Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” and Lauren Sorrentino on Sobriety and Parenthood

You might know Mike “The Situation” and Lauren Sorrentino from Jersey Shore. Today, they’re parents of three, navigating recovery and raising resilient kids. In this candid conversation with Dr. Becky, they share how sobriety shapes their parenting, how they plan to talk with their children about substances, and why connection - not perfection - is the key to breaking cycles.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  After my first baby was born, I treated my own recovery like a complete afterthought. If the baby needed something, I showed up immediately. If I needed something, well, it would wait. But research shows that when parents have the support they need, they're better able to care for their children. Taking care of yourself isn't separate from parenting. It's a huge part of parenting. That's why I love Frida's mission to prepare women for the realities of pregnancy, postpartum, recovery, and feeding. Frida creates solutions for the moments that often catch moms off guard. The Postpartum Essentials Kit and Breastfeeding Survival Kit help women feel more prepared for those early weeks of motherhood. Be motherhood prepared and shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today.

• 0:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So today I have two, what might seem like kind of unexpected guests on my podcast, Mike and Lauren Sorrentino. You might know them from the Jersey Shore franchise. I mean, I think GTL is one of the most known acronyms, am I right? So here's the backstory. Lauren reposted something on Instagram from my Instagram account. That led to us exchanging a DM, then voice notes, then we had a real conversation, and I learned so much on this phone call. I learned about her and Mike's family history around addiction. I learned about Mike's commitment to sobriety, and I learned about their incredible commitment to intentional, connected parenting. I knew so many of the

• 1:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  themes from this conversation would resonate, and so I brought them to the studio to talk about it. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this.

• 1:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere, or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home The beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty,

• 2:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 3:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the make your own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable, homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 3:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Welcome.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 3:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Um, so I want to talk about so many things today. I know we'll end up talking about parenting. You're both parents of three, I'm a parent of three. I know we think a lot about how we raise our kids and what really matters, not only in these early years, but how it ladders up to what really matters in the kind of teen adult years. But sometimes I think the best way of understanding what matters to us today is actually to start by rewinding a little bit and thinking about our childhoods and kind of where a lot of things came from. And so, Mike, if I start with you.

• 4:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of the things that really has stuck out to me, beyond what people know about you, is just the resilience around your own childhood and your own story of cycle breaking. And so I wonder if we could just start there a little bit. If we rewind a couple of decades.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 4:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know, tell me a little bit about how you think about your childhood, what it was like, what really kind of sticks out to you.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  I was probably punished more oftentimes than not punished because of my own wild and careless reckless behavior.

• 5:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Hmm.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  So, you know, that definitely sticks in my brain because, I mean, we only have a four year old now, but I can definitely see a lot of his personality in me.

• 5:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  So me and my wife have constant conversations, which is always a moving target with your child, your children.

• 5:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  About what we should do and what we shouldn't do going forward.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  And he's also my deeply feeling one.

• 5:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  The others have not revealed themselves as DFKs. Yeah, he sure has. And he is, you know, he's how I really started to seek somebody like you and good inside, so.

• 5:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so maybe we could jump in then there, like, a lot of us were raised with punishment. We act out, you get punished.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Um, now I think a lot of us, at least us here in this room, are thinking, okay, well, what am I really trying to teach my kids? Why do kids act out? What might they need in the moment to actually learn, you know, whatever they don't know so they can act differently in the future? So I'm curious kind of how you handle those moments now with your son, but maybe also is that similar or different from what happened back then? And how is that shifting then?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  I think we kind of were both, I think we both were raised in a similar, you know, model. Like both of our families were in suburban New Jersey, Italian American, very hardworking.

• 6:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Providers as the father figure, our moms were stay at home moms. We each were one of four, so very, you know, parallel in that sense. So, but for my upbringing, you know, Punishment was a big thing and my parents were great parents. They did the best that they knew then.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  And I have a great relationship with them and I love them deeply. But I do remember a lot of the go to your room, you know, those kind of things when you were in trouble.

• 7:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  And I remember those feelings now, like as an adult, like I could not remember a lot of things, but those feelings of the go to your room type thing, when you kind of feel isolated and you don't know why that happens. And that's what keeps me making sure I don't send my son to his room because if he's feeling that sense of, you know, powerlessness, which is a lot of why they're whining or acting out because he can't achieve the goal that he has set out to do because he's four. So why would I send him alone to his room, you know?

• 7:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So, one of the things I hear from parents all the time is, okay, so I'm not supposed to send my kid to their room, so it's just okay that they act out. It just is something that I'm reinforcing and I know you and I probably see that there's something in the middle, right, between go to your room or let's throw you a party because you hit your sibling, like no one's throwing a party for these kids, right? But it's, it's a new thing and I think a lot of us did grow up where punishment, because it was just so common generation to generation, anything I think that we've done for generations has moved kind of from the fiction shelf of the library to the nonfiction. It just feels like, well, that's the way it's supposed to be, right? So how do you think about that? Like what, what does your son need when he acts out?

