Lisa Gilroy

Lisa Gilroy is a Canadian actress and comedian celebrated for her dynamic performances across television and digital platforms. She gained prominence as the host of YTV's "The Zone" and the International Emmy-nominated series "Undercover High." Her acting repertoire includes roles in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (2019), "History of the World: Part II" (2023), and the Netflix series "Glamorous" (2023). In 2024, she starred as Detective Sarah Green in Hulu's "Interior Chinatown." Beyond television, Lisa's viral comedic sketches have solidified her status as a rising star in the comedy scene. #lisagilroy #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS PUBLIC REC PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 20% off your order https://publicrec.com MANDO Use Promo Code: WHISKEY FOR $5 OFF YOUR ORDER http://shopmando.com SOUL PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 30% OFF YOUR ORDER! https://getsoul.com PRIZEPICKS Download The App! USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET $50 INSTANTLY WITH YOUR 1ST $5 BET ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Andrew Santino?

  What up Whiskey Ginger fans, welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Subscribe it, like it, leave a comment down below for the Al Go Rhythm. Got a good one today and I am on tour, very excited. Right now, this very moment, I'm in New Orleans, New Orleans, Louisiana. And then tomorrow, I'm in San Antone. Then I'm taking a little bit of break for the holidays and I'm back up at it in Yanuar, January. I'm gonna be in Chicago, doing Charleston and Durham and New York and Philly and Boston and Minneapolis and San Diego and San Francisco and Phoenix and I'm all over the place. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, andrewsantino.com. See you out there.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 0:48Speaker 03

  It's sturdy and ginger.

• 0:50Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a beauty. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:05Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I'm gonna meet him once again today. It is Lisa Gilroy.

• 1:17Andrew Santino?

  Very good.

• 1:18Speaker 05

  $50, $50, $50, $50, you can do that.

• 1:22Andrew Santino?

  Four to the five, seven to nine, seven to nine, sold to the man with the big tits.

• 1:27Speaker 05

  They say a word in there that's like a filler word that they say. It's not like

• 1:30Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's a real word, like, you know?

• 1:38Andrew Santino?

  No, they just repeat the number. They go, if it's 70 bucks for that, they go, 70, 70, 70, 70, 75, 75, 75.

• 1:46Speaker 05

  Can you do it with 60?

• 1:48Andrew Santino?

  66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66.

• 1:52Speaker 05

  660, 66, 66, 66, I never heard them ever say 66, 66.

• 1:55Andrew Santino?

  Well, you can't do it. That's why we don't employ you. That's why you're not part of

• 1:57Speaker 05

  Well, you can do it either. It didn't sound like

• 1:57Andrew Santino?

  66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66, 66, that's how they do it.

• 2:02Speaker 05

  Okay, that's actually, that's, that's pretty good.

• 2:04Andrew Santino?

  You're welcome. Where are you from?

• 2:07Speaker 05

  Edmonton, Alberta.

• 2:08Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 2:09Speaker 05

  You ever heard of it?

• 2:11Andrew Santino?

  I've played it a million times.

• 2:12Speaker 05

  You played it?

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  I played the West Edmonton Mall.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  I forgot you were a banjo guy.

• 2:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 05

  How were the crowds?

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  Uh, the crowds were pretty good. The banjo scene died in like 97 or 98. I started in 05, 06.

• 2:30Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 2:30Andrew Santino?

  So I was trying to fucking bring life back to something that was definitely not coming back around.

• 2:34Speaker 05

  Do you play double string or single string?

• 2:36Andrew Santino?

  Single. I've never been able to play double, just because I cut my nails really short.

• 2:39Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  I don't bite them though, but I do cut them really short, so yeah.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  Well, you need long on one side for picking and short on the other side for...

• 2:45Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, and I can't grow nails on my right hand. That's the problem.

• 2:47Speaker 05

  You don't have fingers on your right hand?

• 2:48Andrew Santino?

  Well, this is all, you know, part of the illusion of the show. Uh, I played West Ed Mall. Stand up at, uh, comedy, uh, um, comic, uh...

• 2:58Speaker 05

  Comic Strip?

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  No, Comic Strip's the other one. Oh no, Comic Strip's West Ed, yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 05

  I don't remember what it's called. I only ever went there one time. Uh...

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  What's wrong with me? I can't believe I can't remember. I do know this. I played it a thousand fucking times back in the day. My brain's just mush this morning because of, um, all the travel, but...

• 3:14Speaker 05

  Were you just go back from Europe?

• 3:15Andrew Santino?

  Australia. Same thing.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  Whoa, down under. How was it?

• 3:21Andrew Santino?

  I've never heard "down under"? What is that?

• 3:22Speaker 05

  Down under!

• 3:23Andrew Santino?

  What's that?

• 3:24Speaker 05

  It means like, okay, so you know how the, a world is, has a top and a bottom part? So the top part's where all the snow is and everything, and the bottom part's where all the rain falls and it kind of collects and makes an ocean? So in the bottom where the ocean is, if there's any part of sand that grows a lot and is tall enough to become an island, it becomes Australia. So that's why they call it "under" because it's under the world on the bottom.

• 3:42Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 3:43Speaker 05

  How was it?

• 3:45Andrew Santino?

  Lot of water, I'll tell you that.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 05

  And a lot of convicts, right? I thought Australia is where all the prisoners go. We're not supposed to say that? Is that, is that...

• 3:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I mean, that's a little rude and racist.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, sorry.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  That's a little rude and racist.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  I didn't know. I just heard that.

• 3:56Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you go back to England?

• 3:57Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 3:58Andrew Santino?

  Bigot? Bigot? That's what, you know, that's what frogs are actually saying. Bigot. Bigot. So if you take a frog around someone, you can tell. That's like, you know, like Gadar, that's their...

• 4:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, but if they say it all the time then how are you supposed to know when it's telling the truth?

• 4:11Andrew Santino?

  Hey.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  It's kind of like you. You lie all the time, so how are we supposed to know?

• 4:14Andrew Santino?

  Everyone's a bigot. That's the point.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  Welcome to the real world, kid.

• 4:18Speaker 05

  Welcome to the real world, you said to me, God will send a lead.

• 4:24Speaker 05

  So, why were you in Australia?

• 4:26Andrew Santino?

  Who is that again?

• 4:27Speaker 05

  I think that's Wayne Brady from, uh...

• 4:31Andrew Santino?

  Wayne Gretzky?

• 4:32Speaker 05

  No, Wayne Brady from, uh, Whose Line Is It Anyway?

• 4:34Andrew Santino?

  From Brady Bunch, yeah. Why was I done under, we were playing shows, and let me back it up real fast. I have said a thousand times how much I do have a lot of love for, um, for Alberta.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  Canada. I've also been to the Calgary Stampede, up there in Calgary, Calgary. Uh, I do love it. I actually did start there, seriously.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  Really?

• 4:53Andrew Santino?

  At Rick Bronson's room. Yeah, Rick and Tammy Bronson's room.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  What do you mean you started there?

• 4:56Andrew Santino?

  That was like, for the first couple of times I got to headline was, um, up at the West Ed Mall.

• 5:00Speaker 05

  Oh, that's nice. Did you stay at the Fantasyland?

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  I'd never stayed at the hotel. They had condo, they had a couple of condos that were down the road that most comics, when you start out, you stay at the condo because they own it. And then, but I've always said this about that place, and I'm being genuine.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 5:13Andrew Santino?

  The women, the women in, I've always joked about this, the women in Alberta are shockingly beautiful, like, no, I'm not kidding, and the men...

• 5:27Speaker 05

  Are atrocious.

• 5:28Andrew Santino?

  Unbelievable. The disparity is so cra- it, honestly. It is so, the gap is so big, like, when we would go out to like, get a drink or get something to eat, I'd be like, "Look at all these beautiful girls, and their boyfriends or husbands are these absolute animals."

• 5:45Speaker 05

  How do you know it's not their brothers?

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  What's the difference?

• 5:48Speaker 05

  Well, were they kissing?

• 5:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  Because then they were brothers, sister.

• 5:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's what I mean.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  That's Alberta way. You know how there's something I heard?

• 5:55Andrew Santino?

  You know what I'm talking about, though, the women are beautiful up there.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  I mean, that's great, I, I, I think I would agree with you.

• 6:00Andrew Santino?

  Why are the guys not?

• 6:02Speaker 05

  Maybe because they...

• 6:03Andrew Santino?

  Is your dad ugly?

• 6:06Speaker 05

  Um, no. My dad's not ugly.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  No, my dad's awesome looking.

• 6:13Andrew Santino?

  Your mom was pretty and your dad wasn't. Just be on, tell me the truth.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  No, well, I'll show you a picture of my dad.

• 6:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.

• 6:19Speaker 05

  And you can tell me.

• 6:20Andrew Santino?

  And I want to see. Can you grab me a water?

• 6:23Speaker 05

  Okay, let me bring up his contact photo here. Dad.

• 6:26Andrew Santino?

  Just bring up the best photo you have of your dad.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  Well, this is here. Look, I'm showing you.

• 6:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, he's a handsome cat. He is a handsome cat. Nice lettuce on him, good smile.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  Nice lettuce?

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  His hair.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  Oh, is that what that is?

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Good lettuce, good, good, good smile.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  Aww.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  I like that guy.

• 6:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's a good guy.

• 6:44Andrew Santino?

  Let me see your mom. Show me the factory that made you. I wanna know how the sausage was made.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  I don't have a recent picture of my mom.

• 6:52Andrew Santino?

  You can just come here.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  I only have...

• 6:57Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a recent photo of your mom? Do you not, do you not talk to your parents anymore?

• 6:59Speaker 05

  I mean, my, because my contact photo for her is a joke.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  That's why you became an actor?

• 7:04Speaker 05

  There's gotta be a picture of her somewhere.

• 7:05Andrew Santino?

  I don't talk to my mommy and daddy anymore.

• 7:07Speaker 05

  Oh my god, I'm shaking from my coffee. I'm so tiddled jitterbugs. I can't find a picture of my mom. Isn't that bad? Isn't that so the Alberta girl way?

• 7:16Andrew Santino?

  I would say that's a little unfortunate for you. Depending on your relationship. Are your parents still together?

• 7:21Speaker 05

  No.

• 7:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, duh.

• 7:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, duh, right?

• 7:23Andrew Santino?

  That's why you're so good.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Okay, all I can find is, all I can find is an old picture. But you're gonna get so horny for this.

• 7:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 05

  It's my mom and her two sisters and they're all topless.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Pop me off.

• 7:34Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, dude. For the viewers at home...

• 7:37Speaker 05

  Can you guess which one is my...

• 7:38Andrew Santino?

  Their tits are out.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  Can you guess, can you guess which one is mine?

• 7:42Andrew Santino?

  How funny if it was one of these beautiful portraits and their tits were out in this photo? It would be fucking amazing.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  It is, for the listeners. They are topless, but it's tasteful. It's like a studio, like...

• 7:52Andrew Santino?

  Will you send this to me so I can show the audience?

• 7:54Speaker 05

  No!

• 7:54Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 7:55Speaker 05

  Fucking freak, give me that.

• 7:56Andrew Santino?

  This is not, it's a P...

• 7:57Speaker 05

  You fucking freak, you fucking freak, give it to me!

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  It's a PG photo.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Help, help!

• 8:01Andrew Santino?

  Okay, okay, calm down. Jesus Christ. Wait, let me guess, your mom is, you asked me to guess.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, I guess which one.

• 8:06Andrew Santino?

  The Puerto Rican girl at the bottom? No, your mom is actually the top left.

• 8:10Speaker 05

  No.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  No, it's that one right there, yeah. You know how I can tell?

• 8:13Speaker 05

  You couldn't tell, so...

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  You have this, no, I...

• 8:16Speaker 05

  Well, you guessed the wrong one, so...

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  You have the same beauty mark. She has the same thing.

• 8:21Speaker 05

  No, she doesn't, you're out of your fucking mind. Show me a picture of your mom, so I can woo-ga-woo-ga. Oh, sorry. I was actually just informed before the podcast started. I'm sorry.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  I'll show you my mom. You wanna see my mom, pal? Show you my fucking mom bud.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  How come you get a little carpet with your face on it, but I don't have one here to put my feet on?

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Nobody wanted to make it. I asked if anybody wanted to make a picture of your face and they were all like, "No thanks." Which I thought was a little rude.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  So, do you have that so that when people ask you, "Does the carpet match the drapes?" You can say, "Yeah, photorealistic."

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  I have hardwood floors. Carpet in your basement? That's insane.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  You have hardwood floors?

• 8:59Speaker 05

  Oh, so you got burned bad and things are shiny and lacquered?

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  Third degree.

• 9:04Andrew Santino?

  Um, let me see. I'm gonna find you my mom. I wanna find you a girl who my mom that she would approve. My parents are gotta be older than yours. So I, she wouldn't approve of, she gets a little, you know what I mean? Mommy gets a little insecure. That's my mom.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  So you lied to me?

• 9:20Speaker 05

  You lied to me?

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if I should let you have my phone now.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Why?

• 9:24Andrew Santino?

  You screamed "Help" as loud as you can, like a fucking nonsensical pervert.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, because you wouldn't give it back. You can scream "Help" if I don't give this one back.

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna fucking scream.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  Um, your mom is gorgeous. Look at this duo. Wait, so you lied to me, right before we started, you said your parents were dead?

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  My parents are alive, yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 9:38Andrew Santino?

  I mean, yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  There's a person seen at your front door.

• 9:41Andrew Santino?

  Gross, I hate that. Let's see who it is. Get away!

• 9:46Speaker 05

  See, you did exactly what I did.

• 9:48Andrew Santino?

  Get away! Um, yeah, she's, she's, my mom is a beautiful, beautiful woman.

• 9:53Speaker 05

  She is a beautiful, beautiful woman.

• 9:53Andrew Santino?

  Gorgeous. That's why, uh...

• 9:55Speaker 05

  And what about your dad? How's the, like, what are we talking about? The, are they both gorgeous?

• 10:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, dot, dot, dot, exclamation mark, question mark, question mark.

• 10:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm from Alberta. My dad is, um, a, uh, a big, tall Sicilian guy.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  Daddy was a big, tall Sicilian guy.

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that Jim Croce? Daddy was a big, tall Sicilian guy. Oh, Mexico.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  Don't know it.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  James Taylor.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  Back it up.

• 10:25Andrew Santino?

  I've, I'm a fan of yours. For people that don't know who you are that are listening right now, you're an incredible and talented sketch performer, improver, actor, comedian, writer, um...

• 10:37Andrew Santino?

  Uh, an old henna artist. I know you did henna tattoos for years and years and years.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  Years.

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  On Venice Boulevard.

• 10:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, I think the transition from doing henna to getting more in comedy is kind of, that was the...

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Well, that's the pipeline, right?

• 10:49Andrew Santino?

  How did that?

• 10:50Speaker 05

  You move to LA, you usually start doing henna on the Boulevard.

• 10:53Andrew Santino?

  Henna or you sell rap CDs? I sold rap CDs for a couple of years.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  Did you?

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, for about six or seven years.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  Were you just a boy?

• 10:59Andrew Santino?

