Pod Insights Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Ep 569 - A Derosa Garden (feat. Joe Derosa) About this episode Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod
WATCH Joe's New Special 'I Never Promised you a Rose Garden' on YOUTUBE NOW!
Go See Joe Live @ https://www.joederosa.com/
Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates
Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com
Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/
hello. Good mornin - we're back. Two this week. nbd. We got the DAWG .. the VH .. Joseph Derosies on this week to promote his new special 'I Never Promised you a Rose Garden' . Check it out now on his YouTube. Please enjoy. God Bless.
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Transcript 14,699 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The Wild Wild West. Two hours, we're doing two.
0:03 Speaker 01 Whatever you want to do.
0:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah, just know the pace.
0:05 Speaker 00 Page.
0:06 Matt McCusker? Well, I like that, man. I like that approach.
0:08 Speaker 01 Can you guys not release this till October? Can you say, I'm joking.
0:12 Speaker 00 I was gonna say, I thought it was special.
0:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's totally, yeah.
0:15 Speaker 00 Also, I was waiting to share it for this episode.
0:17 Speaker 01 Thank you.
0:18 Speaker 00 I was in a tomb on Monday.
0:20 Speaker 01 Dude.
0:20 Speaker 00 I was.
0:21 Speaker 01 Trust me, when you hit me back, I was like, he just did the, he's.
0:27 Matt McCusker? He's in the tomb. I.
0:30 Speaker 00 Who are we, sorry, because discussing the tomb I was just in is, the tomb was.
0:35 Matt McCusker? The tropicus?
0:36 Speaker 00 I was in, I've risen, I'm Lazarus right now. This is the third day. I'm actually.
0:40 Matt McCusker? What's the tomb, like, are you, is the tomb the bed or the couch?
0:43 Speaker 00 The tomb is, I just played, there's a new game called Ready or Not, and I played it for two days.
0:50 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
0:51 Speaker 00 I played the, I played the entire, I played every mission.
0:53 Matt McCusker? Meanwhile.
0:54 Speaker 00 That's so long.
0:55 Matt McCusker? Psychologically, what's the thought, is it thought process all on the mission?
0:58 Speaker 00 It's usually, it's a hundred percent on the mission, which is, alright, so that's one, it might be a bad way to deal with stress. Cause I'm just focused on that, and then you go, oh shit, I forgot about all the problems. You know what I mean? You're not, you're not trying to work out any problems, you're going, we gotta fucking clear this room, fellas, breach, breach.
1:18 Matt McCusker? But then while you respawn, you have 15 seconds.
1:21 Speaker 00 Then you get killed, you get killed on some bullshit way, and then you go, yeah, fucking bullshit game, fucking this game sucks, fuck, oh shit, I forgot my life sucked too. Fuck. Fuck, the game's awesome, I suck.
1:33 Matt McCusker? Is it a war game?
1:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's just, you're a SWAT team.
1:37 Matt McCusker? Ooh.
1:38 Speaker 00 You're gonna love it. And the, the video games are back, dude. These guys made a wild ass game.
1:43 Matt McCusker? Oh man, I want to get that.
1:45 Speaker 00 You're breaking into like, child porn fucking facilities, you're breaking, yeah.
1:48 Matt McCusker? Wow.
1:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, it's really a dark, fucked up game.
1:52 Matt McCusker? I'm getting that today.
1:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, get ready to enter the tomb.
1:56 Matt McCusker? How good's it feel to clear the child porn sanctuary?
1:59 Speaker 00 Feels good.
2:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's nice.
2:01 Speaker 00 It feels really good.
2:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's awesome.
2:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:03 Matt McCusker? And you, it's like, so there's. I was about to say, you blast everyone in there.
2:06 Speaker 00 Yep. You go, what the fuck are you guys doing, dude?
2:09 Matt McCusker? That's totally fair. If you're like an industrial child porn place.
2:13 Speaker 00 What? Yeah, you clear out like a school shooting.
2:16 Matt McCusker? Can you run away?
2:18 Speaker 00 You can hide for a while.
2:21 Speaker 01 Fucking A. This game sounds fucking awesome.
2:24 Matt McCusker? It sounds like every dude's fantasy is wrapped up into one. It's like obviously stopping a school shooting.
2:28 Speaker 00 Obviously wearing SWAT gear.
2:30 Matt McCusker? Just that alone.
2:31 Speaker 00 Everyone wants to wear SWAT tactical gear. Although ever since I saw the picture of big Chungus at the protest during BLM, I realized I could never rock the SWAT gear.
2:39 Matt McCusker? What?
2:39 Speaker 00 Too big to wear SWAT gear.
2:41 Matt McCusker? How so?
2:43 Speaker 00 When you're a big guy in SWAT gear, it looks fucking hilarious. Have you ever seen it? Have you ever seen a big fat guy in SWAT gear?
2:50 Matt McCusker? Never thought about it.
2:51 Speaker 00 Oh, I'll show you big Chungus.
2:52 Matt McCusker? I feel like you would look like a juggernaut.
2:54 Speaker 00 There's also, there is that.
2:56 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
2:56 Speaker 00 There is that. I could wear the Hurt Locker fucking and just be juggernaut. But juggernaut sucks. You get shot fucking nine million times.
3:04 Speaker 01 You play games, man?
3:05 Matt McCusker? No, I can't have it, man. I won't stop playing it. It's like a complete time suck. I can't.
3:10 Speaker 01 You got a full family too, so it's, yeah, yeah. I'd imagine there's not a ton of, but wait, do you play with the kids though?
3:15 Matt McCusker? Not yet. It's getting there though. There could be some aero cart with the five year old soon.
3:20 Speaker 01 Yo.
3:25 Speaker 00 That's insane. He can't be the big Chungus.
3:27 Matt McCusker? He didn't have the right gear. His gear's too small.
3:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's a tough one.
3:31 Matt McCusker? Getting too fat for your tactical gear would be tough.
3:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:34 Matt McCusker? Cause then it's literally life or death. You have, you have viscera exposed.
3:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, that looks like when they brought back Boba Fett, but he was fat now and they didn't adjust the costume. It was like up here.
3:48 Speaker 01 Some Australian dude's just been drinking for ten years. And they're like, you wanna do the role again? He's like, yeah, fuck it.
3:54 Speaker 00 And then white on this call, fuck.
3:57 Matt McCusker? His helmet's like a Yamato on his head.
3:59 Speaker 00 I didn't know Boba was an Australian man?
4:01 Speaker 01 Or he's, or he might be from, um.
4:03 Speaker 00 Cause if that's the case, he lives actually on Tatooine.
4:06 Speaker 01 I think he's New Zealand.
4:07 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
4:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that guy, he was in that movie When We Were Kings, which I feel like is, I always.
4:13 Speaker 00 I don't even think I've heard of that movie.
4:15 Speaker 01 As, as I was saying, and I was like, I feel like Shane, this is a movie Shane would love, but I'm basing that only on the title. When We Were Kings. It's just something a movie you would love.
4:22 Speaker 00 It's just a drunk guy fucking every night. We was kings and we were the fucking best.
4:32 Matt McCusker? The movie takes place at a bus stop. Takes place at a bus stop in West Philadelphia.
4:39 Speaker 01 I think it's about like, I think it's kinda like, um, Slumdog Millionaire, except to New Zealand, or one of those kind of movies.
4:46 Matt McCusker? Okay.
4:47 Speaker 01 I think, or like City of God, maybe it's like that.
4:49 Matt McCusker? City of God's awesome.
4:51 Speaker 01 I've never seen either movie. I heard they're both great.
4:53 Speaker 00 City of God's awesome.
4:54 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I'm, I'm a big title.
4:56 Speaker 00 I like subtitles, man.
4:58 Matt McCusker? I'm a big subtitle movie guy. I like that.
5:00 Speaker 00 Let's talk movies.
5:02 Matt McCusker? What?
5:03 Speaker 01 Let's talk movies we've never seen. City of God.
5:06 Speaker 00 City of God rules. You'd like it.
5:08 Speaker 01 Wait, I wanna look up what, when we were, I'm gonna look it up at one point. What, what, When We Were Kings.
5:13 Matt McCusker? What'd be the best movie analysis ever? I don't know what it's about. It's like two movies I've never seen.
5:17 Speaker 00 It's a guy from New Zealand.
5:20 Speaker 01 I just saw one of the shittiest movies I've ever fucking seen.
5:23 Matt McCusker? What?
5:25 Speaker 01 Opus? The new John Malkovich movie.
5:29 Matt McCusker? Never saw it.
5:30 Speaker 01 Alright, let me just shoot the premise at you.
5:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
5:34 Speaker 01 And you'll immediately know we're off to a bad start. John Malkovich plays a, uh, once famous, uh, R and B pop singer.
5:48 Matt McCusker? How, how does he do that?
5:49 Speaker 01 Who disappears, he was like big in the eighties and then he disappears and comes back 30 years later for his opus. He's putting out another album after 30 years of absence.
5:58 Speaker 00 That always works.
5:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it's John Malkovich.
6:02 Matt McCusker? Damn, it'd be nice if it was like late Kells, like yo pussy is a buffet. I love yo pussy.
6:08 Speaker 01 I thought they were gonna make him like a, you know, like a fucking Pink Floyd-y dude.
6:12 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
6:12 Speaker 01 When I heard the premise and I'm like, oh no, he's like a dance singer? Like a fucking like, like, like, uh, it's so, but, and then they, so all these people get invited to his big compound to listen to the record and everybody starts dying and it's, it's, it's Get Out. It's like the 57th time they've remade Get Out since fucking Get Out came out.
6:31 Matt McCusker? What?
6:32 Speaker 01 Sucks dick. It is a terrible fucking movie.
6:35 Matt McCusker? Who's the villain? Who's, who's the?
6:37 Speaker 01 He is.
6:37 Matt McCusker? He is.
6:38 Speaker 00 You're describing a pretty sick fucking movie.
6:40 Speaker 01 You'd think, you'd think it fucking sucks, dude.
6:44 Speaker 00 Also sounds like, uh, an event that me and my squad should probably breach and.
6:49 Speaker 01 Yes, yeah.
6:50 Speaker 00 Tie up the civilians, make sure everybody's taking care of.
6:54 Matt McCusker? You could have stopped it.
6:55 Speaker 00 I could have stopped it.
6:55 Matt McCusker? You could have stopped the onslaught.
6:57 Speaker 00 There's gonna be some people, this game's a hit, dude.
7:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
7:00 Speaker 00 There's gonna be some people breaching some houses.
7:02 Matt McCusker? You think so?
7:03 Speaker 00 I think so. Cause it does, it gives you that.
7:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
7:07 Speaker 00 That desire.
7:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah, your ex-wife's got a new boyfriend. That would be.
7:11 Speaker 00 You got four of your boys, you go, alright, stack the door.
7:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
7:15 Speaker 01 They should be doing school drop off by now.
7:17 Speaker 00 Shock on the fucking, shock on the lock, frag it.
7:19 Speaker 01 Seven forty-five, they haven't left yet, they should be doing drop off right now, we're going in.
7:22 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Viori.
7:24 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
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7:31 Speaker 00 Oh, I know you do.
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8:17 Speaker 01 I think they, I don't think I'm making this up, didn't they use Forza to actually train, uh, race drivers? Didn't they actually play fucking Forza as like a simulation before they got on the actual road?
8:30 Speaker 00 I'm not sure, probably, Gran Turismo, yeah.
8:32 Speaker 01 Oh, Gran Turismo, that's what it was.
8:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, that makes sense.
8:34 Speaker 01 That's insane, though, that games are getting, like, I actually think what you're saying is, I think, like, these games actually could be like tactical training before you're in the field.
