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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 13,316 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:19 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:25 Speaker 02 Hey, yeah.
0:26 H. Foley? It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're going to be classy.
0:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
0:31 H. Foley? Or just a big ol' piece of trash.
0:32 Speaker 02 Trash, trash, trash.
0:33 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new addition. She's over at the dentist trying to get her wisdom teeth retaken out.
0:42 Speaker 02 Put back in.
0:43 H. Foley? That's what we call drug-seeking behavior.
0:45 Speaker 02 Sure.
0:46 H. Foley? But I like the grift, you know what I'm saying?
0:48 Speaker 02 Hey, I respect that. A move's a move.
0:50 H. Foley? I'm gonna go fill out an application myself. I don't know, I might get my tonsils taken out. Ice cream.
0:55 Speaker 02 Get your brain put back in.
0:57 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is the foxhole guy. Without this guy, I would be in a gutter.
1:10 Speaker 02 That's still kinda hard, for being honest with you.
1:12 H. Foley? I am in a gutter. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:17 Speaker 02 What up, gang?
1:18 H. Foley? You got the arm now.
1:20 Speaker 02 Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Subscribe over there. There's another 260-some thousand strong over there on YouTube. And then, also, full video available over there on Spotify. Boys are climbing the charts. Not the top of the charts. Nobody wants to be at the top of the charts. Too much attention at the top of the charts. We're a middle-of-the-charts kinda team.
1:42 H. Foley? That's right.
1:43 Speaker 02 Let's go upper-third kinda charts. That's what we're doing.
1:45 H. Foley? Rock solid. Moneyball, baby.
1:47 Speaker 02 We're not showing off. We come to play. We're not for everybody. We're for the homies and the bozos. That's what we're doing.
1:53 H. Foley? When you sit down with-
1:54 Speaker 02 And that's what I care about.
1:55 H. Foley? When you sit down with the scouts, what do they say? They get on base.
1:58 Speaker 02 Uh-huh, they get on base.
1:59 H. Foley? That's right.
2:00 Speaker 02 Uh-huh. Free base, that is. Now hand me that pipe.
2:05 H. Foley? It's got a light bulb.
2:07 Speaker 02 And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/rgarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, got about 15,000 strong over there on Patreon. Listen, men lie, Foley lies, numbers don't lie. The boys are making moves over here, thanks to the frickin', it's a grassroots thing we got.
2:25 H. Foley? I don't work for those guys no more.
2:26 Speaker 02 What?
2:27 H. Foley? Liars.
2:28 Speaker 02 And also, the boys are on the road right now.
2:30 H. Foley? Yes, we are.
2:31 Speaker 02 The Back on the Block Tour, we're coming, we got a, you know, we got the north, a couple, couple of shows in North Carolina, we got Atlanta, we got Skankfest. Get those tickets, Philly, big show at the Met, get those tickets.
2:42 H. Foley? Big show at the Met, let's go, get some tickets, come out and see the boys, and this year's strong.
2:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, gonna be a good one.
2:47 H. Foley? Or I'm gonna kill myself.
2:49 Speaker 02 Everything's going well.
2:50 H. Foley? I had a little bit of a quandary. If that's the right word, the other night.
2:54 Speaker 02 Probably not, but let's see.
2:56 H. Foley? So, I can't really get a read on what the neighbors think of me on my direct hallway.
3:03 Speaker 02 Like, open your door, another door, that's who we're talking about?
3:06 H. Foley? That's one neighbor, then there's, then there's two on this side, okay?
3:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay.
3:12 H. Foley? And then there's a, there's a nice, young couple on the other side.
3:16 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:17 H. Foley? Kid looks like he does, you know, I don't know, IT or something like that, you know, nice kid, runner, he looks like a cross-country runner.
3:23 Speaker 02 Can I ask you something?
3:23 H. Foley? Please.
3:24 Speaker 02 Do they know what you do?
3:25 H. Foley? For a living?
3:27 Speaker 02 No, recreational, idiot.
3:28 H. Foley? I hope not.
3:31 H. Foley? Been hearing that from the fucking housing board.
3:35 H. Foley? Do what?
3:36 Speaker 02 The hell's he been doing in there? Smells like that's a lot of potatoes.
3:41 H. Foley? A little tequila. I don't know. I don't know what they think. I know there's, I know-
3:48 Speaker 02 I got a few guesses.
3:52 H. Foley? I mean, when they see me walking the trash down in my bare feet, with my Wolverine toes, I don't know what they think.
3:58 Speaker 02 Art, Teredex.
3:59 H. Foley? And I don't usually, on my off days, I'm over there, I like to relax, so, you know, I don't put the makeup on.
4:05 Speaker 02 Buddy, to be honest with you, you're pretty relaxed on your corporate days, too. If we're, if I'm calling balls and strikes here, which is my job, you're a little, you're a relax, you're not a tailored fit kinda guy, you're a relax-
4:16 H. Foley? I'm getting there, though, I got the trim, I got a little color, I got the hair, I'm working on it.
4:19 Speaker 02 Don't push back, you're relaxed.
4:20 H. Foley? One step at a time, right, Luke?
4:21 Speaker 03 Baby steps.
4:22 H. Foley? And what's the most important step?
4:23 Speaker 03 The next one.
4:24 H. Foley? I was gonna say lunch, but all right.
4:27 Speaker 02 Gentlemen.
4:29 H. Foley? Yeah, I don't know what they think. I think a lot of people see me in that building and they think to themselves, "What the fuck could this guy possibly do to live here?"
4:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:41 H. Foley? I think that's what they think.
4:42 Speaker 02 Because most, you know, most, listen, you're in show business, the bottom rung.
4:46 H. Foley? Am I?
4:46 Speaker 02 You got a finger in the door. We're trying to close it. We're on the other end, we're on the other end pulling on the.
4:53 H. Foley? I told you we should get in with the Friars Club. That's when you show business. We go over there and do dinner and stuff like that.
4:59 Speaker 02 Are you an entertainer? Shout out to Pat. I'm not going back since Pac Cooper passed.
5:03 H. Foley? Man, no.
5:04 Speaker 02 Place has gone downhill.
5:06 H. Foley? Alrighty.
5:07 Speaker 02 We should maybe for a.
5:08 H. Foley? What, you're Club The Maniac?
5:09 Speaker 02 We should maybe for a Patreon episode, go hang out at the Friars. We can get in. Luke, find out the details of the Friars Club. If we need a sponsor.
5:15 H. Foley? Those could be falling all over us, a couple of high-class guys like you and me rolling there.
5:20 Speaker 02 Sir, you're gonna need to put a pair of shoes on.
5:22 H. Foley? I had to get refills on the iced tea. I went there with Costa one time, had a nice lunch. It was great. Nice little thing you put together.
5:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:29 H. Foley? I'd love that. We'd go to dinner, hang out.
5:31 Speaker 02 Sure.
5:32 H. Foley? Call me. Um.
5:35 Speaker 02 Because you're, you're an entertainer, right?
5:37 H. Foley? Okay.
5:38 Speaker 02 Podcasting and stand-up comedy?
5:39 H. Foley? Yeah, I also do a little bit of acting.
5:41 Speaker 02 Dabbling in acting? You're acting like you got it all together, I'll give you that. Um.
5:46 H. Foley? Not anymore.
5:47 Speaker 02 Stopped acting. Um.
5:49 H. Foley? What can I do for you?
5:50 Speaker 02 You know, I mean, I would say like, let's say you were in a, you were in a band or something, right? Like, you're, you don't have, you're not keeping nine to five hours, you're not putting a shirt and a tie and your, your finance vest and like hopping on a city bike and scooting to work.
6:01 H. Foley? Yeah, but, but, you know, I, I, you know, I leave in the morning.
6:05 H. Foley? Some heaters.
6:06 Speaker 02 Yes.
6:06 H. Foley? But, you know, I, I come down to the lobby when people are, are leaving and getting in their cars and all that kind of shit.
6:11 Speaker 02 I'm just saying you don't.
6:12 H. Foley? I got a pretty decent whip in the garage.
6:14 Speaker 02 I'm just saying you don't represent a, a corporate guy. So I think they're going, what's he's not, you know, you're not in finance.
6:19 H. Foley? No.
6:20 Speaker 02 You're not in banking.
6:21 H. Foley? No.
6:21 Speaker 02 So they're going, you know, you're a little, I would say they're more creative, but then like, you're not, there's a shot at you.
6:28 H. Foley? One lady thought I was a baseball player.
6:30 Speaker 02 Really?
6:31 H. Foley? No.
6:31 Speaker 02 Okay.
6:34 Speaker 02 No, not at all. Um.
6:38 H. Foley? Be pretty cool though.
6:40 Speaker 02 Is that baseball? Is she blind?
6:45 Speaker 02 Are you Babe Ruth? The hell?
6:47 H. Foley? How you doing?
6:48 Speaker 02 You've aged pretty poorly.
6:51 Speaker 02 I don't know, I'm just saying like if you were a bat- like you would be cooler, that's all. A little cooler, not, you know, walking around in your dirty N1 basketball shorts.
6:58 H. Foley? Alright, it's enough about that. I retired those by the way. Put them up on eBay.
7:04 Speaker 02 See what I can get.
7:05 H. Foley? I owe them money?
7:07 Speaker 02 Hey, those Mayo stains are authentic.
7:09 H. Foley? Uh, that's not Mayo.
7:12 H. Foley? I don't, I assume there's not a great opinion of me? I- in that building?
7:17 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:18 H. Foley? You know what I mean? Just not like bad, but just like, you know, he's the fat, slobby guy that I see that, I don't know what he's doing here.
7:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:27 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
7:27 Speaker 02 That's what I'm saying. I don't know why you're pushing back, but yeah.
7:29 H. Foley? I'm not pushing back at all. I'm saying you're right.
7:32 Speaker 02 Sure.
7:32 H. Foley? I stink.
7:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:34 H. Foley? So...
7:34 Speaker 02 I love you though.
7:35 H. Foley? I love you too, pal.
7:36 Speaker 02 I was talking to Luke.
7:37 H. Foley? Oh, I love you too, buddy.
7:39 Speaker 02 What Gimpie said.
7:41 H. Foley? Goes double for me.
7:42 Speaker 03 But you gotta be the neighbor that has a big smile saying hello to everyone, I feel like.
7:45 H. Foley? I do, and a lot of people fucking ice me. They look, they look at me-
7:49 Speaker 02 I'm with them.
7:51 H. Foley? I'm with them too. I got a couple people that I'm cool with.
7:54 Speaker 02 You get in the elevator, you're probably not gonna say hi to me either.
7:58 Speaker 02 Alright, Jesus Christ, I hope this thing, I hope this cable snaps and we plummet towards a bed.
8:02 H. Foley? I'm a big hold the elevator, and people are like, "Oh, we'll take the next one."
8:05 Speaker 02 Oh, dude.
8:06 H. Foley? That's bad.
