Judd Apatow asks about breakup dialog

Judd Apatow has made countless funny movies... so of course he has to ask Handsome a cinematic, hilarious, and heartbreaking question on today's episode! Plus Mae tries out turquoise, Fortune's fish taco fiasco, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepod and Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/b583d0bc-eeb0-4560-8b2b-5c8ae0248a19?play=false&utm_source=shared_linkThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Tomboy X. Tomboy X might be the most handsome brand we've ever worked with. They're queer-founded, queer-run, and queer-designed. Tomboy X is the makers of premium underwear, bras, swimwear, and loungewear with sizes for everyone from extra-small through 6X. They want you to feel comfortable in Tomboy X and comfortable in your own skin.

• 0:26Fortune Feimster?

  From thongs to boy shorts to nine-inch briefs, Tomboy X is so inclusive in their styles and sizes. I got their briefs in a couple of different fabrics and they're the comfiest I've ever owned. They have a Love It for Sightwear guarantee, so if you don't feel delighted by your new underwear, you can get your money back with no questions asked. But let me tell you, I don't think you're gonna be returning those bad boys. Plus, Tomboy X gives back, picking out a different charity to support and highlight every month.

• 0:57Mae Martin?

  Go to tomboyx.com and when you're there, use code HANDSOM15 for 15% off your purchase at checkout. And tell them the Handsome Pod sent you.

• 1:06Fortune Feimster?

  Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

• 1:18Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin.

• 1:22Tig Notaro?

  I'm Tig Notaro.

• 1:23Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 1:26Mae Martin?

  There's a lot happening.

• 1:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we...

• 1:29Tig Notaro?

  And yet, nothing.

• 1:30Mae Martin?

  And yet.

• 1:30Tig Notaro?

  Nothing.

• 1:31Fortune Feimster?

  And nothing. May has graced us with a color palette.

• 1:38Mae Martin?

  Very unusual for me and I...

• 1:41Fortune Feimster?

  Go to UHaul.com.

• 1:42Mae Martin?

  I'm wearing a turquoise... Basically, I buy vintage t-shirts that have...

• 1:48Tig Notaro?

  That's vintage?

• 1:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and that have things on them that I like and wanna wrap. And this is just a Toronto t-shirt.

• 1:53Fortune Feimster?

  It looks very clean.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  Does not... What? Vintage? When?

• 1:57Mae Martin?

  The 90s.

• 1:58Fortune Feimster?

  But I wonder if no one wore it.

• 2:00Mae Martin?

  Well, I know why, because A, it feels like kind of polyester.

• 2:05Fortune Feimster?

  We made May put it on.

• 2:06Mae Martin?

  You guys were like, "You never wear colors. This would be great." And I look like a toddler, I feel, and it...

• 2:12Tig Notaro?

  What's wrong with looking like a toddler?

• 2:14Mae Martin?

  You know what? You're right.

• 2:15Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think you look like a toddler. Well, May came in with all of their dry cleaning.

• 2:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:20Fortune Feimster?

  And we saw this beacon of bright turquoise. And we're like, "Bud, put that on."

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  I'm curious how it'll affect my mood. As soon as I put it on, I knew I will never wear this again.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  I wonder how it's gonna affect your sex life.

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 2:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That's what I'm worried about.

• 2:35Mae Martin?

  Well, I ordered... I had it altered, because I thought maybe that would make me like it if I just cut it, made it a little shorter. I still despise it.

• 2:44Fortune Feimster?

  Because you alter a lot of your tees.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  All my tees have to go like an inch and a half up at the hem, usually.

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  Well, then Tig pointed out my shirt.

• 2:53Mae Martin?

  You're also wearing a toddler shirt.

• 2:55Tig Notaro?

  Such a toddler shirt.

• 2:57Mae Martin?

  It's got a little dinosaur on it.

• 2:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Do you remember the last time we saw you in person?

• 3:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it was the onion shirt.

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  The onion shirt.

• 3:04Tig Notaro?

  And like...

• 3:07Mae Martin?

  It was a weird collection.

• 3:08Fortune Feimster?

  Papers.

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  So this t-shirt is... Got a little tiny dinosaur in the middle of it, which, yes, I've never worn a shirt with dinosaurs on it.

• 3:20Mae Martin?

  I would wear that.

• 3:20Tig Notaro?

  Talk about looking like an infant.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  It's cool.

• 3:23Tig Notaro?

  Or a toddler.

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  It's called... There's a name for one of these t... A drop shirt? Is that what it is?

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, drop shoulder.

• 3:28Fortune Feimster?

  It's drop shoulders. One of those tees.

• 3:30Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what is that? What do you mean?

• 3:31Fortune Feimster?

  Whatever this is.

• 3:32Mae Martin?

  Like the shoulder is dropped down a bit and it's sort of skater.

• 3:36Fortune Feimster?

  Kind of boxy.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like it.

• 3:37Fortune Feimster?

  It's big and...

• 3:38Mae Martin?

  I wish I was wearing it.

• 3:40Fortune Feimster?

  It's very thick.

• 3:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:41Fortune Feimster?

  So I went to... I had shows a bit ago in Wilmington, North Carolina, and I went into the coffee...

• 3:48Tig Notaro?

  Shows? What do you do?

• 3:49Fortune Feimster?

  I am a stand-up.

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow.

• 3:51Fortune Feimster?

  And this coffee shop, Hidden Grounds, shout-out. They were... The guys and gals that worked in there were so lovely. I bought a coffee and they're like, "We wanna give you a shirt." And they go, "Pick out a shirt." And their whole thing is like dinosaurs.

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  That's their coffee shop's thing?

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, all their shirts have dinosaurs on them.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  Whoa, okay.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  And so I was like, "I never wear brown." And they were like, "I think that's the one."

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  I wish I was wearing it.

• 4:19Fortune Feimster?

  It's cute.

• 4:20Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you guys trade shirts right now?

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, I would never fit in May's shirt.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  It would suit your eyes in those golden locks.

• 4:27Fortune Feimster?

  I do rock a color very nicely.

• 4:29Mae Martin?

  It's wild to me. And I'll probably... Like, last time we recorded...

• 4:33Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what's wild?

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  Just wearing this.

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  If you get uncomfortable at any point, you can change mid-show.

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Or just do a toplet.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  We should do a topless episode.

• 4:42Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  Girl, I don't high-five. I forgot I don't high-five. If I high-fived...

• 4:49Mae Martin?

  It would have been full contact.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my Lord.

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't want Tig to feel left out of this conversation. Tig looks like she's come straight out of The Outsiders movie.

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, collar popped.

• 4:59Fortune Feimster?

  Ponyboy over there.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Looking cool as hell.

• 5:02Tig Notaro?

  Who played Ponyboy?

• 5:03Fortune Feimster?

  Tom Cruise, baby. But that's what I mean.

• 5:05Tig Notaro?

  Or no, was he?

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  No, Soda... He was Soda Pop.

• 5:07Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 5:08Tig Notaro?

  Soda Pop?

• 5:09Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna Google it.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no. Ponyboy was the Tim somebody? Timothy? Hold on.

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 5:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, y'all talk amongst yourselves.

• 5:20Mae Martin?

  I was just in New York and I saw that The Outsiders was playing there on Broadway. I saw Rocky Horror on Broadway.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  Wait, this is gonna be a weird question. Did Angelina Jolie produce The Outsiders?

• 5:34Mae Martin?

  Produce the play?

• 5:35Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, I couldn't tell you.

• 5:36Tig Notaro?

  Google that up, too.

• 5:38Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, you guys, I can only Google so much at a time. Who plays Soda Pop in The Outsiders? Rob Lowe.

• 5:43Tig Notaro?

  Rob Lowe, okay.

• 5:44Fortune Feimster?

  And then we gotta say, who plays Ponyboy?

• 5:47Tig Notaro?

  Those guys did well, huh?

• 5:49Fortune Feimster?

  They did all right for Outsiders. Who plays... Because originally I said Tom Cruise. We're gonna see if I was right. No, that was C. Thomas Howell. I don't know.

• 5:59Tig Notaro?

  Was Tom Cruise... He was in it.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, speaking of Thomas, Thomas is not here today.

• 6:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes.

• 6:04Mae Martin?

  Under the weather.

• 6:06Tig Notaro?

  Rest in peace.

• 6:07Mae Martin?

  Rest in peace. He has fallen ill.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  He's fallen ill.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  He's listening live, so we...

• 6:13Tig Notaro?

  He has the flu.

• 6:15Mae Martin?

  But we're graced with Sean.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 6:18Tig Notaro?

  Hi, Sean.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Happy to be here.

• 6:19Mae Martin?

  Happy to have you.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Just so you know, Tom Cruise played Steve Randy.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I would have never guessed that.

• 6:24Tig Notaro?

  Steve Randy.

• 6:25Fortune Feimster?

  Steve Randy. Thank you for that.

• 6:27Mae Martin?

  Randy.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Or Randall, sorry.

• 6:29Fortune Feimster?

  Or Randall.

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  That's enough out of you, Sean. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Look how scared I was. I'm just kidding.

• 6:37Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want any trouble here. Not with The Outsiders. Well, you want me to Google, "What about Angelina?"

• 6:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, did she produce The Outsiders?

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  The play?

• 6:45Tig Notaro?

  On Broadway?

• 6:46Mae Martin?

  I don't know. I've never heard that.

• 6:47Tig Notaro?

  I feel like she won a Tony. Stephanie told me.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  I think. Maybe I've made things up, but I feel like she won a Tony for producing something on Broadway.

• 6:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. She is a lead producer for the Broadway musical adaptation of The Outsiders.