8:44 Speaker 00 I mean.
8:45 Speaker 01 You know?
8:46 Speaker 00 Yeah, Nate saw it, I would have failed. This fucking civilian came running around the corner, I was like, oh!
8:52 Speaker 00 He was running right at me, everybody saw that.
8:54 Speaker 01 Scared the shit out of me.
8:56 Speaker 00 They do scare you.
8:57 Speaker 01 How do you distinguish?
8:58 Speaker 00 Bro, there's a, oh, the worst one, there's like a, for real, there's like a Pulse nightclub.
9:03 Matt McCusker? What?
9:04 Speaker 00 And the thing that they did in the game that always fucked me up from the actual shooting that people described it was everyone's phones going off that was dead. Like when the cops went in to clear it out, you could just hear every phone in the building buzzing, which is so sad.
9:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I didn't think about that.
9:22 Speaker 00 And they kept that in the game, that's in the game.
9:24 Matt McCusker? Oh.
9:25 Speaker 00 It's like a fucked up game.
9:26 Matt McCusker? Yeah, man.
9:27 Speaker 01 Shit. That, that used to be, they used, that used to get a lot of backlash. Remember there was a modern warfare where you had to take down the airport shooter?
9:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
9:36 Speaker 01 There was like, people were like, this is fucked up. This is too far. And then other people were like, no, this is important.
9:42 Speaker 00 Well, it's definitely not important. It's fucking crazy.
9:46 Matt McCusker? That mission was awesome. That was crazy. I don't know. I feel like it is important. If you just sit there and do that for hours and hours and hours, I do feel like if the real thing happened, you might on some level be more prepared.
9:56 Speaker 00 Well, that's exactly the problem because in this mission, you are the shooters.
9:59 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
10:00 Speaker 00 First half, you walk around with a machine gun in a fucking airport.
10:04 Matt McCusker? You're an airport shooter?
10:05 Speaker 00 Yes. It's a tough one.
10:07 Speaker 01 Wait, I don't remember that part. The first part you were the shooter?
10:11 Speaker 00 No, you're not. You're literally just going through killing every civilian.
10:15 Matt McCusker? Oh my god.
10:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really bad.
10:18 Matt McCusker? Alright. That might be too far.
10:21 Speaker 00 It's nuts.
10:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's not good.
10:24 Speaker 00 That's why, that's why Call of Duty, the old switcheroo. Now it's like, I'm a, I'm a purple woman sliding.
10:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
10:32 Speaker 00 Alright, I see it.
10:33 Matt McCusker? They hit the pinnacle. They hit the peak. They're like, we made the top of the mountain. Although in Grand Theft Auto, you're essentially doing that anyway. But-
10:41 Speaker 00 Grand Theft Auto, there's rumors that there is a pride parade in the city.
10:44 Matt McCusker? No.
10:45 Speaker 00 Fellas, don't.
10:48 Speaker 00 Don't.
10:49 Matt McCusker? Don't let me catch you.
10:50 Speaker 00 Don't, dude. Those videos are gonna be fucking chaos.
10:57 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
10:58 Speaker 00 Every single person that downloads the game. Go on straight to the parade.
11:04 Matt McCusker? I feel, I do feel like, to be fair-
11:06 Speaker 00 No way, no way. And they go, what would happen?
11:11 Matt McCusker? To be fair, it's time the hookers in GTA get a break.
11:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, true.
11:15 Matt McCusker? The hookers are gonna be watching and be like, thank fucking god.
11:18 Speaker 00 Finally.
11:18 Matt McCusker? Finally, we can relax.
11:20 Speaker 00 They're next.
11:21 Speaker 01 One of the-
11:21 Speaker 00 Once you get five stars from the fucking parade, you're headed straight to the fucking strip club.
11:29 Speaker 01 They're really doing that?
11:29 Speaker 00 You think I forgot about you? It's so funny. Yeah, they're doing that. That's, uh, I wonder if they'll make it off limits?
11:36 Speaker 01 I think they're gonna reel this game back.
11:40 Matt McCusker? It'll get hacked. That game gets hacked, too.
11:42 Speaker 01 I think they're gonna reel this one back. What, I was friends with this guy Lazlo that was one of the top developed guys. He was the guy that put us all into the games and shit. And he left.
11:50 Speaker 00 I forgot you and Grand Theft Auto.
11:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, five.
11:52 Speaker 00 That's fucking awesome.
11:53 Speaker 01 It's wild.
11:53 Matt McCusker? That is awesome.
11:54 Speaker 01 Faces in it. I did mocap. It was insane.
11:57 Speaker 00 Damn, mocap's a nightmare.
11:59 Speaker 01 It sucked.
12:00 Speaker 00 How much did you feel like, you must've looked nuts in a mocap.
12:05 Speaker 01 By the way, it was old school mocap. It wasn't this fucking Harrison Ford shit where they put blue dots on your face like, I had a helmet with a camera in my face. It was crazy. You had to wear like a frog suit, like Green Man.
12:16 Matt McCusker? What was your role? What did you play?
12:18 Speaker 01 There's, um, when you go into the save house or the save house, or whatever it's called, there's a TV and there's shows you can watch. And there's a show with the, whoever the action star is in the, in that series, that's like the Stallone type.
12:32 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
12:33 Speaker 01 It's a reality show about him and I play his new agent and I'm like this coke head. And it's me and him. We did like, we shot like 30 minutes. We shot a full episode of this thing.
12:44 Matt McCusker? Whoa.
12:44 Speaker 01 And it's in the game. And then we went back and did additional content later that never got released, that I just had to sign crazy NDAs about. I'm not allowed to talk about it.
12:53 Matt McCusker? Whoa, that's awesome.
12:54 Speaker 01 But anyway, it was awesome. It was fucking.
12:56 Matt McCusker? He just fucks you in the safe house.
12:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
13:01 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Viori.
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13:13 Matt McCusker? And that's before you get into all the different ways you can train and work out.
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13:27 Matt McCusker? That's all you need.
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13:49 Speaker 00 That is important. I want to be stylish.
13:51 Matt McCusker? I want to be stylish and comfortable.
13:53 Speaker 00 They matter. They soft.
13:56 Matt McCusker? They're pretty soft.
13:57 Speaker 00 How much do they weigh?
13:59 Matt McCusker? Is, how much do they weigh?
14:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:00 Matt McCusker? Pretty lightweight. The core shorts-
14:02 Speaker 00 Is it, is it only three-way performance or how many?
14:05 Matt McCusker? Uh, I'd say it's pretty multiplex.
14:09 Speaker 00 Is it a four-way performance stretch?
14:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, definitely the fourth dimension. I can, I can stretch backwards in them for sure. Also, I, I, the, the core is a little tougher. Some of their stuff is like borderline erotic. Also, if you feel my shorts right here, I'm actually wearing them right now.
14:23 Speaker 00 Dude, you don't make me.
14:24 Matt McCusker? I'm actually wearing them right now, dude.
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14:48 Speaker 01 But that guy, this guy Laszlo was like, he, he was, he put Burr and Bobby Kel- everybody in.
14:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:54 Speaker 01 But, um-
14:55 Speaker 00 And they had stand-up in, was it four or five?
14:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think Burr, no, Gervais is doing stand-up in one of them.
15:00 Speaker 00 I think Cat Williams.
15:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, Cat Williams is the one.
15:02 Speaker 00 You can go watch stand-up and it actually has a comedian in it. That's pretty crazy.
15:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, but he's-
15:06 Speaker 00 And then you can bring your gun in there and you can shoot.
15:10 Matt McCusker? Bro, stand-up special-
15:12 Speaker 00 He's too fat.
15:13 Matt McCusker? GTA animated, that'd be awesome. A special where you're just in a mocap suit. You perform live in a mocap suit and they recreate it in GTA V. And people can just like shoot people doing, what, what, really?
15:22 Speaker 00 That's what I'm saying.
15:23 Matt McCusker? That's fucking sick.
15:23 Speaker 00 They literally did that.
15:24 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
15:25 Speaker 00 You can walk in, there's a comedy club and it's Ricky Gervais.
15:27 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
15:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was, it was nuts when we did it because it was, it was like early days of that, not early, but you know, early-ish.
15:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, you should do that now again.
15:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:35 Speaker 00 And just put it out as a game.
15:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
15:37 Speaker 00 Just be like, this is my special.
15:38 Speaker 01 You'd shoot me to this.
15:39 Speaker 00 It's live, yeah, you guys, nobody hears that one, nobody hears the first joke ever.
15:44 Speaker 01 They had this fucking, every, we were in this green room and they had all these plastic like structures. And like, they'd be like, that's your car. So like, open the door and sit in it, whatever. And you would do it and they'd be like, okay, come over here and look at this. It was rendering in real time.
15:59 Matt McCusker? Whoa.
15:59 Speaker 01 So you'd walk over and you'd, it didn't look like it did in the game, but it was like-
16:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
16:04 Speaker 01 You getting into a fucking car in a video game immediately. It was crazy. It was fucking crazy.
16:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's awesome.
16:11 Speaker 01 Dude, this is like 2009. This is a while ago.
16:14 Matt McCusker? Really?
16:15 Speaker 01 But anyway, yeah, the game made $5 billion. I got paid three grand.
16:23 Speaker 01 I remember calling Lazlo and going, I want a copy of Max Payne 3. And he goes, you fucking comics, man, always looking for free shit. I go, your game just made a billion dollars. You paid me three grand. Send me fucking Max Payne 3 right now. And he's like, alright, that's fair dude. Okay, I'll send you one.
16:41 Matt McCusker? Why do you put it that way?
16:44 Speaker 01 But um, I think it's, the point I'm ultimately getting at is I have a feeling with his absence. I feel like they're gonna, they're gonna reel back in this one. I don't, I just don't think. It's like Eminem saying like, look man, times changed. Nobody wants this anymore. I'm just not doing it anymore. I, I feel like they're gonna pull back.
17:03 Speaker 00 Whether or not it's kind of proven, everyone wants it.
17:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh, that's a good point. That's a good point.
17:10 Matt McCusker? It should be like, like in Mortal Kombat, you would have put in, didn't you have to put in a setting for like, you should have settings. If you want to play, kind of like, you know, reeled back GTA, you can just hit a setting if you want to go nuts. Should just be, you get to be Hunter Biden.
17:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, there was the blood, the blood code.
17:24 Speaker 00 Hunter Biden's rocking right now.
17:26 Speaker 01 He's rocking right now.
17:27 Speaker 00 That fired me up, dude.
17:28 Matt McCusker? He might be, dude, he might put his hat on.
17:29 Speaker 00 He's literally the O'Connor man. He is, did you hear the way he was speaking? I've had that conversation with O'Connor 10 million times.
17:36 Matt McCusker? I saw the clip.
17:37 Speaker 00 He's like, that motherfucker wants to fucking talk shit, man. I'm like, damn, this is the O'Connor man. I just fought him at Lala's for fucking 10 hours with this exact conversation.
17:48 Speaker 01 You're a fucking idiot. O'Connor is a fucking psycho.
17:56 Speaker 01 I've seen him get angrier, and I'm an angry dude. O'Connor gets hot, man.
18:01 Speaker 00 O'Connor, yeah, and I know exactly how to do it. And it's so funny.
18:06 Speaker 01 Dude, you're fucking, you're Batman, dude. Remember Batman in the, in the Justice League comics? He had a way to kill every member of the Justice League, just in case it went sideways. That's Shane with every one of his friends. I know exactly how to piss you off, dude. And I'm gonna do it right now.
18:22 Speaker 00 No, only the O'Connor man. The O'Connor man's just the, I don't ever do that really to you guys.
18:29 Matt McCusker? You do get the O'Connor, you get the O'Connor fired up.
