Ep 265: No Guest - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam cover it all: martinis and why they secretly destroy you, Carnegie Hall nerves, IV recovery, casino gigs, and traveling with Shane Gillis. Mark talks hooping with Adam Sandler, run-ins with Seinfeld, and the pressure of performing with comedy legends in the crowd. The guys unload a massive stack of pet peeves, from tall sandwiches and bad dating profiles to browser glitches, password resets, airplane etiquette, and inconsiderate New Yorkers. They also dive deep into the Diddy documentary, celebrity power, old-school movies, inspiration hitting at the worst times, and why being single rules until Sunday night. Sponsored by: Bodega Cat Whiskeyhttps://www.bodegacatwhisky.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://watchoutlive.com/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Check out That Sounds Right, the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD:https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but even a martini is a bold drink, because martinis fuck your... I got fucking hammered on martini. I stumbled in the strip house on Saturday, got fucking lit up, dude.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  It is weird that martinis are the classy drink, because it is just liquor in a cup.

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  Let's start with that, that's good. We're rolling. Yeah, it's a good point. No, it's the dignified drink.

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  But like, you know who drank martinis? Churchill. He looked like shit.

• 0:27Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 0:28Sam Morril?

  He was fucking obese.

• 0:30Mark Normand?

  He was bloated. He went to the White House and the whole staff hated him. They're like, he's walking around in his underwear, he's kicking the dog. He's smoking a cigar at like 8 a.m.

• 0:38Sam Morril?

  Well dude, he was... Because here's the thing, calorie-wise, they're probably not as bad if you go dry, because it's just vodka or gin, right?

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  But if you're drinking that, you're drunk.

• 0:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, it's liquor and olive juice.

• 0:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's for dirty.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 0:53Sam Morril?

  Dry is just a vermouth.

• 0:54Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 0:55Sam Morril?

  But you're getting fucking lit up on that. I have a few and I'm fucking gone.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  I love them. It's a great drink.

• 1:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, you do feel classy.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  You do.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  Until the third.

• 1:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06Sam Morril?

  And then you're like, I'm a fucking drunk.

• 1:08Mark Normand?

  I hate the cup, though. I get a martini in a rocks glass.

• 1:12Sam Morril?

  I've done it, but it's... I'll do this. See, I don't like getting that, like a Manhattan in a, uh... In the up.

• 1:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, I hate that.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  I hate that, because that's not... It's too... It's a whiskey drink. Nothing brown should come in that fucking glass.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 1:23Sam Morril?

  But you gotta drink the martini out of the martini glass.

• 1:26Mark Normand?

  Eh!

• 1:27Sam Morril?

  I like when they give you the oversized giant glass, and they just give you the regular serving, so it just doesn't go up all... Because it's not ma... Like, who the fuck?

• 1:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34Sam Morril?

  You're spilling.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  Of course, I'm in a packed bar here.

• 1:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Cheers.

• 1:38Mark Normand?

  Hey! Drinking whiskey like a man in a regular cup.

• 1:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah. But, anyway. Yeah, man, how you been? Were you out with Shane this weekend?

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, I did. Thursday was Shane, Friday was Shane, Saturday Minneapolis Casino.

• 1:56Sam Morril?

  Ooh, nice.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  Which was rough.

• 1:58Sam Morril?

  A money grab, yeah.

• 1:59Mark Normand?

  Big money grab, but I just walked out and I was like, "Tim Walz, huh?" And they're like, "Ah!" You know, like Somalis, eh? They're like, "Ah!" So that was fun. "Ilian Omar, huh?"

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  She's like a sister to me, so I'm fucking her. They're like, "Oh my god, yeah." They just wanna hear that shit so bad.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're like, "It's about us."

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly. I was like, "I drove by his house, called him a retard." And they're like, "So did I, what the fuck?" You know, I was like throwing shit at me. A great gig, great gig. If you get your people at a casino, you can't really beat it. It's still just, it's just a show.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  Reno is killer, man. I had a great time.

• 2:33Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 2:34Sam Morril?

  Damn, look at that. Were you with Shane here?

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  We did Tucson the first night, which was about nine thou. And then we did, uh, Phoenix the next night, which was about twenty?

• 2:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 2:46Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  Insane.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  Fun city too. Oh yeah, there I am. That's Carnegie Hall, baby.

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 2:52Sam Morril?

  Fun night. I was definitely under the weather, man. It sucks when you, I just knew, you know you're on the road and I had to film shit for this dumb movie I'm making and then, uh... Yeah, I knew I was gonna be fucked up. And it was one of those things, I woke up and I was like, "I guess I gotta get like an IV or something."

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 3:08Sam Morril?

  So I did it. Got a little, got a little jump. And, uh, yeah, there I am with little gear.

• 3:14Mark Normand?

  There, I like the brown suit, that's a good look.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, change it up a little bit. Gotta bring it for Carnegie. Gotta cobble in from Jerry on the suit too.

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  Woo, yeah, what, now was he in, was he in seating view?

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  Thank god he was not. Can you imagine?

• 3:26Mark Normand?

  I can't, cause Louis sat in front row.

• 3:28Sam Morril?

  I'm doing my fisting chunk, I look over at Jerry. Is he laughing?

• 3:33Mark Normand?

  How'd you get up to the elbow?

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  No, he, uh, I didn't see him, thank god. He wrote a very nice message after, a voicemail memo with his wife.

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  Amazing.

• 3:43Sam Morril?

  Very nice. And, but you know, I will tell you this, you can't really get out of your head that he's in the crowd.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 3:48Sam Morril?

  Which is like, I probably, I did fifty. I usually do an hour plus, but I was like, "Let me just fucking hammer." It's Carnegie Hall, let me just hammer. I didn't do, I didn't, I usually go into the crowd a little, I didn't do shit. I'm like, "Let me just run the hour and just fucking hammer." But it was, it was cool. I did a little after-party, Etelle showed up.

• 4:05Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 4:06Sam Morril?

  Love, love to see it. He was miserable. All these young comics were like, "Dave," and he's like, "Ah." Dave is like an actual cat. Where you just, you get him for like a second, then he runs away.

• 4:16Mark Normand?

  Exactly, yeah. Grumpy cat. Wow, that's incredible.

• 4:20Sam Morril?

  My mom was there, yeah. Sold out Carnegie Hall, can't complain.

• 4:23Mark Normand?

  That's unreal.

• 4:24Sam Morril?

  Pretty cool.

• 4:25Mark Normand?

  So cool. But yeah, when I did it with Jimmy Carr, Louis in the front row going... Like he's trying to like start applause breaks. I was like, I appreciate it. That's great, but you're killing me.

• 4:36Sam Morril?

  That was better than the alternative.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course. Just him like this.

• 4:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  That bald ginger in the front really fucks with your head.

• 4:44Sam Morril?

  That would be so fucked up. You just, you go into a premise and he's just like, eh.

• 4:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He's like, oh, I heard that.

• 4:50Sam Morril?

  Fine.

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Or he pulls out a notebook. It's like, I'd steal that. But yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. But what a night. You could just take the subway there.

• 4:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, pretty cool. Pretty cool. I actually, I should have taken the subway. I, I'm like an idiot, but I took a cab.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  Traffic.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  Fifty fucking minutes.

• 5:07Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  I was like, what? How dumb am I?

• 5:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Sam Morril?

  I never take, I always, I always take the subway. I don't know why. I was just like, I'm, I didn't feel a hundred percent. I was like, I'm just jumping. I would have been way better off.

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  What are you gonna do?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Subway's the move. Grew up blocks from there, right?

• 5:22Sam Morril?

  No, my parents live there now. It was Chelsea, then Upper East. So I wasn't, I wasn't close to there, but my parents are close to there now. So they walked there.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Now, was Veder just, I told Veder, I was like, this is your moment.

• 5:33Sam Morril?

  He killed, dude.

• 5:34Mark Normand?

  Well, he's got Jared, could use him as an opener. So I was like, this is a networking opportunity for you.

• 5:39Sam Morril?

  Apparently he asked for the number, so. Yeah, yeah. So, so we'll see. We'll see if little Gary gets poached.

• 5:46Mark Normand?

  I mean.

• 5:47Sam Morril?

  Louie already poached my tour manager.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 5:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:51Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 5:51Sam Morril?

  You don't want to know what he's doing to him. But, no, and Jerry, uh, yeah, he, he said Gary killed it too. And Gary goes, that's all he said? I'm like, what do you want a fucking essay? You opened the show, you prick.

• 6:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, he, he, he killed it and, uh, yeah, it was, it was killer, man. It was awesome. And, uh, got, got hammered, of course.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  As you do.

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  Got an open bar, uh, after the show. Very nice, Vakardo. Thank you for that, man.

• 6:18Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 6:18Sam Morril?

  threw us a party.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 6:20Sam Morril?

  Crazy.

• 6:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well. Friday, we go to, or Thursday, we go to Tucson. Shane goes, "I just wanna go to a dive bar, low-key, after the show. We'll get a couple of drinks, we'll take it easy." One kid is there, we find this dive bar with batting cages and Buck Hunter, it was super cool.

• 6:36Sam Morril?

  Batting cages is drunk?

• 6:38Mark Normand?

  It was great.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  Cause after the first few, you're just like, "Fuck it, let me take one." You know? Happy Gilmore style.

• 6:43Mark Normand?

  Exactly. The problem is, you have about seventeen drinks and you start chasing each other with bats. So that got, we got yelled at for that. But, one kid is there, drinking alone, and he tweets out, "The guys are here." The whole bar fills up. Every college student in America was there.

• 6:59Sam Morril?

  Then you grab that kid, you beat him like Pesci in Casino. You're like, "You piece of shit, you fucking rat."

• 7:04Mark Normand?

  The tiny whities. We put him in a hole.

• 7:06Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck.

• 7:09Mark Normand?

  But, uh, yeah, we had a great time. Then you gotta wake up, you go to Phoenix the next day on the PJ, and, uh, good times.

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  It's not, like, you can't really complain about travel when you're with Shane. Cause like, this is as, as luxe as it gets.

• 7:22Mark Normand?

  It's funny how-

• 7:23Sam Morril?

  I brought Sandler to the fucking comedy, to the comics game on Sunday. Which was like, it was fun as hell to walk in, you know, cause he, and he played, he played hard, man. He still, he still brings it, full court. And he played that morning, he texts me like 9 a.m., "Hoops?" And I was just like, oh, I didn't respond till like 11:30, I was hungover as shit. I said, "I just woke up, man." He goes, I said, "But there's a game later today." And he goes, "Fuck it, I'll do it again." I'm like, "God bless him."

• 7:46Mark Normand?

  Damn. Now, what's up with him and Shalit Mu? I saw they're playing-

• 7:51Sam Morril?

  That was from a while ago, I think. But yeah, they, they were doing something together, yeah. No, he, but he was in town for one day, got two runs in.

• 7:58Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  Fun to, fun to play with him, too. He's like, I told him, I said, "Your NBA comp is Jason Kidd on the Knicks."

• 8:04Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 8:04Sam Morril?

  So like, a little later in his career, not as quick, but still crafty, makes, he had one behind the head pass. And everyone was like, "Oh shit." Perfect dime, like Jokic was like, I was like, "All right."

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 8:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was nice.

• 8:16Mark Normand?

  Does he, what is it, I mean, does he take you to lunch after? How's that work?

• 8:19Sam Morril?

  He's so fucking busy. He, I, he came to the game and then he, he did a show with his daughter in town. He did like a thing, yeah, yeah, so that night, so he was just, you know.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  Nice. That's incredible.

• 8:30Sam Morril?

  It was fun.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  Hoops with Sandler, comedy with Jerry.

• 8:33Sam Morril?

  Hey, life's all right.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  Life is all right. Soon you'll be doing a movie with Woody.

• 8:38Mark Normand?

  God willing.

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  And on a plane with Epstein. All the Jews, all the influential Jews. Let's do it.

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  Wow. Yeah, so I'm still banged up. It's like Skank Fest, the Shane weekend. I'm riding all the way into the Christmas.

• 8:51Sam Morril?

  I was drinking through a cold. Like, I was sick. I got an IV because I was, I gotta be pretty sick to get an, I gotta be pretty sick plus have a big gig to get an IV.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  If I'm just sick, I'm not gonna get one. But if I have a big gig, I'm like, I need something.

• 9:03Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 9:04Sam Morril?

  But then I was like, I'm like afterwards, I'm like, what am I gonna do? Not get drunk?

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's Carnegie.

• 9:08Sam Morril?

  So getting smashed. And then, you know, that weekend, I was like, I think I'm back. And then I, I'm pounding booze Saturday night. Fucking hungover shit for Sunday for the game. And I was like, oh, I think, while I'm playing basketball, I was like, I think I'm still sick.

• 9:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Sam Morril?

  Because after, after the game, I was fucking puking.

• 9:27Sam Morril?

  I played like two hours. I was like, I was like, I'm like, fuck, gotta, gotta play. And then I'm, I'm just at home like. You know what I watched that night, though? You know what's fucking great movie rec? Blue Moon with Ethan Hawke.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Never seen it.

• 9:38Sam Morril?

  It's fucking great. I loved it.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Where are you finding these movies?

• 9:42Sam Morril?

  It's, it's getting a lot of buzz, man. It's a new movie. Yeah, yeah. It's Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke. And he plays Lorenz Hart, who is, uh... So it was Rogers and Hart, and then Rogers and Hammerstein. You know, so he was his original partner. And they did like My Funny Valentine. They did Manhattan.

• 10:03Sam Morril?

  So many fucking, uh, It Had To Be You. That's them. So he was a lyricist. And, you know, and then he, yeah, dude, he plays like a under-five-foot weird balding guy.

• 10:14Mark Normand?

  That's Sardi's.

• 10:15Sam Morril?

  Dude, he's fucking great in it.

• 10:17Mark Normand?

  Damn, alright.

• 10:18Sam Morril?

  It's such a, it's, it's really funny and sad. He's like a really talented but pathetic guy. And it's, it's like a play. It's all in one room, the whole movie.

• 10:27Mark Normand?

  Ooh, I'll check it out.

• 10:27Sam Morril?

  But it's, uh, Lorenz texts me. He's like, you gotta watch this. And I was like, a couple other people told me, Ronon, I think Liz loved it too.

• 10:34Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 10:35Sam Morril?

  A few people were like, you gotta watch this. So, yeah, loved it, dude.

• 10:38Mark Normand?

  All three hard men to please in a movie.

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 10:41Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 10:41Sam Morril?

  And sexually.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  Got a peg Ron on.

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Mark Normand?

  Lawrence is a bad because his hands are sweaty. So you get the loop.

• 10:50Sam Morril?

  Little jump start, yeah.

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, dude, it's, you'd love it, I think. It's, it's up, it's up your anal for sure.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  I'm in, because I didn't love the Bradley Cooper, uh, Jew appropriation.

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  Maestro?

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:01Sam Morril?

  It's a different movie.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  I know, but it's like, uh, it's New York, it's, um, music, all music.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  It's witty dialogue, too. I dig, it's up your alley for sure, and it's, uh, and it's, I like movies that are funny, but also are like, ah, this is sad, too.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  Something about, if you can hit, if you can walk that line and hit both of those, I'm like, alright, pretty good.

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright, we got a new rec.

• 11:21Sam Morril?

  Oh, good.

• 11:22Mark Normand?

  I saw the Diddy doc.

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Not good.

• 11:25Mark Normand?

  I thought it was fun!

• 11:26Sam Morril?

  It's just not, I don't think it was like, well-made.

• 11:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought it was pretty good.

• 11:29Sam Morril?

  Really? I, I watched it all, I was fascinated.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Alright, here's the crazy part. So I'm watching with the wife, and, you know, I'm, I'm fingering her with baby oil, we're watching the movie.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  You got, it gets you, it gets you horny, that movie.

