Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent About this episode Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Sam Tallent! We're talking poison ham, buying a home and traveling the world. You know Sam Tallent from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast w/ Shane Gillis, Sam Tallent's Wide World, Stavvy's World, Soder, You Be Trippin with Ari Shaffir, James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 14,235 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Gang, we got a big announcement. The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale tomorrow, Thursday, 10 a.m.
0:05 Speaker 01 Local time.
0:06 H. Foley? Woo! Do yourself a favor, get some tickets. We're coming to a city near you. We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots. We can't wait to see you out there.
0:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met. The biggest show we've ever done.
0:28 H. Foley? Let's go!
0:29 Speaker 01 Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. All tickets are on sale, 10 a.m., your local time, local time of the city. Get them at RUGarbage.com, do it.
0:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
0:37 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:56 H. Foley? Hey! We're getting somewhere. Everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.
1:02 Speaker 01 Aye!
1:03 H. Foley? It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy.
1:07 Speaker 01 Yeah!
1:08 H. Foley? But they're just a big old piece of trash.
1:09 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash!
1:10 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She just hopped back from the Wu-Tang concert.
1:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:18 H. Foley? She was hanging out with the boys, late night. She'll be sleeping one off today.
1:23 Speaker 01 She'll have to riz it.
1:24 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is what we call the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
1:35 Speaker 01 What up, gang? Shout out to you, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, also full video available now on Spotify over there. Check that out. Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/rugarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
1:53 H. Foley? Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited about our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest. He's back with us again today. I think it's his third time or fourth time on the show.
2:02 Speaker 01 Third time, I believe.
2:03 H. Foley? Very funny stand-up comedian, accomplished author.
2:06 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
2:07 H. Foley? Random House author.
2:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:09 H. Foley? All right? He's gonna be over in the UK in May, he's gonna be in Australia in July, but we got him right here at Tooties. Give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Sam Talan, everybody.
2:18 Speaker 01 Yeah!
2:19 H. Foley? Man!
2:20 Speaker 01 Sammy!
2:21 H. Foley? Man, you really fired it up for that one.
2:24 H. Foley? I can turn it on when I need to.
2:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, you were like morose when I got here.
2:28 Speaker 01 It's like someone hits him with a shot of beef tallow. Fucking jumps right up.
2:32 Speaker 03 You were like Dominique Wilkins from the free throw line.
2:34 H. Foley? I had a Kraft Singles in the bathroom.
2:36 Speaker 03 Oh, is that what that rapper sound was?
2:38 H. Foley? Juice me up a little bit.
2:41 H. Foley? I go yellow, not white.
2:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, hey, no one accused you of anything else. Man, that white, you guys love the white, that fake provolone shit?
2:49 H. Foley? I do.
2:50 Speaker 01 Growing up, that white was, uh, even in Philly too, it was always white. New York's more yellow.
2:56 H. Foley? Yeah, never had yellow cheese growing up. Except for with Alvida.
2:59 Speaker 03 I always thought the white stuff was like, oh, maybe one day if I save up.
3:02 H. Foley? Sure.
3:03 Speaker 01 It's all the same price, right?
3:05 Speaker 03 I don't know.
3:06 H. Foley? There's a different flavor too, from the Kraft yellow Singles to the Kraft white Singles. The Kraft white Singles have a little bit of a sweeter, uh, finish to it.
3:14 Speaker 03 They're tangy and they melt better, I think.
3:16 H. Foley? Which I appreciate.
3:17 Speaker 01 Luke, give me a, give me a, give me a price point on a, what, 16 pack of white and a 16 pack of yellow?
3:22 H. Foley? They gotta be the same.
3:23 Speaker 03 Just a couple of singles over here.
3:25 Speaker 01 I got a couple of free samples.
3:26 Speaker 03 You said I could have whatever I want.
3:28 Speaker 01 Slice thin if you don't.
3:29 H. Foley? Try it out a little bit.
3:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, if you're gonna make like a, like a, like a melty, cheesy, beefy sandwich, I think that white cheese is superior.
3:35 H. Foley? Of course.
3:36 Speaker 01 That's, that was always...
3:37 H. Foley? Even the fancy chefs will say that. That American cheese is the best for, for, for cheeseburgers.
3:42 Speaker 01 Talk to a lot of fancy chefs, do you?
3:44 H. Foley? Yeah, I do.
3:44 Speaker 01 Rubbing elbows?
3:45 H. Foley? Yeah, that's right.
3:46 Speaker 01 Okay.
3:46 H. Foley? Michelin star.
3:47 Speaker 03 It's not just elbows. This guy's hitting the best table, yeah.
3:52 H. Foley? Buddy, congratulations.
3:54 Speaker 01 We just reset the show. Thanks for tuning in, gang.
3:57 H. Foley? Congratulations on everything.
3:59 Speaker 03 Hey, same to you guys.
4:00 H. Foley? I love following everything that you do, and before we get into the, the questions that we have from, uh, from the homies there, I just gotta say again, you're never home. You're always moving.
4:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:11 H. Foley? You're moving and you're shaking. I see you here, I see you there.
4:14 Speaker 03 I've lost some weight.
4:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:15 H. Foley? Fantastic.
4:16 Speaker 01 Came in with a nice, bright orange jacket, like Hunter Orange.
4:20 H. Foley? Beautiful.
4:20 Speaker 03 I just came from the deer blind.
4:22 H. Foley? When's the last time you were in Japan? I get hung up on, I feel like you're in Japan every other weekend.
4:27 Speaker 01 Very well traveled you are.
4:28 Speaker 03 I like it out there in the world. The world's beautiful, it's nice. Also, hey, to your listeners, the cherry blossoms are in bloom across this country. Get out there and see them right now.
4:36 Speaker 01 Of course, yeah.
4:37 Speaker 03 I was in Japan Christmas until, I was there for like 16 days at the beginning of the year.
4:43 H. Foley? How many times is that?
4:44 Speaker 03 Uh, this was my third time in Japan.
4:46 H. Foley? That's crazy. In like the last two years.
4:48 Speaker 03 I did take my dad, I took my sister, my brother-in-law, it was awesome. My brother-in-law, I don't know much to tell the story, but anyway, we had a really good time.
4:55 Speaker 03 Let's just say they're pretty stringent about who they let in.
4:58 H. Foley? Really?
4:59 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
4:59 H. Foley? No kidding?
5:00 Speaker 03 Oh, man, they do not like to open their doors to anyone with a, a murky pass. Someone who made mistakes as a youth, it's not his fault, you know?
5:08 H. Foley? No kidding?
5:09 Speaker 03 It's a product of the system.
5:10 H. Foley? What do they do when they see you over there? You're a tall gentleman.
5:12 Speaker 03 They go like this.
5:15 Speaker 01 They get him one of those big nets.
5:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, they, they, they move three of the crates that everyone's sitting on aside and they bring in one big beanbag chair. And I plop down.
5:23 Speaker 01 Is that a problem for you? Cause that is a tighter, it's close quarters over there.
5:27 Speaker 03 It's a problem for me most places.
5:28 H. Foley? How you even dumping over there?
5:29 Speaker 03 Oh, man, standing up in the alleyway. I'm like Andre the Giant, I'm squatting in a fucking bathtub.
5:36 H. Foley? Talk about Fukushima, huh?
5:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, I have to throw the sheets away.
5:40 Speaker 01 I've always said you are the mix of trash and class because you, you go over there and like, you know, obviously you're shitting in a bathtub, but then also you're taking time to send us self handwritten postcards.
5:51 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
5:51 Speaker 01 Which is very nice, no one's doing that.
5:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
5:53 Speaker 01 He's an old soul, he's got a good fucking, good head on his shoulders.
5:57 H. Foley? Classy.
5:58 Speaker 03 I think about you guys a lot just because, uh, your rise was, was very close to when I was kind of ascending.
6:04 Speaker 01 Yes, we were both, our trajectory was very similar.
6:07 Speaker 03 And I feel like no matter what happens, I'm always gonna be stoked to see you guys.
6:10 H. Foley? Love it.
6:11 Speaker 03 You know, you can't bury something that came from the dirt, you know?
6:14 Speaker 01 Damn, fucking.
6:15 Speaker 03 I heard a special teams-
6:16 Speaker 01 This guy's got away with words.
6:18 Speaker 03 Oh, I heard a special teams player on the Saints say that when they didn't cut him.
6:23 Speaker 01 See, he'll drop shit like that, but he's like, they didn't cover the overs. So I was like...
6:27 H. Foley? Isn't that Triple H?
6:30 Speaker 03 You mean Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
6:32 Speaker 01 He refers to Triple H as Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
6:34 Speaker 03 Dude, I literally take my financial advice from Mick Foley. I heard Mick Foley recently...
6:37 Speaker 01 That's not good.
6:38 Speaker 03 I know.
6:39 H. Foley? Maybe it is. What do you got?
6:40 Speaker 01 Put all your money in flannels.
6:43 Speaker 03 Buy barbed wire now.
6:46 H. Foley? Fluorescent lights. Smash them.
6:49 Speaker 03 He said, "It's not what you make, it's what you save, brother."
6:52 Speaker 01 That's good.
6:53 H. Foley? Of course.
6:55 Speaker 03 So I bought a house.
6:56 H. Foley? There you go.
6:57 Speaker 01 Did you buy a house?
6:57 H. Foley? Did you buy a house?
6:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, out there, near Detroit.
6:59 H. Foley? Is that what you did, huh? Look at you.
7:01 Speaker 03 My wife's from there. It's like, dude, we couldn't buy a nice house in Denver, but in Detroit, we can own this beautiful home.
7:06 Speaker 01 Sure.
7:07 H. Foley? And you're gonna keep it? You're not like flipping it or anything like that?
7:09 Speaker 03 No, no. Dude, I can't... What am I? I don't have the energy, I don't give a shit to try and make $60,000 on a huge hassle.
7:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:20 H. Foley? And now you're off to Paris for a few weeks, you were saying?
7:22 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, yeah.
7:23 H. Foley? Well, get that. Paris in the springtime, huh?
7:25 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm, yeah, dude, May in Paris.
7:27 Speaker 01 Are you handy around the house?
7:29 Speaker 03 No, dude.
7:29 Speaker 01 No. You sub all that out? You just go get a handyman?
7:32 Speaker 03 I bring a man in.
7:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, me too.
7:34 H. Foley? Did you have to do anything when you bought the home?
7:36 Speaker 03 Uh, yeah, give my wife a checkbook.
7:38 Speaker 01 Here, honey, I buy...
7:39 H. Foley? Do you have a checkbook?
7:40 Speaker 03 I had to work in Toledo.
7:43 H. Foley? Do you have a checkbook?
7:44 Speaker 03 I have four checks. They're like in the gun safe.
7:48 H. Foley? That's good.
7:48 Speaker 01 In the gun safe.
7:49 Speaker 03 Once a year, I'm like, "I'll get a check."
7:52 Speaker 01 That's old cowboy shit.
7:53 H. Foley? Yeah. Because we don't have ch- I don't know anybody that uses checks.
7:56 Speaker 01 I do.
7:56 H. Foley? You have checks?
7:57 Speaker 01 I have a checks, yeah.
7:58 H. Foley? Who are you writing checks to? Not to me.
8:00 Speaker 01 I gotta pay my mortgage every month.
8:02 Speaker 03 He's got a secret family in Tuscaloosa.
8:04 H. Foley? You do, huh?
8:06 Speaker 01 Tuscaloosa's son.
8:07 Speaker 03 Checks are for girls, man.
8:08 H. Foley? Yeah, what are you doing?
8:09 Speaker 01 What's up, ladies? How you doing?
8:11 H. Foley? Wait, you don't just do, you don't just transfer it?
8:13 Speaker 01 No, I fucked up when I did it, and I now I, it's one of those things I gotta set up, but I mail my check in.
