COPS Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley to talk all about your experiences with COPS! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Helix: 25% Off Sitewide + 2 Free Dream Pillows with Mattress Purchase https://helixsleep.com/garbage Rocket Money: https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:25H. Foley?

  So, at Lou's show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:30H. Foley?

  Or just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:32H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new addition. She's upstairs, signing up for the Patreon, so she can submit her Tooties.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:42H. Foley?

  Because she said she's sick of me blowing it.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  I know, Dave. Talk about a guy who did K-hole, I think, back to back. This, what, are you in a K-hole?

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Which is rude.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  What's going on? That's a bezalong, that's a deep K-hole she was in. I mean, the-

• 0:55H. Foley?

  She likes to party.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  The amount of messages I got hit up with the big man's repeating bits, how I know.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  I got a heart condition. I was from Chicano 414.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:06H. Foley?

  On the Patreon. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This, we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman, just made a move on Jimmy John's, I heard. Trying to get a piece of that. Trying to keep up with Jersey Mike's. The quality better not go down. Be getting emails from me.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  I don't know what this riff is. Am I buying Jimmy John's?

• 1:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, he's been buying a little piece of it. Because somebody just bought Jersey Mike's.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  So, you're trying to-

• 1:35Speaker 02

  What'd you read that in, Sandwich Quarterly?

• 1:37H. Foley?

  Some businessman you are. Kevin Ryan, everybody.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  What up, gang? Shout out to the homies, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, and also now, full video available on Spotify, dawg.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  What's up with that, by the way?

• 1:50Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't, we got sucked up in an algorithm, somebody, talk about making backdoor deals.

• 1:56H. Foley?

  I thought you said they were, they selected a few pods that are going video now.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  That's, that's-

• 2:01H. Foley?

  And we're one of them?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  We're one of them.

• 2:03H. Foley?

  Woo, whee!

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Look at that, they, yeah, I don't know, they haven't cut me a fucking check yet, so, I don't know, but, they're not supposed to-

• 2:11H. Foley?

  Shout out to it.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  They're not supposed to either, but we got, we have now-

• 2:13H. Foley?

  Somebody messaged me, was like, "You guys are on Spotify?" I was like, "You told me, I don't know."

• 2:17Speaker 02

  I'm in iTunes, man. No, so now we have full video available on Spotify.

• 2:22H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  It might be for Spotify Premium. Listen, I'm not, I'm not a...

• 2:26H. Foley?

  I saw, I got, I got it on mine.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  I'm an idea guy.

• 2:29H. Foley?

  I got it on mine. I don't have Spotify Premium, I don't think.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Okay. I bet you don't. Ain't got the 8.99.

• 2:36H. Foley?

  I just got locked out of my fucking Napster account. I've been listening to the same songs over and over again like an asshole.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Justin Timberlake? You're locked out of your Napster account?

• 2:44H. Foley?

  You know this.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  I know, but how'd you get locked out?

• 2:46H. Foley?

  Cause my sister-in-law...

• 2:47Speaker 02

  First of all, the ball's on Napster to be locking people out.

• 2:51H. Foley?

  My sister-in-law stopped paying.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  You need everybody you can get.

• 2:54H. Foley?

  I do pretty good.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  What?

• 2:56H. Foley?

  They do pretty good.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Listen, now we're a Spotify company now. I don't know what you're talking about. We're on, goddamn, they're giving us video.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  Are they competitors?

• 3:03Speaker 02

  Who?

• 3:03H. Foley?

  Spotify and Napster?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  I don't think they're boys, dude. First of all, I don't think...

• 3:07H. Foley?

  I'm a Spotify man.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  I don't think Spotify's losing any sleep over Napster, if I had to guess. If I had to guess, I think Spotify's sleeping pretty...

• 3:16H. Foley?

  For my 90's alternative playlist?

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Nirvana again?

• 3:21H. Foley?

  I like it. That's pretty cool, Spotify video.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Spotify video, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all your bonus content. When you sign up, we'll answer your garbage question on the air over there. It's a good friggin' time.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  And you got a fucking, you got an entire year of the wedding saga that came, just came to...

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:40H. Foley?

  Completion.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Came to completion.

• 3:42H. Foley?

  Married man now.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Very nice.

• 3:44H. Foley?

  Stop it with the nudes.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  We're all very happy for you.

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Send him your little dick pics. Little schmeckel, little weiner.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Those are for medical purposes only.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  Does this look hard to you?

• 3:56Speaker 02

  You said you were a doctor.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Is this BlueChew working yet? I'm hitting it with a blowtorch, trying to get it up.

• 4:03H. Foley?

  Does this turn you on? Uh, you know what I wanted to ask you two bozos? Um, now, when I was, when I was over there for the wedding and stuff like that, obviously there was some cash injection. You know, a couple of envelopes came my way.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  I never asked you, what'd you get?

• 4:18H. Foley?

  I don't know, but you didn't fucking give me nothing. Tried to pick up a check one night for some poo-poo, so I was like, I ain't gonna cut it.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  What do you mean? You told me, don't give your, first of all. If you wanna, if you wanna pop the bubble, big man got his gift.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  I did?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  What'd it get?

• 4:35Speaker 02

  You fucking flew there first class!

• 4:36H. Foley?

  Oh, fair enough.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  What, you flew there?

• 4:39H. Foley?

  I thought you meant the G.I. Joe's.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  You flew there? First of all, yeah, this, this holiday season, you gave me a shitty DVD or a shitty CD player.

• 4:47H. Foley?

  I thought you liked Cypress Hill, what do you want from me? And a lot of people said that Craig is nice. Take it, take it, it's from the bar. Have you used that yet, by the way?

• 4:56Speaker 02

  What, the Craig?

• 4:56H. Foley?

  At the gym?

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I killed a spider in my room with it.

• 5:00H. Foley?

  He's a big, big one. Last thing you said was, "Is that a Craig?"

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Not the Craig! Thing's about eight pounds.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  Anyway.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  What?

• 5:10H. Foley?

  What, I pulled in?

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Wait, are you really upset? You can't, you can't publicly get upset.

• 5:15H. Foley?

  I am not upset at all, I appreciate everything you did.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  I, I also thought we were gonna be able to write that off, I think I gotta eat a lot of that, damn.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  Tough break, buddy.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  So you got your gift.

• 5:25H. Foley?

  Gotta spend money to make money.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Everybody out there saying, "I didn't get him a gift, big man got his gift." There was a layover involved.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  You're the gift that keeps on giving all year long, kid, I've said that many a times in a podcast, I love you and don't worry about it.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but saying, "Don't worry about it," means I'm coming from a place of...

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Now, a couple of them cousins out there.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Uh, what'd you make? Hold on, this is very interesting.

• 5:43H. Foley?

  Not enough to pay for the coffin, that's what I made.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Because this is a very, this is a show where we talk about what? We ask intimate details about people's weddings, what they give, what they made, this, all that, all. What did you make?

• 5:55H. Foley?

  I lightly mentioned on the Patreon, some of the family came true, you know, a couple of nice ones, a couple of checks.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Wait, the four digits, the five digits?

• 6:05H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Thousands or ten thousand?

• 6:07H. Foley?

  Ten thousand? Who do you think I'm rolling with?

• 6:10Speaker 02

  I don't know, there was 200 people there, dude.

• 6:13H. Foley?

  Tried to invite Schultz, but he was taking the plane out that day. Could've been 20 Gs. Schultz! Um... I pulled in... Just shy of 10.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 6:28H. Foley?

  I got a lot of cash on me.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 6:31H. Foley?

  Which is dangerous.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Small bills.

• 6:32H. Foley?

  I don't know how to get into Navy Federals.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  I'm sure it's small bills with that crew you were rolling with. That is a small bill crew, if I've ever seen one.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  You ever seen 10 grand in two dollar bills?

• 6:44H. Foley?

  Now, very appreciative, um, yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  What was, don't tell me who, what was the biggest one amount, uh, gift you got?

• 6:52H. Foley?

  A jihad.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 6:54H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 6:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, you know who you are. I love you. The man, the man.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Is it Patty?

• 6:59H. Foley?

  No. What? Patty gave me two Hyundai.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  It was a Christmas present.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  What?

• 7:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  That's, that's.

• 7:06H. Foley?

  I ain't seen nothing from her. That, my, my, I caught that brought up. Got nothing.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Ten grand, that's pretty good for a big.

• 7:12H. Foley?

  A little under.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  What's a little under? Give me the number. You know the number. Give me the number.

• 7:17H. Foley?

  Three hundred.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Thirteen eighty-five.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  No, I think, I think maybe nine, nine something.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Any checks in there?

• 7:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, I told you, a lot of check, couple of checks.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  They all bounced? What's happening?

• 7:27H. Foley?

  No. Tommy C took care of me real nice.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  What did Tommy give you?

• 7:31H. Foley?

  You don't wanna know.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Five?

• 7:34H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:35H. Foley?

  Five Hyundai.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Uh, it's not bad for a.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  It's what I gave him, though.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Sure. It's probably the same check. Just returned it.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Return to sender.

• 7:44H. Foley?

  He ripped it up in my face.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 7:46H. Foley?

  Yeah, no, it's alright.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Well, that's good.

• 7:47H. Foley?

  So what I wanted to ask you is, was now that I got.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Can I borrow a hundred and forty grand?

• 7:52H. Foley?

  Now that I got a little bit of cash on me, and it felt good, felt good breaking that off. If you went to dinner or whatever, lunch, um, you think cash will come back?

• 8:04Speaker 02

  What?

• 8:05H. Foley?

  Nobody uses cash anymore.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Who, my Gary Greenspan?

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Was he the head of the Fed for a while or something?

• 8:12H. Foley?

  Alan Greenspan.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Whatever. His brother? I don't know. Is cash gonna come back?