  I just smacked my... Yo, yo, yo, yo, you like hip-hop? I would do that all over the Boulevard.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  There's a little boy on the Boulevard who sings, and I think his dad is quite mean.

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  No, no, dude, he wants to sing.

• 11:08Speaker 05

  No, I don't think he wants to.

• 11:09Andrew Santino?

  Do you live on the West Side?

• 11:10Speaker 05

  No.

• 11:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  I sometimes go dip my toe in the ocean. Do you?

• 11:14Andrew Santino?

  I've been in Los Angeles for almost, uh, it's 20 years, and, um, I haven't been to the beach in over 10.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  We gotta go, man.

• 11:23Andrew Santino?

  No, thanks.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  We gotta dip our toes in the sand, man. We gotta put our bikinis on and enjoy life for once. Coconuts? Huh? Well, that'd be good.

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  I have zero interest in going to the beach. This beach, these beaches are the worst beaches.

• 11:36Speaker 05

  You know who you sound like? The dad at the beginning of a Disney movie who doesn't like...

• 11:39Andrew Santino?

  I have zero interest in going to the beach.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Bah, bah humbug, you boys go to the beach, I'll be here with my briefcase.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  What ends up happening?

• 11:46Speaker 05

  He's like, Dad, you missed my big baseball game at the beach.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  Why were you guys playing at the beach again, son? You couldn't play at a baseball field?

• 11:51Speaker 05

  It's Aqua Baseball, Dad. We splish and splash for a home run, and I looked for you in the sand, and you weren't there.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  I'll be there next week, I promise.

• 11:59Speaker 05

  You always say that. You know, Mom's got a new boyfriend.

• 12:03Andrew Santino?

  You think I don't know that?

• 12:05Speaker 05

  His name's Dougie, and he comes to our games. He's our new coach.

• 12:09Andrew Santino?

  Really? Does your mom and Dougie ever hang out after the games?

• 12:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, they take us for ice cream. It's the best.

• 12:16Andrew Santino?

  And then what do you guys do?

• 12:17Speaker 05

  We go home, we have family dinner, all the stuff that you said you'd do, but you were working.

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  After family dinner, does Dougie go home?

• 12:25Speaker 05

  No, he sleeps in the bed upstairs with Mom.

• 12:28Andrew Santino?

  Really? Did you ever hear them building anything late at night?

• 12:32Speaker 05

  I mean, sure, there's lots of bangs and booms, but that's just normal.

• 12:35Andrew Santino?

  Like fireworks?

• 12:36Speaker 05

  Dougie says it's called Dougie's Old Thunder Lightning. And it shakes the house. It's awesome, Dad. You should come over sometime and see it.

• 12:43Andrew Santino?

  Maybe I should. Dad's a cuck on Disney. Just me standing in the corner watching them. Go, Doug, go!

• 12:53Speaker 05

  Cucks are what they call Canadians.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  No, cucks are what they call when you you set up your significant other to have sex with someone in front of you.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  No, the Vancouver hockey team is called the Cucks.

• 13:02Andrew Santino?

  Canucks.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  Pretty sure it's Cucks.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  Vancouver Canucks.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  Vancouver Cucks.

• 13:08Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 13:08Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  Cuckucks?

• 13:10Speaker 05

  Cuckucks.

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  This is because you're an Oilers fan. Are you really an Edmonton Oilers fan?

• 13:14Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, sure. We got Connor McDavid. Connor McDavid.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  And?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  Dry Saddle.

• 13:19Andrew Santino?

  And?

• 13:20Speaker 05

  Uh, uh, McLeod?

• 13:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, McLeod, yeah, very good.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Um, that's three. You need more?

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 05

  I don't know. What fucking shirt are you wearing? Name the band, name the songs from the band!

• 13:31Andrew Santino?

  This is Uncle Paulie's, uh, deli.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  Okay, name three sandwiches, you fucking idiot.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  The Godfather, the OG, and the Italian.

• 13:38Speaker 05

  What kind of meat are in those?

• 13:39Andrew Santino?

  Balls.

• 13:40Speaker 05

  See, he doesn't even fucking know. Yo, oh, I'm a big guy. Wear my sandwich t-shirt. Also, the girls think I'm cool, huh? But I can't name any of the sandwiches. You're so fucking stupid, it's crazy.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  What's your hat? Malbon? What's that, the cigarettes you smoke? Gotcha there.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  Malbon Blues, yeah, this is the smokes I smoke.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Malbon Lights?

• 14:02Andrew Santino?

  No, they're heavies.

• 14:04Speaker 05

  I don't know what Malbon is. It looks like a golf thing because it's written in a rich man's font.

• 14:08Andrew Santino?

  Fault? Got her. Loser, idiot, fuckhead. Sleep on that, dork. That'll keep you up all night.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  Is that a golf hat?

• 14:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a golf company.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  So you golf, huh?

• 14:18Andrew Santino?

  Love it.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  You whiz balls?

• 14:20Andrew Santino?

  I be whizzing the balls.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  Is it okay to celebrate if you hit a really awesome ball? Or is that not golf etiquette?

• 14:28Andrew Santino?

  No, that's golf.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  I don't know anything about golf.

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  You wouldn't scream like you did before, but you'd.

• 14:33Speaker 05

  You wouldn't scream help, help, help?

• 14:34Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not really part of the golf game, but you would do like a.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Give me an etiquette quiz, like, here's a situation, you're golfing and blah, blah, blah, blah. What do you do if the person, you know, something like that?

• 14:45Andrew Santino?

  You and I are playing golf, we both hit off the tee and then we walk up to our ball and mine's in front of, mine's beyond yours, longer.

• 14:51Speaker 05

  But did you go first or did I go first?

• 14:52Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't really matter.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  Doesn't matter, okay.

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but if my ball's up there and yours is here, who hits first? The one who's the longer drive or the shorter drive?

• 15:00Speaker 05

  I'm gonna guess the longer drive because I might doink you in the head or. Yeah, let's stay back here so that I won't doink anyone and then.

• 15:06Andrew Santino?

  So we hit yours first?

• 15:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  Okay. For safety reasons.

• 15:09Andrew Santino?

  We go back to yours, we hit yours first, then we go up to mine.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  What do you mean back to mine, as if I hit mine?

• 15:13Andrew Santino?

  I'm saying we walk up to yours, we're at yours, you hit, and then we go up to mine.

• 15:16Speaker 05

  Okay, well, you said go back as if I had actually hit mine the wrong way, which I didn't, because I know how to play.

• 15:20Andrew Santino?

  You do know how to play.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  You know what I didn't know that I just learned?

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:23Speaker 05

  Is that the hole moves?

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  The hole moves not during the play.

• 15:28Speaker 05

  I know, but I didn't know that. I thought it was like, this girl on TikTok was like, my boyfriend goes golfing all the time and he said, "The green was really hard today." And she was like, "What do you mean? You play this course every weekend." And he was like, "They move the hole."

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  I had no idea.

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every night, they're a team of little people, LPs, and they come out of the trees. I don't know if you know that, but they have subsidized housing in the trees on golf courses for LPs, and they come out and they move the holes. And that's the best part, they don't communicate with anybody about where it's going or how they do it.

• 15:57Speaker 05

  But they have to communicate with each other, otherwise there'd be a big war.

• 16:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, but I don't know what language they speak. I mean, I've never heard them. You'll never see them.

• 16:04Speaker 05

  You've never stayed up that late?

• 16:05Andrew Santino?

  I've tried, but I fall asleep every fucking time.

• 16:08Speaker 05

  Not even on golf, Big Golf Eve?

• 16:11Andrew Santino?

  On Big Golf Eve, on BGE, I'm typically tucked in by 11:30. I don't think they come out till 1 or 2.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Do you leave a snack out for the little people?

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  What's the kind of traditional snack that they eat?

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's changed over the years because of, you know, the internet has gotten a hold of what they, you know, they've judged what we used to put out there.

• 16:29Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 16:30Andrew Santino?

  But now, in this current day and age, it's Werther's Originals is what they really like. The little caramel Werther's Originals.

• 16:37Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I don't know, I think because maybe they're, they just like that. Old school flavor of grandma's house. I think it's got that warm, fuzzy.

• 16:45Speaker 05

  That's interesting. So you think that Werther's Original tastes like a house?

• 16:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, tastes like grandma's house.

• 16:50Speaker 05

  What part? Like carpet, wall?

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  My whole, my grandmother's entire home was made of Werther's Originals.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  You had a candy grandma. Candy grandma.

• 17:01Andrew Santino?

  Little tiny candy grandma.

• 17:04Speaker 05

  That's beautiful.

• 17:06Andrew Santino?

  Hard legs.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  Big head.

• 17:13Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so wait, I want to ask you, it's so funny, man. It's so nice to meet you because I really am a fan. What are you doing on Chinese Insider?

• 17:20Speaker 05

  What the fuck are you doing on Hulu, man? Where, is this a Hulu collab?

• 17:23Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing on Chinese Insider?

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I saw you have a Hulu special coming out. Chinese Insider is on Hulu as well.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  What's the name of your show again?

• 17:30Speaker 05

  Interior Chinatown.

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  Get a new name.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  I didn't make it!

• 17:34Andrew Santino?

  It's terrible, honestly.

• 17:35Speaker 05

  I didn't make it!

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  Interior Chinatown? Embarrassing on so many levels.

• 17:39Speaker 05

  It's supposed to be like the heading of a script.

• 17:41Andrew Santino?

  For sure. Half of the people on there aren't even Chinese.

• 17:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, some of them are, most of them are.

• 17:45Andrew Santino?

  That's awful, dude. That's awful. I'm calling Hulu.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Don't, please don't.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm gonna, I'm getting you off the show.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Please don't call them.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  Interior Chinatown, uh, is, is on Hulu with some of our good friends Jimmy Oh Yang and Ronnie Chang. Love, love. Chloe Bennett, who is also on Dave with me, love. Sullivan Jones, don't know him. Lisa Gilroy, sucks! Uh, Chow Long, love. Archie Ko, uh, Ko, love. Tsima, love. Diana Lin, love. Annie Chang owes me money. Chris Pang owes Chang money. Spencer Neville and Michael Hardy and, and the rest of people.

• 18:21Speaker 05

  Spencer Neville?

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Spencer Neville. Neville was Aaron Neville, Aaron Neville, but this is.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  Neville Longbottom.

• 18:27Andrew Santino?

  Do you like doing this show of, uh, mostly, um, Asians and you?

• 18:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, I could ask you the same question.

• 18:34Andrew Santino?

  I only do my show with one Asian. You're doing it with a lot.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  That's fifty percent.

• 18:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:39Speaker 05

  So do you consider yourself a minority on that show?

• 18:43Speaker 05

  Because Bobby's so much funnier and like a bigger personality than you.

• 18:45Andrew Santino?

  Wow. Harmful, harmful, harmful.

• 18:49Andrew Santino?

  Bobby is funny if you like that kinda stuff.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Well, you must.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  I enjoy it.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  What's your favorite thing about Bobby?

• 18:57Andrew Santino?

  Uh, I would say making money off of him.

• 19:00Speaker 05

  Oh, does he know you're doing that?

• 19:02Andrew Santino?

  Mm, mm.

• 19:04Speaker 05

  Mm, mm, mm.

• 19:05Andrew Santino?

  He does now.

• 19:06Speaker 05

  Blaster.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  He, no, it is really fun. I mean, I wish he was, I wish he was Japanese, but, but Korean isn't bad.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Have you been to Japan?

• 19:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:16Speaker 05

  Me too.

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  Where? One, two, three?

• 19:18Speaker 05

  Tokyo. One, two, three?

• 19:20Andrew Santino?

  Kyoto.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  One, two, three?

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  Ishigake. Wait, Ishigake is Okinawa.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  I didn't know that.

• 19:26Andrew Santino?

  Ishigake is a little island on, in the Okinawan island chains. You didn't go down there. I know you didn't.

• 19:31Speaker 05

  I went to Okinawa.

• 19:32Andrew Santino?

  No, you didn't.

• 19:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I literally did.

• 19:35Andrew Santino?

  One, two, three.

• 19:37Speaker 05

  Okinawa.

• 19:38Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 19:38Speaker 05

  Wait, I actually did, though.

• 19:40Andrew Santino?

  You did go to the Okinawan Islands?

• 19:41Speaker 05

  Yes, I stayed in a resort. I was, this was like the end of the trip when I was really...

• 19:44Andrew Santino?

  You were filming or fun?

• 19:46Speaker 05

  Fun, fun.

• 19:46Andrew Santino?

  Fun? Two idiots slip-ups. Make sure we get both of those and loop them.

• 19:50Speaker 05

  Delete, delete, delete, undo, undo, edit, undo, undo, reverse.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  So you went for fun? Did you go with a group of friends? Did you go with family?

• 19:56Speaker 05

  I just went with my husband.

• 19:58Andrew Santino?

  You just went with your husband?

• 19:59Speaker 05

  And we stayed at the, at a resort in Okinawa. And why can't I, oh, well, the resort was called Halukulani.

• 20:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Halukulani.

• 20:08Speaker 05

  You ever been there?

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  Halukulier, more like, sounds like.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  More like, sounds like, fart?

• 20:15Andrew Santino?

  Don't do the fart stuff on this. This is a family show. I didn't fart.

• 20:18Speaker 05

  You stuck out your tongue as if you're going to.

• 20:19Andrew Santino?

  No, I have a...

• 20:20Speaker 05

  Plus, you have farts seeping out of your ass this whole time. It's toxic in here. Help me!

• 20:25Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna have to cut all that stuff. This is a family show.

• 20:28Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  So you and, you and, you and your husband went to Japan, and you were there for how long?

• 20:32Speaker 05

  Like, twelve days.

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  That's good. That's a good amount of time. Five in Tokyo, four or so in Kyoto, and then, uh...

• 20:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were our travel agent.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 05

  You booked the whole thing. You planned it. So yeah, was a good amount of time.

• 20:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, I didn't know if you guys changed the plans. I mean, I just set it up. You don't have to stick to the schedule if you don't want to.

• 20:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  Did you go eat at, um, Y- Euro Drinks of Sushi?

• 20:54Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  You went to Euros, didn't you?

• 20:55Speaker 05

  Yeah. Did you?

• 20:56Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, I'm not a sellout. Um, I went to other places, you fucking American hack.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  Oh, where'd you go? Tokyo Disney? You fucking loser? Oh, Mickey! You wanna suck your dicky? That's you.

• 21:07Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I did not-

• 21:08Speaker 05

  Every day you're like that. Every day you're like that.

• 21:11Andrew Santino?

  Big deal!

• 21:13Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  Japanese Mickey is my guy, dude. I love Japanese Mickey. Yeah. I'm in a rover with a mini!

• 21:22Speaker 05

  What?

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  And I said, "Come here." That's what he says. "I'm in a rover with a mini."

• 21:25Speaker 05

  What?

• 21:25Andrew Santino?

  That's Japanese Mickey. "I'm in a rover with a mini." Great to see you.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  No.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  Welcome to Disney World.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  No.

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  That's what he says. Don't get mad.

• 21:35Speaker 05

  First of all, the masc- stop.

• 21:36Andrew Santino?

  You're afraid of getting in trouble with Interior China. That's the problem. And let me tell you something, you're gonna get kicked off Interior China after doing this show.

