820 Thriving in Marriage and Business with Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick

DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN TERMS. We all judge people. We make assumptions about what people care about and who they are based on the way they look. But people are often more than they seem. No matter what judgments people may have of you, you can break the status quo. Never let the way you look determine what you’re capable of. Keep questioning your judgements and make others question. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about defying people’s expectations with a couple who is much more than they seem: Lauryn and Michael Bosstick. Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick host the entrepreneurial podcast, The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER, which just hit 16 million downloads. Lauryn has turned her passion for beauty, wellness and no-censor advice into one of the most distinctive blogs online today, The Skinny Confidential. Along with the blog Lauryn released her own book, The Skinny Confidential Lifestyle Guide and a BODY GUIDE, which is a monthly subscription service that includes new workouts and meal plans. Michael Bosstick is the CEO of Dear Media, founder of Bosstick Media, co-founder of Jetbed, Inc., co-host of the TSC podcast + much more. Lauryn and Michael are open about the struggles of working together while being married and what it takes to keep sex alive after ten years. So get ready to learn how to keep a relationship exciting (especially while working together) on Episode 820. Some Questions I Ask: What did you want in a long term partner? (7:00) What do you guys get judged for the most? (17:00) What’s the hardest thing about being married and working together? (19:00) Do you ever wish you could not be so public with everything? (27:00) Which is something you wish you were better at? (38:00) What advice would you give to a couple who wants to go into business together? (46:00) What’s the question you wish Lauryn would ask you that she hasn’t asked? (58:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: About Lauryn and Michael’s most interesting podcast guest (11:00) A fun easy way to spice up your sex life (23:00) Why Lauryn has been transparent about her plastic surgery (26:00) How to build a “strategic future by design” (47:00) How to not let outside voices affect your relationship (54:00) Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 820 with Lauren and Michael Bosstick.

• 0:06Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:31Lewis Howes?

  Henry Ford said, "Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." We've got Lauren and Michael who are in today. And this one gets pretty interesting because I love how they talk about everything. They really open up about all topics. Nothing's off limits. And we get into it pretty quickly. So I'm excited about this. Lauren and Michael host a cheeky entrepreneurial podcast themselves, him and her, whose guests are top celebrities, entrepreneurs, and beyond. Lauren is the creator of The Skinny Confidential, which is a book, a blog, podcast, YouTube channel, and really a movement

• 1:12Lewis Howes?

  where she helps women live their best lives by sharing everything from wellness to beauty and business and real life tips. The Skinny Confidential has been featured everywhere, Shape, Women's Health Magazine, Gary Vee Show, People Magazine, and beyond. And Michael, really cool guy, up and coming serial entrepreneur and brand builder, who's done some amazing things in his career. He is currently CEO of a female-focused network, Dear Media, and the CEO of Bosstick Media, a holding company that has ownership in multiple direct-to-consumer brands and businesses. And they have an interesting dynamic. I asked them some intimate questions about their personal lives, about how they mesh business and marriage together, relationships, what it's like being in LA with distractions and other opportunities.

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  And we talk about the importance of questioning your judgments and what it can tell you about yourself. Also, how to make a relationship work through the high demands of running successful businesses. They both have businesses separate and together. They invest separate and together, and how do they balance it all? Vulnerability as a tool for influencers, when it works and when it doesn't work. What it means to be a CEO and to truly scale a business. How to empower your partner while also staying focused on your personal goals. Make sure to share this with your friends, anyone that's in a relationship that's trying to build a business or that's trying to build one together or start one or thinking of one. This is a powerful episode to share with those friends. LewisHowes.com/820.

• 2:41Lewis Howes?

  Make sure to share it out with your friends. Shoot them a text. Be a hero by sending someone some positive inspiration and information today by sending them a quick text or posting on social media. All right, guys, I'm excited about this. Make sure to share with your friends. Tag me on Instagram while you're listening. Without further ado, let's bring on the one and only Lauren and Michael Bostic.

• 3:05Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone back to the School of Green's Podcast. We've got an incredible couple on today. We've got Lauren Everett, sometimes Bostic, Michael Bostic in the house. Good to see you guys.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Thank you, brother. Been a while.

• 3:15Lewis Howes?

  Good to see you.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Thanks for having us.

• 3:17Lewis Howes?

  Excited about this.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  So excited.

• 3:18Lewis Howes?

  This is all about sex and love and marriage and masturbation and everything, right?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 3:24Lewis Howes?

  Isn't that everything you guys are talking about?

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Riding in our wheelhouse.

• 3:26Lewis Howes?

  Perfect, right? Lubrication.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Lubrication.

• 3:29Lewis Howes?

  All of it.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 3:30Lewis Howes?

  Orgies. Do you guys do orgies too?

• 3:32Speaker 02

  We don't.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  We have not done that yet.

• 3:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, he says yet.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Listen, we always leave.

• 3:37Lewis Howes?

  There's room for improvement.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  You never know.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  Now, how long you guys been married?

• 3:43Speaker 01

  We have been married, Lewis, you're gonna get me in trouble. We've been married three years, but we have known each other since we were 12.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  12 years old.

• 3:49Lewis Howes?

  San Diego?

• 3:50Speaker 02

  San Diego. But we haven't been together that long. Like, it wasn't one of those situations where it was like high school sweetheart. We were together from, if you want to call it 12 to 15, broke up, got back together at 23 and

• 4:02Speaker 01

  22, 20.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Excuse me. Went into business together when we were probably 28 and the rest is history.

• 4:10Lewis Howes?

  You were dating at 22?

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:12Lewis Howes?

  You dated in high school for a little bit?

• 4:13Speaker 02

  No, hooked up.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  We did the whole.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Played around.

• 4:17Lewis Howes?

  Three years.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  The whole like kid thing, you know, go to the movies, make out, run around. And then in high school, we both had different relationships, different boyfriends, different girlfriends.

• 4:25Lewis Howes?

  And you're in the same school?

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Same school. Yeah, always the same school. And then both went to college, had our own unique experiences, some more than, some more than others.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  And then when we got back, we just reconnected. And I always tell everybody Lauren's just been chasing me for a really long time.

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  Oh, snap.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Whatever.

• 4:40Lewis Howes?

  Who's older?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Same age. Yeah, well, same grade.

• 4:42Lewis Howes?

  Few months.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Few months.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Um, no, I'm just kidding. I was pursuing her for a long time.

• 4:46Lewis Howes?

  You were pursuing her for a long time?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  I was. It was always.

• 4:48Lewis Howes?

  College, she was in another relationship or no?

• 4:51Speaker 01

  She, yes, we both were. But you know, I would say I had very surface relationships for a long time. And for a long time, I was like, what's, maybe there's an issue with me. I think I knew very early on, and I know this sounds corny now, but I think it's true because we're married, that I knew what I wanted in Lauren early on. And so a lot of those relationships that followed unfortunately kind of suffered the front of that because I was never fully in them. I was just kind of doing my, my thing and holding out for, not like desperately, just sitting around doing like, I knew that this is what I would want in a woman for a marriage or a life partner. And so some of those other relationships kind of, let's say, let's use the term were for fun.

• 5:25Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  That makes sense. Recreational, yeah.

• 5:28Lewis Howes?

  What were the things you wanted in a, in a long-term relationship, committed?

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Something that's always attracted me to Lauren is she's extremely, like, if I wasn't in the picture, she's completely self-dependent, and she's self-sufficient, she's driven, she's motivated, she pushes me, she holds me accountable. I think that I was in a lot of situations where I was kind of running the show and kind of trucking over my partner and I need.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Exciting.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:52Lewis Howes?

  Wasn't fulfilling probably in that sense.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  I'm very attracted to strong women.

• 5:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  His mom's a very strong woman too.

• 5:57Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Very strong.

• 5:59Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. And what attracted Michael to you?

• 6:02Speaker 02

  I, Michael had to chase me a little bit. He's definitely not a pushover.

• 6:07Lewis Howes?

  This guy's a boss.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  He, Michael is very much like the, the logical business side to my creative, sometimes emotional side. He really balances me out. But what I think is most interesting about Michael is a lot of people, when they see me, they see blonde fake boobs and immediately get judged. There's, there's a lot more, I mean, as people, we're just very, very complex. And I think Michael's always been able to see my full potential. When I came to him 10 years ago and said, I want to launch a blog. Instead of laughing at me, and this is 10 years ago, so you know this is a long time. A lot of people laughed and said, how are you going to monetize? This doesn't make sense. He immediately believed in me and even more than believing me, he pushed me to execute and really saw the full potential of what the skinny confidential could be. And he's always seen that.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  And I think that that's really interesting.

• 6:54Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Instead of just looking at the surface.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Well, I think, like we were talking earlier, and I think the most interesting people is when you you think you you're getting something and it turns out to be completely different. And it can turns out to be deeper. But not only for Lauren, I would push anybody that wants to break past the status quo and do things differently on their terms. I would, I think that that is the most exciting thing about life is that you can do things differently and you can break status quo and you can break barriers and do things on your own terms. So when she told me that, it's not that I fully, I didn't understand where the blog space or influencers place or podcast space was going. I just saw her potential to do something different.

• 7:28Lewis Howes?

  Pretty cool. So you always inspired her or just at least said, go for it. Like, I believe in you. You should do this.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  I would.

• 7:34Lewis Howes?

  You didn't question or doubt her?

• 7:35Speaker 01

  No, and but I think that I would give anybody that message that is looking to push against the norms, right? Like, everything I've ever done in my own life has been something that somebody somewhere said I couldn't do. And I think that's what makes it interesting. I don't, you know, I don't think us as human beings are meant for singular purpose. I think we're meant to push against barriers. And I think that's why we've evolved past every other species on this planet.

• 7:58Lewis Howes?

  What I like about what you said is, you know, your show, Skinny Confidential, on the outside of surface might, people might think you talk about, you know, big boobs and I don't know, sex and lubrication or whatever it is. The main things that people think about, but then you dive into personal development and growth and inspiration and philosophy and spirituality. You talk about the deeper things as well.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  It represents my entire life. I've, my whole life, people have looked at me and wanted to put me in this box. And, you know, so many people talk about feminism and they're marching and being a feminist is also looking at people and being like, okay, just because they don't fit into my box. That's okay. I just think it's about empowering women, whatever they look like, or however they're judged. I think that sometimes with social media, you can immediately judge a book by its cover.

