MFM Minisode 434

This week’s hometowns include a date with a murderer and an old-timey shootout. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Everyone loves the idea of spending an afternoon curled up with a good book.

• 0:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, grow up, because it's almost impossible.

• 0:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Luckily, you can take your next great story with you on Audible.

• 0:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Audible has a massive selection of titles to choose from, including This American Life, new books by Michael Connelly, along with classics from Magathah Christie, and so much more.

• 0:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Whether you want a mystery, a true crime story, or something completely different, there's always something new to listen to.

• 0:29Karen Kilgariff?

  New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mfm.

• 0:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Audible, stories that speak to you.

• 0:36Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 0:38Georgia Hardstark?

  You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 0:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 0:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals, it's designed to relax and prepare you for a night of rest.

• 0:49Karen Kilgariff?

  If you need a reset after your day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine.

• 0:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Generously spritz each foot before bed, and you'll be all set. I've actually started doing this, and I'm obsessed with magnesium. It does everything.

• 1:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Something like this is just like, it's simple, it's easy, and it actually works.

• 1:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray online or in your local bath aisle.

• 1:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 1:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello.

• 1:29Karen Kilgariff?

  And welcome.

• 1:29Georgia Hardstark?

  To My Favorite Murder.

• 1:31Karen Kilgariff?

  The minisode.

• 1:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Where we read you your stories.

• 1:34Karen Kilgariff?

  You're gonna love it. Watch and listen now as Georgia does it.

• 1:38Georgia Hardstark?

  I'll go first.

• 1:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 1:39Georgia Hardstark?

  This is called, I said, I'm not gonna read you this. Nope, it's about a sister.

• 1:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 1:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Hi.

• 1:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Hi.

• 1:45Georgia Hardstark?

  So I'm still feeling guilty about this, but my sister didn't die.

• 1:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Phew.

• 1:49Georgia Hardstark?

  However, someone did.

• 1:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, this is quite a start to an email.

• 1:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Okay, so I'm at an airport in Tucson, Arizona, my hometown, but this isn't my hometown murder. This older man approaches me while I'm waiting to board. He asked me about my TSA pre-board status. I don't know how he saw that, but I'm thinking, do you live under a rock? So we converse. I inform him that I have this elite boarding status because I haven't brought a bomb onto the airplane or murdered anyone. I tell him he can get one for just $80. This will be funny later. I ask him where he's traveling to. Santa Barbara. Ooh, fancy, I respond. I ask what he does for a living. Mind you, I'm married and not interested, but my sister is single, a former sex worker with no prospects and is looking for someone to take care of her. So I'm trying to help.

• 2:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, get in there.

• 2:38Georgia Hardstark?

  And he tells me he's a lawyer. He proceeds to inform me that he went to school with King Charles and that Ralph Nader was his mentor. I ask him how many cases he's won and he says, I've never lost a case. I'm thinking this might be a good catch for my sister. I get his number, text my sister for permission to share, and they eventually meet via text. I love this. This is so me. I try to fucking set every person up, even though I'm not good at it.

• 3:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Is anybody good at it?

• 3:04Georgia Hardstark?

  No, it's not a, because it's not good. Okay. He tells her he was married, but he's a widower, has two children that he's so proud of, but he doesn't have much of a relationship, but doesn't elaborate on this. They do the texting and talking for about a month until they finally agree to meet. My sister lives in La Jolla. He takes the train down from Santa Barbara and it's on. She meets him at the station. He wants a kiss and she reciprocates, but feels a very negative vibe. Yeah, immediate kiss is creepy.

• 3:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Georgia Hardstark?

  They go on to have a meal together that he doesn't pay for, and it says, really?

• 3:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 3:39Georgia Hardstark?