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a freak off.

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:41Mark Normand?

  And a girl pops up from making a band, or whatever. I was like, I think I went to high school with that girl.

• 11:48Sam Morril?

  Whoa!

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  And my wife's like, shut up, what are you talking about? I'm like, I think I went to high school with her. We Google it, same age, from New Orleans.

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  Whoa!

• 11:56Mark Normand?

  I was like, that's her! Her name's Dawn Richard.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  Damn!

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  And, uh, she's just, I haven't finished the movie yet, but she's all, I think they hooked up.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, I don't think it was, I don't think it was a, a good hookup.

• 12:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I think they were dating.

• 12:09Sam Morril?

  I don't think we can call any of Diddy's, uh, sexual exploits hookups. Making this guy fuck his girlfriend. And here's my issue, too, the guy fucks his girlfriend for 20 hours.

• 12:19Mark Normand?

  20 hours?

• 12:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. 20-hour hook, I'm sure he's on fucking all kinds of drugs and stuff.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 12:24Sam Morril?

  Diddy's jacking off for 20, 20 hours, you're watching your girl get fucked. And by the way, 6 grand. Not that much!

• 12:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 12:31Sam Morril?

  You're making a guy do a 20-hour fuck?

• 12:33Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  And he's walking with 6K, and he kept doing it!

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  Wow. Damn. Well, what, they must be watching a movie in the middle of that. 20 hours, you can't, they must have a meal.

• 12:43Sam Morril?

  He must, yeah, maybe.

• 12:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, otherwise you're paying overtime.

• 12:46Sam Morril?

  He didn't pay overtime. Six grand is low. I also like, I love all the dumb quotes he has in it, even in the first episode when he's like, uh, he was like, "Man, I'm judged by all these images, but if there were subtitles."

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 12:58Sam Morril?

  It'd be, I'm like, dude, well, the image we're judging you on is beating the shit out of a woman.

• 13:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:02Sam Morril?

  So what, what's up, so, ow?

• 13:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:05Sam Morril?

  What's helping?

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  It's like the old Batman show. Kaboom.

• 13:07Sam Morril?

  Kaboom, pow.

• 13:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 13:11Sam Morril?

  Dude.

• 13:11Mark Normand?

  We have footage of you beating up a lady in a hotel.

• 13:14Sam Morril?

  It is impressive how much he got done for how much drugs he took.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute, did he was on drugs?

• 13:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, clearly.

• 13:21Mark Normand?

  I think he was.

• 13:22Sam Morril?

  He was sober in the beginning, maybe you haven't got, oh, no, he, by the, certain point. And by the way, he ain't looking great either with the shirt off.

• 13:28Mark Normand?

  No, doughy.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Puff doughy, he's puffy.

• 13:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Mark Normand?

  But, um.

• 13:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he didn't start puffy, and then he changed his name when he got puffy.

• 13:37Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 13:38Sam Morril?

  A little weird.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  Ah, then there's fluffy. What's he up to? But, yeah, yeah, he's a, he's a bad dude, but it's impressive how much he, like, even that basketball game, he's like, "I got nine people killed." Then I signed Biggie, then I signed, uh, Mac Miller, or whatever the fuck his name is.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Who got Mac Miller?

• 13:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, that's the other guy. Uh, Mark Curry.

• 13:57Sam Morril?

  But apparently, apparently, I did hang with Mr. Cooper.

• 14:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, uh, he got Tupac killed, he got Biggie killed.

• 14:03Sam Morril?

  Then I hung Mr. Cooper. I killed him. Dude, he, uh, he apparently got Tupac killed, that's crazy.

• 14:09Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 14:10Sam Morril?

  So it's like, this is not, this is clearly a 50 Cent BR stunt.

• 14:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:16Sam Morril?

  But apparently, yeah, I mean, dude, do you, like, if you couldn't hate this guy anymore, you got fucking Tupac killed?

• 14:21Mark Normand?

  I know, but the beauty is, uh, 50 Cent is just like, "I'm not gonna talk about Jay-Z, I'm not gonna talk about Usher, I'm not gonna talk about Bieber, I just hate this guy."

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:32Mark Normand?

  I thought that was kinda nice. He could've brought everybody in, but he just.

• 14:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he focused.

• 14:36Mark Normand?

  Laser focused on the dids.

• 14:37Sam Morril?

  You know what really kinda sickened me about the whole Diddy thing is his boy, his supposed boy, Biggie, gets killed. He comes out at the VMA, is doing "I'll Be Missing You," just like dancing and shit. I'm like, dude, your boy died, and you come on stage, and you're just letting Sting sing, and then you're just going like this?

• 14:56Mark Normand?

  Horrible dancer.

• 14:56Sam Morril?

  Horrible dancer.

• 14:57Mark Normand?

  Worst thing he did was dance.

• 14:59Sam Morril?

  It was on par with.

• 15:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:00Sam Morril?

  With the molestations. But with the dancing, you're just like, can you imagine your boy dies and you fucking are dancing?

• 15:07Mark Normand?

  Well, he didn't care about the guy. Then when the guy died, he used it.

• 15:10Sam Morril?

  It's my moment.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  It's my moment, yeah.

• 15:12Sam Morril?

  Anyone who's that publicly mourning is full of shit.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  I know. And then he told me, Sally, told me, this is the craziest part about Diddy. He did all this horrible shit and I'm sitting there going, who has footage of all this? How does he have all this filmed? He's having on the phone with the cops, him in a hotel room, all this crazy shit. Turns out he paid a guy to film him.

• 15:31Sam Morril?

  Thinking this would be good.

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  Yes, but never paid the guy. So the guy's like, well, I'll just give it to 50 Cent then. He's gonna pay me. You never paid me. Fuck you.

• 15:39Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  So even in the payment, he's a piece of shit.

• 15:42Sam Morril?

  Well, that's the other thing is like, he bullied people on his team. Like, what do you do? When you come up with these guys, what do you do with your crew? You take care of them.

• 15:50Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 15:50Sam Morril?

  That's, he can't even do that.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:52Sam Morril?

  You're gonna be a piece of shit and it's like, all your boys are going to, little Gary gets to eat. We know that. He gets his food. But, uh, but it's literally, you're fucking boys and you're not, so who's, who do you think's protecting you?

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:06Sam Morril?

  Your own boys are getting fucked over by you.

• 16:08Mark Normand?

  He did that thing with the one guy with the, the dreads, super dumb Kirk, Kirk something, Burrows?

• 16:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:14Mark Normand?

  And he's like, give me your 25%.

• 16:15Sam Morril?

  I know. He just gave it to them.

• 16:17Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:17Sam Morril?

  Cause they were scared.

• 16:18Mark Normand?

  They were scared. And he's like, you'll get it back. Of course he didn't. Horrible.

• 16:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Mark Normand?

  Bad guy all around. Not one redeeming. He was a good promoter.

• 16:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I guess the parties were maybe fun. It is weird when you see those pictures though, of those young ass people at the parties.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:34Sam Morril?

  That's gotta be fucking, there's gotta be some, a lot of dark shit we don't know about.

• 16:39Mark Normand?

  There was a bad Leo shot in there too. I'm sure Leo was like, come on, man. What are you doing? Get me out of that photo.

• 16:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he had some rough, and he would take, oh, Diddy dies, Diddy pays for his own funeral, no.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  Biggie dies.

• 16:51Mark Normand?

  Biggie. Biggie pays for his own funeral. How crazy is that? He's like, I'm throwing him the biggest funeral. And then his family paid for it.

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:58Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 16:58Sam Morril?

  Crazy. And then he fucked, he renegotiated the deal when Biggie, uh.

• 17:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Sam Morril?

  When Biggie dies, cause he's like, oh, I don't have to take care of his estate, estate or whatever. I can just fuck him over.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And he dated J-Lo. Don't you wanna go, J-Lo, what the hell was that about? What, did you like him?

• 17:13Sam Morril?

  They didn't know. He was just famous at the time.

• 17:15Mark Normand?

  He was famous.

• 17:16Sam Morril?

  I think most people just didn't know. I think, I think a lot of people find out someone's a piece of shit like, usually it's like 15 years later.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  Sure, but he seems like such a dork. Like he's like, "Come on with me, follow daddy, we're going through my studio." And I'm like, "Oh, I hate this guy."

• 17:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's just very-

• 17:31Mark Normand?

  He's just such a dweeb.

• 17:32Sam Morril?

  You know what it's like, it's very cringey behavior.

• 17:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 17:35Sam Morril?

  It was all cringey, but people go, you know what, someone's got power, people fucking go with it.

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  I know. People are sheep. Like when he was getting, uh, going to the court, all these people are outside with posts, "We love you, Diddy." I'm like, "Who likes Diddy? He's not a talented singer, not a talented dancer."

• 17:49Sam Morril?

  People do that shit for serial killers, though.

• 17:50Mark Normand?

  That's-

• 17:51Sam Morril?

  That doesn't mean shit. People are fucking dumb.

• 17:53Mark Normand?

  They're dumb.

• 17:54Sam Morril?

  There are women who are like, "I want to have your baby, Charles Manson."

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  It's true, fame goes a long way.

• 18:00Sam Morril?

  People are so, yeah, that's the other thing. Yeah, Diddy and Ellen.

• 18:04Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:05Sam Morril?

  It's crazy to see Ellen interviewing someone and she's the nice one.

• 18:08Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 18:09Sam Morril?

  It's like, Ellen, you think your staff was treated poorly?

• 18:12Mark Normand?

  Ha!

• 18:13Sam Morril?

  You gotta wash this duck.

• 18:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. She came back to America.

• 18:18Sam Morril?

  Did she?

• 18:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she moved back in.

• 18:19Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 18:21Mark Normand?

  We got her back.

• 18:21Sam Morril?

  Can we get, can we get Ellen on the show?

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  Ooh!

• 18:24Sam Morril?

  Ellen with fits, that'll be a good one. The final showdown.

• 18:28Mark Normand?

  I hope she dances in. I'll be like, "So, I heard you're a cunt. Tell us everything."

• 18:33Sam Morril?

  What does it say about dancers?

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Cosby too.

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  People who are dancing.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Cosby danced.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dancing people.

• 18:40Mark Normand?

  In the intro.

• 18:41Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can't get mad at a dancing person. Like a dancing baby.

• 18:45Sam Morril?

  Well, it's charm, it's bullshit. It's not real. People always say like, "Hey, Sam, why don't you dance? Maybe I'm not a fucking predator."

• 18:51Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 18:53Sam Morril?

  You ever think about that?

• 18:55Mark Normand?

  You're right, dude.

• 18:55Sam Morril?

  The dancing, yeah. We gotta look at that Friends cast, they might be next.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  They love dancing.

• 19:00Mark Normand?

  They were all over that fountain.

• 19:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That wasn't water in that fountain.

• 19:05Mark Normand?

  It was baby oil. Wow, yeah, look at Cos.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  Keep your eye out for dancers.

• 19:12Sam Morril?

  That was a crazy, crazy doc. I mean, yeah.

• 19:18Sam Morril?

  By the fourth ep, they're just like, it is weird because you love the rise and look, I get it. But I was just like jonesing for the, let's see the bad shit. But yeah, it is, it is crazy to take you back like, man, this guy takes you back to that 90s rap shit. You've seen the Tupac Biggie shit in so many docs. That's the only thing, but.

• 19:36Sam Morril?

  I'd never heard the angle of Diddy. Got him killed.

• 19:39Mark Normand?

  I know and 50 Cent's been sitting on that. He's worked on this for two years, he said. And he's been waiting and he's so, he's the ultimate hater. He did an ABC interview and they're like, why'd you do ABC? He goes, because he's the only one that plays in prison.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:51Mark Normand?

  So I want Diddy to see it. So you're like, damn, this guy's on another level.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, he won.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  And he hates Zoran. 50 Cent. Yeah. He came out publicly. He's like, ah, this is crazy.

• 20:05Sam Morril?

  What, uh, damn. So that's, are you wrecking that? That's, that's a wreck for you?

• 20:11Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, I guess so. It's still really the only thing I've been able to see. I've been on the road so much. I've been, I'm doing this thing where I'm just grinding like crazy till the holiday, then I'm done.

• 20:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. To get new shit?

• 20:21Mark Normand?

  Get new shit, make a couple bucks, you know, then the holiday, I'll take like two weeks off.

• 20:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm kinda at that point where I'm taking some time off now. I'll, I'll kick it back up hard in January, but I mean, I'm still doing sets around town, but. I'm just fucking, I'm gassed, dude.

• 20:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Gas digital. I'm wiped. Skank Fest fucked it all up. Oh, wait, I can't say that.

• 20:42Sam Morril?

  What?

• 20:43Mark Normand?

  Well, you're not gonna believe who, uh, donated to Skank Fest.

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  Who?

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  Joe List put out a, hey, I'm doing a Skank Fest doc. If you'd like to donate, hit me up. You'll never guess who, uh, donated. Take, take, I'll give you three guesses.

• 20:56Sam Morril?

  Diddy.

• 20:57Mark Normand?

  A comedian.

• 20:58Sam Morril?

  Who is it?

• 20:59Mark Normand?

  Three guesses.

• 21:00Sam Morril?

  Seinfeld.

• 21:01Mark Normand?

  That's one.

• 21:02Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 21:02Mark Normand?

  It's a good guess, but no.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Gaffigan.

• 21:06Mark Normand?

  Two, no.

• 21:07Sam Morril?

  Is it someone who's done it?

• 21:09Mark Normand?

  No.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  Go nuts. Get way out there.

• 21:16Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow.

• 21:17Mark Normand?

  Donating to this Gag Fest, Doc.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  What did they, what did they say? Oh, what did Liz say?

• 21:21Mark Normand?

  She just texted me. He was like, "Oh, my God. Thank you. This is an honor. I appreciate it."

• 21:25Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 21:25Mark Normand?

  That was it, but...

• 21:26Sam Morril?

  She gave me a call after Carnegie.

• 21:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright. She's aware of everything.

• 21:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, very nice call.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Speaking of Jerry, though, I had one last week, and he gave us his peeves, but we didn't get a chance to get to them. I thought it would be only right to just...

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  And I got actually a lot of peeves, dude.

• 21:40Mark Normand?

  I got two peeves.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, oh, wow. So, this is Jerry, yeah.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  This is Jerry's.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  So, pet peeves being in anyone's way, it's a great peeve.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 21:47Sam Morril?

  And by the way, it's, can I tell a quick story?

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:50Sam Morril?

  That happened to Gary and I on our flight to Reno. So, I made the mistake, look, it was a little money grab, Reno Casino, but it was also, you know, great shows. I love the crowds.

• 22:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:01Sam Morril?

  But, you know, I don't want to normally fly a connect flight on Thanksgiving weekend, because you just know. You know you're fucked.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:07Sam Morril?

  So, we connect in Denver on the way there. There's a little bit of a layover. We have, you know, I have a couple of drinks at the, uh, bar. We're watching the Knicks game, and then I was like, "Alright, let's, uh, let's get on this flight." So, we get on the flight. We're sitting there for a while. We're like, "This is weird."

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 22:23Sam Morril?

  D-plane. Fuck. Alright, so we're deep, we have to de-board everyone. And it's not like, it's a connection. So, what do you do when you de-plane? You get out in, in order.

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:34Sam Morril?

  There's this dad and his son who are being fucking assholes, and they're pushing people out of the way, trying to get off first, and they're from a few rows back.

• 22:41Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 22:41Sam Morril?

  And we're just like, "What the hell is with these people?" So, I see the kid, and I go, "Fuck this kid. I'm boxing his ass out."

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 22:46Sam Morril?

  So, I get in front of him. I box him out, and Gary's like, "Good."

• 22:48Mark Normand?

  How old's the kid?

• 22:49Sam Morril?

  Probably 15 would be my guess.

• 22:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, so he's...

