218: You're Not Ready For Love If You Do This W/ David Ghiyam

What actually makes someone attractive, and why it has almost nothing to do with how they look. Sabrina sits down with Kabbalah teacher David Ghiyam for a conversation that goes completely off script, into her father wound, the dating patterns she repeated through all of her 20s, and why the relationship she almost walked away from for being "boring" turned into the healthiest one she's ever had. They get into energy and attraction, healing childhood wounds, why safe love feels boring to a dysregulated nervous system, how to know if you're settling or actually in the right relationship, why a secure partner will still trigger you, and how fast you move from rupture to repair. If you keep dating the same person in a different body, this one is for you. Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at http://sabrinazohar.com/book Take the new and improved dating quiz! sabrinazohar.com/quiz If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step ⁠HERE!⁠ If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠ Get Ad free ⁠HERE!⁠ Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠HERE!⁠ Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠HERE!⁠ Don't forget to follow ⁠Sabrina⁠ and ⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠ on Instagram and ⁠Sabrina ⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠YOUTUBE!⁠ Chapters: 00:00 What Makes Someone Attractive 03:36 What Makes A Man Attractive 07:20 Healing The Father Wound 11:08 Why You Think You're The Problem 14:40 Choosing The Man You Didn't Want 18:32 Why My Dad Disowned Me 21:45 Going Against Your Nature Works 25:43 Are You Settling Or Growing 29:30 Dating Again After Divorce 34:09 Does Staying Single Protect Your Peace Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A. Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:45Sabrina Zohar?

  In your eyes, what makes a woman the most attractive?

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Well, right out of the gate, when a woman is happy, when she's physically smiling, when she doesn't have anxiety like running through her mind, right then and there, like her vibration is very attractive, regardless of even what she physically looks like. So you notice, I, we were at an event recently and there was a woman and you could just tell she had a wonderful vibration about her. I mean, physically, like maybe she would look like, you know, it was an average, average physical look. It wasn't like something that was like crazy, but her energy was just very spot on. And I remember we started talking to her and I said, I just asked her what she does and whatnot. And she's like, you know what?

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Let me just start by telling you, great things always happen to me. And that was like one of the first things she said. And I'm like, okay, now I connect the dots. That's why she has an attractive energy, has a wonderful energy. Because she believes that about herself. She then reinforces it throughout life. She has a happiness to her. She has a smile to her. And so that, that light really shines from her.

• 1:50Sabrina Zohar?

  It's funny, in the book, I, I have a book, which is so crazy that I can say this. One of the stories I talk about is it was like a woman walks into a bar and because she's walking in feeling insecure, feeling not herself, every single situation that she has when she's in there is a reflection through her eyes, right? The bartender didn't give her any attention. So she automatically says, oh, it's because I'm not attractive. But what she doesn't realize is how many people around her are trying to have conversations. But because she's so tunnel vision on they don't like me and this person, this and that, their own core beliefs that are being projected onto every single person. She ends up leaving, hunched shoulders, walking out, not understanding that. And I hate the like, your vibe attracts your tribe. Not into that type of stuff. But realistically speaking, my mama has always said, I want to want you in my life, but I can't need you in my life.

• 2:35Sabrina Zohar?

  Because if I need you and I can't live without you, well, what's gonna happen if that doesn't progress, right? Because part of being healthy and secure is that it can end at any time. So I'm curious then now, what makes a man attractive in your eyes? We know a woman vibe, how she carries herself, the confidence. What do you think for a man?

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Well, let's, I'll say one more thing about what you said in Taya Intimate as well, because for people who are familiar with my content, the purpose of why the soul comes to this world is to shift from being a taker to a giver, meaning to become like the creator, which is a giving force. So everything just falls into one of these two buckets. Somebody once asked me like, what, what causes it? How to overcome the fear of public speaking? And that fear really just comes from one place. You're standing in front of an audience and the moment you need something from the audience or you want something from them, that's when the fear comes in. If you knew you were just going up there to give, like for example, if I told you this, you're gonna go up here in front of these 10,000 people you don't know and give each, tell them you're gonna give each one of them a thousand dollars.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  That's not gonna be hard for you to do because you know you're giving. You feel very comfortable doing that. But if I told you, go in front of 10,000 people and share something that is inspiring, then you might get in your head and think, well, what if they don't like it? What if they're judging me? What if they don't respect me? Who am I? Then you go through that loop. Now you're a taker. So you shift down from the vibration of miracles to this vibration of almost like a black hole. That's probably the best way to put it. So the girl walking into the bar, the moment she becomes self-conscious about the way she looks, the way she sounds, other people in the room, is she desired or not desired? She goes through that loop in her mind. She's now disconnecting her soul from the light of the creator. So that's why she's not attractive. Because we are only attractive to people

• 4:19Speaker 03

  who embody or emanate the light of the creator. So with a man, it's the same thing. A man who walks into a room who isn't trying to be performative, isn't trying to get people to like him, isn't trying to also create division and separation by thinking he's better than other people. Automatically, he's having more affinity or form with the light of the creator. And for each man and woman, it's different because we each have different soul corrections we came to the world with. Some people came with anger issues, control issues, fear of abandonment, whatever it is. Then you pick relationships that will help trigger those soul corrections so that you can transform them. So everyone's soul correction is different. Some people walk into a room and they always need to talk.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  They're very talkative, they're very loud, they wanna be known. For them, they become more attractive when they're quiet and they allow space for other people to speak and have a presence. And there's other people who are very shy. They like to seclude themselves. They are so afraid to be judged. They become more attractive when they go against that quality that's within them and they put themselves out there. They start to talk to people, so on and so forth.

