E553 Grace O'Malley

Grace O’Malley is a comedian and podcaster originally from Boston, MA. She previously co-hosted the Barstool show “Plan Bri-Uncut”, and has a new podcast launching next month. You can also see her live on her “Down for Anything” tour happening now. Grace O’Malley joins Theo to talk about growing up in Boston before heading to NYC for comedy, how she found herself as the co-host of one of Barstool’s most popular shows, why she’s going solo now, and what she’s got planned for her new show coming to the Unwell network. Grace O’Malley: https://www.instagram.com/gracekomalley ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Acorns: Go to http://acorns.com/theo to sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Blue Chew: Go to http://bluechew.com to try your first month of BlueChew for free. Oracle: Go to http://oracle.com/theo to see if your company qualifies for this special offer. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  I want to let you know about some new tour dates. I will be in Nashville, Tennessee on May 3rd at the Bridgestone Arena. You can get your tickets starting Wednesday, January 8th at 10 a.m. local time with pre-sale code RATKING. We also have tickets remaining in East Lansing, Eugene, Victoria, B.C. in the Canada, College Station, Belton, Texas, San Antonio, Oxford, Fayetteville, Tuscaloosa, Tallahassee, Winnipeg, and Calgary, Alberta in the Canada. Get all your tickets at theovon.com/TOUR. Make sure to go through that site.

• 0:44Theo Von?

  And thank you so much for your support. That'll still be the Return of the Rat Tour. Today's guest is an entertainer out of the Boston and New England areas of America. And I got to see her backstage the other night when she was performing stand-up here in Nashville, Tennessee. She got her start with Barstool Sports, and I've been a fan. And I'm looking forward to get to learn more about her. Today's guest is Miss Grace O'Malley.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  I've got, um, I've got three younger sisters.

• 1:33Theo Von?

  Y'all do.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  But I'm the, I'm the milkman's because I'm a redhead.

• 1:38Theo Von?

  You're the milkman?

• 1:39Speaker 01

  I'm the milkman's.

• 1:40Theo Von?

  Oh, the milkman's kids.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  My mom's a whore.

• 1:42Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43Theo Von?

  Oh, damn. I wish, I wish, huh?

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Oh, it's good, yeah, thanks.

• 1:48Theo Von?

  I wish, um, my mom would've gotten laid more, I think.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 1:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I think she was, I don't know if she was making love to maybe this auto mechanic one time, I don't know. He would always come around and look around at us.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Look at us, a lot of undercarriage.

• 2:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think, yeah, he was just, I don't know what he was doing. He might not even have been a mechanic. I mean, it was in our town, it was like, if you were greasy enough and kind of, you know, people would do mechanicking in their yard, you know, type of thing. Where like, "Come drop the car off in my house." And people would do a lot of like, at-home mechanicking type stuff.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Like, "Tag, you're it, you've got the car now."

• 2:24Theo Von?

  Oh, no, just like, it was like, uh... Like, people didn't have to have a real shop to be a mechanic.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Oh, gotcha. Alright, cool, cool.

• 2:32Theo Von?

  You know, so people could just do it at home.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Oh, I'd never come empty-handed to anything, but I've been in limbo all day, so this is the best I can do. I heard you're on again, off again, quitting.

• 2:41Theo Von?

  Damn, you brought me this. Airbar.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  I heard, sometimes you're quitting, sometimes you're not. But mostly, you're trying to quit, so I feel like an ass, but.

• 2:50Theo Von?

  No, it's nice of you. Very sweet of you. This is very, um, yeah, it's almost like the first Thanksgiving or whatever. You know, whenever they did that. So, very nice. Yeah, and I've actually been doing good about quitting. I think the tough part is, uh, the, the worst thing about quitting is that you have to, every day, you're like, I'm gonna quit, and then you don't, and then you, you, you set yourself up for failure.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, uh, it's a commitment that I just, I don't have the willpower to do.

• 3:19Theo Von?

  Yeah? Have you tried it or no?

• 3:20Speaker 01

  I was supposed to start, try January yesterday, and I just didn't.

• 3:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  I couldn't. I didn't have the willpower.

• 3:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  I was like, I, I wanted to stop this going on, so, we're gonna try again today.

• 3:30Theo Von?

  You got it. Yeah, it's another day. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. January's a lot of pressure, you know? It's a lot of pressure at the beginning of the year to get it all right.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, but for what, though? Like, we're just new all of a sudden? We're just gonna flip it off?

• 3:41Theo Von?

  Well, I think that's kind of the goal. I think that's the goal. It just feels kind of tough, you know?

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a lot of pressure.

• 3:47Theo Von?

  It is a lot of pressure, dude. God, being alive is just, damn. It's a lot sometimes. You know, it just feels like a lot. Um, Grace O'Malley, thanks for coming in today.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me. I'm super pumped. I, uh, I tried to play it really cool the other day, but I am a very big fan.

• 4:03Theo Von?

  Oh, thanks.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Very big fan, so this is very sick.

• 4:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm a big fan of yours, too. You always just seem like a, just like such a human.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I mean, why not?

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Like, I don't know what's wrong with half of these people. Everyone's kind of fucking out of control.

• 4:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, they are, huh? I think, well, I think if people get into like the spotlight, or get like popularity, popularity ego, all that stuff is super dangerous, you know?

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:26Theo Von?

  And you don't realize it sometimes, like, you can be getting infected by it, or that, like, um, or suddenly you'll try to super-manage how you're perceived. Which, some of that's normal, because you want to protect yourself, but, um, I think all of that's just, it's scary.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it, like, you just gotta, you gotta say, you've, you gotta be yourself.

• 4:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  That's what it is. You just gotta be yourself. But if yourself has been asshole, then, maybe you should change.

• 4:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, if yourself's an asshole, bruh. Yeah, cuz they got people out there now that are not even gay, that are being gay. They have, um, all types of people, like fake Native Americans. Like, every week, they're busting like one of these politicians for saying they were Honduran or something, you know, just a lot of bullshit.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  I know. I wish I had the 23 and me to claim one of those things cuz I feel like if you can claim it, you can say it.

• 5:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  There's a lot of words I can't say, that I would love to claim to be able to say, you know what I mean?

• 5:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm trying to think if you seem like, uh, cuz what are you? You are?

• 5:27Speaker 01

  Um, I am a Mick, so I'm Irish.

• 5:30Theo Von?

  You're Irish.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Pretty, pretty embedded, yeah.

• 5:32Theo Von?

  Okay, nope, no, yeah, no judgment from me here. I, um, yeah, I, I think, yeah, Irish or some people are really fucking Irish. Have you seen that video of that baby? He's like breastfeeding and he orders another tit or whatever?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. No, I haven't seen that, but that's classic.

• 5:48Theo Von?

  It's the most Irish shit ever.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Pretty much the way I was.

• 5:50Theo Von?

  He like orders around for everybody in the room or something. It's some, they're breastfeeding it like a family thing or whatever, like a birthday or whatever.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  One of my worst jokes I ever wrote was, um, like one of my first ones was that I'm so Irish that I was breastfed Guinness. Stupid.

• 6:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  But it is what it is.

• 6:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a rough one, kind of. I told some rough, oh, uh, oh, my, one of my first jokes was like, oh, I need a job, a blowjob.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  That's classic, though. Come on.

• 6:18Theo Von?

  It was pretty bad. Thanks. At least we have each other, right? It was pretty bad.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  I'm still up.

• 6:23Theo Von?

  Um, so, yeah, I stopped by the comedy club the other night and you were doing stand-up. How long, so how long have you been doing stand-up? Just so, cuz some of my audience won't know you, so, um, you're a podcaster and a comedian?

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah.

• 6:33Theo Von?

  Okay, and how long have you been doing stand-up?

• 6:36Speaker 01

  I, so I moved to New York in 2020. I was doing it like here and there on like the streets cuz you had to do it like outside at the time. And I was.

• 6:44Theo Von?

  Cuz of COVID?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Cuz of COVID, yeah, yeah. And so I did like on and off here and there, but started taking it serious around January of this last year.

• 6:53Theo Von?

  Okay, of 2024?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  2024, yeah.

• 6:55Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:56Theo Von?

  And so what did that mean, taking it serious? Like just getting up more, like getting into like the circuits or what?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like an oxymoron saying, taking it serious cuz it's comedy, but, um, just like going up as much as I could, like networking, I guess, and putting myself out there kind of thing, so I've been going up as much as I could and, uh... Whitney Cummings ended up taking me on the road with her.

• 7:17Theo Von?

  Oh, Whitney took her on the road with her?

• 7:19Speaker 01

  My apologies.

• 7:20Theo Von?

  Whitney did?

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, she did.

• 7:21Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that's awesome.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Which was sick, yeah. So she put the fire under my ass. Um, she came on, I used, I used to have a podcast. It's no longer, but um, she came on as a guest and she was like, I, I fuck with you. Like, you should, you should open for me. And I'm like, you don't want, you don't want, you don't want that. And she was like, no, just, just do it. Just say yes and uh, it'll, it'll all follow. So she put the fire under my ass. I just grinded.

• 7:46Theo Von?

  Wow. And so you were just, now was it like you were overnight suddenly on stage having to do a lot of time or no?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Um, so she, she gave me fifteen, which turned into twenty. And uh, she just kept, I guess I was doing something right because she kept adding me to more cities. So I was like, alright, so I guess I'm doing pretty good.

• 8:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  That was nice.

• 8:02Theo Von?

  I uh, so you're from, originally you're from where at?

• 8:06Speaker 01

  I'm from Boston, but like outside of Boston.

• 8:08Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:08Theo Von?

  And do people from outside of Boston look differently to people than inside of Boston?

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Um, oh, culturally, probably. There was um, there was this thing in the seventies called busing where they brought um,

• 8:22Speaker 01

  African-American children into the city and uh,

• 8:25Theo Von?

  For schooling and stuff?

• 8:26Speaker 01

  For schooling, yeah. So, so uh, I, some people didn't like that. So those people, they left. And that is unfortunately where I come from.

• 8:35Theo Von?

  That's, oh, that's for your family?

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:37Theo Von?

  You were birthed out of those people?

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, those were those guys.

• 8:39Theo Von?

  People make their choices, you know? Um, they have, yeah, they have, yeah, because Boston's interesting. They got a lot of racism up there, you know?

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's, you know, uh, it's not as um, loud as it is down here. So it's uh,

• 8:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, in the south, it's more, the south has more of that kind of slave magic history, you know?

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We, we just have uh, just little innuendos of bad history and bad uh, bad things we did, I guess.

• 9:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  It's still up there though, for sure.

• 9:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, it depends on what side you're on, but yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  You should just meet my dad.

• 9:09Theo Von?

  Really?

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, you'll see it there.

• 9:11Theo Von?

  Is he a fireman or no?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Uh, no, he wanted to be a police officer. Ended up being an electrician, but he fucked that up too.

• 9:18Theo Von?

  What, doing electricity?

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, he uh, he got electrocuted.

• 9:21Theo Von?

  Oh, he did?

• 9:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, on the job. And uh, he said he saw God. He started, he started to be a believer. And uh, Tyler Childers walked him into heaven.

• 9:29Theo Von?

  Tyler, Tyler Childers?

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Yes, Childers, yes.

• 9:32Theo Von?

  The musician?

• 9:32Speaker 01

  The musician, walked him into the, the pearly gates. So that's my father.

• 9:37Theo Von?

  You almost gotta believe him.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I mean, yeah.

• 9:40Theo Von?

  You know, I mean, that's like

• 9:41Speaker 01

  But like, that guy's still alive, so I don't know. I don't know what that illusion was with him. I'm not really sure.

• 9:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, why would a guy who's not even dead come and help you? That's nice of him.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really sweet, but that makes me, I was like, oh, that's pretend.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's when it got a little fictional.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, like you were having a bad dream, then you woke up and you were blasted.

• 10:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, being electrocuted, it's kind of under, it's not a, it's a, it doesn't get as much credit as it deserves, really. I got got once by, um, electricity.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Little fork in the outlet action?

• 10:15Theo Von?

  Uh, no, when I was at a fair or something, uh, I was, we used to go to the carnival down the street from our home or whatever. And they had, they would let you ride the rides the day before the fair opened up.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Little test monkeys.

• 10:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 10:30Theo Von?

  So we're out there and, um, and we're doing it or whatever. And they were just like plugging shit in and whatever and every, you know? And I would try to get off one of the rides and I like grabbed two different railings and I think I connected some circuit or whatever and saw it was just like this, you know?

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Oh shit. Did your friends see your skeleton, like the cartoons?

• 10:48Theo Von?

  No, uh, I don't know, my friends, they kind of ran off to like, oh, something's, you know? This isn't, we don't want to be involved.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Be a superhero.

• 10:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, this guy's not doing good, we don't want to be involved in it. And some guy called me, I think I [BLEEP] it or whatever and kicked me in the back. And I was like, okay, he saved my life, but he still called me a [BLEEP]. So I was like, well, you know, but that, what do you, that's what you get kind of around the carnival. But, um, that time, and then I was walking behind a food truck that was serving crab meat or whatever, which I don't trust.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  That sounds really wrong, too.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Oh, it's, yeah, I don't trust crab meat that's that close to like a gas tank, I think, you know?

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's fair. I think, uh, I think crab meat should be fresh from the ocean.

• 11:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Like right from the ocean. I actually, when we got here this weekend, I had, I had crab legs. I'm like, what am I doing? I've shit my brains out this whole last couple of days, yeah. We're in landlocked right now, right?

• 11:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know what I was doing.

• 11:38Theo Von?

  Never seen a crab anywhere around here.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  I've never had money before, so I was like, yeah, we'll get some crab legs. This is sick.

• 11:44Theo Von?

  You're as smooth as Tennessee shelf is. I, uh, yeah, that's wild, dude.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Fucking stupid. That's that new money shit.

• 11:55Theo Von?

  That's new money, boy. That's fucking new money, dude.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's get the crab legs.

• 12:01Theo Von?

  This baby's getting a grill and we're getting fucking Tennessee crab legs.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  What else is like a gay that I could get?

• 12:10Theo Von?

  Um, I'm trying to think of shit that we got like that.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, what was your, what was your first new money buy?

• 12:18Theo Von?

  Oh, I got a fucking Cybertruck was the only thing I've ever really gotten for myself. That was like expensive.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Somebody was telling me about that and they were saying that you thought that nobody would recognize you in that thing?

• 12:28Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, that's what I thought at first. Yeah. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I thought everybody would have them, you know? And uh.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  That's gonna make people do many double takes. Once at the car, second at you.

• 12:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was horrible.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Once at you, second for the car.

• 12:42Theo Von?

  No, it was all horrible. Cause well, whenever you first got them, I got home, I ordered like five years ago, right? Like it was, cause it was a hundred bucks.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Oh, that's like putting it on the wishlist. Okay.