• 8:17H. Foley?

  Be cool.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  More at ten. Wah, what the fuck?

• 8:21H. Foley?

  I would like cash. Cash feels good. Having a little cash.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  You can make cash come back. You gotta carry cash, though. You gotta carry the cash.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  Hmm. They always look at you weird when you go to stores now and you pay cash.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not paying.

• 8:33H. Foley?

  Buy a couple of presents for some people. Little kids.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 8:37H. Foley?

  They looked at me funny.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Why'd you say that like you were in the mob? I had to buy a couple of presents for some people. Those kids, buying them Barbies.

• 8:43H. Foley?

  I had to shut some people up, pay some peo- couple of judges.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Keep them in line.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Okay. Uh, I don't know. I like having ca- I like having cash for the tips.

• 8:51H. Foley?

  How much cash you got on you right now?

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Got some spot pay, I believe, from this weekend. Wearing the same jeans, no big deal. I got a hundred and fifty bucks.

• 9:02H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:04H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Two spots over there at the old Comedy Cellar.

• 9:08H. Foley?

  What about you, Litecoin? What do you got on you? Nothing. Yeah, never.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  This kid's all day, he got a crypto wallet.

• 9:13H. Foley?

  Never. You keep like twenty, forty dollars on your maybe.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:17H. Foley?

  Probably have a fake wallet in case you get mugged too.

• 9:21H. Foley?

  It's fine. Yeah, cash would be nice to come back. He could bring us back a little bit.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:26H. Foley?

  You know, get the fucking city going again. People using cash, tipping, how you doing?

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 9:31H. Foley?

  That kinda stuff.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  I, uh, I bought, I, I, we didn't talk about this. I bought my, my lady a gift while we were in Hawaii.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  You did, that's right.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 9:42H. Foley?

  Lingerie.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Tasteful.

• 9:44H. Foley?

  By the way, you got good taste.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  I mean, what? You've seen it? It's just for me.

• 9:52H. Foley?

  What?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  I'm wearing it.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  I'm hanging brain from the bottom of a teddy.

• 9:59H. Foley?

  Hey, the missus is in a double XL. I don't know what you're doing with this.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Something bigger in the butt if you got it.

• 10:07H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  A lot of high-end shopping out there.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  Lot of high-end shopping over there in, uh, in Waikiki.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Uh, so I popped into one of the stores.

• 10:15H. Foley?

  You did? Where's the guy let you go?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  What?

• 10:18H. Foley?

  Target, Walmart?

• 10:19Speaker 02

  We went to Target first, me and our associate Ryan D.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  Well, you were gonna buy her a gift at Target?

• 10:24Speaker 02

  No, I had to buy, uh, our Pollyanna a gift. I had to buy a gift under fifty bucks for my family.

• 10:30H. Foley?

  You brought a gift back?

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I, I don't know if you remember, I landed midday on fucking Christmas Eve. It was either that or they were getting something from Hubbs and News, okay?

• 10:41H. Foley?

  New Daniel Steele novel?

• 10:44H. Foley?

  Hey, that John Grisham ain't too shabby.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  That and a bag of Jolly Ranchers?

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was jammed up. I was behind the eight ball. We were recorded every day until we got into here, until we left, and then...

• 10:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  I'd had time to do shopping.

• 10:56H. Foley?

  Alright, so when you have the card, send it over.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  So I went to one of those fancy designer stores for my wife. Man, I went in with Ryan D. I had to, we, first of all, I was in a wet bathing suit.

• 11:11H. Foley?

  You have a pair of pants.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  You got something at 38?

• 11:17H. Foley?

  I'm chafing.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, we like walked in with like ice cream and like coffee, was in a wet bathing suit and had a

• 11:24H. Foley?

  Is it one of those places where there's a dude standing at the front door?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:27H. Foley?

  And they don't let anybody in there?

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Nah, the door was locked. And I'm like, my money's good.

• 11:30H. Foley?

  The door was locked?

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:31H. Foley?

  Guys, open!

• 11:33Speaker 02

  You got a, you got a shitter in here?

• 11:37Speaker 02

  I'm just not cut out for those nice, nice stores.

• 11:41H. Foley?

  Can you say where it was?

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 11:43H. Foley?

  Esau Laurent, Hermes?

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Esau Laurent.

• 11:47H. Foley?

  Hermes, is it Hermes?

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Hermes, Hermes. I only knew it as YSL from that Fat Joe song where he rapped about it, or Lil Wayne did.

• 11:56H. Foley?

  Who?

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I don't, YSL.

• 11:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  I didn't, Esau Laurent.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  You know, I don't like all that stuff, but I do like the stories about those guys.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  I gotta tell ya?

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Like the, when they do like the Netflix movies about them, like about like the designers and stuff like that, how they worked their way up and all that kinda stuff. Pretty cool.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Sure. Whew, man. I, I was a nervous Nelly in there. Thank God that card, that credit card went through. Hotch almost had to put it on the company card. That thing, that thing was taking a long time to, that signal was taking a long time to get to New York, back to Honolulu.

• 12:27H. Foley?

  That ice cream was on that person, I looked at it, by the way. Those sprinkles aren't mine.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 12:32H. Foley?

  There you go. Got her something nice?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, got her something nice. She returned it, got something else.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 12:37Speaker 02

  I, different color. Yeah.

• 12:39H. Foley?

  And you, what'd you get her, a backpack?

• 12:42Speaker 02

  I just got her the bag. You got, he's got one of those cardboard bags I can give this bro. No, so I go in and I'm like, what do you got? And I look at something, they're like, this is like 2,800. I said, what do you, what do you got in the clearance section?

• 12:54H. Foley?

  What do you got with a scratch on it?

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, you got any floor models?

• 12:57H. Foley?

  There ain't no clearance rack in those dumps either.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  There's not.

• 13:00H. Foley?

  Gotta go to Canal Street, get you straightened out.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  I know.

• 13:02H. Foley?

  They don't know.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  So I got out of there a pretty goo, pretty good disc, pretty good deal from what I was seeing online and everything like that. But man, they treat ya nice in there. They really do. And our friend was taking care, was, was, I'm a guy who's like, I wanna be invisible in here. Where's the cheapest thing? Can I swing it? Alright, you know, bada bing bada boom.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  They, uh, he's in there like, "Yeah, I'll do a double shot of espresso."

• 13:29H. Foley?

  Ordering shit?

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Well, they asked, "So what do you want?"

• 13:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, you know, if you gotta pay for that or not.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Also, they took our coffees at the door.

• 13:35H. Foley?

  Took your co- oh.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't be walking around, but they'll offer you like, you know, whatever you want or whatever.

• 13:40H. Foley?

  They took your drinks from you?

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:41H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  It was half scotch. It was right on there.

• 13:46H. Foley?

  Hey, don't take a sip at the after lunch, you know what I mean?

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:49H. Foley?

  Really? Did they have them for you when you left?

• 13:52Speaker 02

  No, I think they trashed them.

• 13:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, dirtball. You're in there with your donkey donuts.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Dude, I was in there, I like proper, we left the beach, I was in there in sandy feet, a wet bathing suit, a towel, a towel from the resort. It was, it was bad. And a Target bag.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  You bought her a Ferrari keychain?

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Porsche driving gloves. I just don't belong in them places.

• 14:15H. Foley?

  No, you don't.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  And she doesn't, that was, that was the biggest gift I ever bought. It also wasn't that expensive. Um, and I buy her one gift a year, that was it for the most part. She's done. Um, and, uh, it was like their casual line. Yeah, it was not their, it wasn't their high-end, toity-toity line. Cause I, first of all, I'm walking by with Luke, or the, like a few days before, and you know.

• 14:41H. Foley?

  Hermes light collection.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like, uh, I was like, "Ah, maybe something like that," cause she, she, her purse, she had a purse, her purse broke. I was like, "Oh, maybe I'll like, that'll, you know, she needs a new black purse." I was like, "How about that?" And Luke goes, "Everyone has that one." I was like, "Yeah, dude, not with, not in the circles I run in."

• 14:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  We run in different circles, clearly.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  We do run.

• 15:01H. Foley?

  I remember when Coach bags were hot.

• 15:04H. Foley?

  Back in the day.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:05H. Foley?

  Not Coach.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  No, Coach was big.

• 15:07H. Foley?

  Autobahn, or, uh, no.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Louis Vuitton.

• 15:09H. Foley?

  No, it has an A. Uh, it's like, it's, it, it looks like a horseshoe, but it's upside down. I think it's an A. Ah, it's not Autobahn. I remember my mom.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Autobahn's highway.

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Well, if your mom's making a big deal about it, I don't think it's at the, like.

• 15:23H. Foley?

  This was in the eighties.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  The, oh, okay. No, I don't.

• 15:26H. Foley?

  Yeah. Can't remember.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Aero-Pastel.

• 15:28H. Foley?

  No.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  American Eagle.

• 15:31H. Foley?

  No.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Hollister.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  No. It had like Autobahn, or Auto something, or.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  Auto asphyxiation.

• 15:39H. Foley?

  That's it.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Freak. She's got the, she's got.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  You got anything? They did makeup too.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Maybe Chanel?

• 15:47H. Foley?

  No.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Claiborne.

• 15:49H. Foley?

  No, Claiborne was nice though. The hot chick stuff.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  It was designer?

• 15:53H. Foley?

  I think so.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  It was not. They were living in the, they were living in the Poconos at the time. It was whatever they got at the Salvation Army.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Alright, tough guy? Sure. You're no Hermes guy.

• 16:08H. Foley?

  Hermes.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Got a bad case of the Hermes.

• 16:11H. Foley?

  Yikes. Need antibiotic equipment for that.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  I also don't, that was like a big step for me because I don't have the confidence to walk into those places.

• 16:18H. Foley?