• 5:28Sabrina Zohar?

  Ah, alright.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  So it's, it's very different for each person based on their soul correction.

• 5:32Sabrina Zohar?

  Okay, and is there a way, is that something that's like pre-written in the stars? Because I think a lot of people listening might be like, soul correction, trauma, right? Like sex of one. How do you start to understand what your soul correction is?

• 5:43Speaker 03

  So some people think if I was, for example, born into a family where my father wasn't present and now I have abandonment issues, well...

• 5:52Sabrina Zohar?

  Hi, it's great to meet you.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Is that you? So, so people will then say, well, it's because of my father that I have these issues. Had my father been there, I wouldn't have those issues. And that's incorrect. Those issues are like a blemish on the soul that the soul brought from past life. So the soul wants to reach his perfection. So what the soul does is it looks for the father to be born to who will abandon it. So then what it does is it brings it to the surface. So now that you can work on it. We're all very afraid to like deal with our emotions or our pain, our traumas. So we don't like to know that that exists. We don't like the discomfort of being called out on the qualities that we need to transform. But actually, the soul loves it.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  So the soul is attracting mates and partners and business partners and even children that come to the world that you'll call certain children to this world. And maybe some people watching have children and you always have that, that one child that activates your buttons in a certain way and they won't give up on it. Well, your soul called that child in because you're trying to reach your perfection. And the only way you're gonna be able to do it is if other people come to trigger it. So if you wanna know what your soul correction is, look at the people who are upsetting you the most. Look at the people who have abandoned you in the past or mistreated you or treated you unfairly. Instead of labeling them as a toxic ex or a narcissist, so on and so forth, realize that your soul actually prayed for that individual to come

• 7:21Speaker 03

  in order to awaken your spiritual process to see what you need to change.

• 7:24Sabrina Zohar?

  I'll give even a personal example of how I think that plays out. Because, and it's very minute, but I think when I first heard you talk about this, even when we spoke about this two years ago when you were on the show, I knee jerk reaction was like, I didn't choose this. And then I had to stop and be like, you know what?

• 7:40Speaker 03

  Wait, you didn't choose what?

• 7:41Sabrina Zohar?

  Like my dad, right? I didn't choose it.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Oh, when we had this come up, I forgot it.

• 7:43Sabrina Zohar?

  There's no way. And then now, as I listen and I really am like, okay, let's put the ego aside and really start to understand. I genuinely believe, had I not gone through all of those experiences, I wouldn't be where I'm at. I know that I wouldn't. I wouldn't have the personality to be able to take up space and be the big person in the room because my father was so not present and not there, not paying attention. Everything else was a priority. I had to be louder.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  So you were deprioritized and so you had to be more aggressive.

• 8:09Sabrina Zohar?

  All of those. And so now I'm learning how to balance that, right? That I think part of the strength that I have is that I have those parts of me. But then I have this whole other side where I can just be and receive and be calm. But I didn't have that for years. And until I really honed the craft, did the work, started to understand that it's not, I'm not like that, I'm not like this in spite of my father. I'm like this because of all of these experiences that I've had. And so if I try to get rid of it and say, I don't wanna be anxious anymore. I don't wanna feel this. Well, that's like trying to get rid of a limb. It's gonna be really difficult to show up authentically when there's an entire part of you that you're like, no, thank you, I don't wanna fucking see this. And so I think initially and instinctually, I wanna play the victim card of like, no, this was happening to me and oh God, no. But now I'm really am understanding as I get older,

• 8:54Sabrina Zohar?

  I wish I didn't experience it, right? Like I wish I didn't always have this heart palpitation.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  You wish you didn't experience what?

• 9:00Sabrina Zohar?

  I wish I didn't experience the way that my father treated us, right? The physical abuse, the mental and emotional turmoil, the narcissism, the triangulation. Like it has seeped into now every area of our lives.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  You mean you wish that didn't happen?

• 9:14Sabrina Zohar?

  It's hard to what, you know?