• 21:42Speaker 05

  Well, the season's already done. It's already over.

• 21:44Andrew Santino?

  You got another one on the way.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  It's a limited series.

• 21:46Andrew Santino?

  It got picked up.

• 21:46Speaker 05

  It's a limited series.

• 21:47Andrew Santino?

  Got picked up.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  It did?

• 21:48Andrew Santino?

  Ronnie Chang called me today.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  What?

• 21:49Andrew Santino?

  He goes, "Tell Gilroy we got picked up."

• 21:51Speaker 05

  Really?

• 21:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:53Speaker 05

  Um, the mascots don't talk, and you should know that. Okay?

• 21:57Andrew Santino?

  No, cuz I'm not a Disney loser like you. Fucking nerd. Loser nerd idiot dork.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  You've been to Disney before?

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  How fat is your husband?

• 22:07Speaker 05

  How fat's your husband?

• 22:11Speaker 05

  Skinny as a little mouse.

• 22:12Andrew Santino?

  He's a little skinny mini girl, dude. He's a skinny mini. How long you been married?

• 22:18Speaker 05

  A long time.

• 22:19Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:21Andrew Santino?

  Do you have-

• 22:21Speaker 05

  How long you been married?

• 22:21Andrew Santino?

  Do you have papitos?

• 22:22Speaker 05

  You married?

• 22:23Andrew Santino?

  Eight years. Do you have, do you have little papitos?

• 22:25Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:25Andrew Santino?

  You don't have any?

• 22:26Speaker 05

  Do you?

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 22:27Speaker 05

  Do you have pets? What do you, oh, you said that like you're hungry for them. Are you gonna boil one up for Thanksgiving?

• 22:33Andrew Santino?

  She's my little sweetie princess.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Who's she? What is she?

• 22:36Andrew Santino?

  What's the song you sing to your dog when you walk in the door?

• 22:39Speaker 05

  I have a cat.

• 22:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, this show's over.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  No, it's not.

• 22:43Andrew Santino?

  You have two cats?

• 22:44Speaker 05

  Show's just getting started, Bobby.

• 22:45Andrew Santino?

  You have two cats?

• 22:46Speaker 05

  One cat.

• 22:47Andrew Santino?

  You have one? What's it called?

• 22:48Speaker 05

  Moose.

• 22:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I like that.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  What's your, what's your girl dog?

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  Her name's Cubby.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Cubby.

• 22:54Andrew Santino?

  And you don't sing to your cat?

• 22:55Speaker 05

  I sing to my cat all the time.

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  Give me a song.

• 22:57Speaker 05

  I don't have any like ones with, uh... I don't think I have any ones with lyrics.

• 23:02Andrew Santino?

  Mine is in the vein of, uh, extra, extra. You know, the newsboy thing, you know, extra.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Extra, extra.

• 23:08Andrew Santino?

  Read all, yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 23:09Andrew Santino?

  Mine is, uh, cubster, pubster, read all about her. She's the best little pup in the world. Those are two kisses she gets.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  Oh, cute.

• 23:17Andrew Santino?

  Right on her fucking snoozle.

• 23:19Speaker 05

  So you have to kind of be holding her when you sing the song?

• 23:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm always holding her, dude. When I walk in, I'm picking her up and I'm holding her.

• 23:24Speaker 05

  Did she ever pee on you?

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  Twice.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  In your life? Or twice a day?

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  Twice a day.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 23:29Andrew Santino?

  Once in the morning, once at night.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  I got peed on recently by a dog at a bar. Someone brought their dog and I was like, really excited. I love all of God's creatures. You know, I don't pick between cats and dogs.

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't either. I think they're all great. That's wonderful. I just think, you know, it's easier to sing to a dog because sometimes cats don't want you around.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  Well...

• 23:44Andrew Santino?

  Dogs always want to be there. They greet you at the door. Cats don't, sometimes they don't care that you're home.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Depending on which cat, kind of cat you have. My cat always comes to the door.

• 23:51Andrew Santino?

  What do you have, a Russian blue?

• 23:53Speaker 05

  No, I have just like a garbage cat.

• 23:55Andrew Santino?

  What's the fancy cat? Somebody told me about it last night.

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, that Russian blue sounds very fancy.

• 23:59Andrew Santino?

  That's the fancy one or what's the other one?

• 24:00Speaker 05

  Mancun.

• 24:00Andrew Santino?

  No, what's the one with like very distinct ears? It always looks like the, the meme of a cat online?

• 24:05Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about.

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean?

• 24:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  Someone just told me...

• 24:08Speaker 05

  Does it almost look like a Star Wars?

• 24:09Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't know what it's called, but yeah.

• 24:11Andrew Santino?

  Someone told me yesterday on the phone, a friend was like, oh, I went to this girl's house and she had that. And I was like, oh, wow, these are like...

• 24:17Speaker 05

  Why did you say somebody told me this yesterday on the phone? You wanted me to know the conversation didn't happen in person?

• 24:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, because I was about to say who and then I thought, that's not okay. It's not my business to talk about somebody else's name.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  So you thought it would stop me from asking who your friend was if you said you talked to them on the phone?

• 24:29Andrew Santino?

  Well, I tell you, I can't. Who is it?

• 24:30Speaker 03

  We got Devon Rex, Bengal.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  Devon Rex.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  Devon Rex is the one.

• 24:33Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  That's the one with the little, short curly hair.

• 24:35Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  British short hair, Maine Coon, Scottish fold.

• 24:39Andrew Santino?

  Scottish fold.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  Scottish fold, yeah.

• 24:40Andrew Santino?

  That was it?

• 24:41Speaker 05

  No, my cat kind of looks like a mancoon, but he's just from the garbage. But he's so cute.

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  You got him on the street?

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I, I don't have a song for him, but I talk to him like...

• 24:51Andrew Santino?

  Like a minion, almost.

• 24:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:53Andrew Santino?

  Where does Moose come from?

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Uh, he's a, I think, that's like a...

• 24:56Andrew Santino?

  The name.

• 24:57Speaker 05

  Well, it's a Canadian animal, one of our national treasures. And he has really long whiskers that look like antlers, so that's kind of a good...

• 25:05Andrew Santino?

  Is your husband a Kanek, Kanek as well?

• 25:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. Where's Cubby come from?

• 25:10Andrew Santino?

  My buddy's ex-fiance.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Uh oh, let's get into it, okay. What happened there? The fans are dying to know. Now, we heard fiance and we heard ex-fiance. So, what's the deal? Break it down. So who cheated on who? She fucked him or he fucked... He fucked somebody's stepdad was in the mix.

• 25:26Andrew Santino?

  She died in a tragic car accident.

• 25:32Andrew Santino?

  On the day of the wedding. She died in a tragic car accident on the day of the wedding.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  I'm so sorry.

• 25:40Andrew Santino?

  That's okay. Wasn't mine.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  The baby?

• 25:54Speaker 05

  So where did the name Cubby come from?

• 25:57Andrew Santino?

  I'm from Chicago.

• 25:58Speaker 05

  Oh, awesome.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  Chicago Cubs.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 26:03Andrew Santino?

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• 26:48Andrew Santino?

  You want to give the boys room to breathe. They don't want to hang out, right? And they've done just that. Public Rec's Daymaker Pants are so slick, so comfortable, so cool, and you can wear them literally anywhere. They're very rockable. You can rock them anywhere. For a limited time, you can get 20% off your entire order with the code WHISKY20 at publicrec.com. That's 20% off when you use promo code WHISKY20 at publicrec.com.

• 27:15Andrew Santino?

  You smell that? It's me. I smell gooood because I'm wearing Mando All Body Deodorant, my friends, okay? Mando is incredible. I don't know if you've ever used it or heard of it before, but Mando is fantastique. Okay, you can put this anywhere. That's the best part about the whole body deodorant. You put it under your pits, you put it on your Nifkin, your gooch, your grundle, your backside, the back of your knees, the back of your tush, the undercarriage. Uh, it's gonna smell so good. It's created by a doctor, which is great. Mando Whole Body Deodorant. They saw firsthand how BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. This is clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. That's a long time. Uh, the solid deodorant stick was formulated

• 27:59Andrew Santino?

  and powered by uh, mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. They cut it off at the pass. Uh, it's aluminum free in the spray deodorant and ideal for hard to reach places. You know what I'm talking about. Uh, but all the products are baking soda free and paraben free, which is a big deal now. Uh, bourbon leather, I love, love. But I love Mount Fuji is probably my favorite smell because it reminds me of my best friend Bobby Lee. Uh, it's clinically proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone. 12 hours after a shower, the average man's grundle odor level was a 5 out of 10. That's a pretty stinky. With Mando, uh, the average grundle odor is a 0 out of 10. It do not stink after you put that Mando on. Mando Starter Pack is a perfect gift for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash uh, and deodorant wipes and free shipping. There's a special offer to the listeners.

• 28:44Andrew Santino?

  New customers are gonna get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack code using whiskey. Use that code whiskey at shopmando.com. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando.

• 29:06Andrew Santino?

  Uh, my buddy's uh, ex was getting furniture made in downtown Los Angeles. She went to the furniture maker and the gentleman said, "Hey, this dog came in and had puppies. I don't want these fucking things."

• 29:15Speaker 05

  Came into the furniture store.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  Came into the, to the warehouse.

• 29:18Speaker 05

  Ding, ding, ding, ding.

• 29:19Andrew Santino?

  It came in to give birth, uh, because it was, it was cold. And so it gave birth inside the furniture maker's like where? Studio. And then it left the puppies. And usually that means... She's on the run from the law.

• 29:32Speaker 05

  Uh, is that what that means?

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when dogs, when mother dogs leave their puppies, they're on the run from the law.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Mother dog.

• 29:36Andrew Santino?

  When mother dogs. So she left all these dogs and the guy says, I don't want these fucking dogs. And she said she's a warm-hearted, beautiful individual and she took a, she's like, well, I can ha- try to house these for you. I'll find. And she grabbed one and put them up on Instagram and was like, does anybody want these goddamn donks? They're downtown in this thing and I don't want them to die down there. And I was working a job and I saw it online and I thought, oh my fucking god. And I called my lady, I said, we got a dog coming over to the house just to say hello.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  Just to say hello, nothing wrong with that.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  Nothing wrong with that.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  Just to visit.

• 30:09Andrew Santino?

  And then, of course, I was the one that was like, we don't have to keep, we'll just, let's talk about it. Let's not commit to it tonight. Let's just talk. And then I got there and then she never left. And I was like, we gotta keep this dog. It was such a cutesy pootsy. She was so tiny and she had, she had, um, worms.

• 30:27Speaker 05

  Wait, your girlfriend or the dog?

• 30:29Andrew Santino?

  Both.

• 30:29Speaker 05

  Oh, god. I had worm ones.

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  What came, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Who do you think, who do you think gave her the worms?

• 30:35Speaker 05

  So true.

• 30:36Andrew Santino?

  Sad. She had worms and she was pooping out worms and I thought she, um, ate a wire. Because the worms look like a computer wire, like it looks like a Cat 5 wire and I was like, oh my god, she fucking chewed through a wire in the office. And then went in the office, I was looking at all the wires, there's no wires. And then I looked behind the TV and there's just worms all over the place. Everywhere. So dinner was served.

• 30:56Speaker 05

  So your TV was made of worms?

• 30:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:58Speaker 05

  What, whoa, that's actually crazy.

• 31:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, worm TV.

• 31:01Speaker 05

  So how was the TV turning on?

• 31:03Andrew Santino?

  Nah, you don't need to watch it, you just need to imagine, use your brain.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  Oh, so you've never turned your TV on?

• 31:07Andrew Santino?

  Never, ever, never watched TV. That's what I told you before the show, I've never seen an episode of Friends. No interest.

• 31:11Speaker 05

  Too scary, it would feel too real?

• 31:13Andrew Santino?

  Too many, too many whites, too many whites. We'll be right back with Too Many Whites. That was Seinfeld's original theme song and they got rid of it.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  Oh, Too Many Whites, ah, Too Many Whites, ah. Rachel, Phoebe, Joey.

• 31:29Andrew Santino?

  Kramer and George and Elaine. It was a combo show. Do you like Jerry Seinfeld or no?

• 31:34Speaker 05

  Like a Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut? Like a combo show?

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was a combo show.

• 31:39Speaker 05

  McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.

• 31:43Andrew Santino?

  McDonald's, Mc- wait, it's Taco Bell and KFC, isn't that right?

• 31:47Speaker 05

  Sure. I don't go to that one as often.

• 31:50Andrew Santino?

  You don't eat fast food?

• 31:51Speaker 05

  Sometimes, actually a lot. I probably have McDonald's like once a week.

• 31:54Andrew Santino?

  Are you under-

• 31:55Speaker 05

  Bad gal, bad gal ree-ree.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Are you under thirty?

• 31:59Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:59Andrew Santino?

  Wow, and you can eat fast food that often and be fine?

• 32:03Speaker 05

  Yep!

• 32:04Andrew Santino?

  Someone's got good genes.

• 32:06Speaker 05

  Thanks.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  Not those, those are shit.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  Um, when you were growing up and you had fast food, what was it?

• 32:13Andrew Santino?

  Uh, it was just whatever my, you know, whatever my dad could get from the chow line. We were on government cheese.

• 32:18Speaker 05

  Did you have an angry dad?

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Uh, no. My father was in prison when I was a kid.

• 32:22Speaker 05

  Is that true?

• 32:23Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  Did you-

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  I had a stepdad who was a great, who raised me.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  Oh, did you get to do telephone talk with your dad?

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  I did, yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  That's awesome. I've always wanted to do that.

• 32:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was awesome.

• 32:32Speaker 05

  That sounds so fun.

• 32:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was a cool point in my life.

• 32:33Speaker 05

  Was it really?

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, taking phone calls from prison.

• 32:35Speaker 05

  Seems so fun.

• 32:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it really was happy.

• 32:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when he never showed up.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  That's awesome, because I would've thought it would be sad, but I'm glad that it was fun.

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  I was stoked.

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, that's cool, because you get to like ride all the way there.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what did your dad do? He picked you up from school? My dad's gonna call me from prison in an hour and a half.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  Jealous.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, huge.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:48Andrew Santino?

  Huge W for the boy.

• 32:49Speaker 05

  That's so cool.

• 32:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cried every night. Cried every night, still do. He would call me, and I think I've told this story before, but it was funny. He would call and my mother sometimes wouldn't accept the collect call.

• 33:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  So he would leave what he wanted to say in the time where you're supposed to say your name.

• 33:03Speaker 05

  At a baby, it's a boy.

• 33:04Andrew Santino?

  At a baby, it's a boy.

• 33:05Speaker 05

  You ever seen that commercial?

• 33:06Andrew Santino?

  Mm-mm.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, tell him it's Bob, at a baby, it's a boy.

• 33:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I never, what was that from?

• 33:11Speaker 05

  Maybe it was a Canadian commercial. It was a big, popular commercial for like a phone provider.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  No, it sounds familiar.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  It's like, uh, please say your name, Bob, at a baby, it's a boy. And they go, it's Bob, they had a baby, it's a boy!

• 33:21Andrew Santino?