• 8:45Lewis Howes?

  Instantly.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Instantly. And with my brand, it's pink, it's loud, it's flamboyant, it's in your face. But I hope that when someone comes and consumes it, it provides them with so many tangible takeaways.

• 8:55Lewis Howes?

  And I love when you're on your stories and you're just like, I'm listening to this podcast, I'm reading this book, check out this new book. And you show people a side of you, it's like, wow, you're not just someone who's talking about makeup or whatever by itself, you're really diving into something to make you better.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  I am constantly learning. I don't take

• 9:11Lewis Howes?

  It's inspiring.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  One second of my day to not be learning. When I walk to coffee every morning, it's a five-minute walk. And I'm listening to a podcast.

• 9:19Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  I'm listening to an audiobook when I'm in the car. I'm constantly learning and wanting to be better. And I think that's what my whole brand is about. It's like, being the best version of yourself, but on your own terms, whatever that looks like.

• 9:31Lewis Howes?

  Unapologetic.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yes, totally unapologetic.

• 9:34Lewis Howes?

  When did you guys know that you were the right match for each other? What was it about Michael and what was about Lauren where you guys were like, this is my right match?

• 9:41Speaker 01

  It's hard to put it into words, right? I always make the joke that, you know, I was 12, she was 13, a couple of months separated, and she showed up in sixth grade and she was a fully developed woman. And I was like, whoa.

• 9:52Lewis Howes?

  Well, spiritually, personality, physically.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Huge moves.

• 9:57Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 9:57Speaker 01

  I was

• 9:58Lewis Howes?

  As a 13-year-old.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was developed at 13. It was weird.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  And I said to my sixth-grade girlfriend, listen, we're finished, we're done, I have to go.

• 10:06Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  But no, I think I've always been attracted, like I said, to Lauren's drive, to her ambition. I think she's a very deep thinker, and it's not what you expect on the surface, right? Like, like you said, I recognized that very early on, I was very attracted to it. And if it comes with all the other great things that she comes with, then that's an added benefit. But Lauren's somebody like, I always joke around, Frank Sinatra says that you shouldn't go on a date, when you go on a date with a woman, it shouldn't be a staring contest. And what I always found with Lauren is there was really, really deep conversations. It was never surface. It was like diving into what do you want for your future? What does your family want? Like, how can we help other people? How can we, this book about history, what do you think was going through these people's minds? And it's just

• 10:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow. She'll ask you those questions.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think we both ask each other those questions and push. And I think, like you said, we're in on the joke. We like the idea that maybe we present something some way, but it's deeper, it's different. We've had many amazing conversations, yourself included, Robert Greene, a lot of these people that come on the podcast. It's not just sex and relationships, it's really like What is going on in the human mind? How do we understand ourselves a little better? How do we understand how to be vulnerable in a space that's not always vulnerable? All those things.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  And it's even like the name, the Skinny Confidential. People automatically think skinny is a negative word. The blog was built on getting the juice. Like, let's go deeper, let's get the juice, get the skinny. So it's like, everything sort of has to do with like, it almost like tricks you into thinking like, wait, am I judging this like cover before I'm reading it? I kind of get off on it.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  It's important to have people really question their judgments. We're all guilty of it, you know, right? I'm guilty of it. You meet somebody, you think they're going to be a certain way. And I think what we try to do on the show is say, wait a minute, you may not agree with this perspective or this way of life, but at least understand it a little bit more and be open to what that person's individual experience could be.

• 11:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  We just, we just had the highest paid legal sex worker on the podcast.

• 11:54Lewis Howes?

  I saw that. I saw you guys talk about this.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Flew to the Bunny Ranch.

• 11:57Lewis Howes?

  How was that?

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 11:59Lewis Howes?

  How much does this woman make a year?

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I don't want to quote, but she is going to retire in two years, she said.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  How old is she?

• 12:04Speaker 02

  She can make up to 35 grand a night.

• 12:06Lewis Howes?

  What? Yeah, what is that, once every few months though, maybe?

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I don't think so. She has clients booked out. She's very popular.

• 12:13Lewis Howes?

  How old is she?

• 12:14Speaker 01

  She's probably our age, maybe.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  About 27, I think, 28?

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's young.

• 12:18Lewis Howes?

  She's about 28?

• 12:19Speaker 01

  No, 33.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  33, yeah.

• 12:21Lewis Howes?

  I was like, man, our age, I'm like 36.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  You kind of like get face blindness after a while and you lose between, like, I know when someone's.

• 12:29Lewis Howes?

  28 to 38, yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  That was such a cool interview, though, for the platform because it's like, that's what it's about. It's about not putting people in a box and hearing their story and seeing where they're coming from. And instead of judging, having empathy and even above empathy, understanding and actually putting yourself in their shoes and being like, wait a minute, I find that so interesting. It's like challenging yourself to not be so judgmental.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  The most interesting feedback we got from that one was people thought that she was going to be a certain way, right? You think legal sex worker, you're thinking what you've seen in the movies. But when she presents herself, she's extremely educated, well spoken, she's a deep thinker, deep reader. And you start to hear, you're like, whoa. I didn't realize that this person chose this life. It's on their terms. They said

• 13:15Lewis Howes?

  They enjoy it.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  They enjoy it. It's their thing.

• 13:16Lewis Howes?

  They have boundaries. They have certain things. You don't make thirty five grand a night if you're not intelligent, working on yourself. Or at least you don't do it consistently. Maybe you get something one in a, once in a while, but not consistently.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  I mean, one of her favorite books is Robert Greene, The Forty Eight Laws.

• 13:30Lewis Howes?

  It's great.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  So, you know, that, that, I mean, that just tells you a lot about the whole situation.

• 13:35Lewis Howes?

  Now, she is, I, I don't know anything about her. Is she like super attractive in your mind? Or is she more like, wow, she just got a whole package of?

• 13:41Speaker 02

  I think that she definitely is. She's very pretty and I think she appeals to, like, I think men like love her. She's very pretty. She's very well spoken. Yeah, I think she definitely has a clientele. I'll tell you that. And they're reoccurring clientele.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  What I found the most interesting about it is what you think most people, what most men and women would be going to her for is, right, sex.

• 14:02Lewis Howes?

  But they want to talk, me listen to.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  They want connection.

• 14:04Lewis Howes?

  That's hilarious.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  They want these, they want a deep connection. They want to be heard. And so she provides a lot of, she's like, listen, the active sex.

• 14:10Lewis Howes?

  Takes five minutes.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Actually, it's averaging two minutes.

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:15Lewis Howes?

  Is that what she said? They're probably, so they probably feel so open after forty five minutes of being on to finally say what they want to say, that their wife or whoever is not listening to, or they don't feel like they're being listened to. And then they feel so open and vulnerable. They're like, you know, it's so easy at that point.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  It's wild.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  One of the things we dove into is like, who is the typical clientele? And it's like, we have an image in our head of who we think that would be. And it's completely different than what, what you would think.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Who, who is it?

• 14:39Speaker 01

  It's that, like I said, it's that person that's craving connection. Maybe it's a widower that's, that's lost his wife. Maybe it's somebody.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Who's handicapped.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Maybe it's a disabled person who can't necessarily, um, is struggling finding sex. Maybe it's just somebody that doesn't feel they're being heard in their current relationship. It was really, it wasn't this like kind of seedy guy that's out for a party on a bachelor party, looking to get laid. It wa, it wasn't that.

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Fascinating.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Super interesting. She also said that there was this man that came in and his wife had cervical cancer, so she actually couldn't have sex with him. And so the wife was the one that actually facilitated the whole thing. Yeah. And so, you know, you start to look at these things from different eyes and different goggles and it's, it just starts to become really amazing. It just takes the judgment out of it.

• 15:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:26Lewis Howes?

  What do you feel like you guys get judged for the most?

• 15:29Speaker 01

  I think that

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Let me hold my scroll. Let me hold my scroll. I think with my community, especially like the blog and the Instagram, I think that people understand me now. I don't, I don't get a lot of hate because I feel like they know I'm going to be me, I'm going to do me, whatever that looks like, and you should do you, whatever that looks like. So I don't get a ton of hate.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  It's something that I honestly, I was thinking about it when, when she was speaking. It's something I don't put a lot of thought into, really. I'm sure that there's judgment happening. I feel like I don't pay attention to, listen, I, I hope that everybody likes what we're doing and identifies with, but I also know that not everybody is. And like, you're going to see this bright pink couple that says the skinny confidential.

• 16:13Lewis Howes?

  You wear pink too?

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, it's the cover is going to be pink and they're going to, they're going to think a certain thing. But to me, like I said, Lauren and I are in on the joke. I'm looking for people with depth, right? I'm looking for people that aren't going to be judging what's based on the surface. I think if we, as a society, if we start to do that a little bit more, one, maybe you'll understand people's perspective. Two, we can get into a place where it's not just so much like, you're wrong, I'm right. It's more of like a conversation, dialogue, understanding. So I just don't put a lot of thought into like, who is judging?

• 16:38Speaker 02

  I just feel like I have a thermometer of energy every single day and I am going to allocate that energy towards things that are positive and productive and to sit there and give in to the energy of someone not liking me is a waste of time. I'm not for everyone. I know that and I'm fine with that.

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How do you guys find a, either a balance or a structure for being married and working together at the same time? You guys have a podcast together and you know, you're both running businesses separate and together. It sounds like there's some sharing of effort and support. So how do you keep love life and sex and intimacy strong when we're all three obsessive over our mission and our work? I'm assuming you guys are probably thinking about it all the time. So how do you shut down to really connect?

• 17:24Speaker 02

  It's really hard. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like it's an easy thing and it's seamless. We've been together now, we were, we were dating for six years.

• 17:33Lewis Howes?

  Ten, eleven years?

• 17:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, ten, eleven years.

• 17:34Lewis Howes?