  And you shouldn't.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I don't, rightfully so.

• 16:22H. Foley?

  We should put your Sunday best on when you walk in.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  But he, our boy Ryan, really helped me.

• 16:27H. Foley?

  He looks worse than you. What are you talking about?

• 16:29Speaker 02

  I know, but he's going, "You got money? You can fucking go in there. Own it. You're better than these bums. They're working here. They can't afford to shop there." Which I barely could either.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  I was on, I was, I was on the fence. "You guys got after pay here?" I do this in installments.

• 16:45H. Foley?

  Hello, I'm KJ Ryan, a very important man.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  From the mainland? I come to look at your fine delicacies?

• 16:54H. Foley?

  Can't much talk about Helix mattresses.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Shout out to Helix, baby. I farted in one this morning.

• 16:58H. Foley?

  And, oh, I woke up on one this morning.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  In the neighbor's house? Hello.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  Gang, Helix mattress OG sponsor of the old podcast here. Got two customers right here too. We each got one.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  I bought three of them.

• 17:13H. Foley?

  Doing a lot of boning, huh?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  I'd be the bad on.

• 17:17H. Foley?

  Still waiting on them rubber sheets.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  And luckily, if it wasn't a Helix, I'd be, I'd have to buy 10 of them the way I go through these things.

• 17:22H. Foley?

  Listen, all jokes aside, Helix is the best mattress in the market. What are you gonna do? You gonna go to a fucking mattress store, look around, lay on it, some guy's shoes on it? Helix, you go over to the website, fill out the little quiz there.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  Now, what's that take? 15, 20 minutes?

• 17:35H. Foley?

  Takes 2, 3 minutes. Find out how you sleep. Do you sleep on your side, on your back? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep cold? Are you a big fat pig like me and need a nice fluffy comfy mattress? Helix is the mattress for you.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  It is. It's fantastic. Like we've said, years ago when Helix came on board, I took the sleep quiz. I got lined up with that Twilight model, me and the bird. Snoozing away, best sleep of my life. It's the first adult purchase I made where I'm like, this is, this matters. You know what I mean?

• 18:00H. Foley?

  I got the Cali King and I've been away for a couple of weeks. Sliding back into that thing was like...

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Like an old man into a bath. Uh, so here we go. Here's the turkey, baby. It's 25% off site wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase.

• 18:16H. Foley?

  The pillows are alright.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Go to, go to helixsleep.com/garbage for 25% off site wide, plus two dream free pillows with a mattress purchase. One more time, that's helixsleep.com/garbage, 25% off site wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase. Helixsleep.com/garbage. Do it.

• 18:31H. Foley?

  Do it. Okay, let's talk Rocket Money, baby.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Rocket Money.

• 18:34H. Foley?

  Let's talk about savings. Gang, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:48H. Foley?

  I mean, is that succinct, or is that succinct?

• 18:50Speaker 02

  They know what they're doing over there.

• 18:51H. Foley?

  They do know what they're doing. Gang, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 mil in canceled subscriptions.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Machi machi.

• 19:01H. Foley?

  Saving members up to $740 a year when using the app's premier features. 500 mil!

• 19:08Speaker 02

  That ain't nothing...

• 19:08H. Foley?

  That's a lot of cash.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you get to see all your subscriptions in one place. You know exactly where your money's going. For ones that you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them, baby. It gives you a dashboard with a clear view of all your expenses across all your accounts. They also email you every week. I just got it yesterday, came in. Hey, but, hey, you got two recurring, uh, purchases coming up this week. Get your eyes on them. And if you don't want them, beep boop bop boop, we'll take care of them.

• 19:33H. Foley?

  Snip them.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  It's fantastic. Um, ultimate, it can help you save money so you don't have to think about a payoff your credit card debt, put money away for a house, or just build your savings. Rocket Money makes it easy. You can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster in 2025 with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com/garbage. One more time, get a pen, get a pencil, rocketmoney.com/garbage. Do it. Alright, all that's either here or there.

• 19:58H. Foley?

  Have you ever heard of Washington Heights?

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Have you ever heard of rent stabilized one bedroom, a pre-war apartment building that may or may not contain mold?

• 20:07H. Foley?

  Yes, I would like to look at your discount bags.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Do you have any, you have anything from the last few years I could take a look at?

• 20:15H. Foley?

  That's gonna drive me crazy, I can't think of it.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Well, you know.

• 20:19H. Foley?

  What are you gonna do?

• 20:19Speaker 02

  It is what it is.

• 20:20H. Foley?

  It is.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  But, uh, we got a gosh darn family episode, and a little bit of a different family episode this time. It's a little bit of a themed family episode. Uh, the cops edition.

• 20:30H. Foley?

  Yikes. The cheese, the fuzz.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  So, all the Patreon has, uh, submitted all of their, all of their questions and or stories and or whatever are you garbage questions regarding run-ins with the law.

• 20:41H. Foley?

  Mostly crimes.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  It's the sound of the police, whoop, whoop. Hit it.

• 20:46H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 20:47Speaker 02

  It's the sound of the beast. Damn, look at me and, me and Luke are good together.

• 20:51H. Foley?

  What was that rap song?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Whoop, whoop.

• 20:54H. Foley?

  I wonder why they kicked out Hermes?

• 20:55Speaker 02

  The five... I'm talking the fuzz, the 5-0.

• 20:59H. Foley?

  You got a boombox on ya?

• 21:02H. Foley?

  Okay. Let's talk cops.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Let's talk cops.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  Talk cheese.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  What was the, what was the nickname for the cops growing up for you?

• 21:09H. Foley?

  Fuzz.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 21:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, the fuzz.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  That's, that's an old school one.

• 21:14H. Foley?

  Or as a young, upstanding kid, police officer. Sir.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  What are you doing in my mother's bedroom?

• 21:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, my dad's gonna be home in a couple of minutes.

• 21:28H. Foley?

  Get that hunk of shit out of my driveway.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Get the cruiser.

• 21:31H. Foley?

  Cops in Hurt Town do very well.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  Cops in Hurt Town?

• 21:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, where Patty lives.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 21:36H. Foley?

  Good township, lot of cash.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 21:38H. Foley?

  They got a top flight fleet, too.

• 21:42H. Foley?

  They drive them Jeeps, or those Ford Explorers, wherever they are.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Nice. Couple Hyundai Covi's.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:48H. Foley?

  You know, Miata's.

• 21:51H. Foley?

  Blended. I saw NYPD there, they were driving like a Mitsubishi or something like that.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:56H. Foley?

  There's five of them packed in there. One guy's sitting in the middle.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Looks like they're going to a concert or something. It's a weird vibe.

• 22:03H. Foley?

  They all had their uniforms on.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 22:05H. Foley?

  Like, what are you guys doing?

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Dude, you know what's...

• 22:07H. Foley?

  Get an Impala, like a gentleman.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  What they do, the traffic cops here, they all get dropped off. Find out the, can you look at the actual difference between a traffic cop and a cop in New York City?

• 22:16H. Foley?

  They got no nickel.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  They got no gun, they got no gun on them.

• 22:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  But...

• 22:19H. Foley?

  Those guys saved the city, though.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  The tr- sure, the traffic cops, uh... They all hop in a va- like a NYPD school bus. And it's like they're all going to day camp or something. They all get, they got their bag and their lunch and they get, "Be back here at 2pm." They all get picked up again.

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  Besides the gun, they also do not have the power to arrest.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Really?

• 22:40H. Foley?

  Really?

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm putting that to the test.

• 22:42H. Foley?

  No, but they give you a citation though.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 22:45H. Foley?

  They can also call the boys in the Mitsubishi real quick. Be over there in two secs.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  There's no room to put you in the back. Whoa, they can't arrest you?

• 22:53H. Foley?

  You're sitting in the front seat.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Hey, let me drive this thing. No shit?

• 23:00H. Foley?

  Everybody knows that.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  I didn't know that. When they're telling you, "Hey, you can't turn here." "The fuck I can't."

• 23:06H. Foley?

  They get your plates, though.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Alright, write me the ticket.

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Can't afford a nice bag.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Well, listen, I'm gonna have to pay this next month. I spent all my money on a bag that my wife, uh, my wife likes. Uh, wow, I did not know that. I genuinely didn't know that.

• 23:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, we called him the fuzz.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, we were 5-0.

• 23:25H. Foley?

  Maybe 5-0.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  5-0 was big.

• 23:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Which was, do you know the, do you know the, the origination of 5-0?

• 23:31H. Foley?

  Um, I can s- I assume it's a hip-hop song from the 90s. Maybe a Snoop or, uh, Dr. Dre. Uh, 5-0 is probably like the code for police. 5-0 on the scene.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  No, my, I, my dad, my dad told me what it was.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  He should know this.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yes.

• 23:51H. Foley?

  I should know this?

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you should know this.

• 23:52H. Foley?

  Drugs.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:54H. Foley?

  Something with drugs.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Let's get some drugs. Hawaii 5-0.

• 23:58H. Foley?

  Oh, that's pretty good.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Right? Is that what it is? Yeah.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  Why'd they call Hawaii 5-0, 5-0?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Uh, just referring to the Hawaiian police force in the show.

• 24:07H. Foley?

  But why 5-0? Was that like their precinct?

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Uh, based on Hawaii being the 50th state to join the Union.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  No shit, Hawaii 5-0.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  You should know that.

• 24:14H. Foley?

  I know.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Right? You steal valor, you know Hawaii, that could be you.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  That was a sweet show back in the day. Not a bad, I didn't really watch the reboot, obviously. But back in the day, it was fucking tight.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Um, okay, let's, uh, we got, we got a cou- we got a couple, listen.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  You guys listen to this show, you guys... Some of you got records, if we're being honest with you. 99% of you got records. Uh, I don't condone it.

