MBMBaM 790: Face 2 Face: Frogspotting

Welcome to our favorite podcast, LIVE from the Tobin Center in San Antonio, TX. It’s Me, My Husband, and My Sister, His Wife, a podcast where we sit in a Chilli’s and do a Chopped-style challenge using ingredients like tissue replacements, taco time knuckle tattoos, and questionable investment opportunities. Suggested talking points: Sick Kid Store, Ice Wind Quest Guy, Bring Hot into Your Life, Raw Mom Energy, I Turn Trash into Jokes Native American Aid: https://nativepartnership.org/naa/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Travis McElroy?

  The McElroy brothers are not experts.

• 0:05Travis McElroy?

  And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

• 0:28Travis McElroy?

  What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:20Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome. My brother, my brother, Man Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:30Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Vroom Vroom Wolf Wolf McElroy.

• 1:40Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin30Under30MediaLuminaryBelt4ToughMcElroy.

• 1:51Travis McElroy?

  And I regret to inform everyone that I've just realized my Lightning McQueen jumpsuit costume has shrunk dramatically in the wash. Or you've gotten bigger and muscly-er. I don't think so, man. It's possible.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  You didn't have it dry cleaned? I did. The idea of you bringing that to a dry- It's like halfway up my calf, man. Like it went up. It didn't go in, it went- Up. Oh, no, you accidentally, you wore Henry's. Oh, that's what it was. You may have to have a costume change just like I did. Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to reevaluate. San Antonio, I hope you appreciate Justin's Rock and a new steez just for you. I switched.

• 2:36Travis McElroy?

  I switched to the Drive cosplay because I was informed during our last engagement that my. Which was in Atlanta. In Atlanta. Who was very mean to Justin. Very mean because they said that when I took my helmet off, my speed racer costume made me look like I was a Donald Duck bounding.

• 2:57Travis McElroy?

  Paul, do you have an image of, of my costume? So you, you all can be the judge of whether or not I'm a, a. Sorry, it's a nude photo, so we can't actually. Well, it's, it's pantsless. They censored it out. Wait. Yeah, so. You've lost the ascot. So this is a very representative, uh, but I have a, a red ascot. And you can actually, if you look at my jumpsuit in this picture, you can see how now it's riding up like. It used to be bigger. Way high. And for some reason, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 was on the screen. Maybe we were playing that while doing a live show? Fucking bored and just had to crank out some combos. Yeah.

• 3:40Travis McElroy?

  Oh, well, so thanks, Paul. So I, I changed. I had, kind of say, a wonderful day in San Antonio, Texas.

• 3:49Travis McElroy?

  I got up, I got up at 6:30 because I had to say goodbye to my kids. I realized, oh my God, I'm up. But luckily it was already 85 degrees here. Hell, yeah. So I got out and I got a little, I rented a, you know, sometimes you can rent the little stand up scooters. Here in San Antonio, you could rent little sit down guys. Sit downs like Vespas? Like little sit down Vespa you can rent. And it is hysterical to drive around the city because you're not allowed to drive on the sidewalk. And you're also not, you can't go faster than 20 miles an hour. Right. So it's like everywhere you're going, it's a little parade just for you. You know, like they get honked, they get mad, you just wave like, I can't do anything other than this.

• 4:30Travis McElroy?

  That is such a classic, like comedy movie about just a real doofus in town who does that kind of thing like, oh, I'm so excited for this.

• 4:38Griffin McElroy?

  And then everybody is stuck in traffic honking behind them and you watch it like what a doofus. Tommy boy and his magic scooter. What a fucking goofball.

• 4:45Travis McElroy?

  I definitely ended up on some roads that I should not have been on in a little skid.

• 4:50Griffin McElroy?

  Just on a clover turnpike. Oh fuck. Oh fu- I'm up so high. Jesus Christ.

• 4:55Travis McElroy?

  I heard truckers like, oh, we got a baby's day out situation over here. Uh, he, this baby is just rolling free. Uh, no, but it's great. I went to, uh, Archie's Coffee and then after that I went to Vella Coffee because I just wanted more coffee. And then, um, I drove the, the Vespa out to the Japanese Tea Garden. Have you all been out there? Holy shit. It's gorgeous.

• 5:18Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta say your vibe-

• 5:19Travis McElroy?

  Unreal.

• 5:20Griffin McElroy?

  Your vibe just now though was not matching the vibe of the Japanese Tea Garden.

• 5:24Travis McElroy?

  I disagree, Griffin. You didn't go when I went, I yelled, holy shit. This is an amazing tea garden. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my entire life. It was incredible. And I followed that up with something just as, um, majestic, a visit to the Wonderland of the Americas.

• 5:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's right.

• 5:46Travis McElroy?

  Hey, listen, that is a singular place, guys. I, I loved it. Can I describe Wonderland of the Americas for you?

• 5:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 5:54Travis McElroy?

  So we've all got dying malls. I love a dying mall as much as the next guy. Wonderland of the Americas-

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  Our mall's been dying since it was born.

• 6:03Travis McElroy?

  Wonderland of the Americas has the guts to just not go down without a fight. So you, you wa- you get dropped off at the most nondescript entrance possible. You then have to walk through a hallway of four of the most depressing businesses. Like literally it's like, tissue replacement, sick kids store, bone health for veterans. Like it's just like the sad, it's like a haunted house, but for being sad, right? And then you chuck all the way through it and you swear to God, it must be closed. Everything's closed, right? But then you go upstairs and it's like some of the coolest little stores and shops and everything is fantastic. But the bottom, they should rope it off or something.

• 6:48Travis McElroy?

  You know, like cask of a Montalotto style, just break it off. Like we don't, we don't have it downstairs. It's just cool shops upstairs. And then a very large, I mean, an insane Burlington Coat Factory. It looks like it was built by fucking Sauron. What's wrong with you guys? But I had one more trip in the Vespa. I don't know if Joe's here, but Joe almost ruined the show for everybody. Travis ran into Joe before. Joe didn't know we were doing a show. Joe was staying at the same hotel we were staying at. And Travis told Joe, like, hey, we're doing a show. Come to the show. As I'm leaving, I don't have enough time to get to the venue. Oh, man. But guess who's still there? My Vespa is parked out front. So I'm like, okay, well, I got to, to make it to the show on time.

• 7:33Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 7:33Travis McElroy?

  I gotta get the Vespa.

• 7:34Griffin McElroy?

  This is how the Aerosmith roller coaster at Disney World starts, by the way.

• 7:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I gotta get the Vespa. So I get the Vespa, and I'm like, alright, time to ride out for the show.

• 7:44Travis McElroy?

  I'm on the edge of my seat.

• 7:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I know. I've got, I've got two bags that are balanced on the handles, right? I'm barely making it. And then Joe comes out, and he's like, hey, I'm really excited for the show. And it's like, oh, cool, it's nice to meet you. And then I'm like, kinda joking about how I'm about to ride a Vespa and help I live, blah, blah, blah.

• 7:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  But then I realized, like, as I'm about to leave, I'm holding a can of coffee that I have just opened. And I have absolutely no fucking plan.

• 8:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  Like, I have no plan. And Joe is-

• 8:11Travis McElroy?

  So what did you do?

• 8:12Travis McElroy?

  But Joe's right there, right?

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  No!

• 8:15Travis McElroy?

  Well, what I had to do, Travis, I had to chug the entire coffee right then and there, right?

• 8:20Travis McElroy?

  Wait, how is this Joe's fault? How is any of this Joe's fault?

• 8:24Travis McElroy?

  Because if he hadn't been there, I would've just dumped it out, probably. You know what I mean? Like, or gone to a sewer and dumped it out in a sewer.

• 8:32Travis McElroy?

  So Joe held you accountable for your impact on the environment. And somehow, this is Joe's fault?

• 8:38Travis McElroy?

  I would've recycled it.

• 8:39Travis McElroy?

  As Joe's lawyer, I must object, sir.

• 8:42Travis McElroy?

  As you've certainly guessed from my life choices, this is an advice show.

• 8:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's better. Thank you so much, Paul.

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Paul.

• 8:49Griffin McElroy?

  Very demonstrative.

• 8:50Travis McElroy?

  Much better, Paul. Thank you so much, Paul. Excellent. Much better pick. This is an advice show. And we are going to-

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  Wait, but for what era?

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, the mantra. Thank you so much. We're going to take your questions that you have submitted to us and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom, as is our purview here. On the program. I don't know if you've listened before.

• 9:10Griffin McElroy?

  You're vamping because you forgot to unlock your iPad again.

• 9:14Travis McElroy?

  Is that Joe's fault too, Justin?

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  You know, it can be hard trying to carry the entirety of the show on my shoulders. If you guys wanted to do any jokes, that would leave a little bit of padding for me to, you know, open up the documents.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  I went and got a massage today. It wasn't funny. It was just nice.

• 9:32Travis McElroy?

  Go on, Travis.

• 9:33Travis McElroy?

  I needed it because I deal with a lot of stress when my brother can't open the duck during the show.

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  That's enough. My brother-in-law refuses to go to Chili's with me. My husband and my sister, his wife. It's my favorite podcast. Um, he's, uh, he is a very talented and creative cook at home. So I think he feels like Chili's is beneath him. How do I convince him that $6 margaritas and a triple dipper are cool? And even though Chili's isn't a five-star establishment, that's from sister-in-law in San Antonio.

• 10:01Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Jesus Christ.

• 10:07Griffin McElroy?

  I've never been scared by one of those before.

• 10:10Travis McElroy?

  That's the energy of someone who has appreciated the great deal of Chili's tonight.

• 10:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 10:16Travis McElroy?

  Have you been there and received amazing service and reasonable prices?

• 10:22Travis McElroy?

  Uh, okay. Great things about Chili's, just to start off with, one thing is that Chili's has the guts to sell adults tenders. And not pretend like it's something else and they'll put a little bit of a fancy sauce in there like, oh, have you tried our elegant new bourbon tenders? It's like, nah, nice try. I love it though. Thank you so much.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  Appetizer samples.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, they do those.

• 10:43Travis McElroy?

  Fancy restaurants don't do that.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  Fancy restaurants won't give you one shrimp in a cocktail.

• 10:48Griffin McElroy?

  And another thing is fancy restaurants will get mad at you when you get mad at them for not doing that.