  Ten years total, married three, four.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really, really hard. There's one thing that I think is the foundation of it. We're both committed to the same vision. It's so important when you're in a relationship that you're committed to the same vision because if you're not on the same page with that, it's, yes, and it can't just be goals. It needs to be working backwards and having strategic systems to get to the goals. You have to sort of be committed to that. So Michael has his business Dear Media, which is the podcast network. I have the Skinny Confidential, which is like the creative, and then together we have the podcast. So

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  His and hers podcast, right?

• 18:08Speaker 02

  The him and her podcast.

• 18:09Lewis Howes?

  Him and her podcast, yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  And I think it's, we've turned it into something fun and playful with the podcast, but at the same time, when it's time to sit down and do work, it's time to sit down and do work. And we have to put that aside. For a while, it was Michael coming into bed at 11:30 at night and me ready to wind down and get my cortisol down and read my book, and him wanting to talk about things like numbers. And that is just not my personality. And it's when I'm in

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  They called me for that.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta have like a boundary. So I said, you know, let's stop talking about business at this time. And obviously, we've [bleeped] up multiple times.

• 18:43Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  But the boundary is there and, and we're, it's something we're working on. I always say it's like a dance.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  I'll give you the flip side of that. I think Lauren answered that question really well, but I'll give you the flip side. I have a lot of young friends that are starting to get in relationships and they want to talk business. And their significant other is saying, I'm never gonna talk about that. And so the flip side of that is you don't want to, just because there's, there's a time and a place to understand when it's time to turn on and off, but you also don't want to be deprived where you can't have these conversations with your significant other, the person that you're with all the time. I think it would be extremely limiting and You know, and also impactful to our relationship if some of those times when we're at dinner and I want to talk business with my wife, if I couldn't, like if I felt limited and then I gotta go outside for that, right? I think it's important to understand, okay, what's the long-term vision? Yes, it's time to turn on and off. Communication is lubrication, like we say.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  It's important to have these conversations, but then it's time to respect. If she says, listen, today's really not the time, fine, but then when is? Don't just, don't just shut a portion of your life off or an interest of your life off.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Like, we're going away this, this summer and we have pre-recorded our podcast. We have like all the content planned and we're just gonna take a two and a half week break.

• 19:52Lewis Howes?

  That's good. Where are you going?

• 19:53Speaker 02

  We're going to France.

• 19:54Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Our favorite. And I, I said to Michael today, I'm like, we're gonna have sex every single day. Like, we're, this is like, we're gonna concentrate on our, our relationship, have really nice rosé lunches and have sex every single day.

• 20:06Lewis Howes?

  Are you having sex every day right now?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  No, every day now? No, no.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  And that's the thing that we should, listen.

• 20:12Lewis Howes?

  Ten years together too.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Couple of times a week. Every day is like, you know, you gotta put that in my calendar.

• 20:19Lewis Howes?

  But that's what it's gonna be like in ten years from me?

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Listen, that's the other thing is like when you.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Louis, you have time for sex every single day, you're so busy.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  I don't see her every day.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  How long, how long have you been in a relationship?

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, how long have you been in a relationship?

• 20:28Lewis Howes?

  Five, six, almost, almost six months.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  But listen, this is important for young couples or for couples that have been together for a long time. We have to, you have to work at sex, like you have to put it. We always say on our show, there's so many people, they put their, they put thought into their health, their wellness, their business. But when it comes to their sex life, they just think it's gonna solve itself. It's not, people are uncomfortable talking about sex. People think that if you hook up with your wife once a week, she's gonna be satisfied or vice versa. If you, if you, excuse my language, if you hook up with your husband or blow him once a month, he's gonna be fine. Like, you have to put in the same amount of work into your sex life and your relationship. Yes, or otherwise, listen, it's gonna die and people are gonna get bored.

• 21:02Lewis Howes?

  They're gonna go to the bunny ranch.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  You know what? We just did for my birthday and this, if anyone's out there and they're like, they wanna spice it up with their husband or their, their significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, whatever, we decided to do Sexy Stranger and it was recommended by Sex with Emily. And basically you dress up as a stranger. So I was, I think it was Ivanka and I was a Russian working girl. I did like the short black wig, got all the makeup done, tight black dress with the trench coat, no underwear, the whole thing. And I did that, we did that on my birthday and that's, you know, that's a really fun way to spice up your sex life. We met at a bar. He could have, he could have tried a little harder, let's be honest. He was like a cowboy.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  She had like a whole team come in with the costume, she had a whole wardrobe.

• 21:45Lewis Howes?

  It's just you like, I live with some gel in my hair.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but she had some like leather pants on and like a cowboy hat or something. But also,

• 21:51Speaker 02

  you could have worked harder with that.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  We kind of fucked it up because we showed up, first of all, for anyone that wants to do Sexy Stranger, you gotta, you actually, you have to include the pickup part. We messed up because we escalated it to I'll meet you at dinner. And so it took like the pickup and the stranger part away.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Do a bar, do a hotel bar.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  We're gonna redo it and do like a bar.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but just doing those kind of things are fun.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta pick her up, exactly.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Adding toys to the bedroom, you know, adding lube to the bedroom, just having fun with it and like never letting it get boring. You gotta, you gotta keep it spicy. You know what I mean?

• 22:21Lewis Howes?

  Now, this is off topic. Excuse me if I'm asking a personal question.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  No, you can ask anything.

• 22:27Lewis Howes?

  Because you posted that you were having, uh, breast implants like last year, six months ago or something, right? And you were posting about it publicly.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  The whole thing.

• 22:36Lewis Howes?

  And I was like, hey, I hope you're healing okay. Like, did you get a breast reduction or something? And you were like, no, they're bigger or something, right?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  They're bigger, yes.

• 22:44Lewis Howes?

  But didn't you already have like large breasts?

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Okay, so, yeah, I had pretty, I had a B cup when I was, when I was like in sixth grade, which is pretty.

• 22:51Lewis Howes?

  I thought you were doing like a double D, like you're developed.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  No, pretty developed though.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  No, she was developed. And she, well, she got the boob job before, but it's like, over time.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  I got the boob job in, right out of high school. I'm the type of person, if I want something, I figure out a way to make it happen. So when I was in high school, I made, I made my money. I worked at the clothing store, the tanning bed, whatever I had to do, I made the money. The second I graduated, I got boobs. And then after 10 years, it was time to redo them. So I went and got new ones and I decided to bring my audience on the whole journey. I just feel like with social media, there's so many women getting so many things done, which is their own prerogative. But for me and my audience, I wanted to be transparent and show the entire journey. And again, I'm not telling anyone to get breast implants. I'm saying this is my journey. Like if you can take any tips or tricks away from this for your own, great. And if you don't like it, leave it. So the boob job was a

• 23:40Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting, I'm seeing a lot of women who are showcasing them getting their boobs out.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:46Lewis Howes?

  Like this is like explanting, you know what it's called?

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Yes, it's very popular.

• 23:48Lewis Howes?

  Now they're all like, well, my health is horrible for the last five years and I didn't know why. And so I'm explanting.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  I have not had one

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, there's some people that have issues, some people that don't, right?

• 23:57Speaker 02

  I've, I've heard a lot of people do have issues. I think again, it goes back to just knowing yourself, knowing your own body and everyone's different.

• 24:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And if you're feeling complications that you can't figure out what it is, then maybe you would take a second look at it.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  I haven't had one complication.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, my doctor was great.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  And we were joking on here, what you said is what's, is there anything off topic? And we said, I think at this point, we've literally, I don't know what else.

• 24:16Lewis Howes?

  Publicly, yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  I don't know what, and I also think that for people that are thinking about being public people, it's better you control the narrative than give the narrative to somebody else, right? And like, we're starting with the internet now, with podcasts, with YouTube, with social. Like this has been one of the only times in history where a public person or a non-public person can get on and completely control their narrative. It's not, you know, think about the celebrity space. We just had Jessica Alba on and I said, what's been the change since you've been able to have your own social, your own Twitter? And address what a paparazzi or an article would say immediately. These things did not exist. She said, it's, it's great because it take all the power away. Like there's nobody that can control her narrative anymore. She can answer it the way she wants, the way she sees fit, how she wants, what she wants. And so I always think it's important for people that are thinking about getting into this space,

• 25:02Speaker 01

  the public space, what no matter how big or how small, to understand that if you're gonna put it out there, put it out there on your terms and don't let somebody control it for you.

• 25:09Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like, do you like that you have your personalities out there publicly? Or do you wish you'd go back and, and not be so public with your everything?

• 25:17Speaker 02

  I was born an overshare. I just was, this is the way that I am.

• 25:21Lewis Howes?

  This is the perfect platform for you then.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  My dad was always like rolling his eyes my entire life. I just overshare. It's, it's by nature. When someone asks me any kind of question, I share. So when my blog first launched, A lot of influencers were blogging about what they wear, what they eat. I was like, no, I want to talk about birth control. I want to talk about camel toes. I want to talk about boob jobs, botox. I want to talk about suicide. I want to talk about death. I want to talk about all these things that aren't being talked about that are taboo. Nowadays, people are starting, I'm seeing, to start opening up about all these things.

• 25:53Lewis Howes?

  Everyone's vulnerable now.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:54Lewis Howes?

  Right. It's like an over vulnerability.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  You know, maybe it just took some time, but I just think as, as an influencer, like for me to be an overshare, it's just my natural personality.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  You shouldn't curate your vulnerability, though. If you want to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. You know, don't say like, here's a selfie of me and I'm, you know, I'm being so vulnerable and this I feel and then swipe over with a filter. We crave that connection. We crave that human connection, right? When you see somebody being vulnerable, you identify, you see things in yourself. And I think creators, influencers are doing themselves a disservice by trying to create that vulnerability. If you're going to be vulnerable, be vulnerable.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  I think I, just speaking about your content, I really fell in love with you as a creator when you opened up about your whole struggle. It just, it took you to a different level, in my opinion, as an influencer or a podcaster, and just made me really lean into your content.

• 26:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What is it about the relationship that works really well and what doesn't work?

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Oh, that's such a good question.

• 26:47Lewis Howes?