• 12:51Theo Von?

  Right. So for a hundred bucks, you could be like, I got a Cybertruck coming. It was online.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Cause she's on layaway.

• 12:56Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  That's where people lay away.

• 12:57Theo Von?

  Yeah. So it was like, yeah, I'm getting a Cybertruck or whatever. And then I kept like bothering Elon on Twitter to where are they, you know, give them, you know?

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Are you guys on a, on a, on a basis of uh, like talking? Okay.

• 13:10Theo Von?

  No, I don't know him. I was just tweeting at him and stuff or like, you know, uh, saying stuff like that. And then, um, finally, one day I got home, I'd been on time for a few weeks and it was in my garage.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Oh, sick.

• 13:23Theo Von?

  And so I was like, holy shit, dude. And at first, when you would drive down the street, people would like, there were people cheering, people had American flags. There were Mexican, there were Mexican people out there doing this and dancing or whatever. Yeah, it was crazy. You're like, where did these Mexican people come from, you know? Ole, ole, ole. And you were just driving, but really they had like, we are the champions. It was like gay people, people were coming out of the closet in front of you.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  You had girls flashing titties.

• 13:54Theo Von?

  It was a lot. Yeah. It was just a lot going on, you know? And um, and yeah, I did it. I thought it automatically would have, um, extra darkness on the windows, you know? And it didn't. So for a long time, I thought it was like, yeah, obviously, it's, I can't, you know, I can just drive, you know, there was extra darkness. And then, and then, um, my buddy was like, dude, you gotta get those things tinted. And I was like, oh shit, man, they're not tinted. And then, so finally I did get them tinted.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Well, uh, what was it? Run DMC or the, or fuck, I forget who it was, but they said tinted windows don't mean nothing. They know who's inside.

• 14:31Theo Von?

  Really?

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:32Theo Von?

  Fuck.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  So you're fucked.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  And, and so is the guy who waited five years for a cyber truck just to blow it up. What a science experiment.

• 14:42Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, some guys did that, huh? Yeah, bring that up dude. Actually, you know what's funny? I thought about getting like a big fuse and putting it like hanging out of mine.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a goodie.

• 14:54Theo Von?

  Oh, he did it for 4th of July? He did it for New Years?

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I, that's what it does look like. Uh, it does look like a spectacle. I think it was, uh, a political point in front of Trump.

• 15:03Theo Von?

  Oh, in front of Trump Towers, wow.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  I think one person did die, so it's, it's tough to find a joke there, but I mean.

• 15:08Theo Von?

  It was probably some Middle Easterners like getting a picture next to it. People are always like, can we get this? Can we? And you're just like, leave me alone.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  I'm gonna blow a lift.

• 15:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, don't come ask me. But the problem is the horn sounds a little bit effeminate too.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Does it?

• 15:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, the, if you hit the horn, like a couple of gay dudes will kind of walk over.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Like, oh, hi. You need something? They still have prostitutes that work the streets?

• 15:35Theo Von?

  Do they?

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:36Theo Von?

  Not here.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  They don't have to anymore, right?

• 15:38Theo Von?

  Where's just some good, where's streetwalkers still in America? Can you pull that up, please?

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Cause I've been looking. I've told my friends before, I don't get laid much. Uh, that's just a fact about me. But, um, I told my friends, just surprise me with a hooker one day and don't tell me it's a hooker.

• 15:53Theo Von?

  A male hooker?

• 15:53Speaker 01

  A male hooker. They exist? I'm not sure.

• 15:56Theo Von?

  I think that they, yeah, definitely. I mean, there's like Italian guys, if that's what you're talking about. But, I don't know what you're looking at overall. Nevada has the largest commercial sex market in the United States when adjusted for population, okay? Number of prostitute people. Nevada has more than twice as many prostituted people per capita as California and 63% more than New York.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 16:20Theo Von?

  So they still have brothels there.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Alright, so I'm moving in, I'm moving to Nevada.

• 16:24Theo Von?

  Mind if you go to Nevada to get it?

• 16:25Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 16:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wonder, what would that be like for a, um, for a woman? Cause I've gotten a, um, a lady of the night or whatever they're called, mystical.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, just one time, I'm sure. Yeah, a mystical plus.

• 16:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, I got one in Amsterdam, right? Where people go get them.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's where, that's like the prize. That's the Mecca.

• 16:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, the Mecca.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Of horse.

• 16:45Theo Von?

  It is. It's like the Istanbul of like. You know, midnight cooter or whatever, you know? And so I went there and oh, here was the funny part. My buddy and I, both of us like snuck like acted like we weren't gonna go there. So we both like went off ourselves.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  You stayed in separate rooms like, alright, man.

• 17:05Theo Von?

  Night bud.

• 17:07Theo Von?

  And then saw each other there and we're like.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  That's tough. That's why you just have to embrace it and then just do a foursome or something.

• 17:15Theo Von?

  But here was the sad part of it. You go in there and it seems like it's very alluring and the, the, the mirage of it is very compelling. But you go in there and right when you go in their door, cause they're standing out there and there's kind of some red lights inside of the room. You go in there, uh, in the main door and there's like a bouncer guy right there.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:32Theo Von?

  And he's very, you know, tough guy. And he says something real tough or something. And then you kind of go like that. And then you go into the room and it's very much like a doctor's room. They're like, everything's kind of like covered in like paper or plastic. It feels like.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Classy.

• 17:51Theo Von?

  It feels like, uh, it feels very clinical.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Clinical. Okay. So it's routine. It's like an appointment.

• 17:59Theo Von?

  Right. That's what it starts to feel like. So the magic of like any like, you know, romance or whatever.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Were you looking for lust and love?

• 18:05Theo Von?

  I think everybody probably.

• 18:09Theo Von?

  Probably.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  I thought you were looking for just like a white willy.

• 18:11Theo Von?

  No, I'm one of those guys who like would leave a strip club and be like, man, I think I'm, you know, that, that I think there's a chance we're gonna get her off the stage.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  You're gonna give her a pep talk the next time you go in. Like, hey, Annabelle magic.

• 18:23Theo Von?

  We could put you in community college, babe, you know?

• 18:26Speaker 01

  So much better than this. You could be so much more. Oh, wow. That sure is something.

• 18:29Theo Von?

  So I think it's very hard. Like I can't get an erection like around broken glass or I can't get an erection, I'm realizing around like some environments like that, that are so clinical.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Have you ever spent a night in jail?

• 18:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  So that's like exactly that. How could you get?

• 18:46Theo Von?

  Right.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  How could you get off? That feels like jail.

• 18:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  With just a little silk.

• 18:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  It's kind of crazy.

• 18:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a slightly silky jail.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Silky jail. I would go to silky jail.

• 18:56Theo Von?

  Smoothie jail.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Do you have a mugshot?

• 18:59Theo Von?

  Um, I don't know if I'm a mugshot. That's a great, that's a great question. If I do, it's in Mississippi or Louisiana. I'll have to check. That's a good thing to look up for.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  That would be sick merch.

• 19:10Theo Von?

  Wow, is that me?

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Is that supposed to be you?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 19:18Theo Von?

  My god.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  I'm sorry if you would say something like that.

• 19:20Theo Von?

  I can't believe neither one of those are me, dude.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  And then this one's just literally your headshot, not a mugshot.

• 19:26Theo Von?

  Wow, yeah, that's just a headshot. Go back up to the second one.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Oh, you're a tiny baby boy in that blue shirt one.

• 19:31Theo Von?

  Very young, very impressionable.

• 19:35Theo Von?

  There I am. What did I do?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Oh, it was kitty porn.

• 19:40Theo Von?

  Oh, no, kitty vids.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:44Theo Von?

  K-I-T-T-Y.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Oh, so it was meow.

• 19:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Alright, no problem.

• 19:48Theo Von?

  What about you? You been in?

• 19:50Speaker 01

  No, I'm dying to though, because I would like, I would like, uh, a mugshot.

• 19:54Theo Von?

  I could see you in there.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it would be good. I think I'd run that thing, like a McDonald's.

• 20:00Theo Von?

  I'd see you in there, keeping stuff in your bra.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like, they come to me, and they gotta ask, like, oh, you want red dye number two? You want some lipstick? Because that's what the girls do in there, they go crazy.

• 20:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, you want to watch Macaulay, huh?

• 20:14Speaker 01

  You want me to thread your eyebrows with some, I don't know what they'd use.

• 20:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, you want me to hide some-

• 20:19Speaker 01

  But I'll find out.

• 20:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  And I'll be the head of the market.

• 20:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, you want me to pull some Clairol out of your [BLEEP] or what? Like, people smuggling makeup in there or something?

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean-

• 20:30Theo Von?

  Is Clairol still makeup?

• 20:32Speaker 01

  I don't know what that is.

• 20:33Theo Von?

  You don't?

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Not sure.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  I could pretend.

• 20:37Theo Von?

  Clairol? I thought it was a makeup company, is it?

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Alright, sure. Fuck it.

• 20:44Theo Von?

  Do you, yeah, like, what is, yeah, what does love look like for you? What's your love life like? Do you have a boyfriend or you don't have a boyfriend?

• 20:50Speaker 01

  I do not have a boyfriend. I, um, I have, uh-

• 20:53Theo Von?

  You might have said that too, sorry.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  I've never had one, and I'm 26. I know, and it's like, everyone always does that, and it's like, oh, rats. Like, damn, every single time, I'm like, oh, I should just let that person have that reaction, because it is crazy. It is crazy, but I have to address it.

• 21:09Theo Von?

  But it's also pretty special, though, I think.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, when I find that Mr. Special Guy, it's gonna be real good, because I've waited this long, I suppose. So, yeah, 26 years, um-

• 21:21Theo Von?

  You ever missed them? Have you, do you feel like you've missed out on some good ones, or no?

• 21:24Speaker 01

  No, no, they don't really, they don't really flock. You'd be, you'd be totally shocked that I'm not flo- I don't really scream, um- Uh, fuck me, like, I don't really have fuck me eyes ever. So, I, I think I'm more of like a, a, a bro to some people. Like, my way of flirting is, like, misogynistic.

• 21:42Theo Von?

  Oh, like, kind of, yeah, just being buddies?

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, just being like, yo, dude, like, check out her tits, or you can check out mine if you prefer.

• 21:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Kind of thing, yeah.

• 21:51Theo Von?

  Oh, I see what you're saying.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, I haven't had luck thus far, hence the male hooker.

• 21:58Theo Von?

  Did you have a, like, a high school prom date?

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Um, he is now, I, I had to ask him, he was a year older, and he is now she, and we don't, I have, I've...

• 22:10Theo Von?

  Is he straight still, or, in a woman, or is he now a gay woman?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  I'm having a hard time picking up the pieces because we don't talk. You know those people, you just have to be like, fix the clues in and see what they're, they're all about, like, the little, the little clues that they put out there? Uh, and then, I didn't go to my senior prom.

• 22:26Theo Von?

  You didn't?

• 22:27Speaker 01

  No, I was one of those. I'm still waiting to get picked up for my senior prom in my head.

• 22:31Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  You know, one day.

• 22:34Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  But...

• 22:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I could, yeah, that's definitely, I got stuck after the prom, to, this dude was crying, and he had borrowed his, his dad had left him a long time ago, and he borrowed his mom's business blazer, and it had those, uh, shoulder pads in it.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Oh, classy.

• 22:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was classy, but it was also just, like, a sign of the times, you know? Of, like, young men being raised by single moms and having to wear their mom's business blazer to the prom.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess I could have had it worse.

• 23:03Theo Von?

  And it kind of brought, it was like, but he was bawling about something. He thought he looked like Damon Wayans or something, but some bullshit or whatever, I don't know, he was out of his fucking mind. And I was trying to get laid, but also be nice, so I was waiting to go see my girlfriend, but it was just a nightmare.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  But this was your buddy?

• 23:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 23:18Theo Von?

  I know I got stuck giving him a ride after prom.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck.

• 23:21Theo Von?

  To this party, and he started just bawling.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Damn, it's, it's not that bad. Take the, take it off, just wear the t-shirt.

• 23:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Underneath.

• 23:27Theo Von?

  But he's like, everybody says I look like Damon Wayans, and I want to have my own life, and I was like, motherfucker. You don't look anything like Damon Wayans.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Is he black?

• 23:36Theo Von?

  Oh, no, he was kind of like tan or whatever. Like, bitch, you don't look anything like fucking Damon Wayans, dude. You're a closeted homosexual, just fucking come out of the closet so we can go to this party.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  You wanted to wear that, you bought it specifically.

• 23:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, he looked nothing...

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Was he balding? Like, what was the problem?

• 23:52Theo Von?

  He did have a skinned head, and he, um, had, uh, you know, and he seemed kind of black sometimes, just for fun.

• 24:01Theo Von?

  But he was a great guy. Dang, that's, yeah, I guess that's interesting. Sorry to, sorry to act like that about that.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  No, no, that's actually, I think it's hilarious.

• 24:11Theo Von?

  But now does it become a thing where you don't have a boyfriend because it's almost become a thing? Does that ever happen?

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I'm like too far in now. So it's like, I don't really, I'm not looking. I don't really give a shit at this point. It's just, it is what it is. If it comes, it comes. But I would love to come one day.

• 24:25Theo Von?

  And are you saving yourself for marriage type thing? Or are you still sexually active?

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Well, I would be if I could be. If I had it coming towards me like that, oh my God, I'd be a whore. But I'm basically accidentally celibate, which is a beautiful thing, really. You know, some women, they say, oh, it's so easy for a woman to get laid. They can have whoever they want. No, it's not true. There are some of us that are through really hard times.

• 24:51Theo Von?

  Really? I know a lot. I feel like I could name at least five or six guys that would definitely make love to you that I know firsthand.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 24:58Theo Von?

  And have seen in the past two weeks, you know?

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Wow, and you've got some cool pals.

• 25:05Theo Von?

  Or just, you know, like, I mean, cause yeah, I don't even, yeah, but it's like, what am I even talking about? Is that a crazy thing to say?

• 25:11Speaker 01

  No, no, it's great to hear. Actually, that just gave me a little bit of a boost.

• 25:14Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, are you kidding me, man? I know some people that would definitely probably knock you up even.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 25:22Theo Von?

  I knew some people that would just-

• 25:23Speaker 01

  That would be amazing. I was thinking about it the other night. I'm like, you know what? I'm so anti having a kid, but I guess if I had one, I would have to have it because that would be my only shot, you know?

• 25:31Theo Von?

  Only shot at what?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Having a child.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Because if this one guy wants to bust it in, then I guess I gotta put one out.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  It's like, it seems like a sad thing to people, but this is just my life.

• 25:46Theo Von?