• 7:02Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  I mean, look at me, all Hollywood-Broadway.

• 7:06Fortune Feimster?

  Somebody's coming in with facts.

• 7:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:08Mae Martin?

  So I saw Rocky... The Rocky Horror Show on Broadway, which I deeply love. And, man, it was good. And Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters played Frank Comfitter.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  And you just saw this?

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, on Sunday.

• 7:20Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Matinee. So I was with Parv and Ama. We were there for just the weekend, because Parv had like a Survivor event. And then...

• 7:27Fortune Feimster?

  And did you dress in costume?

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  No, I went... I didn't. But it was at Studio 54, like the iconic Studio 54.

• 7:35Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  So that was cool, just picturing all the debauchery and stuff. It's like a very... There's an energy in that building. And then, oh, man, I was like...

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  A coke energy?

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  The whole weekend, I was... Yeah, real coke energy in the building. I was like, just fanning out the whole... Because the Survivor event was heaven to me. It was like Richard Hatch, the first-ever winner, was there. Jerry Manthy, who doesn't...

• 7:57Tig Notaro?

  Jerry Manthy was there?

• 7:59Mae Martin?

  You're joking, right?

• 8:00Fortune Feimster?

  Tig does not know one thing about Survivor. I can tell you that.

• 8:03Tig Notaro?

  I know who Parvati is.

• 8:05Mae Martin?

  Parvati was there?

• 8:06Fortune Feimster?

  You only know about Parvati because of May.

• 8:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, exactly. But I know.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  You know John Lovett?

• 8:12Tig Notaro?

  I do. I know John Lovett.

• 8:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Mike White.

• 8:15Tig Notaro?

  I know Mike White. These are all three people I know.

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  And... But that was amazing. And then the next day, they went on to Montreal, Parv and Ama. And then I was like, "You know, I'm gonna push my flight a few hours later so I can go see a matinee, because I really wanna see the show." And I was really glad I did. And Jake Shears was so good as Frank Comfitter. And I had... I was like, fanning...

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Were you emotional?

• 8:36Mae Martin?

  Actually, I was like goosebumpy. The opening chords...

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  Are you emotional right now?

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  I could get emotional talking about it. No, I feel pretty regulated. But, man, it was good. And then Montreal, I went to... Well, you know how you feel about mountain goats, Tig?

• 8:52Tig Notaro?

  I do know how I feel about them.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Like, you could get emotional almost talking about...

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 8:56Mae Martin?

  No, just...

• 8:57Tig Notaro?

  I feel like... Talk about a coke vibe.

• 9:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:00Tig Notaro?

  It ramps me up like I'm on coke. I've never done coke.

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Tig Notaro?

  But I'm like, "Have you seen a mountain goat walk on a wall?"

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  That's what I'm like about things I'm a fan of. And I was pretty coked out, energy-wise, over... I went to the biodome and they don't have a lot of animals there, but they have all these ecosystems in Montreal. It's like the buildings that they built for the Olympics. And I saw penguins, which it was the thing of...

• 9:27Tig Notaro?

  Business geese?

• 9:28Mae Martin?

  I saw business geese. That thing that you said about someone's feeling like you're on acid when you look at an animal, it was like that... Otters, guys. They were playing. They were cuddling. They were right up close. They were like... Their little faces.

• 9:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  Like, they're like little...

• 9:47Tig Notaro?

  Otters.

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  Otters. They're like...

• 9:48Fortune Feimster?

  They are otters. They are just like otters.

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  Did you see any beavers?

• 9:52Mae Martin?

  Yes. I did see a beaver.

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  No, I played a beaver in Zootopia, too. That's why I was asking.

• 9:58Tig Notaro?

  I played a bear in Zootopia.

• 10:00Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 10:00Mae Martin?

  Do you feel an affinity with beavers?

• 10:01Fortune Feimster?

  I do now.

• 10:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  But I guess I always have.

• 10:07Tig Notaro?

  I've always been a fan.

• 10:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  You have you?

• 10:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:10Tig Notaro?

  Beaver in a way?

• 10:13Tig Notaro?

  The eager beaver.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  I feel like I've, I want my life's, I was sent here from space.

• 10:20Tig Notaro?

  Wait, is this true?

• 10:21Mae Martin?

  Like, yeah, like my life's lesson to learn on this earth is how to transform from beaver energy to otter energy, like from the like, sort of hunched over, like, like, like, obsessive.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  Isn't that everyone's mission?

• 10:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, everyone, we gotta become otter energy.

• 10:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you otter become otter energy.

• 10:39Mae Martin?

  You otter become an otter.

• 10:41Tig Notaro?

  I am back.

• 10:42Mae Martin?

  You were back.

• 10:43Tig Notaro?

  You're back, baby. I am back.

• 10:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was really, it was really good, though.

• 10:47Tig Notaro?

  Pony boy.

• 10:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:48Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm Steve.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  Randall.

• 10:52Tig Notaro?

  Randall. No, you're Pony Boy, that's a much better name.

• 10:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Tig Notaro?

  Now, you texted me the other day.

• 11:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what did I?

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  That Parvati met Rebecca from Ghosts.

• 11:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't, am I allowed to say that? Well, yeah, probably, yeah, Parvati, well, did a thing and got to, and met your friend from the CBS sitcom Ghosts.

• 11:15Tig Notaro?

  Okay, and do you know how I met her?

• 11:17Mae Martin?

  How?

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  I was on a flight.

• 11:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:20Tig Notaro?

  And a woman was sitting next to me, this was when everyone was masked up.

• 11:26Mae Martin?

  Uh huh.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  And Rebecca has serious red hair.

• 11:31Mae Martin?

  Yes, bright red, curly.

• 11:33Tig Notaro?

  Yes. A nice head of hair, this woman.

• 11:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:37Tig Notaro?

  We were in the first row of the plane, sitting next to each other, minding our own business. Every single person that walked onto this plane went, "Oh, I know you," to her. And I was like, "What the hell is this?" And, uh, every.

• 11:58Mae Martin?

  It's a popular show.

• 11:59Tig Notaro?

  So I, I understand this.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I did not know who was sitting next to me, and I was truly like.

• 12:06Mae Martin?

  You were like, is it Susan Sarandon? Who, she's wearing a mask?

• 12:09Tig Notaro?

  What about me?

• 12:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Tig Notaro?

  No, but people would come on, they'd be like, "Oh, I know that hair even with that mask on." I was, I was losing my mind.

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  That would drive me nuts.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and so, um, yeah, I, uh, I snapped a picture of her, and I sent it to Stephanie, I was like, "Who the hell is this?" And she was like, "I don't know, I'm gonna send it to Lauren Lapkus," you know, because she knows all pop culture. Lauren's like, "I don't know who this is." And then I go on The Tonight Show, oh, I was headed to New York to do The Tonight Show, and that was what I did in the segment, was I, I said, "I was on this flight, who the hell is this?"

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  That was your bit?

• 12:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:53Mae Martin?

  That's funny.

• 12:54Tig Notaro?

  And so, everybody from the internet starts like, you know, coming at me, like, with, uh, like, "What is your problem? This is so obvious," and.

• 13:05Mae Martin?

  And you read every single comment. But did she, did she reach out to you? Were people tagging her?

• 13:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but then Jimmy asked me to come back the next day when I was flying home.

• 13:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, funny.

• 13:14Tig Notaro?

  Um, to reveal who it was.

• 13:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Tig Notaro?

  And then I was in DC lobbying, um.

• 13:21Mae Martin?

  As you do.

• 13:22Tig Notaro?

  As you do, and Rebecca was there.

• 13:24Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 13:24Tig Notaro?

  And so.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Had she heard about it? Was she like?

• 13:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, she heard. Oh, she wrote me on Instagram.

• 13:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:31Tig Notaro?

  And then we became friendly, and I think this is how it happened.

• 13:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that sounds about right.

• 13:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so, uh, so when you sent me that, I was like, "Oh, yes, I do know Rebecca."

• 13:42Mae Martin?

  That's funny.

• 13:43Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and when I did, when I turned, when I returned to The Tonight Show the next night, um, they wanted me to show up, because I really was about to leave town.

• 13:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:56Tig Notaro?

  They wanted me to show up, they put a neck pillow.

• 14:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 14:01Tig Notaro?

  And like, bringing my suitcase on.

• 14:03Mae Martin?

  That's funny.

• 14:04Tig Notaro?

  And Jimmy was like, "I'm sorry, I just, you know."

• 14:07Mae Martin?

  I had to know.

• 14:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:10Mae Martin?

  Cute bit. Would you guys live in New York? I was, we were staying in Times Square, like, it was an assault on the senses, it was so intense.

• 14:18Tig Notaro?

  I can't, I hate staying in that area, that midtown area. It's like when people come to LA and they stay on Hollywood Boulevard.

• 14:25Mae Martin?

  When I first came here, I did that, and I thought, I, this, I can't do this. I was, I was like the Walk of Fame. I was right there, like, they had a hotel right behind it, and I thought, "This is hell."

• 14:35Tig Notaro?

  And when was this?

• 14:37Mae Martin?

  It was, I, I got a part on The Flight Attendant.

• 14:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  I came out to film it, and then I ended up moving areas, because I was like, "This is crazy," but.

• 14:47Tig Notaro?

  So you put yourself up on Hollywood Boulevard?

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  I think they put me in a hotel on Hollywood.

• 14:52Tig Notaro?

  Or like, or like, or be honest, be really honest. Did you say?

• 14:55Mae Martin?

  Make sure it's.

• 14:56Tig Notaro?

  Can you put me in a hotel on Hollywood Boulevard?