8:19 H. Foley? You do?
8:20 Speaker 01 And then this is what I do, I write all the checks. So I'm currently out of checks, because I just wrote like 10 months worth of checks, and I let, I sit them there, and then I, because otherwise I forget.
8:29 H. Foley? Let me ask you both this, as, you know, recent homeowners. And, you know, fine gentlemen that I know. Do you have, um, do you have the sticker? That says the return address on it with the family home?
8:41 Speaker 01 No.
8:41 H. Foley? Do you have that Sammy?
8:42 Speaker 03 I made us a little stamp we can use.
8:45 Speaker 01 Oh classy.
8:47 H. Foley? What are you, the fuck are you? Leo the Lionhead or something like that?
8:50 Speaker 03 Hey man, if I knew who the fuck that was, maybe.
8:53 Speaker 01 Maybe I would be.
8:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:54 Speaker 01 Hey, Gary the Giraffe Head?
8:56 Speaker 03 You got any more Verona riffs?
8:59 H. Foley? Verona?
9:01 H. Foley? Capulets and Montagues, I'm sorry, Shakespeare?
9:03 Speaker 03 No, no, man, I liked that earlier.
9:05 H. Foley? You don't have a, or, yeah, stamp?
9:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, cause like I, I, well, I carve these little like linoleum things, it's like, it's like whittling, I think. My grandfather was always like, I would watch TV and I'll just be carving shit and it's fun. But yeah, I made us a little like return.
9:18 H. Foley? How do you clean that up?
9:19 Speaker 03 Uh, with a vacuum cleaner.
9:21 H. Foley? You're doing it just on the floor?
9:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, in my living room.
9:23 H. Foley? Really?
9:23 Speaker 03 And my wife will be like, what are you doing? And I'm like, doing whatever I want in the home that I pay for.
9:29 H. Foley? Get my checkbook.
9:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:30 Speaker 01 Now I know why. Now I know why he's on the road 11 out of 12 months a year.
9:34 Speaker 03 I wish.
9:35 H. Foley? You have a stamp? That's pretty good. Do you have one of those wax things too, where you, where you, where you put the little?
9:39 Speaker 01 Seal it, like from the, from the talents?
9:41 Speaker 03 Only if it's a formal vendetta.
9:45 Speaker 03 Only if I need the pope to know.
9:47 H. Foley? God rest his soul. Do you celebrate Easter?
9:49 Speaker 03 I do, of course, yeah.
9:50 H. Foley? So what'd you do yesterday?
9:51 Speaker 01 He's a big ham guy.
9:52 H. Foley? Yeah.
9:53 Speaker 01 I know, I remember, I'm just saying, I know, I know he likes his ham.
9:56 Speaker 03 I do.
9:58 Speaker 01 I remember he told the story in his first one, he had that, what was it, Serrano ham or whatever, like the big spit.
10:02 H. Foley? That's a hard connection to Easter. Yes, ham is served on Easter, sure.
10:06 Speaker 03 The ham now that we have in our new house?
10:08 Speaker 01 You have one?
10:09 Speaker 03 Of course.
10:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, so he gets like the big legs.
10:12 H. Foley? He comes from Costco, by the way?
10:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
10:14 H. Foley? Yeah, cause they're huge over there.
10:15 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
10:16 H. Foley? Costco has some real classy shit if you look around.
10:22 H. Foley? Trust me, the one in Verona.
10:25 Speaker 03 If you look around.
10:27 H. Foley? They got some nice stuff there.
10:28 Speaker 03 You're spelunking in a Costco with a headlamp on.
10:32 Speaker 01 Come off out of a big thing of underwear.
10:34 Speaker 03 I found the foie gras.
10:36 H. Foley? Do you like a foie gras?
10:37 Speaker 03 I do like a foie gras a lot, dude. I love spreadable meats.
10:40 H. Foley? Yeah, you're about to be in the heart of it.
10:42 Speaker 03 I know, it's about to be in my heart too.
10:44 H. Foley? Yeah, I had it every day when I was there.
10:46 Speaker 03 It's so good, dude. Yeah.
10:48 H. Foley? It's so good.
10:49 Speaker 03 Rabbit tartine or tartan, whatever it is.
10:51 H. Foley? Sure.
10:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like cat food, man. They have the best cat food in France.
10:55 H. Foley? You wouldn't go near that shit.
10:56 Speaker 01 No.
10:58 Speaker 03 You can get a Wawa pretzel.
10:59 Speaker 01 Sure, shout out to Wawa. Uh, yeah, no, I'm not a...
11:02 H. Foley? Smell a bit of a little patag?
11:03 Speaker 01 I would have to say I'm not a spreadable meat kinda guy.
11:06 Speaker 03 Loser.
11:07 Speaker 01 Man, boy is my face red.
11:10 Speaker 03 Mine is too from all the meats.
11:11 Speaker 01 Sure, coming out of your pores. What's that you do? So the meat you do have now, you said you have one at the house?
11:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's in this room in our basement and, uh...
11:19 Speaker 01 Is that where it should be kept? Is it a finished basement?
11:22 H. Foley? Jesus.
11:22 Speaker 01 Okay, finished basement. Is it in the finished part?
11:25 Speaker 03 It might be Swedish, I'm not sure.
11:28 H. Foley? Has a weird accent either way.
11:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, it keeps offering me figs.
11:31 H. Foley? Does weird sex stuff.
11:32 Speaker 03 Oh, boy. I have all these chambers in the basement. One room I'm...
11:37 Speaker 01 Chambers?
11:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:38 Speaker 01 Man, he is a novelist.
11:41 H. Foley? Fucking freak.
11:43 Speaker 01 Just whips a chamber.
11:44 H. Foley? Wait, why don't you have the ham in the kitchen?
11:46 Speaker 01 Ham in the kitchen?
11:48 Speaker 03 I can't, I can't trust myself. It should be in the gun safe with the check.
11:52 H. Foley? Next to the checks.
11:54 H. Foley? Breaking case of emergency.
11:55 Speaker 03 It's in this room in the basement and we recently had, uh, DTE, the energy company of Detroit, come over to like test us for a gas leak and in the room that it's in was like high for gas. And it's been in there for like a year.
12:07 H. Foley? Jeez, you guys eating laced ham?
12:09 Speaker 03 I've just been sneaking down there eating poisoned ham.
12:11 H. Foley? It probably smells like ham and that's probably what the gas is coming from.
12:14 Speaker 01 The ham's probably emitting the gas.
12:16 H. Foley? It's rotting. You gotta put that up in the kitchen. You can't be keeping ham.
12:20 Speaker 01 I don't think you can keep just fucking a hunk of ham.
12:23 H. Foley? You cover it up, right?
12:26 Speaker 01 With loose tinfoil, I presume.
12:27 Speaker 03 It's like throwing a blanket over a dog's cage. You have to quiet it down.
12:32 H. Foley? That's gross.
12:33 Speaker 01 Talk about leader of the pack.
12:34 Speaker 03 If you guys came over, you would love the ham. I showed you how to cut it.
12:37 Speaker 01 Trust me, I'm throwing shade.
12:39 H. Foley? You go down there and get it and then bring it upstairs with the rest of the stuff?
12:41 Speaker 03 I don't, I don't. I go down there with the bread in hand and just slice it off and pile it up.
12:46 Speaker 01 Do you leave the knife down there?
12:48 Speaker 03 There's a knife in the room.
12:49 Speaker 01 There's a knife in the room.
12:50 H. Foley? How do you clean that off?
12:51 Speaker 03 Uh, I don't clean off that knife. I wipe it on the towel. I just smooth it on the towel that goes over the ham.
12:56 Speaker 01 An old barber? Got a leather strap.
13:00 Speaker 03 I have that barbicide tin and I put the knife in there.
13:03 Speaker 01 It's actually just Gatorade.
13:04 H. Foley? What did the, uh, energy company say about the basement? Any, any lease?
13:07 Speaker 03 They said, they said.
13:08 H. Foley? You gotta watch that.
13:09 Speaker 01 Sir, you have a mouse problem and I think it's the ham.
13:12 Speaker 03 The guy was like, is that a ham in there? I was like, is that any of your business?
13:16 H. Foley? Are you aware of the ordinance of not having a human leg in your basement?
13:19 Speaker 01 Sir, when did you start working for the ham department? Alright, I don't need you to sit here and judge me.
13:23 H. Foley? How long will one of them last you?
13:24 Speaker 03 Oh, who knows? You know, until my wife makes me throw it away.
13:27 Speaker 01 Does she partake in the ham?
13:29 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
13:30 Speaker 01 Does anybody that come over is like?
13:32 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
13:33 Speaker 01 Sweet, we're at Sam's house. Let's get our ham.
13:35 Speaker 03 Like, if I didn't know you guys and you were just in town and I was like, come see my house and I had a ham in the basement, you'd be like, this is the coolest guy alive.
13:41 Speaker 01 Sure, do you tell them how old it is?
13:42 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
13:44 H. Foley? How old is it?
13:45 Speaker 01 He said over a year.
13:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:46 Speaker 01 It's over a year? Did you move with it?
13:48 Speaker 03 No.
13:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was a housewarming ham.
13:51 Speaker 01 Fair enough.
13:52 Speaker 03 It was like the first thing I bought.
13:53 H. Foley? I don't think the movers would have took that.
13:57 Speaker 03 And it's like.
13:57 Speaker 01 Fucking Fed showing up at your door.
14:00 H. Foley? This guy's got a femur bone in here.
14:01 Speaker 03 Honey, I have to flush the ham and a hard drive.
14:05 Speaker 01 Aw, man.
14:06 H. Foley? Congratulations on the new house.
14:08 Speaker 01 Congratulations on everything.
14:09 Speaker 03 Thank you.
14:09 H. Foley? When did you move in?
14:11 Speaker 03 May 31st, our mortgage started.
14:13 H. Foley? Look at you.
14:14 Speaker 03 And then we moved in in like August.
14:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:16 H. Foley? Sure. Wow, that's shifty. What's the yard situation? Who's cutting the grass?
14:20 Speaker 03 We have a service.
14:21 H. Foley? You have a service?
14:22 Speaker 03 Everything that I can streamline into not having to do anything except for, I have a solarium in the, in the house.
14:27 Speaker 01 What's a solarium?
14:28 Speaker 03 It's a glass room.
14:29 Speaker 01 Whoa.
14:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like a human.
14:31 H. Foley? I think you meant like a deli.
14:32 Speaker 03 I wish. No, that would be, that's in the basement.
14:36 Speaker 01 You have one of these?
14:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, solarium.
14:38 Speaker 01 Whoa.
14:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, and I write in that room. I sit in this big chair and I write.
14:41 Speaker 01 It smells different than the rest of the house, probably, right?
14:43 Speaker 03 Yes, it does, because it smells like me getting skin cancer.
14:45 Speaker 01 Ah.
14:45 Speaker 03 Because I'm sitting in a greenhouse.
14:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it is.
14:48 Speaker 03 And then my wife comes in and she says, "Where's your sunscreen?" And I say, "Knock next time."
14:53 H. Foley? Wait, you gotta, that's pretty sweet.
14:55 Speaker 03 It's awesome. It overlooks the backyard.
14:56 H. Foley? How many bedrooms is it?
14:58 Speaker 03 Four.
14:58 H. Foley? Four bedrooms? How many bathrooms?
15:00 Speaker 03 Uh, one and a half. And I cannot sit down on the half bathroom.
15:04 Speaker 01 That seems...
15:04 H. Foley? In the powder room.
15:05 Speaker 01 Lopsided.
15:06 H. Foley? It's downstairs?
15:06 Speaker 03 It's a jewel box right next to the kitchen.
15:08 Speaker 01 Oh. Yeah, I got one of them too. I can't poop in there.
15:11 Speaker 03 I can't poop in there. I wish I could.