  And they end the evening with him going to his hotel room and my sister going back to her apartment. The next day, they enjoy La Jolla together and do La Jolla things. It says sea lions and shopping, I'm assuming. And are starting to really enjoy the relationship they're forming. But the evening ends with each in their own beds, much to his chagrin. This happens to be his birthday weekend and she had arranged cake and champagne and small gifts for the next day. So they celebrate, but he has something he needs to tell her. Apparently, he just got out of prison a year prior after serving 25 years for, all caps, murdering his wife.

• 4:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no.

• 4:19Georgia Hardstark?

  They were going through a divorce and he was moving out of their house when he killed her. He claims she fell on the knives he was carrying out.

• 4:27Karen Kilgariff?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 4:28Georgia Hardstark?

  They were all of the knives up position, question mark? And that it was also self-defense because she tried to kill him, um, question mark? Their seven-year-old son heard his mother pleading for her life and his father responding. You should have thought about that before you decided to divorce me.

• 4:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:46Georgia Hardstark?

  He, the son, testified to that and that's what got his father put away for 25 years to life. He didn't get out until he served the entire 25 years, so he apparently was not a model inmate. The fucked up part is that my sister was still willing to believe it was self-defense until I dug up this article and made her read it. So she did and realized she had fallen for a murderous narcissist, as desperate women sometimes do. She eventually drove him back to the train station, pretending that all was well. And when he boarded the train, she immediately blocked all his contact info. I hope we can eventually laugh about this, but we're not there yet.

• 5:23Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 5:23Georgia Hardstark?

  SSDGM, cheers from the IE, Tanya. She set her, the subject line is, I set my sister up with a murderer.

• 5:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. And also that, God, it's so hard. I mean, I was gonna say these days, but I think it just always is hard. Where it's like, you go through some shit in life, you finally meet somebody and you're like, oh, I think I'd kind of given up on this. Now I'm meeting this person, wait, we're kind of clicking, wait, it's like, the vibe is wrong, but wait, just give him another chance, like.

• 5:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 5:53Karen Kilgariff?

  It's like, by the time she's like, hey, wait a sec, her sister's like, hey, hold on, this is a mistake. She's like, no, I gotta fight for the man I love. It's like, no, dude.

• 6:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, maybe this connection's hard to find, oh, my God.

• 6:05Karen Kilgariff?

  It's just.

• 6:06Georgia Hardstark?

  You're also never allowed to set anyone up ever again, if that happens.

• 6:11Karen Kilgariff?

  What women have to consider.

• 6:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Truly, truly. Has a man ever considered that on a date before?

• 6:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, maybe we'll change it up a little bit with this email.

• 6:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Please.

• 6:22Karen Kilgariff?

  The subject line reads, and I quote, "Don't read the subject line, it'll give it away." And then in parentheses, it says, "Trash kid story."

• 6:30Georgia Hardstark?

  All right.

• 6:31Karen Kilgariff?

  So it just starts, "The year 1994. We open on the interior of the Merritt Square Mall on the eastern coast of Florida. The smells from Barney's Coffee Sparrow and Chinawalk mingle in the air."

• 6:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 6:45Karen Kilgariff?

  The mall in 94. Powerful, powerful.

• 6:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Take me back in Florida of all places.

• 6:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, where the smells are gonna hang in that air, cuz the air is dense and thick. "Through a sea of acid-washed denim-wearing teenagers, we see a Puerto Rican man in his mid-60s, leading an adorable and clearly precocious child through the crowd by the hand. A normal scene by all accounts until the duo walks past a store selling bespoke wooden toys of all kinds. The child tugs away from the man, trying to enter this clearly magical store and bathe in the majesty of overpriced rocking horses, but the man begins walking faster and pulls the child along, entering Burdines." Have you heard of that?

• 7:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Uh-uh.

• 7:29Karen Kilgariff?

  I think it's a department store?

• 7:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, sounds like it.

• 7:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Burdines? B-U-R-D-I-N-E-S. "The child begins to cry and scream, begging for his mother and to go home, drawing the attention of two old biddies who clearly sit next to each other under hair dryers on a weekly basis." And then in parentheses, it says, "Love them."

