Pretty Little Episode #85

Fortune and Mae take a question from Betty White (in spirit) and share their earliest recollections on a highly memorable Pretty Little Episode! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:15Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty little episode.

• 0:18Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is me, Mae Martin, joined by?

• 0:24Fortune Feimster?

  Me, Fortune Feimster.

• 0:27Mae Martin?

  Hello.

• 0:28Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty little episode. I feel so southern right now, May.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 0:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, I'm visiting my mom in North Carolina. And I'm, as you can see, sitting in a recliner.

• 0:43Mae Martin?

  Like cozy recliner.

• 0:46Fortune Feimster?

  So it makes me feel very southern because I feel like recliners are, you know, very prevalent. Or at least with our parents' age, recliners are more prevalent.

• 0:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like you'll settle in for the day.

• 0:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. I don't want to brag, but I'm in a recliner and right beside me is another recliner.

• 1:04Mae Martin?

  No, I wish I was sat there with you, girl.

• 1:07Fortune Feimster?

  That would be very fun to film this together, matching recliners.

• 1:15Mae Martin?

  At your mom's house, I would love that.

• 1:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, I finally wrapped that movie.

• 1:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, congrats.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you. It was awesome and so fun and exhausting.

• 1:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:27Fortune Feimster?

  We filmed nights the last two weeks, which is why you and I weren't able, well, you're on the road in a tour bus.

• 1:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:33Fortune Feimster?

  I was filming nights for two weeks, so we both had to miss the GLAD Awards.

• 1:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Did you have a wrap party? Did you have a big?

• 1:41Fortune Feimster?

  We did a couple nights ago.

• 1:43Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 1:44Fortune Feimster?

  My body is still recovering from working, you know, 15-hour days, starting at Five P M.

• 1:52Mae Martin?

  I thought you were gonna say still recovering from the rap party.

• 1:56Fortune Feimster?

  No, I never go hard at those things.

• 1:59Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 2:00Fortune Feimster?

  Although I did have a couple of pieces of pizza and a cinnamon roll to go.

• 2:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, come on now. So I haven't been able to come visit my mom or my dad since the holidays, so I came here.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, can you have a bit of time off now?

• 2:22Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I have a couple of weeks off and then my tour starts, but the nice thing is like I'll be touring, but it's not like acting where, as you know, your schedule is not your own.

• 2:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  So I have a little bit of freedom again.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  And it's your tour, you're the boss.

• 2:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, which I love acting, but doing it for six months of no controller in my schedule was a lot.

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  It's so infantilizing. It's like, you're like, anyway, I'm just gonna go get a coffee. They're like, okay, fortune's moving to get a coffee. We're gonna actually get that for you and we're gonna like, it's, yeah.

• 2:58Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I haven't been able to think on my own or do anything on my own since September.

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  Or going to the bathroom is so annoying. People are like, fortune's gone ten one, gone ten one?

• 3:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yep. So I've been like basking in the freedom this week.

• 3:15Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  And finally, you know, getting some furniture in my house. It's been completely empty.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  I've been worried about that. I'm glad. You need some, you need a recliner is what you need.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  Such a bachelor. I brought a few pieces over from my old house, but not much. And it's just been an empty space.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  That's exciting.

• 3:37Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I got, I finally got like a dining room table in and it looks so great. I'm so pumped for that. I got a outdoor table too. People can actually come have a meal. I've been basically for six months eating on the, at my couch at the coffee table.

• 3:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, this is good. You need this. I said we, I want an invite to that table, girl.

• 4:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. How's tour going?

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  It's going, I mean, it's so amazing. It's such an amazing experience, but also would I ever do it again like this? I'm not sure.

• 4:14Fortune Feimster?

  It's exhausting, right?

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  Dude, it's like I just woke up. We drove all night.

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  We drove all night. You know, you know, I'm not gonna miss that opportunity.

• 4:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's so good. Um, and then arrived in Detroit this morning and you're just like, where am I? Where, what do I eat? Where, like, can I find like a coffee?

• 4:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Mae Martin?

  Like, I went out this morning for a coffee. I've only been awake for like 20 minutes. And, um, the only coffee shop I found was this like posh, like Dubai coffee shop. Ended up with this.

• 4:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 4:49Mae Martin?

  App, this is like a.

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it's like a dessert.

• 4:52Mae Martin?

  It's like a dessert.

• 4:53Fortune Feimster?

  Beautiful.