• 8:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And how is that something you're thinking about when you're trying to intervene, maybe in a not always just punishing way?

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Right. I think that I've just equated so much of his needs to what my needs are as a human. And I know how I feel. I'm a mom of three children, so I'm overstimulated all the time.

• 8:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  We have lots of businesses.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  She does a great job. I, I like step back and let her do her thing and I try to emulate what she does, but you continue on, honey.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  We, um, you know, we have our relationship. Have our children, we have our businesses, we're entrepreneurs. So our house can be a revolving door sometimes and our kitchen. And we're very blessed, our kitchen and our family room connect, but it's a large space.

• 9:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  So when he has these moments, they're obviously in that family space. So what I do is I usually take him, either I take him or my husband takes him. And we go with him to either the guest bedroom that's right off the family room, or we'll go to his room together.

• 9:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  And we'll give him just a clean space with no distractions, no TVs, no siblings, and let him calm down and then talk to him about why he's feeling that way or why he's frustrated. And it naturally happens a lot quicker when we remove him from that environment.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  It usually works and that's been our, our go to.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  We go together with him and this is something that I've followed my wife.

• 9:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  So I see, I take the lead and, and it has been working. And we, we take him to either room and we usually say, you know, do you want to hug? Do you want some love? And nine out of 10 times it works every single time. And then we bring him down and then he sits down at the dinner table or something like that.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  It's the only is usually when we're trying to have dinner.

• 10:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yep.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  It's a nightly thing.

• 10:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  So.

• 10:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Well, look, just to kind of flesh out what you're saying a little bit because kids act out mostly because their feelings are more kind of intense than their skills are in that moment. Their feelings overpower their skills. They feel overwhelmed, they feel nervous about something, they feel angry, right? And then they're not born with skills to manage any of those feelings. And so they don't have the skills and for any of us at any age, when our feelings overpower our skills, it comes out as kind of bad behavior.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I think about the model that so many people in our generation were raised with, which is some version of like, go to your room or you can't act this way. And it's not to say I don't have those thoughts too. I'm sure you have those thoughts. It's inconvenient, it's annoying sometimes, right? But when you do send a kid away as kind of the predominant way of interacting, what ends up happening is a kid goes to their room. And maybe actually I'll pause there because you remember it, Lauren. Like what's happening in the room?

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Ah, the room is, it doesn't feel like your safe space. The room feels like an isolation box. Because even though it's your bedroom and it's like all your things, you know that you're there because you're in trouble. And you don't really know why you're in trouble. Because you don't, back then, you know, now I have the understanding I was doing something wrong, or who even knows why I went there, but it's, but I felt confused.

• 11:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  You know?

• 11:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. What about you, Mike? Do you remember that? Do you remember being punished?

• 11:42Speaker 02

  I do.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  You know, it started out as punishments, just, you know, go to your room.

• 11:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  And then eventually, as the behavior continued, and there was a non-change in my behavior, then they would start to remove TVs, remove the door, remove, you know.

• 12:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Remove the door? Your bedroom door?

• 12:05Speaker 02

  The Sega, or whatever.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  For a period of time as well.

• 12:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You both had no doors?

• 12:09Speaker 01

  We both had no doors on the hinges.

• 12:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Were you slamers? Is that why?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  I think the door equated to, they wanted to know what I was doing in there, and also no girls in the room too. Because they wanted to know what I was doing in the room. Eventually, after that, then it turned to a chore list, a very in-depth chore list of, you know, waxing cabinets. I mean, we're talking everything, the floors, the cabinets.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  I'm very grateful for that.

• 12:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I was gonna say, I need you over to my house.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Now, I will say, I will say that chore list had helped a little bit because it had structure, it had routine. It taught me a bunch of things. So I'll be honest with you, I'm not really against, like, chore lists.

• 12:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I want to mark that over here because, like anything, when we make changes in parenting style or anything, it rarely is the case that the old way, you need to. Throw completely out without taking lessons from it that were useful. And it sounds like there are certain things, structure, purpose, capability, helpfulness, that actually were really helpful to you.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's why I say I'm not against tourless. I believe that it builds, you know, a structure and routine. And later in life, you know, once I got together with, you know, my now, my wife, I knew how to do laundry. I knew how to like, you know, be somewhat of, not a homemaker, but.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Take pride in your home and like contribute to the household.

• 13:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like a functional adult.

• 13:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, 100%. And so it's interesting to me about the no door, because I do hear this from so many people too. The removal of the doors for people who used to slam doors and then their parents would actually follow through. And this kind of mix of communication around, I don't, I don't trust you. Literally, I don't trust you enough to.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Close the door, but I'm also not necessarily teaching you the skills you didn't have to necessarily make the changes either. But it's so different from how you intervene now. You take your son to his room.