• 7:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 7:49Karen Kilgariff?

  "They follow the man and the child, eventually catching up to them and demanding that the man allow them to take the child back inside and find his mother, or they will call the police." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This is my grandson. We're late to pick up my wife from her hair appointment, so I wouldn't let him go into the toy store." That's all in quotes. "The man pulls out a brown wallet and a cascade of family photos descends towards the ground." Remember those?

• 8:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 8:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the accordion photo holder?

• 8:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Photos in your wallet, yes.

• 8:18Karen Kilgariff?

  "One picture clearly shows the man with a beautiful older woman and a much younger woman, holding the child, clearly his mother."

• 8:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 8:25Karen Kilgariff?

  "The women apologize profusely and begin cooing over how cute the child is. Just look at those eyes and those chubby cheeks. He's exactly the kind of kid they snatch." And then it says in parentheses, "Actual quote." The women turn and leave and the man gets the child safely secured in the backseat of the white Ford Taurus before driving away. And that's the story of how I almost got my grandfather arrested. Stay sexy and maybe just let the kid ride the rocking horse for two minutes so you don't almost end up in prison. JK, he/him.

• 9:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God. I want my mommy. I want to go home.

• 9:03Karen Kilgariff?

  I want to go home.

• 9:04Georgia Hardstark?

  You're not my daddy. And it's like, yeah, because I'm the grandpa.

• 9:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, you're not my daddy.

• 9:09Georgia Hardstark?

  I mean, good for those biddies, right? Like, that's a hard thing. You don't mind your business in a situation like that.

• 9:14Karen Kilgariff?

  In 1994, OG murderinos. OG. They were like, no, you will not be going anywhere with children. What I like to think of is those women followed cases like Adam Walsh where they're like...

• 9:27Georgia Hardstark?

  It actually happened.

• 9:28Karen Kilgariff?

  No one's getting taken out of a mall today. No crying child on our watch.

• 9:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God, they're like little tiny superheroes with shampoo sets. Oh, my God, I love them. That's someone's grandma who listens, I bet.

• 9:40Karen Kilgariff?

  I know. JK, you're a hero for sending that in. Basically, you're the trash kid you just told us about.

• 9:48Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 9:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 9:57Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 10:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 10:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind, that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 10:44Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order... Write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 10:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Simply safe, ahead of crime, in real time.

• 10:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Turning something you love into a career is exciting. Then come the invoices. Lucky for you, Squarespace can handle the business stuff so you can focus on your business. From consultations to events and experiences, you can showcase your skills with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. With Squarespace's collection of cutting-edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful, professional, online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Get paid on time with professional invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to Squarespace.com/murder for a free trial.

• 11:37Karen Kilgariff?

  And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MURDER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Goodbye.

• 11:47Georgia Hardstark?

  I have a trash kid story too. Okay, it's called "I convinced my little brother that my mom was a murderer."

• 11:55Georgia Hardstark?

  A load of two of my favorite people and everyone on your team who helps make MFM happen. I was a trash kid. Overall, I was pretty good, but I loved to lie. I was also an only child until I was seven and the first grandchild. And I spent all day, every day at my grandma's house while my mom was at work. So I was spoiled and not thrilled when my mom eventually had my two little brothers. I fucking bet, you gotta have them earlier, they're gonna resent them, you know?

• 12:22Karen Kilgariff?

  You're just messing with a child's sense of reality where it's like, oh, guess what? You're now the older, I would assume, sister.

• 12:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, less important now. They're either great at it or terrible at it.

• 12:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Right. And you're not like, grandma doesn't only give you that look. Now she gives it to these two losers who just got here. Like, what?

• 12:41Georgia Hardstark?