8:07 Speaker 02 That's not good.
8:07 H. Foley? I had this one lady, the dog wouldn't shut the fuck up. This dog wouldn't stop barking at me.
8:12 Speaker 02 Well, you, you even said-
8:13 H. Foley? And I'm trying to get on, I'm trying to get on the elevator with her, she's like, "It might be best if you take the next one."
8:18 Speaker 02 Sir, do you have cured meats in your pockets?
8:20 H. Foley? It's fucking little rat dog fucking barking at me.
8:22 Speaker 02 You're well documented, that if the dog don't like you, you're jammed the fuck up.
8:26 H. Foley? This dog's got issues. Homeschooled.
8:29 Speaker 02 I was like, "How you fight with dogs?"
8:32 Speaker 02 That dog's got a real attitude problem.
8:34 H. Foley? Problem was. Yeah, it was the worst, cuz I like held the door for it and all that stuff. I'm trying to do a little chit chat, you know what I mean? Just, you know, let them, let them know, you know, I'm a good guy. You know, I got one friend, this guy, him and his two sons, they, they kinda, you know, they're kinda cool with me. I got one guy, Mets fan, older guy. I got one guy says, "What's up?"
8:54 Speaker 02 Man, you are really king, prom king over there, huh?
8:56 H. Foley? I got this one couple. They're both so attractive. This tall- Good looking black dude and, and, and his lady. They're so attractive.
9:07 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
9:07 H. Foley? They look at me like I am fucking lawn furniture.
9:11 Speaker 02 Sure.
9:12 H. Foley? And I try to be nice. Nothing. He even mean mugs me. This guy would fuck me up.
9:19 Speaker 02 Him and that dog go after you.
9:20 H. Foley? They don't got a dog. Um, there's a little one.
9:24 Speaker 02 That's what I meant, you know, the one you introduced into the scene? I didn't, I didn't take a swing to think this couple who I've never met had a dog who also didn't like it. I was talking about the dog you said.
9:34 H. Foley? They got two little kids. The kids don't like me either. Anywho, whatever. That's neither here nor there.
9:38 Speaker 02 I think it's everywhere.
9:39 H. Foley? Yeah, it is.
9:40 Speaker 02 The walls are closing in.
9:43 H. Foley? So, the nice couple, the young couple.
9:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, good looking couple.
9:47 H. Foley? I would assume, you know, they're always walking, they're running. You know what I mean? I always see them coming back from Costco. They use umbrellas. Like, they always have their umbrella in their-
9:56 Speaker 02 That's somebody who's got their shit together.
9:57 H. Foley? Yeah, there's always-
9:58 Speaker 02 A couple with two umbrellas?
9:59 H. Foley? Yeah.
10:00 Speaker 02 They know what they're doing. I feel Luke and his girl probably got umbrellas.
10:02 Speaker 03 I hold.
10:03 Speaker 02 What?
10:04 Speaker 03 If you take one, I hold.
10:05 Speaker 02 God.
10:05 H. Foley? You really? Walking down the street?
10:07 Speaker 03 I hate it.
10:07 H. Foley? Ah, it drives me nuts!
10:08 Speaker 03 I hate it.
10:09 H. Foley? Plus, my whole back's getting wet.
10:10 Speaker 03 Plus, you gotta put it mostly on them to be the good guy.
10:12 H. Foley? Of course!
10:13 Speaker 03 Sucks.
10:14 H. Foley? That's why when you find one of those big golf umbrellas, you fucking steal it.
10:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:17 H. Foley? Get a, get a, what's it? AIG umbrella or something like that?
10:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, some big-
10:21 H. Foley? Woo wee! With a wooden handle?
10:23 Speaker 02 Something you won for like closest to the pin or something?
10:25 H. Foley? I feel like Mr. Peanut walking around with that thing. I always steal one of those when I can. That's a good lesson to you kids out there. Find a big umbrella, you fucking steal it. Those little shitty ones stink. But I digress.
10:37 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
10:37 H. Foley? Either way, based on physical appearance alone, um... I just assume these people look down on me in some capacity. You know what I mean? Whether it's my cholesterol, my size, whatever. Anyway, give them a "hey, how you doing?" Whatever. The other night I'm coming home, let's say, after business hours.
11:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:03 H. Foley? Let's say it's about midnight.
11:04 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
11:05 H. Foley? After midnight. I walk by their ru- I walk by their door, and their keys are in there.
11:11 Speaker 02 Whoa.
11:12 H. Foley? In the lock, and it's shut. And it's after midnight. No, it's, it's, it's, I assume that like, you know, I've done that before. You know, you put, you open the door and you leave your keys there.
11:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, stuff in your hands, whatever.
11:25 H. Foley? So, I didn't know what to do. You know, if I was, I don't know, like a normal looking person, what do you do in that situation?
11:35 Speaker 02 Uh, I would probably take the keys.
11:37 H. Foley? Really?
11:38 Speaker 02 I'd probably write a note, "Hey, it's Henry from across the hall. Your keys were left in your thing. Slotted under the door. Here's my cellphone, or I'll be home probably for the next couple of days. I ain't got a lot going on."
11:48 H. Foley? Oh, see, I, yeah, you can do that. I, I, that-
11:50 Speaker 02 Why can't you do that?
11:51 H. Foley? I don't know.
11:52 Speaker 02 No, you can't.
11:53 H. Foley? Luke?
11:53 Speaker 03 I would've left it with the doorman.
11:55 Speaker 02 There is no doorman.
11:56 H. Foley? There's no doorman.
11:56 Speaker 02 Oh.
11:57 Speaker 03 I think you got the guy.
11:58 Speaker 02 It's a virtual doorman.
11:59 H. Foley? Whatever.
12:00 Speaker 02 It's AI.
12:01 H. Foley? Don't worry about Ronnie.
12:02 Speaker 03 You've been lying to me?
12:04 H. Foley? No, I never said I had a doorman. I'm super. Yeah, it's virtual doorman.
12:10 Speaker 03 Bully, you stink.
12:12 Speaker 02 Ah, more Uber Eats.
12:15 H. Foley? Maybe you should think about some exercise? I was gonna knock.
12:20 Speaker 02 It's a little late to knock, I feel. That's why I think they'd note under the door.
12:23 H. Foley? A note under the door?
12:24 Speaker 02 Why, that's not crazy.
12:25 H. Foley? Then I have their keys. I don't know. I didn't even think about that.
12:30 Speaker 02 I think they'd rather you have their keys for a, for the night than some, uh, deliver, uh, one of your Uber Eats guys coming and taking the keys and, "Oh, mom's the word." Now he's got the fob. He could be in the gym, he could be in a package room, he could be in fucking their apartment. That's no good either.
12:45 H. Foley? I thought about that. If somebody came, if somebody came by, if somebody ordered something, somebody came down the hallway.
12:51 Speaker 02 Somebody ordered something. Yeah, just, yeah, if somebody, yeah.
12:53 H. Foley? I went right to bed.
12:56 Speaker 02 His charges are erroneous on all accounts.
12:59 H. Foley? And they got the cameras. My, my, my options were knock and let them know?
13:05 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
13:06 H. Foley? Or just fucking keep it moving?
13:07 Speaker 02 I don't know if you can keep, that'd be on my conscience, that's all I'm sharing.
13:10 H. Foley? Really?
13:11 Speaker 02 Keep that moving.
13:11 H. Foley? I slept like a baby.
13:14 Speaker 02 I think I get why people don't like it.
13:16 H. Foley? Well, here's the thing. It's like, I don't know what they think about me, and I assume it's not good. I mean, why would it be? You know, I'm just a fucking slob at the end of the hall. Hey, unless they seen a couple, a little, uh, two, three things that, you know, I've been in, you know? Then it's a whole different ballgame. I don't know, I don't wanna have somebody's keys.
13:34 Speaker 02 On the note-
13:35 H. Foley? What if I had the keys and they were murdered?
13:37 Speaker 02 You got the cameras, you're fine. Also-
13:40 H. Foley? Cameras don't work.
13:40 Speaker 02 Listen.
13:41 H. Foley? Been lying the whole time.
13:43 Speaker 02 There is no doorman. Those are AI cameras. Listen, there's no way if they were murdered, guy like you would, they go, you're like, oh, I saw their keys. I took them. They'd take one look at you.
13:57 H. Foley? What about the cuts all over my hands and the defensive wounds?
14:01 Speaker 02 That goddamn dog in 3C.
14:04 H. Foley? Piece of my clothes on.
14:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, I mean, that's what I would do. Maybe to try to, like in the note, to try to win them over.
14:10 H. Foley? A note?
14:11 Speaker 02 Maybe put like-
14:12 H. Foley? What if they were on the other side of that door and it's midnight and a note went sliding under the door? You'd be shooting through the goddamn door at me. Just be shotgun holes, fucking.
14:21 Speaker 02 I mean, that's, no, I don't think I'd be that nuts.
14:24 H. Foley? You're pretty nuts.
14:25 Speaker 02 I'm crazy.
14:27 H. Foley? Pretty scared, too.
14:28 Speaker 02 Very true. Well documented scaredy cat.
14:31 H. Foley? If I was at midnight and a note slid under my door, I'd fucking freak out. I'd be up on the roof and I'd fucking go to the other apartment and fucking sneak down the fire escape.
14:38 Speaker 02 Catch them from the inside.
14:39 H. Foley? That's how they get you.
14:40 Speaker 02 Then I come up and I get them.
14:41 H. Foley? Yeah.
14:42 Speaker 02 Uh, no, I would, I mean, yeah, maybe it's scary, but it's like for you'd pick up the note and hey, it's Henry and Forsy.
14:47 H. Foley? They don't know me.
14:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, hey.
14:49 H. Foley? They don't know me and my name.
14:50 Speaker 02 Okay, it's the fat guy that you avoid eye contact with down the hall.
14:55 H. Foley? All right.
14:55 Speaker 02 You know me, stop acting like you don't.
14:58 H. Foley? Are you writing this down?
14:59 Speaker 02 And I seen you press the door close button while avoiding eye contact.
15:03 H. Foley? Yeah, they have. They've, they've, they've been with other, they've been with friends and like-
15:08 Speaker 02 They all step up to the front like it's full. Ah, sorry.
15:11 H. Foley? Funny room back there. Yeah.
15:13 Speaker 02 It looks like I could sneak in the corner. Nope.
15:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
15:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's a-
15:18 H. Foley? So I just-
15:19 Speaker 02 You left it. I think that's okay, too. I mean, you know, it's not the best move, but it's, I, I, I, you know. It is what it is. It's not the cleziest move.
15:29 H. Foley? No?
15:29 Speaker 02 I don't think so.
15:30 H. Foley? I didn't even think, take the keys, leave a note. Hmm. That's pretty good.
15:35 Speaker 02 That's what I would do. Maybe to sell them to like, you're not some schlub.
15:39 H. Foley? I guess.
15:40 Speaker 02 Write like the YouTube URL down or something.