• 14:58Mae Martin?

  I bet I know which hotel, I, they put a lot of people there.

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  Was it the W? Isn't that on Hollywood?

• 15:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think it might be the W.

• 15:04Tig Notaro?

  Or the Lowe's Hotel?

• 15:05Mae Martin?

  It was, it's, it was a couple blocks behind, like, but I'd leave the hotel, walk a block, and I'm right there.

• 15:12Tig Notaro?

  Right there in the urine, we'll never know.

• 15:14Mae Martin?

  Peace smelling, yeah, with like Marilyn Monroe impersonators.

• 15:19Tig Notaro?

  I would like to live in New York for like a month doing, filming something.

• 15:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:23Tig Notaro?

  But then I, I don't wanna live there, though, it's too crazy for me.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  When I was watching Rocky Horror, I did have a moment where I thought, "I know my life dream is to be in Rocky Horror on Broadway."

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  I could see that.

• 15:37Mae Martin?

  I would need it to happen.

• 15:38Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well, let's, let's put a vibe out there into the world.

• 15:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:43Tig Notaro?

  Dear, dear God.

• 15:45Mae Martin?

  Dear Lord.

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  Dear Lord.

• 15:47Mae Martin?

  Dear baby Jesus. But I don't know what part I would play, because there's like, I always thought I wanted to play Rocky the creature, but then the guy playing him is like, the whole point is he is so ripped and muscly and confident. Not like this.

• 16:00Tig Notaro?

  You could be in like half a minute.

• 16:03Mae Martin?

  I would dedicate time to it.

• 16:05Tig Notaro?

  I would dedicate time to helping you get to that.

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  I think I have more of a broad energy.

• 16:09Tig Notaro?

  I'll eat a cheeseburger while watching y'all dedicate time to it.

• 16:17Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 16:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote, it could save you hundreds, you're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 16:45Tig Notaro?

  I'm all about feeling good every chance I get. That's why, when the mood strikes me, I drink Willie's THC-infused social tonic. Willie's is an alcohol alternative that actually works, an uplifting, euphoric buzz you can really feel with no negative side effects.

• 17:03Mae Martin?

  We're big fans of Willie Nelson, and that's why it's so impressive that he took a break from everything else he's doing to craft his own social tonic. It's inspired by Willie's legendary way of life, where peace flows freely and hangovers are a thing of the past. With only 15 calories and three grams of sugar, it's all the fun with zero regrets. I love the flavor, too, it's a scrumptious blend of passion fruit, lemon, and lime. Just one shot helps you relax, unwind, and take the edge off after a long day.

• 17:29Tig Notaro?

  Willie's is the number one THC-infused beverage in the US with over 350,000 happy customers and 1 million-plus bottles sold. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code HANSOME for 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. Or use a store locator to find Willie's on shelves near you, like your local Total Wine, Specs, ABC, or local liquor store. This episode of Handsome is brought to you by our friends at Wild Grain. Cozy season is here, which means cooler temperatures and warmer ovens. It's the perfect time to enjoy fresh baked breads and seasonal treats at home.

• 18:11Tig Notaro?

  Everything baked straight from frozen in 25 minutes or less, and right now, Wild Grain is celebrating Carbs Giving, their biggest sale of the year with their best offer of the year.

• 18:21Mae Martin?

  This month, I gave Wild Grain's pasta a try. I got their fresh fettuccine along with their classic marinara sauce. Let me tell you, it was so easy to make, and I felt like I was eating at the fanciest restaurant.

• 18:32Tig Notaro?

  If you're ready for warm, bakery-quality food at home this cozy season, I definitely recommend giving Wild Grain a try. And for Carbs Giving, Wild Grain's biggest sale of the year, you can get $40 off your first box plus free croissants for life. That's the best offer you'll hear from me all year. Visit wildgrain.com/hansome40 to get $40 off your first box of free croissants for life, or use promo code HANSOME40 at checkout. Again, that's wildgrain.com/hansome40, or use HANSOME40 at checkout.

• 19:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Brad is like the nerdy, straight guy in it, who's, I mean, he.

• 19:12Tig Notaro?

  That was the Tim, um, the other Tims part?

• 19:16Mae Martin?

  Barry Bostwick.

• 19:17Tig Notaro?

  That's what I meant, yes.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  Who's like, "Hi, I'm Brad Maders."

• 19:20Tig Notaro?

  I was thinking of Susan Sarandon's ex-husband.

• 19:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:25Mae Martin?

  Anyways, I think I gotta do it, and I gotta, that means I have to learn to use my voice, because even when I sing serious music, I'm, I'm, I'm holding back.

• 19:33Tig Notaro?

  Don't hold back, though. I can't get over your little tiny baby May video where you were just singing your little heart out.

• 19:39Mae Martin?

  That was crazy.

• 19:40Tig Notaro?

  You felt like a child star. You did, you felt like, you could have like a dance mom bossing you around.

• 19:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:50Tig Notaro?

  Like, you had what it took at that age.

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  I took it deeply seriously, yeah.

• 19:54Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, I'm over here talking to May. And this is May's little moment.

• 20:00Mae Martin?

  It's not, "Oh, I'm not part of this."

• 20:02Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 20:02Mae Martin?

  Okay, continue.

• 20:04Tig Notaro?

  We will cut to you in a second.

• 20:07Fortune Feimster?

  I really, I was just not expecting that side of you. I, I, I, I know you're, um,

• 20:13Mae Martin?

  Musically inclined.

• 20:15Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, uh, Mae Martin thing now, um, as a singer.

• 20:20Mae Martin?

  But the, the tryhard musical theater side.

• 20:22Fortune Feimster?

  The little tiny baby May that was just singing your.

• 20:25Mae Martin?

  Hard out, watching Funny Girl and being like, I want to be that.

• 20:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you wanted to be a, it's the star of the stage.

• 20:32Mae Martin?

  But, uh, yeah, I don't know what happened. I, I went inside myself somehow. Uh, we're all just trying to get back to what we were like as kids, right?

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  Dinosaurs.

• 20:40Tig Notaro?

  Wouldn't you rather be what you are now than Babs? Or?

• 20:44Mae Martin?

  No, I, what, I had a kind of an awakening watching Rocky Horror where I, particularly Frankenfurter, I was like, is it in me that I could like belt out a tune on Broadway? Like really go for it? And I don't have the, but I'd have to train my voice, but.

• 20:58Fortune Feimster?

  We can do it.

• 20:58Mae Martin?

  Shall we?

• 20:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Mae Martin?

  We shall.

• 21:00Fortune Feimster?

  Get the cheeseburgers ready.

• 21:02Mae Martin?

  Get your cheeseburger and you can.

• 21:03Fortune Feimster?

  Not for you. Thank you.

• 21:07Tig Notaro?

  And what's going on with you?

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 21:09Fortune Feimster?

  Gosh, what's going on with me, you guys? Um, I'm just on the road and hanging with my mom here and there. And not, my life is not very exciting at the moment.

• 21:23Tig Notaro?

  We're not looking for excitement. We just want to know, what is going on?

• 21:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna film my.

• 21:28Tig Notaro?

  What the hell is going on?

• 21:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. I'm gonna film my fourth hour special.

• 21:33Mae Martin?

  How are you feeling about that?

• 21:34Fortune Feimster?

  I'm excited for that.

• 21:35Mae Martin?

  Is the material still reflective of where you're at when you wrote it? Like, is it still evolving?

• 21:41Fortune Feimster?

  I talk about, um, a, a lot of it's about my mom and that situation, but a lot of it's also childhood stories. Um, but yeah, this is, this, I get a little earnest in a way that I've never done before. So that's kind of different for me. Um, right now I gotta figure out what I'm gonna wear.

• 22:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, girl, can I help?

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, please.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Do you have a stylist?

• 22:05Fortune Feimster?

  I do, so I probably should, uh, enlist her help, but I can't decide if I want to go suit again.

• 22:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you should go brown dinosaur.

• 22:14Mae Martin?

  Drop shoulder, brown dinosaur.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  No, but I like, I, unlike May, I do want a, a nice pop of color.

• 22:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Fortune Feimster?

  So I don't know, do I go blue suit this time?

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  That'd be nice.

• 22:26Tig Notaro?

  Haven't you blue suited?

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  I did pink suit.

• 22:29Mae Martin?

  But what'd you do before that?

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, like a bomber jacket, like a green bomber jacket. And then the one before that was a black bomber jacket. Then when I went color, it was like, you know, a real nice pop.

• 22:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:41Fortune Feimster?

  So I'm like, do I do the pop again with the color?

• 22:43Mae Martin?

  You just want to, you want to feel totally yourself and confident. I always fuck up and like the, the one I just filmed that I'm editing now and I'm, I can see I'm not fully.

• 22:53Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 22:53Mae Martin?

  The t-shirt was too tight and I keep adjusting it.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  Would you, what, it was just a t-shirt and jeans?

• 22:58Mae Martin?

  It was a t-shirt and jeans, but it was like a new t-shirt that was a little tight.

• 23:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, a new one?

• 23:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I kept.

• 23:05Tig Notaro?

  And how, and so you're sitting in editing right now?

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:09Tig Notaro?

  And are you happy with it? How are you feeling?

• 23:12Mae Martin?

  I don't know, actually. And this is the first time I've felt that probably about anything.

• 23:16Fortune Feimster?

  Like you just can't decide if you're into it or not?

• 23:19Mae Martin?

  I ambitiously was like, I'm gonna put an improv set in it and, and the song and a, and.

• 23:26Tig Notaro?

  You did improv alone?

• 23:27Mae Martin?