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  Apple, it looks like.

• 4:56Fortune Feimster?

  What, so it's like in the middle's marzipan? Is that what you said?

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like it looks like Snow White's apple. And then in the middle, some kind of mousse or something.

• 5:07Fortune Feimster?

  Are you gonna eat it or it's for later?

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Well, to be honest, I bought it because I was like, that'll be funny for the pod. Now I'm realizing it wasn't that funny and there's, there's nowhere to go here.

• 5:16Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I'm curious about what's in the middle.

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  A very sweet, white chocolate.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  Mmm.

• 5:22Mae Martin?

  And apple mousse, but it's so sweet.

• 5:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it does also taste like apple?

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  Uh huh.

• 5:28Fortune Feimster?

  I do, I love an apple sitch.

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  Me too. Give me a candy apple, even though it's hell, really?

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  We're going into summer, but I love a fall apple situation.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  Uh, yeah, or, or just a pie like I.

• 5:41Fortune Feimster?

  I guess we're going into spring.

• 5:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, you can still have an apple situation anytime of year.

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  You know what's messing me up is that it's been like 97 degrees in Los Angeles. So I keep thinking that we're going into summer and my friends that live in the south are like, it's not summer. Cause I was like, should I bring my bathing suit home? And they're like, no, it's cold here.

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  It's just, it's California like.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  California is crazy blazing.

• 6:13Mae Martin?

  I know, it's actually fucked. Like if we start down that road, I mean, it's the hot, it's the hottest Palm Springs has ever been on his, in, on history, in, on history.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  On history.

• 6:24Mae Martin?

  On history.

• 6:26Fortune Feimster?

  On history has been not this hot.

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  I've been, the way I'm using the English language is changing on this tour because I'm so tired. I'm just saying things like, well, first I was in Wisconsin, so everyone called my show the possum. The passum.

• 6:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then, uh, I'm with Matt, who I, who lives with me, but he brings out a side of me that's like a kind of frat boy. So.

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Interesting.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  I said, Matt, we gotta go see this statue, yo. This, there's like this statue of a. I was like, it's got a spoon and a, and a cherry. It's this big statue in Minneapolis or something. And he was like, how big is it? And I went, yo, it's bigger than trees.

• 7:08Mae Martin?

  Anyway. I guess.

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  We didn't go see it in the end, but. Oh, I have something to tell you.

• 7:15Fortune Feimster?

  Tell me.

• 7:16Mae Martin?

  And I'll have to dish and update you after I do it, but.

• 7:18Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  I've decided I want, I saw it on TV and then I decided I wanna be America's next ninja warrior. And I wanna secretly, I wanna secretly train and then not tell anyone except you and the handsome listeners.

• 7:35Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. So basically a lot of people.

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So hundreds of thousands.

• 7:42Fortune Feimster?

  It's hard.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  I am, I know, and I'm gonna, it's gonna take me years, but.

• 7:47Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, what, where did this come from? You were just like on the bus and it came on T- TV and you're like, I have to do this?

• 7:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I suddenly thought it's such a, you would feel so powerful running. It's like parkour and then. And then we Googled and we found there's a ninja warrior training gym here in Detroit. So I should be resting and sleeping, but I'm gonna go.

• 8:08Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna go do that? Honestly, that's a goal I feel like you could, um, attain. You have a lot of upper body strength, um.

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  Thank you, but.

• 8:18Fortune Feimster?

  It just requires doing those courses a lot.

• 8:21Mae Martin?

  Right. That's true. It's just muscle memory.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  My friend, John Ryan, who's, uh, who was a kicker for the Seahawks. We, he's, uh, married to Sarah Colonna, a very funny comedian. We went, he did it once a couple of years ago and we went to support him.

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 8:39Fortune Feimster?

  And he's very fit, like this dude's ribs and he like made it through like two obstacles and then was out.

• 8:47Mae Martin?

  I know that's what would happen.

• 8:49Fortune Feimster?

  Build up. We had all these posters and they're like, ah, oh.

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  Oh my God. That's what it would be like with me. It would be.

• 8:55Fortune Feimster?

  You never know, but I also don't think he trained a ton. Like he trains every day for fitness. I think you have to train. In the

• 9:05Mae Martin?

  You gotta just, yeah.

• 9:05Fortune Feimster?

  The, the courses.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, specifically.

• 9:09Fortune Feimster?

  I believe in you.

• 9:10Mae Martin?