15:12 Speaker 01 The sink is right in your face.
15:13 Speaker 03 Dude, it's like, when we got the house...
15:15 Speaker 01 It's like a ba- it's like an air- it's like an airplane.
15:17 Speaker 03 It's exactly like an airplane. Yeah, and I have to go side saddle if I must use it. If my sister and my wife are upstairs in the good bathroom, putting their ointments on.
15:24 Speaker 01 As women tend to do, yeah.
15:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm down there doing...
15:27 H. Foley? Why is your sister there?
15:28 Speaker 01 Ointment time.
15:29 Speaker 03 It's my house. She's allowed to pop in.
15:31 Speaker 01 Hey, asking so many questions.
15:33 H. Foley? Does she live near you?
15:34 Speaker 03 No, no, but she, she comes out.
15:35 Speaker 01 Seven hours away. Comes over to put her ointment on.
15:37 Speaker 03 She's been hitching, you know?
15:39 H. Foley? Is that true?
15:39 Speaker 03 No. She could be, my sister.
15:42 H. Foley? When's the last time you hitchhiked?
15:43 Speaker 03 Uh...
15:44 H. Foley? You've got a bit of a hitcher face?
15:45 Speaker 03 My dad had us hitchhiking a lot as a kid.
15:47 Speaker 01 Jesus.
15:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, because he had this old Volkswagen magic bus and it would break down. And then we would just have to like hitchhike home all the time. Yeah.
15:56 H. Foley? I mean, long way to a solarium and some ham and...
16:00 H. Foley? Kid's on the come up. Kim, let's talk about Square.
16:02 Speaker 01 I ain't talking triangle.
16:03 H. Foley? Gag support for today's episode comes from Square, your all-in-one business partner, making your day-to-day easier. From point-of-sale systems and payments to inventory and custom tools, Square brings everything together in one simple platform. So you can stay organized, sell anywhere, and keep things moving. You know, we like to keep things moving over here at Tony's?
16:25 Speaker 01 Yep.
16:25 H. Foley? Whether you're running a cafe, salon, boutique, or something entirely on your own, like a podcast selling t-shirts on the road, Square gives you the flexibility to grow at your own pace and even set up online store in just a few clicks.
16:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, we are big fans of Square. We are, uh, before they were even a sponsor, we started using them. We use it on the road. If you ever bought a t-shirt on the road and that's the credit card system we use, it's fantastic. It helps us keep inventory of what we have. We run out of 2 and 3 XLs very quickly.
16:56 H. Foley? Big boys out there.
16:56 Speaker 01 And we know that because of Square. It is fan frickin' tactic. It's flexible. It's easy to use. Anybody can do it. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/garbage. That's square, S-Q-U-A-R-E.com/go/garbage. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference.
17:21 H. Foley? Yeah. Okay, but let's talk about Bilt.
17:23 Speaker 01 Shout out to Bilt.
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18:42 Speaker 03 I went to Disneyland, I brought my whole family to Disneyland like two weeks ago and I was just crying the whole time because of how proud I was.
18:47 Speaker 01 Are you footing the bill for that whole thing?
18:48 Speaker 03 Oh yeah.
18:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, you are. Let's fucking go Sammy.
18:51 Speaker 03 It's crazy.
18:52 H. Foley? Who was the whole family? And your dad, your sister?
18:54 Speaker 03 No, no.
18:55 Speaker 01 It's extended.
18:56 Speaker 03 So no, it was just my sister-in-law and then my niece and my wife.
18:58 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
18:59 H. Foley? Okay.
18:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, so I flew them out from Michigan and then we went to Disneyland and it was like, I was just like, sunglasses on, just watching my niece eat churros, just sobbing, just wiping tears. Yeah, I was watching them like I was the only person in our party that knew I had terminal cancer. Like I had a secret and I'm taking it to the grave.
19:16 H. Foley? Sure.
19:17 Speaker 03 Get another churro, I can't take it with me.
19:20 Speaker 03 Can't take any of this.
19:21 H. Foley? You got Mickey ears on, you're crying your eyes out?
19:23 Speaker 03 Dude, for real. Yeah. I had a big goofy movie tank top on and I was just weeping.
19:27 H. Foley? This is your wife's sister's daughter?
19:30 Speaker 03 Right, and that's why we moved to Detroit was to be closer to them.
19:33 H. Foley? Okay.
19:33 Speaker 03 And, yeah, no, I just got this little insane half Lebanese girl who is like the apple of my eye. She, dude, someone in our party, I'm not gonna say who, I've been told not to say who.
19:43 H. Foley? Sure.
19:44 Speaker 03 But someone in our party, an adult, went up to, we went to the bippity boppity boutique in Disneyland.
19:48 Speaker 01 I'm well aware.
19:48 H. Foley? I don't know it.
19:49 Speaker 03 They, you can get the princess experience.
19:51 H. Foley? Okay.
19:52 Speaker 03 And they get turned into a princess and there's tiers though.
19:55 Speaker 01 For young broads.
19:55 H. Foley? I've never been to Disneyland, I've been to Disney World.
19:58 Speaker 03 That is the, that is the gentleman's choice.
20:00 H. Foley? Yes.
20:00 Speaker 03 Yes. But we were like, she's not gonna remember it anyway, so we're not gonna go Disney World yet.
20:04 H. Foley? Okay.
20:05 Speaker 03 But yeah, there was a little girl there who was getting dressed up as a princess and one of the adults in our party went up and went, "Oh my god, you're so beautiful Mulan." And then the little girl went, "I'm Snow White" and I went, because she was, she was just Asian.
20:18 Speaker 01 Sure.
20:20 Speaker 03 But there's like a holding pen where you can watch the princesses get their makeup done.
20:24 Speaker 01 That's weird.
20:25 Speaker 03 I know.
20:25 H. Foley? This is a little weird.
20:25 Speaker 03 It's just a room full of little girls being like, you know, bedazzled and I'm standing there with all the grandmas and the moms and I'm just weeping. And after like five minutes, we're just like, like ugly crying, like fucking Clint Eastwood.
20:38 Speaker 01 Everyone's slowly walking away from him.
20:40 Speaker 03 No, no, they were getting more inquisitive and then the bravest one finally went, "Do you know one of the princesses?"
20:45 Speaker 01 Please tell me you know one of the princesses.
20:48 H. Foley? They're all just so hot. What the fuck?
20:50 Speaker 01 You're not the ogre here to kidnap her?
20:52 Speaker 03 They're all my princesses.
20:55 H. Foley? They'll all eat him in the basement.
21:00 H. Foley? I'll cover you in a sack too. Yikes.
21:03 Speaker 01 He's cleaning his knife.
21:07 Speaker 01 Alright, he does it.
21:08 H. Foley? Quit screwing around, sorry.
21:10 Speaker 01 One question for, uh, one question back to the house. What would you say the classiest thing in the house, could be the solarium, or, and the trashiest, trashiest thing would have to be the, the, the ham, right? Or is there something where you're like, that's a problem, I gotta get it fixed.
21:23 H. Foley? You can't say the ham.
21:24 Speaker 03 I can't say the ham?
21:25 Speaker 01 Next to the ham then.
21:27 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
21:27 Speaker 01 Is there something your wife wants out? Like, I can't believe you brought this.
21:30 Speaker 03 Our dishwasher smells like a ferret cage.
21:32 H. Foley? Really?
21:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, and I don't know what's going on.
21:35 H. Foley? Why don't you get a new one?
21:36 Speaker 03 We did, we got, and this is the second one, and it still reeks.
21:38 Speaker 01 Oh, that's a bad pipe.
21:39 Speaker 03 But I can't smell it, cause of years of, you know, abuse.
21:42 Speaker 01 Sure.
21:42 Speaker 03 So I'm like, it smells good to me, you know?
21:45 H. Foley? What do you, do you have well water? What do you have?
21:47 Speaker 03 We have, we have good water, we're like, very, we're very close to, uh, one of the lakes.
21:51 H. Foley? Okay.
21:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, so we have like, really solid water.
21:53 H. Foley? Alright, so it's not the water system in the house?
21:55 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
21:55 Speaker 01 It's probably like, the, uh, the fucking, uh, sanitary, like, all this shit, all the wa, it's like...
22:02 H. Foley? Are you rinsing your dishes before you put them in the, in the dishwasher?
22:05 Speaker 03 Interesting question. I am now.
22:07 H. Foley? Uh huh.
22:07 Speaker 03 But I, but forever I wasn't.
22:09 H. Foley? No kidding.
22:09 Speaker 03 Cause I thought it was a complete fool's errand, just to waste of my precious time.
22:12 H. Foley? No. You gotta clean that trap out.
22:14 Speaker 01 Cause nothing's better than, yeah, you gotta clean that trap out.
22:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
22:17 Speaker 01 Cause nothing's worse than opening a clean dishwasher and them still being kinda dirty.
22:20 Speaker 03 I know.
22:21 Speaker 01 Like, it was all for naught.
22:22 Speaker 03 But if...
22:23 Speaker 01 I'm two hours behind where I could've been.
22:24 Speaker 03 I would rather put in a dirty dish, and then when, there's a little bit of schmutz on it still, I'd rather take it out and then wipe it off.
22:30 Speaker 01 Sure.
22:30 Speaker 03 As opposed to sitting there, in the kitchen, for two seconds.
22:33 Speaker 01 I know, yeah, all that time.
22:34 H. Foley? I'm big on, this is a pretty dirtbag move, let's say I kinda half know that the dishwasher's clean, but it's not full, if I have a dirty dish, I'll put it, just, I won't unload it, I'll put it in there with the clean dishes, and run that back.
22:46 Speaker 03 Okay.
22:47 H. Foley? I'll run it again.
22:47 Speaker 03 You'll do a whole, full load, except for one new addition?
22:52 H. Foley? Yes.
22:52 Speaker 03 That's nuts.
22:53 H. Foley? Yeah. Out of laziness of not taking, I'm not gonna empty the dishwasher, if there's still room in there?
22:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
22:59 H. Foley? I'll just put what, what, what can go in there, in there, and run it again.
23:02 Speaker 03 I mean, I've done similar things, so I can't really, we're all in glass houses here.
23:07 Speaker 01 Some would say a solarium.
23:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:08 Speaker 01 You have a ferret in your dishwasher.
23:10 Speaker 03 You guys know Nick Rocheford?
23:12 Speaker 01 I know the name, maybe.
23:13 Speaker 03 He was, he's one of Sam Hyde's buddies. He was in Million Dollar Extreme.
23:15 Speaker 01 Okay.
23:16 Speaker 03 I met him at Skank Fest. Was delighted. He runs this antique store, Chamonix House out of Rhode Island.
23:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
23:21 Speaker 03 So he's, I went to his house and he has this couch there. Did I tell you guys about this couch already?
23:25 Speaker 01 No.
23:26 Speaker 03 Dude, I, he got me a couch for a fucking steal.
23:29 Speaker 01 He got you a couch?
23:30 Speaker 03 He, he went to this big time, I sat in this couch and I was like, this is nice. And he's like, I got a guy.
23:34 Speaker 01 Like a new plate? Like it was like a, you went to like a whatever?
23:37 Speaker 03 Timothy Olton, which is like a high, high class.
23:40 Speaker 01 Get eyes on that, at least.
23:41 Speaker 03 Leather goods. And I got this couch, white Bianco leather, and I got it for 60% off.
23:46 Speaker 01 White leather couch?
23:47 H. Foley? New couch?
23:48 Speaker 01 You're too big for that, bud.
23:49 H. Foley? Is it new or is it antique?
23:50 Speaker 03 Too big to fail.
23:50 Speaker 01 What?
23:51 H. Foley? Is it a new couch or an antique?
23:53 Speaker 03 Brand new. But he, there was like one gouge in the back of it. So he got it for like 60% off. I get it in the house. I'm like, honey, this is the most expensive thing I've ever purchased. It's a nine gram.