• 9:15Speaker 03

  So this is the next level of that. Because even how your energy changed when you said, hey, at first I said it's bullshit, but then I realized, wait one second, there's a reason he's in my life and here's all these good things that came from it. That already, I saw even your energy shift into a place that that would be a more attractive energy or a higher vibration. The next phase of that is, and this is the hardest one for a lot of people, is to get to a place where if God himself came and said, I could turn back time and give you a father that was fully available, would you choose it? You would have to say, no, I trust with complete certainty that what you gave me is perfect the way it is, and I don't even want to manipulate the system to go back in time and change it, once something has happened.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  That's even the highest level. And by the way, when other people do speak that way, you look at them and you respect them more. Whenever someone says, I wish it didn't happen, or even as I just said that, you felt like, ugh, like, that is an energy, that's a vibration that is not what we find to be magnetic or attractive.

• 10:18Sabrina Zohar?

  I got emotional as you were talking about that just now, because I could hear this part of me saying, but I wish I was loved. And it's like, then even in that moment, I had to say, but you are, right? Like, you are loved, I am here for you. It's hard. It's hard to be able to hold those two conflicting thoughts. It takes a lot of work to be able to say what you're saying makes sense, and that there is a part of us going, but I wish I didn't experience this, right? And so I think that to me is just being a human, but I do find that if we could get past the initial knee jerk reaction of, I keep dating the narcissist, and I keep dating the avoidant, I keep dating the same thing, right? We see patterns, literally the fucking book I wrote about patterns. If we could get past this happened to me and start to understand the for me, to me, that's where I think your life can change.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Can we go a little deeper before we pivot then? Because you said you got emotional. What did you get emotional about?

• 11:07Sabrina Zohar?

  I got emotional thinking, what would it have been like if I had been loved the way that I think I did deserve, right?

• 11:12Speaker 03

  What would it, what would it have been like?

• 11:15Sabrina Zohar?

  What would it have been like then?

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so let's, let's turn back time. If you were loved the way you wanted to be, what would be different? Play that out for me.

• 11:23Sabrina Zohar?

  I think what had been different is, I wouldn't have always been wondering if people were going to leave me for who I am. I think I would have had space to be myself, because it was a lot of, you're too big, stop taking up space, you're always so much, shut up, stop, stop talking. And so then we learned, but he doesn't listen, so I have to take up this space, because then he just doesn't see us, or really big temper, you say one thing and he hits you and you're like, I don't know what I did, constantly on edge, he used money as control, always, giveth and taketh, giveth and taketh. Like, I could have ten million dollars in my bank account right now, I still wouldn't think it's enough. There's always that, but who I am fundamentally is a problem, and I sometimes do genuinely wonder if I didn't really believe that I was the issue, that, yeah, I have my shit, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to omit any kind of accountability, but if I didn't

• 12:06Sabrina Zohar?

  have that belief fundamentally in my gut, that I am the problem because of who I am, I genuinely do wonder what would have relationships looked like? Would I have slept my way through New York, right? But I don't know that I would have-

• 12:18Speaker 03

  How old were you when you did that?

• 12:19Sabrina Zohar?

  Oh, all of my twenties.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  All your twenties?

• 12:21Sabrina Zohar?

  All of my twenties was-

• 12:22Speaker 03

  All right, so I have a lot of questions to ask them. Maybe you've never had a guest go there, but I think, I think it could be interesting, because I think we all are gonna, myself included, are gonna learn something from this that's powerful. The word that sometimes people speak, and there are words that shine, and these words are very, and I hear them, it's almost like the soul is trying to say something about this one word, and the word you used was loud, or to be louder. And my question to you is, who is the authentic Sabrina? Meaning, if you had a dad who was available and wasn't all those things, he wasn't controlling or manipulative, what, what is, who is the authentic Sabrina? Is she loud? Is she quiet? Is she observant?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Is she dominant? Because right now, the world knows you a certain way, right? From the moment I walk into a room, like, your presence is the first one that's felt. Is that who you are, or is that, do you, do you feel like that's a role you've had to play? I'm just curious.

• 13:22Sabrina Zohar?

  I think yes, and I think it's a mix. I think it is who I am, like, I'm a big, I'm a big personality and not a negative. Like, I have a lot of love to give, I'm excited, like, to me, life is the most beautiful opportunity, right? When I almost lost my mom, say, at this point now, like, seven or eight years ago, I really took for granted every moment that I had had, thinking I was just gonna have them forever. And then when my dog passed, like, right, you lose. When you have loss in your life, you then start to really appreciate what you have, that every day is an opportunity. And so I am big and I'm, I'm gregarious. I think it's the confidence piece, because I'm always waiting to be proven right. I'm always waiting to go, see, there it is, they don't like me, there it is, that person's done with me, that's why they ghosted me, because to me, that's safer. It's safer for me to expect disappointment, because when things are going well, you're like, ugh.

• 14:06Sabrina Zohar?

  So I think fundamentally who I am, I'm very, still very much this personality, but I think under it is there's an edge of insecurity that maybe that is why I am the way I am, right? Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? But I genuinely do, like, my brother was taken when I was a kid as well, that's something else I talk about.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  What do you mean by taken?

• 14:23Sabrina Zohar?