  Thank you so much. I'll keep you posted on my program.

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  Keep us posted bud, for sure. We wanna know. And if you end up going to this gym, we also wanna know that as well.

• 9:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, also the other night, who did I meet at my show?

• 9:22Fortune Feimster?

  Who?

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  A man comes up to me at the meet and greet. He says, hello, I'm, and I said, I'm gonna stop you there. You don't have to tell me. You're Thomas's brother.

• 9:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, there, I met Thomas's brother in LA once.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, he is so sweet. And Thomas, he, he has your mannerisms, like you guys, yeah, it's, it's the voice too.

• 9:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  He was so nice.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  He was thrilled to meet you, May, and he said the show was amazing.

• 9:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's nice, yeah. He brought a bunch of people from his work and stuff. It was nice.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, he has coworkers who are handsome, super fans, and they freaked out when they found out his brother produces the podcast.

• 10:02Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, yeah, that's wicked.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  He got points at work.

• 10:05Fortune Feimster?

  There you go. I love it.

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  Well, listen, should we?

• 10:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's get some questions.

• 10:10Mae Martin?

  Hell yeah.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  Hell yeah.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, dude.

• 10:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, bro.

• 10:16Mae Martin?

  Yo, god.

• 10:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, bro, it's bigger than a tree.

• 10:19Mae Martin?

  Yo, bigger than trees. It's bigger than trees.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Hi, handsome. It's Quinn from Toronto, Canada. May, I wanted to tell you that when I was growing up in the seventies, I had a dad who had a metal detector, and he would comb the beaches and the parks in Vancouver, BC. And we would hang out with him, and he would collect coins and all kinds of little trinkets. In fact, he even had a little truck where he kept all of his treasures. One time he even found a gold clodder ring, which is an Irish ring with a heart and a crown on it. And he gave that to me, and I've had it to this day.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  My dad was pretty eccentric. He was an artist. But my question for you is, what is your earliest memory?

• 10:58Fortune Feimster?

  Earliest memory ever?

• 11:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:01Fortune Feimster?

  Of anything, or with a dad memory? Just of any memory, right?

• 11:04Mae Martin?

  Of anything. I can't believe we've never asked each other this.

• 11:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, we have not. I thought I was gonna be asking a dad memory. I was like, I just had breakfast with my dad this morning.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  That doesn't, if that's your earliest memory, we're in trouble.

• 11:17Fortune Feimster?

  My earliest memories of this morning. I can't remember anything before then.

• 11:28Mae Martin?

  You're not one of those people that remembers like in the womb, are you?

• 11:31Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, I sometimes am like, why don't I remember more? I am like, is there something wrong with me that I have just little flashes of early childhood? I don't remember a lot pre-five years old.

• 11:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Fortune Feimster?

  And then from five to like nine, I just have little flashes here and there. My mom can like tell me things she did when she was like three and I'm like, how?

• 12:01Fortune Feimster?

  Or do you remember a lot?

• 12:03Mae Martin?

  I think I'm, well, I remember anything scary or upsetting, which is annoying. But then I have, yeah, I've like scattered, I never know if it's just because there's a photo of it. And I, yeah, like my brain, like there's, I would say that my first memory is of lying on this like sheepskin rug when I was a baby, but then there's a photo of that. So maybe that's why I think that.

• 12:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Mae Martin?

  But I feel like I can remember the room and the sounds and everything. But then I guess maybe my first actual memory that I know for a fact is real is my mom's mom at her house. Because she died when I was two and there's not pictures of these moments. So I know I legit remember it from when I was two. And I remember her house smelling like peanut butter cookies that she, and she kept them on top of the fridge. She would cook them and cinnamon hearts and tobacco. And then I remember her playing with me under a blanket and a couple of other things from her house that like I've confirmed that are real memories.

• 13:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah. So two, that's, that's pretty, not that it's competition, but that's pretty good.

• 13:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's real good, bud.

• 13:21Mae Martin?

  That's real good. We got two.

• 13:22Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's funny that you said like you remember like. Scary things or bad things cuz that is my earliest memory is of something not pleasant.

• 13:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  Which I don't know how old I was, but I wanna say like maybe four.

• 13:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:37Fortune Feimster?

  And I just have um a like a foggy memory of it. But I remember um it was me and my mom at the house. And I did not have shoes on and I went outside. And somehow the steel trash can got um moved and and put down on my toe.

• 14:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, no.

• 14:04Fortune Feimster?