24:02 Speaker 01 What?
24:03 Speaker 03 The most money I've ever spent on anything.
24:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was after 60%?
24:06 Speaker 03 After 60.
24:07 Speaker 01 Holy fucking shit, Sam.
24:08 Speaker 03 I've never disclosed the number. It brings me deep shame.
24:10 Speaker 01 Welcome to the shop.
24:11 Speaker 03 I know. So.
24:13 H. Foley? Good for you.
24:14 Speaker 03 Guess where it is now?
24:15 Speaker 01 Trash.
24:15 Speaker 03 In the basement near the ham.
24:16 Speaker 01 What?
24:17 Speaker 03 It's been relegated.
24:18 Speaker 01 Why?
24:18 Speaker 03 Cause it's not comfy.
24:20 Speaker 01 Ah, those rich people don't like being comfortable.
24:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, they wanna sit like this.
24:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, go over and like, and look over their files or whatever.
24:26 Speaker 03 They have Luke posture.
24:27 Speaker 01 I know, yeah. Luke's probably sitting on one of those, Timothy Olafen chairs right now.
24:31 Speaker 03 He's probably sitting on one of those sex paires right now.
24:33 H. Foley? You need a nice Raymour and Flanagan sectional with the, with the cup holders in it. That's what you need.
24:39 Speaker 01 And, and now the, and the USB chargers you can plug in and fucking, and scroll while you're there.
24:44 Speaker 03 I will never have cup holders in a, in a piece of furniture that I have.
24:48 Speaker 01 Why not?
24:48 Speaker 03 I think that that, that really filled me with horror.
24:51 H. Foley? It's the way to go.
24:52 Speaker 03 I understand, but I'm trying to create a vibe in the house.
24:56 H. Foley? Hmm.
24:57 Speaker 03 And it's not.
24:58 Speaker 01 Ham and nice couch. I know the vibe.
25:00 H. Foley? Ham and ferret smell? What are we doing here?
25:02 Speaker 03 Look, man, I'm Blade.
25:03 Speaker 01 I can't get a picture of this house, dude. The, this hilarious, the ham, the couch.
25:06 Speaker 03 You must come over.
25:07 Speaker 01 Hit me up. I'm just in Detroit.
25:09 Speaker 03 I know, I wasn't there.
25:10 Speaker 01 I know, I looked.
25:11 Speaker 03 I know, I do. I was gonna pop in on your happy asses.
25:13 Speaker 01 Cause he's, he's role, he's always everywhere, you know? And I'm like, oh, he could, we could cross, cross paths at some point.
25:19 Speaker 03 I was gonna pop in. I was not.
25:21 Speaker 01 We were in Pontiac.
25:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:22 H. Foley? Pontiac, Michigan. Shut up to it.
25:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, where the Silverdome used to be.
25:25 H. Foley? That's right.
25:26 Speaker 01 Ah. Um, okay, so the couch, now to, what did you, where'd you get the new couch?
25:31 Speaker 03 Uh, my wife went over to my friend David Bory, a very funny comedian, and he's a plus-sized gentleman, and she saw how well he was doing in his couch.
25:41 Speaker 03 She did.
25:41 Speaker 01 Sounds like it's a rehab center.
25:43 Speaker 03 My wife's always scanning, dude.
25:45 H. Foley? She had him lay down, sit down, eat on the couch.
25:48 Speaker 03 On his belly, not, yeah.
25:50 Speaker 01 It's tummy time.
25:52 H. Foley? She's standing on the other side of a two-way mirror, watching him.
25:55 Speaker 03 My co-host from my pod, show me the beam, Nathan Lund and my buddy Pat, who makes Wide World, our travel show, they're both big men, and they came to our house. Yes. And my wife hit me up, and she's like, "Hey, you guys having fun?" And I was like, "Yeah." And she's like, "Hey, just make sure you rotate them on the couches."
26:08 Speaker 01 Sure.
26:09 Speaker 03 And I was like, "What?" And she's like, "Yeah, I don't want Lund leaving a dent and Pat leaving a dent, so make them like move around."
26:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:14 H. Foley? Jesus.
26:15 Speaker 03 Like, that's how concerned she is with these couches.
26:17 Speaker 01 I get that. I, I, we got back from the road, uh, on, and I had all weekend by myself, kind of, and man, I put a dent in, the couch does not have the same spring it had on Friday as it did this morning when I woke up.
26:32 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm. Yeah, it sucks, because you're sitting there and you're like, "Man, I love this, where I live. I love that this is my couch." I go outside in the morning with my coffee, and I look at the flowers, and I say, "That's my fucking flower."
26:41 Speaker 01 I do the same thing, it's nice.
26:42 Speaker 03 But then you're in that couch, and you're just like, "Oh, no." The contours of my body have ruined this nice thing.
26:47 Speaker 01 Yes.
26:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:48 H. Foley? Man, fat people are gross.
26:49 Speaker 03 Brother?
26:51 Speaker 01 Amen, sister.
26:52 Speaker 03 They should be in camps. I think Ben Stiller made a movie about that.
26:56 Speaker 01 Sure.
26:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:57 H. Foley? Heavyweights.
26:57 Speaker 03 Yep, and then he just did it again in Dodgeball, same guy.
27:00 H. Foley? Similar.
27:01 Speaker 01 Well, I, yeah, Globo Gym.
27:02 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
27:02 H. Foley? Very similar.
27:03 Speaker 03 How deep does this thing go?
27:04 Speaker 01 White Goodman, yeah.
27:05 H. Foley? Very.
27:05 Speaker 03 White Goodman, yeah.
27:07 H. Foley? You ever see those, uh, Instagram reels where they connect different characters to different movies?
27:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:13 H. Foley? And they try to make it like all the same person?
27:15 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
27:15 H. Foley? Like, they say Dan Aykroyd in, uh, um, The Great Outdoors is the same character he is in Tommy Boy, he just, uh, like, assumed a different identity, then went to Chicago and started up in automotive parts, and then became this, and there's a couple more things in there.
27:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, in between the two movies, he hit a kid with his car and had to dry out.
27:33 H. Foley? Exactly. Exactly.
27:35 Speaker 01 Did that really happen?
27:36 H. Foley? No, no, no. We're riffing!
27:39 Speaker 01 I feel like that did happen with both, no, no, no, totally not.
27:42 H. Foley? I feel like Sam ran somebody over.
27:44 Speaker 01 Luke cut it.
27:47 H. Foley? Oh, we found with little pieces of ham.
27:50 Speaker 03 And they were rotten. They smelled like propane. Could only be one person.
27:55 H. Foley? We're looking for the Guanchale Bandit.
27:59 Speaker 03 I love Guanchale. You give me that neck meat.
28:01 H. Foley? Who doesn't?
28:02 Speaker 03 I'm happy. My wife hates it.
28:03 H. Foley? Really?
28:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
28:05 H. Foley? What does she like that you eat?
28:06 Speaker 03 Uh, pussy.
28:11 Speaker 03 She loves lentils. She's always trying to eat new garbanzo beans. Yeah.
28:15 H. Foley? Lentils.
28:15 Speaker 03 She's gonna live forever.
28:16 H. Foley? There you go.
28:17 Speaker 03 She's gonna leave a real hot body after I'm dead.
28:21 Speaker 03 Some nineteen year old CIA. Oh, yeah.
28:23 H. Foley? And a couch. Will that couch go up in value?
28:26 Speaker 03 I doubt it. Not after what me and my crew were doing to it. We're pressure testing it down there.
28:33 H. Foley? Is that where you hang out? Is the basement? Is that your turf?
28:36 Speaker 03 I do my projects down there. There's a room in our house where me and my niece are allowed to just like paint on the walls and go crazy.
28:41 H. Foley? Whoa.
28:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. I was like, Emmy, I need a room where I can fuck it up. And then she was nice enough to give me the two sinks next to the dishwasher. And they're just wrecked with paint and like, yeah. She's been very big about, about forty square feet of this house. She's been very generous with.
28:55 Speaker 01 How many fridges you got in this place?
28:57 Speaker 03 We only have one.
28:57 Speaker 01 One fridge.
28:57 Speaker 03 Brand new fridge. It's awesome. Has crushed ice.
29:00 H. Foley? Open up the, open up this way?
29:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, this way.
29:02 H. Foley? Nice. Okay.
29:04 Speaker 03 And then people just keep bringing me hash. So there's like a whole like.
29:06 Speaker 01 What?
29:07 Speaker 03 Well, it's Detroit, so people will bring me hash all the time.
29:10 Speaker 01 Why?
29:11 H. Foley? Hash big in Detroit?
29:12 Speaker 03 The Lebanese influence on Michigan has made the hash like the best in the world.
29:16 H. Foley? Huh.
29:16 Speaker 03 Yeah. I know. I'm learning all this.
29:18 H. Foley? Gyros ain't bad either.
29:19 Speaker 01 I didn't even know there was a Lebanese influence.
29:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, Dearborn, where my wife's from, is like the number one.
29:23 Speaker 01 Lebanese.
29:24 Speaker 03 Just Muslim population in America.
29:26 Speaker 01 Really?
29:27 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm. Yeah.
29:28 Speaker 01 Per ca- it's gotta be per capita.
29:29 Speaker 03 Probably per capita, yeah. I bet Queens.
29:31 Speaker 01 I'm not sure what that is, but yeah.
29:33 Speaker 03 I think Luke's gonna count on every one of them. He knows where they are.
29:36 H. Foley? Queens is big. I hear the call to prayer every, every day.
29:39 Speaker 03 Do you?
29:39 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:40 Speaker 03 God, that call to prayer, man. I was staying in Paris one time where they had a call to prayer and just wakes you up at fucking the sun. And you're like, oh, I'm glad everyone's.
29:47 H. Foley? I hear the church bells too.
29:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:49 H. Foley? Very diverse, my neighborhood in Queens.
29:51 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
29:51 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:52 Speaker 03 It's a beautiful place.
29:53 H. Foley? Get whatever you need.
29:53 Speaker 03 Hamtramck's similar in Detroit, where it's like all of them.
29:57 H. Foley? You got every one of them.
29:57 Speaker 03 Sure. Yeah, you can get a Yemeni coffee and you can get fucking pierogies.
30:01 H. Foley? There you go.
30:01 Speaker 03 Yeah. And boy, the toilet. You need two toilets for that one.
30:06 H. Foley? One and a half bath ain't gonna help you there.
30:08 Speaker 03 No. You need an old priest and a young priest.
30:10 H. Foley? Talking about riding the side saddle.
30:13 Speaker 03 You'd throw the saddle away. They had to put the toilet down. Send it to the glue factory.
30:21 H. Foley? Alright.
30:22 Speaker 03 Okay.
30:22 H. Foley? Let's get to some cues.
30:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, god forbid we just keep having fun.
30:25 Speaker 01 I know, right? Guys, as you know, when you're doing the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. A couple of big boys on this episode, myself included, from all the toasts, ever wait at the buffet for something to be restocked?
30:38 Speaker 03 Oh, crab legs. Just there fucking boxing out old Chinese women. I'm fucking Rodman in the paint, dude.
30:46 Speaker 01 Oh. I remember at the cafeteria in college, that was a big, waiting for them, they would drop pizza, and I loved bad pizza.
30:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:57 Speaker 01 And man, it was such bad, I would just fucking circle, I'd be like looking at the fruit.
31:00 Speaker 03 Try to act cool like you're hanging out. What's going on? You guys going to the party later?
31:03 Speaker 01 What's up ladies?
31:05 Speaker 03 There is an etiquette where you're like circling, waiting for whatever, the crab legs in my instance, to come. And you just like, you keep looking at the Jell-O squares, like, well, this guy really wants to know what, how many fucking Jell-O squares are in there.
31:14 Speaker 01 You feel like a fat idiot if you're just standing there.