• 14:23Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm curious, Mike, before, you were saying you're taking Lauren's lead on this. Is there a part of you, or has there been, like, this is so, I don't know, this is, this is so permissive, this isn't going to work, I have to show how the world works, this is, no one's going to take you to your room when you're an 18 year old.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  A little, a little more tough love, you're saying?

• 14:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  I think sometimes in my brain, the first reaction as a man of the home is to put your foot down. But I'm also a very mindful dad and mindful husband. I've been through so much in life that I'm able to easily rewind it and step back, take a, take a deep breath.

• 15:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Look around at my surroundings.

• 15:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  And find the best route forward. Sometimes it could be listening to my wife and stepping back. Sometimes it could be me being the, the father figure in the room to, to step up and, and, handle my son and take him into the next room. But I do, like I said, take him in the other room and give him a hug and it works nine out of 10 times every time.

• 15:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. I mean, I think how many times in our adult life? You know, when we're, I don't know, you never understand me. I can't talk to you. How many, how many times that person said, hold on, do you need a hug?

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I actually do that with adults now.

• 15:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Do you?

• 15:43Speaker 01

  No, we do.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  I do that with adults. I don't know what TV show you know I'm on, but I do that with adults. And it works. It works.

• 15:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It does.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  It diffuses the situation, pun intended. And, and you're like, listen, come on, just bring it in, bring it in.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  And I think a big part of that, I don't know if it comes to men the same way that it comes to women, because I don't want to say it's like a motherly instinct, because I didn't have that with my first. But now that I have three children and I'm settled into my role as a mother, I look at everybody as children and not insulting in, in a powerful way.

• 16:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  In a like, every adult, every professional, every, everything. So when someone acts out of character or alignment, I don't dislike them or have any animosity to them. I'm like, what happened in your life that, you know what I mean? Like hurts you that way? And that's at the level that I feel like I'm at in trying to raise my children that way.

• 16:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So I just want to mirror that back. When I'm with another adult, something at work, or I don't know, a friend has some huge reaction. They find out I was at a dinner with another friend and they kind of attacked me for not inviting them. It was a small thing, something just like that.

• 17:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  The thought process you try to access is, okay, something's happening here.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Maybe even old. There's some, some wound. This is in some ways, I'm talking to, I'm making this up, my 40-year-old friend, but I might be talking to her eight-year-old left-out self. Right in the moment, who maybe, I'm making this up, but was alone with those feelings. Never really learned them, never got a hug in that moment. And I, I think also a part of this is so many times people think, oh, so then it's my responsibility to, no, but just that shift in perspective changes maybe how angry you are or just what you say back.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, we usually give

• 17:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  everyone the benefit of the doubt in every interaction.

• 17:48Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  And we usually lead with kindness.

• 17:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know. When I was talking to someone about, you know, having the two of you on, um, of course, Mike, you're very known for, you know, GTL, like the ultimate acronym.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Tanning and laundry.

• 18:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But, but my ultimate acronym, so I can go acronym to acronym, face to face with you is MGI, most generous interpretation. If we think about the most generous interpretation of why my kid, I don't know, said I hate you, it's probably because they were upset and they don't have the language to say to me at age four, I'm very disappointed with this decision. And so it just comes out as I hate you, or why my friend, I don't know, had this reaction. My MGI might be, maybe this is a little bit about the situation, but a lot a bit about something that maybe happened a long time ago.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Yes, they say what hurt people hurt people.

• 18:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's right. Hurt people. Hurt people.

• 18:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go

• 19:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 20:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 20:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm thinking about, and it might seem like a leap, but I want to make it because it's interesting. My co-founder at Good Inside is another psychologist, and she spent her whole career before, and kind of started Good Inside together in substance use, and working with individuals and adults, you know, who struggle in that way. And when we've talked to people, they often say it's so kind of interesting. She comes from the substance use world. You come from parenting, emotion regulation world. How did that come together? And the two of us always look at each other and we think, actually, like, those things are really intimately connected. I know parenting matters to you. Emotions matter to you.

• 21:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I know substance use has been a part of your lives, is now in some ways at the forefront of what matters to you and a lot of your business. So let's kind of bring that together. Maybe we can start with, when you think about how you're raising your kids and the importance of recognizing their emotions, being with them, teaching them to manage emotions. And when you also think about substance use and the role that's played, you know, in the past, how do you bring that together?

• 22:11Speaker 01

  That's what... I ask myself almost every day, I think with, you know, waking up as a mom to small children and having our life be out there in the open, but also, you know, wanting to be transparent with our children in the beginning. And right now, our oldest is four, but it's like, when is the right age to introduce language and conversation about recovery and substances and how, you know, it is a disease and how they affect every member of the family. You know, my brother, their uncle, passed away from an overdose. So I have a picture of him and myself in my family room, and I always talk about Uncle Chris.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  So these are things that I ask myself all the time.