  Do you think if you guys weren't these, you know, in a business together, that it would actually be a better relationship?

• 26:52Speaker 02

  No, I think if, I think us being in a business, I'm an onion. I need a hundred layers and I like five million dynamics. I'm a Gemini and I want everything to be intense and chaotic and crazy. And I think having the business adds that other layer. So I a hundred percent, if there wasn't the business relationship, I think I would feel something missing.

• 27:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Just if I'm being honest.

• 27:11Lewis Howes?

  Like if Michael had his own like career path that he was driven about and it wasn't anything to do with you.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  No, I could deal with that. If Michael was sitting on the couch eating popcorn every day and, you know, twiddling his thumbs, I couldn't deal with that. And I'm just, that's just me knowing myself.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  I mean, we intersect in so many places, right? With the show and with some of our businesses, but what I find the most, like, we can go off, like I can go off to your meeting, she'd go off and run. We have separate offices. You come back and there's something to talk about, something, something changed, something's different. There's a new goal, a new, new height to reach.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  What don't you think's working about me?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  No, but I think-

• 27:45Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you have to answer the question.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  I think that, no, I think that obviously, if you, we would probably not be the textbook thing that a therapist would point to and say, that's how you live a relationship. But I think what I, what Lauren and I find so much interest in is that we can do things on our terms differently than other people would find normal and find success in our own relationship.

• 28:03Lewis Howes?

  Cause it works for both of you.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  It works for us and we're not pushing, like, we're not pushing this on anybody else. I'm not, I actually don't think every couple should work together. I think that could be a huge mistake. I think it requires certain discipline, right? Like, we were joking before the show started, I said, as soon, when I put these headphones on, it's like PTSD.

• 28:17Lewis Howes?

  You get anxiety.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Because these are the headphones we use at home if we need to record our pickups or an intros or an ad spot.

• 28:23Lewis Howes?

  And you fight over something, is what you're saying about.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's like- Throwing things.

• 28:26Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 28:27Speaker 01

  It's eight o'clock at night, the night before an episode needs to release.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  And you're exhausted, you don't wanna do it.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Exhausted.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  Why are pickups the worst?

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Pickups are the worst.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  Intros and ad reads, cause it's like, I just did three interviews today, I don't wanna do the ad reads for next week, I'm exhausted.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  And imagine doing it with your significant other.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  But-

• 28:43Lewis Howes?

  Cause you have to do it, read them together.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  I think we would both be bored with each other if it was-

• 28:48Speaker 02

  But there's some things that, like, that we don't get along about. He's very impatient and wants everything right away and his thoughts are very fast, whereas I'm the type of person that if I'm thinking about something creative, I need to wrap my head around it, I need to listen to a podcast, I need to listen to a book on Audible or read, it takes me a while and so we're, we're very different like that. And I don't like when he ups my cortisol in the morning or night.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  And when hot, she runs cold, right? Like, it's, if I'm up, I'm going, probably similar to you.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  She wants to take her time or-

• 29:18Speaker 02

  I also had like a very chaotic upbringing and he didn't. And so I think I thrive in chaos, which was serving me until about six months ago.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Wasn't, stopped serving me.

• 29:30Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't help you get to the next level with peace in your heart.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  No, it stopped serving me. And so I think that although you think he's more chaotic, cause he's impatient, I'm actually more chaotic.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Well, I'm impatient with certain things, for sure.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  My, my time management's not the best.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  When I'm, when I'm ready to move, I'm ready to move. When I'm ready to work on a project, I'm ready to work on a project.

• 29:47Lewis Howes?

  You've made the decision, let's go.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:49Lewis Howes?

  She's still making her decision.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  It's not always the right decision, but if I make a decision, then-

• 29:53Lewis Howes?

  Hey, clarity is better than, you know, clarity and being wrong is better than like indecision a lot of the time.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:58Lewis Howes?

  Waiting for years to make a decision.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:00Lewis Howes?

  You know, there's a time and place for like, having strategy and thinking about it for a certain amount of time, but it's like- We've been talking about launching our podcast for three years. Let's do this.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  That I don't have patience for.

• 30:11Lewis Howes?

  Let's go.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  You're an executor, though.

• 30:13Lewis Howes?

  I love to execute.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:14Lewis Howes?

  I feel like I just don't want to die tomorrow and say, oh, I wish I would have done those 10 things I wanted to do.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I feel like if I never woke up with a rosé hangover, I would maybe be more of an executor. I'm an executor, but it just, like I said, it takes me a while to wrap my head around things.

• 30:29Lewis Howes?

  What's the thing that you know you can improve on in your personal life that would make the business and your marriage 100 times better?

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, there's so many things that I could improve on. I have so many weaknesses.

• 30:42Lewis Howes?

  What's a couple key things? One thing that would make a huge shift in your marriage and your business?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  I think that, and I was listening to your podcast today, we talked about this. I think it's time for me to step up as a CEO and not just be creating content every single day. I create content seven days a week. There is not one day I have off for the last 10 years. So it's time for me to be able to scale my business. It's like step into the role of CEO, step into the role of really dealing with my finances, step into the role of, you know, taking my product line that's probably launching at the end of this year to the next level. That's been really hard, but then also another layer of that comes with managing a team. I've never been a manager. I was a solopreneur for so long.

• 31:20Lewis Howes?

  It's a different experience.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  I was a horrible employee, the worst you've ever seen in your life. And I was a bartender for, you know, six years while I built the Skinny Confidential, worst employee. Then I was a solopreneur, and then it's like, wait, now to scale, you need a team. And that's been, I've had to really consume a lot of Peter Drucker.

• 31:40Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Let's put it that way.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  I think, well, I know what it is for me. 100% I know. It's listening more. I'm a problem solver by nature. If you and I are friends, if you came to me and said, hey, Michael, this is my problem, my default state is to say, okay, how am I going to help you fix this?

• 31:53Lewis Howes?

  Here's the answer. Here's the solution.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  Here's the answer. Here's what we're going to do. Exactly. That's my move. That's like, okay, we're going to do this. We're going to bring these people in. We're going to talk to this person. We're going to get these resources.

• 32:01Lewis Howes?

  I got the guy. I got the girl. I got the, yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  I'm a fixer, right? That's what I try to do. And sometimes in a relationship, both in an intimate relationship and a friendship, it's better to just stop and listen and make the person feel heard and hear what they say. And I struggle with that. Well, I struggle with it. I think that it's because it's out of my default state.

• 32:19Lewis Howes?

  I'll tell you what, it's interesting because I've just been getting into a new relationship in the last five months. I haven't been talking about it publicly. I just announced it today. You guys saw it earlier. And one of the things, when I think about the things I really appreciate about her is that she's such a good listener. Because I've been going through a lot of changes in my life personally, professionally and everything. And she just listens and I'm like, I don't need anything else. And I'm like, wow, is this what it's like for almost all women in the world? They just want their man to listen and not even respond, just to look and listen to you.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  That's a thought.

• 32:50Lewis Howes?

  It was, it was like, wow, this is amazing. And maybe I've been, you know, always trying to fix things myself. And I got to take a look at myself because I, I felt how amazing it was to have someone to just listen.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  I think you should have a listening expert on the podcast and I'll play it while Michael and I are getting ready.

• 33:06Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Subconsciously.

• 33:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, sure.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, you need a listening expert.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  But listen, none of us are perfect, right? Like it's, it's a practice. It's, it's something that I'm aware I need to improve on for sure, in all my relationships. And it's something I just got to work at.

• 33:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Okay. So that's the number one thing for you.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  I mean, if I think was when it, when it pertains to our relationship, like how, if the question was how do I, what would be immediate improvement and impact on the relationship? It's that.

• 33:30Lewis Howes?

  Listening. What about in your business?

• 33:32Speaker 01

  I think again, it goes the same way, right? Like when you're managing a team and you're adding people, it's like making them feel heard. Like my biggest thing when I bring anybody on to the Dear Media team is listen, speak up. Let me know what I'm doing wrong. Let me know what feedback, like as the boss, let me know what we could be doing better.

• 33:48Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  What do you think, where do you think we can improve? Because maybe I'm operating head in the cloud, looking at a long-term vision, but maybe the, some of the operations that are taking place that worked eight months ago, don't work anymore. I need the people that are helping me build those processes and, and build this giant company. I need them to, to voice that up. And I think putting that out there that yes, I'm a listener and also I'm willing to take feedback is extremely important. So I think a lot of human beings in general, I think, could get in a lot less trouble if they listen to each other more.

• 34:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Okay.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Very Robert Greene.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  As somebody that talks professionally all the time.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And yours is stepping into more of a CEO role in your business.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Yes. And that includes time management on a micro level. The time management thing has been.

• 34:28Lewis Howes?

  What's it mean to be a CEO? Does it mean not Snapchatting 24/7 and, you know, Instagram stories and creating as much content? Being more intentional about content, batching it so that you can manage your team and.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  I think it means stepping in to the back end of your business and working on your business and not in it every single day. Does it mean probably less Instagram stories? Yeah, sure. For me, it's really important that as I evolve, people, in my opinion, I'm sick of myself, looking at pictures of myself all the time, which is why we launched a podcast. It has nothing to do with the way you look.

• 35:03Lewis Howes?

  You don't have to wear a new outfit every day and post this thing, an accessory and makeup.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  It's just, I just don't see how, and you were talking about this earlier, the bright and shiny is going to work long-term. The long-term is really interesting to me. I have such a vision of how I want to build the brand and the community that I think to do that, I think taking out just the way you, like, just the way you look is not enough. It has to have those value, the takeaways all the time, even in the caption on Instagram. So, I mean, you know, it's so important.

• 35:32Lewis Howes?

  What's something you wish you both learned how to do besides the answers you just gave before you met each other? Like, what's something you had proved on in your life?

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Manage money. Manage money.

• 35:42Lewis Howes?

  Did you spend your money all the time before you got?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  I don't think I've, I've had an attachment to money and I think that that's served me.

• 35:50Lewis Howes?

  You've had an attachment?