15:43 H. Foley? Sure.
15:43 Speaker 02 Hey, are you garbage?
15:44 H. Foley? You can check me out, I, on my IM, IMBD.
15:46 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
15:47 H. Foley? Say, say it.
15:48 Speaker 02 Leonardo DiCaprio, signing Leon.
15:52 Speaker 02 What?
15:53 H. Foley? Kip, DraftKings.
15:54 Speaker 02 Woo, DraftKings!
15:55 H. Foley? It's DraftKings season, I'll tell you that right now.
15:58 Speaker 02 Amen.
15:58 H. Foley? Do you like touchdowns?
15:59 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
16:00 H. Foley? You know what my favorite touchdown is?
16:01 Speaker 02 What's that?
16:02 H. Foley? It's the next one, baby, because with DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the NFL, every touchdown could bring you closer to cash in.
16:11 Speaker 02 In.
16:11 H. Foley? And what do we like over here?
16:13 Speaker 02 Cash.
16:13 H. Foley? And what else do we like?
16:14 Speaker 02 Cash.
16:15 H. Foley? And what else?
16:16 Speaker 02 Cash.
16:16 H. Foley? And DraftKings.
16:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, you done. Uh, guys, live in, live in-game betting has changed the game. Kippy's got... Kippy likes the live. I liked... If you liked gambling, you're gonna love it.
16:31 H. Foley? What were we doing before that we weren't doing this?
16:33 Speaker 02 In-game, dude. But it changes by possession, by play. You're, "I'm in now, I'm in now."
16:37 H. Foley? They're gonna pull it out.
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17:50 H. Foley? DraftKings. Kip, what's up about BlueChu?
17:52 Speaker 02 I'm hard right now, gang.
17:53 H. Foley? Boner alert, boner alert. We got an... All points bulletin for a boner alert. Gang.
17:57 Speaker 02 Five and a half inches, be on the lookout.
17:58 H. Foley? What? Who's you talking to?
18:02 H. Foley? What am I, a monster over here? Five and a half inches? What?
18:07 Speaker 02 5.75 with BlueChew.
18:09 H. Foley? 2-3! It's cold out, it's a goddamn fall, cold outside.
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18:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, uh, BlueChew is the original brand, offering trubal tablets for better sex. Uh, guys, this isn't, this isn't just about performancy, performance, it's about legacy. Talk about their, their, their legacy, eh, then? Uh, give her group chat something to talk about, which I typically am on the bad end of that.
18:49 H. Foley? Their copy is the best.
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19:14 H. Foley? Of course, we love yous.
19:15 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, but all that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family episode to get into. Uh, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, uh, you can ask your garbage question, and we'll read it on the air. You'll, you'll get, you'll get to ask the brain trust, the garbage brain trust.
19:31 H. Foley? The garbage think tank.
19:32 Speaker 02 Ooh.
19:32 H. Foley? We are the authorities on this.
19:35 Speaker 02 Rightfully so.
19:36 H. Foley? And I see a lot of these AYG questions popping up on the red carpet and stuff like that.
19:40 Speaker 02 Easy, easy, easy. Listen, I don't eat no beef with fucking, you know, Ellen DeGeneres or fucking E Entertainment. That, that Seacrest could have us fucking turn our chips off right now if you wanted to. Turn this whole screen black. That Seacrest pockets run deep, alright?
19:55 H. Foley? They're D, the kid's a worker.
19:56 Speaker 02 Uh...
19:57 H. Foley? We were saying before, so's that Rob Lowe.
19:59 Speaker 02 Shout out to Rob Lowe, friend of the show.
20:01 H. Foley? Friend of the show.
20:03 Speaker 02 Guy's working.
20:03 H. Foley? One of our best guests. He's out there doing it. I'd be doing nothing. I certainly won't be returning keys, I'll tell you that.
20:11 Speaker 02 I'm a key guy for that.
20:13 H. Foley? Sure.
20:13 Speaker 02 Um... Alright, let's see here, we got a couple, this is, you know... If there's, there's some shows that just get, there's some questions that just get the show, which the show is, you know, has been derived from our lives and, you know, our psyche, our makeup. This one, everybody's been there and it's just never been articulated, I feel.
20:37 H. Foley? Okay.
20:37 Speaker 02 This is from Sticky Vicky, great name, by the way. "How long is too long to be doing laundry without any detergent?"
20:49 Speaker 02 That's, that means like you've, you've done everything you can to get the little bit out of the bottom.
20:56 H. Foley? There's something in there though, right?
20:58 Speaker 02 This is what I'm saying.
21:00 H. Foley? But there's something in the machine, right? You wouldn't drink that water?
21:04 Speaker 02 Uh, probably not, no. And also like the way those things work, there's like the container, like the thing that, that you see have the drawer or whatever? You pull the drawer out, push that in. That stuff's got a lot of gunk in there and that water shoots in there. That'll loosen up some stuff. And listen, I would say, I would say two cycles. I would say if you realize you're out, well, the thing is, you've been draining the thing pretty, you know it's empty. And you forgot about it.
21:30 H. Foley? Talking about the, the, the bottle?
21:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:32 H. Foley? What about you've done the water?
21:34 Speaker 02 You've done the water, you do the cup, you, hey, get what you can out of there, you put the cup under the filter, shh, dump it, swish it around.
21:39 H. Foley? Right.
21:40 Speaker 02 You've, so you've not, you've gone about three or four washes. Where it's been getting real low. If not, you know, it's low.
21:49 H. Foley? This is with, this is with some type of soap though. You're not dead.
21:52 Speaker 02 It's not completely out.
21:53 H. Foley? You're getting the water out of the bottle, you're shaking it up, you're doing all that.
21:56 Speaker 02 You're throwing all the dance moves you can at it to get all this, any sud you can. This is, this is you turn the faucet and nothing comes out of the soap.
22:04 H. Foley? So now you're saying two?
22:05 Speaker 02 I'll give you that one.
22:07 H. Foley? Raw dog washes.
22:08 Speaker 02 I'll give you that, raw dog wash, because you're there, you're like jammed up, you could have work, I got something, I got a hot date, I gotta, I gotta get these. And listen, at that point, you're just trying to get the sweat and probably... The barbecue sauce out of your clothes at that point.
22:20 H. Foley? Oh, I'd be in trouble.
22:21 Speaker 02 Sure.
22:22 H. Foley? But I usually pre-wash with a little Dawn.
22:24 Speaker 02 I would also, I also, I mean, that Dawn can get real bubbly and fuck your stuff up. I've done
22:29 H. Foley? Jammed up.
22:30 Speaker 02 A good amount of time that doesn't bubble up, but has, has the stain removing power. Like the Shout. I'll spray the Shout in the water a bunch. Get, you know, that gets it enough soapy.
22:41 H. Foley? Can I give you something that I've done in the past?
22:43 Speaker 02 What?
22:44 H. Foley? Take one, two or three damn dryer sheets and throw it in there.
22:47 Speaker 02 Don't hate that.
22:48 H. Foley? That's kinda soap.
22:49 Speaker 02 That's kinda, at least it gets the smell.
22:51 H. Foley? Sure.
22:51 Speaker 02 Cause the water, whatever. So you, I'll give you that first one, you get there, oh God, there's zero soap. You should've known because you've been really scraping the bottom of the bowl.
22:59 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
22:59 Speaker 02 Then you get that, well, I'll give you that one, and then I'll give you that one you come back. You forget again, and you get back there.
23:05 H. Foley? So two.
23:05 Speaker 02 I'll give you two, but then after that. I mean, we're going on a month now. You knew you were getting low on soap.
23:11 H. Foley? Yeah. With me, it really depends on the, uh, on the garment. If it's undies and stuff, if it's jeans, t-shirts, if I pre-wash with the Dawn. Alright, but towels. I can't raw dog my towels.
23:25 Speaker 02 They come out worse somehow.
23:26 H. Foley? Dude, my towels.
23:28 Speaker 02 Mine are bad.
23:28 H. Foley? The shelf life is brutal.
23:30 Speaker 02 It's horrible.
23:30 H. Foley? I get one wash, and it smells like a fucking aquarium.
23:33 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. You gotta get new ones. That's just in there at that point. And then when they re-wet them, it reactivates that dog smell. I got it. Buddy, I'm right there with you. My wife goes, like, you know, we'll do the wash, she'll grab one that I've been using. She'll be like, after, it's like clean.
23:48 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
23:49 Speaker 02 And she'll be like, it's gross. It smells like a homeless, I can't, I don't know.
23:53 H. Foley? Get that on you then.
23:54 Speaker 02 I'm just a wet guy. I think I gotta do a better job drying off before I use the, before I use the towel.
23:59 H. Foley? You know what I've been doing? I haven't been getting out of the shower until I'm somewhat dry. I open the curtain.
24:04 Speaker 02 I do this, you do that, but then I fix it.
24:06 H. Foley? No, I bring the towel in.
24:08 Speaker 02 I know, but that towel's still soaking that water. I'm saying, I gotta, I got a big body. I got a lot of folds, a lot of flaps. It ain't, it ain't cute.
24:14 H. Foley? Hey, you're talking, I got a mall.
24:16 Speaker 02 That's what I'm saying.
24:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
24:17 Speaker 02 So I think I gotta get more of the heavy excess water off. I gotta dry my, I gotta, you know. There's too much water going on that towel. That's my problem.
24:26 H. Foley? As I've gotten older, I've become the girl on the bus with the wet hair. Have you noticed?
24:31 Speaker 02 I have.
24:32 H. Foley? Like how much like this summer I was like, my hair was like wet.
24:35 Speaker 02 You're a wet guy. You're a slimy man.
24:37 H. Foley? You gotta, I, I, I, I've repurposed myself a little bit to make sure I give that good butcher macaw. Cause like sometimes I'll feel my hair and it'll be all wet. And in the summer, that makes you sweat even more.
24:49 Speaker 02 Doesn't stick.
24:51 H. Foley? The, the, the shower.
24:52 Speaker 02 Doesn't stick. George Costanza didn't take.
24:55 H. Foley? Yeah. Great question though.
24:57 Speaker 02 That was when I lived, my, my first summer of, my first kind of real experiencing with showers just never sticking. Was Temple University freshman year, me and Flip, Johnson and Hardwick, ninth floor, no AC. You're talking.
25:14 H. Foley? Is this a dorm?
25:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:15 H. Foley? No AC?
25:16 Speaker 02 No AC. They got them the year after we moved out. It was crazy. It was crazy.
25:20 H. Foley? Was that a money thing?
25:21 Speaker 02 They just were old buildings and they didn't have enough window units to, there was no central air in there. So there was no window units.
25:27 H. Foley? Whoa.
25:27 Speaker 02 We were on the ninth floor. I think top floor. Maybe there might've been 10 floor. I think we were the top floor, ninth floor.
25:32 H. Foley? You must've been kicking in the spring.
25:33 Speaker 02 Dude, spring. We moved in in fucking like August 28th.