  No, with my, with Matt. We do a, we do a set and, um, I don't, I just have to make sure the edit's right.

• 23:34Fortune Feimster?

  You can't cut anything you want to though, if it doesn't work.

• 23:38Tig Notaro?

  Including Matt.

• 23:38Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, honestly, if you feel like, if you watch it and, and you should have other people weigh in.

• 23:44Mae Martin?

  That's what I mean, I'm too inside it.

• 23:46Fortune Feimster?

  You can take it out.

• 23:47Mae Martin?

  I mean, I like it, but there is something about watching filmed improv.

• 23:51Fortune Feimster?

  Cut him out.

• 23:54Fortune Feimster?

  Like, bud, I gotta tell you something. You can cut. Hollywood's a tough biz.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  I'm okay editing myself in like a scripted thing. I'm totally fine, but something about watching myself do stand-up is like, you see all your verbal tics. I'm like.

• 24:08Fortune Feimster?

  It's tough to watch yourself over and over and over again like that.

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  Saying like so much. I'm like.

• 24:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah. You just watch it, you're like, why? Yeah. But I've never like, do you ever? I, I only ever write bullet point, set lists and stuff, so I've never sat down.

• 24:25Tig Notaro?

  You do word for word?

• 24:26Fortune Feimster?

  Word for word.

• 24:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think.

• 24:30Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 24:30Mae Martin?

  That is wild to me too.

• 24:31Tig Notaro?

  Every single time I hear, I'm like.

• 24:33Fortune Feimster?

  13 page script.

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 24:36Fortune Feimster?

  Ram, page one.

• 24:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:38Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's also to, for my own reference, there'll be, there will be times where I'm like, did I already say this?

• 24:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, you were saying that. That's, that's a good idea. Yeah.

• 24:48Mae Martin?

  And then you can get the wording just right too. Yeah.

• 24:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like the show, I like the content, but, um, I might chop it, chop it up a bit.

• 24:57Fortune Feimster?

  How long is it right now?

• 25:00Mae Martin?

  Like over an hour.

• 25:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you, you could cut that.

• 25:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:03Tig Notaro?

  How long is the improv segment?

• 25:06Mae Martin?

  Well, it could be as long or short as it needs to be. Each show, we, I filmed the show twice and we, so each time we did like 15 minutes. And so I'll probably cut it down to the 10 best minutes. It's more like, does it feel like when you watch it filmed and edited, you're like, it should be incredible then. And it is, it's good, but it's just improv. It's like, you know what I mean? And so in a Netflix special context, you're like.

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  You should have some people weigh in.

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:33Fortune Feimster?

  I think for sure. And also, as long as it make sure, sure it still flows, like, where it doesn't feel like abrupt, like, oh, right, now this.

• 25:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:43Fortune Feimster?

  And then now back to this.

• 25:45Mae Martin?

  It might feel abrupt if I take it out though.

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  That's another, you could also ask to see it, what it looks like.

• 25:51Tig Notaro?

  I think we should edit this conversation.

• 25:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, let's cut it all out.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  We're just giving people a little peek behind the curtain, pony boy.

• 25:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah. It's, yeah.

• 26:00Fortune Feimster?

  But.

• 26:01Tig Notaro?

  But do you find yourself sitting back and like having a chuckle? Like, is this good? Was the audience good? Were you happy with them?

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  The audience was great. I don't know. I, there, I like all the big stories and set pieces.

• 26:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  But I think in my head, I thought, I want to keep this as casual as my tour show was and keep, make it feel really like kind of messy and intimate. And then watching it edited, I'm like, I wish it was a little more polished or something.

• 26:30Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 26:32Mae Martin?

  So, you know.

• 26:33Tig Notaro?

  Well, hmm.

• 26:34Mae Martin?

  But that's the edit, I guess.

• 26:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's what you got, that's what you work with.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  What if I just ADR? Like I record, I stay, the whole thing is just on my back, the shot of the audience from gay to me.

• 26:44Fortune Feimster?

  Another thing.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And really, uh, to summarize what I'm.

• 26:48Fortune Feimster?

  He keeps cutting from you.

• 26:49Tig Notaro?

  I, I ADR'd, um, something into my special.

• 26:53Mae Martin?

  Did you?

• 26:54Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:55Tig Notaro?

  It was very minor. I had, um, named my special, it was the next Netflix special. It was my happy, happy to be here special.

• 27:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:09Tig Notaro?

  And I had named it something else. And I was on a walk one morning and I was like, oh, it should be called Happy to Be Here. Because it felt like after my previous specials where I was, it was like, and also it's such a thing of like walking on stage and being like, ah, I'm happy to be here. Um, I was like, oh, that's the title. And when I, I went back and looked at the footage to see, do I walk out and say, happy to be here? Uh, and then I say, uh, it's good to be here. And so I ADR.

• 27:44Mae Martin?

  Smooth.

• 27:46Tig Notaro?

  Happy to be.

• 27:47Mae Martin?

  Happy to be here.

• 27:47Tig Notaro?

  I just say happy.

• 27:49Fortune Feimster?

  I like that. Nice.

• 27:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:51Mae Martin?

  That's good.

• 27:52Tig Notaro?

  Go back and look at my Netflix special, Happy to Be Here, and know that I said hap, good to be here.

• 27:58Mae Martin?

  Uh-huh. And we hear the different tone of your voice.

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  Happy.

• 28:01Mae Martin?

  Happy. To be here.

• 28:02Fortune Feimster?

  Happy.

• 28:03Tig Notaro?

  Happy.

• 28:04Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to look into taking my mom on a gay cruise again.

• 28:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, she loves that.

• 28:08Fortune Feimster?

  She's not gay, but she loves the gays. Uh, and so I'm trying to, I don't know if it'll work out, but I'm trying to finagle another gay cruise just a couple of days.

• 28:18Mae Martin?

  And does it matter what the, what it is or does it just.

• 28:21Fortune Feimster?

  No, it doesn't matter where it goes.

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  It does, yes.

• 28:24Fortune Feimster?

  She just wants to be surrounded by gay men for three days.

• 28:27Tig Notaro?

  That is so great.

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, the last time I took her on one like two years ago and she like cried at the end. We only went on half of it and, which we would do again.

• 28:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but she was a hit, right?

• 28:38Fortune Feimster?

  She was a hit and it, our, our lives were so different at the time. She had, it was about a month and a half before she knew she had cancer.

• 28:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, she's just bopping along and she was a big hit and was so, she's like, I'm not ready to leave. Cause they treated her so well. These men were obsessed with her.

• 28:58Tig Notaro?

  So it's a gay man cruise solely?

• 29:00Fortune Feimster?

  It's a gay man cruise.

• 29:01Mae Martin?

  And then you and Ginger.

• 29:02Tig Notaro?

  And how'd you get in there? Did you put on a fake mustache?

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  So at the time, this was.

• 29:09Fortune Feimster?

  At the time, I was just like, I want to take my mom on a cruise because she loves cruises. That's how she prefers to travel. But, and so I wasn't seeking out a gay cruise. And so my reps just reached out to different places and that opportunity came about. And once we were there, I was like, I only want to take her on gay men cruises now.

• 29:31Tig Notaro?

  Yep. Was she dancing with them?

• 29:34Fortune Feimster?

  All the things. She sticks her finger out and does a little, you know.

• 29:39Tig Notaro?

  That's her dance?

• 29:40Fortune Feimster?

  This kind of dancing, yeah.

• 29:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's good.

• 29:42Fortune Feimster?

  Finger dancing.

• 29:43Tig Notaro?

  That's how I dance.

• 29:44Mae Martin?

  Is it just?

• 29:45Tig Notaro?

  Well, just like kind of in a funny, fun way.

• 29:48Fortune Feimster?

  She, she was like, um, all the men, you know, wear like really tight speedos and stuff.

• 29:55Mae Martin?

  The gay men do?

• 29:57Fortune Feimster?

  I know, that's shocking to you. So she was kind of just like, oh, oh, ooh, okay, huh? You know, um, she just loves gay men.

• 30:07Tig Notaro?

  I know she does.

• 30:08Fortune Feimster?

  And so, uh, and she, and she thinks Anderson Cooper's so cute. So like, yeah, it's, that's the place. If we're going on a cruise, it needs to be with the gays.

• 30:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you should do it.

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I'm trying to get in a few things with her just because, you know, I don't know what her, the future looks like. Um, trying to get her out to LA.

• 30:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 30:31Fortune Feimster?

  So we'll see.

• 30:32Tig Notaro?

  How is she feeling?

• 30:34Fortune Feimster?

  She's feeling pretty good. Uh, oh God, she had a crazy thing last week. I called her and, um, she answers the phone. She goes, hey, how's it going? And I'm like, good. You know, what are you up to? She's like, nothing, just, you know, just sitting around. And, uh, and I start hearing a beep, beep. And I was like, am I crazy? Is, was there a beeping sound? She goes, well, I am in the emergency room.

• 31:00Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 31:02Fortune Feimster?

  She was sleeping. She was taking a nap and like somehow flung herself out of bed, like five feet from the bed.

• 31:11Tig Notaro?

  Ginger.

• 31:12Fortune Feimster?

  Hit her head in the, on the side table, hit her head on the ground, had this big bump on her head.

• 31:18Tig Notaro?

  She didn't need that.

• 31:19Fortune Feimster?

  No. And she said it was like, she said it was as if someone flung her out of bed. She was by herself.

• 31:25Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 31:26Fortune Feimster?

  Her chemo, she, after chemo, she has to wear like a fanny pack with that.

• 31:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the little port.