18:33 Matt McCusker? It's really funny. He also, he knows too, though. He'll, he'll feel it. You'll start hitting the buttons and he'll go, "I'm not doing this with you." And then, and then eventually.
18:42 Speaker 00 You can't, you can't. He always, he's like Shane, "I'm not doing that right now." And they go, "Yeah, you are."
18:49 Speaker 01 This is, this is, this is a classic O'Connor room. Ready? When he starts getting hot, he goes like this. "Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?"
18:57 Matt McCusker? You've reached his wall.
19:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you've climbed his wall at that point. You're fully, you're fully inside the Citadel.
19:05 Speaker 01 Dude, we were arguing.
19:06 Speaker 00 He took the Trojan horse. He fell asleep. You're cutting everybody's heads off. It's over.
19:12 Speaker 01 Shane and I were arguing about Prince. I was pro Prince. Shane was anti Prince. It was our argument. O'Connor jumped in. O'Connor got so hot.
19:20 Speaker 00 O'Connor lost his fucking mind. But, hold on, hold on. That was, you want to talk about great, great drunks?
19:27 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
19:27 Speaker 00 This was one of the all-time drunks. This was coming back from London, back to, back to the United States and we had,
19:35 Speaker 00 like a private room. We were flying, it wasn't private. It wasn't a private jet, but they have this thing, they're cheap as fuck.
19:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
19:43 Speaker 00 Everybody should be doing that. There's like a VIP thing at big airports for like a thousand dollars.
19:49 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
19:49 Speaker 00 Where they just, that you have your own security, you have your own thing. And then they just put you in a room with free alcohol. And then they're like, "Guys, the flight got delayed by two hours." And everyone in the room was just like, "Green light." "Shit."
20:05 Speaker 00 We got, we drank vodka for three hours and argued about Prince for three straight hours. And O'Connor was my staunchest ally. O'Connor.
20:19 Matt McCusker? Oh, he went nuts anti Prince. He was like, play one fucking song. Play one fucking song. Shane was being like, appreciate your support, Chris. You gotta back it off, dude. Like, you're going crazy right now, man. They should have reached out to air traffic control, like, we gotta get this plane up. But this is a disaster. We have a disaster on the ground.
20:37 Matt McCusker? I think they let me smoke in the fucking room.
20:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, we were smoking in the room. It was...
20:41 Matt McCusker? I didn't know this existed.
20:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, either did I. I did it once. This is the second time I've done it. I did it once at JFK. And it was the biggest waste of money of all time.
20:50 Matt McCusker? Really?
20:51 Speaker 00 Just a woman met me at baggage.
20:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
20:53 Speaker 00 And walked me through and then took me to an airport lounge and they were like... And then she left and then they were like, you can't come in here. I'm like, oh shit.
21:01 Matt McCusker? Oh, that sucks. That sucks. The closest I got to that...
21:04 Speaker 00 And it was just a regular lounge.
21:05 Matt McCusker? Did you ever do someone in a wheelchair at the airport? That's, that's fucking VIP status. Yeah. My wife was super pregnant. She got the wheelchair and you just go through like a weird corridor. It's awesome.
21:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:15 Matt McCusker? That would be a flex, dude. If you gotta hit the regular airport, hit the chair.
21:19 Speaker 00 I should start hitting the chair anyway.
21:20 Matt McCusker? Blanket.
21:21 Speaker 00 Blanket, blanket over my fucking head.
21:25 Speaker 00 Get it like a blackjack dealer, poker player visor.
21:28 Matt McCusker? Just get pushed through the airport. It's the fucking move, dude.
21:34 Speaker 00 Start screaming about Prince from a wheelchair.
21:37 Matt McCusker? Just get the Stephen Hawking setup for when you're blacked out. Just blink, like, you want another, you want some more peanuts? Just go. Start blinking. Tony, get, you should get toed.
21:46 Speaker 00 Just get an application. I'd be like, alright, I'll have one more, I'll have one more beer. Just walking up.
21:51 Matt McCusker? Get toed by the cart. Have the guy, have the Egyptian guy screaming, get out of the way! And just get toed behind the chair.
22:00 Matt McCusker? That'd be nice.
22:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:01 Matt McCusker? Or squat up. Just have like six or four.
22:03 Speaker 00 Five or six.
22:04 Matt McCusker? Get biker vests. Just get six or five.
22:05 Speaker 00 Hit the Mario Kart.
22:08 Speaker 00 He's saying, he's saying, turn the JFK into Toad's Turnpike.
22:13 Speaker 01 Isn't that insane, isn't that insane though, that somebody could get so fat, they could just get VIP?
22:18 Matt McCusker? That's crazy.
22:19 Speaker 01 It's crazy. It's crazy dude.
22:22 Matt McCusker? It's like ancient times, like if someone was super fat back in the day, like.
22:25 Speaker 00 Yeah, I think, I think if people found like just vague records of our civilization, they'd be like, they worshipped fat people. They did everything for the fat.
22:36 Matt McCusker? Dude, when I was reading about the Aztecs, there was one of the guys that Cortez linked up with, he was like a rival against Montezuma. He was a fat king and he had servants literally hold his belly up for him. So he would come talking like, yeah, we gotta fuck up Montezuma and he had two guys the whole time, just.
22:50 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:50 Matt McCusker? Holding his belly while they talked.
22:52 Speaker 00 That's what it used to be like doing Y K W D.
22:57 Speaker 00 You'd get in there, there'd be five dudes, just, yes Bobby, yes. You're a fucking punk.
23:06 Speaker 00 Yes Bobby, get him.
23:09 Speaker 01 Shut the fuck up dude. Don't fucking talk to me like that dude.
23:13 Speaker 00 I listen to the reg, you ever listen to the regs?
23:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's funny.
23:16 Speaker 00 It's great.
23:16 Matt McCusker? It's great.
23:17 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's funny.
23:18 Speaker 01 The regs clips come up for me and it's.
23:19 Speaker 00 They're so funny.
23:21 Matt McCusker? It's the best.
23:22 Speaker 01 The, uh, wait, wait, speaking of dudes, it'll throw down the drubba, Sodi's another one. Sodi will get fired up.
23:28 Matt McCusker? Sodi will get amped. They were playing college football.
23:32 Speaker 00 No, I told this story a thousand times. I think, I think Danny might hate it.
23:36 Matt McCusker? I'm sorry.
23:37 Speaker 00 No, it's okay.
23:37 Matt McCusker? Dude, I love you dude.
23:38 Speaker 00 We all love you.
23:39 Matt McCusker? He spazz.
23:40 Speaker 00 I've never seen a hard ever.
23:41 Matt McCusker? I'm, I'm a.
23:42 Speaker 00 Obviously, obviously I've seen you hit some hard spazzes.
23:45 Matt McCusker? Bad video game spazz.
23:46 Speaker 00 You, you hits, you hit more.
23:49 Matt McCusker? Girl, it's girl spazz.
23:50 Speaker 00 You, I'm running up the steps.
23:52 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I'm like, fuck this, this game sucks.
23:54 Speaker 00 Video games are stupid, you guys are wasting all your time anyway, dude, fuck this. Running up the steps. Doing hair mattress.
24:05 Speaker 00 You guys are the fucking losers.
24:08 Matt McCusker? I don't see why you waste your time. I literally played all day by myself like I'm gonna be chained in a video game. Got my ass handed to me. It was like, you guys are fucking losers wasting your time with this shit and ran up the stairs.
24:18 Speaker 01 I get so mad. I get so mad at video games.
24:20 Matt McCusker? Dick down on an air mattress. I fucking hate these guys.
24:23 Speaker 01 I get, oh dude, I, I, I play by myself and scream at the TV.
24:28 Matt McCusker? Dude.
24:28 Speaker 01 I was playing Last of Us and I couldn't figure out how to get through this play. I was trying to get a ladder down to climb out of this room and it wouldn't let me take the ladder down.
24:37 Speaker 00 And then you walk over to it and it's like, press A. You're like, how the fuck did I miss that?
24:41 Speaker 01 And I, and the zombies kept attacking me and I was dying instantly and I was literally alone in my house in Pennsylvania and I was going, "Well, it's fucking stupid if one fucking bite kills you. What's the fucking point?"
24:57 Speaker 01 Dude, my neighbors must have been like, "What the fuck is going on in there?"
25:04 Speaker 01 I lose my shit, dude. I used to bite the fucking cable on the NES controller.
25:09 Speaker 00 That's nuts.
25:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, when I was a kid, I would get so mad.
25:19 Matt McCusker? I've never heard the cable bite.
25:20 Speaker 00 The cable bite's intense.
25:22 Matt McCusker? My friend used to, my friend used to cable whip his little brother with the PS2. He would pull out the PS2 controller and go, "Hoochie!"
25:28 Speaker 00 That's a cable whip's a scary one.
25:29 Matt McCusker? Cable whip's crazy.
25:30 Speaker 01 Did you ever see it hit you?
25:31 Matt McCusker? I'm sorry.
25:32 Speaker 00 I'll still get, uh, like when we, those Oklahoma kids were playing me in UFC. If it's a big game, the heart rate goes up.
25:41 Matt McCusker? Oh dude.
25:41 Speaker 00 Like that time you and me were playing and that might have been the most stressful video game of all time.
25:45 Matt McCusker? That was.
25:46 Speaker 00 Just playing UFC in front of, I don't know.
25:49 Matt McCusker? Honks.
25:49 Speaker 00 Honks.
25:50 Matt McCusker? It was like Zac Efron.
25:51 Speaker 00 Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson and Christian McCaffrey. It was literally a dream threesome.
26:00 Matt McCusker? For real.
26:00 Speaker 00 And Matt pulled the obs, I choked under pressure. He's beaten me like four times ever. That was one of them.
26:05 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
26:06 Speaker 01 Wow.
26:07 Speaker 00 I just choked.
26:08 Matt McCusker? You didn't go to the gra, you could have went to the ground. That was honorable.
26:11 Speaker 00 I had to get, I mean, it was too good of a fight, dude.
26:13 Matt McCusker? It was such a good battle.
26:14 Speaker 00 Every, every kick that landed, people in the room were like, "Oh."
26:19 Speaker 01 He didn't get me, he didn't get me.
26:22 Speaker 01 Oh dude, that's fucking, did you ever have, did you ever have somebody? Like, I've had friends like, literally punch me.
26:28 Matt McCusker? Probably, if I had ever, probably, there's been fights.
26:31 Speaker 01 When we were younger, but it's like, like when we were sixteen and Street Fighter II on Super Nintendo was huge, whatever. Yeah, I remember I was playing with my friend Kevin, and if you beat him, he would literally punch you. And he would go, I could beat the fucking shit out of you.
26:45 Speaker 00 Big Jay's one, that's a scary one.
26:48 Speaker 01 Really?
26:48 Speaker 00 He doesn't get violent, but that like, it changes the day. If you beat him in a game, it changes.
26:54 Speaker 01 Like he gets like pouty?
26:57 Speaker 00 A little.
26:57 Speaker 01 Like sad?
26:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, he'll get you there, he'll start getting you. He'll go, what the fuck are you being mean to me for? Oh yeah, I forgot I beat you in Xbox last week.
27:08 Matt McCusker? I'm also, I'm a sore, I'm a sore winner too, I'm better with it now, when I was younger, I was, I was always bad at video games.
27:13 Speaker 00 You are a sore winner.
27:14 Matt McCusker? So when I win, I would do a thing where I would like to sit there, I'd grab what I have a drink next to me and just go.
27:22 Matt McCusker? And just do shit like that, and he'd go, dude, for real, stop doing that, I'm like, this is water, I'm thirsty, it feels good.