• 22:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  And I think it's just, you know, us navigating that together.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, I feel that, you know, our kids are so young right now. But at the same time, if every single year dad is celebrating his 10 years of sobriety, his 11 years of sobriety, his 12 years of sobriety, and the kids are growing up with that, do you see the trend that is following here? It's awareness.

• 23:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  It's education at an early age. And that is some of the most important things that you can instill in a child. I also believe, like you said, the transparency is amazing as well. But if we're putting so much emphasis as a family

• 23:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  into sobriety, they're gonna know what's important at an early age.

• 23:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What does that mean to you in terms of this stage in your life, sobriety?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  I mean, it's probably where I, it's why I am where I am today in life, in every aspect of my life. I am my best self in every single area because of my sobriety, my mindfulness, my education, and my experience. And I also don't shy away from my history, what made me the man I am today, because I've turned those Ls into lessons. I've made the adjustments and the pivots where they needed to be, when they needed to be, to eventually grow to be the best version of myself right now.

• 24:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Could you share, could you share one of them? Like what, more specifically, like the lessons, like you said, our past teaches us, right?

• 24:37Speaker 02

  I mean,

• 24:39Speaker 02

  I was technically a victim of addiction, which in turn started out as experimentation. My own decision. But I was not educated on what addiction is and how it could manifest in my own life. In, in, in, in the early years, I'm like, oh, uh, not gonna happen to me. You know, I can have fun and experiment and just like every other college kid out there in their twenties, they start out drinking and partying. And I always thought I was, you know, the life of the party or everyone loved my, which in turn it was true for a little bit. It was.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Um, eventually, uh, addiction does not discriminate.

• 25:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Addiction does not discriminate.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  And has, it has consequences. So, uh, eventually I became dependent upon prescription opiates. And that, then after that, then it became, it seeped into every area of my life. Relationships.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  You're not making good decisions because you're intoxicated all the time. Um, you start to distance yourself and isolate yourself from family. So as I'm giving you all of these symptoms, um, it affects every area of your life, even though I was a millionaire, even though I was making millions a year from MTV on the biggest show in the country. Okay, and no one would say no to me. Still, my life started to go like this slowly because I was bringing in so much money, but it was happening slowly and people just didn't see it. So, um, eventually, years later, Uncle Sam came knocking at the door.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  And he came knocking at the door because someone was intoxicated.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  And was not on top of his financial house. See, if you're have your wits about you in life, right? You're going to make good decisions for yourself, your family, your friends, right? But if you are intoxicated, then you are not your best self. And I didn't file my taxes. And so then, when they came in and indicted me, it was from my own decisions. So at the time when all this happened, it was it was definitely life changing. It it had to happen.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  And there had to be a reaction from me. And the reaction from me was I have to do something to save my life. Or else, quite possibly, I would not have one, you know?

• 27:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Lauren, what comes up for you? And this isn't your first time hearing this, obviously, but what? What's going on? What goes on inside you when you hear about this? And I know your brother, right? Must be on your mind, too.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think that what's really important to me about sharing the substance abuse nature with my family. And when I say family, I mean, my my young children in the future is that the awareness of their feelings and oftentimes what you what brings you to pick up a first substance? Whether you're socializing, whether you're an addict, or whether you're experimenting? What is the emotion behind picking something up? Because there's something there. Whether it's a sense of wanting to belong, or wanting to fit in, or wanting to see what it feels to be out of control and out of your body, out of curiosity.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  And if I'm able to educate my children on what these feelings mean and safety way, safe ways to experiment with feelings and how to get yourself to a baseline of a comfortability without a substance.

• 28:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I want to double click on that because a different version of a baseline I think about is kind of, let's talk about dancing sober. That's just a good example, right? Even though it's not like that's the ultimate life goal, but something like that comes up. And it's kind of representative of being in a situation that feels vulnerable, where other people see you and your level of comfort. So let's just say that. If we think about baseline, what you're talking about here for what you want for your kids, I think is, I want them and their baseline to be comfortable enough with themselves, or even comfortable enough with their awkwardness. Because not everyone's gifted as a great dancer. I don't know about you, my moves aren't that great. But I want them to be comfortable enough

• 29:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  in their awkwardness, that how much they need something to feel comfortable, isn't a 10 out of 10, isn't an 8 out of 10. Maybe it's a 2 out of 10, but at a 2 out of 10, it's manageable. Where at an 8, 9, 10 out of 10, it's much harder to manage. Is that kind of what you're getting at?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Yes. That's where I, where my goal is. But again, I'm speaking from the part of the half that is not in sobriety. So I really lean on him to share, I want him to be honest with them, when the age is appropriate, you know?