  Because he didn't want to pay for a collect call.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  But my, it used to go, this is a collect call from Cook County Prison, inmate four, three, nine, seven, two- And then you would leave your name and go, it's so and so. But instead, because he knew he'd get rejected.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:38Andrew Santino?

  He'd be like, hey, what's up? What's me? I just want to tell you that I love you. I'll talk to you soon.

• 33:41Speaker 05

  Oh, that's nice. And that's all you really need to say in a phone call.

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. And my mom was like, not taking colored calls from that guy.

• 33:48Speaker 05

  But would she pass along the message or you would hear?

• 33:49Andrew Santino?

  I would hear it. I've heard it before. Yeah, multiple times. But he fixed his life. He got his life together.

• 33:55Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 33:55Andrew Santino?

  He's good. Yeah, he leveled out.

• 33:57Speaker 05

  Does he golf?

• 33:58Andrew Santino?

  He does. He actually does.

• 34:00Speaker 05

  Did you ever read the book Bad Golf My Way by Leslie Nielsen?

• 34:03Andrew Santino?

  No, but I love that guy.

• 34:04Speaker 05

  Hilarious coffee table book.

• 34:06Andrew Santino?

  Bad Golf My Way?

• 34:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:08Andrew Santino?

  I love Leslie Nielsen, man. Him, he's one of those guys from those days of like real, um, uh, try, try anything comedy. I wish we made movies like that a little bit more. Why don't we do that? Why don't we do try anything comedy? Why don't, why don't, why isn't there? Why isn't that?

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Why, why isn't that?

• 34:27Andrew Santino?

  Why isn't that anymore?

• 34:29Speaker 05

  I know.

• 34:29Andrew Santino?

  You know why? Everybody wants to be on Marvel.

• 34:33Speaker 05

  Is that what it is?

• 34:34Andrew Santino?

  Every movie gotta be a superhero IP.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  Okay. Well, what's a superhero that hasn't had a movie yet? Maybe we can do that and we can make it into a Bad Golf My Way kind of movie.

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  The problem is, a lot of the superheroes that haven't made it yet are ones that aren't socially acceptable anymore. Just, you know. Their actions.

• 34:56Speaker 05

  What are they, what's their superpower?

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  You know the gropey pope? You never, have you heard, you know that guy?

• 35:00Speaker 05

  Oh, gropey poperson.

• 35:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and he would go around, he's like, come here.

• 35:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, but he could fly, which was cool.

• 35:06Andrew Santino?

  That was kind of cool. It was just his, you know.

• 35:09Speaker 05

  He'd say, I'll take your tits to the moon! And he'd grab you and then he'd blast off.

• 35:13Andrew Santino?

  Gropey poperson. Um, the superpower was that he could move, move, uh, parishes without anybody knowing.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  The gropey poperson.

• 35:23Speaker 05

  I don't remember him.

• 35:27Speaker 05

  What about the Powerpuff Girls? Are those Marvel?

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  No, idiot. You can't reach that far. You can lean forward. You can move away from the mic for a second to put it down.

• 35:36Speaker 05

  No, I need this.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  Chug, chug, chug, chug.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  It's too cold. I don't like cold water. Yeah, both.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  What are your favorite drugs?

• 35:46Speaker 05

  Well, I'm not really allowed to say.

• 35:48Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 35:49Speaker 05

  Because I'm not a-

• 35:50Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm a network girl now. I don't want to cross the line.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  I'm not a network girl.

• 35:53Andrew Santino?

  You're a Disney kid.

• 35:54Speaker 05

  I'm a Disney kid.

• 35:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 05

  You're watching Treehouse. Is that a Canadian network or American?

• 35:59Andrew Santino?

  That's gotta be you guys. I don't know what the fuck that is. Well, you're not allowed to say what drugs you use in the fear of someone will get mad at you for using drugs?

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  Loser.

• 36:09Speaker 05

  But guess who I'm worried about?

• 36:12Andrew Santino?

  Disney?

• 36:13Speaker 05

  The government of the United States, because I'm not a citizen yet. So my lawyer told me that I can't be like flapping my gabber about all the drugs that I fucking suckin' and jacked and snortin' gobble.

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  All those jaggin' and snortin' and fucking and suckin' drugs, you can't say anything about them?

• 36:27Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 36:27Andrew Santino?

  No, we have the freedom of speech here. You're allowed to say whatever you want in this country.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  No, because it could hurt my immigration-

• 36:33Andrew Santino?

  In our country, our prime minister doesn't get in blackface and deny it years later. He owns it.

• 36:37Speaker 05

  So you agree you have a prime minister?

• 36:39Andrew Santino?

  We do. We have two of them. Michelle and Barack.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  Obama.

• 36:45Andrew Santino?

  No, they're both Obamas.

• 36:46Speaker 05

  Michelle and Obama.

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, that's rude. That's rude to Michelle Obama.

• 36:49Speaker 05

  Do you know what Obama's nickname was when he was just a little kid?

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  Big Dog.

• 36:52Speaker 05

  Barry.

• 36:53Andrew Santino?

  The Big B.

• 36:54Speaker 05

  Barry, isn't that cute?

• 36:55Andrew Santino?

  Barry.

• 36:56Speaker 05

  Barry.

• 36:57Andrew Santino?

  There go Barry. Hey Barry! How funny a little kid is like, "I'm gonna be president one day." It's like, "Okay Barry."

• 37:03Speaker 05

  Okay Barry.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Back inside.

• 37:05Speaker 05

  Aw, wouldn't it be cute if it was Barry, like B-E-R-R-Y? And you're like, "Strawberry."

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  Like a little tiny berry.

• 37:10Speaker 05

  Brambleberry.

• 37:11Andrew Santino?

  Mushrooms?

• 37:13Speaker 05

  Uh, I haven't dabbled too Supreme Oasis.

• 37:16Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever tried acid?

• 37:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 37:19Andrew Santino?

  Coke?

• 37:20Speaker 05

  No.

• 37:21Andrew Santino?

  Crack? Heroin? Fentanyl? Smack, jack, chug.

• 37:27Speaker 05

  I'll smack you one.

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  Pull.

• 37:28Speaker 05

  Smack, jack, chug, pull.

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  Chug, snug. You ever had snug?

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Freak?

• 37:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you ever had some freak? Some spank bang freak?

• 37:36Speaker 05

  Have you ever had brain spank? It's the craziest drug.

• 37:38Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 37:39Speaker 05

  You've literally never had. You do it like an eye drop, but it comes out your mouth. And then you turn, you turn like poop fart, but not in, not in a gross way.

• 37:48Andrew Santino?

  In a cool way?

• 37:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:50Speaker 05

  Your skin turns to fart and your blood turns to poop.

• 37:53Andrew Santino?

  Get out of town.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  That's what you feel like is happening, but to everyone else, you, you look normal.

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:57Speaker 05

  And you're acting normal and you can go to work. It's awesome.

• 38:00Andrew Santino?

  Any work?

• 38:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, and, and seriously, any work. You can, you look at, so you, you take it. And then you look at whoever you want and whoever, whatever their job is, you're able to do it.

• 38:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:10Speaker 05

  So I always go to the courthouse and I take it and I look at a lawyer. And then I do, I do a day of law.

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  One full day of law?

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, I go like, "Your honor, my client," like stuff like that.

• 38:21Andrew Santino?

  And what else?

• 38:22Speaker 05

  I'll do, "Objection, your honor."

• 38:24Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, what other, what other bits?

• 38:26Speaker 05

  "Objection, your honor, relevance." I'll do that. I'll tack that on sometimes. "Relevance."

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  Relevance?

• 38:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, or?

• 38:32Speaker 05

  Or, "Sustained." I'll sustain my own objection.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  A lot of stuff.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Even though I'm not the judge, I'll, I'll tack that on. "Objection, your honor, relevance sustained." I'll do that, kind of as a sentence.

• 38:41Andrew Santino?

  Give them both sides, but, yeah, to show them that you're kind of multi-versed.

• 38:44Speaker 05

  What kind of job would you like to do if you weren't a comedian?

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  Oh, your phone's ringing.

• 38:52Andrew Santino?

  A phone. No, I want to be a phone. If I could be anything, I'd be a phone.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 38:56Andrew Santino?

  I'd love to be a phone.

• 38:57Speaker 05

  Why? Someone would finally boop ya?

• 39:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'd like to be boop.

• 39:01Speaker 05

  Boop, boop.

• 39:03Andrew Santino?

  Hit my belly. What would I be if I wasn't a me? What would I be if I wasn't a me?

• 39:09Speaker 05

  What would you do if you wasn't a you?

• 39:10Andrew Santino?

  I'd probably want a franchise, um, I'd be a franchise owner of restaurants.

• 39:14Speaker 05

  Oh. What kind of restaurant?

• 39:18Andrew Santino?

  Red Robin.

• 39:20Speaker 05

  Red Lobster.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  No, Red Robin.

• 39:23Speaker 05

  Red Lobster.

• 39:29Andrew Santino?

  The Red Lobster CEO says they're gonna increase sales by giving away Cheddar Bay biscuits when you sit down.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Cheddar Bay biscuits?

• 39:37Andrew Santino?

  What do you think about this move?

• 39:38Speaker 05

  Cheddar ain't cheap.

• 39:39Andrew Santino?

  Don't tell that to the judge. Sustained. Isn't that true? What did it say? The new CEO of Red Lobster, I read, said that he's gonna, because I guess they're

• 39:50Speaker 05

  tanking.

• 39:51Andrew Santino?

  And he's gonna revitalize the company.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  They're tanking?

• 39:54Andrew Santino?

  They're tanking. They're caged right now. Let them out. Let that company swim.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  They're sinking.

• 40:00Andrew Santino?

  They're sunk. And I think they're gonna give away Cheddar Bay biscuits for free as you sit down. That's a big deal, is it not? That's a huge thing.

• 40:07Speaker 05

  That's kinda, that's kinda jacking, uh...

• 40:09Andrew Santino?

  That's like McDonald's giving away their fry- Oh, the, yeah, I know.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  But Olive Garden's just giving away what? Flour and water? That's nowhere near the close-

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  Biscuits are flour and water as well.

• 40:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, what I'm saying, cheddar? Do you know how expensive cheddar is? It's fifty dollars a block.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  Sounds like a real fucking Canadian over here.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  What? Cheddar cheap in America?

• 40:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, it's free, it's everywhere.

• 40:27Speaker 05

  Oh, I didn't know it was free.

• 40:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it grows on trees, goon. You don't have cheddar trees up there?

• 40:31Speaker 05

  No.

• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  You don't have any cheddar trees?

• 40:33Speaker 05

  Is that what they called you in high school? Cheddar tree?

• 40:39Speaker 05

  This fucking loser.

• 40:42Andrew Santino?

  Nobody called you anything in high school because you weren't smart enough to go through with it. You got kicked out as a freshman, I heard.

• 40:53Andrew Santino?

  No, you don't get to eat the match- No, don't fart it out, that's nuts.

• 40:57Speaker 05

  It's a boys' club and I'm living in it.

• 40:59Andrew Santino?

  Did you get, did you go to college?

• 41:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  Where?

• 41:02Speaker 05

  University of Alberta.

• 41:04Andrew Santino?

  You went to Albe?

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:05Andrew Santino?

  Wow. What'd you graduate with? Don't say performance art.

• 41:09Speaker 05

  Well, I got two degrees.

• 41:11Andrew Santino?

  What were they?

• 41:13Speaker 05

  Uh, well, a bachelor of education.

• 41:16Andrew Santino?

  Sexist, go ahead.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  Sexist.

• 41:18Andrew Santino?

  Bachelor. Can't it be a bachelorette of education?

• 41:20Speaker 05

  Oh, totally.

• 41:21Andrew Santino?

  Why does it have to be a fucking bachelor?

• 41:22Speaker 05

  I thought you were saying bachelor of education is sexist because all girls are teachers.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  Fact, fact, fact, fact, fact, fact, fact. Put them up! Where you been?

• 41:30Speaker 05

  The podcast studio.

• 41:31Andrew Santino?

  Okay, alright, we'll see about that. Uh, bachelor of education and what else?

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Bachelor of arts.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  Man, you would have been a fucking great teacher.

• 41:38Speaker 05

  I was a teacher for a little...

• 41:39Andrew Santino?

  Cause you never fucking shut the fuck up.

• 41:41Speaker 05

  Is that what makes a good teacher?

• 41:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that they're always, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

• 41:45Speaker 05

  Have you ever been to school a day in your life?

• 41:46Andrew Santino?

  I've never been to school.

• 41:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:47Andrew Santino?

  I got kicked out when I was a kid.

• 41:49Speaker 05

  You got kicked out?

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 41:50Speaker 05

  For being what?

• 41:52Andrew Santino?

  I brought a gun to school and everybody freaked out.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  Is that true?

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it was before the shootings. This is like pre all that stuff.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

  It was show and tell.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  Are you, are you being serious?

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  Didn't have to tell them much after I showed them. What the fuck?

• 42:06Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't know.

• 42:07Andrew Santino?

  No, what if you, no, yes.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  I mean, a lot of Americans have guns in their homes.

• 42:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they do.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  And it's not, wouldn't be the first time a child's ever brought a gun.

• 42:14Andrew Santino?

  So do Canadians. Don't make it sound like you guys don't have guns. You guys have a lot of guns. You're not Australia.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  But the thing about Canada is our guns are so big, you can't, um, you can't have them be a secret. They're like novelty sized guns.

• 42:24Andrew Santino?

  Our guns are bigger than your guns. It's not a competition.

• 42:26Speaker 05

  There's no gun in, this is, and you can fact check this, there's no gun in Canada that's smaller than five feet long. So that's why you can't sneak it into a concert, you can't do anything bad with it, cause everyone will see that you have it. They're, I'm not kidding, they're between five and 12 feet.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  A five foot gun?

• 42:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's how we keep it safe there.

• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  It's impossible.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  So you can still hunt with it?

• 42:45Andrew Santino?

  No one has five feet guns.

• 42:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, they do, everyone in Canada.

• 42:47Andrew Santino?

  Everyone in Canada has a five foot gun?

• 42:49Speaker 05

  Try sneaking that in a purse, you can't.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you can, but if, well, what if you're on your buddy's shoulders and you have a trench coat, you can put it right in there.

• 42:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, but someone will immediately go, that guy's too tall, he must have a gun.

• 42:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, too tall? That's a little fucking discriminatory.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  How tall are you?

• 43:00Andrew Santino?

  Six eight.

• 43:00Speaker 05

  No, you're not.

• 43:01Andrew Santino?

  Yes, I am.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  How tall do you think I am?

• 43:06Andrew Santino?

  Six-six?

• 43:09Andrew Santino?

  I'm only a little bit taller than you.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, only a little bit.

• 43:12Andrew Santino?

  Uh, you're six-six, I'm six-eight.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Okay. Agree.

• 43:15Andrew Santino?

  You're Jordan, I'm LeBron.

• 43:16Speaker 05

  Isn't it so touching? That those guys would play together, father and son? Bronny and daddy?

• 43:22Andrew Santino?

  Interesting argument. I don't know.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  I think it's the most touching thing I've ever heard of.

• 43:27Andrew Santino?

  Of all time?

• 43:29Speaker 05

  It's up there.