• 31:32Fortune Feimster?

  A port, yeah, the ports access and it's giving her chemo for two days beyond the chemo. That, that came out. So the chemo's like spewing everywhere.

• 31:43Tig Notaro?

  Chemo everywhere.

• 31:44Fortune Feimster?

  Chemo everywhere. And, uh, so she drove herself to the emergency room, which is wild.

• 31:50Mae Martin?

  With a head bonk and everything.

• 31:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she put, she put the chemo in it. Cause they tell you to put it in a Ziploc bag like right away. And, uh, she went to go make sure she didn't have a brain bleed. Um, so they, they're like, you're, you're don't, you don't have brain bleeding. They put her in a sling.

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  And she's lucky she didn't like break her hip.

• 32:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God, it could have been so bad.

• 32:11Tig Notaro?

  Wild that she.

• 32:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah. She said it felt like someone flung her out of the bed.

• 32:16Fortune Feimster?

  Well, so my, my sister in law works with.

• 32:18Tig Notaro?

  May wants to get back to that.

• 32:20Fortune Feimster?

  My sister in law is a physical therapist and works with a lot of older, older people. And she has patients who are on chemo and she says some of them have described that same thing. Where they have fallen out of bed, but they described it as if someone threw them out of the bed. I don't know what that is.

• 32:40Mae Martin?

  We don't know anything.

• 32:41Fortune Feimster?

  Said she landed like five feet from the bed. That's what's so weird.

• 32:44Mae Martin?

  That's really strange.

• 32:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But so she's been just like.

• 32:47Tig Notaro?

  And was it in the middle of the night?

• 32:49Fortune Feimster?

  No, it was during the, napping during the day and, um.

• 32:52Tig Notaro?

  Did she have a dream?

• 32:54Fortune Feimster?

  She did. She was having a dream. And, uh, so now she's just been like kind of laying low and.

• 33:00Mae Martin?

  She wouldn't have told you unless you heard the beeping.

• 33:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I think she would have told me later, but she doesn't want us to worry in the moment until she knows what's hap- like, cause she was in the hospital like a month before. And same thing, she didn't tell me. I happened to call her and she goes, well, I might have, you know, congestive heart failure. We're checking it out. And I'm like, what is happening?

• 33:20Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 33:20Fortune Feimster?

  She just doesn't want to worry us. I was like, yeah, she's been in the emergency room twice in the last month.

• 33:26Tig Notaro?

  That is crazy.

• 33:28Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but she's, she's doing all right. She's still being a trooper and getting the chemo and.

• 33:34Mae Martin?

  I cannot believe.

• 33:36Fortune Feimster?

  What's up?

• 33:37Mae Martin?

  Take her to a Broadway show.

• 33:38Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, well, New York would be kind of a lot with her.

• 33:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:42Fortune Feimster?

  I wanted, my goal is LA and maybe this cruise. We'll see.

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So that's been the adventure.

• 33:50Tig Notaro?

  I would live through flinging myself out of bed.

• 33:54Fortune Feimster?

  Hitting your head twice on the way to like side table floor.

• 34:00Mae Martin?

  Have you ever had a night terror or something? Have you?

• 34:03Tig Notaro?

  Have I had night terrors?

• 34:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like a night terror where you wake up screaming or sleepwalking or anything?

• 34:08Fortune Feimster?

  No. I've had nightmares, but it's not caused any physical thing.

• 34:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:14Tig Notaro?

  You know, my kids call me mare. And when I go say goodnight to them, they're like nightmare.

• 34:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny.

• 34:25Mae Martin?

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• 34:51Fortune Feimster?

  Jones doesn't stop with their mints. They give you a personalized step down plan that's designed to gradually lower your nicotine intake. When cravings hit, you can use the Jones app to connect with a community that's sharing your journey.

• 35:03Mae Martin?

  Check out Jones to start building a better relationship with nicotine today. Visit quitwithjones.com/hansome to take their free quiz to find your quit plan and use code handsome to get 15% off your personalized quitting journey. That's quitwithjones.com/hansome. The support you need starts now. Thanks to Jones for sponsoring this episode. Jones mints are a nicotine replacement therapy that is FDA-approved to help you stop smoking and vaping. Available to those 18 and older. In middle school, I had a sleepover with my friend Gabby and I woke up in the night and she wasn't in the room. And then I found her on the basement stairs. Like we were sleeping in the basement and she was sort of half up the stairs, like draped on the stairs with her foot. And she'd got a bowl of cereal with milk and everything.

• 35:48Mae Martin?

  And that was on the stairs and that was kind of spilled and she had no memory of what she'd done. I think she was sleepwalking.

• 35:53Tig Notaro?

  Or she claims she doesn't.

• 35:54Fortune Feimster?

  Sleepwalking is so interesting. I had friends, friends that would like pop up and have a full conversation.

• 36:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:00Fortune Feimster?

  And then go to bed and like never remember any of it.

• 36:04Tig Notaro?

  Mike Birbiglia.

• 36:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  I mean.

• 36:06Mae Martin?

  Is that a big thing?

• 36:07Tig Notaro?

  He, well, he had his special, he had his one man show and a movie because he sleepwalks. And he threw himself out of a, a hotel window.

• 36:19Fortune Feimster?

  Stop. He has to like zip himself up sometimes.

• 36:22Tig Notaro?

  And like at night, he has to be like strapped, his arms have to be like strapped in and.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  What?

• 36:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Tig Notaro?

  Did you not hear me?

• 36:32Tig Notaro?

  But, uh, it's unreal. And, and in that hotel now, they have like a plaque on the wall. It says, this is the, um, window that Mike Birbiglia threw himself out of.

• 36:43Mae Martin?

  How many floors up?

• 36:45Tig Notaro?

  I think it was two.

• 36:46Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 36:47Tig Notaro?

  And, um, and his, his show is called Sleepwalk With Me.

• 36:51Mae Martin?

  Okay, I need to watch.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  And it's a movie. It's also a movie.

• 36:54Mae Martin?

  Okay, I need to watch that.

• 36:55Tig Notaro?

  Um, but, uh, that is, yeah, I don't, I don't have that at all.

• 37:02Mae Martin?

  No. We spend half our lives asleep. It's so crazy.

• 37:05Tig Notaro?

  I haven't.

• 37:05Fortune Feimster?

  I love a little sleepy poo. I'm not a napper, but I do enjoy going to bed at night.

• 37:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:11Tig Notaro?

  I love going to bed at night. And as you know, I'm sleeping a lot better. I have not napped, I think, since I was like four.

• 37:17Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 37:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. Never a napper.

• 37:20Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not a napper ever.

• 37:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. You're a napper.

• 37:24Fortune Feimster?

  You're a napper. That's all right. Ginger's a napper.

• 37:26Mae Martin?

  Really? But if I'm in a kind of like post-coital days, then I could sleep.

• 37:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:34Fortune Feimster?

  You get very horny around sleeping.

• 37:36Mae Martin?

  Remember, that's, I.

• 37:37Tig Notaro?

  And podcasting.

• 37:38Mae Martin?

  Every time, every time I try to nap.

• 37:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you get horny.

• 37:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Mae Martin?

  And then I don't rest.

• 37:45Fortune Feimster?

  What is the grossest word?

• 37:47Tig Notaro?

  Horny?

• 37:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. You get revved up. What's that better?

• 37:51Tig Notaro?

  I mean, yeah.

• 37:53Fortune Feimster?

  Do it make you horny, baby? Yeah.

• 37:55Mae Martin?

  That was good. We should get an Austin Powers impersonator.

• 37:59Fortune Feimster?

  Come on.

• 38:00Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean? Come on.

• 38:02Fortune Feimster?

  Did everyone Austin Powers?

• 38:03Tig Notaro?

  No. Picture, okay, knowing me, knowing me.

• 38:07Mae Martin?

  Touchstone.

• 38:08Tig Notaro?

  I know, I know. Picture me settling in and watching Austin Powers.

• 38:13Mae Martin?

  But is that for real? If you saw him, you'd know.

• 38:16Fortune Feimster?

  Popular back in the day.

• 38:17Tig Notaro?

  I know what he, I know what he looks like. He has his teeth out of his mouth.

• 38:22Fortune Feimster?

  Dr. Evil.

• 38:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Listen, but pick, but genuinely.

• 38:27Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I know.

• 38:28Tig Notaro?

  But I mean, really, can you picture me going, oh, let's watch, um.

• 38:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're right. Right.

• 38:33Tig Notaro?

  No offense.

• 38:34Fortune Feimster?

  But I thought you would have at least heard that phrase.

• 38:37Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm Terms of Endearment. I am, Boys Don't Cry. I am dancer in the dark.

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  You're right. You're right. Would you watch Anchorman?

• 38:46Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 38:47Fortune Feimster?

  San Diego. Pretty sure that means a whale's vagina.

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I think you know, uh, who our question asker is.

• 38:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I do.

• 39:00Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, some of his movies. I do know you are familiar with those. Do you like that transition?

• 39:04Tig Notaro?

  That was really smooth. I just did a movie with him.

• 39:06Mae Martin?

  Did you?

• 39:06Fortune Feimster?

  I did.

• 39:08Mae Martin?

  What was it?

• 39:08Fortune Feimster?

  I did.

• 39:09Mae Martin?

  Did that sound pretty British there?

• 39:10Fortune Feimster?

  I did. Did you?

• 39:11Mae Martin?

  Did you?

• 39:12Fortune Feimster?

  Did you?

• 39:12Mae Martin?

  Did you really?

• 39:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. Well, let's get to our question asker then.

• 39:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 39:17Fortune Feimster?