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  That's true, Griffin. They get all snooty about it.

• 10:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I want the pate and the shrimp and the hush puppies. Do them all.

• 11:00Travis McElroy?

  All on one plate.

• 11:00Griffin McElroy?

  That was a crazy restaurant I just described that had all three of those things on the menu.

• 11:04Travis McElroy?

  Another thing I like about Chili's, a random shit on the wall.

• 11:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's fun.

• 11:08Travis McElroy?

  That is fun.

• 11:09Griffin McElroy?

  I, I, you don't have to just go to a restaurant for the food. Cause sometimes you can go there for the, just for the hangs.

• 11:18Travis McElroy?

  Just like a good hang.

• 11:20Griffin McElroy?

  It seems like maybe the best hang at Chili's, you've got everything you need.

• 11:25Travis McElroy?

  Like what, Griffin?

• 11:26Griffin McElroy?

  $6 margaritas, shit on the wall.

• 11:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, covered.

• 11:30Griffin McElroy?

  That funny commercial with the barbershop cord chat.

• 11:34Griffin McElroy?

  That's the one. What restaurants can you go to where you have an excuse to sing barbershop quartet because of the place you're at?

• 11:41Travis McElroy?

  Also, one of the few restaurants I've eaten at where I've had to been warned by the serving staff not to touch the plate that my food was on because it was a sizzling hot iron skillet.

• 11:52Griffin McElroy?

  Everything is sizzling hot.

• 11:53Travis McElroy?

  They trusted me with that, though. That's a level of trust and responsibility that they gave me what amounts to a deadly weapon and said, "He's gonna be fine."

• 12:04Griffin McElroy?

  Or maybe they're just like really, really hardcore into Applebee's and they are worried they're gonna get spotted.

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  You think that's crossing the line?

• 12:14Griffin McElroy?

  You know how sort of protective of their turf those two businesses are.

• 12:19Travis McElroy?

  That's why you settle on TGI Fridays, right there between Applebee's and Chili's.

• 12:23Griffin McElroy?

  No one's ever, ever dined at a TGI Fridays.

• 12:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they don't exist, actually.

• 12:26Griffin McElroy?

  It is a money laundering front.

• 12:27Travis McElroy?

  But they'd be so happy to have you.

• 12:30Griffin McElroy?

  Chili's is awesome because when you see it out in the wild, there's like, there's a Chili's in Austin that is like the meme Chili's. And that's great and all, we can all compare it to the other great restaurants in the area that a Chili's is at, sure. But when you're at an airport, uh-oh. Hey, wait a minute. That Chili's is looking pretty good right about now, isn't it? When that Chili's is the only option next to a Panda Express and a raggedy-looking Subway. Hey, wait a minute. Chili's is fine dining in this moment.

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  Chili's to go presupposes that you're just here for the food.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  You know, you don't need to hang around for the ambiance. You're just here for the food.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  Here's a bit of, like, actionable advice. Maybe try a pitch like this.

• 13:15Travis McElroy?

  You know what will be so wild and silly tonight?

• 13:18Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 13:19Travis McElroy?

  If we went to Chili's. Can you imagine? And then you get him there, and you're like, "That food is pretty good, isn't it?"

• 13:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's how everyone who...

• 13:27Travis McElroy?

  You enjoy the ambiance?

• 13:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's how everyone gets into it, man.

• 13:30Travis McElroy?

  Here's a gift card, Todd. It's for $5,000.

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  Let him go. Okay, before he leaves, let him fill a Ziploc baggie with spices and butters and herbs.

• 13:45Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  And one knife.

• 13:47Travis McElroy?

  But just one bag.

• 13:48Travis McElroy?

  Just one. Okay, he could have four bags.

• 13:51Griffin McElroy?

  Four bags of butters, spices, and one and a knife.

• 13:53Travis McElroy?

  Spices, fats.

• 13:55Griffin McElroy?

  Salty, sweet.

• 13:57Travis McElroy?

  Knife in a bag, knife in a bag, butter, salt, that's three bags.

• 14:01Travis McElroy?

  If you have some rope in there, that's like a serial killer cannibals like set up bag.

• 14:07Griffin McElroy?

  But please finish, finish the thought.

• 14:08Travis McElroy?

  The fourth bag will be empty.

• 14:09Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  Because that's for leftovers.

• 14:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  But I didn't know if you guys had stuff for that here.

• 14:15Griffin McElroy?

  I have no idea where our brother is going with this whole run and I'm really.

• 14:20Travis McElroy?

  You're also gonna have an induction cooktop. Uh, so you're gonna arrive and you'll, one of you will put on the Ted from Chop Voice and it's like, okay, here's your mystery basket. It's jalapeno poppers from TGI Fridays or wherever.

• 14:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:34Travis McElroy?

  Now, now bust out your spices and your butters and your knife and your empty bag for mixing.

• 14:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 14:40Travis McElroy?

  That's what it's for, is for mixing.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 14:42Travis McElroy?

  And try to like up, like upcycle it, you know what I mean? Like.

• 14:46Griffin McElroy?

  So, and then when the, when the server comes by.

• 14:48Travis McElroy?

  That's the game. They can't see because they will be hurt.

• 14:51Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so when the server comes by.

• 14:53Travis McElroy?

  They can't see it. Their feelings will be hurt.

• 14:54Griffin McElroy?

  When the server comes by and sees your brother-in-law under the table going.

• 14:57Travis McElroy?

  They can't.

• 15:00Travis McElroy?

  And smoke starts to rise up.

• 15:03Griffin McElroy?

  And then they're like, hey, sir, what the fuck are you doing under there? This is a Chili's. He says, oh, I'm gushing up the egg rolls in a bag to make it better.

• 15:11Travis McElroy?

  So the server says, god damn it, another chop style game in our restaurant? This is the fourth time today.

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  I did say you can't be seen doing it in the, in the setup. I said they can't catch you doing it.

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  So they catch you doing it.

• 15:23Travis McElroy?

  You guys are admitting the one.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  Unmusterbating under here, leave me alone.

• 15:27Travis McElroy?

  You're admitting the one thing that can't happen in this game, okay? If it does happen, it is seen by all participants as a failure.

• 15:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you're secretly cooking on an under-table induction cooktop and mixing motion bag.

• 15:40Travis McElroy?

  Right, and then.

• 15:42Travis McElroy?

  There's no, there's no way you have.

• 15:45Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way you have more to this.

• 15:48Travis McElroy?

  There's more stamps?

• 15:50Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way, dude.

• 15:53Travis McElroy?

  Everybody eats it.

• 15:56Travis McElroy?

  If you guys hadn't put on so much mustard, I could have just said, "Everybody eats it and moved on with our lives."

• 16:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Travis McElroy?

  You guys don't always have to pull over the car for a few words.

• 16:04Griffin McElroy?

  Is there a rule that the server can't see anyone eating it?

• 16:06Travis McElroy?

  He absolutely can't see.

• 16:08Griffin McElroy?

  The eating?

• 16:10Travis McElroy?

  The eating has to, that you have to see.

• 16:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:12Travis McElroy?

  Cause I need them to be a little bit confused.

• 16:13Griffin McElroy?

  The server's gonna come by and see you eating your hot mush, your hot egg roll mush.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  If they clock it, you lose.

• 16:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool.

• 16:23Travis McElroy?

  Wait, lose what? Win what?

• 16:26Griffin McElroy?

  The game.

• 16:26Travis McElroy?

  What are the stakes?

• 16:28Griffin McElroy?

  Did you not even pay attention to the fucking question, Travis? My brother-in-law wants to play a high-stakes, secret, under-table Chili's.

• 16:36Travis McElroy?

  Winner takes all, no holds barred, death match.

• 16:39Travis McElroy?

  Art doesn't need, art doesn't need rules.

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  It says right here, "If they catch us eating the sloppy glau, then he loses." So, fucking pay attention next time, dude.

• 16:46Travis McElroy?

  You're right. It's my fucking fault.

• 16:49Travis McElroy?

  Art doesn't need... I have a favorite local coffee shop across the street from my apartment complex. Recently, one barista started a conversation, asking what my plans for the day were. For some reason, maybe tired brain, I decided to overshare and stated, "Oh, I'm on my way to qualify for regionals." They asked, "In what?" I said, "Oh, it's for magic." They proceeded to get a lot more interested and said, "That's super cool. I love magic. What kind of magic can you do?"

• 17:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you guessed it, friends. I was actually talking about going to a Magic the Gathering event. So I just said, "Cards."

• 17:35Travis McElroy?

  Congratulations. You were impeccable with your word. You honored your first agreement. That is true.

• 17:40Griffin McElroy?

  I believe the record will show I did not lie, Your Honor.

• 17:45Travis McElroy?

  But I said, "I..." They asked if I could show them a card trick, since no one was in line. But I just said, "Sorry, but my backpack was in the trunk."

• 17:56Travis McElroy?

  Can you imagine if you had made the backpack appear right then?

• 17:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on.

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  You said that your magic was cards.

• 18:05Travis McElroy?

  Cards. And then you said your backpack was in the tr- it's cards!

• 18:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:10Travis McElroy?

  Like, why? It's cards, they're in your pocket, right?

• 18:13Travis McElroy?

  They're very large cards, Justin.

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  They're huge, novelty cards.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  That's the magic.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  I juggled them with, with chainsaws, it's a whole thing. Uh, anyway, brothers, what kind of card tricks can I quickly learn in case they remember and ask again? That's from, "I just want an iced coffee in San Antonio."

• 18:30Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Alright.

• 18:34Travis McElroy?

  Fair enough.

• 18:35Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you for not scaring me, that was amazing.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  You may be a barn owl sitting in the distance, that's cool too. I'm a barn owl who just qualified for regional at Magic the Gathering.

• 18:48Travis McElroy?

  If they ask you again, say, "Well, I qualified for regional, and now I have to save my mana points for when I perform tricks at state."

• 18:58Griffin McElroy?

  And what do you think, how will they receive that sentence that you just said out loud?

• 19:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  What do you think the response to that sentence is?

• 19:04Travis McElroy?

  I think if you say it with a solid enough chilling look, they'll never talk to you again.

• 19:09Griffin McElroy?

  Travis is right, actually. If you say, "I can't because I'm saving up my mana points," this will not be an issue ever again.