27:27 Speaker 00 Maybe you're, maybe you're upset.
27:28 Matt McCusker? And then start being like, yeah, you know, it's just what I do, I kinda go low, and you kinda go high too, and it's just, shut the fuck up dude!
27:36 Speaker 01 The, I, I've never, I think the only time I've ever beaten you in a video game was when we played Mortal Kombat. Every other game we've ever played each other against.
27:48 Matt McCusker? You've beaten me.
27:49 Speaker 00 You guys were out doing activities.
27:50 Matt McCusker? MK's the Achilles heel for sure.
27:52 Speaker 00 I'm working on it.
27:53 Matt McCusker? You've got better than MK, no!
27:54 Speaker 00 I'm working on it.
27:56 Speaker 01 Bring it dude.
27:56 Speaker 00 It's coming.
27:57 Speaker 01 Bring it, I'm fucking swinging swords with Conan right now dude.
28:00 Speaker 00 It's coming. Oh yeah, you downloaded the fucking game and started playing it, yeah fuck.
28:05 Speaker 01 You actually said to me, this is.
28:08 Speaker 00 That's bullshit.
28:09 Speaker 01 This was an insane thing to say to me. I downloaded the game and you go, no, I downloaded the game and you go, don't get good at it because I'm not gonna play it. And I'm like, oh I'm not, I'm not. I can't have fun because you're not gonna play.
28:20 Speaker 00 No, no, no.
28:22 Matt McCusker? Crazy!
28:23 Speaker 00 This is, this is game stealing, this is.
28:27 Speaker 00 Almost worse than friend stealing. Coming over, going, oh, the new Mortal Kombat's good, because we were playing it together and having a nice time, because we were just as good.
28:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:35 Speaker 00 Go home and download it and practice?
28:37 Speaker 01 No, I wanna play it, it's fun!
28:39 Speaker 00 That's coward shit. That game sucks. The game sucks by yourself.
28:44 Speaker 01 No, it doesn't, dude. You have not played with Conan, man. It's fucking righteous, dude. It's righteous. When you win a match, he goes like this and they recreate the poster from Conan the Barbarian.
28:57 Speaker 00 How many times do you get to see that?
28:59 Speaker 01 I've seen it. Seven dozen. It never gets old. It never gets old, dude. It never gets old. And the guy doing his voice is good. T1000's awesome.
29:10 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah. Quest mode sucks in Mortal Kombat. One player blows.
29:16 Speaker 00 One player sucks.
29:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. One player, I've tried it. It fucking sucks. But training, just being, just in the dojo, training and just being like, yeah, let's pop it on.
29:24 Speaker 00 Oh, what are you guys playing?
29:25 Speaker 01 Seventeen hit combo. You're like, what the hell the fuck did I do that?
29:28 Speaker 00 Combo is nuts.
29:30 Speaker 01 The trailer for the new movie looks all right.
29:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I like the Mortal Kombat.
29:34 Speaker 00 I disagree.
29:36 Speaker 01 I liked that at the end when Scorpion flew in and they did the get over here.
29:40 Speaker 00 I didn't make it to the end.
29:41 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
29:42 Speaker 00 I turned it off with like 30 seconds or like 20 seconds.
29:45 Speaker 01 I don't think he's a good Johnny Cage. I think it's miscast.
29:48 Matt McCusker? He's playing, he's playing J. K.
29:50 Speaker 01 Carl Urban, uh, from, what's he on? The Boys?
29:53 Speaker 00 The Boys, yeah.
29:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. He doesn't look like Johnny Cage. Like Johnny Cage was kind of modeled after Jean Claude Van Damme.
29:59 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
30:00 Speaker 01 And like Johnny Cage, he should be prettier. Like he's not, Carl Urban's not pretty enough. The whole cool thing about Johnny Cage is that he's like a pretty boy, but he's a badass.
30:09 Matt McCusker? He punches you in the dick.
30:10 Speaker 01 Yeah. It literally should be like Ryan Felipe. You know what I mean?
30:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
30:14 Speaker 01 Wait, not Ryan Felipe. Ryan Gosling.
30:17 Speaker 00 I've never heard him called Ryan Felipe.
30:19 Speaker 01 No, Ryan Felipe's a dude.
30:20 Speaker 00 No, I know, but I always thought it was Felipe.
30:24 Speaker 01 No, I think it's Felipe.
30:24 Matt McCusker? Felipe. I thought it was Felipe too.
30:26 Speaker 00 Really?
30:28 Matt McCusker? They should have, they should have Kevin Spacey as Johnny Cage.
30:31 Speaker 00 Hold on a second. By the way, shout out to Felipe. We were just chilling with him. He's a listener of the podcast. Felipe's gonna hear that.
30:38 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
30:38 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:39 Speaker 01 Yeah. I'm a big fan of Felipe. The way, the way of the gun.
30:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:43 Speaker 01 Yeah. He's the fucking cool. Oh, you know what? Actually, Ryan, if you are listening, I know that.
30:50 Speaker 01 I know that you were friends with Sean Price and Sean Price is what to me, one of the greatest rappers that ever lived.
30:56 Speaker 00 Friend steal, what else you got?
30:59 Speaker 01 There it is. Shout out to Sean Price, shout out to Ryan Felipe. Yeah, but yeah, Sean Price rips.
31:05 Speaker 00 Hold on, wait, how my first, you guys never heard of it?
31:08 Matt McCusker? Felipe, I've always heard Felipe.
31:09 Speaker 00 Felipe?
31:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's how I always pronounce it.
31:12 Speaker 00 This is nuts.
31:12 Matt McCusker? My actor database is horrible. It's like embarrassing. But you know, like, well, I'm like, I've never, no. It's gotta be, it's Will Smith, Robin Williams. I'm like A plus actors. It has to be, you gotta be A plus.
31:25 Speaker 00 How do you pronounce? Guys, produce the show.
31:32 Speaker 01 There's four dudes.
31:33 Speaker 00 Scott's just staring at us. Look at LaMaire, he's cashing a check right now.
31:39 Speaker 01 Oh my God, LaMaire, you can't say it out loud. LaMaire's feet aren't touching the ground.
31:43 Speaker 00 He's on a stool. Fully just.
31:47 Speaker 03 You guys got me fully charged talking about Mortal Kombat.
31:51 Speaker 00 We can get some MK guns.
31:52 Speaker 03 I hate Mortal Kombat now.
31:54 Matt McCusker? Why?
31:54 Speaker 03 It used to be good. Sucks. The lore's bad.
31:57 Speaker 00 I knew it was Felipe.
31:58 Speaker 01 It is?
31:59 Speaker 00 Yes.
31:59 Speaker 01 Wait, who's, no, you can't go by the way the, the Google voice thing did it.
32:03 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it probably actually.
32:05 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
32:05 Speaker 00 Everybody's always, it's Ryan Felipe.
32:08 Matt McCusker? Whoa, I've been calling him Felipe forever.
32:10 Speaker 01 Holy shit.
32:11 Speaker 00 Felipe's crazy.
32:12 Matt McCusker? Felipe.
32:13 Speaker 01 I think it's got a beautiful ring to it. Felipe.
32:17 Speaker 00 I knew I wasn't wrong, dude. I knew me and Ryan were boys.
32:19 Matt McCusker? Damn.
32:20 Speaker 01 Damn.
32:20 Speaker 00 Damn, you tried to friend steal and mispronounce his name?
32:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he's probably furious right now.
32:25 Speaker 03 Dude, I'm gonna play fucking Mortal Kombat ride.
32:27 Speaker 00 You can, I'm gonna let my, I'm gonna let my bros ride on you, dude.
32:31 Speaker 03 You know what I'm gonna?
32:32 Speaker 00 I'm gonna let my.
32:34 Speaker 00 Wild, wild west.
32:37 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go find a dude that pronounces it Felipe and he's gonna be my friend.
32:44 Speaker 00 Yeah, timestamp that one.
32:48 Speaker 00 This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.
32:54 Matt McCusker? Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.
32:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, every single time.
32:58 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I did it all week.
32:59 Speaker 00 It's a fucking disaster.
33:00 Matt McCusker? I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.
33:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:03 Matt McCusker? It was crazy.
33:04 Speaker 00 There's nothing wrong with that.
33:05 Matt McCusker? No, I was, it felt great.
33:08 Speaker 00 Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?
33:13 Matt McCusker? Pretty much an extra pair per day.
33:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, I always bring extra underwear, yeah.
33:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yes.
33:16 Speaker 00 Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.
33:19 Matt McCusker? I just used to probably work it out.
33:20 Speaker 00 How the fuck are you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on, dude? How horny are these people? What do they want to know?
33:30 Matt McCusker? There's gotta be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly. Sitting down, I just smears everything. I don't know, I can't do it.
33:37 Speaker 00 Uh, well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B-hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss, and the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra-large and designed for adults. So no, uh, so no more endless rolls or settling for a less-than-perfect wipe. Dude Wipes, best clean, pants down. Available, these guys are really funny. Amazon, uh, it's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.
34:08 Matt McCusker? Hey, guys, just a quick heads up. I'll be at the Ovation Hall in the Ocean Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Saturday, August 16th, the year 2025. Please come. You can go to mattmccusker.com. For tickets, there's also a link in the show description. Please come, it's gonna be a lot of fun.
34:27 Speaker 00 It's gonna be a hoot.
34:28 Matt McCusker? It's gonna be a good time. And I, dude, the new material's coming.
34:30 Speaker 00 New materials.
34:31 Matt McCusker? The new material is coming, so I will have a whole slew of new stuff if you see me in Philadelphia.
34:36 Speaker 00 Guys, check it the fuck out. What are you waiting for?
34:39 Matt McCusker? I mean, it's gonna be, it's, Ocean is a, it's a sick venue, actually. Like, I opened there for you.
34:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is.
34:43 Matt McCusker? It's awesome.
34:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:44 Matt McCusker? So, please come.
34:45 Speaker 00 Matt, August 8th and 9th, I'll be in Louisville, Kentucky, in St. Louis, Missouri.
34:50 Matt McCusker? My god.
34:50 Speaker 00 August 8th and 9th, Louisville, Kentucky, St. Louis, Missouri.
34:54 Matt McCusker? Huge.
34:54 Speaker 00 Then, uh, August 15th, Detroit, 16th, Grand Rapids.
34:58 Matt McCusker? Nice.
34:58 Speaker 00 Come on, y'all.
35:00 Matt McCusker? Come on, gang, just come out.
35:01 Speaker 00 Get in there, Mase.
35:04 Speaker 03 You get in there, Maze. Oh, turn him around. Hey, everybody. August 5th is Optimum Noctis. And then also, at the end of the month, like the 26th to the 30th. Get the dates right before you come in here. August 26th to August 30th, I'll be in the East Coast, so please come check out. Just on the East Coast. I'll be in the Philly, no, I'll be in Baltimore, I'll be in New Jersey, the Dojo of Comedy, and then various other bars. So please, check out all that information on lumary.fun.
35:38 Speaker 03 Nice. Oh.
35:42 Speaker 03 Yes, yes, yes.
35:44 Matt McCusker? There you have it, man. That's huge. I didn't know that.
35:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's big.
35:47 Matt McCusker? Dude, I have actually, I've had a huge development. So you know I suffer from body acne. You know I suffer in silence. My stomach breaks out, especially with the sweat, the heat down here.
35:55 Speaker 03 I'm sorry.
35:56 Matt McCusker? Yeah, thank you, man. It's fucking, dude, I found, I, you know, I went to a dermatologist and like, dude, those guys, I, I, they don't do anything. Everything, I'm like, whenever I eat this.
36:05 Speaker 03 Why don't you shower? Alright, thanks.