  He's your pal.

• 39:19Tig Notaro?

  Today's question asker is an Emmy winning director, producer, screenwriter, and comedian whose movies include Knocked Up, The Forty Year Old Virgin, and Funny People. He has two new documentaries coming out on Netflix this month. One about Norm MacDonald and the other about Maria Bamford.

• 39:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  Judd Apatow is asking today's question.

• 39:46Fortune Feimster?

  Amazing. Good job, Tig.

• 39:49Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 39:50Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 39:50Tig Notaro?

  My eyes worked.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Hello, handsome. This is Judd Apatow. Here with the question of the podcast. My question is this. What very specific dialogue do you remember from when someone has broken up with you? What haunts your soul? What stuck? What made you think maybe they were right? What made you think they are completely wrong? What dialogue do you remember?

• 40:29Tig Notaro?

  God, nobody's ever broken up with me.

• 40:34Mae Martin?

  That's a great question.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Man. It really is.

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I dated a lot of people that like, we dated for, um, a period of time, but we were not in like an actual monog- like that monogamous relationship. That was early on in my lesbian days. Yeah, a lot of situationships. Cause I found that LA women did not want to commit.

• 40:57Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 40:57Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so I had a lot of those. So I got let down.

• 41:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:00Fortune Feimster?

  By a few of those.

• 41:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  Didn't you get texted a breakup while you were doing standup?

• 41:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 41:08Mae Martin?

  You were on stage after texts?

• 41:10Fortune Feimster?

  I did get texted once.

• 41:12Mae Martin?

  Good memory.

• 41:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I was, I had a bit where I had to read a text.

• 41:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, God.

• 41:17Fortune Feimster?

  And I didn't want to memorize it, so I just put it, I just got my phone up and the text was like, said they were moving to another city and that was, that was, that was that. And I was just like, oh.

• 41:29Mae Martin?

  Did you read it on stage?

• 41:30Fortune Feimster?

  No, or, or I think I did say like, um, I just got, you guys, I just got dumped.

• 41:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, God.

• 41:39Tig Notaro?

  So she just said, I'm moving to another city.

• 41:41Fortune Feimster?

  She was waiting to hear about a job opportunity. And basically was telling me, yay, I got the job. And also that means I'll be moving.

• 41:51Mae Martin?

  See you later.

• 41:51Fortune Feimster?

  And also that means.

• 41:54Fortune Feimster?

  And I was heartbroken because, uh, yeah, I really liked her.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  How long were you seeing her?

• 41:59Fortune Feimster?

  It was on the shorter side. That was maybe six months or so, but she was a lovely person.

• 42:06Tig Notaro?

  Have you talked to her since she got the job?

• 42:08Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, we're friends.

• 42:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 42:12Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but a specific thing that, do you guys remember a specific thing said to you?

• 42:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I got a couple, I think.

• 42:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Mae Martin?

  Well, I, I remember when I was 18, this girl I was dating came over to break up with me. I knew it was coming.

• 42:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Mae Martin?

  And, um, it was sort of fine, but then she went up, just wait a second. And then pulled out a CD and put on Shelter From The Storm by Bob Dylan to dump me to that song.

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, which.

• 42:40Fortune Feimster?

  That's wild.

• 42:42Mae Martin?

  Ruined that song for me for so long. And I was like, you're kidding. Like, I was like, stop that. Yeah, I turned it off. But it was so fun. She wanted to feel like she was in a movie, I think.

• 42:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Mae Martin?

  Like that this, yeah. But that was good.

• 42:57Fortune Feimster?

  That almost doesn't seem real.

• 42:59Mae Martin?

  I put a lot of real dialogue into Feel Good into the big breakup scene of like, just straight people are, who were saying like, I just, but I, you know, I want to have kids one day. And me being like, me too.

• 43:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you were dating a straight, sort of straightish gal.

• 43:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, a closeted.

• 43:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, right.

• 43:19Mae Martin?

  Some of that. I got a breakup text before we did our Toronto live show, remember?

• 43:25Fortune Feimster?

  You were a bit of, a bit of a spiral.

• 43:28Mae Martin?

  I was a hot mess at that show.

• 43:30Fortune Feimster?

  We were trying to talk you down.

• 43:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:32Tig Notaro?

  It didn't work. It did not work.

• 43:34Mae Martin?

  Ten minutes before I went on stage.

• 43:37Fortune Feimster?

  Excused yourself for like five minutes to sort of just be outside and process.

• 43:41Mae Martin?

  I went and had a smoke and a cry. It was like one of men, like it was a long drawn out conversation, but it was a particularly, yeah, that was.

• 43:49Fortune Feimster?

  That one was rough.

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  That was rough. Yeah.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Mae Martin?

  Uh, yeah, but funny dialogue.

• 43:57Fortune Feimster?

  Funny.

• 43:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what about you, Tig?

• 43:59Tig Notaro?

  Did he say funny?

• 44:00Fortune Feimster?

  Well, he also said, did they say anything about you?

• 44:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like something that.

• 44:05Fortune Feimster?

  Your personality or something?

• 44:06Mae Martin?

  You were like, no, they have a point. I mean, I'm sure lots of things.

• 44:10Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I think what I immediately go to also is people saying that they're straight or that, um, you know, all of that where you're just like, okay, well, you know, you act very differently.

• 44:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're not acting very straight.

• 44:29Tig Notaro?

  Terribly straight.

• 44:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:30Tig Notaro?

  You're not acting very much like you're looking to have a family.

• 44:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 44:36Tig Notaro?

  You know, and obviously famously on this show, I.

• 44:40Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, Dyke.

• 44:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Stephanie.

• 44:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Stephanie writing you that.

• 44:44Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie breaking up.

• 44:46Fortune Feimster?

  Was, it was over a big email, right?

• 44:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Yes. A very long, very, very kind and reminiscing about all the fun.

• 44:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 44:56Tig Notaro?

  Really enjoying me, but I'm just not gay.

• 45:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:00Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, yeah, okay, Dyke, is all I responded with.

• 45:04Fortune Feimster?

  It's so iconic. Answer ever.

• 45:07Tig Notaro?

  And, you know, um, and I did walk away because it's like, I can't make a case.

• 45:14Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 45:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:15Tig Notaro?

  And luckily she came and, uh.

• 45:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, thank God.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  Saw the error of her way.

• 45:21Mae Martin?

  Like if you had responded with an emotional, super long letter, it would have been, she would have been like, I was right. So walk away. Yeah, you thought, you did the perfect thing.

• 45:30Tig Notaro?

  She told me and other people, she was like, honestly, your response made me laugh so hard.

• 45:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  To read just after this heartfelt email, to just read, okay, Dyke.

• 45:41Fortune Feimster?

  It's so you, though.

• 45:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it really is. Yeah.

• 45:44Tig Notaro?

  And I was trying to be lighthearted because even though I was really bummed because I was like, man, I do think this is the person for me.

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:51Tig Notaro?

  Uh, as far as anything.

• 45:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:54Tig Notaro?

  But, um, but yeah, I, I have certainly attracted a lot of women that have had that curiosity or they've dabbled in that world or. And somebody that I dated, somebody just told me that they heard her on a podcast recently saying she dates anyone and everyone now.

• 46:17Mae Martin?

  And you're like, oh, great.

• 46:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, I did hear, I did hear that.

• 46:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, you did?

• 46:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:22Mae Martin?

  You opened the door.

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  You know about this person? Yeah.

• 46:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Tig Notaro?

  I was like, that's so funny.

• 46:27Fortune Feimster?

  But that's happened to me too, where I.

• 46:29Tig Notaro?

  But I had known she had been with women previously.

• 46:32Fortune Feimster?

  Right, right.

• 46:33Tig Notaro?

  But the public didn't know that.

• 46:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, there was a girl I liked so much and we were hanging out for a while and it's kind of that like, um, will they want they kind of thing and, but she was straight and I was always trying to just be close at any point, you know, do the lotion on the arms and stuff, which I joke about, but that is a true thing. And I just wanted desperately to just like cross into something more. And, and there were definitely signs there for sure. And then finally we kissed once and she totally freaked out. We like never talked to, like, she never, like, that was, that was that. And then like a couple of years later was a, oh, by the way, I'm gay. I was like, great, good for you. I think it's amazing, you know?

• 47:19Fortune Feimster?

  It's just, some people just aren't ready for that. Yeah, you know?

• 47:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:23Fortune Feimster?

  Or you're not the right one for them. There's that too, you know?

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  Impossible.

• 47:27Mae Martin?

  Impossible.

• 47:31Fortune Feimster?

  Not so impossible, but.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  I remember, this isn't a funny thing or anything anybody said to me.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  But when I was breaking up with this woman years ago, her, and you know, she had been with women before, but her mother was just like hard pass on, because we were in a full relationship. And I remember thinking, God, so your daughter actually had me over for dinner, expressed how she felt about me.

• 48:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:10Tig Notaro?

  We're now involved. And I'm the bad guy. You know what I mean? And I remember saying, all I ever did was love you back.

• 48:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:23Tig Notaro?

  That is, that is the crime.

• 48:25Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 48:26Tig Notaro?

  I loved you back.

• 48:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:29Tig Notaro?

  And I can't show my face. This is, this is like nothing funny at all.

• 48:35Mae Martin?

  But memorable, it doesn't have to be funny, yeah.

• 48:37Fortune Feimster?

  That happens though, you know?

• 48:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:39Fortune Feimster?

  It's like beyond you, you know? It's not your thing, it's like other circumstances.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  Totally.

• 48:48Fortune Feimster?

  Get in the way.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  And obviously, everyone's all set with.