• 35:51Speaker 02

  No attachment. And I think it's served me because I went into blogging with literally the intention to provide quality content. That was my intention. And I was bartending and I was broke and I had no money and I was going to school full-time, teaching pier bar and Pilates, like, living out of my godparents' house. But my intention was just to provide the quality. And for three years, I didn't make one dime and I blogged every single day for seven years. Or, excuse me, for three years. Every single day, seven days a week for three years. So I think that that non-attachment to money really helped build the foundation of the brand. But I think now, like we talked about, the CEO, like, it's time to step into the financials and really get into the nitty-gritty. I need to have more of an attachment to money.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  I think, like, speaking of finances, but it kind of talks into this, or touches on this question. When I was coming up, I'd say maybe 20 to 25, my first years as an entrepreneur, my focus was completely on the wrong things when it came to finances, right? It was on material goals. All of my goals were material focused.

• 36:52Lewis Howes?

  Get the car.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Get the car, get the watch, get the, get the trip, get the house.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  I'm glad this phase is over.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Get the clothing. And I wish more young people could understand how fleeting that stuff is because it caused me a lot of trouble, right? Because

• 37:03Lewis Howes?

  You're in debt constantly or whatever.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Not even necessarily in debt. Like, I was, I was a solid, I was Solid at making money. What I was, what was wrong, though, was I was not fulfilled. Right? You're going and one day you think, okay, if I could afford this gold watch one day, everything's gonna be great in my life. Then you get there and you're like, wait a minute, got it, move on to the next. If I could afford maybe this next brand and you're just constantly chasing things that don't matter. Nobody else cares. Nobody serious cares. It doesn't help you, doesn't help your family. Your, your vision is not in place to help people. And so I wasted a lot of years having the wrong focus in terms of what my business goals were because I was focused on material wealth. Now, it's funny, arguably we're more successful than ever, but it's not

• 37:46Speaker 01

  a focus on material things. It's what, what are we giving back to the community? What, who are we helping? What are we, what message are we amplifying? What team are we built? Like there's, there's so many other things that provide such greater fulfillment, having conversations like these. You could strip away any finances around any of the things we're doing now and I just enjoy doing them fulfilled.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  And I want to shout Michael out for one second because when we first got together, we were very different with money, very different. Like I said, I had no attachment. He was very materialistic, no offense. And it was just like material driven. And so I think we balanced each other out. Yeah, we definitely balanced each other out. But making a transition from being like that to how he is now, wasn't just a snap of the finger. It was so much self-work. I have watched him read, you know, Ryan Holiday's The Daily Stoic every single day. I've watched him write in a journal every single day. His gratefuls every single day. You know, making it a thing to wake up every morning at 5:00 a.m. He has worked on himself for the last, I would say for the last

• 38:47Speaker 02

  three years, every single day. So it wasn't, it wasn't something that just changed overnight.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  What was that quote? I can't remember who it's by, but it's like, human beings get in trouble because they set out to find something when you should set out to create yourself, right? It's like something, something along those lines. And I, and I think where, to her point, it's, it's the example that a lot of young men grow up with. The car, the watch, the house, the thing. And if more people would talk about like, that's not the answer. Those aren't the things that are gonna actually make you happy. The, yes, having basic income needs met and having, being able to pay your bills and provide food for your family. Like, yes, that's gonna move the needle and make you happy if you don't have those things. But beyond that, It's not the answer. I mean, it's nice. It's nice to have nice things. Don't get me wrong. I still have nice things. We still do nice things, but it can't be the motivating force in your life.

• 39:35Lewis Howes?

  Right. Where do you feel the most loved and where do you feel the most pain in your life?

• 39:41Speaker 02

  That's a good question. Where do I feel the most loved? I feel the most loved when my husband gives me every speck of his attention.

• 39:48Lewis Howes?

  And listens.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  And listens and all my five love languages. My main love language is touch.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Lauren takes, you know, you have the five love languages.

• 39:57Lewis Howes?

  You haven't touched her once right now.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, why haven't you touched me? YouTube's watching. YouTube.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  No, I think she capitalizes all five love languages.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  She says all of them.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  She's like, all of them are the love languages.

• 40:14Lewis Howes?

  I need gifts. I need service. I need touch.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  It's like that meme. The person's dead on the floor and they're like, how much attention do you need? And it's like all of it. When I want attention from my husband, I want his full attention. And I don't, I'm not super needy when it comes to that. I let you do you. I'm super independent. But when I want attention, it's like lookout. I want his attention. So that's when I feel most loved. When every single speck of your being is on me.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  So the only way he can love you the most is if he's fully paying attention to you 100% of the time.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  No, not 100% of the time. In the moment, we decide that I want attention.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I need help. Is anyone out there? I need help.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, when we decide to have like full attention, I want the full attention.

• 40:53Lewis Howes?

  So when you say, hey, let's be present in this moment.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Like today we were out to lunch and he does this thing where he goes like this. I'll explain it. He's looking around at lunch.

• 41:02Lewis Howes?

  Not looking at you.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Not even like looking at anything in specific, just looking around at the setting and I'm like.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Let me tell you what it's like to date a Gemini or to marry a Gemini. The beginning of the lunch starts with, hey, I'm not going to be able to talk this lunch. I have to work. I'm so far behind. Cool. So I start looking around. Hey, why aren't you paying attention to me?

• 41:17Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow. Yes. A lot of this is you gotta take responsibility as well.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  When do I feel the most pain? I feel the most pain. When I'm in chaos, I have a lot of pain when I'm in chaos.

• 41:28Lewis Howes?

  You must have been in pain your whole life.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:32Lewis Howes?

  You said you like to be in chaos.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, not my whole life. When I'm really in a chaotic moment is when I feel the most in pain. Like a real, true chaotic moment triggers me. And I've noticed that now, like the other day, I had a moment where it was triggering and I went to Michael, which I normally don't do, and was like, I need you to take this one for me.

• 41:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  And he took it. He took it like a champ. You listened. You were a hundred percent listening.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's great.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Well, I think as a couple, like feeling, I feel the most love probably when somebody under, like, it's the little things where you can recognize somebody's in pain and step in. And it doesn't necessarily, like for me, when things are not going right, or if I need a moment, like I'm a very cerebral person. I'll go and I need to take some time by myself. I need to get in my own head. I need to think. It's not that I don't want to be around people. It's just, it's just the way I process things. And when she can recognize that and not hassle me for it, because a lot of people want to jump in. She just understands like, okay, that's his process. Let him be and letting other people know, like, let him be for a while. And I think when we feel the least of that is when people push against this, like the way you are, right? So if my default state is not being chaotic and I need to be in that,

• 42:43Speaker 01

  and it's like trying to bring chaos into that, even though you know that that's going to set me off, or you know that that's going to upset me, that's when it's very difficult. And I think a lot of couples run into issue because they know the buttons they can push. Right? Like, I know exactly what's going to set her off. I know what she doesn't like. And I can get there where maybe it would take you a while because you don't necessarily know. It would take me three seconds. She could do the same to me. And so when, when, when you, when you're in a relationship and you have your significant other pushing those buttons, you know, it's not coming from a place of love. You know, it's coming from a place of, hey, I want to set this guy off or you off. And so couples need to be cognitive of that, us included. Saying, okay, where is this coming from? Why do I want to set this person off? Why do I want to make them feel bad?

• 43:21Lewis Howes?

  So here's a scenario. There's a, a relationship of two people coming together who love each other for two, three, four years, whatever. And one person says, I want to start a business together with you. What advice would you give to a couple that's been together for a few years that wants to do this? That wants to launch something together, start a business together, make money with the same thing together?

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Put your helmet on.

• 43:46Lewis Howes?

  What advice would you recommend it for people? Would you say only if you're this type of people? Here are the things you really need to look out for or the conversations you need to have about money or about ownership or about boundaries? Like, what would you say?

• 43:59Speaker 02

  I would say the first step is self-awareness. You need to be so in tune with who you are and how I would say to get there is I do this thing called The Morning Pages and it's by Julia Child's The Artist's Way. And basically you wake up every morning and you brain dump onto a piece of paper for three pages, not judging yourself. So you just projectile what you're thinking.

• 44:17Lewis Howes?

  Anything.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Anything. And if that was, you know, the self-awareness talk for three pages every single morning for a month, I would write down what you're committed to, if you're committed to the same, like we talked about earlier, goals. Then I would sit down with your partner and I would have a list in front of me and I would actually build out a strategic future by design, which is like you set your goals with your partner and you're both committed to the same goals and then you work backwards with systems of how you're going to get there. And so it's really clear. Is it turning off your phone at 10 o'clock at night? Is it, you know, I, just being honest here, I don't like when Michael talks business to me before 9 a.m. I'm not a morning person. I need, I need my mornings to be meditation and, you know.

• 45:00Lewis Howes?

  Learning.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, learning from your podcast. No, working out, getting coffee, whatever that is. I need to like get my head in the game and because I think of myself and what I'm doing as content is like not a professional athlete, but I want to be able to train at a high level all the time. And to lay the foundation of my day, I need to be cerebral. I need to be inside. So just really laying that out. Michael and I didn't do that to start and it sort of bit us in the ass later, but then we ended up doing it, thank God. And I think we're on the same page. So I would just say get on the same page and write it down so you can go back to that and show each thing. Remember when we said this?

• 45:37Lewis Howes?

  Right here, we wrote it down. I'll just speak it to you.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Text it to him, put it on his forehead, tattoo it on his ass, whatever you gotta do.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  This is a longer answer, so both of you cut me off if it goes too far. Please, I've been on the mic before, it's fine to cut me off. But I would say the first thing is really define like your idea of starting a business together compared to your partner's. Like your idea may be, I want to operate this thing into a hundred million dollar business with a hundred team members and we're going to have this massive office and we're going to go here and we're going to be in all these different states or countries, whatever. And your partner's idea might be, hey, we're going to have two or three people, we're going to be able to travel all over the world and we're going to have fun doing this together, right? So that's important to define. Just as a starting place of what your actual vision is, because I think a lot of people think, oh, this start a business. What does that mean? Like, what's that scale? And then I think the second part of that is to really define the roles, like, what are you doing? What is she or he doing?