36:08 Matt McCusker? No, they're like, well, there's no, you know, like, whatever you eat, whatever. I'm like, no, dude, if I eat dairy, my whole stomach breaks out. They're like, there's no real science behind that. I'm like, dude, it literally happens.
36:17 Speaker 03 Well, I've lived it. It's a lived experience.
36:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it happens every time.
36:20 Speaker 03 How dare you deny my truth.
36:21 Matt McCusker? They give you all these creams and you read them and it's like, don't use this more than two weeks. It's like, why? What's gonna happen? Why should I put this on at all?
36:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:28 Matt McCusker? Dude, recently, it's been for real, like, groundbreaking, because whenever you go to the ocean, you know your skin clears up.
36:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:34 Matt McCusker? So I was like, how could I recreate that? I got a bucket of dead sea salt, and I just go in the shower now. I wet myself and I just cover myself in salt, head to toe. And just let it sit, let it sit on me for like five minutes, completely cleared my skin up.
36:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:47 Matt McCusker? My wife hates it.
36:47 Speaker 03 I'm gonna have to grub you, dude.
36:49 Matt McCusker? Grub me up.
36:50 Speaker 03 You better stop.
36:51 Matt McCusker? I taste, I'm like wagyu.
36:53 Speaker 03 Grubbing yourself, dude.
36:56 Speaker 01 Dude, it cleared it up. It's the only thing that's ever worked. And it's salt. It's fucking, you get a big bucket of it for thirty bucks. Yeah. Sun and saltwater are the two. I, I had, I don't know why, I forget what happened, but I had like an act, like a full-on acne outbreak a year ago. Really? And, uh, or a year and a half ago, and it was in the winter. And I think it was, yeah, it was gross.
37:16 Speaker 00 It sucks, dude. It sucks being our age and getting acne.
37:19 Speaker 01 It's the worst.
37:20 Speaker 00 What the fuck is happening?
37:21 Speaker 01 But it was because I was, I was still living in New York and it was like, it was raining every day and it was dark and like, I just, it was, it was definitely related to weather. And I went and I did the Joker's cruise and it cleared up on the cruise. Yeah. Like it just cleared up immediately as soon as I got in the sun and there was like a saltwater pool.
37:40 Speaker 00 Bro, I had, I had an insane, like a rare skin disease when I was younger.
37:44 Speaker 01 That sucks.
37:45 Speaker 00 I get, yeah, just out of no, I've, I've told you that's pitter-isis.
37:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:49 Speaker 00 Out of nowhere. I've never seen anything like it. It was just patches of red all over me. And it didn't itch, didn't burn. It was nothing.
37:58 Speaker 01 Did it look like a red spot, like sunburn?
38:00 Speaker 00 The first one does. There's, there's a herald patch that comes first. I was just looking in the mirror and I just had a big red mark here.
38:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:08 Speaker 00 And I was like, all right, whatever. I don't give a fuck. And then it started multiple, it was just all over me. But it was only where sun doesn't get you. So it's from your knees to your elbows. Like it was just where you wear clothes.
38:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:20 Speaker 00 And then my family and I went to the beach.
38:22 Speaker 01 Cleared up.
38:23 Speaker 00 Cleared up.
38:23 Speaker 01 Did it ever?
38:24 Speaker 00 But I had to lay in public with a giant red skin rash.
38:27 Speaker 01 Yeah. Did it ever get like rashy and raised or was it always just like your skin?
38:31 Speaker 00 It was a little rashy and raised, but it still didn't itch or hurt.
38:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, skin's fucking weird. Cause it is an organ. It's an organ on your body. You're right about dermatologist though. Like a dermatologist will be like, yep, that's pretty gross. You know, here's some cream, you know, like, and the cream, the reason you can't do it for more than two weeks is because a lot of it's, it will, it thins your skin. Yeah. And you, what I've had with the creams.
38:51 Speaker 00 You must've used a lot.
38:52 Speaker 01 I have, I get a thing called, no, no.
38:55 Speaker 00 Sensitive ass.
38:57 Speaker 01 I get a thing called, um.
39:00 Matt McCusker? Also, I've had it washed down to my balls and you know, and it like my ball skin is would go crazy from whatever they were giving me.
39:07 Speaker 00 Ball skin goes the craziest.
39:09 Matt McCusker? Oh, ball skin.
39:10 Speaker 00 Ball skin goes the absolute craziest.
39:11 Matt McCusker? When that stuff goes down.
39:12 Speaker 00 When you get dried out ball sack, bro, that's three years.
39:15 Matt McCusker? It's exactly.
39:15 Speaker 00 That's not going away for three fucking years.
39:17 Matt McCusker? It's the worst, dude.
39:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
39:19 Matt McCusker? It sucks.
39:19 Speaker 00 I actually dealt with an armpit rash for an entire year last year.
39:23 Matt McCusker? What were you using? New deodorant with alcohol on it?
39:25 Speaker 00 No, it was the same old deodorant. I just, uh, it was almost like I got jock itch.
39:28 Matt McCusker? Yes, I've gotten that before.
39:30 Speaker 00 And it just lingered.
39:31 Speaker 01 I think there's nothing worse than an armpit rash because you have to put deodorant on it and it burns and it itches so bad. And you, you.
39:39 Speaker 00 I was planning through, I was just putting fucking, uh, antifungal cream on it, filming tires. It was while we were filming tires. It went from the summer into when we were filming tires. It was a nightmare.
39:53 Matt McCusker? I don't wear, I don't wear deodorant. I put it on like once every now and again.
39:57 Speaker 01 Do you not sweat though?
39:58 Matt McCusker? I do, and I'll smell a little bit, but it's like, dude, my armpits get dry from deodorant. It's like, I fucking hate, I used, remember Brut?
40:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:04 Matt McCusker? That like, dude, that stuff was flammable. I used to run it across the carpet and light it on fire and it would just go, make like a lion.
40:11 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
40:12 Matt McCusker? Sick.
40:12 Speaker 01 The carpet?
40:14 Matt McCusker? I fucked up a beach rental when I was a little kid one time because I would make designs in the carpet and like, you would light for two seconds.
40:20 Speaker 00 What designs?
40:21 Matt McCusker? Just like little, well, I didn't do the, I didn't do the, yeah, I didn't do the swag.
40:25 Speaker 00 You did the coolest design possible to set on fire?
40:29 Matt McCusker? I would do little like loop de loop tracks. The one time it did get out of control and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck.
40:33 Speaker 01 How did your parents not know you were lighting the carpet on fire?
40:36 Matt McCusker? I don't know, just do it and put it out.
40:38 Speaker 00 They're probably fucking shit faced.
40:40 Matt McCusker? But there, at one time, I, yeah, they were.
40:43 Speaker 00 It was 11 a.m. They were blacked out at the beach.
40:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, my parents never drank growing up, so they, they knew everything I was doing. I wish I had parents that fucking just got rocked.
40:52 Speaker 00 Sorry, I was a joke about it, but it is, it is the best.
40:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean.
40:56 Speaker 00 You have a parent come home drunk, you go, oh, this is a fun day.
41:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
41:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, I missed out.
41:02 Matt McCusker? Dad is awesome. Your dad gets drunk when you're little, although the first time I did get scared because I read a book in the library saying like, it was all about like dad getting drunk and hitting your, hitting your mom. So it was like, the book was called like, why does dad hit mom when he drinks? It was something like that. First time I saw my dad drunk, I was just like, he's beating the fuck out of my mom right now. And I was just a little coward. I just sat in my room like, I hope he doesn't go too hard on her.
41:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, you were fucking.
41:24 Matt McCusker? He didn't at all. He was so friendly.
41:25 Speaker 00 You were saving Private Ryan. He sat on the steps and cried.
41:28 Matt McCusker? Yeah. He was just literally like.
41:34 Matt McCusker? He would come in and be like, nah, and I'd be like, well, dad, don't look at me, mom.
41:39 Speaker 01 Oh, that's great drug.
41:44 Speaker 00 Phil is still that. He comes out and goes. Fuck yeah. Then you see him in the morning. He's like, how are you?
41:54 Speaker 00 You're a fucking punk. Oh, you're hungover. You're being, I'm not hungover. He's never been hungover once.
42:00 Matt McCusker? Hitting a girl with hungover is very funny. I've done it before. I'd be like, you're just hungover and being fucking good. I'm not even hungover at all. It's like, yeah, you're a little edgy this morning.
42:08 Speaker 00 Everybody loves denying a hangover.
42:10 Matt McCusker? Hey, it's crazy.
42:11 Speaker 00 Everybody's favorite thing to do is go, I'm not, you know what's crazy? I feel pretty good.
42:16 Matt McCusker? I'll tell you guys right now, I'm fucking hungover as shit.
42:20 Speaker 00 Really?
42:20 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah.
42:21 Speaker 00 That's why you asked how long this podcast was.
42:22 Speaker 01 No, no, I was just, I was literally just curious. Stop riding me, dude.
42:29 Speaker 00 That's too much lotion.
42:37 Matt McCusker? I was like, back off, dude. You just kept going, I'm on your bumper, boy. I'm on your fucking bumper.
42:43 Speaker 01 You're trapped. You got three days in the UK. You're not going anywhere.
42:51 Matt McCusker? You're on his ass in the UK?
42:52 Speaker 00 I was.
42:53 Matt McCusker? So funny.
42:53 Speaker 00 Till we got off the flight, till we landed back. I mean, we were screaming in the fucking airport.
43:01 Speaker 01 Holy shit, dude. We got prime. I mean, you guys might have talked about it already, but we got prime O'Connor video over there.
43:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, we got some classics.
43:08 Speaker 01 Him at the height of his powers.
43:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, running through the streets of London, man.
43:17 Speaker 00 Yeah, he was a, he's a real problem. That's what I like about him, though. He turns up that hard and then you won't see him for two weeks. He's got, he's got to mend himself. He goes home, he enters the tent.
43:30 Speaker 01 I saw him last night.
43:31 Speaker 00 I gotta read, I gotta fucking cook, I gotta become a good person, and then you go, why don't you come out?
43:36 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
43:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:37 Matt McCusker? His bounce backs are crazy.
43:39 Speaker 00 It's pretty impressive.
43:40 Speaker 01 I saw him last night. We were in the green room. We had two drinks and I was like, what are you doing, dude? He's like, I don't know, I might go see Sadie, whatever. And he fucking snuck out. I was like, he's dodging it.
43:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's trying to be good.
43:54 Speaker 00 You gotta respect the dog.
43:55 Speaker 01 I get it. I get it, man. I get it. I'm fucking terrible at it. I let everybody talk me into fucking hanging out. I'm the worst.
44:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, but you do it, you do it just as much. You're one of the worst perpetrators of it.
44:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
44:08 Speaker 00 Dude, take a shot. My birthday's next week.
44:13 Speaker 00 I'm taking a thousand shots with you and every time you go, you never take shots.
44:17 Speaker 01 It's, it's been literally years.
44:20 Speaker 00 Literally.
44:21 Speaker 01 We've, we've taken shots together. We took shots together last week at Mitzi's.
44:28 Speaker 00 I did not take any shots with you at Mitzi's.
44:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, we did.
44:32 Speaker 00 We did?
44:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, at the corner.
44:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, shit.
44:34 Speaker 01 Well, you got me there.
44:35 Speaker 00 And you said it. I remember it. You go, you'd never take shots.
44:38 Speaker 01 We took shots for the last week.
44:40 Speaker 00 My dude.
44:43 Speaker 00 It's so funny. It is usually late if I'm taking a shot.
44:47 Speaker 01 I was talking to Carrie at mothership last night about, she's like, what are you doing tomorrow, baby? I was like, I'm doing Matt and Shane. And I was just telling her about when you just start pressuring to drink. And I was like, I'm gonna be sitting on that couch. He's gonna be like, come on, come on, dude.