• 30:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  I mean, I learned, and this probably takes years of practice for people, but when I go to the club, I'm happier than 99% of the people in the club, because I've learned to sort of vibe out and be so comfortable with who I am, that I'm happier, talkative, right? Have better conversation. And then after about an hour, when people start to slur and can't even get their conversations out, I exit and in the morning, I go to the gym, because I can get up and do my gym tanning and laundry. And again, it does take years of practice to get to where I am at.

• 30:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yep.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Because like you said, the 2 out of 10, a lot of people are not comfortable in their own skin. But what they need to realize is, okay, that authenticity is such an unmatched vibe. No one is going to be you, no matter how hard anybody tries.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  And that's a good thing.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  So if you know that, your laugh, your chuckle, how you speak, how you dance, you are a one of one. And that is why, when I'm at the club, I'm like, Situations here. You know what I mean? Big Daddy Sit is here. Okay. And everyone's like, why is he always so happy? It's because I've, I've learned these tools.

• 31:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 31:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list

• 32:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 32:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable, homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 33:40Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So I want to, I want to talk about this because it's so, I think it's so important and not talked about enough, how all of this actually connects to parenting. Because when I think about something that I see all the time from the most well-intentioned parents, it's this constant urge to keep our kid happy all the time, to take away their disappointment or their awkward feelings. For example, a kid is going to a birthday party and they feel awkward, they feel anxious, right? Well, I'm definitely not, and you know me, throw the kid in, right? But there's a lot between that and always trying to keep

• 34:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  our kid happy and helping them see awkwardness, discomfort as something to tolerate, not exit from. I'm just thinking about how that, when our kids are young, sets them up when they're 18, 25, 40, to, to kind of have this arsenal of skills and experience where they've learned that it's okay to be them even when things don't feel kind of happy and perfect. So how does that play out when your kids are upset, when they're left out, when they want something and they don't have it? How is kind of your life experience and

• 35:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  how does that play out in how you parent them today?

• 35:04Speaker 01

  That's something that we're actively working on.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  There's, I share a lot of that information from your app with him.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Yes, no, I'm guilty, you know, I'm definitely guilty, but I do know.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  I'm the bad cop when that happens.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm definitely guilty of that because I just don't want my kids to, to be upset. But I know, but I know that discomfort is like a muscle.

• 35:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  And that it will eventually lead to growth.

• 35:34Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And strength. I think that's so important. Discomfort's a muscle. And I think also what you're saying is actually, learning to tolerate discomfort is the muscle. Because when your kids, I don't know, are in their teen or early adult years, I don't think you expect them to call you every day and say, everything's smooth, everything's smooth, everything's smooth. I got the job I want, I got the promotion I want, I have the partner I want, I've never been in traffic in my life. Like, that's never going to happen. So, me too, when I think about my kids older on. I just, I don't expect them to call me and say, I've achieved everything I want to achieve all the time and I'm perfectly happy. I know. I don't know when they're in high school,

• 36:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  when they're in college, after, they're gonna have disappointment, they're gonna have a breakup that they didn't want to have. Something as silly as, I don't know, they're gonna miss a flight, or try to register for a class and get closed out. And how they cope with that, or how they cope with asking someone out on a date, even though they're not sure, I don't know, they'll say yes. That's not something that just starts at age 16 or 26. And so, when our kids are young and they're upset, helping them see that they can get through it, without necessarily bringing it to a zero, is the, is kind of like the biggest gift we can give them. Right?

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Honey, I think we do that, right?

• 37:01Speaker 01

  We do do that.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  We do that a lot with affirmations.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  You do.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  You're strong, you're courageous, you're smart, you're beautiful. To let them know that, to believe in themselves.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  And we really validate what, what the, you know, what the disappointment is. Why, you know, this morning, I was in the shower, okay?

• 37:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  My son comes running upstairs, he's hysterically crying, opens my shower door, "What happened? Daddy won't let me have a lollipop."

• 37:29Speaker 02

  It was 7:00 AM.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  It's barely 7:00 AM. You can't have a lollipop for breakfast.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  That's the thing, yes.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, you know, but I said, I know that you really wanted that lollipop. If you eat lunch at school, because sometimes it comes harmful, I said, then you can have a lollipop after school.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  She's very good with that. The kids will run to me, they'll run to me, my Mia Bella, who is two and a half, she's gorgeous, she'll run to me and say, first thing out of her mouth, "Daddy, chocolate."

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Well, I think she's trained.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  You know, and it's so hard, it's so hard, it's so hard for me to say no. And the same thing, the kids will, you know, because I am, um...

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Not, my wife is, is, is, is always around.

• 38:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Primarily.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  I am less around than my wife. Soon as they see me, that's the first thing they ask for me. And it's almost like they, they know that I'm gonna do it. And now because of my wife taking the lead, I follow and I say, no, you know, you have to have breakfast first, or no, you have to have dinner first. And if you don't eat dinner, then, you know, you can't have snacks or dessert or anything like that. So we're trying.

