  I do. Does not involve horses. Takes place about 20 years ago in Thailand.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:48Dax Shepard?

  You will not stay put.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  This is great. Lots of locations.

• 32:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a James Bond film.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  Me and the girl I was dating at the time, let's call her Jill. So we were in the middle of a two-week vacation, having a great time. For reference, it was a buddy year or two after the tsunami it hit, so parts of it were still getting back on its feet, but it was still open for business and tourism was in full flight. This story takes place on Koh Phi Phi, which is obviously a beautiful islands off the coast of Thailand. And there, we decided to take a sunset cruise. Now, part of the main attraction for this cruise for me was getting to tour Maya Bay, which is the movie made famous by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Beach.

• 33:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Krabi, right? Is that right there too?

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly.

• 33:32Dax Shepard?

  Those incredible little outgrowths in the middle of the ocean that look like upside down mountains.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  That movie came out when we were in our early twenties and obviously with a lot of wanderlust, we watched it more than once and it was popular in our friendship circle. So again, that was the main attraction for this sunset cruise. And so about 75 people went on the cruise that evening. And as we took off, our first port of call was Monkey Beach.

• 33:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  And so as this was a decent sized ship, we dock some ways from the, from the shore. There were a number of options to get to the beach. You could either wait for the dinghy to ferry you over, you could swim, or you could snorkel. Now, this is a good time to mention that I can't swim.

• 34:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Oh my god, we share.

• 34:20Dax Shepard?

  That seems crazy. You're from a country surrounded by water.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Half of us here can't swim. It's really cool.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  It's a bit of a cliche in Ireland, but anyway, I will say Jill was a strong swimmer. She was actually a qualified lifeguard. And we had been a bit adventurous. I was actually doing some snorkeling. I was using a life jacket around my waist and had clocked maybe Sixty ninety minute sessions with amazing, you know, sea life and offer. So I definitely had an overinflated sense of confidence in my abilities.

• 34:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 34:51Speaker 04

  And so I took option C, which was to snorkel.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Without a live fest.

• 34:58Dax Shepard?

  This is a terrible plan.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. This is such a man thing to do.

• 35:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it sounds like a plan I would be in the middle of.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  And so I grabbed the snorkel and a pair of flippers and I make my way down into the water. I set off from the ship and after about fifteen, twenty seconds, I I take my head up to see how I'm doing. And I was quite shocked by how much further it looked from eye level than it did from on top of the ship. And so I look back and I have made hardly any progress and I start to panic. And so I drop the head and just absolutely power it to the shore. I do it in one movement without stopping or looking up again. Thankfully, make it to the shore and I'm beyond exhausted. Honestly, thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack, but I gather myself and I look over and Jill

• 35:47Speaker 04

  must have been in one of the first boats because she is on her haunches with the tour guide feeding the monkeys. And it's all going well. But then I guess what happened, she had her her fist kind of semi closed and there was a piece of banana on her index finger. And I guess one of the monkeys thought she was withholding banana from it. It got angry and it literally jumped up and sunk its teeth into her forearm.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:15Dax Shepard?

  Are these macaques? Do you know? Is that what we're dealing with?

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Were small, maybe knee high. I didn't get what what type they were, but they were small and there were many.

• 36:22Dax Shepard?

  Bastards, yes.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh. And so Jill obviously freaks out. She jumps up. She's got a monkey attached to her arm. She's swinging it around. It's still attached.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 36:35Dax Shepard?

  Think of the damage it's doing to the t- soft tissue. Yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Finally, after, I don't know how long, ten fifteen seconds, it let go, but it starts screaming bloody murder. And it raises the alarm.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Thirty other monkeys come charging towards Jill.

• 37:02Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our presenting sponsor YouTube Premium. Now, you already know I'm a big YouTube person. It's incredible on its own, but Premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long two-hour deep dives, you name it. Motorcycles, travel, cars.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 37:28Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad-free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane Wi-Fi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 38:10Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight

• 38:54Dax Shepard?

  who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if If you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundao with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundao is available by prescription only

• 39:41Speaker 05

  in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundao.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundao.

• 39:56Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl, and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.

• 40:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers? Because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them, and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.