• 48:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. It works out for the best, but at the, in the time that you're dealing with it, it seems, you know, like, what a bummer.

• 49:00Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 49:00Fortune Feimster?

  That we can't get past this thing.

• 49:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:03Mae Martin?

  That closeted person, they, well, we were living together and then she broke up with me and then that night, she was, there was a charity fundraiser that I had agreed to host for her.

• 49:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man.

• 49:20Mae Martin?

  She was like, you have to still host the fundraiser. And I'm like, with my suitcase, having like cried all day, like

• 49:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:27Mae Martin?

  eight hours of breaking up. And then I was like, I can't, what do you mean? And then, because I had walked in on her with the guy.

• 49:35Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 49:36Mae Martin?

  But he didn't know that we were together. So I had to, in the moment, be like, oh, hi. And I didn't want to out her to this guy.

• 49:42Fortune Feimster?

  Hello, friend?

• 49:43Mae Martin?

  Anyway, so I said, okay.

• 49:44Tig Notaro?

  You want to protect her in the moment of destroying you?

• 49:47Mae Martin?

  So I had to go and host this fundraiser for her that night with all of our friends who, they knew, but they also didn't know. And I had to pretend we were, had never been together. For three years, we were together. And so I had to be like, hi, I'm Mae Martin. I guess I look like Justin Bieber. I'm just a loser up here, you know? All my self-deprecating comedy. And she comes, shows up with the guy.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, come on.

• 50:09Mae Martin?

  And she had her head in his lap, I remember. Yeah, it was brutal. And then she bought me a drink after the show, like, without me asking for it. And it's like, hey, I got you a drink. And then I kind of realized, she's, because I was like, oh, wow, she's never bought me a drink before. I just suddenly was like, oh, I'm just like crumbs.

• 50:28Fortune Feimster?

  Seeing her different light, yeah.

• 50:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was really crazy, like, I would never, no. But at 25, I was so normalized, that type of treatment, that I was like, well.

• 50:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, the stuff you put up with.

• 50:42Fortune Feimster?

  The stuff you put up with is mind-boggling.

• 50:45Tig Notaro?

  It is mind-boggling.

• 50:47Fortune Feimster?

  And you go, why didn't I think better of myself?

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 50:51Fortune Feimster?

  I still think that sometimes, like in any, like, like even, yeah, just like.

• 50:57Mae Martin?

  When you think, if I was talking to a friend.

• 50:58Fortune Feimster?

  Even in my last, my last big relationship.

• 51:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:02Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I've been like, what, what?

• 51:05Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  Why didn't you see that? Not, not, not this. But you just don't sometimes. But.

• 51:12Mae Martin?

  And then you learn from each one, I guess, and it's like a slow.

• 51:15Fortune Feimster?

  You hope you do.

• 51:16Mae Martin?

  You hope you do.

• 51:17Tig Notaro?

  And you're like, oh, I'm here again.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, oh, this old chestnut. Yeah, the dusty volume off the shelf.

• 51:23Tig Notaro?

  I remember actually now, and I, I can't quote, and, you know, last I know, we, I'm friendly with this. I haven't talked to her in like 20 or 25 years. But, um, she was kind of, had a real job.

• 51:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:41Tig Notaro?

  And I was, uh, I, I really didn't.

• 51:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Tig Notaro?

  I think I was probably like 22 or 23 and

• 51:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:52Tig Notaro?

  I don't, you know, just whatever weird job to I was doing, no clue. But, um, I remember there was definitely a vibe when I was around her and her friends that they were like professionals.

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:08Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  They were LLCs.

• 52:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they were definite LLCs. And, um, you know, she was only like a year or two older than me.

• 52:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:16Tig Notaro?

  But I was, you know, backward hat and, you know? And, um, cutoff jean shorts and

• 52:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:25Tig Notaro?

  whatever.

• 52:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:26Tig Notaro?

  I, I just, I remember there was kind of a vibe of like, you know, it's just, we're on, we're in different worlds.

• 52:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Tig Notaro?

  And, and what it came down to was, is everything could be, I don't know if this is harsh to say, but translated to like, I stopped liking you.

• 52:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, totally.

• 52:44Tig Notaro?

  You know, I mean, that's ultimately at the base of everything.

• 52:47Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 52:48Tig Notaro?

  And, and I remember in that moment, just being like, well,

• 52:52Mae Martin?

  I'll get a job in an office.

• 52:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but how about I take the hat off?

• 52:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  Or, you know, I get a haircut. And, uh, and, and it's like, eh, if I could tell you what I really felt, it's, I stopped liking you.

• 53:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:05Tig Notaro?

  And that's what I try and remember in those kind of moments when somebody's not interested.

• 53:11Mae Martin?

  And just remember like, I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  Right, yeah. But that's what's underneath everything.

• 53:17Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 53:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I stopped liking you.

• 53:19Fortune Feimster?

  I dated someone that, after a while, I was like, I don't think she likes who I am as a person. Oh, God. Why am I with this?

• 53:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:26Fortune Feimster?

  She was very critical. And I was like, this is not fun.

• 53:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to be with someone who points out everything that's wrong with me.

• 53:35Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 53:36Fortune Feimster?

  Um, that's, yeah, like for the birds, so.

• 53:39Mae Martin?

  I just remembered one.

• 53:40Tig Notaro?

  Watch your mouth. Whoa.

• 53:43Mae Martin?

  I remembered one where this is, I don't know if you guys know who this is, but we were ending things and then she said, yeah, I'm, I just feel like I've gone inside a glass box within myself and I feel nothing now because I'm just in this glass box that I can't get out of inside myself. And she was like, this happens to me all the time, like this is what happens. I was like, okay, and I started laughing. And it was kind of nice, it broke, I was like, all right, whatever.

• 54:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good if you can have a little laugh. If you can get a laugh during a breakup, great.

• 54:16Fortune Feimster?

  I had a laugh about one, only because we never actually like dated, dated. We were like, I can't remember if I told you all this story, but there was a girl that I really liked and we were like, kind of like flirting with each other and like, it was kind of this like, you know, again, one of those things where it's like, maybe we will, maybe we won't. And we finally like kissed at some point and, um, and so it was seeming like we were kind of getting to that point where we were going to maybe start dating. And, uh, she called me and she was like, hey, can I make you dinner tonight? And I was like, oh, my God, we're really taking this.

• 54:53Tig Notaro?

  I remember.

• 54:53Fortune Feimster?

  Did I tell you?

• 54:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so she came over and told me, she brought all the food and right away told me she was going to pursue something with someone else and was like, should I still make dinner? And I was like,

• 55:08Tig Notaro?

  That is so bizarre.

• 55:08Fortune Feimster?

  What are you making? And she said tacos and I went, well, I do love, I do love shrimp tacos, so.

• 55:17Fortune Feimster?

  And so she, I, I just, and you got her go, she didn't want to be with me, she's going to pursue something, which they're still together to this day, so good for her, for them and her.

• 55:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 55:26Fortune Feimster?

  And, and we were never deep enough for it to be like a wound thing. But I'm like, I just got essentially like kind of dumped. And I'm like, we've literally been like, hell, it's, we should just eat these tacos.

• 55:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. And would you, would you still do that now? If somebody was dumping you?

• 55:45Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 55:47Tig Notaro?

  Depending on what they were making?

• 55:49Fortune Feimster?

  When you don't have, like, she's lovely. And, but like, they're, the, I didn't have a big enough investment for it to like, it was kind of like an ouch. But it wasn't like a, oh, heartbroken. So if it was that situation, I'd kind of like, whatever.

• 56:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:04Fortune Feimster?

  Like, who, I'm not going to be like, get out of my house, I don't operate like that. I was just like, I kind of found it amusing, even in the time of more like, okay.

• 56:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 56:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But I think now I would not be like interested in the situationships that I, uh, if

• 56:23Mae Martin?

  That you engaged.

• 56:24Fortune Feimster?

  That entertained back in the day, like, I'm not that person anymore.

• 56:28Tig Notaro?

  Zero.

• 56:29Fortune Feimster?

  I, I think I allowed that when I was younger because I didn't have more confidence in myself to think that I deserved an actual relationship. So I was willing to kind of take those breadcrumbs just to have experiences with people. And I think, I think more highly of myself now that a committed relationship uh, is the only way to go for me.

• 56:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what you want.

• 56:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:52Mae Martin?

  You know, you need, you know, you deserve.

• 56:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, with one person, that's it, I ain't into the other.

• 56:58Mae Martin?

  Wild ship people.

• 56:59Fortune Feimster?

  You used to be many, like, open. Or is that, yes? Hello?

• 57:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've like, I've, I mean, when I'm single, I'm, I-

• 57:10Fortune Feimster?

  You mingle.

• 57:11Mae Martin?

  I mingle. Yeah. I'll date a few people.

• 57:14Fortune Feimster?

  Sure.

• 57:14Mae Martin?

  But then I dated a couple, yeah, for, for like, on and off for a long time. And that was great. We're still friends.

• 57:22Fortune Feimster?

  That seems to be, you know, something more people are dabbling in these days. It is not for me. It's never been for me. I am not into open relationships. Never have been, never will be.

• 57:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Tig Notaro?

  Noted.

• 57:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, duly noted.

• 57:34Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone was wondering. Never been into them, never agreed to them, don't want them.

• 57:40Mae Martin?

  I might be again one day, but I think there's something really beautiful about like, the level of intimacy you can get with one person. Then people are multiple people in their lifetime. So it could be a whole universe.

• 57:52Fortune Feimster?

  I understand that like younger, especially the younger people now are kind of like more, less traditional. So that they're, they're, they are exploring that stuff more, but I think I'm just too old school.