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Where do you have veto? Where does she have veto or vice versa, or he and he or she and she? I think all of those things should be talked about in advance. Because doing business together comes with all of the stress that comes with starting a business.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, separate stress than being in a marriage.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Completely separate. And I don't care what sport you're in, what relationship you're in. The most stressful thing is entrepreneurship and building a business. Because not only is it reliant on your household, or not only reliant for your household and your family, but anybody else that you start to impact, their families, the team you bring on, the people you're reaching. And so you have to carry all of that weight and you have to be willing to do that.

• 47:06Lewis Howes?

  A lot of pressure.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  It's a lot of pressure.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  How do you guys manage money conversations for the marriage, for your future, for, you know, what do we invest back in the business? What do we invest in buying the shiny toys of the month? You know, versus the vacations. Do you guys have a good relationship with money? Or do you feel like that is a struggle?

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Her money's hers and my money's hers.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  No, we make our own money separately and then we have the podcast together, which is our, its own entity. Like, we created, I want to say this right, an LLC, right?

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Um, no, we have like a holding company that has, that has holdings in the different entities.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  And together, that's our money.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  Your holding company or is it the whole, everyone?

• 47:45Speaker 01

  It's our holding, like, so we own it jointly and then that'll have,

• 47:48Lewis Howes?

  Different brands.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Different brands, different entities, different companies.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  Sort of like an umbrella. And so,

• 47:52Lewis Howes?

  You have Skinny Confidential.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  That was just mine.

• 47:54Lewis Howes?

  Do you work on that at all?

• 47:56Speaker 01

  I'm completely, this, it's a, it's a common misconception that people think that I've been working in it or involved. I, to this day, have, outside of consulting with my wife and having those conversations, just as like an advisor would, and she is to me. I'm not in the day to day of Skinny at all, right? Like, she has her own manager, she has her own team, she has her own office, she has her own thing. The only thing that intersects is obviously, I run Dear Media and we have the podcast together and the podcast is with,

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  Within Dear Media, gotcha.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we, we host that together. But outside of that, we make, you know, we have investments together, we have companies together, but we, we keep things separate. Like, I have a separate company, she has a separate company, and then we have stuff jointly.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  So you have your own bank accounts?

• 48:29Speaker 02

  My own bank account.

• 48:31Lewis Howes?

  Since day one?

• 48:32Speaker 02

  Since day one. I've, I mean, I'm a very independent person and Michael is too. That's another thing. It's like, Again, that's self-awareness. We're very, very independent. Like, I've always wanted to make my own money and have my own thing. And even if Michael was a multi-gazillionaire, it's still really important for me to have my own platform, my own money, my own thing.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  We have, yeah, exactly.

• 48:54Lewis Howes?

  You have a joint account too?

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, we have joint, and we have joint companies. And I think that's another thing, not to get too technical here, but get with your accountant and sit, and sit down and say, hey, what kind of joint company makes sense? You could have a joint account, you could have joint companies. It makes things clean. I mean, listen, hopefully the wheels don't fall off this thing, but if it does, there's no, the, the companies are, are joint, right? And so,

• 49:13Speaker 02

  We like to invest together.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  It'd be the same as if you and I were partners, right?

• 49:17Speaker 02

  And like, the investment, like, he'll ask my opinion creatively, and I'll ask his opinion, more business, and from the numbers standpoint. Um, I think that we make a good team when it comes to that. And, you know, anyone that's listening that's hearing this, I just think it's so important. I, my, like, main advice of all this would be, don't settle. Don't settle.

• 49:34Lewis Howes?

  Relationship?

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Don't settle because at thirty years old, someone told you you had to be married with kids. Don't settle because at thirty-five years old, you want children. You can freeze your eggs, or so, you can adopt. There's so many options out there. Don't settle for someone who's half-assed. That's my, obviously, my own opinion. But if Michael and I weren't together, I, I really truthfully think that I would be single at this moment. I'm really focused on my business and building that. And, you know, I think that, again, has to do with the self-awareness.

• 50:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Wow. Inspiring. So you guys invest together? You pay for, like, trips together, or does that come out of all your money?

• 50:09Speaker 02

  No. No.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  It depends what we're doing.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Like, our trip to France, we split it.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  I still like to take my wife to dinner and pick up the, to check and do things. But, but I think what the biggest thing is, is we're not, listen, we try to be responsible with money, invest properly, do all those things that we just outlined. But also, we're not putting this huge pressure on finances on the relationship, right? We try to live humbly below our means. We try to, you know,

• 50:30Lewis Howes?

  Save money.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Save. Yeah, but like, at the same time, like, if there is something that my wife and I do spend on, it's experiences. But it's experiences together, because I think that's something you take with you. Like, you know, a material thing, like I said, you can wear it, you can have it, you can't take it anywhere. Like, the, this, the experiences that we have together can live in here.

• 50:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's great. What um, what do you see as like the biggest problem that could potentially happen over the next three, five, 10 years?

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Oh my god, let me pull up my scroll. There's a million things that can happen. I mean, there's like, it could be anything from like, this is like morbid, but it could be anything from deaths to breaking up to divorce to, I mean, you have, you have to understand that life takes you on different directions. Like I said, it's from the beginning. Like I think we're committed to the same goal, but I've been taught from a very young age, you don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. You don't know what's gonna happen next month. You just have to really enjoy every second of each other. And right now, we're in a really good place. We're best friends. We enjoy building together and I feel like that's what matters. I mean, we'd love to have kids, but we're not in a rush. We're not, people want to, like, the second we got married, it was like, when are you having kids?

• 51:35Lewis Howes?

  Crazy, right?

• 51:35Speaker 02

  I just think that it's, you don't have to conform to what society wants you to do. Everyone is different. And if that means having kids at 40, like, there's, there's lots of different options nowadays. You gotta do what works for you.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  As you put yourself out there as a public person on any scale, the larger that scale gets, the more outside opinions come in. I don't have to tell you that, you know. I think, I think the wheels could potentially fall off or become difficult. And you've seen this before with, with many couples. If you let some of those outside voices that don't necessarily know what's actually going on, have an impact and opinion on, on your relationship. So.

• 52:11Lewis Howes?

  What do you guys do to make sure that doesn't happen?

• 52:13Speaker 01

  In a weird way, it's like, we're out there, but we're also very insulated. We have all these conversations. We understand, okay, that was a unique experience, you know, having breakfast and maybe somebody came up. It's super grateful to have that, but we didn't have that before. How do we do that? Okay, having a, our relationship put on display to all these listeners, like, okay, that's interesting. Like, how do we navigate that? It's a unique scenario that not a lot of people understand or relate to because I haven't been through it. And I think that we just have to keep having a dialogue as the, as that, that's happening. A lot of the time you'll see a couple, it's like, I'm, you know, I'm out there, I'm a public, look, Gary Vee, I'm a public person. And we love Gary, but he keeps his family behind. There's something to be said for that. For us, we don't have that luxury. So it'll be interesting.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  I don't know how I'm gonna feel. I'm, I'm the type of person, like, I'm just going with each day. Like, I'm, I don't have a rulebook for this. There's definitely 20% of our relationship that's kept off social media, which I find, you know, special to us.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  What's that? Just when you're in the bedroom?

• 53:09Speaker 02

  When we're in the bedroom, a conversation.

• 53:11Lewis Howes?

  This is not vlogging.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  No, I mean, there's a lot. I mean, on Instagram story, you see 10 minutes of a 24 hour day. You see a lot of the good stuff. You don't see, we're not snapping while we're fighting. You know what I mean? There's definitely, and he's also, a lot of influencers have their husbands or boyfriends as the photographer. He won't take a picture of, I mean, if it were gonna save my life for him to take a picture, he wouldn't take a picture.

• 53:33Lewis Howes?

  He won't take any photos of you?

• 53:34Speaker 01

  I would.

• 53:34Lewis Howes?

  Up there or when you're.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  No, no, listen.

• 53:36Lewis Howes?

  Wearing an outfit.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  Never.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  It's always you.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  Never. Don't lie.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I set the bar low because I knew.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  You set the bar underground.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  I didn't want, I'm not a photographer. I don't have any interest in it. I'm not good at it. It's a fight between us, right? Cause it's like, get the angle. I can't get it. So I would rather bring somebody in that's a professional. Have them do it.

• 53:54Lewis Howes?

  For an hour, yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Have them do it.

• 53:56Lewis Howes?

  So when you're in France, will you hire a photographer to take photos of you?

• 53:59Speaker 01

  Yes, if it's necessary. Or, but listen, if it's like, hey, we're at dinner, like snap of you, that's, that's different. I'm just saying, I'm not going out on set and doing that. I'm not figuring out the lighting. Um, but I think, you know, that's another thing. It's like defining the rules, right? Like if I came in and said, hey, listen, I need you to start looking into the books here and doing all the, you know, bookkeeping here.

• 54:14Lewis Howes?

  She wouldn't do that.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course not. Um.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  I'm gonna do it more. You watch.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  These guys get in trouble because they set the bar really high in the beginning. Like I can take all your photos. But if I was in that position, listen, that's what she does for a living. It would be my job. It'd be nonstop. So I had to.

• 54:28Lewis Howes?

  Be taking 10 minutes a day of Instagram stories, Snapchat.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Can you imagine?

• 54:32Speaker 02

  I actually turn the camera on him a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Yeah.

• 54:36Lewis Howes?

  Do you like that?

• 54:36Speaker 01

  I don't have a choice in it, but I don't dislike it. I don't, I don't mind. I don't, I don't need an angle or, and I'm, I'm a pretty open book.

• 54:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  I just snap him in his natural element. You know what I mean? Like I don't, nothing's like, we're hurt. No, it's just, he's being absurd. For instance, when we're packing for a trip, it's like he has the wearer that weighs the bag and he has to have the 20 thing.

• 54:56Lewis Howes?

  Just pay the extra five bucks if you're gonna wear it.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, listen. It's not, it's not.

• 55:00Lewis Howes?

  It takes the five dollars.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  It's that I have to carry these massive bags everywhere.

• 55:05Lewis Howes?