  So I woke up in the, I woke up at nine years old, and my brother was sent to a wilderness program because he had gotten arrested for drugs. And he was sent away in the middle of the night, and we didn't speak to him for four years.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  So it's another man abandoning?

• 14:34Sabrina Zohar?

  Correct. It's another man that left in the middle of the night, that was really hard on me, that, you know, my brother and I went through the mean older brother phase, we didn't get to the, he loves you now and he gets to be the supportive older brother, he left when I was ten. And then we had my dad's volatility, my sister completely a bitch, she was just like, I can't handle this, she found love and friendships in other people, and then there was me. And I would fantasize a lot, I was incredibly just, I was creative, but I didn't really have an outlet, so I would just sit in my room and play dolls, because that was my way of living out this fantasy. And I genuinely believed someone was gonna come save me.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Save you what do you mean?

• 15:08Sabrina Zohar?

  Like, a man, that a man was gonna swoop in, save me, and take me out of this. And then I had, as I got older, was like, that is not coming, there's no man coming to do that.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  How much does the audience know about your current relationship?

• 15:20Sabrina Zohar?

  A good amount.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  How long you guys been together?

• 15:22Sabrina Zohar?

  Uh, three and a half years.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Three and a half years. And why is this working so well?

• 15:26Sabrina Zohar?

  I think Ryan is everything I've needed, but not necessarily wanted. Like, he's a lot more stoic, he's a lot calmer, he's a lot more intellect, he's a lot more logistical, right? He's very, like, one plus one equals two for him, one plus one equals forty-five for me, and I'm trying to figure out how to make it to-

• 15:40Speaker 03

  You didn't find that attractive years ago?

• 15:42Sabrina Zohar?

  Never, never. I would never have been with him had we, had I not started to realize, like, okay, yeah, the guy that was the big and the, ended up hurting me every single time.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  I see, okay, wait, so, so I think this is important for the audience, because you used to find attractive, the guy who was what? Extremely what, successful, dominant, powerful?

• 16:02Sabrina Zohar?

  All the things.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  All the, and why, and was that because you felt, if you could win that over, that was some kind of redemption?

• 16:10Sabrina Zohar?

  And it also what it said about me, right? If I got the attractive, successful, wealthy man, oh, I'm worthy, I'm deserving, look, I'm cool, you guys will all respect me.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  I see.

• 16:18Sabrina Zohar?

  And that's what my father taught me. You have to remember, I was raised very traditional of like, you marry a rich guy, he's gonna take care of you, you don't, you don't need to do anything, you just run your business and do your own thing for yourself.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  And you felt a lot of women do that?

• 16:30Sabrina Zohar?

  I do. I think a lot of us are trying to understand, are we settling, or is this actually the right connection, right? Because I think feminine and masculine has been very polarized these days, what's feminine, what's masculine, half the time. We have the traditional sense, right? Man provide, women stay home, but that's to me antiquated, I don't really love that thought process.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Okay, so, so, so a lot of people are asking, what, how do I know if it's right for me? You being with Ryan for three and a half years, obviously you feel it's right for you. You did something against your nature, you basically said, instead of picking the guy that, that what, that I've, I always felt was going to save me, or is larger than life and successful, all those things, you, you went down a different path. And what is it that Ryan do, is doing for you or with you now, that's making this work? Like, explain that.

• 17:20Sabrina Zohar?

  Oh, that's a loaded question. I think that-

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Sure, people are very fascinated to know.

• 17:26Sabrina Zohar?

  I think what Ryan does is he, he holds space for me in a way that no one has. Like, I can cry and scream, and he's just like, do you, what can I do for you? Would you like a hug? Like, that's not something I've ever had. I've never had somebody that doesn't say I'm too much, that doesn't walk out, that doesn't hit me, that doesn't yell at me, that doesn't call me a fucking moron. Like, I was, that was my childhood, was like, everything was, you're stupid, you're a fucking idiot, but then seconds later, it's, no, come here, I love you! It's like whiplash, and you're like, I don't know what to do here. He's incredibly stable. And he, I don't feel dysregulated with him, I feel very, or if I say, you know what, this really bothered me, he'll look and say, tell me more, can I take accountability? I've never had that, and that's what made me kept dating him. Because I think for a lot of people, they could say, healthy equals boring, right?

• 18:08Speaker 03

  Health equals boring?

• 18:10Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah, it's boring, right? Oh, I don't have the highs and the lows.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  And was it boring for you in the beginning?

• 18:13Sabrina Zohar?

  Incredibly so.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  For how long was it boring?

• 18:15Sabrina Zohar?

  Uh, the first, like, two months, I would say. First couple of months, I was like, I don't know what I'm doing here.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  And then the attraction grew more and more? And would you say you're more attracted to him now than you ever have been?

• 18:25Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah. Seeing how he has shown up time and time again, how we have been through more than, like, most people go through in a lifetime, we've gone through in like, three and a half years. And to see how we still, every single day, choose each other, and if we don't, that's a conversation we're gonna have.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  How old is he?

• 18:40Sabrina Zohar?