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  Old enough to know better, too young to fuck.

• 22:55Mark Normand?

  No!

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  Depends on the island.

• 22:58Sam Morril?

  Depends.

• 22:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, or the flight.

• 23:00Sam Morril?

  So, I box him out, and then Gary tries to get in. He, he gets ahead of Gary. Gary's annoyed. So, the dad tries to nudge Gary out, and Gary's pissed. And Gary goes, "Do you mind? I'm trying to get my bag." And the dad, he goes, he goes, "Oh, yeah, Mr. Big Shot." So, I'm like, "Ooh, this guy's a dick."

• 23:15Mark Normand?

  No one's called Gary Big.

• 23:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he loved it.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:18Sam Morril?

  So, then, I turn around, and I, I didn't notice how bad it got. Gary, the guy goes, "What did you call me?" That's when I hear it. I turn around, I go, "What?" And Gary goes, "Dickhead."

• 23:31Sam Morril?

  Gary calls a guy a dickhead in front of his child. And everyone hates this guy, by the way, because he was being a bully.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:37Sam Morril?

  And Gary, you know, tiny dude, but he's got triceps, dude. This guy's, and he played hockey. He's not scared.

• 23:42Mark Normand?

  He's Long Island.

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  And I think two on two, we're cooking these guys. We're fucking, you know.

• 23:46Mark Normand?

  Fifteen year old.

• 23:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, one of them fifteen. I'll, I'll, I'll take that kid out easy. Gary, you can worry about the dad. He had, he had a few inches on Gary.

• 23:53Mark Normand?

  I heard he was about six three.

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  But, but everyone's got a few inches on Gary.

• 23:56Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 23:57Sam Morril?

  But, uh, then, so it keeps getting, and then the guy keeps turning around. He goes, "You gonna stop?" And Gary goes, "You gonna stop turning around?"

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 24:05Sam Morril?

  And then I go to Gary, I go, "There's two of us to, you know, get him amped up, like, just in case." And then this guy behind us goes, "There's three." And I was like, "Hell, motherfucking yes, let's ride."

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  What a hero.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  So everyone's on our side. Everyone hates him. And then this guy's talking shit. And as we get off, a flight attendant was like, "Can we take a photo together?" So I'm like, "Ooh, everyone in this fucking gate is on our side."

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:28Sam Morril?

  The dad and the son had to fucking go away.

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 24:32Sam Morril?

  And they took a little walk, and they, and they come back, came back on, we got back on, and I was like, "Fuck, yeah, fuck these guys."

• 24:36Mark Normand?

  Wow, and those were Somali terrorists.

• 24:39Sam Morril?

  They were. I didn't want to say.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  It's like when you turn on a heckler, and then the whole crowd is like, "Fuck this guy."

• 24:44Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 24:45Sam Morril?

  It was, it was pretty satisfying.

• 24:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  We had everyone in the, in the whole area on our side, and everyone loved Gary for,

• 24:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:51Sam Morril?

  for, for talking shit, because that's, that's the New York in Gary. He will not fucking,

• 24:56Mark Normand?

  He won't.

• 24:56Sam Morril?

  He won't let it go. He has publicly done this shit a lot. And there's a part of me that's like, "Should I tell him to dial it back as a friend?" But, you know, you're just like, "Now, let's see how far he takes it."

• 25:06Mark Normand?

  Man, imagine if you got into like a United flight video. You see those all the time.

• 25:10Sam Morril?

  All I was thinking was, if we, if we get into a fight,

• 25:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:14Sam Morril?

  we ain't getting to the gig. There's not a lot of flights to Reno. We're on a connect flight.

• 25:18Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 25:19Sam Morril?

  We were just looking in case, because we were like, "What do we do if this flight doesn't take off after you deboard?" There was nothing. So we were like, "So if this doesn't take off..." Even tomorrow, because we got there a day early.

• 25:29Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 25:30Sam Morril?

  I said, even tomorrow, there's nothing. So I said, I guess we're driving from Denver.

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 25:35Sam Morril?

  I don't even know, like, I, we didn't really have a.

• 25:36Mark Normand?

  Seven hours?

• 25:37Sam Morril?

  I was like, maybe we fly to, yeah, we didn't, it was a, it was, we were fucked, no matter what, so.

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 25:42Sam Morril?

  We got lucky, but.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  But was the guy who said, "And me," was he a fan? Or was he just a rando hero?

• 25:48Sam Morril?

  I think he was a dude who just saw what we were doing.

• 25:51Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 25:51Sam Morril?

  And was on board with the message.

• 25:53Mark Normand?

  Just a real cowboy.

• 25:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 25:54Mark Normand?

  For fifteen hours.

• 25:55Sam Morril?

  The whole, oh, yeah, so we were fucked. I mean, we weren't making it, basically.

• 25:59Mark Normand?

  Holy moly. Well, good.

• 26:00Sam Morril?

  And then on the flight back, it just got canceled. So we got fucked on the way back too. So, you know, holiday travel's tough. Got, anyone doing that, my heart's out to you. It's a nightmare.

• 26:09Mark Normand?

  Then you get to the show, that guy's front row with the kid.

• 26:14Mark Normand?

  Uh, wow, yeah, I've always said Gary, quietly the manliest, manliest guy I know.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  I wouldn't go that far.

• 26:20Mark Normand?

  He's tough, man.

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  He's tough, but he, but yeah.

• 26:22Mark Normand?

  He's stoic.

• 26:23Sam Morril?

  He's stoic.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  Cause he, he holds it in until he doesn't have to.

• 26:26Sam Morril?

  And he's got a lot of childhood rage.

• 26:27Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  When you had a dad that bad, you're holding some shit in.

• 26:31Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:32Sam Morril?

  But yeah, he was, he was ready to go. I was proud of him.

• 26:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. Well, I've told you my Gary story.

• 26:36Sam Morril?

  Which one?

• 26:37Mark Normand?

  One time, me and him took a cab from like, I don't know, The Cellar to New York Comedy Club on Fourth Street. It's like a ten dollar cab ride. Gary's paying with his credit card, puts the tip in, wanted to give the guy a dollar. He gave him a hundred dollars.

• 26:49Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 26:49Mark Normand?

  And the guy's, and he's like, oh, I accidentally gave you a hundred, it's supposed to be a buck. And the guy goes, "I don't know how to change it, man, sorry." And he's like, "Yeah, you do." And I'm like.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  This is like a horror story for Jews.

• 26:59Mark Normand?

  It was hell, yeah. And the guy's like, "Get out of my car, man. I, I don't know how to change it." Gary's like, "I'm not getting out. You're gonna miss your, all the fares tonight because I will sit in this car all fucking night." And I'm like, "Gary, I gotta go. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta go on." He's like, "You can go on. I'll be here." And I'm like, "I don't wanna leave you." He's like, "Just leave me, I'll sit here." So I do a set, I come back, he's still in the car.

• 27:19Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  And I sit back in the car with him, because I wanna watch. And he's like, "You know what you're fucking doing. Fuck you. I know you can change it, you piece of shit." And he's like yelling through the glass, and the guy's like, "I can't change it, man, blah, blah." He keeps sitting there. Two hours go by, the guy was like, "All right," and he changed.

• 27:34Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So Gary's like, "I told you. I knew it." And then he like spit on the car.

• 27:38Sam Morril?

  It's the only time Gary's ever done an hour.

• 27:41Sam Morril?

  Guy can haggle, my friend.

• 27:44Mark Normand?

  So yeah, Gary's tough.

• 27:46Sam Morril?

  Check out Gary's amazing podcast, Number One Dad. It is unbelievable.

• 27:50Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  It's done like a 30 for 30. It's like documentary style. I love it.

• 27:53Mark Normand?

  Really good, yeah.

• 27:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude. Yeah, I got, yeah, let's do some more P's from Jerry here. Doing something without a thought or plan as well as, oh, we talked about pet peeve, but yeah, doing something without a thought or plan. That's an interesting one.

• 28:06Mark Normand?

  Hmm, that makes sense.

• 28:08Sam Morril?

  He's very regimented.

• 28:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, boy, is he.

• 28:11Sam Morril?

  Everything about him, yeah.

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  We're waking up at 10, then we're going to breakfast at 11, then a movie at 12:30. Like, he's all in on that.

• 28:16Sam Morril?

  I don't, I don't hate that.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  I don't hate it either.

• 28:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Mark Normand?

  But I like that too, because you ever had a group, I just had my nieces here, my dad, my mom, my brother, and it's like, what are we doing today? And they're like, I don't know, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? And we're just sitting there for like 35 minutes, and then eventually someone's like, let's go to the park. And they're like, I don't want to go to the park. You're like, alright, so we'll just sit here. We end up watching How to Train a Dragon.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  Well, everyone thinks that they're being nice when they give, when they offer no opinion, but you're slowing everything down. I need opinion. Everyone's like, I can eat anything. Well, I can eat anything too.

• 28:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 28:49Sam Morril?

  Well, I can eat anything through it. And you're like, alright, well, just fucking give me.

• 28:53Mark Normand?

  Give me something.

• 28:54Sam Morril?

  Your whole family stays in eating your ass. You're like, this was a fucking bad night.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, what do you want to eat? I don't care. Alright, let's go get Thai food. I don't really like Thai food. So you do care. So now we're here, and we're doing this shit.

• 29:07Sam Morril?

  Exactly. Jerry wrecks the Beatles, which, you know what?

• 29:10Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 29:10Sam Morril?

  I, I think they're gonna be alright without you, Jerry. I don't know. But you know what? They are, they are incredible. But the Beatles like Seinfeld. It's like one of those things, like, you watch the show, and I said this to him, but it's like, you're like, fuck, that premise has been done.

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 29:24Sam Morril?

  Because sometimes I'll forget, and I haven't seen the episode in a while. I'm like, oh, they should go this way. And they do go that way. And I'm like, fuck.

• 29:30Mark Normand?

  They got everything.

• 29:31Sam Morril?

  They did, they hit everything.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Did you just say the Beatles are like Seinfeld?

• 29:34Sam Morril?

  The show Seinfeld.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  You're totally right.

• 29:35Sam Morril?

  Because it's like, the Beatles, where you're like, you think of a song, and you're like, the Beatles did it.

• 29:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 29:39Sam Morril?

  The show Seinfeld, the same shit.

• 29:42Mark Normand?

  That's a great, that's a great call, yeah.

• 29:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:44Mark Normand?

  And then what's the Stones? Maybe?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Something a little harder edgy.

• 29:49Mark Normand?

  Maybe Curb.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:51Mark Normand?

  Curb could be the Stones.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  Interesting, yeah. Peter Sellers, I mean, we've talked about this movie that you wrecked to me. Been there.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 29:59Sam Morril?

  Amazing movie.

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  I brought it up to him, he didn't love it.

• 30:02Sam Morril?

  To me?

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  No, I brought it up to him.

• 30:04Sam Morril?

  He doesn't love it?

• 30:04Mark Normand?

  He was like, I, I get it's a good premise, but I feel like it's not using Sellers to his abilities. It's kinda like having Jim Carrey play a, a waiter or something who's ser- serious.

• 30:13Sam Morril?

  But I like when Jim Carrey's serious.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  You like The Majestic?

• 30:17Sam Morril?

  I didn't see that one.

• 30:18Mark Normand?

  Eh.

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  I like him in Truman Show.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  Truman Show is fun.

• 30:22Sam Morril?

  Eternal Sunshine.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, they're not all gonna be winners.

• 30:26Mark Normand?

  Same with, uh, Robin Williams. Him in, uh, Good Will is fun.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  You ever see Wait Until Dark?

• 30:30Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Peter Sellers is in it. I'm recommending this to you.

• 30:33Sam Morril?

  Is it good?

• 30:33Speaker 02

  It's so fucking good.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  Is this Audrey Hepburn where she's blind?

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:36Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  And Peter Sellers plays the heavy.

• 30:39Sam Morril?

  No shit.

• 30:40Mark Normand?

  Alan Arkin's the bad guy.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Oh my god, am I wrong?

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Peter Sellers is in this, right?

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  I don't know about that.

• 30:46Sam Morril?

  Click on that fucking on tomatoes.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  It's Alan Arkin.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Anyway, watch this movie. It's good.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Dude, I got a, I got a, another movie I'd never seen, I don't know if you guys have seen the four hour version of Once Upon a Time in America?

• 30:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:58Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 30:59Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, James Woods?

• 31:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Amazing.

• 31:01Sam Morril?

  De Niro.

• 31:02Mark Normand?

  I've seen it.

• 31:03Sam Morril?

  It's kinda got that, like, Mahal and Drive thing where it's, uh, you're like, is this real? Is this not real? There's guilt, there's drugs, like opium, you don't know who to trust.

• 31:12Mark Normand?

  It's so long.

• 31:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's fucking, but I, I wrecked it to my buddy and he was like, man, this is cra- it's, it is one of the most gorgeous looking movies I've ever seen.

• 31:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:22Sam Morril?

  Like, every, as, I mean, it's New York looking as gorgeous as it could, the bridge and, you know.

• 31:28Mark Normand?

  Totally. So, and it's old New York.

• 31:30Sam Morril?

  Old New York.

• 31:31Mark Normand?

  It's like Chinatown was Chinatown.

• 31:32Sam Morril?

  I wish, I wish you got a little more pesky, uh.

• 31:36Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 31:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, look at those shots, they're fucking gorgeous.

• 31:39Mark Normand?

  Is that where they fuck the girl on the roof?

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:41Mark Normand?

  And she shows the puss, yeah.

• 31:42Sam Morril?

  There's some fucked up rape scenes in it.

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  It's a wild movie.

• 31:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  Remember the lady comes in and looks at all their dicks?

• 31:47Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That's my nightmare.

• 31:50Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, it's.

• 31:53Mark Normand?

  It's cold in here, what are we doing?

• 31:55Sam Morril?

  She walks by all of us, she's like, you know what none of them are gonna do?

• 31:59Sam Morril?

  That scene with comedians?

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:00Sam Morril?

  Like, this is why we're comedians.

• 32:02Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 32:02Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, yeah, there's so many good scenes, but yeah, there's a couple rape scenes in it where you're like, holy fucking shit.

• 32:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's heavy.

• 32:09Sam Morril?

  This is dark, it's, it's rare to see a movie where the main character rapes.

• 32:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I gotta re-watch this, it's so, remember the-

• 32:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I don't wanna give it away.

• 32:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but maybe, maybe not, maybe cut that part.

• 32:21Mark Normand?

  It's open-ended, I'll just say that.

• 32:23Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, no, it's, it's interesting, man. I, I, I was, uh...

• 32:27Mark Normand?

  Sergio Leone?

• 32:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah. It's, it's rare that I can watch a movie that long and be like, "Okay, I'm, I'm hanging."

• 32:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:35Sam Morril?

  It wasn't boring.

• 32:36Mark Normand?

  No, no, it's great, it's great, and it looks great.

• 32:39Sam Morril?

  And it's, and dude, the, uh, the score by, uh, Ennio Morricone, is that how you say his name? Goddamn.

• 32:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's so good, and, uh, the kids, uh, to me are the best part when they're kids.

• 32:49Sam Morril?

  I know, because there's something about a coming-of-age...

• 32:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 32:52Sam Morril?

  ...gangster thing where they're still fucking, like, you think they'd have some code 'cause they came up together...

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:57Sam Morril?

  But they'll still fuck each other over.

• 32:59Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 32:59Sam Morril?

  That's the crazy part of me, is you see the purity of being kids and you're... She even says to him when he's a kid, she's like, "Yeah, like, I could love you, but you're a two-bit fucking hood."

• 33:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  Like, you're, you're scum, basically. And she could see it out of a child.

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:12Sam Morril?

  Which is crazy. But I guess that's what you see. Like, I've seen those kids where I'm like, "Oh, that kid's a fucking problem."

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're talking about my kid?