• 24:40H. Foley?

  That's why we love you, baby.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  I don't condone it, but hey, everybody's got a checkered past. Everybody's got a bumpy future, you know what I mean? I got friends on House of Rest right now. You know who you are.

• 24:51H. Foley?

  Is it me?

• 24:53H. Foley?

  Can't leave here.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  No, we were doing our show in bar... The show that we did in Parks, and we were like, "Oh, where's so-and-so? Where's so-and-so? Where's so-and-so? So-and-so's MIA." And then he sends a picture of his ankle with a monitor on it, and he's like, "I ain't allowed out of this... I ain't allowed out of the house."

• 25:07H. Foley?

  That ain't no Elf on the Shelf.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, tough, tough. But hey, shit happens, it gets the best of everybody.

• 25:16H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Um, alright, let's see here. This one's just funny. This was from El Boho Rojo. "First time I got arrested, I was running from the cops. I got tackled and I shit my pants."

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Dude, that is... That's gonna be a long weekend in the...

• 25:30H. Foley?

  You got you, J.J. Watt? That's crazy.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Somebody came across... Jeremy... Somebody came across the middle and got you.

• 25:35H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  That's, uh... Yeah, damn. That's a tough one.

• 25:40H. Foley?

  Tough one.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Also...

• 25:42H. Foley?

  Getting tackled.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  That cop... I mean, that cop's going above and beyond.

• 25:46H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  I mean, unless you were robbing a bank or something. If you're like, proper taking a spear dive in...

• 25:51H. Foley?

  Running from a party or something like that?

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Hitting him like Bill Goldberg, taking him out. Getting hung out to dry across the middle.

• 25:58H. Foley?

  The dudes on, uh, To Catch a Predator always get tackled in the front lawn.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 26:02H. Foley?

  Those guys love grabbing them dudes. Man. Hey, you seen this show go out a window or something? You're going out the front door like an idiot? Fuck, they're right there waiting for you. Fucking dumbass. You got holding balloons and shit.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Bag of toys. You gotta do... You gotta do something big. You gotta pull a gun. You gotta try to get out of that. That's a tough look. I mean, don't... You shouldn't be in that situation. What am I talking about?

• 26:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's alright.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  It's crazy how that people are just still getting caught like that. Like, there's just... I would be like...

• 26:37Speaker 02

  No, how you fall... They're all falling for the same trick over and over again. It's what? It's been documented for 30 years. You guys are just...

• 26:43H. Foley?

  You see the camera guys out front?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  I know, what the fuck? The news... The news van didn't set you off?

• 26:50H. Foley?

  Seems legit.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Dirt bags.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  Did he say you got-

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Go to therapy.

• 26:55H. Foley?

  Did he say you got tased and tackled?

• 26:56Speaker 02

  No, just tackled.

• 26:58H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Dude, imagine getting hit so hard you shit yourself? It's like hot rod.

• 27:05H. Foley?

  It's alright.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 27:07H. Foley?

  Then you gotta go in with that. They don't let you run into the can.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 27:11H. Foley?

  You're sitting, then you're sitting and holding with a fucking dump in ya.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  That's a, that's tough.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  Probably keep the other guys away.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Sure, nobody wants to mess with ya. I'd be rubbing it on my hair and stuff. Hey, nobody wanna touch ya.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Alright, brutal. Uh, this one's from, uh, Itchy Buttcrack. How are ya, sir? "All my life, my parents would say, 'There's a cop behind us, don't look.'" That was, dude, why is that?

• 27:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Dude, we're afraid of all these, if like a kid looked at the cop, you'd be arrested. Yeah.

• 27:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  There's a cop, no one look. No one look! For some, and my dad would always put the seat, fake the seatbelt, cuz he was an anti-seatbelt guy. Anti-seatbelt bastard. So he pull, he goes, "Oh shit, there's a-" he'd pull it across and drive one-handed. I'd have to do the same thing.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  He was very against seatbelts.

• 28:04H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  What?

• 28:06H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  I remember when they did the click it and ticket thing, that Pennsylvania did, like if, cuz it used to be you weren't a- The law, like I said, he knew his, he knew his seatbelt rights at the time.

• 28:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  And for the longest time, I think it wasn't a ticket, but then it became a ticket, but if he got pulled over. They couldn't pull you over if they noticed you weren't wearing your-

• 28:28H. Foley?

  Really? So you were alive?

• 28:29Speaker 02

  What?

• 28:30H. Foley?

  The you were alive, that was a rule? You didn't have to wear a seatbelt?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  I think it was over 18, maybe.

• 28:35H. Foley?

  If you were over 18?

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Like you could, yeah, I think it was like the choice of like, "I don't wanna wear a seatbelt." Kinda like motorcycles have the option in Pennsylvania to not wear a helmet.

• 28:42H. Foley?

  I know, it's crazy.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  But, I remember at some point that, if you didn't have it on, it would then be a citation afterwards. Like if you got pulled over-

• 28:53H. Foley?

  Speeding.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Speeding, also-

• 28:54H. Foley?

  Hey, I'm gonna get you for the seatbelt too.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Also you weren't wearing your seatbelt.

• 28:56H. Foley?

  But I can't pull you over for a seatbelt.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Can't pull you over for the seatbelt.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  How do you see that?

• 29:00Speaker 02

  What?

• 29:00H. Foley?

  How do you see, I ain't got a seatbelt on?

• 29:02Speaker 02

  You're driving by, you're parking, I don't know, something.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Trumped up charges, search the car, find your stash.

• 29:08H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 29:09H. Foley?

  Then you're jammed up.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Make you blow a breathalyzer, next thing you know you're in the clink and you got shit in your pants.

• 29:15H. Foley?

  You're driving the car home.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  You're driving a Mitsubishi.

• 29:17H. Foley?

  Seven years old.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  But then I remember when it switched where they started, they would do checkpoints where you'd stop and make sure. Dude, he knew where they all were and he'd be like, I drove by here earlier today, there's a, put your seatbelt on. But then we would take it right off. And I remember my boy Pat would be like, it's insane, it's already on. Like you've put it on for the checkpoint.

• 29:37H. Foley?

  Stick it to the man.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Just leave it on.

• 29:39H. Foley?

  Your freedom.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  Just leave it on, but we were.

• 29:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, we were always big, big seatbelt people. Even my dad, he was a big seatbelt guy. We were goddamn seatbelt on.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  No, it's one of those things where you're like, it should just be on, like.

• 29:50H. Foley?

  But they would get scared when a cop would come behind them.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Oh, that.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  And it's like, you're, you're upstanding, you guys both have jobs, you're, you know, there's no drugs in the car.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like you're gonna get taken away.

• 30:00H. Foley?

  I know, but they just, yeah.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  It was so different back then of just like the, the, the run in with the, I don't know, I remember my mom got pulled over down in Wildwood and I was sleeping in the back. I was a kid, wearing her Ford Taurus. And I was sleeping in the backseat.

• 30:15H. Foley?

  She disappeared for a couple of minutes, came back and you were on your way.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, my goddamn mother's upstanding citizen. Uh, we got pulled over going into the island, coming out of the island, that's where you get pulled over.

• 30:26H. Foley?

  What were you guys running?

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Puerto Rican rum.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Trunk full of it.

• 30:35H. Foley?

  And the tires filled with it.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  And I was sleeping in the back, so I didn't have my seatbelt on. I was snoozing, I was a tired little boy, you know what I mean? I was all hopped up on chicken.

• 30:47H. Foley?

  Laying across?

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Laying across. I mean, come on, what's better than that? I'm, I'm talking probably 1993.

• 30:54H. Foley?

  Had a pillow back there too, I bet.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 30:56H. Foley?

  No?

• 30:56Speaker 02

  My neck hurt. Could have been, it was either that or the fucking headlock he put me in for resisting.

• 31:04H. Foley?

  I pay your su-

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Thought I was a little person or something. That was about a balding, a balding six-year-old.

• 31:12H. Foley?

  He's a little freak in the back.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  He's got his taser out. Don't look at me.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  This little old young one won't stop staring at me.

• 31:21H. Foley?

  You weren't a pillow in the backseat guy?

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, we didn't take it for like, we were running from like, the Wildwood to Sea Isle. I wasn't like,

• 31:29H. Foley?

  Ah, gotcha.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  We were, this was like a,

• 31:31H. Foley?

  You fall too quick, don't you? It's like a 10 minute drive.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  It was,

• 31:35H. Foley?

  Shut it down for a couple of minutes. All that chicken parm in ya.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  It was late.

• 31:40H. Foley?

  And what'd she say?

• 31:41Speaker 02

  We might have, something happened.

• 31:42H. Foley?

  I could see her sassing back a little bit.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like, and the one in the back doesn't have a seatbelt.

• 31:47H. Foley?

  The one in the back, man, he got your number.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  I'm smoking. What the fuck's this all about? Hey buddy, write the ticket or not, let's go.

• 31:55H. Foley?

  What kind of dog is that lady? That's my son.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  She's, he's like, yeah, he doesn't have a seatbelt on. She's like, yeah, well, he's sleeping. I remember that. I like, that like snapped me about.

• 32:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, well, he's drunk, so.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  We're a, we're a family of booze bags. It was either.

• 32:13H. Foley?

  Uh huh. She got a ticket?

• 32:14Speaker 02

  No, I don't think.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  They always made it like it was the biggest deal in the world too.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  What?

• 32:18H. Foley?

  Oh my god, it's like 2,500 bucks, whatever.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  2,500 bucks?

• 32:23H. Foley?

  25 or 100 bucks.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:25H. Foley?

  Cause I remember Patty a couple of times sweet talking her way out of it.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 32:28H. Foley?

  And it was real like, ugh, he disgusts me. Sweet.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  She's got that mag light in her mouth?