  Forty.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  How old are you?

• 18:41Sabrina Zohar?

  Thirty-six. It took me a minute. And that's okay!

• 18:45Speaker 03

  And, and if I had to ask him, when does he find you most attractive? When is it? Is it when you're crying and vulnerable, when you've slowed down, when you're in your zone mode? Like, when does he find you most attractive?

• 18:58Sabrina Zohar?

  When I'm in my element. He's like, when I see you doing what you love, it's so attractive, because I'm so passionate about what I do. I fucking love helping people. It gets my goat. And so he enjoys watching that, and he's like, this is beautiful to see you in your element without having to water myself down.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 19:43Speaker 04

  Hey, it's Brianna Stewart here with Ally Bank. Whether it's at work or with family, life never calls a timeout. Sometimes you're ready and sometimes you have to react on your feet. Unexpected travel, retail therapy, and of course, the kids need new kicks right now. Ally gets it and they build banking around real life. So even in those clutch money moments, you can spend and save confidently with the bank that's got your back. Ally, do it right. Ally Bank. Member FDIC.

• 20:10Sabrina Zohar?

  I don't think I told you, my dad disowned me because I was on Jay Shetty. And I told people that he hit me.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  When was this?

• 20:15Sabrina Zohar?

  Uh, he disowned me like three months ago.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Oh, wait, this recently happened? You went on Jay Shetty, you said something negative about your father. And then what? How did he disown you?

• 20:23Sabrina Zohar?

  He called my brother and said, could you believe what she said? And he was like, but is it true? And he was like, I didn't touch you. And my brother was like, I think we all know that's not the truth. And then he said, well, she made me look bad. And so my brother said, are you going to talk to her? And he said, no, she can call me if she wants to apologize.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  I see.

• 20:39Sabrina Zohar?

  And I was like, no, thank you. And that's why I said, when this comes out?

• 20:43Speaker 03

  I see.

• 20:43Sabrina Zohar?

  Good luck.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Has this already been written?

• 20:45Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah, this is, this is done.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Okay, so.

• 20:49Sabrina Zohar?

  I'm getting ready.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Can I ask more questions?

• 20:50Sabrina Zohar?

  Of course.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Going back to Ryan, I think a lot of women are also probably thinking, there are very few men who are willing to like play this supporting role. And you're shining, you're on the stage, everybody knows you. And just for like the audience to know, like Ryan was in the room, the way he was of service. I mean, he's a, he's a large, he's a tall man with a presence. What, he's 6'5"?

• 21:15Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. So like, he is, he, he's in his like healthy masculine, he's a wonderful energy. He's, as you said, he's very even keeled, he's very perceptive, he's paying attention to every detail. But I could tell like, he really enjoyed, his success was your success. And a lot of women are saying, well, very hard to find a man like that, right? That men get jealous of women with their careers, jealous of their success. Men don't want women to get too successful, whatever it is, right? What do you think about that? Because some people are thinking, you know, these kind of men don't exist. But you not only attracted it, you find that to be very attractive.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Because also some women don't like, they want the man to be supportive, but then that supportive role makes them feel not so attractive.

• 22:04Sabrina Zohar?

  Right. It's like the egg. It's like when a man cries, you're like, no, but that's, that's beautiful. He's vulnerable in front of you, but then you're calling him a name and putting him down. It's like the math isn't mathing. You want to know why? I'll be 100%? Because Ryan was not showing up in the way that every other man had. So my father, being the narcissist, if he walked into a room right now, everyone would love him. Right? He's big, he's, he's the funny one and he's the, the whole table's laughing. But that's the first 10 minutes. Get to know him further and then you start to see the behavior. So I always went for that. Ryan showed up very quiet, wasn't really a big talker, did not text, like went against every core belief and green that I had of like, but he's not showing me he likes me. But then when I would go to him with something, he would hold space. And he would say, can I hear more? Like, could you tell me what I did? Because I'd like to actually understand, so I don't do it again.

• 22:48Sabrina Zohar?

  Never had that, right? I had corrective experiences with him I had never had. So my nervous system started to say, oh, this is safe, I can do this. But had I not gone against what I believed was right, then I would never have been with him. I never would have. If I had, if I had gone against the antiquated texts, like the bullshit we see on TikTok, I would have, I would have never have seen him after the first date. Because we slept together on the first date and I looked.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  You did all the things.

• 23:10Sabrina Zohar?

  I did all the things you're not supposed to do. And then wow, that ended up being the most beautiful relationship I've ever had.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Wow. When did your platform really take off?

• 23:18Sabrina Zohar?

  Hmm, after I met him.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  So, okay, so it's interesting, this podcast, we're not supposed to go in this direction at all, but it's going there and I think we should just go with it.

• 23:26Sabrina Zohar?