• 33:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He's gonna be fuck, he's gonna be trouble.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  The word is accident. No. But, yeah, yeah, that... Oh, what are you doing?

• 33:27Sam Morril?

  What is this?

• 33:28Speaker 02

  It's for the studio, it's not for you guys.

• 33:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, good.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  It's a Christmas episode, so...

• 33:31Mark Normand?

  It's not the Christmas episode, but I'll take it.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Twenty seconds, it's a Hanukkah.

• 33:35Mark Normand?

  Hanukkah.

• 33:36Sam Morril?

  It's, uh, it's for the studio. It's a picture of your child naked, Mark.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Ohhh.

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  So we all know this part of The Sopranos. I knew it was gonna be something gay.

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 33:51Sam Morril?

  No one knew, I knew it was gonna be some kind of gay joke.

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's good stuff. I, I got not gay, but...

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, signed.

• 34:02Sam Morril?

  John Reap, holy shit.

• 34:04Mark Normand?

  You reap what you sow.

• 34:05Sam Morril?

  God. So gay and pedo, which is pretty unbrand with the podcast, I have to say. Well done, Sal.

• 34:12Mark Normand?

  I'd rather be a pedo. There you go. Look at that. That's exciting. He's our guest. Poor guy's in jail right now, like, what the fuck?

• 34:20Sam Morril?

  Is he in jail?

• 34:21Mark Normand?

  I assume. Child porn?

• 34:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a bad one.

• 34:24Mark Normand?

  That'll do it. Damn.

• 34:27Sam Morril?

  John Reap. That is fucking weird.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  Call him John Creep was the headline.

• 34:32Sam Morril?

  Was it?

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:33Sam Morril?

  Of course. It's too easy a name. It's like if your last name is Tape.

• 34:38Mark Normand?

  Date tape?

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  Tape, uh, what is it, Survivor? Okay.

• 34:43Sam Morril?

  Dude, that's, I got, I got some other peeves. I wrote it down a bunch of peeves if you guys.

• 34:47Mark Normand?

  I got a weird peeve.

• 34:48Sam Morril?

  Please, hit me.

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  Okay, this is, this was a little outside the box.

• 34:52Sam Morril?

  Okay. So was this guy.

• 34:59Mark Normand?

  Okay. You ever have the guy who's, who's talking about something and you have to pull information out of him? He's telling you a story, but you're pulling information.

• 35:07Sam Morril?

  And you're not even into it.

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  And I'm not even into it.

• 35:08Sam Morril?

  But you have to just get it over with.

• 35:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, I was talking to a comic and he's like, "Yeah," I was like, "How was your weekend?" He's like, "Good, did some show in Denver." I'm like, "Oh, how was the show?" "That was good." Guy had a heart attack in the front row. I'm like, "What? What happened?" "Oh, he died." I'm like, "What?"

• 35:24Sam Morril?

  What?

• 35:24Mark Normand?

  The guy died? And he's like, "Yeah, he died." I'm like, "Why don't you go, 'I did a show this weekend, a guy had a heart attack and died.'"

• 35:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:31Mark Normand?

  "I had to ask him 17 questions to get to the death of the guy."

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  It's like, you know what it is? It's like you're doing the opposite of clickbait.

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Sam Morril?

  Like, that should be the headline.

• 35:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 35:40Sam Morril?

  "Why am I having to click on the article to fucking..."

• 35:42Mark Normand?

  Exactly. He's like edging me. I'm like, "Oh, I'm almost there, what else?" But he's like, "Give me increments of the story." I'm like, "You should be telling me this. Why am I..." So if I hadn't asked, I wouldn't know a guy died. It's insane.

• 35:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I hate that shit.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so we, but talking to him like, is always like that, so it's very frustrating.

• 35:58Sam Morril?

  Do I know this guy?

• 35:59Mark Normand?

  Nah, I'm sure you do.

• 36:00Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 36:01Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you later. But, and I made up the guy dying story, but that's, that's how it goes.

• 36:06Sam Morril?

  That's the order, yeah. I got a few, man. I got, um, a lot.

• 36:11Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 36:12Sam Morril?

  One is, you guys won't relate because you're all fucking in relationships, but dating profiles that are like artsy. So it's like, you know, like, one picture, like, three pictures of her in sunglasses, a picture of fettuccine, a fucking sunset. I'm like, "I'm just trying to figure out what you look like here."

• 36:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:31Sam Morril?

  What's with all the artsy shit here?

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  I hate that. That's pretentious shit. Like, "Let me show you how cultured I am." Like, "I just want to see your ass."

• 36:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:38Mark Normand?

  I'm sorry.

• 36:39Sam Morril?

  "I'm trying to go on a date with you, not a fucking sunset." What are we doing?

• 36:41Mark Normand?

  I can see my own sunset.

• 36:43Sam Morril?

  And, well, here's another one with the same one. A date and that peeve, they're like all, all the pictures, they have like an artsy job and they're all at work. It'll be like a ballerina in every, it'll be seven pictures of her, but she's like a ballerina in every picture.

• 36:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 36:56Sam Morril?

  I'm like, is this all you do?

• 36:57Mark Normand?

  I guess so, yeah.

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  You only do ballet?

• 36:59Mark Normand?

  Huh, wow.

• 37:00Sam Morril?

  I'm not, all my pictures are gonna be on stage.

• 37:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, all mine were.

• 37:03Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 37:04Mark Normand?

  My, my Tinder was me with Conan, me with Fallon, me with Colbert, me with Corden.

• 37:10Sam Morril?

  I think I did the same thing for a while.

• 37:12Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm not trying to get married here.

• 37:15Mark Normand?

  These are our tits. Conan is my tits.

• 37:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, success for a man is, is they're hot.

• 37:21Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 37:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Mark Normand?

  And I'd get great mess, like, what are you doing out here? You should be taken. And I'm like, I'm still a piece of shit. I'm 5'10".

• 37:27Sam Morril?

  Monroe, like, you photoshopped all these, you're full of shit.

• 37:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Send her the link.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, or the, or the, uh, I get that a lot. There's another one I get would be like, yeah, I don't see a lot of long-term potential here. And I'm like, I'm just trying to see you naked.

• 37:40Mark Normand?

  I know. You read me right there.

• 37:42Sam Morril?

  What are we doing here? What's going on?

• 37:43Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 37:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're right. She did read me right.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  You know what was also weird about those, those dating apps back in my day would be like her with three girlfriends? And I'm like, why would you put yourself in a picture with hotter friends?

• 37:53Sam Morril?

  John Fish had a great joke about that.

• 37:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 37:55Sam Morril?

  It would be a girl and he'd be, I'm the one on the right. He goes, who's the one on the left?

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 38:00Sam Morril?

  Great bit.

• 38:01Mark Normand?

  Put yourself with a Salicus, a Peters, you know, mix it up. You look good.

• 38:07Mark Normand?

  All my photos are with me, Joe List and Sean Murphy. Okay.

• 38:13Mark Normand?

  It's me, Jeff Ross.

• 38:16Mark Normand?

  I'm trying to think of ugly people.

• 38:19Sam Morril?

  I got, I got another peeve. Tall sandwiches.

• 38:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, good one.

• 38:25Sam Morril?

  I hate a tall sandwich.

• 38:26Mark Normand?

  Like a Katz Deli?

• 38:27Sam Morril?

  No, Katz is the one exception because it's so fucking good. And it's like their, their thing. But like, and it's also not that messy, Katz. Tall, it's like, dude, guess what? My mouth doesn't go open to here. What are we doing?

• 38:41Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 38:41Sam Morril?

  You're creating a mess.

• 38:43Mark Normand?

  The burgers, they get the big burgers like that too.

• 38:45Sam Morril?

  I don't, yeah, I'm not, I like, you can go horizontal. Why aren't we going horizontal with this?

• 38:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point. It's like they're building Manhattan skyscraper. Give me a ranch house.

• 38:54Sam Morril?

  Like, look at that. That's a nightmare to eat.

• 38:56Mark Normand?

  Nightmare.

• 38:57Sam Morril?

  You're just thinking of the fucking mess. I can't eat this, you know, without looking like a pig.

• 39:01Mark Normand?

  No, no, you never order a sandwich on a date because there's a lot of like, oh, the tomato falls out, you got mayo over here, bacon's up your ass. You gotta, you gotta go, or soup. Don't get soup on a date either.

• 39:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's just not, it's not a manly thing to get.

• 39:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:14Sam Morril?

  But I fucking love soup.

• 39:15Mark Normand?

  I do too.

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  Soup.

• 39:17Mark Normand?

  But it gets everywhere.

• 39:18Sam Morril?

  Soup gets you through New York winters, man.

• 39:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:20Sam Morril?

  It's 20 degrees out. I get myself a fucking split pea. I have myself a day.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  Woo, yeah.

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  What, give me some soups. What do you, what's your go-to?

• 39:26Mark Normand?

  I mean, I love a mushroom barley. I love a mushroom barley. I love chicken and rice.

• 39:30Sam Morril?

  Veselka, best mushroom barley in the city.

• 39:32Mark Normand?

  Great mushroom barley.

• 39:32Sam Morril?

  At Veselka?

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so good. I love vegetable beef.

• 39:35Sam Morril?

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess. Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 39:56Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 39:57Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 40:00Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 40:00Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably ethical.

• 40:27Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 40:28Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 40:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 40:30Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. It's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 40:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 40:39Sam Morril?

  It's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince!

• 40:59Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 41:02Speaker 03

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• 41:31Speaker 04

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• 42:00Mark Normand?

  If I love a gumbo, I love a chili, a bor- oh, I love the cellar borscht.

• 42:04Sam Morril?

  The cellar borscht, I love that borscht.

• 42:07Mark Normand?

  It's supposed to be cold, but they go hot.

• 42:08Sam Morril?

  I like it hot better. It should be hot.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  I've literally seen Mark eat other people's borscht. He'll do a set, come upstairs, see someone left their borscht. It's so intimate, a borscht. And he'll just sit there and eat it with their spoon.

• 42:23Sam Morril?

  Soup should not be shared.

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  No, no, but it should not be wasted.

• 42:29Sam Morril?

  The shortest poem of all time.

• 42:33Mark Normand?

  Hold on, what was your first pee before tall sandwiches?

• 42:35Sam Morril?

  Uh, the bad dating profile.

• 42:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, the bad dating, yeah. Damn, I had something on that, it's gone. Oh shit, sorry.

• 42:42Sam Morril?

  I got a ton of peeves this week.

• 42:43Mark Normand?

  Keep going, because your peeves make me think of my peeves.

• 42:46Sam Morril?

  All right, I got one, uh, ooh, this is a real one. When the browser glitches and moves down and you click the wrong thing. That happens all the time, like, you'll just like click on it and then it'll like pokes up and you're like, "Ah, I clicked the wrong fucking thing."

• 42:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, like an ad or something?

• 43:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that's annoying.

• 43:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, that fucking annoys me. And then this is another one to go off that, is when... Is when they tell you to, you like, just fill in with a strong password. So you use their strong password instead of one you came up with? And then it doesn't let you in. It doesn't remember. I'm like, this was your idea.

• 43:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 43:16Sam Morril?

  You told me to do this and it's not fucking working?

• 43:18Mark Normand?

  That shit drives me bananas.

• 43:20Sam Morril?

  I go crazy.

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:21Sam Morril?

  I, I had to do a contract today. It took me like fucking seven minutes because it wouldn't remember and I'm like, this should take 30 seconds.

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I have one password. If you figure out my one pa- you can get into my birth certificate, my ass, everything.

• 43:32Sam Morril?

  Anal cavity 47 with an exclamation point.

• 43:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's bad. I've, I've got the same thing for every app because I can't do it. I've had too many like, nope, wrong, not strong enough.

• 43:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but then one, here's what happens. One, they're like, you get logged out somehow and then you're like fucked forever.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:48Sam Morril?

  It makes me crazy.

• 43:49Mark Normand?

  You know, it's the worst. Now this is a deep, deep dive shit. I go into an app and they go, your password is wrong. Make a new password. I go, okay, I'll reset. I put the new password in and they go, you can't reuse the password.

• 44:04Sam Morril?

  I hate that one.

• 44:05Mark Normand?

  You made me change it and now you're saying the other one was wrong, but then you're saying it was the same one. Which one is it?

• 44:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's fucking annoying.

• 44:12Mark Normand?

  Drives me nuts.

• 44:13Sam Morril?

  Drives me nuts. Say, it's something there. I mean, I got plenty, dude. I can keep going here too. Uh, let's see what else we got. Uh.

• 44:21Mark Normand?

  Gaffigan has a great bit about the, the weak password.

• 44:23Sam Morril?

  What is it? How's it go?

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  I can't remember, but it's like 10 minutes long. It's incredible.

• 44:27Sam Morril?

  Every fucking bit of his. He stretches every ounce of fat.

• 44:30Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 44:31Sam Morril?

  Damn. Uh, let me see. Uh, ooh, here's one. It was raining really hard the other day. So, you know, I'm just waiting to get a cab. I was trying to get somewhere, but I was like, I was gonna walk, but I forgot an umbrella. I'm like, wait for a cab. And it, this person pulls up in front of me, finally see one, pulls right in front of my building. So I'm like, perfect. And she took forever to get out. Just forever. I'm like, what is she doing in there? And then I'm like, fuck, is she crippled? Am I being insensitive? You don't want to be a prick. And then she got out and she was just inconsiderate. She was in perfect health. And I was happy she was because my anger was justified.

• 45:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:09Sam Morril?

  You ever had that where you're like, oh, good. It's also good that you're not handicapped. But also good that I get to be like, what the fuck?

• 45:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:16Sam Morril?

  And I give her one of these like, and she goes, I'm sorry. And I'm like, all right. But that was like a hot five minutes. She was just like checking her phone in there. Like, what do we do? Five minutes. I was under, I was under an awning, but I'm like, come on.

• 45:25Mark Normand?

  It was a cab?

• 45:27Sam Morril?

  It was her in the cab. I don't know what she was doing in there.

• 45:29Mark Normand?

  Maybe she was having some credit card trouble.

• 45:30Sam Morril?

  No, she was on her fucking phone.

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Wow.

• 45:33Sam Morril?

  It was paid for.

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's crazy.

• 45:36Sam Morril?

  I was, that was a peeve. Inconsiderate is a huge peeve.

• 45:39Mark Normand?

  Inconsiderate's bad, and this city's full of it. It's the loud guy on the phone, it's the speaker guy.

• 45:44Sam Morril?

  The speaker guy.

• 45:45Mark Normand?

  The yelling guy. Yeah, there's so much of that.

• 45:48Sam Morril?

  Inconsiderate is one of the worst qualities.

• 45:51Mark Normand?

  I know. Joe had a, I don't want to give away his show, we had an idea for a show called Inconsider Nation. And it was about all the people you see on the subway with a booming boombox. You get to go up and go, "All right, sir, will you talk to us and tell us like, how do you..." And like a little courtroom was set up, like, "Don't you feel like other people don't want to hear this?"

• 46:10Sam Morril?

  The boombox, this sounds like this is about a certain race. This is more like Birth of a Nation than Inconsider Nation.

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  If your brain went somewhere, that's on you. But yeah. But it's a fun show. Like, oh, you got eight bags on the seat. Let's talk to you, sir. How do you, why do you feel this is okay?

• 46:25Sam Morril?

  Interesting.

• 46:26Mark Normand?

  It's a funny idea.

• 46:27Sam Morril?

  But that guy's gonna kick your ass. One of those guys will kick your ass, because they're clearly, some of these people are just crazy.

• 46:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 46:33Sam Morril?

  I was on the train last night and there was a guy who was just clearly, he was just like going nuts. And you're like, oh, it's like, here's the good thing about crazy people in New York, it's like a bomb. You see the explosion coming a few minutes away.