• 32:40Speaker 02

  She's making it disappear.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Let me see that nightstick.

• 32:44H. Foley?

  Tells me to go check the oil real quick? Yeah, keep the hood up.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Hey, go sit in the back of the squad car. Check out the sirens, kid.

• 32:51H. Foley?

  Turn the radio on real loud? Get over to confession after this.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  I just picture that scene from Super Troopers when they pull over the German couple or whatever. Oh, now things are getting kinky.

• 33:01H. Foley?

  Man, that was so funny and turned me on. That lady was so fucking hot.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  I tug, that's, that's might be the reason why I have a German wife. I, I used to tug my little root to that scene. You could see her nippies and stuff. And I fast forward to this.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  That guy was so funny too, the dude driving the car.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Now things are getting kinky.

• 33:22H. Foley?

  Shout out to Super Troopers.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Um, damn.

• 33:25H. Foley?

  Okay, did you get a ticket? Do you remember?

• 33:28Speaker 02

  I don't think so, no. I think she, I think they let us go. Maybe she got, maybe she got a speeding ticket or whatever, but it was just like, I remember her going, yeah, he's sleeping. It's also like, it's like 91, dude, like, seatbelt rule ain't, you know. What is this, fucking, we're in the, you know, outside Wildwood, we're in a boonies.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Lucky we're not on meth right now.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  Uh, sure. Um, alright, let's see. This one's from M. Beatty. "One time I showed up for a scheduled two days in jail." The way he just gets into that right away, like that's a normal thing. "One time I showed up for a scheduled two days in jail at 11:00 PM."

• 34:10H. Foley?

  What's the point of that?

• 34:12Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  You can't pay the fine, or...

• 34:15Speaker 03

  It's, uh, if you have a job, like you're allowed to like appeal to a judge where it's like...

• 34:20Speaker 02

  If you're like, "Hey, listen, I'm okay." Find out what charges would get you like a weekend, like the two days.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  Two days? Two days seems what I...

• 34:29Speaker 02

  You gotta pay your...

• 34:29H. Foley?

  Two days.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  You gotta pay your debts to society for whatever you did, or didn't do, or were framed for.

• 34:35H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Weekend jail is typically given to people convicted of nonviolent crimes such as DUIs, chronic speeding, petty theft, uh, failure to pay child support.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Ooh, they get you with that. They got a bunch of guys for the Super Bowl tickets like that.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I tell you, every time my boy got caught like that. He was such a fucking idiot, this kid. He flew, he got caught, he was a big pillhead. Kid was bad news. He had a warrant out in Miami or something, or like Fort Lauderdale. And we were in college, and he got a letter, "Hey, you won something." And he went down and got fucking...

• 35:13H. Foley?

  They just giving Super Bowl tickets away?

• 35:16Speaker 02

  I don't know if it was the Super Bowl, it was like, you know, you won a new flat screen or something. He's like, "Yeah, this is my..." Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Was this recent?

• 35:23H. Foley?

  Got a new Craig waiting for you in Tampa Bay.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  What?

• 35:25Speaker 03

  Was this recent?

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Nah, it's just, I was probably in college, so like 10, 15, yeah, 15 years ago, whatever that was.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  They got people like four or five years ago again for it, like, yeah.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Well, you gotta think like...

• 35:34H. Foley?

  That's great. The guy who thought up of that, man. Let them come to us.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  The first time...

• 35:39H. Foley?

  They were high-fiving him in the boardroom.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Dude, the first time they did that was like, it made like CBS News showed up and did like, they were like... And man, those guys walk in with the biggest shitty... They're like, "Yeah, right through the..." They checked their IDs. "Okay, you're Henry Jenkins, alright, right through that door." "Hey, come in." "Hey!" Oh, shit. Get cuffed up real quick.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  It's just like a fake movie set in front of the police station.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Ah, god damn.

• 36:07H. Foley?

  You got Dan Marino in there.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Alright, one time I showed up for a scheduled two days in jail at 11pm on a handful of Tylenol PMs so I could just get booked in and fall right asleep. I didn't bring my phone so the cops couldn't look-

• 36:23H. Foley?

  Like a Southwest flight.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  I didn't bring my phone so the cops can't look through it. Smart, right? This guy's, you know, into some nefarious activities, I'm sure. He's, so he pops a handful of fucking Tylenol PM in the parking lot, walks right in, thinks he's gonna get in, knock him out. That's a brilliant move.

• 36:43H. Foley?

  Great.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Brilliant move. I'ma sleep this one off, I'll sleep till noon tomorrow, it don't matter, and I got a day and a half-

• 36:50H. Foley?

  Get a little lunch, get the hell out of there.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Get some lunch, play some fucking handball, call it a, call it a weekend.

• 36:55H. Foley?

  Shoot some dice.

• 36:58H. Foley?

  And?

• 36:59Speaker 02

  They messed up and didn't have me on the list for jail that weekend. So I had to walk a mile to a phone on sleeping pills to get picked up outside of a gas station at 1am. Dude.

• 37:14H. Foley?

  That sucks.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  Talk about the ultimate backfire.

• 37:17H. Foley?

  I've taken Tylenol PMs and not gotten enough sleep, man, you feel like a zombie.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  That's a tough dude, man, just wandering down a, a street at fucking midnight, fighting all your eyes, getting a jupe.

• 37:31H. Foley?

  I found out that's what Patty did for the flights doing from Hawaii. And she was, she had a layover. And the one was from Hawaii, it was from Oahu to Dallas, which isn't that long of a flight. She took like three Tylenol, I'm like, it's like a four hour flight, you're gonna be all fucked up.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  It's more than four hours.

• 37:48H. Foley?

  I don't think so. It's gotta be.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Like four or five.

• 37:51H. Foley?

  Still, you're supposed to get eight hours of sleep on that.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 37:54H. Foley?

  That's why it's walking around all loopy. That's a tough look, man.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's bad.

• 38:00H. Foley?

  He could've just said, "Kid, let me do it now."

• 38:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess, but I think at those points where they're like, "Hey, we don't have you on the list. We can't let you in jail."

• 38:09H. Foley?

  Didn't bring his phone.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Smart, again, this was almost executed 100% perfectly.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  Man.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  He was either like a hero or a bozo, and he ended up being the bozo.

• 38:21H. Foley?

  In that situation, would you ask the cops, "Listen, I don't have my phone. Any chance one of you guys could drive me down to the 7-Eleven so I can make a call? Can I make a call there?"

• 38:29Speaker 02

  I don't think they're cops, though, necessarily. They're COs.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  Somebody's got a car.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, a CO's not gonna be like, "They're working." Ah, yeah, let's leave the inmates to themselves. I'll be right back.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  It's a big ploy for a jailbreak. Okay, let's talk about DraftKings.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  DraftKings.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  Gang, as you know, football has a way of turning one game into a full week of conversation, and DraftKings keeps you close to it all. DraftKings Sports App is now live in all 50 states. I'll say it again, DraftKings Sports App is now live in all 50 states. We're talking everywhere, baby. Follow the teams you love, keep up with the biggest games, and experience the excitement of football all week long.

• 39:07Speaker 02

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• 39:52Speaker 02

  $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide, based on Sportsbook predictions and free to-play sports contest availability. Uh, varies by state. Now, back to the show.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  It's me, the...

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 40:16Speaker 05

  We don't need the jingle twice.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  What about a third time?

• 40:19Speaker 05

  Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Seems like they just started.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Time to read the tagline.

• 40:34Speaker 05

  Fine. No one deals more deals than...

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  Please stop.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 40:39Speaker 05

  Touche.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  Priceline.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Uh, alright, let's see. This one's from 357OnPump4. "I freestyle rapped to a cop and got out of a public intoxication charge one time." Man. That's like the, that's the comics... The thi- is like...

• 40:57H. Foley?

  Heard that before.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Tell me a joke and I'll let you out.

• 41:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 41:01H. Foley?

  That happened to Colin Quinn, remember?

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:03H. Foley?

  But it didn't work.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Didn't work.

• 41:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Got three to five. Um... Yeah, that's tou- I've only ever told a cop I was a comic once, and I was not a comic at the time, by comic definition.

• 41:16H. Foley?

  And he was a stripper.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Cops wore more clothes than this.

• 41:21H. Foley?

  Cotton and I got out of, got out of a jam with that.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  Somewhere going through a tou- he was always getting pulled over, cuz his car was...

• 41:28Speaker 02

  That car was so illegal. Shout out to Chris Cotton, rest in peace, big dog.

• 41:31H. Foley?

  Tags were on the windshield, fucking seats didn't work, but we drove that thing everywhere. Some guy pulled us over and he was kinda being a dick, and Cotton was like, "Hey, you know, we're two comics, we're coming back from a thing," "Oh, I love comedy, blah, blah, blah." Next thing you know, we were on our way.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  You guys are doing a fucking, you know, two-man act.

• 41:49H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  We, uh...

• 41:52H. Foley?

  Doing Pryor and Wilder. See no evil, hear no evil.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  The only time I, uh, were... The only time I ever dropped it is I flicked a cig out of the car. I'm sure I've mentioned that. I flicked a cig out of the car, going into the Lincoln Tunnel, we got pulled over, and we was coming to do a bringer show at New York Comedy Club.

• 42:12H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Before it was, uh, owned by the Carib- this is like the old, old ro- old, uh, guard.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  It was me and John Nun.

• 42:22H. Foley?

  Johnny Nun.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Our good pal John Nun coming up to do a college showcase for a booker. For a booker who books colleges.

• 42:29H. Foley?

  How'd that work out for you?

• 42:29Speaker 02

  It did not work out that well. I did alright, you know, did a couple, two, three good bits. There's about 15 people in the audience. Um.

• 42:40H. Foley?

  Any industry?

• 42:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, there was a woman who worked at like something.