25:38 H. Foley? That's not gonna be good for the mixers.
25:41 Speaker 02 Swing and a miss. Uh, high, high inside. Um.
25:45 H. Foley? Calling you the Pitt brothers.
25:46 Speaker 02 Oh man, it was.
25:47 H. Foley? You're a sweaty guy as it is.
25:49 Speaker 02 That's when you really had to start, I had to start shower. I had to like set an alarm for like five in the morning to shower.
25:54 H. Foley? Why?
25:54 Speaker 02 Because it wasn't hot out yet. I mean, you start, dude, somebody brought a thermometer on the, the floor below us and it was like 98 degrees in their room. Dude, you're talking North Philly September, Labor Day weekend? Are you kidding me?
26:09 H. Foley? That North Philly heat. It's like 10 degrees hotter.
26:11 Speaker 02 We used to sleep with the fans in the bed, like at our feet.
26:13 H. Foley? Oh, I love that.
26:14 Speaker 02 It was alright. But that's when, I mean, a shower didn't stick.
26:19 Speaker 02 If you showered at like 4pm after you got-
26:21 H. Foley? And you're sweating.
26:21 Speaker 02 Oh, you're done. You had to go sit in the cafeteria, which I didn't mind, because that- Them chicken tendies were aplenty.
26:28 H. Foley? Got to cool off in the library.
26:29 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
26:30 H. Foley? So that's the official verdict. Two cycles. You give them two cycles.
26:34 Speaker 02 That's what I would say. Until it starts going like, "What the fu-" I do the same thing with brushing your teeth. You get a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, and then at some point you're like, "I can't get nothing." You gotta get on that.
26:43 H. Foley? Yeah. I'll give it to you.
26:44 Speaker 02 Um-
26:45 H. Foley? I like it. Great question.
26:46 Speaker 02 Great question. Let's see. Um, this one's just funny. This is from JohnNoH. $10 home slice, never had one red. "Have you ever found a rock and thought it was worth money?" That is dirtbag mentality.
26:57 H. Foley? For sure.
26:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh, I could probably get a wha- it's like, wait, what do you-
27:00 H. Foley? This might be a meteorite.
27:01 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
27:02 H. Foley? You know, you catch those every once in a while? At a lake. You find an interesting one.
27:07 Speaker 02 Like, yeah, but it's like, I don't know the market. Listen, I used to be as-
27:10 H. Foley? Thermomite or something like that. It's not the right word.
27:13 Speaker 02 I used to be into the collection of rocks and quartz myself. I thought I had a rock tumbler, trying to make some cool rocks.
27:20 H. Foley? Sure.
27:20 Speaker 02 Didn't work. Um-
27:22 H. Foley? It's like seven days. I think it was longer than that. I need a dopamine hit now.
27:26 Speaker 02 I know. I thought I was gonna pull out like gold or something, and my stepdad's like, "Yeah, check it back in Mar-" March! I ain't got fucking time for that.
27:33 H. Foley? The market's up now!
27:34 Speaker 02 I'm trying to move these quartz, baby. I got precious stones. I got cust- I got a couple Haas seeds coming in an hour. I gotta follow you.
27:43 H. Foley? Trying to send some gear. Couple Haas seeds coming in.
27:50 H. Foley? This guy's the fuck around.
27:51 Speaker 02 They're gonna be pretty upset if they get here and there's no fucking merchandise. So buddies, start thinking.
27:57 H. Foley? Start spinning that tumbler quick. All I got is seashells, and they don't fuck with the beach.
28:06 H. Foley? Woo wee! Those boys mean business. It's crazy that you can polish a rock, though, and then that's what it looks like.
28:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:14 H. Foley? Like, it's beautiful.
28:15 Speaker 02 Beautiful. That whole thing's beautiful.
28:19 H. Foley? Saw that shit down at shore.
28:20 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
28:21 H. Foley? Sawbuck for that.
28:22 Speaker 02 Down at shore. Uh-
28:24 H. Foley? That stuff fascinates me, though.
28:27 Speaker 02 Sure.
28:27 H. Foley? Geology. Is that the right word?
28:29 Speaker 02 I think so.
28:30 H. Foley? Rocks and all that, how old they are.
28:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:33 H. Foley? And how long they'll be here after we're gone.
28:36 Speaker 02 Long time. How did I say that? I checked the watch here.
28:41 H. Foley? You ever see those guys that find the things inside of them, the fossils? They're all snails! They get, they're like round and they have this little rock and it's always by like a river. And they crack it in half and it's always a snail looking thing.
28:54 Speaker 02 That's a setup.
28:55 H. Foley? You think?
28:55 Speaker 02 I bought them at the fucking Franklin Institute. That's like a jawbreaker.
28:59 H. Foley? It's always a snail. I can never find like a saber tooth in one of those or something.
29:03 Speaker 02 Didn't, weren't we just, I feel like I'm living fucking deja vu. We were just somewhere, I was watching somewhere, they were explaining the levels of sediment and like, those organisms were the first ones to get God or something? I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
29:15 H. Foley? We were, we were on Tiger Belly and George was saying-
29:18 Speaker 02 Right.
29:19 H. Foley? That he didn't believe in the dinosaurs. That the dinosaurs that could run fast were the last ones to get it.
29:24 Speaker 02 To escape the lava or something.
29:25 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:25 Speaker 02 That guy's kooky, but they're kooky. Whatever, whatever religion he was quoting.
29:29 H. Foley? Shout out to George and the whole crew over there at Tiger Belly.
29:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:32 H. Foley? And bad friends.
29:33 Speaker 02 And bad friends. Good times. Shout out to, shout out to the LA, uh, what do they call that?
29:37 H. Foley? Contingent.
29:38 Speaker 02 Contingency. Our homies out there in LA.
29:40 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:41 Speaker 03 Love it. This is an, it's called an ammonite.
29:45 H. Foley? Ammonite?
29:45 Speaker 03 The snail looking fossil.
29:47 H. Foley? Yeah, why was there so many of those?
29:49 Speaker 03 Uh, they're extinct marine animals that live just like by that, by those areas, I think.
29:55 H. Foley? How the fuck did they get stuck in there and become a rock? I don't get it. You know what else I don't get? I keep seeing all these things about what the Romans did. You couldn't do a shower? Like the aqueducts, the, the, the, the, um, the, the port at Carthage. Have you ever seen that? It's this crazy military thing with stone and bricks and fucking-
30:17 Speaker 02 I don't think showers were like their top priority.
30:19 H. Foley? Why would, that's a making- Huh?
30:22 Speaker 03 The ancient Romans had showers in the, but it was primarily bathing in the bathing houses, but they would do showers.
30:27 H. Foley? So they were keeping it clean over there?
30:29 Speaker 03 Oh yeah. I mean, they famously were the first people keeping it clean.
30:32 H. Foley? No shit?
30:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:33 H. Foley? It's funny, you, you, you, you read this stuff and see stuff about, uh, Louis XIII and what's the broad's name? Uh, Marie Antoinette?
30:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:40 H. Foley? That place was a dump. They were shitting in the hallways and stuff like that.
30:44 Speaker 03 Cause that was after the dark ages, so then you're kinda have the enlightenment coming back again.
30:48 H. Foley? They lost showers?
30:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:51 Speaker 02 What the fuck?
30:51 Speaker 03 Gave up on science.
30:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't get all that. I don't, I'm not a big period-
30:54 H. Foley? It doesn't add up. I'll tell you that right now. Something's missing.
30:59 Speaker 02 I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. And it's not my doorman, regardless of what you heard. Um, alright, let's try, let's try something new.
31:08 H. Foley? Ooh.
31:09 Speaker 02 The boys got a new segment, uh, sponsored by the good folks over there at Cash App.
31:16 H. Foley? Woo!
31:16 Speaker 02 Cash App, the gentleman's money application.
31:20 H. Foley? That's right.
31:21 Speaker 02 Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. See cash.app for more details. Listen, so as well documented, the boys have been jammed up for a very long time, in and out, different times of our life.
31:35 H. Foley? Some would say currently.
31:36 Speaker 02 Like, like a lot of listeners of the show who are jammed up.
31:40 H. Foley? Yes.
31:41 Speaker 02 So, uh, if you're on the Patreon, you know, we've opened up, uh, opened it up that, uh, this, for this. A little, also, let's pull the fourth wall a little bit. We, Cash App wanted to, as a sponsor of the show, they wanted to do some stuff. We were like, we only want to do it if it's cool and it's fun and it like works for, you know, if it makes sense and is fun.
32:01 H. Foley? Okay.
32:02 Speaker 02 Why, what?
32:03 H. Foley? Thought it was the Jack.
32:07 Speaker 02 Um, so we kicked around some ideas and I thought it would be funny if the homie, or the homies on Patreon got to write in how they're jammed up and what they need the money for, and then we'll send them the money.
32:20 H. Foley? On Cash App!
32:20 Speaker 02 Via Cash App, baby! That's what we're doing.
32:23 H. Foley? Genius.
32:23 Speaker 02 That's, we're trying to unjam up some of the people.
32:26 H. Foley? Sure.
32:27 Speaker 02 Shout out to it. Um, alright, this one's from Mikey G. "I spent all my VA money on new tires. I just, I just need a little scratch to get by with this broad I met."
32:39 H. Foley? Nice.
32:39 Speaker 02 "Told her I'd take her somewhere fancy like Olive Garden if you can hook me up with 80 bucks."
32:44 H. Foley? Send him a hundo.
32:45 Speaker 02 A hundo?
32:46 H. Foley? Yeah!
32:47 Speaker 02 You need, you need dessert or something like that.
32:50 H. Foley? Alright.
32:51 Speaker 02 Alright.
32:51 H. Foley? Who was that?
32:52 Speaker 02 That's Mikey G.
32:53 H. Foley? Mikey G, you got 100 comedy on Cash App, from the good people, the Cash App.
32:58 Speaker 02 No, at Kevin Ryan. That's unfortunate. I was just coming from my personal Cash App.
33:03 H. Foley? I split it with you!
33:04 Speaker 02 Like, oh, cats, yeah. Just send me the request.
33:09 Speaker 02 Uh, okay. It's also so funny, man. All of it is... The listeners of this show are just like hive-minded. It's all one, one for all, the struggle, this... It's like, even the people who aren't jammed up were like, "I'm not jammed up anymore."
33:27 H. Foley? I sent you one.
33:28 Speaker 02 But... To whom it may concern.
33:31 H. Foley? And my boss is really busting my balls.
33:34 Speaker 02 I am not your partner, H. Foley. I swear to God. P.S. I found your keys in the door.
33:42 Speaker 02 Uh, they get it, and they were also like, "Hey, hit me with it." Well, they started wanting to help Cash App the other people.
33:48 H. Foley? Aw, that's awesome.
33:49 Speaker 02 I know. It was really... And also, some were just like, "Hey, I'm not jammed up anymore. Other people could use it more than I can." We... Listen, we got the best guys and gals.