  We're in.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  I, I had a thought, which was the moment you chose to go against your nature. You chose to, to stop with the instant gratification and really work on yourself. And then the, your soul brought Ryan into your life. And then you had to again, go against your nature. And you chose a relationship that seemed boring at first, but you knew it was really best for your soul. That created a level of energy that then also fueled your purpose and your passion. And you just took off. And obviously, there's millions of people every day who listen to you. The reason why they love listening to and they feel something is not because of the words coming out of your mouth.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  You're very well spoken and you say amazing things. But the energy that was created through your spiritual work three and a half years ago, choosing to be in a relationship that you knew was best for your soul, but maybe not so exciting in the moment, is why you're successful now.

• 24:27Sabrina Zohar?

  I think what I've realized is I am diff, like I've had to have this conversation with my audience. I'm not the girl I was three and a half years ago. The girl that started all of this, I'm not her anymore. I've outgrown a lot of that. I don't still have a lot of those same thought processes or anxieties or things that bother me anymore. But now I'm trying to figure out, well, like who do you, who is the 2.0, right? Who am I grow, who is the, who have I always meant to be that I get to grow into? And I think that's what a lot of us, a lot of us are in the, I don't know, I sing it all the time. And do you remember the band Jimmy Eat World?

• 24:58Speaker 03

  That sounds familiar.

• 24:58Sabrina Zohar?

  You know, it is. The millennial, no, no.

• 25:00Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 25:01Sabrina Zohar?

  The one song in the middle, just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. And sometimes that's just been sticking with me of like, I don't think it's right or wrong, but I do know that I'm not who I was. But I don't know if 100% I fully grown into who I'm going to become. And I think that journey can feel really scary, especially when you're single, right? When you're in a relationship, you're partnered, okay, right? You're like, I've got that, at least that's done. Now I can do the other stuff. But I think when you're trying to become, and especially like what I hear often, and I'm curious if you hear this too, like with the people that you work with. A lot of people that have done so much work on themselves and they've done it and they've done it and they're showing up differently, but then they're not seeing anything different.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  I see that results.

• 25:36Sabrina Zohar?

  Right. And so there's a certain level of, in business, right? If I know, if it's linear, when it comes to like, I go to college, I get the degree. The degree leads me into a job, the job means money, the money, right? That's like the very linear way of growth. Relationships aren't that. So you can do all of the work. You could fucking heal all day and then meet somebody, get triggered and go right back to feeling like six years old again. But I think it's really the scary part about who are you becoming? And then who are you allowing with you on the journey? That that to me is, I think, the difference between do I settle and just take what I can get? Or do I hold out and have faith that this is coming? I just haven't met this person yet. And I would be curious, what do you say to those people that are struggling with that?

• 26:14Speaker 03

  If there's a relationship that you're in now and you feel you're settling, I think what's important is to know that there's a reason why your soul called in that person. So the question isn't, am I settling or am I not? The question is, have you been present enough fully and leaned in fully to learn whatever you need to learn in this one relationship? Like for example, if someone came to you and said, you know, God told me we're supposed to be in a relationship, but it's only going to be for six months. Would you say, well then, no, keep moving? What if the Creator sent someone to you for six months only? Because there are lessons that the two of you need to learn, the soul correction you need to go through

• 26:55Speaker 03

  to prepare both of you to be in your soulmate relationship. And I think everyone's always looking for the goal without realizing that the universe is perfect. In the same way that our body, really, there's trillions of things happening at the same time. Think about the magic of all of the organs working together to make the body work. It's a beautiful magical thing. It's very divine, in fact. Whoever you are with right now, regardless of what you think about them or feel about the relationship, if it's subpar or optimal, it is perfect for who you are and what your soul needs. Now, if you skip over this process and look for another man or woman,

• 27:33Speaker 03

  you are delaying elevating to a new destiny, whether that's with your wealth, your health, or in love. So, so then people are asking, well, how do I know I've learned all my lessons? First, a person must desire it and ask those questions. They must truly in their heart say, hey, regardless of if I'm enjoying this or not, regardless of really anything, I pray to the universe. I don't want this relationship to end till I've fully learned everything I need to learn and grown in the way I need to grow, even if I don't even know what that means. But just have the desire first. That's a very mature way of approaching it. Same with the business. Should I leave this business? Should I start my own company?

• 28:15Speaker 03

  We ask these questions all the time. I say, have you spiritually done what you need to do where you are? Meaning, do you still have unresolved issues here? Are there parts of you that are just very avoidant in this current business? Have you leaned in all the way to see if it's, to give it your all? Because sometimes when you don't give your 100% to something, you can't see the magic of it. And a lot of times when people do actually lean in 100%, then they realize, wait, actually, the problem wasn't the business or the other person. The problem was me the whole time. So that's my best advice. Wherever you are right now is perfect. Yes, maybe it needs to change, but you'll never, it will never be revealed to you until you transform and learn what you need to learn in this moment.

• 28:59Sabrina Zohar?

  I love that. I want to ask, wait, I also just realized, I never even introduced you. So everybody's been listening to us chit and chat. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the other president of the Superdude Show. We got so excited, we just jumped in. David, could you really quickly share a little bit about who you are?