• 46:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  So you're like, oh, he's muttering, saying awful shit.

• 46:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:48Sam Morril?

  There will, and I saw him explode. I saw these people run off, and I was like, I gotta have a couple minutes early. I knew, I knew to go to the other train, but...

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  Smart. And then people go, everybody in New York just stands there and does nothing. It's like, A, it's because it happens twice a minute, twice a day. And two, he's crazy. What am I gonna do? Go, "Sir, you're being inappropriate." He's not gonna go, "You got it. Sorry about that. I had a moment." No, he's gonna stab you.

• 47:11Sam Morril?

  Exactly. Oh, man, I was with a New Yorker once, and he talked shit to a crazy guy. I go, "What is it, your fucking first day?" You don't talk shit. They're insane.

• 47:19Mark Normand?

  They're insane.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  He's like, "I said dickhead."

• 47:22Sam Morril?

  It was Steve Fabricant from The Cellar. Outside Steve.

• 47:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:26Sam Morril?

  If you go to The Cellar.

• 47:27Mark Normand?

  He's a firecracker.

• 47:28Sam Morril?

  He's a firecracker, but he talks shit to a crazy guy. And he goes, "That's what you do." I go, "That's not what you fucking do." You let him walk by. You think they're picking up on your sarcasm?

• 47:37Mark Normand?

  Right, right. It's like when I got the CD off that guy and you're like, "What are you doing?"

• 47:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 47:42Mark Normand?

  That was bad.

• 47:43Sam Morril?

  What do you do then?

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Then a guy walked by and he goes, "I got CDs." I got, he was giving out CDs. And I was like, I didn't want a CD, but I was like, trying to get rid of the guy. So I was like, "All right, I'll take a CD." And he goes, "Let me sign it for you."

• 47:52Sam Morril?

  No, that's fucking amateur hour.

• 47:53Mark Normand?

  And then he signed it and I took it. He goes, "That's 50 bucks."

• 47:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I told him, "No, no." I was like, it was like in slow motion. I was like, "Don't take it."

• 47:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:00Sam Morril?

  He's trying to scam you.

• 48:01Mark Normand?

  I was trying to get away from the guy. So I was like, "Yeah, give me the CD so I can keep walking." But, yeah, I fucked up.

• 48:05Sam Morril?

  You can't, yeah, that's the oldest trick in the book.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  Day one.

• 48:09Sam Morril?

  The scam.

• 48:09Mark Normand?

  That's New Orleans. I bet I can tell you where you got your shoes.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:13Mark Normand?

  On your feet. Then you owe the guy five bucks.

• 48:16Sam Morril?

  You're like, "That wasn't worth $5."

• 48:18Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 48:19Sam Morril?

  He's like, "Sure it was."

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  It works, though. You get some Cleveland guy in there. Now, we had a bet at breakfast.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 48:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:26Mark Normand?

  Now, I want to hear what you guys think of this. So we're debating on the pancake or the waffle. The world's ultimate question.

• 48:32Sam Morril?

  Which is better?

• 48:33Mark Normand?

  No, no, which we should get. Like, we always get.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Which is better is in there, but that's not the bet. Which is better?

• 48:38Sam Morril?

  Well, what's the bet?

• 48:39Mark Normand?

  Well, so the bet is.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Which is better first?

• 48:41Mark Normand?

  So we're deciding on, should we get a pancake or a waffle? What's better? And then I go, "Well, it's the same batter." And he's like, "No, it's not. They're different things." And he's like, "A waffle tastes better, but a pancake, you get more of them." And I said, "Yeah, but it's the same liquid that's just heated up." And he was like, "That's crazy." What do you guys think?

• 48:57Sam Morril?

  First off, it depends on where you are, because certain places do one better than the other, like.

• 49:01Mark Normand?

  Standard diner.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  Standard diner? I'm always going pancakes.

• 49:05Mark Normand?

  But what are they? The bet is, are they made of the same thing or not?

• 49:08Speaker 02

  Is it the same batter?

• 49:10Sam Morril?

  I think so. I mean, is pancake batter slightly different? I don't know.

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Interesting. Peters, you're an ex-fat.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  He says same, ex-fat.

• 49:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think it's texture. I do think it's the same thing.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  So we asked the waitress. And she said, "It's the same stuff back in the kitchen."

• 49:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you owe me money, by the way.

• 49:28Sam Morril?

  So it's shape.

• 49:28Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 49:29Sam Morril?

  So it's shape.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  It's a different shape. That's it.

• 49:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, uh.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  The waffle's way better, anyway. It's crispier.

• 49:35Mark Normand?

  It's got the syrup trap, but a pancake's got a, uh, je ne sais quoi.

• 49:39Sam Morril?

  Well, we do, usually when we were on tour, we do, you know, we all get eggs and then we do pancake for the table.

• 49:43Mark Normand?

  That's what we do.

• 49:44Sam Morril?

  I like a pancake for the table.

• 49:46Mark Normand?

  No waffle?

• 49:47Sam Morril?

  Sometimes you do a waffle too, sometimes you mix it up. Someone, Vider is such a food cunt that he say, "What are you known for?" And half the time they're like, "What are you, who gives a shit?" But he hits them with the "What are you known for?" And I will say, there's a diner in Portland that's the best waffle I've ever had. Sometimes you get a real crispy, I love a thin waffle. I love a thin anything.

• 50:07Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 50:07Sam Morril?

  Like a, like a thin crust pizza. I always go thin. I always want the crisp. I always want the...

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point. Not a producer. But yeah. No, thin is better, you're right.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  Now I can't laugh without hearing Adam Ray do my laugh.

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  No, hold on a second.

• 50:22Sam Morril?

  Goddamn, they fucking nailed us, dude.

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  They killed it. Alright.

• 50:25Sam Morril?

  They're so, it's, it is flattering though when it's two people who are that funny.

• 50:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 50:30Sam Morril?

  Just nailing you.

• 50:31Mark Normand?

  Nailing it. And they're very talented. I could never do this in a million years. Oh yeah, well, hit it harder, deeper. What are you gonna do?

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 50:40Sam Morril?

  Oh god.

• 50:44Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's, that must, he must listen a lot of hours to get that.

• 50:48Speaker 05

  Well, it's crazy, cause I was in New York, I was in, I was at the Knicks.

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  That's no good.

• 50:52Sam Morril?

  It's close, he's gotta go a little deeper.

• 50:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but he's like out the side of the mouth, he's going like a cliche New York guy. Accent's wrong. Yeah.

• 50:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I see where he's going for and I think he could, he could figure it out. But it's so funny, I was texting with Adam Ray before I saw, like a couple days before I saw this, and he actually told me, he's like, "You know, I listen to you and Mark's pod all the time."

• 51:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 51:11Sam Morril?

  And I said, "Real?" And then I saw that, I was like, "Holy shit." Some of the people just say stuff.

• 51:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:15Sam Morril?

  But I was like, "Oh no, he listens, that's insane."

• 51:17Mark Normand?

  I say that to people all the time. "Oh, big fan of fun." I love Kumb town.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  So at the end of this, he has a Rogan, I don't know if you heard this, the Rogan laugh is spot on.

• 51:28Mark Normand?

  Alright, let's hear it.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Let this rock.

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  It used to be Nick or Barker. That's, that's good.

• 51:35Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 51:36Mark Normand?

  Should've called him Nick or Barker.

• 51:39Sam Morril?

  Goddamn.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  Heads up.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  I could do laughs of like, I could do a Sam Rella, I could do a Rogan laugh, ready? Wow.

• 51:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:52Sam Morril?

  He's good. Has Joe seen this? This is really funny.

• 51:54Mark Normand?

  I'm sure he has, yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Or you sling a joke.

• 51:56Speaker 05

  At the comic store, we are crushing.

• 51:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. That's great.

• 52:02Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  He goes back and away, up and away.

• 52:05Speaker 05

  His laugh is infectious, but that's all I can, his voice is really specific.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  It's kinda Normandy.

• 52:11Sam Morril?

  Damn, that is, that is impressive.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Very good, very talented couple of guys right here.

• 52:16Sam Morril?

  And you know what's impressive about both of them is they don't really use it in their act. It's like, it's like Soder, where like Soder can just break into any impression, but he doesn't, cause he's aware. It's like the Jim Carrey thing back in the day. He was doing impressions and then he did better when he was just him.

• 52:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:31Sam Morril?

  But, uh, I always admire people who have that ability and then don't even feel the need to use it.

• 52:36Mark Normand?

  Do you think that's innate?

• 52:37Sam Morril?

  What?

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  With the, the impressions.

• 52:39Sam Morril?

  I think, I think a little bit, but I think you got it, like a bit, you gotta work on it.

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  You gotta hone it.

• 52:43Sam Morril?

  Cause you could see he's not, doesn't quite have my voice down yet. So he's clearly worked on the laugh.

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  But I wonder how they do, do you think they, they record it and they're like, that was close? I, I wonder.

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  I think they have an ear. I think they go, oh, that sounded right when I did that.

• 52:56Sam Morril?

  God, it's fucking impressive.

• 52:57Mark Normand?

  And then, you know, it's the weirdest thing is when people go, does that piss you off? Is that, I'm like, no, it's flattering as hell. They, they took the time to do me, they do it well.

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  I laughed. The first time I saw it, I forgot who sent it to me. It might, it might've been one of you guys, but I was, I was laughing my ass off.

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same.

• 53:12Sam Morril?

  I laughed out loud. I was like, I can't, I did my dumb fucking laugh out loud. It elicited the laugh he was doing.

• 53:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:20Sam Morril?

  So.

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  So I did, uh, Bad Friends on Saturday or Friday and I was like, Santino, do it to me. And that's really eerie when he's like, in your, in front of you, doing you, and you're like, you're responding. And then he repeats the response and you're like, it's like the Spider-Man meme.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 53:35Mark Normand?

  I don't know who's who.

• 53:36Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 53:37Mark Normand?

  It was crazy.

• 53:38Sam Morril?

  It is a, it is a talent, dude.

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Sam Morril?

  It really is. I mean, very cool.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  When I'm with Mark on the street, often people don't recognize him right away, cause he's, you know, like a regular guy. But when he's just talking, people are like, I heard your voice. Is that you?

• 53:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  So like the voice is almost more distinct than your.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this voice has got me nothing. My whole life, it was made fun of, you know, women hated it, whatever. And then all of a sudden it works with comedy.

• 54:03Sam Morril?

  Distinct can be good. I mean, look at Owen Wilson's nose.

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  True, good point.

• 54:08Sam Morril?

  Jennifer Grey changes her nose.

• 54:09Mark Normand?

  Her whole career is gone.

• 54:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  She was cute with the nose.

• 54:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you love a big honker.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  I do like a schnoz.

• 54:16Sam Morril?

  You do.

• 54:17Mark Normand?

  I like a beak.

• 54:18Sam Morril?

  You do. What do you think that is?

• 54:20Mark Normand?

  I don't know. I think it gives your face something. Like, to be like a Heidi Klum is almost boring.

• 54:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's almost like when everything is perfect, it's less memorable.

• 54:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:31Sam Morril?

  It adds a little character.

• 54:32Mark Normand?

  Definitely. Like, oh, yeah, these are, these are hot. There was a woman in the show Boys. You ever watch the show Boys with the superheroes?

• 54:40Sam Morril?

  The Boys.

• 54:40Mark Normand?

  The Boys, sorry.

• 54:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Mark Normand?

  Uh.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  Boys was a different, that was on a worse channel.

• 54:46Mark Normand?

  Uh, I think Kevin Spacey's in that. But, yeah.

• 54:49Sam Morril?

  I was waiting.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there it is. But there was a supervillain in the movie, or the show.

• 54:53Sam Morril?

  I love that we're like, every week, we're like, can we get Kevin Spacey on every week?

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  I wonder why he won't come on?

• 54:58Sam Morril?

  He listens to one clip.

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:00Sam Morril?

  He's like, can these guys stop calling me a pedophile?

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  That's her. We got one with Jerry with Kevin Spacey.

• 55:05Sam Morril?

  There it was, Claire. They called me a pedophile.

• 55:09Mark Normand?

  Wait, that's not her.

• 55:09Sam Morril?

  No?

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  I'm talking a fucking crazy, big, old beak.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 55:16Mark Normand?

  She was in the show Boys, but I, I couldn't, that's her. I couldn't take my eyes off her because her honker was so big.

• 55:22Sam Morril?

  Which one?

• 55:23Mark Normand?

  She's gotta be Middle Eastern or something.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, got it.

• 55:27Mark Normand?

  Give me an image.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  Claudia Dumas.

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  Very attractive woman. But that schnoz was distracting me from the show. Get a side view.

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  She is attractive, for sure. Yeah, that mugshot, definitely, one, one angle's definitely standing out.

• 55:41Mark Normand?

  They know what they're doing. Come on, lady, turn sideways.

• 55:45Sam Morril?

  So, so you like a kinda, a Middle Eastern look too, or is it just the nose?

• 55:49Mark Normand?

  The Persian. Persian is like the number one to me.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Israeli, that whole world.

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 55:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all the war-torn, you know, have to go to fight.

• 56:00Sam Morril?

  Because they're tougher women, too.

• 56:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, maybe that's something.

• 56:03Sam Morril?

  They'll dominate you a little bit, too.

• 56:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, maybe. Give me some Iron Dome.

• 56:07Sam Morril?

  Speaking, speaking of, uh, dominate.

• 56:08Mark Normand?

  Look at that thing. Jesus Christ.

• 56:10Sam Morril?

  Peters, can we talk about what you text us about?

• 56:12Mark Normand?

  Sure. Woo hoo.

• 56:13Sam Morril?

  I mean, Peters just brought it up that he used to go to swingers' parties.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  And I was like, what?

• 56:19Mark Normand?

  Casually, in one text.

• 56:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, uh, my ex-wife was a little bit of a freak, so, uh, it started, uh, we both, it was towards the end of our marriage, obviously.

• 56:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that doesn't pop up in week one.

• 56:31Speaker 06

  No.

• 56:32Mark Normand?

  They got married at eighteen.

• 56:34Sam Morril?

  What?

• 56:34Speaker 06

  She was eighteen, I was twenty-three.

• 56:36Sam Morril?

  And was this in Rochester?

• 56:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:38Sam Morril?

  So these are some rough-looking swingers' parties.

• 56:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  This is, this is in the back of a Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 56:44Speaker 06

  No, no, no.

• 56:46Speaker 06

  So we were a little bored, so we decided to kind of open it up. We only had one threesome together.

• 56:50Mark Normand?

  Ooh!

• 56:51Speaker 06

  But most of the stuff was her fucking other guys.

• 56:53Sam Morril?

  It was with a chick?

• 56:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 56:56Mark Normand?

  How'd you find her?

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Craigslist.

• 56:58Mark Normand?

  Oh! Mama!

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  That's old, I mean, you can't even do that anymore, can you?

• 57:02Speaker 06

  No.

• 57:03Sam Morril?

  Didn't they shut that down?

• 57:04Mark Normand?

  I think so, yeah, because it was getting wild.

• 57:05Speaker 06

  Casual Encounters is down.

• 57:07Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 57:08Mark Normand?

  How do you know that?

• 57:09Speaker 06

  Don't worry about it.

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  What's, what's the process of getting, so do you do like a submission process? You, you're reaching out, or people are, is it, is it like booking for the show?

• 57:18Speaker 06

  On Craigslist, people would post.

• 57:20Mark Normand?

  We're trying to get sheen.

• 57:20Speaker 06

  Or you would post on Craigslist, yeah. You'd post on Craigslist and be like, "We're looking for a third."

• 57:24Sam Morril?

  And that's what you did?

• 57:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:26Sam Morril?

  Wow!

• 57:26Speaker 06

  You reached out.

• 57:27Mark Normand?

  And you look at photos and vet?

• 57:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy!

• 57:30Sam Morril?