  You remember that, Mom?

• 14:05Mae Martin?

  Your little tootsies. Oh, hi Ginger.

• 14:08Fortune Feimster?

  May says hi, Mom. She says hi.

• 14:12Mae Martin?

  Hi, I heard that.

• 14:13Fortune Feimster?

  Hi. Um, and my toenail came ended up coming off, right?

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  And I just remember um like wailing.

• 14:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  Just screaming crying.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  I operated on it.

• 14:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you oh, you helped get the toenail off?

• 14:30Speaker 04

  Well, it had almost become infected.

• 14:33Fortune Feimster?

  It was becoming infected cuz I wouldn't let you touch it, really? But I was like really young, right? I mean, I was like four, maybe.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  I'd say six.

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  Six? Oh, well, then I have earlier memories than that.

• 14:47Mae Martin?

  Was it like the toenail was dangling off and then Ginger to get in there? Oof, oh, my gosh.

• 14:53Fortune Feimster?

  It was the I just remember crying so I don't know how that.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Were terribly there was.

• 14:59Fortune Feimster?

  Who who did the trash can? One of my brothers, probably.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  I think you.

• 15:04Fortune Feimster?

  I I took the trash out. Why was I taking the trash out at five? That's crazy.

• 15:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  That's that's that's absurd. You were you were trying to get me to do chores at five years old.

• 15:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. Wait, can you ask Ginger if you cried a lot as a kid? Like, were you easy to cry?

• 15:21Fortune Feimster?

  Mom, did I cry a lot as a kid? May wants to know.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 15:24Fortune Feimster?

  I did not. Oh, I was strong. I was a strong girl.

• 15:29Mae Martin?

  Strong girl.

• 15:30Fortune Feimster?

  Was I sensitive? Like sensitive but not cry, get my feelings hurt.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  Not particularly.

• 15:38Fortune Feimster?

  Not particularly. Oh, good for me. I was emotionally regul- I was emotionally regulated as a child.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  You were.

• 15:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 15:45Mae Martin?

  Yes, and resilient.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  You used to say that I was cautious, though, or that, I mean, that's, she looked at me like I'm crazy when I just said that. You told me that as a kid, I was the type of kid that would look both, like, look both ways and I would not like act. Is that not true?

• 16:06Speaker 04

  Yes, you, you used a lot of common sense.

• 16:08Fortune Feimster?

  I used a lot of common sense. Okay.

• 16:11Mae Martin?

  Were you slow to trust?

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  Was I slow to trust?

• 16:15Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 16:16Fortune Feimster?

  She doesn't think so.

• 16:19Fortune Feimster?

  Do you like this secondhand conversation?

• 16:23Mae Martin?

  Also, I can, I can hear Ginger.

• 16:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you can hear her?

• 16:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's the best.

• 16:27Fortune Feimster?

  That's so funny.

• 16:29Mae Martin?

  Tell Ginger that my nickname was Ping Ping when I was a kid, because the tears would just fly out. Ping Ping, because I cried so much that my tears would just shoot out of my face like bullets and they go ping, ping. So my family called me Ping Ping.

• 16:43Fortune Feimster?

  May's nickname was Ping Ping because they would cry so much that tears would shoot out like ping, ping, ping. Get it? May, as a child. Who does that?

• 16:55Mae Martin?

  Who, who the hell does that?

• 16:59Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. Well, let's hear what Quinn said.

• 17:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  My earliest memory is from when I was around two years old. I was with a stranger. I don't know who, I didn't know who it was and I felt really sad because my mom was not there. And I fell and scraped my knee and I remember that this woman was comforting me. Later on, I learned that that was probably my grandmother and she was there looking after me because my mom was in the hospital giving birth to my brother. Thanks, love yourself.

• 17:26Fortune Feimster?

  My other memory, I've talked about it, was when I stole a piece of gum.

• 17:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, my gosh, yeah.

• 17:32Fortune Feimster?

  And my mom caught me.

• 17:34Mae Martin?

  And you had to return it?

• 17:35Fortune Feimster?

  I had to return it and I cried.

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 17:40Fortune Feimster?

  That's why, wow, that was a moment of me crying like a baby.

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  How old were you then?

• 17:46Fortune Feimster?

  Five. Humiliating.

• 17:49Mae Martin?

  And you remember that?

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  I really don't have a lot of memories before five.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  I don't think most people do.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  You had so many great times.