  They just fucking showed up late at the party. Why are they getting the fucking best piece of cake? Okay. To preface the story, all of us have names that start with A. Both of my brothers were picky eaters and dinner was a battle every day. One day, my mom was particularly frustrated that they would not eat their dinner. When she left the room, I looked at the older of my brothers, the youngest was a toddler at the time, and told him, "You might want to eat that. Andrew used to be a picky eater, too." He looked at me and says, "Who's Andrew?" To which I reply, "He was our brother until he wouldn't eat his dinner one day and mom snapped and killed him."

• 13:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no.

• 13:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Of course, he didn't believe me. So there was some back and forth over the next few minutes about the details, how old he was, why are there no pictures of him, why do we never talk about him, all of which I was able to explain away while looking back and forth and whispering, because obviously, I wouldn't want my mom to hear me revealing her deepest, darkest secret.

• 13:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Good God.

• 13:37Georgia Hardstark?

  When my mom came back into the kitchen, my brother immediately asked her who Andrew was. Keep in mind, she was already irritated with us and was not in the mood to be asked stupid questions like, "Did you have a son named Andrew who you murdered because he wouldn't eat his dinner?" She exasperatedly said, "What the fuck are you talking about?" And I replied, "It's time to come clean, Mom." I told him everything. Cut to me now arguing with my mom about whether she killed her made-up son or not. This exchange eventually ended with her giving up and saying, "Yeah, I guess I did. Now, please just eat your dinner." I considered it a win.

• 14:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, God.

• 14:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Now that we are adults and I have a son of my own, I understand why she was, quote, "crazy," and I fully expect karmic retribution. To this day, my mom gets mad. My brother and I look at each other with horrified expressions and say, "Andrew," which only infuriates her more. Stay sexy and eat your vegetables, Ashley.

• 14:36Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm cracking up. I think it's hilarious because it's so something my fucking brother would have done.

• 14:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 14:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Both my siblings would have done to me, for sure.

• 14:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, first of all, I love that Ashley admits she loved lying, which I think is a very human thing, but not many people can admit it. But it is like, there is a thing to that where it's just like, "Watch what I'm gonna conjure up out of nowhere."

• 14:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. Look at the chaos I can make just by thinking of something and saying it out loud.

• 15:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. And then convincing a child of it. Hilarious.

• 15:04Georgia Hardstark?

  And then the mom playing, mom being so exhausted. She's like, "Yes, okay. If that gets you to eat your fucking dinner, yes."

• 15:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Fine, just eat your chicken pot pie, you fool. Good God.

• 15:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Mm hmm.

• 15:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. The subject line of this email is my mom's old timey shootout story.

• 15:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Hmm.

• 15:21Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it just starts, okay, so this is a crazy one. I don't know if you have asked for this.

• 15:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Shootout stories, does it matter?

• 15:28Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, it does not at this point. But I know you need it in your knowledge base. I couldn't make this hillbilly shit up if I tried. This is my mom's story. She lived in Gary, Indiana until she was 12, when her dad purchased a large farm about an hour south to bring his family of 13 kids.

• 15:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Whoa.

• 15:46Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it says, yes, 13 in all caps. Flash forward a few years to 1973. It went down at my Uncle Mike's wedding reception on the farm. After the ceremony, when the bride and groom have already left, but the party kept going, these random relatives of the bride started causing trouble. They were taking booze, beer, et cetera, basically trying to hijack the whole damn party. My grandmother let them know that they were welcome to party at the farm, but they couldn't take the party home. And they called her a bitch.

• 16:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 16:16Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it, dot, dot, dot. Oh, no, no, no.

• 16:19Georgia Hardstark?

  That's in lowercase.

• 16:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no, no, no. My uncles and grandfather basically told these assholes to fuck right off and kick them out. You can do that sort of thing when you have seven sons as backup.

• 16:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Karen Kilgariff?

  They left, but they weren't done.

• 16:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, no.

• 16:34Karen Kilgariff?

  For getting into it. Later, someone called the house with a warning. And then it says, quotes, "There are people parking vans at the grain elevator down the road, and they're all getting out with weapons headed for your house."

• 16:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, shit.

• 16:48Karen Kilgariff?