33:59 H. Foley? Sponsorship notwithstanding.
34:01 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
34:02 H. Foley? Cash App really is the gentleman's move. Fucking Cash App. There you go.
34:08 Speaker 02 No questions.
34:09 H. Foley? Trademark that.
34:10 Speaker 02 Um, whew, wet the whistle.
34:12 H. Foley? Squeeze a little more. Hey, wet the whistle. Cash App, wet your whistle with Cash App.
34:17 Speaker 02 That's pretty good. Um, well, dude, all right. This one's from Jack Human. Uh, "Had to leave my driver's license at my local watering hole to open up a tab when I wanted to pay in cash." That's, dude, that is jammed up. The bartender does... Your cash ain't even good.
34:36 H. Foley? Have you ever run out of an Uber, or not an Uber, of a cab, and left your wallet? Here's my wallet. I'm just running in to grab something. Have you ever had to leave your wallet anywhere so you knew they were coming back?
34:46 Speaker 02 Uh...
34:47 H. Foley? I've had to do it more than I can remember.
34:49 Speaker 02 I've done it with like my cellphone, maybe.
34:52 H. Foley? Yeah, the cellphone.
34:53 Speaker 02 If I'm running across the street to like get...
34:54 H. Foley? That thing shut off anyway.
34:56 Speaker 02 Ain't done. I found that in the bathroom, sucker. I've done that before with stuff like that. Yeah, you have my phone or whatever.
35:03 H. Foley? I'm with you.
35:06 H. Foley? Alright, he's gotta leave his driver's license.
35:07 Speaker 02 How to leave my driver's license at my local watering hole to open up a tab when I wanted to pay in cash? I guess he's like, "Just keep running the account, but I'm gonna pay in cash at the end of the night." They know my credit ain't too good. So you gotta do what you gotta do.
35:22 H. Foley? Sure.
35:23 Speaker 02 I gave them my credentials. I ended up drinking more than the cash I had on me slash available to me. And now I'm jammed up and driving without a physical license over here. Why they hold my ID hostage for the $98 tab? Can you help a homie out? Worst summer ever. Love yous.
35:41 H. Foley? Hit him.
35:42 Speaker 02 Hit, shit. If there's anybody that gets the show and has struggled with the same struggles, it's Jack. Shout out to ya. You got your 98 coming. Go get your license out of here.
35:54 H. Foley? Shout out to Jack.
35:55 Speaker 02 I got a job interview. Shelly, give me the ID back.
35:58 H. Foley? Send him 100. That way he's got two for a quick pop.
36:01 Speaker 02 He's not giving my money away. What are you talking about?
36:03 H. Foley? That way he's got two for a quick pop.
36:06 Speaker 02 Two for a quick pop? I think his pops are a little more than $2 if his tab's $98.
36:09 H. Foley? 105!
36:12 Speaker 02 Getting real loosey-goosey with my cash around here. Oh, God. Alright. Um, let's see. This one's from Nolan. Looking for $6.99 for a rotisserie chicken from Shaw's.
36:25 H. Foley? What a sweetheart.
36:25 Speaker 02 That I'm gonna eat in my mail truck at work. Maybe a couple of bucks for a vitamin water, the 50 cent one. Shout out to it.
36:31 H. Foley? Sold.
36:32 Speaker 02 Sold. $6.99. What's the vit-? Give me the MSRP on a vitamin water.
36:36 H. Foley? Hit him with an even 10!
36:39 H. Foley? A tenor!
36:39 Speaker 02 You hit me with a ten.
36:40 H. Foley? I gotcha!
36:41 Speaker 02 No, you don't.
36:42 H. Foley? I'll cash app it to ya.
36:43 Speaker 02 $2.59. $2.59. Let's call- let's give him an even 12 bucks.
36:48 H. Foley? There you go. Now we're talking, kid.
36:50 Speaker 02 Now you got a pack of gum, huh? Walking around.
36:52 H. Foley? I'm gonna be fucking handing out turkeys at Thanksgiving. What's going on? Cash app you a turkey.
36:58 Speaker 02 One for- this is gonna be so crazy. This was actually going to be coming from my personal cash app.
37:03 H. Foley? Why?
37:06 H. Foley? I gotcha. Is that him 15?
37:09 Speaker 02 What? Those whole operations, damn it.
37:12 H. Foley? I like this. Alright, we got a rotisserie chicken.
37:14 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
37:14 H. Foley? We got a license at a hawk at the bar, maybe a pop afterwards.
37:17 Speaker 02 We got a guy on us, we got a guy on a-
37:18 H. Foley? And we got a guy trying to impress a lady taking out to a nice casual dining facility.
37:23 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
37:23 H. Foley? American company. Love it. Italian-American.
37:28 Speaker 02 The worst kind of- Recently had to move back into my parents' house with my eight-year-old son after separating from his dad. Trying to save to get a house, would be so grateful for any help.
37:41 H. Foley? Whoa.
37:42 Speaker 02 I don't think I got a down payment on me. I'm gonna have to talk to the good folks at Cash App.
37:49 H. Foley? How do you feel about a nice rotisserie chicken dinner?
37:52 Speaker 02 Do you like vitamin water?
37:54 H. Foley? What are we thinking here?
37:56 Speaker 02 I don't know. Part of me wanted to kind of vet these prior to reading them live on air.
38:00 H. Foley? A down payment?
38:01 Speaker 02 Nah, I can't get a down payment.
38:03 H. Foley? What are you thinking?
38:05 Speaker 02 I don't know. What, I'll defer to you in this position.
38:10 H. Foley? I defer back to you.
38:13 Speaker 02 Let me ask my, let me ask my financial advisor. Kippy, what do you think?
38:17 H. Foley? You should talk to Kevin Ryan. What are you thinking?
38:20 Speaker 02 Um, listen. Obviously, you know, uh-
38:25 H. Foley? Something to help out.
38:26 Speaker 02 Just something to help out.
38:27 H. Foley? She's not expecting it, you know?
38:29 Speaker 02 Listen, I don't have first, last, and security deposit on me. Let's do something to help you out this week.
38:35 H. Foley? Love it.
38:36 Speaker 02 Let's do a hundred for bills and a hundred to take your parents and the kid out to a nice dinner.
38:42 H. Foley? That's what I'm talking about, Kippy!
38:43 Speaker 02 How you doing? Two hundred bucks. Shout out to Lippy Kippy.
38:46 H. Foley? There you go.
38:47 Speaker 02 That's alright.
38:48 H. Foley? Sorry you're going through that.
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39:52 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, this is, this is fucking actually really sick, dude. Uh, alright, hold on, I got a couple of more here.
39:59 H. Foley? Alright. You sending them now?
40:01 Speaker 02 What?
40:02 H. Foley? I need mine right now.
40:04 Speaker 02 Alright, let's see, this one's from Bernie Panda. "I'm real jammed up, my wife and I are expecting a baby anytime soon."
40:10 H. Foley? Mazel.
40:11 Speaker 02 "Congrats, buddy. My phone service," service is spelled wrong, "is about to get shut off because I haven't paid it. Would really appreciate it." What's a standard, uh...
40:21 H. Foley? How's he gonna make the calls, tell everybody he's got, you got a new baby?
40:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:25 H. Foley? You gotta be able to make the calls.
40:26 Speaker 02 Gotta be able to make the call, send the text. What's, what's a full-blown plan? Unregulated, no, uh, what, 115 bucks a month?
40:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're saying around 150.
40:38 Speaker 02 150? Boom, done.
40:40 H. Foley? Whoa!
40:41 Speaker 02 I feel like Judge Judy up here. Boom, 150 for the phone bill.
40:46 H. Foley? For some reason, the kid ain't yours, send half back.
40:49 Speaker 03 That's for the family plan, but...
40:52 Speaker 02 Family, alright, well, this guy's starting a family.
40:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:54 H. Foley? There you go.
40:55 Speaker 02 Boom, family plan. Couldn't be any better.
40:57 H. Foley? I love it.
40:58 Speaker 02 Cash App, here to do it.
40:59 H. Foley? I like this, turning me on a little bit.
41:00 Speaker 02 We gotta talk to Cash App about how we're getting this back on the back end.
41:04 H. Foley? On the back end.
41:05 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, then this one's just funny, this'll be the last one. Uh, this is from MF. This is a prediction of how the boys get jammed up for a wire frog case. This is how the boys get jammed up in a wire fraud case. Uh, shout out to you. Awesome. That was a lot of fun. We'll do, we'll do another one in a week or two.
41:25 H. Foley? When you're sending money, use Cash App, baby.
41:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, shout out to the good folks at Cash App for letting us have some fun with that. That's a good frickin' time.
41:33 H. Foley? When you pitched that to them, they had to be like, this is great.
41:36 Speaker 02 Yeah. I don't think I pitched it to them.
41:39 H. Foley? Huh.
41:39 Speaker 02 I gotta be honest with you, I don't know where that came from.
41:44 Speaker 02 They said, would you do this? I said, sure, that's fun.
41:47 H. Foley? Yeah.
41:47 Speaker 02 Um.
41:48 H. Foley? I love it.
41:49 Speaker 02 All right, let's see here. Uh, this one's from Pork Roll Sommelier. $10 Irish American trash, never had one read. Is it garbage to have a picture of the Pope on your fridge? My mom got the picture in the mail from the diocese and she acts like it was a personal postcard from the man himself. Uh.
42:06 H. Foley? Too betty.
42:06 Speaker 02 That is an older Irish Catholic thing. They really get into it. And to me, from what I've seen, it's when everyone moves out of the house a lot more, right? No, and they're like empty nesters. There's not as much time in the day. They really start getting...
42:22 H. Foley? They do get a little more religious, don't they?
42:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, they got nothing but time. Their Sundays aren't filled with taking care of the kids. They're starting to go to church more.
42:29 H. Foley? My mom goes to 7:30 Mass like twice a week.
42:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's what it is.
42:33 H. Foley? Go to the fucking nine. What are you doing?
42:35 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
42:35 H. Foley? She likes it. It's quicker.
42:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:37 H. Foley? Or she can smoke in there.
42:38 Speaker 02 That's it's, it's like flights out in the morning. You get the early flights always on time.
42:43 H. Foley? 7:30.
42:44 Speaker 02 It's when you run around nine, they start running it a little late or whatever, whatever.
42:48 H. Foley? God love her.
42:48 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, my same with my mom. Every time I'm there, there's like a new thing. There's a new like the little prayer card. It's also more and more people start buying them. So there's more and more prayer cards or spend, they're going to more and more services. There's more and more this.
43:00 H. Foley? How do you feel about prayer cards on the, uh, on the kitchen, on the refrigerator?
43:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, we got a lot of them. Irish Catholic family, you know, it's always, uh, you know.
43:10 H. Foley? Got that gay lacrosse on the back. I think it always freaked me out.
43:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, we got...