  So you were like, "I'm on board, what do you think?"

• 57:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, basically.

• 57:33Sam Morril?

  Wow!

• 57:34Mark Normand?

  Damn, who are these women just signing up for threesomes? I'm asking, because I would like to know.

• 57:40Speaker 06

  She was alright, the first threesome, we only did oral stuff, and then after that was...

• 57:44Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  What, how long does it last?

• 57:48Speaker 06

  Uh, I think she was there for like an hour, she came over.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  Wow! Do you pay her?

• 57:52Speaker 06

  No.

• 57:52Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 57:53Sam Morril?

  So you guys are fooling around, is it over when you finish, or do they keep going at it?

• 57:57Speaker 06

  Well, with the swingers' party, it was, there was a lot of guys, so she kept going for a while.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  Ew!

• 58:02Sam Morril?

  That's a bummer, because you're looking at that through clear eyes.

• 58:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:06Sam Morril?

  You come, and then you're like, "Oh, shit." She gets to keep going.

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  Ew!

• 58:10Sam Morril?

  It's like when you're at the arcade with a friend and you run out of tokens. He gets to keep playing?

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Now he's just hitting the joystick but nothing's moving. We've all done that at a Simpsons game. Maybe something will happen.

• 58:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, but one of my vivid memories is just hearing the sound of ass cheeks clapping from the other room. And knowing a guy's railing my wife. Ex-wife.

• 58:33Sam Morril?

  Did you ever hear the Sam Kinison story about him? He swapped, apparently, with a friend and he's fucking the guy's wife and he comes instantly and then just have to listen to his wife get railed for like hours.

• 58:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, god. I'm such an asshole. I bitch about my wife like leaving her bra everywhere and then this guy's getting his ass clapped.

• 58:53Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. So, did you have any regrets after that or were you like? How long after the threesome proposal were you like, this isn't working?

• 59:01Speaker 06

  Um, we kept looking for more people. I mean, we were both emotionally out of the relationship, I think.

• 59:07Mark Normand?

  But you're such a normal stand-up, normal guy. It's so weird that that's your past.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  So she had a fetish that I was not into? And so that kind of like opened the door because she wanted to do it and I was like, I don't want to do that.

• 59:19Mark Normand?

  Which is?

• 59:20Speaker 06

  It's called CBT.

• 59:21Mark Normand?

  CBT.

• 59:23Speaker 06

  It stands for cock-ball torture.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 59:29Speaker 06

  Literally tying your balls up and hitting them with stuff.

• 59:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 59:33Mark Normand?

  What the fuck?

• 59:34Speaker 06

  She wanted to do it to me.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  What, is she an ISIS?

• 59:36Speaker 06

  We did do it, we did do it once and I said, I'm not interested in it.

• 59:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god. Now, get rid of that shit.

• 59:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, god.

• 59:42Sam Morril?

  She wanted to go Guantanamo on your nutsack? Jesus.

• 59:46Mark Normand?

  I know, right? How is that a fetish? That's like torture shit.

• 59:50Sam Morril?

  Well, I mean, it's a fetish. Some people are into that shit, clearly.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  Why is she into it?

• 59:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. He's supposed to be into that.

• 59:56Speaker 06

  I need to be the one to be tied up, yeah.

• 59:57Mark Normand?

  That's like going, oh, I like hitting a woman in the eye. I'm not a wife beater, it's a fetish.

• 1:00:02Sam Morril?

  You're right, it is torture.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  It's torture, yeah. You're just a violent person.

• 1:00:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I guess some women might be into abuse.

• 1:00:07Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:00:09Sam Morril?

  But it is torture.

• 1:00:10Mark Normand?

  That's torture, that's crazy.

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:00:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, I like beating up kids. What? That's a fetish. The kids, some kids like it. That's crazy, that's not a fetish.

• 1:00:20Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. So did you have anything that you were into that she wasn't or no?

• 1:00:24Speaker 06

  Uh, she was not into facials.

• 1:00:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, alright.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  How, I mean, how could she not be?

• 1:00:31Sam Morril?

  A facial seems so prude after what we just saw, Jesus.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  You just stomped my balls, bitch.

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  I got to find a girl to give a facial to and she got to find a guy to beat up, so that was the main swapping.

• 1:00:40Sam Morril?

  That is hilarious that you just like joyfully come on a woman and then the other room you hear a guy like, "No! Please, fuck!"

• 1:00:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's kinda good news if she wants to have a threesome with a guy. You're like, "Come on over, buddy. Get your balls ready to smoosh."

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  It was usually not sex for them. It was usually just tying them up and hitting them for a while.

• 1:00:56Sam Morril?

  Did you ever ask why she was into this?

• 1:01:00Speaker 06

  I did not. I mean, she had some dad issues.

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  You don't say.

• 1:01:04Sam Morril?

  I do too. I don't like getting fucking tortured. What, so, how far into the relationship did she reveal this fetish to you? Cause that's probably a tough one for her to bring up.

• 1:01:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  That was pretty early, maybe a year-ish in.

• 1:01:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:01:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Mark Normand?

  I'm proud of you for doing it once. I mean, just the word "ball torture", I'd be like, "I'm gonna skip this."

• 1:01:23Speaker 06

  Actually, no. I think she brought it up very early, cause we were like texting and stuff first.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  That, that's one that should be in your dating profile.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  That's, I don't wanna find that out in four weeks, or after I like you.

• 1:01:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:01:35Speaker 06

  The way I found out about it, now I remember, is that she said, "Send me a picture of your dick with a Q-tip inside it."

• 1:01:41Mark Normand?

  Ah! You did it?

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:01:44Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:01:44Sam Morril?

  My dick just shrunk inside my body.

• 1:01:46Speaker 06

  Bring up these pictures. She liked sounding?

• 1:01:48Sam Morril?

  No, no, no. I don't wanna see this shit.

• 1:01:50Mark Normand?

  Sounding?

• 1:01:51Speaker 06

  Yeah. I don't wanna ruin the surprise.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:01:53Sam Morril?

  I'm scared.

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:01:57Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  It's putting things inside your urethra.

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  No, I don't wanna see this. I don't wanna see it.

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  Wait, that's a chick.

• 1:02:04Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, what are we doing?

• 1:02:06Mark Normand?

  I was gonna go sounding.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Hit it like a twinkle.

• 1:02:09Sam Morril?

  And how does she bring it up? Was she, was she at all embarrassed to bring it up, or was she like, "This is just something I like"? How?

• 1:02:15Speaker 06

  No, she was pretty open about it.

• 1:02:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Brother.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  Alright, change the channel.

• 1:02:18Sam Morril?

  I love, I love being into something insane and then just being like, "Honey, you know it'd be fun."

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:23Sam Morril?

  If we stuck a gerbil up your ass." And you're just like, "Mmm."

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:02:28Sam Morril?

  I just think, yeah, what the fuck, dude?

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Sounding.

• 1:02:31Sam Morril?

  Were you freaked out by the parties at all? Cause I, I can only imagine going to a party like this. At one point, maybe you're excited or maybe nervous at first, but after you nut, you've got to be like, what the f- because I feel like shame just jerking off.

• 1:02:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:02:46Sam Morril?

  Just for like wasting time.

• 1:02:47Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  You know, like, so I can't imagine like at a, at a party, you know?

• 1:02:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, it definitely wasn't fun for hours. It wasn't hours of fun.

• 1:02:55Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:02:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  So you just stay there for, while she-

• 1:02:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, just chaperone so she didn't get murdered or something.

• 1:03:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. Were you drinking?

• 1:03:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got a drink?

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  But I was driving too, so I didn't get drunk.

• 1:03:06Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:03:08Sam Morril?

  This is fascinating.

• 1:03:09Mark Normand?

  This is wild. Who knew?

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  I'm fascinated.

• 1:03:11Mark Normand?

  The quietest guy in here.

• 1:03:12Sam Morril?

  You were like, to me, you're such a responsible, normal guy, but I guess you just never know. But people, normal people have fetishes and stuff, you know?

• 1:03:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  John Reeve, so a quick question.

• 1:03:24Sam Morril?

  We're not calling that one a fetish.

• 1:03:25Mark Normand?

  I mean, it's, it's better than ball torture, maybe.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  So wait a minute, so she, the first interaction is can you send a picture of a Q-tip in your penis hole? And then you're like, let's see each other more.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Well, it's very, very cute. I guess so.

• 1:03:41Sam Morril?

  You're right. How women can get away with a lot. A guy sends you that shit, you're just like, what?

• 1:03:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:46Sam Morril?

  Because there was more of a safety issue with women.

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  Right, exactly.

• 1:03:49Sam Morril?

  But that is, that is shocking to me, the, the Q-tip thing, that's like-

• 1:03:53Mark Normand?

  On the packet of Q-tips, it says, don't put in your ear. They should keep going with that warning.

• 1:03:58Sam Morril?

  Does it say that?

• 1:03:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Because they're just trying not to get sued. Obviously, everyone's putting it in their ear, but it says, do not place inside of ear. Pull it up.

• 1:04:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Sam Morril?

  You know a Petco on the gerbil tank, it says, don't put in your ass? Everyone's doing it, but, you know.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Poor gear. Poor Richard gear. I'll never live it down.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  You can't escape it.

• 1:04:17Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:04:17Sam Morril?

  And neither can that gerbil.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  There you go. You should not put Q-tips beside your ear canal.

• 1:04:25Sam Morril?

  God, so is that, I mean, obviously, don't you do that every day?

• 1:04:28Mark Normand?

  Of course, all the time. I did it today.

• 1:04:30Sam Morril?

  But we shouldn't be doing it.

• 1:04:31Mark Normand?

  That's what they say. It's like-

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  It tamps down the wax and makes it worse, more buildup.

• 1:04:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Sam Morril?

  So I've heard people say you go to a place to get it clea- cleared out. Do you do that?

• 1:04:40Mark Normand?

  I've heard that, but no, I don't do that.

• 1:04:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've never done it.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  No, I've heard, you ever heard of the candle?

• 1:04:45Sam Morril?

  Fuck that shit.

• 1:04:46Mark Normand?

  I tried that once.

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:04:47Mark Normand?

  It works.

• 1:04:48Sam Morril?

  What do you do?

• 1:04:48Mark Normand?

  You put an ear candle and you light it and the smoke sucks the wax out.

• 1:04:53Sam Morril?

  Ooh, fuck that.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  So then when it gets about here, you turn it off.

• 1:04:56Sam Morril?

  Fuck that shit. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's crazy. What was the craziest shit you saw at, uh, at these swingers parties?

• 1:05:05Speaker 06

  Uh, most of the people were like in their like late 40s. Like, pretty, pretty older group.

• 1:05:11Sam Morril?

  Anyone hot there? Was it not a great looking bunch?

• 1:05:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, there was some, some, some good people.

• 1:05:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 1:05:16Sam Morril?

  But they, but they're probably, it's probably like a chick at an open mic. Everyone like goes over like, who, who, who are you? You know?

• 1:05:22Speaker 06

  I mean, I, I, at the swingers things, I never had sex with anybody else except for her.

• 1:05:26Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 1:05:26Speaker 06

  I, I didn't feel comfortable. I'm not, I'm not like a hot commodity.

• 1:05:30Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:05:31Speaker 06

  So it wasn't like.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  But you're tall!

• 1:05:33Speaker 06

  This guy. Eh, I got some offers, but.

• 1:05:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:05:35Speaker 06

  They were kinda scary looking old ladies.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:05:39Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  It's gotta suck to be shot down at a swingers club.

• 1:05:42Sam Morril?

  It's not you. It's like, no, clearly it's me. You're here.

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  It's a sex club.

• 1:05:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Mark Normand?

  I went to the sex club in Berlin. The women were unbelievably hot. But they met you at the door. It was like a nightclub.

• 1:05:51Sam Morril?

  Women in Berlin are really hot.

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  Mama. That's your type.

• 1:05:55Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, was that, there's that whole, you would have genocided me back in the day, so.

• 1:05:59Mark Normand?

  Woo wee!

• 1:06:00Sam Morril?

  Let's fucking ride.

• 1:06:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Hell yeah.

• 1:06:02Sam Morril?

  This one's for grandpa.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Mark, did you have sex in the sex club?

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  I did. With the wife, yeah.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  And what happened?

• 1:06:10Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, two things. One, I look over, there's a guy who taps me on my shoulder and he goes, "Me next?" In German. And I was like, "We're good, buddy." I think it was Peters. And, uh, then I looked.

• 1:06:22Sam Morril?

  You're doing that in public. You do deserve to get that.

• 1:06:25Mark Normand?

  And it's a sex club. He might have thought she was a hooker and like, you know, we're passing her around, whatever. So I was like, "Ah, we're good." And my wife was like, "Huh?" Cause you know, she's getting plowed doggy, so she can't really, she's like, "What's going on back?" Cause she's here to be like, "I'm good, man. I'm good." And she's like, "What are you ordering drinks? What's going on back there?"

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  Your wife's like, "Do you mind if I torture his balls for a while?" You're into that?

• 1:06:44Mark Normand?

  You chit chatting? So then I was like, "Alright, we got rid of that guy." Cause he was a language bearer, so I'm like.

• 1:06:49Sam Morril?

  Was he a good looking guy?

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  He wasn't bad. He wasn't bad. But I was like, "Alright, buddy. Keep it moving."

• 1:06:53Sam Morril?

  Let's put it this way. I stayed hard.

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I did. I took a BlueChew, I'm not gonna lie. I'm in the sex club.

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  I've never taken a Viagra or BlueChew. Where do you get this stuff?

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  Podcast sponsor.

• 1:07:05Sam Morril?

  Can we get some?

• 1:07:06Mark Normand?

  They work like crazy, but I just figured.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  What, what do they work for? They give you like a quick round two?

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  Quick round two.

• 1:07:12Sam Morril?

  That's what I need.

• 1:07:13Mark Normand?

  You're hard all night.

• 1:07:14Sam Morril?

  I'm getting, my, my, my reload time is just not what it used to be.

• 1:07:17Mark Normand?

  Same, same.

• 1:07:18Sam Morril?

  It's just, it's just not great anymore.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  No, I need like an hour.

• 1:07:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, same.

• 1:07:22Mark Normand?

  Sometimes like rejuvenate.

• 1:07:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, man, it's fucking tough, man. I also like, you have a joke now about how I, how I came quickly with a woman. And, you know, it's not charming when a guy my age does that, because when you're like nineteen, you can be like, I'll be ready to go in five. But at my age, I'm like, that's the show. Thanks for coming out.

• 1:07:41Sam Morril?

  That's what it is, man. I mean, it's, it, it just ain't what it used to be.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:44Sam Morril?

  I think about like, holy shit. If you're young, enjoy that shit.

• 1:07:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:48Sam Morril?

  Because this, this ain't getting better for us either.

• 1:07:49Mark Normand?

  No. I'm more like a school shooter. I do one good load and then I get arrested.

• 1:07:54Sam Morril?

  And then, and then you, then you get yourself in the head with.

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  And the kids are furious. But, um, but, okay. But yeah, so bagging the wife.

• 1:08:09Sam Morril?

  I love the solo ups because we just go fucking, we just go nuts.

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  This girl's crying.

• 1:08:18Mark Normand?

  Cops like, we gotta get a cop, the school's like, we gotta get a cop in here to be a teacher. The teacher should have guns.

• 1:08:24Mark Normand?

  So that was the first guy. He did the tap and I couldn't get rid of him because he, he, he didn't understand me because I was English. And then I looked, I was like, all right, I finally got rid of that guy. And I looked to my left and a guy's just cranking it, staring at us.

• 1:08:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Big bald dude.

• 1:08:38Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  But they could be wanting to fuck you.

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  Maybe, maybe. But I had to like rotate away from that guy. So the poor wife's getting.

• 1:08:45Sam Morril?