  End quote. These assholes had parked away from the house so they wouldn't be seen, then started walking up to the property. They actually started, all caps, shooting at the house.

• 16:59Georgia Hardstark?

  What the fuck?

• 17:01Karen Kilgariff?

  My family called the cops, while my uncles caught a few of them and kicked their asses. The police finally arrived and took them all away. But of course, in the small town world of good old boys, the cops just took them into town and told them to go home. So of course, all caps, they came back.

• 17:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 17:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Later that same day, they returned with more guns and started driving through the yard, shooting at the house, and tossing Molotov cocktails.

• 17:29Georgia Hardstark?

  What the fuck?

• 17:30Karen Kilgariff?

  These are your in-laws. This is your new family.

• 17:33Georgia Hardstark?

  There's like, people in there, children.

• 17:35Karen Kilgariff?

  It's a wedding. What are you?

• 17:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Wedding celebration.

• 17:39Karen Kilgariff?

  What level of alcoholism is this?

• 17:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Moonshine. You know it's moonshine. It's moonshine. Fucking hootenanny.

• 17:45Karen Kilgariff?

  One dumbass even accidentally shot his own truck in the process. The state police finally showed up the next day. My grandpa was so furious, he told them, "If those motherfuckers show up again, I'm getting my backhoe and they'll all disappear."

• 18:01Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a morgue. Yeah.

• 18:03Karen Kilgariff?

  The cop was like, "Sir, you can't do that." But grandpa was a badass steelworker who had zero fucks left to give. Then people started calling to warn my family that those psychos were planning to come back and burn the house down while everyone was sleeping. So about 32 hours, this is epic. About 32 hours after the initial incident, my mom and family had eight people at the house, all armed and waiting. This reminds me of the second season of Fargo.

• 18:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 18:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Isn't it?

• 18:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally Fargo.

• 18:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Jean Smart is running that mafia family?

• 18:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 18:35Karen Kilgariff?

  My mom gathered all the little kids and hid them in the staircase, the most internal place in the house, I guess, like, under the staircase?

• 18:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Settler, maybe, yeah.

• 18:44Karen Kilgariff?

  She figured someone would have to shoot through multiple walls to get to them there. Yep, my sweet mom in an actual fucking shootout. And then parentheses, it says, "Side note, could nobody get rid of the kids in 32 hours? I mean, I know childcare is rough, but damn." And then it says, "Thankfully, the attackers never showed up again. Stay sexy and just skip the 1970s farmhouse wedding reception. Love you ladies and the whole MFM crew, JCB."

• 19:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Couldn't the bride, like, just put a word out to her family, like, "Yo."

• 19:18Karen Kilgariff?

  "Hi, can I talk to my mother-in-law for a second? Can calmer heads prevail here? This seems a little wild."

• 19:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 19:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Isn't that nuts?

• 19:26Georgia Hardstark?

  That's fucking nuts.

• 19:29Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 19:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 19:39Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 19:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 20:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 20:25Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 20:33Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 20:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Sometimes being a little salty is completely justified.

• 20:40Georgia Hardstark?

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• 20:45Karen Kilgariff?

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• 20:52Georgia Hardstark?

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• 20:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Their new Salted Caramel flavor combines sweet caramel with a little salt, so you get that salty-sweet balance along with the nutrition Kachava is known for.

• 21:06Georgia Hardstark?

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• 21:11Karen Kilgariff?

  I really do love Kachava and I really do think it does taste delicious for getting you through the morning, filling in the gap if you just need some protein and you need some vitamins. It's such a nice little treat.

• 21:22Georgia Hardstark?

  It's such an easy way to get everything you need and it tastes good too, which is just huge bonus.

• 21:27Karen Kilgariff?

  So embrace your salty side.

• 21:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Go to kachava.com and use code MFM for 15% off your first order.

• 21:33Karen Kilgariff?

  That's kachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com, code MFM.

• 21:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 21:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, my last one is a hero trash cat.