• 43:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, Tom Brady played with his son.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Who gives a fuck?

• 43:33Andrew Santino?

  Brad Brady?

• 43:35Speaker 05

  Is that true?

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 43:36Speaker 05

  I don't know anything about football.

• 43:37Andrew Santino?

  His kids are still young. Um, it was, it, it's a, I think it's a nice moment in sports.

• 43:42Speaker 05

  Imagine one day you get to podcast with your son?

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  Never gonna have a kid, so, never.

• 43:47Speaker 05

  You don't know that?

• 43:48Andrew Santino?

  I do.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  No you don't.

• 43:49Andrew Santino?

  I do, I cut my penis off a couple years ago.

• 43:51Speaker 05

  There's other ways to have it, even if your penis is cut off, sometimes blood and goo can cut, come out from there, and get on the bed sheets, and if someone sits down, they can get pregnant.

• 43:59Andrew Santino?

  I cauterized it. I cauterized the wound, nothing's coming out of there.

• 44:04Andrew Santino?

  I put a fucking iron to it. I sliced it and then I went

• 44:07Speaker 05

  Where does your pee go?

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  I said, "This is what you did to me, dad!"

• 44:10Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 44:11Andrew Santino?

  That was the last time we all had Christmas together.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  Where does your pee come out?

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  My butt.

• 44:18Speaker 05

  Does it mix in with other stuff?

• 44:19Andrew Santino?

  Uh-oh!

• 44:20Speaker 05

  What?

• 44:21Andrew Santino?

  Don't give away my secrets.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  Okay, sorry.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  That's my family recipe.

• 44:24Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 44:26Speaker 05

  Are you gonna make anything for Thanksgiving?

• 44:28Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, we don't do turkey, cuz I don't believe in it.

• 44:31Speaker 05

  What do you believe in?

• 44:33Andrew Santino?

  We do a prime rib roast.

• 44:34Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 44:35Andrew Santino?

  For the crew, he's coming over to the crib. We do prime rib, we do some of the fixins, but we don't do, I don't like turkey. Turkey's fucking dogshit. It's trash. Turkey is trash.

• 44:46Speaker 05

  You think it tastes gross?

• 44:47Andrew Santino?

  It's, it's a waste. It's a dry meat that takes too long to cook.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  That's so true.

• 44:51Andrew Santino?

  And what's the, and what's the, I don't even know what the benefit was. This isn't even a, they're like, "Oh, you have to over-flavor it and then stuff it with bread to make it good." No thanks, I'll just get a good piece of meat, and then the fixins are the same. So I like the green bean casserole, check. The glazed carrots, check, love. Hawaiian rolls, let's go. Gravy? Bring it on!

• 45:14Speaker 05

  Okay, remember everything you just said.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  And repeat the tagline after. Green bean casserole.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Check.

• 45:23Speaker 05

  Gravy.

• 45:24Andrew Santino?

  Bring it on.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Casserole.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  Let's go.

• 45:28Speaker 05

  That's fun.

• 45:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is fun. That is fun. You don't know, I don't like turkey. No one, and it's also, it's the, it's the weakest of the meats.

• 45:35Speaker 05

  Turkey is the weakest of the meats.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  And I think he can Google.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Turkey is the weakest of the meats.

• 45:40Andrew Santino?

  The reason that was a Meisner technique.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:42Andrew Santino?

  Turkey is the weakest of the meats.

• 45:43Speaker 05

  Turkey is the weakest of the meats.

• 45:46Andrew Santino?

  Thou shall not dost thou.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  I would say it's my least favorite meat too, but I guess we've all been duped into thinking it's the thing we're supposed to have.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  But as a Canuck, you didn't grow up having Thanksgiving, did you?

• 45:56Speaker 05

  Well, we have Canadian Thanksgiving and it already happened months ago and no one cared.

• 45:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fact.

• 46:00Speaker 05

  Some people slept right through it.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  I think the reason that we did turkey seriously was because the, this was a government intervention of a dying industry, so they wanted to,

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  utilize this, this, this fairy tale story of turkey.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  Whoa, your quotations were so weird. Why do you do it like that?

• 46:19Andrew Santino?

  This fairy tale story.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  We're supposed to go up and down.

• 46:21Andrew Santino?

  No, this is up and down.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Put one up and then put it down.

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  My fingers can't go all the way up.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  Up and down.

• 46:25Andrew Santino?

  My fingers can't go all the way up.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  This is so gross and weird. Don't do that. Sick. Stop that. Yuck.

• 46:30Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 46:31Speaker 03

  It says it's mainly just because it's, it's cheaper for more meat.

• 46:34Andrew Santino?

  Cheaper for more meat.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  So more people can afford it.

• 46:36Andrew Santino?

  The rumor was that the government got involved and they were like, oh, there's, there's an excess of turkeys and they were trying to help the market and so.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  Well, they went out and ate rats. Rats are everywhere.

• 46:44Andrew Santino?

  Harder, harder to cultivate.

• 46:46Speaker 05

  No.

• 46:47Andrew Santino?

  Way harder to, I used to own a fucking rat farm. What are you saying? No. Don't know me. I had a rat farm from oh six to oh nine. You know how hard this was to keep them contained? They got out.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  Where'd they go?

• 46:56Andrew Santino?

  Just got out. They went to New York.

• 46:58Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 47:00Speaker 05

  Well.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  Feivel goes east.

• 47:02Speaker 05

  Would you eat a rat if it was so supremely clean and wonderful?

• 47:06Andrew Santino?

  Of course. If it was delicious, I'd eat anything. I'd eat humans if they fucking did it, right?

• 47:10Speaker 05

  What do you mean if it's delicious? You don't know if a rat's delicious or not. You're gonna have to try it then.

• 47:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but get me a good chef that can cook it right and I'll try it. No one's trying it. Everyone's scared. Same thing with humans. Nobody wants to cook people. Cook them. Why are we just throwing them in the ground? Cook them.

• 47:24Speaker 05

  What a waste.

• 47:25Andrew Santino?

  Cook them.

• 47:25Speaker 05

  Cook them.

• 47:26Andrew Santino?

  Cook them up.

• 47:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, but no, we don't want.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  Aunt Betty's gone. Serve her at her funeral.

• 47:30Speaker 05

  That's too old.

• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  Delicious.

• 47:32Speaker 05

  I don't want that. I don't want Aunt Betty. I want Little Betty.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  If they die young, if they die young.

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:36Andrew Santino?

  I was born to die young. Eat me. That's what your lawyer's like, what did he want? The distribution of his wealth will go to his wife and his family, and he wants you all to eat him.

• 47:47Speaker 05

  Eat me.

• 47:48Andrew Santino?

  Eat me.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Eat me. Well, I was having a conversation with friends the other day where someone was like, "Something, something, something, would you try human?" And I was the only one that was like, "Yes." And I, I don't think it's like, there was a guy on YouTube who got a doctor to take a, a doink of his muscle leg out of his muscle?

• 48:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 05

  Leg, and put it in a frying pan and fry and cook it, and he ate it. And it was his own muscle leg. It was his own calf.

• 48:09Andrew Santino?

  That seems weird.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 48:11Andrew Santino?

  Eat your own seems weird.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  Well, you have to eat your own because no one's gonna let you eat theirs.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, if you steal a body and you go, go.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  That's dead already, Andrew. That's gonna make you sick. You don't like bellyache, do you?

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  I do, actually.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  I'm on a diet, so I like to clear out as often as possible. So eat your own leg.

• 48:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, but, so I'm saying, okay, if I-

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  But I'm all white meat. I'd rather have dark meat.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  If I gave you a chunk of my leg and we fried it up and I was like, it's only, let's say, half an ounce, but it's a mouthful. Would you try it?

• 48:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  I would too.

• 48:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'd wanna try it. I mean, because-

• 48:41Speaker 05

  But why do people think that's so-

• 48:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, I imagine your leg would taste good because you eat a lot of fast food, so there's a lot of fat content. There's a lot of cholesterol and fat-

• 48:48Speaker 05

  And the salt from french fries lives forever. And it goes everywhere.

• 48:51Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm. That's what they say. Lives in your, in your central nervous system, all that salt.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  Does it really?

• 48:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. That's why you said your jittery from the coffee. That's the salt. Jumping around in your bones.

• 49:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:01Andrew Santino?

  Do you wanna be buried? Or do you wanna be cremated?

• 49:03Speaker 05

  Cremated.

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  For sure. Yeah, I'd love to watch that. Yeah, I think being buried is strange.

• 49:08Speaker 05

  Well, what are you gonna do? Cream?

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  Cream supreme?

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  Cream supreme at Taco Bell. This month at Taco Bell, get some cream supreme on your burrito.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  Smoked for flavor.

• 49:19Andrew Santino?

  You wanna sentino cream supreme?

• 49:20Speaker 05

  Cream.

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  I wanna be, um, I wanna be put out a boat. I'll put on a boat.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  Oh, you want the Viking big flamer?

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm. Light me up on a boat, out to sea.

• 49:29Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 49:30Andrew Santino?

  Do you know the phrase, um, uh- Uh.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  Live, laugh, love?

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yes.

• 49:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've heard of it.

• 49:38Andrew Santino?

  It's written on every wall in my house.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  I know, I've seen it's around the studio too.

• 49:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You know the phrase, uh, arrr, that a pi- you know how pirates go, arrr?

• 49:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:46Andrew Santino?

  Do you know why they do that?

• 49:48Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy, I just learned this, why, arrr?

• 49:50Speaker 05

  Is it real?

• 49:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Well, do you know what a favorite, a pirate's favorite letter is?

• 49:57Andrew Santino?

  X. They're all on Twitter now, these pirates.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  No, try again.

• 50:03Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, what is it?

• 50:04Speaker 05

  Say, r. Oh, you'd think it'd be r, but it's the c.

• 50:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's good, that's good.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Okay, why do they say r?

• 50:13Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 50:19Speaker 05

  I heard something about pirates, they, they wear an eye patch.

• 50:21Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 50:21Speaker 05

  Do you know why?

• 50:23Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 50:24Speaker 05

  Something, something, I'm not sure if this is the answer, it's dark down below, no, no, no, it's not for that, it's not for that. That's called a- Telescope, periscope? What's that called? Periscope? Telescope? Periscope? Telescope? Periscope? Telescope. Telescope. Periscope? Periscope.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  Telescope.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  I don't think it's for that.

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  It's not, it's not.

• 50:48Speaker 05

  I think, I heard, it's because the downstairs in the boat's so dark, so then when they go down, they switch it, so then that eye is accustomed to the darkness, and then the other eye's accustomed to the bright up, upper deck.

• 50:57Andrew Santino?

  No, it's just, if you've lost an eye, they put an eye patch on it.

• 51:00Speaker 05

  No, why do you think, what, what, what?

• 51:02Andrew Santino?

  They don't all have eye patches.

• 51:03Speaker 05

  We-

• 51:03Andrew Santino?

  Not every pilot-

• 51:04Speaker 05

  A lot of them-

• 51:05Andrew Santino?

  Not every pilot has an eye patch.

• 51:08Speaker 05

  You think, but you think there's enough of them that all of our drawings and stuff of pirates have eye patches?

• 51:12Andrew Santino?

  Only the most famous ones.

• 51:13Speaker 05

  Why would, why would the most famous ones be missing an eye?

• 51:16Andrew Santino?

  Cause they got no fight. And they always, "Go for your eye!"

• 51:19Speaker 05

  And I guess a lot of them are missing hands and have hook hand.

• 51:22Andrew Santino?

  That's right, cause they go for your hand, because if they, if they point, if they poke your eye out, they know that you can't sail anymore, that's the whole point, you're supposed to take away their vision.

• 51:28Speaker 05

  Well, no, obviously they can sail, because, obviously we see them with an eye patch on.

• 51:32Andrew Santino?

  If you took out both, the problem is you couldn't get to the other one on time, you got one, you couldn't get the second one, that's the whole fucking point, dude.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  Oh, you think that's what they were doing with their swords, they're trying to go, "Boink!"

• 51:40Andrew Santino?

  Why were they so sharp? Otherwise you'd have a big katana type of blade to just cut through them.

• 51:43Speaker 05

  You'd have a seven foot Canadian gun.

• 51:44Andrew Santino?

  Thank you, but instead you, "Boink, boink!"

• 51:47Speaker 05

  Right.

• 51:48Andrew Santino?

  Cut off their hands and they're, and you wanna blind them so they can't see, and you cut off their hands-

• 51:51Speaker 05

  Why not just slit their throat and kill them? Slit throat kill. That's wait, you're doing I I hands.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  You're a little gruesome, I'm being honest. Slit their throat?

• 52:01Speaker 05

  Oh, I guess that was a nasty thing to say.

• 52:03Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  Do you wanna know why?

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what is it?

• 52:07Speaker 03

  Uh, both of those are probably fake and they were popularized because of Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  That's right for the book. That's exactly right. Boom, in your fucking face.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Pirates saying R and eye patches.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  From the book.

• 52:19Speaker 03

  Pop, but they, it is the, the, the dark, but it's a myth, popularized by Treasure Island.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  Nice try, pal.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  Much like R.

• 52:28Speaker 05

  Well.

• 52:29Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:31Speaker 05

  Well, I have a riddle for you. When the two men who landed on the moon were on the moon, they didn't high five each other because they couldn't. Why?

• 52:38Andrew Santino?

  Cause we faked it. It was made in Hollywood basement.

• 52:41Speaker 05

  Nope, guess again.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  It was made right here at Warner Brothers. I've seen the set.

• 52:43Speaker 05

  Guess again.

• 52:44Andrew Santino?

  Um.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  This is true. This is a real riddle. It's a real historical.

• 52:47Andrew Santino?

  Two men landed on the moon.

• 52:49Speaker 05

  And they couldn't high five each other. Why?

• 52:52Andrew Santino?

  Cause they didn't land anywhere near each other.

• 52:55Speaker 05

  No?

• 52:56Andrew Santino?

  They landed on the moon. They couldn't high five.

• 52:59Speaker 05

  Why?

• 53:00Andrew Santino?

  It was gravity.

• 53:01Speaker 05

  Nope, not gravity. You get one more guess.

• 53:03Andrew Santino?

  They couldn't high five.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  I'm saying the two men who actually did land on the moon. Buzz.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  Aldrin.

• 53:10Speaker 05

  Lightyear and Lance Armstrong.

• 53:13Andrew Santino?

  Woody.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  You got a friend in me.

• 53:19Andrew Santino?

  They sang that to each other on the moon, you think?

• 53:21Speaker 05

  You got a friend in me.

• 53:24Andrew Santino?

  Times are hard.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  When the road looks. Tough ahead and you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed. To just remember what your old pal said. You got a friend in me.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Some of the folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, big and strong good too.

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  Who is that?

• 53:49Speaker 05

  Maybe, but none of them will ever love you the way I do.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 53:56Speaker 05

  Me and you, Andrew.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  It was because the high five hadn't been invented yet.

• 54:07Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, I knew it, I knew that.

• 54:09Speaker 05

  If you knew it, why didn't you say it?

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  It wasn't invented until eighty-six.

• 54:14Andrew Santino?

  There's no fucking way the high five wasn't invented before that.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, that's, well, actually, I think, well, why did you say eighty-six? That sounds right to me. It was either eighty-two or eighty-six, something like that. High five invented?