• 42:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  She got back to, yeah, I mean, no, actual industry.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  I mean Johnny Netflix wasn't there. Uh. But we got pulled over and he's like, ah, he's like, what are you doing? I was like, ah, we're going to a comedy show. And he's like, who you seeing? And I'm like, where the show?

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Who you seeing?

• 43:05H. Foley?

  Kevin Ryan and John Nun?

• 43:07Speaker 02

  It's a booking showcase. It's an industry showcase.

• 43:11H. Foley?

  Oh, we're comics?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  He said, what are you, no, well, he goes, you're not, he ran my, he took my license and he goes, Pennsylvania? What the hell you doing all the way up here?

• 43:19H. Foley?

  What the fuck asshole? It's New York City. The fuck you think I'm doing? Running dope. That's how they get kids go in, city get drugs come out.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  Um. And then he said, uh, what are you doing? I said, we're going to a comedy show. And he's like, oh, who you seeing? I said, we are, we're, you know, we're in a show. And he was like, all right, let me just make sure you don't have any warrants, both of you. And I don't know if you've ever seen a picture of John Nun and he looks like a bouncer for the Hells Angels. And they fucking, I was like, hey, man, is this good? Are you clean? And he's like, we are gonna find out very soon. And I was like, fuck dude.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Say you're spicy, my wife.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  It was a Wednesday night. All for flicking a heater out this window. I'm like, what am I, what am I gonna do with it? You know what I mean? Um, but yeah, never, would you tell a joke if he was like, you know, tell me, tell me a joke and I'll let you go? What would the go-to joke be?

• 44:13H. Foley?

  I'm more of a story-based comedian.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  So there I am.

• 44:18H. Foley?

  Um.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  I would do a street joke.

• 44:21H. Foley?

  I wouldn't say I was a comic.

• 44:24H. Foley?

  We got some fans on the NYPD though. I've gotten stopped before. Couple of the boys out in Queens.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Cavity search.

• 44:29H. Foley?

  You. Requested.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you can't be like, "I know, some guy in Queens likes me."

• 44:36Speaker 02

  It's either this or the clink. What are you doing? Ah, where are you coming from? Let's say, alright, let's say, let's say you're, you're, you're walking home, you're, you know, whatever.

• 44:45H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  You get, you get... They're looking for another guy who's four.

• 44:49H. Foley?

  It's something fat guy, some fat guy thing.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  They're looking for another...

• 44:53H. Foley?

  I hit it with the big and tall.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Alright, so this, so here we go. So I go, "Oh, where are you, you're walking over from a show, it's like 2:00 in the morning. You fit the description."

• 45:02H. Foley?

  I do?

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:03H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  And there are 400-pound guys running around stealing people's sandwiches.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Somebody just knocked over a Sabaro's. Didn't touch the cash, only, only the garlic knots.

• 45:16H. Foley?

  They're not open that late.

• 45:19H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Right. "Hey, where are you coming from?"

• 45:21H. Foley?

  I'm coming from Comedy Cellar. I was doing some spots down there.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  I thought you said I wouldn't tell them I'm a co- I wouldn't tell them I'm a comic. And then immediately?

• 45:29H. Foley?

  I had seller spots.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  "I'm rep by William Morrison and Dever. Have you ever heard of them?" And you start going in.

• 45:34H. Foley?

  You know Kevin?

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Pulling up. "Here's my YouTube page." "Sir, where are you coming from?"

• 45:40H. Foley?

  Work.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  What do you, where, what do you, what do you do?

• 45:42H. Foley?

  I'm a comedian.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Where at?

• 45:44H. Foley?

  Comedy Cellar.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  You do a lot of fat guy stuff, probably, huh?

• 45:47H. Foley?

  I get booked there every couple of months.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  Alright, oh, Kyle, you think you're a funny guy, huh?

• 45:55H. Foley?

  What's with the aggression?

• 45:57Speaker 02

  I'm looking for, I'm looking for a perp.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Alright, this guy struck before, he's gonna do it again. Time is of the essence here.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  You got, you got any snacks on you at the moment, sir?

• 46:11H. Foley?

  No.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Be honest with me.

• 46:13H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:16H. Foley?

  I got some high juice.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  That's more of a vitamin. Those things are healthy for the most, I would consider them a snack.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 46:26H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, you, you, how long? You're all, yeah. All nervous. Sarah, calm down, it'll be alright. You can do this the hard way or the easy way.

• 46:34H. Foley?

  You ever see where they do the thing where they touch your chest to feel your heart racing? I'd be done.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I freak dude. I panic.

• 46:42H. Foley?

  You guys got a beta blocker on ya?

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Hit me with a blood thinner.

• 46:49H. Foley?

  I'm a little Kumanen, straighten me out.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Get me out of here.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  Do you know Kumanen?

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Who?

• 46:58H. Foley?

  It's a blood thinner. My aunt was on it for years, I always talked about it.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  I mean, maybe, yeah.

• 47:02H. Foley?

  She couldn't get cut or nothing. Stop Kumanen!

• 47:05Speaker 02

  She gonna bleed out. Fucking put this bitch in a bubble, what you want from me? The hell's she doing at the barbecue?

• 47:12H. Foley?

  It's a paintball match.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Kids are out of your roughhousing.

• 47:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  How long you been working a circuit? I'm still, I still got you up against the wall, I'm just peep, I'm not-

• 47:22H. Foley?

  I'm up against the wall like that?

• 47:25Speaker 02

  Sarah, put your pants back on.

• 47:27H. Foley?

  Oh, sorry.

• 47:29H. Foley?

  I got confused.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  How long you been working the circuit? Cause I don't, I don't believe you right now, you could be lying to me.

• 47:34H. Foley?

  They don't work circuits anymore, this isn't Vaudeville.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Oh, you're gonna cop an attitude with Officer Gippy? That's crazy, dude. That's nuts.

• 47:44H. Foley?

  I've been a comic 15 years.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 47:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  I've never heard of you.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Personal. Rude.

• 47:54H. Foley?

  I never heard of you either.

• 48:00H. Foley?

  Officer dickhead.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  We're gonna need a couple more sets of cuffs down here.

• 48:11H. Foley?

  I, I'm definitely at least two cuffs.

• 48:14Speaker 02

  You're a three, you're a three banger if I ever heard of it.

• 48:17H. Foley?

  I can't see Billy's center. Yeah, been 15 years.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Okay, nice.

• 48:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, working the circuits.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. What time, what time was your spot?

• 48:28H. Foley?

  4am.

• 48:32Speaker 02

  Read your shift card again.

• 48:37H. Foley?

  I'm a little dirty, they booked me late.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  The early crowds don't care for me.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Talk about my butt hole.

• 48:44H. Foley?

  I was closing out the show.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  How'd it go?

• 48:47H. Foley?

  Not great. If you want the truth.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Be honest with me.

• 48:53H. Foley?

  I stink.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna have to turn to a life of crime.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  Alright, that's a quick jump. Ah, yeah? You're funny man, huh?

• 49:04H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Why don't you tell me a joke? Hey Gary, get over here, this fat one thinks he's funny.

• 49:12H. Foley?

  Calling a guy over now?

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you need, I need backup.

• 49:19H. Foley?

  Ah, yeah. Where you from?

• 49:23Speaker 02

  Queens.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Ah, I don't know.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  I ain't never been there.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  What about you, boy? Ah, Queens still, huh?

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Shit. You guys grow up together?

• 49:35H. Foley?

  Alright, I stole the sandwiches.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Got me.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  I'd do it again if I had the chance. Crack.

• 49:48H. Foley?

  Um, yeah, I was at the big and tall store.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Well, one, the one over there. I started interrogating the bit.

• 49:58H. Foley?

  One on six, huh? You know the spot? Yeah, Jerry still work there? You know Jerry?

• 50:04H. Foley?

  Now I got nothing.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:06H. Foley?

  Now I do the bit, do it again.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Do a joke, what do you mean? I mean, I'm not, I'm not his setup, man.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  You gotta introduce me or something?

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Ladies and gentlemen. Five eleven, four hundred and eighteen pounds. He's on the radio.

• 50:23H. Foley?

  Here's a dispatcher, like, that ain't funny.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  We got a seven eighteen and I ain't talking about his weight.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  Seven eighteen in progress. Bad guy bombing.

• 50:34H. Foley?

  You gotta look out. Weak setup, bad punchline.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Alright, so that would be your go-to bit?

• 50:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, I go to the big and tall store a lot. You know what I noticed, though? You go in there, you see a lot of big.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:46H. Foley?

  You don't see a lot of tall.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  That's the rest of it. That's a setup at best.

• 50:56H. Foley?

  It's not my special.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Uh, I'd probably just do a street joke. Cause like a narrative joke doesn't work like that.

• 51:05H. Foley?

  You would fold.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 51:06H. Foley?

  Crumble, you pull out your joke book.

• 51:10H. Foley?

  Start looking for-

• 51:11Speaker 02

  What else?

• 51:12H. Foley?

  Moleskin.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  Moleskin.

• 51:15H. Foley?

  Everybody with their moleskin books.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  That's what you got.

• 51:20H. Foley?

  I got that jog.

• 51:23H. Foley?

  I had turtle shell notebook.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm sweating. God damn.

• 51:27H. Foley?

  Well, you got me dead to rights.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Sure. Ah, so funny.

• 51:34H. Foley?

  Can I go now?

• 51:36Speaker 02

  I forgot you were still here.

• 51:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. Let me off with a warning?

• 51:39Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:40H. Foley?

  I'd be a big warning guy. Let you off with a warning.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  Yeah. Take the drugs for sure.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Well, this one's from LongschlongSilver. Great name. Ever made yourself cry while getting pulled over so the cops would feel bad and just let you go? Yeah, me either. Two cops pulled me over so I put on a show for them both. They laughed at me when they thought I couldn't see them. Didn't get a ticket, though. That's pretty good. I'll give you that. You get it, you know? Hey, man.