31:16 Speaker 03 Right.
31:17 Speaker 01 You're like, I'm doing something.
31:18 H. Foley? You know if they're putting out the protein shakes soon? You guys know what's going on with them?
31:22 Speaker 03 You guys give out T shots? That's why I'm here. Even fatter move, they bring you to your table, and then you're kinda like, ah, you think we could get this table? And it's the one closest to the crab legs? Yeah, so you position yourself in the vicinity of what you want.
31:39 Speaker 01 Smart.
31:39 Speaker 03 I've done that.
31:40 Speaker 01 Location, location, location. Any good realtors worth their salt, I'll tell you that.
31:43 Speaker 03 Dude, I lived in Vegas when that shooting happened. And it was all hands on deck. The city came together to donate blood. And at the casino by us, if you donated blood, you got a free buffet coupon. So, boy, howdy, was I donating blood.
31:57 Speaker 01 You were down to 140 pounds.
31:59 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, I was putting a mustache on, I had a monocle.
32:01 Speaker 01 Just sucking them dry.
32:04 H. Foley? The translucent man is back.
32:07 Speaker 03 Hey, that jellyfish guy's here?
32:09 H. Foley? It's a shame what they did.
32:12 H. Foley? Could see the crab legs in your stomach. Vegas strong. Holy shit, I didn't know you lived in Vegas.
32:18 Speaker 03 I did, I lived there.
32:19 H. Foley? Look at this guy.
32:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's how we knew the fucking Dan Cortez Casino.
32:23 H. Foley? Mm-hmm. Ah.
32:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
32:25 Speaker 01 From Mr. S- which you did, I never brought it up to you, I don't think I did. Did one of the tragiest things I ever saw.
32:31 H. Foley? Me?
32:32 Speaker 01 At the Black- no, he did, at the blackjack table. I respect and I've been there.
32:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:35 Speaker 01 But it was just like, I mean, we were at the blackjack table, it was me, you, Foley. I forget who else, maybe Tommy, Tommy Pope maybe?
32:43 Speaker 03 Tommy was there.
32:43 H. Foley? Yeah, Tommy Pope.
32:44 Speaker 01 And, uh, so we're there, we're having, we're having a fucking day. It's, I mean, night at this point.
32:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
32:49 Speaker 01 You know, we're laughing, we're screaming, we're having a good time.
32:51 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
32:52 Speaker 01 Beers galore, like, we're fucked up.
32:53 Speaker 03 Cigs.
32:54 Speaker 01 Sig, crushing beers. And I needed a-
32:56 Speaker 03 I think, I think Tommy was on something as well. Yeah.
33:00 Speaker 01 Sure.
33:00 Speaker 03 He was fucking Molly Cyrus that evening.
33:04 Speaker 01 I don't think it was Tully Moore, dude.
33:06 Speaker 03 No, he was the Pink Pony Club.
33:09 Speaker 01 Is that what that is?
33:11 H. Foley? That's the Pink Pony Club. Who's that, Chapel Rohn?
33:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:14 H. Foley? Say, I know what's going on.
33:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:16 Speaker 01 But I needed a cig. And were you smoking menthols at one point? Was that you?
33:19 Speaker 03 American Spirit Dark Green.
33:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I bummed one off of Matt. This is at like 3 a.m.
33:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, you were cross-eyed.
33:24 Speaker 01 I'm a hundred cigs deep already on the day. This is gang fest. We are fucked up.
33:30 Speaker 03 And you're a bit of a handful at the tables, too. You have a way of talking to people that scares me.
33:35 H. Foley? Thank you.
33:36 Speaker 03 I think at one point you mouthed off to the dealer and Foley grabbed my leg under the table.
33:41 H. Foley? Wow, see?
33:42 Speaker 03 Uh-huh.
33:43 H. Foley? You've been fucking calling me a liar and an asshole.
33:45 Speaker 01 I've never called you a liar, I've called you an asshole.
33:48 H. Foley? All this time, finally I got somebody to back me up.
33:50 Speaker 01 This guy don't know, he's got ham in his house.
33:52 Speaker 03 You made me flinch, by the way you talk to these professionals.
33:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:56 Speaker 03 Wait, so what was the gross thing I did?
33:59 Speaker 01 No, I, I, you gave, you bummed me a cig.
34:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:02 Speaker 01 And then I couldn't, I couldn't get it down. I mean, I'll do it in American Spirit menthol.
34:06 H. Foley? That's like an IED.
34:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:08 H. Foley? In the wee hours of the night. Stepping on a fucking booby trap.
34:12 Speaker 03 That's a red dot on your forehead.
34:13 H. Foley? Oh, man.
34:14 Speaker 01 And I start going, like, it's like, can't be like that, I'm getting a hiccup.
34:18 H. Foley? The cold sweats hit you, you get that queasy feeling in your stomach.
34:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:22 H. Foley? It's like you got the bends.
34:24 Speaker 03 It's like you just surfaced.
34:25 Speaker 01 I gotta go sit in the chamber.
34:27 H. Foley? Man. Holy shit.
34:31 H. Foley? Somebody hit you with a menthol.
34:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, a menthol in the wild is a tough one. If you're not expecting it.
34:37 Speaker 01 Dude, and I'm like, it's like thick when you're blowing it. It feels like you can feel it leaving your teeth.
34:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:43 Speaker 01 And I go, I remember putting it out, like closing my eye, being like, I can't. I got like two or three drag. I'm like, I can't do it. But so he goes, what are you doing? That's still good. He took it out of the ashtray and put it in his pack. And I was just like, I'm gonna act like this didn't happen.
34:56 H. Foley? Man, that thing stinks in the morning.
34:58 Speaker 01 I get it, but...
34:59 Speaker 03 You can't bury something that's from the dirt. I mean, do you remember back in the day being super poor and like hanging out in front of movie theaters and just taking snipes?
35:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:07 Speaker 03 I had, I had like a Ziploc bag full of snipes for like three years.
35:10 Speaker 01 Snipes?
35:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:11 Speaker 01 For three years?
35:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, and I would just have snipes. And then if you didn't have any cigs, you just roll them in bible paper and you had cigs.
35:16 H. Foley? Yeah, I'd throw up.
35:18 Speaker 03 Well, hey, man. I was trying to live, you know?
35:22 Speaker 01 Either get busy living or get busy dying, man.
35:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, you don't need to sleep when you're dreaming all the time.
35:26 Speaker 01 I just remember being like, that move at that time, I was just like, that's crazy.
35:30 H. Foley? Yeah, yeah. You smoked it right then and there.
35:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, you were like, I'll take it, but it went back in the pack.
35:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:36 Speaker 01 Well, it was also, we were real thin on cigs. I was out of cigs. He was probably, I was, if I'm smoking an American spirit menthol at 3 a.m., that's the only cig available. So you were probably down to like, I got three or four left. I'm gonna need them.
35:49 Speaker 03 I'm a Dust Bowl farmer at that point.
35:52 Speaker 03 And you're just torching my crops. But boy, do you want some wheat tomorrow? Yeah, it was...
35:56 H. Foley? Grain won't grow out here.
35:58 Speaker 03 Dude, you remember when we were at that table and that fucking like psycho, uh, honey guy, that beekeeper dude? Just took a chair from our friend and we were like, hey, man, like he's sitting here. And he's like, looks like I'm sitting here.
36:10 Speaker 01 No.
36:10 Speaker 03 And we just sat at the table with this guy that none of us wanted to be around because we wanted our buddy to be there. He was a nice guy. But it was like, I just remember like...
36:17 Speaker 01 He was a beekeeper?
36:18 Speaker 03 I think he was, I think he ran an apiary or something.
36:21 Speaker 01 I don't even know. I mean, it totally could. I could have been the dealer at one point.
36:25 H. Foley? You were on a little Molly Shanahan.
36:27 Speaker 01 I could have been yelling at myself.
36:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, you were in a mirror.
36:30 H. Foley? Hit, hit me!
36:32 Speaker 01 You ugly bald piece of shit! Your mother never loved you, Kippy!
36:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, man. But yes, I have, I have staked out a buffet.
36:42 H. Foley? For sure. For sure.
36:44 Speaker 01 This one's just funny. This is for Mac, $10 homie. Are you garbage if cleaning out the garage, you find your social security card? That's, I mean, do you know where yours is at the moment?
36:54 Speaker 03 Uh, no. Oh, I do. My dad has it.
36:57 H. Foley? Just in case?
36:58 Speaker 03 Yeah. I have my passport. I know my, I know my number.
37:01 H. Foley? Okay.
37:02 Speaker 03 When do you need your social security card?
37:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, find out what the need for a social security card is anymore.
37:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like getting a birth certificate, I think you need it.
37:08 Speaker 01 We were also at the, I'm of the age where it was like, you had it, you had it like, we took it to like, when you applied for a job. It was like, bring your social-
37:15 Speaker 03 Really?
37:15 Speaker 01 Your license and social security card.
37:17 Speaker 03 I never needed it once in a while.
37:19 Speaker 01 As like a teenager, yeah, you would need it to prove who you were. I guess for tax purposes, maybe? I don't know.
37:24 H. Foley? Funny, because I have to show mine at the buffet when I go.
37:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, to make sure you're not two people.
37:29 Speaker 01 You're not three guys in a trench coat?
37:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:32 Speaker 01 Hey, are you really age full or are you just three guys in a Hawaiian t-shirt?
37:36 Speaker 03 What I am is a paying customer.
37:39 H. Foley? Paying, don't never mind of that.
37:40 Speaker 03 Yes.
37:41 Speaker 01 Ah.
37:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, no, I always thought you like, had to have your social security card like, hidden. My mom kept it like-
37:46 H. Foley? Mine's hidden right now.
37:47 Speaker 03 In a fireproof safe of some kind.
37:48 Speaker 01 Mine is, uh, I don't know where it is exactly, but every time I'm cleaning out something that is like, a safe place, whether it's in like, my sock drawer, like a box in my sock drawer, like, something in a filing cabinet. It is in a safe place somewhere. I just don't know where it is. The last time I had to use it was probably for my wife's green card, like, when we got married. I had to-
38:08 H. Foley? Yours is all fucked up?
38:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:09 Speaker 01 Dude, I used to keep it in my wallet at that time. In college, I think I had it on me.
38:13 Speaker 03 At one point, mine was laminated, and then my mom tried to use it for something, and they said they couldn't accept a laminated card. So now mine's like, ripped and destroyed.
38:21 H. Foley? I was gonna say, can you un-laminate something?
38:22 Speaker 03 She did, I remember.
38:23 Speaker 01 Not well.
38:24 H. Foley? Really?
38:24 Speaker 03 She had to steam it. I remember her like, standing like, over, like, remember when you would play football and you needed a mouthguard?
38:29 Speaker 01 Is she from Catch Me If You Can? That's crazy.
38:30 Speaker 03 Pretty much, yeah.
38:31 Speaker 01 Frank Avicale?
38:32 Speaker 03 My mom's a, she had her fingers in a lot of pot.
38:36 H. Foley? Pan Am sticker on it. Kent, what do you know about Factor?
38:39 Speaker 01 Factor, factor, factor.
38:41 H. Foley? Do you like delicious meals, ready to eat? You just gotta throw them in the microwave, heat them up a little bit?
38:45 Speaker 01 What, am I a bozo? Of course I do.
38:47 H. Foley? Takes about two minutes?
38:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:48 H. Foley? You want to look good this summer?
38:49 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
38:49 H. Foley? Huh? Do you like protein-packed? Do you like keto? Do you like more? Do you like more calorie smart?
38:56 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
38:56 H. Foley? Do yourself a favor, get over to Factor. The absolute best. The only problem you're gonna have-
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39:58 H. Foley? Kevin, what's up about Mint Mobile?
39:59 Speaker 01 Shout out to Mint Mobile.