• 19:15Travis McElroy?

  The problem here is I realized mana points is also a thing in Magic, right?

• 19:20Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, hold on.

• 19:21Travis McElroy?

  I meant more like, "I'm casting magic tricks using my magic points."

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  Wait, but you're not, they didn't think you're an actual wizard from Final Fantasy ass Magic time?

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  But they don't know how magic works because the rules of magic say I can't tell them how I do my tricks.

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  Did you think that the, the, the issue here was that they-

• 19:39Travis McElroy?

  I didn't think anything, Griffin, I was doing a fucking bit. I was doing a fucking bit for our audience to enjoy with comedy jokes. I'm a grown man, I was a National Merit Scholar, sir!

• 19:53Travis McElroy?

  Cards.

• 19:54Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to be funny for once.

• 19:56Griffin McElroy?

  You're right, I apologize.

• 19:57Travis McElroy?

  The good thing is, yeah, the hard part is done because- Your hands know the cards. Your hands know the weight of the cards.

• 20:05Griffin McElroy?

  The heart of the card.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  When you hold a King Ice Velociraptor or whatever, like, they, you know what that feels like.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, a what?

• 20:13Travis McElroy?

  You know that just from the ink of the Icewind guy, Quests.

• 20:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 20:20Travis McElroy?

  Guy that like, you know that card.

• 20:23Griffin McElroy?

  I got a commander deck that's based around the Icewind Quest guy, yeah.

• 20:29Griffin McElroy?

  Tears shit up.

• 20:30Travis McElroy?

  Is the trick, Justin, that you close your eyes and pick up a card and tell them what it is?

• 20:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, like you could, you could do that if you know your deck. When you are really in tune with your deck, you don't need to look at it anymore. Like you know the cards.

• 20:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:44Travis McElroy?

  You know the cards just from like the weight and the crinkles that your uncle put in.

• 20:49Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, hold on.

• 20:50Travis McElroy?

  He was trying to throw them away and you're like, please don't, I love those cards.

• 20:54Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, why was your uncle?

• 20:55Travis McElroy?

  Cause every card tells a story, like, you know what I mean?

• 20:59Travis McElroy?

  Why is there, why is there mustard on the back of my Charizardos or whatever?

• 21:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, cause my fucking uncle.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  My fucking uncle used it as a napkin again.

• 21:07Travis McElroy?

  Uncle related, it could be like my best friend Johnny spilled ketchup on it or whatever.

• 21:11Travis McElroy?

  So there's mustard on it because Johnny spilled ketchup on it?

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  Every card tells a story.

• 21:15Travis McElroy?

  Whoa!

• 21:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, every card tells a story.

• 21:17Griffin McElroy?

  I think that anyone can learn how to do tricks of sleight of hand and subtle gestures with those, those cards. But not anyone can make an infinite mana loop, one-hit KO, first round knockout. Uh, some, some real shit. So I think you could say like, okay, first of all, the coffee shop needs to be very fucking empty. Cause this is gonna take you like 45, 50 minutes. There's a lot of setup and then you do have to execute the infinite loop. You make them draw all their deck, you have to draw your entire, it's a whole thing. But then when it's over, they're gonna be like, wow, I get it, man.

• 21:57Travis McElroy?

  I would also just say, and this is not to try to like pump you up, but seriously, like that kind of success in anything, I think people actually are interested to hear about it. Like, I don't think there's gonna be any judgment. I, of course, would be interested to hear about someone's Magic the Gathering proficiency. You know, I've learned four or five card tricks, and I've tried to learn Magic the Gathering, and I can't. You know what I mean?

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  Same here. I think that's the magic, frankly.

• 22:21Travis McElroy?

  I'm way more impressed by somebody who can play Magic the Gathering.

• 22:23Travis McElroy?

  And again, I've played many games of Magic the Gathering, and when they have ended, whether I've won or lost, I have no idea why it happened.

• 22:30Travis McElroy?

  I always think, I gotta get more into this game.

• 22:34Griffin McElroy?

  Most card tricks don't require you to use tokens and track health loss and tap things, uh...

• 22:43Travis McElroy?

  So which one's more impressive, Griffin?

• 22:45Travis McElroy?

  Definitely Magic the Gathering, easy, yeah, for sure.

• 22:48Travis McElroy?

  Hey, try this, Griffin. Oh, I misunderstood you. Now it's on them.

• 22:56Travis McElroy?

  You could also do like sleight of hand with Magic the Gathering cards, and then when you ask them later, was this your card? They'll have absolutely no fucking clue. I think, yeah, it had a dragon on it or something, or a fire, something like that, yeah, for sure.

• 23:16Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, this just, like, this just came across my desk.

• 23:19Travis McElroy?

  There was a puff of brimstone and sulfur.

• 23:21Travis McElroy?

  This is just coming across my desk. I'm so sorry, guys. Uh, we do have a haunted doll watch.

• 23:31Travis McElroy?

  Um, first up, let's, uh, meet Holly the Pixie.

• 23:35Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 23:37Travis McElroy?

  Woo! I wanted to bring some positivity this time.

• 23:41Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's cool.

• 23:42Travis McElroy?

  And I'm telling you right now, a bold, like Mary Tyler Moore-esque woman in the city, well, fighting for her own, right there.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  She is, meet Holly. She's an enchanting spirit known as a... Pixie Faye. She has a deep connection to Holly. It just doesn't say. Holly encourages. Holly encourages humans to reconnect with nature, showing respect for the environment, and a deeper appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us. She loves all animals and critters, and they love her presence. She brings hot into your life.

• 24:13Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, what?

• 24:14Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, whoa.

• 24:17Griffin McElroy?

  By the way, that was cool hearing everyone say, "Wait, what?" in the exact same voice.

• 24:21Travis McElroy?

  She brings hot into your life by uplifting moments with laughter and positivity. She possesses a bunch of magical abilities. This, they don't often promise this much.

• 24:32Griffin McElroy?

  A bunch?

• 24:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. She'll make you happy is not often a promise made by her dolls.

• 24:37Travis McElroy?

  The first one's awesome, because her first one is animal communication, which like, peruvit.

• 24:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, good point.

• 24:47Travis McElroy?

  That would involve like my dog being like, "This is legit."

• 24:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. Once we, once we invent that helmet, we put on a dog or on us to make that conversation possible, you think the first thing dogs are gonna say is, "Holy shit, thank Christ you can hear me. All the dolls in this house can talk to me." Holly the Pixie makes it so fucking hot in here, Doug, and we're getting married.

• 25:09Travis McElroy?

  She has the ability to, uh, she has plant growth, the ability to accelerate growth with a roll of a D8. She can, uh, there's a bloom of plants coaxing flowers to blossom and gardens to flourish. She has weather control.

• 25:22Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 25:24Travis McElroy?

  She has the ability to influence subtle weather changes.

• 25:27Travis McElroy?

  Okay, now hold on.

• 25:28Griffin McElroy?

  They're not overpromising, okay? Maybe a bit more fog than you're used to.

• 25:32Travis McElroy?

  It's 95 degrees instead of 94 degrees. Thanks, Holly.

• 25:36Griffin McElroy?

  You did indeed bring the hot by one degree.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  She also promotes natural healing. So this, there's so much more to Holly. She's definitely one of the best I've ever encountered.

• 25:45Travis McElroy?

  Then wouldn't it be supernatural healing?

• 25:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, she brings.

• 25:49Travis McElroy?

  No, nothing?

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no, that's fair.

• 25:50Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think so.

• 25:51Travis McElroy?

  She brings, it's a very good point, Travis, inviting a feel to your home, and I know she'll add a touch. of greatness to your life. Are you Holly's new keeper? Adopt Holly today.

• 26:00Griffin McElroy?

  Keeper sucks as a title to have because of a thing I bought on eBay.

• 26:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. So that is Holly the pixie. Next up, next.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  I wouldn't even call myself like my dog's keeper.

• 26:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. All right.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  Next up, a haunted vessel doll, a protective spirit of a mother who lost everything.

• 26:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 26:17Travis McElroy?

  Hey, wait, it might get funny.

• 26:21Griffin McElroy?

  The name's fun. I.

• 26:23Travis McElroy?

  Uh, no, I mainly wanted to feature Marguerite. She's a devoted mother in the late 1800s, a woman who gave everything for her family. Let's see that first picture, Paul.

• 26:32Travis McElroy?

  Jesus Christ, Justin.

• 26:34Travis McElroy?

  Her life was cut short by scarlet fever, a brutal disease that took her swiftly.

• 26:38Travis McElroy?

  And I too big itis.

• 26:40Travis McElroy?

  Leaving behind 10 children, the youngest only six months old and the eldest 17. Even as her body failed, her soul refused to leave.

• 26:48Travis McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  The thought of abandoning her children, of leaving them to face the world without her was unbearable. Paul, let's see that next image. Yes.

• 26:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 26:57Travis McElroy?

  I've never seen anyone do this shit. It's fucking so good. Give me another one, Paul. Hit me with another one. Oh, oh, baby. Yeah, dude.

• 27:05Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, how come she got neck wrinkles? That's fucked up.

• 27:08Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 27:08Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, what she made out of?

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  This is starting to border on montage of dead wife in movie.

• 27:14Travis McElroy?

  She remained earthbound, searching for a way to continue protecting those who needed her. Eventually, her spirit found its way.

• 27:21Griffin McElroy?

  But who's protecting me from Marguerite?

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  Let's see. Can we see another picture of the vessel?

• 27:27Griffin McElroy?

  This one's fine.

• 27:28Travis McElroy?

  You done found me under the bed. Come on in. Let me show you my secret place.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  Marguerite is a fiercely protective spirit, drawn to those who need comfort. My own daughter has asked me to place her vessel under the bed at night.

• 27:40Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were talking about Charlie and Cooper for a second.

• 27:43Travis McElroy?

  No, that would be amazing. Marguerite seems to like this role. So this is, to be clear, mommy's putting this doll underneath your, your mom. The only mom you have supposedly is putting this haunted doll in here to protect you from the other haunted dolls.

• 28:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they.

• 28:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh, fuck, no.

• 28:06Travis McElroy?

  Hey, this is a mother who lost everything and her kids are definitely not in the picture anymore. I definitely want her to. Form some kind of strong bond with my daughter.

• 28:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, man. She's chock full of raw mom energy.