• 17:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, did I?

• 17:59Fortune Feimster?

  She said, I don't know why you had so many great times.

• 18:02Mae Martin?

  Uh, Ginger, I know. I don't think most people-

• 18:04Fortune Feimster?

  Those great times were wasted on my terrible memory.

• 18:07Mae Martin?

  No, they're all in there somewhere, forming you.

• 18:10Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I wish I could somehow, I would love to be able to like recall some of that stuff.

• 18:15Mae Martin?

  Well, Harvard scientists say that the past, the present, and the future are all happening at the same time.

• 18:21Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 18:22Mae Martin?

  And that time is not linear, so that's all there.

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I do get deja vu quite a bit, but I don't, I don't know.

• 18:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:30Fortune Feimster?

  I'm always like, what? I'm always intrigued by deja vu, like what that actually means.

• 18:36Mae Martin?

  I know. Well, I think it's a glitch in the matrix. I think it's, it's your-

• 18:42Fortune Feimster?

  My mom's now wanting to pipe in on all the things.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  I like it. Is she just translating deja vu?

• 18:48Fortune Feimster?

  She's over there talking to herself now.

• 18:50Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 18:51Fortune Feimster?

  Don't mind us, mom.

• 18:53Mae Martin?

  I, it's so, it's rare that we have this opportunity. I really, I'm like, what else can I ask Ginger? Like, are there any funny, embarrassing stories from when you were a toddler?

• 19:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, god. Well, she's long-winded. You don't want, you're not gonna want that secondhand story.

• 19:10Mae Martin?

  All right, all right.

• 19:14Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe on the next question, something will come up for her.

• 19:17Mae Martin?

  Should we listen to another?

• 19:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  Hi, handsome. This is Chris from Connecticut, and I am obsessed with the Golden Girls, like many other gay men. And so my question today is a question that Betty White's Rose Nylund posed to a group of very smart professors. And she tried to do it in the same way that her very smart professor boyfriend had asked another group of very smart professors. And this is how it came out from Rose. If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, what would you eat?

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  What would you eat?

• 20:00Fortune Feimster?

  I knew there was gonna be a joke coming in there somewhere.

• 20:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's funny.

• 20:04Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you and Tig famously have never watched The Golden Girls, which hurts my heart so bad.

• 20:12Mae Martin?

  I know, it's crazy. Have you, have you watched Buffy?

• 20:15Fortune Feimster?

  No, so I guess we're even.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  I mean, I know that they're not equivalent in people's minds, like, but...

• 20:21Fortune Feimster?

  But it's your own treasured show.

• 20:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, you know Tig's gonna make us do this well on this weekend, so maybe part of it...

• 20:31Fortune Feimster?

  One of all Golden Girls and Buffy?

• 20:34Mae Martin?

  Now it is just us. Can I check? Are you gonna go?

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I'm gonna need more details. We just posted a video from that episode.

• 20:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Fortune Feimster?

  And I watched my eyes glaze over.

• 20:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:49Fortune Feimster?

  In real time, as you guys just chatted about this.

• 20:53Mae Martin?

  She's running through the schedule.

• 20:54Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, this is no dig at Tig, because this is no Tig dig. Because it's changed her life and it's for the best, and I understand. But she did lose me at vegan food.

• 21:06Mae Martin?

  I know. To be honest, that's my only reservation too, because, because the thing that worries me is a lot of vegan stuff has coconut oil in it.

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:18Mae Martin?

  So that's one excuse I have. What are you gonna say?

• 21:22Fortune Feimster?

  My one note for the weekend would be, like, she should eat vegan food because she loves it, but I should also, I'll eat healthier food.

• 21:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:32Fortune Feimster?

  But it might not be vegan.

• 21:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 21:35Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't need like a slab of meat. I wouldn't do that to her.

• 21:38Mae Martin?

  No.

• 21:39Fortune Feimster?

  But I just need like a charcuterie board, you know what I mean?

• 21:42Mae Martin?

  Sure.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  Because like, if I'm going to have a weekend like this.

• 21:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:47Fortune Feimster?

  I need to, something has to be really...

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 21:54Fortune Feimster?

  And food is one of the few things I get constant joy from. I'll have a smoothie. Well, I'll be healthier, but I'm also gonna need an afternoon cheese.

• 22:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What if we say like, yeah, cheese and crackers in the afternoon and then maybe like a little a steamed salmon with some veg?