• 38:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I just want to reflect back something you said. It's interesting when you were telling the story around the period of your addiction. You said, nobody said no to me.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  No one, doctors, people in authority, cops, nobody.

• 38:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You didn't say it, but it seems like there was a hint of, even if I wouldn't have liked it at the time, it would have been good for people to say no to me?

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, um, yes. Definitely at the time, if people would have made it a little harder for me.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Maybe that might have lessened the fall, maybe?

• 39:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Because now we're talking about your kids.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I think parents, so many times they hear in their brain, like, you know, I don't know, I don't want to say no, I don't see my kids that much. But they get so powerful to redefine love, even if we're not the primary parent. There are so many times, looking back on our lives, that we know hearing no from someone would have been the ultimate form of love. Because they're able to hold a longer term goal in mind for us as opposed to just give us what we seemingly want in the moment. And yeah, like a lollipop for breakfast might be a good example. We all have it times here and there, we're like, fine, have a lollipop. It's one of those days. But I think sometimes we feel guilty or we tell ourselves, oh, I don't want to say no. I like to be the good cop.

• 39:47Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But if we're honest with ourselves, so many times we feel most seen and helped by people when they do set limits.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  I had to draw the line, I had to draw the line in the sand this morning.

• 39:58Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  On the way here to Dr. Becky, I was like, you are not having a lollipop for breakfast.

• 40:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  I knew this was happening.

• 40:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  To tell you, I was so proud and to, you know, you know how it is when you see your children crying. That breaks every parent's heart, but to see him crying and tell me that daddy said no to a lollipop. I was so happy. I was so proud of him. You know, it was a good thing. And I think that everybody needs to know that no is not a bad word.

• 40:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Thank you.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Even outside of people who are not parents. No is not a bad word.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Even with adults too.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:34Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  It's a boundary. It's, it's needed.

• 40:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's right.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  To have a healthy life.

• 40:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I think so many times when we're saying no to a kid, what we have to remind ourselves is we are actually saying yes to a limit or a value that matters to us. Right? So let's say it's a different example. Um, I want to watch another TV show and we know my kid's been up late the last couple of nights. I know they need sleep. They have school tomorrow. We tell ourselves, I don't want to say no to our kid, but if we reframe it as it's my job to hold the bedtime. My four-year-old, my eight-year-old is never going to say, Mom, Dad, I think it would be a good idea for me to get sleep. They don't understand the long-term benefits of sleep. That's not their job. That's our job. We're the leader.

• 41:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And if we say to ourselves instead, I might have to say no to them, but truly that no is only coming because I'm actually saying yes to something that I know matters. It does become easier because you remember I'm the leader. I'm kind of the CEO of my family. And CEOs have to know what they value and what really matters. Right? And then, like we said, your kid might be upset, but your kid being upset isn't a sign you're doing something wrong. Sometimes it's just the sign that you're holding a boundary that good leaders need to hold.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  So you're like saying no now, but yes to your future.

• 41:54Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's exactly right, which I think at any age, the people who've kind of.

• 42:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Been really important and influential in our lives. They are people who can see kind of a better version of us in the future. And they make a decision today to help set us up for that. Instead of almost colluding with whatever version of ourselves we're in in the moment. Right? I think when you're going through addiction as an adult and I talk to, you know, couples who have kids and maybe one of the partners using and sometimes it's an act of love for the other partner to say, "We need to talk about this."

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, definitely.

• 42:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  "I need you to agree to certain things." And I'm saying that not out of a place of anger or eating. I'm actually saying that because I love you and I know what you're capable of. And I know the family life we both need, right? That that matters so, that that is such an act of love.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, addiction can be debilitating in every aspect of your life. That's why we are so vocal.

• 43:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I know we're kind of circling around this, but to name it more directly, I think so many parents, they really, they really care about being cycle breakers. When you think about cycles you want to break, or kind of new cycles you want to start with your own kid, kids, what, what, what really stands out?

• 43:21Speaker 02

  I don't know, I feel like we are a very, very good example right now.

• 43:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Of breaking the chains of maybe how we maybe grew up, you know? I, I mean, the way that we parent today, the way that we operate. I mean, you know, dad is 10 years clean and sober. We're opening up treatment centers.

• 43:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Is that about being emotionally present? Is that about what?

• 43:54Speaker 02

  Well, well, definitely because of that, I am very emotionally present. I am super mindful. The tools that I have learned over the many years are invaluable. You know, that I'm able to pass along to my family and my kids as they start to get older. So I feel like. Also, just some of the things that I've learned in recovery about running the tape. And a lot of people don't even know what that is, but as a family, we do it all the time about running the tape on your decisions.

• 44:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What does that mean? Just to explain to everyone.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Running the tape on your decisions means that you play a decision out in your head. Almost like a risk assessment tool. You know? And the easiest one to give an example of is if you were, you know, if I'm at the bar, I'm not me, but anyone at the bar and you decide to drink.