• 52:09H. Foley?

  That's a talent, to cry on cue like that?

• 52:11Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 52:12H. Foley?

  Hard.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:13H. Foley?

  Hard.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  I gotta, I gotta think about it at a funeral, too. I gotta really start, you know?

• 52:18H. Foley?

  Show emotion, show emotion.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  A robot engaged.

• 52:21H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Damn, that's funny.

• 52:23H. Foley?

  They don't, it's tough now, cause they got the body cam, so they can't really, you know what I mean? You can't really, they gotta, they gotta go buy the book.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  I think they can, no, I think they're like, it's up to their, you know?

• 52:34H. Foley?

  You see all these chicks trying to fucking get their way out of it?

• 52:39H. Foley?

  There's one video the other day, the guy, the cop falls in love with a girl after, uh...

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Is this Pornhub? Yeah, what are you talking? About dude.

• 52:47H. Foley?

  She was real.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Xanax.

• 52:48H. Foley?

  She was real charming.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  You could tell he liked her.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  That's what makes it nice for you. Hey, I really like her. Yeah.

• 52:56H. Foley?

  I hope they got together and all worked out.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 52:59H. Foley?

  Should make a cute couple.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Um, this, I saw some doggy dingleberries. Worked at a subway in high school. I had a local boy in blue as a regular.

• 53:09H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Shout out to that boy in blue.

• 53:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  Always got the same thing. When I'd see his car pull up, I had a sandwich ready.

• 53:15H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  He then pulled me over for speeding once.

• 53:18H. Foley?

  Get out of here.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  I told him his subway order and he let me slide. That's what makes the world go round.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  Shout out.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  If that is a relationship, I wanna, I want to, to represent the country, it's that.

• 53:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Hey buddy, I'm your sandwich guy. I take care of you. Take care of me.

• 53:36H. Foley?

  I never worked at a restaurant where those guys weren't taken care of. Like if they came, the one on the Upper East Side, if they came in for like a call or something like that. You guys want something to eat? You guys want some coffee? Couple of shots? Couple of drinks? Always. You gotta do that stuff.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  This is another, this is from, uh, Eric, uh, or Rock. Nothing better than a cop that gets it. I was pre-gaming in a restaurant parking lot with some friends. First of all.

• 54:09H. Foley?

  Gets it.

• 54:10Speaker 02

  Shout out to that.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  Pre-gaming in a, for a restaurant with your boys in the parking lot.

• 54:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  That's, that's a level.

• 54:19H. Foley?

  Happy I was over. I'm not gonna go in there fucking.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  Pay full price for a drink like a jerk off.

• 54:23H. Foley?

  And try to get drunk. I'm gonna go in there drunk and sip my Hawaiian margarita.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Like a gentleman.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, I mean, if that's not a, shout out to you, that's a dirtbag thing. I was pre-gaming in a restaurant parking lot with some friends and a cop rolled up and said, "I'm gonna be back in a few. Just make sure those are gone by the time I get back." That's a gentleman.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Listen, I ain't gonna jam you up. Finish the beers and let's get out of here.

• 54:49H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Let's not cause a scene.

• 54:51H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  That I respect.

• 54:53H. Foley?

  Don't go in there and fucking embarrass me.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Sure. I, I, don't make me do my job here. You know what I mean?

• 54:57H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  We had that one time. We got, um,

• 55:03Speaker 02

  we got pulled over quite late.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  In West Philadelphia.

• 55:08H. Foley?

  The hell were you doing down there?

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Don't ask, don't ask what we were doing in West Philadelphia. I was born and raised on the playgrounds where I spent most of my days. That's a lie. We were actually at Mar Bar. It was five dollar cover fifty cent drinks.

• 55:26H. Foley?

  Late at night? After hours?

• 55:28Speaker 02

  What? No. That was Mar Bar. It was at Marathon Grill. Above that was a bar called Marathon Bar, Mar Bar.

• 55:36H. Foley?

  Wait, you're talking about the one by Jefferson Hospital?

• 55:40Speaker 02

  The one on like, it would be like Thirty-Ninth or something like that.

• 55:42H. Foley?

  Nah, nah, it's down there. I know exactly what you're talking about.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:45H. Foley?

  Cause we tried, Cotton and I tried to do a show there.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Mar Bar.

• 55:48H. Foley?

  Yeah. Before I worked, I worked for Marathon Grill.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:51H. Foley?

  Down in Jefferson.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  I think Wednesday's, Wednesday nights, that's how you know you're a bad student. You're going to fifty cent mixed drinks on Wednesday night, fucking thirty minutes from your college campus.

• 56:01H. Foley?

  Fifty cent drinks?

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Fifty cent, maybe it was even quarter. Yeah, it was fifty cent drinks.

• 56:06H. Foley?

  Man, that's crazy.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  So, I never had that much cash, so my boys would cover, pay my cover. They'd be like, "I can get you in." I had enough, I had seven, eight bucks, I could maneuver in there.

• 56:17H. Foley?

  Get fucked up.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Yeah.

• 56:20H. Foley?

  Fifty cent drinks?

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Fifty cent mixed drinks.

• 56:22H. Foley?

  Fifty cent?

• 56:24Speaker 02

  I believe that's maybe a dollar. No.

• 56:26H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  It was under.

• 56:28H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Um, and we were leaving there. I wasn't driving, but there was like ten of us in a car. Broads, everybody, we're like piled in there. Cause we had, that's on Drexel and Penn's campus and we were coming from Temple, the other side of the track.

• 56:44H. Foley?

  Bad news.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  So, we were in my, we were in my buddy's two-door grand dam, about like seven or eight of us, like broads legs sticking out the window. It was, shout out to Eddie Spaghetti, you know him.

• 56:54H. Foley?

  I know Eddie Spaghetti.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  So, Spaghetti, we get, whoop, whoop, we get lit up.

• 57:00H. Foley?

  Eddie drove a grand dam?

• 57:02Speaker 02

  It was his. I mean, it wasn't stolen, but it was never in his name.

• 57:07H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I think it might have been like his sister's, but she was at college. It was somebody's. It was a car he.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  Was it white?

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Red.

• 57:14H. Foley?

  Ooh, it's either white or red in a grand dam. Grand dams were hot for a minute.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was the first car I wanted. They came back when I was like about to turn 16. I was like, I was like, I printed out a picture. I'm like, this is what I want.

• 57:28H. Foley?

  Pontiac out the door? Are they still banging?

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Not or out, I think.

• 57:30H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 57:31Speaker 02

  They might have like the vibe or something. I think, but I think we might have looked this up there.

• 57:34H. Foley?

  Pontiacs were alright.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Um, that grand dam and grand prix, when they re-released those, they were good looking fucking coupes.

• 57:41H. Foley?

  They were dope in the eighties too.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Um, but we get pulled over and the cops like, I mean, I think all of us were, yeah, we were all underage. We're all sophomores and.

• 57:52H. Foley?

  Sweating now, aren't you?

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Man, thinking about it.

• 57:54H. Foley?

  Hot under these lights.

• 57:55Speaker 02

  And he was just like, the hell you doing over here? You coming from? Luckily, I think Eddie was pretty straight and narrow.

• 58:01H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  At the time, you know what I mean? It was, it wasn't like a.

• 58:04H. Foley?

  He was a designated driver.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  And I'm, I'm the only one with a little bit of fucking, you know, wits about.

• 58:09H. Foley?

  You got 38 drinks in you.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Officer, I'll take it from here. Guys, I'm on the job.

• 58:17H. Foley?

  You start arresting everybody.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Obviously, you're.

• 58:20H. Foley?

  I was wearing a wire the whole time.

• 58:22Speaker 02

  Start telling him a joke. Um, he was like, listen, uh, he's like, our shift's over at fuck. He's like, I got your name. I got your registry. I got everything. Our shift's over at 6 a.m. This car better be here when we get back. Like before, we're gonna check at the end of our shift at 6 a.m. or 7 a.m. or whatever. He's like, if this car's gone.

• 58:42H. Foley?

  He left the car and took the.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  He's like, get to go, go home, leave the car here, go home. If we come back and this car's gone tonight, you're all, I'm putting, I'm putting papers on all your asses.

• 58:54H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  It's pretty good.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:56H. Foley?

  Just wanted you to be safe.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Be safe.

• 58:58H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 58:59H. Foley?

  I had, we had a, a cop do that one time. It scared the fuck out of me.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:03H. Foley?

  It was my first interaction with a cop. I might've, might've told you this before. We were at Town Line. Me and my boy Rodney were, had a couple, couple of ladies with us. We were in like, I don't know, fifth grade, sixth grade, and we were like skipping rocks at the creek. And this cop pulled in and he's like, get over here. Called us over. And like, we were like flicking rocks.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 59:22H. Foley?

  So we thought we like had something in our shirt. Like we're literally kids.

• 59:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:27H. Foley?

  So he starts taking everybody's information. He's like, what's your name? And he gets to me and I'm like, why do you want this?

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:32H. Foley?

  I don't know, I don't know how I piped up, but that pissed him off.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 59:36H. Foley?

  He's like, cause I need to, or something like that. I gave him my old address. And then he just left.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:43H. Foley?

  Didn't look anything up. Just kind of like tagged us a little bit.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, just check you.

• 59:48H. Foley?

  Scared the shit out of me.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  Let him know you don't sell a fucking nickel bag in that neighborhood without his, without him getting wet in his beak. He needs to know the players.

• 59:55H. Foley?

  John C. Riley in Gangs of New York?

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah. Uh, alright, this one's from Gooch McGillicuddy. You ever get pulled over while having a heater and have to put it out in your change cup? I've always thought about that. If you are smoking and you do get pulled, I've never been pulled over while smoking.