• 28:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. One day you'll be older and you'll get married and James Wan's gonna have a lot of fun with that one. Let me tell you, she, you're, this goat is gonna freak out, the doll's gonna try to kill him. This is actually pretty good, now that I say that out loud. Paul, write that down.

• 28:30Griffin McElroy?

  TM TM.

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  Insidious five something. Uh, okay, I wanna.

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  No, Paul.

• 28:37Travis McElroy?

  She's saying goodbye. Uh, she, goodbye, Margarita.

• 28:40Travis McElroy?

  We're not dumb, truck, hey.

• 28:42Griffin McElroy?

  Travis.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  That wasn't me. That was Margarita speaking through me.

• 28:46Travis McElroy?

  Uh. The, uh.

• 28:49Travis McElroy?

  Her influence grows.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  I should mention, there is a mystery of her purple eyes. There's an unusual purple eyes, an eerie yet beautiful anomaly.

• 28:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Travis McElroy?

  At times they seem to illuminate. That's her ass, Paul. Nice. When this happens, the atmosphere in the room shifts, sometimes comforting and warm, as if a mother is near, watching over you.

• 29:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, or under you because she's mainly a sub bed sort of.

• 29:10Travis McElroy?

  I would say the majority of the photo shoot has happened.

• 29:13Griffin McElroy?

  Under bed, yes. Do you guys wanna meet the best dude ever? Fuck yeah, dude. Okay.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 29:22Griffin McElroy?

  Paul, no more jump scares, please.

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  No more, Paul. Hey, let's fucking, let's meet Bouchard. Yeah.

• 29:30Travis McElroy?

  Let me see my son, Bouchard.

• 29:34Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah. Haunted vessel doll, sweet Bouchard child.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  Why didn't you guys like Bouchard?

• 29:40Travis McElroy?

  Hey, let me tell you.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  What kind of jaded assholes are you?

• 29:44Travis McElroy?

  Let me tell you a little bit about Bouchard. This is Bouchard. From the moment he came into my home, he has been nothing but a joy to be around. His energy is light and warm, like a child's laughter echoing through the house. Everyone adored him when he was alive. He grew up surrounded by his aunts and cousins, always tagging along as the youngest of the bunch. His older cousins would take him skating to the batting cages, and he loved every second of it. His favorite place in the world was a spot he called Bullwinkle's, a place that brought him endless happiness. I'm going to skip his death.

• 30:16Travis McElroy?

  Yay.

• 30:18Griffin McElroy?

  That's not.

• 30:19Travis McElroy?

  Wait, does he have a pair of dice with him?

• 30:21Travis McElroy?

  I'll get there. His parents.

• 30:23Griffin McElroy?

  He's making some CeeLo, he's shooting some crafts.

• 30:25Travis McElroy?

  His parents had both passed over from overdoses when he was only two months old, so he never knew. Only stories and not good ones. This made him frightened of crossing over, afraid of what might be waiting for him.

• 30:36Griffin McElroy?

  As opposed to most three and four year olds who are like, can't fucking wait to kick it.

• 30:40Travis McElroy?

  You know, thank you for your faith so far, because you know how hard Bouchard has to deliver to make up for that real bummer of a beginning. So let me tell you this, here he is safe, he is calm, he is sweet and playful. He has always been a joy to us, and I know he will bring the same to his next keeper. My own children discovered that Bouchard loves offerings of Pokemon.

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  One night, while they sat in the same room with him, he made that very clear.

• 31:15Griffin McElroy?

  Hey!

• 31:16Travis McElroy?

  Because of that, he will go to his new home with the Pokemon items you see in his pictures at my children's request, since they don't want him to be without them. So, Bouchard is being said, "Hey, parents, I am always looking for great ways to get rid of my kid's shit."

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  If I thought I could also box up a bunch of their garbage with haunted dolls, this is epic, lady. Good on ya. Sending away a bunch of their Pokemon cards.

• 31:44Griffin McElroy?

  Also, scalpers have ravaged the Pokemon card market, so I mean, you are, um, you are getting yourself quite a deal with this Bouchard doll pickup.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  Just to clarify, though, in case you are buying Bouchard, uh, items in the photos will be included with him, except the bench his vessel is sitting on, that is mine. Thank you for clarifying about the bench. Thank you, vessel boy, taken too soon. Hey, do you have anything of Bouchard in action, Paul?

• 32:26Travis McElroy?

  Sweet haunted vessel boy, taken too soon, that's Bouchard!

• 32:32Travis McElroy?

  There was a time when we were children and we had a My Buddy doll. And my older brother, Justin, propped him up inside a closet so that when I opened the closet door, he seemed to spring out at me.

• 32:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:45Travis McElroy?

  And I don't remember him being around much after that.

• 32:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, I don't think so.

• 32:49Travis McElroy?

  The doll, not Justin.

• 32:50Griffin McElroy?

  I was around.

• 32:50Travis McElroy?

  Justin remained.

• 32:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, when Bouchard talked to the kids about how he wanted Pokemon cards, I'm just curious what that conversation sounded like. Hey, what you guys got up there?

• 33:00Travis McElroy?

  Give me all your Pokemon cards or I'll haunt your sister.

• 33:04Griffin McElroy?

  What imaginative little monsters you've got there.

• 33:07Travis McElroy?

  If only I hadn't been killed by that stray bullet.

• 33:10Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 33:11Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no, I didn't tell you kids about that, did I? I, um, it was rough, but I did always want a Charizard if you have a spare one. I gotta learn some new Pokemon. Uh, I love frogs, but I can never spot them in the wild. I live in a relatively damp place, so I know there are plenty of frogs around. Often, other people will point out frogs to me. I see them, see that I'm taking photos of wildlife, and I'll get so excited to have the chance to take a photo of a frog. I'm haunted by all the frogs I know are out there that I didn't see and thus couldn't take photos of. Brothers, how can I get better at spotting frogs? That's from Frogless and Frustrated.

• 33:49Griffin McElroy?

  I fucking, uh, brave of you. How brave of you to finally say it. Every time I spot a frog, it feels like such an accomplishment, like, ha, ha, I got you.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, but the crushing defeat of someone else spotting a frog before I do. Oh, would they see the frog first?

• 34:06Griffin McElroy?

  Or it's just a weird rock and now you're an asshole.

• 34:10Travis McElroy?

  Or fuck, it's a toad?

• 34:12Griffin McElroy?

  Dude. Sometimes I'll bring a frog with me places so I can set it down and be like, frog! And everyone get impressed with me how good I am at spotting these.

• 34:23Travis McElroy?

  Well, shit, Griffin, because that was my suggestion to fix this problem. Not forever, but just some practice frogs that you would bring with you, let loose, and then know there's frogs there, know what they look and sound like, what their names are, and then be able to spot them with some kind of accuracy so that you gain confidence in your frog spotting ability. The movie Frog Spotting is so weird with all the drugs and certain drugs.

• 34:51Travis McElroy?

  The hardest thing to spot is a turtle. Because when you spot it, you're definitely looking at it and you're like, yes.

• 35:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Travis McElroy?

  I see it. But then the turtle will continue to be there and you definitely have to have a moment you're like, okay, I get it. I gotta go. Um, other, other animals, you get close to them and they're like, that's enough. The moment's over.

• 35:14Griffin McElroy?

  There's not a lot of animals beside turtle that I see and I'm like, I should pick you up. And then my brain's immediately like, no, don't do that.

• 35:21Travis McElroy?

  You don't need to pick it up.

• 35:21Griffin McElroy?

  Why do I have this reflex? Is it because he has?

• 35:23Travis McElroy?

  It's football shaped.

• 35:25Griffin McElroy?

  I guess he's got his own little lunchbox that he carries around with him.

• 35:28Travis McElroy?

  I would also say a turtle is an animal that I could spot, be excited, and it could be dead and I'd have no idea. And I'd stare at it for like 20 minutes being like, nature is beautiful.

• 35:39Travis McElroy?

  Any, anytime I've ever seen a turtle in my life, I think, ah buddy, you shouldn't be here. Where should, let's get you out of here, pal. But you don't want to touch them because they got salmonella.

• 35:52Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 35:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 35:54Griffin McElroy?

  Your wife's a doctor, so I just assume that you know what you're talking about, man.

• 35:57Travis McElroy?

  It would be turtle nella, they're not salmonella.

• 36:00Travis McElroy?

  So thank you for recognizing. Uh, we have other questions for you, uh, from you, our beloved, not for, yeah. Hey, can we ask a question for you?

• 36:08Travis McElroy?

  Anyways, just, uh, enjoy the frogs you see. Don't worry about the ones you don't see. They don't exist if you don't see them.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, Trav.

• 36:16Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Next question.

• 36:18Griffin McElroy?

  Beautiful. Also, also thermal vision goggles.

• 36:24Travis McElroy?

  Wait a minute.

• 36:25Griffin McElroy?

  Well, wait, are frogs?

• 36:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Notably, that's a really bad idea.

• 36:30Griffin McElroy?

  Or that's lizards.

• 36:31Travis McElroy?

  Wait, cook the frogs before.

• 36:33Travis McElroy?

  What? You have to have a friend help you. Get a discreet friend to plant 30 toy frogs in the local woods. Have them give you a GPS. Where the fuck are they gonna find 30 real frogs at?

• 36:48Travis McElroy?

  At the fucking frog store.

• 36:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 36:50Travis McElroy?

  Read a book.

• 36:51Griffin McElroy?

  Frog store, dude.

• 36:54Travis McElroy?

  What, like bait frogs that you buy to feed the bigger lizards?

• 36:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude. To feed the nasty fish. I'm going fishing today, but only for really fucked up psycho fish. Who eat whole fucking frogs, man?

• 37:08Travis McElroy?

  That's my favorite section of the pet store. When there's pets that are actually food for other animals, but they don't know about it.

• 37:17Travis McElroy?

  Like the crickets think they are there waiting on the right child, you know?

• 37:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:22Travis McElroy?

  Now I will be loved.

• 37:24Griffin McElroy?

  That one open-minded kid.

• 37:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, look at that, they gave me a lizard to eat. Wait, I'm...

• 37:29Griffin McElroy?

  Wait a second.

• 37:30Travis McElroy?

  They're looking for a kid that needs a moral compass.

• 37:33Griffin McElroy?