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40:13 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
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41:11 Speaker 01 $45 for a three month 5GB plan is required, which is the equivalent of $15 per month. New customer offer for the first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See me mobile for details. Do it.
41:23 H. Foley? Do it. I used to love boiling my mouth guard at the beginning of the year. That was the best.
41:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
41:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, it felt good. That was my mom with the social security thing.
41:30 H. Foley? There you go.
41:31 Speaker 03 Did you ever, did, now the kids now have different mouth guards every game.
41:34 H. Foley? Yes.
41:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I had that same one and you would just chew on it.
41:37 Speaker 01 You chew through it. Like in the middle, it would be gone.
41:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:41 Speaker 01 Like your teeth would be touching.
41:42 Speaker 03 What about the strap on the helmet?
41:43 H. Foley? What about it?
41:44 Speaker 03 I would leave mine undone.
41:45 H. Foley? What?
41:46 Speaker 03 Purposely, yeah.
41:47 H. Foley? You chucking in Eric? No kidding?
41:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, it was bronzing in there.
41:50 H. Foley? They didn't say anything to you?
41:51 Speaker 03 What are they gonna say?
41:52 H. Foley? Put your chin strap on.
41:53 Speaker 03 Yes, sir.
41:55 Speaker 03 I can't get it to merit because I want to be all league again. Yeah.
41:59 H. Foley? No kidding. I had my chin strap always buckled up.
42:01 Speaker 03 Oh, it was like the tough guy move, like no chin strap.
42:03 H. Foley? No kidding?
42:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, it is a tough guy move. Yeah.
42:05 Speaker 03 I don't know who it was for. I don't think any-
42:07 Speaker 01 CTE move too.
42:08 Speaker 03 For sure. Yeah. My brain's bad.
42:11 H. Foley? Tell you what, wandering around a buffet. Waiting for the crab legs that aren't there.
42:15 Speaker 03 Sam's sundowning again. He thinks there's crab legs.
42:19 H. Foley? Sam, that's a car dealership.
42:22 Speaker 03 I'm just nodding.
42:24 Speaker 01 We used to, uh, we didn't have to wear them and we played hockey and then one year they made you, it was like, uh, I guess, I don't know, statewide or whatever. It was like all kids have to wear it. So everybody cut them just to show here. It just covered your front two teeth and wasn't in the back.
42:39 H. Foley? Oh, okay.
42:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, so you were like faking it.
42:41 H. Foley? Now, I always wanted to have mine in because I didn't want to, because I got hit a couple of times and it, it could bit down on your teeth.
42:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:47 H. Foley? It hurt like a motherfucker.
42:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, God forbid your jaw moves backwards on the hinge.
42:51 H. Foley? Yeah.
42:51 Speaker 03 That made me throw up. Yeah.
42:53 H. Foley? Yeah, I don't want to fuck my teeth up. That and a cup I always wore.
42:56 Speaker 03 I never wore a cup once.
42:57 H. Foley? Yeah, I got hit in the balls with a lacrosse ball. That would teach you a lesson.
43:00 Speaker 03 Lacrosse would make sense. Projectile sports makes sense. But yeah. And I remember, dude, like just grabbing people's sacks.
43:05 H. Foley? No kidding?
43:06 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
43:07 H. Foley? During the game or after?
43:08 Speaker 03 Getting in the armpit hair. Like if, if you were on for like, uh, like PAT and the kids are going up to block it, you grab their armpit hair and yank it out. They're never going up again.
43:16 H. Foley? Jesus Christ.
43:18 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
43:18 H. Foley? What kind of football were you playing? Although my uncle who played for Villanova in the seventies told me that they used to take-
43:25 Speaker 03 Shave points?
43:28 Speaker 03 The fix was in.
43:29 H. Foley? A little sick that day.
43:31 Speaker 01 He's the kicker, he's smoking.
43:35 Speaker 03 Has his shoes on the wrong feet.
43:36 Speaker 01 Played in this.
43:37 H. Foley? I don't know if this was in high school or college.
43:38 Speaker 01 It's all black and white.
43:39 H. Foley? But I remember him telling me a story that they used to take a bottle cap and they would pinch it, you know, like, put it in.
43:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:47 H. Foley? And they'd put it in their sock and when they got into a pile, they would scratch each other's faces.
43:50 Speaker 01 What, they in the longest yard?
43:52 Speaker 03 What?
43:52 Speaker 01 That's fucking, they're all wearing brass knuckles.
43:57 H. Foley? And scratch your cheek with it.
43:58 Speaker 01 What?
43:59 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:00 Speaker 03 Golly. There's, there's all these like stories of like pile, uh, trauma, like grabbing ankles and spinning it. I was never in a pile long enough to pull out a fucking, to gig someone, you know? To get taller in the pile.
44:12 H. Foley? Ever hearing that, I was like, damn.
44:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's, that's a bit much.
44:16 Speaker 01 Uh, what do you got on, uh, social security cards?
44:18 Speaker 04 I, it seems like you only need the card itself if you're, uh, correcting a social security number that's already on file. Like if they messed it up in the system, but.
44:28 Speaker 01 That they become that obsolete.
44:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, like they say new job, some benefits, but I have, I mean, I've never had to do it for a job.
44:34 Speaker 03 You don't have a social security number, right?
44:36 Speaker 01 We didn't ask for your social security card when you started working here? That's crazy. Didn't we not? What? Dude, there is no pay, I mean, there's, there's.
44:43 Speaker 04 Handshake deal, baby.
44:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're all a handshake dealer out here. And then our business manager's like, that is fucking crazy. I'm like, why's it got us this far?
44:50 Speaker 03 You just go like this?
44:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, I don't know, man, it's fucking working.
44:54 Speaker 03 Look around.
44:54 Speaker 01 He's a good kid. Come over here, start counting my pennies. He doesn't like when I trash him.
45:01 Speaker 01 I'll get a text. I heard this Igor episode. I'm like, ah, I'm sorry about that. Uh, all right, let's see. This is another, this is a little food heavy. Um, this is from SavagePimp83. Uh, no clue if this has ever been said, but spoon or fork for mac and cheese?
45:17 H. Foley? Oh, interesting question.
45:19 Speaker 01 Obviously, if it's a portion on a, on a plate, you're gonna just be eating with a fork usually, if you're out somewhere or whatever. But if I'm by myself, I might just go big tablespoon.
45:30 Speaker 03 Mr. Talent? Are you eating mac and cheese by yourself a lot?
45:33 Speaker 01 No, if I'm doing that, I mean, I have in the past, a lot.
45:35 Speaker 03 Yeah. Uh, well, here's my issue is that what, who's making the mac and cheese? Because if it's like white person mac and cheese, it's kind of like soupy and runny.
45:44 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
45:44 Speaker 03 You want a spoon.
45:45 Speaker 01 Sure.
45:46 Speaker 03 Because you want to scrape all the delicious Velveeta goo off the bottom.
45:49 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
45:50 Speaker 03 But if you're eating like a classic black mac and cheese.
45:52 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
45:53 Speaker 03 That's as thick as the pot is long.
45:54 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
45:55 Speaker 03 You need, you need a fucking fork to chop off the corner.
45:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'll give you that. Well, it's got more of a fucking texture to it.
46:02 Speaker 03 Yes. I will say this. I have, in White Lotus, they're eating the Thai style with the spoon and the fork. And I've been emulating that and I love it.
46:10 Speaker 01 Wait, so you're just going one and one?
46:11 Speaker 03 You get a spoon, you get a fork. If you need to chop or poke.
46:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:14 Speaker 03 If you want to scoop.
46:15 Speaker 01 I've always been anti-knife if I gotta.
46:18 Speaker 03 I have too, unless it's steak.
46:19 Speaker 01 You can, you can, yes, you can, you can accomplish everything with a fork or a spoon.
46:22 H. Foley? Wait, hold on. What are you talking about? I haven't seen this season of White Lotus. What do you mean?
46:27 Speaker 03 So, they have a spoon and then they have a fork.
46:29 H. Foley? Yeah.
46:30 Speaker 03 And then when they're eating stuff, there's like a pull apart if you need to for like the chicken.
46:33 Speaker 01 They work together.
46:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, they work in concert.
46:36 H. Foley? Does Thai people do this?
46:36 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm, yeah.
46:37 H. Foley? They don't use chopsticks?
46:38 Speaker 03 Uh-uh. So that's the thing is I thought they were chopstick people.
46:41 H. Foley? Huh.
46:42 Speaker 03 I don't know if you're supposed to say chopstick people, but, you know.
46:45 Speaker 01 Depends what show you're on.
46:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
46:48 H. Foley? I understood what you meant.
46:49 Speaker 03 Thank you. But yeah, so like, uh, when, we eat a lot of Thai food and I was always asked for chopsticks and they were like, we don't have those.
46:55 H. Foley? No kidding?
46:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
46:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, here. So in Thailand, most common utensils for eating are fork and spoon while chopsticks are used for certain noodle dishes like, not gonna try it and bah me. Fork and spoon are used primarily utensils for Thai meals. The fork is used to push food onto the spoon, which goes to the mouth. Now we're talking.
47:13 H. Foley? That's where it goes?
47:14 Speaker 01 I've been shoving it on my ass.
47:17 H. Foley? Because I, this is gonna sound very fat.
47:19 Speaker 01 No.
47:20 Speaker 03 You're safe. You're with me.
47:21 H. Foley? My predominant mode vehicle of.
47:26 Speaker 01 Sandwich.
47:27 H. Foley? Eating is the spoon.
47:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, me too. I love the spoon.
47:30 H. Foley? I do enjoy the spoon.
47:31 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
47:31 Speaker 01 I don't think it, it's the easiest.
47:33 H. Foley? Especially for Chinese food.
47:33 Speaker 01 It's the less, you can shake on it. There's no, there's holes in a fucking fork.
47:38 Speaker 03 Also, the concave nature of the spoon makes it better for cutting than the fork is. The spoon's actually a better cutter.
47:46 H. Foley? It is, you're right.
47:47 Speaker 01 We're getting to the bottom of that. I might start doing that, but if you go-
47:49 Speaker 03 It's built like a shovel. Shovels are built for getting into the earth.
47:52 Speaker 01 Somebody has that bit. I think it's fucking, uh-
47:55 Speaker 03 Mr. Pants, probably.
47:57 Speaker 01 I think it's Seinfeld. He's like, "You work all day with a shovel till in the field, then you go home, and you try to eat with chopsticks."
48:03 Speaker 03 It was easier back then.
48:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're not wrong.
48:08 H. Foley? Yeah, like, uh, you ever get like one of like a, like a thin shitty fork?
48:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:12 H. Foley? And they're like real thin, it's, you can't get a good bite.
48:15 Speaker 03 Plastic spork, get it out of here. I'm snapping off that thine, and I'm so busy-
48:19 Speaker 01 Thine, that's what it's called.
48:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, you, when you, when you get a plastic fork and you snap it off, odds are, I'm eating that fucking thine.
48:25 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
48:26 Speaker 03 Cause I didn't notice it snapped.
48:28 Speaker 01 I'm with you.
48:28 Speaker 03 You know how many times I've been in a food court and accidentally ate plastic? Enough that it's a story.
48:32 H. Foley? What do you mean? What's a thine?
48:33 Speaker 01 I'm bringing it up when I pop the podcast.
48:35 Speaker 03 The thine is the three prongs that go off the fork.
48:36 Speaker 01 The prong is a thine.
48:37 H. Foley? Man, you are a writer. It's pretty good.
48:39 Speaker 03 Oh, I thought thine was-
48:40 Speaker 01 Maybe in your intellectual circles, you roll in.
48:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, in Hamtown.
48:45 H. Foley? Hamtown, USA.
48:46 Speaker 01 Listen, I tell everybody I read your book. I actually listened to it.
48:49 Speaker 03 That counts. The braille counts. Listening counts.