• 21:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Nice.

• 21:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Maybe I only picked it because the cat's name is Moses, which is my cat's name.

• 21:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:49Georgia Hardstark?

  My Mo. But no, it's a good one. Hi, love. I would like to tell you about my wonderful trash cat who became our family's hero, Moses. I grew up with Moses the cat as my little brother. And when I say he was my brother, he really did cause mayhem like he was a younger sibling. And that's my Mo. He's the fuck. And then he does this. He started out as an indoor cat, but Moses had other plans. Mo does this all the time. He would regularly run full speed at the fly screen door and launch onto them, clinging with every last fiber of his being, and then proceed to scream.

• 22:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 22:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Fucking does that.

• 22:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Because he wants out so bad?

• 22:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. So my mom gave in and let him become free. Once he gained his freedom, he was prone to stealing the neighbors underwear from their washing lines, making his way up the most fragile trees, which he could not get down from, and screaming for us to help him, and bringing live whip snakes to our front door.

• 22:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 22:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. FYI, whip snakes are known to be extremely dangerous to children, and our family had three of those. He really was a menace. But one night, he gained hero title. This is a story from my mom's perspective. As she slept soundly, she suddenly woke up to Moses absolutely howling at 3 a.m. She went out to see what the issue was and noticed a bright red glow coming from the lounge room. As she looked out the window, she saw that the fence just a foot away from our house was completely on fire. Moses was sitting inside, looking out for the window, and loudly crying. She called the fire brigade, and the fence was put out, but the firefighters said that if they had waited 10 more minutes, both our house and the neighbor's house would have been set ablaze.

• 23:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Even worse, we had just taken out our batteries from our smoke detectors due to how often we burnt food.

• 23:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no.

• 23:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Don't fucking do that. Don't. Just deal with the fucking, get a fan. Get a fan.

• 23:44Karen Kilgariff?

  It is the great solution, though, where it's like, I'm burning food all the time, but let's just not deal with that.

• 23:51Georgia Hardstark?

  You know what the solution is? Not to learn how to cook and not to get a fan.

• 23:54Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 23:55Georgia Hardstark?

  So like, if he hadn't been their fire alarm, they wouldn't have had one.

• 23:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Period.

• 24:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Yep.

• 24:01Georgia Hardstark?

  We'll never know how many lives Moses saved that night, but after that, we let him do whatever he wanted.

• 24:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. Whip snakes for everyone.

• 24:09Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right. Moses sadly passed away last year, but it hasn't really sunk in that he is gone because he was outside so often. So I like to think that he's still wandering around catching snakes and stealing bras.

• 24:21Karen Kilgariff?

  He is.

• 24:21Georgia Hardstark?

  He is.

• 24:22Karen Kilgariff?

  It took me a while.

• 24:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes. Oh my God. Thank you for being incredible people. 16 year old me thanks you for getting me through difficult school years.

• 24:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 24:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Love your work, Sophie from Australia.

• 24:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, Australia.

• 24:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Australia. Thank you. And thanks Moses. Good boy. Very good boy.

• 24:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh my God. Moses is a legend.

• 24:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 24:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Globally.

• 24:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Global legend.

• 24:46Karen Kilgariff?

  A global legend, not a local hero. Okay. Well, that's perfect setup because I have a dog story, a trash dog story, I believe.

• 24:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, great.

• 24:55Karen Kilgariff?

  The subject line is always trust your dog's intuition. It says, hello friends, let's do this email thing. When I was about 21, I was visiting my parents and brought my dog along with me. Peanut.

• 25:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 25:07Karen Kilgariff?

  I don't know why, but the name Peanut for a dog makes me laugh so hard every time.

• 25:11Georgia Hardstark?

  It's cute.