  No, Grace, it's definitely, you know, I think there's a lot of semen heading your way in 2025.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I can't wait to guzzle it down my man. It's gonna be good. But like, it's funny to not be a whore, but like really wanna be.

• 25:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  There's something special about that. Cause most whores, they don't wanna be. They want, they wanna be known for something other than their hole or their box.

• 26:08Theo Von?

  But then they're just out there slurping or whatever to feel decent.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:11Theo Von?

  But at least you don't have to do that, huh?

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess, I guess, but you know. Mouth wide open, I'll wait for my special day. I don't either.

• 26:20Theo Von?

  This one, I don't have a daughter, dude. This one, I don't have a fucking daughter, dude. What do you do if your daughter is like a tramp and you're the dad?

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Ah, that's where you gotta start.

• 26:32Theo Von?

  Do you have a talk with them, you think? Have any of your friends ever, they're, they're like, damn, my dad had a talk with me because he knew I was like getting smashed so much or whatever, or doing a lot of sex or whatever?

• 26:42Speaker 01

  I think when you start having the talk is when they develop more of a daddy problem. It's like, there's nothing you could do as a father, I feel like. It's just like their decision to be what they want to do.

• 26:53Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  I suppose. I don't know. I've never been a whore yet, yet. So we'll see. If you had a daughter, what would her name be?

• 27:03Theo Von?

  Probably something from that, um, Scarlet Letter book. What are some names in that book?

• 27:11Theo Von?

  Something from the, you know, the days when people used to die on long ship journeys type shit.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Hester, that's beautiful.

• 27:19Theo Von?

  Hester, maybe a Pearl.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Pearl.

• 27:22Theo Von?

  Roger Chillingworth, that would be one.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  I got, I only have a boy name if I were to have a boy.

• 27:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, what do you have?

• 27:31Speaker 01

  I got Danger, but we call him Danny.

• 27:33Theo Von?

  Danger?

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Danger.

• 27:34Theo Von?

  And everybody in Boston named Danny, anyway, no matter what their name is, it becomes Danny.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah.

• 27:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  It could literally be Roger and turn into Danny. Yeah.

• 27:43Theo Von?

  It's my name is Roger, but they call me Danny.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, but this, this kid, he has to like, when he's filling out medical forms, he has to write Danger, but everybody knows him as Dan or Danny.

• 27:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I think it's good.

• 27:54Theo Von?

  That's a cool name.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not bad.

• 27:56Theo Von?

  And he could get a cool job. He could be, I'm trying to think of what he could be, anything.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  He could be, uh, the caution sign when you mop the floor.

• 28:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  He could be a, a traffic guard. I feel like I'm blowing this. Am I blowing this?

• 28:12Theo Von?

  This conversation?

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:14Theo Von?

  No, I feel like it too. Do you feel like I am?

• 28:16Speaker 01

  No, I feel like I'm blowing this.

• 28:18Theo Von?

  I don't even think maybe I'm asking about the best stuff.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  I think I'm too honest, like sometimes where I just have to be like, I feel like I'm fucking this up.

• 28:25Theo Von?

  No, I think it's interesting because I never really, I don't think, I'm not good at, I don't talk to women that much about sex stuff, so I think.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  I never talk about sex. I was just trying my very best, just there.

• 28:33Theo Von?

  Thanks for trying. Yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  I have no personal experience.

• 28:37Theo Von?

  Dude, well, hold on.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  I'm like writing a book report on a book I've never read.

• 28:43Theo Von?

  We're gonna get somebody to come in here and just, look, I'll do it like this and you guys just figure it out.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Oh shit.

• 28:54Theo Von?

  You know, when I was growing up, I had a job cleaning out wishing wells over there in my parish. And there weren't many of them. Yeah, I agree, you know, but I wasn't much of a worker as well. But I will say this, at wishing wells, they bring in big loot. You know, the Trevi Fountain in Rome collects over 1.5 million a year. Yep. What I'm saying is spare change really adds up. And that's why I want to introduce you to Acorns. Acorns, this episode is sponsored by them. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start investing with the money you've got right now. You don't need to be an expert.

• 29:38Theo Von?

  Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Start with just $5 a day, or even just your spare change. And here's the best part, sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer only available at acorns.com/theo. That's A-C-O-R-N-S dot com slash T-H-E-O. Get your $20 bonus investment now. Paid non-client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Investing involves risk. The hypothetical calculations are for illustrative purposes only and are not representative of the performance of any Acorns portfolio

• 30:21Theo Von?

  and should not be used to predict the investment results of any customer. Acorns Advisors LLC is an SEC-registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com/theo. Even if you think it's a bit overhyped, AI is suddenly everywhere. From self-driving cars to molecular medicine to business efficiency. If it's not in your industry yet, it's coming fast. But AI needs a lot of speed and computing power. So how do you compete without costs spiraling out of control? Time to upgrade to the next generation of the cloud. Oracle Cloud Infrastructure, or OCI.

• 31:04Theo Von?

  OCI is a blazing fast and secure platform for your infrastructure, database, application development, plus all your AI and machine learning workloads. OCI costs 50% less for compute and 80% less for networking, so you're saving a pile of money. Thousands of businesses have already upgraded to OCI, including Vodafone, Thompson Reuters, and Suno AI. Right now, Oracle is offering to cut your current cloud bill in half if you move to OCI for new US customers with minimum financial commitment. Offer ends March 31st. See if your company qualifies for this special offer at oracle.com/THEO.

• 31:49Theo Von?

  That's oracle.com/THEO.

• 31:55Theo Von?

  I don't even know what to ask about.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  Hey, how was your holiday?

• 31:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's good. It was okay. I got a fever or something, you know? And so I was like, everything was miserable, kind of.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel that. I had an ear blowout. I can't hear out of this one.

• 32:09Theo Von?

  Really?

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, like at all.

• 32:10Theo Von?

  Were you, were you guys out on the water?

• 32:13Speaker 01

  I was on an airplane and like three weeks ago, it just, just blew. And this is just a nightmare. I've never had it. I can't hear.

• 32:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  It's pretty brutal, but other than that, pretty classic of a holiday. Good stuff.

• 32:26Theo Von?

  You spend time with your family?

• 32:27Speaker 01

  I did, yeah.

• 32:28Theo Von?

  Nice. Are your parents still married?

• 32:29Speaker 01

  They shouldn't be. They can't afford the divorce. They looked into it. And so I'm just working really hard this year so they can get there.

• 32:35Theo Von?

  Dude, that's such a great thing. If at the end of the year, you actually have a big divorce for them.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  I think they'll be stoked.

• 32:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  It'll be really good.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  And they still live outside of Boston?

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:44Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:46Theo Von?

  And so you have, so just so my listeners know, so you, I know you, because we had Brianna Chickenfrown. You guys had a podcast together.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah.

• 32:55Theo Von?

  And it's called?

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Plan Bree Uncut.

• 32:57Theo Von?

  Plan Bree Uncut.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:59Theo Von?

  And you guys don't have it anymore.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  It's no longer.

• 33:02Theo Von?

  It's no longer?

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:03Theo Von?

  And so you guys, and you guys had been friends for a long time?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were friends forever, like since we were like in fifth grade.

• 33:11Theo Von?

  Oh wow, kid friends.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:13Theo Von?

  Oh, that's cute.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Since we were little baby children.

• 33:16Theo Von?

  That's sweet, that's sweet. And um, and have you guys kept a good friendship after? I know that, I know that there's been like, I'm not trying to get into like the tumultuousness of things or whatever, but how is, how does that stand today? Cause it must be tough to like have a business with a friend.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, I was just, I've always just, um, like in 2020, she got the job at Barstool and like had to move to New York for it and I was taking a semester off from college. And she was like, do you want to come with me? And I was like, yeah, fuck it, why not? And so like I door dashed on foot when we got there and stuff. And like she slowly but surely like was trying to get me a job at Barstool.

• 33:52Theo Von?

  Oh really, so really hustling for you.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so like she like really like, like stuck her neck out for me. And like we ended up doing the podcast together after like a year of living there. And it was just so much fun. We had a blast. It was always fun doing it.

• 34:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, a lot of y'all's clips are so great.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Dude, we were just, shoot the shit, good banter, but um, you know, uh, we're just, I think we're just going through a rough patch right now. And uh, we'll, I think one day we're gonna figure it out. But uh, she's doing her thing, I'm doing my thing and uh, I s- I still love her, so I'm being a politician right now. Trying my best.

• 34:27Theo Von?

  Well, you know what's interesting is, um, I've had times where I was like, I was going through moments with friends and stuff, you know?

• 34:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:34Theo Von?

  And most of them evened out over time.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:37Theo Von?

  But the toughest part about it like was in the mo- like the times where we weren't getting along or we're having differences.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:43Theo Von?

  That I didn't have my friend at times. That was really the shittiest part.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:47Theo Von?

  It was like even though I would have like a leg to stand on about why I was upset about stuff, sometimes it would, I'd be like, I'd be like, man, fuck Scott dude. I gotta call Scott right now and tell him.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, right?

• 34:58Theo Von?

  I couldn't even call my friend.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  I was so fucking fired up, I wanted, and then you get done with the conversation like, ah dude, you know who would really help me out with this? Exactly who I'm talking about. It's fucking brutal, it's tough.

• 35:09Theo Von?

  That was kind of the worst part sometimes was just hitting that type of moment where like, oh man. Cause it's hard to kind of have good friends, you know?

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you still have pals from growing up?

• 35:18Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, I got some good pals from growing up, so. And then I've made more over the years, kind of like people go through things, a lot of friends get married and stuff. And since I'm not married, you kind of fall into this weird place where you just become like, you're just friends with whoever's not married.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's kind of fucked up.

• 35:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  When does that start happening?

• 35:36Theo Von?

  I would say probably in your 30s it starts getting where like, well, I guess it depends on where you're from. Like where I'm from Louisiana, people get married early.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:44Theo Von?

  And so you lose a couple of guys right out of the gate and right after they get married, their hair falls out immediately. I don't know why.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Well, at least they locked it in beforehand.

• 35:51Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:52Theo Von?

  And maybe some of those guys know their hair's about to fall out.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, they have an idea. They're like, oh, I'm gonna lock it in. I gotta get that.

• 35:59Theo Von?

  Their bald dad is just having a conversation with them.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Hey buddy, it's time to get that ring and put the knee down.

• 36:07Theo Von?

  Like dad, I'm only 15. They always had that one kid that went bald way early, you know? And people would use them to buy alcohol. They're like, what do you mean? He can't buy liquor? And be like, he's only 12. Like, he's bald, damn it.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  He just sucked out his 401K. He's fine.

• 36:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's bald. He rode here on his bicycle. You think a fucking child is bald, damn it?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  He had DUI. He already bought the booze. That's why he's on the bike.

• 36:32Theo Von?

  Selling the liquor, damn it.

• 36:37Theo Von?

  So, yeah, but I still have good friends from when I was growing up. I think, yeah, and then I met, you know, it's been like, I think like, since I work in business where I kind of travel around and stuff, you meet a lot more people probably than you do if you just stay in one, in a, live in one town.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do think everyone should get out of their town at some point. Because like, you don't know what you're missing if you don't. Like, I thought everybody was Catholic growing up. I never knew any Jewish people. I never knew anyone who was different. And I didn't find out until my junior year of high school that there's other religions.

• 37:06Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  That's pretty retarded.

• 37:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, and you guys are, so Catholic is the one?

• 37:11Speaker 01

  With the priests.

• 37:12Theo Von?

  Okay, yeah. The one where they're playing freeze tag with the kids, but they didn't tell the kids?

• 37:15Speaker 01

  And that's, that's where I thought I could get some, but

• 37:18Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 37:19Speaker 01

  They only liked the boys.

• 37:20Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been trying every angle for years.

• 37:22Theo Von?

  Anything? You put eye black on or anything?

• 37:24Speaker 01

  I guess I could have shaved my head, but they see right through that with the tits, you know?

• 37:30Theo Von?

  Oh, it must be horrible when a priest sees tits. He's like, oh, fuck. Good day, son.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  We shall not be blessed. I don't know what they say.

• 37:39Theo Von?

  Uh, what are we talking about?

• 37:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, I never been, I'm trying to think if I ever been Catholic or not, I might have been. We were, oh, we were Presbyterian for a while, I know. And then my mom got in a fight with somebody outside of the church once and so then we, I think we were, I think we were Methodist or Sixth Methodist or something, I don't know how many there are, I gotta ask my mom.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Is that like Mormon shit?

• 38:03Theo Von?

  Uh, no, it's just like, you don't drive far to the church, wherever that one is.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, sure.

• 38:10Theo Von?

  Like the closest church or whatever?

• 38:11Speaker 01

  God, the lemonade stand church.

• 38:13Theo Von?

  It was very, yeah.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:14Theo Von?

  It was, yeah, it was like, okay, this is it, you know?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was like that kinda.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:20Theo Von?

  Um, but, okay, so now, so, you ended up in New York?

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:27Theo Von?

  Was that your first time you had lived in New York when you went there with, uh, Brianna?

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, so I've been there for like four years and, uh,

• 38:33Theo Von?

  Do you feel like you're fitting in there now or is that?

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Well, now with, with stand-up, I'm like, I'm like, oh, finally, I love New York, like, I did, I needed like my thing, I, I finally found my thing.

• 38:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  And so I've been, I've been loving that and I was just too scared to do it, I was just being such a pussy, but,

• 38:48Theo Von?

  To get up on stage?

• 38:48Speaker 01

  To get up on stage, yeah, and like even give it a whirl, like, open mics and shit, I just wouldn't, but, uh,

• 38:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, cuz you're so endearing, I mean, one of the things that I, that I always admire about you is just, uh, you being you is, it's, it's like immensely charming to like a, like, it's like, uh, you can't help but not, like, wanna follow along with your world, it feels like.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's really sweet, thank you.

• 39:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a, it's, it's, it's great.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  I, I, I try to be like, um, like just myself and like open and honest, but my problem is, I do this accent and it comes out only sometimes.

• 39:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  So I've got like this Boston accent, but it's, sometimes it's on, sometimes it's off, so people are like, you're doing a fake accent. Like, I don't even know I'm doing it.

• 39:37Theo Von?

  Right.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  So I don't know who I am.

• 39:38Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  It's kinda crazy.

• 39:40Theo Von?

  If you don't know who you are, then you're a comedian, then, most comedians don't know who they are because that's why they're putting on a show, they're, some of the show is they're, over time, they're trying to figure out who they are, you know? They're trying to manage this. Presentation that they put to the world, you know? I think, cause like when they were young, maybe whoever they were didn't feel comfortable or whatever in the world, so they started making this them.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:01Theo Von?

  And, um, anyway, that's a little bit meta, I think, but, um.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Well, what was the, did you ever, like, was there ever a point in your life where you were like, oh my god, I want to be a performer?

• 40:12Theo Von?