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Nineteen seventy-seven.

• 54:26Speaker 05

  What?

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:28Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  What a fake, what a fake idea. Who could clock it that it was invented in that year? There's no, people were probably doing it in other parts of the world before you knew.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  You think somewhere in Africa, people weren't doing that? And we just don't know.

• 54:41Speaker 03

  We have an exact date, October second, nineteen seventy-seven, when Glenn Burke, out there for the Los Angeles Dodgers, gave a guy a high five when they, against the Houston Astros.

• 54:51Andrew Santino?

  That's when it was popularized.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  And then he was like, "Ooh, that felt good."

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's so funny to think that until the seventies, nobody did that. That's insane.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  I know, it is insane. If you think about like, if I think about some little boys, which I do, in the fifties, playing baseball or something, I'm like, what, and they are celebrating, how do they celebrate? Like, "Oh, good job, Tommy, whoopee!" But what, don't you wanna like, run to each other and do, like, do they have a handshake?

• 55:14Speaker 03

  I'm sure that's bullshit. Just like people used to smack each other on the butt in sports all the time. That was like a common thing. And now we do it in stand-up. When you have a good set, they smack 'em right on the butt.

• 55:22Speaker 05

  Is, uh, butt smacking not happening in sports anymore?

• 55:25Andrew Santino?

  They took it away.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  They took it away?

• 55:27Andrew Santino?

  The fucking liberals took it away. That's what happens, dude. The liberals, they take away, but we can't butt smack no more.

• 55:35Speaker 05

  What else can't you do?

• 55:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you can't just run up to a random guy and smooch him?

• 55:39Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 55:40Andrew Santino?

  That's because of the liberals.

• 55:42Speaker 05

  Streaking? That's out.

• 55:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can't just wave your peen peen around town. Thanks a lot, Libbies. Yeah, bullshit.

• 55:51Speaker 05

  You look so much like a puppet when you do that.

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  Bullshit, if you ask me.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 55:58Andrew Santino?

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• 56:42Andrew Santino?

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• 57:24Andrew Santino?

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• 58:06Andrew Santino?

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• 58:33Speaker 05

  Ginger. I like gingers. Do you skateboard?

• 58:38Andrew Santino?

  That's from Chris Cole. He's a professional skateboarder.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  He gave that to you?

• 58:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to skateboard. I loved it. Nothing cooler than fucking waxing up a curb, dude.

• 58:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I used to skateboard too.

• 58:51Andrew Santino?

  No, fuck you, dude.

• 58:53Speaker 05

  I did.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  No, you didn't.

• 58:54Speaker 05

  I got a skateboard from Walmart.

• 58:55Andrew Santino?

  Were you goofy or regular?

• 58:58Speaker 05

  Regular.

• 58:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right. You ever looked in the mirror?

• 59:00Speaker 05

  You goofy foot?

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm regular.

• 59:03Speaker 05

  I didn't skateboard for long, though.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  Are you a Mongol or did you push regular? You don't know what I'm asking?

• 59:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 59:10Andrew Santino?

  When you're skating, was your front, what was your front foot? Your left foot? You were regular, right?

• 59:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:14Andrew Santino?

  So your left foot was in front?

• 59:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:15Andrew Santino?

  Did you push with your right foot back or did you step off and push with your front foot?

• 59:19Speaker 05

  Step off.

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right. That's called a Mongol.

• 59:21Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  Then you are a fucking Mongol, that's for sure. No, no, no. It's a term in skating. It's chill. It's okay. We just know that you'd never have made it as a pro.

• 59:31Speaker 05

  I never, I didn't skateboard for longer than like a month.

• 59:36Andrew Santino?

  I read it in the Alberta Gazette. They were like, Lisa Gilroy tries skating. Bails.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  Bails.

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 05

  Well, I had the wrist guards, you know.

• 59:48Speaker 05

  Scared of falling and hurting myself.

• 59:49Andrew Santino?

  Helmet?

• 59:50Speaker 05

  No.

• 59:51Andrew Santino?

  Mouth guard?

• 59:52Speaker 05

  Mouth guard, no.

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, you should have had a mouth guard.

• 59:54Speaker 05

  What, what am I gonna?

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's why your teeth are all messed up now.

• 59:57Speaker 05

  My wrists are gonna hit the ground before my face.

• 1:00:00Andrew Santino?

  Not if you're doing it right. You get your hands out of the way. You'll not break your wrist. Go face first.

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  Do you skate on the ice?

• 1:00:06Andrew Santino?

  Ice skate?

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I grew up doing it.

• 1:00:08Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:00:08Andrew Santino?

  Midwest. I'm a Chicago kid.

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:00:11Andrew Santino?

  No, not hockey. I played, I didn't, I was never good enough to play hockey. You gotta be good on the ice to play hockey.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  You could have been the puck.

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  Nah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  Were you little enough?

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  I auditioned twice. I wanted to be the water bottle in the goalie net. That's what I really wanted to be.

• 1:00:24Speaker 05

  You wanted to be in all the mouths.

• 1:00:26Andrew Santino?

  I just wanted someone to suck on me.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Andrew Santino?

  Still to this day, I'd love to be a water bottle. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be?

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  Oh, that's a good question. I guess bowling ball? Taking fingers.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  What about you?

• 1:00:46Andrew Santino?

  I guess I'd wanna be...

• 1:00:50Andrew Santino?

  What would I wanna be? Maybe an anal bead?

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  Gorgeous.

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  A community anal bead?

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  Community?

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I wanna get around.

• 1:00:57Speaker 05

  You know how they have those little libraries on corners? We should do that for different kinda stuff.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, for sex toys?

• 1:01:02Speaker 05

  Sure. It's a big plastic waste to have them all to yourself.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  It is, and there's also just a grumpy old woman that's checking them in and checking them out.

• 1:01:09Speaker 05

  Take one, leave one.

• 1:01:10Andrew Santino?

  This is three weeks late.

• 1:01:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:01:12Andrew Santino?

  Martha?

• 1:01:13Speaker 05

  Martha?

• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  Just let me have it.

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  Seriously, you're so uptight. Are you using any of these, Martha?

• 1:01:19Andrew Santino?

  No, they're disgusting.

• 1:01:21Speaker 05

  Martha, come on, why do you even run the library then?

• 1:01:24Andrew Santino?

  Because we need to preserve history.

• 1:01:26Speaker 05

  Martha? Martha, look at me? Martha? Open your eyes. Martha. You be naughty.

• 1:01:35Andrew Santino?

  I'm ripped.

• 1:01:38Andrew Santino?

  Haven't been drinking all day.

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  Have you ever gotten so drunk that you threw up?

• 1:01:42Andrew Santino?

  Big time.

• 1:01:43Speaker 05

  When was the last time?

• 1:01:44Andrew Santino?

  September.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  What happened?

• 1:01:49Speaker 05

  You were never forgetting?

• 1:01:50Andrew Santino?

  That was my 9/11. Glug, glug, glug, blah, blah. I puked out two planes.

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  Oh. I hope not.

• 1:02:02Andrew Santino?

  When was the last time I puked? Probably in college.

• 1:02:05Speaker 05

  Oh, so you don't like drink too crazy anymore?

• 1:02:08Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm a big drinker. But I don't drink till I throw up. That's fucking absurd.

• 1:02:13Speaker 05

  How do you know? Like, how do you know what your cutoff is? Let's say you've been drinking-

• 1:02:16Andrew Santino?

  When I fall.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  Oh, if you fall?

• 1:02:18Andrew Santino?

  If I just physically fall down.

• 1:02:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and I'm like, that's it. Drag me home. And they usually have to drag me home. They put me on hooks, drag me out of there.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Meat hooks.

• 1:02:27Andrew Santino?

  The guy from the Apollo, the state, he just whoop, puts me out of there. Are you a big drinker or no?

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  Uh, I drink, but I'm, I don't know, the older I get, the less I can drink. I mean, that's, I can have like three martinis.

• 1:02:39Andrew Santino?

  That's a good amount.

• 1:02:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  But no more than that.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Does your buzzbin drink?

• 1:02:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Andrew Santino?

  Does he like it a lot?

• 1:02:45Speaker 05

  No, he's usually like driving me around.

• 1:02:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's picking your alcoholic ass up? That's great.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  But I'm like, I don't fall, but I can't see. If I'm like two, if you ever see me at a restaurant and I've had two martinis, I can't see you. Like, I'm like, vision is completely swimming.

• 1:02:59Andrew Santino?

  Do you have good vision anyway? Like Jenny, right, and do you have contacts in?

• 1:03:03Speaker 05

  Legally blind. Do you think that's why the movies are called that? Legally blonde?

• 1:03:09Andrew Santino?

  Your honor.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  Legally blind?

• 1:03:10Andrew Santino?

  Legally blonde, that's what the original name was.

• 1:03:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, but is it, is it a pun on legally blind? What is legally, what's the joke? The Santa Claus, I get.

• 1:03:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, legal because she wants to be a lawyer and blonde because she is.

• 1:03:23Speaker 05

  You know the Santa Claus, the movie? It took me a really long time to understand. It was like the claws, like claws of a, of a contract. The Santa Claus.

• 1:03:30Andrew Santino?

  I'm about to blow your mind if you don't understand stuff like this.

• 1:03:32Speaker 05

  Okay, tell me more.

• 1:03:33Andrew Santino?

  Wha, um.

• 1:03:36Andrew Santino?

  In Happy Gilmore?

• 1:03:37Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:03:38Andrew Santino?

  Do you remember the movie?

• 1:03:38Speaker 05

  Happy look out, ah!

• 1:03:39Andrew Santino?

  That's it. That's what I was gonna say.

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:03:42Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that funny that we all know that, that soundbite?

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  Why is that?

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  Because it's said in an insane way.

• 1:03:47Andrew Santino?

  Happy look out, ah!

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  Because the, the line is happy, comma, look out, exclamation mark.

• 1:03:51Andrew Santino?

  Happy look out, ah!

• 1:03:52Speaker 05

  Happy look out, ah!

• 1:03:53Andrew Santino?

  And shout out to her, now she's, uh...

• 1:03:55Speaker 05

  Julie Bowen.

• 1:03:55Andrew Santino?

  Julie Bowen. Um, people that don't know that soundbite, that's a very... There is something to be said about like the shared comedian thing, that we notice those things and I'll say something and someone will go, "I've never noticed that in the movie." I'm like, "You've never heard that thing in the fucking movie?"

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  And it sticks out. Chubbs.

• 1:04:11Speaker 05

  Chubbs?

• 1:04:12Andrew Santino?

  Chubbs, and he's wearing, uh, a specific, uh, type of clothing, the entire film. And hats. Do you know what, what kind of clothing he's wearing the entire film?

• 1:04:21Speaker 05

  I can't even picture Chubbs. Should I Google it quick?

• 1:04:24Andrew Santino?

  No, just, no, don't do that, because it'll give it away.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  Well...

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  Do you understand what I'm, where I'm going? This isn't, this is brilliant by, by fucking...

• 1:04:29Speaker 05

  I don't remember who Chubbs is in the movie.

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  What? The, the big black guy who gets his hand bit off?

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:04:35Andrew Santino?

  Who coaches him the entire film?

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  He got his hand eaten by an alligator or something, right?

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  And what, and what clothing company do you think he wore?

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  Lacoste. Isn't that crazy? He's wearing Lacoste shirts and Lacoste hats, the entire film. I learned that on the internet the other day. I thought, how brilliant of Sandler to put that in there.

• 1:04:49Speaker 05

  Okay, I have another one for you.

• 1:04:50Andrew Santino?

  That's such a sneaky little Easter egg.

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  I have another one.

• 1:04:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Speaker 05

  Meghan Markle.

• 1:04:54Andrew Santino?

  Love.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Who is a princess now. Okay, settle down. Sir?

• 1:04:58Andrew Santino?

  Love, as a redhead!

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  What? Do you know who I'm talking about?

• 1:05:05Andrew Santino?

  Meghan Markle? She's married to the fucking redheaded prince? Do you know who the fuck you're talking about?

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, I thought you were talking about...

• 1:05:11Andrew Santino?

  Catch up, dude!

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  I thought that you...

• 1:05:13Andrew Santino?

  Catch up! That's how I die this.

• 1:05:14Speaker 05

  Another famous redhead.

• 1:05:16Andrew Santino?

  Catch up.

• 1:05:17Speaker 05

  Meghan Markle, what series was she on before she was a princess?

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  Soots.

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  What do you think that means?

• 1:05:27Speaker 05

  What do you think it means?

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  Suits.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  Suits as in?

• 1:05:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cards.

• 1:05:33Speaker 05

  And?

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean? She married the Prince of Wales. In the suit of hearts.

• 1:05:40Speaker 05

  Suits as in suits like with ties and jackets?

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  Yes!

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  And then also lawsuits. Suits.

• 1:05:45Andrew Santino?

  And she's big on suing. Isn't she?

• 1:05:49Speaker 05

  Did you know this?

• 1:05:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:05:51Speaker 05

  You already knew suits and suits?

• 1:05:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's a little easy. That one is a little on the nose. Um, you know she dated my old manager?

• 1:05:59Speaker 05

  Your old manager?

• 1:06:00Andrew Santino?

  Wait, this is crazy.

• 1:06:01Speaker 05

  Not even the young one?

• 1:06:01Andrew Santino?

  She was married to my old manager.

• 1:06:04Speaker 05

  That's crazy.

• 1:06:05Andrew Santino?

  It's a weird story. It's actually all over the news, but he's quiet about it. I don't even know if I should be blabbing about it. Oh, no, it's public knowledge, but... They were married. When I met him, he was just married to her. And...

• 1:06:16Speaker 05

  Just married like pop cans on the car and everything?

• 1:06:18Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent. Clearly, they never took those off, which is weird. He still has them on.

• 1:06:21Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:06:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they were married and then she left him.

• 1:06:25Speaker 05

  For Prince?

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  For someone else. And then that didn't work out. And then she met, uh, Fuzzy.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  Prince Fuzzy.

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  So did you ever get to meet her?

• 1:06:35Andrew Santino?

  Prince losing his Harry.

• 1:06:38Andrew Santino?

  We'll be right... We'll be right back. Prince Lu... Prince losing his Harry?

• 1:06:49Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Prince, uh, she's married to Prince, uh...

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  Stop, stop.

• 1:06:52Andrew Santino?

  Not to have so much of Harry anymore. Uh, do you know she ended up marrying Prince, uh, Harry, more like Prince Baldi?

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  Let's do one for the other prince.

• 1:07:04Andrew Santino?

  Uh...

• 1:07:05Speaker 05

  Prince Will...

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Pr- uh...

• 1:07:06Speaker 05

  Prince...

• 1:07:07Andrew Santino?

  Prince, uh...

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  Prince Will... Prince Will he?

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  Will he?

• 1:07:09Speaker 05

  Take care of his sick wife?

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  Sick wife who's got cancer?

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  Thanks for coming on the show.

• 1:07:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, thanks for having me.

• 1:07:26Andrew Santino?

  Been incredible.

• 1:07:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:28Andrew Santino?

  You are something special.