48:52 H. Foley? It was told to me secondhand.
48:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:55 Speaker 01 I would come in every morning.
48:56 Speaker 03 You had it read to you.
48:57 Speaker 01 Then last night.
49:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm big on the spoon. I think the spoon's the most-
49:03 Speaker 01 Well, that's good, and then I guess you could, now, let's say you, you're, you know, we're, we're in New York right now. Let's say after this, we go out to a nice dinner. Are you gonna ask for a spoon if it's not the-
49:11 Speaker 03 Hey, I'd love to.
49:12 Speaker 01 I know. Are you gonna ask for-
49:14 H. Foley? No, not at a restaurant.
49:15 Speaker 01 I'm asking, well, why stop that? Why not just be comfortable and efficient and eat how you wanna eat?
49:19 Speaker 03 If, usually the spoon's in the roll-up.
49:22 Speaker 01 True.
49:22 Speaker 03 I'm not in a lot of places where I have to ask for a spoon.
49:24 H. Foley? Really?
49:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:25 H. Foley? The spoon's in the roll-up. Where are you eating?
49:27 Speaker 03 Uh-
49:28 H. Foley? That's prison shit.
49:29 Speaker 03 What do you mean?
49:30 H. Foley? A spoon in the roll-up.
49:31 Speaker 01 I don't know, man.
49:32 Speaker 03 You know the roll-up, right? Like the napkin roll?
49:33 H. Foley? Of course.
49:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
49:34 H. Foley? There's never a spoon in there.
49:35 Speaker 03 I usually think all three are in there.
49:37 H. Foley? No. Fork and knife.
49:38 Speaker 03 Really?
49:39 H. Foley? That's crazy talk.
49:40 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm out there?
49:41 H. Foley? That's saying quitting shit.
49:42 Speaker 03 This is too far?
49:43 H. Foley? That's sink-sink. You got your spoon in your pocket?
49:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:48 Speaker 01 It's a telescopic one, it goes long.
49:50 Speaker 03 No, I'm just rubbing it against the concrete to prep myself.
49:53 H. Foley? You got a baby bird in the other pocket?
49:55 Speaker 03 Yeah. I was riffing on the Latin Kings pretty hard last night, boys.
49:59 Speaker 01 I got it.
50:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:00 H. Foley? Um, I do do-
50:01 Speaker 01 What do you got?
50:02 Speaker 04 Spoon seems to be the rarer addition.
50:04 Speaker 01 Okay.
50:04 Speaker 04 Out of the two.
50:05 H. Foley? Yes.
50:05 Speaker 03 I feel like I've never had to ask for a spoon. And if there's not a spoon, I'm not being like, hey, I don't know how to eat now. I can figure it out.
50:11 H. Foley? Korean barbecue, I use predominantly a spoon.
50:14 Speaker 03 They have that long metal spoon, too. Yeah. And then if someone starts reaching, you can slap their hands with it.
50:19 H. Foley? Yeah.
50:20 Speaker 03 Those spoons had to be outlawed. Those spoons, because we go to Korean barbecue a lot with my friends in Denver. Those spoons had to be outlawed in the same way that like pantsing people had to be outlawed in my early twenties.
50:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:30 Speaker 03 Um-
50:31 Speaker 01 In your early twenties, you were pantsing people?
50:33 Speaker 03 I remember being at like weddings and like-
50:34 Speaker 01 That should be a question, weddings?
50:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:36 H. Foley? Pantsing the bride?
50:37 Speaker 01 When was the last time you pantsed someone or been pantsed?
50:39 Speaker 03 Oh, well, my 20 year's coming up and already my friends are like, so are we, is it, is there a truce being called?
50:45 Speaker 01 Is the treaty still intact?
50:46 Speaker 03 We're almost all 40, are we gonna be, well, the worst one was the pants and the push.
50:52 Speaker 03 You ever get pantsed and pushed? That was the big move. Yeah. You work, you work-
50:56 Speaker 01 Dude, laying on the ground, hanging brain at a wedding is a tough look.
50:59 Speaker 03 And it's even better because there's that moment where you go over where you're like, whoa, my pants are down, ah, and then you look up and you see your underwear or with my dirtbag friends, just your fucking revealed balls.
51:10 Speaker 01 It's also like, man, my pants fell down, I'm, this could not get any worse.
51:16 Speaker 01 Ah! And then you get the wind knocked out of you, you're huffing.
51:20 H. Foley? Are you Biff Tannen?
51:21 Speaker 01 That's crazy, dude. I remember learning at an early age, I almost got got on the playground. I was wearing basketball shorts to school.
51:29 Speaker 03 Oh, no.
51:30 Speaker 01 And basketball shorts, you just-
51:31 Speaker 03 You're begging for it.
51:32 Speaker 01 Oh, man. And they went, someone got me from behind and I was, I was able to get my front, so just my ass got out.
51:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:39 Speaker 01 I was able to save, save the fucking tiddlywink.
51:42 Speaker 03 Your honor, did you see how he was dressed?
51:44 Speaker 01 And dude, from then on, I'm doing like two belts, fucking tight pair of corduroys, you ain't getting these things off.
51:50 H. Foley? You would have been called Kevin Mangina for the rest of high school.
51:52 Speaker 03 Oh, for sure.
51:53 H. Foley? The chode.
51:55 Speaker 01 I wish.
51:55 H. Foley? The little guy.
51:58 H. Foley? Little big man.
52:01 Speaker 01 Hi buddy. Had a great line when we asked him if you got pants right, what would happen? Are you a great, somebody's talking to you a grower, a jower and he went, "If I got pants right now, I'd have to switch schools."
52:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
52:11 Speaker 01 And I was like, "Buddy, I feel ya."
52:13 H. Foley? I'd move for sure.
52:15 Speaker 03 Yeah. It is funny that moment of you're like, "Well, this is surely the bottom of my day."
52:19 Speaker 01 This is the worst, this is the worst of my month.
52:21 Speaker 03 There's no way this could get worse.
52:24 Speaker 03 And then you've ruined the one jacket you have in the mud at your fucking rodeo wedding you're at.
52:28 Speaker 01 I fell, I fell at a wedding one time, so fucked up and it was one of those ones. It was down in Fishtown in, in Philadelphia is, uh, like an event space. It was, it used to be like a warehouse, so the floor was concrete. Like the whole floor was concrete. Like, but smooth, like redone, finished concrete, man.
52:46 Speaker 03 Roller rink concrete.
52:47 Speaker 01 Yes, and I got, I don't know.
52:49 H. Foley? Sounds like a classy affair.
52:50 Speaker 01 I got four, the IPAs just hit. I got like fucking 15 IPAs at me. Didn't know they were heavier than regu-, you know, normal.
52:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
52:58 Speaker 01 And man, it was one of those where like, it feels like that fucking, that GoPro's on you and the floor came up to me.
53:05 Speaker 03 Oh yeah.
53:05 Speaker 01 I did not move dude. And next thing you know, just looking up and everyone, people's grandmoms are like, "What the hell's wrong with them?"
53:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:11 Speaker 01 Fucking tough luck.
53:12 H. Foley? Is he doing the worm?
53:14 Speaker 03 My dad passed out at my sister's wedding. He got too high. And then there was like three minutes of our, of the wedding where we were like, "I wonder if my dad's dead." You know, we're like dancing.
53:23 Speaker 01 I think he'll be alright.
53:25 H. Foley? Danny got too high.
53:26 Speaker 03 My dad got too high and then all that, so then he's fine, obviously. And then my sister's like, "You ruined my wedding."
53:32 H. Foley? To you?
53:33 Speaker 03 No, to my dad. We thought you were dead for a big part of the speeches, old man.
53:39 H. Foley? It was during the speeches?
53:40 Speaker 03 No, no, it was towards the end of the evening. But, uh, yeah, he did succumb to his own vice and he was just on the ground. And my wife's a doctor and she was like, Went over there, you know, boogaloo.
53:50 H. Foley? Passing out from weed.
53:51 Speaker 01 My cousin, it was younger, he was probably like an early teen, you know, whatever, maybe like fourteen or something. He ate a cookie that had a peanut in it or something.
54:00 Speaker 03 Oh no.
54:01 Speaker 01 At my brother's wedding, man. And they came, they rushed like, full-blown fucking cops, you know, ambulance.
54:08 Speaker 03 It's your brother's wedding?
54:09 Speaker 01 And no one gave a fuck. Dude, he was like out, he wasn't in the room anymore, he was like out in the hallway. And dude, no, "You alright?" Or it was just like back to fucking bumping and grinding.
54:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, you just grab him by his fucking air forces, drag him into the hall. You put him underneath that flag at half-mast in the VFW where all of the weddings in your family take place.
54:28 Speaker 01 This is a glazy affair.
54:30 Speaker 03 I can't believe you remember the concrete in the wedding hall.
54:32 Speaker 01 Ah, yeah.
54:33 Speaker 03 That was.
54:34 H. Foley? Laying under a "Don't tread on me" flag?
54:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
54:37 H. Foley? Everybody salutes him, goes back to the dance.
54:43 Speaker 03 One guy freaks out because he's underneath an American flag and he remembers all of his buddies' funerals.
54:48 H. Foley? Starts losing it.
54:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
54:50 H. Foley? Fold up an Eagles flag, give it to your mom.
54:53 Speaker 01 He was a good kid.
54:57 Speaker 01 They're doing that thing where they're walking into each other.
55:06 Speaker 01 Go, Bert!
55:07 Speaker 03 Twenty-one bump salute.
55:10 Speaker 01 Pushed it.
55:10 H. Foley? Too far.
55:11 Speaker 03 It was good.
55:13 H. Foley? Thank you.
55:13 Speaker 01 Just time it, time it.
55:14 Speaker 03 That's my favorite part of the show is where you go, "Nothing on that!"
55:17 Speaker 01 Nothing on that.
55:18 Speaker 03 It's like, there was maybe a third of a second for the joke to hit, and you're already reeling.
55:25 H. Foley? Panic sex is quick.
55:26 Speaker 03 Oh, I understand.
55:30 H. Foley? Time moves slow behind the microphone.
55:32 Speaker 03 It's all bullet time for you, your max pain.
55:35 H. Foley? It's like interstellar.
55:37 Speaker 01 Uh, now I know me and Foley don't have this, but out there in the great plains with you, maybe, this is from Foley's discarded boxes. "Ten dollar homie, never had one read. Have you or anyone in your family lived an extended period of time in an RV?" Bonus points if that was in a driveway of a home.
55:54 Speaker 03 So we had an old, broken down RV, like, on our property, and we'd play in there.
55:59 Speaker 01 That's fun.
56:00 Speaker 03 Right, but like, remember the seats, like, underneath the seat covers in those old RVs? Whatever they stuffed those seats with was toxic to skin.
56:07 Speaker 01 Sure.
56:07 Speaker 03 So you'd be in there being like, "I'm driving the school bus." And then you go inside and it looks like you were exposed to Agent Orange.
56:12 Speaker 01 Yes, you got stung by bees.
56:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I remember coming inside and like, having to, like, my mom being like, "God damn it." And just like, going into the shower and then standing there and like, a bunch of just orange dust was all over.
56:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:23 H. Foley? We've come across a pretty good amount of the bozos and the homies at the shows, and we love that they share it, where that is the case. More than a few of, we live, a young couple, we live in an RV on my mom, in my mom's driveway.
56:38 Speaker 01 It's usually bouncing back, they're getting their shit together, uh, or divorce, you know, someone moves out to like, their dad's like, "Fuck you, I'm just gonna, I already got the house and the RV, I'll just live in the RV."
56:49 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
56:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's, uh, that's not great. Anytime, and I didn't have a lot of time in an RV, I had, my, my stepdad's dad had one that we would use in staying, and I loved it, it was like, fuck it.
57:00 Speaker 03 It's fun.