• 29:14Speaker 03

  My name is David Giam and I've been teaching spirituality, mainly based on the wisdom of Kabbalah for the last 27 years, since I was 15 years old. It's been my passion. I've devoted basically my whole life to it. Done thousands and thousands of hours of coaching, live seminars all around the world. And so I have a platform, just really, I started a few years ago, to finally bring this out to the world in a big way.

• 29:39Sabrina Zohar?

  I love it. All right. God, we got that out of the way.

• 29:44Speaker 00

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• 30:11Speaker 01

  Ally here with cash when you need it. Like after that fantastic meal and it's time to tip your server and your wallet's empty. Don't be in Ally has got you covered with 75,000 fee free ATMs nationwide. Ally Bank member FDIC.

• 30:27Sabrina Zohar?

  But I did want to ask you.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:28Sabrina Zohar?

  When you met Hannah, I fucking love her.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:30Sabrina Zohar?

  The lover. And what was that moment for you where you were like, okay, this is someone. And I don't like to use the like, this is my person because I, I just, I don't want people to then meet someone and immediately zero in on like, it has to be that. So even outside of that, but when you met her, how did you know that this was something you wanted to pursue?

• 30:48Speaker 03

  I get asked this question a lot, not live, usually in similar private conversations.

• 30:53Sabrina Zohar?

  Whoops.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, but, but, but we can go there. My whole life, if I really had to look back, I've never been the one to necessarily pursue or even ask out as far as I can remember. But when I was 19 years old, I joined an organization to a nonprofit, almost like a missionary to go out there and bring this wisdom. I took a vow of celibacy when I was 19 years old, did that for 10 years, actually.

• 31:20Sabrina Zohar?

  No shit.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. From, from 19 to 29, I didn't even kiss a woman until the night of my wedding when I married Mary Ruth. That was the time. It's crazy that, because my philosophy was if I do my work, do my spiritual work, really trust the creator, like all these things will come, you know, will appear. And it did in a very beautiful, magical way. And, and so after my divorce, which was very amicable, it was, people say, well, if it's, people automatically assume if there's divorce, that is a whole different topic, that it must've been something wrong.

• 31:57Sabrina Zohar?

  Right.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  And truly it was a soul evolution between the two of us. And we're probably even closer now than we were. We have four kids together, have an incredible relationship together. We run a business together. So ever since the divorce, when I actually had to go back into the dating world, I thought to myself, well, what is the best way to approach this? And it wasn't easy by any means. I hadn't really dated in what 15 some odd years. So even more. So I think that Hannah, when I first met Hannah, we were friends. She was in a relationship. I was in a different relationship and we did business together. And that friendship evolved over time. And then when we were finally both single, we talked about it.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  We talked about it, but I, there's a part of me that also felt like maybe I'm not ready. And she's such a good person. I didn't want to ruin the connection that we had. However, I had a friend actually tell me something, she sat me down and said, look, I think you're scared. It's very similar to what you went through. I think you're scared to be in the relationship because you actually know it's going to be good for you and that you're going to be committed. And when I heard that, my ego was like, I don't like what I'm hearing. But then there was my soul was saying, you know, this is what's good for, this is going to be good for your soul. I think there was a part of me that's like, well, for the first time ever, let me take my time. I'm very, I like to think slowly and methodically.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  This almost seemed like it would be rushed for me. So what happened was I said, you know what? I prayed, I prayed to the creator and I said, if this is my ego, silence the ego and like open my heart and show me. And I think within like three, four days, it was very quick for me and I saw it. And we really, this relationship started off very different than any one I had before, which was, it was a slow like flame and then it grew from there. And then we invested in each other and obviously a lot of things came up throughout, but it grew more and more over time. But it was very uncomfortable and scary for me to make that decision in the very beginning. But that's also why I think it's been so healthy.

• 34:04Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  It's been about, it's been about a year. Yeah, it's been a year now.

• 34:07Sabrina Zohar?

  That's the whole point of this podcast. It's not about this is what you do to get a boyfriend. This is what you do to get a husband. It's like, cause maybe I'd be a billionaire if I could figure that out. But it's about how do you become the best version of yourself? So you allow the right people into your life. And maybe that means no one right now, right? Maybe that means your 30s, 40s, 50s, it doesn't matter anywhere in your life. But I, I get it to kind of, and I see what blocks. That's my next question to you is like, what do you think blocks the reception of receiving it? And I'll see it even sometimes in comments, right? Like I'm fully healed and they're doing this. And it's like that right there is the reason you're not going to receive it. Because no one, it's not of I'm holier than now and I'm above this person and they have to do it. It's, I know my worth, I know who I am, I know my value and I don't need to convince you of it. And if you see it, great, come on in. And if you don't, that's okay.

• 34:50Sabrina Zohar?

  I'm not going to let your opinion of me dictate who the fuck I am. What in your opinion, what do you think is, I'm going to, let's do some rapid fire. What's a question about love you wish people asked and never do? Especially you.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  A question about love I wish people asked and never do? Asking the universe, what is right for my soul? As opposed to thinking that you know what's right for your soul.