45:04 Speaker 00 Let's go.
45:04 Speaker 01 Come on, let's go. And I was like, she's like, wow? And I was like, I can't say no to the man.
45:08 Speaker 00 No, we gotta.
45:09 Speaker 01 No, I can't today. I can't today. Stop, dude. No. Stop, dude. No, I got spots tonight.
45:15 Speaker 00 No, I can't.
45:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, alright.
45:16 Speaker 00 I can't. I've got to remain in the tomb, dude. I just, I put together a run. I gotta.
45:20 Matt McCusker? True.
45:21 Speaker 01 But I was just, I was like.
45:22 Speaker 00 Maybe Friday.
45:23 Matt McCusker? True.
45:24 Speaker 00 I'll, I'll make it to Friday.
45:25 Speaker 01 I don't fly out till Saturday.
45:28 Speaker 00 Where you headed?
45:29 Speaker 01 Uh, back up to PA, because I gotta do some pods in New York and then Rhode Island gigs and, and then some other stuff.
45:37 Speaker 00 We haven't even talked about your special.
45:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, dude. I'd love to talk about it.
45:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, it was great.
45:41 Speaker 01 Thank you, man.
45:42 Speaker 00 I liked the intro. I liked how spooky it was.
45:44 Speaker 01 Thanks, man. Thanks a lot. Thank you. I appreciate it.
45:47 Speaker 00 And at first I didn't like the blurry shots. And then I came around.
45:51 Speaker 01 All right, thank you. I was a little on the fence about him too at first, but then the closer we got to, cause I was, I directed it too. So I was very involved from start to finish with everything. And I was a little on the fence about it too, but then ultimately I was like, oh no, it works. It's, it's, I don't know. It's, it was, you know, it was a nice device, I thought, or whatever. But, but yeah, man, I appreciate you.
46:16 Speaker 00 I missed the actual taping. I was at the after party.
46:20 Speaker 01 You showed up right as the party was starting.
46:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
46:23 Speaker 00 I was bummed I missed that. That was, that was a good, good hour.
46:26 Speaker 01 I was thrilled you, you came down. You rolled in with six, right?
46:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, I was thrilled you came down, dude.
46:33 Speaker 00 Definitely got bullied into taking a shot.
46:35 Speaker 01 Well, that's a special night.
46:37 Speaker 00 It's always a special night.
46:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's always a special night.
46:41 Speaker 01 But yeah, it's called, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden. It's on my YouTube, at Joe De, at Joe De Rosa. So YouTube.com slash at Joe De Rosa Comedy. But anyway, I hope people enjoy it.
46:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's good.
46:51 Speaker 01 But I was, it's the hardest.
46:52 Speaker 00 It's a really good special.
46:53 Speaker 01 Thank you, dude. It means a lot to me to hear you say that because, and Matt, feel free to jump in with the compliment.
47:00 Matt McCusker? I haven't seen it yet. So I always feel bad. I don't see it.
47:02 Speaker 00 And I usually, and I usually don't watch. I watched yours a lot. I haven't finished it yet, but I've watched a lot of it.
47:10 Speaker 01 I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I did the same thing with you. Like, I was like, you're one of, no, no, no, no. I'm saying though, like, I don't, I hear you. It's like, it's, it's kinda hard sometimes when you do comedy and you're around it all the time to jump into a special.
47:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
47:23 Speaker 01 But you're one of the guys where it's like, I'm like, I was excited.
47:27 Speaker 00 And we've done enough shows where I know the material.
47:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, it was.
47:31 Matt McCusker? I was stoked. Asgardini told me his special. I'm like, that's gonna be fucking awesome. I can't wait to see that.
47:35 Speaker 01 Thanks, guys.
47:36 Speaker 00 They were actually singing praises before you got in.
47:38 Speaker 01 Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.
47:39 Speaker 00 How much they liked the.
47:40 Matt McCusker? I heard the way it started out and I was like, awesome. The starting, the starting bit of material. I was like, that's.
47:45 Speaker 00 Let's not, let's not get any spoilers, but I can't wait for the start of your special.
47:51 Speaker 00 Can't wait. No spoilers.
47:52 Matt McCusker? No spoilers. But yeah, I heard, I was here and I was like, that's.
47:56 Speaker 01 Thanks, brother. Thanks, dude. It's the, it's, it's literally the hardest I ever worked on anything in my whole life.
48:02 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
48:02 Speaker 01 It goes three years of, of touring and I was gonna shoot it at one point and Ari Shaffir was like, it's not ready. It's not ready yet. It's not ready, you know? And then like, when I finally did do it, like him being like. Fucking did it, dude. I was like, alright, that's awesome.
48:17 Speaker 00 Man, good for him for, cause that's hard to tell someone, but boy, if somebody told me it's not ready when I thought it was ready.
48:25 Speaker 01 We argued. I mean, me and Ari did argue. I wasn't just like, okay.
48:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
48:30 Speaker 01 I was like, it's ready, dude. I don't need to do it for three years. And he goes, he goes, oh yeah, cause you're the one. And I was like, god damn, alright.
48:41 Speaker 01 But, uh, but yeah, like, but I don't know. It's like, it's nice having friends, like, again, I'm not blowing smoke, but it's nice having friends who also do comedy, that when they put something out, like when you put out your last one, you're excited to watch it. Cause it's like,
48:56 Speaker 00 Yeah.
48:57 Speaker 01 It's easy to get comedy fatigue.
48:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, it sucked to have a friend who sucked.
49:00 Speaker 01 Yes.
49:01 Speaker 00 It's like, check out this special.
49:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm excited for yours, dude.
49:05 Speaker 00 Thank you, man.
49:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, you were talking a little bit about it last night.
49:07 Speaker 00 I'm pumped. I was getting, uh,
49:09 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.
49:12 Speaker 00 Mint Mobile.
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49:48 Speaker 00 Incredible.
49:49 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.
49:54 Speaker 00 Oh, I like this.
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50:37 Matt McCusker? a free immune support bundle, including omega three, fish oil and vitamin D three plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 next gen or AG1 pro. That's drink AG1.com slash secret pod. Dude, Brittany's been getting a lot of like, people see here and they go, oh, four time WMA star, WMA star. And last night I was doing stand up and people brought it up. They're like, talk about your four time WMA star wife. And I was just, I thought it was great. And now she's getting so much attention. I'd just been like, shit was fucking hacked, dude.
51:06 Speaker 00 Shit was a fucking hack.
51:10 Matt McCusker? I mean, come on. Turn on her. I just gotta, yeah, I just gotta take her down and just be like, there's anyone.
51:17 Speaker 00 She doesn't even look like an athlete. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck the joke is.
51:21 Matt McCusker? I kept saying last night, I was like, he should have dressed me up, man. He should have dressed me up. I could have done that. I was like, I could have done that.
51:27 Speaker 00 I know. The joke easily, easily could have been NHL.
51:31 Matt McCusker? I know. No, no.
51:32 Speaker 00 Or NASCAR or golf.
51:33 Matt McCusker? A black WMA star.
51:34 Speaker 00 Oh, you mean fucking.
51:35 Matt McCusker? Let me put that shit on, dude.
51:39 Speaker 00 Well, then we wouldn't be talking right now, but we would be considered the greatest of all time. We wouldn't still be talking, but.
51:51 Matt McCusker? I just showed up fully prepared for the role. You're like, what the fuck are you doing?
51:55 Speaker 00 We can save it.
51:56 Matt McCusker? Oh, oh, I thought she was like, oh, what's the joke's about? Oh, shit. I gotta take this off. Fuck, it's not coming off. It was, it was fun for me to watch it again.
52:05 Speaker 00 Fuck, I'm sitting next to Jalen Carter. Fuck.
52:08 Matt McCusker? I'm dressed like a black lady. Dude, I saw, uh, rewatching it and seeing the people behind us like clapping in earnest. And then it's revealed and they go, that was very, that's very fun to see.
52:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, the, uh.
52:21 Matt McCusker? Fucking asshole.
52:23 Speaker 00 We can save that one though.
52:24 Matt McCusker? Huh?
52:25 Speaker 00 Maybe I'll get another hosting job sometime.
52:27 Matt McCusker? Nah, I'm not gonna dress up as it.
52:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
52:29 Matt McCusker? Just funny to talk about.
52:32 Speaker 00 Save it for the Oscars.
52:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah. I'll be Ryan Felipe. Yeah. You got that in the, you got that bullet in the chamber?
52:43 Speaker 00 We got that one locked and loaded.
52:47 Speaker 01 When it's time, it's time.
52:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's time to hang it up. You go, you know what? I got one more.
52:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
52:54 Matt McCusker? Yes, you're in the tomb on the come down of setting the internet ablaze.
52:58 Speaker 00 Yes, yeah, it's all types of things. And also, you drank for a week. That's enough to, so like after the ESPs, I had to go do Kansas City and Oklahoma City.
53:09 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
53:09 Speaker 00 And those, you know, you're doing a show like that, that's, that's a lot of fucking stress.
53:14 Matt McCusker? I don't know how you also, I flew home on Friday and I for real thought I was gonna fall, I thought I was gonna fall down.
53:21 Speaker 00 Friday sucked ass.
53:22 Matt McCusker? Oh, fucking, I'm happy to do a show.
53:24 Speaker 00 I had a later flight.
53:26 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but like not that much later. I texted these guys, like, we're already there. I was walking through the airport, like, I felt like I was like not getting enough oxygen.
53:34 Speaker 00 That's how it feels, yeah.
53:35 Speaker 01 Because you were just so hungover, you mean?
53:37 Matt McCusker? I didn't have like the headache or anything, but I was just, I had like three hours, two hours of sleep.
53:42 Speaker 00 A lot of liquor fast.
53:43 Matt McCusker? Yes, I had like two hours of sleep and just was walking through the airport with like my bag, just like, I for real might go down. I was like lightheaded.
53:49 Speaker 00 Bro, so, so that day I woke up in the hotel going, yes, I have nothing to do today. Perfect. And then I was like, oh shit, I gotta fly to Oklahoma and do a show. Then the next morning I woke up like, finally I can fucking go home. Fuck, I gotta go to Kansas fucking city. God damn it. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. I guess this is what being burnt out is, but anxious like dreams.
54:17 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:17 Speaker 00 And then wake up going, I don't have anything to do. Nice. Fuck.
54:24 Matt McCusker? Dude, you just did a thing that six people on planet Earth have done.
54:29 Speaker 00 Not just that, though. It was the movie.
54:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:32 Speaker 00 The movie, filming a movie for a month and a half was.
54:34 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:35 Speaker 00 I've never done anything like that.
54:36 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:37 Speaker 00 And then shows and then the, yeah.
54:40 Matt McCusker? You're running, you're running through a very unique gauntlet.
54:43 Speaker 00 It's time to lay down.
54:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:45 Speaker 00 And, oh yeah, we filmed commercials that, I'm seeing the edits to those and I don't fucking love them. I go, oh, great.
54:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah, there's nothing worse than watching yourself in a way where you're like, I don't like that.
54:57 Speaker 00 While you're anxious and hungover and you see a video of yourself, you go. It sucks.
55:02 Matt McCusker? It was fun. I was trying to upload all of the stuff from our drunk podcast that next day in the airport. I would just watch it and be like.
55:11 Speaker 00 The anxiety of that podcast.
55:15 Speaker 00 Second half. The second half's in the tomb forever.
55:18 Matt McCusker? NFT.
55:19 Speaker 00 Until, until one day.
55:20 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
55:22 Speaker 00 We're gonna sell it to Martin Shkreli for six million dollars.