  Cause it's all her stuff. It's all 20 shoes.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Trust me, it is ridiculous.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  It just, I like to snap him in his natural.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  There was bags and bags of protein powder the last time and they all spilled in the suitcase.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm trying to stay fit.

• 55:17Lewis Howes?

  Stay healthy.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Yes, I get it.

• 55:18Lewis Howes?

  You wanna get out of shape or you wanna be?

• 55:20Speaker 01

  I don't know. Do I wanna be scooping protein powder? I gotta decide.

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay. What's the question you wish she would ask you that she never has asked?

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Hmm. Sometimes I think it would be ni- listen, because I'm somebody who just trucks and trucks forward and a lot of that time is even if something's going wrong, my default again is being, okay, everything's gonna, like, I'll find the light in a dark tunnel. Sometimes the question of, hey, are you all right in all this stuff? Are you okay? Are you, are you super, like, just those types of questions?

• 55:53Speaker 02

  I'm so used to him being a rock, I never think to ask that question.

• 55:55Lewis Howes?

  He never needs help. He's the man. He's got it all under control.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  And sometimes, like, the other night, we were in New York and we were running around and it was just an exhausting day and I looked at it for like, one of the first times, I just said, "I'm [bleep] exhausted."

• 56:07Lewis Howes?

  It's probably the first time she's heard that in a long time.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  I don't even remember the last time I've heard that.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Not just, not just physically, but mentally. Like, there's just a lot going on. We're, you know, we're doing a lot of different things.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  You had like eighteen meetings in one day.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's just a lot. It wasn't, it's fine, it's just, it's emotionally draining sometimes, you're carrying a lot of weight and sort of have that question sometimes. We can all have that one strong friend. Maybe you're that strong friend. And because you're, that's your default most of the time, people don't take the time to say, "Wait a minute, are you okay?" And it's not that or not, but it's just nice to have somebody thinking about, like, hey, are you? You know?

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you should always ask your strongest friend. I need to do that more. Always ask your strongest friend.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  I haven't necessarily, I've never thought about that question, but, but that is where my mind just went.

• 56:46Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. What question? Was that helpful for you?

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, really helpful, actually. This is like therapy, Lewis.

• 56:52Lewis Howes?

  What question would you, do you wish Michael would have ever asked you or ask you more?

• 56:58Speaker 02

  What do you feel about that? And I'm not gonna insert my opinion. Is that a question? I just want, I like when he just asks me a question without trying to, like, figure out the answer, you know? Sometimes I just don't want a solution, I just want you to listen.

• 57:12Lewis Howes?

  How do you feel about this? Okay, cool. And just saying, like, alright.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  It's really hard for you. Can you do that?

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  Well, I think the thing you could say is, how do you feel about this? And then when you vomit on her, or vomit on him, whatever you're saying, that he feels like, okay, I need a solution, then you can say, would you like me to offer feedback or a solution? And if she said, no, then say, okay, cool, anything else?

• 57:33Speaker 02

  Do you know what I say? Sometimes I say, I'm not at request for coaching.

• 57:36Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Sometimes I don't-

• 57:38Lewis Howes?

  I wanna say something and I'm not a request for coaching.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Nope. Sometimes I just wanna bitch and sometimes I just wanna talk.

• 57:42Lewis Howes?

  There you go. And she probably just wants you to touch her and look her in the eyes while she's doing-

• 57:45Speaker 02

  While I get a gift with a card.

• 57:47Lewis Howes?

  While he's sweeping the floor.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  I'd like a massage.

• 57:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, right, exactly. Amazing.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  Maybe some pizza.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  I saw Jeff Bezos doing this thing where he would like have these big mechanical-

• 57:56Lewis Howes?

  The robots?

• 57:56Speaker 01

  That's what I'm gonna need in order to get all her love languages.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Twenty arms?

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  I don't ask for much.

• 58:03Lewis Howes?

  Everything, the world.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  What is your quote that you have that says, "I want it all and I'd like it delivered"?

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. This is literally on her-

• 58:11Speaker 02

  School of greatness. I'm trying to be the best.

• 58:12Lewis Howes?

  I like it. I like it. But if you're willing to work for it, I guess.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  Five love languages. All at once.

• 58:20Lewis Howes?

  All at once.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 58:22Lewis Howes?

  Where can we find you guys?

• 58:23Speaker 02

  You can find us at the Skinny, well, you can find me at the Skinny Confidential and then my blog is theskinnyconfidential.com.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, just the podcast and like I said, we're working on a lot of different shows on Dear Media Network and check out, I think, thirty female-focused shows there. Any of them would be a good place to start and, um, yeah. And I'm just Michael Bosstick everywhere, but I don't have as much pink content as her.

• 58:44Lewis Howes?

  Do you guys have a, uh, an account together too or no?

• 58:46Speaker 02

  Nope. Well, I guess we have at TSC Podcast.

• 58:49Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's about it. Just the podcast.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  The podcast. We've had a lot of, Louis has been on, go listen to that episode.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, go listen to Louis's episode.

• 58:56Lewis Howes?

  We had a good time.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  We had a good, we had a good time on that one.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Louis's episode's one of my favorites.

• 59:00Lewis Howes?

  Right? Maybe Michael took over.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  We went, we went a little deep. I, I thought I was interviewing you and then it just flipped.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna have you and your new girlfriends. You better watch out and I'm gonna do the same thing to you guys.

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  We're nuts.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  I'll give it another six months and then I'll have you guys on.

• 59:11Lewis Howes?

  Six months.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  I'm gonna cook for a while.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Let her make her list of ones.

• 59:17Lewis Howes?

  I know, right? Cause right now, man, it's like, I've never been in a relationship where I'm like, man, it's just really, really good. Like, it's really-

• 59:24Speaker 02

  It's easy.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm almost having a little PTSD or anxiety from my last relationship because it was like every day it felt like when we were together, I felt like stressed, like something bad was gonna happen, right? Or, and I'm not saying I was perfect or it was like, you know, all her fault or something, but I just felt like anxious all the time. And she probably felt the same thing, right? And man, I just feel like, gosh, I'm like, is something gonna happen bad in the future? Like, I don't know.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Well, you're used to chaos.

• 59:51Lewis Howes?

  I'm so used to it. I'm like, this is unbelievable. And it makes me emotional, just like when I talk with her, cause I'm like, I've never felt so much love. And like, security, I don't know, it's.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  What's her vibe? Is she super business oriented? Like, what's her?

• 1:00:07Lewis Howes?

  She's very, she's a lot like you probably, where she's got a movie coming out next month. She does TV show five days a week and then she does theater six times a weekend. So she has no days off, literally. She has to show up somewhere every day and um.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  You guys are on the same page. She's busy.

• 1:00:23Lewis Howes?

  She's, she's very independent and got her own thing. She makes her own money. She just bought her mom a house last month. She's like giving and caring and she doesn't need anything from me.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  That's the best.

• 1:00:34Lewis Howes?

  She's got, she's had every major like Latin pop star and billionaire offer her planes and this and that. And taking all the world. She's not into any of that, you know? And so she doesn't need it. She could have it easily. And that's what I really appreciate about her. She's just like, I don't know.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, we were just having this conversation last night.

• 1:00:53Lewis Howes?

  She's a passionate Latina, but she's also can be super calm and loving and a great listener.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Something to be said for these strong women.

• 1:01:01Lewis Howes?

  It's weird. I've never been, but I've also, when I broke up with my, uh, when we broke up last year, I had like a, a month and a half where I was reflecting on my whole life. I was like, okay, who are the, all the women that I've been with and what do they have in common? And I realized, wow, I've never asked myself this. I've always just kind of repeated the pattern of kind of dating the same girls and I didn't even know why. I was like, why do they all break horribly? You know, they all end horribly. And I had a moment, I was like, oh my gosh. They all were super beautiful to me. I was very attracted to them sexually. They all had some type of talent or gift that was different than the person before. Like one was a doctor, one was a photographer, a dancer, a singer. It was like, always like a thing that I couldn't do that I thought was interesting.

• 1:01:46Lewis Howes?

  And then I said, wow, they all have the third thing in common as well, which is none of them believe they're beautiful or talented.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  I knew you were gonna say that.

• 1:01:54Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Lewis Howes?

  I'm not putting anyone down or anything, but they they lacked self-confidence.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Yes, and confidence, I think, is what's attracting you so much, too.

• 1:02:03Lewis Howes?

  It attracted me to them originally because I was like, how do you not see how beautiful you are, how talented you are? These are all my girlfriends, right? And they're all amazing in their own way, and I don't want to, I'm not trying to put anyone down here, you know, I have my insecurities as well. But I reflected on it, I was like, wow, these are things they had in common for me. That it was like a project for me to help them, I wasn't even consciously thinking about it, but I was like, you gotta see how beautiful you are and how talented you are, you're an incredible human being, all my exes are incredible, right, in their own way. But they, for me, I never felt like they were able to get over the hump of like actually truly believing in themselves. Like it didn't matter how many years, how much I tried, how much I said the words, like, you're amazing, you're beautiful, like, I love.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  Because they have to feel it from within, and that's something that you have to work on, on yourself.

• 1:02:46Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Lewis Howes?

  And I think, you know, they all worked on it at different levels, so again, I'm not trying to put anyone down here, but I felt like I was always growing more in certain ways, and in that area, and they weren't as much in that area.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  That's probably why you're feeling peace, though, is because that third one's fulfilled.

• 1:03:02Lewis Howes?

  Third one feels, yeah, I'm like, wow, she's confident and humble, she's driven and grateful. It's weird. And so I'm like also like a little anxious because I'm like, is something gonna happen wrong that's like in the future, like, I don't know.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  You just gotta let it be good.

• 1:03:16Lewis Howes?

  Just let it be good, like just enjoy it, and you know, life's gonna happen how it happens.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  We talk about this all the time, is sometimes, you know, if you have a chaotic background, or you're looking for something to fall, maybe you're waiting for the wheels to fall off something. And so it's almost like you're creating that, and Lauren and I have these conversations all the time, like, if something's good, let it be good right now, don't look.

• 1:03:33Lewis Howes?