• 40:28Dax Shepard?

  Great, great, great.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.

• 40:43Dax Shepard?

  Roger.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie, and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.

• 40:56Dax Shepard?

  So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?

• 41:02Speaker 01

  You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  This all happened pretty fast, but I look around and the tour guides are doing nothing. I look to my right, everyone who had been approaching the shore stopped in knee-high water and were not advancing any further. They're all watching with their mouths open. And I'm going, what the heck? Like, this is my girlfriend. I have to defend her. And so I jump in front of her and I start charging back this group of 30-plus monkeys. I honestly couldn't tell you how many it was. I'm swinging kicks. I'm throwing punches. I'm doing anything I can to literally fight this group of monkeys.

• 41:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god. This is my dream and nightmare all at once. Yeah, it's like, I want this to happen and I don't want it to happen.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  I will say, they were small and they were fast. I don't think I actually made any contact with any of them.

• 42:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. If anyone from PETA's listening.

• 42:11Speaker 06

  Really? Like, no one's even making contact?

• 42:13Dax Shepard?

  No, you look like you're fighting a fly. Yeah, like you're having a fucking manic break.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Despite all my best efforts, obviously I did not connect with them. What I did manage to do was thwart the attack. It dissipated them. It scattered them in different directions. And we're surprised how quickly the temperature just simmered in their group. And so we all retreated and Jill got some much-needed first aid's attention. She got a bandage on her arm.

• 42:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, she needs some rabies. Yeah, she needs some shots.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  That's where I'm going.

• 42:43Speaker 06

  Oh my god. If this ends with Jill getting rabies.

• 42:46Dax Shepard?

  Being rabid, foaming at them out.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Her arm gets bandaged and that's the end of the monkey feeding session, clearly. And everyone starts to make their way back to the boat, the way they came. Well, that's great for everybody except me, because I'm here with my snorkel and Flipper's going, ain't no way I'm going back in that water again. And so the last two people to make it to the shore were these two bikini-clad girls on some sort of small banana boat flotation device that just about the two of them could fit on. And they were having the time of their lives. They were giggling, laughing, but they had two kayak paddles and it looked like it was their first time ever using a kayak paddle. So I look around, I've got no other options. And so I have to swallow my pride, cap in hand and approach these two nice ladies and go,

• 43:34Speaker 04

  is there any way I could catch a ride with you back to the ship?

• 43:39Speaker 06

  Good for you.

• 43:40Dax Shepard?

  But really quick, Darren, what the fuck is this tour operation doing? Why can't they make two trips in the boat? Why is this your problem?

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Again, this happened 20 years ago. Everyone disappeared. I don't know, would they have left without me? Fortunately not, but this was me in the moment, just wanting to get back to the ship. I asked the girls and they were very nice. They said, absolutely, but you gotta jump in the middle. And I said, actually, I'm pretty good at paddling. Why don't I grab one of the paddles and then we'll get back in a jiffy? They both responded in unison. If you want to ride, you gotta sit in the middle. They were slow on the way over. They were slower on the way back with my extra weight. And so by the time we're getting back, everyone is on the ship. They're all leaning overboard going, what is the holdup? And as we approach the ship, I hear someone say, look, there's the guy who was fighting the monkey. So that was about as much attention as I needed for the entire trip.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  But as manic and as wild as that incident was, we got back on the ship. We finished our excursion. We made it to Maya Bay. It was absolutely beautiful. We met some friends, got some great pictures. And on the way back to Copi, they cooked up a gorgeous rice meal and it was really finished really beautifully, the trip. And so we get back to shore and we find a clinic. And of course, like you said, the nurse changes her bandage and goes, you need a rabies shot. And so she got her first shot there and then, and then said every two days, we needed to find a clinic and get, I think, I think it was three shots in total, but don't quote me on that.

• 45:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, these rabies shots are like advanced, like you have to keep going.

• 45:06Dax Shepard?

  It's not one and done.