• 1:07:29Speaker 05

  You are such a little tickle bug.

• 1:07:31Andrew Santino?

  So plug your show right now. She's on The Chinese Confidential.

• 1:07:34Speaker 05

  Interior Chinatown on Hulu.

• 1:07:38Andrew Santino?

  It is a great show.

• 1:07:41Speaker 05

  Have you watched it?

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  I know it.

• 1:07:43Andrew Santino?

  And you knew that. I'm not gonna watch that bullshit. It's trash. I don't fucking involve myself in that kinda crap. It's crap. It's liberal media crap.

• 1:07:54Andrew Santino?

  No, I have seen the show. It's actually quite good. I watch it for Jimmy.

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  I saw you, I saw you, like, in, in shorts once on the street.

• 1:08:02Andrew Santino?

  God bless. What was I up to?

• 1:08:04Speaker 05

  I think you were going on a hike, cuz I was going on a hike. I think it must've been where you live.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  Do you live in the neighborhood? Don't say where we are. Oh, you don't?

• 1:08:10Speaker 05

  But I think, now that I think of it, it's kinda close to here.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. Sometimes I go for hikes. I'll go for a little hike. A lot of times if I'm in this neighborhood-

• 1:08:18Speaker 05

  You were dressed like Adam Sandler.

• 1:08:20Andrew Santino?

  Love? You mean the king?

• 1:08:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:22Andrew Santino?

  Who do you mean? The, the literal king?

• 1:08:24Speaker 05

  The literal, the literal king is Elvis.

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  He's dead. I only respect-

• 1:08:29Speaker 05

  The literal king is Prince Philip, who's now the king. King Philip.

• 1:08:32Andrew Santino?

  The widow king.

• 1:08:33Speaker 05

  The little king.

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  The widow king.

• 1:08:35Speaker 05

  Pereline.

• 1:08:35Andrew Santino?

  Pereline. That kid was so fucking great. He's in prison now.

• 1:08:42Andrew Santino?

  He's in prison.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  Were you a funny little boy?

• 1:08:44Andrew Santino?

  Were you a funny little girl?

• 1:08:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Andrew Santino?

  Were you an annoying little girl?

• 1:08:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:48Andrew Santino?

  Are you an annoying big girl?

• 1:08:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Nothing changed.

• 1:08:52Speaker 05

  Were you an annoying little boy?

• 1:08:54Andrew Santino?

  Yes. Oh, my god. I'm an annoying big boy.

• 1:08:56Speaker 05

  What did you ever get in the most trouble for?

• 1:08:59Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, that's a good one. That's actually good. Do you have yours already? I'm trying to think of the most trouble I ever got in. I mean, I got, I got suspended a lot from school. A lot. Um, one time, me and a bunch of guys, there was a new girl, um, god, I wanna say-

• 1:09:18Speaker 05

  Zoe Deschanel?

• 1:09:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she moved in. And me, and Damon Wayans Jr.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, um-

• 1:09:24Speaker 05

  Max.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Max Greenfield.

• 1:09:26Speaker 05

  Who else?

• 1:09:27Andrew Santino?

  And, uh-

• 1:09:28Speaker 05

  Of course, Jake.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  And Jake, yeah. We all were like, fucking with her.

• 1:09:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were like, let's kill her.

• 1:09:34Andrew Santino?

  One day, I'll marry one of the home improvement guys.

• 1:09:37Speaker 05

  Is that what she sounds like to you?

• 1:09:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  One day, I'll marry one of the home impro- Men guys.

• 1:09:43Andrew Santino?

  What are those guys called?

• 1:09:45Speaker 05

  The Try Guys?

• 1:09:46Andrew Santino?

  The guys, the Try Guys? Property Brothers.

• 1:09:48Speaker 05

  Tool Time?

• 1:09:48Andrew Santino?

  Property Bros.

• 1:09:49Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:51Andrew Santino?

  They're making their own video game, just like the Mario Bros, the Property Bros.

• 1:09:53Speaker 05

  Aren't you so horny for twins?

• 1:09:57Andrew Santino?

  Guy twins, yeah. Girl twins scare me, but guy twins are hot.

• 1:10:00Speaker 05

  What movie's this from? Twins.

• 1:10:02Andrew Santino?

  The movie Twins?

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:10:03Andrew Santino?

  With Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. How could we not be brothers?

• 1:10:08Speaker 05

  Okay, isn't that movie kind of fucked up? Isn't there like a million doctors that all give their jizz to one lady and then they make like a superhuman Danny DeVito?

• 1:10:16Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:16Speaker 05

  Is that the premise of that movie?

• 1:10:18Andrew Santino?

  No, the premise of the movie is that they were both um, orphans and they were adopted by mama.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  Mama, and then they run through a pipe with money.

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  Mama, just killed a man. Okay, what'd you do that was so bad? You were, there was a new girl at your school?

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, there was a new sweet girl on the bus and uh...

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  Sweet girl on the bus.

• 1:10:37Andrew Santino?

  And we were just goofing with her.

• 1:10:39Speaker 05

  Sit that booty next to us.

• 1:10:40Andrew Santino?

  No, gross, don't say the B word. And we were writing stuff on signs, just about people on the bus, and she was included in the picking, making fun of. And we would hold the signs up to the front of the, to the back of the bus so they could all see the stuff that were written on them.

• 1:10:52Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:10:52Andrew Santino?

  Mean signs, and then a couple of guys left some of those afterwards. And then we got in trouble, and then what's going on? You have sciatica?

• 1:10:58Speaker 05

  Um, you know what's happening? My leg's falling asleep.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  I have sciatica, so I...

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  Cause I pissed myself so bad that this, my whole left leg is soaked in piss.

• 1:11:04Andrew Santino?

  It's all piss?

• 1:11:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. I can't feel it anymore, it's...

• 1:11:07Andrew Santino?

  Cool, we got a little piss leg.

• 1:11:08Speaker 05

  Anyways, would you, you know what's really interesting?

• 1:11:09Andrew Santino?

  We had a bunch of these up here, and then we went to the fucking principal's office and I you know when you're not supposed to laugh and it feels really good to not laugh, you know, and you're holding it, and it's like almost worse?

• 1:11:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Andrew Santino?

  He was like, for, I'm gonna read these off. They're so disgusting, and for every single one you laugh at is another day of suspension. And dude, we were loving it. I was dying. I had the most, it was like the most fun I've ever had, listening to the principal be like, Mike Lowfield is a fat loser. It's just like him reading, I was like, why would you do that?

• 1:11:39Speaker 05

  Wait, I'm so confused. You're, you wrote these on the signs and you're holding it up for what?

• 1:11:42Andrew Santino?

  We held it up to, to, to tease her at the beginning, and then we started going after everyone on the bus.

• 1:11:46Speaker 05

  Oh, so you were hoping that whoever you wrote, but you were at the back of the bus, I'm assuming?

• 1:11:49Andrew Santino?

  We were in the front of the bus.

• 1:11:51Speaker 05

  You were like giving a PowerPoint presentation on everyone that got hit in the bus.

• 1:11:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, on teasing our friends, yeah. But we were teasing everybody, but she-

• 1:11:57Speaker 05

  That sounds really fun.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  But she, I think, snitched because she was embarrassed that she was a part of the- But it wasn't just to her, it was that a lot of people were getting- We just wrote names and wrote nasty shit. And then she's the one that went to the principal and then was like, "These boys are teasing me." Also, we teased, all of us, everyone was written on the- It was a bunch of people on the side. But we got in some deep fucking- That was bad. That was like a six-day suspension for me, for vulgarity on the bus, or whatever the fuck they- Whatever term- My dad was actually like, "What the fuck did you do?" And I told him and he was like-

• 1:12:26Speaker 05

  He was like, "I've been to prison and that's more fucked up than anything I ever did."

• 1:12:29Andrew Santino?

  No, my stepdad- My dad, my stepdad was like, almost annoyed because it wasn't a worthwhile suspension. He's like, "That's not a- You should- If you're gonna get suspended, do something real." He was like embarrassed that that's why I got suspended. He's like, "What a lame way to get suspended."

• 1:12:43Speaker 05

  You know what's really funny is, this is not the most trouble I've ever been in, but I did get kicked out of class and I had to have my parents come in to talk to the teacher over also a sign-making thing.

• 1:12:50Andrew Santino?

  What did you do?

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  That in my- We had Mr. Jensen was our math teacher and he used to say "hui" all the time for some reason, like-

• 1:12:56Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  Like, if he was doing an equation on the board, he would go, "In wha- In what hui would this be, hui, whatever." He'd talk like that.

• 1:13:04Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you, Jensen.

• 1:13:04Speaker 05

  So then, I had a piece of paper that I turned over to the blank side and I wrote "hui" in really big letters, like W-H-A-Y. And then every time he said it, I would hold it up and the class would laugh and I'd put it down and I'd hold it up and he couldn't see what was happening.

• 1:13:15Andrew Santino?

  Awesome.

• 1:13:16Speaker 05

  And then finally, he caught on to what was happening and he marched over and he ripped it out of my hands. And then I got kicked out of class and then he called my parents and they had to come in for a meeting. And then at the meeting, he said, "Lisa, in class, every time I'm teaching, she holds up a sign that says 'howdy.'" He thought the sign said "howdy."

• 1:13:33Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:13:34Speaker 05

  So fucking stupid.

• 1:13:34Andrew Santino?

  What would the joke even be?

• 1:13:36Speaker 05

  I don't know, he just thought I was holding up a sign that said "howdy" and everyone was losing their minds.

• 1:13:39Andrew Santino?

  Did you never validate? You weren't like, "Don't dude, it said-"

• 1:13:41Speaker 05

  Oh, she's like, "Oh yeah, that's what I was doing. It was howdy. Yeah, yeah, sure cowboy, yeah, that's what it was." And then afterwards, I told my parents, I was like, "It was actually hui."

• 1:13:49Andrew Santino?

  And they loved it, where they're like, "That's cool."

• 1:13:50Speaker 05

  That's actually iconic.

• 1:13:51Andrew Santino?

  Is that the only time you got suspended?

• 1:13:53Speaker 05

  Um...

• 1:13:54Andrew Santino?

  Or kicked out?

• 1:13:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got kicked out of class a lot. I think I had like attention problems.

• 1:13:58Andrew Santino?

  For this?

• 1:13:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:59Andrew Santino?

  Why was it? When your parents got divorced when you were how old?

• 1:14:01Speaker 05

  Huh?

• 1:14:02Andrew Santino?

  How, when you get- When your parents got divorced, how old were you?

• 1:14:04Speaker 05

  Sixteen.

• 1:14:07Speaker 05

  What's

• 1:14:07Andrew Santino?

  That's tough.

• 1:14:08Speaker 05

  See, my boobs came in. You win some, you lose some.

• 1:14:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, you didn't win that big. So, I would wanna say sixteen is tough, cuz you're like, that's such a impressionable time in your life. That's a hard... I was two. I didn't know any better.

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, you didn't know any better.

• 1:14:22Andrew Santino?

  Or one, yeah. But sixteen's rough. That's so that was a big piece of your cracking out, like snapping out, huh?

• 1:14:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I was kinda snapping before that.

• 1:14:28Andrew Santino?

  What was it before? Then what do you think the influence was before that? Why?

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  I think honestly, attention problems. Like, I just didn't like listening to people try to teach me things, so I was just trying to make my own fun.

• 1:14:37Andrew Santino?

  Anti-authority.

• 1:14:38Speaker 05

  Big time.

• 1:14:38Andrew Santino?

  Me too. Um, also, you're a, uh... You're a contrarian by nature?

• 1:14:45Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:14:45Andrew Santino?

  No? Not? Okay. Perfect. Very good. And then, and then brothers, sisters? No?

• 1:14:53Speaker 05

  One older sister.

• 1:14:54Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, bitch. Hate her. We hate her. How old is she?

• 1:14:58Speaker 05

  She's two years older than me.

• 1:14:59Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so forty-eight.

• 1:15:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's forty-eight.

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  And she lives where?

• 1:15:02Speaker 05

  She's brunette. She was like, very popular.

• 1:15:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she's the pretty one?

• 1:15:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Andrew Santino?

  You're the ugly little sister that came trolling around. Oh, fuck you guys, Lisa's here. Can I play with you guys?

• 1:15:15Speaker 05

  Oh, Miranda's sister's here. Ah, can I have some toilet paper?

• 1:15:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, God, she's always eating toilet paper.

• 1:15:20Speaker 05

  They would never give me toilet paper.

• 1:15:21Andrew Santino?

  Go away, Lisa. Eating a full roll.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  And they would give me like, three squares a day to use, and I'd be like, that's not enough! But my sister, remember the year that, um, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera kissed in their little wedding dresses?

• 1:15:34Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I love you. You're fantastic. Wait, your stupid, ugly, older sister, what is that fucking slob up to now?

• 1:15:39Speaker 05

  She's an accountant. She's so smart.

• 1:15:41Andrew Santino?

  Fucking dork. Blub, blub, blub, blub. Give me my paycheck. Blub, blub, blub, blub. Give me my family.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  That's how I know you never typed on a keyboard. Cuz you, you made the sound blub, blub, blub.

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  That's not what they sound like?

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:15:50Andrew Santino?

  What do they do?

• 1:15:50Speaker 05

  They're kinda more like click, click, click. But do you have a brother or sister?

• 1:15:52Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if they did say click, click, click when you hit them. Click, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.

• 1:15:56Speaker 05

  Click, click, click.

• 1:15:57Andrew Santino?

  I have, um, uh, biologically from just my mom and dad, no, I'm the only one, but my step-

• 1:16:02Speaker 05

  Biologically from just my mom and dad, I'm the only one, but I'm a contrary to popular, really like, clack, clack.

• 1:16:07Andrew Santino?

  I knew it. Sounds like the toilet paper queen. Mouthing off again.

• 1:16:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, well-

• 1:16:11Andrew Santino?

  Go get some toilet paper and stuff this cow's mouth full, please.

• 1:16:14Speaker 05

  You're the most nerdiest no-glasses, glasses man I've ever seen.

• 1:16:16Andrew Santino?

  I'm wearing them right now.

• 1:16:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, you're-

• 1:16:18Andrew Santino?

  You're legally blonde.

• 1:16:19Speaker 05

  Spiritually, metaphorically, you are.

• 1:16:19Andrew Santino?

  You're legally blonde. That's why you can't see them. You're legally blind.

• 1:16:24Speaker 05

  You're legally blind. You legally stink.

• 1:16:26Andrew Santino?

  Just me, and then I have steps and, I mean halves.

• 1:16:30Speaker 05

  And so is your full personality based on trying to get the heavies to notice you?

• 1:16:34Andrew Santino?

  No, they were never around. I was, I only lived with one and she was eight years different, so we didn't really live together.

• 1:16:37Speaker 05

  Eight years younger or older?

• 1:16:38Andrew Santino?

  Younger. I, eh, older. Idiot, idiot fuckhead, moron, dumbass.

• 1:16:43Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:16:43Andrew Santino?

  Dumbass idiot fuckhead.

• 1:16:45Speaker 05

  I asked if she was older or younger than you.

• 1:16:47Andrew Santino?

  Shut up fatty. And then so...

• 1:16:49Speaker 05

  This is the second time today he's called me fat, and the first was before we even started rolling the podcast.