43:15 H. Foley? Stormin' Mordor or something like that, that thing.
43:18 Speaker 02 The rock cross? The stone cross? There's a lot of times it's like, they're like made out of stone.
43:23 H. Foley? Mm-mm. That scares the shit out of me. The Pope I like though.
43:27 Speaker 02 I respect that. Yeah, we've never been a big Pope guy. We're like, we're big in the saints. Uh, this is this, this is this, this was...
43:33 H. Foley? Saint Patrick.
43:34 Speaker 02 And then like whoever passes, like whatever connection they've had to somebody, that guy comes in kind of, but yeah, it's, there's more and more of that happening.
43:41 H. Foley? I know it's because this is when I... I was a kid, but if I was doing that, the three would be Pope John Paul. Cause he was, that was my Pope.
43:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:51 H. Foley? Yeah, that was my guy.
43:52 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
43:52 H. Foley? He seemed a little bit more, I don't know. I guess it's because I was a kid. I seemed more legit. I don't know. Plus that time he got shot and he lost all that blood and he still lived. It's something there.
44:02 Speaker 02 Guy Fieri.
44:04 H. Foley? No, him, Reagan, and Lou Holtz. That would be my three. Oh, hold on, I gotta switch. Pause it. Maybe Sinatra.
44:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you're all right.
44:16 H. Foley? Or Kennedy.
44:18 Speaker 02 How old were you when Kennedy was shot?
44:20 H. Foley? I was thirteen.
44:21 Speaker 02 Thir- no, when Kennedy was shot?
44:23 H. Foley? What do you mean? I would have been in the Vietnam War.
44:25 Speaker 02 That's what I'm asking.
44:26 H. Foley? I wasn't born yet. He got shot in sixty-three.
44:29 Speaker 02 Oh, right.
44:29 H. Foley? Right? Sixty-three? November twenty-second, nineteen sixty-three. It was a setup!
44:37 Speaker 02 Fair enough. Jesus.
44:40 Speaker 02 Um...
44:42 H. Foley? No, I don't know. Kennedy was always big in our, the Kennedys were always big in our house. John John was big in our house.
44:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, never in ours, really.
44:49 H. Foley? Really? Oh, we loved them. I remember, I remember the day that they died. We were in, we were in New York. We were living on the Upper East Side in a studio, me and my brother. I feel like it was a Saturday.
45:03 H. Foley? Right? When John John's plane went down with the, with his wife?
45:06 Speaker 02 Stop calling him John John. You don't know the fucking guy.
45:08 H. Foley? John F. Kennedy Jr. Everybody called him John John.
45:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, not ev- you, you, listen, I know what you're doing.
45:12 H. Foley? I seen him riding his bike once up there.
45:14 Speaker 02 You're stealing valor. You're stealing your Kennedy valor.
45:17 Speaker 03 Nineteen ninety-nine.
45:18 H. Foley? Yeah, nineteen ninety-nine. What was it?
45:19 Speaker 03 Uh, aviation death, let me see. Let me go in.
45:23 H. Foley? Flying a plane like Dan Tuckett or Martha's Vineyards.
45:26 Speaker 02 Whole family's cursed. That'd be stupid to be flying your own plane. You nuts?
45:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, he crashed the plane, light aircraft, off Martha's Vineyard.
45:36 H. Foley? Damn.
45:37 Speaker 03 July sixteenth, nineteen ninety-nine.
45:39 H. Foley? Does it say what day it was? I think it was a Saturday.
45:42 Speaker 03 Let me, I'll find that.
45:43 H. Foley? I remember going up to Martell's after that.
45:47 H. Foley? Had burgers on English muffins. The best.
45:49 Speaker 02 Best way to grieve. After my close boy John John.
45:52 H. Foley? A little brunch?
45:54 Speaker 02 Uh...
45:55 Speaker 03 Friday.
45:55 H. Foley? Friday. Okay.
45:57 Speaker 02 I was way off. Fuck!
46:02 Speaker 02 Um, alright, let's see here. Uh, this was from Conis. $10 homie never had one read. Are you garbage if your parents got divorced and your mom sold the wedding ring to take you on their dream vacation? Mom sold her wedding ring and took me and my grandma to Italy where my former stepdad had always wanted to go.
46:22 H. Foley? My former stepdad? Had always wanted to go?
46:26 Speaker 02 Her mom got a divorce.
46:27 H. Foley? From the stepdad?
46:28 Speaker 02 He always wanted to go to Italy. She sold the ring the stepdad gave her as a vendetta like these Italians do. That's alright. Imagine cheersing with like an Aperol spritz over there? Or like a fucking Morietti beer or whatever they're called?
46:44 H. Foley? Little more Cavatelli for everybody.
46:46 Speaker 02 How sweet it is. I never liked that small dick basis anyway.
46:52 H. Foley? He knew how to buy a ring though.
46:54 Speaker 02 Cheers are all...
46:54 H. Foley? That's gotta be like, what, 5, 6, 7, 10 G's something?
46:57 Speaker 02 That's like heist type shit where you're over there like, that's, that's... That's like the Italian job.
47:03 H. Foley? That's a fucker. That's Machiavellian.
47:05 Speaker 02 Ah, man, listen. There's, that is like just sweet, sweet.
47:10 H. Foley? Man.
47:10 Speaker 02 Go fuck yourself. This is what I'm doing. You were a piece of shit. I'm gonna take...
47:16 H. Foley? We don't know any of this, by the way.
47:18 Speaker 02 She could've been stepping out on him for all we know. Probably was. Over there banging all these Italian dudes. Uh, no, I, that's awesome. That's really, that is like a dirtbag. That's a respectable dirtbag move. You tell someone that of like, hey, my husband was a... I'm assuming not a great guy. I don't know, but like if that's the narrative she telling? No one's, and she goes, "I sold the ring, took my, my mom and my daughter." Three generations to Italy? Woo!
47:44 H. Foley? That's the fucking, uh, Julia Roberts movie you wanna see. Not Eat, Pray, Love. But she kinda sandbagged that guy anyway.
47:51 Speaker 02 I never saw it. I never got it.
47:53 H. Foley? It wasn't like anything... They just broke up or something.
47:57 Speaker 03 Uh, we've done this, but that was my movie, that was a movie for my mom. I didn't really...
48:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's like what the broads were watching.
48:03 H. Foley? But that's what, I had to watch it one time.
48:04 Speaker 02 I was a Brockovich man.
48:08 H. Foley? Come on, Albert Finney. Give him the Oscar. What was he doing?
48:11 Speaker 02 Him? I didn't care about him.
48:12 H. Foley? She was great.
48:13 Speaker 02 He was great. He was accaliente.
48:17 H. Foley? I like her in The Mexican. I like she looked in the Mexican, remember Mexican Brad Pitt?
48:21 Speaker 02 Nah.
48:22 H. Foley? Oh, it's a good one.
48:22 Speaker 02 Is Swayze in Aaron Brockovich?
48:24 H. Foley? Swayze? No, that's Aaron Eckhart.
48:26 Speaker 02 Yes.
48:27 H. Foley? That was one of his first roles.
48:28 Speaker 02 He has a little ponytail in it?
48:29 H. Foley? Yeah, he's alright.
48:30 Speaker 02 When he's riding on a bike, it's so cool.
48:31 H. Foley? Motorcycle guy. But he was a good house guy, too. Took care of the kids, all that stuff. She was out doing whatever the fuck she was doing. But that's the, that's the Julia Roberts movie you wanna see. She pawns the ring, takes the family over to Italy.
48:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, there's something about that in the dirtbag of like, you know. That's like what you do to your butt, like you can't get me, you know, like I'm getting, it's the last laugh type thing. It's like I've put up with your shit long enough.
48:56 H. Foley? He always wanted to go.
48:57 Speaker 02 Yeah. Ah, you wanted to go? Well, you shouldn't have been sleeping with so and so down at the water.
49:04 H. Foley? Hanging out with Dwayne Bryant.
49:07 H. Foley? Good for them. That's great.
49:11 H. Foley? Garbage, yes?
49:13 Speaker 02 Garbage, yeah, but power, I mean like a respected dirtbag move.
49:17 H. Foley? Very well respected.
49:18 Speaker 02 That's chess, that's dirtbag chess.
49:19 H. Foley? I love it.
49:19 Speaker 02 And I couldn't, I mean.
49:21 H. Foley? If someone did that to me, I'd be like.
49:23 Speaker 02 That's what I'm saying.
49:24 H. Foley? I'd give him the, uh, I'd give him the fucking Michael Caine.
49:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
49:27 H. Foley? At the end of Batman. Fucking. What was he drinking? Fernet or something like that?
49:33 Speaker 02 I'm a big, if you, if I get got, I respect the getting got.
49:37 H. Foley? Really?
49:37 Speaker 02 Yeah. Ever tell you, I got my car?
49:41 H. Foley? Catch you in your sleep?
49:42 Speaker 02 We used to, we used to, in high school, egg one kid's car a bunch, buddy of ours.
49:45 H. Foley? Yeah, he told me, yeah.
49:46 Speaker 02 But then I got egged one time by a bunch of kids. I was cruising, me and Vinnie with the skinny Illumina, cooking down something, some road. Lot of hills lined with fucking evergreen trees.
49:57 H. Foley? Ooh.
49:59 Speaker 02 That backed up to a basin.
50:00 H. Foley? Ooh.
50:01 Speaker 02 So there, and then there's no turn into that neighborhood, like.
50:03 H. Foley? That's fucking Sniper Alley.
50:05 Speaker 02 Oh, dude.
50:06 H. Foley? We had a row of trees that we used to fucking come out like fucking the Jolly Men of the Woods.
50:10 Speaker 02 Dude, you couldn't tell me and Vinnie were so, dude, we had just gotten like three cases of beer, we were going to this house party, you couldn't tell, we were. I had a heater going, I had 50 cents.
50:20 H. Foley? I got yolk all over my Tommy Hilfiger. How am I gonna score with the chicks now?
50:24 Speaker 02 I was bumping, you know, probably at that point, 50, you know, some, some G unit or something.
50:32 Speaker 02 Vinny's got a Marlboro menthol going. I got the Marl Light cooking. Boom. Cigarette lighter in the car. Had to hold it in because it didn't push it.
50:41 H. Foley? Vinny was a Marlboro menthol guy?
50:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, still is, I believe. He might have switched to them 72s or something. He's squirrely to keep tabs on.
50:49 H. Foley? Young kids.
50:50 Speaker 02 Young kids smoking thick menthols is tough.
50:52 H. Foley? That's a, that's, that's, that's, that's a certain, yeah, you can see the, you put the binoculars on, you see the trouble coming.
51:00 Speaker 02 You don't have to be Miss Cleo, he's always gonna pan out.
51:06 Speaker 02 He's in the drugs, man.
51:09 H. Foley? Oh, no.
51:11 Speaker 02 Uh huh. And it always sucked because I would always run out, right? And he always, I was never like the backup pack guy. You know what I mean?
51:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
51:22 Speaker 02 He was, he'd come out with the pack he was working on and then a full pack as well. Because I think at that point, his parents were buying, like he was getting them. You know what I mean? So, it was very like.
51:34 H. Foley? That's also a red flag, too.
51:36 Speaker 02 He was very into, he also, I don't think he started till like kinda later than the rest of us, though.
51:42 Speaker 02 But he was always heavy in the, he always had a pack in his car. Like, oh, like an extra, you know.
51:46 H. Foley? Solid move.
51:47 Speaker 02 Great, I mean, Vinny was a great shotgun guy. And he, so I, whenever, whenever I would run out of cigs, I didn't need anymore. I'm already cooking through.
51:56 H. Foley? Smoked out.
51:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, and he'd give you one of those. Like when Sam Talent gave me that American Spirit at the blackjack table. Four in the morning, you're handing me a fucking peace pipe.
52:08 H. Foley? No, thank you.
52:14 H. Foley? I'll stay.
52:15 Speaker 02 I got the hiccups going. Ay caramba.
52:19 H. Foley? Those American Spirits, man, you'd be smoking that thing till Tuesday. The fuck is in this?
52:25 Speaker 02 Start aging real quick, smoking DMT. Ah, god damn, boy. Uh, yeah, I don't mess with that, but we were driving down this hill, so it's like we're already picking up speed. Fucking Friday and they couldn't tell us shit. I remember thinking, I remember being like, we are fucking, these are the days you, you know, to the days we won't remember with the friends we won't forget.
52:49 H. Foley? Thought half a dozen of brown hit the fucking side of the car.
52:54 Speaker 02 Fucking, man, this is sounding like suppression fire coming from the tree line. Dude, and I,
53:01 H. Foley? Generation kill.
53:02 Speaker 02 I fucking wrongly turned my windshield wipers on and that smeared the, dude, we were flying blind for a minute. It was a whiteout, dude.
53:13 Speaker 02 I slammed, I pulled off into like this, like there was a small little like shoulder, like the area, whatever, like utility or like a fire hydrant would be or something. A little area I pulled off about a hundred yards away and you just heard all, I couldn't see shit. It was dark out. These motherfuckers just laughing, running into the night. And I was like, me and Vinny were standing there, still got the heater going. And I went, you know what? They got me. They, we got got. I've gotten a lot of people. These people, these kids have gotten me. Passing a baton on to a new generation.
53:43 H. Foley? All's fair in love and war. They got you in the windshield.
53:46 Speaker 02 Cocked.
53:46 H. Foley? Man, that's dangerous.
53:47 Speaker 02 Cocked me. Dude, I was fucking flying blind, dude.
53:51 H. Foley? Fucking Brad Pitt, F1 back there, fucking freaking out.
53:54 Speaker 02 That reminds me of another time, me and Pat were, uh, I don't know if I told you, we were driving down to a Phillies game, Dollar Dog Night, Woodhaven Road. It was like the, it was like a highway and a piece of, the girl, he was dating this girl. I think I told you, I was having a little, uh, uh, dating the girl's friends. So me and Pat are in the backseat, having a couple of roadies, right? You know, we're seventeen, going down to,
54:17 H. Foley? Sure.
54:18 Speaker 02 They're driving.
54:19 H. Foley? The two girls are up front?
54:20 Speaker 02 Two girls are up front.
54:20 H. Foley? Did they rip heaters?
54:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, we were a heater crew, dude. Marmenthale lights, how you doing? Like a Clancy Brad.
54:27 H. Foley? High school girl smoking heaters. Bad news.
54:30 Speaker 02 That's all I knew. High school girl smoking heaters, dude. We were a heater crew. Post-op, have a heater. Let me get my head straight. But a piece of cardboard flew up and covered the windshield. I never told you.
54:44 Speaker 02 Dude, like, we were in a white Jetta. Like, these two, these two rich broads had a white, the girl had a white Jetta.
54:52 H. Foley? Bitched up quick.
54:54 Speaker 02 No, they start.
54:55 H. Foley? Turn off!
54:56 Speaker 02 The driver closed their eyes. This girl Allison put her hands on her eyes.
55:00 H. Foley? How you doing, you dumb Russian?
55:02 Speaker 02 I literally-
55:02 H. Foley? I got beers back here.
55:03 Speaker 02 I had a moment of like... I looked at Pat, I'm like, this might be it, like, what? We just gotten to Billy Joel, so it was like the good die young type thing?
55:15 H. Foley? Hey, at least I think we got laid.
55:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, at least I do. You go with two chicks.
55:19 H. Foley? Couple of-
55:20 Speaker 02 Peter's going with a sixer between me and my best pal.
55:24 H. Foley? They were both rock hard when we found him.
55:28 H. Foley? Not a bad way to go.
55:29 Speaker 02 Not a- dude, seventeen? What's better than that?
55:33 H. Foley? Blue Oyster Cult was still playing on the radio.
55:35 Speaker 02 That was probably Fifty Cent again. Yeah, turn this up.
55:39 H. Foley? One's got egg on him.
55:43 H. Foley? No shit.
55:44 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
55:44 H. Foley? What'd you do?
55:45 Speaker 02 They sl- they- she covered her eyes, and I remember, I think we were, I don't know. I think it finally just like caught another gust of wind and flipped off. But I mean, there was about four seconds.
55:56 H. Foley? After a girlish shriek from Kevin Ryan.
55:59 Speaker 02 No, I remember being like-
56:01 H. Foley? After that, he was friendzoned, folks.
56:05 Speaker 02 You're gonna need a fresh pair of underwear. Any one of you broads got a pair of, they got a set of them thongs laying around.
56:13 H. Foley? You walking on a pair of Juicy's for the rest of the night?
56:15 Speaker 02 Anybody wanna go in halves on a pair of solo yoga pants?
56:20 Speaker 02 Man, those things had, I've said this before, but those solo yoga pants had-
56:25 H. Foley? Someone's not getting into college, trouble.
56:28 Speaker 02 Someone's not getting up from behind their desk for an hour.
56:31 H. Foley? The good news is, it's not ADHD.
56:35 H. Foley? This kid's got a stinger that won't go away.
56:37 Speaker 02 That, I mean, yeah, rolling out yoga pants when you're a junior in high school. That is friggin', I'm kinda deviating from the-
56:46 H. Foley? That was the first time I saw lacy underwear.
56:50 H. Foley? Thongs hadn't hit when I was a kid.
56:51 Speaker 02 That stinks. They hit, they, they hit in eighth grade for us.
56:55 H. Foley? It's nuts. If, if a girl was wearing a thong my senior year.
57:01 Speaker 02 They were still the big thongs that came up like over the hips.
57:04 H. Foley? Yeah.
57:04 Speaker 02 That like, you know, the fucking banana boat girls were wearing.
57:07 H. Foley? Yeah.
57:08 Speaker 02 Those things.
57:09 H. Foley? If you were rocking that, you were what we call a hilly.
57:12 Speaker 02 Can't be wearing them to fucking school, that's crazy, dog.
57:15 H. Foley? Get guys fired left and right. But Lacy ones were in. And it was starting to become the era of where they were coming out of the back of the jeans.
57:26 Speaker 02 I know. Like, I didn't go to, I didn't go to middle school.
57:29 H. Foley? Man, I flunked every test that year.
57:32 Speaker 02 I don't think that was.
57:35 H. Foley? Wish I could say her name.
57:37 Speaker 02 Well, don't.
57:38 H. Foley? Something else.
57:40 Speaker 02 Um.
57:41 H. Foley? Sweet Lord.
57:42 Speaker 02 Man, I haven't thought about that story, being in the back of that car.
57:45 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
57:47 Speaker 02 Folks will be right back. After a message from Cash App.
57:52 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, let's see here. There's another slightly, slightly touched on today. Aunt Toody's Ketamine Therapist. I'm a $10 stockholder, longtime listener, first time commenter, never had one read.
58:03 H. Foley? I tried that ketamine.
58:04 Speaker 02 Is it garbage, no, you don't. Is it garbage to suck the toothpaste out of the tube or put a smear on the brush itself?
58:11 H. Foley? Put a smear on the brush itself? That's how you're getting it out.
58:15 Speaker 02 That's why, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's crazy if you're going mouth to.
58:20 H. Foley? Is that what people do?
58:22 Speaker 02 I don't think so. I mean, I've never seen that. I think in the commercials, it's, you know, they display how you do it and it's on the toothbrush.
58:29 H. Foley? I, I've, I've taken the toothbrush and jammed it in there when I'm really out.
58:34 Speaker 02 If you can get like the tip of the bristles in. Cause you can't get the whole thing in.
58:37 H. Foley? No, of course not.
58:39 Speaker 02 I'm also nuts, I don't know if everybody does this. I think I'm really good at getting all of it out. I think I have some tricks in my head.
58:45 H. Foley? If you take it and go.
58:46 Speaker 02 That's, I mean, that's rookie shit.
58:48 H. Foley? We're, and I'm 10 years older than you. We had the fucking, the, the can opener key that you would stick at the end of the thing and turn it.
58:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:57 H. Foley? And that thing would be sitting there. And that's just when they made them out of metal. They were brutal. Felt like I was fucking fighting in the fucking Civil War.
59:04 Speaker 02 You know what else I thought of?
59:05 H. Foley? My tooth powder.
59:06 Speaker 02 Uh.
59:09 Speaker 02 I did, I feel have been
59:10 H. Foley? Big bowl of mutton.
59:11 Speaker 02 wildly obs- made obsolete due to plastic and containers and stuff like that. Can openers. And I remember, most houses would have like the, we had a standalone mechanical can opener.
59:26 H. Foley? You have the can opener that went up?
59:27 Speaker 02 No, that's what I was talking, that was either really classy or really trashy depending on the application.
59:32 H. Foley? Yeah.
59:32 Speaker 02 That was like, if it was leftover from the 60s.
59:35 H. Foley? That was U2000 shit.
59:35 Speaker 02 That thing needed a fucking power wash, but...
59:38 H. Foley? Now that rust, all that rust.
59:40 Speaker 02 All that tuna juice on there, that's what that is. Dude, there's, I cannot look at a can opener and not think of tuna, of tuna fish. I just can't do it and hating it. I remember having to dig through the trash one time for something.
59:52 H. Foley? You're not a tuna fish guy.
59:56 Speaker 02 No, and everybody in my family loved it.
59:58 H. Foley? I love it. You do a tuner?
1:00:00 Speaker 03 I get so mad at my girl when she does it.
1:00:02 Speaker 02 It stinks for, it stinks for weeks.
1:00:03 H. Foley? You don't like tuna fish?
1:00:05 Speaker 03 No, she doesn't clean the sink properly.
1:00:06 Speaker 02 No, they never do.
1:00:06 H. Foley? Oh, you gotta shut it down.
1:00:08 Speaker 02 They never do.