• 45:07Speaker 06

  Crazy thing.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  And so we get back to the hotel room that night and I do a little light internet research. Obviously we don't have rabies in Ireland and Old Yeller was my only point of reference. I knew it wasn't good, but as I researched more and more, I think to myself, maybe we should get separate rooms for a few nights. You know, just to be on the safe side. For the trauma Jill had gone through, I kept those thoughts to myself, which was the right move. In all fairness, I didn't think the monkey was rabid. It was just an unfortunate banana misunderstanding and that's how it played out. The rest of our Trip was fantastic and it was definitely one of the most beautiful vacations I've ever taken and certainly one of the most memorable.

• 45:45Dax Shepard?

  I presume because we're using a fake name, you didn't stay with Jill?

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Unfortunately not. I moved to Kentucky Lexington and met my now lovely wife, who is also from the States.

• 45:55Dax Shepard?

  You're chasing your horse dreams.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 45:59Dax Shepard?

  Well, what a great story.

• 46:01Speaker 06

  Great story.

• 46:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:02Speaker 06

  Loved it.

• 46:02Dax Shepard?

  I love that you ended up on one of those emasculating banana boats on the way back.

• 46:07Speaker 06

  You had like a lot of components.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  Full range of masculinity. It's like you were a hero and then you were.

• 46:12Speaker 06

  No, also you were, you had bravado for no reason. And then you were an actual hero, kind of. And then you were humbled.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Humbling aside, I was equally as happy just to be not in the water, getting that ride back. So I did thank them in the moment, but I didn't thank them enough for saving me on the way back.

• 46:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, in the off chance there are cherries, if you were in a banana boat in 2006.

• 46:34Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 46:35Dax Shepard?

  And had a large Irishman get in your boat.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  Hopefully it's memorable for them.

• 46:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure you don't forget that. Well, Darren, what a delight meeting you, sir.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  And you too. I will say I've been a listener from day one. During COVID, you guys were lifeline. So again, thank you again. Love the show and will continue to listen.

• 46:54Dax Shepard?

  My pleasure. Have you swam since?

• 46:57Speaker 04

  So actually the last year I have made a concerted effort and I will say freestyle was the one stroke I wanted to master. The breathing underwater side to side. So I can do like a length in a 25 meter pool, catch a 10 second break and come back. So that's the level I'm at. I can do maybe 15 laps in a, in a 25 meter pool.

• 47:16Speaker 06

  Oh, you can.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  You're a swimmer. Yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  Treading water and in deep water, I panic.

• 47:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  Still, I haven't overcome that hurdle.

• 47:24Speaker 06

  I think you might make it to the Olympics.

• 47:26Dax Shepard?

  I think, yeah, I would rule out LA 2030 or whatever the hell it is.

• 47:34Dax Shepard?

  What if we went to the.

• 47:34Speaker 06

  I know. We see Darren there.

• 47:36Dax Shepard?

  USC swim complex.

• 47:38Speaker 06

  What a story.

• 47:39Dax Shepard?

  Darren, yeah. And the monkeys there cheering them on like full circle. The girls in the boat are floating around photographing.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  I'm sensing an AI generated image in my future.

• 47:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, feed that in, Rob. All right, Darren, we'll have a great trip to Ireland.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Thank you so much, guys. Thanks again.

• 47:56Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Bye bye.

• 47:58Dax Shepard?

  Christie, can you hear us?

• 48:00Speaker 01

  I can hear you. Can you hear me?

• 48:01Dax Shepard?

  Beautifully. Hold on, I'm seeing a lot of ribbons, accolades. What's happening?

• 48:07Speaker 01

  I took your advice and I'm in my.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Closet and she's obsessed with softball.

• 48:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Is she a player?

• 48:13Speaker 02

  This is actually her first like serious year and she's getting into pitching and I was freakishly obsessed with softball as well. So it's cool that she likes it and she's actually pretty decent, but they get cooler stuff. Because I used to get like the stupid ugly plastic trophies and they get like these rings.

• 48:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. I'd way rather have that big old obnoxious ring. That's like a Super Bowl ring.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  And it's like heavy. She thinks that it's real and I'm like, yeah, it's totally real gold.

• 48:40Speaker 06

  There's also like a Groot like character back there.

• 48:43Dax Shepard?

  Or Jesus.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  No, that's Jesus.

• 48:45Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 48:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  And actually, this is backup Jesus. Regular Jesus does not leave. I know Dax, you have a Delta, but we have Della.

• 48:54Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  Fun.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, regular Jesus doesn't leave Della's side. He was actually even in our family pictures. So this is backup.

• 49:00Dax Shepard?

  This is the first time I'm seeing a Jesus stuffy. I didn't even know if the Protestants wouldn't like that. Maybe the Catholics would. Where we at with stuffy Jesus?

• 49:11Speaker 02

  They do go to Catholic school.

• 49:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  But we were raised very Lutheran and not as strict, so.

• 49:17Dax Shepard?

  Got it. I think it's adorable. I've never seen it. The cutest thing for the listener about the baby Jesus. Is that he comes with a little cloak on, like he has a little tunic on.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  But sometimes she likes to take the robe off and I feel like it's a little sacrilege.

• 49:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she wants to see his naughty. Jesus is naughty undies.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  And she's nine, so she's not doing it on purpose, but I'm also like, Della, you kind of need to chill with Jesus.

• 49:43Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Christie, where are you?

• 49:44Speaker 02

  I am in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I'm from Minnesota, so huge Vikings fan, but I did move to Packers country and now I've been in Eau Claire, Wisconsin for 20 years.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just looking at a map on Instagram of drinking rates.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. We're number one.

• 50:01Dax Shepard?

  You're not just number one. You're like number one the way Shaun White won the gold. So it's an outline of the whole country. And you see each state and then there's a color sequence and red is like the highest drinking. I'm taking maybe only five or six states have little red dots and Wisconsin is on fire. It's just a smear of red. And I was like, wow, go get it, Wisconsin.

• 50:21Speaker 06

  I'm surprised.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  I think it's the really cold winters. There's nothing else to do, but also in the summer.

• 50:26Speaker 06

  Then you're celebrating that there's at least one day of 80 degrees, so you have to drink.

• 50:30Dax Shepard?

  I was a little disappointed Michigan wasn't a hotter spot. I'm surprised the South isn't. I was too. The South is not at all. It's like, it was in the greens because of the Bible Belt, I think. Right, but. It's offsetting. Wow. Second to you guys was Wyoming. They're getting it on up there.

• 50:45Speaker 06

  And North Dakota, because there's nothing else to do there.

• 50:47Dax Shepard?

  Interesting. Yeah, man. Okay, great. So we covered drinking, uh, Wisconsin. Okay, you have a animal attack story.

• 50:53Speaker 06

  I do have an animal attack story. So last year I had just gotten a brand new bike and my son was playing baseball at the baseball fields by us. And so I decided to ride my bike there. And anywhere I go on my bike, it's usually like five miles, but to get to his baseball game, it was uphill, like this little bike path. Eau Claire has a ton of bike paths. And so I went up this hill on this bike path into the left is woods and then to the right is a really narrow street. So there's no shoulder, like you can't pull over. And his game ended and they're actually fundraising to get lights on the fields because they don't have lights. So the games have to end by dusk. And his did.

• 51:33Dax Shepard?

  But Chrissy, let's be honest, in Wisconsin in the summer, that's 10 PM.

• 51:37Speaker 06

  Well, it was May, so it was closer to like eight, but it was getting to be dusk and I didn't know that this was going to be a factor until later on. But then I came back down this bike trail hill and I just, for the record, I absolutely love animals and I know Peta might hate me, but like, I will pet any animal. I have like a squirrel house that I have on my own. Like I love animals. The only reason my husband would ever divorce me, like I would never cheat on him, but I'd come home with like seven dogs. But I was coming down this hill on the trail and so now the woods are to my right and then the street is to my left. And I'm very nearsighted. I should wear glasses. I have glasses and contacts, but I don't ever wear them.

• 52:21Speaker 06

  So I couldn't see what was far away, but I did see two big balls and I thought it was either like big balls of fur or big balls of feather. Like I didn't know what it was, but either way I was gonna pet it. Oh.

• 52:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, either way.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  Regardless. I'm here for it. Like I'll slow down because otherwise I'm going super fast. Almost like a compulsion you had.

• 52:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it sounds like a condition.

• 52:43Speaker 06

  Yeah. Oh, it is.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  So I'm going down this hill and I do start to slow down because I do want to pet this, whatever it is. And as I get closer, I realize that there are two huge turkeys. And still in my mind, I didn't know enough to know that maybe they aren't friendly, but I'm like getting off my bike. And let's pet these feathers. Oh, my God. I go to try to touch this first turkey and it just starts immediately like pecking at me. And its beak is long and sharp, but they're also like really ugly animals and I still wanted to pet it. And it was pecking at me instantly, like there was nothing I could do. And I did get off my bike, but it was a brand new bike and I didn't have insurance or anything on the bike.

• 53:29Speaker 06

  So I'm like, I'm going to sacrifice my body instead of this bike. I don't want them to pop a tire.

• 53:33Dax Shepard?

  Questionable decisions. I don't think they could injure a bike.

• 53:36Speaker 06

  I was worried about the tires. I didn't know then how much tires cost. So I was like, I'm not going to lose this tire. And so I was like, hard pass. I'm done. I don't want to pet you anymore. I'm just going to go away. Well, I start trying to get back on my bike to go away and they maliciously start attacking the back of my leg.

• 53:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, with their talons or their beaks?

• 53:57Speaker 06

  So they also have talons and I didn't realize that at the time their feet have like hooks on them. And so they were both like kicking and pecking at me. And I don't know if the one fatter one was like special or something, but instead of like 90 degree pecking me, it was curving downward. So when it would peck my leg, it was like breaking skin and scraping along my leg.

• 54:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. They sensed fear maybe and they're like, oh, we have the upper hand here. I'm the captain now.

• 54:27Speaker 06

  I think they sensed fear, but I also think during this time in the spring and being. Dusk, they were also like in the mating ritual and I was like cock blocking them.

• 54:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, and they're testosteroneed up. They're raging.

• 54:39Speaker 06

  I don't want any part of you. I just want to leave. But later on, when I looked all these turkey facts up, I realized that they have a chase instinct. So if you do try to ride away, they want to fly and they want to chase you. It's like an adrenaline rush to them.

• 54:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, instinctual.

• 54:57Speaker 06

  So once they've set their sights on you, they're very instinctive to try to chase you away and follow with you. So at this point, I'm like, this is no joke, fight or flight. Like I have to do something. And so I kind of just passed my bike to the side and I'm like, I'm ready to fight. I don't know what else to do.

• 55:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 06

  So I start trying to punch it in the breast because I'm like, I don't know, we eat the breast. Maybe that's sensitive. That's the only part I could get to. Because if I try to punch the beak, it'll look like I have bloody knuckles.

• 55:28Dax Shepard?

  Punching a knife, yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly. And so I tried to punch it like two times and it's almost like they were laughing at me because they like back up, but then they came closer to me.

• 55:38Dax Shepard?

  My instinct is like they're low, I have feet, let's kick.

• 55:41Speaker 06

  They were already attacking my legs, so I was trying to kick them. But at the same time, I was like, if anything takes the brunt of this, I want it to be my feet. So I was like giving them my legs, like sacrifice the legs. Everything else is whatever. And also, my parents are going to kill me for saying this, but two years before this, I had gotten breast implants. After having kids, I was trying to protect the investment. So I also didn't want that part of my body. You were saving a lot of money throughout this entire scenario.

• 56:10Dax Shepard?

  This is, I gotta be honest, and I hope you take this as the compliment, and this is the most Midwestern story we've ever heard.

• 56:16Speaker 06

  I thought that.

• 56:17Dax Shepard?

  And so anyways, and even the details here with the cost of the bike tires, it's just so Midwestern.

• 56:21Speaker 06

  I know. And it started out funny, like. At first I was laughing like these turkeys are really trying to come at me kind of thing. But then I was like, what if they do poke me? And now this expensive surgery is at risk. So then, because I was on a bike, I didn't have a backpack or anything, but I had like an armband. I used to be a runner and so when I switched to biking, I just kept the same armband that holds my phone. And I'm like, my husband and kids were just at the game. I need to call him and tell him I'm basically being attacked. So I get my phone out as they're still attacking me. This entire time, they're still attacking me, like they are relentless. And so I get it out and I call my husband and I'm like, Kyle, you need to come to Domber Park, like I am being attacked by these turkeys. And he's like, what?

• 57:06Speaker 06

  And then he has the balls to be annoyed by me and he's like, I can't hear you. All I hear is gobbling. And I'm like, I know.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  How does that not queued into like, maybe I'm being attacked by these turkeys? I am being attacked by turkeys. That's what the gobbling is.

• 57:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and that's exactly what I'm asking for your help with. If you're annoyed, imagine how annoyed I am.

• 57:30Speaker 06

  And I think he finally got it and I don't know if I just got pissed and hung up, but I ended up like throwing my phone like that's done. It's almost like a nine one one response where I'm like, okay, that's done. Help is on the way. Like I'll be fine. I just have to defend myself till he comes.

• 57:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay, again, I don't want to get bogged down in it, but we're protecting the tires, which are about eighteen dollars, but we chuck the phone.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  I didn't know how much tires work. I was still trying to fight the birds and I had heard, and actually my husband had sent me a TikTok one time as a joke, like how women can't make gun noises. And I have hunted turkeys in the past. So I'm trying to like make gun sounds because I know when I was turkey hunting, if the sound of a gun went off, the turkeys would flee. Like we weren't able to get them most of the time, so they would be scared. And I am so bad at making gun noises.

• 58:19Dax Shepard?

  Can I hear what it sounded like?

• 58:21Speaker 06

  I literally was like pew pew, like pew, pew.

• 58:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God. Yeah. What? That is the instinct of women to add the pew.

• 58:27Speaker 06

  Well, that's how it's spelled.

• 58:29Dax Shepard?

  But that's how my kids do it, too.

• 58:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, because we're reading it. I mean, it was either pew pew and I felt like I was spitting enough that it would be good, or it was like boom boom. Like I don't have a machine gun instinct. Yeah. What would you do?

• 58:48Dax Shepard?

  I just spit all over my microphone, but I had no choice, but I was for my life. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that that's better. I don't think mine is good as much as I think pew pew is weird because I've heard like a lot of gunshots and there's no pew.

• 59:00Speaker 06

  Yeah. And we don't hunt with machine guns. So the turkey gun. I commend you for that.

• 59:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay. So you're pew pewing it and they're not responding.

• 59:09Speaker 06

  So I'm pew pewing. It's absolutely doing nothing. And then I'm looking at this turkey and they have that weird scrotum red looking thing on their beak where it just like hangs and dangles over. I literally at one point, once I switched to the fight or flight was like, I will do anything. Like I'm going to grab it by like the scrotum looking thing and just like slam it like Shawn Michaels or something like in a cage ring match. So I kept trying to grab that part of it and it would just continuously peck my hand. So it just was not working, like nothing was working. So at this point, I'm literally putting my head towards the turkey because I did have a helmet on. I was like, instead of giving it my legs, because they kept getting scraped, I was giving it my head. But then I was also like dangerously close to my eyeballs. But I think at that point,

• 59:53Speaker 06

  I was also willing to give up my eyeballs before the biker and the boobs. So I don't know.

• 59:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You basically ran through all the things they would suggest not to use.

• 1:00:03Speaker 06

  Oh, I know. I'm fully aware now, looking back, but in the moment, I'm like, I need to survive this because who's going to die from a turkey? And it would be me. And how do you tell my kids that? During this entire time on that road, people are driving by and they're trying to honk because they see me in distress. I think they were trying to help. But then I saw this really old station wagon, like almost like a Woody car drive by. Well, I saw it drive by like three times. And on the third time, they were recording me and I'm just like, you can't do anything else. Yeah. I need to do something. I can't stay here. So I just tried to get on my bike. And yes, they were pecking at my tires and I go down a little bit at a time as they're still pecking

• 1:00:45Speaker 06

  me. I'm still going down this trail, but it does lead to a bridge. And so I was like, worst case scenario, I can jump in this water. But as soon as I reached the bridge, it's almost like they were too far away from a nest.

• 1:00:56Dax Shepard?