• 25:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Peanut was a crusty white dog who loved to eat trash and pee in the house, but she loved me more than anything and I couldn't have asked for a better friend. As I was leaving, my dad and a neighbor were hanging out in the garage. Peanut was on her leash, walking out with me, but immediately started growling at the neighbor. Let's call him Kay. Kay was in his 40s and one of those guys who still acted like some sort of D-bag college dude. Kay started taunting Peanut. He pretended to charge after me and grabbed my arm and started to shake me. He was laughing and thought it was funny that Peanut was growling and barking at him until Peanut attacked his leg to protect me.

• 25:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell yeah.

• 25:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Peanut got a couple of good bites in before I pulled her away. She had never bitten anyone before, so I was shocked. But let's be real, this was Kay's fault for taunting a growling dog. So I fucked politeness and didn't apologize. Good. I continued on my way, picked up Peanut and left. My mom called me after I left, saying that I should come back and apologize to Kay. Kay's leg is covered in tattoos and Peanut's bite cut through his skin and he is very upset about it because once healed, his quote "tattoos would be ruined."

• 26:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, dumbass. Nobody gives a shit.

• 26:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Please. It says blah, blah, blah. "I did not go back to apologize and I told my mom, maybe he should learn how to behave around animals." And then it just says, "Well, well, well." Fast forward a few months and Kay had been arrested for child molestation. I don't know the whole story, but multiple 12 and 13-year-old girls had come forward saying that Kay had been sexually abusing them. I don't know who these girls are or how he knew them, but he ended up going to jail.

• 26:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Holy shit. Peanut?

• 26:56Karen Kilgariff?

  When I found out, I made sure to give Peanut extra treats and belly rubs and I probably let her get into the trash for an extra three seconds before taking it away. I lost Peanut last year. She was 16 years old. She was my absolute best friend from the moment she came into my life as a puppy when I was 13 and she never left my side. Stay sexy and let your dog bite the pedophile's leg tattoo. Danielle.

• 27:21Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right. Oh my god, that's amazing. The dogs have better instinct than we do, like-

• 27:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, they do.

• 27:28Georgia Hardstark?

  We just need to trust that and not apologize for that.

• 27:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Right. Well, and also, any normal person-

• 27:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Like, the idea that a dog's growling at you so you're going to just bait the dog-

• 27:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 27:38Karen Kilgariff?

  There's only one way that goes.

• 27:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, and there's only one kind of person who does that.

• 27:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 27:43Georgia Hardstark?

  And they deserve to get bit-

• 27:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 27:45Georgia Hardstark?

  On their tattoo.

• 27:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 27:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow, that was a great one. A great batch. Thank you guys for sending those in. Please send more in, any kind you want.

• 27:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Any kind of trash story of any kind we want to hear.

• 27:56Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right.

• 27:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Of course, hero dog stories, of course, hero cat stories.

• 27:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Hero cockatoo, whatever you want.

• 28:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Hero grandma, hero grandpa.

• 28:04Karen Kilgariff?

  We love it all.

• 28:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Stay sexy.

• 28:06Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 28:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 28:18Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right production.

• 28:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

• 28:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 28:25Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci.

• 28:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 28:30Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder.

• 28:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 28:37Georgia Hardstark?

  And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.

• 28:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 28:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.

• 28:54Georgia Hardstark?

  With CheapCaribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.

• 29:00Karen Kilgariff?

  You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder.

• 29:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to budget beach bliss at your fingertips.

• 29:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to cheapcaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 29:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye. You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 29:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 29:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals, it's designed to relax and prepare you for a night of rest.

• 29:26Karen Kilgariff?

  If you need a reset after your day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine.

• 29:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Generously spritz each foot before bed and you'll be all set. I've actually started doing this and I'm obsessed with magnesium. It does everything.

• 29:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Something like this is just like, it's simple, it's easy, and it actually works.

• 29:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray online or in your local bath aisle.

• 29:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Zolir 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolir, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolir. Zolir may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat. ...throat or tongue. ZOLAR should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. ZOLAR is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or hardened circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolar.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about ZOLAR.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  This is an advertisement for ZOLAR, paid for by Genentech and Novartis.