• 22:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, a steamed salmon would be, yeah, I won't go beef. I know that's highly aggressive, but salmon okay?

• 22:22Mae Martin?

  Plonk down a cured spare rib.

• 22:24Fortune Feimster?

  Is salmon or halibut okay?

• 22:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Okay. I'll back you up there. I'll back you up.

• 22:30Fortune Feimster?

  That, that would be my one note to the weekend and honestly could change it for me and make me be like, yeah, I'll definitely go.

• 22:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I, I kind of agree. Like if I had.

• 22:39Fortune Feimster?

  It was like, you're gonna do this all weekend, wake up early, exercise, and you have to do the vegan food. I was like,

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  just give me one thing.

• 22:50Mae Martin?

  Although, I mean, I am kind of curious as an experiment, like how, how would I cope with it? How would I feel after it? But I just, I'm, I'm sort of with you. Like I, I want eggs in the morning and yeah.

• 23:00Fortune Feimster?

  So to answer Chris's question.

• 23:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Sorry.

• 23:03Fortune Feimster?

  We would want a salmon or a halibut.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we want some salmon or halibut. Yeah.

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. If I'm eating a fancy meal like that with someone, I, I'm gonna assume it's fancy. If you're getting to eat with someone past or present, you're picking someone pretty important.

• 23:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:20Fortune Feimster?

  But in that case, if Tig's not there, I, I wouldn't mind a filet mignon, you know?

• 23:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Wait, so is the question, oh, the question is what are you eating?

• 23:28Fortune Feimster?

  Well, cause it's a joke. Cause usually it's who are you having dinner with? But Rose wanna, wanna know what would you eat?

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Fortune Feimster?

  I did have a Golden Girls, I, I clearly have Golden Girls in my algorithm. And oftentimes, um, clips from that show will pop up in last night. There was a clip that they said was bloopers of Rose, but it was not bloopers. The, they were just such good actors. That it made it look off everything. This scene just looked so off the cuff.

• 24:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 24:01Fortune Feimster?

  They're, they're just were that good and the writers were so good.

• 24:05Mae Martin?

  God, I love bloopers though, for real. I wish they did have Golden, Golden Girls bloopers. Yeah.

• 24:10Fortune Feimster?

  They probably do have some.

• 24:12Mae Martin?

  I love that. Should we hear Chris's answer?

• 24:14Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  I would eat some pan seared scallops over risotto or polenta and maybe some like grilled asparagus. Because um, I don't know why. I just, that sounds good right now. And that's what I would eat if I was having dinner right now with anyone dead or alive.

• 24:38Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, I love a scallop situation too.

• 24:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too.

• 24:42Fortune Feimster?

  What do you say? Scallop or scallop?

• 24:44Mae Martin?

  Well, no, you can't go by what I say with things weird. I say scallop.

• 24:49Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. No, I think that's right. Scallop. You say scallops, Mom?

• 24:54Speaker 04

  I say scallop.

• 24:55Fortune Feimster?

  You say scallop. I think I'm wrong. I think May's right.

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  No, the way Ginger said it sounded right. Scallops.

• 25:01Fortune Feimster?

  You're saying that because she's an elderly woman?

• 25:04Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna agree with whatever Ginger says, yeah.

• 25:08Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a treat.

• 25:10Mae Martin?

  An absolute pleasure as always.

• 25:12Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh. Uh, well, if anyone wants to ask us any questions or ask for advice, you can go to speakpipe.com/hansampod. And send us a little, little something, a little voice something.

• 25:24Mae Martin?

  Yes, please do. And uh, yeah, what, this is April 3rd. What's going on?

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just back on the road. I think um, as of this airing, I'm in uh Fayetteville in Little Rock, Arkansas.

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, nice. I will have just done the Junos and I'm supposed to be in Canada. And then I'm in, I'm in Toronto. And yeah, then the tour continues all through April. I'm in like Ottawa and, and all across the state. So check out maymartin.net.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and I am doing a European run. So for all our European listeners, I'm hitting up Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, Dublin, uh, and London.

• 26:05Mae Martin?

  That's a really good selection.

• 26:07Fortune Feimster?

  And Copenhagen.

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  Wow. I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna be really fun. I've always wanted to go to Oslo. Yeah, never been. Yeah. Well, amazing. Well, thank you guys for listening. Thank you. We appreciate it. We don't take it for granted. That's right. We love you. And until next time, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  What a podcast! What a podcast!

• 26:51Speaker 03

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.