• 35:15Sabrina Zohar?

  Okay, love that. Finish it. You're not ready for love if you still?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Need it for validation or to be happy or feel that you're incomplete without it.

• 35:25Sabrina Zohar?

  You were good before them, you'll be good after.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  And still be careful though, because people who are hyper independent saying, I don't, you have to want everything, but need nothing.

• 35:35Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  How do you want to be with a man without needing to be with a man?

• 35:39Sabrina Zohar?

  My mom always says, you gotta love yourself more than the need to be loved by other people. Right? You've got to really embody that. And then it's, I'm allowing you in my life, but if you are substituting that, then it's always coming from lack. It's always coming from less than. You know, Brene Brown, it's one of my favorite things she's ever said. Are you running away from fear or are you running towards a goal? Because when you're running away from fear, there's always this big scary monster behind you and you feel exhausted and depleted. But when you're running towards a goal, you know, it takes time and you have energy and you're energized and you're excited about getting there.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  Love that. And just to add one more thing because of that, when people do start to learn to love themselves and become independent, the pendulum can swing the other way because now they feel so comfortable, they think to themselves, well, why do I need a man? So you have to be careful.

• 36:20Sabrina Zohar?

  Yes.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  That when you do become successful and happy and love yourself, that you're not shrinking your desire to receive a man. Cause then your subconsciousy will say, well, I don't want one. So even though you might say you want one, subconsciously you're pushing that away.

• 36:32Sabrina Zohar?

  What do you think when you hear people say, stay single, it protects your peace?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Stay single, it protects your peace.

• 36:39Sabrina Zohar?

  Pretty much what we were just talking about.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  I mean, the truth is, if you are alone, there's no doubt that you have less friction. But depending on what your soul's purpose is, and depending on what the universe wants to give you, that friction will come one way or another. So you will be forced into a place of friction, but in a much more painful way. It can be through your business, it can be through your health, to push you to grow. Relationships are actually the creator's most merciful way to help you grow and bring you lessons. And so we shouldn't be afraid to be in a relationship because it brings up things. It brings up friction, it brings up pain.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  It's actually the more, it's the, your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your spouse is the mouthpiece of the creator to help you grow in the most merciful way. If you avoid it, it's going to come to more painful ways in other areas of life.

• 37:31Sabrina Zohar?

  The biggest misconception I hear about relationships is like, if a person, if a partner triggers you, they're not right for you. It's like, that is a total quack of shit. They, we don't want them to use your triggers against you, right? That's manipulative. We're not looking for a bad person. But a healthy and secure relationship will absolutely trigger you. It'll piss you off. You're going to be upset with your partner, you're going to have art, you're going to have disagreement because that is being challenged that you can become the best version of yourself. Because if Ryan and I didn't trigger each other, I wouldn't be growing. And that's a big thing too. I think the biggest mistake people have is they stop dating their partner. They stop getting to know who their partner is because they fell in love with one version, but they don't realize that as you're together, you're going to become different versions. You're going to grow, you're going to evolve, you're going to change. I would hope that after three and a half years, me and Ryan would not be the same. Because if we are, then that means nothing that we have been through has actually been

• 38:16Sabrina Zohar?

  implemented and it's just intellectualizing.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Correct. One of the things we always talk about, which actually Hannah taught me well was, we have arguments probably daily or disagreements on things. But this is the phrase she always used from rupture, from rupture to repair, to have that time be condensed as much as possible.

• 38:34Sabrina Zohar?

  Right.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  I've found that to be one of the most powerful qualities a man or woman can have, which is, okay, we have a disagreement or there's even explosion or whatever it is, how quickly can you learn the lesson, listen to each other, hear each other out and then come together?

• 38:50Sabrina Zohar?

  Oh, David, you and I could literally talk all day.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  It's already an hour?

• 38:54Sabrina Zohar?

  It's already an hour. I already know it. My friends, thank you guys for being here. Let us know if you have any more questions for David, because we could do it again.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Put it in the comments.

• 39:01Sabrina Zohar?

  Put it in the comments. Let's go. Don't forget to preorder my book, Why Am I Like This? Go follow David. David, where can people work with you? Find, I know you have offerings for people. So how can they learn more?

• 39:10Speaker 03

  You can Instagram, get the bite sized piece of the content. DavidGim is my handle, or you go to my website, davidgim.com. And I have AI coaching, live events, courses, anything people want to connect with.

• 39:20Sabrina Zohar?

  Awesome. David, thank you for being here and thanks for bestowing your wisdom. Guys, I'll see you next week. Don't forget to share this with your friends, rate and review it and we'll see you soon.

• 39:37Speaker 00

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Ally here with cash when you need it. Like when your stylist just did the most. Fresh cut and zero cash. Don't be in Ally has 75,000 fee free ATMs nationwide. So you're never without cash. Ally Bank member FDIC.