  Or they saw there's railing and their wings might get caught in it, like too narrow to fly in. Yeah. They don't want to get anywhere. They can't get their wings out, maybe.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  I think that might also have been part of it, but then I saw that my husband and kids were parked on the bridge because you couldn't pull over on the shoulder. Like, I'm sure they had seen me, but they couldn't get to me. And so I see them coming out of my husband's truck and they both have a bat in each hand and they're like, ready to fight these turkeys for me. And I'm like, yes, thank you. Yeah, that's what we needed. So then I was able to get away and my husband's like, well, do you want me to like, give you a ride home? I can put the bike in the back. And I'm like, I've already made it this far. My adrenaline's going. I had to have burned some mad cows. I might as well go the rest of the way home. And I did, and it was fine. There wasn't anything else that had happened. But I was talking to my husband later on, because then I did all this research, like, how do I make sure this doesn't happen again? And I said that I was

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  gonna bring pepper spray, but apparently that would just like, make them spicy chicken, because they don't have like, the smell receptors.

• 1:01:53Dax Shepard?

  All right. They don't respond to capsaicin or whatever.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  I know how. You just don't go pet them. Okay.

• 1:02:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  I think that's just...

• 1:02:01Dax Shepard?

  Hold on.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  That still wasn't an option for me.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  When I researched this, one of the main things it tells you not to do is make eye contact. If you make eye contact, they're like, game's on. Apparently, they take it offensively and you're threatening their home and whatever else. And because it had been dusk, they're surveying their surroundings, because they're gonna roost like, in the trees. So they want to make sure that underneath them is protected. And so just being there at that time, also was putting them on high alert. So I think that's why they were pissed at me. Because on the way there, you know, it was like, sunny and 5pm, they weren't even there.

• 1:02:41Dax Shepard?

  We have some photos, yeah?

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did send you some photos.

• 1:02:43Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Oh, yeah, your legs are a hot mess. They're scratched to high heaven.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. So this happened like, on a Tuesday, and then on a Friday, on our local Facebook, there was a news article on how like, these turkeys have become out of control. They interviewed this guy who was also attacked by a turkey, and it was like, less dramatic than my story. And they still just... Ripped him a new one like, oh my God, it's a turkey. How can you be scared? Like, you're so weak. You're such a wuss. And I'm like, people don't understand. Like, we should have our own support group. It was awful.

• 1:03:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they're kind of like the jackals of the bird world, but the swans are the ones, they're polar bears. They see you in a canoe, they might kill you.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe. I'd pet it.

• 1:03:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure. Oh, this has been a delight, Kristy. Yeah, you really made our day.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  Anna got me interested. I work with her in your podcast and I've loved it ever since. And then my friend Allison and I always listen and compare notes. I also save them up because I'm so high strung that I hate waiting and then I'll like binge them. So I was binging the twin episode and I'm a twin, fraternal twin. Yeah, when Emma emailed me, so I was like, oh, it's meant to be.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  And then my son, Jack, plays baseball and Della, they also listen to you sometimes, which they probably shouldn't because they're nine and 10. But then lastly, Dax, my brother, he was mainly an alcoholic in his late twenties and then he succumbed to addiction when he was 31 in 2020. So whenever you talk about your struggles, your honesty about addiction, you're probably sick of hearing about it, but I do appreciate it so much.

• 1:04:16Dax Shepard?

  I don't ever get sick of hearing that and I'm so sorry to hear that about your brother.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  And Monica, I know you love the pit. I am a nurse.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Of course you're a nurse because you're so fun and nurses are so fun.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  I did write a book, Newest Nurse on the Planet. That's releasing this weekend.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Ooh, exciting.

• 1:04:32Dax Shepard?

  Newest Nurse on the Planet.

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  So we talk a lot about the foreign objects and rectum and things like that and all the fun stories.

• 1:04:39Dax Shepard?

  Truly so fun meeting you. Have a wonderful summer. Enjoy that three months of outdoor drinking.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. All right. Nice meeting you.

• 1:04:48Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:04:50Dax Shepard?

  All right. Love you.

• 1:04:53Speaker 07

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We want a theme song.

• 1:04:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:04:58Speaker 07

  We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Ryan Dish. On the fire, Ryan Dish. Enjoy.