  You're fucking your wife in public like, do you mind?

• 1:08:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm trying to have a moment here.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  And what was your subway joke about a guy?

• 1:08:53Sam Morril?

  I told it last week with Jerry.

• 1:08:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:08:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:55Mark Normand?

  He loved it.

• 1:08:56Sam Morril?

  Well, because we were talking about when, when a punchline just hits you.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Sam Morril?

  Because it's, it's a gift as opposed to like chiseling away. But sometimes a line just hits you and you're like, you're just on the subway, not listening to music and you're like, a gift, you know?

• 1:09:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Sam Morril?

  I heard Tom Waits once say something along the lines of he, like he hates when he's hit with inspiration, like, can't you see I'm driving right now, God?

• 1:09:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:17Sam Morril?

  I can't get to a pen.

• 1:09:18Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:09:20Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, when it hits you at the right time, you're like, oh, that's fucking cool. I love that.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  Do you ever have the thing where a joke hits you? It's like a lightning bolt. You're like, oh my God, this is gonna work. This is gonna hit. Then you start thinking, how did I, what did I do differently today that a joke hit me? And then you start kind of like trying to predict it, you know?

• 1:09:37Sam Morril?

  But it, yeah, I mean. Jerry said a lot of this, like a lot of it's like taking care of like when he said like this is your grand piano. Taking care of yourself a little bit, but also I think like sometimes I just go on adventures and do dumb shit and then I get a gift. I was fucking drunk the other night and I got hit with a bunch of joke ideas.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting. You gotta like let go a little, I think. You let your brain just kind of wander and that's when stuff hits me.

• 1:10:03Sam Morril?

  Exactly. I think when you when you're when you're pushing it too hard, it's like, well, that's not how I am.

• 1:10:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  That's not how I am on stage. I'm like, that's like a desperate thing.

• 1:10:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  What did Jerry write to you after about like how we weren't needy?

• 1:10:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what does that mean?

• 1:10:16Sam Morril?

  Well, I think needy is like, like you're trying to pull, you're, you're, it's a desperation thing.

• 1:10:21Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:10:22Sam Morril?

  And when you're desperate, it's, it's like being starving. You're not as, you need to be nourished, I think. You're more chill when you don't need it as much.

• 1:10:30Mark Normand?

  That's true. Ain't that the truth?

• 1:10:31Sam Morril?

  So I don't know. I think, uh, but I think doing different things too, like, like you talk about a routine, like what I do differently. I think it's the opposite. You gotta keep mixing it up.

• 1:10:40Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:10:41Sam Morril?

  Because we don't write the way a guy like Colin Quinn writes where he's like, I'm doing the constitution. We're just like, I had an idea.

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  I need an idea.

• 1:10:49Sam Morril?

  But then you write off those ideas. Like what you're just saying with the peeve, that's how you, I think you write. You have an idea and then you build off that idea.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's exactly what I do.

• 1:10:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Mark Normand?

  But yeah, you gotta, you gotta be free flowing. I was doing it because I, New York can wear on you, you know, the, the noises, the people. So I just go podcast. Right when I leave a, a building, just so I can like escape a little.

• 1:11:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  And I stopped doing that and I definitely got more ideas.

• 1:11:13Sam Morril?

  I agree with you. Sometimes I'll listen to music or something and then I change jazz if it's better. If there's no lyrics, I can still come up with shit, but but sometimes just no music's good. You're like, I know this song and it's a jazz song that there's lyrical versions of it.

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:26Sam Morril?

  So I know the words and I'll be humming them. Like, no, you gotta not do that.

• 1:11:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Just tune out.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  I heard Paul McCartney say something about inspiration. He was saying sort of like it's an antenna. And

• 1:11:35Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:11:36Speaker 02

  Depending on where you are, you tune something and you're like, oh, I caught that one. And then

• 1:11:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Inspiration, you write it down or whatever.

• 1:11:42Mark Normand?

  But that's what I'm saying. You're always like, oh, the antenna. How did I get that one? Where's the antenna now?

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  It's just tuning in.

• 1:11:47Mark Normand?

  It's just tuning, yeah. You can't really find it.

• 1:11:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Matt's ex-wife wanted him to jam that antenna in his pee hole.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:11:53Mark Normand?

  Sounding, yeah, sounding board.

• 1:11:57Mark Normand?

  He said something once. Oh, shit, I lost it. My brain, I'm on so much cough medicine, my brain is fried.

• 1:12:02Sam Morril?

  Are you feeling rough?

• 1:12:03Mark Normand?

  Well, I feel fine. It's just I'm trying to kill the mucus. It's like all right here.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  Dude, you know, honestly, mucinex would just pound water like a motherfucker.

• 1:12:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Sam Morril?

  Cause that's, that's what I was doing all of Europe. I was sick so much of Europe and I was just like, literally just pounding water, going to the bathroom, that yellow phlegm just keeps coming out. Cause it's an expectorant, right? So it pops it out, so.

• 1:12:23Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I've never had that.

• 1:12:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, yellow phlegm. And, you know, I'm also not getting better because I'm pounding booze every night because I'm in Europe. I wanna, I wanna live it up.

• 1:12:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:31Sam Morril?

  I'll deal with the sick later. But yeah, no, I, everyone's fighting some shit off right now. This is New York in the winter, man.

• 1:12:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's bad. Uh, hold on, you said something. Ah, it's gone.

• 1:12:41Sam Morril?

  We're getting old, man.

• 1:12:42Mark Normand?

  Ah, it's the booze, the mucinex.

• 1:12:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this is not good. We're like, why can't we write more? We're like, oh, yeah, we can't remember

• 1:12:48Mark Normand?

  I can't remember shit.

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  Three minutes ago.

• 1:12:50Mark Normand?

  I blame the phone too. I've, I've started to cut back on the phone. That, that feels good.

• 1:12:54Sam Morril?

  Apparently, uh, Unisom is bad for recall.

• 1:12:57Mark Normand?

  What's that?

• 1:12:58Sam Morril?

  It's basically Benadryl. People take it to sleep, but

• 1:13:01Mark Normand?

  You just told me that.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:03Mark Normand?

  Benadryl's bad.

• 1:13:04Sam Morril?

  I take it all the time. Cause I, cause I'm like, well, do I want to lose my memory? But I can't be healthy for memory if you're sleeping four hours either.

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  That's true too.

• 1:13:11Sam Morril?

  I don't know what to do.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  I heard it's bad for your memory on the back end of your life.

• 1:13:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's how they get you.

• 1:13:16Sam Morril?

  That's what I've heard.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:17Sam Morril?

  What are you gonna do?

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  Anyway, I have a rec.

• 1:13:20Sam Morril?

  Hit us with the rec.

• 1:13:21Speaker 02

  Uh, the rec is deconstructing Harry.

• 1:13:24Sam Morril?

  It's a good one.

• 1:13:25Mark Normand?

  Solid Woody Allen.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  First time, yeah.

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, I like it, man. That Elizabeth shoe. One fine piece of ace.

• 1:13:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, great cast.

• 1:13:32Sam Morril?

  She is gorgeous. Yeah, it's a lot. Billy Crystal is great in it.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:35Sam Morril?

  It's a fun one.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  It's like the only Woody Allen movie I can recall where he's cursing.

• 1:13:41Sam Morril?

  I love that too.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  He's like, someone's like, talking to his ex-wife and he's like, but your ex-wife said that and he's like, well, she's a cunt.

• 1:13:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think it was probably an angry time in his life.

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  It was like 1989.

• 1:13:53Sam Morril?

  No, it was early 90s, I think.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:56Mark Normand?

  I think it was, I think it was 92.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Oh, then you're right.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  So it was post-scandal, so I think he was probably angry.

• 1:14:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Great cat, Robin Williams.

• 1:14:05Sam Morril?

  Kirstie Alley's great in it.

• 1:14:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, 97, wow.

• 1:14:07Sam Morril?

  Julie Louis-Dreyfus in it, that was, that was kind of a hot scene.

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  I was telling them to see where she's about to blow the guy, Sam Waterston.

• 1:14:13Sam Morril?

  Old guy too. You know, it's all Woody Allen, his ideas, like, we're just getting like a hot young actress to blow an old guy.

• 1:14:19Mark Normand?

  See if you can pull that scene up. I'm kind of intrigued by that.

• 1:14:22Speaker 02

  You got it, boss.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, Stanley Tucci, it's a, it's a hot, hot cast.

• 1:14:26Sam Morril?

  It's an underrated one. He was definitely like, I feel like people were taking him for granted this time too, because he just put out so many bangers that...

• 1:14:35Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  That's not the scene we were talking about.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  I'm like, what's good, Julia Dreyfus getting fucked? He's like, how about, how about Stanley Tucci sucking on sauce?

• 1:14:46Mark Normand?

  Was that Demi Moore?

• 1:14:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Demi Moore's in it too.

• 1:14:49Mark Normand?

  Whoa, by the way, she might be hotter now. Have you seen her now?

• 1:14:52Sam Morril?

  It's insane.

• 1:14:53Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:14:54Sam Morril?

  It's insane.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  I always thought she was like a pretty lady, but now she's hot.

• 1:14:57Sam Morril?

  Pretty lady, that's a, I've never heard someone go-

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  Pretty lady?

• 1:15:00Sam Morril?

  You're describing Demi Moore as a pretty lady? She's in striptease, dude.

• 1:15:04Mark Normand?

  That's true, that was the hottest.

• 1:15:06Sam Morril?

  She was like the epitome of hot.

• 1:15:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was-

• 1:15:07Sam Morril?

  What the fuck are we doing here?

• 1:15:09Mark Normand?

  What are you putting on, you wanker?

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  What the hell is wrong with you?

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  This is Peter's wife. Good lord. Oh, that's not Sam Waterston, that was way off.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  You want the fruit, you gotta go through the cactus. Here we go.

• 1:15:20Mark Normand?

  Look at that, he's just like, I'm whipping it out.

• 1:15:26Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:15:26Sam Morril?

  Who hasn't used that line?

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  They're all by the lake.

• 1:15:32Sam Morril?

  Damn, holy shit.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  I mean, this is Elaine Bennis.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  In her streak too, it's 97.

• 1:15:39Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:15:42Sam Morril?

  This is crazy.

• 1:15:43Mark Normand?

  It's cool to see an old guy do this.

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  That's not Sam Waterston either.

• 1:15:47Mark Normand?

  No, I was way off.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  That's like a Eugene Levy type, I don't know who that is.

• 1:15:52Mark Normand?

  That's funny to be like, I finally got in my Woody Allen movie, what do you want me to do? Suck off this old guy in a bedroom?

• 1:15:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, look, first off, she's still hot too, Julie Louis-Dreyfus, but yeah, this is pretty crazy.

• 1:16:05Sam Morril?

  This, I was in shock.

• 1:16:06Mark Normand?

  And me too.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:16:10Sam Morril?

  Blind women.

• 1:16:11Mark Normand?

  Until dark.

• 1:16:13Sam Morril?

  Is she blind?

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:18Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's fun.

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  That's one of the women that tried to fuck Peters at those parties.

• 1:16:30Sam Morril?

  We got this porn site.

• 1:16:31Mark Normand?

  You ever done, when I first met the wife, she took me home for Thanksgiving and I was like, I don't want to go to you. Thanksgiving is too weird. And she's like, I'll make it fun. It'll be great. And we ended up banging in her childhood bedroom like.

• 1:16:41Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Right before the dinner.

• 1:16:43Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  I don't know if I should've supposed to say that, but yeah.

• 1:16:46Sam Morril?

  Eh, it's fine. I don't know why, I don't know why I said it's fine. They'll be okay with it.

• 1:16:51Mark Normand?

  It was hot.

• 1:16:52Sam Morril?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 1:16:53Mark Normand?

  Crazy, yeah. Just bang right upstairs, went right down and had turkey.

• 1:16:57Sam Morril?

  Holy shit, that is pretty hot.

• 1:16:58Mark Normand?

  She got stuffed. Gobble gobble.

• 1:17:02Sam Morril?

  Damn, I gotta, I gotta do a relationship again at some point. It's, it's getting sad to be my age and all my friends' families and I'm sending women, uh, sup texts at 9pm on a Wednesday. Maybe figure it out at some point.

• 1:17:14Mark Normand?

  Well, the holidays hits you when you're single. Then you're like, oh, what am I doing?

• 1:17:17Sam Morril?

  In the winter, you're just like, it's, it's like being sick where you're like, there should be someone to take care of me.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah. And then, but summer, single is the best.

• 1:17:25Sam Morril?

  Well, I've always said, you know, I love being single Tuesday through Saturday. Sunday and Monday, not the best single days.

• 1:17:33Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:17:34Sam Morril?

  These are good, like, watch movie days.

• 1:17:36Mark Normand?

  Watch a movie, make a dinner. Yeah, that's true. Well, uh, Alexandra had that great bit. He's like, I'm 40, I'm single, I have no kids. I did it.

• 1:17:46Sam Morril?

  I made it through the maze.

• 1:17:47Mark Normand?

  And then he goes, I get a little lonely at night. And then after that, it's great.

• 1:17:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. Uh, loneliness, he says, the struggle between loneliness and euphoria.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:17:55Sam Morril?

  Loneliness right before you go to bed at night, euphoria the whole fucking rest of the time.

• 1:17:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so good.

• 1:18:00Sam Morril?

  So well said.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  But then, of course, he got married and had kids.

• 1:18:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and he did it later.

• 1:18:04Mark Normand?

  He did it later, yeah. But how many, how many comics, Bill Burr, Seinfeld, me, were like, kids are stupid, marriage is crazy, what a concept, retarded, and then we all did it.

• 1:18:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I probably have to do it at some point.

• 1:18:19Mark Normand?

  You don't have to do anything. Live your life. You don't have to get married. Don't listen to these traditional cleaves.

• 1:18:25Sam Morril?

  You want one last single friend to live vicariously through.

• 1:18:28Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  That's what it is.

• 1:18:29Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:18:30Sam Morril?

  Cause Veder does the same thing.

• 1:18:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Sam Morril?

  Veder shows me pictures of his kids and he's like, alright, let me see some pictures of some dates.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  They're the same age.

• 1:18:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Yeah, they're getting too young when my pick-up line on dating apps is, what's your favorite color?

• 1:18:43Mark Normand?

  Can I buy you an apple juice? Capri Sun?

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  You ever hear that Louis bit where he's like, people complain about things they have to do all the time? And he's like, oh, I have to go to the bank today. He's like, you can always kill yourself. You don't have to do anything.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:18:56Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 1:18:56Mark Normand?

  That's a good point. Oh, there it is. Did you make that? No. That was quick.

• 1:19:02Sam Morril?

  Holy shit. Is that me or Norman?

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  I think it's...

• 1:19:06Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be Norman, right?

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  I think, cause he does me.

• 1:19:08Speaker 02

  Oh, cause he's doing your voice.

• 1:19:09Mark Normand?

  I don't know why there's two Santinos, though.

• 1:19:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there should be an Adam. Yeah, that's definitely Norman, actually.

• 1:19:14Mark Normand?

  I don't know. But that's, that's well done. Spider-Man.

• 1:19:18Sam Morril?

  In cartoon form, we look kind of alike.

• 1:19:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. The hair, the five o'clock.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  There you go. Well, yeah. Bad friends was fun. Then, uh, we did the arena and those two guys jumped on. The crowd went wild.

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  So they, they were, they just happened to be in Phoenix?

• 1:19:32Mark Normand?

  Happened to be in Phoenix and Shane, of course, was like, I guess you guys have to come on the show. And boy, that crowd was electric.

• 1:19:39Sam Morril?

  I mean, they got a fucking night.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:41Sam Morril?

  So it was you, Santino, Bobby?

• 1:19:43Mark Normand?

  McCusker, me, Santino, Bobby.

• 1:19:46Sam Morril?

  What a night.