55:30 Speaker 01 The, uh, that, that airport hangover, like, like honestly, I like almost have a panic attack.
55:36 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
55:36 Speaker 01 I carry Xanax for it. Cause, cause you're, it's so like your gut is related to your anxiety and, and all that shit. And when you're in that state, you're walking, you're like, you might have to take a shit. You don't know.
55:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
55:48 Speaker 00 And then that's. You can shit at any moment.
55:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's.
55:51 Speaker 00 You could. No, I mean physically, I could walk into a bathroom and take a shit. While hungover at any, if someone said, take a shit right now, I'd go, no problem.
55:58 Speaker 01 Oh, you mean like on command?
55:59 Speaker 00 Yes.
56:00 Speaker 01 Oh, that's great.
56:01 Speaker 00 One's chambered at all times.
56:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:03 Speaker 00 Yes, sir.
56:04 Matt McCusker? I'm also, when I'm hungover, yes, Teddy.
56:09 Matt McCusker? I'm like.
56:10 Speaker 00 You can't A O a clear gay joke.
56:14 Matt McCusker? I'm a hundred and three degrees. My face is, I have like a hundred and three degree fever. And then I just woke up and I did the opposite. I pounded coffee to like power through. So I'm having like heart palpitation. It was terrible.
56:25 Speaker 00 Yeah, heart palpitations for sure.
56:26 Matt McCusker? It was terrible. It's fucking nuts.
56:29 Speaker 00 How do you know the B dubs at the airports just right there going?
56:34 Speaker 00 It is. Yeah. You're nothing without me, coward.
56:37 Speaker 01 When I did a, when I did a, I did, I did Kill Tony when they did the H E B center down here. I did the panel and I was always supposed to do a set and then I showed up and he was like, I need you to panel buddy. And I was like, all right. And I was so hungover and I started the same thing, dude. Dehydrated. I felt like sick. I felt like I had a cold. I started fucking pounding coffee to wake up and then I was meeting it with booze to get like tuned up. Dude, I got on stage, my guts started turning. I, my hand to God, dude, I had a two minute panic attack on stage. I was sitting there. I was so, I was hitting from all angles and I was sitting there.
57:17 Speaker 01 The first bucket pool came out, the kid was talking to us and my brain was like, it's a lot of fucking people out there, dude. It was all it up. If you watch the video, you see me do this. You see, this is the desk. I just go like this.
57:33 Speaker 01 I just put the mic down. I just stare. I'm like, I'm gonna freak out right now. I was like, I was literally looking like, where can I run off this fucking stage?
57:43 Speaker 00 That's tough.
57:44 Speaker 01 And then it just, it just stopped. And I was like, oh, that's hangover. That's like, bad anxiety, man.
57:49 Matt McCusker? I get that doing stand up where like, I'll like, forget the next thing I'm gonna talk about. And it's like a 30 second thing in my head where it's like, this is it, dude. You're gonna have to look at all these people and go, I can't do this. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know why. And just walk off and you just power through and you're like, all right, thank God.
58:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, I've been there, dude. Maria Bamford said she used to, like, she said she would like, take comfort in knowing that at any second, she, she had the option of running out of the club and never return it to her. And she was like, that's the only way I can get through it. Like, sometimes, yeah, it's like, fuck.
58:21 Speaker 00 It is nice when you get on stage and you go, oh, yeah, I can do stand up.
58:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:25 Speaker 00 Like, after the first, like, minute, you go, oh, fuck yeah.
58:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:28 Speaker 00 Nice, cuz for the last hour and a half, I've been back there going, what the fuck? I can't do this shit. What the fuck?
58:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
58:36 Matt McCusker? I've done the coffee, pre-show coffee where I'm on stage and my heart's like, and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna fucking, this, this might be it. And then I've done it where I'm like, maybe I have a heart attack and I really leaned into it and powered through and I was like, I was so proud.
58:50 Speaker 00 Through a heart attack.
58:50 Matt McCusker? I was so proud of myself.
58:52 Speaker 00 I had this horrible pain in my chest.
58:56 Speaker 00 I was headlining. It was like, two years ago. It might have been two or three years ago.
59:00 Matt McCusker? Had a heart attack.
59:01 Speaker 00 Bro. It hurt, it hurt so bad that I, I was like, I have to get off stage.
59:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:09 Speaker 00 And then I was like, well, this is my last joke. Just fucking, and I just did my last joke, got off stage. I was like, I'm pretty sure I just had a heart attack up there. Yeah.
59:18 Speaker 01 Did you, and you never got a check or?
59:22 Matt McCusker? People have little ones. That's something.
59:23 Speaker 00 I don't, I don't think it was an actual, I think.
59:25 Matt McCusker? People go in the doctor, like dude, you've had like three heart attacks. You're like, what?
59:29 Speaker 00 Uh, I was thirty-four.
59:32 Matt McCusker? Dude, I know someone who got one at like twenty-four years old. I mean, they were, they were taking heavy supps and then other recreationals, but.
59:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was, I was on zero recreationals.
59:42 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
59:42 Speaker 01 If you can have them without knowing, I've definitely had them then. If that's an option, there's no way I haven't had heart attacks. There's no way.
59:51 Speaker 00 Well, if I ever had one, that was it.
59:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, that sounds like.
59:54 Speaker 00 I've never had something that hurt.
59:56 Speaker 01 Fucking wall up there like, ah.
1:00:01 Speaker 01 I'll tell you, I'll tell you, fuck. I'll tell you a perfect formula for, I'm gonna have a heart attack on stage. This has happened to me several times. You'll be at mothership, you'll be in the green room. You look up and realize the guy on stage in the main room only has thirty seconds left and you go, oh, fuck. And you run all the way, dude, you get on stage. I've done that. I can't catch my breath on stage. Dude, I'll do this on the stool. I'll lean like this and I swear to God the whole time, like I think I might have a heart attack right now.
1:00:32 Speaker 00 That is a fucking labyrinth back there.
1:00:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:35 Speaker 00 You gotta go up and down five flights of steps.
1:00:38 Matt McCusker? I, I felt bad last night because we were all backstage and I, it, people are backstage, like you were backstage and you had, you probably had like four minutes.
1:00:44 Speaker 00 I'll say something.
1:00:45 Matt McCusker? I was like.
1:00:46 Speaker 00 I always go, bro.
1:00:47 Matt McCusker? But I feel like a dick because I'm like, hey, Derosa, you're up next, right? And he's like, yeah, I'm going down. I'm like, oh, I feel like an asshole. Like I'm like, dude, you better get down there.
1:00:53 Speaker 00 No, no, no. I do it. I do it. I do it on shows I'm not even on.
1:00:56 Matt McCusker? I get nervous, yeah.
1:00:57 Speaker 00 I think that guy's fucking.
1:00:58 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude, I get nervous on other people's behalf.
1:01:00 Speaker 00 You never know when someone's gonna fucking just go, that's it.
1:01:02 Matt McCusker? I know. It was G Dini. G Dini dug his heels, obviously luckily he's a big stage hug, dug his heels in.
1:01:08 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah. You actually probably were like, oh, G Dini's on, he's gonna go long.
1:01:12 Matt McCusker? I was, no, I was real. I get nervous when it's like eight minutes in, I see the clock and I'm going like, dude, it's a while to get down there.
1:01:18 Speaker 01 Did you ever go on stage there and you realize you forget the dude you're bringing on, his last name?
1:01:22 Matt McCusker? For sure.
1:01:22 Speaker 01 Yeah. And you're like.
1:01:24 Matt McCusker? I forgot the headliners.
1:01:26 Speaker 00 Joe Rogan.
1:01:30 Speaker 00 Fucking Joe.
1:01:31 Matt McCusker? His podcast is an experience. He's got an experience.
1:01:35 Speaker 01 You think a heart attack.
1:01:38 Speaker 00 Dude.
1:01:39 Matt McCusker? The Heather McDonald clip fucked me up. Did you ever see her go down?
1:01:42 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah, I think about that.
1:01:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I watch it. I go, because I, you know, I've obviously laughed about it publicly. So it's like, I'm like, that's gonna happen to me now.
1:01:48 Speaker 00 It's gonna happen.
1:01:49 Speaker 01 Dude, there's, there's a, there's a trilogy. There's a perfect trilogy. Heather McDonald.
1:01:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:01:53 Speaker 01 Wendy Williams.
1:01:54 Speaker 00 And, uh.
1:01:55 Speaker 01 Gallagher.
1:01:56 Speaker 00 Oh, and you're forgetting the goat, Pablo Francisco.
1:02:00 Matt McCusker? He went down?
1:02:01 Speaker 01 Did he collapse on stage?
1:02:02 Speaker 00 No, but he.
1:02:03 Speaker 01 He says that. That's a wild meltdown.
1:02:06 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's a wild.
1:02:08 Speaker 00 He's the, that's the, that's the number one for me.
1:02:10 Matt McCusker? He broke?
1:02:11 Speaker 01 Well, well.
1:02:12 Speaker 00 We've had, you've heard me say it a million times.
1:02:14 Matt McCusker? No, you don't think I can get out of this?
1:02:16 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
1:02:17 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:02:18 Speaker 01 So.
1:02:18 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
1:02:19 Speaker 00 You're in good, you're in safe hand with all.
1:02:21 Matt McCusker? Get down, get to the chopper. You don't think I can get out of this, folks? And he just broke.
1:02:26 Speaker 01 There's some of the videos that cuts, and then it cuts them being.
1:02:31 Matt McCusker? Cuts him being wheeled out of the stretcher.
1:02:34 Speaker 00 That's, dude, that's the one that made me.
1:02:37 Speaker 01 Just in a stretcher gun.
1:02:39 Matt McCusker? You don't think I can get out of this?
1:02:40 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:02:42 Matt McCusker? Oh, no. He got locked in a bit.
1:02:44 Speaker 00 He got locked in the bit.
1:02:45 Speaker 01 Dude, he's in like a K-hole with a bit.
1:02:47 Matt McCusker? No.
1:02:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:48 Speaker 01 Like, no, for real.
1:02:49 Matt McCusker? He can't get out of this bit, and he's going, I can, I can, I can fix it. But like, wait, hold on. Uh, this is, this is fun. He's at the hospital, like, it's not funny, let it go. He's like, no, it's funny.
1:02:58 Speaker 00 I can get to the end of the bit, just let me finish the fucking bit. Just keep interrupting.
1:03:02 Speaker 01 Top three, so that's, that's.
1:03:04 Speaker 00 I swear to God, that's number one.
1:03:05 Speaker 01 That's a different category, though. But that's great. That's the number one of meltdowns. Tube, Tube might go to Swartson. Did you ever see the Swartson one? He's just like, uh, so, uh, all right. He's so high.
1:03:19 Speaker 01 He can't even like make sentences. And the lady just comes out and pulls him off stage.
1:03:26 Matt McCusker? Dude, I, that's in the background in my head the entire time. So like, you're about to, here it comes, dude. You're about to start rambling incoherently.
1:03:33 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, it's so funny.
1:03:34 Speaker 00 I thought the Okaman was gonna have one. He, when we did the Chicago Theater, he went out with Santino during the day. And they day drank. I went out, I met him, I had like one beer, and I was like, we got, yeah, Chicago Theater tonight.
1:03:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yeah.
1:03:48 Speaker 00 I left. I, they show up, they didn't, they didn't leave. He never went back to the hotel. They went from the bar to straight to the show. Okaman walks in the green room, like.
1:03:59 Matt McCusker? What's up?
1:04:00 Speaker 00 And I was like, holy shit, dude, you're blacked out. And I was like, fine, dude, get the fuck out there. Go out there.