• 1:00:12H. Foley?

  It's gotta be, do you mind putting that out? Uh, you, that's major disrespect.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then where do you put it? You can't, you can't, that's littering.

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  I field strip it.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Field strip, oh, like that, that's still technically...

• 1:00:25H. Foley?

  Nah, that, everybody's cool with that. Cause I got pulled over for flicking a cigarette out the window. And I had field stripped it. And the guy pulled me over. He's like, what are you doing throwing that cigarette out? And I was like, this one? And he's like, alright.

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I mean...

• 1:00:36H. Foley?

  Walked away.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  What's field stripping it?

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  You just like push the cherry off it.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  Gotcha.

• 1:00:40H. Foley?

  You get the, you, you separate the cigarette from the filter.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  Gotcha.

• 1:00:45H. Foley?

  Cause that's the thing that's really bad for the environment. It's not the, that other stuff will biodegrade in a couple of days.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Days? You got, you got, you got fucking...

• 1:00:52H. Foley?

  Tobacco, it's a leaf. And paper.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  It's all dipped in fucking chemicals, you both.

• 1:00:56H. Foley?

  Oh, come on. Now we're worried about the water supply?

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  I don't know, you brought it up.

• 1:01:00H. Foley?

  The fucking cops behind me, dickhead. Jammed up here.

• 1:01:05H. Foley?

  You gotta put it out. You can't talk to a cop smoking.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  I understand, but then where do you, I, I, I guess I go buddy, where do I, can I stomp this? And where, what do I, what, you want me to eat it? What do you want me to do here?

• 1:01:15H. Foley?

  You guys got it straight.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  It's, it feels like a setup, if I'm being honest with you. Entrapment. Tell me to put it out, I put it out, like, you know, you arrest me, lock me up.

• 1:01:23H. Foley?

  I feel like if you're smoking and driving, I don't know, that was as, if I was a cop, that would be here on something.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  What, smoking and driving?

• 1:01:34H. Foley?

  Yeah. I don't know, at night, if I pulled, if I had a reason to pull you over and you were smoking, I don't know, that would set off a little bit of a red flag with me.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  I remember the first time I saw a cop smoking, my mind was, it was at the, it was in a Wawa parking lot. I said, what the hell is that all about?

• 1:01:49H. Foley?

  Was he in the car?

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  He's in the car.

• 1:01:50H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Cranking one. This is early 90s.

• 1:01:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, they can't do that now.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  And I remember being like, he's a criminal. Like, in my head, I was like, in my head, cops didn't smoke because smoking was like, eh, my very, you know, good verse evil brain, it's like,

• 1:02:03H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  My dad smokes. Cops don't smoke, you know what I mean? It was very much that.

• 1:02:08H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Um, criminal smoke.

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  Criminal smoke.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Cops don't smoke.

• 1:02:12H. Foley?

  That's what I just said.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14H. Foley?

  That's why somebody, got somebody smoking.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I feel like cops are pulling so many people over that it's like, ye, you know, and they, unfortunately, I'm sure people of the lower ilk are getting pulled over more than the guy in the Mercedes. The banker in the Mercedes isn't getting pulled over as much as the guy in the fucking,

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  He's not smoking.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  If he has a cigar or something, you know, it's got a French extender on it. But, you know,

• 1:02:37H. Foley?

  Evening, gentlemen.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  Otherwise, you're in like a 98 Grand Am and you're fucking, you're, you got your headlights out, the inspection's done, it's like, you know.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  That'll always get you.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  That guy's catching a heater.

• 1:02:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:02:48H. Foley?

  Man, a headlight out or a taillight out?

• 1:02:52H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Gotta be careful. Um.

• 1:02:57H. Foley?

  I remember they used to have the registration on the, on the license, or on the back of the license plate.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  The sticker?

• 1:03:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  I think they still do, no?

• 1:03:05H. Foley?

  Nah, not in New York, it's just the one, one on the windshield.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Um, I'll do a couple more here. This one's from Dickalob Ultra. First time, long time. In my early twenties, I was on supervised probation and had to get hair follicle drug test. That ain't white collar crime.

• 1:03:21H. Foley?

  Fuck that.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  My hair was too short a few times, so they had to take my armpit hair and it never grew back. That's good, dude. That dude, that's... You are a drug addict.

• 1:03:33H. Foley?

  I would've shaved my head.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  If people are pulling your fucking armpit hair out to test ya.

• 1:03:38H. Foley?

  Man, go for the pubes.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Yikes. Like a seal down here. Try and get me. That was always the big, that was always the big thing in, you know, is the hair follicles. It's, uh, it stays in your, you know, whatever. I mean, my boys would try to, they had every frickin' thing you could do to beat a-

• 1:03:57H. Foley?

  Swav ain't gonna take that out either.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  A parole officer, probation, every, every one of my boys was on probation.

• 1:04:03H. Foley?

  They said that with acid. Acid stayed in your hair for a long time.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  I was always, acid was never in your hair. It was in like, you had to get like a spinal tap to check acid. Cause everybody would do, everybody would do hallucinogens on probation, cause you couldn't test for them. Didn't show up and like, they were testing for perks, barbiturates. Friggin', you know, little reefer.

• 1:04:22H. Foley?

  Barbiturates, that's a throwback.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  My mom hit me with that not too long ago. I think he was doing barbiturates. I said, "W-w-w-w-what are you, in the Wolf of Wall Street lady? Fuck you talking about barbiturates? It's called Zanny Bar. Called tombstones."

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  You're gonna get a shot out here.

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  He is fucking, he's sounding like he's talking all fucking clinical and shit. That's a goddamn streets, Toots.

• 1:04:42H. Foley?

  You a doctor? Just give me the money.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Hmm. Oh, God. When I was 10 years old, I cut off my neigh- my neighbor's ankle monitor so he could make a run for it. He was caught less than an hour later. Dude, imagine soliciting a 10-year-old to cut off your ankle monitor so you could make a run for it.

• 1:05:01H. Foley?

  Never gonna get away.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're gonna get caught.

• 1:05:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, it makes, they get pissed about that shit too.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:06H. Foley?

  Those things are expensive.

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  Sure. That's always nuts to me.

• 1:05:11H. Foley?

  Man. Cutting it off. You're home. Throw on TV. Gotta be something on.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  That's Law and Order reruns or something.

• 1:05:20H. Foley?

  I remember, I knew a kid in North Carolina that was on, uh, house arrest. He was living pretty high on the hog. He was also dealing, so people came over to hang out.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah, coming over, hanging out, yeah. Leave him with a bag, you know what I mean? Uh, that's pretty funny. Jesus Christ. Um...

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  This one's from Misty Longhair, $10 felon.

• 1:05:42H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  This guy submitted a lot, uh, this guy, this guy's been in the clink here.

• 1:05:46H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Um, "Is it garbage during my opioid addiction? I started robbing small stores, Dunkin's, Carvel's, etc. With a note, 'No weapon or violence,' to get my fix for the day. I was on the news and didn't know it. They called me the Ice Cream Bandit and the clip is filled with puns. Cops could use a few scoops on this one. It's gonna end with a rocky road when he gets caught. I did six years, I've been clean 15, home 10. Shout out to you, big dog."

• 1:06:16H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  That's fucking great.

• 1:06:18H. Foley?

  The Ice Cream Bandit.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  The Ice Cream Bandit strikes again.

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  That's a pretty goo- Listen, I obviously don't recommend, uh, robbing anybody. But that's a pretty, those, that's, that niche. Dunkin' Donuts and Carvel ain't expected to get knocked over, you know what I mean? They ain't got, they ain't got backup, they don't have protocol, they go, "Just give them the fucking money and get them the fuck out of here." As it's probably, they were, you know. It ain't like walking into fucking savings and trust and getting, trying to get them to open the vault.

• 1:06:48H. Foley?

  Some security guard with an itchy trigger finger?

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you just get some teenage girl or whatever who's like, "Here's the 112 bucks in the cash register. This guy gets his fix for today."

• 1:06:58H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Happy to hear you're doing well, bud.

• 1:07:00H. Foley?

  Hundred percent, buddy.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  That's fantastic.

• 1:07:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 1:07:05H. Foley?

  Ice Cream Bandit.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, this one's from, uh, Kristen PSB. "My mom told me I wasn't allowed to see my grandpa for three years because he spanked me for picking my nose. Turned out he was actually in lockup for trying to rob a bank." Respect to the mom for keeping the dad's name clear.

• 1:07:22H. Foley?

  I know, but he's for spanking ya. He thinks he's a dick now. Say he's in the CIA, that's what the mom's always saying in Sopranos. "I was overseas working for the CIA or the FBI." Something like that.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 1:07:34H. Foley?

  Or in college.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  Trying to rob a bank. What grandfather going back to college and living on campus going out of state for college?

• 1:07:41H. Foley?

  Hey, never stop learning.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Uh, man. Uh, alright, this one's just funny and then we gotta wrap it up. This is from Durango. "I once got a ticket in the driver's education car." That's a tough look, dude.

• 1:07:53H. Foley?

  You're splitting that with the fucking instructor.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  I know, it's like, he's got his steering wheel and a brake, why you let me fucking break the law over here?

• 1:08:01H. Foley?

  That's fucked up, you pull somebody over for that.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  What, that is, listen-

• 1:08:04H. Foley?

  That's a warning.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  That's a J.O. cop right there. Obviously, he don't know what he's doing. He's trying to figure it out, he's learning, let him go.

• 1:08:14H. Foley?

  Talk about cutting your legs out for a month here.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Pulls him out, fucking frisk him, search him. Oh, god. Alright, we gotta wrap it up.

• 1:08:21H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you to death.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 1:08:24H. Foley?

  And we'll see you next week. Peace.