  Think about it.

• 40:18Theo Von?

  I liked, I liked when people laughed. I didn't, I didn't know, I didn't, I think I didn't, I never really trusted people that much, but I knew if they were laughing, that they couldn't not like me.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:34Theo Von?

  Like, I feel like it would be impossible to hate somebody and laugh at the same time, kind of.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause you can't, you can't fake a laugh.

• 40:39Theo Von?

  Right, you can, but you, but if you're telling, but I would know.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know a genuine laugh and I know a fake laugh.

• 40:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  And if you're just gonna fucking hate me and be a dick, then you're not gonna laugh in general, and then I could wean you out.

• 40:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's good.

• 40:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, so I think there was something like that for me, probably. Um, do you think you kind of had that comedian thing, like that, you know, that you wanted to be a comedian, or do you think that you just wanted to be a performer? Did you kind of know what it was, like where you wanted to end up, and do you still know?

• 41:10Speaker 01

  I've, I've always wanted to do stand-up, I just didn't think I could. I didn't think it was an option. And I, there's a part of me that like wishes that, and this is, I guess, serious, but there's a part of me that wishes I was able to get into stand-up before anything else, because I, I just want to be, I don't want people to think I'm just like doing it for shits and gigs to have like this other thing. It's like, that's what my main focus is, and that's what like I love. It just so happened that one came before the other, kind of thing. And like, I wish I like, I don't know, got like, got more of the reps in before people started coming, yeah.

• 41:46Theo Von?

  Right, come and come to see you.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  But I appreciate people coming and seeing, but like, I really wanted to get, get it right. Like, I didn't even want you to stay the other night. I was like,

• 41:55Theo Von?

  Over the set?

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Like, one day, one day you can see it, not yet. It's not there yet. But, you know, it's, it's good enough to buy tickets, but it's not there yet for you, no, no shot.

• 42:05Theo Von?

  Oh, it was just cool to see you and your friends in the green room. That was dope, dude. And just like to see, like, just, I wanted to like, kind of see what your energy was about going up on stage and, um, and the room was buzzing, man. People were so excited.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:18Theo Von?

  I think especially with podcasts and stuff, I noticed this. I've sat in the audience and watched some of my friends who are podcasters as well.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:25Theo Von?

  And, um, you just want to kind of listen and be there in the room with them. You're like, I just, that's my person, or that's my friend, whatever it is, I fuck with them. I just want to be in the room while they're doing whatever.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:38Theo Von?

  You know?

• 42:38Speaker 01

  And I've done the, um, the podcast touring. That shit is so easy.

• 42:44Theo Von?

  Oh, you mean being on stage with, just as your podcast?

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:46Theo Von?

  Oh, I've never done that.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  It's so easy. You just, it's, like, you have segments, you do the same thing every night. You, like, you can switch around with jokes depending on the crowd, but compared to stand-up, like, it's a walk at the park. It's like, you're, it feels like stealing. You're stealing money from, from fans that adore you. It's like, it's not fair.

• 43:05Theo Von?

  What?

• 43:05Speaker 01

  But I never made any money off of it.

• 43:07Theo Von?

  Really?

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Barstool took it all, yeah.

• 43:09Theo Von?

  Off your tour?

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:10Theo Von?

  No way.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. We had, we had some, we had, I had an interesting contract.

• 43:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  But I loved them so much.

• 43:17Theo Von?

  Are you still working with Barstool?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  I actually just recently left.

• 43:21Theo Von?

  Okay, so when you leave, so if you leave, that means, do you still have your rights to?

• 43:28Speaker 01

  I didn't make anything when I was there.

• 43:29Theo Von?

  Half your podcast? But you had a contract, you got paid something annually.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, so I, I got, I had a salary.

• 43:35Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  And that was, that was kind of it. And so I had the option to leave and I, I took it.

• 43:40Theo Von?

  Was it a good salary?

• 43:42Speaker 01

  It was decent. Um, it wasn't, uh, equated to...

• 43:47Theo Von?

  Was it like $500,000?

• 43:49Speaker 01

  No, nothing close to that, no. Um, my, my buddy was making a little bit more, a lot of bit more, a whole shit ton more.

• 43:55Theo Von?

  Okay. So there was discrepancy in power, there was...

• 43:58Speaker 01

  But then she was doing another, um, podcast and whatnot.

• 44:01Theo Von?

  Oh, that's right. So she was bringing maybe different clients, different fans from that also.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:04Theo Von?

  Got it.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  So it's, it's all relative.

• 44:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, and also some of that stuff is, as much as it like, it's like... It's live and learn sometimes.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  I also didn't care. I was just happy to be there.

• 44:14Theo Von?

  Right.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Like, I was like, literally, I was stoked to just have the job.

• 44:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  So I was, at one point, I was working for free, selling T-shirts, just paying for my own bucks. Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, yo, I'm just like, really happy to be here.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Do it any way I can.

• 44:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  It's about the grind.

• 44:33Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. And I, you know what? I think no matter what, and no matter what you get involved in, you have to go through that. You have to go through periods of that.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:39Theo Von?

  And even with stand-up, you can't escape that. It's like, you just have to, you know, get it on stage. We all, you know, it's like, we all learn it. I still learn it. Every time I take some weeks off and go back on stage, it's like, God, this feels new and scary.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:50Theo Von?

  And my balls is hot inside of me.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  It's, I did, that's the new thing I'm learning is, because I haven't taken time off this whole year, and with Christmas, I took like, two weeks off. And I fucked myself big time. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is bad. This is bad news, babe. Those, those shows, I don't know, they were fine, but they weren't great. I'll tell you that. It was tough.

• 45:12Theo Von?

  What, um, what, do you have like a closer? Like, do you have it set up? Like, are you telling stories? Are you telling more jokes? Like, what's your set like right now?

• 45:19Speaker 01

  I'm kind of all over the place. I'm trying to find my, I'm trying to find my thing. I'm doing half jokes, half punches. The punches are corny.

• 45:27Theo Von?

  Oh, some of the punches to the jokes are corny?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  I don't, yeah, I don't know if you can tell, but I hate my entire set at the moment.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  I really think it could be a lot better. But that's why I'm doing Dry January when I hit the, hit the ground running.

• 45:40Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  Try some new ones.

• 45:42Theo Von?

  Now, do you feel like a comedian? Or do you feel like somebody that's pretending to be a comedian?

• 45:45Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm pretending. Of course, and you can tell. It's, it's brutal. I'm like, I really want to be taken serious, but I can't even take myself serious. Fucking fool. I'm just foolish.

• 45:58Theo Von?

  At least, and you know what, dude? I'll pay to come watch you be dishonest.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Like, yeah.

• 46:06Theo Von?

  I will pay forty-two dollars plus fees, okay? To come to, to come to a room and watch somebody be dishonest.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  Just like, fucking sweating, going through my pants. I'm like, it's really not as bad as I'm making it out to be.

• 46:21Theo Von?

  Hey.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  But...

• 46:24Theo Von?

  No, but I think, look, there's something about honesty, there's not as much of it in the world. I would literally pay to go to a room and watch somebody be honest with themselves about what's going on. I'm learning it. I think we all pretend to be something until we get the hang of it.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:39Theo Von?

  You know?

• 46:40Speaker 01

  I just, I mean, I look up to you, I look up to like all, all, all your buddies and...

• 46:45Theo Von?

  Oh, we've just been out doing it longer. We don't know the fuck we're doing.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  But you've got it. And it's just, it's like, it's so awesome to see. I just, I can't wait for the day I finally get it, you know?

• 46:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  When did it click?

• 46:57Theo Von?

  I don't know. I mean, I think in like about 11 years, you start to be like...

• 47:04Theo Von?

  I don't know, there's some different moments. I mean, thank you, sweetie, you to say that.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:07Theo Von?

  I mean, I definitely feel like I don't have a, like, this is, like, it is my job now, you know?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:12Theo Von?

  For a long time, I didn't know if it was my job, you know? I felt like it was, but you keep going home like at Christmas and you don't have a real job. And you tell your wife, "I'm a comedian," like, "Whatever, dude, you know, where's your husband?" You know? Because everybody just thinks you're homosexual, you know? Until you get on some sort of television or platform.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Like, "Oh, he's actually very successful."

• 47:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  You should have been rooting him on. Good for him.

• 47:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, maybe we'll scratch out these [bleep] posters that we drew, you know?

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Wait, actually, will you sign this? I'm actually a huge fan.

• 47:39Theo Von?

  It's a poster that says, "You're a [bleep] you held up at my show." But yeah, I'll sign it. Thanks, guy. Um, so yeah, I think there's like... So that kind of stuff gets tricky. And then I think there comes a point where it's like, you don't have anything else. And so it's like, whenever you give up anything else, like, there were times I quit to do real estate, there was times I quit, and I fucked up like the third contract I ever did and I had to pay somebody's lease for like six months.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  How'd you fuck up that bad?

• 48:07Theo Von?

  I fucking put myself as the guarantor or whatever.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  That just takes one John Hancock to pay six months rent?

• 48:17Theo Von?

  I had to go live with my girlfriend and I'm paying rent for these other motherfuckers. Dude, this is the worst part. I was going through some weird shit sometimes and I would pee in the sink at night in my girlfriends because I didn't want to pee loud and wake up the family, right?

• 48:31Speaker 01

  Oh, with the family.

• 48:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, with the family. And the cat would go in there and like mill around in a sink and fucking snitch me out. The mom ended up knowing that I was urinating in the sink.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  What's that talk sound like?

• 48:44Theo Von?

  Oh, she said it's your boyfriend been peeing in the sink.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  It's not the first boyfriend that's ever peed in the sink for her. She's kind of into it. The mom's into it.

• 48:55Theo Von?

  I remember her daughter texting me, mom knows.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  About the person in the sink?

• 49:00Theo Von?

  Who knows, whatever, Grace.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Whatever.

• 49:02Theo Von?

  We're all going through it.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  I suppose.

• 49:08Theo Von?

  You got, I mean, you're gonna figure it out. And I think it's interesting these days, I think because, I'll say this, there used to be more of stairways for how people got into comedy, right? There was like, um, obviously you got on stage, but then you got on different like little, like there was like a Comedy Central 10 minutes or there was like, um, like these, uh, now there's like Drybar and different groups like that. But there was other small groups where you did comedy sets that they put out there, right? Um, and now a lot of that's disappearing. There was like, uh, what was that late show? There were some late shows, um, where you would just sit around in a panel, right? Where people would start to build their name.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:50Theo Von?

  And now I think just a lot of like podcasting has kind of become that. It's taken the place of a lot of things.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  That's true, yeah.

• 49:55Theo Von?

  Whereas before there was like maybe more acting roles or things like that for comedy. That, um, because there's not even that many comedies now, like shows.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Not really, no, not so much. I think that's, I think that's the new wave that they're trying to do right now is that they're trying to, um, cast for a lot of comedy shows because there has been like a lull.

• 50:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  That's what I heard.

• 50:17Theo Von?

  So I think that you have to have some place where you start to build, you know, that's like an entertainment outlet. So I think podcasting is that, you know?

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know that's true.

• 50:27Theo Von?

  It's just kind of become that.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  And, uh.

• 50:28Theo Von?

  Or TikTok or some, some sort of like just, uh, you know, people's own social media, you know? Because sure, you have the podcast, but then also the, the clips are kind of what bring people into your world a lot of times.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true. That is really true.

• 50:40Theo Von?

  I don't sound like I'm preaching at you, do I?

• 50:41Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I'm listening and I'm taking it all in because I, it was clearly I need it. I need, I need it all the information that I need.

• 50:48Theo Von?

  Since you had a man in you, but the same. But you don't, don't take any of my ideas. No, no, don't take any of my, uh, I'm not trying to give you any advice.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  No, no, that was, that was the advice you gave. Don't, don't, uh, don't take anyone's advice.

• 51:01Theo Von?

  Was it?

• 51:01Speaker 01

  The other night.

• 51:02Theo Von?

  Oh, good.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  He said, oh, well, I just fucked that up.

• 51:05Theo Von?

  Cause that's even advice, huh? Damn, what an idiot.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  I guess I haven't podcasted in a while. I'm pretty rusty. I'm usually, I'm usually good with the banter.

• 51:13Theo Von?

  No, you're always great.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Good with the jokes, um.

• 51:16Theo Von?

  I feel like you're doing good. Your sister's here.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, shout out Nora.

• 51:20Theo Von?

  What's up Nora?

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Nora's here. We're trying to figure out, uh, so Nora just graduated from West Virginia University.

• 51:24Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  And we're trying to figure out, uh, what we're gonna do with her. She needs a job, so I'm, I'm trying to think of what she can do, uh, within the realm of working together. So.

• 51:34Theo Von?

  Do you have some skill sets Nora? Pretty much. I can edit. You can edit?

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we're thinking she, she's gonna be doing like the social media side of things.

• 51:42Theo Von?

  Great.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, so.

• 51:44Theo Von?

  That'd be nice.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  She's tagging along. It's good to have, it's good to have, um, someone that knows you very well.

• 51:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  So.

• 51:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, and just find new things that are creative. That's just like one of my goals I start thinking of for this year. It's like, well, what things could I do that would be create, like, like would seem like unique or that I could try and be more creative?

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. What do you, what do you got so far? Well, you have the, the, that movie's coming out.

• 52:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, me and David Spade are making a movie.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  You're making a movie? It's, uh, it's in the process of being made right now.

• 52:10Theo Von?

  We still have to, yeah. We wrote it and we start making it in, uh, January.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  What's the writing process for that? Like, are you allowed to talk about it?

• 52:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, we just try, I mean, it took us like two years and we tried to get financing. Nobody wanted to help. And so we're making it ourselves.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Oh, no shit. Fuck yeah, that's sick.

• 52:24Theo Von?

  So it's like, yeah, I think I thought, like, I never wanted to be an actor or anything like that, and I, I, I don't really think that that is a world of mine. But I thought, like, if I look back and I was like, I get a chance to make, I got to do something with David Spade.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:38Theo Von?

  Who I like idolized, um.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  And do you, do you Skype and write or?

• 52:43Theo Von?

  We would write together.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  Together?

• 52:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, I've lived, I still have my apartment in LA.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Oh, gotcha.

• 52:47Theo Von?

  So whenever I'm there, well, we, we've worked on it over the years in tons of ways.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck yeah.

• 52:51Theo Von?

  But it's been fun. I can't even believe it. I definitely have learned a lot. And um, we think that it's funny, you know? But if I look, I'm laying in my deathbed or whatever.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:01Theo Von?

  I think it'd be neat to be able to say that I got to do that.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 53:04Theo Von?

  And also that I tried to do it.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:06Theo Von?

  You know, cause people may make it seem like you can't do this. You have to have all these special people like, I haven't had an agent help me, nobody's. And so that to me is like the kinda shit that I like.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:17Theo Von?

  You don't think I can do this, watch me.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck you. I'll prove you wrong.

• 53:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's nothing, the only thing difference between you and me is that you've done it already.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 53:26Theo Von?

  That's the only thing.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 53:27Theo Von?

  I don't know, that shit makes me fucking activated for some reason, sorry.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Dude, you're locked in. I love to see that.

• 53:32Theo Von?

  I don't know why.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Well, you're excited, you jazz.

• 53:34Theo Von?

  I don't know if I'm excited.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  He's just fucking angry.

• 53:37Theo Von?

  Oh, I'm ready to hide somebody's kneecaps in their ass, dude.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Dude, you and Spade just spaded people?

• 53:42Theo Von?

  I mean, it'd be, it'd be, it'd be, look, if anything, I get to sit around with him for five weeks and, and laugh. And we have a good time, so it'd be cool. Um.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  When do you know something like that's done?

• 53:53Theo Von?

  I don't know. That's the toughest thing, it's scariest, is that, like, you know, once you move on, you can't, there's no.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:00Theo Von?

  Like, that scene or whatever is locked in.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:03Theo Von?

  You know?

• 54:04Speaker 01

  So.

• 54:04Theo Von?

  And I'm not a great actor, you know, it's like, I, you know, I'm gonna do my best, I have a plan. And um, and I'm excited about what we wrote.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:12Theo Von?

  You also worry that if you wrote it now and it comes out in seven months, will any of the, will the joke still be funny?

• 54:19Speaker 01

  I'm sure.

• 54:20Theo Von?

  That sort of thing.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  I'm sure, you guys have timeless, timeless humor.

• 54:23Theo Von?

  He does, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, dude. But he's definitely, so I don't know, it's, you know, it's just a lot of little things you learn, like, oh, this is maybe why I don't. This isn't something that I love. Um, what did your mom get you for, uh, Christmas?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Uh, my mom, my mom got me a megaphone for Christmas.

• 54:42Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  And I got her a trip to Hawaii, so, uh, a little different.

• 54:46Theo Von?

  And her dad, your dad too, to go to Hawaii?

• 54:48Speaker 01

  That's, that's what's kinda fucked up, I'm realizing, but, uh, but my father and I, we have a, a tricky relationship.

• 54:55Theo Von?

  Really?

• 54:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:57Theo Von?

  And do y'all have any brothers? Does he have any sons?

• 54:58Speaker 01

  No, even the dog's a, a lady, so, yeah, the poor bastard, everybody always says, but. It's what he gets, he says. I guess he was a fucking asshole growing up, so.

• 55:08Theo Von?

  Was he to who? To women?

• 55:10Speaker 01

  It must be, yeah, he must have been a fucking prick because he says, I deserve it. That's what I get, four women and a lady dog.

• 55:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:19Theo Von?

  And what happened again? He was in a fire? What happened?

• 55:21Speaker 01

  He was in a, um, he was electrocuted on the job. So he's the guy, when the lights go off in the city, he turns them on. And he got zippity zapped and uh,

• 55:32Theo Von?

  Pop!

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Now we're, now we're doing the same drugs. He, he takes, uh, he takes, he does ketamine therapy.

• 55:38Theo Von?

  Does he really?

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, uh, he does his in a doctor's office and I do mine under the Brooklyn Bridge. It's a little different.

• 55:45Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, my buddy Ernest used to do it in a car wash all the time. He'd call me. I'm like, how are you doing? He's like, ketamine in the car wash.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  It's raining.

• 55:56Theo Von?

  Wow. And is your dad kind of a romantic guy still? Do they still have a romantic relationship, your parents?

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Um, no.

• 56:02Theo Von?

  I'm just trying to envision him.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Just absolutely no. Picture like any, uh, Irish guy with like a scally cap about like yay high, uh, wide, uh, one, one dead tooth.

• 56:14Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 56:16Theo Von?

  The old Andrea Gale, huh?

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Yes, uh, chewing tobacco, but doesn't care anymore. It's just all in his teeth.

• 56:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  It's just all like.

• 56:23Theo Von?

  It's a fucking salad bar hanging out of his face.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Confetti, confetti, tobacco. All over.

• 56:31Theo Von?

  Confetti.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  It's like, every day is a party in his mouth.

• 56:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, like that guy that's fucking whistling tunes, just, just whistling the soundtrack of The Departed all the time.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Just rehearsing for lines he doesn't even have. He just always wanted to be a mobster.

• 56:52Theo Von?

  Who's on the, who was on your Boston, um, Mount Rushmore?

• 56:56Speaker 01

  We've got, um, Ben Affleck.

• 56:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  Matt Damon.

• 57:02Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  And then it used to be, it used to be, uh, Marky Mark, but he, he kinda lost me. Because he wakes up too early in the morning, praise, and, uh, gets, gets too swole too early.

• 57:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, got him, got bizarre, but he was also selling liquor too. That was a strange, I was like, you're, it's selling a liquor, but you're also up so early, how, you know?

• 57:22Speaker 01

  His hands are in too many baskets. I don't trust him. He has his hands in too many things.

• 57:27Theo Von?

  Does he seem like, do you think he still has the pulse of the streets in Boston or no?

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Nah, I think he lost that. He went full Hollywood.

• 57:35Theo Von?

  He might have.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  He lost us.

• 57:36Theo Von?

  He moved to Vegas now, I think. I think he lives in Las Vegas.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:41Theo Von?

  Nice guy, busy man.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Busy. He's busy.

• 57:44Theo Von?

  Done a lot.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  He has. And it starts early on. Beating the shit out of an Asian guy, all that jazz.

• 57:51Theo Von?

  He did that?

• 57:52Speaker 01

  He did that.

• 57:53Theo Von?

  Oh, I didn't know all that. Oh. You can't get caught.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  He's not stopping Asian hate at all.

• 57:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, and that's a shit. Yeah, the Brothers picked it up a couple of years ago. Remember when the Brothers was zapping Asians everywhere?

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Were they?

• 58:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Your brothers are the Brother Brothers.

• 58:10Theo Von?

  The Brothers was zapping Asians everywhere. And the news kept being like, Asian people are under attack. And you're like, yeah, my brothers.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  It was the brothers and my father. My dad just is sparky now.

• 58:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, your dad's like that guy who just walks across the floor like this and he's like, uh. Remember doing that shit to people?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I get people good. I used to, uh, my favorite thing to do to fuck with someone was pass the, uh, milk carton around. And say, oh, you sit on it, it's all right. And then you give it to the biggest person and you know it's gonna explode.

• 58:42Theo Von?

  They sit on the milk carton and it opens?

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, people did that to me.

• 58:44Theo Von?

  Really?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't me who was doing that to people.

• 58:47Theo Von?

  Would you ever, would it open under you or not?

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Always, every time, yeah. And I fell for it every time. I was foolish. I got jumped a lot growing up.

• 58:53Theo Von?

  You did?

• 58:54Speaker 01

  I did, yeah.

• 58:55Theo Von?

  By whom?

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Uh, one time from a black man.

• 58:57Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  That was good. Uh, that was at a Twenty One Savage concert.

• 59:01Theo Von?

  That's the old, yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:03Theo Von?

  That's the Irish hello right there.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:05Theo Von?

  Was that a Twenty One Savage concert?

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, he was kinda windmilling me and I was pissing my pants crying. And then all of a sudden Twenty One Savage said, yo, y'all wildin' down there. Y'all gotta chill. And I'm like, can you help? It was crazy.

• 59:20Theo Von?

  Were you wildin' or you were not?

• 59:21Speaker 01

  I was getting wilded on.

• 59:22Theo Von?

  Okay, you're getting wilded on. Oh.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:25Theo Von?

  Sorry that happened.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  You know, it was brutal. And it was, it was good though because, uh, my, my buddy didn't even try to help, uh, the girlfriend, the girlfriend of the guy who was punching me said, nah, just let it happen. And she did, she, she let it happen.

• 59:37Theo Von?

  No way. So there wasn't even any female support?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Uh, no, there was just, yeah, it was just, uh.

• 59:42Theo Von?

  Oh, baby girl, that's tough.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's, it's quite the story though. I went to school the next day with a black eye. From a black eye.

• 59:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  So that was nice. It was kinda cool.

• 59:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, like, oh, you, oh, and then they say that's cultural appropriation. You're like, give me a fucking break, dude.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  I just pretended it was from sex.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  I just keep bringing it back to that.

• 1:00:07Theo Von?

  Well, I'm sorry that some, yeah, you got abused by a brother like that.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  That's all good.

• 1:00:11Theo Von?

  You could have got knocked up, though.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  That would have been nice.

• 1:00:15Theo Von?

  Have you dated a lot of black men over the years?

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  No dating is what.

• 1:00:18Theo Von?

  You haven't dated either?

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:20Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Well, like, I've been on, I've been on three dates in my life.

• 1:00:23Theo Von?

  Are you serious, guys?

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Like, the last date I went on, he recorded inside my house, so I said, I think I'm good for now.

• 1:00:31Theo Von?

  Oh, for now, yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, for now.

• 1:00:33Theo Von?

  Two weeks later, you're like, let's, let's run it back.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, dude, just, you gotta lock your camera up, I guess. Yeah, so that was brutal.

• 1:00:40Theo Von?

  I gotta think of somebody good to say, well, now, that's sad, I shouldn't have said that.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  No, sorry. Another date I went on, uh, I was talking about it on the podcast, keeping it very ambiguous. I didn't want any feelings to get hurt, but he showed up, uh, hammered, and I thought, I thought that he was like just wicked drunk and slurring his words. Well, it turns out he had a speech impediment.

• 1:00:59Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  And I didn't realize, and I didn't pick up on that, and he sent me a very long text. I have a speech impediment, and I don't know why.

• 1:01:06Theo Von?

  Very long.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he said, I didn't, I didn't know why, uh, you didn't like the champagne I bought you at the dive bar. Said, oh, I'm sorry, I guess we just want different things.

• 1:01:15Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know. I don't have a good track record.

• 1:01:19Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, I think you do. I think it's just, you know, I think, I, what, I have no idea.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Yes, Papa?

• 1:01:26Theo Von?

  I know. I'm not gonna fucking tell you, dude.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  It's quite all right.

• 1:01:30Theo Von?

  No, we're gonna get some fucking real dogs in here to smash you, Gracie.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah. Have you seen that girl, have you seen that girl who got railed like by like a hundred and fifty guys?

• 1:01:40Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I saw that. I don't know how I feel about that.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  I don't know what to do with that. It's just, it's just a thing that happens.

• 1:01:47Theo Von?

  But she's almost like the Evel Knievel of like pussy or whatever.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's kind of doing like magic, like, I don't know, she's like adding time. She's doing daylight savings or something.

• 1:01:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  That's a lot of time spent.

• 1:01:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, it just seems crazy. And then what are you really doing? It's almost just like, like, if people are just running and just, just kind of jousting themselves into your vagina real quick and then we're running off.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  It's like a meet and greet with their dick out.

• 1:02:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like, next.

• 1:02:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, Lily Phillips is her name.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  She's gorgeous, um.

• 1:02:18Theo Von?

  British OnlyFans.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  British girl, yeah.

• 1:02:20Theo Von?

  Well, I wonder if this is the thing you're starting to see because of OnlyFans, like, people are having to start to one-up each other.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, this is going the extra goddamn mile. Um. Yeah.

• 1:02:30Theo Von?

  I don't know if I would even enjoy something like that, you know, like, I mean, even if you were doing it, you know, we're like, I'm gonna make love to a hundred women, I'd like, I'd like 11 women, I would definitely wanna chill, have a Gatorade or something.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, like, what's, uh, I don't know why I was gonna ask that.

• 1:02:48Theo Von?

  Listen to some Scott Stapp or whatever. Did you see that Scott Stapp, that their band has made more this year than they ever made before?

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Who did?

• 1:02:57Theo Von?

  I thought that was pretty interesting. Bring that up, brother. There goes my hero. You know that song?

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  Watch out while he goes. Yeah, is that it?

• 1:03:08Theo Von?

  BlueChew, baby. New year, same weiner, buddy, you know it. BlueChew wants you to have better sex. They do. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets. These erection-enhancing tablets help men achieve stronger, harder, and longer-lasting erections. For sex. BlueChew is putting its money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. BlueChew tablets are made in the USA. The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. The best part? It's all done online.

• 1:03:53Theo Von?

  That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, no waiting in line at the pharmacy. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. Today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

• 1:04:17Theo Von?

  You know, it's a new year here in the, in the world. And that means that, um, you might have the same problems. That's what I'm noticing for myself. I've got some of the same things, and I'm not getting into self pity, but I'm just noticing, hey, some of this stuff, I keep carrying it. I keep carrying, I don't wanna have this luggage anymore. You know, I even met with a therapist today. And, um, and was going, talking about some of those exact same things. BetterHelp.

• 1:04:46Theo Von?

  Is offers therapy better help us fully online making therapy affordable and convenient serving over five million people worldwide. Life isn't about resolutions that fade by February. It's about picking up the pen and becoming the author of your own life. And you can think of therapy as an editorial partner. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash T H E O to get 10% off your first month. That's better H E L P betterhelp.com slash T H E O. Dude, your friends were so funny the other night. You're the best friend.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  So yeah, those are my friends from growing up. What, what I didn't realize was, uh, one of my friends, she's a really big fan and her, her boyfriend who was sitting next to you, he's an even bigger fan of yours. And, um,

• 1:05:35Theo Von?

  That guy, I think one of his lips was sweating a little.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's losing it. And, um, she had her phone out and she did exactly what I asked her not to do. And she had her flash and she recorded a video and I was like, she thought she was taking a picture.

• 1:05:50Theo Von?

  Oh, that's hilarious.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  She actually took a video and it was like three seconds long of her boyfriend saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah.

• 1:05:59Theo Von?

  That's all right. Over the scary part is if you think somebody recorded your whole conversation, just because then you don't even know what you've said, you know?

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  No, no, my God, no.

• 1:06:06Theo Von?

  You say something crazy. We're having a good time.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  No, I would have, I would have had her delete that. I was so upset. You know, like you ask your friends to do one thing, which please don't do that one thing. And they do that one thing.

• 1:06:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  I was like, ah, fuck.

• 1:06:16Theo Von?

  That's being alive. A lot, being alive is, they made, they made it interesting. Here, right here, Creed reached their highest calendar year earnings in 2024, grossing 64.8 million from 825,000 tickets across 55 performances.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:06:30Theo Von?

  That's their highest calendar year earnings. Is that ever? Is there any more information with it?

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  So Creed's never been hotter than right now?

• 1:06:38Theo Von?

  That's crazy to think, because didn't, weren't they playing stadiums before?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  You know, it'd be a good idea. I've been saying this is, uh, there should be a comedian at a half, at the halftime for the Super Bowl.

• 1:06:51Theo Von?

  It's a horrible idea.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. I wanna do it.

• 1:06:55Theo Von?

  You do?

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:57Theo Von?

  Grace, you would be s- you-

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  I would fail miserably.

• 1:07:00Theo Von?

  You think you would?

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  I don't know. Maybe, give me, what, 11 years?

• 1:07:03Theo Von?

  Oh, 11 years? Yeah, I thought you were talking about in a couple of months.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Oh, right now? No, no, god, no. No, I could pull that, though, if I wanted to.

• 1:07:09Theo Von?

  It'd be hard. I think it would be way too scary.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  It would do like half music, half, you gotta find like the good, happy medium between fireworks, music, and jokes.

• 1:07:21Theo Von?

  It would be, yeah, I think it'd feel like-

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  It'd be like the worst thing that's ever happened at the Super Bowl thus far.

• 1:07:25Theo Von?

  Fucking be brave of you. I would, I would pledge allegiance to that.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Salute on that.

• 1:07:35Theo Von?

  That would be intense.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  There goes my hero.

• 1:07:39Theo Von?

  Does Creed even sing that song?

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  No idea. Truly, no.

• 1:07:44Theo Von?

  But yeah, it says right there Creed earned more money in 2024 than they did in any other year over the 30-year career.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Oh, so they've never been hotter. Good for them.

• 1:07:52Theo Von?

  My hero. Oh, no, that's my Foo Fighters.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  Oh, shit. What's Creed?

• 1:07:57Theo Von?

  Uh, fucking who knows, dude?

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but I saw Kid Rock the other night on New Year's. He looked like he was about to-

• 1:08:06Theo Von?

  Like he'd been through it?

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. He looked like crack rock, dude. Pull up that video of him from the other night.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  Dude, I know, I was, I saw him with my own eyes.

• 1:08:14Theo Von?

  Oh, you did?

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  And he looked like he was about to, he was about to go out on a stretcher. Is that always the thing? Is that his kind of his deal?

• 1:08:21Theo Von?

  That's not always a thing, but he-

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  Oh, did somebody get a video of him? Yeah, this is it.

• 1:08:26Theo Von?

  He definitely, um-

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  He looked a lot worse upstairs.

• 1:08:31Theo Von?

  He's pretty healthy right there.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, he's clean.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  A good drinking night out.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  He was shaking, shaking good. I, you know what?

• 1:08:37Theo Von?

  Was he up, uh, was he singing?

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  I don't want problems with Kid Rock, actually.

• 1:08:41Theo Von?

  Did he go singing? Oh, he's the best. He's the best at taking jokes and telling jokes.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Oh, good, alright.

• 1:08:46Theo Von?

  Yeah. He had a good time.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, he had a blast.

• 1:08:49Theo Von?

  I almost went and met him for dinner that night, actually.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:08:51Theo Von?

  Have you ever spent time around him?

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Uh, no, just, uh, just that, that one high and bye kind of thing.

• 1:08:55Theo Von?

  You should do his comedy festival. He does a comedy show here at the Ryman. It's for charity.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Oh, no shit?

• 1:09:01Theo Von?

  It'd be fun to get on there.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:09:02Theo Von?

  If you wanted to. If you, if you guys got to meet and you guys got along. Um, I'm trying to think, um-

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  You think he'd fuck with me?

• 1:09:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Are you fucking with me?

• 1:09:11Theo Von?

  Sweetheart. Yeah.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:09:13Theo Von?

  I'm fucking with you.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

• 1:09:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm a fan.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Alright, well, let's go.

• 1:09:17Theo Von?

  I think you're... Yeah, I'm curious to see... Uh, yeah, I'm just excited to fucking be along for the ride and see what goes on.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you, man. I'm really pumped for your movie. That sounds like really exciting stuff. So when do you start filming that?

• 1:09:29Theo Von?

  We'll see, January 10th. Yeah, I don't want to think too much about it because I think it's... What if it's horrible and then it's like you have to put it out?

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, just enjoy it. Just enjoy it. Don't talk about it. Just do it. Real G's moving silence like lasagna.

• 1:09:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  That kind of shit.

• 1:09:41Theo Von?

  So that's the kind of shit we're doing. I'm trying to think of, um... You have a new podcast coming out or it's out already?

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Uh, coming out.

• 1:09:48Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  I signed with a new network. Uh, have you heard the Unwell Network?

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  Yep, with Alex Cooper, right?

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  With Alex Cooper.

• 1:09:55Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  Um, I never thought a day in my life I'd be a diversity hire, but it's all blonde hair, blue eye, pretty girls there, so...

• 1:10:02Theo Von?

  Are you considered a diversity hire?

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:04Theo Von?

  Why? Because you're, uh, redheaded?

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Redheaded, and, uh, I just bring a different kind of flavor. Uh, so...

• 1:10:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, bah. Bay leaf, huh? Back bay leaf.

• 1:10:16Theo Von?

  Do they have back bay leaves?

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  I think they might.

• 1:10:19Theo Von?

  Grayson Alley is officially unwell. So that means you're officially working with their network. So that's happened?

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  That's happened, yes. So that happened like right before the new year and then, uh...

• 1:10:28Theo Von?

  Did you know that was coming? Was there...

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  I... They hopped on it quick, so I...

• 1:10:33Theo Von?

  Had you already separated from the... From your previous podcast before this happened?

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Yes. And so I... That happened on... I left Barstool on Sunday and then I got the call Monday and we had papers signed by Thursday.

• 1:10:46Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  So it moved pretty quick, which was kind of crazy.

• 1:10:49Theo Von?

  And is it a better deal than you had at Barstool?

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:52Theo Von?

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm excited about that.

• 1:10:53Theo Von?

  You feel good about it?

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  I feel good, yeah. Except, um, the one thing I'm concerned about is I don't have health insurance anymore and I'm going deaf in my left ear.

• 1:11:01Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, it's true, huh?

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna have to figure that out.

• 1:11:03Theo Von?

  And especially if you start taking on a lot of kicks this year, you probably need some health insurance, you know?

• 1:11:09Speaker 01

  I'm gonna need a couple of Plan B pills and whatnot.

• 1:11:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, get you a little couple grams of Plan B, yeah.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  A bite in bulk?

• 1:11:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  I'll get it from Kid Rock.

• 1:11:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, get it something from that ditch on you dude, he'll sell you something, bro.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  I already got that.

• 1:11:27Theo Von?

  Plan B should do a powder, huh?

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:30Theo Von?

  How great would it be to do a line of Plan B?

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  Dude, I would fucking rip that left and right if I had the sex.

• 1:11:35Theo Von?

  I'd do it.

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  Bye!

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  I had, I had my first, uh, crazy fan bring me a bag of cocaine. To my show the other night. Yeah, that was good.

• 1:11:50Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  They know I like this stuff, but they wrote, "We love you so much," on a bag of cocaine, which I thought was hilarious.

• 1:11:57Theo Von?

  So cool.

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  It's just interesting.

• 1:11:59Theo Von?

  Were you able to use any of it or not?

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  I, I preferred not to, just cause, um, the circumstantially, it was

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  unknown where the, the origin was from, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:12:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, my buddy's aunt used to fucking, she had that like a hole in her throat or whatever, and they used to boof cocaine right down it.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  That's fucking awesome. That's sick.

• 1:12:18Theo Von?

  Rocket that shit.

• 1:12:19Speaker 01

  I wanna get there.

• 1:12:20Theo Von?

  Right through that little bird.

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  You gotta be doing something right to get to that point.

• 1:12:24Theo Von?

  Right through that little birdhouse door she had on her neck hole.

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  It's cuckoo.

• 1:12:28Theo Von?

  Yeah. She had that little birdhouse door. Um, what else is going on? What else is happening in the news right now?

• 1:12:40Theo Von?

  We have not confirmed that the explosion was caused by very large fireworks and or a bomb carried in the bed of the rented Cybertruck and is unrelated to the vehicle itself.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Oh, it could have been a fun time or terrorism.

• 1:12:50Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, the toughest thing about a Cybertruck, what do you drive, Grace? What do you drive?

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  I don't have a license.

• 1:12:55Theo Von?

  You don't have your license?

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  I live in New York.

• 1:12:57Theo Von?

  Oh, you don't even need it, huh?

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. I used to have it, but I, I just let it expire. I used to drive. I used to drive. And I had, um, I had a Lincoln, uh, 2002 Lincoln Presidential Town Car. Which is, um, either an elderly person or a pimp. I don't know if you've ever seen those bad boys.

• 1:13:15Theo Von?

  Very prestigious, yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, three, three, three in the front, three in the back. That was the, the fucking cruiser. We loved that thing. It was awesome.

• 1:13:23Theo Von?

  Whipping that bitch, boy.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  That thing was classic.

• 1:13:25Theo Von?

  Whipping work in that bitch, son. That thing's awesome.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it still smelled like my dead grandpa.

• 1:13:31Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  It was good.

• 1:13:33Theo Von?

  Alright, Papa.

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Theo Von?

  He's in that bitch for good.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  I couldn't wait for him to croak to cop that thing.

• 1:13:38Theo Von?

  You ever are.

• 1:13:41Theo Von?

  Um, didn't you ever make out on your backseat of that car with any man or anything like that? I mean, I'm sure you had some dates, huh?

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  We had plenty of room for it.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  But it never did.

• 1:13:54Theo Von?

  And Nora, you don't coach her on dating or anything?

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  It's hopeless. Well, it's it's fine. I'm not worried about it.

• 1:14:01Theo Von?

  Right?

• 1:14:02Speaker 01

  I'm not worried about it.

• 1:14:03Theo Von?

  But it's just been something that's been in your life?

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:14:05Theo Von?

  Now, what if a man came along and he's looking for marriage? Do you think that that's something you would actually consider, you think?

• 1:14:09Speaker 01

  I mean, at this point, it's starting to be like, well, the the older I get and the bigger reaction that I I get when I tell people I've never been in a relationship is when I start to think, yeah, I think the next guy will probably be forever.

• 1:14:21Theo Von?

  Might be, huh?

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. He can be a real prick, too.

• 1:14:24Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  But I gotta I gotta lock it down.

• 1:14:26Theo Von?

  He better be a prince. He better be. And there's gotta be some, um.

• 1:14:33Theo Von?

  I'm trying to think of like, what's your ideal man or do you even have it? Such a dumb question, isn't it? Who gives a fuck?

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  I'll I'll fuck it. I'll I'll tell this story. Um, I had a crush on Shane Gillis for a little bit.

• 1:14:45Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  Big crush. And I had met him at at my work. And I I just word vomited. Uh, I was talking to him and I I dropped a sandwich that I was eating. And he said, are you gonna pick that up? And I said, I gotta go. And I just left.

• 1:14:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  That kind of thing. And I just kept running into him.

• 1:15:01Theo Von?

  You pick it up, white boy, that kind of shit?

• 1:15:03Speaker 01

  Uh, well, I just got really nervous that I wasn't playing it cool at all.

• 1:15:06Theo Von?

  Oh, it wasn't a stacked, uh, tactics?

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  No, no, I just I just I I scrambled out of there. Uh, but I just kept running into him that month, like a lot. And it looked like I was stalking him. And it it it ended with he hosted Saturday Night Live. I was at the after party. And I'm like, I'm looking at him. I'm like, don't look at him, don't look at him. And I looked at him and go, hey, congrats tonight, man. He's like, yeah, thank you so much. I said, yeah, uh. Bet you're gonna get mad pussy tonight, bro.

• 1:15:32Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, yeah. You're not supposed to say that one. And he said, what what did you say? I said, ah. See ya. And I just left the bathroom line.

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  Then I bought him a beer.

• 1:15:47Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah, dude, no. I respect your fucking move.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  That's how I flirt.

• 1:15:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, you want this pussy, you're never gonna get it, Whitey. Don't you come honky honky and around this thing. Around this little fucking kitty chamber, Whitey.

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's just like a really great example of how I operate.

• 1:16:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it all makes sense, right?

• 1:16:11Theo Von?

  I feel you. Sometimes I would get so nervous. I followed a woman one time for like seven or eight, um, blocks and. I finally caught up to her and I was like, I was so nervous. I just was like, I'm not following you. That's what I said. Fucking walked off.

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Theo Von?

  Ugh.

• 1:16:27Speaker 01

  I'm not following you.

• 1:16:28Theo Von?

  And someone was uphill. It was like obvious that I was fucking following her, dude. My face was all wet.

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  She started running.

• 1:16:34Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  She started running fast.

• 1:16:36Theo Von?

  No, she was moving quick, kind of, you know, with pace or whatever. Um, yeah, Shane just won cracker of the year.

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's a huge. This is, this is a new one by him, right? By Mr. A B.

• 1:16:48Theo Von?

  I don't know. What is this?

• 1:16:50Speaker 01

  A B. He's got, uh, he did like a whole, like, he was giving awards out to everybody this year.

• 1:16:56Theo Von?

  Oh, he was?

• 1:16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:57Theo Von?

  Antonio Brown?

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  Funny, yeah. Funniest cracker.

• 1:16:59Theo Von?

  Somebody said winner got to use the N, it did, that was his thing. Winner got to use the N word. Is that what Antonio said one time or something?

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  I got, I got, uh, a new goal for next year.

• 1:17:09Theo Von?

  You do?

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Theo Von?

  This is it?

• 1:17:11Speaker 01

  This is it.

• 1:17:11Theo Von?

  Cracker of the year.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  What, you get to say the N word?

• 1:17:13Theo Von?

  I think you could do it once.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:17:15Theo Von?

  It's not like a, you don't even, it's not even like a month.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  It's not that I want to. It's just like, it would be a nice perk.

• 1:17:19Theo Von?

  No, yeah, you should, you, you, it's gotta be a prize.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, and I.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  I wonder if you could say it like in public or does it have to be alone in the shower or something?

• 1:17:27Theo Von?

  I mean, you can, I, I don't, I don't say it. I mean, I'll think it sometimes loudly or whatever, but you will not. I'm not that guy.

• 1:17:34Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:17:35Theo Von?

  Somebody in our town used to write it down all the time and throw it in, like, put a message in a bottle and throw it out into the water.

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  And then it go downstream?

• 1:17:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, and then like, some dad and his kid are just walking along the stream and the kid finds it. He's like, what's this?

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  Historic artifact.

• 1:17:52Theo Von?

  It's just sad that that kind of shit is just like.

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  That's unfortunate.

• 1:17:56Theo Von?

  It's that kind of shit that's ruining our waterways.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:18:01Theo Von?

  That's what I'm saying. Um. Have you ever been in a contest? Have you ever won a, did you ever win like a, um, most talented or funniest contest?

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  Um, no, I've, I've lost, um, pretty much everything I've ever tried to do. Uh.

• 1:18:14Theo Von?

  You're crazy. You're crazy.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  But you know, you can't let that stop you. I lost class clown to some girl who dropped out of high school.

• 1:18:25Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we did him at the beginning of the year and she was not there to receive the award at the end of the year.

• 1:18:31Theo Von?

  You should have to be able to, you should have to stay in school to even be able to do it.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. It wasn't fair. And I don't think I was eligible because of just being a shithead. I had like a 1.5 GPA.

• 1:18:42Theo Von?

  Oh, so you were not educated?

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  I was, I was not. I was, I was too worried about having fun and cracking jokes.

• 1:18:48Theo Von?

  Oh, so you were having a good time?

• 1:18:50Speaker 01

  I was blasting off, yeah.

• 1:18:51Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:18:51Speaker 01

  I wasn't as like much of a loser. I just wasn't getting laid, but I was, I was cool. I was having fun.

• 1:18:57Theo Von?

  And were you getting wasted at parties and stuff and like having?

• 1:19:00Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely. People didn't like having me around, uh, because if you got stuck with me, you would have, you would be dragging me out of the woods.

• 1:19:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would fall flat.

• 1:19:07Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:09Theo Von?

  You were fucking just?

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  I was just.

• 1:19:12Theo Von?

  The party stops here, boys.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  If a tree falls in the woods, you're gonna hear it. It's grace.

• 1:19:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, we used to have this guy in our town, this fellow, he had, well, a lot of Irish, they've always equated the Irish with like, I don't wanna say like a step up from having Down syndrome or whatever, but it's a popular.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:28Theo Von?

  Right, like we had a guy in our town, I've told this story before, but he had Down syndrome and his mom didn't know it, right? Never got the paperwork or the blood test or whatever. And, um, so she just thought he was Irish, right? She thought he's Irish and she's like buying him all this Boston.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  You're talking about Shane?

• 1:19:43Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:19:46Theo Von?

  This wasn't Shane. Shane probably knows the guy. But, uh, this was just a local DS guy, you know? Oh, but his mom would get him all this Boston Celtic shit and Notre Dame shit. It was like, you know, and the train that came in our town didn't even go to Boston, so it probably never go to Boston.

• 1:20:05Theo Von?

  But that whenever he would misbehave or whatever, they would put him in this baby crib, even when he was an adult. And he had this thing where he just would not go out of it. He would stay in the crib.

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:20:14Theo Von?

  Like a playpen, not a crib, but like a baby's, uh, play, little area or whatever. And he would stay in it even like, you know, 14, 15 years old. Yeah, something like that. Um, what else did I see recently? Oh, there was the LSD Diplo.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:32Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, Diplo trips on LSD.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  What is the most, I'm so curious, what's the most conventional place?

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  It's a kid rug.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  That you've done LSD?

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  Right now?

• 1:20:45Speaker 02

  Right now?

• 1:20:45Speaker 03

  This one?

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  Please, oh my god, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:20:54Speaker 02

  Please tell me.

• 1:20:55Theo Von?

  Look at Anderson, he's probably getting sick from being, could be from gay, from me. Um, yeah, Diplo's definitely, every time I'm in Las Vegas, I see that guy.

• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  That guy loves to party.

• 1:21:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, he loves to party. That's so brave, dude, to go on live television on LSD.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'd, I'd kill myself. I really would. That's so scary.

• 1:21:21Theo Von?

  I would smoke my own nuts, bro. I could not even find it, dude. I would take my penis off and just fucking hide it in somebody's face, dude. I could not, I would freak the fuck out, dude.

• 1:21:33Speaker 01

  He was playing it so cool, too.

• 1:21:35Theo Von?

  So cool.

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  I would have, I would have been scratching my eyes out, like, yeah, I can't, I did it one time.

• 1:21:40Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:41Theo Von?

  You did LSD, what, when you were on camera?

• 1:21:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, I wasn't on camera, no. I just, like, in general, did it one time, I didn't like it.

• 1:21:47Theo Von?

  Oh, only one time? And where did you guys go?

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  Um, it was after a long day of partying, we, we ripped it at three in the morning, so it was a really bad idea. Yeah, really bad idea.

• 1:21:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  So, I, I will be doing that anytime soon, but, um, Molly's, Molly's a lot better. She's a sweetheart. I like her. She's good shit.

• 1:22:06Theo Von?

  Molly's, the other one's shit, yeah, I remember throwing a bunch of rocks at, uh, a bunch of grass or whatever, we thought there was like these little people in it or whatever, and we, we thought we kept hearing them yell every time we throw the rock in there.

• 1:22:19Speaker 01

  It was just children.

• 1:22:20Theo Von?

  Oh, half my buddy's, in the morning, half my buddy's driveway was in that fucking, in his yard, dude. We were all sweating and our shoulders were hurting.

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  Oh, it was like the neighbors?

• 1:22:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, just fucking, just, they had like these, um, elephant ear things in the ditch, and we thought that, like, we kept throwing these rocks, and I was like, listen, you can hear these people scream when you throw it in there.

• 1:22:40Speaker 01

  Getting fucking devious on that. That's not, you are not a one love hippie on LSD.

• 1:22:45Theo Von?

  Bro, we threw a fucking eighth of a dump truck of, uh, driveway gravel into that ditch.

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  Started eating it and shit.

• 1:22:53Theo Von?

  I'm trying to think of some famous LSD trips. I mean, I had some good ones. I had one where I, like, well, it wasn't LSD, I took mushrooms to a party. And a lot of people had never taken them, and I gave them all to them, and I was like, let's play hide and go seek, and I just counted, and they all went and hid, and then it fucking...

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  And they were all alone with their thoughts.

• 1:23:14Theo Von?

  I never looked for any of them.

• 1:23:15Speaker 01

  Wait, that's classic.

• 1:23:17Theo Von?

  I'm still never.

• 1:23:18Speaker 01

  You are devious.

• 1:23:19Theo Von?

  I've still never looked for them. Yeah, fuck them, dude. If they can't handle that fucking mountain lion bitch, then get out of the fucking.

• 1:23:25Speaker 01

  Can't handle their own goddamn thoughts, then they can get the fuck out of my face.

• 1:23:29Theo Von?

  Then get out in the forest, big dog, huh? If you don't want to link up, then get out the food chain, bitch. You feel me?

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  That's how you like tear your friends, like who can handle it? Who can handle being alone? Who can do their drugs?

• 1:23:45Theo Von?

  My favorite thing ever, I used to be with my buddy Jeffrey and Scotty. And Nate, we'd all be outside smoking, uh, smoking dope or whatever, smoking flower weed or whatever. And I'd come back in a few minutes early and Jeff's dad would be always sitting in the house just reading the newspaper or whatever. And I'd come in, I'm like, Mr. Mike, they. You're like, what's going on? I'm like, uh, just Jeff was being kinda. I don't know, like he just, he kept taking his shirt off or whatever. And Mr. Mike had issues with like.

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  Gay, yeah, I saw that coming.

• 1:24:19Theo Von?

  So the second I was like, he had his shirt off, whatever, he'd be like.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  No son of a.

• 1:24:25Theo Von?

  Feel his fucking teeth just climbing over his tongue through the newspaper, right?

• 1:24:34Theo Von?

  And, uh, so I would just plant that seed, dude. And I would just go. And they would come in, they'd be stoned out of their brain. They'd come in the house. And he'd be like, Jeffrey! And he'd fucking have them come in there. Just roast them for being homosexuals. What are you doing out there with your fucking shirt off? And Jeff's stoned out of his face, has no idea what's going on.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  Saying the host behind him, like, yeah, why are you being such a gay homo?

• 1:25:04Theo Von?

  Uh, it was a good time. I mean, it was just, it wasn't a waste.

• 1:25:06Speaker 01

  Throwing your boys under the bus.

• 1:25:07Theo Von?

  I like fucking being the bus driver and all the seats are under the bus.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:25:12Theo Von?

  That's what I like.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  And it's short, too.

• 1:25:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just like that. I like, I like just creating something, right? Like, let's see what happens here if we set this thing up this way.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  It's caused some chaos.

• 1:25:26Theo Von?

  There was that one famous story. Who's the famous? There was, uh, two members of, I think Fleetwood Mac that took LSD.

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  Oh, there it is.

• 1:25:37Theo Von?

  The night that Fleetwood Mac lost Peter Green and Danny Kerwin to LSD.

• 1:25:41Speaker 01

  Oh, they died?

• 1:25:43Theo Von?

  It's all amid a manic psychedelic party in a commune-like mansion. Green, I think it's Peter Green is the guy's name, was drawn down into the basement and arrived out of the other side in tears. In the band's eyes, he was distraught. Despite Green claiming to have had an extraordinary experience and stating that he played the best guitar of his life down there. Another member of the band present that day was Danny Kerwin. Fate also besieged him that night. Peter Green and Danny Kerwin both went together to that house in Munich, okay, that's where they were, after a show. Their one-time manager Clifford Davis recalls, "Both of them took acid, as I understand, both of them as of that day became seriously mentally ill. It would be too much of a coincidence for it to be anything other than taking drugs as of that day."

• 1:26:28Theo Von?

  "A fear the rest of the band felt an intense sense of dread in that place and managed to scurry away with the two heavily intoxicated members." "While Green would recover and enjoy a creative life away from the spotlight despite persistent problems, things fared differently for Kerwin. Danny had been a nervous and sensitive lad from the start. He was never really suited to the rigors of the business, Mick Fleetwood once opined.

• 1:26:52Theo Von?

  "Touring is hard and the routine wears us all down." "One night while backstage this regression came to the fore, Danny was being odd about tuning his guitar, Mick Fleetwood remembers. He got up suddenly and bashed his head into the wall, splattering blood everywhere. I've never seen him do anything violent in all the years I'd known him. The rest of us were paralyzed and complete shock." Damn. "He was wonderful, but he couldn't handle the life, eventually ending up homeless on the streets of London." Wow. Damn.

• 1:27:18Speaker 01

  Sounds like a Tuesday.

• 1:27:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's what happens, dude.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  That's my biggest fear.

• 1:27:25Theo Von?

  Is it really something bad?

• 1:27:25Speaker 01

  Getting schizophrenic.

• 1:27:26Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. It like freaks me out. It doesn't even run in the family, but that sounds scary.

• 1:27:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think taking a hit of acid or something and next thing you know, you're just, you don't, you know? You don't know what you're doing? Yeah.

• 1:27:42Speaker 01

  Actually, it might run in the family. I got a cousin like that.

• 1:27:44Theo Von?

  You do?

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's tough.

• 1:27:46Theo Von?

  And it's a man or woman?

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  Um, both.

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:27:51Theo Von?

  God, yeah.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:52Theo Von?

  That's a thing, dude. I would just, I don't know if I could be a man and a woman. Do you think you could handle it?

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  I think I do a good job already. Uh, I'm saying manly shit to men to flirt with them. Like, "Fucking get some tail tonight, brother!" Like, what?

• 1:28:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, huh? Euclid, huh? Padre, yeah.

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  Let's go, Brady! Come on now! Deflate these balls!

• 1:28:18Theo Von?

  God.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the unfortunate truth. Um...

• 1:28:22Theo Von?

  Who's on my Mount Rushmore, I wonder?

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. From where you're from.

• 1:28:27Theo Von?

  Oh, from where I'm from? I'm trying to think of my Boston one. Oh, my Boston one would be... Is it okay if I do a Boston one?

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  Oh, please, please, be my guest.

• 1:28:37Theo Von?

  Oh, uh, Will Hunting. So you got him, you got Tom Brady, you got, oh, Dutch Smith from, um... Bring up Dutch Smith. This is him.

• 1:28:50Speaker 04

  Following an arson over the weekend, police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage. News Watch 16's Nikki Cries joins us live from the Central Pennsylvania newsroom with more tonight. Nikki?

• 1:29:01Speaker 05

  Julie, a lot of people in Shamoken are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts. Today, we also learned new information about the teenage girl police charged with setting the place on fire. Yellow tape surrounds the Dunkin' Donuts on West Sunbury Street in Shamoken. The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage.

• 1:29:26Speaker 06

  There's a lot of people that's definitely gonna miss it, no doubt about it.

• 1:29:29Speaker 05

  A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday.

• 1:29:33Theo Von?

  Go further down. They start interviewing people. Oh, back up, back.

• 1:29:37Speaker 05

  Many people who live in Shamoken are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed.

• 1:29:41Speaker 07

  Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts. I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts. And I'm kinda dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts. I go there every day. I get a chicken baker croissant, or I get some coffee, Powerade if I'm dehydrated. I sit there all the time. If I have any, like, legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorneys there.

• 1:30:05Speaker 06

  That place won't if it don't open up.

• 1:30:08Speaker 01

  That's classic.

• 1:30:09Speaker 06

  A lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, iced coffee, I guess it's called.

• 1:30:16Speaker 01

  What a fucking motley crew that is.

• 1:30:19Theo Von?

  So, the guy in the middle was like, yeah, I get stay dehydrated, meet my attorney up there, my boy Dutch Smith. He's on my.

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  He's on your mother. Is he also like on your team? Like, I feel like you know him.

• 1:30:31Theo Von?

  The Dunkin Donuts over there.

• 1:30:33Speaker 01

  I gotta talk to my lawyers.

• 1:30:35Theo Von?

  He's like, I gotta do some legal work.

• 1:30:37Speaker 01

  When you're gonna do legal work, you gotta go to Dunk's.

• 1:30:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's like.

• 1:30:40Speaker 01

  That's classic.

• 1:30:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. What do they call up there? Ice co- cold coffee? Iced coffee?

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  That is good.

• 1:30:48Theo Von?

  They call it cold coffee? He's a freaking crazy person.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  Like, oh, yeah, maybe at the Dunk's on 15th and 2nd, we'll get to the legal work.

• 1:30:58Theo Von?

  We got some legal work.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  That is so good. And you know he's not studying to be a lawyer.

• 1:31:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, you know, he's not studying to be a lawyer. Um.

• 1:31:12Speaker 01

  Can you do accents?

• 1:31:13Theo Von?

  Do I do them?

• 1:31:14Speaker 01

  Can you do accents? Yeah.

• 1:31:15Theo Von?

  No, I can't really do them that much, I don't think. I sometimes I wish I spent more time focusing on stuff like that.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  What about you?

• 1:31:21Speaker 01

  I could, I could just do Irish.

• 1:31:23Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:31:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Pretty, but under pressure, it's pretty hard, but I, you just really have to emphasize the Irish, really. Truly and honestly, yeah.

• 1:31:31Theo Von?

  Truly, truly and honestly, yeah.

• 1:31:35Theo Von?

  All right, you go ahead.

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  I do, I do it a wee little bit, but I, here and there is a good party trick if you do it.

• 1:31:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:41Speaker 01

  But it's not really gonna take me far in life, is it?