  I got a room, this big scaly roommate of mine, I love this guy.

• 37:37Travis McElroy?

  Hey, boys.

• 37:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav.

• 37:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav.

• 37:39Travis McElroy?

  Um, I've got a pretty important new development to share with you guys.

• 37:44Griffin McElroy?

  All right, man.

• 37:46Travis McElroy?

  Um, as both the leader of Trav Nation and... Thank you. And the CEO of Trav Nation Company Industries.

• 37:56Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I didn't know about that.

• 37:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Um, we're constantly looking to incorporate brand integration.

• 38:02Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 38:03Travis McElroy?

  And indoctrinate more people, and...

• 38:05Griffin McElroy?

  So all the embezzling you've been doing from our company has been for...

• 38:09Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God, I'm so glad you brought that up, Griffin. Sort of. So tonight, I have a brand new segment called, Paul, can you pull that up? Trav Nation Industries introduces Travesties.

• 38:26Travis McElroy?

  It's Travis plus novelties, seeking angel investors. So I've got three...

• 38:30Griffin McElroy?

  Is the TM there, your initials or trademark?

• 38:33Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 38:34Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. It's both. TM, TM, TM.

• 38:36Travis McElroy?

  Wait, isn't that what it always is?

• 38:38Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 38:39Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I have three investment opportunities for you guys tonight.

• 38:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  But, much like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, when they were selling the pictures of their baby Shiloh to the paparazzi, I am going to take your bids sight unseen.

• 38:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 38:57Travis McElroy?

  And then I'll tell you what...

• 38:59Griffin McElroy?

  What I've just bought.

• 39:00Travis McElroy?

  Now, because I've embezzled so much money.

• 39:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:03Travis McElroy?

  You guys have accumulated quite a few Trav bucks. And it is, I should say, a one-way exchange.

• 39:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's so rare with exchanges, you know?

• 39:15Travis McElroy?

  Where US dollars become Trav bucks. The Trav bucks cannot go back.

• 39:20Griffin McElroy?

  You don't know, buddy. Comes out.

• 39:23Travis McElroy?

  They're like arcade tokens in that way.

• 39:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 39:26Travis McElroy?

  Um, and I'm gonna give you guys a chance to ask me some questions. Uh, the first investment opportunity is a food stuff. And now you can ask me some yes or no questions before you give me your bid.

• 39:39Griffin McElroy?

  Alright.

• 39:39Travis McElroy?

  In trad bucks for the first investment opportunity.

• 39:42Travis McElroy?

  Would this be, uh, something that I would feature on Munch Squad?

• 39:46Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 39:47Griffin McElroy?

  Is it wet?

• 39:48Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 39:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh my god, I figured it out!

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  No, I haven't. Um, is it real, like, a thing that you could exist?

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 40:02Griffin McElroy?

  I've never played this game before, Travis, I'd like to at least-

• 40:05Travis McElroy?

  Is it a sauce?

• 40:07Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 40:09Griffin McElroy?

  How can it be wet then, dude?

• 40:12Travis McElroy?

  Is it a liquid?

• 40:14Travis McElroy?

  Nah, I mean-

• 40:15Griffin McElroy?

  Are you selling a liquid?

• 40:17Travis McElroy?

  Just answer, wow!

• 40:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, is that a suspension, dude?

• 40:20Travis McElroy?

  I gotta answer unclear.

• 40:21Travis McElroy?

  Is it like, too black, dude?

• 40:23Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna say, yes, no, answer unclear, answer unclear.

• 40:25Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna say, the, the plasmoid state of whatever this-

• 40:29Travis McElroy?

  A sauce, a sauce is present.

• 40:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay, is it an entree?

• 40:34Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, I need the-

• 40:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah!

• 40:36Griffin McElroy?

  I need the food stuffs I invest in to fit squarely into one of the three states of matter.

• 40:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, is it a plasma?

• 40:43Griffin McElroy?

  And it is for that reason that I'm out.

• 40:46Travis McElroy?

  Uh, hey Griffin, here's the problem. You actually can't, yeah, you have to-

• 40:50Griffin McElroy?

  How much do I have to bid?

• 40:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 40:52Travis McElroy?

  So, is it a commercial product?

• 40:54Griffin McElroy?

  I'm back in.

• 40:55Travis McElroy?

  That you wanna sell?

• 40:55Travis McElroy?

  It's bidding time now, Justin, how many trad bucks?

• 40:58Travis McElroy?

  This is bidding time!

• 40:59Travis McElroy?

  Yes, how many trad bucks are you willing to bet?

• 41:01Travis McElroy?

  How many do I have, you maniac?

• 41:03Griffin McElroy?

  Five hundred.

• 41:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  Five hundred.

• 41:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:06Griffin McElroy?

  Five hundred feels right to me.

• 41:07Travis McElroy?

  Five hundred thousand.

• 41:08Griffin McElroy?

  Hey Juice!

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  Babe, how many, how many trad bucks is it okay for me to spend? I know, I know, they're supposed to be for the girls' college.

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  Hopefully Trav Nation University be closed by then. Okay, yeah, alright, thank you. Uh, 5,000 Trav bucks.

• 41:26Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:27Griffin McElroy?

  4,999 Trav bucks.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's see what you've invested in. New beef travioli.

• 41:35Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:36Travis McElroy?

  Kids love that it comes in a can. Parents love that it is edible. With twice the schlork sound of the leading competitor when bored from a height, contains absolutely zero Travis.

• 41:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's great.

• 41:48Travis McElroy?

  Wow. Wow.

• 41:50Griffin McElroy?

  I'm a, uh...

• 41:51Travis McElroy?

  Do you want to increase your bids?

• 41:53Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck no, man. Uh, I'm actually, uh, an investor in Cup of Noodles, and I can't actually have competing products on store shelves, you understand?

• 42:02Travis McElroy?

  I do.

• 42:02Griffin McElroy?

  Also, this sounds gross.

• 42:05Travis McElroy?

  I would like to reduce my bid, please, because...

• 42:07Travis McElroy?

  But you can't reduce.

• 42:09Travis McElroy?

  I would like to, at this point, now that I know more, reduce, because I feel like the fact that it doesn't contain any Travis.

• 42:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, there's an asterisk there.

• 42:17Travis McElroy?

  That is true. Okay, yeah, you're right.

• 42:20Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 42:21Travis McElroy?

  Because everything has a little Travis in it. With the way that, like, dust and star stuff and shit where...

• 42:26Travis McElroy?

  Last breath of Julius Caesar, etc., etc., oh yeah.

• 42:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay, our second investment opportunity is a household good.

• 42:34Griffin McElroy?

  Is it wet?

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:37Travis McElroy?

  Is it dry?

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Don't get all...

• 42:40Griffin McElroy?

  Is it a powder?

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:42Travis McElroy?

  Because sticky is half-wet and half-dry.

• 42:44Travis McElroy?

  It's a household, uh, uh, good, uh, product.

• 42:46Griffin McElroy?

  Is it for cleaning?

• 42:49Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 42:49Travis McElroy?

  Is it poison?

• 42:50Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:50Travis McElroy?

  Toxic?

• 42:51Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:51Travis McElroy?

  Purple?

• 42:52Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:53Griffin McElroy?

  Green?

• 42:53Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:54Griffin McElroy?

  Red?

• 42:54Travis McElroy?

  Orange?

• 42:55Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:55Griffin McElroy?

  Blue?

• 42:56Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  White?

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  Glass cleaner.

• 42:58Griffin McElroy?

  Gray?

• 42:59Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 42:59Griffin McElroy?

  Clear?

• 43:00Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 43:00Travis McElroy?

  Edible.

• 43:01Griffin McElroy?

  Clear?

• 43:02Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 43:03Griffin McElroy?

  Gray?

• 43:03Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 43:04Griffin McElroy?

  It's gray, Juice.

• 43:05Travis McElroy?

  It's gray?

• 43:06Travis McElroy?

  We're ready for your bids.

• 43:07Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, no!

• 43:10Travis McElroy?

  I just gave you so many fucking questions!

• 43:12Travis McElroy?

  If there's a limited number of questions, that information needs to be...

• 43:15Griffin McElroy?

  If I knew there was a limited number of questions, I wouldn't have sang Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat up here.

• 43:20Travis McElroy?

  Clearly, Trav.

• 43:20Griffin McElroy?

  5,000 dollars on the gray thing that's dry.

• 43:24Travis McElroy?

  We don't accept dollars.

• 43:25Griffin McElroy?

  5,000 Trav bucks on the dry, gray, household thing.

• 43:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna say 30 dollars, because I really...

• 43:33Travis McElroy?

  We don't accept dollars.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna say 3... Hundred thousand trash bucks.

• 43:39Griffin McElroy?

  Is that the exchange trade?

• 43:41Travis McElroy?

  I just did the

• 43:41Griffin McElroy?

  No!

• 43:42Travis McElroy?

  I did the conversion in my head. Sorry, I have to do the conversion in my head.

• 43:45Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's see that product. The trash can.

• 43:48Travis McElroy?

  I was right.

• 43:50Travis McElroy?

  Loves to eat your garbage, no questions asked. Totally judgment free. Motion activated real talk action with yummy trash. And that's a totally normal thing to throw away. And I turned trash into jokes.

• 44:06Griffin McElroy?

  That's, that one's...

• 44:12Travis McElroy?

  I think it sucks that I have to be up here and because I'm a paid professional, I'm forced to bear witness to something I would cook away so fast from on Tumblr. Then it would make your head

• 44:22Travis McElroy?

  You don't want to throw trash in my mouth? Look, my mouth is the lid, my mouth opens just for trash.

• 44:26Travis McElroy?

  I've already engaged with this mentally more than I would ever in my entire life.

• 44:30Travis McElroy?

  You see what happens, right? My mouth opens and says yummy trash.

• 44:34Travis McElroy?

  You got your, you got your laugh, right, man?

• 44:36Griffin McElroy?

  I'm doing one more dollar than Justin did. I love this product. I think it's funny. I think kids will like it a lot.

• 44:42Travis McElroy?

  Hey Travis, if the It makes complete sense!

• 44:45Griffin McElroy?

  If the next one is just this on a toilet, I'm walking off the stage, dude.

• 44:50Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna do that either way because it'll be the end of act one, but still.

• 44:53Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's go to our third and final investment opportunity. This is an online course.

• 44:59Griffin McElroy?

  Is it wet?

• 45:01Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 45:05Griffin McElroy?

  It's not wet. If you missed

• 45:06Travis McElroy?

  Is it dry? Yeah.

• 45:09Griffin McElroy?

  Is it taught by you?

• 45:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  It's a class. Yeah. It's an online course.

• 45:17Travis McElroy?

  It's a dry online course.

• 45:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 45:21Travis McElroy?

  If you can believe, if you can imagine such a thing.

• 45:23Griffin McElroy?

  Do you, do you teach podcasts?

• 45:26Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 45:27Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:28Travis McElroy?

  We already wrote a book about that.

• 45:29Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. Shh, don't tell them our secret, Travis.

• 45:33Travis McElroy?

  That's our private book.

• 45:35Griffin McElroy?

  Our private book.

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  Our secret diary.

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  For friends and family only.

• 45:39Travis McElroy?

  It's our vanity book.

• 45:42Griffin McElroy?

  I bet, I bet, that's the game. Five million Trav bucks on this.

• 45:48Travis McElroy?

  Okay, six million.

• 45:49Griffin McElroy?

  God damn it.

• 45:50Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's see it.

• 45:51Griffin McElroy?

  You're so good at this game, Juice.

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  Let's see it, Paul. This is the Trav Wife Online Course. We'll teach you how to pick up and quickly abandon all kinds of useful hobbies.

• 46:04Travis McElroy?

  The worst thing I've ever seen, Travis.

• 46:06Travis McElroy?

  Officially clean the house by hiding seven closets and cabinets. Please your husband, the Travis way.

• 46:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so if you're not taking a picture of this image, if it's up to me, it'll never be seen again. So make sure you get it recorded for posterity, please. This looks like the-

• 46:22Travis McElroy?

  Look for all of these things on your shelf and internet.

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  The Oak Ridge Boys finally done and fell off.

• 46:27Travis McElroy?

  If you have, if you have questions that you'd like us to answer, and you would want to come down to the mic and like, talk with us about it, you can email [email protected].

• 46:37Travis McElroy?

  Try to keep it short, try to keep it tight, those are usually the best ones for a live setting.

• 46:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the instructions should be up on the screen, but we're gonna take a quick break, and we'll be back after the intermission, and we'll see you guys in a bit.

• 46:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hello, my friends, this is Griffin. I'm so thankful for you this, this week of extraordinary gratitude. I want to tell you about our sponsors this week. We got Aura Frames on the docket. Aura Frames, it's a great time to talk about Aura Frames, because Aura Frames is a really great present, a really great gift for a lot of different sort of people categories you might have in your life. I'm talking about Peepaw, Mima, Gija, Gregraw, all them folks. Parents, grandparents, extended family members, loved ones, who live from afar, who you want to keep up to date on what you and your family or whatever looks like. You can do that so easily with Aura Frames.

• 47:42Griffin McElroy?

  They are a premier digital picture frame. You download the Aura app, you connect to wifi, it takes like two minutes to set up. And then you can, you know, change photos, you can upload photos to other people's galleries with their permission, obviously. And it's so easy to keep people in the loop on what you've got going on in your life with a really beautiful looking digital picture frame from Aura Frames. We've given them out as gifts to a lot of people and it's always a hit because even if they're not the most tech savvy person in the world, you can help manage that yourself. So for a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver

• 48:25Griffin McElroy?

  Matte Frames, named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's A U R A frames.com promo code MYBROTHER. This exclusive Black Friday/Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Also, I want to tell you about Factor Meals. This time of year is a shit show for everyone. There's like 100 holidays that all happen, basically all at once, and you know, work is so crazy right now. You gotta make sure that you're eating good stuff and Factor's gonna help you do that. They've got chef-prepped, dietitian-approved meals that are designed to make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious. No matter how hectic the season gets, you can choose from a bunch of different meal

• 49:10Griffin McElroy?

  options, premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. There's Asian-inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand, and more. Just on the menu this week, there's a potato leek mash and grilled chicken with roasted corn and zucchini saute. That looks gorgeous. A smoky gouda macaroni and shredded beef with Parmesan buttered green beans. Yum yum, don't mind if I do. Everything I've gotten from Factor has been really, really great and super, super quick to get ready and make me feel like I'm eating like a person, and that's important to me. Eat smart at factormeals.com/brother50off and use code BROTHER50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

• 49:55Griffin McElroy?

  That's code BROTHER50OFF at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Also, I want to tell you, we've got some stuff coming up. As you know, every American Thanksgiving, the three of us with our good friends, Tim and Guy from the worst idea of all time, our honorary brethren from New Zealand, get together to watch a little film called Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. This is the, if I'm not mistaken, the 10th year that we've done it, but our 11th watch. And that takes us a while to kind of unpack in the watch.

• 50:37Griffin McElroy?

  There's also a pretty high concept and I will say costly prank-style thing that happens this year that I think really sets it apart. I'm not going to talk anymore about, you know, what the quality of the watch was this year, but if you've seen the movie or heard us talk about it before, I mean, you know what to expect. It's the boys, we're talking PBMC 2. And that comes out on Thursday, on Thanksgiving. So you can check that out. Also, Candle Nights is coming up very, very soon, December 6th. We're going to be performing at the Keith Albee Theater in Huntington, West Virginia, our hometown for our annual Candle Night Show. It's been a while since we've done one in person, but we are very, very excited to be

• 51:22Griffin McElroy?

  putting it back on in Huntington this year. It is going to be a sort of variety styled show, not exactly a live ma bim bam, but a lot of sort of ma bim bam segments, some clubhouse stuff. Everyone and the fans getting a hand on the ball and it's going to be a good time. And all of the proceeds from the show are going to benefit Harmony House, which is an amazing organization in our hometown of Huntington that works to end homelessness by providing countless supportive services to people experiencing homelessness. It is a great organization and we are really honored to be able to partner with them and help them out. And you can help them out too by coming to the show.

• 52:05Griffin McElroy?

  If you can't make it to Huntington, we're also going to be putting a video up of the show on December 19th, you can get live tickets or those video on demand tickets over at bit.ly/candleknights2025. There's also some new merch in the merch store, including some Candle Knights merch and some Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 Tell Death To Us Blart merch. And that's all at macrowaymerch.com. So go check that out also. Enjoy the rest of the live show. We will be back with a new episode next week. So keep it locked and have a great holiday if you choose to celebrate that and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  Hello? Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast. No, I'm sorry, no sales calls. Goodbye. It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long. I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I? Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast. Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to MaximumFun.org. I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that!

• 54:11Griffin McElroy?

  We're gonna, we're gonna take things to you all now. We're gonna call some folks down to the microphone that we have. If we can get some house lights up a little bit, just to help with navigation.

• 54:25Travis McElroy?

  You three sitting in front of it, so sorry.

• 54:27Griffin McElroy?

  The guardians of the micro, the Cerberus. Ask them their riddles.

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  If you all every once in a while could do the hear no evil, see no evil kind of bet, I'd appreciate that.

• 54:37Travis McElroy?

  We won't acknowledge it, but you could do it. And hey, while we're working on that, thank you to the Tobin Center here for having us.

• 54:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, this room is so beautiful. They were showing us some of the fancy light tricks that they can do. And we told them we don't deserve any of that stuff. Hello.

• 54:55Travis McElroy?

  Hi.

• 54:56Griffin McElroy?

  Hi. How's it going?

• 54:57Travis McElroy?

  Hi, oh, I'm Celia. Pronouns are she, they, he, any pronouns.

• 55:02Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Celia. How can we help? A lot of Celia heads in the audience tonight, which I'm loving.

• 55:08Travis McElroy?

  Hard not to be, yeah.

• 55:11Travis McElroy?

  So my question is, how do I keep mascots from approaching me?

• 55:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, so that's chapter and verse, Celia, the question you sent to us. I am wondering what that means.

• 55:27Travis McElroy?

  And my follow up is, Celia, have you found this to be a problem in the past? Or are you worried that this will become a problem in the future?

• 55:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, what's the context?

• 55:41Travis McElroy?

  So, for example, you might go to a sports event. There might be like a, here in San Antonio, maybe a Spurs coyote going into the audience saying,

• 55:55Travis McElroy?

  wanting to interact with you. My problem is that I never know what to do. They kind of scare me.

• 56:01Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 56:01Travis McElroy?

  Wait, no, hold on. Good instincts. Celia, you're describing a hypothetical. Situation that might happen. Has a mascot ever approached you?

• 56:10Travis McElroy?

  This has absolutely happened too many times. Yeah. I, I think if you get, just right down the mouth is the key. That's where the eyes are. You gotta look down the mouth and say, "Don't."

• 56:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Honestly, I was gonna say a strong, "No."

• 56:26Travis McElroy?

  "Don't. Not now. Not now. Look at me for real. Right in the mouth."

• 56:33Travis McElroy?

  Because what you're probably looking at, Celia, right now onstage, you're looking at three people who have done mascot work many, many, many times. I also don't wanna be there.

• 56:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you're right to be off-put because they, no matter how dedicated they are to the cause of the Spurs, they, they don't wanna have an interaction, probably, unless it is contractually required. What's hard is, Celia, I think if you start putting your hands up, like, "No, thank you. I don't want any," then they're gonna make that a fucking bit. Oh, dude, have you seen the video of the raptor from the basketball team eating the, the, the person in the crowd? Like, scary, scary.

• 57:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure, man. That sounds scary, but if I saw that happen, I'd be pretty scared.

• 57:23Travis McElroy?

  A mascot ate a person?

• 57:25Travis McElroy?

  I think there should be mascot.

• 57:27Travis McElroy?

  No, don't leave it off. A mascot ate a person?

• 57:30Travis McElroy?

  It's a video, it's a big, yeah, it's a raptor.

• 57:33Travis McElroy?

  You watch a lot of weird videos, Griffin. We've just covered it.

• 57:37Travis McElroy?

  Is there a San Antonio mascot that everybody likes? Do you all have a favorite? Is there like a beloved?

• 57:44Travis McElroy?

  Please, Celia. I did hear the balapeno a couple of times. Balapeno? Balapeno?

• 57:49Travis McElroy?

  That makes a lot more sense. I thought people were saying volcano at first. I didn't understand how that could be a mascot. In an actionable way.

• 57:56Travis McElroy?

  Is the balapeno like a ball that's also a pepper? So he's an anthropomorphic jalapeno pepper.

• 58:02Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 58:04Travis McElroy?

  How does that treat you? If that, if that runs up on you?

• 58:06Griffin McElroy?

  How does that feel compared to a coyote?

• 58:08Travis McElroy?

  Are we happy to see your opinion or are we not happy?

• 58:10Speaker 03

  That's so scary. I don't want that to happen.

• 58:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, Celia, Celia, I've got you.

• 58:14Travis McElroy?

  Are there any less scared, out of curiosity? If a mascot had to run up on you, is there like one that you're least scared of? Where you'd be like, okay, not bad.

• 58:24Travis McElroy?

  We're not asking you!

• 58:25Travis McElroy?

  No, it's just in the world.

• 58:27Travis McElroy?

  We were specifically asking Celia.

• 58:29Travis McElroy?

  In the world, like if you were trying not to think about one Ghostbusters, and which one would you make into a giant monster? You know what I mean? Like which one do you like?

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Oh, um, truthfully, in my heart, they all kind of freak me out. I did care. Hee buddy, hee buddy, I guess.

• 58:44Travis McElroy?

  Hee buddy, hee buddy, okay. Celia, I got you back here. You ready?

• 58:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 58:51Travis McElroy?

  They have shit peripheral vision. If you, they have like a 15 degree wide cone.

• 58:59Griffin McElroy?

  Stay out the cone.

• 58:59Travis McElroy?

  You move to the left or the right, they don't fucking know you exist.

• 59:03Griffin McElroy?

  Slice the pie, Celia. You will not get clocked, I guarantee you.

• 59:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:07Travis McElroy?

  You could shove children in front of you.

• 59:09Travis McElroy?

  You could duck down six inches and they'll just lose you completely. They'll look around and go off to the next, the next row.

• 59:17Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I hope that helps, Celia.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was perfect. Thank you.

• 59:20Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much. What's Hee, what's Hee Griff, what's Hee Buddy look like?

• 59:26Griffin McElroy?

  Hee, what's Hee, can we get a picture of Hee Buddy on the screen?

• 59:29Travis McElroy?

  I gotta get Hee Buddy some cereal.

• 59:33Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 59:34Travis McElroy?

  We'll get Hee Buddy. Hee Buddy isn't in the house.

• 59:36Travis McElroy?

  We're not gonna bring Hee Buddy out. That would be so cool.

• 59:40Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, hello?

• 59:41Travis McElroy?

  Hello?

• 59:42Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 59:43Travis McElroy?

  Whoa. Um, hi, I'm Sandy.

• 59:45Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Sandy.

• 59:45Travis McElroy?

  PM. And my question, I'm just gonna read it, is, how do I explain to servers at Mexican restaurants that I might order something besides tacos when they see my taco time knuckle tattoos? Without it being a huge letdown?

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  Sammy, can I tell you what I'm dying to know? Can you show me the orientation?

• 1:00:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Travis McElroy?

  What time is it, guys?

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to see. I'm here, but I don't have good vision. Is it taco ti- how is it?

• 1:00:17Travis McElroy?

  Taco?

• 1:00:18Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:19Travis McElroy?

  Time. Time.

• 1:00:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's usually how knuckle tattoos, it's not a usually like a rebus that people have to solve.

• 1:00:26Travis McElroy?

  Unscramble the knuckles. You see if I cross my fingers like this.

• 1:00:30Travis McElroy?

  Alright, I thought this was a comedy. Hey guys, I'm a National Merit Scholar.

• 1:00:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, here he goes.

• 1:00:36Travis McElroy?

  I ne- okay.

• 1:00:37Griffin McElroy?

  I met old Pat? I don't unders-

• 1:00:40Travis McElroy?

  The place we order from for dinner had the most outrageous chips I've ever eaten in my entire life. I think they were the best chips I've ever-

• 1:00:46Travis McElroy?

  I could hear the crunch from across the room.

• 1:00:47Travis McElroy?

  There were crunch- what was that place called?

• 1:00:50Griffin McElroy?

  It was, uh, Taco Bell.

• 1:00:51Travis McElroy?

  Taco Bell.

• 1:00:54Travis McElroy?

  Rosario's.

• 1:00:54Griffin McElroy?

  Rosario's. Unreal.

• 1:00:57Travis McElroy?

  So good.

• 1:00:59Travis McElroy?

  When they come by, when the server comes by, you get so excited, you look at your knuckles, maybe bash them together for a second, and then look at your watch and get, ugh, so dejected.

• 1:01:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:10Travis McElroy?

  And say, "Not yet, I guess I'll just have fajitas."

• 1:01:15Travis McElroy?

  What do you, what do you-

• 1:01:16Griffin McElroy?

  And then you pull up your shirt. You've got "Fajitas Time" tattooed on your tummy.

• 1:01:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, get another tattoo under "Taco Time" that says like 4:38 PM.

• 1:01:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. Get a, get a palm tattoo that says "Not", and then you could just kinda semaphore your orders out.

• 1:01:35Travis McElroy?

  Sounds good.

• 1:01:36Griffin McElroy?

  Does it sound good, Sandy?

• 1:01:38Travis McElroy?

  Sandy, what's your order if you're not gonna get tacos? What are you, what are you in the mood for usually?

• 1:01:42Travis McElroy?

  Chicken nuggets.

• 1:01:43Travis McElroy?

  I mean, it's all good, but usually enchiladas.

• 1:01:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I have to assume, Sandy, that you do have an affinity for tacos.

• 1:01:50Travis McElroy?

  I do.

• 1:01:51Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, great.

• 1:01:52Travis McElroy?

  Alright, so maybe.

• 1:01:54Travis McElroy?

  Maybe just-

• 1:01:55Travis McElroy?

  Buckle in and get some tacos, Sandy. You made a commitment.

• 1:01:59Travis McElroy?

  You made a commitment, Sandy. That's very true, that's very true. Maybe you should order a side of tacos just for the bit. You know what I mean? Like, just for the gag. I think it would be such a bummer to not be able to bring you tacos.

• 1:02:09Travis McElroy?

  Could you get a tiny tattoo that's a question mark after "Time"? So for the right Taco Time. Huh?

• 1:02:15Griffin McElroy?

  Is it?

• 1:02:16Travis McElroy?

  Is it?

• 1:02:17Travis McElroy?

  Tell them the owner said you could get free tacos. That tattoo, whatever you wanted.

• 1:02:21Griffin McElroy?

  Can you know before you go to the restaurant, you don't want tacos and wear gloves instead?

• 1:02:27Travis McElroy?

  Like Justin has on.

• 1:02:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I'll need to invest in some driving paraphernalia, sure. Yeah, absolutely. It's a cool look and it's kind of the year for it, man. So. Sounds good. Uh, does that help? Tremendously. Thank you so much, Sandy.

• 1:02:42Speaker 05

  Hello. I'm Amelia, she/her.

• 1:02:45Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Amelia.

• 1:02:46Speaker 05

  Um, well, I wrote in two questions.

• 1:02:48Griffin McElroy?

  You sent in one about a gas station visitor.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  The important one is.

• 1:02:54Griffin McElroy?

  One of these is a pressing issue.

• 1:02:56Speaker 05

  Well, how do I get this gentleman to stop coming in and asking for 25 delicious dollars in gas?

• 1:03:04Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, are you okay? Yeah, 25. Say it again, please.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  Um, well, that's the problem. That's all he says.

• 1:03:13Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, sorry. One more time.

• 1:03:15Travis McElroy?

  Amelia, it's worth saying twice.

• 1:03:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:18Speaker 05

  He says, he walks in, he's very emphatic. He says, hello, can I have 25 delicious dollars? On pump one.

• 1:03:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, in gas. He doesn't just, he's not demanding money from you.

• 1:03:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I'm the weirdest robber in history.

• 1:03:35Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, in gas, in gas.

• 1:03:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay. No, my calling card? I make everyone uncomfortable.

• 1:03:45Griffin McElroy?

  I'm an eccentric gentleman thief with some overdue library books.

• 1:03:51Travis McElroy?

  I gotta give you credit, Amelia, because the no would have been out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it. Absolutely not. I do not have that for you and you cannot access it. Thank you.

• 1:04:01Speaker 05

  The issue is.

• 1:04:01Travis McElroy?

  Try again tomorrow in a less weird fashion, please.

• 1:04:04Speaker 05

  The issue is that I try to be, you know, like have good customer service, but I can't stop myself from laughing at this person.

• 1:04:11Griffin McElroy?

  Amelia!

• 1:04:13Travis McElroy?

  Amelia, that's the problem. The first time that person came in, they misspoke.

• 1:04:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Travis McElroy?

  They didn't mean to say delicious, because that's not a thing human beings say.

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no. He said it twice to two different people.

• 1:04:30Travis McElroy?

  Did they? Wait, Amelia, no, stop. Did they laugh?

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  Okay, a lot.

• 1:04:36Travis McElroy?

  The second person, would they have been within earshot of the first person? Like, did he know he was delivering it a second time?

• 1:04:43Speaker 05

  Absolutely, he did not. My coworker texted me a few days earlier and he was like, "It's crazy. This guy just came in and asked me for 25 delicious dollars." And then-

• 1:04:53Travis McElroy?

  Of gasoline?

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, gasoline, of gas, and gas. And then I was like, "Haha, that's funny." And I moved on with my life. And then a few days later-

• 1:05:02Travis McElroy?

  Were you starstruck?

• 1:05:04Speaker 05

  I was.

• 1:05:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's him!

• 1:05:06Speaker 05

  It was a regular who had come many times before and he's never said this before. But this time, this time, a little bit after he said it to my coworker, now he comes in to me. And first he asks me, "How am I doing?" And I say, "Good." And he's like, "That's excellent news. Can I have 25 delicious dollars?"

• 1:05:26Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Amelia, listen, this is gonna sound like a joke, and I get that, but weird things happen.

• 1:05:34Travis McElroy?

  Maybe it's an angel.

• 1:05:35Travis McElroy?

  On a scale from 1 to 10, how strongly did the feeling hit you of, "Maybe this person has been taken over by an alien and they're learning how to talk like a human being?"

• 1:05:49Travis McElroy?

  Or ghosts.

• 1:05:49Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe they are in-

• 1:05:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm asking Amelia to give me an honest answer.

• 1:05:54Speaker 05

  Well, no, I thought he was human, because I have come to expect this from our customers. I didn't know. I actually, I didn't know-

• 1:06:05Travis McElroy?

  Wait, what the fuck does that mean?

• 1:06:07Travis McElroy?

  I don't know. Hey, Amelia, here's my thing from now on. You know who deserves good customer service? Good customers.

• 1:06:13Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 1:06:19Travis McElroy?

  And that's what Chili's offers you.

• 1:06:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Amelia, have you ever s- and this is a, I think I know the answer to this question, but-

• 1:06:27Griffin McElroy?

  Have you ever seen him eating money?

• 1:06:31Travis McElroy?

  Or eating gasoline?

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  I don't know. I watched him leave. Nothing weird happened after that. I just thought, I guess he thinks it's a normal thing to do.

• 1:06:39Griffin McElroy?

  He doesn't shove the pump into exhaust port in his chest?

• 1:06:42Travis McElroy?

  Or just keep walking. You realize he doesn't have a car?

• 1:06:48Travis McElroy?

  And suddenly he's rising off the ground?

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  Well, the thing about that is that I kind of overemphasized the amount he asks for. Usually it's two to three dollars.

• 1:06:57Griffin McElroy?

  Two to three dollars?

• 1:06:58Travis McElroy?

  Okay, no wait, hold on, Amelia.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  It's a pickup, it's a pickup truck. Two to three dollars every time.

• 1:07:04Travis McElroy?

  How often does he come in?

• 1:07:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's, it's, I can't.

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, every, every single day.

• 1:07:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:07:10Speaker 05

  But he's never said this before. This is a one-time thing.

• 1:07:14Griffin McElroy?

  This is killer new material.

• 1:07:16Travis McElroy?

  He's been trying to work up the nerves. That's why he buys so little every day. He promises himself he's gonna say it.

• 1:07:22Griffin McElroy?

  Amelia, I think every other person in this room is sitting here secretly jealous of you. This is a wonderful human encounter to have so regularly.

• 1:07:31Travis McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 1:07:33Speaker 05

  Not at all, but I appreciate it.

• 1:07:34Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Amelia. Right on.

• 1:07:41Griffin McElroy?

  I'm glad we had one more. Yes, hello.

• 1:07:43Travis McElroy?

  Hello, my friend. Hi, my name is Bennett.

• 1:07:46Travis McElroy?

  Hi, Bennett.

• 1:07:46Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Bennett.

• 1:07:47Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah, the other day I was thinking about the fact that my family has like a weird thing with three-letter names, like Dad, Bomb, Mom, Jan, Brother, Lee, Uncle, Jim, Ann. Okay, so on and so forth.

• 1:07:59Griffin McElroy?

  That was tough to follow.

• 1:08:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but we get it. The point is, it's a lot.

• 1:08:02Griffin McElroy?

  I thought you were saying you have a dad named Dad. And I was like, oh, cool.

• 1:08:07Travis McElroy?

  But yeah, and then I thought, I was thinking about Lee's name, and it's like, oh shit, I have no idea how to spell Lee's middle name.

• 1:08:16Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, this is your brother?

• 1:08:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's my younger brother, Lee. I'm 30 and he's 28, so it's, I can't go.

• 1:08:21Griffin McElroy?

  And you don't know how to spell your younger brother's name?

• 1:08:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, like, well, Lee, obviously, like, that one's pretty simple.

• 1:08:27Griffin McElroy?

  Lee's a slam dunk.

• 1:08:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:28Griffin McElroy?

  I think we're all pretty good on Lee.

• 1:08:29Travis McElroy?

  We're good on Lee for the most part. There's no wrong answer to this.

• 1:08:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:32Travis McElroy?

  What is Lee's middle name?

• 1:08:34Travis McElroy?

  McMillan.

• 1:08:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Hey, fucking yeah, man.

• 1:08:40Griffin McElroy?

  Wild, wild middle name.

• 1:08:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and I, I was trying to think about it. It's like, ooh.

• 1:08:44Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, I feel like when I was little, I used to say McMillan. Like, was that actually it?

• 1:08:49Travis McElroy?

  That's cute.

• 1:08:50Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gaslighting myself now, like, to what it actually is.

• 1:08:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 1:08:53Travis McElroy?

  Uh, is Lee here tonight?

• 1:08:55Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 1:08:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. That's what I wanted to know, too. That was a huge.

• 1:08:59Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 1:08:59Travis McElroy?

  That was gonna be a big thing.

• 1:09:01Griffin McElroy?

  I'm safe, too, because he doesn't, like, listen to my bam bam or anything.

• 1:09:03Travis McElroy?

  All right, fuck him.

• 1:09:04Griffin McElroy?

  I can start him with this.

• 1:09:06Travis McElroy?

  You walk up to him and say, "Hey, Lee, you think you're so fucking great? That you don't wanna listen to the show? How do you even spell your middle name?"

• 1:09:13Travis McElroy?

  Guess what, Lee? I know two of your three names now. I have power over you.

• 1:09:21Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I say something, Bennett?

• 1:09:23Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 1:09:24Travis McElroy?

  Absolutely, crabsolutely, do not say your last name at that microphone.

• 1:09:31Travis McElroy?

  If you can't, you haven't said your middle name yet, but if you care about your brother, Lee, you will not say your surname on that microphone.

• 1:09:39Griffin McElroy?

  Trick question. Bennett is my middle name. That's what I go by.

• 1:09:42Travis McElroy?

  God. God, me again.

• 1:09:44Travis McElroy?

  Is your first name McMillan?

• 1:09:46Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 1:09:47Travis McElroy?

  Hey, go to your, go to your brother and say, "Hey, right now, I bet you can't write my middle name properly."

• 1:09:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Travis McElroy?

  Because there could be, like, three N's in there, for all I know.

• 1:09:56Griffin McElroy?

  No, people get it wrong all the time. It's two Es, two N's, two Ts. The only thing is by itself is the B.

• 1:10:00Travis McElroy?

  But one B?

• 1:10:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, exactly.

• 1:10:02Travis McElroy?

  That's a trick. I would have written it, but Bennett.

• 1:10:07Griffin McElroy?

  Um, oh, man. I mean, this is a tough one. Getting someone to write their middle name down sounds like how you, like, trick Rumpelstiltskin into killing himself or something.

• 1:10:17Travis McElroy?

  Can I tell you something? With no context, I tried to explain the story of Rumpelstiltskin to my daughters the other day.

• 1:10:23Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking wild one.

• 1:10:24Travis McElroy?

  At no step were they having any part of it.

• 1:10:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no way.

• 1:10:27Travis McElroy?

  They were like, "Wait." And the king thought, "What? And he said, 'What' to her? And then she did, 'What'? And he had a spoon?" And I was like, "Yeah, listen, there's no part of this."

• 1:10:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Travis McElroy?

  That makes any goddamn sense.

• 1:10:39Travis McElroy?

  Uh, so Bennett, does that help? It's essentially just don't ask. No, you can't, you can.

• 1:10:46Travis McElroy?

  Hey, someday your brother will die.

• 1:10:48Travis McElroy?

  Travis, Travis, shut up. Now listen. No, that's the worst scenario because it's like, what do you want to put on his gravestone? Right. It's like, just an MC. Yes, yes. Get it like a fancy script so you can't really tell.

• 1:11:03Travis McElroy?

  Or a real age stone where like this has been here since the 1800s.

• 1:11:08Griffin McElroy?

  You don't have to wait for him to pass to get his gravestone. Our dad's already got one, which is so cool for us to go and see from time to time. Get it now. Get that middle name on there. You're in the clear. Does that help Bennett?

• 1:11:23Travis McElroy?

  Sure.

• 1:11:25Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much Bennett.

• 1:11:26Travis McElroy?

  Thank you Bennett. Glad we can help you so much. No one disagrees that we help.

• 1:11:30Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you so much San Antonio for coming to our live show tonight.

• 1:11:33Travis McElroy?

  What an incredible town.

• 1:11:34Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 1:11:35Travis McElroy?

  I loved it.

• 1:11:36Griffin McElroy?

  You all have been fucking amazing.

• 1:11:38Travis McElroy?

  I love this.

• 1:11:39Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, we have of course, uh, some more posters for sale out in the lobby that were designed by John Barlow. I am fucking wild about this poster and you can get one for yourself. We also, I believe, still have some, uh, challenge coins for the Paul Suborn Memorial Can Food Drive, uh, for sale out in the lobby, uh, which go to benefit the San Antonio Food Bank.

• 1:11:58Travis McElroy?

  Also tomorrow, we're doing, uh, my, uh, doing Adventure Zone and then, uh, my brother, my brother, me and Austin, and Griffin's driving the extra night and we're driving there tomorrow. So I know it's drivable.

• 1:12:08Griffin McElroy?

  Come on.

• 1:12:09Travis McElroy?

  I know you all could be there. Uh, we also want to say thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel and Clint, our dad, for helping us with the show tonight. Thank you to the Tobin Center. Uh, wonderful to be here.

• 1:12:22Travis McElroy?

  And thanks y'all for coming to our show. We really, really appreciate it.

• 1:12:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, seriously. Y'all have been absolutely rambunctious and fun.

• 1:12:29Travis McElroy?

  I hope you have fun. I hope you liked it.

• 1:12:32Travis McElroy?

  We had a great time.

• 1:12:33Travis McElroy?

  I had a good time.

• 1:12:34Griffin McElroy?

  I had a kick ass time and I want to thank Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life is Better With You." It's a bop.

• 1:12:42Travis McElroy?

  And I want to thank that cursor for being my shining star.

• 1:12:45Griffin McElroy?

  I genuinely do not think it's a cursor Travis.

• 1:12:47Travis McElroy?

  We had to cut it every time because there's no continuity. Hey, uh, we've been asking you for your fears that you want to be faster than in the year of our Lord 20th Thunder Drive. Uh, what is our fear for, for this episode, Griff?

• 1:12:58Griffin McElroy?

  This final fear, to leave us off. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear that Dennis Rodman will show up un- ...announced and throw money at me again.

• 1:13:11Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:13:13Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:13:14Travis McElroy?

  It's been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad's square on the lips.

• 1:13:48Speaker 05

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.