57:01 Speaker 01 It was like, the coolest thing, uh, that we ever fucking had. My mom hated it, but I liked it.
57:05 H. Foley? What would you play in there? What would you play in the RV? Cause I remember when I was a kid at my dad's softball games, all the kids would sometimes go to one of the parents' cars, and we would play family.
57:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
57:16 H. Foley? Like, I'm the dad driving.
57:17 Speaker 01 There's a cop.
57:18 H. Foley? What do you play in a broken down RV? You playing like, zombie apocalypse or end of the world?
57:23 Speaker 03 I think house.
57:24 H. Foley? House?
57:25 Speaker 01 It's kinda house, yeah, makes sense.
57:26 Speaker 03 Cause there's like, cabinets and a little fridge and a sink, you know?
57:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're doing dishes.
57:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
57:30 Speaker 01 You got a smelly dishwasher, you know?
57:31 H. Foley? Playing a poor family.
57:32 Speaker 03 Uh-huh, yeah, and we were just playing the, it was the same thing as my other house. But I'm in charge. Fruit rollups are anytime.
57:43 Speaker 03 Oh, you know, it's weird, like, how-
57:44 H. Foley? Coming in, "I got laid off again today."
57:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
57:46 H. Foley? What?
57:47 Speaker 03 Honey, we're ruined! It's my sister. She starts fake crying.
57:54 Speaker 03 The 180 on like living in a van or an RV when we were young, it's like, oh, man, you know, it'll turn around. But now it's like all these kids living, because first of all, it's the only financial legitimate choice they can make.
58:06 Speaker 01 Sure.
58:06 Speaker 03 But then also it's like, yeah, we're freewheeling. All we need is each other and the national park pass.
58:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:11 Speaker 03 So I don't know. I know a lot of like people who currently live in vehicles, but it's as some kind of like, you know, on the road.
58:17 H. Foley? They do hook them up too. They look really nice.
58:19 Speaker 03 For sure, yeah.
58:20 Speaker 01 I do get it as in the sense of like, if you're like told, you gotta go to college, you gotta do this, you gotta get in the system. And you're like, nah, I can fucking save up money, live off the grid, a decent amount, and like also then do like the gig economy. You'd be like, oh, I'll do this to earn cash and then fucking hang out the rest of the day.
58:36 H. Foley? You don't gotta go to college, trust me.
58:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, whatever you do. Take it from me, a guy who took fucking 18 years to graduate.
58:43 Speaker 01 Now look at him.
58:43 H. Foley? Published author.
58:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, I just, yeah, well, thank you.
58:47 Speaker 01 Kid can't even read.
58:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's all ghost written.
58:51 Speaker 01 We're a...
58:52 Speaker 03 It was Norm's last project.
58:54 H. Foley? It's all ChatGPT. Early edition, the beta version of that.
59:01 Speaker 01 All right, this, we have a time for a couple more. This was from Foley is Foxy.
59:05 H. Foley? Hello.
59:07 Speaker 01 Must be a blind broad. Is it garbage to get hypnotized on a cruise ship? My aunt volunteered and was convinced she was a duck. She ran around on stage flapping and imagined her wings quacking like a maniac. She claimed she had no recollection when the hypnotist clapped his hands and brought her back to life.
59:21 H. Foley? What do you think about that? Sam Talbot, do you believe in that? I mean, obviously, is that woman going along for the ride or is she actually hypnotized?
59:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think it's the ramification of like mass peer pressure. Cause like I've, I used to open for like hypnotists occasionally. Like when I was doing the, like the Mountain Time Zone, there was a lot of hypnotist shows and I would open and you'd sit there the whole time just trying to figure it out.
59:42 Speaker 01 Like what? Is it real?
59:44 Speaker 03 Yeah. And like the whole thing is the guy would walk around the room and he'd just be like watching people watch me and he'd see people who he thought would be susceptible to his, to his...
59:53 Speaker 01 They're taking out a mark.
59:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. So then they round them up. And then the thing is, you'd get like fifteen people up there, and there's a whittling down. So there's like four different games he would play before he had the final three.
1:00:03 Speaker 01 And then be like, I know, yeah.
1:00:04 Speaker 03 Then those three will do whatever the fuck he wants.
1:00:06 Speaker 01 Right.
1:00:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:00:07 H. Foley? And but they'll do it because they're hypnotized or because?
1:00:09 Speaker 01 They're susceptible to it. They think they're they're playing along. They think they're in a trance.
1:00:14 Speaker 03 It's like part of the show. And also, this is their big moment, and they're on stage, and they're being peer pressured in front of a bunch of people typically in a small town who they know. You know, so it's like all these different Venn diagrams swirling to create the perfect mark. And then you find that perfect mark, and then they'll quack like the duck or whatever.
1:00:29 H. Foley? I've always wanted to be hypnotized.
1:00:31 Speaker 01 What do you got?
1:00:32 Speaker 04 Yeah, it seems to just be, it's a a change in brain activity where you you reduce the activity in the areas of like self-reflection and task switching. So it's just like a deeply deeply relaxed state where the person is highly receptive to suggestions.
1:00:47 Speaker 03 But that's like therapeutic hypnotism. That's like quitting smoking hypnotism. This is like, you know, there's a fucking brisket buffet by the stage hypnotism.
1:00:57 H. Foley? Where's that at?
1:00:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, tell me. Carney, Nebraska.
1:01:01 H. Foley? So it does work. So it is real.
1:01:03 Speaker 03 I don't know. I think what he's describing is a completely different phenomenon.
1:01:06 Speaker 01 Quit smoking. Get like our hypnotist acts, like, you know, a live show hypnotist. Do live show hypnotists or live show hypnotists.
1:01:13 H. Foley? Couldn't I be hypnotized not to eat?
1:01:15 Speaker 01 No, probably not.
1:01:18 Speaker 03 We would need to like.
1:01:19 Speaker 01 Have to bring in Penn and Teller to get.
1:01:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, we'd have to get Cthulhu involved.
1:01:23 H. Foley? Jedi Knight.
1:01:24 Speaker 01 Cause they used to.
1:01:25 H. Foley? Come from the outer rim.
1:01:26 Speaker 01 They used to do it at my junior high.
1:01:29 Speaker 03 What? It was like one of the gym teachers?
1:01:31 Speaker 01 You're not wrong. It was one of the one of the assemblies each year was like, this hypnotist would come in, and we'd get like ten people up there. And, you know, the the stories you would hear, because my brother had gone through the schooling, like, dude, it's fucking crazy, like, and I think the guy started getting a little.
1:01:49 Speaker 01 Naughty, went and like had like the girls dancing and stuff. And they, they, they fucking axed it before I got there.
1:01:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:55 Speaker 01 I was devastated.
1:01:56 Speaker 03 I've seen-
1:01:56 Speaker 01 Dude, imagine being a seventh grader and getting to see all the girls you're in love with.
1:02:00 Speaker 03 Twerking?
1:02:00 Speaker 01 Twerking or whatever.
1:02:02 Speaker 03 On stage?
1:02:02 Speaker 01 Taking their tops.
1:02:03 H. Foley? That's wrong.
1:02:05 Speaker 01 What do you got?
1:02:05 Speaker 04 Sam is right, so that was like more therapeutic.
1:02:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:09 Speaker 04 Uh, this, the stage acts are more peer pressure, social compliance, and like suggestibility and like desire for attention.
1:02:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
1:02:16 Speaker 01 Wow, you nailed it on the fucking-
1:02:18 Speaker 03 Weapon on it.
1:02:18 Speaker 04 Wow.
1:02:19 Speaker 03 I watched it a bunch.
1:02:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, true.
1:02:21 Speaker 03 As I'm back there like, huh, so I got a hundred bucks for this.
1:02:26 H. Foley? You're back there clucking like a chicken?
1:02:28 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
1:02:28 H. Foley? This is all bullshit.
1:02:29 Speaker 03 I'm back there battering myself.
1:02:33 Speaker 01 Uh...
1:02:34 Speaker 03 That shit's, that shit's like, if you see that live, it's one of the best shows. It's like, when you see like a magician comedian?
1:02:39 Speaker 01 I'm-
1:02:39 Speaker 03 I love that shit.
1:02:40 Speaker 01 If they're right, I watched one guy, he's, he's Staten Island guy, I forget his name, like Gemini or something like that? And he came down to this show we were doing-
1:02:47 Speaker 03 Is he black?
1:02:48 Speaker 01 In P A, no.
1:02:48 Speaker 03 Oh.
1:02:49 Speaker 01 Old white, old white Italian guy, and he comes, dude, in the first, the first half hour, he's like, just tell him I got here from Italy. I'm like, alright.
1:02:56 Speaker 03 You got it.
1:02:57 Speaker 01 So he's up there and he's-
1:02:57 Speaker 03 The magic starts here, huh?
1:02:58 Speaker 01 He's doing- This guy came in in character.
1:03:01 Speaker 03 I'm in on the act. Where's the box?
1:03:03 Speaker 01 So he comes up and he's, well, he's doing very broken English, like a word here and there, and then halfway through, he just breaks his Staten Island accent. He's like, I'm fucking getting with you.
1:03:11 Speaker 03 Classic.
1:03:11 Speaker 01 And that like erupts, erupts in laughter.
1:03:14 Speaker 03 That's the classic like Asian comic move, where they go up, you know, and they're like, well, you know what they say.
1:03:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, I know where you're going. Real chopstick stuff.
1:03:21 Speaker 03 Right, yeah. And then like 12 minutes in, they're like, I'm just fucking with y'all, and everyone's like, no way! And then they close.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 That's it for me.
1:03:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, and everyone's like, yeah.
1:03:32 Speaker 01 Uh, God, all right, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.
1:03:34 Speaker 03 What?
1:03:35 Speaker 01 I know!
1:03:35 Speaker 03 Time flew by.
1:03:36 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sam Tallent, he's gonna be in the UK in May. You're gonna be where, Glasgow?
1:03:41 Speaker 03 Yep, London, Manchester.
1:03:43 H. Foley? Look at that, then you're going over to Australia. Where are you gonna be in Australia in June, July?
1:03:47 Speaker 03 Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Auckland, we're adding Wellington. Auckland's like almost sold out, which is exciting.
1:03:53 Speaker 01 My favorite beef.
1:03:53 H. Foley? There you go.
1:03:54 Speaker 03 Me too, man, yeah.
1:03:54 H. Foley? Do yourself a favor, if you're over there in the UK, if you're in Australia, go see Mr. Sam Tallent.
1:03:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:59 H. Foley? The book, Running the Light, is out right now on Random House.
1:04:01 Speaker 03 Random House put it out. It's available wherever, buy it from your local bookstore, that helps them, it helps me.
1:04:05 H. Foley? Chubby Bohemith?
1:04:06 Speaker 03 Chubby Bohemith, yep, that's our podcast, Wide World on YouTube, the travel show, Iowa City and Omaha next weekend.
1:04:13 H. Foley? Lot of fun, exciting stuff coming up, too.
1:04:14 Speaker 03 I just like making stuff with my buddies, you guys get it.
1:04:16 Speaker 01 It's great, it's the best.
1:04:17 Speaker 03 We're the luckiest guys alive.
1:04:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're blessed, baby.
1:04:19 H. Foley? Buddy, we love ya.
1:04:20 Speaker 03 I love you guys very much.
1:04:21 H. Foley? And we hope to see you soon.
1:04:22 Speaker 03 Luke, I'm still on the fence.
1:04:23 H. Foley? Kippy, what do you got for him?
1:04:24 Speaker 01 Uh, guys, we're over the road, new dates announcing, uh, very soon.
1:04:29 H. Foley? Big ones.
1:04:30 Speaker 01 Uh, yes, and then, uh, guys, grab the card game at rugarbage.com, we love yous.
1:04:34 H. Foley? See you next week.
1:04:35 Speaker 03 Peace.
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