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  And I'd never seen Bobby do a set in my life. Have you?

• 1:19:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:50Mark Normand?

  I've never seen him go on. It was fun.

• 1:19:51Sam Morril?

  I was on Burt's tour with Bobby. And yeah, it was, it was such a bummer, cause Bobby and I had so much fun the first night. And then that night, he fell off a top bunk on the bus.

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  I heard.

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  And fucked his face up and had to leave the tour.

• 1:20:05Mark Normand?

  He looked rough.

• 1:20:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:07Mark Normand?

  I mean, it was like...

• 1:20:08Sam Morril?

  And that was before the picture.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That, he looked like Peter's dick after, uh, after the torture.

• 1:20:14Sam Morril?

  No, that was, it was, it was bad.

• 1:20:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:16Sam Morril?

  Poor guy.

• 1:20:17Mark Normand?

  I have a theory that he almost did that on purpose just to get out of the tour. Cause I know he hates touring.

• 1:20:21Sam Morril?

  But he was so sad.

• 1:20:22Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:20:23Sam Morril?

  But yeah, I know what you mean. Those guys who like, are just so com- he's just so comfortable in LA.

• 1:20:27Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:20:28Sam Morril?

  He doesn't wanna leave. He's got that house. He doesn't wanna...

• 1:20:31Mark Normand?

  But shout out to Bobby. He's doing a special in January.

• 1:20:35Sam Morril?

  He must be shaken, dude.

• 1:20:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's terrified.

• 1:20:38Sam Morril?

  Part of me is, if you don't have to do it, I mean, although I was one of the guys bullying him. Every time I do his pod, I'd be like, "When are you doing it?"

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I finally got out of him. He's doing it in, I think, Denver, the Paramount.

• 1:20:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, Toshi and Tino did it too.

• 1:20:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:20:50Sam Morril?

  Or maybe he didn't do the Paramount, but he definitely did Denver.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  I might be wrong about that, but he's doing it in January. He's got the date, the theater's locked down.

• 1:20:56Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:20:57Mark Normand?

  It's happening.

• 1:20:58Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:20:58Mark Normand?

  But yeah, he won't give up. He's like Jay, Jay Reno.

• 1:21:03Sam Morril?

  These people who are so, it's very old school. It's very old school to be that protective over your act.

• 1:21:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and he's just lazy. He doesn't want to write a new act.

• 1:21:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's not the same as Leno. Leno was like, "I'm not giving this up," and Bobby's, you're right, he just doesn't want to...

• 1:21:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and he's bombing so...

• 1:21:17Sam Morril?

  Fucking hilarious. He's so funny. He'll, this might be the best thing ever for him. If he really just takes some Ls.

• 1:21:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:23Sam Morril?

  And does some, uh, do some, do the Belly Room, dude.

• 1:21:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, run it.

• 1:21:28Sam Morril?

  The Belly Room and just fucking work it out.

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  Well, he killed at the arena, so he'll, he'll be fine.

• 1:21:32Sam Morril?

  He's hilarious. He's obviously hilarious.

• 1:21:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was like, "Do you still whip out the dick?" Because I know that was his closer, and then he's like, "No, I've been writing, so now it's the butthole." So he pulls his asshole out. Fun fact.

• 1:21:44Sam Morril?

  I love that, I love that he's in a coffee shop like, "I'm gonna flip it around this time. They were expecting the dick."

• 1:21:50Mark Normand?

  Misdirect.

• 1:21:53Mark Normand?

  He saw a homeless guy, he's like, "That's it. I got my act."

• 1:21:59Mark Normand?

  Or he saw the Diddy doc. Who knows? But either way.

• 1:22:02Sam Morril?

  Shit, man.

• 1:22:03Mark Normand?

  Did they get to the freak off stuff? Because I haven't gotten that far.

• 1:22:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:06Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:22:06Sam Morril?

  That'd be hilarious if they didn't touch on that.

• 1:22:08Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:22:09Sam Morril?

  It's just like, "This guy's a piece of shit," and that you're not even gonna, no, they, they get there, man.

• 1:22:13Mark Normand?

  Great.

• 1:22:14Sam Morril?

  And, uh, it's fucking, I mean, one of the kids was involved in it. It's, it's, imagine doing that shit with your dad. My dad never even played catch with me. No. No, it's crazy.

• 1:22:24Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, what do you mean dad?

• 1:22:25Sam Morril?

  Diddy and his kid were doing the freak offs together.

• 1:22:28Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:22:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 1:22:31Sam Morril?

  And fucking saying, "What are you doing?"

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  50 Cent, the ultimate troll. He is a, because it's number one, he's gotta feel good. He hates this guy, and it went to number one.

• 1:22:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's also just the topic too, is just everyone wants to see. I mean, for someone who, you forget how much he was just... Culturally so significant for so long.

• 1:22:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:52Sam Morril?

  He was just everywhere. I remember when he was, you know, he had that big ad campaign, Vote or Die.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:57Sam Morril?

  And these women, uh, you know, he also, dude, he went gray quickly, too. That's another one.

• 1:23:02Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:23:02Sam Morril?

  That guy went fucking gray.

• 1:23:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Sam Morril?

  Like faster than Obama, you know? That was crazy. And he had the, uh, the other thing, the Sean John thing like this.

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  That was big.

• 1:23:10Sam Morril?

  And all these women are talking about it like, that's the guy who fucking assaulted me. I have to look at this billboard in Times Square. Can you imagine you're in a cab, you're like, can you take Sixth Avenue instead?

• 1:23:19Mark Normand?

  Ah, haha.

• 1:23:20Sam Morril?

  So I don't have to see this shit?

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And then the making the band stuff, like, everybody loved him. He was huge.

• 1:23:27Sam Morril?

  He was just, and dude, he's, it's like, of course, if you're abusing your power in every light, of course, you're gonna, he's like kicking that woman out of the, I think it was the girl you went to high school with, he kicked her out of the band.

• 1:23:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:37Sam Morril?

  Cause he's like, you're just, you're not doing what I say here. But it's like, she didn't wanna fuck him.

• 1:23:41Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yeah. We'd love to have you on, Don. That'd be great. She was a cheerleader at, at DLSL. Crazy.

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Did I ever tell you my Diddy story?

• 1:23:52Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:23:53Mark Normand?

  This is wild.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  So, it's 2006 or so.

• 1:23:56Mark Normand?

  He used to carry the baby oil.

• 1:23:59Speaker 02

  I was at a flea market, like I do, and I saw like, a whole bunch of like, Bad Boy Entertainment stuff laid out on somebody's table, like, some warehouse got, didn't get paid for, and just all this stuff, it was like Rolodexes, chairs, office furniture, and a small box inside was 11 Mini DV tapes. And I opened it up and it said like, uh, Family Values Tour 2000. That was Diddy's tour in 2000. So I was like, okay.

• 1:24:25Sam Morril?

  So he's aware, like, of the irony? He knows what he's, calling it the Family Values Tour?

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, I guess so.

• 1:24:31Speaker 02

  Uh, so I, I bought, I bought them and, uh, I looked at them in 2006, I just watched them all, and it was like, Diddy making a doc on himself, similar to what we saw in the documentary, but this was in 2000.

• 1:24:42Sam Morril?

  Ooh, shit.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  But there was nothing like, super salacious on it when I watched it in 2006? And so I was like, well, there's nothing, but I kept it, cause I'm a collector. And then the trial came around and I was like, oh, I bet someone would be interested in these today.

• 1:24:56Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:57Speaker 02

  And I couldn't really watch them again, because I didn't have the same thing, so I just put it up on eBay for.

• 1:25:03Sam Morril?

  And you got it?

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  I, no takers. So, I dropped dime on myself to the.

• 1:25:10Speaker 02

  So I called, sent them a link from a burner account and said, "Hey, someone's selling secret Puff Daddy tapes." I gotta call an hour later. They're like, "We wanna buy this."

• 1:25:19Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  And they bought it. They said, "We'll call you tomorrow." They're like, "How much you want for it?" I was like, "They're like, "We'll call you tomorrow." So they called me tomorrow, the next day, and they're like, "All right, we liked it. We wanna give you for it."

• 1:25:30Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  I was like, "That's a lot of money, but I gotta tell you, there's other people interested now."

• 1:25:35Mark Normand?

  Ah-ha!

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  I can't sell to you for it. It's not even anymore.

• 1:25:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at you!

• 1:25:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're like, "Well, what is it?"

• 1:25:42Mark Normand?

  Shucking and jiving!

• 1:25:43Speaker 02

  There's no other interested parties.

• 1:25:47Sam Morril?

  I figured.

• 1:25:48Mark Normand?

  Well played. You're slippier than Diddy.

• 1:25:51Speaker 02

  So they're like, "We'll call you back." So I put the phone down, I was like, "Great." So I'm putting the phone-

• 1:25:54Sam Morril?

  They call you back, "Go fuck yourself, huh?"

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  As I'm putting the phone down, being like, "Oh, I got a text, Mark, about this." The phone rings. It's, "We're gonna give you, but you can't negotiate with the other parties anymore."

• 1:26:07Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:26:08Sam Morril?

  So, well played. Those guys are fucking idiots.

• 1:26:12Mark Normand?

  Well played, and they never used any of it.

• 1:26:13Speaker 02

  I don't know, it's not in the doc so far.

• 1:26:15Sam Morril?

  You're just adding stuff? You have a video camera up your butthole? You're like, "Diddy, stop! Oh, fuck, you're raping me, man!"

• 1:26:22Mark Normand?

  The guy's like, "Is that a Bobby Lee bit?"

• 1:26:23Sam Morril?

  That is wild!

• 1:26:27Mark Normand?

  Okay!

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  For $15, sold to for-

• 1:26:30Mark Normand?

  We're going to a flea market!

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:32Mark Normand?

  Well played.

• 1:26:33Sam Morril?

  Good for you, dude. Well, fuck it, let's plug some dates. Let's go out on the Diddy note.

• 1:26:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:26:38Sam Morril?

  You're going crazy, Mark. I hope we are filming a movie and you have to cancel some of these, but-

• 1:26:42Mark Normand?

  Everybody's aware.

• 1:26:43Sam Morril?

  Everyone's aware. Mumbo jumbo.

• 1:26:46Mark Normand?

  That's the new tour.

• 1:26:51Mark Normand?

  Hey! Oh! Oh!

• 1:26:55Sam Morril?

  Des Moines.

• 1:26:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a bitch of a flight. Going to Des Moines for the Funny Bone. Work out some new material. Then we're going to Brea, California. Love that club, love that room. Orange County, baby. Grand Ron in Oregon, at the Spirit Mountain Casino. New Brunswick, Stress Factory. Going back to Jersey. We'd love to have you. San Antonio at the LOL. Woo!

• 1:27:19Sam Morril?

  That's a good one.

• 1:27:19Mark Normand?

  Remember all these rooms?

• 1:27:20Sam Morril?

  I love them.

• 1:27:20Mark Normand?

  Tulsa, Oklahoma, never been there in my life.

• 1:27:22Sam Morril?

  We gotta get a bodega cat in all these rooms.

• 1:27:23Mark Normand?

  That's true. That is a good call. Then I'm at the Desert Diamond in Arizona. That's a hell of a casino. How do you pronounce this? Sawaharita. Sawaharita? Indianapolis and Buffalo, New York. We'd love to see you there. Come on by, New Hour. Working it out. Queef it up.

• 1:27:40Sam Morril?

  Onchup.live/marknorman/tickets or just go to Mark's site there. We got a... Yeah, what am I adding here? Yeah, Omaha, January 8th through 10th. The Funny Bone, love that one. Uh, we got Washington DC. I'm going to the DC Improv.

• 1:27:53Mark Normand?

  That's a great one.

• 1:27:54Sam Morril?

  Uh, never played it.

• 1:27:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're gonna love it.

• 1:27:57Sam Morril?

  In January, uh, the 16th through the 18th. I'm going to fucking tiny ass Zany's Comedy Club Downtown. I was, I just did the theater and I'm pumped to come back, uh, February 5th through, through, uh, 7th. Maybe I'll add a night. Who the hell knows? I, I love Chicago, so I wouldn't mind it.

• 1:28:10Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:28:11Sam Morril?

  But Chicago in Feb, that's gonna be...

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  Oof.

• 1:28:13Sam Morril?

  Dicey. We got Stanford, Connecticut, February 12th.

• 1:28:16Mark Normand?

  Good room.

• 1:28:17Sam Morril?

  Through 14th. Uh, and then I might add a date weekend before that, but yeah, Tampa Theater, almost sold out, man. Two shows for the special, February 27th. I'm considering adding a third the night before.

• 1:28:28Mark Normand?

  Add a third?

• 1:28:29Sam Morril?

  Both almost sold out, so get on those fucking tickets.

• 1:28:31Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:28:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, very exciting filming there, so, uh...

• 1:28:35Mark Normand?

  That's a great room.

• 1:28:36Sam Morril?

  Love Tampa. Yeah, it is a beautiful room, man.

• 1:28:38Mark Normand?

  Great theater, killer, killer town.

• 1:28:40Sam Morril?

  And it's like if, I like theaters where they feel close to you.

• 1:28:42Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. Love it, love it. It's cool to do the club for years and then go up and do the theater.

• 1:28:47Sam Morril?

  And BT still messages me from the club. I love, I love SideSplitters and, and I'll, I'll definitely go back at some point, but, uh...

• 1:28:53Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:28:54Sam Morril?

  You know, gotta, gotta go to those clubs too, man. Stay, stay tight.

• 1:28:57Mark Normand?

  Get some bodega.

• 1:28:58Sam Morril?

  The, the, the clubs, man, you really...

• 1:29:00Mark Normand?

  Tiny, you need them.

• 1:29:01Sam Morril?

  You, but you really, uh, they're so much easier than the theaters.

• 1:29:04Mark Normand?

  To work out?

• 1:29:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, because you're just, well, you're just, not just to work out, but to even do your A shit sometimes.

• 1:29:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:29:10Sam Morril?

  Because you're just, you get into a rhythm that's unlike a...

• 1:29:13Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:29:13Sam Morril?

  We still, like, our, our hearts, club comics. Our rhythm is like, clubby.

• 1:29:19Mark Normand?

  When you're rolling at a club, that rolling laughter, it's the best feeling in the world.

• 1:29:23Sam Morril?

  Get a bottle of bodega. You hope you have a very happy Hanukkah and, uh...

• 1:29:28Mark Normand?

  And Kwanzaa and...

• 1:29:29Sam Morril?

  And Kwanzaa and Christmas, the big, the big dog.

• 1:29:31Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:29:32Sam Morril?

  We love you guys, bodegacatwhisky.com. And hey, we're in at, uh, so many, all these new spots in Chicago are serving Bodega Cat. I, I was drinking Bodega Cat at the Strip House in New York the other night.

• 1:29:43Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:29:44Sam Morril?

  I was drinking at Lartuzzi the other night.

• 1:29:45Mark Normand?

  Oh my god, the hotspots.

• 1:29:47Sam Morril?

  Gotta come, gotta come through with me, dude.

• 1:29:48Mark Normand?

  I'm down, let's get a drink.

• 1:29:50Sam Morril?

  Let's get a, I got a paper plane there, dude. That was killer. And I got the manager on the paper planes and he's like, "This is fantastic with Bodega Cat." And I said, "Hell yeah, it is." So, we'll keep rocking.

• 1:30:00Mark Normand?

  Love it.

• 1:30:00Sam Morril?

  We love you guys and, uh, keep listening, folks.

• 1:30:02Mark Normand?

  Happy haul. Suck it, Rizler.

• 1:30:51Speaker 07

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• 1:31:04Speaker 02

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• 1:31:13Speaker 07

  I'm hopeful for stability.

• 1:31:15Speaker 02

  When budgets strain, your gift sustains. Give now at feedingamerica.org/communityresponse.