• 1:16:53Andrew Santino?

  In the car, yeah. Well, because your car was like leaning when you pulled into the parking lot, and I was like, good god.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  This man chased me down a street. He was like, "Hey, hey, you're coming to the podcast, right? Follow me."

• 1:17:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right. This dumbass was looking at-

• 1:17:05Speaker 05

  Blocks away from your house. I don't even know what you were doing over there.

• 1:17:07Andrew Santino?

  She was looking at parking signs, my house is our office.

• 1:17:08Speaker 05

  Waved me down at a red light and was like, "Are you coming over, please?"

• 1:17:11Andrew Santino?

  She's parking next to a construction site like a fucking moron, looking at the signs, being like, "Where am I? Am I allowed to park here?"

• 1:17:16Speaker 05

  That's actually exactly what I was doing. But why were you there is what I want to know.

• 1:17:20Andrew Santino?

  I was going to get coffee, and the coffee I texted you about, "Would you like a coffee?" And you didn't respond to me, you fucking loser.

• 1:17:24Speaker 05

  Do you really want a coffee?

• 1:17:26Andrew Santino?

  Coffee.

• 1:17:27Speaker 05

  You wanna come on to the pod?

• 1:17:29Andrew Santino?

  Instead of frozen, it's piping hot, the coffee series.

• 1:17:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, piping hot.

• 1:17:33Andrew Santino?

  Do you really want a coffee? It'll burn your fucking mouth!

• 1:17:39Speaker 05

  We could be the sisters.

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  You know when you burn your mouth, when you burn your mouth on something, how, how quickly do you go right back to it? Drink or food?

• 1:17:45Speaker 05

  Oh, I, I get so upset when I burn my mouth.

• 1:17:48Andrew Santino?

  It ruins how long? A whole day? Or is it just a moment of the day? But will you eat the food or drink the drink that you burnt? Will you continue or you stop?

• 1:17:56Speaker 05

  It depends how bad. If I did total completion, 100% burn, I'll go right back, of course. But if I have any remaining-

• 1:18:02Andrew Santino?

  Taste buds?

• 1:18:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I will wait like an, I will wait forever until that goes down.

• 1:18:05Andrew Santino?

  Top thing you burn, burn tongue on? Drink or food? Top for you. Drink?

• 1:18:09Speaker 05

  Of, of course.

• 1:18:10Andrew Santino?

  For me, it's always food. It's pizza.

• 1:18:12Speaker 05

  Pizza.

• 1:18:12Andrew Santino?

  Always. I do it every, without fail. I've done it every time.

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  And that'll get the whole roof of your mouth.

• 1:18:17Andrew Santino?

  It's awesome though.

• 1:18:18Speaker 05

  But at least it doesn't get your tongue though, because crust is cold.

• 1:18:21Andrew Santino?

  Correct.

• 1:18:21Speaker 05

  And cheese is hot.

• 1:18:22Andrew Santino?

  Right. We gotta flip that. Why don't we make the cheese cold and the crust piping hot?

• 1:18:26Speaker 05

  Hey, why don't we make them both cold? Put them in the fridge overnight, Ninja Turtle style.

• 1:18:29Andrew Santino?

  Hey, eat a pie. Um, alright, so listen, I could talk to you for a long time.

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  Oh, it's time to end the podcast?

• 1:18:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because here's the-

• 1:18:37Speaker 05

  I think you tried to do that earlier.

• 1:18:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, here's why.

• 1:18:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:18:39Andrew Santino?

  A, done with ya. B, you've got your bullshit thing that you need to do.

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  And D-

• 1:18:45Andrew Santino?

  I'm actually respecting it because it's actually, oh, it's longer than I thought.

• 1:18:48Speaker 05

  No, I have thirty-six minutes, so my timer goes off, but it's okay, let's end it.

• 1:18:51Andrew Santino?

  Do you really?

• 1:18:51Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:18:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I thought it was, I thought you just said you said it for a-

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  I said an hour and fifty-four minutes.

• 1:18:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, fifty-four minutes? I thought you said an hour and four minutes, I was like, well, buddy, you're cooked.

• 1:19:00Speaker 05

  No, no, no, it's fine. Um-

• 1:19:02Andrew Santino?

  This is really nice, I could do this often with you, because you're so playful and fun, and people, please, watch, uh, Upside Down Chinatown on Hulu, that's the show that she's on. Um, you've actually done a lot, you're an extremely talented and accomplished, um, uh, performer, I should say, because I don't know how to categorize you. Comedian is good?

• 1:19:19Speaker 05

  I don't really know what I am.

• 1:19:19Andrew Santino?

  What do you like to say?

• 1:19:20Speaker 05

  I'm not a girl, I am a woman. Uh, all I need, uh, I call myself-

• 1:19:30Andrew Santino?

  Do you do that on the show?

• 1:19:31Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:19:32Andrew Santino?

  You do that Britney bit on the show?

• 1:19:33Speaker 05

  Nah, they don't let me sing.

• 1:19:34Andrew Santino?

  You should pitch that to the EPs.

• 1:19:35Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:19:36Andrew Santino?

  Um, Unstable with Rob Lowe, she's been on that, uh, Dinosaur Port- Portals, huge, Jury Duty was actually probably the best thing that you did. Yeah.

• 1:19:45Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, we got Ricky Stenicki, Family Guy, Beef-

• 1:19:49Andrew Santino?

  Fact.

• 1:19:50Speaker 05

  Scrambled-

• 1:19:50Andrew Santino?

  Fact.

• 1:19:51Speaker 05

  Kill Tony, hey, did you manage to do it?

• 1:19:54Andrew Santino?

  I wish.

• 1:19:58Andrew Santino?

  Wait, can I say this? Jury Duty was fantastic.

• 1:20:00Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:20:01Andrew Santino?

  And you worked with a kid that I grew up with.

• 1:20:02Speaker 05

  Who?

• 1:20:03Andrew Santino?

  A man, a man, I should say, not a chi- a kid.

• 1:20:05Speaker 05

  Kirk?

• 1:20:06Andrew Santino?

  A man that I grew up with, no.

• 1:20:07Speaker 05

  Who?

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  Keep guessing.

• 1:20:09Speaker 05

  Ronald?

• 1:20:10Andrew Santino?

  Uh-uh.

• 1:20:11Speaker 05

  Uh, James Marsden?

• 1:20:12Andrew Santino?

  Ross Kimball.

• 1:20:13Speaker 05

  No way!

• 1:20:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the Kimbale.

• 1:20:15Speaker 05

  Are you really as tall as Ross?

• 1:20:18Andrew Santino?

  No, what the-

• 1:20:18Speaker 05

  Are you taller than a Ross Kimball?

• 1:20:20Andrew Santino?

  No, he's tall, he's like six-six, right? He's a big guy.

• 1:20:23Speaker 05

  You have a tall personality. Hey, and, uh, you have Friendsgiving come out, so just check out, uh, Andrew Santino-

• 1:20:27Andrew Santino?

  That already came out.

• 1:20:28Speaker 05

  Friendsgiving, uh, this year, as Thanksgiving's coming up, it could be an awesome movie-

• 1:20:32Andrew Santino?

  That already came out!

• 1:20:33Speaker 05

  To watch with your, um, with your dry little turkey.

• 1:20:37Andrew Santino?

  Let's not go through IMDBs, okay? We don't want to go pound for pound.

• 1:20:40Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 1:20:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's gonna embarrass you big time.

• 1:20:42Speaker 05

  I wasn't trying to compete, I was just saying-

• 1:20:44Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you did, I see what you just did.

• 1:20:46Speaker 05

  I wasn't-

• 1:20:47Andrew Santino?

  You're making fun of Friendsgiving? You're making fun of Friendsgiving?

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  No, I was saying because it's Thanksgiving now.

• 1:20:51Andrew Santino?

  I wrote, directed, produced, and ex- and distributed that film.

• 1:20:53Speaker 05

  You distributed it? What are you, a VCR?

• 1:20:56Andrew Santino?

  I'm VHS.

• 1:20:58Speaker 05

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:21:03Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, I hope the show runs for a long time on Hulu. I really do, for your sake.

• 1:21:10Speaker 05

  Thanks, it's a limited series, so thanks.

• 1:21:11Andrew Santino?

  I hope it runs for a long time.

• 1:21:12Speaker 05

  Thanks.

• 1:21:13Andrew Santino?

  Will it ever be the highest watched comedy on Hulu's history, like Dave? No, and that's okay.

• 1:21:19Speaker 05

  That's okay.

• 1:21:20Andrew Santino?

  But I do hope to see you again soon, because I think you're fantastically funny, and I hope the world

• 1:21:26Andrew Santino?

  continues to enjoy you for whatever your next journey is. You are someone I'm calling out in a very soothsaying way. I can't wait to see how big you get. I've said it to our friends. We have mutual friends. We don't know each other, but we have mutual friends, it's funny. Like Glassman's one of my oldest buddies. And I've talked about you and other friends, I'm not gonna mention names on here, because there's a few other people that don't want to be mentioned in the same conversation as you because of your allegations, but

• 1:21:50Andrew Santino?

  talked about how, from afar, how much I admire you and your work, and I think you're fantastic, I really do. I know you don't like compliments, but

• 1:21:56Speaker 05

  I never said that.

• 1:21:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really? Your agent emailed and said, "Don't give her compliments."

• 1:22:01Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:22:01Andrew Santino?

  That's an internal thing, huh?

• 1:22:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:03Andrew Santino?

  But I do think you're incredible, and I can't wait to see you explode. I don't know, whatever they got for you lined up, whatever the machine has.

• 1:22:10Speaker 05

  That's so nice, thank you.

• 1:22:11Andrew Santino?

  You will.

• 1:22:11Speaker 05

  I hope you explode too.

• 1:22:12Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 1:22:12Speaker 05

  I hope you explode too.

• 1:22:13Andrew Santino?

  I already blew up, it's over.

• 1:22:15Speaker 05

  Oh no, I meant like, I hope someone puts a little bomb in your bed.

• 1:22:17Andrew Santino?

  No, no, I mean, I already blew up as in, like, I had my little pop and then I'm going away.

• 1:22:21Speaker 05

  Oh, you think you're going away now?

• 1:22:22Andrew Santino?

  This is it.

• 1:22:24Speaker 05

  This is your big goodbye?

• 1:22:25Andrew Santino?

  I'm a shooting star, dude. I'm a shooting star.

• 1:22:28Speaker 05

  I don't believe that, you are

• 1:22:30Andrew Santino?

  Shooting star, which means I already died. You're just seeing me on my descent. I've been dead for fucking 785 years.

• 1:22:38Speaker 05

  No, I believe, you know what, let's reframe it. I think you are more of like a glow-in-the-dark star. You're stuck on the ceiling, you're there for good, adored by little boys and girls everywhere.

• 1:22:45Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, I'd rather be adored by adults, but thank you so much.

• 1:22:48Speaker 05

  Be there until the house lights on fire and you get all goopy and you fall off and they bulldoze the house.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  Here's to you.

• 1:22:56Andrew Santino?

  Alright, well you can see this fat cow on Insecure Chinatown now on Hulu. Please look at that camera right there and we end the show the same way with one word or one phrase.

• 1:23:05Speaker 05

  Wait, I thought I was supposed to get some whiskey.

• 1:23:07Andrew Santino?

  We were going to. You said you didn't want to drink.

• 1:23:09Speaker 05

  No, I didn't.

• 1:23:09Andrew Santino?

  In the text message, I said, "Do you want to have a drink?" You said, "No."

• 1:23:12Speaker 05

  No, I didn't. Read it back. You owe me.

• 1:23:15Andrew Santino?

  Do you want a sip?

• 1:23:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:23:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we should have been drinking the whole show.

• 1:23:17Speaker 05

  Oh, you fool.

• 1:23:19Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I didn't know you. I thought you didn't want to drink.

• 1:23:21Speaker 05

  I said, "It sounds perfect!" exclamation mark.

• 1:23:24Andrew Santino?

  I thought you were being facetious.

• 1:23:26Speaker 05

  Now we're gonna, now we're gonna finish with a little?

• 1:23:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we have to.

• 1:23:29Speaker 05

  Clinky and a drinky.

• 1:23:31Andrew Santino?

  No, because I didn't think you wanted to, seriously.

• 1:23:33Speaker 05

  Why? Because I'm a girl?

• 1:23:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, don't do, you know what? That's such a cuck move.

• 1:23:36Speaker 05

  Well, why did you think, why did you think that?

• 1:23:38Andrew Santino?

  Because when you said, "It's, that's perfect," I thought you were being facetious. I thought you were like, "Yeah, that's perfect, I want to drink in the morning."

• 1:23:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, because I'm a girl. If I was a guy that was like, "That's perfect, bro," you'd be like face value.

• 1:23:46Andrew Santino?

  I thought you meant because it's the morning.

• 1:23:47Speaker 05

  Because she said it.

• 1:23:48Andrew Santino?

  It's 6 a.m. I thought you didn't want to drink at 6 in the fucking morning. Sorry.

• 1:23:52Speaker 05

  Give mommy her glug glug.

• 1:23:54Andrew Santino?

  How much you want? Say when.

• 1:23:57Speaker 05

  That's good. Stop, when?

• 1:23:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, you did that to yourself, smart ass.

• 1:24:01Speaker 05

  Cheers.

• 1:24:02Andrew Santino?

  Cheers. To Lisa Gilroy.

• 1:24:05Speaker 05

  Oh, to Andrew Santino.

• 1:24:06Andrew Santino?

  To Lisa Gilroy. One of the best cucks we've had on the show. You can sip it, you don't have to chug it.

• 1:24:12Speaker 05

  Ow!

• 1:24:15Andrew Santino?

  God, that's good.

• 1:24:16Speaker 05

  It tastes like hairspray and it burns my eyes.

• 1:24:18Andrew Santino?

  What do you got to do today? Do you have anything important?

• 1:24:21Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:24:21Andrew Santino?

  Good.

• 1:24:22Speaker 05

  Just a phone call.

• 1:24:23Andrew Santino?

  Let's get fucking trashed.

• 1:24:25Speaker 05

  Phone call in 30 minutes and 49 seconds.

• 1:24:27Andrew Santino?

  With someone important?

• 1:24:28Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:24:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, is it really? Tell me. We'll cut it.

• 1:24:33Speaker 05

  No, it's just my, with my team.

• 1:24:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, your team, your agents and your lawyers and your managers.

• 1:24:37Speaker 05

  Yeah. They were like, "Warning, warning. We wanted to warn you to not do something," but I was like, "I'll talk to you after this," but it might have been the podcast.

• 1:24:42Andrew Santino?

  This was definitely it.

• 1:24:44Speaker 05

  Did you finish yours?

• 1:24:45Andrew Santino?

  No, not yet. You don't have to. You can sip it slow. We can finish it after the pod's over.

• 1:24:49Speaker 05

  Slip it slow and pick it up slow and a back one time and a right one long then doo bop.

• 1:24:53Andrew Santino?

  Slip it slow.

• 1:25:04Speaker 05

  You know that song?

• 1:25:06Andrew Santino?

  That's it.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  We pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard! Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:25:20Speaker 06

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  Ginger. I like gingers.