  Enjoy it.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Enjoy it. And so many of us self-sabotage and ruin good things for no reason. Like, if it's good, let it be good and just say it's good.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  Confidence, though, like just from my own experience, confidence is the sexiest thing that you can have in a friend.

• 1:03:51Lewis Howes?

  Anything.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  In a husband in a podcaster, confidence is like, that is, for me, it's like charisma.

• 1:03:57Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, you just wanna lean into it.

• 1:03:59Lewis Howes?

  It's magnetic.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  It's a question we ask a lot of people on our show, like, how do they find confidence? And it's, I still to this day don't know if we've had a definitive answer.

• 1:04:09Lewis Howes?

  How do you define confidence?

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  How do you find confidence? How do you become, if you're not confident, right?

• 1:04:13Lewis Howes?

  I think you've, you've create confidence by overcoming all of your emotional fears personally. Because I felt like the only way I've become confident is because I embodied everything I was the most afraid of. And I gave myself a game and a challenge, like, when I was a teenager, it was talking to girls. I could not talk to girls, it's the end of my life. And I remember just saying, like, I'm sick and tired of feeling so terrified when a girl comes around. Cause I don't know what to say, and I'm gonna get laughed at, and everyone's gonna talk about, you know, I build up this story. And then one summer, I said, okay, enough is enough. I'm going to a place where no one knows me for a summer. And every time I see someone that I'm attracted to, that gives me like butterflies, I'm gonna sprint up to them.

• 1:04:55Lewis Howes?

  Not in a creepy way, but I'm gonna, if I see them, and I'm like, wow, they turn me on, I have to, like, move my body and just go right up to them and start talking. And it was horrible the first week, first couple of weeks, it was miserable, like, so, like, terrifying, I thought I was gonna die. Until I didn't die. Until, like, okay, a couple of weeks in, a girl talked back to me. Until I didn't make up, she didn't laugh at me and run away, or whatever, it was like, okay, now we can have a conversation. That gave me so much confidence at the end of that summer, just to overcome that emotional fear, was creating those moments. And I've done that in so many areas of my life, because I was never confident, I was always insecure, always lacked confidence, until I created it. So I think for me, that's what's worked, is really like diving into those things.

• 1:05:40Lewis Howes?

  Whatever your emotional fears are, create a list. The one that scares you the most, I'm not talking about like spiders or something, but an emotional fear, like. Write a list down and circle the biggest one and then go do that big one first.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  That's great advice.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  I mean, it makes a lot of sense.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Putting yourself in just uncomfortable situations over and over.

• 1:05:57Lewis Howes?

  Over and over again. Cause you, when you, when you tackle that, you'll be like, I can do anything.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Lewis Howes?

  I did this with public speaking. I could not speak in front of five people to save my life.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  I was gonna say that my biggest fear in my life for forever was public speaking and now I speak for a living.

• 1:06:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  I was terrified. I couldn't speak in front of six people.

• 1:06:12Speaker 02

  But it's like riding a bike. You rinse and repeat. You keep putting yourself in the situation over and over and over and over and over until it becomes confident. Yeah.

• 1:06:19Lewis Howes?

  That's it. Until it becomes like, okay, I'm not stressed out. I'm not sweating my pits right now. You know, I can breathe. And you overcome that fear. So that's how, that's how I've created over the years and you know, I went through a lot of, you know, insecurities of earlier in the year because I was getting publicly shamed by my ex, right? So I was like publicly getting shamed and I was like, that was a big emotional fear. It's like lies and rumors being spread about me that I couldn't control, where I felt like I was being under attack.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  I think you putting it out there and even just saying that, that must feel good and liberating in a way.

• 1:06:51Lewis Howes?

  Well, it was also like, okay, all my fears happened where people like betrayed me and people like judged me and it was like, I never wanted to be, everyone wants to be liked by everyone, right?

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:06:59Lewis Howes?

  And so I was like, okay, wow. My ego had to die so that I could know that I'm still alive and it's okay. I still have friends and family and people love me. And now more people are like following me and love me for who I am. So I think it's a part of like killing the ego and rebuilding constantly. And we need to do to build confidence. That's how I've done it.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  And also just because you're a public person like you, you're not going to do every single thing right all the time. Like there's, there's it's crazy sometimes how people get shamed for doing one thing and no one has, it's like, I, we talked about this earlier. It's like they build you up to tear you down. It's crazy. No, I mean, no one is perfect. I mean, I'm gonna [BLEEP] up a million times and I hope that my community can rally against me and realize no one's perfect.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  I think I apologize every week on the show.

• 1:07:45Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  I started with, sorry, I did this. Sorry, I did that. I mean, I think, yeah, we're not, we're not professing to be perfect here. We're just sharing.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  Sharing the journey.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Lewis Howes?

  Well, I acknowledge you guys both for sharing the journey because you guys opened up in a big way. I mean, just the episode we did alone. I was like, wow, you guys are really

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  That was intense.

• 1:08:01Lewis Howes?

  willing to go there and empower your audience in a big way to inspire them more than the, you know, Boobs and makeup and type of conversations, you really open up and you continue to do the work individually and together. I think it's really important to set that example. You guys are an amazing example of a married couple that can be independent and thrive together and not kill each other.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  That's very, very nice.

• 1:08:24Lewis Howes?

  At least not yet. So, and you seem, you know, you seem like you really admire each other, you really love each other. I'm sure there's complications and challenges like everyone has, but you really have stayed together for 10 years. And I admire you for being able to do that in a world where it's easy to compare to other guys out there, other girls out there. It's easy to say, ah, it's not working. I've got 30 other girls that are hitting me up right now that want me, that aren't creating stress for me, that are just whatever. And same thing for you. Like, I've got guys that just want to listen to me all day long, you know, and you won't listen to me.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Sure they want to do more than that.

• 1:08:56Lewis Howes?

  Right, exactly. And so I admire and acknowledge you guys for staying committed to your vision and staying strong, even when people may try to tear you down. And I think it's really cool, especially as young 33-year-old couple. It's really inspiring, so.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  High praise coming from you.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that means a lot.

• 1:09:16Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Thank you for having us on your show.

• 1:09:18Lewis Howes?

  I've got two final questions for you.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:21Lewis Howes?

  Three truths. Maybe we'll, we'll, we'll let Lauren start with the first, you the second, then you do the third, since ladies go first. So, three truths question is, if this was your last day, and you could only share three lessons with the world, what would you share? So you get two and you get one.

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  I got three.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  I would say, uh, create your, you are in charge of your own future. You can create your own future. And the, and the second that you can own that and step into it, your life will become immensely better. Design your life accordingly.

• 1:09:49Lewis Howes?

  Okay. How about you?

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, it's, so to start it, you can live life on your own terms. You can and should break the status quo. You don't need to wait for permission to do any of that.

• 1:09:59Lewis Howes?

  I like that. Okay. So you get two more now.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  I get two more?

• 1:10:02Lewis Howes?

  Well, he just did three, so you get two more now.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Mine kind of go together as one though.

• 1:10:06Lewis Howes?

  Ah, okay.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  My whole message is do you be you on your own terms. I think that I feel most empowered and most confident that I can, and my parents always gave me that space to do me whatever that looks like. And if you're listening to outside influences on how to live your life, I would sit back and I would take a lot of time to reflect.

• 1:10:24Lewis Howes?

  That's good, yeah.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  And then my last one, just to sum up this episode would be don't settle. Don't settle for mediocrity in any area of your life. Your relationship, your business, even like doing small things, your workouts don't settle for mediocrity.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  And don't be willing to throw things away so quickly when they're, when they're getting tough and they're hard. And I think that's really important for relationships. Relationships are tough, really tough. A lot of people are willing to just give up and throw them away without, you know, really taking the time, putting in work.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Their work.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  It requires work.

• 1:10:53Lewis Howes?

  And final question, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  I think I kind of answered it. I mean, my whole thing, when I think about the greatest people, it's, it's people who have done things on their own terms and have gone against the grain and have pushed against society norms and haven't waited for permission, right? There's so many of us are waiting, okay, I'm going to get this degree, I'm going to take this course and then I'm going to start this business. Like just get going, everything that we've done, we just got going. There's no, there's no reason or no, there's no certification that we were given to do anything that we're doing. And whether success or failure, and I think that if people just stopped waiting and started doing in anything, talking to that girl, starting that business, getting in shape. I think that is the biggest, those are the people that I'm the most impressed with.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  I would say getting rid of excuses. It's, you know, the internet's not too saturated, blogging's not too saturated, creating content's not too saturated. You're not too old, you're not too young. I would say get rid of the excuses and execute.

• 1:11:49Lewis Howes?

  There you go. Double high five, for the mic, thank you guys very much.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  Thanks for having us.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  Thanks, Liz.

• 1:12:00Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for being here, for being a listener, for subscribing and being a part of the School of Greatness community. We have over 120 million downloads in the last six and a half years. We continue to grow at a rapid pace, over 5 million downloads a month. And it's all because of you. So if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. You can send the link, lewishouse.com/820. Text a friend, text a few friends. If you're on a WhatsApp group chat, if you're in a Facebook group, share it to friends you think this would inspire and empower and elevate in any way. If there's lessons or insights or just good old entertainment, share with a few friends, post it on social media and tag me at Lewis Howes wherever you are. Let me know what you think. Tag Lauren and Michael Bostic as well. Let them know what you thought about their conversation.

• 1:12:44Lewis Howes?

  And as always, it's so good that you're here. If this is your first time here, please subscribe. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let us know what you think over there. And no matter where you're at in your life right now, whether you're single, you're in a relationship, you've got a business, you're a career seeker, whether your partner has a business and you have a career, whether you're both looking to do something on the side, this is powerful information because running a marriage is kind of like running a business together. There's a lot of things you need to do that are similar, even if it's not a business. So I hope you found this valuable and just continue to take what you can from every interview, every episode, and use the things that work for you. Maybe not everything works for you and that's okay. Use and apply what works for you in your

• 1:13:29Lewis Howes?

  life to improve your life. Have a more loving, fulfilling, joyful experience every single day. As Henry Ford said, "Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." I love you so very much. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.