• 44:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  What are gonna be some possible outcomes of that risk assessment drill in your head? And you would think to yourself, okay, I can possibly get a DUI. I can possibly get into an argument at the bar in a fight. I can possibly get into a car accident and hurt myself and someone else. So as you put these line items in your brain, right? Almost like a positive and a negative list. You're like, okay, should I make this decision or should I not make this decision? And you're like, well, you know what? Yeah, there's too much on the negative list. Probably not a good idea. But I did decide to drink. What are some other things I can do? Let's call an Uber.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  And now I just saved myself. Possible consequences and a very bad outcome that will hurt many areas of my life. So that's just one example that I gave you. And I do that in every single decision.

• 45:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, it's so interesting. It makes me think about that idea of running the tape in a totally different context, too. I don't know you have this, but I hear from so many, especially moms. I end up being resentful. I feel so alone. I don't have support. And I'll say something like, if they do have a partner, okay, well, what would it be like to ask your partner to come home and help you with bath time? Oh, I couldn't do that. Right, okay, well, let's run the tape of what happens if you don't. Okay, so you don't. You feel resentful. You're very overwhelmed. Your kid whines about one tiny thing and what's gonna happen? You're gonna scream, right? Okay, well, that's not the prettiest tape either, right? So let's come back and what would something different? It's such a helpful concept.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do that in every area of our life, including conversations. If you get into an argument with somebody.

• 46:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  And maybe they're being rude to you. If you take a deep breath. And step outside yourself for one second and be like, listen, if I get into an arguing with this person right now, I might be on TMZ.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  I might be in the paper. You know what? It's better for me to say, thank you so much. Have a good day. God bless you and walk away. It's just little details that me and my wife practice on a daily basis in every aspect of our life that we've learned over many years in TV and dealing in certain situations.

• 47:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 47:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list

• 47:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 48:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the make your own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sound, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodot, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 49:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What about cycle breaking for you? Like, are there things? Because I firmly believe this idea of every generation of parents, every parent is doing the best they can with the resources they have.

• 49:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And most parents also want to do things differently than their parents did in some respects. So those can be equally true. It doesn't have to be about blame. So I'm curious, what, I don't know, is there a form of cycle breaking or something that you know really matters for you to give to your kid?

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. For me personally, cycle breaking means sharing more about my feelings and how I'm feeling, because there's moments where I'm feeling frustrated. I'm happy, I'm sad, and I want my kids to see all of those feelings. I feel like the generation I was raised in was hiding a lot of the, you know, if a family member passed. You know, I remember seeing my mom. I remember seeing my mom cry when she found out her grandmother passed. And I felt so bad for her and I wish I could have given her a hug, but I was young and we didn't really share those, you know, share about, talk about certain things at certain ages.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  So I think that just really, through all the therapy I've done, through him getting sober, his sobriety, and now me really getting back into therapy through just wanting to be the best parent I can be, I feel like it's really important. I know that it's really important to share my feelings so my kids have examples of what life is, because life is not all rainbows and unicorns.

• 50:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I think that's such an important theme. Life is not all rainbows and unicorns. And ironically, the more we try to make our kids' lives when they're young, all rainbows and unicorns, of course, they're going to expect that a good life in adulthood means all rainbows and unicorns. And in the rainbow and unicorn world, there's no awkward feelings. There's no jealousy. There's no sadness. And I think we want our kids to feel prepared for those inevitable feelings.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? And I think this example is such a beautiful one. You're upset as a parent. There's a, there's a big difference between putting your feelings on your kid. You don't want to do that. And talking about your obvious feelings with your kid.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? Yes. You're right to notice. I was crying.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And you keep hearing the word die, cancer, or whatever it is. Let me explain that to you.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right?

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 51:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And now it's actually a point of deepening connection with your kid. They understand what's happening in their environment. They're probably that much more able to deal with their own sad feelings because they know, oh, mom or dad has sad feelings too. And they're able to talk about it and work through it. It's not some hidden agenda as if it's shameful or wrong.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  I, I think that because of my wife, she does so much research. Like, you know, I'm so proud of her. But we want our children to feel that they are being heard.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  And I think that is very important. It's something we do in our home a lot. We, we do a lot of listening and we want to make sure that they know that they are heard. And a lot of times because of my wife, we want to get down on their level.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  So these, there's been a ton of things that I've learned from my wife. And I'm so very proud of her that she's definitely taken the lead in the house. So, and I've also learned as well.

• 52:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, Lauren, you're the ultimate forever learner, right? Which is, I think, the best it gets.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Nobody knows all this stuff.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. Life, you know, life's over when you stop learning, I think.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  Good phrase.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  And I've always been a hard worker. I've always loved working. When I worked in like our form, my former career and everything. And when I came into a role as motherhood, I had no idea what I was doing. And I felt like a failure for probably the first year with postpartum and all of that. And then as we had more kids, I got my groove. And I'm like, wait. How do you just know how to do this? This is so hard.

• 53:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  And my sister is actually who introduced me to you and was like, you know, you really should check out Dr. Becky on Good Inside. People rave about her app. And it was exactly what I needed to just give me that boost of confidence and really find a community for, you know, parenting.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  We've been talking about Dr. Becky in the home for months now. And we were very excited to come here today.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 53:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Well, I'm equally as excited. And I just want to say the power of normalizing learning, like you were saying, parenting is a job, right? And every other job, continuing education, coaching, learning, I don't know one person who works at a company that if you heard them say, I want to learn more. I want to educate. I want to learn from other people. You would never say, that must mean you're bad at your job. What? It's absurd. I don't know any athlete who doesn't want a coach or even a sports psychologist. We say, amazing. That's like, you're taking your potential. You're adding things you learn. And that is how you reach, you know, heights. And so to say, that's, I think that's exactly how I wish people look at parenting.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  There's certain moments that come naturally.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  There's a lot that don't.

• 54:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? And we can supplement what feels instinctual with the same thing we do in any other area of our life, learning support. And then when you do, the irony is, like you said, Lauren, beautifully, you, you don't feel like a failure anymore. You feel more confident. So beautiful.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Um, the hardest part of parenting is?

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Uh, um, being the bad cop.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Hmm, good answer. That is, that is the truth.

• 55:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  For you too.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, I love being a dad. I worked so hard to be where I'm at right now. And this is for me, like, um, the end game. End game is family, um, my legacy. So, um, we are a, um, what's the word? Uh, we are learning while we're going, just like every other family, you know? And, uh, but, um, we're actively, the word actively working and educating ourselves to make sure that, um, our kids can turn, grow up to be the, the most best version of themselves.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  The thing I could have used to hear in my childhood was?

• 55:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I understand.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 55:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What about you?

• 55:52Speaker 02

  I don't know if I can follow up after that one. That was okay.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Uh, that was a good answer. Um, probably what I needed was, um, everything happens for a reason.

• 56:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One thing you do to stay connected in your marriage, even as you're raising young kids.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  Oh, good one. We actively work on that.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  We try to do weekly, uh, date nights or day dates. I'm really into the date, the lunch date. Cause I like my sleep.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  Usually every single day at 11:11,

• 56:29Speaker 02

  I will text my wife, I love you. With 11:11 and a heart and a, and a, like a, like a kissy face or something, just to let her know that like I love her and then I'm thinking of her. And that's just one of the things that we, I do on a daily basis.

• 56:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And both of you have an example and I think it's so important. That, that's something to be proactive about too. That doesn't just happen.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 56:48Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? Like you have to do the text. You have to make the date, right?

• 56:51Speaker 02

  The reason why I said actively, because relationships, all relationships, it could be friendships, it could be work, uh, relationships, anything, uh, it takes work.

• 56:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  Active work on a daily basis. If there is no work, there'll be no relationship.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  And you have to connect outside of your children, you know, because 99.9% of your combos are gonna be.

• 57:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Which is going on with them. Carboles, exactly.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  It's also always a moving target too, you know, and we're always trying to, um, listen to each other's feelings and sometimes she says that I'm being too hard. And sometimes, you know, I have to make adjustments.

• 57:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  You know, and on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on a monthly basis, on a yearly basis.

• 57:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yep.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  And we're always working on our marriage. Hence, we are seven years happily married this year, November 1st.

• 57:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Congratulations. Okay. My last quick question. Your kids are now older and you hear one of them describing you, something like, oh, my mom or oh, my dad. And they say one thing about you. What's the thing you hope they say?

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Loving and are kind.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  My dad's an inspiration.

• 57:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Thank you. Thank you for your important work. Thank you for your openness and willingness to have hard conversations. So important, so impactful and do this again soon.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Yes, thank you.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you so much.

• 58:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So many important themes of this conversation today, but I can share with you the one that's feeling the loudest to me in my brain right now. It is so hard when we're parenting to tolerate the tantrum, to stay calm when our kid screams, "I hate you", to not fix our kids' feelings when they're feeling jealous or disappointed. After today's conversation, I'm going to really remember how important this is, how it is such an amazing service. It is in benefit of my kids to help them tolerate discomfort. That is going to set them up for an adulthood where not only will they'll be more resilient,

• 58:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  well, they'll just be so much more comfortable in their skin in a wider range of situations. And so when you're in a tricky situation with your kid today, and it's feeling inconvenient and hard, I hope that gives you a little bit more conviction in what you're doing. Let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground, put a hand on your heart, and let's remind ourselves, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside.

• 59:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'll see you soon.

• 59:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

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• 1:00:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

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• 1:00:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge, and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment, and you just cannot remember one more thing. That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple, and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the Tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar.

• 1:01:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com/becky. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T.com/Becky for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. Myskylight.com/becky.