1:04:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:04:07 Speaker 00 He killed.
1:04:07 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
1:04:08 Speaker 00 God damn, that's pretty impressive.
1:04:10 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
1:04:11 Speaker 01 O'Connor, dude. Oh dude, he's from a fucking another dimension, man. He is. O'Connor, O'Connor should be in the next Mortal Kombat.
1:04:20 Speaker 00 He really does. He might be the drunken master.
1:04:24 Matt McCusker? That's insane.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 Wait, third, but wait, I got the number three best meltdown. Uh, the Lampanelli one is wild. Do you remember that one?
1:04:31 Matt McCusker? No, it happened.
1:04:33 Speaker 01 Where people are walking out and then people are helping her. People are going like, she's yelling at somebody and then people are being like, it's okay, Lace. And she's like, shut the fuck up. I don't need any fucking help from you. And she's like turning on the people, supporting her and shit like, it's a, I'm not throwing any shade at any of these people.
1:04:50 Speaker 00 This could happen to any of us.
1:04:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, we're just, it's just funny, like, I've, I've, I have, I've been banned from clubs. I've freaked on stage.
1:04:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're a psycho.
1:04:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:05:02 Speaker 00 You're a wild dog.
1:05:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I got banned from the Laugh Factory in New York.
1:05:05 Matt McCusker? Did you really?
1:05:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I told the audience, I said, I hope you all get fucking AIDS and die in a car accident on your way home tonight. You're a bunch of fucking animals. I got banned.
1:05:15 Speaker 00 It's probably during like a decent set. I was just spazzed at the end.
1:05:19 Speaker 01 They were, it was so rowdy, dude. It was crazy how rowdy it was.
1:05:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:05:23 Speaker 01 And then I went back to the club like, and I was like, I don't understand why you won't book me anymore. And the booker was like, because you told the audience, I hope you get AIDS and die in a fucking car. Do you, do you think that's okay?
1:05:33 Matt McCusker? I was joking around.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 I was like, well, they weren't, they were shitty. I don't know.
1:05:36 Matt McCusker? What was I supposed to do?
1:05:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've freaked, have you guys ever freaked? I've, I've lost my shit.
1:05:41 Matt McCusker? I did, I've spazzed once.
1:05:43 Speaker 00 Baz, the only one, Fort Wayne was, I was just like, all right, that's good. It's the end of the show.
1:05:48 Speaker 01 I haven't done it in 15 years. Like, I learned my lesson.
1:05:52 Matt McCusker? I did it in, I did it in.
1:05:53 Speaker 00 Bakersfield, that was a tough one.
1:05:55 Matt McCusker? Spazz?
1:05:55 Speaker 00 They were, they were wild.
1:05:57 Matt McCusker? I spazzed on one guy in Phoenix, Arizona. I like, kind of just started traveling headlining and the weekend wasn't going well. Ticket sales weren't great. And then there was like, in this, the, one of their rooms was a copper blues. They have like multiple ones, I think. There's one of those rooms where there's like, you know, like seating, but then they have booths to like the right of the stage.
1:06:14 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:06:15 Matt McCusker? So it was just a guy in a fucking like leather jacket, talking so fucking loud.
1:06:20 Speaker 00 It's not the, it's Tempe, the, what was it called?
1:06:23 Matt McCusker? It's not the, it's around there. It's copper blues.
1:06:26 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:06:27 Matt McCusker? They have, I think multiple, but this guy was talking and it was just like, you know, I was like, whatever, like, shut up. But then at one point, Brittany went up to him. She was there. It was like, he'd be quiet and he said something to her and I like just stopped mid joke and was like, shut the fuck up pussy and like spaz. It was like a fight.
1:06:42 Speaker 00 Fuck yeah.
1:06:42 Matt McCusker? It was bad. And I was like, uh, anyway, I was just fucking around guy.
1:06:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:06:46 Matt McCusker? Pure, pure red face spaz. Had him, I was like, eventually I think I had him come up on stage. And he just called me gay without a microphone. I'm like, it just backfired on me and I was like, I was like, get up here. And he's like, you're just a fucking gay pussy. And I'm like, damn, nice jacket bitch. Get off the stage. This isn't working.
1:07:04 Speaker 00 It's just go straight gay guy. Well, your jacket's disgusting. Fuck you bitch.
1:07:08 Matt McCusker? He told me he had an Uber driver, you have an Uber driver jacket dude? Get the fuck out of here. It was just.
1:07:11 Speaker 01 They're always right around.
1:07:13 Matt McCusker? He was getting louder though. He was winning the debate. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. He's like, you're fucking gay.
1:07:16 Speaker 00 That was, I had, that was, it wasn't really a spaz, but in that Tempe improv, uh, that was where that gremlin from high school got me.
1:07:24 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:07:24 Speaker 00 You remember that? This kid from high school showed up and he was like, after the first show, he's sitting in the green room. He's like, I would give that like a C, C minus.
1:07:34 Speaker 01 Oh dude.
1:07:37 Speaker 00 And then he spent an hour in between shows talking about how I sucked at football and his class was better. And then stayed, it was crazy. I couldn't, other people were looking like, yeah, what? What the fuck's going on?
1:07:50 Speaker 01 I don't know how you didn't choke him.
1:07:52 Speaker 00 And then he, uh, stayed for the second show and I killed. And every time I had a good joke, I just looked directly at him and just going,
1:08:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:00 Speaker 00 Yeah. C minus. You fucker. Every single joke for an hour. I was just, every time I go.
1:08:07 Speaker 00 What do you think of that? What do you think of that, you fucking cock? He was like, that, nothing to him. He was like, that was good.
1:08:13 Speaker 01 Oh, that was, now that was good. I love how people like that flip it. Now that was good, see? Go fuck yourself.
1:08:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm like your coach.
1:08:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's weird.
1:08:22 Speaker 01 Spaz is always right around the corner. I've, I've, without question in recent year, what I, I, I'm speaking way too, uh, Liberally, when I say I learned my lesson, because I'll still yell at an audience, but I figured out somehow to sometimes make it kind of funny to like beat them in to get, but like, I could easily see having a full, having a full freak at any, you know, it's, it's, it won't take much, dude. It doesn't take much. It takes a couple annoying people.
1:08:50 Speaker 00 We'll start getting to your shows.
1:08:51 Speaker 01 You know?
1:08:51 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:08:52 Speaker 01 What's that?
1:08:52 Speaker 00 We'll start hanging around the back of your shows.
1:08:55 Matt McCusker? I mean.
1:08:56 Speaker 01 I just wanna.
1:08:57 Speaker 00 This guy fucking sucks.
1:08:58 Matt McCusker? The ultimate.
1:08:59 Speaker 01 I just wanna be clear that I stand with Pablo, Lisa and Nick.
1:09:01 Speaker 00 For sure, for sure.
1:09:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not making fun of it. It's funny to see though.
1:09:06 Matt McCusker? I'm convinced it will happen. I'm like, it's, I'm gonna join the pantheon of dudes who freak out one day and just completely break and be like, I don't know why I do this. I'm sorry, guys. Please refund everything.
1:09:18 Matt McCusker? It's, I'm fighting it the entire time I do anything.
1:09:21 Speaker 01 The, uh, but wait, you never saw Gallagher having the heart attack onstage?
1:09:25 Matt McCusker? He had it.
1:09:30 Speaker 01 It's during the fucking watermelon.
1:09:33 Matt McCusker? No.
1:09:34 Speaker 01 He walks over, picks.
1:09:37 Speaker 01 It's just so fucked up to laugh at him. It's fucking hilarious. No, he goes over to the watermelon, he picks up the hammer and he goes.
1:09:46 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
1:09:49 Speaker 01 He goes down.
1:09:50 Matt McCusker? Oh, he goes down?
1:09:51 Speaker 01 He goes down. He has a fucking heart attack.
1:09:53 Speaker 00 He's a real one.
1:09:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, dude.
1:09:54 Speaker 00 Oh.
1:09:55 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying. There was two categories. There was collapse onstage versus meltdown.
1:10:00 Speaker 00 I mean, a prop, yeah, cuz Heather McDonald's was pretty fucking elite.
1:10:04 Matt McCusker? Hers was crazy cuz she was like, I got all the vaccine. Just went down.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 What happened?
1:10:09 Speaker 00 But a prop guy.
1:10:10 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, go ahead.
1:10:11 Speaker 00 Prop guy going down.
1:10:12 Matt McCusker? Oh, it's crazy.
1:10:14 Speaker 00 With a hammer, a mallet in her hand?
1:10:16 Speaker 01 Over his head, dude.
1:10:20 Speaker 00 Like the watermelon finally won, dude. The watermelon was like.
1:10:25 Speaker 01 He's literally doing a thing that would give any human a heart attack. Doing it onstage as close. Yeah, dude, exactly. Time was finally like, that's enough, dude.
1:10:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:10:39 Speaker 01 But wait, did Heather McDonald ever explain what happened to her?
1:10:41 Matt McCusker? I haven't seen the explanation, no. I'm sure she talked about it somewhere, but I never, I've never saw it addressed at all.
1:10:47 Speaker 00 She just fainted.
1:10:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but it was like...
1:10:50 Speaker 00 She just happened to be talking about how boosted she was.
1:10:52 Matt McCusker? That was the worst part.
1:10:53 Speaker 00 That just jinxed it.
1:10:54 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
1:10:55 Speaker 01 Wait, what was she talking about?
1:10:56 Matt McCusker? She was talking, she was bragging about how many...
1:10:58 Speaker 00 Her last lines were like, how many boosters and how many times she's gotten the vaccine. Then her last line's like, so yeah, Jesus loves me.
1:11:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah. And the worst part was the crowd thought it was a bit and they were like...
1:11:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, she timed perfectly.
1:11:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was fucked up.
1:11:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's a great bit.
1:11:14 Matt McCusker? True.
1:11:15 Speaker 00 But yeah, I think she really got hurt.
1:11:16 Matt McCusker? She fuck, I think she hit her head, dude. She got fucked up.
1:11:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude.
1:11:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, she got fucked up and it was just like, these idiots who didn't get the vaccine, ha ha, I've gotten all of them, ah, God loves me, I've never even gotten...
1:11:33 Speaker 00 Literally got killed. God was just like, yeah.
1:11:36 Matt McCusker? Yeah, enough of that.
1:11:37 Speaker 01 Holy shit. Jesus Christ. The Wendy Williams one happened on TV.
1:11:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, I saw that.
1:11:42 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:11:42 Speaker 00 By the way, Wendy Williams rules.
1:11:45 Matt McCusker? She does.
1:11:45 Speaker 00 I didn't know Wendy Williams ruled.
1:11:47 Speaker 01 I don't know, I don't know much about her.
1:11:48 Speaker 00 Watch clips. She's fucking hilarious.
1:11:50 Speaker 01 Yeah?
1:11:50 Matt McCusker? She is funny.
1:11:51 Speaker 01 She's do, she's do a show at Comics in New York. Were you around when Comics was there?
1:11:57 Matt McCusker? Oh my god, I'm gonna pee my fucking pants.
1:11:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm gonna pee my pants too.
1:12:00 Matt McCusker? We take, I can't move, dude.
1:12:02 Speaker 00 We'll see you later.
1:12:03 Matt McCusker? Are we in an hour?
1:12:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:12:04 Matt McCusker? Oh dude, let's slide to the page.
1:12:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:12:05 Matt McCusker? I've been fighting it for like 10 minutes.
1:12:07 Speaker 00 I could've been page right there. We'll see.
1:12:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
1:12:09 Speaker 00 It was a lot of stand-up talk.
1:12:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:12:11 Speaker 00 We'll see.
1:12:12 Matt McCusker? Alright.
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