• 58:03Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, or traditional. I don't know what the word is.

• 58:08Tig Notaro?

  You're like a traditional little lady.

• 58:10Fortune Feimster?

  But I'm also like, I get emotionally attached in a way that's like, I don't think I, yeah. I don't think I could just like, like, make it that casual anymore, where I'm just like-

• 58:25Mae Martin?

  It does change things, yeah.

• 58:27Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I have that capability to put my emotions into multiple people. I have it on one. And that's where my focus is.

• 58:36Mae Martin?

  My new thing is like, I would do like, group stuff with my person. But I wouldn't be out on dates with other people, or like, or that, like, yeah, no, not for me.

• 58:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But you know, to each their own. Some, I just, you know, I think if you're gonna get in a relationship, hopefully the person tells you whether or not they're into that or not. And that would be, that would be the preference.

• 59:00Mae Martin?

  Lay it out at the beginning.

• 59:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, then you know, and then you can make a decision for yourself whether or not you're okay with that.

• 59:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That definitely feels right.

• 59:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so.

• 59:11Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Judd's answer?

• 59:13Fortune Feimster?

  Good luck out there to everyone dating.

• 59:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Let's hear what Judd's breakup dialogue is. I want to hear it.

• 59:19Speaker 05

  It's Judd Apatow again, and I'll tell you a few pieces of dialogue from breakups I remember. Once, I was sitting next to a girlfriend on a plane. And on the flight, she said, you know, there are a lot of empty seats here. We don't have to sit right next to each other.

• 59:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  It was followed quickly by, "You say I love you too much."

• 59:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 59:50Speaker 05

  As the breakup progressed, this was said. "One day, you're going to realize how little you know right now."

• 1:00:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, huh. Hope it's not Leslie.

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  I also remember from a different breakup, a young woman saying, you know, it's like, I'm in the pond. I jump off the dock into the pond, and I'm in the pond, and I'm waiting for you to jump in the pond, and I'm waiting, and I'm waiting. And at some point, I'm just gonna get back on the dock. All right. That's all I can give you for today. I'll try to think of some more.

• 1:00:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, text us your other ones.

• 1:00:34Mae Martin?

  The dock one is bizarre.

• 1:00:35Fortune Feimster?

  I know. He puts a lot of stuff in his movies. I feel like they're very real to relationships, like 40-year-old, what is it? Not 40-year-old version, that is one of his.

• 1:00:44Mae Martin?

  This is 40?

• 1:00:45Fortune Feimster?

  But this is 40, like that. A lot of real seeming stuff.

• 1:00:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Or are you thinking of the movie This is a 40-Year-Old Virgin?

• 1:00:52Fortune Feimster?

  Could be that one. Yeah, I can't honestly remember a lot of like, actual, specific things people said in a, like that, like those specific lines.

• 1:01:02Mae Martin?

  The glass box stayed with me.

• 1:01:04Fortune Feimster?

  That, I mean, yeah, if something's like, really random.

• 1:01:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:07Fortune Feimster?

  I can't remember if there was anything like that said. It's not coming to me.

• 1:01:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I also love that, of course, Judd says dialogue.

• 1:01:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, not just any quotes from Judd.

• 1:01:19Tig Notaro?

  Or like conversations, or do you remember anyone saying anything?

• 1:01:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Tig Notaro?

  This is the dialogue.

• 1:01:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I feel like now we're, we're all in like, um, like-

• 1:01:32Tig Notaro?

  Breakup mode?

• 1:01:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like we're reminiscing.

• 1:01:34Fortune Feimster?

  Broken up with. We're all like, that hurt.

• 1:01:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we're all people didn't want us. Haunted, yeah.

• 1:01:41Tig Notaro?

  Remember how there's a slew of people behind us that didn't want it and still don't?

• 1:01:47Fortune Feimster?

  But you know, it is a testament.

• 1:01:49Mae Martin?

  We've dumped people too.

• 1:01:50Fortune Feimster?

  We, we, everyone's been on both sides of the coin. It is a testament to, in the moment, it seems like the worst thing ever.

• 1:01:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Fortune Feimster?

  And then in time, it's the best thing ever, and you're fine.

• 1:02:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Fortune Feimster?

  And you just try to be better for the next relationship, and for yourself.

• 1:02:08Tig Notaro?

  I, I hear you. I just-

• 1:02:10Mae Martin?

  I mean, well, you're still pissed.

• 1:02:12Fortune Feimster?

  Hopefully, you're, you're good to go.

• 1:02:14Tig Notaro?

  I hope Stephanie doesn't surprise, surprise. I, uh, yeah. I, that's a lot of strength to get through, not just breakups, but like, divorce and, you know. Well, even if you come out the other side, like, oh, this is better.

• 1:02:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Tig Notaro?

  It's, it, I've, I've seen friends really, really-

• 1:02:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Tig Notaro?

  Be taken down.

• 1:02:46Mae Martin?

  It's, it's trauma.

• 1:02:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's massive trauma.

• 1:02:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Spend your life with somebody for a long time, thinking that's your future.

• 1:02:55Mae Martin?

  A rug pull like that, yeah.

• 1:02:57Fortune Feimster?

  A rug pull is a lot.

• 1:02:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Fortune Feimster?

  It messes you up, for sure.

• 1:03:01Tig Notaro?

  It's a lot of, I mean, only guessing, just a lot of like, rearranging in your brain.

• 1:03:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. You go back and try to be like, wait, the, what, what, was this real? What was this, that? Like, what did, what was this? Like-

• 1:03:17Tig Notaro?

  And also, and rearranging the future.

• 1:03:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Tig Notaro?

  Like, all of it, all of it.

• 1:03:23Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like you're starting over, yeah.

• 1:03:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, for sure, but, you know.

• 1:03:28Fortune Feimster?

  I just think that we've entered a time in which, if it ain't working, I mean, you know, in our, I think in the older generation, they just would grin and bear it and-

• 1:03:38Mae Martin?

  And cheat.

• 1:03:39Fortune Feimster?

  And drive it into the ground. Now, people are just like, life is short. Let's move on.

• 1:03:44Tig Notaro?

  And yet it is long. Um, does feel long, yeah.

• 1:03:49Mae Martin?

  Doug Dvone.

• 1:03:50Tig Notaro?

  Thanks a lot, Judd.

• 1:03:51Mae Martin?

  Thanks, Judd.

• 1:03:52Tig Notaro?

  Thanks, Judd, Mr. Comedy Guy. Wow. Way to destroy us.

• 1:03:59Fortune Feimster?

  The, the director of so many, and writer of so many funny movies, ask us such a deep question.

• 1:04:06Mae Martin?

  Thanks for listening.

• 1:04:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Fortune Feimster?

  And, um- You guys, you got any tour dates?

• 1:04:12Mae Martin?

  Check out social media. I'm at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter, or UCB in LA. But, um, other than that, just, you know, you could watch Wayward, you could watch, uh, Feel Good, or some of the stand-up specials, and keep listening to the pod. What about you guys?

• 1:04:29Tig Notaro?

  Uh, I will be in Olympia, Washington, Fresno, Napa, Wilmington, Delaware, Tarrytown, New York, New London, Connecticut, Colorado Springs, Steamboat Springs, the list goes on. Go to TigNotaro.com. Also, check me out at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. I'm there pretty much every month here in Los Angeles. What about you, Fortune?

• 1:04:55Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I will be in Oakland this weekend. That's my San Francisco stop as well. Uh, and then Bakersfield, California, Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Athens, Georgia, Los Angeles, Palm Springs, Denver, and Nashville.

• 1:05:11Tig Notaro?

  I feel like you're always in San Luis Obispo.

• 1:05:13Fortune Feimster?

  All the time. I just have the one show.

• 1:05:16Tig Notaro?

  I feel like I, have you, has that been on your tour for a long time?

• 1:05:20Fortune Feimster?

  No, it just got added not too long ago.

• 1:05:22Tig Notaro?

  Was it your last tour you went there?

• 1:05:24Fortune Feimster?

  It was on my last tour, for sure. Yeah. And the Handsome Pod is doing a live Hollybob show.

• 1:05:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we are.

• 1:05:31Fortune Feimster?

  At Dynasty Typewriter, uh, December 12th. Go ahead and get your tickets. Uh, plan your handsome parties.

• 1:05:37Mae Martin?

  You can stream it live from anywhere, and you'll, you'll have the link for like, a week.

• 1:05:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Mae Martin?

  Um, we're pumped about this.

• 1:05:44Tig Notaro?

  And always have handsome parties.

• 1:05:46Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 1:05:47Tig Notaro?

  Please. Regardless of what show, what's going on.

• 1:05:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, um, please, rate and review. Stop what you're doing right now. I know you're like, she says this all the time, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 1:05:59Fortune Feimster?

  But she means it.

• 1:06:00Tig Notaro?

  She means it.

• 1:06:01Fortune Feimster?

  Don't make Tig break up with you.

• 1:06:02Tig Notaro?

  Don't make me.

• 1:06:03Fortune Feimster?

  She knows what she's doing.

• 1:06:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's like, I'm the business person now, okay? Get out of my house, backwards hat. I quit liking you. Um, no, um, rate, review, subscribe, and also, we're available on Hulu.

• 1:06:22Mae Martin?

  Hulu.

• 1:06:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, the day before the new episodes drop.

• 1:06:28Mae Martin?

  And until next time.

• 1:06:30Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woolett. Email us at [email protected], and follow us on social media, at HandsomePod. What a podcast, what a podcast, what a podcast.

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:06:57Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 1:07:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.