• 1:31:43Theo Von?

  Hey, think about Charlie. That's fine. Yeah, I'm bad. But I, I think maybe if I, it'd be fun to work on, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I think, um, I like it. You did a good job.

• 1:31:54Speaker 01

  No, thanks.

• 1:31:55Theo Von?

  Uh, have you toured in Ireland yet?

• 1:31:57Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:31:58Theo Von?

  You gotta wait, huh?

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm new ski.

• 1:31:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, sorry. What are we talking about?

• 1:32:01Speaker 01

  I'm brand new.

• 1:32:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, I shouldn't have said that.

• 1:32:03Speaker 01

  Which is probably why I have nothing to talk about.

• 1:32:07Theo Von?

  No, you're great to talk to. Grace Amali, I love, I'm glad I've gotten to sit and chat with you. Um, if you guys don't know Grace, now you probably do. I think you have a good, um, I think, did we talk about your life enough, do you think?

• 1:32:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:32:20Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:21Theo Von?

  Um, oh, did you finish college or not?

• 1:32:24Speaker 01

  No, I dropped out.

• 1:32:25Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. But by the time I dropped out of college, I had a 4.0.

• 1:32:29Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:32:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I found out what, uh, Adderall was.

• 1:32:31Theo Von?

  Oh, so you were using it?

• 1:32:32Speaker 01

  So I needed it.

• 1:32:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:34Speaker 01

  As it, as it turned out.

• 1:32:35Theo Von?

  The Irish need it. What are the Irish missing? There's always that thing, you know?

• 1:32:38Speaker 01

  Uh, they're, they're missing out on, uh, well, the fathers are missing out on loving their children.

• 1:32:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:44Speaker 01

  Um, they don't know how to express it.

• 1:32:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:46Speaker 01

  And then-

• 1:32:47Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, they can't, huh?

• 1:32:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, they can't. Yeah, it's like-

• 1:32:50Theo Von?

  And they just get you a fucking Edelman jersey?

• 1:32:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. They just hope that'll, that'll equate to love. It's good.

• 1:32:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, why can't they do it?

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  Well, sharing a beer in silence, that's, that's also supposed to be love in their eyes.

• 1:33:03Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, why do the Irish have that trouble sharing love? Maybe, and if, if people listen, they can hit the hotline too with that 985-664-9503 and that would be great to just, I want to examine that next time we have a solo episode is why the Irish have that trouble expressing their love. Do you think that they have it more than other cultures?

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  Um, let's, let's think to, to compare, uh-

• 1:33:29Theo Von?

  The Koreans can't do it, they-

• 1:33:30Speaker 01

  They can't?

• 1:33:30Theo Von?

  No, they can't.

• 1:33:31Speaker 01

  No? Tough, is it tough love or is it just no love?

• 1:33:34Theo Von?

  Well, there's a video, you see that, I think, uh, Steve, um, look up Stevie Weeby, he just put that video of him, Bobby and their mother trying to do Christmas together or something. Can you see that if you put it on his Instagram? The Koreans, I don't think they can do it.

• 1:33:50Speaker 01

  Bobby's the Asian representative?

• 1:33:52Theo Von?

  Bobby is, I want to say he may be. I know. You like it? Yeah. Yeah. Late at night and I leave-

• 1:34:01Speaker 06

  Duke here by himself, he loses his mind, huh? Oh Bobby? No, Duke.

• 1:34:11Speaker 06

  Cause you have, you have no snacks here, I got hungry.

• 1:34:18Speaker 06

  No, it was six in the morning.

• 1:34:25Speaker 06

  So what happened last night was. I wanted some snacks, so I went to 7-Eleven.

• 1:34:33Theo Von?

  That's good, this is like that game show, like that telephone game or whatever. Can you see where Bobby comes in later or not? Is there any, can you help me out? Get further down, further, further. Is there any part where Bobby comes in or not? No, maybe not. The mother is very endearing, I would love to meet her. She's probably a star that I would like to meet.

• 1:34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, who, who's up there for you? Who haven't you met? And who, on top of that, who was your favorite thus far?

• 1:34:58Theo Von?

  Oh, I don't know, I got to meet Mel Gibson one time and he's very captivating.

• 1:35:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 1:35:03Theo Von?

  It's very like you get drawn into him, you know?

• 1:35:06Speaker 01

  You sit down and like shoot the shit with him?

• 1:35:08Theo Von?

  Um, yep.

• 1:35:09Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 1:35:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, I did get to one time, which is crazy, cause Patriots my favorite movie probably. Uh, was there anything else that we wanted to talk about? You have any of our topics, anything you want to look at really quick? I'm just trying to think grace before I let you go.

• 1:35:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:22Theo Von?

  Oh wait, so your new podcast, tell me about it.

• 1:35:25Speaker 01

  Okay, so it is gonna be coming out in February.

• 1:35:29Theo Von?

  That's great.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  Uh, everything is completely up in the air right now, trying to figure out what the hell it's gonna be, but for the most part, the idea for it is the name's gonna be disgraceful. And I'm gonna have, uh, like guests on every week. And for the first 50 to 20 minutes, they're auditioning to be my new co-host, cause I, I need a new co-host. So that's like the niche there. And then after that, hopefully we'll, we'll shoot the shit. I'll, uh, get to practice in a little more and be a little better for, for that.

• 1:35:56Theo Von?

  So what are you looking for in your co-host? Do you already have a parameters?

• 1:35:59Speaker 01

  Um, that's the thing. It it's all just a gimmick. I'm never, I'm never probably gonna have a host.

• 1:36:05Theo Von?

  Oh, you're not?

• 1:36:06Speaker 01

  We'll see how it goes.

• 1:36:07Theo Von?

  But there is possibility, though.

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  Possibility. Like, um, Alex suggested, um,

• 1:36:12Theo Von?

  Alex Cooper.

• 1:36:13Speaker 01

  Alex Cooper suggested that, um,

• 1:36:15Theo Von?

  From Call Her Daddy, yeah?

• 1:36:16Speaker 01

  So I had, I had pitched her my idea for this podcast and she was like, yeah, that's awesome. But what if you did a podcast with like Blake Griffin? I'm like, what? So that's the idea that she has for it. So we're gonna figure out something, um, something somewhere in the middle, something like that. Yeah. That was just like a little behind the scenes kind of phone call. So we'll see how it goes.

• 1:36:36Theo Von?

  Will she have a say in it? Will you have a say in it? Will it just be, is it up to you?

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  I get final say, yeah. So I think, I think I'm gonna stick to my guns. Uh, yeah.

• 1:36:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think just trust your instincts. It's, uh, yeah. Whatever your instincts are, I love them.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  Thanks. Right back at you.

• 1:36:51Theo Von?

  They're fun. Your instincts are fun to ride along with. Um, the Down for Anything Tour that's going on right now.

• 1:36:57Speaker 01

  Yep. And, uh, despite everything I've said on this podcast, um, it is a good show. So come, come, come on out.

• 1:37:03Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I believe that it is. I almost stayed, I wanted to stay there. I think I got nervous. There were so many girls in there.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  Lot of girls. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's like a slumber party.

• 1:37:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:13Speaker 01

  And then I, I just, my whole time, I'm just trying to make the boyfriends laugh.

• 1:37:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:17Speaker 01

  Because they don't want to be there.

• 1:37:19Theo Von?

  Oh, they are.

• 1:37:19Speaker 01

  I, I like really try my best to make them laugh the most.

• 1:37:22Theo Von?

  You know what's so funny about comedy? A lot of times you'd be on stage and it's all dates there. And so you're like, so not only are you like the kind of like, if you're the lonely one, if you're, if you're the one that doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you're, then you're also provide, you're the entertainment, right? They're paying for sure. But then they all have, and then you're like, oh, it just builds up this, sometimes it can build up this weird fucking resentment.

• 1:37:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally. I mean, um, I just did a New Year's Eve show, so everyone, three, two, one, everyone started kissing. I'm like, I'm still on stage by myself. It's like a double whammy fuck you. I was like, this is nice. This is fun.

• 1:37:55Theo Von?

  Throw a couple, you throw a couple of fingers in the hoo-ha. What do you do at that point?

• 1:38:00Speaker 01

  I just, uh, I, I started, uh, I just grabbed the, the bouncer. I just fucked him on stage there. Yeah.

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  No, I started, I started shotgunning beers. So I felt less lonely. Yes, I swear to God.

• 1:38:16Theo Von?

  There you are, Gracie. Uh, we're gonna fucking, we're gonna send some cacks your way this year, Gracie, baby.

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:25Theo Von?

  We're gonna send you a boatload of cack.

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  Fuck this year, that's for sure.

• 1:38:36Theo Von?

  And why do they say "cuck" up there in mass?

• 1:38:38Speaker 01

  Cock. Yeah. It's, um, it's just, uh, there's no way, no, uh, there's no, it's not, it's not a way for a woman to talk.

• 1:38:46Theo Von?

  Cuck.

• 1:38:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I was going in, I had a show out, right outside of, in, uh, not Medford, I don't know where it is. Is that right outside of the city?

• 1:38:55Speaker 01

  Um, Medford, yeah. That's a town.

• 1:38:58Theo Von?

  And I had a show right out there and some guy's walking up with his wife, they're eating a piece of pizza and he's like, Doris, that's the guy, we're gonna give him your pizza.

• 1:39:06Speaker 01

  Give him your pizza.

• 1:39:07Theo Von?

  And Doris, they're both eating, you can tell they just got a snack, they're running over, running a few minutes late. I'm like, I don't get it. He's like, give me a fucking pizza, Doris.

• 1:39:14Speaker 01

  You fucking bitch.

• 1:39:15Theo Von?

  So now, yeah. I love this guy. Yeah, that's how he is.

• 1:39:19Speaker 01

  I don't love you.

• 1:39:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, you fucking, we're gonna see him, Doris. So Doris gives me her pizza and then they go inside. The guy's just eating, like, what the fuck are you doing, man?

• 1:39:31Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 1:39:32Theo Von?

  I'm just like, what?

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, that's the kind of guys up there is, uh, they'll throw, they'll throw their wives across, across the car to impress their boys.

• 1:39:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  They get one about their boy, they're kind of gay for it.

• 1:39:44Theo Von?

  Oh, they're definitely, just to get a whiff of Pedroia's fucking, catch his mitt.

• 1:39:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:50Theo Von?

  Um, all right, I think we've had enough. I think we've, I think we've had a good start to the year. Any, Rez, anything that you're trying to push on yourself this year? I know maybe love is in the air, that's always in the air.

• 1:40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:03Theo Von?

  Anything else you're kind of like, any, is there a real goal that you have or something this year?

• 1:40:06Speaker 01

  Get porked at least once.

• 1:40:07Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:40:08Speaker 01

  Uh, and then we'll go, uh...

• 1:40:10Theo Von?

  Getting slammed. Now we talking?

• 1:40:12Speaker 01

  We're talking, I'll take it wherever I can get it, kind of thing. Go on.

• 1:40:17Theo Von?

  This is a Christian program.

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  Oh, is it now? I might apologize.

• 1:40:23Theo Von?

  So you're right at home. Go ahead.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, no, uh, and then I'm trying to cut back on drinking. I have a drinking problem.

• 1:40:30Theo Von?

  You do.

• 1:40:31Speaker 01

  I'm a functioning alcoholic.

• 1:40:32Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, big time. So I'm trying to, I'm trying to kick back.

• 1:40:35Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:40:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna start with the dry January and see where that goes.

• 1:40:38Theo Von?

  Oh, so you're gonna get, you're tapping back in. So for the rest of January, you're off?

• 1:40:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I missed the first day, but what are you gonna do?

• 1:40:45Theo Von?

  It's still December in some places.

• 1:40:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, right?

• 1:40:48Theo Von?

  In Holland, I think, yeah, they're behind, yeah, it's like.

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  I'm on Holland time, fuck it.

• 1:40:52Theo Von?

  I'm on Holland time.

• 1:40:52Speaker 01

  Okay, what about you?

• 1:40:55Theo Von?

  What about me? No, I'm gonna try to be sober all year, I think. But any New Year's resolutions?

• 1:41:01Speaker 01

  Resolutions, yeah.

• 1:41:02Theo Von?

  I'm gonna try to be more pertinent with my time. Like, don't waste time in things that I know, like, I think with relationship stuff, don't waste, like, dating time in things that maybe don't have a chance kind of thing.

• 1:41:14Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 1:41:15Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:41:17Speaker 01

  So stop dating, uh, girls with no personality?

• 1:41:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, just if I know it's not really there, don't just kind of use, you know, use the situation just because maybe I'm lonesome or something.

• 1:41:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:27Theo Von?

  You know, or like, don't, or just because I don't have anybody to go do, you know, just be like, well, just do shit by myself then sometimes, or just be by myself or whatever.

• 1:41:33Speaker 01

  It's not all that bad.

• 1:41:34Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:41:35Speaker 01

  It's not that bad.

• 1:41:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:36Speaker 01

  Do it all the time.

• 1:41:37Theo Von?

  And then, um...

• 1:41:41Theo Von?

  And then...

• 1:41:42Speaker 01

  Your nightmare is my everyday.

• 1:41:44Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:41:47Theo Von?

  And then, I don't know, get out there and fuck, do some sex, maybe, I don't know, something else. Uh, I don't know, I'd like to read a little bit more, maybe this year.

• 1:41:59Speaker 01

  You read a lot last year?

• 1:42:01Theo Von?

  Not as much as I'd have liked. But just because I want to have that slow time, your thoughts are slowed down and you're just kind of relaxing, you know? It's like my brain gets so sped up.

• 1:42:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can't, I don't know how to slow it down.

• 1:42:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, slow it down and maybe pray, pray, yeah, pray if I meet a wife or something, 2020 wife, that's where I'm at.

• 1:42:17Speaker 01

  There you go, 2020 wife.

• 1:42:19Theo Von?

  It could happen, dude.

• 1:42:19Speaker 01

  That's good, I like that.

• 1:42:20Theo Von?

  Welcome to come country, huh?

• 1:42:22Speaker 01

  There you go, then you can hang out with your other friends.

• 1:42:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, huh? We're coming over.

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  I got me a bride now.

• 1:42:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, huh? Look at her. Look at her.

• 1:42:31Speaker 01

  She give me pizza.

• 1:42:33Theo Von?

  Doris. Uh, Grace O'Malley, thank you so much for coming. Nora O'Malley, thank you for coming too. And, um, cheers and blessings to you guys. Happy New Year.

• 1:42:42Speaker 01

  Happy New Year, man. Thank you very much. It was a honor, truly and honestly.

• 1:42:47Theo Von?

  And same for me, and best of luck with Disgraceful that comes out in February?

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:42:50Theo Von?

  Okay, on the Unwell Network.

• 1:42:52Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:42:53Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 1:42:53Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.