1:00:09 H. Foley? You need those dudes from Monsters, Inc. to come in there and shut that down.
1:00:12 Speaker 02 They, it's never, the guy, person who's making it never, thank God.
1:00:16 H. Foley? Did I have to put it in something?
1:00:17 Speaker 02 Thank God my wife doesn't like that.
1:00:18 H. Foley? Can't you just leave it, why do you gotta put it in water? You ever, you ever buy?
1:00:21 Speaker 02 I think the stuff in the pouch is more dry, right?
1:00:24 H. Foley? It is. That was a game changer.
1:00:26 Speaker 02 I'll give you that. You can do that, but then like, yeah, thank, I mean, I don't know if I'd be able to stay married to my wife if she was eating tuna fish once a week. I hate it.
1:00:35 H. Foley? I love tuna fish. Especially on a Saturday, the game's on, you got a nice tuner going, nice fresh loaf of bread, some regular chips, not kettle cooked, just straight up Lay's or hers or whatever you got. Real nice, a little pickled, maybe a bread and butter, nice root beer. It's nice. However...
1:00:50 Speaker 02 Not for me.
1:00:51 H. Foley? I'm with you. I get it. One time I bought it and it was in oil.
1:00:58 H. Foley? What, what am I fucking, Spanish? What the fuck is this?
1:01:02 Speaker 02 These full sardines in here? I got the wrong pouch.
1:01:04 H. Foley? But now I'm kinda into that stuff, which is weird. The high, the, the, the, the, in, in Spain, that's like a, like... Uh, what's the word?
1:01:13 Speaker 02 Delicacy.
1:01:14 H. Foley? Yeah, they're like, big on it.
1:01:15 Speaker 02 We're not in Spain.
1:01:16 H. Foley? San Sebastian. I gotta get over there.
1:01:19 Speaker 03 It's getting bigger. There's like that, it's like, Foo Foo Company Fish Wife. I have like a hat and like, they're big.
1:01:25 H. Foley? Yeah. Jose Andre, the guy with the real tight beard, he does, he makes a couple sandwiches with that. You know who else I fell in love with? He's the British chef. Um, he kinda has longer hair, he's older. He wears like a weird chef's hat, and he always has the apron really high, uses a lot of butter. Michael something, maybe? I dig him.
1:01:50 Speaker 02 I got nothing on that.
1:01:51 H. Foley? I really dig him. Yeah. He fucks with that stuff. It's all about butter, and a life without butter.
1:01:58 Speaker 02 Thomas Straker?
1:01:59 H. Foley? No.
1:01:59 Speaker 02 Okay.
1:02:00 H. Foley? Sounds like a dude from Top Gun. We lost Straker!
1:02:04 Speaker 02 What? He was our best guy! Uh, but back to the toothpaste. It's insane if you're going mouth to nozzle.
1:02:11 H. Foley? That's nuts.
1:02:11 Speaker 02 Unless like, maybe you live by yourself, but like, if multiple people are using that. I mean, me and my wife use separate toothpaste.
1:02:17 H. Foley? It is kinda smart though, if it's just yours. You're not getting any toothpaste anyway.
1:02:22 Speaker 02 Maybe, yeah, I don't, ah, I don't know, it's not for me.
1:02:26 H. Foley? Good friend of mine in high school, this is later, I think we were in college age, she told me, she's like, "Do you ever brush your teeth with hot water?" And I was like, "No, I tried it one time." She's like, "It feels like you just got 'em polished."
1:02:38 Speaker 02 Well, in the shower, it tends to be warmer than the sink.
1:02:42 H. Foley? Yeah. Yeah. It feels good when you brush them with hot water.
1:02:45 Speaker 02 It's a change of, uh, yeah, yeah, I'll give you that. I don't, I don't hate it. I think about it. I think Saifah Sound said that. He goes, "I don't, when we ask somebody if you brush his teeth in the shower, 'cause I don't like brushing my teeth with warm water." And now I, I think about that. I think about Saifah every time I'm in the shower.
1:02:58 H. Foley? Yeah. Love that Saifah Sound.
1:03:00 Speaker 02 Shout out to him. Sippa sounds!
1:03:01 H. Foley? Rock solid.
1:03:02 Speaker 02 Sippa sounds. Uh, this is from a dogstorm rider. "Ten dollar wood-fired pizza pie enthusiast, never had one red."
1:03:10 H. Foley? Gentlemen.
1:03:10 Speaker 02 "Is it garbage to have a wanted, dead or alive Bon Jovi on at the wedding reception playlist?" I mean, dude, if you're playing Wanted, Dead or Alive at the wedding.
1:03:20 Speaker 02 'Cause I'm wanted, wanted. That isn't a good...
1:03:24 Speaker 02 Late night sing- it needs to be a little sped up. There's a lot of standing around if that's the case, I feel. That's not one you can really beep up. There's a lot of interlude to it. I think you need like, but when that wanted, wanted.
1:03:40 H. Foley? Yeah, I think at a certain point in the night, it's just good time tunes.
1:03:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, that one's all, I would just argue that one's, there's better good time tunes than that.
1:03:49 H. Foley? I give it to you.
1:03:50 Speaker 03 Find the SoundCloud remix.
1:03:51 Speaker 02 Sure, something a little sped, a little more fucking, uh, something Trippy Red would do.
1:03:56 H. Foley? Can you give me a check on that? Is that from the, uh, Young Guns 2 soundtrack, Wanted Dead or Alive? Cause I know he did the one from the original Young Guns, which was, um, uh, Blaze of Glory. I'm going down in a blazer.
1:04:11 Speaker 02 He's not my cup of tea.
1:04:11 H. Foley? Ah, he killed that though.
1:04:13 Speaker 02 Him and Bruce, I don't get it.
1:04:15 H. Foley? That fucking movie looks, looks like it's gonna be awesome.
1:04:17 Speaker 02 Nothing against, I ju- I just don't like either one. They were like, I was too young. Like Bon Jovi came out back out to me.
1:04:24 H. Foley? But you dig Seeger.
1:04:26 Speaker 02 Yeah. I mean, goddamn American hero, he does. Well, that was different. My, my, no one liked Bon Jovi or Ba- or, uh,
1:04:37 H. Foley? I imagine your-
1:04:37 Speaker 02 You got Seeger in my head, or Springsteen.
1:04:40 H. Foley? I imagine your parents weren't big on Dylan.
1:04:44 Speaker 02 No.
1:04:45 H. Foley? Anti-war bullshit.
1:04:47 Speaker 02 Buddy, we're fucking red-blooded Americans. Nah, I mean, dad was Stones, heavy into the Stones. You know, all that like real classic rock shit.
1:04:56 H. Foley? Sure.
1:04:57 Speaker 02 Stepmom was Seeger, mom was more like Temptations.
1:05:01 H. Foley? Old, I like, I did the oldies.
1:05:03 Speaker 02 Oldies, Billy Joel, uh,
1:05:04 H. Foley? Why is that? That is not really their generation.
1:05:07 Speaker 02 It would've been oldies when they grew up though. My mom was born in the 50s, so it's like, when they were in their twenties, that was probably considered the oldies. We're playing the oldies.
1:05:17 H. Foley? I never thought about that.
1:05:18 Speaker 02 And that was the first time there was actual radio programming, so that was programmed as this is the older stuff.
1:05:23 H. Foley? Right.
1:05:24 Speaker 02 I made, I just made that theory up, but.
1:05:26 H. Foley? Cause my pa- I think my parents graduated high school in, I don't know, 68, but they listened to shit from the- Late 50s and 60s. I always thought that was because Wilkes-Barre was like five or 10 years behind.
1:05:38 Speaker 02 No, I think it was just programmed as.
1:05:40 H. Foley? No kidding.
1:05:40 Speaker 02 That was the first oldies, that generation because.
1:05:43 H. Foley? That shit's hot.
1:05:44 Speaker 02 You know, there was like the radio music programming wasn't there until I think like the what the 60s, 70s is when it like really started.
1:05:51 H. Foley? Throw that Motown on.
1:05:53 Speaker 02 I'm, I'm, dude, you put on fucking Build Me a Buttercup at a fucking Sullivan.
1:06:00 Speaker 02 Wedding, whoo, me and Aunt Patty are gonna be out. Aunt Patty hit the splits one time. She said she's got one more left in her. We're all waiting for her to break it out.
1:06:08 H. Foley? What, she could do a split?
1:06:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, Aunt Patty, whoo, hits it.
1:06:11 H. Foley? Could you do a split?
1:06:11 Speaker 02 No, split, I got a bad back right now. If you look, I'm sitting like a goddamn question mark. Fix me with AI.
1:06:17 Speaker 03 Wanted Dead or Alive is off their 1986 album Slippery When Wet.
1:06:22 H. Foley? Okay.
1:06:22 Speaker 03 But I don't believe.
1:06:23 H. Foley? No kidding.
1:06:24 Speaker 03 There's no real connection to.
1:06:26 H. Foley? Young Guns.
1:06:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:27 H. Foley? But the Blaze of Glory's Young Guns. That was a Young Guns soundtrack. Damn, that was off Slippery When Wet? That was his first album.
1:06:33 Speaker 02 That name sounds so corny to me, too.
1:06:35 H. Foley? Not back then.
1:06:36 Speaker 02 Sure, yeah, it's just, it's like, it's, and people push back, it's just like the way it was, he was introduced to me as the wow, wow.
1:06:44 H. Foley? You know what they're talking about.
1:06:47 Speaker 02 Richie's on the fucking.
1:06:48 H. Foley? Richie Sambora.
1:06:49 Speaker 02 This is the time through the broken hearted. It's like, dude, you're fucking 48, de-feather your bangs, get a normal pair of jeans, as you'd wash this out.
1:06:58 H. Foley? Yeah, but when they were, they were kids.
1:07:00 Speaker 02 I know, but I'm, I didn't see that. I saw them when he was 44 doing that shit, playing, it'd be like, it'd go like Eminem, Limp Bizkit, then him on TRL, and you're like, get this geezer off my fucking.
1:07:13 H. Foley? I got half a stinger here, waiting for, waiting for B Spears to show up.
1:07:17 Speaker 02 I'm waiting for Dirty by Christina Aguilera to play at number three today.
1:07:23 H. Foley? All I need is half the song. Thank you, Carson.
1:07:27 Speaker 02 All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.
1:07:28 H. Foley? What a fun one.
1:07:29 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
1:07:30 H. Foley? Gang, if you haven't grabbed tickets to the Back on the Block tour, grab tickets, all right? We want to see you out there. Grab tickets in Philly. Let's fucking go. Come out to the Metropolitan Theater. It's our last show of the year. We want to see you. We love you. Thank you to Cash App. Thank you to Garage Beers. Thank you to Kippy. And thank you to you, Luke. Thank you to all the bozos and the homies. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.
Previous Holding Comedy Grudges | Patreon Episode (FULL) Next No Knock Warrant w/ Paul Virzi Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated