It’s Given Us More Of Ourselves | (Dis)integration

Adversity costs us, sure, but it also gives us more of ourselves. It unlocks something in us that was not reachable in ordinary circumstances, that we didn’t know was there.🪙 Get your own Amor fati medallion, as a reminder to treat each and every moment—no matter how challenging—as something to be embraced, not avoided. So that like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential. Check it out at https://store.dailystoic.com/📔 Pick up your own leather bound signed edition of The Daily Stoic! Check it out at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast🎥 Watch top moments from The Daily Stoic Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dailystoicpodcast✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic-inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women, help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit DailyStoic.com.

• 0:55Ryan Holiday?

  It's given us more of ourselves. The mistake cost us time, the bankruptcy cost a fortune. Those years we spent drinking or dicking around, we'll never get back that time we lost. We're still digging ourselves out of that mess. The fallout from the pandemic, this nightmare of a work situation we're stuck with, the problems, big and small, that life gives us. They are not cheap. They are not free. They are also not without their benefits either. As we've said before, it's in struggling and dealing with these problems that we discovered things about our capacities. Indeed, we had to increase our capacity in

• 1:37Ryan Holiday?

  order to deal with them. Adversity costs us, sure, but it also gives us more of ourselves. It unlocks something in us that was not reachable in ordinary circumstances that we didn't know was there. When the Stoics practiced amor fati, it was not the failure, or the loss, or the physical pain that they loved. That would be ridiculous. No, they were embracing who they could be in response to it. They were embracing what they would become because of it. They were embracing the new parts of themselves and of relationships and life itself that they were given as a result of it.

• 2:21Ryan Holiday?

  We had something taken away from us by fate, but by turning towards it, by facing it, struggling with it, we found something too. We found out who we really were, which was someone greater and stronger than we ever could have imagined. Amor fati means a love of fate. It's the mindset of making the most out of everything that happens. Marcus Rilius, he said that a blazing fire takes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it. Nietzsche said that amor fati was his formula for greatness, that we not only bear what is necessary, but love it. And that was the inspiration for our amor fati challenge coin.

• 3:04Ryan Holiday?

  It's a creation I was lucky enough to collaborate on with my mentor, Robert Greene, and it's something I carry around with me always. This coin helps me reframe every obstacle and difficulty I face in my life, as well as all the great things that have happened in my life as well. So you can check it out, go to dailystoic.com/AF, and I promise you, you will love it.

• 3:34Ryan Holiday?

  Today's entry from the Daily Stoic, disintegration. These things don't go together. You must be a unified human being, either good or bad. You must diligently work either on your own reasoning or on things outside of your control. Take great care with the inside and not what's inside, which is to say, stand with the philosopher or else with the mob. Epictetus's Discourses 3:15. "We are all complicated people. We have multiple sides to ourselves, conflicting wants and desires and fears. The outside world is no less confusing and contradictory. If we're not careful, all of these forces pushing and pulling will eventually tear us apart."

• 4:20Ryan Holiday?

  We can't live as both Jekyll and Hyde, not for long, anyway. We have a choice to stand with the philosopher and focus strenuously on the inside, or to behave like a leader of a mob, becoming whatever the crowd needs at a given moment. If we do not focus on our internal integration, on self-awareness, we risk external disintegration. Obviously, you're listening to me, so you can't see it. But in the book, I have disintegration, the dis in parentheses. One word, but there's the parentheses. And the reason I do that, it's actually something I talk about in the intro of my first book, Trust Me, I'm Lying. And if you've read Trust Me, I'm Lying, you've heard of it. It might seem very different than what I talk about here at Daily Stoic.

• 5:04Ryan Holiday?

  Or if you see a video of me, and then you contrast it with the somewhat ominous, and maybe even evil cover of Trust Me, I'm Lying, it might seem as difficult to reconcile. And indeed, it is. And I talk about this in the intro of the book. I was, of course, familiar with Stoicism when I wrote that book. I was, of course, studying Stoic philosophy before I even got into marketing. And, you know, I've read Marx's Ruse many times in those years that I worked for those controversial clients. Was it hypocrisy? Was I a bad person? I mean, I don't get to say that. But what I think about it, and as I reflected on it when I wrote that book, is that I was not integrated. I had these two different parts of myself that were very not aligned.

• 5:49Ryan Holiday?

  Does that make sense? Like, it's funny, we use the word disintegration to mean like comes apart, right? But really, what it would mean, dis and integrated, means not integrated. And that's what I was. I was not integrated. I had these different spheres. I had this part of me that really liked philosophy, that really believed in these ideas in Stoicism, and was trying to apply them in my life. And then I had my actual occupation and day job, where I was, you know, pulling these marketing stunts and, you know, living, I want to say, an unphilosophical life, but certainly not a life fully in accordance with the philosophical ideas. I don't think I was making the world a better place. That's partly why I wrote the book, partly why I changed. The philosophy helped me get there. But for a long time, these, these things were compartmentalized.

• 6:33Ryan Holiday?

  They were not integrated. And so I think that's what Epictetus is talking about. He says, "You must be a unified human being. You can't be these different things." Seneca was not a unified human being. He was a brilliant artist. And a ruthless power broker. He was a philosopher who also coveted wealth and status and influence, wanted to be on the inside of things. And that disintegration, some would call hypocrisy, I would just say was was not the integration he needed. And he got closer to that integration as he got older. He ultimately leaves Nero Service and dedicates the last few years of his life to getting there. And that's where I think a lot of his best work is from. But that lack of integration is a problem for all

• 7:18Ryan Holiday?

  of us, right? You say you love your spouse, that your family is really important. And then, you know, you spend all your time at the office, or maybe you're having an affair. Or, you know, you say you care about the environment, but then look at some of your personal decisions, right? You claim to be a good person, but then look at how you treat people who are close to you, right? Hypocrisy is one thing, but I think it's often that we have trouble just applying what we believe, or applying it fully, or seeing, in fact, that the way that we're acting, which feels normal, or appropriate, or necessary, given our profession, is actually not in accordance with our values, or as Stoics would say, not in accordance with nature, not who we're supposed to be, what

• 8:02Ryan Holiday?

  we're capable of being. So this integration is the work that we need to do, both in studying the philosophy, maybe it's going to therapy, maybe a relationship helps you get there, maybe just long conversations, a lot of self-awareness. I think ultimately, not to reference another one of my books, but it's our busyness, our franticness, our yearning, or or push for things that keeps us so busy and preoccupied that we don't notice the disintegration. I think that's largely what it was for me. I was just trying to get ahead, doing cool things as they came up. I was young, had a million things going on, didn't want to

• 8:44Ryan Holiday?

  let certain people down. And so that that lack of awareness about my disintegration was largely rooted in just not having the time, not having the space to reflect, not having literally a minute to do it. And I think part of the reason we keep ourselves busy is so we don't have to do that. Because when we do it, it's painful. When we do it, it demands change. So I'm urging you, I guess, to take a little time to think about whether you're integrated, to think about where you're not a unified person, to think about where you're focusing on things outside your control. Because inevitably, it will tear you apart. It does not end well. And it can make you do things that you're ashamed of, or embarrassed by, or later regret,

• 9:26Ryan Holiday?

  or have trouble explaining, all of which are true for me, to a certain degree, and true for, I think, anyone as you get older and wiser and better. I'm wishing you much integration and the stillness required to get to that integration. I encourage you to do that work.

• 9:49Ryan Holiday?

  Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say, we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please, spread the word. Tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say, thank you.